Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Yeah, two things in.
Speaker 3: This world can rival the excitement of a modern day
Speaker 3: political campaign. As part of our Indecision two thousand coverage,
Speaker 3: Steve Carell joined the fun and went on the campaign trail.
Speaker 4: It's every reporter's dream to spend a day on the
Speaker 4: campaign trail with a front running candidate, and that's exactly
Speaker 4: the opportunity we were afforded this day in New Hampshire
Speaker 4: on John McCain's Straight Talk Express. However, Dan Rather and
Speaker 4: the Six Minutes crew were already on board, so we
Speaker 4: had to go on the overflow bus.
Speaker 1: Great, this is straight.
Speaker 4: The overflow bus repository for outcasts, misfits and journalistic bottom feeders.
Speaker 4: But they've got an omelet bar or something up there.
Speaker 4: You think, Rather he's up there talking policy with them.
Speaker 4: Let's know they're up there playing pinball, singing karaoke. Rather,
Speaker 4: it doesn't have to be on the overflow bush.
Speaker 5: I see minute.
Speaker 6: Do you be lucky if you even see him today?
Speaker 4: Don't throw it back, you just ate half fit threw
Speaker 4: it back.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 6: We were asked to come like, oh yeah, well you're
Speaker 6: that bus.
Speaker 4: Shut that take it up your ass. The situation was intolerable.
Speaker 4: Something had to be done.
Speaker 1: Exactly what am I looking at?
Speaker 4: Here?
Speaker 1: Bus assignments for the fifty some members of the media.
Speaker 5: Well, let's cut to the chase.
Speaker 1: Where are we forty nine and fifty?
Speaker 5: What are the circles?
Speaker 2: Mean?
Speaker 1: Circles?
Speaker 3: I mean you're on the bus so as you can see,
Speaker 3: no circle, no bus.
Speaker 6: Why aren't tricking me around like this? All I want
Speaker 6: to do is sit on the nice bus.
Speaker 1: I'm screw it.
Speaker 2: I thanks so.
Speaker 4: Covering the story at arm's length was getting me nowhere.
Speaker 4: And then it hit me the best way to get
Speaker 4: to a presidential candidate's bus is through his wife.
Speaker 1: This is your driver. Here, driver the beginning.
Speaker 4: Now, this is a well appointed driver.
Speaker 5: He's wonderful.
Speaker 4: I'd like you to take a look.
Speaker 5: At the driver.
Speaker 7: We have.
Speaker 4: Great Thanks very much, Ron, you see what I mean? Okay,
Speaker 4: now step aboard. Here we go into our secondary bus.
Speaker 4: Take a whiff, yeah, take a whiff of that one
Speaker 4: whiff of the overflow bus. And missus McCain was on
Speaker 4: my side.
Speaker 1: Really, come on, let's go.
Speaker 4: Really, not only was I finally on the bus, but
Speaker 4: I was going to get the chance to talk to
Speaker 4: Senator John McCain.
Speaker 3: Look, let me say you are welcome on our bus
Speaker 3: at anytime.
Speaker 5: Let's do a lightning round.
Speaker 4: Okay, your favorite book from whom the Baltolls favorite movie,
Speaker 4: vivis a Potter, Charlon Heston, Marlon Branda.
Speaker 2: Close enough.
Speaker 4: If I were Tree, I would be a If I
Speaker 4: were Tree, I would be a route. What does that mean, Senator?
Speaker 4: How do you reconcile the fact that you were one
Speaker 4: of the most vocal critics of pork Beryl politics, and
Speaker 4: yet while you were chairman of the Commerce Committee, that
Speaker 4: committee set a record for unauthorized appropriations.
Speaker 5: I just kitty, No, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't even know what that means.
Speaker 6: Oh they all laughed at my little question. But two
Speaker 6: things were abundantly clear. Okay, all right, okay, forgot it
Speaker 6: was the wrong question to ask, and I was going to.
Speaker 2: Be walking Steve perellers, m.
Speaker 3: Steve, that was that was That was an interesting piece,
Speaker 3: Thank you, mister. It seemed like you had one shot
Speaker 3: to really ask a good, solid political question and and
Speaker 3: you froze up.
Speaker 1: You backed off.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, I was trying to explore the sites, the sounds,
Speaker 4: the smells of a political campaign.
Speaker 1: You were up there to get an interview with McCain.
Speaker 6: And well, now, missus McCain was a great.
Speaker 1: Missus McCain is not the story.
Speaker 4: Uh did you see her?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, she is intelligent, beautiful.
Speaker 1: Yes, I wonderful. I understand.
Speaker 3: But it seems like you froze up with McCain. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you had him right there, and and.
Speaker 5: Well, I I was just.
Speaker 4: I was trying to.
Speaker 1: Should we take you off the political beat?
