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Speaker 1: Here, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

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Speaker 1: I'm an og Okay story Time podcast host. I don't care.

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Speaker 1: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

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Speaker 1: two minutes. All right, I'll be detained for the two

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Speaker 1: more minutes before we get into this episode. Yeah, we

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Speaker 1: got some maths coming up, so stick around. Stick around.

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Speaker 1: My boyfriend is about to propose, but I've been hiding

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Speaker 1: a massive secret. Oh how massive using a throwaway account

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Speaker 1: because he is a redditor so he might see this.

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Speaker 1: With some identifying info left out and a few timeline

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Speaker 1: details smudge to stay anonymous. This is a hugely emotionally

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Speaker 1: story and I am crying as I write this. Many

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Speaker 1: of the details I have kept secret four years and

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Speaker 1: if not told a soul going from zero to one

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Speaker 1: hundred real quick. This is a story where I am

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Speaker 1: unquestionably in the wrong and I've known about it for years.

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Speaker 1: Self aware and rare. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 1: throw a liar too, And if you want to submit

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Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime.

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Speaker 1: So right, it's so first off, we have an amazing relationship.

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Speaker 1: I love him more than I can ever hope to describe,

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Speaker 1: and I want to spend the rest of my life

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Speaker 1: with him. Eventually we had kids and we want to

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Speaker 1: grow old together. Other than this admittedly huge thing, I

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Speaker 1: want to know what the huge thing is. I have

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Speaker 1: no reservations after over six years together. So for a

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Speaker 1: little backstory, I have stereotypical Asian parents, where successive results

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Speaker 1: in school were extremely important from an early age. I

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Speaker 1: realized in middle school that if I didn't tell them

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Speaker 1: about bad grades, then I wouldn't feel ashamed of disappointing them.

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Speaker 1: You've learned to lie. What a solution? WHOA? I developed

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Speaker 1: a slacker attitude through high school, but managed to do

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Speaker 1: well enough through smart laziness to get into university. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to study engineering, Sorry for being vague. Niche university.

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Speaker 1: Niche degree. Yeah, Niche degree. We love these Niche degrees. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So the summer after our high school graduation is when

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Speaker 1: we started dating high school sweethearts. That's pretty sweet. It

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Speaker 1: can be great or it can be dangerous. At this

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Speaker 1: point I left for college and he's day back in

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Speaker 1: our home. Down to day classes in community college, we

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Speaker 1: were able to continue our relationship semi long distance. My

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Speaker 1: dorm was less than a two hour drive away, and

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Speaker 1: we took turns visiting each other at nearly every weekend.

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Speaker 1: Through a series of non relevant port decisions on my part,

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Speaker 1: I did poorly in school. I was put on academic probation.

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Speaker 1: Uh oh, we got a bad kid. I ended up

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Speaker 1: moving back home for a year, taking classes at the

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Speaker 1: community college. I was terribly depressed and did poorly, but

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Speaker 1: lied to my parents that I did well. The simple

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Speaker 1: solution to all of your problem lie and I ended

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Speaker 1: up telling my boyfriend this as well. My justification at

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Speaker 1: the time was that I did not want him to

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Speaker 1: have to cover for me. In hindsight, this is, unfortunately

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Speaker 1: where my spiral of lying about my education became abbot.

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Speaker 1: Yikes the ICUs are They're popping up about the bush?

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Speaker 1: Do you guys see those ICUs tell us? I say

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Speaker 1: in ICU. Oh God. Well. His application to transfer and

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Speaker 1: my application to resume school were accepted for the fall semester,

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Speaker 1: and we both moved separately. I would have liked to

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Speaker 1: move in with him, but knew my parents would never

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Speaker 1: allow it, and we moved to the town where the

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Speaker 1: university is located to be able to continue at school

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Speaker 1: after the semester. I would have to get good enough

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Speaker 1: grades to pull my GPA out of the gutter, or

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Speaker 1: else I'd be academically suspended due to the damage I

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Speaker 1: had done to my GPA the original first semester. At

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Speaker 1: this point, I had resolved to unlive myself if I

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Speaker 1: couldn't get the next semester OP and anyone going through

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Speaker 1: rough college or high school stuff. The grade is not everything.

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Speaker 1: There is life after an f Yes, I assure you,

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Speaker 1: I assure you. I mean, just look at John. You know, dude, John,

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Speaker 1: John did not do a tectonic plate class. No yet

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Speaker 1: here he is. You don't need to know about tectonic plates.

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Speaker 1: The freaking do well in life. I know about content.

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Speaker 1: You know about content is a got a PhD in TikTok. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and that will get you further than know one about

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Speaker 1: the plates exactly. So again, just it's not that deep school, eh,

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Speaker 1: Who cares? Anyway? I did amazing in my degree classes,

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Speaker 1: but ended up ignoring my other classes because I was

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Speaker 1: not interested in them. Despite what was at stake, I

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Speaker 1: ended up doing better than my first semester, but not

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Speaker 1: good enough to prevent academic suspension. I am through. I

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Speaker 1: will not be able to continue school and fall. My

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Speaker 1: habit punts in and I smile and tell everyone that

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Speaker 1: I did well, as I am wondering to myself, how

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Speaker 1: I will unlive myself? Oh pee over the summer, though,

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Speaker 1: I find that he is my reason to live, this boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: that I could never unolive myself because I know it

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Speaker 1: would hurt him so deeply. I pretend that summer will

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Speaker 1: never end, that I will never have to deal with

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Speaker 1: the reality that I have failed out of school. Much

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Speaker 1: to my surprise, near the end of the summer, I

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Speaker 1: get a move and packet for the university owned apartments

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Speaker 1: that I had stayed in last semester and had planned

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Speaker 1: to move back into for the next school year. It

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Speaker 1: is a condition on the least to stay in these

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Speaker 1: apartments that you must have a minimum of twelve credit

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Speaker 1: hours hours of the university to live there. But due

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Speaker 1: to some fluke, they did not know that I would

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Speaker 1: not be taking classes due to my suspension. So Ope

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Speaker 1: might be able to like still lie that she's going

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Speaker 1: to school. Wow, and just like the lie continues make

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Speaker 1: it in there. Yeah, I mean, because she's like she

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Speaker 1: could still just go to class and stay in the

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Speaker 1: university housing. Wow. I see this becoming more precarious. Oh unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: Oh boy, do you want to do a trigger warning

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Speaker 1: for that? Figger warning depression and self harm? It is

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Speaker 1: vague enough that I feel like maybe it's uh, maybe

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Speaker 1: it's okay. But that may have been the only mention

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Speaker 1: of it. Yeah, I think that was the only mentioned.

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Speaker 1: But still I'll put that the notes. But I've not

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Speaker 1: told anyone about my suspension. So the path of least

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Speaker 1: resistance is to move back into the apartments. Okay. I

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Speaker 1: devise an elaborate lie to my parents about how I

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Speaker 1: wish to pay my own tuition through loans so they

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Speaker 1: can afford to put my sister through school next year.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, getting deeper. This is not They are

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Speaker 1: so proud of me. I perish a little on the inside,

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Speaker 1: knowing what I'm doing. Oh, the next two years are

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Speaker 1: amazing for me and my significant other because I don't

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Speaker 1: actually have any classes to attend, our homework to do.

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Speaker 1: It's like all the benefits of school without the school.

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Speaker 1: I am able to spend a lot of time with him,

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Speaker 1: much more time than would be possible otherwise, especially with

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Speaker 1: me supposedly and a tough engineering program. But he doesn't

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Speaker 1: notice and we are madly in love. Despite my laziness

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Speaker 1: and terrible work ethic, I'm actually very good at math

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Speaker 1: and tutor him through both calculus and physics. Due to

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Speaker 1: feeling useful in some way, as well as significantly helping

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Speaker 1: someone I deeply love, I slowly get over myself loathing

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Speaker 1: and con view myself as something other than the useless

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Speaker 1: pile of nothing I previously thought I was. I brush

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Speaker 1: off questions of how my own classes are going with

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Speaker 1: lies I've been telling for over a decade. At this point, again,

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Speaker 1: the opie started lying in high school. I'm doing well well.

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Speaker 1: I got an A in my midterm. Homework was long,

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Speaker 1: but I'm done now. I have only vague plans for

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Speaker 1: how it will end the lie. At this point, I

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Speaker 1: tell myself that I will work up the courage to

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Speaker 1: tell my parents I am failing and will be quitting school.

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Speaker 1: But as time goes on, I just keep telling the

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Speaker 1: small lies that my education is going well. Then after Christmas,

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Speaker 1: disaster strikes out of the blue. The apartment manager has

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Speaker 1: found out that I am not enrolled in any classes.

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Speaker 1: I realized, though, after speaking with him, that he cannot

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Speaker 1: see my transcript, but only my current enrollment status. Do

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Speaker 1: you think Op's going to tell the truth? Oh, I

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Speaker 1: wish it were so. No, no, no. I lie to

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Speaker 1: him and say that it was last semester that I

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Speaker 1: had difficulty and I am in the process of enrolling

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Speaker 1: in night classes to repair my GPA. Opie is quick

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Speaker 1: with it. Opie is quickly. I mean she's had it, Bros.

