1 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:06,840 Speaker 1: Hey, folks, it is Friday, July eleventh, and Chris and 2 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 1: Hudah continue to do a public service for all of 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 1: us who are in relationships by showing us exactly what 4 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:18,560 Speaker 1: not to do. Welcome to this Love Island USA edition 5 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,920 Speaker 1: of Amy and TJ, where we go beyond the hot bods, 6 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,960 Speaker 1: kissing games and the hideaway suites to identify the real 7 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,400 Speaker 1: relationship lessons sprinkle throughout the hit show robes. I don't 8 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: want to be too hard on them because as soon 9 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,680 Speaker 1: as they show us what not to do, they have 10 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: come back and there are some lessons from them on 11 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: how to do things properly in a relationship. 12 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,519 Speaker 2: I actually appreciate how real they're being. I think, you know, 13 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 2: a lot of complaints have been about reality shows and 14 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,880 Speaker 2: even Love Island that folks are media trained and they're 15 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 2: performing in front of the camera. I have to say, 16 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 2: with these two, it feels really authentic because what we're 17 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:57,240 Speaker 2: seeing in their conflict actually really replicates life and so 18 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 2: many relationships all of us are in. So I actually 19 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:06,479 Speaker 2: appreciate them significantly. They are providing most of our conversation today. 20 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, at this point, they're the only ones seemed to 21 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 1: be in a real conflict or figuring things out. At 22 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:13,880 Speaker 1: least the past couple episodes. Everybody else is kind of 23 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 1: booed up. What the age just ass Home Girl to 24 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:18,880 Speaker 1: be is? What do they call it? 25 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 2: It's exclusive? 26 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:20,399 Speaker 1: Exclusive? 27 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, it's they're exclusive. 28 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 1: Everybody else seems to have figured some of their stuff out. 29 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,160 Speaker 1: These two are still struggled. 30 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 2: Well. I think everyone else might be in that heady, 31 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:34,319 Speaker 2: exciting where you're just like the other person can do 32 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:38,400 Speaker 2: no wrong, and you're in that like love glow bubble. 33 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 2: It depends on the couple, but I think these folks 34 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 2: have been together for a few weeks. Yeah, it should 35 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 2: last a few weeks. 36 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, they should all be good. 37 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 2: I think it's interesting that Chris and Hooter are dealing 38 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 2: with things that usually doesn't come until about six months 39 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 2: down the road. So we give. 40 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: Yes, we've been focused on them a little bit. We're 41 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: going to focus on them some more today. But again, 42 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: if we want to remind you, we are not here 43 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 1: to take sides. We are really watching this show, not 44 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 1: as a we're rooting for Chris or rooting for who 45 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 1: to rooting for anybody. It's just we watch these shows 46 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 1: and row. We talked about it here but you're the 47 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 1: one got me on into where I got so into 48 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,840 Speaker 1: them because I see real relationship conversations happening that I 49 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,919 Speaker 1: want to pause the show and have some of those 50 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 1: conversations with you. So this has been cool with a. 51 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 2: Watch, it has been and I think that if anything, 52 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:23,079 Speaker 2: if this sparks a conversation between you and your partner, 53 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 2: and it should and it should And a lot of 54 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 2: these are uncomfortable topics that people don't want to talk about. 55 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 2: They avoid because they don't want to get in a fight. 56 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 2: But if you can actually have a conversation about someone 57 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 2: else's issue, and sure, yeah, of course it resonates. 58 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,840 Speaker 1: You said as well. When you can step back and 59 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 1: see somebody else doing it, you recognize the behavior. Well, 60 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 1: we can look back and go, damn, why did he 61 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 1: do that? And you recognize he shouldn't have done that, 62 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: and then I think to myself, damn I did that. 63 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 1: It's so you can sit back and you see examples 64 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,480 Speaker 1: of your own bad behavior or missteps and. 65 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 2: It makes you think, and you know what, that is 66 00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 2: the way to look at it, because the worst way 67 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 2: you could pass we look at it is see something 68 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 2: and go see you do that? That's not what we're suggesting, 69 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 2: you know, like when you're when I'm watching it, I'm 70 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 2: looking to see behaviors that I do. That I have 71 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 2: to admit that is so important. But don't look at 72 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,919 Speaker 2: the behaviors and say that's exactly what my boyfriend does, 73 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 2: that's exactly what because that's only gonna make things worse. 74 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonna try that now, you know we have Naturally, 75 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 1: that's not something we've done. I have not watched and 76 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 1: looked at you that see what she did. That's what 77 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:26,679 Speaker 1: I'm talking about. That actually hasn't happened. So I don't 78 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 1: think naturally people, if you do that, you got we 79 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:30,600 Speaker 1: got a bigger problem. 