Speaker 2: Is it?
Speaker 1: Is it too much for you.
Speaker 4: To Steve Carrell, Ladies and gentlemen coming up four minutes?
Speaker 1: No, no, you're not. You're not talking. You're not tossing
Speaker 1: a commercial. Look at me, Look Steven, look, look sip.
Speaker 1: What do we say?
Speaker 5: Bad report and do better?
Speaker 1: Steve Carell, here's a caramel, good.
Speaker 2: Boy, Steve Carrell. Lady, we kinda been working right back
Speaker 2: every this.
Speaker 3: There's those of you who read the tabloids. Undoubtedly no
Speaker 3: Daily Show correspondent. Steve Carell has waged a very public
Speaker 3: battle with his weight. We've been lucky enough that he's
Speaker 3: allowed us a window, a window, window, a window into
Speaker 3: that process. Please welcome our own Steve Carell, Steve.
Speaker 4: John the last time on Slimming Down with Steve, I
Speaker 4: chose a personal trainer. But as you know, exercise alone
Speaker 4: just won't cut it. Today, we're going to focus on nutrition.
Speaker 4: Join me as I visit a top New York City nutritionist.
Speaker 4: My name is Stevens.
Speaker 5: County.
Speaker 4: Down with me. Before a nutritionist like Mariam Papo can
Speaker 4: offer advice, she has to learn about the eating habits
Speaker 4: of her patient.
Speaker 8: Just tell me if you've eaten these in the last week, okay,
Speaker 8: geez yes.
Speaker 4: Fried chicken yes, other fried foods yes, hot.
Speaker 7: Dogs yes, salami yes, snack chips yes, bacon yes, sausage.
Speaker 1: Yes, sweet roll?
Speaker 5: What's sweet roll?
Speaker 4: Like a Danish? Yes?
Speaker 2: What type of.
Speaker 6: Milk do you drink buttermilk?
Speaker 1: What type of oil do you use? Wd?
Speaker 4: Forty usually peanut oil. When you have chicken, is it
Speaker 4: with the skin or without the skin? Just the skin?
Speaker 1: What am I doing wrong?
Speaker 4: It didn't take long for Miriam to observe that I
Speaker 4: needed more vegetables in my diet, so she offered to
Speaker 4: make me a healthy meal.
Speaker 1: Look how beautifully green these.
Speaker 6: Are green things. The super market was gonna be a
Speaker 6: lot of fun.
Speaker 5: This is beef tongue.
Speaker 4: If you were to eat this, wouldn't your food essentially
Speaker 4: be tasting you. We did have fun. But now it
Speaker 4: was off to.
Speaker 6: The kitchen to make pasta prima vera, which in Italian
Speaker 6: means no meat.
Speaker 5: For Steve, that looks good.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: What makes pasta prima vera such a healthy dish.
Speaker 7: Because it's usually using all fresh vegetables.
Speaker 4: Bam, right like that, chef. Finally it was time to indulge.
Speaker 2: Let's dig in.
Speaker 4: Let's say grace first. Ah, good games all around, horse
Speaker 4: and from heaven, noble, same old Lord, th old Lord.
Speaker 2: For all ease.
Speaker 5: Lord.
Speaker 2: I really want to thank you, Lord.
Speaker 5: I wanna thank you Lord.
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you Lord. Oh bod.
Speaker 5: Mm hmmm.
Speaker 1: I'm all right, Steve Carral, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 4: Bye.
Speaker 3: First of all, thank you for allowing us to go
Speaker 3: on this emotional journey with you. Now, how is the
Speaker 3: new diet going for you?
Speaker 4: Well, it's been tough, John, because I've had to find
Speaker 4: ways to incorpor rate vegetables into my nutritional regime.
Speaker 1: I think you mean regimen, not regime.
Speaker 2: John.
Speaker 5: You do what you need to lose weight. I'll do
Speaker 5: what I need to do.
Speaker 6: Okay, Now take a look at this. You'll notice it
Speaker 6: says all vegetable right a couple of scoops of this,
Speaker 6: I get all the vegetables I need.
Speaker 3: I actually think it's it's it's it's shortening, vegetable shortening,
Speaker 3: So it doesn't.
Speaker 6: It serves up just like ice cream.
Speaker 5: M so uh, it's really not bad.
Speaker 1: Vegetables can be fun. Let me ask you, uh, how
Speaker 1: much weight have you lost?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 4: Exactly, it's funny.
Speaker 2: Use for dashpack.
Speaker 5: That's why I'm laughing, because I.
Speaker 4: Haven't lost anyway, but I am even better. Our next
Speaker 4: tell story should be of particular interest to our.
Speaker 5: Teen viewers.