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Speaker 1: The decade of experience. Put that on your LinkedIn. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I have a decade of experience in lying. I mean

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Speaker 1: you could be a lawyer like, uh, I don't know

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Speaker 1: what else? Who else? Lie? Criminals? Yeah, work for a

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Speaker 1: rito scammer, mafia. Yeah, I don't know. I am in

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Speaker 1: the process of enrolling in night classes to repair ABU GPA.

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Speaker 1: There is a clause in the Least allowing for this.

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Speaker 1: I enroll in night classes but have no motivation to

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Speaker 1: take classes that won't count towards my degree. So okay,

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Speaker 1: So at least Opia is in night classes, but she's

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Speaker 1: not taking selection is very limited, and I realize that

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Speaker 1: this is only a temporary solution. I realize my only

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Speaker 1: way out of this is to move out of these apartments,

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Speaker 1: and seeing as our relationship is now almost four years old,

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Speaker 1: I decide with my boyfriend to move in with him

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Speaker 1: in a new apartment of our own next semester. So again,

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Speaker 1: instead of Opie telling the truth that she's been kicked

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Speaker 1: out of school, what for two years now? Two years?

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Speaker 1: Almost two years? That right, I'm gonna going crazy almost

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Speaker 1: about two years almost two years, She's like, I'll just

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Speaker 1: say I'm gonna be living with my boyfriend and then

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Speaker 1: I'll never have to tell the truth. I wonder what

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Speaker 1: she's doing all day, Like she's she's also a boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: Did I catch this right?

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Speaker 2: That she was like, oh, I can take out the

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Speaker 2: loans to be able to because she's I mean, she

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Speaker 2: granted she's just paying for housing, but.

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Speaker 1: My understanding is no. I think she's like, hey, parents,

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Speaker 1: you don't take out loans for me. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: pay it all myself, right, Oh man, oh man, oh man.

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Speaker 1: For the first time in my life, I openly defy

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Speaker 1: the wishes of my parents and tell them that I

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Speaker 1: am moving in with them. They complain, worry about how

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Speaker 1: it will go, but because I've decided to get a

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Speaker 1: job to pay for my half of the rent, they

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Speaker 1: cannot stop me. For the first time in my life,

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Speaker 1: my own desires have won out over my parents. I

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Speaker 1: guess that's progress in some way. That is progress in

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Speaker 1: some way. I will say that maybe this will be

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Speaker 1: like the kick in the pants here caught on fire

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Speaker 1: pants to finally tell her parents more things that will

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Speaker 1: make them upset, like I've been lying for you for

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Speaker 1: the past like two years. Could be. It could be.

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Speaker 1: At this point, I am ready to end my college charade,

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Speaker 1: but I come through the horrifying truth. My previous exit

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Speaker 1: plan for the lie to fake a later dropout will

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Speaker 1: now make my parents hate my significant other. They will

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Speaker 1: think that it is his fault. I'm also too scared

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Speaker 1: to expose the lie as well, because I know he

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Speaker 1: will be disappointed. I've been lying to him too, both

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Speaker 1: to prevent him from having to lie for me to others.

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Speaker 1: Up to this point, though, it has only been a

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Speaker 1: huge amount of small lies about being in class or

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Speaker 1: how I was doing in school. I mean, but like

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Speaker 1: it's not small lies. Yeah, it's your whole life. I

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Speaker 1: mean it's like, oh, like John like asked me what

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Speaker 1: I was up to today? Oh what are you up

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Speaker 1: to today?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 1: You know, like we had just like you know, some

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Speaker 1: small operations we had to do on the ISS, like

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Speaker 1: I had to use like a wrench to fix one

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Speaker 1: of the nuts on the outside of the spaceship. Just

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Speaker 1: you know, screwing nuts and space. Screwing nuts in space,

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Speaker 1: that's a that's I mean, that's my job. That's my job, really,

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Speaker 1: screwing nuts and space.

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Speaker 2: Really it wasn't you know, it wasn't us like sitting

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Speaker 2: in a room like working on all the.

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Speaker 1: No screwing nuts in space. You might think that just

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Speaker 1: because like I go back back and forth often, Oh

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Speaker 1: I see, but yes, I asked. See that is not

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Speaker 1: a little lie. That's pretty big. It's a big lie

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Speaker 1: about how a manastra in space working on the ISS. This,

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Speaker 1: this is a big lie.

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Speaker 2: It like feeds down into everything in their life because

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Speaker 2: it's like, oh, like are we going to go? I

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Speaker 2: feel like it just makes him ask, like you said earlier,

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Speaker 2: what else is there if you could lie about this,

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Speaker 2: where's where's the trust in the nation?

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Speaker 1: And where's the end of the lie? I mean, I

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Speaker 1: feel like Ope's identity is that of a student. She's

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Speaker 1: lying about her entire like a huge part of her identity. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: all right, question for chat, question for you, John, Talk

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Speaker 1: to me Let's say op comes clean, yes, and you

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Speaker 1: are the partner. Yes, you staying or you breaking up?

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Speaker 1: There's more to this story, by the way, but are

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Speaker 1: you staying or are you breaking up? I want to

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Speaker 1: know from Chat. Maybe Kean k week we do a

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Speaker 1: little poll, stay in or breaking up? John? I think

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Speaker 1: the question here is can trust be rebuilt? I thought

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Speaker 1: the question was staying or breaking up? The real question?

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Speaker 1: Your question. Your question could go kick rocks my question

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Speaker 1: the real question.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, probably not. I think this is probably too insurmountable.

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Speaker 2: I also wonder how reliable of a narrator we have.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, if there weren't other lies sprinkled in.

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Speaker 1: I mean if she's lying, I mean she could be

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Speaker 1: lying about how much he's lying. Yeah, yeah, So yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think just not enough to trust. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it can make it. Might have to break up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah I would. I'm in breakup camp if I'm BF.

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Speaker 1: So far, one hundred percent of Chat is in breakup

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Speaker 1: on one person, storm Kid, we're calling you out, storm Getting,

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Speaker 1: explain yourself. Sorry to rain on your arm. Yeah, but no,

257
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Speaker 1: that's crazy storm Getting and the the ed boy boy,

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Speaker 1: what do you do with Josephied? What are you doing?

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Speaker 1: I feel like y'all. Yeah, they're doing a best of that.

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Speaker 1: There's no way. Well, most people like Natalie, you, Nola

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Speaker 1: and the Lawyer Princess and Jenny Gardener like normal people. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it seems like they would break.

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Speaker 2: Up if it was a few days, if it was

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Speaker 2: a few weeks, different stories.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, way too long. Two years that's like most of

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Speaker 1: their relationship. Yeah, okay, so basically it's like, do some

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Speaker 1: counseling and then maybe break up anyway, eighty percent of

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Speaker 1: chat says breakup. There we go. Well, I know in

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Speaker 1: the back of the head I will have to lie more,

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Speaker 1: but I ignore the thought. We move in together and

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Speaker 1: it is a wonderful summer. This is the part I

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Speaker 1: am most ashamed about, not all the other show. Oh

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Speaker 1: here we go. The fall semester starts, and I now

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Speaker 1: have to lie to him more than my parents. I

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Speaker 1: come up with a fake schedule and make sure to

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Speaker 1: be out of the apartment at these times every week,

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Speaker 1: And somehow I'm still able to get campus meal plans,

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Speaker 1: so we eat lunch on campus daily. I pretend my

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Speaker 1: old textbooks are new and keep a binder full of

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Speaker 1: old tests. His major isn't engineering. You can't tell the

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Speaker 1: difference and doesn't suspect anything. The lies are too easy.

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Speaker 1: Now she's gloating. I don't like this at all. We

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Speaker 1: have a one full year living together and connect at

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Speaker 1: a deeper level than I even previously thought possible. He

285
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Speaker 1: eventually graduates, and I noticed some holes in the process

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Speaker 1: and realize that I can easily fake my own graduation

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Speaker 1: next year. Borrow, dude. I feel like Opie's just going

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Speaker 1: to get an engineering job. I feel like Opie's gonna

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Speaker 1: fake a graduation, fake a resume, And I mean, like,

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Speaker 1: all right, how often are like maybe the big engineering

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Speaker 1: companies are like yeah, you know, all right, let me

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Speaker 1: let me check, Like with the school, I have never

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Speaker 1: had a job check my gpa. Never, Yeah, never, I

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Speaker 1: didn't have a GPA to check. Yeah, you don't need

295
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Speaker 1: a gpa. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But no, it's like, could could she essentially like get

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Speaker 2: in to a job. I mean this is if you

298
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Speaker 2: guys heard of quiet quitting, Like this is an extreme version.

