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Speaker 1: Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Don't

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Speaker 1: Tell Me Knows That and keep your hands to yourself,

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Speaker 1: Johnny Davis, that's the name of our episode. The ak

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Speaker 1: Is have just been on absolute fire in the core

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Speaker 1: and this is what we really needed was I think

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Speaker 1: our performances are inspiring them. I know mine is. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I've taken my vocals to a new level. And you

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Speaker 1: know I've been training lessons, have been paying on. I'm

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Speaker 1: Jack O'Brien and that's Jamie Loftus. Welcome to the Evening Show,

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Speaker 1: the Late Show, the Late Late Show. There's the Late

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Speaker 1: Late Show. That's James Cordon formerly Craig Ferguson's That's what

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Speaker 1: it is. Um, let's tell the people what's trending. That's

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Speaker 1: what we do. A lot of disease. Toilet paper is trending.

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Speaker 1: There is a story on medium right now that blows

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Speaker 1: up all the talking point that we're all just hoarding

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Speaker 1: toilet paper and we're all just a bunch of little

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Speaker 1: toilet paper pigs just can't get enough of the toilet paper.

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Speaker 1: You slabbering TPE house, slabrary and all over that TPE.

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Speaker 1: So the reason that the toilet paper has been sold

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Speaker 1: out everywhere. Is this pla chains It is not our fault.

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Speaker 1: It's not your fault, Jamie, it's not your fault. Good hunting. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: well they have they have the bench and they have

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Speaker 1: like one of those creepy plaques where Robin Williams did

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Speaker 1: that speech or whateverever he did that one in the bar,

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Speaker 1: in the scene in the park, right in the no

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Speaker 1: that was in his student that was in his office. Jamie, Oh,

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Speaker 1: that was in Burbank. I'm so stupid, but I'm sure

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Speaker 1: they have a plaque for that. They gotta. We are

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Speaker 1: going to the bath through more at home, so we

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Speaker 1: do need more toilet paper. Basically, they're saying that we

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Speaker 1: used to do of our pooping and pps away from

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Speaker 1: home back you know, when we could go to the

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Speaker 1: bathroom at Starbucks or at work, or just sneak into

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Speaker 1: other people's houses and go to the bathroom as one does. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: as one does. So now we're doing more bathroom going

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Speaker 1: in our domiciles, which means we need more toilet paper.

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Speaker 1: And it's just the supply chain is not built to

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Speaker 1: provide us with that of toilet papers. They are built

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Speaker 1: to provide at a very steady rate, because we for

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Speaker 1: most of our history have been pooping at a very

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Speaker 1: steady rate. It's I mean, it's kind of our thing.

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Speaker 1: I do find myself sometimes going to the bathroom just

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Speaker 1: to have something to do or just to have a

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Speaker 1: moment to myself. Is that bad? I feel like that's

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Speaker 1: kind of common right down. And and if you sit,

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Speaker 1: you gotta wipe, so it all makes sense to me.

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Speaker 1: That would be a waste of a trip, waste of

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Speaker 1: a of a sit. Don't waste my sit. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I find this interesting, Like I kind

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Speaker 1: of like the fact that this whole story, which has

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Speaker 1: become like the de facto like ice breaker of like boomers,

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Speaker 1: is like, ah yeah, watch out for the toilet paper.

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Speaker 1: You gotta there their hoiden. The toilet paper is not

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Speaker 1: a story about us being a bunch of irrational dummies.

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Speaker 1: It's actually a story of just you know, systemic failure. Right.

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Speaker 1: The story of this whole fucking thing kind of comforting.

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Speaker 1: I mean, not it's not comforting that it keeps repeatedly

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Speaker 1: being the system and not the general populace. But just

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Speaker 1: to just to hear that, it's like, it's not you,

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Speaker 1: it's us. You're like, okay, right, I still can't wipe

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Speaker 1: my ass, but thank because I'm just like walking around

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Speaker 1: with like butt cross like thank you. Um oh. So

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Speaker 1: the the other thing is that so that like of

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Speaker 1: toilet paper that used to go to uh Starbucks or

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Speaker 1: like workplaces, um, is a different type of toilet paper.

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Speaker 1: It's like it comes in huge roles, too big to

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Speaker 1: fit on most home dispensers. Zero ply, It's just basically yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's tissue paper. Uh. And it comes individually wrapped and

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Speaker 1: is shipped on huge palettes rather than in brightly branded

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Speaker 1: packs of six or twelve. So it's that's the reason

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Speaker 1: is that, like the toilet paper where we used to use,

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Speaker 1: that stuff is now being bought at supermarkets and we

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Speaker 1: don't have enough of the super soft, brightly wrapped stuff

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Speaker 1: to keep up with it. So not enough of the

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Speaker 1: bear ship alright yeah, uh Quabo is trending. Um so

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Speaker 1: he's back in the mix. Yeah, he's back in the mix. Uh.

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Speaker 1: Get sorry, Jamie, I need you to give me a

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Speaker 1: moment so I can say this amazing pun. It's his birthday.

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Speaker 1: He'll go lave if he wants to. That's right, he's

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Speaker 1: having a party on Instagram Live that everyone is allowed

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Speaker 1: to attend. I don't know what that means. That's but

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Speaker 1: are he and Cardi together in the choir? I mean

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Speaker 1: I think that's offset? Right? Oh wait, that's offset. You're right,

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Speaker 1: you're right. How dare I mix up my amigoes? They're

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Speaker 1: close personal friends, O mine? I'm sorry, Jamie? Sorry? Were

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Speaker 1: you mixing up your me goes again? That is that?

