1 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 1: Can I ask you about how you came to the 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,160 Speaker 1: realization that you were a woman? 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 2: And I started taking inventory of myself and I discovered 4 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 2: that I was a woman. My coworkers and I were 5 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 2: going to a Jenny Rivera concert in Sanoma Casino, and 6 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:29,319 Speaker 2: this was my first outing full time as a woman. 7 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 2: Here I am at a big event. They're gonna clock me, 8 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 2: They're gonna name call me, they're gonna they're gonna like 9 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 2: I'm going down. 10 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 1: It's because of women like you that are open enough 11 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: to share their stories that are going to change the 12 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:58,360 Speaker 1: game in the transgender community. Hello everyone, and welcome to 13 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: another episode of Chie's in Chill. I'm your host Cheeky's 14 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,440 Speaker 1: and I hope you all are having a great day. 15 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,200 Speaker 1: For today's episode, we're going to be opening up our 16 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 1: hearts and our minds because we're going to be diving 17 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: into a very important topic, one that isn't talked about 18 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 1: enough in my opinion, especially in the lent community. We're 19 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,559 Speaker 1: going to be joined by a transgender woman and here's 20 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,399 Speaker 1: some of the challenges she's faced throughout her life. I'm 21 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:25,119 Speaker 1: really looking forward to this conversation, so let's dive right 22 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 1: into it. Guys, this is Cheeky's and Chill. Today's guest 23 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 1: is emmio La. She is an actor, writer and a 24 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: podcast host. 25 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 2: He'd invite me over to have dinner with his family. 26 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 2: I knew he didn't tell him that I was transgender, 27 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 2: and I didn't know if being you or not. Adam said, 28 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 2: if this question ever comes up, just Denine Denine. 29 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 1: Her new podcast Crumbs, is part of you Know the 30 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 1: Family iHeartRadio's Mike Utura Network, and we will learn a 31 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 1: little bit more about that a little later, but let's 32 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:11,040 Speaker 1: hear more about her story. Welcome, Emmy. It's so good 33 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: to hear from you. 34 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 2: How are you, Hi, Geez, thank you so much for 35 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 2: having me. I'm really excited to. 36 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 1: Be here, of course, No, I'm really excited. This is 37 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 1: something that I'm very passionate about. I've had personal experiences 38 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: and I have family members, and not only that, I 39 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,799 Speaker 1: feel that it is a huge taboo still in our 40 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:32,080 Speaker 1: Latin community, and this is why I'm so excited to 41 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: have a podcast where we're able to speak about anything 42 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 1: and everything that we want. So, first of all, congratulations 43 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:38,639 Speaker 1: on your podcast Crumb. 44 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 2: Thanks, thank you, that's awesome. 45 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 1: I'm so so excited. You're part of the family. So 46 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:47,920 Speaker 1: woo woo, Mikeura right here yy. Okay, So I can 47 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 1: tell you're such a strong and positive force, but I 48 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: know you probably weren't always like this. Can you share 49 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 1: a little bit about your background. Where did you grow up? 50 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:00,160 Speaker 2: I'm from San Diego, so California. Girl. My mom was 51 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,240 Speaker 2: fourteen when she had me. My dad was sixteen, and 52 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,680 Speaker 2: my parents were gain being troubles from rival gangs. 53 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,919 Speaker 1: Oh no, way, so interesting. 54 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 2: How they met. But here I am. You know, they 55 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 2: had me when they were so young, and they didn't 56 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 2: know what the heck they were doing. I had really 57 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 2: no structure whatsoever. Growing up. I was allowed to do 58 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,000 Speaker 2: whatever I wanted because they didn't know what they were doing. 59 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 2: These were just kids having kids. 60 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: Did you feel like you were growing up also with 61 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 1: your parents? Like you felt like because my mom was 62 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 1: fifteen when she had me, so I sometimes even felt 63 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: like I was her mom sometimes, you know. 64 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 2: So interesting, No, because my parents shortly after I was 65 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 2: born became me to drugs, and so that started their 66 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 2: cycle of like being in out of the institutions. Actually, 67 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 2: my dad kind of dipped out when I was one 68 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 2: year old, so it was pretty much my mom and me, 69 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,119 Speaker 2: and then my grandmother stepped in to raise me. 70 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,880 Speaker 1: Okay, so you were raised by your grandmother? I was okay, 71 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 1: And do you have siblings, Emmy. 72 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 2: I do, Yeah, I'm the eldest. Our age differences are seven, twelve, 73 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 2: and nineteen. But you know, my grandmother stepped in to 74 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 2: raise me. She provided me with stability, home love while 75 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 2: my mom was out doing her stuff, doing her hustle. 76 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 2: She was in and out. So I didn't really have 77 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 2: a really strong relationship from the beginning with my mom 78 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:19,640 Speaker 2: until I was a little bit older. 79 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,279 Speaker 1: Okay, I see, But thank goodness for your grandma. 80 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, she was an amazing woman. 81 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: And talking about her, did you were you open with 82 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 1: her about what you felt like? How old were you 83 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,480 Speaker 1: when you started feeling Did you feel that way? Can 84 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 1: I ask you, did you feel trapped in another body? 85 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:36,039 Speaker 2: Like? 86 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,040 Speaker 1: Can you explain to me like your experience? 87 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, No, that wasn't my experience. I didn't feel trapped 88 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 2: in another body as a kid. I felt like it 89 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 2: was very different, and maybe I think because it was 90 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,839 Speaker 2: the eighties, things were so different. We didn't have the 91 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,839 Speaker 2: terminology that we have now. The lifestyle was completely different. 92 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,960 Speaker 2: Growing up in the very Mexican household. That just wasn't 93 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,200 Speaker 2: something you talk about. Everyone knew that I was different. Okay, 94 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,040 Speaker 2: So I was born little blonde hair, blue eyed little 95 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 2: boy who acted like a girl. I was very feminine, 96 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:08,080 Speaker 2: and from the get go, people knew that I was different. 