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Speaker 2: But she could go find like someone else essentially to

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Speaker 2: like contract a lot of this work out to like

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Speaker 2: a developer, and then like basically.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she can hire. She could hire a developer to

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Speaker 1: do her work. Dude, I know a guy that did

304
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Speaker 1: that at Google, or a guy I know a guy

305
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Speaker 1: who knows a guy who did that Google and got fired. Yeah,

306
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Speaker 1: this is I think she's reaching. Not that I thought

307
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Speaker 1: it could happen, but even even more dangerous levels. This

308
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,760
Speaker 1: is again in spooky. This is getting spooky, and Dude,

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Speaker 1: I feel like this is the first time she's like

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Speaker 1: kind of proud of it. She's like, no one suspected thing. Well,

311
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Speaker 1: we stay in the same apartment while I finished school

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Speaker 1: and he gets a job. My graduation in air quotes

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Speaker 1: comes around. I buy the robes, the cat's, the tassel,

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Speaker 1: the graduation announcement, et cetera. There are too many students

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Speaker 1: for them to do any personal ceremony. You just sit

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Speaker 1: through the ceremony and then walk on stage and hand

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Speaker 1: them your card and they read your name and degree

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Speaker 1: from the card. My whole family comes as well as his.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, and we have all become very close

320
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Speaker 1: at this point. His mother even spent Thanksgiving with our family.

321
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Speaker 1: If that is your real family. His parents are divorced.

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Speaker 1: I prepared a fake card using his form from last year.

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Speaker 1: The announcer who would suspect that it did not actually

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Speaker 1: graduate when there is video evidence of me on stage

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Speaker 1: shaking the Dean's hand. I walk off the stage with

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Speaker 1: my empty diploma cover. Actual diplomas are merry mailed. Later,

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Speaker 1: we celebrate, and everyone is so proud of me. I

328
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Speaker 1: almost believe it myself that I've graduated. Holy Crapkenoda says

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Speaker 1: she is way too good at this. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: all right. And just just to to assuage any, like

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Speaker 1: any disbelief about being able to sneak into a graduation,

332
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Speaker 1: there's a pretty big YouTuber that snuck into the UCLA

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Speaker 1: graduation and walked and got his name read out.

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Speaker 2: Dude, I was about to say, I think we need

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Speaker 2: to go get like a like a Harvard Yale. Like

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Speaker 2: I think we just need to go get all the degrees.

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Speaker 1: Dude, I think so. I think so, dude, collect every degree.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna be the most pedigreed men in all of history.

339
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:59,440
Speaker 1: Why not? Why not? Bro? My god? Also though, but

340
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,240
Speaker 1: sitting through those UCLA graduations, there's like forty thousand, not forty,

341
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Speaker 1: there's like ten thousand people, and it's just like it's

342
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Speaker 1: no fun. Huh? Is it yours fun? Your graduation ceremony. No,

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Speaker 1: it's so boring. I had a really good time at

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Speaker 1: our graduations. I'm sure you did. I'm sure you had

345
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Speaker 1: some shooters. Yeah yeah, we also got fireworks and yeah everything. Yeah,

346
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Speaker 1: oh yeah, ours was so lame. Bro. Well, I always

347
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,720
Speaker 1: believe it myself that I've graduated, and now we get

348
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Speaker 1: to now we have moved and we both have great jobs. Well,

349
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Speaker 1: I've managed to get a good job with at a degree,

350
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Speaker 1: and I have budged the details to friends and families,

351
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Speaker 1: telling them that the reason I have a job that

352
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Speaker 1: doesn't match my degree is that I enjoy it more.

353
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Speaker 1: But we've been talking lately about our future. We put

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Speaker 1: off any specifics until after my graduation, but now that

355
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,400
Speaker 1: it's past, we've gotten this serious talk out of the way.

356
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Speaker 1: I know it's coming soon, and when he asked, I

357
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,560
Speaker 1: will be saying yes. But my big lie weighs on me.

358
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Speaker 1: Other than the big lie that I've ever lied to him,

359
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,399
Speaker 1: was the various white lies we tell to everyone we know.

360
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,359
Speaker 1: I've made it a point of it. I feel too

361
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Speaker 1: guilty from the big one, and I know how hard

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Speaker 1: it would be to stop if I started. The guilt

363
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:12,879
Speaker 1: is bad and I think if I told him, you

364
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,800
Speaker 1: might even understand and we could still have a future together.

365
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,399
Speaker 1: Even if it was the end of our relationship. I

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Speaker 1: am a stronger person than I once was. Even if

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Speaker 1: it is too much for our relationship, I know I

368
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,520
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to unlive myself out of the shame like

369
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Speaker 1: I had wanted in the past. Those days are over.

370
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Speaker 1: But if my family finds out, they won't understand. It

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Speaker 1: will destroy what I now have with them, what they

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Speaker 1: have with him. And if I tell him, either they

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Speaker 1: find out too or he becomes part of the lie.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to put him through that, and I

375
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:44,040
Speaker 1: don't want to do either option. The easy choice is

376
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Speaker 1: to take this secret, my big secret lie to the grave.

377
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,600
Speaker 1: Because of my chosen career path, I don't think it

378
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Speaker 1: will ever come up that I lack a degree. My

379
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,080
Speaker 1: employers know that I have partial college. It would be

380
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,800
Speaker 1: so easy to keep that fact in the dark. But

381
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:02,080
Speaker 1: even though our amazing real relationship is otherwise free of lies,

382
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 1: I feel so wrong knowing that this huge one exists.

383
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,159
Speaker 1: I feel cornered between hurting someone no matter what I do,

384
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Speaker 1: And here is what a summary of what I feel.

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Speaker 1: My choices are we're going to get into those choices. Yes,

386
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,160
Speaker 1: that hope he feels like they have all right. Here's

387
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Speaker 1: a summary of what I feel. My choices are. Choice one,

388
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Speaker 1: come clean to him first, and then to the rest

389
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Speaker 1: of the family. He's going to break up. I would

390
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,119
Speaker 1: break up with this person, Yeah, dude, I think I

391
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,879
Speaker 1: would break up. So result either we split or my

392
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 1: family disowns me because I have lied to them so

393
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,200
Speaker 1: thoroughly for so long. I lied to their faces to

394
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Speaker 1: keep the deception, and I am forever a disappointment to them.

395
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,400
Speaker 1: Both our lives are torn apart, even if our relationship survives.

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Speaker 1: Choice two, come clean to him and swear to secrecy.

397
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Speaker 1: Result either we split or I have now made him lie, forever,

398
00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 1: tainting our relationship. This is a choice I refuse to take.

399
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 1: Choice three. I tell no one and hope it never

400
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,359
Speaker 1: comes to light. Result. I feel guilty for years, but

401
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,120
Speaker 1: gradually maybe the guilt fades and the lie comes out.

402
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,600
Speaker 1: It could be even worse, especially if we have kids.

403
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 1: When it does, I just don't know what to do.

404
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,399
Speaker 1: I know that I am in the wrong here, and

405
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 1: I hope not too many people will dull them that

406
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 1: I would change the past if I could, but that

407
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:06,840
Speaker 1: is impossible. I just don't know what to do. Do

408
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,879
Speaker 1: I come clean and destroy what we have, or do

409
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,120
Speaker 1: I take the easy path and continue the path I've

410
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 1: been on for years? At it, I'm headed to work,

411
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,399
Speaker 1: so I won't be able to respond until after my

412
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,720
Speaker 1: lunch break. There is more. But yeah, I mean I

413
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,160
Speaker 1: think if you you've built a life based on a lie.

414
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 1: Mm hm, that's just gonna suck. It's just gonna suck

415
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 1: too much, too much of a load to bear. Yeah, dude,

416
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 1: I can't. I cannot lie. I think like I just

417
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 1: like burned it out of my bit, like my tool set. Yeah,

418
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 1: you're a great truther. And do I tell the truth

419
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:38,200
Speaker 1: too much? I tell the truth way too much, and

420
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,200
Speaker 1: it's way better than lying because at least, like everyone

421
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,800
Speaker 1: knows where you stand. Yeah, And so I could not

422
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,800
Speaker 1: fathom this is not to lie. But I would say

423
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,639
Speaker 1: the solution if you are trying to get rid of

424
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 1: the guilt and you're trying to live your best life, Yes,

425
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,240
Speaker 1: it might be hard in the short term, but I, like,

426
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,880
Speaker 1: I really do think putting this in the light will

427
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 1: build a better long term future for you.

428
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, And honestly, the chance is our slim. I do

429
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:06,680
Speaker 2: think there is a chance that the boyfriend might understand.

430
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,240
Speaker 1: I also think there's a chance. I also think there's

431
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 1: a chance that the parents don't disown her.

432
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what, there there's I think a good

433
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,680
Speaker 2: a good takeaway from the stories. You never know what

434
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,240
Speaker 2: someone is going to respond with until you actually tell.

435
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, and don't speak for your family and your

436
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 1: your boyfriend totally. I think you start with telling the

437
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,679
Speaker 1: boyfriend and see how that feels, and then eventually tell

438
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 1: the parents. Kimberly Fine says I'm not entirely convinced that

439
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 1: it is actually possible. With this track worker, she could

440
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,639
Speaker 1: probably pull off a time machine. Yeah she is. I mean,

441
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:37,920
Speaker 1: I feel like she's got that engineering brain keeping track

442
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 1: of all these lives. Honestly, I think what's weird about

443
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,680
Speaker 1: telling the truth all the time is sometimes the truth

444
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:47,200
Speaker 1: of action changes because we change. That feels deep. Yes,

445
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 1: what does that mean John to you?

