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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: I refuse to contribute to my stepson's college fund after

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Speaker 3: what he said to me. You don't deserve the money anymore.

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Speaker 3: My thirty nine male, and my wife, Emily thirty eight female,

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Speaker 3: have been married for twelve years. Emily has a son, James, seventeen,

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Speaker 3: from a previous relationship with Dan. Emily left Dan when

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Speaker 3: she caught him cheating with the coworker Yankes. They shared

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Speaker 3: fifty fifty custody of James. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 3: from fun Elephant sixty three ninety three. And if you

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Speaker 3: want to smit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 3: slash Okay Storytime superated it. I'm Sophia and I'm Angie,

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Speaker 3: and we're here to give good advice. Goofly, but we

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Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 3: I met Emily about a year after she had left Dan.

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Speaker 3: A year later, Dan married his affair partner and Emily

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Speaker 3: and I got married soon after. James never really bonded

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Speaker 3: with me. I admit that I try a little too

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Speaker 3: hard initially to get him to like me, but I

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Speaker 3: backed off when I realized I was trying too hard

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Speaker 3: and it was having the opposite effect. Over the years,

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Speaker 3: we've built a tense acceptance of sorts, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 3: Emily and I have three kids together, ten females, seven male,

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Speaker 3: and four male. James doesn't have a good relationship with

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Speaker 3: them either. He bombs well with Dan's sons, but he

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Speaker 3: doesn't like spending much time with our kids. He doesn't

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Speaker 3: mean to them, but mostly just ignores them. The eldest too,

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Speaker 3: now avoid him when he is home. Emily and I

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Speaker 3: both have well paying jobs, and early on we decided

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Speaker 3: that I would contribute eighty percent to our trio's college

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Speaker 3: fund and Emily would contribute twenty percent. In return, Emily

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Speaker 3: would contribute one hundred percent to James's college fund. We

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Speaker 3: didn't know if Dan was making any such arrangements on

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Speaker 3: his end, but we thought at least this way James

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Speaker 3: would have something instead of nothing. Emily recently sat James

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Speaker 3: down to talk to him about his college fund. He

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Speaker 3: seemed happy with the financial help he was going to get,

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Speaker 3: but when he went off to Dan's for the weekend

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Speaker 3: and came back, he asked Emily about our kids' college fund.

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Speaker 3: When he learned that the amount was fairly higher than his,

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Speaker 3: he was upset. When he asked about that disparity, Emily

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Speaker 3: explained our college fund arrangement. He was furious to know

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Speaker 3: that I hadn't contributed to his college fund. He accused

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Speaker 3: me of just pretending to play family with him all

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Speaker 3: these years, saying I really didn't care about him and

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Speaker 3: that I was heartless. Emily suggested that we could take

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Speaker 3: some money out of our youngest fund and give it

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Speaker 3: to James, and that she would add it back over time,

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Speaker 3: but she said it was my call and that she

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Speaker 3: wouldn't pressure me either way. Why can't we just start

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Speaker 3: to Dan? Yeah, right, Well, because I think I understand

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Speaker 3: why James might be upset, like saying, like I thought

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Speaker 3: we were family, but here you are, you know, clearly

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Speaker 3: prioritizing your other kids over me. However, it makes total

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Speaker 3: sense if Dan is contributing too, because then it were

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Speaker 3: like we don't also need ope, yeah, exec contribute when

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Speaker 3: we have two other parents contributing right right, Essentially like

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Speaker 3: if he is, Ohpie still is contributing, this is not

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Speaker 3: quite as much as he's giving. Yeah, then no, no, oh,

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Speaker 3: he's non contributing to not at all, James. No, Because

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Speaker 3: the thing is Opie is contributing eighty percent to his

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Speaker 3: biological kids, gotcha, and then Emily is contributing the rest

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Speaker 3: that final twenty percent and an entire one hundred percent

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Speaker 3: of James. Gotcha. So that's why James is upset because

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Speaker 3: he's like, I'm not paying any of that, gotcha. I

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Speaker 3: thought it was just like a little bit, but yeah,

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Speaker 3: as much as sailor kid. No, he's not paying any

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Speaker 3: of it, which is why Jim bid upset. But I'm like,

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Speaker 3: if we'll just ask Dane out like he's going to contribute, right,

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Speaker 3: might not be an issue at all. She said she

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Speaker 3: would accept whatever I decided. Quite frankly, I don't want

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Speaker 3: to do it. James idolizes his father even though he

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Speaker 3: knows Dan cheated on his mother. I can deal with

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Speaker 3: James's crappy behavior towards me, but I never understood his

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Speaker 3: attitude towards our kids. We even tried going to family therapy,

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Speaker 3: but James refused because he said, I was in his family.

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Speaker 3: Now when he needs money suddenly I am family. I

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Speaker 3: know I'm perhaps being petty, but I don't want to

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Speaker 3: give him the money. Am I the A hole? Edit?

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Speaker 3: I think some clarifications are in order. I don't hate

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Speaker 3: that Jame Sames idolizes his father. I hate that he

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Speaker 3: blames his mother for their family breaking up. When James

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Speaker 3: was thirteen, he heard from one of his older cousins

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Speaker 3: on Dan's side about what his father did that led

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Speaker 3: to Emily leaving. When he confronted Emily, she explained, we

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Speaker 3: tried for therapy then, but it didn't happen last year.

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Speaker 3: He told his mother he believed she was responsible. He

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Speaker 3: said that instead of leaving Dan, she should have forgiven

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Speaker 3: him in stayed. Emily was understandably shot and asked him

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Speaker 3: if the situation were reversed, if she had cheated on

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Speaker 3: Dan and Dan left her, would it then be Dan's

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Speaker 3: fault family broke up. Jintaid no, it would definitely be

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Speaker 3: her fault, and gave no further explanation. This wasn't the

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Speaker 3: result of an argument or heat of the moment words. Ironically,

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Speaker 3: it was a casual dinner table conversation, the other kids

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Speaker 3: had to be excused. When Emily and I got serious.

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Speaker 3: She had wanted to take James to a child therapist

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Speaker 3: to help him adjust, but since they had fifty to

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Speaker 3: fifty custody, Dan's consent was needed and he refused. Later,

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Speaker 3: when we were planning to get married, we'd try and again,

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Speaker 3: but Dan dismissed the idea. He said he got married

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Speaker 3: before us, and since James has no issues, then we

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Speaker 3: were over reacting. When the incident at the dinner table happened,

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Speaker 3: Emily was pregnant with our daughter. We tried again after

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Speaker 3: last year's incident. This time we asked James directly. We

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Speaker 3: thought if he agreed, we could work around custody since

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Speaker 3: he was almost an adult, but he refused, say I

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Speaker 3: wasn't family for those saying I treated James like an outsider.

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Speaker 3: We tried. When Emily and I started earning well, we

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Speaker 3: wanted to splurge on our kids during birthdays and holidays.

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Speaker 3: James was never excluded. Whatever our kids got, he got too.

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Speaker 3: In fact, since he was older, he got to pick

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Speaker 3: what he wanted. For his eleventh birthday, he wanted to

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Speaker 3: go to Disney World Both of Dan's kids were invited.

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Speaker 3: His youngest son and my daughter are the same age,

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Speaker 3: and James went, but she wasn't invited. We stayed home.

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Speaker 3: We started the college funds about a year after our

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Speaker 3: daughter was worn. Emily couldn't start one for James earlier

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Speaker 3: because she was a stay at home mom when she

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Speaker 3: was with Dan. It took her a while to get

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Speaker 3: back on her feet financially. She wasn't in a position

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Speaker 3: to immediately start a fund for him. A lot of

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Speaker 3: you pointed out he has been changed. Emily will rectify

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Speaker 3: that and make up the deficit by the time he

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Speaker 3: starts college, but that will still not make it as

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Speaker 3: much as our author three. We have decided to sit

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Speaker 3: and chat with him this weekend about everything over and

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Speaker 3: there are some comments over. Rice twenty five twenty four

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Speaker 3: says he has two parents to contribute to college, they

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Speaker 3: can find him. Sounds like Dan had better step up.

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Speaker 3: Opie says, I don't that would happen. Dan has never

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Speaker 3: been good at keeping his study income flow, and his

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Speaker 3: wife is a stay at home moll. The aren't desperately

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Speaker 3: struggling to make ends meet. But I could make an

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Speaker 3: educated guest to say Dan is probably not saved up

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Speaker 3: for any of his kids' college funds. By and Savon says,

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Speaker 3: by the way the story reads, this is exactly what

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Speaker 3: Dan is afraid of. The kid was excited, then went

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Speaker 3: to see Dad, and he came back asking loaded questions.

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Speaker 3: Dan saw the potential to look like a bad guy

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Speaker 3: and redirect it edit to dad. The boy is seventeen

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Speaker 3: and idolizes his father. If there is an age to

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Speaker 3: be super naive about idols, and that's it, I wouldn't

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Speaker 3: assume he's a lost cause idols tend to disappoint. Fair

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Speaker 3: Theme ninety three eighty eight says, not a whole But

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Speaker 3: why in the world did your wife tell him about

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Speaker 3: your other kid's college funds. It's simply none of his business,

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Speaker 3: and giving him the details was just got to upset him.

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Speaker 3: He was perfectly fine with the arrangement before he knew.

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Speaker 3: The younger kids are getting more than your wife is

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Speaker 3: the ale for opening up a conversation about money with

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Speaker 3: her seventeen year old son, and even more of the

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Speaker 3: ale for suggesting you take money out of the other

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Speaker 3: kid's funds to make James happy. I don't blame him

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Speaker 3: for getting upset but your wife needs to contribute more

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Speaker 3: to his fund if she wants to make him happy.

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Speaker 3: Lamb Vano says the biodad definitely told him to ask

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Speaker 3: about the other kid's college accounts. Magician Worried says that

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Speaker 3: would explain the sudden change in attitude after his weekend

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Speaker 3: with Dad. There is an update three days later. It's

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Speaker 3: been an eye opening weekend thanks to everyone who weighed in,

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Speaker 3: even the aggressive ones. I knew what I was signing

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Speaker 3: up for posting on Reddit before the update. A couple

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Speaker 3: of clarifications because gaps and info turned into wild assumptions.

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Speaker 3: When I said I came on a little too strong

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Speaker 3: with James when we met some of you who pictured

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Speaker 3: grabbing a toddler by the neck and hissing call me daddy. No,

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Speaker 3: I was nervous and acted like an idiot and used

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Speaker 3: an over the top baby voice because I'd barely been

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Speaker 3: around toddler's Emily later said I sounded like a circus

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Speaker 3: clown on two cartons of red bull fringe. Absolutely malicious.

