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Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's The Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson.

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Speaker 2: We're going solow today. Y'all. Hi, It's Kelly, and it

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Speaker 2: is Mental Health Awareness Month. We have chosen the word awareness,

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Speaker 2: which I will get into in just a little bit,

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Speaker 2: but I wanted to start by first saying whatever I

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Speaker 2: say today, I do not want it to come across

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Speaker 2: that I don't believe in therapy. I believe in therapy

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Speaker 2: so much. I actually believe that therapy and twelve step

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Speaker 2: work for codependency and attachment stuff has genuinely saved my life.

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Speaker 2: I would not be in the place that I am

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Speaker 2: today without any of that work that I've been doing

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Speaker 2: for about a decade now. It's also taught me so

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Speaker 2: many different tools that I incorporate into my everyday life.

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Speaker 2: And so some of that is what I want to

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Speaker 2: talk about today, is just the different little things that

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Speaker 2: I do in my everyday life on a regular basis

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Speaker 2: that have genuinely change things for me. This isn't to

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Speaker 2: discount all the other work. And this is kind of

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Speaker 2: one of those statements of an and you know, I

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Speaker 2: like both, I need both, and there's sometimes where I

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Speaker 2: really dive deep into the therapy work and I'm consistently

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Speaker 2: still doing my twelve step programs. And then there's also

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Speaker 2: these little things that I just need as a human

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Speaker 2: living in this human world and human life and finding

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Speaker 2: different ways to navigate different hardships that we face, you know,

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Speaker 2: just the small things. So, as I said, this month

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Speaker 2: is Mental Health Awareness Month. Chip and I picked the

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Speaker 2: word focus to be the word awareness because we didn't

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Speaker 2: want the month to just be solely about what we

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Speaker 2: feel mental health often gets simplified to, which is the

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Speaker 2: therapy talk. There's just so much more under that word awareness,

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Speaker 2: and we've really just talked through our mental and emotional

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Speaker 2: health in different ways. So we've had a sex expert

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Speaker 2: on to talk about the importance of sex and connection

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Speaker 2: to our mental and emotional health. I've spoken to strong,

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Speaker 2: successful women who found themselves somehow an abusive dynamics, which

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Speaker 2: I think is surprising to a lot of people, but

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Speaker 2: I find that that's that's a really common dynamic, to

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Speaker 2: have a really successful person who is struggling at home

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Speaker 2: in their relationships. So we talked about the importance of

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Speaker 2: having awareness in our parts of toxic dynamics. And how

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Speaker 2: we find our way back to ourselves. Just being the

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Speaker 2: most finding our way back to ourselves, just being the

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Speaker 2: most important piece of that. And as always, you know,

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Speaker 2: I had Marvel on this month to talk about what's

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Speaker 2: happening right now astrologically, and if you kind of roll

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Speaker 2: your eyes at that, and just me doing the astrology

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Speaker 2: podcast once a month as I do, I just want

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Speaker 2: to say that that is a huge piece of awareness

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Speaker 2: for me. It's just a huge part of me understanding myself,

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Speaker 2: my own life and having just some self awareness about

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Speaker 2: the way that I'm wired and the way I came

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Speaker 2: into this world, and then also understanding what's happening astrologically

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Speaker 2: for energy purposes. It really helps me to understand some

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Speaker 2: of the things that I face in life during certain

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Speaker 2: periods of time dynamics I bump up against in relationships

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Speaker 2: or with other people. And then also just like finding

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Speaker 2: a deeper connection to what I would call my higher

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Speaker 2: power or the universe or whatever you call it God.

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Speaker 2: But I do know that it gets a little bit

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Speaker 2: wo for some of you guys. I just encourage you

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Speaker 2: if it's one of those things that feels a little

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Speaker 2: far out there, just maybe dip your toe in. Just

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Speaker 2: listen to a little bit of the podcast. I know

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Speaker 2: Marv is a little intense and he knows that too,

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Speaker 2: but he's so smart and so wise, and he's taught

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Speaker 2: me so much. He's like a life coach for me.