446
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 2: Maybe it's like we change sometimes, so like the personal

447
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 2: truth in living our truths, maybe that changes.

448
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 1: But uh, yeah, that's as far as I can get.

449
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 1: I bleed red Bull thirty two says, I'm staying I

450
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,080
Speaker 1: can build the trust I've caught in the into the

451
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,640
Speaker 1: live bunks and never brought it up. I hate conversation.

452
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 1: I get too angry. But let's see what the end

453
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,200
Speaker 1: of the story says. At A two, I've been reading

454
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 1: everyone's messages for a couple hours, and I want to

455
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,399
Speaker 1: thank everyone for all of them, both the understanding and

456
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,399
Speaker 1: supporting ones and the negative ones too. You guys have

457
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 1: said a lot of stuff that I needed to hear.

458
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 1: Knowing that this situation is more common that I thought,

459
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 1: makes me feel like less of a slaves ball. This

460
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 1: is common, uh oh, but I've also taken it to

461
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 1: a crazy extreme. By the way, if you want to

462
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 1: take us to a crazy extreme, you could go from

463
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: just watching this little video to listening to fifty three

464
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,440
Speaker 1: straight days of our podcast. Go to the extreme, put

465
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 1: us in your ear holes twenty four to seven, whispering

466
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 1: sweet Nothing's in tear by listening to full episodes of

467
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:59,440
Speaker 1: stories just like this on Spotify, Apple podcasts, the iHeart app,

468
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:03,120
Speaker 1: or your Hey rip podcast app. Just search Okay story time.

469
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 1: There's another relevant updates and I'm gonna get straight into it.

470
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 1: I'm coming to the realization that I do have some

471
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:13,200
Speaker 1: sort of problem. Yes, and I need some sort of help. Yes, yeah,

472
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:17,440
Speaker 1: I've always hated the idea of psychologists in mind altering substances,

473
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 1: and I always thought of therapists in the same way.

474
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 1: But from what I have read in your comments, it

475
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 1: sounds like this isn't the case, and I need to

476
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 1: look into that seriously. I'll update more later, but I

477
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 1: do want to tell him, but I'm not in the

478
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 1: right mental state right now do so. And that is

479
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,880
Speaker 1: where that story is. I'm checking if there's an update. Yes, wa,

480
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 1: please tell me there is an update. But holy Moly,

481
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 1: guac to the MOLLI I mean technically speaking, just in

482
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: the universe of this story. She got away with it.

483
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,399
Speaker 1: She got away with it. She pulled off the heist.

484
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 1: She said, catch me if you can, and they did it. Man,

485
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 1: I I think again, if this isn't a poster child

486
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 1: for telling the truth, he is it a child for

487
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 1: a lion. She's the most successful liar. She is successful,

488
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,360
Speaker 1: but she feels bad about it. How bad does she feel? Though?

489
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 1: She feels bad enough to write you know, however, A

490
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,440
Speaker 1: long ride was Yeah, that's a long story here. I

491
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: think it's weighing on her. I think it's weighing on her.

492
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's a lot of eyes. Insane journey,

493
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 1: and even more insane that she made it all the

494
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 1: way through without telling anyone or getting out. Well. Question

495
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 1: for you guys, what do you think Opie should do?

496
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,399
Speaker 1: Tell the lie or tell the truth? Put your answer

497
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 1: in the comments, blow with Johnny Bahami or yeah, do

498
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 1: we have another story? There's another story? Yes, but update

499
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,159
Speaker 1: there's no update. No update. It's just comments of her

500
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,439
Speaker 1: saying like, yeah, my job accepted me. They don't need

501
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 1: a college degree, and that's about it. There's no update

502
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 1: on the boyfriend. That's it.

503
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 2: Also, she wrote, all right, boys, you ready for this

504
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 2: next one? Yes, let's let's go. My ex left dude

505
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:58,360
Speaker 2: to cultural pressures. Now he wants to reconnect. No, get

506
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 2: out of here. I'm pressuring you out of my little

507
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 2: cultural bubble. Yeah, my culture is You're not in it.

508
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 1: Sorry, pal.

509
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,119
Speaker 2: So I met my ex, Raj during the beginning of

510
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 2: my senior year of undergrad I went to a fairly

511
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,720
Speaker 2: diverse university and we met at a party. We hit

512
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 2: it off right away, which was surprising. You see, Raj

513
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:15,680
Speaker 2: is Indian and I am black. While that might not

514
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 2: seem like a big deal to some. As I continue,

515
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 2: you'll see why it is okay. By the way, this

516
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 2: comes from Fried Chicken and Curry gotta love it. If

517
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

518
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 2: rsize Okay storytime sub reddits. So anyways, at my university,

519
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 2: the Indian students tend to click up and keep to themselves.

520
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 1: No, biggie, I get it.

521
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 2: It's a cultural thing and they have a lot in

522
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 2: common with each other. That's why I was surprised when

523
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 2: he approached me. I thought he was cute, so I

524
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:42,080
Speaker 2: started talking too.

525
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,879
Speaker 1: Talk that talk, walk to that walk, move that booty

526
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: into that ooy.

527
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 2: And at the end of the night, he asked me

528
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 2: for my number. I gave it to him and he

529
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,160
Speaker 2: texted me that same night. The next day we went

530
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,360
Speaker 2: on an official day and had been practically inseparable ever since.

531
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,160
Speaker 2: So this was like dude, gets a number, texts next

532
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 2: day date like day moving quick. We are moving and

533
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 2: grooving and as we get to know each other, I

534
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 2: learned that he was a first generation Indian American and

535
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 2: is the firstborn son. When he told me that, I

536
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 2: didn't really take it beyond face value. I relate that

537
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 2: I'm the last born daughter of Black Americans who have

538
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 2: been here for generations, and we moved on. We'd been

539
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 2: dating for around three months before I realized I was

540
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 2: in love. Opiece is in love as Sam as tired.

541
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: It's so freaking cute, running on fumes and hearts. Oh.

542
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 2: He was smart, sweet and funny and would truly do

543
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 2: anything for anyone except me.

544
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 1: Oh, do I see a little wrench in your love?

545
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,400
Speaker 2: Car put some ICUs in the comment, if you see

546
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:48,400
Speaker 2: what's going about to happen. At the seventh or eight

547
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 2: month mark, I thought it was time to meet each

548
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 2: other's families. It was clear that we were serious about

549
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,399
Speaker 2: each other, and graduation would be coming up soon. My

550
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 2: parents live out of state, as did his, but both

551
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 2: would be flying in for the graduations. So I thought

552
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 2: it would be a perfect opportunity. This makes sense, you know,

553
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 2: almost at the year meet the parents.

554
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:05,920
Speaker 1: Here we go.

555
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 2: Yep, feels like it's about time. Feels like it's about time.

556
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 2: But I had already told them about Raj, and they

557
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 2: had talked to him briefly on Skype a couple of times.

558
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,359
Speaker 2: I had only ever seen pictures of his family, However,

559
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 2: he spoke about them relatively frequently and would say little

560
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 2: things like my mom is going to love you, or

561
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 2: my sister likes X as well. You guys would probably

562
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 2: get along. I just assumed they knew about me and

563
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 2: were fine with our relationship. I didn't think there was

564
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 2: a reason they wouldn't be. I am detecting some lies

565
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 2: of omission. Hmmm, well, lies of a mission, Jehanny Bahami,

566
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:38,720
Speaker 2: the lies.

567
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 1: Of a mission being like, oh, yeah, you and my

568
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 1: sister would get along. Still great, Oh my parents will

569
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 1: love this cute thing you do. Oh da da da da.

570
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 2: Well, that's not saying my parents don't know about you.

571
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 2: My sister don't know about you. Oh you think you

572
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 2: think this is a surprise.

573
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,639
Speaker 1: I think this is a This is a surprise, and

574
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,399
Speaker 1: not in like the fun birthday come. I'm thinking that

575
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 1: there might be a little prejudice coming from there. I'm

576
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:06,199
Speaker 1: thinking a little bit of familial racism, our little family dynamic.

577
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: Think thinking, think of things that I did a little spicy. Unfortunately,

578
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 1: you might be right, Sam, You just might be right. Well.

579
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 2: Moving along, graduation comes up, and the week or so

580
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 2: before we got into a big fight about where a

581
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 2: relationship was going after graduation, and he broke up with me.

582
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 2: I thought they were in love.

583
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna admit I did not see that coming, at

584
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:24,480
Speaker 1: least not at this point.

585
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 2: No, No, I thought it was gonna be later. Yeah,

586
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:27,880
Speaker 2: this is like, this is premature. I don't know what's

587
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:28,920
Speaker 2: going on here. I'm confused.

588
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: Ok.

589
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,399
Speaker 2: The plan was we were going to be moving in

590
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 2: together in the city we went to college in. But

591
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,800
Speaker 2: he wasn't sure anymore because he hadn't gotten a job

592
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 2: offered yet. This was already after we went apartment hunting

593
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 2: and signed a lease for the one I couldn't afford

594
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 2: by myself.

