WEBVTT - Ask Messy Mom 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:04.320 You do not need to sacrifice the functionality of your 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:06.920 whole for some fleeting pleasure. 0:00:07.080 --> 0:00:07.960 You know what I'm saying. 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:10.080 Tell yourself there are plenty of dicks in the sea, 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:13.280 and I am worthy of each and every one of them. 0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:21.960 Come on, that's team right there. Now, you know what. 0:00:22.000 --> 0:00:25.200 This is a safe space to talk about relationships, love 0:00:25.320 --> 0:00:28.600 and sex. Now let me tell you something messy. I 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:30.360 don't know who needs to hear this, but please have 0:00:30.520 --> 0:00:35.880 lube in your house. I don't. I always I've gotten 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:39.120 into the habit of bringing lube with me if I 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:42.440 go to like a hook up, because on more than 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:47.120 several occasions I have shown up as a top, as 0:00:47.120 --> 0:00:49.640 a bottom, as ready to flip and be verse, and 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:53.120 the person doesn't have lube. I'll even now, I'll be like, 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:55.640 do you need me to bring anything? Because I want 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:57.080 them to be like, I need to bring lub if 0:00:57.080 --> 0:00:58.160 they need because. 0:00:57.880 --> 0:00:58.760 What are y'all doing? 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:00.720 What are y'all doing in people over to your house 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:03.880 to fuck and you don't have loub That's confusing to me. 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:06.559 It's like, if I invite people over to my house, 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:08.720 I would make sure there was toilet paper and paper towel, 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:10.759 because how am I inviting you over to my house 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:13.600 for a dinner and there's no toilet paper and there's 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:16.280 no paper towel. That's crazy to me. That's how you 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:19.320 also know like it's a boy's house, because like you like, 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:22.560 what are you talking? Like, why don't you don't I'm 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:24.399 not saying everybody's gotta take a shit at your apartment 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:26.000 or they're taking a shit in your house, but if 0:01:26.040 --> 0:01:28.720 they're gonna pee, you know, ladies want a pet pet 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:31.559 and also like, by the way, I like to pet pat, 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:35.440 so I'm not dribbling into my underwear. So I've got 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:38.240 I've lost the rates on this. All of this to say, 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:40.280 please have lub with chiuds. Please also have toilet paper 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:43.160 and paper toblet chowls. But please, if you invite people 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:46.119 over and you host it, be a host. That's what 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:49.400 it is. If you're being a host, be a host. 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:52.600 Some of you, some of you don't know how to host. 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:55.680 You said you put hosts on the app I'm hosting. 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:56.160 You can come. 0:01:56.560 --> 0:01:59.120 You don't know how to host. I need I need 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:02.240 a water filter. Don't give me your tap water. I'm 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:05.920 serious as fuck girl. If you offer me water, don't 0:02:05.960 --> 0:02:07.840 go to that tap. I don't know where that TAP's been. 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:11.079 I want you to have a water filter or water bottles. 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:13.560 Maybe I'm being bougie, and y'all could tell me. Y'all 0:02:13.560 --> 0:02:15.480 can foozball me if you need to, But I'm gonna 0:02:15.480 --> 0:02:17.359 tell you right now. I don't want your tap water. 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:18.400 We're not in college. 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:19.720 Girl. You know what I'm saying. 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:21.919 Give me, Give me a water bottle or a filter 0:02:22.000 --> 0:02:25.000 water I bring. I'm this bougie. I usually bring a 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:27.160 water bottle because I don't know, because I don't know, 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:28.160 because I don't know. 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:30.840 I fuck men. You know what I'm saying. I fuck 0:02:30.919 --> 0:02:36.160 men and men. You know ladies, you know you know 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:39.240 you gotta become prepared, have the water, and have the lube. 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:43.400 I don't go and not am Oh my god, can 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:44.040 I say this? 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:47.120 If you pull out the lube and it's just a 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:48.960 dribble left. 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:51.600 Throw it out? What do you have? Girl? What are 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:53.680 you doing? That's not enough. 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:56.520 That's not gonna get us through that's not gonna get 0:02:56.600 --> 0:02:59.560 us through this you got. I don't understand that you 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:01.680 got that little dribble you If we need to put 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:03.840 a line on the loub box that says refill I was. 