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Speaker 3: No many and questions regarding therapy. I shared the timeline

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Speaker 3: in a common thread, so I'm not going to reride

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Speaker 3: that again. Did he come into James's life when he

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Speaker 3: was a toddler. I thought it was later, but like

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Speaker 3: it sounds like he just said I came into james

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Speaker 3: l life as a toddler. Yeah. When Emily and I

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Speaker 3: started to get serious, she had wanted to take James

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Speaker 3: to a child therapist who could help him adjust better

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Speaker 3: to the changing situation around him. Since Emily and Dan

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Speaker 3: shared fifty to fifty custody, if one parent refused, then

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Speaker 3: we couldn't proceed. Unsurprisingly, Dan refused, not James. James was

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Speaker 3: a toddler not old enough to give consent. When we

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Speaker 3: were about to get married, we tried for therapy again. Dan,

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Speaker 3: who had gotten married to his A Fair partner a

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Speaker 3: couple of months earlier, refused again. He said, James's fine

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Speaker 3: with his marriage, so there was no reason for him

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Speaker 3: to not be fine with ours. He further insinuated going

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Speaker 3: to a therapist would make James feel like something was

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Speaker 3: wrong with him. Well, he was perfectly fine and we

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Speaker 3: were overreacting. When James found out about Dan cheating on

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Speaker 3: his mother being the reason why they ended things. Dan said,

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Speaker 3: wanting to take James the therapy was Emily in my

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Speaker 3: way of brainwashing out instilling thoughts in his head about

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Speaker 3: how evil his dad was. So yeah, he refused again.

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Speaker 3: When Emily was pregnant with our daughter, therapy was requested.

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Speaker 3: Therapy was denied reason Dan said James was fine with

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Speaker 3: his son, so therapy was not needed. We did speak

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Speaker 3: to our lawyer to ask if we could still approach

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Speaker 3: the court to say Dan keeps refusing therapy that is

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Speaker 3: most certainly hampering our relationship. Our lawyers said, technically Dan

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Speaker 3: was right, James wasn't showing the same level of detachment

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Speaker 3: with his family that he was with ours. It could

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Speaker 3: have tilted the custody arrangement in Dan's favor. When James

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Speaker 3: accused Emily of being the reason their family broke up,

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Speaker 3: we offered therapy as an option again. Since James was

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Speaker 3: seventeen now, we asked him directly, hoping if he agreed,

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Speaker 3: we could circumnavigate the need for Dan's consent since James

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Speaker 3: was nearly an adult. James refused, saying I wasn't his family,

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Speaker 3: so family therapy wasn't necessary. I haven't resented James since

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Speaker 3: the day I met him. I don't exactly resent him

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Speaker 3: now either. I'm just tired of the whole situation, and

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Speaker 3: end of comment says many called my wife fable for

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Speaker 3: sharing the college fund amounts for our kids. I showed

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Speaker 3: her the post, she explained. James came back from Dan's

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Speaker 3: with questions about when the fund started, how much, et cetera.

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Speaker 3: He said, paraphrasing, So mine is xxx, and there's is

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Speaker 3: why with his ex higher than our kids, why, without

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Speaker 3: thinking yes? Stupidly, Emily corrected him, No, yours is A

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Speaker 3: and B got snowballed into what I wrote earlier. It

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00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,040
Speaker 3: wasn't a diabolical plan to make me pay more. It

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Speaker 3: was thoughtless correction. With that out of the way, Emily,

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Speaker 3: James and I sat down for conversation yesterday. James didn't

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Speaker 3: want to talk to me, but I told him that

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Speaker 3: if he expected me to even think about contributing to

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Speaker 3: his college funds, then I had loads of questions he

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Speaker 3: needed to answer. He was an extremely long conversation and

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Speaker 3: many revelations came to beat. So I'm going to give

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Speaker 3: a summary of the things we finally found out from James.

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Speaker 3: Even before Emily and Dan had broken up, not divorced,

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00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,200
Speaker 3: they were never married. Dan had occasionally brought James to

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Speaker 3: his affair partner's place, so James was familiar with the

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00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,840
Speaker 3: affair partner. After the breakup, Dan immediately moved in with

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Speaker 3: his affair partner, Emily, who was a stay at home

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00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:28,720
Speaker 3: mom until then, struggled initially to get back on her feet.

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Speaker 3: Needless to say, James's home life with Emily was a

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00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,320
Speaker 3: little more chaotic than at Dan and his affair partners.

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Speaker 3: Emily hadn't told James that she had left his father

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Speaker 3: because he cheated on her. Telling that to a toddler

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00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,839
Speaker 3: wouldn't make sense. But apparently in the early days, Dan

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00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,240
Speaker 3: used to tell James that Emily would eventually come back

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Speaker 3: to him. I think he may have been holding out

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Speaker 3: hope for reuniting with Emily, and that's where I came in.

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00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,360
Speaker 3: Dan told James that as long as I was around,

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Speaker 3: I would not let Emily go back to Dan. When

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00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,000
Speaker 3: Dan married his a fair partner, he told James that

250
00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:01,800
Speaker 3: it was temporary. Yikes, what's the affair? Does the affair

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00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,840
Speaker 3: of partner know any of this? Wait? He said, what

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00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,079
Speaker 3: was temporary? So he's with He's saying that his relationship

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00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,679
Speaker 3: with the affair partner is temporary, even though he just

254
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,360
Speaker 3: married her. He's saying, I'm going to go back to

255
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Speaker 3: your mom, Emily, my relationship with this person I.

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Speaker 4: Cheated on her with, And it's just that would make

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00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,320
Speaker 4: sense why James is blaming the mom for breaking up

258
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,360
Speaker 4: the family things because she never came out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, oh man. When we got married, he told

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Speaker 3: James that it was my way of making it even

261
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,280
Speaker 3: more difficult for Emily to get back to their family.

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00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,040
Speaker 3: When James found out from his cousin Dan's side that

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00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,640
Speaker 3: his father had cheated on his mother, he asked Emily

264
00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:40,480
Speaker 3: about it. She was open and honest, but when James

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00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,240
Speaker 3: confronted Dan, Dan said Emily had left him for a

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Speaker 3: long time and his loneliness made him miss her a lot,

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00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,560
Speaker 3: so he found some comfort with the affair partner. Emily's

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00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:51,680
Speaker 3: father had met with a car accident and she was

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00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,000
Speaker 3: with her parents for about three weeks to help them,

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00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,280
Speaker 3: and that was all the alone time Dan could handle

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00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,280
Speaker 3: before he needed to dip his wick in something. Yikes,

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00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:02,280
Speaker 3: but it was a reasonable enough explanation for James to

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00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:05,240
Speaker 3: absolve his father of all sins. When Emily got pregnant

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Speaker 3: with our daughter, Dan told James that now that I

275
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:11,200
Speaker 3: had started pumping my spawn into his mother exact words,

276
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:15,360
Speaker 3: Jane's use, James's family was destroyed forever. Dan told James

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Speaker 3: that Emily and I wanted to take him to therapy

278
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,440
Speaker 3: was actually a ruse. What we were really trying to

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00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,480
Speaker 3: do is take him to a doctor who would declare

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00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:24,760
Speaker 3: him a problem child and let me would ship him

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00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,360
Speaker 3: off to a boarding school so we could continue to

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00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,719
Speaker 3: play a happy family without being bothered by him. Dan

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00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,040
Speaker 3: told him only Dan and his family were fighting to

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00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:35,040
Speaker 3: keep James with him. James admitted that he had hoped

285
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,720
Speaker 3: his detached behavior around my family and his happy behavior

286
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,760
Speaker 3: on Dan's would convince Emily that my kids and I

287
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,600
Speaker 3: were evil and she would eventually leave us. But sadly,

288
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,320
Speaker 3: I kept knocking up his mom, making it harder for

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00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:50,640
Speaker 3: her to leave. Expectedly, Emily was beyond distraught. Hear everything.

290
00:13:50,679 --> 00:13:52,600
Speaker 3: To be honest, in the moment, I couldn't wrap my

291
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,959
Speaker 3: head around it either. I asked James if Dan had

292
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,040
Speaker 3: a college fund saved up for him and his sons.

293
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:59,439
Speaker 3: James said the Affair Partners had set up a trust

294
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,280
Speaker 3: fund for dan son, but that didn't include James since

295
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:06,600
Speaker 3: he isn't their grandson. Dan hasn't saved up anything for anyone.

296
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,320
Speaker 3: I asked James why he suddenly thought I should contribute

297
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,960
Speaker 3: to his fun when he turned down every opportunity for

298
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,840
Speaker 3: us to be a family. He said, he was actually

299
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,959
Speaker 3: fine with you, aunt. Emily initially told him, but Dan

300
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,440
Speaker 3: made him realize that we were undercutting him, so he

301
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,520
Speaker 3: came back to demand more. I asked, if I paid

302
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,040
Speaker 3: the money with that, than nake us family. Even if

303
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,160
Speaker 3: he couldn't accept me as a stepparent, could we at

304
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,760
Speaker 3: least be friends? Could he be friendlier with my kids

305
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,240
Speaker 3: when he was around? He straight up said Now, he

306
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,040
Speaker 3: said that after all these years, he knows neither I

307
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,880
Speaker 3: nor my kids are the evil beings. His father made

308
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,040
Speaker 3: a scene, but he still feels I am the reason

309
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,440
Speaker 3: his parents could never get back together again, and for

310
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,920
Speaker 3: that he will always hate me. Since my kids are

311
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,960
Speaker 3: my kids, He's never even to like them either. Now

312
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,080
Speaker 3: that he knows Emily isn't going to leave her family,

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00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,800
Speaker 3: he said his plan was once he was off to college,

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00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,440
Speaker 3: he would cut off contact with all of us. He

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00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,800
Speaker 3: does plan to eventually get back in touch with his

316
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,360
Speaker 3: mother when he feels he is ready to forgive for

317
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:04,320
Speaker 3: breaking up his family, but he can't do that right now.

318
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,760
Speaker 3: Emily and I have had a long and honest discussion.

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00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,000
Speaker 3: I have decided that I will not be making any

320
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:13,239
Speaker 3: contributions to James's college fund. Emily will continue the contributions

321
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,200
Speaker 3: she was already making and handed over to him once

322
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:18,000
Speaker 3: he turns eighteen. We will no longer be pursuing family

323
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,560
Speaker 3: therapy with James. We will not try to change his

324
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,680
Speaker 3: mind about going no contact with us after he goes

325
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,360
Speaker 3: off to college. We've done all that we could. We're

326
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,280
Speaker 3: going to stop now. If James is happy with Dan's family,

327
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,120
Speaker 3: then we're happy for him. It's going to be hard

328
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,200
Speaker 3: for Emily, but even she has accepted that after james

329
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:37,360
Speaker 3: recent revelations, she's having a hard time reconciling her little

330
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:41,320
Speaker 3: boy with this cynical teenager. We have both taken individual

331
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,440
Speaker 3: and couple's therapy before, mainly do this stress and anxiety

332
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:47,040
Speaker 3: James's behavior used to put on us as a family.