595
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 1: Wait, so they signed a lease together. Yes, So are

596
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 1: they gonna still live together and not be in a relationship.

597
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 2: It might be one of those that azy I have.

598
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 2: I know of a situation that I like that that

599
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 2: has happened rough just bad.

600
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, this girl that I was dating was living

601
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 1: with her ex boyfriend after they broke up for like months,

602
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: and also working with him. Oh like she had because

603
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 1: she got him that job. Oh so brutal. Because when

604
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 1: they start seeing other people so brutal, it's not good

605
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 1: not advise. Oh yeah, when they started saying, like you're

606
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 1: trying to like eat like some cereal in the morning,

607
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 1: and you just hear, just hear some birds going off.

608
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 1: Those are not the birds you want to hear. She's

609
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: practice her clapping in the morning. Yea, the face with

610
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 1: the round of applause. You know I'm not living me

611
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 1: in cereal. Nope.

612
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 2: Well, he didn't think that I was being sympathetic or

613
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 2: something like that, and that's why he ended the relationship.

614
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 2: Looking back now, he picked the fight as an excuse foreshadowing.

615
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 1: Of course.

616
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 2: I was devastated, but my family came and the high

617
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 2: of getting my degree put a band aid on things

618
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 2: for a while. Like any girl fresh from a breakup

619
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 2: with someone they still love, I was stalking his social media.

620
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 2: You gotta stock not advised also, that will.

621
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 1: Only hurt you.

622
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 2: It will only hurt you. His family did indeed come

623
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 2: to town, and they were all smiles in the pictures.

624
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 2: We were in different schools within our huge university, so

625
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,800
Speaker 2: the odds of seeing him or his family during graduation

626
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 2: were slim, so I didn't get my hopes of for

627
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 2: accidentally bumping into them. I saw from his social media

628
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 2: that after graduation he went to India for a couple

629
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 2: of weeks and he looked like he was having.

630
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 1: The time of his life without op I mean, that's

631
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 1: I think that's I don't see anything bad about that yet.

632
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 2: We gotta we gotta move on, you know, got to

633
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 2: move on. Look at him, green new pastures, meet with him,

634
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 2: mute him, or.

635
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 1: Just block him if it's really if you can't, you know,

636
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: if you can't control yourself looking at his profile. But

637
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 1: put your phone in a blender. Put your phone in

638
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 1: a blend, take your computer and throat in the ocean.

639
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: Become a Mennonite. Yeah, there are solutions throwing their their

640
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: computers in the ocean these days. Dude, you give you

641
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: give me technology. Get that out of my face, get

642
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 1: that into the ocean, out of here. That's what I'm

643
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: just saying. We have it, You have solutions, OPI. Anyways, Hey,

644
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 1: it's Sam, your og host here. Bring it back to

645
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsored.

646
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 2: I moved into the apartment that we had picked out

647
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 2: since it was going to be hard to break the

648
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 2: least thankfully, my dad picked up some of the slack

649
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 2: on the rent.

650
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 1: Okay, so bope, just okay, So he's moving in. Yeah,

651
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 1: but the guy isn't moving in.

652
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 2: With the guy, isn't moving in, but she's got rent helps. Okay,

653
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 2: it seems that's doable.

654
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 1: Also, Josephine Madola a Miller Payin Donner hershman says, I

655
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 1: see you arrange marriage. The question is if that's true.

656
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: When was it? When was it arranged?

657
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 2: Was it was he already married before or like betrothed

658
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 2: the you know, yeah, they decided, yeah, they decided that,

659
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:48,080
Speaker 2: you know, Josephine, you might be onto something. So thankfully

660
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 2: my dad picked up some of the slack on the rent.

661
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 2: It was a one bedroom, which is why I couldn't

662
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 2: get a roommate and began my career. A little over

663
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 2: a month after graduation, I got a knock on my door.

664
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:02,120
Speaker 1: Oh who's that? It's raw? Why is he? He just

665
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 1: showed up? Is this a mirage? Why am I seeing Raj? Okay? Yeah,

666
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 1: why are we seeing Raj? He think I'm so in

667
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 1: love with you and I want a minage. Not that,

668
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 1: not that.

669
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 2: So he's holding flowers, looking apologetic and cute and like

670
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 2: a fool.

671
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 1: I let him in. No cut that crap, cut it out.

672
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 2: He explains that he was stressed about being an adult

673
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 2: and just wanted to be able to pull his weight

674
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 2: in the relationship. He didn't want me to be paying

675
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 2: the majority of rent while he worked a minimum wage

676
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 2: job while hoping to get an offer in his chosen fields.

677
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 1: And that made sense to me. No, don't make it

678
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 1: make sense. This is weird. Yeah, because like he hasn't

679
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: talked to you at all. He hasn't talked to you

680
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,720
Speaker 1: at all, Like he like just came back from India.

681
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: Maybe did this arranged thing didn't work out or whatever,

682
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 1: Like you know, he's coming crawling back to you, come

683
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 1: and crawling back.

684
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 2: Cause like I'm wondering why he didn't respond back with, well,

685
00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 2: why didn't you just ask me if I felt that way?

686
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 2: Maybe he's like I don't care, like I just wanted

687
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 2: to live with you and have you be my boot.

688
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe it's an insecurity thing. You gotta talk about it.

689
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 1: We got to talk about it.

690
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 2: While I couldn't call him misogynistic, being the head of

691
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 2: the household was definitely important to him.

692
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 1: I forgave him and we got back together. No, no,

693
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: I break up. Jus Me says he was hiding her

694
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: in his little Heidi hole, his his his other boot,

695
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 1: his other booth thing. I think maybe he was just

696
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:30,360
Speaker 1: hiding him from the parents. Maybe his parents are like,

697
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 1: I don't want you. I want you dating someone that

698
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 1: is like culturally relevant to us or something.

699
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, the conspiracy theory too. I like maybe there was

700
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 2: maybe it wasn't even a whole marriage, but maybe his

701
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 2: parents like found someone they pressured him into doing it,

702
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 2: and then he was like, man, screw this, I'm out.

703
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 2: But he still hasn't like revealed the mult situation. I

704
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 2: feel like that's what's going to happen. Let me know

705
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 2: what you think of the comments and vote in the poll,

706
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 2: but we're gonna keep going. So while he was away,

707
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 2: he got a job offer and was making more than

708
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 2: enough to be an equal partner and above that, we

709
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 2: were very very happy.

710
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 1: But I still had yet to meet his family. Why.

711
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,520
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess what. It's spent a year more

712
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 1: than a year now.

713
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 2: Almost certainly more than a year, because they've graduated, she's

714
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 2: moved in. Like I feel like, bare minimum a few months,

715
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 2: if not like six plus months have passed from now he.

716
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:18,799
Speaker 1: Went, he went to India for a few weeks. Time's past,

717
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:20,719
Speaker 1: and it is not like an easy fight.

718
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:23,320
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, No, he had met my parents

719
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 2: during the Thanksgiving holiday and I mentioned going to his

720
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,399
Speaker 2: for Christmas, but we ended up spending it separately. Time

721
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 2: went on and I stopped pushing it, but would still

722
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:34,360
Speaker 2: bring it up occasionally. And then I got pregnant a

723
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 2: little more than two years into the relationship.

724
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,759
Speaker 1: Oh Jesus, that's complicated. Wait so we still haven't met

725
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:43,360
Speaker 1: the parents and you're two years in and baby is

726
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:47,320
Speaker 1: bacon in the oven on the way, baby's in the oven?

727
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 1: Oh boy, that that complicates thing. This complicated. That complicates things.

728
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 1: I am not feeling very confident about this relationship right now.

729
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: I'm not.

730
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 2: Hey, listen, we love to be optimistic on the show.

731
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 2: We would love to think that a big turnaround is

732
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:06,920
Speaker 2: gonna happen and rings, But I don't know if I'm

733
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:08,279
Speaker 2: gonna see it in this one. I don't know, Kean,

734
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,840
Speaker 2: if you're feeling any differently, if you think there's what

735
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 2: do you think plot twist hiding around the corner?

736
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 1: Well, the baby's the plot twist? Now, Yeah, you're a

737
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 1: big plot twist. True? Hey, parents, guess what I got right?

738
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,399
Speaker 1: Right now? You're gonna be grandparents? Yeah? Is that enough

739
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: to be like? Hey, I know, I like, you know,

740
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,320
Speaker 1: didn't tell you anything. But here's a surprise baby. I

741
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 1: mean also baby Baby's like, hey, this is my new girlfriend.

742
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 1: I know she's like different than what you expected. But

743
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 1: grand baby exactly? How the grand baby collateral? That's what

744
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 1: I'm saying, dude, Like it could be, it could be.

745
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 1: I know how much they love those grand babies. Oh, dude,

746
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 1: listen grand parental rights that you know that that is

747
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 1: a thing they are. Listen these grandparents out here, they'd

748
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:50,240
Speaker 1: be liking them babies. Yeah. By the way, currently ninety

749
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 1: seven percent of chat is saying to break up and

750
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 1: not move forward.