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:06.720 I was refilling my don So and I realized there's 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:08.920 a line that says time to refill, and so I 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:11.160 bought the refill thing and I refilled it. And I 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:13.280 think we need that on the Loub bottles because some 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:16.440 y'all are forgetting. Y'all are inviting people over and you 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.760 are forgetting that you need. 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:22.280 We need it. We need the loop. 0:03:22.480 --> 0:03:25.760 Babe, listen, spit it's hot. I'm gonna spit with you. 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:28.400 I got you. You know I'm gonna eat that ass. 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:30.120 I'm gonna get it wet. I'm gonna suck that dick. 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:33.120 I'm gonna get it wet. Absolutely, I'm with you on that. 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:37.320 I'm with you on that. But we also won't We 0:03:37.360 --> 0:03:41.160 will need that lube if we're if if if somebody's 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:42.440 getting inside somebody. 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:44.880 Tonight, we will need that loob. 0:03:45.000 --> 0:03:47.640 So you know, if you got to put that on 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:50.640 like an auto subscribe or whatever, like find your Loube 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:52.080 company and like I don't know, I don't know if 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:55.200 Loub companies have like an auto subscribe situation. But you know, 0:03:55.320 --> 0:03:57.920 every month, let them send you a new bottle, or 0:03:57.960 --> 0:04:01.040 you need to put a calendar remind you know, every 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:02.880 couple of weeks, calendar of MyD time to go to 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:05.200 the sex store, pick up lube, order lube, do what 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:07.360 you gotta do. But do not have people coming over 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:10.640 to your house and you ain't got lube and you 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:11.160 off from them. 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:11.720 Tap water. 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:19.760 I'm I don't know where your pipes have been, girl 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:22.400 filting that water for me. And same thing if you 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:23.960 just invite people over for dinner, make sure you got 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:26.560 toilet paper and paper towel, don't play, and soap and 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:29.679 soap and soap, please please. 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:31.760 We are not in our life. 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:34.400 We are not nineteen. And if you're nineteen, shout out, 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:36.880 okay you hear me, I love you, Hi. Make sure 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:39.320 you know be better than the other nineteen year olds 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:42.039 and have paper towel and toilet paper and the lube 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:42.520 and whatnot. 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:44.680 But we are not we not we not, We're not 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:45.720 there no more. We grown. 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:49.000 We grown as fuck. Okay, we're grown as fuck. So 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:53.320 and if you can't listen, and if it's a financial thing, 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.080 because sometimes let's tea right, it might be a financial thing. 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:58.520 I listen, lube can be price at fuck. 0:04:58.839 --> 0:04:59.240 If it's a. 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:02.520 Financial thing, baby life hack, I want you to go 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:05.760 to you can go to the clinics, or you can 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:06.520 go to the sex store. 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:07.839 I want you to get samples. 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:10.839 I want you to get samples, and then you're gonna 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:13.839 take those samples and you're gonna refill your actual bottle 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:16.600 with those samples. Don't throw out your bottle, baby, refill 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:17.880 that bottle with the samples. 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:18.960 Look at that. 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:21.520 Look at that. Messy Mom is helping you out. Well 0:05:21.520 --> 0:05:23.280 you speaking of By the way, welcome to the show. 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.760 This is telling me something messy. I am your host, 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:30.479 Brandon cok goodness. Some people call me messy mom, but 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:35.800 you could call me. Oh no, what can you call me? Luberacchi? 0:05:36.360 --> 0:05:42.120 What y'all? Some of y'all turn this podcast off immediately. 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:42.320 I know. 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:44.120 I'm sorry, sorry to come back. Don't leave me. Don't 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:46.520 leave me, don't leave me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:49.640 But that's kind of genius, Luberaci come on, come on. 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:54.320 Anyways, Speaking of messy Mom, this is our first Ask 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:57.400 Messy Mom episode, which is just to say that there 0:05:57.520 --> 0:06:01.800 is no guest. It's you and me maybe answering your 0:06:02.200 --> 0:06:06.400 messy submissions, your your questions. Some of you email me 0:06:06.520 --> 0:06:08.640 longer submissions, so I'll be reading some of those out 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:11.320 and we're gonna have us a little a good time, 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:13.480 a good key key. But before we get into the 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:17.480 messy mail, might I share some my messy mom what? 