80 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,080 Speaker 2: No, and that is you know what, that's cool, And 81 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 2: we didn't. That wasn't deliberate, that wasn't restraint. I really 82 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 2: was looking at it for trying to better myself. 83 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: So last episode officially was episode thirty three, last Night 84 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 1: of Love Island USA. They just have a few more episodes. 85 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 1: We got one tonight, one tomorrow, and then the finale 86 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 1: is Sunday, of course, but these were the relationship scenarios 87 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 1: we picked up on that we want to make sure 88 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 1: you are addressing, possibly in your own relationship. One the 89 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 1: idea of walking off from someone during an intense conversation. 90 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 1: Two gaslighting your partner. That's a big deal and we 91 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: saw it on display in the show. Three physically rejecting 92 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: someone at bedtime. This is the idea of kind of 93 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: going to bed angry. But we saw something in the show. 94 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, brother, come on, don't do that. 95 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,360 Speaker 1: And then number four issue what do you think about 96 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 1: romantic sweet or even borderline cheesy gestures between partners? And 97 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:33,440 Speaker 1: then finally word choice in resolution still matters. Yes, the 98 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 1: fight's over, but still you don't have to use those words. Brother. 99 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,320 Speaker 1: We will get into that. The first robes, it was 100 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:42,679 Speaker 1: how many times did I rewind the episode at the beginning? 101 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,920 Speaker 1: This was early on Hood and Chris having a conversation 102 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: and she said something to him. I went back, I 103 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 1: turned it up. Did she really just said that? And 104 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: this was something you talk about all the time. She 105 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 1: immediately defended herself, and for me, that was the gaslighting issue. 106 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 1: But this all started with her walking away from someone 107 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,560 Speaker 1: during an intense conversation. 108 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 2: Right, so when things get uncomfortable, and things certainly got 109 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 2: uncomfortable between Huda and Chris, Whoda just got up and 110 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:14,760 Speaker 2: walked off. And look, I understand that that has absolutely 111 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:18,240 Speaker 2: been a mode of operation I have employed. And I 112 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:20,920 Speaker 2: think we've talked about this before on a podcast where 113 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,839 Speaker 2: you said at one point, if you walk out that door, 114 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 2: do not come back, like you will not be coming back. 115 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,040 Speaker 2: And I thought about it. I had my hand on 116 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:34,800 Speaker 2: the door handle, and I thought, I think he's being serious, 117 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 2: and that's actually a fair point. I shouldn't walk off, 118 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 2: even though I'm angry right now, and so I didn't. 119 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 2: And I think what I have done, not in even 120 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 2: complex with you, but complex with even my daughters, I 121 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 2: have had to say and I think it's okay to 122 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 2: walk off if you know your emotions are out of control, 123 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,360 Speaker 2: and that's okay. That happens sometimes people you know you've 124 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 2: got a trigger, you've got something you're trying to work through, 125 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 2: and someone says the exact worst thing they could say 126 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,920 Speaker 2: to you, and just steam comes out of your ears. Right, 127 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,159 Speaker 2: So what do you do? So I have found that 128 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 2: what I've tried to do is to say, hey, I 129 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,719 Speaker 2: feel really emotionally volatile right now, and I don't like 130 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 2: where I am. I'm going to take ten minutes to 131 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 2: calm down, and then I would I want to come 132 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 2: back and continue this conversation. But when I'm in a 133 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 2: better frame of mind, you can do that. That's how 134 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 2: you walk away, and you said I'll come back. 135 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:27,280 Speaker 1: How hard is that so hard? You did it last year? Yes, right, 136 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,360 Speaker 1: and that's not and you took a moment you did 137 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,840 Speaker 1: it and you recognized but this wasn't between me and you, 138 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 1: by the way, I mentioned that, but you did so, 139 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 1: but it is that is not your moo historically in 140 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: your life. So you're explaining what to do. It's so simple, 141 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:42,840 Speaker 1: but it is. 142 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 2: Hard when you are angry. Yes, in the moment. What 143 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 2: the first thing you have to do is recognize, I 144 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 2: am so out of control right now. My emotions are 145 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:54,480 Speaker 2: out of control, and I shouldn't actually speak. I shouldn't 146 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 2: say what's pulling up inside of me? You know? You 147 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 2: the other It wasn't even there was no argument, but 148 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,360 Speaker 2: I had said something and I knew that you kind 149 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,120 Speaker 2: of got quiet and you had to leave to go 150 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 2: do something. But you texted me later, I don't know 151 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 2: if you remember this, and you said, hey, I just 152 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 2: want to explain. I left a little quietly today, but 153 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 2: you said something and I'm not saying you said anything wrong, 154 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 2: but it set me off in a way, and I 155 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 2: knew I wasn't in a good place, so I needed 156 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 2: some time and I just wanted to explain to you 157 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 2: how I was feeling. And I thought that was so 158 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 2: cool because I had it. I was like, something's off, 159 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 2: but I don't know quite what it was, and You're like, 160 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 2: I don't even need to tell you what it was 161 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 2: that you said. I just had to get myself right. 