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Speaker 2: So maybe just you know, a little astrology, dip your

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Speaker 2: toe in if you will. It's just been a huge

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Speaker 2: eye opening experience for me to have a bigger understanding

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Speaker 2: of what's happening astrologically and also just astrology within my

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Speaker 2: own life. But today I just wanted to hop on

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Speaker 2: here and talk about the really simple things that have

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Speaker 2: changed my own mental and emotional health. I think some

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Speaker 2: of these words and topics can feel so big, so

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Speaker 2: it's like if you're bumping up against something, Oh gosh,

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Speaker 2: taking on this huge deep therapy that might feel really intimidating,

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Speaker 2: and like we have this huge we have to bite

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Speaker 2: off this huge, big thing, this huge big chunk in

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Speaker 2: order to make any progress. In reality, I found that

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Speaker 2: in most of my experiences with this, sometimes it's the

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Speaker 2: day to day, this small everyday task that I do repetitively,

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Speaker 2: That's where I'm finding the most peace. You know, that's

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Speaker 2: over time, where those practices really start to incorporate awareness

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Speaker 2: within me, peace own under my own understanding of myself

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Speaker 2: and life, and can face life's challenges in such a

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Speaker 2: different way when I'm really in a place of being

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Speaker 2: in touch with that and with with myself. So the

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Speaker 2: first thing I wanted to talk about, which I think

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Speaker 2: a lot of you might be like booing, but it's

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Speaker 2: just meditation and connecting with myself at least once a day.

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Speaker 2: I know, I know, it's like literally the topic that

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Speaker 2: I thought for years like this is so annoying. I

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Speaker 2: am not good at meditating used to be my mentality,

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Speaker 2: and the more that I thought that, the further I

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Speaker 2: got away from myself. I just did not want to

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Speaker 2: get quiet with myself. I used to be a big journaler,

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Speaker 2: and then I had some experiences that, you know, someone

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Speaker 2: read my journal, and then I didn't want a journal anymore,

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Speaker 2: and that was kind of traumatic. And so it took

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Speaker 2: me a minute to really get to that place again

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Speaker 2: where I wanted to sit and just be quiet with myself.

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Speaker 2: And I think that's hard. I think that's hard as humans.

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Speaker 2: It's not really how we're wired, it's not how we're

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Speaker 2: taught to live in this life. And so I had

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Speaker 2: to kind of get to the pit of being so

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Speaker 2: disconnected for myself, moving so fast in my life, filling

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Speaker 2: it with so many things that weren't actually in alignment

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Speaker 2: with me that I sort of had this breakdown, which

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Speaker 2: I know, you guys know, because I had to take

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Speaker 2: a break from the podcast for a second to just

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Speaker 2: really get to a place where I could reconnect with myself.

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Speaker 2: Like it took me pausing everything and actually having to

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Speaker 2: sit and face myself, which was really really uncomfortable at first.

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Speaker 2: And what I find now is that this practice incorporated

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Speaker 2: into my day to day life makes everything that I

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Speaker 2: face seem so much easier. You know, I can be

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Speaker 2: facing really difficult situations and my first instinct now is

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Speaker 2: to pause. And that has been the biggest gift for me.

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Speaker 2: And now let me say this, I don't do this perfectly,

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Speaker 2: Like I don't feel like all of a sudden I

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Speaker 2: decided I wanted to meditate and learn how to breathe

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Speaker 2: and really call my own nervous system. And then I've

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Speaker 2: just like mastered it and I do it all the

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Speaker 2: time and I'm perfect at it. I love doing it

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Speaker 2: every day. That's just not reality. There's a lot of

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Speaker 2: days where I don't feel like doing it at all,

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Speaker 2: or my instinct when I wake up in the morning

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Speaker 2: is to pick up my phone and get on Instagram

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Speaker 2: and not actually sit and be quiet with myself. But

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Speaker 2: what I found is if I do that multiple days

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Speaker 2: in a row, before I know it, my anxiety's creeping

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Speaker 2: back in, or then the small things like traffic in

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Speaker 2: Nashville will really set me off. You know. It just

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Speaker 2: really has this like nervous system connection for my body

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Speaker 2: of calm and finding that piece and finding that calm

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Speaker 2: and remembering that my power is with me all the

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Speaker 2: time because it's in my breath. If you listen, I

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Speaker 2: think this was gosh. I don't know, maybe a year

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Speaker 2: ago now, I had this lady Amy Barnes on the podcast,

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Speaker 2: and she has been integral in me learning how to

