WEBVTT - #188 Forgiving My Abusive Father 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.480 You know how difficult it is to have the courage 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:06.000 to do what you're doing, to even suggest this, to 0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:19.680 even think about this. What's up, guys, Welcome back to 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:24.279 the podcast, episode one eighty eight. Thank you for being here, 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:27.320 and thank you for listening or watching wherever you're coming from. 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:30.440 Grateful for this platform to be able to talk through 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:34.960 things in long form. And this is really it's really 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:39.000 capturing what I do all day with other stuff, but 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:43.080 talk it seems like all day, and on this platform, 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:48.640 I answer your questions. You email me Grangersmith podcast at 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:52.000 gmail dot com, and we walked through it, and I 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.520 walk through this kind of stuff in real time with 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:57.240 other people. In fact, I'm saying that because I literally 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:04.080 just finished a conversation I have with this German friend 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:08.039 that we talked back and forth, usually about theology. He's 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:11.080 trying to he's an atheist, he's trying to disprove God, 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:15.520 and I try to defend the faith from whatever questions 0:01:15.560 --> 0:01:18.880 that he that he has. And it's always really nice. 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:24.560 We're always we're amicable to each other, right, we are 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:26.960 friends with each other, I'll put it that way. We 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:30.640 don't argue, but it's really fun. And I also have 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:33.440 the radio show after midnight and then I also, lately, 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:36.120 I've been recording my new book. I have a book 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:41.000 coming out August first, called Like a River. I'm so 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:44.120 passionate about this book, and of all the things that 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:45.960 I do, of all the things that I have done, 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:49.520 I'm most excited about this book coming out August first, 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:52.880 and lately I've been recording the audio book for it. 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:57.360 So I've been reading it and recording it, and hopefully 0:01:57.360 --> 0:01:58.800 a lot of you will be able to listen that way. 0:01:58.800 --> 0:02:02.320 If you're not a book reader, maybe you'll be an 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:06.040 audiobook listener. So I'm just excited about it. So it's 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:08.120 fresh on my mind, and I've literally been talking on 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:12.560 a microphone all day long. Let's get to your questions. Okay. 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:18.760 I don't scan these questions beforehand. I don't have a 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:23.160 preparation process of getting an answer ready. I don't have 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:25.520 notes in front of me. So we're gonna hear these 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:27.680 questions together for the first time, and then we're gonna 0:02:27.680 --> 0:02:30.320 walk through them like we're just old friends, like me 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:32.520 and this German guy. Right. I don't want to say 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:35.480 his name, but here's the first question. Subject line says, 0:02:36.120 --> 0:02:40.519 does time really heal all wounds. Hey Granger, I could 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:43.240 really use some advice right now. It's been almost over. 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:46.200 It's been almost over a year, that's what she said. 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:49.560 It's been almost over a year since my boyfriend and 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:51.480 I broke up, and I can't seem to move on. 0:02:52.400 --> 0:02:54.839 We were together for a year and a half and unfortunately, 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:56.920 my mental health got the best of me and I 0:02:56.960 --> 0:03:00.280 needed some space. We never stopped talking and hanging out, 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:04.160 but we had to set some boundaries so that I 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:07.600 could get better. When I wanted to work things out, 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:11.440 he didn't, and it hurt me so badly and I'm 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:15.000 still hurting even today. This man talked about marrying me 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:17.799 and we looked at rings, only to have him move 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:20.440 on to someone new in a few weeks after it ended. 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:25.320 I'm very tired of feeling this hurt and lonely. Any advice, Shannon, Shannon, 0:03:25.320 --> 0:03:27.680 thank you so much for emailing and being vulnerable and 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:31.320 opening up to me and let me scan your email. 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.320 You said you were together for a year and a half, 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:41.240 you battled mental health. He set boundaries so that you 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:45.600 could get better, And then I'm trying to see if 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:50.640 there's a timeline on when that was Okay, there is 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:52.880 at the very beginning of the first sentence, it's been 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:56.080 almost a year. Okay, got it. Let me clear a 0:03:56.120 --> 0:03:58.160 couple of things up. This is tough love, and I'm 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:00.760 going to say some things that could hurt your feelings. 