333
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,480
Speaker 3: We are looking into starting again. Hopefully we'll be able

334
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,040
Speaker 3: to overcome this in time. And that is the end

335
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:55,000
Speaker 3: of that story. But dang, yeah, I mean, I understand

336
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,640
Speaker 3: why Emily would still contribute because she loves him. Of course, right,

337
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,320
Speaker 3: But I do wonder how James would react if you

338
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,000
Speaker 3: even just not necessarily fall through with it, but even

339
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,920
Speaker 3: just threatened. Yeah, and that's the end of this story.

340
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,400
Speaker 3: We're going on to the next one.

341
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:13,080
Speaker 4: My parents' business makes half a million, but they expect

342
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,760
Speaker 4: me to work for free.

343
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:15,760
Speaker 3: Give me some money.

344
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,040
Speaker 4: My mother fifty four female and stepfather fifty five male,

345
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,360
Speaker 4: decided early in twenty twenty that they wanted to start

346
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,360
Speaker 4: an online business. It involved a skill that my mother

347
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,520
Speaker 4: has that other people love to watch and participate in.

348
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,640
Speaker 4: Keeping this someone vague for privacy, I thirty four female,

349
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,280
Speaker 4: have always and will always agree that my mother is

350
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,800
Speaker 4: very talented and that she is able to do something

351
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,960
Speaker 4: that many other people could not. By the way, this

352
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,920
Speaker 4: comes from Mama G five And if you want to

353
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,640
Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the r slash.

354
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Speaker 3: Okay, sort time separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia.

355
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,760
Speaker 4: We're here to give good advice coofully, but we don't

356
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,760
Speaker 4: have all the answers. We've never been in these situations

357
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,880
Speaker 4: most likely, so we're just going to guess what we

358
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,440
Speaker 4: would do in this situation. But if you would do

359
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:59,920
Speaker 4: anything differently, let us know in the comments, so Op says.

360
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,480
Speaker 3: On the other hand, my mother is terrible with technology.

361
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,880
Speaker 4: She constantly gets angry when things update, and she always

362
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:09,040
Speaker 4: calls me for help when she cannot figure it out.

363
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,399
Speaker 4: My stepfather is a throw of the mouse against the

364
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,399
Speaker 4: wall kind of guide too. I was completely okay with

365
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,800
Speaker 4: my mother calling me when her phone updated or to

366
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,399
Speaker 4: help her set up internet and stuff.

367
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,000
Speaker 3: But I told her before she started her.

368
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,280
Speaker 4: Online business but that I did not have time to

369
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,760
Speaker 4: be here every time something happened with her business for contacts.

370
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,000
Speaker 3: I'm a mother of three ages.

371
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,440
Speaker 4: Three, five, and ten, and I'm a painter and homesteader

372
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,760
Speaker 4: with the husband that works sixty plus hours weekly, which

373
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,639
Speaker 4: leaves many of the home tasks to me. I am

374
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,359
Speaker 4: good with technology. I know how to build websites and

375
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,919
Speaker 4: do many things that most millennials can do because we

376
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,359
Speaker 4: grew up as technology was evolving. So my mother feels

377
00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:48,240
Speaker 4: that it is her right as my mother to ask

378
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,639
Speaker 4: for my help and expect it. When she went to

379
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,159
Speaker 4: make her website, she somehow created three different accounts, was

380
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:58,440
Speaker 4: charged money on each for different packages, and spelled her

381
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:02,119
Speaker 4: domain name incorrectly. She came to me begging for help

382
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,560
Speaker 4: and like an idiot, I gave in. I spent ten

383
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 4: plus hours helping her create a website for her business

384
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,080
Speaker 4: and teaching her how to use it. I told her

385
00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 4: that this was a one time thing to help her

386
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,480
Speaker 4: start because I wanted her to succeed. She initially said okay,

387
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,760
Speaker 4: but then a week later she messed up trying to

388
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,359
Speaker 4: post and needed my help again.

389
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,200
Speaker 3: This is when she used money to convince me to help.

390
00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:24,879
Speaker 4: As a couple with three kids that at the time

391
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:28,280
Speaker 4: was living on one paycheck my husband's having estra crash

392
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,679
Speaker 4: to put towards things with help, so I agreed to

393
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,880
Speaker 4: work for my mother temporarily until she could hire out

394
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,200
Speaker 4: her it department. She has paid me two hundred dollars

395
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:42,280
Speaker 4: Two times my mother's business blew up, my stepfather quit

396
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 4: his job and began to work with her from home.

397
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,440
Speaker 4: I know for a fact that this year, since January alone,

398
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,200
Speaker 4: my parents have made well over one hundred thousand dollars

399
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,520
Speaker 4: and are looking to have made at least five hundred.

400
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:54,360
Speaker 3: Thousand by the end of the year.

401
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,640
Speaker 4: It is crazy that, being said, my mother still has

402
00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,919
Speaker 4: not hired anyone to do her IT work and is

403
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,159
Speaker 4: still asking me for help At.

404
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,119
Speaker 3: That point, you literally just say, hey, I'm doing this

405
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,919
Speaker 3: much work log your hours. Say yeah, love to continue

406
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,720
Speaker 3: to help, but I need to be paid this right,

407
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,159
Speaker 3: and she refuses, Then you don't help her. Yeah. I

408
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 3: let it slide a lot because she has helped.

409
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,720
Speaker 4: Me start an at home business selling my paintings, and

410
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,360
Speaker 4: I honestly felt like I owed her. But I'm starting

411
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,240
Speaker 4: to feel overwhelmed this week alone. She wants me to

412
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,640
Speaker 4: do things for her every day, and I have had

413
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,679
Speaker 4: to take care of a kiddo that I had to

414
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,160
Speaker 4: have a tooth pold, a tornado that hit my town

415
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 4: until out the internet and ruined our outdoor ac unit,

416
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,360
Speaker 4: and trying to run my own business as well as

417
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,480
Speaker 4: running my homestead. My mother is constantly telling me that

418
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,399
Speaker 4: her life is so hard with everything that she has

419
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:41,879
Speaker 4: to do.

420
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 3: And that having to live with my stepfather is more

421
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,400
Speaker 3: work than what I have. Yes, you read that right.

422
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,520
Speaker 4: My stepfather is more work than three kids, two of

423
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,400
Speaker 4: which have ADHD and one that.

424
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:52,920
Speaker 3: Isn't potty trained yet.

425
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,399
Speaker 4: I truly know that she believes that too. Another problem

426
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,960
Speaker 4: my parents have is that they are not good with money.

427
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 4: They spend it as they get it and have no

428
00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 4: savings or for one K.

429
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:03,800
Speaker 3: They are a live by the.

430
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,200
Speaker 4: Day type and they both have health issues that are

431
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,199
Speaker 4: very serious and require tons of medication. They feel that

432
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,439
Speaker 4: they cannot afford an employee to help because they do

433
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 4: not have the budget for one. I've tried to explain

434
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,960
Speaker 4: a part time IT person would help the business so

435
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 4: much that they would make more than what they spend

436
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,760
Speaker 4: having one. My parents are holding a huge event where

437
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,679
Speaker 4: they are selling tickets for five hundred and fifty dollars

438
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 4: plus and they are wanting me to design advertisements, to

439
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 4: make web pages, create swag bags, set up online.

440
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,720
Speaker 3: Sales, and much more for free. Not only that, but.

441
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 4: When I added my business name to the flyer, my

442
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 4: stepfather had a fit about it and so that people.

443
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 3: Are not paying to see meat.

444
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 4: For context to my mother and I have very similar

445
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 4: businesses and share many of our clients. They also want

446
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 4: me to spend the whole weekend of the event helping

447
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,880
Speaker 4: them to run it and coordinating it for free, when

448
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 4: they expect me to be making anywhere from ten thousand

449
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,359
Speaker 4: dollars to two twenty thousand dollars in profit from the event.

450
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,720
Speaker 4: They think that paying for a room for my family

451
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 4: to day in While I work is payment enough, it

452
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,159
Speaker 4: is just too much for this MoMA to do on

453
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,159
Speaker 4: top of what I have to handle in my own household.

454
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,879
Speaker 4: I am wearing thin and feel like I'm being pulled

455
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 4: into many directions at once, not to mention that I'm

456
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,200
Speaker 4: trying to work on and bettering my house since I

457
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,400
Speaker 4: found out that I am diabetics six months ago.

458
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,560
Speaker 3: What should I do to help my mother understand that

459
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 3: the business she has.

460
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 4: Created is too much for just her and my stepfather

461
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 4: to run. How do I get them to understand that

462
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 4: I cannot, in fact do it all.

463
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 3: Also, I am terrible at boundaries, and I know it.

464
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 4: It infuriates my husband that I allow them to run

465
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:34,440
Speaker 4: over me like I do.

466
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 3: How do I set those boundaries?

467
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,480
Speaker 4: When my mother calls me in tears, begging for my

468
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:40,359
Speaker 4: help and telling me that if I do not help

469
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,600
Speaker 4: then they will have nothing.

470
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,359
Speaker 3: And we do have an update, but I feel like

471
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 3: it's right there, it's right therapy.

472
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,880
Speaker 4: If they're saying that if you don't help, then they'll

473
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 4: have nothing, then you're like, well, don't you see how

474
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 4: much I'm contributing and how much I'm making you guys money?

475
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 3: I think what you do, is you print out all

476
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,720
Speaker 3: of the like, don't definitely don't put it on an email.

477
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 3: They'm not going to figure that out. Print out all

478
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 3: of the tasks that you do, says what I do? Yeah,

479
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,399
Speaker 3: this is what maybe you could even say, like, this

480
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 3: is what other people who are doing my job get paid. Yeah,

481
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,880
Speaker 3: this is how long it takes me. This is how

482
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,960
Speaker 3: much money I've been bringing in. Yeah, this is you

483
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 3: know how much money you guys get, right, or you're

484
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,920
Speaker 3: at like whatever, five hundred something thousand. You say you

485
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 3: don't have nothing. Don't have to worry about that, exactly.

486
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,600
Speaker 3: I'm going to send you a link to an accountant

487
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 3: or a tech person. Yes, I'm going to send you

488
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,199
Speaker 3: a link to someone else if you would like to

489
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 3: continue working with me. These are my hours and prices. Yeah,

490
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 3: this is how much time I have to give to you,

491
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 3: and don't respond to me.

492
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 4: First, I want to say thank you to everyone that

493
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 4: gave me advice and called me out about being a

494
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 4: complete pushover and allowing my parents to control my adulthood

495
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 4: like they controlled my childhood. I realized a few very

496
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 4: important things when replying to those comments. My husband may

497
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 4: get angry, but it's justifiable anger. He loves me so

498
00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,960
Speaker 4: much that he hates seeing how my family made appeal.