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:17.840 What? What? 0:06:17.839 --> 0:06:21.600 What can we call this segment? Messy Mom Cares, messy Mom, 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:24.200 messy Mom Wisdom, messy mom Nuggets. I just want to 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:29.359 share something called the over over over rule, which is 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:35.320 something that I created to help me navigate relationships. And 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:39.400 I shared this on Watch What Happens Live in November 0:06:39.440 --> 0:06:42.640 when I was promoting our podcast, I was asked a 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:45.800 question about polyamory, uh, and so I offered my over 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:49.320 over overrule, which I think can work for polyamory, can 0:06:49.360 --> 0:06:53.920 work for monogamy, can work for romantic relationsships, platonic relationships, 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:56.560 professional relationships. 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:58.880 I think it's just a rule that's. 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:03.120 Really great for building relationships and making relationships feel safe 0:07:03.400 --> 0:07:05.680 and secure, loving and compassionate. 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:07.320 So can I share it with you? Can I share 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:08.440 with you? Right now? Okay? 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:12.560 This is the over over overall communication over no communication, 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:18.360 transparency over honesty, dumb questions over no questions. 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:20.720 All right, girl, are you with me? Are you with me? 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:22.000 All right? Let me break it down. 0:07:22.080 --> 0:07:26.000 So communication over no communication. That obviously seems obvious. But 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:30.360 talk to your partner compassionately. Say everything what you're afraid of, 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:34.760 jealous of, nervous about, excited about. Do not assume your 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:39.080 partner knows. Set them up for success by communicating your feelings. 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:39.600 Here's the deal. 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:42.320 Because of like you know, the Verman Took Levels and 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:45.280 our TV shows, we are taught that like real love 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:47.600 is you just know everything about me. 0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:49.040 It's like, that's not true me. 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:53.320 Like you're evolving, you're growing, you're shifting, and how would 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:57.960 I know all those evolutions that are happening inside of 0:07:58.000 --> 0:08:00.560 you if you're not communicating it. So that you might 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:03.360 have loved in our first year together, you might not 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:05.560 love so much in our third year together. Something you 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:08.760 would were completely averse to in our first month you 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:12.440 might be all about in our sixth month. So communication 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:18.720 communication over no communication. Do not assume that you know 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:20.960 everything about your partner. Do not assume they know everything 0:08:20.960 --> 0:08:24.200 about you. Do not require them to know everything about you. 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:29.000 We want to learn about each other constantly, so talking. Oh. 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:34.800 The next one is transparency over honesty. So honesty is great, 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.920 but honesty is when I ask you a question, you 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:41.319 tell me the truth Transparency is I'm just gonna tell 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:42.880 you the information before it's asked. 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:45.320 And I think that this is such an important. 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:49.960 Opponent, you know how that's spelled baby, because it helps 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:54.280 us build trust. Transparency offers information before being asked, which 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:56.760 allows your partner to feel safe that you're not keeping 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:59.720 things from them in secret. Now, you may not keep 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:01.960 thinking in secret, and that may just not be who 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:05.000 you are, but it doesn't mean that your partner doesn't 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.760 have baggage. We all have baggage. You have baggage. We're 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:09.960 coming to the table baggage. And so if you have 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:15.840 come from a family or previous relationships where there was secrecy, 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:19.319 where people weren't honest, how many of y'all can relate, Yes, 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:22.240 where people did lie, where there was betrayal. 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:25.640 Or people just didn't talk. Come on suburban families. 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:29.040 That's inside of your your your makeup as a as 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:32.199 a person like you're you're you're wired to be. We're 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:34.160 not conscious of it, but to be looking for that, 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:37.280 to be assuming that right. And your partner may not 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:40.640 be somebody who keeps things from you whatever, but it 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:44.080 doesn't mean that you aren't by default going to assume 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:47.920 that they might write or vice versa, and so transparency 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:52.760 is just a really loving and compassionate tool to just 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:56.040 get in the habit of now. By the way, secrecy 0:09:56.520 --> 0:09:58.960 and privacy are not the same thing. 