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:04.200 Everyone that emails you know that I could say something 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:06.880 that hurts your feelings. I hope not, and it's not 0:04:06.920 --> 0:04:09.840 my intention. My intention is to help you. I promise 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:13.040 it's not to hurt you. But I sometimes in order 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:14.600 to help you, I might have to say some things 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:17.880 that hurt. This is what And I'm not always right 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:19.840 about that. That's another thing I gotta throw out. I'm 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:22.440 not always right. It could be wrong. But what I'm 0:04:22.440 --> 0:04:26.600 seeing is this whole stepping back to set some boundaries 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:29.920 so that you can get better, is more so saying 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:33.839 he got tired of trying to deal with this. He 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:36.000 thought you're going crazy and he don't want to deal 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:40.039 with it anymore. So he says, hey, let's set some 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:43.200 boundaries so that you can get better, and maybe we 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:45.839 should have a little time off from each other, you know, 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:48.400 so you can get better. But really, what he's saying 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:52.320 is I can't deal with this anymore. I need out Okay, 0:04:53.160 --> 0:04:56.280 he was probably ready. He fell out of love, if 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:59.080 he was in love, and now he's moving on to 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:03.160 someone else. None of that's surprising. The fact that you're 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:06.679 hurting right now is not surprising. It doesn't minimize the hurt. 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:09.760 It's still validated. I'm going to validate that you're hurting, 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:12.440 and this is painful stuff. I want to validate with 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:14.000 that with you. But I just want to also tell 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:19.200 you that it's normal. It's not new, it's not front 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:23.080 page news. You're heartbroken. And I've said this a lot 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:25.120 on this podcast. You know, We've had a lot of 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:29.279 episodes on here, and so many times it's just nice 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:34.560 I think to hear that this is a normal, normal reaction. So, 0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:41.799 for instance, if you said, hey, I have a sore 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:46.640 throat and I have a fever and I'm feeling terrible 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:49.760 and I don't know what it is. It could be anything. 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:53.440 I think I'm dying. I think I'm dying. And then 0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:55.880 we take it to the doctor that do a test 0:05:55.920 --> 0:05:59.479 and they go, oh, you got strep throat. This is 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:02.320 something that's very common, and you're gonna give you a 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:05.400 little bit of antibiotic and you're gonna take the medicine 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:08.880 and you're gonna be better soon. Okay, it will go away, 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:12.400 but it's gonna hurt. And then even though right then, 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:16.400 what's crazy is you hear that and hearing that news 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:20.640 from the doctor doesn't make the physical pain go away, 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:25.080 but it gives you a sense of hope that this 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:28.800 will end. This is normal. This is not abnormal. You 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:32.400 don't have a rare disease that's gonna kill you in 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:35.880 three weeks. This is strep throat And in about three 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:40.120 days it's gonna be gone. Knowing that makes you feel 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:42.800 so much better, even though your throat is still on 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:46.080 fire and you still have one hundred and three degree temperature. 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:50.080 Just knowing, Okay, I got this, this is normal, it 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:53.239 will go away. I got it. That makes it better. 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:56.280 That's what I'm telling you, Shannon. I'm telling you you 0:06:56.400 --> 0:07:01.559 got heartache or your heart is broken. It's the same 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:04.200 thing as if I'm telling you you you have a 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:08.640 positive diagnosis of strep throat. It's very common. And I'll 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:10.960 tell you what. Heartache is a lot more common than strap. 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:15.440 It's it's just it can go back for thousands of 0:07:15.480 --> 0:07:19.840 years of humanity. Humans get heartbroken. It's part of it's 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:22.600 part of being human, it's part of loving. And so 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:26.280 you go out there and you you love someone and 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:29.480 you pour into them, and if they don't reciprocate, you 0:07:29.600 --> 0:07:33.640 get heartbroke. And so what would be the solution to that? 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:36.320 Don't ever love again? Man, You're not gonna do that. 