162 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,240 Speaker 2: And I thought that was such a cool way to 163 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 2: handle it. 164 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: And I I think I've apologized for it, but I've 165 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: done it before, I've walked away from it and this 166 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 1: is not certainly my mo. But I didn't discuss it 167 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 1: with you. This was actually in a restaurant and I 168 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: we were sitting at the bar. I said, babe, I 169 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,119 Speaker 1: need a minute, and I stood up and I walked. 170 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 1: I wasn't angry, I didn't yell it, did nothing else, 171 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,360 Speaker 1: said babe, I need a minute, and I walked out 172 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 1: the door of the restaurant. I don't know how long 173 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: I was gone, but came back. But I don't think ever, ever, ever, 174 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: it could be the right thing to do a good 175 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: call to make to at the heat of battle, when 176 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: you're at the height of emotion, to tell somebody I'm 177 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 1: done with you. I'm finished with you, like you just said, 178 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,360 Speaker 1: you don't have the privilege of talking to me anymore. 179 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 1: It's insulting, it's disrespectful. It shouldn't be done. We make 180 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 1: those mistakes, but they showed us, Yeah, at least an 181 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,160 Speaker 1: exact and we saw how he felt about it. He 182 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 1: actually felt crazy. Chris. At one point when she walked off, 183 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: he was had his hand in his like in his eyes, 184 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 1: and he said, what am I doing? 185 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 2: I'm crazy? Am I tripping? I'm tripping something? U. Yeah, 186 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,079 Speaker 2: you start questioning your own feelings. But I think as 187 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 2: long as you take accountability that you're the one who 188 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 2: feels out of control, you're not blaming the other person. 189 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 2: You're not saying you just made me walk out or you. 190 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,280 Speaker 2: You actually take accountability for your out of control emotions 191 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 2: in a calm way. Very hard to do. 192 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,800 Speaker 1: So that was a lesson they taught us. Do not 193 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 1: you should not walk off like this. But less than 194 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 1: two comes from this as well, this scenario in which 195 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 1: and I didn't know this rope, but there's a whole 196 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 1: conversation online about Huda and how she walks off. She 197 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: walks off with you won't complete a conversation. That's very immature, 198 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 1: and people have their feelings about people on the show, 199 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:16,439 Speaker 1: and that's fine. We saw her in the previous episode 200 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 1: thirty two walk off from him during a conversation. Wasn't loud, 201 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: wasn't that he did, didn't explode, but still she got 202 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 1: up and walked off while they were in the conversation 203 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:30,200 Speaker 1: this episode last night, very early in the episode, she 204 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 1: says to him, I didn't walk off. The conversation ended 205 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 1: and I walked away. And when I heard that, I 206 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: started rewinding and rerun. Did she really say that? 207 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:43,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, she did say that, And then we rewound and 208 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 2: rewound and saw that she did walk off. My thought 209 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,720 Speaker 2: is what happens is you when you're emotionally charged like that, 210 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 2: and I'm not defending her, you remember things differently. You 211 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 2: remember feeling justified. You remember saying, well, he stopped talking 212 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 2: and so I just left, And you're not acknowledging that 213 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,880 Speaker 2: you actually so angry you left as a form of 214 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,719 Speaker 2: punishment to say, like, f you, I'm not talking to 215 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,679 Speaker 2: you anymore. You didn't say it but when you got 216 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:08,840 Speaker 2: up and left, you know you were feeling that, but 217 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 2: you don't want to admit that, and you think, well, 218 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 2: he stopped talking, so I just left. So you're defending 219 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:18,320 Speaker 2: yourself and you're trying to you're trying to make fact 220 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 2: what you felt when it actually was in fact. And 221 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:24,359 Speaker 2: I think that I think our emotions cloud our memory 222 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 2: to make ourselves feel better about what we did. I'm 223 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,640 Speaker 2: going to give her that benefit of the doubt. Was 224 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,840 Speaker 2: it manipulative in the sense that she was deliberately gaslighting him? Maybe, 225 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 2: but maybe she actually just truly remembered it differently because 226 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:36,839 Speaker 2: she wanted it. 227 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: To be that way, And for the person on the 228 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: receiving end of that, it's nothing but gaslighting. Correct, because 229 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 1: I'm not sitting on the other side listening to you 230 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,320 Speaker 1: tell me that what I saw and what we all 231 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 1: experienced was wrong. Right, So if you were emotional, and 232 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,959 Speaker 1: that's fine, if you want to tell me you got 233 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 1: emotional foggy brain or something, but you cannot tell me 234 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: that I didn't experience what I experienced just because you 235 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:04,320 Speaker 1: were experiencing something internally that nobody else said effort. 