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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of You

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy. My name is Cat. I'm so glad you're here.

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Speaker 1: As always if you're new, I am a therapist, a

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Speaker 1: licensed therapist. I live in Nashville and have a private

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Speaker 1: practice and started this little podcast to just, you know,

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Speaker 1: start some conversations about some some tough things that we

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Speaker 1: don't usually talk about and to encourage people to dig

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Speaker 1: deep into their lives. And with that, I always like

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Speaker 1: to remind you guys that this here today, right now,

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Speaker 1: me talking to you is not therapy. I'm a big

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Speaker 1: proponent of therapy and champion of therapy obviously because I'm

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Speaker 1: a therapist, but this isn't therapy. This is just therapist

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Speaker 1: talking to you about some things that I care about.

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Speaker 1: And with that, today or this month, May is mental

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Speaker 1: health Awareness month, and of course I found myself thinking

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Speaker 1: to myself, what am I going to do in order

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Speaker 1: to highlight this? How can I do a special episode

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Speaker 1: dedicated to mental health awareness? Then I remembered that's literally

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Speaker 1: just what I do all the time, like every week,

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Speaker 1: And so I'm so grateful for all of the people

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Speaker 1: in the world who are putting out some mental health

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Speaker 1: specific content to highlight this month and what it stands

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Speaker 1: for and bring light to, you know, a big part

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Speaker 1: of our world and our lives. But I realized that

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Speaker 1: I don't really have to do anything special because we

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Speaker 1: just that's just what we do here. So I'm glad

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Speaker 1: to be able to always be doing that. And I

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Speaker 1: do have some specific things that I'm excited to talk

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Speaker 1: about this month today being one of those things. But

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I could have done this at any

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Speaker 1: any month, which I think is pretty cool regardless, Happy

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Speaker 1: Mental Health Awareness Month. Also, I would just like to

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Speaker 1: say I really, really, honestly have love taking a little

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Speaker 1: break from not that I don't like having guests on

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Speaker 1: the show. I obviously I love it. I love talking

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Speaker 1: to people about this stuff. But it's been nice to

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Speaker 1: take a little break from from the more interviews with

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Speaker 1: guests and spend someone on one time with you guys.

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Speaker 1: There are so many things I always want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: I have a running list of episodes, and sometimes I

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Speaker 1: wish I could put out four episodes in a week. Actually,

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Speaker 1: I just get really excited about the episodes. I don't

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Speaker 1: really want to put out four in a week because

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Speaker 1: that is a lot of work and that might overload

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Speaker 1: you guys. But like I said, I have a list

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Speaker 1: of conversations I'm trying to have with myself for the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and definitely the one I'm about to dive into has

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Speaker 1: been really trying to make its debut for a long

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Speaker 1: time and doing episodes like this. It's really fun and

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Speaker 1: I love it. It's also very scary because it allows

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Speaker 1: a lot more space for me, my own personal thoughts

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Speaker 1: and sometimes some of my story to show and come through,

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Speaker 1: which I love. But it's also like, ah, you know,

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Speaker 1: doing the whole vulnerability thing is hard, So I'm in

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Speaker 1: that with you guys. So today I keep saying, like,

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Speaker 1: what we're gonna talk about? What we're gonna talk about,

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Speaker 1: which I guess you know because you've probably have read

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Speaker 1: the title, But today we're going to talk about something

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Speaker 1: that is kind of it is it's hard to talk

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Speaker 1: about for multiple reasons. One because it's a little intangible

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Speaker 1: and it is scary. And what we're going to talk

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Speaker 1: about is passion and purpose. So without any more of

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Speaker 1: me just talking in circles, let's get into it. So

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Speaker 1: what a topic? What a freaking topic? And just so

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Speaker 1: we're clear from the very beginning. This is gonna be

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Speaker 1: in no way, shape or form a how to guide um.

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Speaker 1: That's not my goal today. I'm not a motivational speaker.

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Speaker 1: I am just a human who likes to talk about

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Speaker 1: hard things. I do love motivational speakers. More on that

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Speaker 1: end a bit, though, But just wanted to be clear

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Speaker 1: that my goal is not to teach you how to

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Speaker 1: find your purpose and passion. We're just going to start

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Speaker 1: to talk about what that is. So I really do

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Speaker 1: talk about purpose and finding passion in my office with

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Speaker 1: clients a lot, which tells me that it is something

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Speaker 1: that tons of people struggle and and grapple with day

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Speaker 1: to day. It seems like we're all out here just

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Speaker 1: trying to figure out what our passion is so it

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Speaker 1: will lead us to our purpose so we can do

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Speaker 1: the thing that we're supposed to be doing and then

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Speaker 1: feel satisfied. At least that's the story that I hear

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Speaker 1: over and over and over and over again, Like that's

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Speaker 1: the path. I need to find a nail down my

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Speaker 1: passion so that I can lean into my purpose and

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Speaker 1: then I'll feel fulfilled. And that is the way for

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Speaker 1: a lot of people. But I don't agree with this

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Speaker 1: all the time for everybody, and I'm going to tell

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Speaker 1: you why. So there's the whole argument situation when it

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Speaker 1: comes to passion and purpose. And when I talk about

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Speaker 1: this with clients, they're usually talking about in the realm

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Speaker 1: of careers and jobs and figuring out what I need

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Speaker 1: to do and what I'm going to do with my life.