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:41.880 So you go back out and you protect your heart responsibly, 0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:46.120 but you love again, and you learn from what you did, 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:49.840 and this will your Your subject line says, does time 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:53.480 really heal all wounds this kind of wound? Yes, I 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:55.240 don't know about all I don't want to go there, 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:58.600 but this kind of wound. Yes, time will heal You'll 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:02.840 you'll feel better. You're gonna feel better, Okay, just not 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:07.960 right now. And I could help you with moving this along. 0:08:08.080 --> 0:08:13.200 And moving it along would would be blocking him, blocking 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:16.320 his number on your phone, blocking him on social media 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:18.600 so you don't see this new girl that he's with. 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:21.360 And it's just gonna help you not to think about him. 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:24.120 The less you think about him, the quicker you're going 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:27.160 to recover. Okay, I'm so sorry you're going through this. 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:38.760 Next question says enter faith marriage. That's a subject line. Hey, 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:43.640 Hannah says, my name is Hannah, I'm twenty six years 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:46.240 old from Ohio. I don't want to make this too long, 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:48.800 so I'm gonna try to give you the Sparksnokes version. 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:52.680 I was raised in Church but come from a very 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.720 broken family, which caused me a lot of mental health issues. 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:59.560 In my brokenness, I lost faith in my late teens, 0:08:59.600 --> 0:09:02.920 and then I began to go down destructive paths. I 0:09:02.960 --> 0:09:06.480 started doing dating a Muslim man. I started dating a 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:09.360 Muslim man. Two years later, he wanted to marry me. 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:13.320 Before we were married, he started teaching me Islam and 0:09:13.360 --> 0:09:16.360 it seemed to make sense, so I grasped on in 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:20.440 hopes of feeling better. However, I could never fully get 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:25.200 myself there spiritually. It never felt right from me. Recently, 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:29.520 after an excruciating bout with depression and completely losing my identity, 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.959 I called out to Christ. I said, if it's you, Lord, 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:36.320 please show me the way. Then I felt inclined to 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:39.800 seek him. I started praying, reading my Bible daily, listening 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:42.320 to worship music. I felt God again for the first 0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:46.600 time in a long time. I completely surrendered. Now the 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:50.280 problem is my husband would never accept this. He watches 0:09:50.280 --> 0:09:53.319 a lot of videos and podcasts of these Muslim theologist 0:09:53.840 --> 0:09:57.720 who say the Bible is corrupt, that Jesus was only 0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:00.480 a prophet, etc. So he sees christian y and a 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:04.040 poor light. I try to pray for his heart because 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:06.679 I want him to feel this with me. I want 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:10.079 the Lord to do work in his heart as well. 0:10:10.720 --> 0:10:12.960 I want him to be saved. I don't think he'll 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:16.440 ever accept Christ or me being a Christian. How do 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:19.360 I continue? Do I continue to pray for him and 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:22.559 worship in secret? Will this marriage work if we are 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:25.560 not on the same page spiritually? Thank you? Love the podcast. 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:30.040 Oh great message. Thank you Hannah, and thank you for 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:33.439 opening up and pouring your heart out on this email 0:10:34.679 --> 0:10:36.920 to me, who I don't feel like I deserve to 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:44.880 uh to be in something that's very complicated. It's very 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:47.319 complicated for you. So if you're if you're my friend Hannah, 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:49.840 which I hope you are, and we're we're sitting around 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:51.920 a campfire and you say, hey, Grange, I need to 0:10:51.960 --> 0:10:55.080 talk to you about this. Let's walk through it. Okay. 0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:58.280 I would like you to go to your Bible. You're 0:10:58.679 --> 0:11:01.120 gonna live there. I want you to live in this Bible. Okay. 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:05.319 It's so helpful because Paul's going to write in first 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:09.199 First Corinthians six and seven, he's going to start writing 0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:13.800 about your situation, and he's going to tell you what 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:18.960 he is commanding you to do. And it's amazing that 0:11:19.040 --> 0:11:20.800 you could read this in your Bible. And this is 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:24.920 why it's important that we don't use our Bibles like 0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:28.600 a form of encyclopedia, which I hope I'm not advocating 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:31.200 for that here, but it's not an encyclopedia where you're like, Okay, 0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:37.079 where's the s's for suffering? Okay, where's the peas for prosperity? Boom. 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:39.319 Here it is we don't go to the Bible like that. 