97 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 2: So my grandmother, she knew that I was different, so 98 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 2: she protected me a lot, especially for my aunts, because 99 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 2: my aunts were like no or whatever, exactly like my 100 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,800 Speaker 2: grandma was like the no, the hana meinium bus because 101 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 2: you know, I was her favorite. She was raising me 102 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,559 Speaker 2: and she protected me. That was kind of short lived 103 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 2: because when I was seven years old, my grandmother disappeared. 104 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,279 Speaker 2: And what happened is I was seven years old, I 105 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 2: was taken to school, my grandmother was arrested. I was 106 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 2: picked up by my paternal grandparents and they told me 107 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 2: that my Mamilicha, my grandmother, was in jail, with my mom, 108 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:53,839 Speaker 2: with my stepdad, with my aunt, with the maid with 109 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 2: the mechanic. Everyone who was at the house that day 110 00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 2: got arrested. We had been under investigation for some time. Now. 111 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 2: Cover story of the San Diego Uian Tribune. Right this 112 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 2: woman is arrested for trafficking four hundred and seventy five 113 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 2: pounds of cocaine across the border. One of her workers 114 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 2: got caught and away she went. So all the stability 115 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,599 Speaker 2: that I had with my grandmother, you know, she gave 116 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:24,480 Speaker 2: me everything I ever wanted, material, possessions, love. I felt 117 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 2: like it was unconditional love. And then that's when my 118 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 2: mom stepped in. She had to. She had no choice 119 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 2: because what was going to happen to me? So, you know, 120 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 2: she did the best that she could, still using drugs, 121 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,599 Speaker 2: she got pregnant. She had my sister, Andrea, and she 122 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,800 Speaker 2: taught me how to make a bottle, how to change 123 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:46,600 Speaker 2: a diaper. Wow, said, I'll be back. She didn't come 124 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 2: back that night. The very next morning, my aunt picked 125 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 2: us up. My mom had been arrested hustling in her 126 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 2: drug use, and my sister and I were separated. I 127 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,240 Speaker 2: went to live with my paternal grandparents. My sister went 128 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 2: with an aunt. And from that moment, you start feeling like, 129 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 2: what is wrong with me? I knew I was different. 130 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,160 Speaker 2: I didn't like the same things that other boys liked. 131 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 2: I got made fun of, you know, like I Mida Maricon. 132 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:15,239 Speaker 2: You're like, yeah, really, derogatory. 133 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 1: Chops that they would use, you know, especially the Latinos 134 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: used that word so much. 135 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I grew up with just so much shame 136 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 2: about who I was. After a year my mom being incarcerated, 137 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:30,239 Speaker 2: she got released to a halfway house, and what happened 138 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 2: is she skipped parole and she moved us to Ua 139 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 2: La Jarahleigh School, which is where my family's from. We 140 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 2: were pretty much on the run for four years. I'm 141 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 2: gonna say that's when I really bonded with my mom 142 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 2: because she was clean from drugs. My grandmother from prison 143 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 2: was still giving orders like you know, this is what 144 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 2: you're gonna do, this is how you're gonna live. She 145 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:55,400 Speaker 2: had properties in Mexico, so nothing was missing. We had 146 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 2: everything we needed. We were provided for so my mom 147 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 2: didn't even have to work. She just was a housewife. 148 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,480 Speaker 2: But then she picked up drugs again and we ended 149 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 2: up coming back to the US when my sister Daniela 150 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 2: was born, and we've been here since. 151 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 1: You were how old when your sister Andrea was born? 152 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:13,560 Speaker 2: You said seven? 153 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,800 Speaker 1: You were seven, Okay, So that happened all so quickly, 154 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 1: like being under your grandma's wing. And then she was gone. 155 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: And then you had your sister. Your mom had your 156 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: sister Andrea, and then you had this responsibility since so young. 157 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 1: Like that's where I feel like we have that in 158 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: common where we're the eldest and we have this responsibility 159 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,200 Speaker 1: that wasn't really ours at such a young age, and 160 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 1: it forces us to mature so quickly and kind of 161 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: miss out on our childhood. Did you feel like you 162 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 1: missed out on your childhood in some way? 163 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 2: One hundred percent. I don't feel like I had a childhood. 164 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,880 Speaker 2: And this is one of the resentments I always had 165 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 2: towards my mom that I didn't get to live as 166 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 2: a kid. I was always picking up after her. I 167 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:59,440 Speaker 2: was in charge of cleaning and combing Andrea's hair, getting 168 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 2: her ready for picking out her outfits, caring for her, 169 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,199 Speaker 2: and also, like you know, the protective person in me 170 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 2: wanted to make sure that she was shielded from things 171 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 2: that happened as a result of my mom being in 172 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 2: her addiction. 173 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 1: Mm hm. Did you feel like at times that you 174 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,960 Speaker 1: resented her in a way? Your mom? 175 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 2: Absolutely, I know you've talked about this, Like I loved her, 176 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 2: but I didn't like her. You know, I had so 177 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,960 Speaker 2: much resentment growing up towards my mom and I said, 178 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 2: I will never do drugs, I will never be an alcoholic. 179 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 2: I wanted to be very different, and so I applied myself. 180 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 2: I applied myself in school and I said, I'm going 181 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 2: to be an honor student. I'm gonna go to college. 182 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 2: I'm going to get a degree. I'm going to break 183 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 2: the cycle of like this fucked up, dysfunctional family that 184 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,320 Speaker 2: I have. I did pretty good for the most part. 185 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 2: So you know, even throughout high school, I was still 186 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 2: like very effeminate. Everyone just said, you know, the gay 187 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 2: kid or e l Huoto or whatever, you know, those 188 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 2: terrible things that we grew up Back then, Queer was 189 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 2: like not a cool word, and that's what they would 190 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,959 Speaker 2: call me. Here's the thing I want to like preface, 191 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 2: Like everything I mentioned is my experience. Right, there's like 192 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 2: a no umbrella term for the trans community. It's just 193 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:09,239 Speaker 2: my experience. 