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Speaker 1: That was fucked up? I know them, Jack, I know them. Oh,

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Speaker 1: that's right, you are friends with Uh. They're gonna have

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Speaker 1: a good laugh that I did this. That's kind of fun.

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Speaker 1: I don't so. Is everyone allowed to go to his

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Speaker 1: Instagram live party? I think so. We we have a request,

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Speaker 1: we have a we have a call from the request line.

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Speaker 1: It's a d J Daniel Jamie, I'll let you take

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Speaker 1: this one. That's me in the corner. That's me in

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Speaker 1: the spot like mixing up my amigo worth it? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: That was awesome, Thank you, thank you. He's not the

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Speaker 1: best in the viz for nothing, Ladies and gentlemen. Um,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what a party on Instagram Live is

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Speaker 1: gonna entail. Probably just people watching each other drink, right,

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Speaker 1: It's always fun. That's all I got. Uh. And then

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Speaker 1: Jared Kushner is trending because a few hours ago the

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Speaker 1: White House Task Force Update uh from the White House

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Speaker 1: included Jared Kushner getting out there talking about how it

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Speaker 1: was like a book report. He was talking about how

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Speaker 1: the president wanted everyone to be the best people doing

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Speaker 1: the best things, and how he's all he cares about

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Speaker 1: his statistics. And it's truly incredible how much he reads

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Speaker 1: as like a little boy who's just doing his best

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Speaker 1: to pretend like he's an adult on camera. I mean,

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Speaker 1: the fact that he's even showing his face right now

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Speaker 1: is is bold, yeah, bold. His voice, just everything him

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Speaker 1: in motion is totally different than I know. We said

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Speaker 1: this stuff very first time we saw him in motion,

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Speaker 1: but he's very very jarring to see what he kind

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Speaker 1: of like when he talks and then when like you're

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Speaker 1: all you're right, Like when he moves, it's almost like

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Speaker 1: sim like the way he moves like like it glitches.

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Speaker 1: It's not quite right right, And it's also a glitch

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Speaker 1: because he's a human boy who is adult size and

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Speaker 1: who has children somehow, but it's very strange to me. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And then animal crossing is apparently trending the most of anything,

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Speaker 1: because it's trending more than sex according to Google. Animal Crossing. Well,

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Speaker 1: I'll let you take this one. You're the switch guy,

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Speaker 1: so right, so big switch fan. Obviously, I don't have

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Speaker 1: to tell you, guys, Nintendo's Animal Crossing New Horizons biggest

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Speaker 1: game in the world right now. I mean that's controversial, obviously,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to go out too much. Of the

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Speaker 1: switch heads are gonna come for you. Yeah, but uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, it makes sense. It's a fantastical, animal filled

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Speaker 1: world where there isn't really a pandemic happening. I guess

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Speaker 1: that's one of the cool things. You get to hang

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Speaker 1: out with animals wearing clothes, and that's better than everything

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Speaker 1: else that's going on in real In real world people

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Speaker 1: are getting married on their animal crossing islands. Democratic activit

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Speaker 1: Us reportedly considering canvassing in animal crossing fun As the

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Speaker 1: time come to get a switch, they're all sold out.

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Speaker 1: You can't get one right now. I know, as I

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Speaker 1: am constantly monitoring the switch markets, and it's true they

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Speaker 1: are sold out, very hard to get, but the black

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Speaker 1: markets still producing switches. I finally chose a video game

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Speaker 1: to play with Isaac and it's boring. It's it's crash

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Speaker 1: bandicoot racing. That's fun. It's fun. I'm going to play

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Speaker 1: to like an unlocked spiral and then I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to play ever again, totally unlock spiral. I was just

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Speaker 1: gonna say, you should play it until unlock. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways,

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Speaker 1: there's also a surgeon in animal crossing porn, which I

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Speaker 1: don't even know what that would be. But do you

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Speaker 1: think that they got genitals in there? Well, that's the

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Speaker 1: thing is they have the animals have birthdays, but they

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Speaker 1: don't have years, and so people are wondering there. There's

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Speaker 1: like some weird childish things going on. People childish characteristics

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Speaker 1: of the characters I haven't actually played, but the way

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Speaker 1: that they like move and talk to each other, they

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Speaker 1: seem kind of like sexless creatures or like they have

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Speaker 1: like like it's like a Barbie where she has like

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Speaker 1: a sex lump, but she doesn't have like genitals. You're

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Speaker 1: just like maybe Barbie's sex lump gets hot sometimes but

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Speaker 1: nothing happens right and gets really hot scalding sex lumce

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Speaker 1: is scalding. That's anyways, Jamie, thank you so much for

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Speaker 1: taking the time to join me, to tell the people

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Speaker 1: what is trending. Oh. Absolutely. We will be back tomorrow

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Speaker 1: with a whole another podcast. It's a really good one.

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Speaker 1: I know I keep saying that, but really enjoying this

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Speaker 1: four our four person format, a lot of fun. It's

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Speaker 1: been good. H We will talk to you guys then,

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Speaker 1: have a good night, stay safe. Bye bye