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:41.480 We need to read it in context, and we need 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:44.040 to start at the beginning and move through in some 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:49.960 kind of systematic system of moving book to book consecutively 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:52.640 reading in context. Now, what you're going to find when 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:54.360 you're doing that is a lot of stuff about marriage, 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:56.760 and a lot of stuff about inner faith marriage like 0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:59.120 you said in your subjecline, and a lot of stuff 0:11:59.160 --> 0:12:05.560 about well suffering like you're going through. First Corinthians six 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:08.040 and seven is going to be specific for you, and 0:12:08.080 --> 0:12:11.000 it's going to stay. It's going to tell you to stay, 0:12:11.280 --> 0:12:17.240 stay and be faithful to him, and perhaps he could 0:12:17.240 --> 0:12:20.840 be saved through you through your faith. That's what it says. 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:23.600 And I want to correct a couple of things that 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:30.199 you said. One, you said, I don't think he'll ever 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:38.360 accept Christ false. You don't know that. Second, where's the 0:12:38.360 --> 0:12:41.200 other word? Oh? Or or me being a Christian? I 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:44.800 don't think he'll ever accept Christ false? Or me being 0:12:44.880 --> 0:12:48.280 a Christian false? And then you said again earlier in 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:51.960 that paragraph, the problem is my husband would never accept 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:56.920 this false. Jesus spoke about this many times. But you 0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:59.520 remember the whole the whole time, Jesus was talking about 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:03.040 how it is is more difficult for a rich person 0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:05.520 to go to heaven than a camel through the eye 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:10.200 of a needle. And his disciples were blown away by this. 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.680 They couldn't believe it. And and he was talking about 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:14.920 the heart. He was talking about someone that is, that 0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:18.600 is attached to riches, that is that finds their identity 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:21.560 and wealth will never make it. And and they're all 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:25.280 looking at each other, like, how much money do you 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:31.200 have in the bank. I'm speaking figuratively, they're thinking how 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:34.920 much how many goats do you have? And and they're 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:37.680 all kind of looking like man, almost everybody I know 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:39.680 has money of some sort. I know, I know that 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:42.560 these were poor shepherd men and fishermen. But at the 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:45.080 same time, look at Matthew over there. The guy's a 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:48.120 task collector. He's got he's got cash, and and they're 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:51.280 kind of mumbling and grumbling to themselves, and they say, Lord, 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:55.720 then who will ever be saved? Jesus looks at him 0:13:55.760 --> 0:14:02.080 and says, with man, it's impossible, but with God, all 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:05.000 things are possible. So he's saying what he's saying to 0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:08.400 them right there is oh, this whole, this whole salvation thing. Uh, 0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:11.079 it's not up to you. It's not up to you. 0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:13.400 It's up to God. And so the people that you 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:15.760 think could be so far from this, like this guy's 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:20.320 never gonna believe. Uh you wait, just wait, That's what 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:22.960 God's saying. I could do anything I could. I could 0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:26.920 turn the hardest heart, I could pierce it. What you 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:29.360 gotta worry about is the people that already say they're Christians. 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:31.800 That's the harder people. And the people who go I'm 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:34.480 already Christian, don't don't worry. Yeah, they get Jesus, Gospel, 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:38.760 resurrection and cross I got it anyway, those are the 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:40.920 I would think that those people are a little harder 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:43.960 than the guy that's that's so you cannot pierce his heart, 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:47.160 kind of like the German that I'm talking to. Let 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:49.600 me give you something else here. There's just a great 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:56.840 book called Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus. Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus. Oh, 0:14:56.840 --> 0:15:00.360 it's a fantastic book. And you you got to read this. 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:02.920 You got to get this on Amazon today the day 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:06.040 you hear this podcast. It is so good and you're 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:09.720 gonna have you. I hope that it creates and for 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:13.000 everybody listening, this is just a great read for anybody. 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:16.520 But it's gonna just give you a new love for 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:19.840 the for the Muslim people, for the people of Islam. 