194 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 1: Which I was going to tell you. I saw that 195 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 1: especially with your podcast. It's kind of this is my experience. 196 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,320 Speaker 1: I'm not representing the community as a whole. It's just 197 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:21,440 Speaker 1: this is who I am, and I'm speaking about myself, 198 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,400 Speaker 1: which I like, I think it's I think it's a 199 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,200 Speaker 1: good thing, and then I respect that so absolutely you 200 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 1: you thank you. This is your space too, so you 201 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:29,800 Speaker 1: go ahead and say like it is. 202 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 2: So then you know what happened is I was going 203 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,200 Speaker 2: to I got admitted to three universities. Oh wow, I 204 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 2: was so excited because I was finally on my way 205 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,679 Speaker 2: to be successful. And then my mother got arrested at 206 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:44,720 Speaker 2: the border for crossing a hefty amount of methamphetamines. She 207 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 2: was given a prison sentence and my sisters were being 208 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 2: shuffled from house to house. My grandmother, who was out 209 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 2: of prison at the time, she was older, and she said, 210 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 2: I can't take care of these girls. It's too much 211 00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:00,679 Speaker 2: for me. Because by this time I had a little brother, Adrian. 212 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,679 Speaker 2: He had already been born and she was taking care 213 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 2: of him and he was a baby. So what happened 214 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 2: is I put my life on hold. I got a 215 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 2: job that paid me well. I went before the judge 216 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 2: and I got custody of my two younger sisters and 217 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 2: I raised them. And that was the most challenging thing 218 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:19,800 Speaker 2: that I've ever gone through, but also the most rewarding one. 219 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 2: They became like my everything. 220 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I mean, we have a lot in common. 221 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,080 Speaker 1: Your baby brother was how old at this time? 222 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,400 Speaker 2: So Adrian was about a year old. 223 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:30,680 Speaker 1: Oh he's a baby baby. 224 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, he was a baby baby back then. 225 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 1: So you weren't able to go to the university. You 226 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 1: just said, I'm going to get a job and try 227 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 1: to raise my sisters exactly. 228 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 2: And that's what I did. I did the best that 229 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,560 Speaker 2: I could. I mean, they didn't come with instructions, and 230 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,320 Speaker 2: I was just like, fuck it, I'm gonna do what 231 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,480 Speaker 2: I think is the best for them. Yeah, and just 232 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:52,000 Speaker 2: give them stability, show them that there is a better 233 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 2: way of life out here, because by this time, you know, 234 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:59,320 Speaker 2: my mom, they're living in motels, they're living in random places, 235 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 2: and so they're own me picking up the bad habits 236 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 2: my sister and that I was kind of headed that way, 237 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 2: and I was like, God, I don't want my sister Viachoa. 238 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,160 Speaker 2: I really don't want that for her, because I had 239 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,319 Speaker 2: so much fear that she was gonna end up on drugs, 240 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 2: in jail or dead. That's like my biggest fear, and 241 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 2: I carry that fear for so long with my parents. 242 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 2: So anyway, I stepped in. I raised them, but all 243 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,839 Speaker 2: the resentment and all the like hate I felt towards 244 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 2: my mom just grew and grew and grew because here 245 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 2: I am picking up after her again and putting my 246 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:32,640 Speaker 2: life on hold. I started abusing alcohol. That was like 247 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,440 Speaker 2: my way to cope, and then that led to other 248 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:41,079 Speaker 2: stuff okay, like hard drugs, harder drugs that led to 249 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 2: me blacking out. I'm a blackout drinker. Like I drink 250 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 2: enough and I black out. Okay, wake up and I 251 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 2: hear about things that I did, and it's like, holy shit, 252 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,559 Speaker 2: I did that, Like I can't see myself doing that. 253 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 2: I was so unhappy with the person who I was. 254 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,240 Speaker 2: I knew that I wasn't happy internally. Yes, I was 255 00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:00,320 Speaker 2: abusing alcohol, I was abusing drugs, but also when I 256 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 2: looked in the mirror, cheeky's, I didn't like what I saw. 257 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:07,320 Speaker 1: And you hadn't transitioned at this point, correct, but you 258 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: had accepted I'm gay or you hadn't accepted that. 259 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:15,800 Speaker 2: It's interesting because I had accepted that I was gay. However, 260 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 2: I didn't have that experience of like I'm gay, I'm 261 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,640 Speaker 2: out and proud and I'm going to like go date 262 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 2: and have fun. That wasn't my experience. I was like 263 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,160 Speaker 2: ashamed that I was gay. I couldn't find my place 264 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 2: because I wasn't dating gay man. I wasn't attracted to them, 265 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,680 Speaker 2: so I didn't really have relationships as a gay man. 266 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,319 Speaker 2: It's interesting, and that's the only way I can explain it. 267 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 2: I couldn't find my place. 268 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 1: The reason I asked these questions is because my brother, Johnny, 269 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,320 Speaker 1: he's my baby, we went through this, you know where 270 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,080 Speaker 1: he went through like no, he was eleven years old 271 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 1: and he was just confused about his sexuality and for 272 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 1: a long time he was just upset and had these 273 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,839 Speaker 1: thoughts of suicide. And it was so hard because he 274 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: was like, this is what I like, but I don't 275 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,599 Speaker 1: want to like what I like, like I want to 276 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,680 Speaker 1: be quote unquote normal. And it took a while to 277 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 1: just say, Johnny, like, you need to just say it 278 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 1: out loud and little by little. I can't push you 279 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,400 Speaker 1: into saying it loud and proud, but you have if 280 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 1: this is what you like, this is what your body desires, 281 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,640 Speaker 1: you have to little by little start accepting that because 282 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,080 Speaker 1: if not, it's going to cause other things. And I 283 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: think maybe this is what I'm hearing. I mean, I 284 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 1: don't know. I mean Obviously you did have a very 285 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,720 Speaker 1: rough childhood and your parents and then your grandma and 286 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:36,240 Speaker 1: then having to take the responsibility of your sisters. You 287 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: felt alone and you felt like you didn't have a 288 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 1: support system. Is that correct? And it kind of led 289 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 1: you into alcohol. Makes me feel good for the moment 290 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 1: one hundred percent. 