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Speaker 1: Side note, sometimes I really hate that our jobs are

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Speaker 1: so much what we categorize what we do with our

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Speaker 1: lives as. But that's another story for another day. But

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Speaker 1: your job to that have to be what you do

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Speaker 1: with your life. Your job can just be a job,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to talk more about that as I go.

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Speaker 1: So I think generationally there is a big gap in

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Speaker 1: this realm. And I am a millennial. Um, I'm in

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Speaker 1: my thirties. So I think where I am in age

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Speaker 1: has to do with the bias that I'm about to

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Speaker 1: talk about, Because hear me when I say this. What

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Speaker 1: I'm about to say is not based on research, It's

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Speaker 1: based on my own bias. It's not factual, it's just

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Speaker 1: my observation. So I mean, you we've all heard stories

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Speaker 1: about how things used to be, and in earlier generations,

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Speaker 1: it seems as though there is less of an opportunity

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Speaker 1: or expectation that work would be a passion driven thing. Right,

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Speaker 1: So work was just work, and there was less emphasis

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Speaker 1: on it being something we love and that we wake

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Speaker 1: up and are excited to go out and do every

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Speaker 1: single day. It was more of like a means to

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Speaker 1: an end. And as a world progressed, the idea that

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Speaker 1: doing what you love became bigger and said, we're talking

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Speaker 1: about motivational speakers here, we are motivational speakers became a thing,

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Speaker 1: and in that they told us to follow our dreams.

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Speaker 1: And then if you if you do what you love,

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Speaker 1: you will never work a day in your life. That's

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Speaker 1: not true. If you do what you love, you're going

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Speaker 1: to be working doing what you love. But I digress.

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Speaker 1: They also told us that we could be anything we

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Speaker 1: want to be. I hate this, and I also don't

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Speaker 1: think this is true. And I'm not trying to be

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Speaker 1: a Debbie Downer, UM, not trying to be like UM,

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Speaker 1: just a realist. It just is not true. I cannot

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Speaker 1: be anything I want to be. Let's say I want

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Speaker 1: to be a professional basketball player. I would not succeed

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Speaker 1: in that I could work so hard every single day

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Speaker 1: years and years and years, but I can only control

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Speaker 1: so much, and my makeup of who I am within

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Speaker 1: my body and my athletic ability most likely would not

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Speaker 1: allow me to be a professional basketball player. I'm also

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Speaker 1: five three, and I know sure people can play basketball,

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Speaker 1: but you know, I just thought, but I don't like that,

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Speaker 1: because we can't be anything we want to be because

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Speaker 1: it's not just up to us. There's too many variables.

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Speaker 1: And when that's the message that's sent, it basically says

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Speaker 1: you can be anything that you want to be. If

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Speaker 1: you are not successful at what you want to do,

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Speaker 1: it's your fault, which for some people it can be

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Speaker 1: on us, but it's not always the case, Like sometimes

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Speaker 1: you just don't have the resources, or sometimes you can

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Speaker 1: work as hard as anybody's ever worked and it just

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Speaker 1: won't work out for you, and that's not always our fault.

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Speaker 1: And so I just really hate that. And these eyes

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Speaker 1: ideas are great, like the Saints, do whatever you love

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Speaker 1: and you'll never work a day in your life, and

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Speaker 1: you can be anything you want to be. Like the

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Speaker 1: ideas are great, but they just I think screw with

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Speaker 1: us more than they help us sometimes, and they put

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Speaker 1: a false narrative in our heads, I think, and it

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Speaker 1: makes us feel like something's wrong with us when we

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Speaker 1: can't live up to the false narrative. And I bring

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Speaker 1: this up because the reality is, though I wish it

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Speaker 1: would be different, not everyone gets to have their one

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Speaker 1: big and true passion to be their job. First of all,

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Speaker 1: not everybody has one big in true passion. Not everybody

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Speaker 1: gets to love their job, and everybody gets still like

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Speaker 1: their job. And I really think that that's a privilege.

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Speaker 1: And again, like I said earlier, in earlier generations, jobs

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Speaker 1: were more of a means to end, and for some

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Speaker 1: people that's still the truth. The job is more of

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Speaker 1: a means to end, and that I want people to

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Speaker 1: know that, Like that's okay, because this idea, this goes

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Speaker 1: back to how it's frustrating that like sometimes we make

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Speaker 1: our jobs as the most important thing in the world,

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Speaker 1: and like that's what we do with our lives, but

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Speaker 1: our lives are so much bigger than our work, so

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Speaker 1: much bigger other than making us feel bad about ourselves,

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Speaker 1: but this also does is it creates a sense of

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Speaker 1: entitlement that I don't really love either, and we can

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Speaker 1: sometimes feel like we shouldn't have to work jobs that

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Speaker 1: aren't fun a hundred percent of the time, or do

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Speaker 1: things that we don't love, because like I said, we

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Speaker 1: were told a lot of cool ideas that sounded good

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Speaker 1: in a TED talk. But those cool ideas that sounded

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Speaker 1: good in a Ted talk don't always translate to real life.