236 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 2: That's so true, and the video doesn't lie. It doesn't. 237 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: So when she said that to him, I took it 238 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,160 Speaker 1: as she was. And again this isn't a matter of 239 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,920 Speaker 1: breaking down the episodes and the context there, but for 240 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,680 Speaker 1: the situation I was reading, she was just defending herself, 241 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 1: like she knew she did something bad. Maybe the cameras 242 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 1: played into it. Oh my goodness, that didn't look good. 243 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 1: Let me go over here and try to make it 244 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 1: look better, make myself look better on TV for the country. 245 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,320 Speaker 1: She first thing she did when she sat down, she 246 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,800 Speaker 1: said that I didn't I first of all, I didn't 247 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: walk off. I ended the conversation and left. Okay, it 248 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,080 Speaker 1: was even a quick little aside. I didn't give him 249 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: a chance to respond. So we people do that. We've 250 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,560 Speaker 1: seen people do that, but when you do that to someone, 251 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 1: and I have been on the receiving end of this 252 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 1: too often, where I am told that what I experienced 253 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: didn't happen, and these are. 254 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,319 Speaker 2: Just and you look back at that and when you 255 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 2: see it happen to another couple, you're like, Okay. What 256 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 2: she could have said was I'm so sorry that I 257 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,240 Speaker 2: walked away and you felt abandoned. But here's what I 258 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,720 Speaker 2: was feeling, and in my mind. I thought the conversation 259 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,720 Speaker 2: was over. But you're right. I hear what you're saying, 260 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 2: and that probably came off really rude and really disrespectful 261 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 2: and really dismissive. So that would be an okay way 262 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 2: to explain it. 263 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: I wouldn't even go as far as saying, you have 264 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 1: to apologize, but just don't tell me that what happened 265 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 1: did not happened. Just to make yourself look better or 266 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 1: feel better. Is where guest lighting usually comes from. 267 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 2: Different exactly, and that drives me. 268 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 1: But that's true, Sandwich. Now Chris and Huda will stay 269 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 1: with him again after all this and all this anger. Well, wow, 270 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:37,920 Speaker 1: we all got to go to bed tonight. 271 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 2: They have to sleep in the same bed. They can't 272 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:43,199 Speaker 2: sleep Oh yeah, you're right, they can't sleep outside when 273 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 2: they get that angry. 274 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 1: That would have been that might have been better in 275 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:49,560 Speaker 1: this situation. But Chris, they still sleep in the bed together. 276 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 1: But she walks in after getting herself ready in robes. 277 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,720 Speaker 1: He's laying there and turned with his back to where 278 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: she's gonna lay down already with his eyes closed. 279 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 2: I like, oh, whether he was sleeping or not, he 280 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:06,119 Speaker 2: had his back to heard that That is a physical 281 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 2: f you. 282 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,560 Speaker 1: But isn't that classic the idea of going to bed angry? 283 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 1: What do you do? 284 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:15,320 Speaker 2: Get as far away on the opposite side of the 285 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 2: bed as you can with your back to your partner. 286 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,840 Speaker 1: We've heard different opinion. We've talked to therapists about this. 287 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,040 Speaker 1: We have folks on the show talking about relationships. It 288 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: seems they're two different transit thought here. Yeah, some will plan. 289 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 1: I'll tell you, yeah, it's okay to go to We're 290 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: not going to resolve this tonight. We're gonna stay up 291 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 1: all night, just be mad, be exhausted. No, let's give 292 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,439 Speaker 1: some rest, clear of thoughts in the morning. Other people 293 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 1: say the opposite. I feel like therapists say one thing 294 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 1: and then couples say another. 295 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,480 Speaker 2: Right, for some reason, I think that, Yes, I think 296 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,199 Speaker 2: therapists tell you not to go to bed angry. And 297 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,840 Speaker 2: perhaps what I've heard and this, I don't know, if 298 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,160 Speaker 2: you're really mad at somebody, this is really hard to do. 299 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 2: But even if you're mad at someone, there have been 300 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,839 Speaker 2: people who say hold hands during fights. That's hilarious to 301 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,520 Speaker 2: Meuse when we're really mad at each other, the thought 302 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 2: of doing that is so count anything. Yes, hold hands, 303 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,559 Speaker 2: I believe that was what and married at first sight. 