291 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,320 Speaker 2: A big part of it is that I felt like 292 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,760 Speaker 2: I had let my family down right. I was like 293 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:54,760 Speaker 2: the first born male. My family is very Mexican Catholic, 294 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 2: and I felt very traditional. And my grandmother, not my 295 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,480 Speaker 2: mi mom's mom, but my dad's mom would tell me 296 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:08,800 Speaker 2: things like Badadivian Andes said ombre, you know, things like that, 297 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,000 Speaker 2: like since as I was a kid, I could see 298 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 2: the look of disappointment in their face when they'd see me, 299 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 2: or the way I express myself. And then my grandmother 300 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 2: would say, I know, look Nasvid And that was fucking hurtfle. 301 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 1: Of course, absolutely, dude. Yeah, sometimes I feel like they 302 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,400 Speaker 1: don't realize the things that they say are elders, like 303 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,960 Speaker 1: how much they can affect our life, our hearts, our 304 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 1: little minds. You know, because you're so young, you're still 305 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,240 Speaker 1: trying to figure things out within yourself, within your body, 306 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,000 Speaker 1: and then having someone that you love tell you this, 307 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 1: it's just absolutely like, I totally get that. And when 308 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 1: did you start your transition? How old were you when 309 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: you started? 310 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 2: So what happened is I try to kill myself? Oh man, Yeah, 311 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 2: after years of abusing drugs and alcohol, I decided that 312 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 2: I didn't want to live anymore. I drank a bottle 313 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:02,320 Speaker 2: of pills, a big old bottle. My sisters Andrednila found 314 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,120 Speaker 2: me and by this time and I was driving, so 315 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 2: she drove me to the hospital to the emergency room. 316 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 2: My liver started to shut down. I was hospitalized for 317 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:14,160 Speaker 2: seven days, and on the last day that I was there, 318 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 2: the doctor said, you know what, you're very lucky that 319 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 2: you're not dead. You put your liver through hell, I'm 320 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 2: going to discharge you. Just take it easy. So I'm excited, 321 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 2: like I'm packing, I'm getting ready to go home, and 322 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 2: then these two EMTs walk up. They asked for me 323 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,840 Speaker 2: by name, and they said, we're going to take you 324 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,479 Speaker 2: to the psychiatric board because this was technically a suicide attempt. 325 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 2: So there I go into the psych ward. I walk 326 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,400 Speaker 2: in and it wasn't my first time there. I had 327 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,120 Speaker 2: been a regular there because I had so many fucking 328 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 2: demons inside me that I just always wanted to off myself. 329 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 2: And the doctor said, hey, welcome back. He saw my chart. 330 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,200 Speaker 2: He said, you know what, I really want you to 331 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 2: look around the rooms here. And I looked, and you 332 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 2: can see the patients nodding off in a corner, you know, 333 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,720 Speaker 2: And he said, these people here have severe mental issues, 334 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 2: and I suspect that what you have is an addiction problem. 335 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,400 Speaker 2: So I'm going to make a deal with you. I'm 336 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 2: going to let you out of here if you check 337 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:20,160 Speaker 2: out recovery a recovery meeting. You know, at this time, 338 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,640 Speaker 2: I feel like this small I have nothing to lose. 339 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 2: So I said, all right, let's do it. I started 340 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,879 Speaker 2: going to these meetings, and I started doing the work 341 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 2: that we do in a top set program, and I 342 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:37,720 Speaker 2: started taking inventory of myself and I discovered that I 343 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 2: was a woman. That was a turning point for me. 344 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,360 Speaker 1: And do you feel that ever since that happened, where 345 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:46,479 Speaker 1: you're like, I'm a woman, you felt like you were 346 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,160 Speaker 1: happier in every way? Or was it still a little 347 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 1: bit of an uphill battle? 348 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,919 Speaker 2: Okay, So I played with a thought for months and 349 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,639 Speaker 2: it was a bit of an uphill battle because I 350 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,800 Speaker 2: thought of everyone else. I thought of my sisters, I 351 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 2: thought of my grandparents, I thought of my friends. This 352 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,879 Speaker 2: was a big commitment and I had to be sure 353 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,440 Speaker 2: that I was going to take this leap of faith. 354 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,919 Speaker 2: And it was a scary one. Oh my god, chikiez, 355 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 2: it was so scary. And so I started seeing a 356 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 2: doctor about hormones. I started taking the hormones before going 357 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 2: full time as a woman. I was working at the 358 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 2: time at the phone company, and I told them, Hey, 359 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,400 Speaker 2: this is what's going to happen. I'm going to transition, 360 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:29,399 Speaker 2: and they're like, okay, great. They were very cool about it. 361 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 2: Just bring us any sort of like documentation, any legal 362 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,119 Speaker 2: name change or whatever. So I did that, and then 363 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 2: it was time to tell my family. My mom's side 364 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,800 Speaker 2: of the family is very conservative. My dad's side of 365 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,119 Speaker 2: the family, even though they're very muchistas and very like 366 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,760 Speaker 2: be a boy, be a boy, they're more what's the word, 367 00:18:56,359 --> 00:19:00,239 Speaker 2: so them being like they're cool, like they have fun. 368 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 1: Okay, they're a little bit more open minded. 369 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 2: I guess you can say that. Okay, my mom's family 370 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,680 Speaker 2: is a little more proper, and my dad's family's more like, 371 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,919 Speaker 2: you know, this molthaday okay. 372 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah, I get it. I don't know how 373 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 1: else to put I get it, don't trip. 374 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,119 Speaker 2: So I sat down with my nana, with my data 375 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 2: and my uncle and I told them Nana, Data, I'm 376 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,720 Speaker 2: trying to remember exactly what I told him, damn it, 377 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:32,280 Speaker 2: what was it. I was just so fucking nervous, and 378 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:34,359 Speaker 2: I said, just get it out quick, get it out quick. 379 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my goodness, and I remember that. I 380 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:45,119 Speaker 2: remember their eyes were just like dead stare and it 381 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,800 Speaker 2: was just like silence at the table. Nobody was saying anything, 382 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,679 Speaker 2: and I'm dying inside. I'm like, holy shit, what did 383 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:55,120 Speaker 2: I just do? And then my nana, she's such a jokester. 