499
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,920
Speaker 4: My kids deserve a mother that is not exhausted from

500
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 4: being up late at night and working on something that

501
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 4: realistically is not her problem. My parents need to stop

502
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 4: using me as their safety net. They need to figure

503
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,880
Speaker 4: out not only their it for their business, but also

504
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 4: their financial and retirement. I have let the fact that

505
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,959
Speaker 4: my sister passed away from an OD this past October.

506
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,679
Speaker 3: Oh my parents found her make me soft.

507
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,879
Speaker 4: I know that seems harsh, but I have been handling

508
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,919
Speaker 4: my parents in a much more gentle fashion because I'm

509
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 4: worried about their mental health and the whole situation. I

510
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:34,120
Speaker 4: cannot imagine how that has affected them, But I am done.

511
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 3: Working for a free yeah. Today. That being said, I

512
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:38,920
Speaker 3: confronted my parents about all this pizingly.

513
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:40,920
Speaker 4: My mother was the one who brought up the fact

514
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 4: that I looked tired, and then I.

515
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,640
Speaker 3: Segued into why.

516
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 4: During a video call, she mentioned that I looked tired

517
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 4: and asked if the kids were not letting me rest.

518
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 3: I explained that actually, I've been staying up late to work.

519
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 4: On all of the tasks that she needed from me,

520
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 4: and was not going to bed until four a m.

521
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 4: I said it firmly, but not angrily. She told me

522
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,639
Speaker 4: that that was not good and that I needed to rest.

523
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,159
Speaker 4: I told her that I knew, but with everything I

524
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 4: had to do to run my homestead, my own business,

525
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 4: and take care of the kids, there was no time

526
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 4: during the day.

527
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,880
Speaker 3: She seemed quiet and said oooh. That was when I told.

528
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,639
Speaker 4: Her that she needed to either hire this workout or

529
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,439
Speaker 4: start paying me. She asked if I really thought that

530
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 4: they should, because.

531
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:22,919
Speaker 3: She really liked working with me.

532
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,159
Speaker 4: I explained that if that was the case, then I

533
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,520
Speaker 4: needed to be compensated so that I could justify not

534
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 4: working on my business when I was working on hurts.

535
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 3: She suggested paying me for my time working.

536
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 4: At the event, paying me for what I was currently doing,

537
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 4: and then hiring this out afterwards so they would not

538
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,640
Speaker 4: drag someone new in during the middle of everything. I agreed,

539
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 4: but added that we needed to talk about her plans

540
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 4: for retirement in what they would do if one of

541
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,400
Speaker 4: them passed away. She tried to say that they had

542
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,479
Speaker 4: plenty of time to figure those things out, but I

543
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 4: interrupted her firmly. Good I reminded her that people can

544
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 4: pass away suddenly that both she and my stepfather already

545
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 4: had serious health issues, and then she would not want

546
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 4: to be working in her eighties. I insisted that she

547
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,679
Speaker 4: needed to get a financial advisor before something happened that

548
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 4: could cause it all to fall apart. I told her

549
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 4: I could not pick up the pieces for her now,

550
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 4: now that I had three kids and other responsibilities, and

551
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 4: that I was only saying these things because I cared

552
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 4: about both her and my stepfather. My mom paused, and

553
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 4: for a moment I thought I had ruined everything. She

554
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 4: even looked angry, but then she said I was right.

555
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 4: I could not believe it. My husband, who was off camera,

556
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:28,359
Speaker 4: was giving me silent thumbs up.

557
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 3: And fist pums. Just as shocked as I was.

558
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,120
Speaker 4: My mom admitted that she had not been the most

559
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 4: responsible person when it came to how she treated me.

560
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,399
Speaker 4: She said that she had treated me more like a

561
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 4: best friend than a daughter since her divorce for my dad,

562
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 4: but that I had always been so mature. She even

563
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 4: said that she did not think that she would have

564
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 4: gotten divorced if I had not suggested it as a

565
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:48,960
Speaker 4: six year old.

566
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 3: Back then, I had.

567
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:51,879
Speaker 4: Told her and my dad that they needed one of

568
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 4: those divorce things so if they would not have to

569
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,639
Speaker 4: live together anymore and maybe could be happy.

570
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 3: They fought a lot.

571
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,719
Speaker 4: In six year old me only knew that my friend's

572
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 4: parents lived in separate houses because they were divorced.

573
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 3: She promised that she wanted to do better.

574
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 4: She admitted that she could see how hard I was

575
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 4: working and how stretched I was. She told me she

576
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,119
Speaker 4: needed to stop using me for computer stuff because it

577
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 4: was wearing me out. She said she was proud of me,

578
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 4: proud of how I was with my kids, and that.

579
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 3: I was a wonderful woman and a better mother than

580
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:20,439
Speaker 3: she could ever hope to be. At that point, I

581
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 3: was almost crying. My husband had to sit down from shock.

582
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 3: Never in a million years.

583
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,880
Speaker 4: Would I've thought that a conversation about this topic would

584
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 4: go so well with my parents. I think the main

585
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 4: factor in the success was that my stepfather was not

586
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 4: present during the discussion. As bad as that sounds, he

587
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 4: is very immature intends to make.

588
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 3: Things harder to talk about.

589
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 4: After all of this, my mother and I discussed that

590
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 4: she wants me to help on board their next IA person,

591
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 4: and that she and my stepfather are going to look

592
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 4: for a financial advisor next month. They are traveling for

593
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,160
Speaker 4: business this month, which is why they're putting it off.

594
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 4: I agreed to help, but stayed firmed that I would

595
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 4: be paid for my time. She even told my stepdad

596
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,119
Speaker 4: that these things would happen whether he liked it or not.

597
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 4: We're also drafting a contract to make sure that there

598
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 4: is followed through. So I will be helping with the

599
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 4: last bit of work for their event, and then I

600
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 4: will be resigning after showing my replacement what I have done.

601
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 4: I'm sure they will know how to do it better anyway,

602
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,359
Speaker 4: since I really am just self taught. My husband bought

603
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 4: home pizza crust lists for this diabetic and wanting to celebrate.

604
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 3: I feel relieved.

605
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,680
Speaker 4: Thank you all for telling me to pull my head

606
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 4: out of the dirt and realize that this was not

607
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,119
Speaker 4: healthy and that I needed better at boundaries.

608
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,639
Speaker 3: My husband and I have also talked, and if my

609
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:29,879
Speaker 3: parents do not follow.

610
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 4: Through, we will be going low contact and maybe even

611
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 4: no contact. I need to take this time to work

612
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 4: on myself, improve my health, and focus on my family's needs.

613
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 4: I do not know what I would do without the

614
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 4: crazy man I'm married, but I am very thankful that

615
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:44,200
Speaker 4: he supports me and is willing to help me create

616
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 4: healthy boundaries with my family.

617
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 3: Again, thank you to everyone for the advice. And that

618
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:53,920
Speaker 3: is the end of that story. Hey, we love when

619
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 3: things work out. It's perfect. I hate my ex husband

620
00:27:58,720 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 3: and his new wife.

621
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 1: He eat to spare.

622
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 3: Just got a long email from my kids stepmom pretty

623
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,399
Speaker 3: much telling me that she doesn't mind giving the kids

624
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,199
Speaker 3: extra clothing to go to school so long as they

625
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 3: get it back from my house. She says, the issue

626
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,679
Speaker 3: isn't who bought it, but the issue is getting decent

627
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 3: clothing back. By the way, this comes from beneficial Questions,

628
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:20,920
Speaker 3: Sony five, And if you want to smit your own stories,

629
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay, storytime severed it. I'm Sophia,

630
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 3: I'm Dakota.

631
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:26,360
Speaker 1: And I'm Keon.

632
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 3: Here to give good advice. Goofully, But we don't have

633
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we'd do, So

634
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 3: let us know what you would do in the comments. Oh,

635
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,359
Speaker 3: he says. At the same time, I got a text

636
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 3: message from my ex husband berating me because I didn't

637
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 3: clip my son's fingernails on this trip. I couldn't find

638
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 3: my nail clippers. I have a household of five and

639
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 3: I am the only income. My kids don't get brand

640
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 3: new clothing at my house. My kids have to wear

641
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 3: their clothing until it's threadbare because I can't afford to

642
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 3: run out and give them new clothes, or even go

643
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 3: to Goodwill and get them clothes. All the time. I

644
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 3: do the I can on an income of forty two

645
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 3: thousand for a family of five. My kids don't get

646
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 3: brand new clothing at my house. My kids have to

647
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:12,720
Speaker 3: wear their clothing until it's threadbare because I can't afford

648
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 3: to run out and get them new clothes, or even

649
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 3: go to goodwill and get them clothes. All the time.

650
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 3: I do the best I can on an income of

651
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,040
Speaker 3: forty two thousand for a family of five. I don't

652
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 3: get child support from my ex husband, and between him

653
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 3: and his wife, they make eighty to ninety grand a year,

654
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 3: depending on how busy his businesses. I'm currently in college

655
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 3: trying to get my bachelor's degree, and it's not cheap

656
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 3: or easy to try to do that while working full

657
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 3: time and taking care of my kids, and the two

658
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 3: of them always point out what I'm doing wrong, how

659
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 3: my kids are suffering because I'm in school and can't

660
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,479
Speaker 3: spend a lot of time with them and just generally

661
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 3: picking me apart. I'm trying so hard to hold it

662
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 3: all together and do the best I can, and it's

663
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 3: never enough. I really truly feel hatred for those two

664
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 3: and I hate feeling that way. And there are some

665
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 3: relevant comments.

666
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: Why is there no child support?

667
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 3: Why if they're so worried about their kids, would they

668
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 3: not want to, you know, just make sure that their

669
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 3: kids have enough clothes.

670
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: You know exactly?

671
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 2: And it's it seems like nonsense to me that they'd

672
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 2: pick you apart and then not.

673
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: Help you, and so his kids too.

674
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 2: I don't, although I think for like the clothes and stuff,

675
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 2: there's kind of there's resources out there, like you know,

676
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 2: Salvation Army Pop, some tags at the Goodwill, there's Value

677
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 2: Value Center everything.

678
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: There's a dollar on Tuesdays.