Speaker 4: Who suffer from crippling glaucoma. For centuries, marijuana has been
Speaker 4: used as a self prescribed remedy for the terminal disease
Speaker 4: known as being alive. But last week, the Supreme Court
Speaker 4: heard arguments as to whether state initiatives permitting the drug
Speaker 4: to be used medicinally violate federal law. It's a case
Speaker 4: that figures to settle one and for all the legality
Speaker 4: of medical marijuana and thereby affect the lives of no
Speaker 4: fewer than point zero zero zero one percent of American
Speaker 4: marijuana smokers. The federal government maintains, however, that marijuana, or
Speaker 4: as it's known on the street funny pot cigarettes is
Speaker 4: illegal period, and has severely criticized prescribing the drug to
Speaker 4: those freewheeling, long haired hippie aids and cancer patients just
Speaker 4: trying to score a free high off Uncle Sam. Those
Speaker 4: people are sick now, seriously, they're sick and they need help.
Speaker 4: Robert McGinnis of the Family Research Council has come out
Speaker 4: strongly against medical marijuana. I don't deny that, you know,
Speaker 4: sick people who have been using it for a long
Speaker 4: time feel better after using this because they.
Speaker 2: Get high, and when you get high, you feel better.
Speaker 6: Robert McGinnis.
Speaker 4: Speaking out strongly and poorly against marijuana. Medical marijuana, which
Speaker 4: is a miracle. Now the upcoming Supreme Court debate could
Speaker 4: even be a hotter button issue than Americans not sleeping enough.
Speaker 4: That's why it's the subject of tonight's even Stephen, you've
Speaker 4: just made me.
Speaker 6: Vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like up
Speaker 6: your own acts?
Speaker 4: Tonight's topic. Should medical marijuana I'll be legalized?
Speaker 2: Yes? No? Yeah.
Speaker 6: The medical marijuana initiatives in California and New Mexico were
Speaker 6: approved by the voters solely to help seriously ill patients,
Speaker 6: for whom marijuana offers the only relief from pain. Who
Speaker 6: could deny an eighty year old woman a moment of
Speaker 6: respite from her tortured existence. But I suppose there are
Speaker 6: a few sick individuals.
Speaker 4: Out there who get off.
Speaker 5: Aren't other people suffering?
Speaker 4: Stephen far out, Steve groovy point man, you're blowing my mind.
Speaker 4: Face it, You and your doctor dopes are just hiding
Speaker 4: behind Grandma's oxygen tent. The real reason you're pushing pro
Speaker 4: pot legislation is so you can suck on a tie
Speaker 4: stick and watch the walls being into pulse and bread.
Speaker 4: And now that you've duped a few misguided state legislators,
Speaker 4: I'm sure we can all look forward to you coming
Speaker 4: down with the convenient case of glaucoma real soon. This
Speaker 4: marijuana is medicine, Stephen. I'm pro people, not pro potto.
Speaker 4: Come on, Steve, you love ganja and the exhilarating rush
Speaker 4: of freedom and the heightened textural sensations it gives you.
Speaker 4: Whereas I wouldn't know where to start looking for a
Speaker 4: dime bag, I'm sure you've got great connections, So let
Speaker 4: me in on the dirty little secret, Steve. Where do
Speaker 4: you get your pot?
Speaker 5: Stephen?
Speaker 6: Just because I support medical marijuana.
Speaker 4: It's ludicrous to imply that I'm a dope fiend. That's
Speaker 4: like saying because I support the repeal of the marriage
Speaker 4: tax penalty that I'm.
Speaker 5: Into wife swapping.
Speaker 4: Don't change the subject, Steve. You know exactly where I
Speaker 4: can get my hands on some really deep chronic don't you.
Speaker 4: Let's get back to my wife swapping metaphor.
Speaker 5: Fine, let's what.
Speaker 4: You're suggesting about my access to sweet Malaysian skunk weed
Speaker 4: is just.
Speaker 6: As ridiculous as if I.
Speaker 4: Said, Hey, Stephen Colbert, why don't you and your wife
Speaker 4: come over some night this week and we can exchange partners.
Speaker 4: Would that idea appeal to you?
Speaker 5: I don't know, Steve. Would we be high?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 5: Would you bring the dope?
Speaker 2: Steve?
Speaker 4: You're not listening to my argument. My argument is that if,
Speaker 4: for instance, I tried to buy pot, I couldn't get any,
Speaker 4: but I think you could get me some. You're not listening, Steven.
Speaker 4: You're in a fantasy world where I smoke pot and
Speaker 4: could get my hands on some very kind butt. But
Speaker 4: we would be wife swapping this Friday. Have I made
Speaker 4: myself clear?
Speaker 5: Claire is Crystal Steve.
Speaker 4: But let me see if I can just recap your
Speaker 4: really twisted argument. You're saying that if we were to
Speaker 4: enter into some bizarre love quadrangle, you'd be supplying the weed. Yes, okay,
Speaker 4: that sounds perfect.