384 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 2: She looks at me. She's like, eat us up on it, 385 00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 2: che cheese. 386 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:05,879 Speaker 1: First, Oh my goodness. 387 00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:07,840 Speaker 2: That was like the first thing she said, and that 388 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,800 Speaker 2: just like broke the ice. Everybody started laughing. Oh. And 389 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 2: then my fat that just said like okay, and it 390 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,600 Speaker 2: was like that, Wow, here's the thing, cheeze. By this time, 391 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 2: I had already put my family through hell with my addiction, 392 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:26,000 Speaker 2: with my drinking. They just wanted me to be safe, 393 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 2: they wanted me to be happy. They wanted me to 394 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:35,199 Speaker 2: be living because the things that happened to me in 395 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 2: my addiction were fucking scary. We're talking about I'd get 396 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 2: lost in Tijuana for days and they didn't know if 397 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 2: I was dead or alive. 398 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,280 Speaker 1: Okay, how long was this? How many years of this 399 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: give or take? Do you think? 400 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 2: Oh, let's see, I'm gonna say good five six years 401 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:52,239 Speaker 2: of it? 402 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 1: Okay. So it was very It was tormenting for them emotionally, 403 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:57,159 Speaker 1: I'm sure. 404 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,960 Speaker 2: So for them to be getting calls at two o'clock, 405 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 2: three o'clock in the morning that I'm stranded, or that 406 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,159 Speaker 2: I'm in trouble, or that I'm here, that I'm at 407 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 2: a hospital. This was just like, you know, when I 408 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,920 Speaker 2: got sober, they were like, oh thank god. So by 409 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:13,480 Speaker 2: the time I transitioned, they were like, you know what, 410 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,440 Speaker 2: we just want you to be okay, fuck the rest. 411 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,160 Speaker 1: So yeah, and how long have you been sober now? 412 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,400 Speaker 2: I mean I've been sober for fourteen years. 413 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 1: Wow, that's awesome. Oh wait, but how did your mom's 414 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,119 Speaker 1: side of the family take it? Because this was your 415 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,440 Speaker 1: dad'side of the family, right. 416 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,200 Speaker 2: This is my dad's side of the family. So with 417 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,399 Speaker 2: my mom and you know, this is my grandma and 418 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 2: my mammy lee Cha who raised me. Like I was like, 419 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,119 Speaker 2: this is so hose, Like I was her everything. But 420 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 2: you know, my little brother kind of replaced me in 421 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 2: that area. But I was cool with it. I was 422 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,000 Speaker 2: cool with it. You know, she raised him since he 423 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 2: was born. Because my mom was in jail. And it 424 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 2: took me longer to tell them. I kind of distanced 425 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 2: myself from them because that's the kind of person that 426 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 2: I used to be right, to avoid conflict, to avoid pain, 427 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,240 Speaker 2: I just turned. I just distanced myself from you instead 428 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 2: of addressing it. And so I had been living as 429 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 2: a woman. It wasn't you know, immediate after I told 430 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,359 Speaker 2: my paternal grandparents, it was a little it took me 431 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 2: a little while, but I walked in and you know, 432 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,359 Speaker 2: by this time, they had already heard about it, and 433 00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:15,400 Speaker 2: they didn't know what to expect. Yeah, they had heard 434 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,800 Speaker 2: about it, but it was kind of like, uh, you know, 435 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 2: do I contact her? 436 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,080 Speaker 1: Do I not? Do? 437 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,200 Speaker 2: I say? And then I thought, you know what, life's 438 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,040 Speaker 2: too short. I gotta like tell them. They have to know. 439 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,239 Speaker 2: So I told them, and I had a phone call 440 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,640 Speaker 2: with them first, and then I walked in to see them, 441 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,560 Speaker 2: And I remember walking into the living room and my 442 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 2: Mamicha was at the table. She was on the phone 443 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:40,600 Speaker 2: with one of my aunts and she's like, what it 444 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:44,080 Speaker 2: was very it was so weird. And she just looked 445 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 2: at me and she's like, give we eat this nuts. 446 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 2: That was what she said, and she got up and 447 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,639 Speaker 2: hugged me, and it was like I could breathe. 448 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, it was kind of like a breath of fresh 449 00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:01,000 Speaker 1: air for sure. Can I ask you about how you 450 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: came to the realization that you were a woman? Like 451 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,760 Speaker 1: I'm sure people listening right now who are unsure about 452 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 1: their place in the world maybe are facing this site. 453 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 1: What can you share with them, like maybe they have 454 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 1: a similar battle, Like you know what I mean, Like, 455 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,639 Speaker 1: what helped you come to that realization? 456 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,119 Speaker 2: For me, it was, you know, like I said, I 457 00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:23,200 Speaker 2: had gotten sober and I was really diving deep into myself. 458 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,919 Speaker 2: I was like soul searching. I needed to know what 459 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,439 Speaker 2: were the things that made me act the way that 460 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,760 Speaker 2: I was acting when I was in my disease and 461 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:35,200 Speaker 2: my addiction and literally taking inventory on paper about who 462 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:39,119 Speaker 2: I was. And then I always felt like God, I 463 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:42,480 Speaker 2: wish I was born a girl, but I never put 464 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 2: more thought than that, you know, because I like the glamour, 465 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,959 Speaker 2: like the makeup, the hair, the clothes. You know, Andrea 466 00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:51,440 Speaker 2: was my little barbiee to dress her the way I wanted. 467 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:53,680 Speaker 2: And one day she's turned around and she was in 468 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,000 Speaker 2: high school, you know, like she's going to high school 469 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,440 Speaker 2: where everyone's wearing, you know, really casual clothes, and she's 470 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 2: going with like foods and jeans and like really nice clothes. 