679
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 3: Well, I think O P said, I don't. I don't

680
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 3: know before to run out. Oh wait, no, just I can't. Yeah,

681
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 3: but there's some comments common One says, you're doing the

682
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 3: best you can, and I'm sure your kids know you

683
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 3: love them. Try to get some child support. Sounds like

684
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 3: he's getting off easy. Oh, he says, the last time

685
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 3: we went to court. The only thing that happened is

686
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 3: I got the ability and the right to claim the

687
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 3: children on taxes every year until they're adults. The majority

688
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 3: of his businesses he gets paid cash under the table,

689
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 3: and the little bit of cash he doesn't get paid

690
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 3: under the table or that he does claim is not

691
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 3: enough to get child support from him. And they don't

692
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 3: look at his wife's saying, maybe if I get into

693
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 3: a better financial situation and can afford a lawyer, I'll

694
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,000
Speaker 3: revisit it. I only have two more years and then

695
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,040
Speaker 3: I'll have my Diagrena two says, if he makes that

696
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 3: much money, why aren't you getting We already know, We

697
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 3: already know that. Where's the other father of the older kids?

698
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 3: Opie says deceased. He passed away in twenty sixteen. Common

699
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 3: three says, if he makes that much money, why aren't

700
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 3: you getting child support? Common four, we all know this.

701
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 3: Stop asking about the child support we.

702
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,480
Speaker 1: Know well, no, I want to That one looked like

703
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 1: it was more detailed about you.

704
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 3: He makes the bulk at sixty five K year. He

705
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 3: under reports his earning thirty to forty K a season,

706
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 3: but he reports ten to fifteen K unless he's lied

707
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 3: to me, which could be the case too, but knowing him,

708
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 3: I doubt it. Common Four says, is it under reporting

709
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 3: or just business expenses that take away from his gross

710
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,959
Speaker 3: income causing him to pay less tax. I'm not a lawyer,

711
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 3: but I'm pretty sure her income wouldn't count. Opie says,

712
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 3: her income doesn't count. I've been dealing with this for

713
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 3: going on five years now. I've gone to court several

714
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 3: times with my clinicals. Starting this fall and the workload

715
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 3: for nursing school increase, I don't have it in me

716
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 3: to fight a court battle too. We just need to

717
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 3: focus on getting through the next two years and getting licensed.

718
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 3: And did the X turn the kids against OPI? Opie

719
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 3: says he plays favorites with the twins, and my daughter

720
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,239
Speaker 3: is starting to notice his own actions are turning them

721
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 3: against him. I will never speak poorly of him to them,

722
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 3: and when he doesn't show to events like their birthday

723
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 3: party this year, point to tell them he was really

724
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 3: sick or something along those lines. Life's hard enough and

725
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 3: they don't need to feel unwanted or not important by

726
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 3: my word. Ope on her oldest kids having a job,

727
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 3: ohp says, my fifteen year old does. He's saving for

728
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 3: a car he is my oldest. You have to be

729
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 3: fourteen here to hold the job, so my middle has

730
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 3: another year. Ope on blocking the stepmother, Opie says she

731
00:32:56,800 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 3: has my number blocked, which is why she emails me

732
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 3: after my daughter said stepmom pulled her hair when she

733
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:05,960
Speaker 3: was mad at her. Don't touch my daughter.

734
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,800
Speaker 2: Also, there was a comment from red Bull Rana that

735
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 2: says that if the husband the father of the oldest

736
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 2: has passed away, you may be able to withdrawal security.

737
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 1: Yeah for that for your kid.

738
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 3: Turns out, she brushed my daughter's hair roughly and pulled

739
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 3: it because my daughter was refusing to listen that morning.

740
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 3: Not even remotely okay, but legally I was told no

741
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 3: crime was committed and I could have documented it, but

742
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 3: that was it. By the way, I did have it

743
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 3: document it. Oh, he says, I'll report him to the

744
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 3: irs again. The vast majority of you are amazing, and

745
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 3: I really appreciate the suggestions. It can't hurt to keep reporting.

746
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 3: For the extreme few who say I shouldn't have had

747
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,480
Speaker 3: kids if I couldn't afford them, I was fine. Then

748
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 3: got married, became a stay at o mom with my twins.

749
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 3: We moved to a new state where I had zero

750
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 3: family or support, but he had his family. Then after

751
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 3: a year, you're there. He cheated on me and when

752
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 3: we finally divorced, everything was split fifty to fifty. Guess what.

753
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,840
Speaker 3: We had no savings and with only his income. I

754
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 3: didn't walk out with Mutt. I hate that I have

755
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 3: shared custody where I have to deal with someone who

756
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 3: verbally and mentally mistreated me. I love the suggestion of

757
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 3: the co parenting app. And we'll be looking ope on

758
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 3: our ex paying child support. We have fifty to fifty custody.

759
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 3: I technically make more than him, and there is an

760
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:27,400
Speaker 3: update two years.

761
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would just, you know, at least try to.

762
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 2: I know you hate the guy, but just being like, dude,

763
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 2: like your your kids need clothes, Like are you really

764
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,800
Speaker 2: going to be so pride for us stubborn? Yeah, petty

765
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 2: that you you don't want to clothes And it's like, well,

766
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 2: I think the thing is that he just wants to

767
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 2: be the one to provide himself, so he's like the

768
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,400
Speaker 2: better parent.

769
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,240
Speaker 3: Well, even when they give the kids clothes, the step

770
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 3: mom's like, can you can you bring those back? They

771
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 3: can't have those clothes when they're at your house, like,

772
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:57,760
Speaker 3: that's crazy.

773
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 1: Those are kids clothes, step step mom.

774
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 3: But there is a second update or another update two

775
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,160
Speaker 3: years and two months later. I made a post here

776
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 3: two years ago. Uh, I hated my ex husband and

777
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 3: his wife. I have an update. One. I am a

778
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 3: registered nurse. Now my kids up new clothes and thanks

779
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 3: to your advice, I was able to keep them in

780
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 3: really nice clothes until I was able to afford new stuff.

781
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 3: Good Two. I have a boyfriend. This is relevant you do.

782
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:29,400
Speaker 3: My ax made fraudulent claims about him to DCF. He

783
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:32,359
Speaker 3: was eventually told if he continued that he's still has

784
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 3: moments where he slips up, but he's been more helpful

785
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:38,279
Speaker 3: and less condescending by a lot. Thank you to ever

786
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 3: suggested the parenting app. The court agreed it was a

787
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 3: good move, and I think that above all else, that

788
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:47,520
Speaker 3: has made a huge difference. Not sure who cares, but

789
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,839
Speaker 3: I wanted to say thanks and comments. Comment one says,

790
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:53,560
Speaker 3: so I guess the IRS never got him for working

791
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 3: under the table. Reply says not many IRS agents left.

792
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,600
Speaker 3: Doubt they're going after anyone for the different ten k

793
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 3: and four annually. Comment two says, these kinds of stories

794
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 3: are a huge part of why I could never be

795
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 3: a stay at home mom. Need to hedge risk and

796
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 3: keep working ply says one hundred percent, even without worrying

797
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,799
Speaker 3: about divorce. You never know what the future holds. The

798
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,320
Speaker 3: primary wage journer could get sick, come disabled, or pass

799
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 3: away in an accident. Women stepping away from work and

800
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 3: having to scramble to re enter the workforce after years

801
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 3: of pausing their careers really ends well. You do yourself

802
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:29,760
Speaker 3: and your family no favors by stopping work. Comment three says, Wow,

803
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 3: they were teaming up to tear her down and now

804
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 3: look at her. She's doing better and they hate that. Yeah,

805
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:38,280
Speaker 3: and that is the end of that story.

806
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,720
Speaker 1: Sam, Here, we're gonna get back to the stories.

807
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 3: But here's three of minutes bads from our sponsors.

808
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 1: My ex made our trip unbearable.

809
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:49,320
Speaker 3: Leave me alone or.

810
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 2: I then thirty eight male begin Let me add some context.

811
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,879
Speaker 2: My ex thirty six female at the time, and I

812
00:36:56,960 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 2: had a good couple of years together. However, the last

813
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:04,359
Speaker 2: two years of the relationship were extremely rocky.

814
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 1: To say the least.

815
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 2: And by the way, this comes from user throwaway five

816
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:09,920
Speaker 2: six seven three four one zero.

817
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:11,760
Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your own stories.

818
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 2: Go to the r slash okay storytime subbreddit where this

819
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 2: story was submitted.

820
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Kean, and I'm Dakota.

821
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 2: And we're here to give you good advice goofily, but

822
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 2: we don't always know the answers.

823
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:28,239
Speaker 1: We just know what we would do, So if you

824
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:29,279
Speaker 1: would do something different, let.

825
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 2: Us know in the comments, and op says the story

826
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 2: I'm about to unfold happened during those last two years.

827
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 2: I definitely contributed to the rockiness of our relationship. I

828
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:44,279
Speaker 2: made a ton of mistakes that I deeply regret, but

829
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 2: hindsight is always twenty twenty. I should also add that

830
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:50,760
Speaker 2: my ex does not share my perspective on the events

831
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:51,760
Speaker 2: I'm about to recount.

832
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:54,479
Speaker 1: I wouldn't blame anyone for taking this with a grain

833
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,879
Speaker 1: of salt. Okay story Time.

834
00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:01,479
Speaker 2: My ex let's call her Casey, and her cousin at

835
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 2: the time, twenty four female let's call her Jenny, were

836
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 2: always very close, more like sisters than cousins. They trauma

837
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:15,959
Speaker 2: bonded over similar dysfunctional upbringings and were inseparable until Casey relocated.

838
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 2: I had met Jenny multiple times and we got along

839
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 2: famously whenever we crossed paths. Jenny and her boyfriend had

840
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,360
Speaker 2: newly relocated to Denver and were adjusting to a brand

841
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,879
Speaker 2: new city and state. Casey wanted to visit as sort

842
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 2: of a housewarming thing and invited me to come along.

843
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 2: She said she would pay for our plane tickets, and

844
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,760
Speaker 2: all I'd have to pay for was my own food

845
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 2: or miscellaneous items I wanted to grab for myself. I

846
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,200
Speaker 2: liked Jenny quite a bit and also loved Colorado, so

847
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 2: I enthusiastically agreed to come. Typically, Casey and I traveled

848
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 2: well together outside of the usual stress that comes with traveling,

849
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 2: and we always seemed to make the best of everything

850
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:57,239
Speaker 2: even when things went sideways.

851
00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 1: Not this time.

852
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:03,239
Speaker 2: Oh no, looking back, I can see this trip was

853
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:07,720
Speaker 2: doomed from the start. While we were packing, Casey offered

854
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 2: to make room in her suitcase for both our things,

855
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,320
Speaker 2: since our flight allowed one free checked suitcase. I casually

856
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 2: said that wasn't necessary. I have my own suitcase and

857
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:22,280
Speaker 2: planned to take that. Casey didn't respond. She didn't seem annoyed,

858
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 2: from what I could tell, and I was usually good

859
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 2: at noticing if she was upset about something or annoyed.

860
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 1: She just seemed to shrug and let it go.