304 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:11,400 Speaker 2: That is what Dr Pepper uh and they suggested when 305 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,720 Speaker 2: you are fighting with someone to hold their hand let. 306 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 2: So basically the idea is because I think that when 307 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,200 Speaker 2: you get into a fight, you're upset, you're afraid, right, 308 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 2: you're afraid that the other person's done with you, or 309 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,280 Speaker 2: it's over, or all of these fears of an ending come. 310 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 2: If someone's physically touching you and saying, we're going to 311 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 2: get through this, but we have a lot of issues 312 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 2: to deal with. Those are all things easy to say 313 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,800 Speaker 2: when you have a calm or clearer head when you're angry, 314 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,280 Speaker 2: that is that seems almost impossible. But they do say, 315 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 2: like I don't want to use the word cuddling with 316 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 2: some sort of physical touch even if you're angry at 317 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 2: each other. We've talked about this, even if we're not 318 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 2: in a great place, I will reach and hold your hand, 319 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,080 Speaker 2: and it just there's just a there's a calm, there's 320 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 2: just a okay, like this isn't we're not in a 321 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 2: good place, but we're still together and we're going to 322 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 2: try to figure this out. 323 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 1: Like the footing, it works for me. We do angry 324 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 1: if your barefoot touches my barefoot and okay. 325 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 2: Okay, so yes, just a little gesture like that. But 326 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 2: when you're I don't know that I've come in your 327 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,520 Speaker 2: backs completely turned. I don't have we done that to 328 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 2: each other. 329 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 1: I don't ever remember making a conscious decision to make 330 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: that gesture. I don't know. I'll sleep on the couch. 331 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 1: I don't care. 332 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,840 Speaker 2: I know you will. You a couch, it's your preferred. Actually, 333 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 2: I feel like you sleep in the bed just to 334 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 2: appease me. You'd rather sleep on the couch. 335 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 1: That's a bigger TV out front. I could turn it 336 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 1: up as loud as I need to, but I thought, 337 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 1: just for the lesson there, that is not something you do. 338 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 1: You don't have to cuddle if you don't want to. 339 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 1: But the last few of the night, that's a tough one, 340 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 1: and I certainly wouldn't recommend it, and I don't think 341 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: anybody recommends you do that. That's let's go to bed 342 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: and rest and wake up. And that's like I'm saying, 343 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 1: fuck you one last time. 344 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 2: It was a choice? Was it? Was it? Passive aggressive? 345 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 2: He has those tendencies to be passive aggressive. That is 346 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,480 Speaker 2: a classic passive aggressive move. 347 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,960 Speaker 1: Well, we're starting to love We were really falling in 348 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: love with Chris here lately. 349 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:07,360 Speaker 2: But stay with us. 350 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,160 Speaker 1: We got two more things, two more lessons they taught us. 351 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 1: One of them romantic gesture or cheesy gesture? Which is it? 352 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 1: And as they're a fine line. Also, even though you 353 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 1: resolve the conflict, your words still matter. 354 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 2: Welcome back everyone to the Love Island USA edition of 355 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 2: Amy and TJ, where we are talking about relationship lessons 356 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 2: we are learning in each and every episode of Love 357 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,840 Speaker 2: Island USA, and these are lessons we can all put 358 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 2: to use in our own relationships. We were debating about 359 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 2: this next one. So Ace and Shelley, they're a couple, 360 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 2: one of the final couples on Love Island, and in 361 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,480 Speaker 2: episode thirty three they got chosen to go to the 362 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 2: hide away. We talked about it last episode, about this 363 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,760 Speaker 2: big display. It's a strange almost ritual where everyone gets 364 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 2: each other dressed up to go have sex with each other. 365 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:20,360 Speaker 2: It's a strange, strange phenomenon that's now becoming a big 366 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,879 Speaker 2: part of the show. But anyway, so they're going off 367 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,679 Speaker 2: to the hideaway site together to go have sex, but 368 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,120 Speaker 2: before that, they're getting in the hot up and while 369 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 2: she's changing from one very skimpy outfit to another. He 370 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,880 Speaker 2: goes and runs on the beach and draws a big 371 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:42,480 Speaker 2: heart with c and a for Shelley and ace with 372 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,080 Speaker 2: an arrow through the heart, and he makes a big 373 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 2: deal close your eyes, pulls her up and has her 374 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,879 Speaker 2: has it revealed that he's made this sand image, and 375 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,120 Speaker 2: then reads her a note that he's written. 