Speaker 2: Great.
Speaker 6: I'm Stephen Colbert and I'm Steve Carell and this has
Speaker 6: been even steep.
Speaker 5: Should we bring anything?
Speaker 6: Yeah, bottle wine would be nice.
Speaker 3: Two ABC reporters and a six person TV crew from
Speaker 3: the National Broadcasting Company voluntary left Bagdad on Monday. Well,
Speaker 3: our guy, Steve Carell is still in Baghdad.
Speaker 2: That's right, footfall.
Speaker 1: Those are wondering where he's been. That's where he's been, and.
Speaker 3: He's been there for some time and he's with us now.
Speaker 1: Steve, welcome, I used to see you, my fragment.
Speaker 4: Good evening, John, behind me Baghdad. Iraq is a nation
Speaker 4: waiting for an attack many believe is imminent. Will it
Speaker 4: come from Kuwait?
Speaker 6: Will Turkey respect the sovereignty of the Kurdish borders? These
Speaker 6: are the stories I will be covering as the countdown continues.
Speaker 3: Well, Steve, I just want to thank you, but say
Speaker 3: be a careful word here is that the attack will
Speaker 3: actually come in the form.
Speaker 1: Of a full blown assault on.
Speaker 3: The city of Bagdad itself, a massive, overwhelming strike that
Speaker 3: will instantly cripple the Iraqi infrastructure.
Speaker 5: Really, I did not know that, Well.
Speaker 1: Steve, I'm sorry you didn't know that.
Speaker 3: As a matter of fact, many of your colleagues have
Speaker 3: already fled the city and the country in anticipation of
Speaker 3: an immediate attack. Some believe it could be a matter
Speaker 3: of hours.
Speaker 6: It would have been nice for one of my colleagues
Speaker 6: to fill me in about that, or left a message
Speaker 6: on my voicemail, perhaps.
Speaker 1: Nick Robertson.
Speaker 3: Well, Steve, please, while you're still there, tell us Bush
Speaker 3: is still offering the option of exile for Saddam. Now,
Speaker 3: is that a possibility or is that I'm going to
Speaker 3: hold firm on this.
Speaker 6: Well John, The possibility of Saddam accepting exile seems unlikely,
Speaker 6: given his defiance and continued hopes that the Arab world
Speaker 6: will unite behind him.
Speaker 3: Steve, I've got to ask you this, While the US
Speaker 3: is engaging in conflict with Iraq, that might be a
Speaker 3: foregone conclusion. What about the long term damage to some
Speaker 3: of our key European relationships.
Speaker 7: Well, John, it's hard to tell what the damage will
Speaker 7: be to our longtime alliances. But from my vantage point tonight,
Speaker 7: Europe is mostly dark with large lid up patches that
Speaker 7: look almost like a computer circuit board or a grid
Speaker 7: of some sort like the movie Trony On a second,
Speaker 7: are you kidding me? Okay? Now, I asked for peppercorn
Speaker 7: ranch and this has been at GRTT And if did
Speaker 7: is a sourdough role that I am Walter Cronkite, Thank you, John.
Speaker 7: I will say that many Europeans currently feel that the
Speaker 7: US has shown as much disregard for the United Nations
Speaker 7: as Iraq.
Speaker 1: Well that's an interesting point, Steve.
Speaker 3: But I've got to say that maybe there's even a
Speaker 3: sense of that same sentiment within the United States itself.
Speaker 4: Well, absolutely, John. The man I just spoke to in
Speaker 4: the front seat seemed very down on the United States
Speaker 4: and also seemed unwilling to take me to tenth Avenue
Speaker 4: even though I told him eighth was being worked on.
Speaker 4: There are no easy answers.
Speaker 1: Well, Steve, we appreciate it.
Speaker 3: These are incredibly difficult times. We can only hope that
Speaker 3: every effort is made by all sides to spare innocent life,
Speaker 3: and that the men and women in our armed forces
Speaker 3: return home safely and quickly. And that's I guess the
Speaker 3: prayer that's coming from this country tonight, and maybe ultimately.
Speaker 5: You can go along.
Speaker 6: Oh my goodness, Well, thank you for John these I
Speaker 6: just wanted to say, these are trying times.
Speaker 7: Well.
Speaker 1: Steve Caroll, welcome back to you.
Speaker 4: Thanks, it's really great to be back.
Speaker 3: I've got to ask you a quick question, Steve, did
Speaker 3: you stop someplace else before coming here?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 6: Does mcsorley's count.
Speaker 1: Mcsorley's does count.
Speaker 5: Yes, and yes, yes I did.
Speaker 1: All right, Steve Carrell, Welcome home, Steve.
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