861
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 2: The day of the trip arrived, he pulled up to

862
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 2: the airport a little behind and stressed out due to

863
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:39,400
Speaker 2: unexpected heavy traffic. We checked our bags, grabbed our tickets,

864
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 2: and made our way through TSA. We were speed walking

865
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:46,320
Speaker 2: to the terminal when this idiot who was running behind

866
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,839
Speaker 2: us basically body checked Casey out of his way and

867
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 2: kept sprinting ahead as if he hadn't almost knocked a

868
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 2: stranger to the ground. I grabbed Casey to keep her

869
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:57,280
Speaker 2: from falling and yelled after the stranger.

870
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 3: What daff man ay?

871
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 2: I wanted to run after him and confront the guy,

872
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 2: but I stayed to make sure Casey was okay. The

873
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 2: guy was out of sight by the time I could

874
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 2: have gone after him.

875
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 1: And who was Casey? Mad at me?

876
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 4: What for?

877
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 3: What'd you do?

878
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 1: Should have had the sixth sense, active dude.

879
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,319
Speaker 3: Should have been like, like, like, guys running at her

880
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 3: and you go, you go pick her up and then

881
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 3: you go yeah.

882
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:26,319
Speaker 1: She was like, why didn't you hit him with the

883
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 1: atomic elbow?

884
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 3: Yeah?

885
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:31,760
Speaker 1: You go straight? Yeah?

886
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:36,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, So she's mad at me, not the guy who

887
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 2: nearly knocked her down.

888
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:41,280
Speaker 1: I was the a hole for yelling after the guy.

889
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:46,799
Speaker 2: I was gobsmacked, literally speechless. She berated me all the

890
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 2: way to the terminal. Since we were rushing to get

891
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,359
Speaker 2: to the terminal on time and things were already tense,

892
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:53,280
Speaker 2: I kept my mouth.

893
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,360
Speaker 1: Shut and apologized.

894
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,280
Speaker 2: We got to the plane on time and boarded without

895
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:02,240
Speaker 2: further incident. Casey ignored me the whole way to Denver.

896
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 2: I felt it was best to leave her alone and

897
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 2: kept silent the entire flight. We landed and made our

898
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 2: way to baggage claim. The belt that our claim wasn't

899
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 2: moving and seemed to be taking forever. Casey wasn't talking

900
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 2: to me at the moment, so I pulled out my

901
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 2: phone and started playing a game. Once the belt started

902
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 2: moving and suitcases came our way, I put my phone away.

903
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 2: I didn't know it at the time, but playing on

904
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 2: my phone had only infuriated Casey Moore. She was silently

905
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:33,919
Speaker 2: fuming beside me while I obliviously tapped away. I would

906
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 2: get an earful about this later.

907
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 1: We got our.

908
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 2: Bags and headed to meet Jenny and her boyfriend outside.

909
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 2: Casey lightened up when she saw her cousin, and the

910
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 2: mood was generally light hearted.

911
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 1: On the way to their home. Once we arrived, we

912
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 1: ordered pizza and were catching up.

913
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,560
Speaker 2: Jenny asked what we wanted to do while we were there,

914
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:56,240
Speaker 2: since everyone Hemden had not really coming up with any ideas.

915
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,920
Speaker 2: I suggested we could find some scenic outlooks and take

916
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 2: pictures together. Recommended a trip into the mountains to find

917
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 2: a look out with a good view of the Continental Divide.

918
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 2: No one but me had any idea what the Continental

919
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 2: Divide even was. They all peppered me with questions about

920
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 2: it and where it was. I answered as best as

921
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 2: I could. I honestly thought everyone took my suggestion more

922
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:16,880
Speaker 2: seriously than.

923
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 1: I had meant them to.

924
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:20,720
Speaker 2: Since Casey loves taking tons of pictures when she travels,

925
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:23,200
Speaker 2: I thought that would be a viable option. So so

926
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 2: much confusion and discussion about the Continental Divide followed that

927
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 2: I wished we could drop it and discuss other options.

928
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,879
Speaker 1: Everyone was like, continental divide.

929
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 3: Thought about the Continental Vine before, but I don't know,

930
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 3: maybe we should go but the Continental the Vine, And

931
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 3: He's like, I don't even want to go to the

932
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,799
Speaker 3: Continental Vine anymore. I don't even know I brought it up.

933
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 3: Once you take the Continental Divide out of Pandora's box.

934
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 3: Can't put it back in.

935
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 1: It's really I don't understand how there could be that

936
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 1: much discussion about it. It's very simple. It's just a

937
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,719
Speaker 1: part of the rockies that like split the country in

938
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,760
Speaker 1: half basically, and there you freaking go. Yeah.

939
00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:59,719
Speaker 2: It was getting late, so Casey and I made our

940
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 2: way to our hotel. We checked in and settled into

941
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,040
Speaker 2: our room. The mood seemed to have lightened, and we

942
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,919
Speaker 2: chatted amicably about nothing before going to bed.

943
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: I breathed a sigh of relief.

944
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 2: I thought the start of the trip was turbulent, but

945
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 2: I believed Casey and I were fine and would move

946
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 2: on from the crappy parts of the day.

947
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 1: How wrong I was.

948
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,240
Speaker 2: I woke up to see that Casey was already moodily

949
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 2: sipping coffee. I said good morning and tried to snuggle her,

950
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 2: like we did every morning. Casey was stiff and unresponsive.

951
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 2: I asked her what was wrong. She sighed in exasperation

952
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 2: and launched into how awful this trip already was. She

953
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 2: was furious with me for taking my own luggage, saying

954
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:43,279
Speaker 2: I should have known that.

955
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:44,360
Speaker 1: She wanted to check.

956
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 2: Two pieces of her luggage so she could have plenty

957
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,520
Speaker 2: of room for items we would buy on the trip.

958
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 3: I think that she's like just expecting you to read

959
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:52,680
Speaker 3: her mind, and I feel like a lot of this

960
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:57,240
Speaker 3: frustration and stuff is actually coming from something else.

961
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:59,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, because she's.

962
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 3: Getting mad at you for a lot of time, silly stuff.

963
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 2: It's like, why didn't you You could have just said

964
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 2: that that's what you wanted to do and it would

965
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:06,800
Speaker 2: have been like, oh okay, but instead you said nothing.

966
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 2: She was also annoyed that I would bury my face

967
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:11,360
Speaker 2: in my phone the whole trip. She thought it was

968
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 2: rude of me to suggest we go out of our

969
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 2: way to do what I wanted while being Jenny's guest.

970
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 2: She was referring to my suggestion of taking scenic pictures

971
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:20,760
Speaker 2: around the Continental Divide.

972
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 1: At this point, I was done not defending myself. I

973
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 1: argued back that she had.

974
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:30,760
Speaker 2: Plenty of room in her suitcase and mine for items

975
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 2: we wanted to bring back. If she wanted to take

976
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 2: her own luggage and not mine, she should have said something.

977
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,400
Speaker 2: I also pointed out that if I was on my

978
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 2: phone at any point, it was during idle moments and

979
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 2: she was giving me the silent treatment.

980
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 1: Anyway. As for the Continental Divide.

981
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:50,759
Speaker 2: It was only a suggestion since no one else was

982
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 2: coming up with anything. Casey didn't address any of my points,

983
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 2: just repeating herself, calling me rude and inconsiderate.

984
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: This went on for hours.

985
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:02,120
Speaker 2: We were at an impasse and needed to get ready

986
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 2: to meet Jenny and her boyfriend for brunch and shopping.

987
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 1: Not all of the trip was bad.

988
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 2: Some highlights included brunch, shopping, visiting dispensers, and dancing in

989
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 2: a go go club where Casey's friend was a dancer.

990
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 2: We also went out with Casey's go go dancer.

991
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:20,400
Speaker 1: Friend who lived there.

992
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 2: Those were enjoyable moments. However, the highlights were far and

993
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 2: few between. Outside of a handful of fun activities, I

994
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:31,360
Speaker 2: could do nothing right. It was one of those situations

995
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 2: where one mistake leads to an avalanche of other mistakes.

996
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 2: I sheepishly admitted that scenic outlooks were a bad idea

997
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 2: and suggested we do something else. Jenny's boyfriend suggested hiking.

998
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 2: That was a bad idea. It was still springing Colorado

999
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:50,279
Speaker 2: and the weather was chilly and icy. The trails were

1000
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 2: likely covered in snow and ice. None of us were

1001
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:56,240
Speaker 2: equipped for a long hike on icy Colorado trails. Still,

1002
00:45:56,360 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 2: everyone thought this idea was the best idea ever. I

1003
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 2: went along to keep Casey's glaring eyes off of me.

1004
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,839
Speaker 2: I won't say it was a disaster because the hike

1005
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:11,160
Speaker 2: was short, the trails were uphill and covered in ice

1006
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:14,560
Speaker 2: and snow. Jenny had chucks on her feet, which caused

1007
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 2: her to fall repeatedly.

1008
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:20,040
Speaker 1: Welcome, Welcome to Denver. Well, they just moved there. They

1009
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: don't know.

1010
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 3: Yet she didn't have those no shoes yet, Welcome to Denver.

1011
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:25,960
Speaker 1: They can't wear chucks on the I sed out trail.

1012
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 3: They got no traction the ice road. No, no, no, no, sir,

1013
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 3: can't Well, you're converse.

1014
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:35,759
Speaker 2: The rest of us didn't have much better footwear. We

1015
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 2: all ended up on our butts or faces at some point.

1016
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,000
Speaker 2: We gave it up after a quarter of a mile

1017
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 2: and just went back to Jenny's house to watch the office.

1018
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 3: She's making all these freaking like comments and getting mad

1019
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 3: at everything. It just feels like she's at the she's

1020
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:54,720
Speaker 3: got a short use right now.

1021
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 2: This, this whole this whole thing makes me feel like,

1022
00:46:57,400 --> 00:47:00,359
Speaker 2: you know, the root of this issue is just like

1023
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:02,440
Speaker 2: it doesn't really have anything to do with the trip.

1024
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:04,839
Speaker 2: Or the stress of the traveling. It's really just like,

1025
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:06,760
Speaker 2: I think you and your wife have a problem.

1026
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 3: I think she has got a problem.

1027
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:12,239
Speaker 2: She's she's got a problem, and she doesn't like to talk, yeah,

1028
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 2: in a real way.

1029
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 1: She just likes to throw stuff at you.

1030
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:17,319
Speaker 2: I mean, for God's sake, somebody knocked her down at

1031
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:19,280
Speaker 2: the airport, and you yelled at him, and she got mad.

1032
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,320
Speaker 3: At you for that that.

1033
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:22,799
Speaker 1: She got mad at you for yelling at the guy

1034
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 1: who knocked her down.

1035
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:25,959
Speaker 3: What do we make it make sense?

1036
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,560
Speaker 1: Where are we at the world doesn't make any sense.