751
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 2: That was probably before the baby though, But you want

752
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 2: to do a reset note, let's do. Let's do just

753
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 2: one more, just just for kicksing giggles. Let us know

754
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 2: what you think. And if you're watching this in the comments,

755
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 2: please please tell us if you think they should stay together,

756
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 2: especially after the baby. That does change things, but we're

757
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 2: gonna find out how it does. So I got pregnant

758
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 2: a little more than two years into our relationship. He

759
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 2: was excited. I was excited. We were excited.

760
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,839
Speaker 1: Marriage became more than just an idea, and we were

761
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,319
Speaker 1: talking about tying the knot.

762
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 2: After the baby was born. With a child on the way,

763
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 2: family became even more important to me. I pushed harder

764
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 2: than ever to meet his parents. I was always met

765
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 2: with an excuse, dude, why oh, because they're out of

766
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 2: the country, his mom was sick, we couldn't afford the airfare,

767
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 2: there was already family visiting them, and he didn't want

768
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 2: to bombard them, etc.

769
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:45,279
Speaker 1: Etc. I mean, it could be that, it could potentially be,

770
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 1: like I totally lost my train of thought. You know

771
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 1: what it could be.

772
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,919
Speaker 2: It could be catfish because in catfish, if they don't

773
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 2: want you to see the partner, this is a parental

774
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 2: catfish where he's like, I'm an orphan.

775
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 1: Oh, I remember I was gonna say. I could be

776
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 1: legitimately it's it's too far and too expensive, but like

777
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:05,799
Speaker 1: no FaceTime, no, no, how face time. Right, that's the thing.

778
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,400
Speaker 1: It's like, Okay, yeah, maybe we can't visit them, but

779
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 1: something Yeah, give me a give me a call. Melody says,

780
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 1: flights to India can be three thousand dollars sometimes so yes, expensive.

781
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:24,399
Speaker 1: But to John's point, what appens free? Whatsappens free? Talk

782
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 1: to him? Just that we we should have this by now.

783
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 2: But Opie goes on to say, the nine months flew by,

784
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:31,879
Speaker 2: and I gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

785
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 1: My family was there, his wasn't His family wasn't there

786
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 1: for the birth of your kid. As far as we

787
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 1: know right now, zero contact brow not even a gift

788
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 1: a card, or do they even exist. I don't believe

789
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 1: either either. They don't exist, which would be like, hey,

790
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 1: it's okay, Like if.

791
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,800
Speaker 2: You don't have a family unit like that, you know

792
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 2: you deserve a love or And I honestly, this is

793
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 2: the one that I think is the reality. There is

794
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 2: a reason why he doesn't want to introduce her to

795
00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 2: his parents.

796
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,760
Speaker 1: That is I still got my money on racism.

797
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 2: I honestly I think that's I think that's what's what

798
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 2: it's going to end up being. By the way, we're

799
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,800
Speaker 2: not even halfway done, ladies and gentlemen, So this is

800
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 2: there's more to the saga.

801
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 1: Don't don't think. Don't think we're ending here. So if

802
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 1: he says, I remember asking if they even knew I

803
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,320
Speaker 1: was pregnant, and he just dismissed the question.

804
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 2: So six months after giving birth, I gave Roj an ultimatum,

805
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:29,320
Speaker 2: you set up a meeting with your family, or I

806
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,760
Speaker 2: will be contacting them. I had never done it before

807
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 2: because I didn't feel like I should be the one

808
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,279
Speaker 2: to make that step, but I had had enough. I'm

809
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 2: the mother of their grandson slash nephew, and he deserves

810
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 2: to know that side of himself and learn about his culture.

811
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 2: And I have a quick question for you, saying, yes,

812
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:50,759
Speaker 2: do you think we are usually anti ultimatum? But do

813
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 2: you think in this specific case that the ultimatum was

814
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 2: just so and I will Yeah, this thing is there,

815
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:00,840
Speaker 2: we go it is so.

816
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 1: I'm going to fix this in a bit. But basically

817
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 1: she's saying, if you don't meet, if I don't meet

818
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 1: your family, it's over. I think we need to ask

819
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 1: where she needs to make a request first? Where I

820
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,880
Speaker 1: think so, you know, often ultimatums are like if you

821
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 1: don't do this, I will do this, And I think instead,

822
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,359
Speaker 1: just make a request because I think if she makes

823
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 1: it a threat, then he's less likely to do the

824
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: thing that she she wants. Yeah, so just say like, hey,

825
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 1: I want to get closer to you. I want to

826
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 1: feel comfortable in this relationship. Can you like I'd like

827
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: to meet your parents? Like I think it's really important me.

828
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 1: It's really important for me in feeling like we have

829
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 1: a family to meet your parents and you obviously have

830
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:43,480
Speaker 1: a more some lun And if he says no to

831
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 1: the request, then I think that's when you bring us

832
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 1: like I don't know if I can continue. I don't

833
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 1: know if I can continue, And Jess says he's been

834
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,120
Speaker 1: requesting for two years. Yeah, but I think now now

835
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 1: it's like make the request again. If it's completely done,

836
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,359
Speaker 1: then say like, hey, I don't know if I can

837
00:39:59,400 --> 00:39:59,839
Speaker 1: be in this relation.

838
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, I mean she had we don't know

839
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 2: exactly what those conversations were, but one more I mean

840
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:08,800
Speaker 2: I think she has been asking for years. Honestly, she

841
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,160
Speaker 2: I think she might be in the place now where

842
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,720
Speaker 2: it's like hey, but I think the like the phrasing

843
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 2: of it is important, like, hey, I don't know if

844
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 2: I could continue being in a relationship if if we

845
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:19,760
Speaker 2: don't meet your parents.

846
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you do one more request just because

847
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,399
Speaker 1: like maybe it hasn't been brought up in a second. Yeah,

848
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,240
Speaker 1: and that but like immediately after you make the request,

849
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 1: then it's then it's it's then it's like, hey, like

850
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can be in a relationship

851
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,920
Speaker 1: ticket yeah, yeah, Oh, Jen Thompson said he's disowned or

852
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 1: already married that man. If it's already married and he

853
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 1: just kind of like ran away from that, that could

854
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,839
Speaker 1: be interesting. I'm not sure, but we're going to get

855
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 1: back to the story. So finally he gave in. Turns

856
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 1: out he was lying about where they lived and they

857
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:53,000
Speaker 1: were actually a couple of hours away. I was beyond pissed,

858
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,320
Speaker 1: and on the way there, he tried to explain that

859
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 1: he kept me away for my own sake, but I

860
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 1: wasn't hearing it at the time. We get to his

861
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 1: hometown and we meet his mom, dad, and one of

862
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:05,800
Speaker 1: his siblings at a restaurant. I was hella nervous, and

863
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:09,320
Speaker 1: rog was petrified. It still didn't click for me.

864
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,320
Speaker 2: We sit down for dinner and immediately I'm uncomfortable to

865
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,359
Speaker 2: say they were shocked to see me and my son

866
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:15,839
Speaker 2: was an understatement.

867
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,439
Speaker 1: I mean, that's uh, that's kind of a shock. That's

868
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,239
Speaker 1: kind of a shocker to see. Yeah.

869
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, for if he didn say anything, that's gonna be crazy.

870
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 2: His parents barely acknowledged my son, though his sister did

871
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,080
Speaker 2: coo at him until the father gave her a look

872
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 2: to stop. Rog explained who I am, and the entire

873
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 2: dinner they refuse to speak English, let alone look at me.

874
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:36,440
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

875
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,320
Speaker 2: There was a lot of angry voices and gesturing in

876
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 2: my direction. Rog tried his best to reply in English

877
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:46,720
Speaker 2: and defend me, but as the verbal harmful act got worse,

878
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 2: he stopped replying in English. I guess so I could

879
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 2: be completely in the dark about what they were saying about.

880
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 1: Again, I think it's I think it's a bit of racism.

881
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:58,440
Speaker 1: Dude got It's gotta be also like messed up of

882
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 1: him to get op so deep into this relationship and

883
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 1: not reveal this.

884
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 2: A thousand percent and to like, I mean, I want

885
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 2: it's not explicitly clear. I wonder if this was him

886
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,920
Speaker 2: just sitting down and being like surprise, or if he

887
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 2: told them at all in advance, if he didn't tell

888
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:18,759
Speaker 2: them at all in advance, Like.

889
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:20,359
Speaker 1: It feels like he didn't tell them at all.

890
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then they're just seeing it for the first time,

891
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:26,399
Speaker 2: and like, so here we go. Since I was being

892
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 2: shut out, I began putting the pieces together in my head.

893
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,400
Speaker 2: He had never told them about me, So there we go.

894
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 2: They didn't know we had a son. They would never

895
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 2: accept their son was with a non Indian racism we oh,

896
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 2: we called it, got it, we called it. Needless to say,

897
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,799
Speaker 2: I had had enough and we left. On the car

898
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 2: ride home, he was extremely apologetic, told me he loved me,

899
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 2: that he would cut them off if I wanted to,

900
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 2: that he knew they would react that way, and that's

901
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 2: why he didn't introduce us. Just to pause real quick,

902
00:42:58,680 --> 00:42:59,280
Speaker 2: right there.