471 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,679 Speaker 2: And she looked at me, She's like, why do you 472 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,040 Speaker 2: dress me like this? She's like, if you like it 473 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,200 Speaker 2: so much, why don't you dress yourself like this? 474 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,680 Speaker 1: Oh? She told you she did. 475 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,680 Speaker 2: I was like, you just have to look at always, 476 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 2: And so all these little things starting adding up for me. Oh, 477 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 2: I've always wanted to like, you know, that comment always 478 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 2: stuck in my mind. If you like it so much, 479 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 2: why don't you do it on you instead of me? Like, like, 480 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,199 Speaker 2: I'm not your mannequin. It's pretty much what she told me. 481 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,119 Speaker 2: And what happened is after I was doing this inventory 482 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 2: on myself and I realized that a lot of my 483 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 2: resentment was towards women. A lot of resentments I had 484 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:45,680 Speaker 2: towards women because they had what I yearned to have. 485 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:50,360 Speaker 2: You know, the moment that I started wearing makeup and 486 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:54,440 Speaker 2: letting my hair grow out, and that I started getting 487 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:58,320 Speaker 2: breast development from the hormones and my skin got thinner. 488 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,440 Speaker 2: Like that, the moment that all these things started changing 489 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,240 Speaker 2: in me, it was like I started seeing in color, 490 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,200 Speaker 2: Like the light just went on. 491 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,280 Speaker 1: So you were like blossoming right before your eyes. 492 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:15,440 Speaker 2: I was, And I remember, I have an interesting story. 493 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,639 Speaker 2: I remember I said, Okay, if I'm going to be 494 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 2: a woman, I need to learn how to do makeup. 495 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,439 Speaker 2: I need to be able to do my own makeup. 496 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 2: So I went to the school in New York. I 497 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 2: took this makeup course, came back, and I was so excited. 498 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,040 Speaker 2: I kept practicing at night. But then I was like, 499 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,760 Speaker 2: I have to practice on people too, And I was 500 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,000 Speaker 2: going to your mom's concert. My coworkers and I were 501 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,160 Speaker 2: going to a Jenny Rivea concert in San aem Casino, 502 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 2: No Way. And this was my first outing full time 503 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 2: as a woman, Like it was like my first big 504 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,680 Speaker 2: event where I was going to be around a lot 505 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,359 Speaker 2: of people. And so we're in the car and I 506 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 2: turned around and tell my friend Blanket that my coworker, 507 00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 2: I'm like, I like that, let me practice on you. 508 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 2: And she's like, okay, do it. So I started giving 509 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 2: her like, you know, We're in the backseat of a 510 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,920 Speaker 2: car and I'm giving like a smoky eyeshadow kind of look. 511 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,720 Speaker 2: And I'm fresh out of school. I don't know what 512 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,199 Speaker 2: the fuck I'm doing. We get to the concert and 513 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 2: she was like a fucking raccoon. But so she's like okay, 514 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 2: Mama said, and you're like, let's go fix it a 515 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,440 Speaker 2: little bit. I'm like okay, and I'm like, I'm me 516 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,560 Speaker 2: dressed as a woman. My hair wasn't that long at 517 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,240 Speaker 2: that point, but I think I had like a half wig, 518 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:37,320 Speaker 2: and I was wearing these wedges, tight jeans, a tank top, 519 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,360 Speaker 2: and I was fucking scared, cheekies, because here I am 520 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,880 Speaker 2: at a big event. They're gonna clock me, they're gonna 521 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 2: name call me, they're gonna they're gonna like I'm going 522 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:49,800 Speaker 2: down right. 523 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,280 Speaker 1: But did you feel fabulous though, or you were more scared? 524 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 2: I felt fabulous and I was mortified. Yeah, And the 525 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,720 Speaker 2: moment your mom came out and started seeing, I let 526 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,640 Speaker 2: go of all those fears and I had a wonderful 527 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 2: time and I felt like myself like free. I felt 528 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:07,280 Speaker 2: so fucking free. 529 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 1: You felt alive. 530 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:13,000 Speaker 2: I felt alive, and nobody talked shit to me, nobody 531 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 2: name called me. Everybody was just having fun and enjoying 532 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,720 Speaker 2: the moment, and I was like, Okay, this is who 533 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:22,640 Speaker 2: I am. 534 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 1: So is it safe to say that My mother, Jenny Rivera, 535 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 1: was like your Marina, she's your Marina of like, you 536 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 1: know Emmy, the birth of Emmy. 537 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,919 Speaker 2: Being out in public, out of like that was like 538 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 2: my first big event. And I remember just because you know, 539 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:41,080 Speaker 2: you never know what's gonna happen. What's like, Oh my god, 540 00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:41,600 Speaker 2: what do I do? 541 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:42,439 Speaker 1: You know? 542 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,520 Speaker 2: How do I act? Are people gonna be staring at me? 543 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,040 Speaker 2: Are they gonna throw things at me? Are they gonna 544 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:47,920 Speaker 2: call me things? Are they gonna beat me up? All 545 00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,439 Speaker 2: these things were like valid fears that I had as 546 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,800 Speaker 2: a trans woman at the time. Yeah, for sure, because 547 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,359 Speaker 2: I was still like I didn't look like this, that's 548 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:55,760 Speaker 2: for sure. 549 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 1: But you had a good time. It makes me so happy. 550 00:27:58,480 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 2: I had an amazing time. 551 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,280 Speaker 1: That's good. That makes me so happy. Honestly, shout out 552 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,800 Speaker 1: to Ma Mama. She had the best concerts. 553 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:15,040 Speaker 3: She really is as someone who is transgender and also 554 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 3: as someone who works in the entertainment industry because you 555 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,520 Speaker 3: are an actor and now you have your podcast, do 556 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:24,639 Speaker 3: you think that we're making progress on representation in TV 557 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:25,959 Speaker 3: and film? 558 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:27,960 Speaker 2: I love that you're asking that because that's one of 559 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,959 Speaker 2: the conversations that I keep having with my colleagues, that 560 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:34,439 Speaker 2: I keep having with casting directors, with you know, my 561 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 2: representation diversity in Hollywood. We're making progress, we are, We're 562 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:41,520 Speaker 2: not there. 563 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,240 Speaker 1: Yet, so it's like a little dab. 564 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,880 Speaker 2: That's a little dab, yes, and you know, there have 565 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 2: been a lot more roles available for the LGBTQ plus community. 566 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,640 Speaker 2: I love seeing that we're not there yet. We still 567 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 2: have a lot of work to do. 568 00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: But what do you think, I mean is the challenge though? Like, 569 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,720 Speaker 1: what what's stopping the progress in the industry. 570 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 2: I really feel it's a lot about education. We for 571 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:13,200 Speaker 2: many years, I mean, I have lived in a heterosis world. 