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Speaker 1: And I think they can be really helpful for some people,

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Speaker 1: but they're not applicable to everybody. And sometimes we need

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Speaker 1: life experience before we get to have the job we like.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes the world is just full of disappointments and we

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Speaker 1: can't help it. And sometimes we can't just always have

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Speaker 1: and get what we want. And like I said, the

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Speaker 1: sense of entitlement, but just a lot of confusion. And

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Speaker 1: you know, the argument either do you want to live

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Speaker 1: to work or do you want to work to live?

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Speaker 1: I see this differently at times, And right now I'm

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Speaker 1: looking at this as I see live to work, as

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Speaker 1: you live to work like you love your job, you

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Speaker 1: can't get enough of it. And it's your, it's you,

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Speaker 1: it is your one big passion. And and the other

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Speaker 1: the work to live is the means to the end part,

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Speaker 1: and you work so you can live your life. You

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Speaker 1: can eat, you can support your family, you can have

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Speaker 1: health insurance, maybe so you can go on certain kinds

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Speaker 1: of vacations or just basically enjoy your life outside of

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Speaker 1: your job. And I think that either side is okay.

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Speaker 1: Like I think both of those sides are okay, but

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of times it's position that one

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Speaker 1: is better than the other. And I think both of

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Speaker 1: them can be wonderful, depending on if you're living into

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Speaker 1: that side of the argument or that side of the street.

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Speaker 1: Because it's what you feel like you have to do,

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Speaker 1: it's what you feel like you need to do, or

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Speaker 1: if it's what you feel like you want to do,

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Speaker 1: or if it's a combination, it's the why behind the

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Speaker 1: what right. So always going back to that, I have

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Speaker 1: so many conversations with humans in my office about feeling

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Speaker 1: lost and confused, purposeless, passionless, and feeling like they have

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Speaker 1: no direction. And I believe that the idea that the

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Speaker 1: world presents these days about following your dreams and creating

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Speaker 1: the life you want is so amazing. What I don't

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Speaker 1: want you to you guys to hear is that, like

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Speaker 1: I'm this person who's looking at the world, it's like

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Speaker 1: a dark, scary, disappointed place. Like I love the motivational speaking.

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Speaker 1: I love being pumped up and and and getting some

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Speaker 1: like pep in my step. I love that stuff. The

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Speaker 1: problem just is it it doesn't translate to everybody. That

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Speaker 1: leaves a lot of people somewhat days and confused used.

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Speaker 1: A lot of times it's spoken in black and white

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Speaker 1: terms or all or nothing terms everybody or nobody, and

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Speaker 1: no advice or no belief system or no way of

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Speaker 1: thinking can apply to every single human in the world.

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Speaker 1: That like literally can never make sense. But we don't

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Speaker 1: always realize that when we're listening to stuff. So when

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Speaker 1: it comes to these people feeling dazed and confused, what

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Speaker 1: I mean by that is sometimes people can think something's

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Speaker 1: wrong with me because let's say that person knew what

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Speaker 1: they were going to do since they were about eight

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Speaker 1: years old, and I still can't figure it out. Or

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Speaker 1: maybe I want to do forty five things and I

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Speaker 1: can't choose what I want to do, and so that

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Speaker 1: I can't figure out where to make my first step,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm in this like analysis paralysis, and you know,

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Speaker 1: or the things that I'm passionate about, yeah, I can't

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Speaker 1: figure out how to make those into a job that

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Speaker 1: supports myself though, or I can support my family with.

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Speaker 1: And this is where like hustle culture really turns me red?

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Speaker 1: Would you guys probably already know that about me, But

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Speaker 1: oh it gets me going because again, I love hard work,

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Speaker 1: I really do. I myself, I'm a hard worker. I

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Speaker 1: believe in making sacrifices. But not everyone has the ability

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Speaker 1: to hustle their way to success in the same way.

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Speaker 1: Because what even is success? We can't define success as

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Speaker 1: one thing because success to different people is going to

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Speaker 1: mean something different. And I think a lot of times

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Speaker 1: when it comes to careers, it's like money, and is

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Speaker 1: it money? Is success? Money? Because if I have to

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Speaker 1: work six jobs to support my passion projects so I

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Speaker 1: can eventually make money off of my passion project and

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Speaker 1: struggle and suffering and and fight and grind and all

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Speaker 1: of that, well, I don't know if I want to

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Speaker 1: do that. When I say I am not speaking of myself,

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Speaker 1: I'm speaking for general other people. But does that make

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Speaker 1: me a bad person or a lazy person? And for

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Speaker 1: some people, there isn't a thing that they like doing

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Speaker 1: enough to make those kinds of vague, huge sacrifices and

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Speaker 1: they are okay punching a clock to get a paycheck.