903
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 1: You're not saving anyone. I hate the argument saying, oh,

904
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 1: I didn't want to hurt you, so I didn't tell you.

905
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 1: Like that gets us nowhere? Yes, because that's where we now,

906
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 1: because because yeah, now we're into this situation where OPI

907
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: has not been informed of this like relationship dynamic with

908
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 1: your parents and now is caught with a baby in

909
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 1: your life.

910
00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And you know, just just to say it,

911
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 2: like it seems like the parents are are awful and

912
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 2: racist and maybe this won't work out. But what if

913
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 2: he had just gone to them and tried to give

914
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 2: them a chance. Yeah you know what I mean, Like

915
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:36,280
Speaker 2: he didn't give just came out in as the worst

916
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 2: possible way. Yeah, he came out in the worst possible.

917
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,360
Speaker 1: Failing on all fronts.

918
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:43,040
Speaker 2: I asked a few questions, including how he had kept

919
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 2: me a secret for so long. He said he had

920
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:48,400
Speaker 2: a separate social media and would overall just lie whenever

921
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:49,840
Speaker 2: they asked if he was in a relationship.

922
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 1: What is with these liar stories? Geez, yeah, this is

923
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:53,600
Speaker 1: on lies today.

924
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 2: He broke up with me on purpose during graduation to

925
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 2: keep me from meeting them. On his trip to India,

926
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 2: he was surprised to be meeting a girl he was

927
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 2: to marry, so that one was also true.

928
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 1: Shout to Josephine who called it chat dude, come on,

929
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:08,840
Speaker 1: where the dream team right now? Wow?

930
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 2: But he didn't go through with that marriage because he

931
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 2: loved me. I was pissed, of course, but I got it.

932
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 1: No, wait, no what. I did some research and saw

933
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,439
Speaker 1: that it isn't uncommon for Indian American children to hide

934
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 1: their non Indian significant others from their families. Indians have

935
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,480
Speaker 1: such a strong culture that going outside of it is

936
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 1: still taboo to many. I mean, I know there are

937
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 1: still prejudices in this world, believe me, I do, but

938
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 1: I thought that if they got to know me and

939
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:36,959
Speaker 1: their grandchild, it would be okay. That's what I would

940
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:40,479
Speaker 1: have hoped to do. I feel like to understanding. Yeah,

941
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 1: this is this is a lot. But what does Opie do, Sam?

942
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:45,479
Speaker 1: What does OPI do? Chat leave.

943
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 2: I didn't break up with him, no, no, nor did

944
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,839
Speaker 2: I demand he cut off his family. They cut him

945
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:53,279
Speaker 2: off though.

946
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 1: Oh wow, look at that.

947
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,040
Speaker 2: I could tell it bothered him, and I began to

948
00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:00,359
Speaker 2: fear he'd resent me. I mean, yes, but well, how

949
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 2: do you feel, Opie. He didn't, though, and we began

950
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 2: to move on with our lives. It was a couple

951
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 2: of months after my son's first birthday that Raj got

952
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 2: a call in the middle of the night. His father

953
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:11,720
Speaker 2: had passed away from a heart attack.

954
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:16,719
Speaker 1: Oh no, the news literally killed his dad? Oh no? What?

955
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 1: Oh no? Wow? Oh no, how did we get here?

956
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:27,960
Speaker 1: This is insane? Wow? Oh, I wonder if rog is

957
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 1: going to feel responsible?

958
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,839
Speaker 2: And then and then does Raj take it the next

959
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 2: level up and say, if I had just break broken

960
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 2: up with you, if you just let me go, he

961
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 2: you know, would still be.

962
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:44,360
Speaker 1: Or maybe in a better way. If I had told

963
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,320
Speaker 1: them earlier, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Hopefully, if I

964
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: didn't blackmail them with my my baby mama, you know,

965
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 1: just like out of the like literally surprise attack. Yeah,

966
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: with my with a baby, that is a surprise to anyone. Yeah,

967
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:04,319
Speaker 1: you know, regardless of like race. But yeah, he did

968
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:06,919
Speaker 1: it the worst way. Well, he said.

969
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 2: I wanted to be there for him, but given the

970
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 2: way his family felt about me, I knew I wouldn't

971
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:12,720
Speaker 2: be able to go to the funeral.

972
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:13,879
Speaker 1: To process this at his side.

973
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:15,919
Speaker 2: He flew to India for a few weeks and during

974
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:18,440
Speaker 2: that time our communication was low. I chalked it up

975
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:20,320
Speaker 2: to the time difference in him being busy. When he

976
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:22,879
Speaker 2: got back, though, I could tell something was off.

977
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here.

978
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories. Put a quick

979
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 2: three minute ad break from our sponsors that keep the

980
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:29,840
Speaker 2: show going. I have another ice to you, go, ah,

981
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 2: I have another ice to you. His family was able

982
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 2: to guilt him into agreeing to marry another woman that

983
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:40,439
Speaker 2: they wanted to his father's last request. No whoa whoa

984
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:43,200
Speaker 2: his father's na keon, keon.

985
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 1: You might have just done that. I hope not. You

986
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 1: might have just done that. You might have just predictled.

987
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 2: Oh that is tragic. This could be tell me, tell

988
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:53,879
Speaker 2: me so. He was barely back home a day before

989
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:55,840
Speaker 2: he told me that he was the man of the

990
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,360
Speaker 2: family and he had the honor that. I cried and

991
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:00,439
Speaker 2: I asked him not to leave, but he's dead.

992
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:03,920
Speaker 1: He had to. He packed up and he left just

993
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 1: like that. What about man of the family you created? Yeah, yeah,

994
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 1: you're what about your kid? You're just gonna have abandoned

995
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:11,799
Speaker 1: your kid.

996
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:15,080
Speaker 2: Being a man of the family doesn't mean abandoning the

997
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 2: literal family you create. That That to me, if if

998
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 2: we're going to use the phrase be the man of

999
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,440
Speaker 2: the family, yeah, apply to ask where a child? Yeah,

1000
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:24,959
Speaker 2: that's where it should be applied. Like, listen, everyone else

1001
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 2: they cut you off? Yeah, how is it fair?

1002
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 1: And how does it make sense that it's like, oh,

1003
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:30,759
Speaker 1: they cut me off all, but now I need to

1004
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 1: be there from they didn't need it. Make it makes sense?

1005
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 1: Doesn't make sense.

1006
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 2: During that time he was gone, he would send money

1007
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,840
Speaker 2: for us on every couple of months, but overall I

1008
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 2: didn't hear from him. Hey, at least he's doing that something,

1009
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:44,200
Speaker 2: I guess. Of course, I was devastated, but more so

1010
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 2: for my son. I so wanted him to grow up

1011
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 2: with the father like I did. I would send Raj

1012
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 2: photos and keep him up to date on my little bear.

1013
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 2: But he wouldn't respond. It was radio silence. And that's

1014
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 2: when I got pissed.

1015
00:47:55,200 --> 00:48:00,760
Speaker 1: Now, finally, he deserved to be pissed way earlier. Yeah, ah, dude,

1016
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:04,840
Speaker 1: Katie Paladin says, no spine, No spine, dude, Come on,

1017
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 1: Mommy Desert says, your mother is no longer your priority, dude,

1018
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,799
Speaker 1: your child is. Yes.

1019
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:14,279
Speaker 2: I stopped sending pigs and messages and basically said, f him,

1020
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:16,799
Speaker 2: It's just me and my son now, so that you're

1021
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 2: all caught up, here's my dilemma. There wasn't a dilemma before. Oh, oh, Sammy,

1022
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 2: this is the dilemma.

1023
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 1: Oh chat, oh bucker earth, Oh baby, there's a dilemma

1024
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:32,440
Speaker 1: because he's back. Oh he's back, Dad, He's he's worse

1025
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 1: than before. Somehow he's pulling this move again.

1026
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:39,280
Speaker 2: Once again. He showed up at my doorstep. I slammed

1027
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:41,400
Speaker 2: it in his face. This time he knocked until I

1028
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 2: threatened to call the cops. He left after that, but

1029
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 2: showed up the next day and the next and the

1030
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 2: next restraining order. Yeah, dude, at this point, you're entitled

1031
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 2: to a girl. And finally, for my son's sake and okay,

1032
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 2: mine too, I let him inside. He explained that after

1033
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:59,400
Speaker 2: his father passed away, his family basically blamed him for it.

1034
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 1: Yep, he called that. He called that.

1035
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:03,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, they said the stress of this, of the dishonor

1036
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 2: he caused by being with me, sent his dad to

1037
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:08,760
Speaker 2: an early grave. He let them guilt him into leaving

1038
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:11,399
Speaker 2: us and going back to them once again. They tried

1039
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:13,800
Speaker 2: to marry him off, and once again he didn't go

1040
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 2: through with them. He said he still loved me, loved

1041
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:19,239
Speaker 2: our son, missed us, and hated that he abandoned us.