376 00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: Okay, all of this can absolutely be seen as is 377 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,600 Speaker 1: there a fine line? I think it might be a 378 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:10,120 Speaker 1: fine line between sweet, romantic and a little cheesy. And 379 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 1: I think it might depend on who you are. Yeah, 380 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,679 Speaker 1: and how do you read? How do you know that 381 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: the person you I guess if you're with them long enough, 382 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,960 Speaker 1: you know. But how do you if you're the recipient 383 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: or you are the giver? Right, how do you balance? 384 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:27,719 Speaker 2: Okay? 385 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,199 Speaker 1: Am I giving this to a person who will receive it, 386 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,600 Speaker 1: and then once you receive it, if you're not into it, 387 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:34,639 Speaker 1: how do you handle it? 388 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,320 Speaker 2: Okay? So here, I have really strong thoughts about this 389 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:42,320 Speaker 2: from my relationship experience and don't want to have you 390 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 2: get too big of a head. But I feel like 391 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:49,240 Speaker 2: you deliver gifts and compliments and displays of affection in 392 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,400 Speaker 2: such a sincere way, and you want to know how 393 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 2: you do that. You don't jump up it down and 394 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 2: say look what I did, Look what I did, Look 395 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,800 Speaker 2: what I'm giving you, Look what I've shown you. Let 396 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,240 Speaker 2: me present this to you. You're gonna do something for me. 397 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 2: It just is what it is. You don't make a 398 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 2: big presentation. And I think when for me as a woman, 399 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,040 Speaker 2: when I see a man doing that, it's called love bombing, 400 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,159 Speaker 2: and it's almost for everyone else. It's for him to 401 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 2: feel good about what he's doing. And it feels less 402 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 2: like a gesture to me and more like a see 403 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,320 Speaker 2: how much I love you? And won't you love me now? 404 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,600 Speaker 2: Because see how much I'm loving you. It it's if 405 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,439 Speaker 2: that makes any sense. So like big displays like I 406 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:30,400 Speaker 2: don't like that, but small quiet When you, for instance, 407 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,800 Speaker 2: surprise me with a gift, you don't say, look at 408 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,159 Speaker 2: this gift I'm giving you. You just will put it 409 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:36,639 Speaker 2: on the bed and I will walk in and go, 410 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, what's this And it's just sweet and subtle, 411 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 2: and you're not seeking attention for yourself. 412 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 1: We have we've had, okay, we've had and you've had 413 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:48,400 Speaker 1: different unique experiences here and you know we talk about 414 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 1: lessons here, let that be one as well. To anybody. 415 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:58,199 Speaker 1: Ask yourself why you're making the gesture. Ask yourself, do 416 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,840 Speaker 1: you want somebody else to see it or be a 417 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,120 Speaker 1: aware of it? Is the audience someone other than your partner? Yeah, 418 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 1: that's very important question. Ask I have. Actually I was 419 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 1: out of town. Your parents were in town. I think 420 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,000 Speaker 1: at least one or maybe two of the girls were here. 421 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:16,399 Speaker 1: I didn't send you flowers while I was gone because 422 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,320 Speaker 1: I was afraid age your family might think I was 423 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 1: just making a gesture, so you didn't get flowers. That's 424 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 1: so funny because I didn't want anybody. 425 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 2: Else And I do appreciate that, and I will say, 426 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,439 Speaker 2: even when it's just your partner, ask yourself, are you 427 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 2: just doing this so that they'll say how great of 428 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,119 Speaker 2: a boyfriend you are or how great of a girlfriend 429 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 2: you are? Think about your motivation and be really honest 430 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,119 Speaker 2: with yourself. And I think that has been a very 431 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,240 Speaker 2: eye opening thing for me, being on the receiving end, 432 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 2: and also in terms of when I give. Sometimes I 433 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,359 Speaker 2: do say, hey, bart you a candle, but I'm not. 434 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 2: It's just to show you, Hey, I got this so 435 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 2: you won't miss it, or you're like, where is this? 436 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 2: But it's not like, see what a great girlfriend I am, 437 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 2: see what I'm doing for you. I think when you 438 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,439 Speaker 2: really start taking stock of why you do things, you 439 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,879 Speaker 2: can understand why sometimes it comes off to the other 440 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 2: person is inauthentic or self motivated. 441 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: So we're not knocking Ace here anything inauthentic, But things 442 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,719 Speaker 1: like that come up when when someone reads a poem 443 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,879 Speaker 1: to you, somebody writes a poem. I mean, for some people, 444 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,400 Speaker 1: they might think that's the most romantic thing in the world. 445 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,840 Speaker 1: If you wrote me a poem, I would look you 446 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,680 Speaker 1: dead in the eye. I would take it. I would 447 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,120 Speaker 1: love you. I say thank you, baby. Then I would 448 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: go into the restroom and laugh my ass. 449 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,159 Speaker 2: You would laugh at me. You would laugh now on 450 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 2: your face. Oh I really, I think you would. 