572 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,920 Speaker 2: So really it's about continuing to educate and it's not 573 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,360 Speaker 2: about pushing agendas on anyone. Like I hate seeing that 574 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:23,360 Speaker 2: when when I when I like, I saw a post 575 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,400 Speaker 2: here day and they were like, stop trying to push 576 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 2: your agenda on us. You know, it's about like being 577 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:33,960 Speaker 2: loving and accepting towards all. There's space for us all. 578 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 1: And get that affect that I'm a firm believer in that. 579 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 1: This is why I wanted to And I'm glad you 580 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:44,880 Speaker 1: have your podcast and we're going to talk about that 581 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,640 Speaker 1: right now. But like with these podcasts, it's speaking about 582 00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:56,280 Speaker 1: these things is kind of like live and let live important. 583 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,400 Speaker 1: If I'm not doing anything to harm you, let me 584 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:03,040 Speaker 1: live my life, you know what I mean. And that's 585 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,600 Speaker 1: something that I'm glad that we can talk about. And 586 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,400 Speaker 1: now I can see it more than ever. It's stuff 587 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 1: that is being more accepted. But yes, guys, live and 588 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:16,280 Speaker 1: let live and worry about yourself and what you can 589 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,360 Speaker 1: do right to better yourself. Like and I'm talking about 590 00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 1: the people that are listening and just in general. 591 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:24,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, if you have love and respect for humanity, 592 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:28,479 Speaker 2: that's so helpful. I don't have any sort of like 593 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:32,280 Speaker 2: disrespect towards somebody who doesn't align with the same beliefs 594 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,680 Speaker 2: that I do. Know, I let them be. If they 595 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 2: don't mess with me, I'm not going to mess with them, right, 596 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,120 Speaker 2: It's just respeta exactly. I mean I was not always 597 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:45,040 Speaker 2: like this. This came from like working on myself trying 598 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 2: to be a better version of who I was yesterday. 599 00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. Every day we got to be a better 600 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,680 Speaker 1: version of ourselves and focus on the things that we 601 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,480 Speaker 1: could change within. And that also helps you, like not 602 00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 1: focusing so much on what other people are doing or 603 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,560 Speaker 1: not doing. People that are listening to us that also 604 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:04,080 Speaker 1: are transgender or part of the LGBT plus community, like, 605 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:05,880 Speaker 1: what do you have to tell them? Can you tell 606 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:07,960 Speaker 1: them something like to you know, give them some type 607 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,720 Speaker 1: of some words of inspiration, empowerment. 608 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:15,360 Speaker 2: Absolutely, don't let fear hold you back. That's what held 609 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,640 Speaker 2: me back. I was so scared after I transitioned. I 610 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,600 Speaker 2: was like, there's no fucking way I'm going to be 611 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,800 Speaker 2: able to be an actor. There's no way. This was 612 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,920 Speaker 2: before we had what we have now today we have 613 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:31,160 Speaker 2: people who have paved the way for us. Right, So 614 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, what am I going to do now? Like, 615 00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:35,880 Speaker 2: there's nothing else that I want to do. I had 616 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 2: so much fear. I was scared. Don't let that hold 617 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,800 Speaker 2: you back. If you want something, go for it. I'm 618 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,800 Speaker 2: a strong believer that what's meant for you is meant 619 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:48,080 Speaker 2: for you, and I wish that I had the knowledge 620 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 2: and wisdom that I have today back then to just 621 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 2: go for it. I'm always a fucking way bloomer at everything. 622 00:31:54,680 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 1: That's just like, but hey, late bloomer or not doing it, 623 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,360 Speaker 1: and you haven't given up on your dreams, and I 624 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:05,960 Speaker 1: honestly I applaud you for that. Are you in a relationship? 625 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:06,480 Speaker 1: Are you in love? 626 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:06,600 Speaker 2: You? 627 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,560 Speaker 1: See? 628 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 2: Well, I guess you're gonna have to listen to the 629 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:13,320 Speaker 2: podcast to find out. 630 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:18,960 Speaker 1: Who A nice answer, girl, very nice, because okay, perfect, 631 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:20,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna for sure listen so I can find out 632 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,640 Speaker 1: my answer to that question. So tell us. Tell us 633 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:26,280 Speaker 1: about the podcast, Actually tell us about Crumbs and why Crumbs. 634 00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 2: Oh, I'll tell you why Crumbs. The show about the 635 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,440 Speaker 2: things that we settle for in life and the bits 636 00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:34,360 Speaker 2: of ourselves that make up our identity. That's what the 637 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:38,280 Speaker 2: show is about. And so in Crumbs, I talk about 638 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,920 Speaker 2: what it's like to be dating for a trans woman. 639 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,160 Speaker 2: I talk about different relationships that I've had and what 640 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,720 Speaker 2: kind of crumbs I've settled for just to feel like 641 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,120 Speaker 2: I'm loved, just to feel like somebody wants me. 642 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:53,520 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I love that. 643 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:58,600 Speaker 2: So every relationship I'm talking about, what fucking crumb. I 644 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,719 Speaker 2: received what I learned from it, which I've grown from it. 645 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,520 Speaker 2: So from the first episode to the last episode, you're 646 00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:06,880 Speaker 2: going to see a completely different woman. 647 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:12,959 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, how exciting. Oh my gosh, congratulations on that. 648 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,920 Speaker 2: Thank you. Well, it's not just about dating. It's also 649 00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:20,120 Speaker 2: settling for crumbs in our relationships with our family. And 650 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,200 Speaker 2: you know, I have, like I have some sort of 651 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,160 Speaker 2: a backstory with my family, so there's a lot to 652 00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:24,960 Speaker 2: pick from. 653 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,520 Speaker 1: Yes, you know what, I love that. I think it's necessary, 654 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:31,720 Speaker 1: it's needed. I'm excited to listen to Crumbs, honestly because 655 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,720 Speaker 1: I have been through my share of relationships where I 656 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,360 Speaker 1: have settled to settle. But I don't regret those relationships because, 657 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,200 Speaker 1: like you just said, you learn from every experience. Every 658 00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,200 Speaker 1: person that comes into your life is a teacher to 659 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,240 Speaker 1: teach you something for the next person. Was it hard 660 00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,320 Speaker 1: to pitch the podcast? Oh? 661 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,280 Speaker 2: You know what's so funny, I'll tell you how it happened. 