1037
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,400
Speaker 2: The rest of the trip, outside of the few highlights,

1038
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:34,840
Speaker 2: was spent intense silence or fighting between Casey and me.

1039
00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:37,799
Speaker 2: It was a five day trip, and by day four

1040
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:41,240
Speaker 2: I couldn't wait to go home. My anxiety was through

1041
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:44,399
Speaker 2: the roof as I constantly walked on eggshells. My poor

1042
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 2: morale was likely noticeable to everyone because Casey still hasn't

1043
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 2: let me live down how much of a downer I was.

1044
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,520
Speaker 2: Did my best to put on a happy face, but

1045
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 2: couldn't help keeping my mouth shut and going with the flow. Finally,

1046
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 2: the trip ended and Casey and I turned home. This

1047
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 2: trip was brought up countless times afterward. It became her

1048
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:07,240
Speaker 2: favorite story to throw in my face when we fought.

1049
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:10,800
Speaker 2: After we broke up, she told me Jenny was relieved,

1050
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,480
Speaker 2: saying I was controlling and had a habit of bringing

1051
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 2: the mood down. Jenny thought I was way out of

1052
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 2: line for pressuring everyone to take scenic pictures of that

1053
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 2: land mass I had suggested.

1054
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 1: It shall not be named.

1055
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:25,360
Speaker 3: She said. She said, you were way out of line

1056
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:27,760
Speaker 3: for being like, hey, you guys, just take pictures.

1057
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were way out of line for suggesting going

1058
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,720
Speaker 2: somewhere that is iconic.

1059
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:37,359
Speaker 1: To go to. Everyone wanted to go to that they've

1060
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:40,280
Speaker 1: never heard of. By the way, like what's that? They're good.

1061
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 2: If you go to a Rapahoe basin and ski and

1062
00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:46,920
Speaker 2: snowboard there, you can actually ride the Continental Divide.

1063
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 3: Okay, Billy, Yes, snow advice from Californians. I'm the only

1064
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:55,080
Speaker 3: Me and Kean are the only. Dacotta's gotta's got good Yeah.

1065
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:56,800
Speaker 1: I was literally a snowboard instructure.

1066
00:48:56,840 --> 00:49:01,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, Dakota's got good time. I'm certainly don't, But I

1067
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 3: just have kind of like good sense, bear like sense.

1068
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:09,760
Speaker 3: I've got the good sense to know that you shouldn't

1069
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 3: wear shucks.

1070
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:12,759
Speaker 1: Oh, I thought you were saying that, like your expertise

1071
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: was sent.

1072
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:15,360
Speaker 3: I got, I got a sniffer.

1073
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm not.

1074
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,279
Speaker 2: Big into the ice and the snow, but when it

1075
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 2: comes to smells, I've got you.

1076
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 1: I know all the smells that you want to smell.

1077
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 3: I know everything.

1078
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:27,040
Speaker 1: I feel like you'd be good with smells anyway.

1079
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:28,399
Speaker 3: I'm very sensitive to smell.

1080
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,720
Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, that's why she was hunting down the fleas

1081
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:31,279
Speaker 2: by scent.

1082
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd be like I.

1083
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:35,919
Speaker 2: She would walk into a room and got in the air.

1084
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:38,160
Speaker 1: Guys a flea in this room.

1085
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:41,960
Speaker 3: From me.

1086
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:46,839
Speaker 2: Okay, sorry, Casey and I are cordial now. However, I

1087
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 2: still hear about the Continental Divide suggestion as the worst

1088
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:54,720
Speaker 2: idea ever. We're a bunch of dorks. We're a bunch

1089
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 2: of layme os. Don't want to go to the Continental

1090
00:49:57,120 --> 00:49:58,760
Speaker 2: Divide when you're in Denver.

1091
00:49:59,080 --> 00:49:59,879
Speaker 3: So messed up.

1092
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1093
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,479
Speaker 1: on to the next one. Hey y'all, it's John Ogi

1094
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:06,080
Speaker 1: host here. We're gonna get back to the stories. But

1095
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 1: here's a quick three minute break from ask for more sponsors.

1096
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:12,880
Speaker 3: My girlfriend is still caught up with the Rex Oh No.

1097
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 3: H twenty three male just went through a breakup with

1098
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:20,360
Speaker 3: my girlfriend Hayley twenty six female this Friday. We have

1099
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 3: been dating for seven months, but we'd known each other

1100
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 3: for about a year and two months. This is in

1101
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:27,720
Speaker 3: our first breakup, but she says, this one is final

1102
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:30,360
Speaker 3: and I can feel it is. By the way, this

1103
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 3: comes from Standard Ad twenty eight oh eight. And if

1104
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:33,960
Speaker 3: you want to smit your own stories, go to the

1105
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:35,640
Speaker 3: r slash Okay storytime separed it.

1106
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're here.

1107
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 3: To give good advice. Goofully, but we don't have all

1108
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:42,600
Speaker 3: the answers. We only know what we'd do, So let

1109
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:44,239
Speaker 3: us know what you would do in the comments, and

1110
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 3: Op says when we got together, it felt like everything clicked.

1111
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 3: She told me I was the only person she could

1112
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 3: truly be herself with and that I was more compassionate

1113
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:57,360
Speaker 3: and sweet than anyone she had ever met. For a while,

1114
00:50:57,440 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 3: I really believed we had something rare. It was exactly

1115
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 3: what I've always wanted and she was absolutely perfect. But

1116
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:07,680
Speaker 3: it all changed after about two months when we started

1117
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:12,960
Speaker 3: to crack emotionally. The biggest issue her ex fiance Jason.

1118
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 3: They had a whole life together before me. She admitted

1119
00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 3: more than once that she missed that life even while

1120
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:22,080
Speaker 3: being with me. She told me that if she chose

1121
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:24,800
Speaker 3: him again, she wouldn't have kept in contact with me

1122
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 3: at all, which made me feel disposable, like she never

1123
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 3: fully chose me in the first place. She also emotionally

1124
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 3: cheated on me with him, which led to our first breakup,

1125
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:37,400
Speaker 3: but I realized with that space, I didn't want to

1126
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 3: live without her. There were other moments too. She nearly

1127
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:43,200
Speaker 3: put Jason as a reference on her passport until I

1128
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:46,280
Speaker 3: said something. Her sister let slip that Haley and Jason

1129
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 3: had been hanging out. She always insisted she didn't want

1130
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:52,080
Speaker 3: him back, but the shadow of him was always in

1131
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 3: our relationship, and I always felt like I was fighting

1132
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 3: a ghost I could never beat. Also, two months in,

1133
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 3: some major life events happened that put significant stress on

1134
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:04,840
Speaker 3: our relationship. We went through something intense together that I

1135
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,479
Speaker 3: thought would bond us, but it ended up creating more

1136
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:12,359
Speaker 3: distance instead. During this difficult time, she started hiding her

1137
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 3: phone from me and becoming distant. She wouldn't even kiss

1138
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,680
Speaker 3: me anymore. Oh After about a week of her being

1139
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:22,200
Speaker 3: almost silent with me and avoiding me. We were in

1140
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 3: the car about to get out when I asked why

1141
00:52:24,239 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 3: she'd been so cold lately. She said, to be honest,

1142
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:30,239
Speaker 3: I don't want to continue with this anymore, and I'm

1143
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:32,719
Speaker 3: pretty set on this. And also I might quit my

1144
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 3: job and move back home, basically leaving me no m

1145
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 3: And now you've changed your mind after not even talking

1146
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:43,280
Speaker 3: to me and hiding your phone. What's going on? Her answer,

1147
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:45,759
Speaker 3: I don't know. From that point, and for the next

1148
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 3: two days, anything I would ask wasn' I don't know.

1149
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 3: She was slowly no longer taking any care of herself whatsoever.

1150
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,160
Speaker 3: One day I had to help her get motivated to

1151
00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 3: shower and take care of her basic hygiene so maybe

1152
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 3: she wouldn't be so depressed. After dealing with the stressful

1153
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:08,520
Speaker 3: situation for several weeks, things seemed to stabilize and get

1154
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:10,000
Speaker 3: back to normal between us.

1155
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:14,320
Speaker 2: Dude, your version of normal is she wants her X back.

1156
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:17,080
Speaker 1: She wants her X back, that's your normal, or.

1157
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:19,279
Speaker 3: She's already back with her ex. But then came the

1158
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:21,400
Speaker 3: day when she asked me if she could be friends

1159
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 3: and unblock her ex fiance and hang out with him again.

1160
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 3: I was like, absolutely not not well dating me and also,

1161
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:30,880
Speaker 3: after all we just got over together. You want to

1162
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:36,280
Speaker 3: add him back into your life again? I said absolutely not. Uh.

1163
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:39,399
Speaker 3: After confronting her about it, I discovered that her ex

1164
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:42,359
Speaker 3: had visited her during our recent difficult time and that's

1165
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 3: why she was asking. Long story short, she brought him

1166
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 3: back into our lives and that's why we broke up

1167
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:51,440
Speaker 3: for that first time. The breakup lasted a week, and

1168
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 3: when she got back everything kind of went back to normal. Yes,

1169
00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:57,600
Speaker 3: I did give the friends thing a fair chance and

1170
00:53:57,640 --> 00:53:59,919
Speaker 3: forgave her since she ended up being pretty honest about

1171
00:53:59,920 --> 00:54:03,200
Speaker 3: that whole thing. Over time, or ex started fading away,

1172
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:06,280
Speaker 3: and over the past two point five to three months

1173
00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 3: they haven't talked once. I ended up moving past the

1174
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:14,080
Speaker 3: grief of that loss fairly quickly. Her parents hated me

1175
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 3: at first and then came to accept me after two months,

1176
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 3: but I could always sense a distance, like they were

1177
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:23,680
Speaker 3: waiting to see if I would last. Her friends, who

1178
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:26,080
Speaker 3: by the way, are also her only three friends and

1179
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:28,720
Speaker 3: she's been friends with them for twenty four years, never

1180
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 3: really gave me the chance and only met me once.

1181
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 3: I could tell they didn't support it as much as

1182
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:36,680
Speaker 3: I wish they had, especially behind my back to Haley.

1183
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:40,280
Speaker 3: That isolation didn't help when things between me and Haley

1184
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:44,319
Speaker 3: got tough. Haley can be cold. She has self absorbed tendencies,

1185
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 3: struggles to process emotions, and shuts down whenever there's conflict.

1186
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 3: Oh Pee, why are we trying to skate uphill? Literally

1187
00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 3: like ice skating up hill right now? It's so hard

1188
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:58,560
Speaker 3: to be in this relationship? Why are we in it?

1189
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,359
Speaker 3: Whenever I tried to talk through an issue calmly, she

1190
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:04,520
Speaker 3: made it seem like I was attacking her. She doesn't

1191
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 3: want to be here. She's made it very clear. I

1192
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 3: don't know why she's still here.