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Speaker 2: do these kind of practices. She is in Nashville. I

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Speaker 2: call her my breath work lady. I don't know if

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Speaker 2: that was because said that on the podcast, but I

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Speaker 2: don't think that's her technical term. But she taught me

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Speaker 2: how to breathe. And I know that sounds weird, But

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Speaker 2: before I saw Amy, I did not realize that I

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Speaker 2: would walk through most of my days almost kind of

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Speaker 2: like clenching and holding my breath. And so when things

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Speaker 2: would happen, it was like I didn't have this reserve

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Speaker 2: or this space to go where I could actually sit

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Speaker 2: and just calm myself down. So I was very reactive.

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Speaker 2: And then things kept happening. I kept being in situations

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Speaker 2: where kind of life was just compounding on itself, and

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Speaker 2: I just became very reactive. And it wasn't a version

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Speaker 2: of myself that I ever like or ever want to

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Speaker 2: be again. But it also was just miserable and I

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Speaker 2: just felt like I could not get control of my emotions,

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Speaker 2: if that makes sense to anybody. I'm a deep feeler

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Speaker 2: and so just felt everything felt overwhelming, I would say,

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Speaker 2: And so anxiety, panic attacks, things like that, And when

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Speaker 2: real stuff is actually happening, like real hard stuff, it's

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Speaker 2: almost like if you don't have these tools to calm

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Speaker 2: yourself down, or these ways to connect back to yourself

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Speaker 2: and to your higher power or to your source of

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Speaker 2: some kind, it just everything begins to spiral and fall apart,

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Speaker 2: or feel like it's falling apart, and there's no center

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Speaker 2: to be found or to be grounded in. So if

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Speaker 2: you haven't listened to that podcast with Amy. I highly

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Speaker 2: suggest going back to listen to that. She really helps

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Speaker 2: me to learn that I do have this power within

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Speaker 2: myself at all times, no matter where i am, if

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Speaker 2: I'm on the road, if I'm at home, to just

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Speaker 2: be able to sit and connect again, and it's usually

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Speaker 2: just sitting in the quiet and connecting to my breath.

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Speaker 2: I also really suggest insighte Timer if you're a person

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Speaker 2: like me who maybe can't quiet their minds all of

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Speaker 2: a sudden by themselves all the time, like really quickly.

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Speaker 2: They have really great guided meditations. Sarah Blondon is my

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Speaker 2: favorite guide on that app. She's amazing. She's very calming,

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Speaker 2: very soothing, and I just love the words that she speaks.

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Speaker 2: And so sometimes I'll start my morning with like a

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Speaker 2: eight to fifteen minute guided meditation and then I'll really

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Speaker 2: connect into my breath and just sit for a minute.

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Speaker 2: But I highly suggest trying it out. And again, if

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Speaker 2: you are listening and you're like, yeah, that's not for me,

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Speaker 2: I get it. I've been there, but just maybe give

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Speaker 2: it a shot. It's like astrology, you know, dip your

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Speaker 2: toe in, try to find different ways that you can

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Speaker 2: connect to your own breath that work for you. Maybe

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Speaker 2: it's walking and breathing, maybe it's sitting and breathing, maybe

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Speaker 2: it's dancing and breathing, yoga and breathing. I just really

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Speaker 2: feel like our bodies really register with that and really

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Speaker 2: thrive when we connect. It's actually like I can feel

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Speaker 2: chills in my body sometimes when I'm doing it, putting

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Speaker 2: my hands over my heart, like your body just needs

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Speaker 2: to feel acknowledged. So that is a huge one for

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Speaker 2: my mental and emotional health. When I go a couple

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Speaker 2: days without doing it, it's really hard for me to

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Speaker 2: get back into it. Like I said, the anxiety creeps

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Speaker 2: in and I'm like, oh damn it, there it is again.

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Speaker 2: And I got to force myself to do it. So

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Speaker 2: if you face that power through keep trying. It's a discipline. Okay,

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Speaker 2: this is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I'm

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Speaker 2: going to bring up alcohol. I think if you followed

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Speaker 2: me for a while, you would know that I went

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Speaker 2: on what I called a sober curious journey for about

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Speaker 2: a year around twenty twenty one twenty twenty two, and

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Speaker 2: I just had found that I was just alcohol was

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Speaker 2: just in my life in a very unconscious way like

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Speaker 2: it was COVID, you know. Socially, it was just kind

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Speaker 2: of this thing where I was just drinking, not even

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Speaker 2: realizing how much I was drinking or why I was drinking.