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Speaker 1: But because of this big push to follow your ashen,

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Speaker 1: it can bring up the opportunity for people who otherwise

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Speaker 1: wouldn't care to feel bad about this. And what I'm

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Speaker 1: really saying is like, there's nothing to feel bad about.

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Speaker 1: It's just you're different than the other people that do

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Speaker 1: enjoy that hustle. But it doesn't make either person better.

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Speaker 1: What I want you to hear is that it's okay

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Speaker 1: if it's not worth it, and it's also okay if

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Speaker 1: it is. What I'm saying is that your your hustle

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Speaker 1: or anyone else's hustle doesn't make you or them more worthy,

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Speaker 1: and it definitely doesn't make you less. If it makes

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Speaker 1: you more happy and satisfied, and if that's how you're wired,

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Speaker 1: that's great, do that. If it sucks your soul, don't

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Speaker 1: do it, because it's not going to fill up your

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Speaker 1: worthiness tank. Worthiness is something that we're born with. And

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Speaker 1: I think this is a hard thing to understand, but

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Speaker 1: you just get a big old tank of worthiness when

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Speaker 1: you are born. Everybody gets the same size one. It's

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Speaker 1: really great, and there's nothing you can do to fill

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Speaker 1: it up more. You can't overflow it, you can't you

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Speaker 1: can't have more worthiness than you you started with, and

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Speaker 1: you can't drain it out. There is no hole in it,

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Speaker 1: there's no It's like it's like magic gasoline, right, Like

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Speaker 1: it's like magic fuel. Like it's like if you never

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Speaker 1: had to fill your car with gas. Like that's your worthiness.

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Speaker 1: You don't ever have to do anything. You just get

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Speaker 1: it and you get to own it. You get to

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Speaker 1: have it. Everybody does. I don't care who you are,

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Speaker 1: where you came from, how much money you have, what

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Speaker 1: you look like, any of that stuff. We all have

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Speaker 1: the same. Man, if we really all believe that our

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Speaker 1: world would be so different, and I would love to

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Speaker 1: live in that world. But back to the live to

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Speaker 1: work or work to live idea, whether on one side

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Speaker 1: or the other, or maybe you have both, maybe you

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Speaker 1: do both. The real reality is that not everybody gets

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Speaker 1: to choose what category they lie. And that's the other

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Speaker 1: part which I think that I'm like almost contradicting myself,

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Speaker 1: but like, not everybody gets to choose. So when I

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Speaker 1: said earlier than why behind your what, it's also a

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Speaker 1: privilege to get to pick that. And there are a

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Speaker 1: lot of factors that influence this kind of thing, and

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Speaker 1: as much as I would like to just be a

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Speaker 1: ball of inspiration that kicks you into gear and motivates

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Speaker 1: you and helps you follow your dreams, I am not

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Speaker 1: a motivational speaker. And as much as I love that

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Speaker 1: kind of stuff, it doesn't take into account the complexities

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Speaker 1: of mental health. For sure. It's not that easy for everyone,

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Speaker 1: and I acknowledge that, and and want to take a

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Speaker 1: second for all of us to acknowledge that. And I

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Speaker 1: feel like this is one of the areas where I

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Speaker 1: kind of lucked out, And you know, I have that

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Speaker 1: feeling of survivor's guilt, even though this isn't a survival thing,

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Speaker 1: but it's the same idea. Don't get me wrong. There

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Speaker 1: are parts of my life that I really don't like

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Speaker 1: and I'm unsatisfied with and angry and disappointed it with,

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Speaker 1: and I have those, but I do feel immensely grateful

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Speaker 1: that my work is a passion of mine and I

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Speaker 1: love my job a lot. And I want you guys

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Speaker 1: to also know that in that I struggle with staying

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Speaker 1: the course. Sometimes I didn't know what I wanted to

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Speaker 1: be when I grew up, and I kind of fell

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Speaker 1: into therapy by honestly the grace and movement of on

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Speaker 1: in my life, and I feel like I've been lucky

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Speaker 1: that I loved it so much. But along the way,

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Speaker 1: I've definitely thought about quitting and starting something else about

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Speaker 1: sixty seven times, and I've had to balance my life

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Speaker 1: with following passions and also listening to what the difference

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Speaker 1: between passion and purpose is, and and also being responsible adults,

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Speaker 1: and also paying attention to my own mental health and

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Speaker 1: what I do when it gets out of whack and

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Speaker 1: how I feel when it's in line, and what certain

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Speaker 1: ways of leaning in this argument do for me. And

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Speaker 1: also I have to balance it with being able to

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Speaker 1: enjoy my life and not thinking that I get worthiness

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Speaker 1: from my job. So I say that because I'm somebody

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Speaker 1: who's coming from a place where I do feel like

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Speaker 1: I have privilege in this area, and so it's somewhat

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Speaker 1: hard to talk about. I don't really know if I

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Speaker 1: have anything else to say about that. I just needed

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Speaker 1: to say it for me. I think that one of

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Speaker 1: the points I'm trying to make here in this conversation,

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Speaker 1: though I don't know if I'm doing a good job,

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Speaker 1: is that you don't need to dial in and find

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Speaker 1: the one thing that makes your heart beat fast in

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Speaker 1: order to live a fulfilling life. And you can work

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Speaker 1: a job that you don't love and isn't a passion

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Speaker 1: of yours and still live a full and fulfilling, purposeful life.