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:00.960 I do believe in privacy. 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:03.280 I do believe even if you're you're in love and 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:05.280 you love each other, you're together, that is okay if 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:08.840 there are certain things that you keep private that are yours, 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:11.719 and that is totally fine, and you will share when 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:14.480 you feel ready. But secrets or what we're trying to 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:16.439 avoid the things that you're like, I know I shouldn't 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:19.120 be doing this, or I know I need to tell 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:22.760 them right, So just offering transparency and just saying the thing, Hey, 0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:26.840 I am going out with these people tonight. That might 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:30.440 be an example, just so that you're not thinking that 0:10:30.520 --> 0:10:33.240 I'm out with you know somebody I shouldn't be out with, 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:35.520 or I am going to be doing this, or I'm 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:38.960 my plan is to head over here, or or. 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:40.760 This is how I'm feeling about this. 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:44.280 Like, just the transparency over honesty I think is uh 0:10:44.559 --> 0:10:49.600 is fundamental in building that trust. Okay, and now dumb 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:53.960 questions over no questions, It is okay to not know 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:58.080 how to navigate the humps in your partnership. No relationship 0:10:58.080 --> 0:10:59.880 looks exactly like yours because you. 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:01.600 Are co creating it in real time. 0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:04.560 So instead of mustling through or pretending like you know 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:08.760 what you're doing, be brave and ask the dumb questions. 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:12.800 Learn about your partner and your relationship together. So you know, 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:15.400 I think about this with polyamory specifically because sometimes you 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:19.439 know people like well assume, oh, I should know how 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:22.160 to relate to all these partners, or I should know 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:28.400 how to have a conversation when I'm feeling jealous about something. Baby, 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:32.880 you shouldn't or I should. The shoulds are actually killing you. 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:36.120 You don't have to know anything. Ask the question, don't assume, 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:38.800 don't hold it in. Even if it's a dumb question. 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:40.440 You get to say, this is a this may be 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:43.600 a really dumb question, but how do you feel about this? 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:45.960 Or how do you do this? Or how do we 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:48.040 navigate this? Ask the question. 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:52.280 Now, all these components communication over no communication, transparency over honesty, 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:55.760 dumb questions over no questions. What they're really facilitating is 0:11:56.200 --> 0:12:01.240 over communication, which is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:06.000 That's ultimately what I'm getting to is that over communicate, Baby, 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:10.120 I'll say it again, over communicate. I think it is 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:15.840 so loving and generous and kind to over communicate. It 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:21.240 leaves no guessing. It's very clear, and even if we 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:24.240 don't know certain things, we get to say I don't 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:26.000 know how I feel about this, or I don't know 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:29.679 what I think about that, and that is also helpful. Yeah, 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:34.360 so all of this, the overrule is really about facilitating 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:40.559 over communication, and I promise you over communication will help 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:45.240 you build a safe relationship, whether it is polyamorous, whether 0:12:45.320 --> 0:12:49.640 it is monogamous, whether it is romantic, whether it is platonic, 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:53.920 whether it is professional. Being able to say the things 0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:58.120 will make you feel better and will just allow everyone 0:12:58.160 --> 0:12:59.959 to always be on the same page or to get 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.240 back on the same page and to feel aligned. 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:07.520 Okay, oh fucking gay. Yeah maby, we did that. All right. 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.800 Let's get into your submissions and your questions. But before 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:12.920 we do that, we have to do, you know, our 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:18.000 home manifest o. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame, 0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:21.199 the courage to heal, the wisdom to know that sex 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:24.880 is not about penetration, the audacity to advocate for my 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:28.079 pleasure and boundaries, the strength and not call my ex 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:31.040 that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck day for it 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:34.320 is better to masturbate by myself in peace than to 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:38.160 let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the hommunity 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:42.600 say holujah ooh. A bit of homekeeping before we get 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:45.440 into this first mess email, which is we are trying 0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:48.760 to get to those two hundred and sixty reviews and 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:49.720 ratings before. 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:50.080 The end of the month. 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:53.719 I think we're like at two eleven on Spotify and 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:55.480 I can't remember how many we have on Apple. 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:56.600 But if you. 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.840 Haven't, baby, do me a favor. When you review and 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.959 rate the show. Give it the five stars. Really helps 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:06.120 the show grow, helps it get into the hearts and 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:09.719 the hands and the ears of people who might really 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:11.040 want to be part of it but just don't know 0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:13.560 that re exists. So that really helps to thank you, 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:15.679 Thank you so much. Okay, give me that bail, give 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:17.760 me that, give me that chime, that that the messy 0:14:17.760 --> 0:14:18.319 mail chime. 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:22.440 Ah. All right, let's read this first one. 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:27.720 Can I be polyamorous and only want to date monogamousts? 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:29.880 I mean, you could be, babe, You could be whatever 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:30.240 you want. 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:31.920 You know what I'm saying. You could be whatever you want. 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:34.640 I guess my question would be if you are polyamorous 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:37.280 and only wanting to date monogamous, this is feeling like, 0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:39.520 you know, the gay who only wants to date the 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:42.120 straight guy. You know what I'm saying, which the note 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:45.280 beneath the note, the thing that's happening underneath is essentially 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:47.000 you are afraid. 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:47.880 Of somebody who wants you back. 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:51.400 And so you know, if you're somebody who's polyamorous purposely 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:53.640 wanting to date people who are monogamous, I feel like 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:56.720 you're afraid to be wanted back because you know they're monogamous. 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:59.520 They don't want to do this thing that you're doing, 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:02.400 and are you trying to turn them? That's not very 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:05.200 loving or compassionate. You know, I want to respect where 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:07.440 you are in your journey and what it is that 0:15:07.480 --> 0:15:10.000 you see for relationships in the same way that I 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:12.520 want somebody to respect what I see for relationships. But 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:15.440 also if I'm going for that person no wing ahead 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:18.360 of time, that we are at conflict like this, then 0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:23.040 I would say, for you, my dear love, are you 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:26.960 scared of somebody who actually is aligned with you? 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:31.200 Are you scared of being loved? 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:33.040 Like? Can we just go there and say it head on. 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:36.000 Are you scared of being loved? Which is a fair 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:41.160 a fair fear. That's an understandable fear because with love 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:45.040 comes heartbreak, right, and that's not to be morbid or whatever, 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:48.040 but this, you know, when we love people, things happen, right, 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:52.720 the relationship may not last forever. Things ebb and flow, 0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:56.560 and so you give of your heart knowing there's a gamble. 0:15:56.600 --> 0:15:58.920 Whereas if you are going after someone that you know 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:02.240 you can't have, that's you just trying to control. That's 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:04.680 you try to like control shit, which when it comes 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:10.120 to love, you don't have control. You know you you 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:14.160 you have control over over how you show up, which 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:17.840 is kindly and compassionately and lovingly, but you don't have 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:21.120 control over whether or not that person stays or doesn't stay, 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:24.400 or whether that person stays the same, which hopefully neither 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:24.720 you do. 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:28.920 In the the. 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:30.400 Trajectory relationship, hopefully you're both growing and you grow together. 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:32.840 But in that growth can also be a growth apart. 