451 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,600 Speaker 1: If I could tell your heart was it too, I 452 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,199 Speaker 1: wouldn't do like that. But damn no. 453 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,359 Speaker 2: And so I think, if are's here's maybe I'm like 454 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 2: splitting hairs here. But I was thinking, as a girlfriend, 455 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 2: if Ace had just done that in the sand, which 456 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,159 Speaker 2: is totally sweet and cute, and then not said anything, 457 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 2: and if she had just looked over and seen it 458 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,560 Speaker 2: instead of him presenting it to her with a big 459 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 2: thing with her closing the eyes. Look what I did. 460 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,520 Speaker 2: If she had just seen it, that would have been 461 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,760 Speaker 2: so much more powerful because you'd be like, oh my god, 462 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,880 Speaker 2: did you do that? That's so sweet? 463 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 1: This might have been perfectly up her alley. I'm saying, 464 00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:00,800 Speaker 1: some people who might each his or her own, how 465 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 1: do you? You just got to know your part, because 466 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: that's true. You are really taking a shot there. If 467 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,240 Speaker 1: you write a poem to somebody who thinks that's cheesy, 468 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 1: because that's a little It's one thing to write a 469 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,120 Speaker 1: nice note, leave on the bed, see you later, to 470 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,760 Speaker 1: take the time Rose of red, violets of blue. I 471 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,119 Speaker 1: want a steak tonight, how about you? I mean, whatever 472 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,640 Speaker 1: you're gonna write, that's what I would write to you. Yeah, 473 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,960 Speaker 1: I just completely went to that, right, That was funny. 474 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 2: That's how we But but I do think that there 475 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 2: are there are women and men probably who do appreciate 476 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 2: public displays of affection. They're saying, hey, you are now 477 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,000 Speaker 2: shouting to the world that I'm your girl or that 478 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,679 Speaker 2: you love me, and that's fine. That's just that's just 479 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:35,000 Speaker 2: not for me. 480 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,080 Speaker 1: We're talking about different things. A display of love to 481 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 1: the world is one thing I am talking about. A 482 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,879 Speaker 1: grand gesture where you see a plane fly over the 483 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 1: Hudson while we're sitting out and it says DJ loves 484 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,160 Speaker 1: Amy that kind of stuff. 485 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,399 Speaker 2: Don't do that. That's okay. 486 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,240 Speaker 1: I'm talking about those types of jaf. 487 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,159 Speaker 2: You're right, some people do like that. I do not. 488 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,920 Speaker 2: I do not cancel the plane. 489 00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 1: Last lesson that they did seeach Us had to do 490 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 1: with once they resolved the issue robes. They had resolution 491 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:06,199 Speaker 1: that came together. Kristen Huda, Okay, they're gonna be okay, 492 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,919 Speaker 1: but then he used some language I took issue with. 493 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,119 Speaker 2: Yes, so yeah, they were smiling and she was like, 494 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,639 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, and she did say she was sorry. At 495 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,880 Speaker 2: that point, they did kind of have this moment where 496 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 2: she finally did admit that she had done and done 497 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:25,200 Speaker 2: some things that she wasn't proud of, and he kind 498 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,520 Speaker 2: of said, yeah, I would have. I would have left 499 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:28,840 Speaker 2: you if I wasn't gonna be okay with it. I 500 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 2: wouldn't still be here with you, so obviously I've moved on. 501 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,760 Speaker 2: But then he kind of said, to the aside, I 502 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 2: know shit ain't gonna change, and I was like, oh, dude, dang, 503 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 2: and even if you think it, just don't say it 504 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:42,680 Speaker 2: out loud. 505 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 1: She was being apologetic and they were getting past the 506 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,119 Speaker 1: she was she was in that moment seemed she seems 507 00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:51,000 Speaker 1: since here. But when someone does that, when you get 508 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,680 Speaker 1: conflict result where it's okay, and that kind of language 509 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: kind of put a damper on the resolution and put 510 00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,919 Speaker 1: a damper on to use that type of language. That 511 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:04,320 Speaker 1: was very choice language. It says, yes, fine, it's over, 512 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,680 Speaker 1: but you aren't gonna do what you need to. It's 513 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: pointless to continue this because you aren't gonna. It was 514 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,120 Speaker 1: an insult to her. 515 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:17,320 Speaker 2: It's it's it's hard when someone finally and obviously it 516 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,120 Speaker 2: was hard for Huda, and it's hard for everyone. It's 517 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 2: hard for me to say I'm sorry. It's hard to 518 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,400 Speaker 2: admit you were wrong. It's hard to admit that you 519 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,920 Speaker 2: that you acted badly. So then right when you finally 520 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 2: do that, now you're vulnerable. Right now you're being open 521 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:35,080 Speaker 2: and the person says yeah, but she ain't gonna change that. 522 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 2: That makes you feel deflated and defeated, like wow, and 523 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,199 Speaker 2: so that's stuff. But you know what Chris is doing. 524 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 2: Chris is protecting himself. He's saying, I'm gonna do this anyway, 525 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,640 Speaker 2: even though I know you aren't gonna change. He's trying 526 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,960 Speaker 2: to give himself like a place in his a space 527 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 2: in his head, a space in his heart where he's 528 00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:54,679 Speaker 2: doing it even though he thinks she's she might not 529 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 2: be great. 