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Speaker 1: And our purposes all look so different. I think sometimes

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Speaker 1: mine can look pretty straightforward, like I was saying, like

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Speaker 1: I'm a therapist, so you could say my purpose is

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Speaker 1: to help people, but also everybody's purpose could be to

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Speaker 1: help people, and there literally can be purpose and helping

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Speaker 1: people and everything we do. Therefore, I don't believe you

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Speaker 1: need to identify your passion to fulfill your purpose. Your

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Speaker 1: passion and your purpose don't necessarily have to be aligned.

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Speaker 1: When they are, that's amazing and such a bounus in life,

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Speaker 1: but it isn't necessary. You can have passion about bird watching.

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Speaker 1: You can have passion about playing golf or painting or gardening,

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Speaker 1: or spending time with your friends or building shelves. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I could go on and on and on. This doesn't

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Speaker 1: have to be your purpose. They don't have to be

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Speaker 1: the same thing. They can be, but it's not one

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Speaker 1: or the other. There is purpose in so much more

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Speaker 1: than we realize the world. When you think about it

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Speaker 1: is so wild. It is so crazy to me how

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Speaker 1: things work and move together without us even knowing. Like,

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Speaker 1: not to be too cheesy, but I think there's great

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Speaker 1: purpose and basically everybody stops right, including the humans who

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Speaker 1: do things like work at the post office or a bank,

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Speaker 1: who sometimes feel like they just clock in and out

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Speaker 1: and their job doesn't have meaning. They're facilitating something that

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Speaker 1: goes beyond what they see and what they're doing. And

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Speaker 1: purpose isn't just this thing that counts. When we're actively

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Speaker 1: saving someone's life through a crazy surgery or changing someone's

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Speaker 1: life through a song they write or a performance, it

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Speaker 1: goes beyond what we can see and understand. I believe

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Speaker 1: we were all created on purpose, with purpose for a purpose,

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Speaker 1: and I honestly think that a lot of us will

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Speaker 1: never know what that is in this lifetime. And that's

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Speaker 1: where we have to pull in some trust and hope

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Speaker 1: and faith, whatever kind of faith do you want to

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Speaker 1: have now. Again, my hope is that the ideas that

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about are not defeating, but but are motivating

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Speaker 1: in a different way, especially for those who struggle deeply

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Speaker 1: with identifying passion and nailing one down. If we take

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Speaker 1: the pressure off of matching our passion and our purpose

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Speaker 1: and work up. Maybe we would all feel a little

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Speaker 1: lighter and maybe less stressed and less direction less. I

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Speaker 1: hate when I hear people talk about their jobs as

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Speaker 1: if they don't mean anything, because if one job was gone,

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Speaker 1: somebody would have to move or make a change in

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Speaker 1: their life to to fill in that gap. Everybody. And

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Speaker 1: it's just such a cycle. I I get like confused

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Speaker 1: in my head when I talk about it because it's

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Speaker 1: so crazy how everything is interwoven but we can't see it.

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Speaker 1: Oh God, Like I could sit here and ramble about

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Speaker 1: this forever. But anyway, all of this stuff brings me

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Speaker 1: back to it. Probably was the best podcast I've ever

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Speaker 1: listened to in my life. And it actually was a

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Speaker 1: super soul conversation Oprah super Soul. We all know that

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Speaker 1: we Oprah. We love Oprah. Oprah is you know, She's it.

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Speaker 1: But it was probably the best super soul conversation besides,

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Speaker 1: I let me know this was a super soul conversation

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Speaker 1: or just an Oprah interview, But Megan Markle, that who

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Speaker 1: that had my attention like no other. However, in a

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Speaker 1: different way, this conversation was with a woman named Elizabeth Gilbert,

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Speaker 1: and if you are not familiar with her, she is

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Speaker 1: the author of Eat, Pray, Love, which is a book

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Speaker 1: that was then turned into a movie Julia Roberts starting

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Speaker 1: it about somebody she got divorced, she quit her job,

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Speaker 1: and she went on this trek, this journey to find

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Speaker 1: the meaning of life, all of the things. I can't

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Speaker 1: speak too much about it because I've tried to watch

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Speaker 1: the movie like four times and I never get through

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Speaker 1: the whole thing. But that's the gist of it anyway.