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:36.920 So all that to say, I would reflect on yourself 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:41.400 first before before trying to go turn a monogamous or 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:46.640 go after monogamous. I would ask what are you afraid of? What? 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:49.400 Are you afraid of losing if you were to be 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:53.160 with somebody who actually is also polyamorous like you are? Okay, 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:58.280 I gotta hate that what I've didn that? Yes, I 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:03.000 know things, I know things. I do know things, not everything, 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:04.119 but I know some things. 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:04.679 Okay. 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:10.440 This one says my hubs finally all caps wants butt play, 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:21.960 but it's so smelly. 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:17.760 We need to laugh. 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:19.879 I don't need to laugh, no, worry is just funny. 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:23.560 And how do I tell him. 0:17:23.400 --> 0:17:26.400 To wash it? He's straight and cists. 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:30.040 I'm a straight CIS female who wants to blow his mind, 0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:35.280 but without gaggy, at least not from that patron. This 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:40.280 really made me giggle. I'm patroon. I'm gonna hold your 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:46.119 hand when I say this. You're gonna tell him to 0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:52.480 wash it respectfully, just like that, Hey baby, You're gonna. 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:53.000 Hold his hand. 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:56.320 You're gonna say, hey baby, I want this. I've been 0:17:56.400 --> 0:18:00.679 waiting to get in that ass. I would love to 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:03.880 blow your mind, but we gotta wash it. 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:05.040 Get in a shower. 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:06.760 And if you don't want to do that, then you 0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:08.880 know I've heard somebody say, you know, we you take 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:11.159 a shower with the partner and then you wash you know, 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:13.359 make it text of him and wash your chest, and 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:14.480 then I wash your stomach. 0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:16.679 It'll wash your pubs, and then turn around and wash 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:17.760 your ass. Wash it. 0:18:18.160 --> 0:18:20.320 Also, get a bedet in the house. You know, it's 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:22.520 like add that little bitat fixture which you have anyway, 0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:24.200 because that's just gonna be better for the antal health. 0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:25.399 But get a beday in the house so that he's 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:29.760 naturally always you know, washing it. That said, let me 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:32.080 say this is a straight man. It's the camera's camera 0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:32.880 straight man. 0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:33.480 Baby. 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:37.480 Ain't nothing wrong with having your ass played with. I 0:18:37.520 --> 0:18:39.400 just want to say that right now. Okay, it's not gay. 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:41.960 It's pleasure. Can I say that it's not gay? 0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:44.560 It's pleasure. You got a process of that. It feels good. 0:18:44.600 --> 0:18:47.760 It's nothing wrong with having your ass played with. It 0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:52.360 does not compromise your manhood, not even a little bit. Okay, 0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:54.159 so I have your ass played with, But let me 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:56.879 tell you this. You gotta wash it because a lot 0:18:56.880 --> 0:18:58.159 of stuff comes out of that hole, you know what 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:00.320 I'm saying. And so before you can put anything up there, 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:03.800 a toy, your partner's mouth, their nose, it would be 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:07.840 respectful of you, it would be healthy, safe, and respectful 0:19:07.880 --> 0:19:10.520 of you to clean that ass. 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:13.080 Don't be asking somebody to eat your. 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:16.119 Ass, knowing full well you ain't putting out a drop 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:20.520 of water, let alone soap on that whole. That to me, 0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:23.320 to present a shitty asshole, knowing that ain't my cake. 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:26.760 To present a shitty asshole, if it's not somebody's cake, 0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:29.800 to present a shitty asshole is disrespectful. And I know 0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:32.359 you a man, I know and love to be disrespectful 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:34.879 sometimes I know, I know, but not like this. 0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:40.879 Please please, please please wash your ass, you grown. I 0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:42.920 don't know why we have to tell you. This ain't 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:44.560 your booty itch? You in it. 0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:48.920 Even if you're not getting it eaten out? Is it 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:51.840 an itch when it ain't clean? You ain't tied in 0:19:51.880 --> 0:19:55.080 the skin marks? Babe, Babe, you ain't tired of throwing 0:19:55.080 --> 0:19:56.840 them underwear out. You're not throwing it out, are you? 0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:00.359