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:22.360 It's gonna give you a new heart for them. And 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:24.440 that's what I hope. That's what I hope that you're 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:27.120 hearing right now. And I hope that you read that 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:29.480 in this book. If you get it, Seeking Ali, Finding Jesus, 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:33.720 I'm just gonna got a love for them. And and 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:36.320 it makes you want to if you have a Muslim 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:40.000 family in your street right now, in your apartment complex 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:41.800 or down the road, it makes you just want to 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:43.760 say I don't wanna, I wanna. I want to cook 0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:46.880 some food them and invite them over this coming Thursday 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:49.960 and have dinner with them, just just talk to them, 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:52.840 just bring them into the community so they don't feel 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:57.400 like they're outcast here in this country. It's gonna start there. 0:15:57.440 --> 0:16:00.080 It's gonna start with love. And I think that's the's 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:01.400 where it's gonna start for all of us in our 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:04.560 community with Islam, Christians dealing with Islam. And then it's 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:07.960 gonna especially you and your home. It's gonna start with love, 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:10.520 and it's gonna be all about love. And that's that's 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:13.480 the conversation this is gonna be. And so how do 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:16.560 you how do you best love him? And I'll tell 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:20.360 you how you don't by leaving him, because if you 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:25.200 leave him, Hannah, if you leave him, he's in a lot, 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:30.560 a lot more difficult situation for to be saved once again. 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:34.600 With man, it's impossible. But just through the scenario, if 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:36.880 you if we think about it with human minds, it 0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:38.880 would be a lot harder for him if you left him, 0:16:38.920 --> 0:16:40.720 because then he would just say there he goes that 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:44.920 Christian goodbye. Time to marry me A good one, A 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:50.080 good woman. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I'm gonna 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:51.720 end that there. I don't think there's more I can 0:16:51.760 --> 0:16:55.360 add to that, but I just love him. We're gonna 0:16:55.360 --> 0:17:00.960 take a break and be right back. Thanks for listening 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:03.800 to the podcast. Y'all so excited to finally say that 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:07.840 my book Like a River comes out August twenty twenty three. 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:10.360 You could pre order it right now wherever you love 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:13.399 to get your books, like Amazon, and if you're not 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:15.679 a paper book reader, you could also listen to the 0:17:15.720 --> 0:17:19.000 audiobook which I'm currently working on for August first, and 0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:21.880 that's going to have some ad libbing in it as well, 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:24.400 so that might be a nice little thing to have 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:27.119 both if you want, and hopefully you'll be able to 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:30.520 do just that. And it's a conversation starter piece. That's 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:32.960 what I want this book to be. It's my journey 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:36.399 in detail over the last four years and what happened 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:38.600 to me starting with the death of my son River. 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:42.280 So I'm just very encouraged to be able to get 0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:45.119 you this story for anyone that might be hurting or 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:49.400 needing more information on how you could make it through 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.520 grief and see the purpose in your pain. On top 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:55.560 of that if you ever need a message from me, 0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:59.199 a personal message from me, cameo dot com is a 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:01.520 great way to do. I could make a video message 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.560 personalized for you or anyone you want me to send 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:08.320 it to, for any different occasion, personalized exactly what you 0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:10.800 want me to say. Go to cameo dot com slash 0:18:10.840 --> 0:18:14.320 Granger Smith or download the cameo app c am eo 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:17.960 and search for me Granger Smith. And then lastly, sponsoring 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:21.280 this podcast is yee Ye Apparel. Don't be mistaken, I'm 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:25.240 leaving country music touring, but not Yee Yee'. That's my 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:28.880 family's company, so that doesn't require touring to keep that going. 0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:32.560 So we're so excited to keep Ye Apparel moving forward 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:36.480 into the future representing faith, family, outdoors. And if you 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:40.200 ever need anything yee related, always go toyee dot com. 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:47.600 Back to the podcast. Okay, back to these questions. I'm 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:49.520 gonna go to the first one, the random one that 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:53.479 pops up. Subject line says forgiving my dad, Hey Granger, 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:55.560 my name is Zach and when I was young, I 0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:59.200 grew up with an alcoholic father who was also abusive. 