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Speaker 1: So that book was huge. Obviously, it turned into this

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Speaker 1: huge movie, and and she used to travel the world

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Speaker 1: giving talks about finding and cultivating passion. Like I said earlier,

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Speaker 1: these days it feels very much like you have to

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Speaker 1: be passionate about your job. And also everybody has the

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Speaker 1: opportunity to do that. And this leads us to the

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Speaker 1: space where we are all on this quest to find

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Speaker 1: what we are most passionate about so we can go

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Speaker 1: do the thing and then finally love the great, wonderful,

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Speaker 1: perfect life that is sold to us through this, like

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Speaker 1: I said in the very beginning. But again, it doesn't

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Speaker 1: work for everybody, and because of that, people question what's

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Speaker 1: wrong with them, And the thought really isn't I'm i'm

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Speaker 1: wired different and that's okay. It's I'm i'm wired different

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Speaker 1: and that's wrong, or I'm wired wrong, or I'm doing

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Speaker 1: something wrong. So I want to tell you about this

432
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:35,359
Speaker 1: talk that Elizabeth gave on this podcast, which I tried

433
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 1: to pull it because I kind of wanted to play

434
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 1: audio from it, but I can't find it. And I

435
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 1: think you have to like pay for a subscription of

436
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 1: something now to listen to it, else I would link

437
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 1: it for you guys. So, like I said, she used

438
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 1: to go around the world giving like career advice and

439
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 1: motivational talk centered around follow your passion right and if

440
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 1: you're familiar with a book, this will be of no

441
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:58,160
Speaker 1: surprise to you, like obviously she was doing that. And

442
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 1: one specific talk she gave I think she was in

443
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 1: a conference in Australia, I believe, but don't quote me

444
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 1: on that. It was somewhere in the world. Um, And

445
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,120
Speaker 1: after it, she went back to her hotel room and

446
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,159
Speaker 1: I believe it was an email she opened up and

447
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,479
Speaker 1: got from a woman who was at the talk that

448
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,840
Speaker 1: she had just given, and she literally said in this email,

449
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,359
Speaker 1: you just made me feel like the biggest loser in

450
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: the world. This woman talked about how awful she felt

451
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:29,360
Speaker 1: sitting in this talk about following your passion and how

452
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: to follow your passion, because she said, I don't have one.

453
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 1: I don't have a passion. So if you're telling me

454
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 1: the secret to life is to follow my passion, that

455
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,159
Speaker 1: makes me feel like again the biggest loser in the world.

456
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 1: And the woman went on to write, it's not for

457
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 1: a lack of searching. I have not been lazy in

458
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,679
Speaker 1: my life. I have been tearing my stuff apart for years,

459
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 1: trying to find that thing that you people keep talking about.

460
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 1: Then she sent said, also, it's not that I don't

461
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 1: have a lack of interests, but she just doesn't know

462
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,679
Speaker 1: what to commit to, and this has contributed to a

463
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 1: great deal of stress and anxiety for her. So just

464
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 1: imagine getting that email after you think you just have

465
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 1: given this awesome talk about motivating people and making people

466
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,400
Speaker 1: feel good and excited about life. And so let's have said.

467
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 1: She sat with us for a bit and eventually she

468
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 1: agreed with the woman that her inspirational talk maybe wasn't

469
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 1: so inspirational, and this catapulted her to reevaluate. The end

470
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 1: quotes advice in ways of thinking that had been kind

471
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,360
Speaker 1: of like the pillars that her life had been standing on,

472
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,200
Speaker 1: which I really have to say, the amount of strength

473
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 1: that this woman has to really take in the feedback

474
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,360
Speaker 1: that she was given is really so inspiring to me.

475
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,359
Speaker 1: And it brings up a point that honestly I wasn't

476
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: intending to totally talk about today, but here we are.

477
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 1: It's the idea that we are allowed to change our minds,

478
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 1: and that comes with the idea that we can also

479
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 1: allow other people to change their minds. And I guess

480
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 1: this kind of ties back to the Cancel Culture podcast,

481
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 1: which I'm not going to go into. You can listen

482
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 1: to that one um if you haven't already. But humans

483
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,879
Speaker 1: have space to change and not say the same in

484
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 1: so many ways, and in one of those ways is

485
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 1: how we think, in view and do our lives and

486
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:09,119
Speaker 1: our belief system and which is like a very large idea,

487
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,680
Speaker 1: but I mean, as we grow and and learn more,

488
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 1: we have the ability to not think and stay the same.

489
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 1: And instead of shaming ourselves or shaming other people for

490
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: past versions of us, what if we became grateful for

491
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 1: the ability to not have to stay the same. I mean,

492
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 1: that would just be a wild concept, wouldn't it. And

493
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 1: this is essentially like that. Right here, she's really sinking

494
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 1: into that stuff and she's allowing herself to shift and change.

495
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,360
Speaker 1: She's not saying, oh no, she's wrong, she heard it wrong.

496
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:41,480
Speaker 1: She she's really listening to that and processing it and saying, wow,

497
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: maybe I'm missing something. This is a perfect example right here.