662 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 2: What happened is I started speaking a lot at twelve 663 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 2: Step Recovery meetings and people would come up to me 664 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,800 Speaker 2: after the podium. I talk about my store, worry about growing, 665 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,720 Speaker 2: my childhood, what it was like what happened my turning 666 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,480 Speaker 2: point with drugs and alcohol and what happened after, which 667 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:09,680 Speaker 2: is like transitioning, like holy shit, you know, and people 668 00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,160 Speaker 2: are just like, oh my god, you need to write 669 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 2: a book about this. This is such a good story. 670 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:15,640 Speaker 2: You need to write a book. And I've spoken all 671 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,760 Speaker 2: over the country and Canada, like I've been very fortunate 672 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,400 Speaker 2: to get to be able to tell my story. And 673 00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:22,440 Speaker 2: so finally I sat down one day I was like, 674 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:24,279 Speaker 2: you know, I'm gonna write the fucking book. Why not? 675 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,640 Speaker 2: Because if it can help somebody not kill themselves, then 676 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:33,120 Speaker 2: that's contributing to something. So I wrote the book and 677 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,600 Speaker 2: I started. You know, I had made a couple friends 678 00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,560 Speaker 2: that are in the entertainment industry, and I got some 679 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,560 Speaker 2: testimonials from them for my book, and then they said 680 00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,120 Speaker 2: somebody called me when they were like, hey, Emmy, do 681 00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,200 Speaker 2: you mind if I share your book proposal with this 682 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,880 Speaker 2: producer that I know? I'm like, no, go ahead. So 683 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 2: that's how the podcast came about. They were interested in 684 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,879 Speaker 2: my story. They feel like it could help people, and 685 00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,719 Speaker 2: so that's how it happened. The book's not out yet, 686 00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:01,600 Speaker 2: that's like, the book's not out yet, but they read 687 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:05,760 Speaker 2: the proposal and they were like, let's do a podcast 688 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:06,239 Speaker 2: about this. 689 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,200 Speaker 1: I love that because we don't hear stories like this 690 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 1: very often. So now that you have this space with 691 00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:14,960 Speaker 1: your podcast to share that, I think that's wonderful. This 692 00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:18,239 Speaker 1: is this is already like showing us that it's it's 693 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:24,360 Speaker 1: becoming more. I don't even know if the word is accepted, 694 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 1: because it's not the word that I'm looking for, you 695 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:26,680 Speaker 1: know what I mean. 696 00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:28,439 Speaker 2: But it's like, yeah, and I know what you're trying 697 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:28,799 Speaker 2: to say. 698 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:30,879 Speaker 1: It's normalized. That's the word. 699 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:32,759 Speaker 2: I know exactly what you mean. Like, I was so 700 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:36,520 Speaker 2: shocked because the other day I got an audition for 701 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:40,839 Speaker 2: a trans lead Mexican movie, Like that was the first 702 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,600 Speaker 2: time I've ever seen that, and I was like, whoa, 703 00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:48,560 Speaker 2: this is fucking awesome. A lead in a Mexican movie, 704 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:53,040 Speaker 2: let's transgender. And I was just so like mind blown. 705 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,239 Speaker 2: That's a was like good. And that's why I did 706 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,359 Speaker 2: the podcast in Spanish as well, right, because I want 707 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:01,200 Speaker 2: to be able to cater to that market and reach 708 00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:03,920 Speaker 2: our Latin Hispanic community. 709 00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:09,000 Speaker 1: Honestly, I sent men Ganza and it's because of women 710 00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:12,480 Speaker 1: like you that are open enough to share their stories 711 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:15,400 Speaker 1: that are going to change the game in the transgender community, 712 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:19,960 Speaker 1: in the lgbt Q plus community, honestly, because it's important. 713 00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,600 Speaker 1: The only way to change lives is to be honest, 714 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,040 Speaker 1: be brutally honest, the good or the bad, or the ugly, hairy, 715 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:31,879 Speaker 1: all of it. And that's how you're going to change lives. 716 00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:33,480 Speaker 1: And this is how we're going to get more roles, 717 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,799 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and more podcasts. And that 718 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 1: makes me happy. That makes me, honestly, it makes me 719 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 1: really happy. 720 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:39,960 Speaker 2: Thank you. 721 00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:42,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, so, thank you. Congratulations on that. 722 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,919 Speaker 2: I'm really really humbled that you had me on your show. 723 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:46,360 Speaker 2: I really appreciate it. 724 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:50,160 Speaker 1: Of course, of course, I mean, honestly, I am grateful. 725 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,359 Speaker 1: I'm grateful that you came on Chiki's and Chill and 726 00:36:53,920 --> 00:37:01,080 Speaker 1: we're talking about a subject. Thank you for being open again. Guys, 727 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:05,200 Speaker 1: you guys can listen to her podcast Crumbs and guys, 728 00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:09,719 Speaker 1: we're going to plug in some LGBTQ resources in the 729 00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:12,919 Speaker 1: show notes for anyone who needs them. Before we wrap 730 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,239 Speaker 1: up today's episode, I'm going to leave you with a 731 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:20,360 Speaker 1: motivational quote, Like you guys know me and my quote 732 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 1: so today is I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, 733 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,680 Speaker 1: treating people the way you want to be treated, and 734 00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:33,760 Speaker 1: helping those in need to meet Those are traditional values. 735 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:35,960 Speaker 1: That's a quote that I found and I liked it 736 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,600 Speaker 1: because we were just talking about live and let live 737 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:41,919 Speaker 1: you guys, because it is important. So hopefully you guys 738 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,759 Speaker 1: did learn a lot on this podcast. And Emmy again 739 00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:45,880 Speaker 1: which has it asked, Yes. 740 00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:48,959 Speaker 2: My honor, thank you. I'm just so grateful for you 741 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:52,320 Speaker 2: for having this space for me, for us, for our community. 742 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,839 Speaker 2: I think it's so important that we talk about and 743 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:58,560 Speaker 2: continue to educate ourselves. I'm really excited for crumbs. I 744 00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:01,040 Speaker 2: hope that in something for you too. 745 00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:06,040 Speaker 1: Oh, thank you so much, amis you guys, thank you 746 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,160 Speaker 1: so much for listening to this episode of Cheeky's and Choke. 747 00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:19,760 Speaker 1: This is a production of iHeartRadio and Mikeeltura podcast Network. 748 00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:23,920 Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at Mike Wultura Podcasts and follow 749 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:27,719 Speaker 1: me Cheeky's That's c h i q U y s. 750 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:33,239 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 751 00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,280 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.