530 00:24:55,400 --> 00:25:02,920 Speaker 1: He's reserving for later expectations that now he can't put 531 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,879 Speaker 1: on her. He is now taking this responsibility and saying, 532 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,679 Speaker 1: I can't get upset with you about it anymore. And 533 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: this is something and you can speak to this to 534 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:13,919 Speaker 1: how that feels right. We all watched him say that 535 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,640 Speaker 1: to her. Ain't shit gonna change? I have said this 536 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,160 Speaker 1: to you, Yes, you have on an issue that plagued 537 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: us for a little bit, I said, and I gave up. 538 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, finally when I talk 539 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,200 Speaker 1: about it, no more, ain't shit gonna change. 540 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:26,360 Speaker 2: Now. 541 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,320 Speaker 1: This is what I want you to honestly tell people. 542 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:32,160 Speaker 1: As an example, here, folks of Hawaii, words matter. Conflict 543 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,160 Speaker 1: is over, we are We've ended the fight. And I say, 544 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,400 Speaker 1: all good baby, I just know any shit gonna change. 545 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,440 Speaker 1: How does it make you feel when I say terrible. 546 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:46,480 Speaker 2: Awful, deflated, defeated, and fearful that there's also self loathing 547 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 2: involved too, because you know you did something wrong and 548 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,080 Speaker 2: then you're like, wow, the person I love doesn't think 549 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,480 Speaker 2: that I can do better and be better even though 550 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 2: I want, like so yeah, and even if you think that, 551 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 2: and I'm not ever encourage anyone to not tell the truth, 552 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,160 Speaker 2: but maybe there's a better way to say it, like, Hey, 553 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:07,280 Speaker 2: I love you, I accept you. This isn't my favorite 554 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:11,080 Speaker 2: part of you, but I love you anyway. And you 555 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,760 Speaker 2: can even say like it hurts when you do it. 556 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,119 Speaker 2: I hope you don't do it again, but I'm with 557 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,359 Speaker 2: you and I love you because I know you mean well, 558 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 2: and I hope you do change, Like even if you 559 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 2: think maybe it's not gonna happen, but being hopeful goes 560 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:26,520 Speaker 2: a long way. 561 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:28,639 Speaker 1: Of all the options you listed for what could have 562 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:32,199 Speaker 1: been said, ain't shit going. Change would never be on 563 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:35,200 Speaker 1: the list of options I gave him. It will never 564 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:35,520 Speaker 1: be there. 565 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,280 Speaker 2: But you understand where that sentiment comes from and why 566 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:40,399 Speaker 2: why he said it. 567 00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,080 Speaker 1: Just trying to check myself for late. I don't have 568 00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:45,960 Speaker 1: to have conflict with you because I've resolved it by 569 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,680 Speaker 1: knowing it's not going to change. 570 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 2: I don't need to try to change it, and that 571 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,160 Speaker 2: actually is a healthy can be a healthy mindset. When 572 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,720 Speaker 2: you say I can't change you, I can only change me, 573 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 2: that is true. 574 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,000 Speaker 1: But I'm changing how I react to you doing something 575 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:00,959 Speaker 1: that I hate that you do. 576 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 2: Yep. 577 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:03,960 Speaker 1: So he's still gonna get annoyed by it, but he 578 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,719 Speaker 1: has now not giving himself licensed to express himself about it. 579 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 1: So he's just gonna get more and more frustrated. 580 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you can always express it. Like you said, 581 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,880 Speaker 2: it's how you express it. It's your word choice. 582 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,080 Speaker 1: Chris is a calm brother. Well he finally goes off, 583 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:19,280 Speaker 1: it's going to be scary as hell, all. 584 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,719 Speaker 2: Six eight of him. You know, he has been amazing. 585 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,440 Speaker 2: I have to say, like and I have truly appreciated 586 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,760 Speaker 2: how he's handled how he's handled it, and even like 587 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,359 Speaker 2: the willingness of both of them to be real, to 588 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:36,639 Speaker 2: be authentic. I appreciate people who don't try to pretend 589 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,160 Speaker 2: that they're not messy. I used a lot of negatives there, 590 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,800 Speaker 2: but basically people who who show and are willing to 591 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,879 Speaker 2: be exactly who they are, even when it's difficult. 592 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,720 Speaker 1: So, yes, Chris and Hudo, we appreciate you. We joked 593 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,560 Speaker 1: down at the top. They're showing us what not to do, 594 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,840 Speaker 1: but they are absolutely showing us things that do work 595 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:57,000 Speaker 1: and can work, and that all of us are experiencing, 596 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,199 Speaker 1: I think, at the same time. So we appreciate to them, 597 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,439 Speaker 1: and we appreciate you all listening. Will continue with you 598 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:05,280 Speaker 1: all through Sunday and the big finale, but for now, 599 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 1: I'm PJ. Holmes alongside my dear dear Amy Robot. Will 600 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:10,560 Speaker 1: talk to y'll soon. 601 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 2: Hmmm.