498
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 1: She learned more about the things she believed. She took

499
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,239
Speaker 1: in that information, she formed a new opinion and I

500
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 1: want to share what that new opinion is. And it

501
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 1: kind of turned into a theory. So this is the

502
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 1: theory she came up with, she said eventually, and this

503
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 1: is what this talk was about. She said, the world

504
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 1: is divided into two types of people. She said, there

505
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:09,359
Speaker 1: are hummingbirds and then there are these like jackhammer like people.

506
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 1: She talked about how she identifies as someone as a

507
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,720
Speaker 1: jackhammer type person. She's somebody who knew she wanted to

508
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 1: be a writer her whole life. And Elima said, these

509
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,679
Speaker 1: are the people who become consumed by their passion. And

510
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 1: she said, we don't look up and we don't veer,

511
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 1: and we're just focused on that until the end of time.

512
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 1: She said, it's sufficient. You get a lot done. However,

513
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: we tend, being the jackhammer people to be obsessive and

514
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:36,239
Speaker 1: fundamentalist and sometimes a little difficult and very loud. And

515
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: then she went on to talk about the hummingbirds. And

516
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 1: she said, then there's the hummingbirds. You know that, these

517
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:46,400
Speaker 1: beautiful color, colorful birds that float around from thing to thing,

518
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 1: eyes wide open, you know, And and she said, hummingbirds

519
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 1: spend their lives doing it very differently. They moved from

520
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,880
Speaker 1: tree to tree, from flower to flower, to feel to field,

521
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 1: trying this and then trying that. And then she said, well,

522
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 1: hummingbirds may feel anxious about not immediately finding their passion,

523
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,960
Speaker 1: they shouldn't feel pressured to change that. And this is why,

524
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,120
Speaker 1: and I'm quoting her a little bit in this as

525
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:13,439
Speaker 1: I speak. She said, they create incredibly rich, complex lives

526
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: for themselves. And then they also end up cross pollinating.

527
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:19,880
Speaker 1: That is the service you do if you're a hummingbird person.

528
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,199
Speaker 1: She said, the best thing about those who identify as

529
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 1: hummingbirds is their diversity of experience. This is another direct quote.

530
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 1: She said, you bring an idea from here two over there,

531
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,919
Speaker 1: where you learn something else. And then you weave it

532
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 1: in and you take it here to the next thing

533
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 1: you do, in your perspective ends up keeping the entire

534
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:43,400
Speaker 1: culture aerated and mixed up and open to the new.

535
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 1: And if that's how you're constructed by your divine maker,

536
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 1: then that's how we need you to be. I get

537
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:52,119
Speaker 1: chills every time I read these quotes from her, And

538
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 1: I know sometimes we get in these spots where we

539
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,399
Speaker 1: wish we could change the way we were made, right, like, yeah,

540
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,439
Speaker 1: that's great, that's me, But I want to be a jackhammer.

541
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 1: But I Eve and Elizabeth said this in our talk

542
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 1: that those who recognize themselves as hummingbirds will eventually be

543
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,919
Speaker 1: much happier with themselves if they allow themselves to follow

544
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 1: their actual hummingbird path. She said, if you do that,

545
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 1: if you are willing to just release yourself from the

546
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 1: pressure and the anxieties surrounded by passion, and you just

547
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 1: humbly and faithfully continue to follow the trail of the

548
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 1: hummingbird path, and you just trust it that one of

549
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: these days you might just look up and realize, oh,

550
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 1: my word, I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

551
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,119
Speaker 1: In other words, if you can let go of the

552
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: idea of passion and if you can follow your curiosity,

553
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 1: your curiosity just might lead you right to your passion.

554
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: Again that every time I read it. So instead of

555
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: searching for our passion, if you're somebody who feels closely

556
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: related to this hummingbird idea, which our old way of

557
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,160
Speaker 1: thinking and doing things would say, our passion would lead

558
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 1: us to our purpose and then find the jobs that

559
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 1: we're supposed to work and then pure happiness blah blah

560
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,159
Speaker 1: blah blah. If we let go of that idea and

561
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 1: instead of searching for passion, you listen to the question

562
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 1: that Elizabeth postures, which is what would show up if

563
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 1: you took the word passion off the table and just

564
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 1: started to follow your curiosity. She then goes on to

565
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:15,120
Speaker 1: describe that curiosity is more humane and more accessible than passion,

566
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,680
Speaker 1: and passion is something that can be demanding ingredient takes

567
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: everything out of you. It can also be dangerous and impulsive.