1193
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:10,520
Speaker 2: But yeah, I don't know why either of you are

1194
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:11,839
Speaker 2: still in this relationship.

1195
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:15,480
Speaker 1: Nobody likes relationship. Seems like no one likes it.

1196
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:19,680
Speaker 3: She couldn't work through problems without turning defensive or distant,

1197
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 3: and it left me feeling like I was walking on eggshells.

1198
00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:26,200
Speaker 3: I gave her patience and compassion, but in return, I

1199
00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 3: often got walls. She also became a lot more sensitive,

1200
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 3: which when we first started dating, she said she wasn't sensitive,

1201
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:36,040
Speaker 3: and one of the reasons she split with her ex

1202
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:40,040
Speaker 3: fiance was because he was too sensitive. Recently, the final

1203
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:43,640
Speaker 3: two arguments we had became more serious, and no matter

1204
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 3: what I would say, it would make it worse or

1205
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 3: be deflected onto me. She told me she couldn't give

1206
00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:52,319
Speaker 3: me what I deserved, and that I do deserve unconditional love,

1207
00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:56,360
Speaker 3: but she isn't capable of giving it. She's like, someone's

1208
00:55:56,440 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 3: going to give you that unconditional love. My love is conditional,

1209
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:04,439
Speaker 3: and the condition is that I'm with my ex.

1210
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 1: The condition is your my ex fiance.

1211
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:09,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I would love you, She says she

1212
00:56:09,080 --> 00:56:11,879
Speaker 3: loves me, but can't do this anymore. We did end

1213
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:14,680
Speaker 3: on good terms. She said she still loves me and

1214
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 3: wants this breakup to fix herself and find her happy again,

1215
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:19,000
Speaker 3: and that was it.

1216
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:20,160
Speaker 1: Her happy is her ex.

1217
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:21,760
Speaker 3: She wants to find her happy again.

1218
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:25,359
Speaker 1: To yell as loud as I can.

1219
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:30,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, a big old ah. I want to yell like

1220
00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 3: the girls behind me at the monstros and Halloween horror nights.

1221
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 3: They yelled awfully yell.

1222
00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:37,680
Speaker 1: They yelled very loud.

1223
00:56:37,960 --> 00:56:41,960
Speaker 3: They literally they said, oh my god, they just go

1224
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 3: scream bloody murder the whole time. I'm like, girls, you

1225
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:49,400
Speaker 3: can't possibly find every second of this so scary that

1226
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:50,640
Speaker 3: you can't stop screaming.

1227
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 1: Maybe they were just excited.

1228
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:54,799
Speaker 3: No, you weren't there, man, you weren't there.

1229
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:57,040
Speaker 1: Maybe they were just having a blast.

1230
00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:59,760
Speaker 3: It was just and no stop, no pause.

1231
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:02,480
Speaker 1: Possible they were a little over stimulated.

1232
00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:06,799
Speaker 3: I have no idea. All six of them, six six

1233
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:10,200
Speaker 3: of them, all screaming bloody murder the whole time.

1234
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:12,240
Speaker 1: I'm glad I wasn't there.

1235
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:15,319
Speaker 3: Yeah. Now I'm left here broken. I can't stop thinking

1236
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 3: about the what ifs, the future I pictured with her,

1237
00:57:17,880 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 3: the times I felt like she was mine completely. But

1238
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:23,440
Speaker 3: I also can't ignore the truth that she was emotionally immature,

1239
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 3: that she couldn't choose me fully, and that I spent

1240
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:30,120
Speaker 3: most of our relationship trying to earn a love that

1241
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:34,840
Speaker 3: should have been freely given. I'm facing major challenges now.

1242
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:38,360
Speaker 3: I'm going to lose my car, already lost my job

1243
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:41,400
Speaker 3: since we work together, my apartment I shared with her.

1244
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 3: I'm also thirty thousand dollars in debt, and no family

1245
00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:47,680
Speaker 3: or friends are available to help house me currently until

1246
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 3: I'm back on my feet. I feel like I wasn't enough,

1247
00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:52,880
Speaker 3: Like Jason will always be in her heart and I

1248
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:55,400
Speaker 3: will not be and I was just filling a gap

1249
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 3: so she can heal and move on. But at the

1250
00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:01,400
Speaker 3: same time, I know, deep down I deserve more someone

1251
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:05,040
Speaker 3: who chooses me without hesitation, who can actually communicate, and

1252
00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:07,800
Speaker 3: who doesn't make me feel small for needing love like

1253
00:58:07,840 --> 00:58:08,240
Speaker 3: she did.

1254
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1255
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's time to cowboy up to time to pony

1256
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 3: up and ride out of this relationship.

1257
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 2: You taught yourself a very valuable, very expensive lesson that. Uh,

1258
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:24,520
Speaker 2: if you are dating someone and they literally say to

1259
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 2: your face, I wish I was still with my ex fiance.

1260
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:34,440
Speaker 1: Did not relationship.

1261
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:35,520
Speaker 3: Probably not the best relationship to be in.

1262
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:40,040
Speaker 2: It's time to immediately stop everything you're doing and say, wait,

1263
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 2: let's reassess the situation.

1264
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:44,200
Speaker 3: Do you why even want to be here?

1265
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:48,000
Speaker 2: Do you want to even be here? If you don't,

1266
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 2: we cannot we we we won't do this.

1267
00:58:51,080 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 3: Let's leave.

1268
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:55,280
Speaker 1: Actually I don't even want to be here. We're done.

1269
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:58,480
Speaker 3: But it continues. I just don't know how to get

1270
00:58:58,480 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 3: from where I am now obsessing over her to the

1271
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 3: place of healing where I'm able to figure out how

1272
00:59:04,840 --> 00:59:07,840
Speaker 3: to pick myself up out of this massive mess. I've

1273
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 3: been back and forth between Oh, I'm good, I can

1274
00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 3: live without her, and I deserve better? And what if

1275
00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:15,840
Speaker 3: I can't find better? And what she write about all

1276
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:18,520
Speaker 3: the negative things she said about me. Has anyone else

1277
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 3: been in this position where you loved someone deeply, almost

1278
00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:24,720
Speaker 3: built a future, but they couldn't show up emotionally the

1279
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:27,400
Speaker 3: way you need it? How did you stop blaming yourself

1280
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:31,160
Speaker 3: and start moving forward? Any advice, even just some words

1281
00:59:31,160 --> 00:59:33,040
Speaker 3: from people who've been through it, would mean a lot

1282
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:35,880
Speaker 3: right now, And there are some comments common. One says, brother,

1283
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:38,640
Speaker 3: I'm really sorry you're going through this. What you've described

1284
00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:41,959
Speaker 3: sounds absolutely devastating, and I can feel how much pain

1285
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 3: you're in right now. I need to say this gently

1286
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 3: but directly. This relationship wasn't healthy for either of you.

1287
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 1: You wrote it yourself.

1288
00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 3: If she couldn't give you unconditional love, she was emotionally unavailable,

1289
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 3: had self absorbed tendencies, and made you feel like you

1290
00:59:57,560 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 3: were walking on eggshells. Add in the emotional cheating with

1291
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:04,600
Speaker 3: the REX, the pregnancy trauma, and her inability to choose

1292
01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:09,360
Speaker 3: you fully. That' stop love, man, that's trauma bonding. The

1293
01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 3: fact that you're questioning whether you deserve better tells me

1294
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:16,320
Speaker 3: everything I need to know you absolutely do deserve better.

1295
01:00:16,680 --> 01:00:20,440
Speaker 3: You deserve someone who chooses you without hesitation, who doesn't

1296
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:23,360
Speaker 3: make you compete with ghosts from their past, and who

1297
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:24,920
Speaker 3: can actually show up emotions.

1298
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 1: Well, you can't hang out with ghosts.

1299
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:28,880
Speaker 3: Standing out with ghosts unless she hung out with that

1300
01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:32,560
Speaker 3: ghost from the sixth sense or you're me or your

1301
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:32,920
Speaker 3: key on.

1302
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:35,760
Speaker 1: Actually no, take a bag, ghosts hang out with me.

1303
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 1: I don't hang out with them. Yeah you do, you, Yeah,

1304
01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:40,040
Speaker 1: you do.

1305
01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:41,040
Speaker 3: They get to choose.

1306
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:42,480
Speaker 1: I don't get to choose Right now.

1307
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:46,360
Speaker 3: You're in crisis mode, losing your job, car, apartment, drowning

1308
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:48,959
Speaker 3: in debt. I get why you're drinking to numb the pain,

1309
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:51,640
Speaker 3: but you're right that it won't help you heal. You

1310
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:56,240
Speaker 3: need to focus on survival first, then healing. Practically speaking,

1311
01:00:56,400 --> 01:01:00,400
Speaker 3: stop drinking making everything worse. File for unemployment and imediately,

1312
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 3: if you haven't already, look into local resources for housing

1313
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:08,560
Speaker 3: assistance or temporary shelter. Reach out to anyone, distant relatives,

1314
01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:12,640
Speaker 3: old friends, anyone who might help, even temporarily for the

1315
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,560
Speaker 3: emotional stuff. You need to understand that the what ifs

1316
01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:20,160
Speaker 3: you're obsessing over aren't real. Your mourning a fantasy of

1317
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:22,960
Speaker 3: what could have been with someone who showed you repeatedly

1318
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:26,560
Speaker 3: that she couldn't be that person. She told you herself

1319
01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:29,400
Speaker 3: she couldn't give you what you deserve. The real question

1320
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 3: isn't what if I can't find better? It's why do

1321
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 3: I think I deserve so little? That's the work you

1322
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:38,840
Speaker 3: need to do. Get into therapy when you can afford it.

1323
01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:42,720
Speaker 3: Learn why you accepted breadcrumbs when you deserved the whole meal.

1324
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:47,360
Speaker 3: You're twenty three. I know seven months feel huge right now,

1325
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 3: but you have your entire life out of you. I

1326
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:52,000
Speaker 3: forgot hop he was twenty three. Dude, You've got so

1327
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:55,880
Speaker 3: much life to live, you candy Now, I'm twenty four.

1328
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:59,320
Speaker 3: Twenty three was years ago. Stop trying to figure out

1329
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 3: if you were enough for Start figuring out why you

1330
01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:03,680
Speaker 3: thought she was enough for you.

1331
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:08,120
Speaker 2: Bars Bars at last centers hyper accurate.

1332
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:14,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, hyper active. They zeroed in't with the surgical precision,

1333
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:15,680
Speaker 1: the micron blade.

1334
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 3: It's not about oh, maybe we could have had a

1335
01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:20,920
Speaker 3: life together if she had changed. She's not going to change.

1336
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:23,240
Speaker 3: She is who she is. But go find someone better.

1337
01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:24,920
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story.