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Speaker 2: Did I even want to be drinking. There was no

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Speaker 2: connection to those questions. I was just doing it. And

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Speaker 2: then I started going through some really heavy emotional stuff

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Speaker 2: and I found that alcohol was not helping, Like it

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Speaker 2: just wasn't helping at all. It was just disconnecting me

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Speaker 2: further from myself, and so I just decided to remove

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Speaker 2: that from the equation. And it sounds like, oh, it

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Speaker 2: would be so tough, and I will be honest with you,

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Speaker 2: It was not as hard as I thought. Sure, there

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Speaker 2: were days where I really wanted to do it, or

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Speaker 2: social situations where it was a little weird. At first,

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Speaker 2: vacations I would go on with my friends where everyone's drinking,

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Speaker 2: you know, all day every day. That could feel a

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Speaker 2: little isolating, But I did find different ways to kind

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Speaker 2: of get through that. I've done a couple podcasts about that,

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Speaker 2: and it's interesting now because I do drink sometimes now.

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Speaker 2: I decided that I would bring it back a little bit,

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Speaker 2: and it's just interesting now the differences I noticed in

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Speaker 2: my body when I'm drinking or not drinking, it doesn't

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Speaker 2: have the same effect on me or impact like that,

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Speaker 2: I just need to have a drink all the time

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Speaker 2: because now that I've had such space from me and

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Speaker 2: I actually realize how bad it makes me feel. It's

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Speaker 2: just not often talked about. But we just don't have

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Speaker 2: this connection to maybe what is alcohol, how bad it

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Speaker 2: is for us. I have this instinct that at some

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Speaker 2: point it's going to be like cigarettes, where we're all

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Speaker 2: kind of like, yeah, this is crazy that we just

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Speaker 2: don't talk about the effects it has on our body.

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Speaker 2: If you have questions about that, you can go back

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Speaker 2: and listen to those Sober Curious podcasts. I talk about

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Speaker 2: some books I've read, just some of the research that

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Speaker 2: I've done. It's just really fascinating that it's not discussed.

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Speaker 2: But I'm not saying everyone has to cut out alcohol.

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Speaker 2: Like I said, I drink sometimes now, and for me

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Speaker 2: now it's become about having a deeper connection to my

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Speaker 2: relationship with alcohol, like not doing it unconsciously, and if

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Speaker 2: I feel like I'm in a place where maybe I

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Speaker 2: would do it unconsciously or I'm not thinking about it,

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Speaker 2: or I getting this thing where I'm so busy and

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Speaker 2: I have a bunch of events, and it's days in

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Speaker 2: a row where I might be offered or drink. That's

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Speaker 2: typically a place where I to pause and just kind

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Speaker 2: of like sit and ask myself the questions do you

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Speaker 2: want to drink today? Why would you be drinking? Kind

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Speaker 2: of like looking at motivations and just having more of

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Speaker 2: a conscious decision around it. What I notice is when

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Speaker 2: I don't drink, my anxiety is so much lower, Like

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Speaker 2: it's just really not even there. Alcohol really really exacerbates

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Speaker 2: anxiety for me. It's really kind of funny that we

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Speaker 2: have this connection to like having a drink after a

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Speaker 2: hard day as the way to see our anxiety, because

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Speaker 2: in actuality that actually makes it worse. The other thing is,

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Speaker 2: you know, there's always the thing of, oh, let's have

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Speaker 2: a drink to go to sleep. Well, alcohol actually affects

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Speaker 2: sleep negatively too. So all of these messages that we're

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Speaker 2: being fed constantly I have a lot of issues with

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Speaker 2: now are questions about because they're just actually not true. Again,

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Speaker 2: not saying you shouldn't drink or don't drink or whatever,

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Speaker 2: that's about your own journey and your own relationship with alcohol.

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Speaker 2: That's for you to decide, But for me, the reasons

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Speaker 2: I used to drink bring you know, anxiety, or to

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Speaker 2: feel more comfortable in social situations, or to sleep better,

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Speaker 2: whatever those narratives were, just don't exist anymore. And it

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Speaker 2: took me kind of taking some space from it to

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Speaker 2: really just be more conscious with my relationship with that.