568
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,440
Speaker 1: And in contrast to the demands and mania associated with passion,

569
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 1: curiosity doesn't do that. It doesn't strip your life bearer,

570
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 1: take anything away from you. All curiosity does is give

571
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 1: and give and give. This is for everybody, If every day,

572
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 1: you can find something that you are a teeny tiny

573
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: bit interested in even right now, that is leaning in

574
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: and following your curiosity. And I want to encourage you

575
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 1: guys to stop searching for the huge transformation you are

576
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 1: telling yourself you have to curate or find or have,

577
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 1: because when you follow curiosity and when you just lean

578
00:28:56,760 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 1: into that, those will end up being the little Elizabeth

579
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 1: calls them the trail of breadcrumbs on the scavenger hunt

580
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 1: to your specific life. Yours, not anybody else, is your

581
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 1: specific life. And the only thing that curiosity will ever

582
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,400
Speaker 1: ask of you is that you maybe turn your head

583
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 1: a quarter of an inch this way or a quarter

584
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,960
Speaker 1: of an inch that way, or take a step forward.

585
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 1: That's what your curiosity will ask of you. To follow

586
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: little clues. That's it. And I mean the truth is

587
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 1: some breadcrumbs might not lead you somewhere. And maybe your

588
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 1: little steps that you take and that you become curious about,

589
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 1: maybe they don't. They don't lead you to the exact

590
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: thing it's going to lead you to. But some of

591
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 1: those breadcrumbs will lead you somewhere. They will not knowing

592
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 1: your passion doesn't mean you aren't going anywhere all you

593
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 1: have to do to be able to go somewhere is

594
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 1: stay open to being curious that, my friends, is going

595
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 1: to lead you to the fulfilling life that we've previously

596
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:54,239
Speaker 1: thought passion to purpose to job to fulfilling life was.

597
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: I really believe if you follow this, one day you

598
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 1: will wake up and you'll realize you're exactly where you

599
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,960
Speaker 1: need be, like she said, and and you'll be wearing

600
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 1: the glasses that you've been looking for this whole time,

601
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 1: you know. And I mean that by like, sometimes we're

602
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 1: like searching, searching, searching, searching, and we're going, we're doing

603
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 1: all this stuff, and we're trying to make these big

604
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 1: we're throwing pillows and we're running through the room looking

605
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 1: for our glasses, and then we reach up and they're

606
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 1: on our head. You know, it's like these tiny little

607
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 1: I just had to reach up. I didn't need to

608
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 1: throw all the couch cushions. I just need to reach up.

609
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 1: I just need to follow that one bread crumb. So

610
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: what I'm asking today is is trust one trust that

611
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 1: no matter what you're doing, this purpose in it and

612
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:36,479
Speaker 1: just because you don't know what it is doesn't mean

613
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 1: it's not there. And the world wouldn't move the same

614
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 1: without you. It wouldn't no matter what it is that

615
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 1: you're doing. The other thing I want to encourage you

616
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 1: is to just stay curious. And that's the key, that

617
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 1: really is the key. I mean, as somebody who probably

618
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: leans more on the jackhammer side, I want to stay curious,

619
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: like I want to open up my eyes and I

620
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 1: want to look up and I want to go from

621
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 1: here that they're passion is great and feels good, and

622
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 1: passions exciting, But the truth is curiosity. I think that's

623
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 1: what keeps us really moving in the loving and kind

624
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 1: and beautiful directions that that we really need to move in.

625
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 1: So with that being said, I encourage you to do

626
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: a Google search and maybe listen to Elizabeth's conversation or

627
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 1: talk on your own. It was so good I'll never

628
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 1: forget it. And I encourage you to, you know, get

629
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,680
Speaker 1: out and be curious, no matter who you are. I

630
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 1: am so grateful that you guys spent some time listening

631
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 1: to me talk about this stuff. I feel not I

632
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 1: wish I had a different word to use, but I

633
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 1: feel passionate about talking about passion and purpose and all

634
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: of this and curiosity, and so I'm grateful to have

635
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 1: a space that you guys have helped me create um

636
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: to talk about that. And while we're there, I do

637
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 1: want to say I've been getting a lot of really

638
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 1: awesome emails from you guys that have meant a lot

639
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: to me, and I don't think I can say this enough.

640
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 1: I did not think this podcast would be what it

641
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 1: is when I started it, and it is just so

642
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 1: cool to hear that you guys are leaning into some

643
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 1: of these bicks. And every time one of you tells

644
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 1: me I started therapy because I listened to your podcast,

645
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: I mean I do like a little dance inside my head,

646
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,479
Speaker 1: like it's so amazing to me. And I say all

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Speaker 1: this to say, this podcast wouldn't be what it is

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Speaker 1: if it wasn't you guys, and if it wasn't you

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Speaker 1: guys really listening with a listening ear and open heart,

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Speaker 1: and then you sharing it because I know you do,

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Speaker 1: so keep sharing it. And if there is an episode

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00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: or something I say that touches a part of you,

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00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 1: share it. And I would love for you to tag

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Speaker 1: me in it, so you can follow me at on

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Speaker 1: Instagram at at cat dot de fata and the podcast

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Speaker 1: at at You Need Therapy podcast and and tag us

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Speaker 1: and the things that mean something to you, that really

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Speaker 1: does it. Today, Happy Mental Health Awareness Month. Let's be

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Speaker 1: aware of our mental health and um I love you guys,