0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:02.360 My parents was finally divorced when I was six and 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:04.399 he went in and out of my life until I 0:19:04.440 --> 0:19:07.800 turned eighteen. When I turned eighteen, he stated he wanted 0:19:07.880 --> 0:19:10.040 nothing to do with me or my brother and never 0:19:10.240 --> 0:19:13.840 contact and to never contact him again. That caught me 0:19:13.880 --> 0:19:17.159 off guard. Not that he was the best father, but 0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:20.040 he was still my father. Now, at thirty five years old, 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:22.920 I find myself contemplating reaching out to him and forgiving. 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:26.080 But if I find him and he answers that phone, 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:36.800 what do I even say? It's been seventeen years. Thank you, Zach. Zach. 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:41.760 I'm so pleased with you, and I love your heart 0:19:41.840 --> 0:19:45.239 in this and I'm happy that you emailed, and I'm 0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:51.400 happy you included the podcast in this because I would 0:19:51.400 --> 0:19:52.879 just want to commend you and just say, do you 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:56.159 know how you know how difficult it is to have 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:59.080 the courage to do what you're doing, to even suggest this, 0:19:59.240 --> 0:20:03.240 to even think of about this. I just want it 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:09.040 takes incredible bravery, incredible courage, incredible self denial that you 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:11.679 have done. And I hope people listen that are in 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:14.800 a similar situation as you, Zach. I hope people hear 0:20:14.840 --> 0:20:17.960 this and just say, yeah, it's me, because I know 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:20.520 a lot of people are in this situation. And I 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:22.920 hope people hear it and go, yeah, that's me. He 0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:25.639 grew up with a dad like that, and he left 0:20:25.760 --> 0:20:29.160 and he's gone, and maybe I should think like Zach 0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:32.280 and think, God, I should call him. I should give 0:20:32.320 --> 0:20:37.760 him a call. So it takes. The reason I say 0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:42.840 it takes incredible self denial is because the stronger emotion 0:20:44.080 --> 0:20:48.880 that we fall in, wretched humans, including me, the stronger 0:20:48.920 --> 0:20:54.080 emotion that we lead with is self preservation. Like, ain't 0:20:54.160 --> 0:20:57.000 no way I'm calling that guy. You know what he 0:20:57.040 --> 0:20:59.040 did to me. You know what he did to me, 0:20:59.840 --> 0:21:03.040 you know how he hurt me, you know how he 0:21:03.200 --> 0:21:07.600 kicked me out of out of his life and did 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:09.800 whatever to brother and mom, and you know what he 0:21:09.920 --> 0:21:11.560 you know what that guy did. There ain't no way 0:21:11.640 --> 0:21:15.879 I'm calling that guy. So that's that's the loud mouth 0:21:15.960 --> 0:21:17.840 of motion that we have. We all have that voice 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:20.920 in our head, right and to shut that voice up 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:25.520 to the to the quieter voice that the more reasonable 0:21:25.600 --> 0:21:28.800 voice that says the right thing to do would be 0:21:28.840 --> 0:21:33.080 to reach out to him. That's incredible. It takes incredible 0:21:33.080 --> 0:21:36.359 courage that you have done that and you're hearing that voice. 0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:39.520 And so so let's do this Okay, Zach, let's walk 0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:42.320 through this together, and I would love for you to 0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:44.200 do it and then report back so we could read 0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:47.640 it on this podcast, so that maybe we could all 0:21:47.640 --> 0:21:53.800 could hear how it went down. Okay, first things first, 0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:58.960 what to expect? Destroy any kind of expectations, right, It 0:21:59.119 --> 0:22:02.520 destroy x expectations of how he's going to react because 0:22:02.520 --> 0:22:05.080 you can't control it at all. So let's just pretend 0:22:05.359 --> 0:22:09.040 he's going to be hateful towards you if he answers 0:22:09.080 --> 0:22:11.760 it all, if he even replies at all, let's just 0:22:11.800 --> 0:22:16.639 say that he's going to go, Zach, get out of here. Man. Okay, 0:22:16.680 --> 0:22:19.520 I think there's a really good chance that he won't 0:22:19.520 --> 0:22:23.800 do that. Seventeen years is a long time to soften 0:22:23.880 --> 0:22:27.280 a hard heart, and so I would I would be 0:22:27.320 --> 0:22:30.000 shocked if he did. But let's expect him to that 0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:35.760 way when he is you, go, well, Dad, I'm reaching 0:22:35.760 --> 0:22:38.879 out to you because I haven't. I haven't keep it 0:22:38.920 --> 0:22:40.560 on Keep it on you, right, don't put it on him, 0:22:40.600 --> 0:22:42.760 don't say you didn't do that, you didn't keep it 0:22:42.760 --> 0:22:45.399 on yourself, and go because I haven't reached out in 0:22:45.680 --> 0:22:49.560 seventeen years and I'm thirty five years old and I'm 0:22:49.560 --> 0:22:52.280 working here, I'm married to this girl, got this kid, 0:22:52.480 --> 0:22:55.159 whatever you got going on, give him a little bit 0:22:55.200 --> 0:22:58.920 of that. I mean, come on, he's your dad. What Dad, 0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:02.760 deep down by a logically, doesn't just go my son's 0:23:02.800 --> 0:23:10.480 doing well, my legacy, my seed is doing well, that's great. 0:23:11.080 --> 0:23:13.639 What Dad doesn't want to hear that he's gonna be 0:23:13.680 --> 0:23:16.160 ashamed that he has put you out for so long. 0:23:16.280 --> 0:23:21.440 But go in and make it about him and less 0:23:21.480 --> 0:23:26.320 about you, meaning, go into this thinking I'm the one 0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:29.480 that hasn't reached out in seventeen years, right, And that's 0:23:29.520 --> 0:23:31.560 hard to do that because you're gonna want to blame them, 0:23:31.680 --> 0:23:35.280