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Speaker 2: So it's greatly helped my mental and emotional health to

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Speaker 2: remove alcohol from a lot of the equation and just

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Speaker 2: to have a different standard with it within my life,

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Speaker 2: like when I want to drink, if I want to

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Speaker 2: have a drink, then have a mocktail, if I'm in

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Speaker 2: a social situation, or just you know, kind of have

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Speaker 2: limits on how much alcohol I'm drinking. It just really

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Speaker 2: really helps. So it's always something to look into, and

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Speaker 2: if you have any questions about that, I'm always open

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Speaker 2: to talk having that discussion. I love talking about it.

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Speaker 2: The last thing I was going to bring up that

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Speaker 2: was really really helps my mental and emotional health in

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Speaker 2: the last couple of years is learning a power of

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Speaker 2: know and the pause. I used to be a yes person.

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Speaker 2: I was yes to work, yes to relationships, yes to

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Speaker 2: life in general. I actually thought that this was a

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Speaker 2: good thing for me because it opened me up to

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Speaker 2: so many life experiences that I may not have otherwise found. However,

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Speaker 2: what I've found in the past couple of years is

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Speaker 2: that it also just backed me into the corner of

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Speaker 2: not knowing or trusting myself, Like I just didn't know

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Speaker 2: what did I like, what did i'd not like, because

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Speaker 2: I was always just like, yes, I'm just open to life.

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Speaker 2: And then while there were many benefits to that, this

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Speaker 2: was a huge detriment. So now I find power in

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Speaker 2: taking the pause and also major power in saying no.

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Speaker 2: I've had to get really comfortable in knowing I'm letting

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Speaker 2: people down if it's the healthier decision for me, Like

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Speaker 2: I have to choose that, which you know is really

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Speaker 2: difficult for recovering people. Pleaser. Also just knowing what I

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Speaker 2: like and not like when I don't like, not attaching

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Speaker 2: to false urgency that's so often created in our culture.

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Speaker 2: That's a big one for me. There's just like sense

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Speaker 2: of urgency, like you have to say yes right now,

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Speaker 2: you have to do this, and it's not real most

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Speaker 2: of the time. I think COVID taught me that a lot.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of things that the timelines we create

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Speaker 2: in this life and these deadlines they're not necessarily real.

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Speaker 2: So I know we have these expectations on us, and

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Speaker 2: especially in a work environment, you know, there are things

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Speaker 2: we have to get done. It's not like we can

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Speaker 2: just quit life. But I guess asking myself and asking

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Speaker 2: others that I'm working with or in relationship with, like,

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Speaker 2: are these real deadlines, and how can we do these

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Speaker 2: in a way that's actually good for us and good

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Speaker 2: for our mental and emotional health as well as getting

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Speaker 2: the job done to the best capacity. Because when my

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Speaker 2: mental and emotional health is good, my job is way better.

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Speaker 2: I do so much better, I'm way more creative all

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Speaker 2: of those things. It's just more honest. I think it's

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Speaker 2: more kind. Like I said, it's hard for recovering people pleaser,

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Speaker 2: because you know, sometimes my people pleaser wants to argue,

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Speaker 2: like saying no is rude or I'm going to hurt

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Speaker 2: someone's feelings. But I think it actually ends up breeding

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Speaker 2: deeper trust with those around me and definitely with me

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Speaker 2: with myself. So that's it. Three simple things. Having a

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Speaker 2: quiet time in the morning, having some sort of routine

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Speaker 2: that I do every day that connects me to my body,

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Speaker 2: me to my breath, me to my mind and my emotions,

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Speaker 2: being conscious of my relationship with alcohol, and then the

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Speaker 2: power of saying no and taking a pause when I

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Speaker 2: need it or before I respond or react to anything

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Speaker 2: in life. You can always email me at kellyat velvetsedge

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Speaker 2: dot com if you have any questions, or you can

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Speaker 2: DM me on Instagram. I'm at Velvet's Edge. Love you

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Speaker 2: guys and happy Awareness Month.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to the Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson,

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Speaker 1: where we believe everyone has a little velvet and a

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Speaker 1: little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty

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Speaker 1: and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.