1042
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:21,800
Speaker 2: He said he knew that he'd have to earn my trust,

1043
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:24,920
Speaker 2: but he wants to be a family again. This was yesterday.

1044
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 2: So here's the question. Do I take him back? I

1045
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 2: still love him, but trust is shattered. I don't know

1046
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 2: if it can ever be repaired. Nah, dude, Nah, how

1047
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:35,879
Speaker 2: can wait back?

1048
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 1: No? Can wait? Take those checks though, all the way

1049
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 1: to the bank from him, But don't take him back.

1050
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:45,040
Speaker 1: He just not dure, deserve your your trust, get that

1051
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:46,840
Speaker 1: child support.

1052
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:49,319
Speaker 2: I don't know if it can ever be repaired if

1053
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 2: I don't take him back. Now, how much access should

1054
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:53,920
Speaker 2: I give him our son? I don't want him to

1055
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:56,400
Speaker 2: get attached to his father, only for Raj to disappear

1056
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 2: the next time as a family emergency. And lastly, has

1057
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 2: anyone else had this problem? We have an edit coming up,

1058
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 2: oh boy, have relevant comments with the community weighing in,

1059
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:06,800
Speaker 2: and an update.

1060
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:08,840
Speaker 1: Oh my god, the whole kitten kaboodle.

1061
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 2: That is a lot, but we've already answered the question, No,

1062
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:15,160
Speaker 2: don't get back together with him. I do wonder though,

1063
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 2: and I'm very curious on chat with anyone that has

1064
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 2: experienced any situation or seen a similar situation, what should

1065
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 2: we do on on child custody because he could just

1066
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:26,879
Speaker 2: dip and leave on the child again, like oh p mentioned.

1067
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I think don't give him the opportunity to

1068
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:31,800
Speaker 1: I think the default should be like giving him the

1069
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 1: opportunity to prove that he can be a good dad

1070
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 1: to this kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I think that

1071
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:38,839
Speaker 1: would be good. But for sure, don't take him back.

1072
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: But I think, like, let him spend some time with

1073
00:50:41,719 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 1: the kid. But I feel like you should have main

1074
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 1: custody maybe with him, like yes, having some visitation, right

1075
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:49,400
Speaker 1: I yeah. De Red says, don't take him back, but

1076
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:51,839
Speaker 1: co parent. The reason I was like, not co parent

1077
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 1: right away because it doesn't sound like he's putting any

1078
00:50:54,160 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 1: effort into thinking about this kid.

1079
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, like, honestly, I feel like it might

1080
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,359
Speaker 2: be best when we've seen in a couple cases where

1081
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 2: like op gets full custody from the partner that's wrong them,

1082
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,880
Speaker 2: and then they give it a long time, like talking years,

1083
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:10,360
Speaker 2: and then they decide, Okay, have they earned like a

1084
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:12,160
Speaker 2: legal right to like a percentage?

1085
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:14,360
Speaker 1: Yeah that's see. Yeah, I agree. I agree with that.

1086
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:16,879
Speaker 1: But man, do not get back together with this guy.

1087
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 1: Don't do Tom says, she gets full physical custody and

1088
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 1: she keeps all legal documents of her child. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

1089
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 1: and making pay child support. That's another big part of

1090
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:26,880
Speaker 1: the equation.

1091
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 2: So edit, I have read everyone's comments so far, and

1092
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:31,799
Speaker 2: I truly appreciate all the advice. I'm on a lunch break,

1093
00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 2: so I wonder to you brief and address a couple

1094
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 2: of things. He is not staying with me currently. We

1095
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:37,759
Speaker 2: only talk from maybe thirty to forty five minutes. The

1096
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 2: other night, someone asked me if his parents knew I

1097
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 2: was black or not before the dinner, and I can

1098
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 2: only assume by their face that they did. Many of

1099
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 2: you pointed out that me excusing his behavior because of

1100
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,879
Speaker 2: his cultural ties needs to stop and I see that now.

1101
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 2: I'm meeting with Raj again tonight to iron out a

1102
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 2: few things. I will give a formal update later on

1103
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 2: in the week on what we talk about, but I

1104
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:59,320
Speaker 2: need to do a couple of things first, mainly go

1105
00:51:59,480 --> 00:51:59,959
Speaker 2: see a lawyer.

1106
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:01,399
Speaker 1: Thanks again. Nice.

1107
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:04,719
Speaker 2: Comment number one says Indian here, this guy's crap. He's

1108
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 2: a coward and doesn't deserve you and uh or apply

1109
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 2: to that Indian Muslim woman here. This is not religion,

1110
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:13,759
Speaker 2: this is culture, This is cowardice. Tell him he must

1111
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 2: learn a stand up for his own family that he

1112
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,440
Speaker 2: has began with you. How can he claim that it's

1113
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:20,600
Speaker 2: a product of an obligation to his family when he

1114
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:22,680
Speaker 2: is neglecting his own family in the.

1115
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:23,880
Speaker 1: Process we said that.

1116
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 2: Comment Number two says I would allow him to be

1117
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 2: in his son's life, but I wouldn't date him.

1118
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:32,040
Speaker 1: Definitely not dated. Yeah, make it clear that you care,

1119
00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 1: but you need some more stability in your life. I

1120
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 1: understand he's torn between you and his family. That has

1121
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 1: to be hard. I get why he did what he did,

1122
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 1: but you and your son's feelings matter too. They matter

1123
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: a lot. I would say your son.

1124
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 2: Needs a dad who's willing to stain his life. It

1125
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,359
Speaker 2: seems like your ex care. So he needs to get

1126
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:49,880
Speaker 2: his priorities in line, and we have our updates coming up.

1127
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:51,960
Speaker 1: I'm down to get straight into it. I mean, i

1128
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 1: feel like we've we addressed all those comments already. All

1129
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 1: it's all there, Reddit geniuses. All that left is to

1130
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:02,839
Speaker 1: see how the chips fall. Let's see him. Let's see him,

1131
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:06,200
Speaker 1: all right, let's get into the updates. Hello again everyone.

1132
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 1: I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and

1133
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: kind words for my last post. It seemed that the

1134
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,719
Speaker 1: consensus was that Roj was just using his culture as

1135
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 1: an excuse to.

1136
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,960
Speaker 2: Be a coward, and not to trust him or take

1137
00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 2: him back. Many also suggested that I talk to a

1138
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:20,600
Speaker 2: lawyer to get soul custody of my son and to

1139
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:23,680
Speaker 2: get child support ironed out. So the day I posted

1140
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 2: it was a day or two after rog showed up.

1141
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:27,439
Speaker 2: I was shocked, to say the least, and my mind

1142
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:30,279
Speaker 2: was everywhere. But the next day Roz showed up again

1143
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:33,080
Speaker 2: with my knowledge's time to discuss a few things. I

1144
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 2: had dropped my son off at my best friend's house

1145
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 2: for the time being so we could talk with no interruptions,

1146
00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:40,840
Speaker 2: and the conversation went well. I made it clear that

1147
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:43,960
Speaker 2: for the foreseeable future, we will not be getting back together.

1148
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 2: I made sure that he knew that I did not

1149
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 2: trust him, and that at the moment, I didn't even

1150
00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:51,320
Speaker 2: like who he was as a person. Good, good, Opie,

1151
00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 2: stand your ground, yeah, lay down your round yes. And

1152
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 2: I think it's also good just to know, like exactly

1153
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 2: where where she stands, you know what I mean. He

1154
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 2: asked if I still loved him, and I answered honestly

1155
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:03,960
Speaker 2: that I did well, but at this point in time

1156
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 2: it didn't matter. He didn't really remark on that, but

1157
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 2: seemed to take it at face value. He said that

1158
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,399
Speaker 2: he understood why we couldn't be together, but that he'd

1159
00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 2: wait for me to be ready.

1160
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 1: Again.

1161
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 2: I told him not to hold his breath, and then

1162
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:18,320
Speaker 2: he needed to focus on being a father, not a boyfriend,

1163
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:20,719
Speaker 2: which brings me to the next and most important part

1164
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:23,239
Speaker 2: of the conversation. I told him that again, for the

1165
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:26,480
Speaker 2: foreseeable future, he would only be having supervised visits with

1166
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:29,520
Speaker 2: our son undermine discretion good. We would be meeting at

1167
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:31,840
Speaker 2: a specific place at a specific time, and he missed

1168
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,640
Speaker 2: one meeting all bets were off.

1169
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 1: I like it. You got to make him get on it.

1170
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:38,600
Speaker 1: I also did not want my son to be in

1171
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:41,320
Speaker 1: contact with anyone from his family, especially if they're like

1172
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: racist or anything. You don't want your kid anywhere near that.

1173
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:48,319
Speaker 2: This could absolutely destroy this kid's like sense of self

1174
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:51,640
Speaker 2: and character and self secure in us one hundred percent.

1175
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 2: He said that when he left his family and cut

1176
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:56,319
Speaker 2: contact with him, his sister left too, the same sister

1177
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:58,360
Speaker 2: that was at the dinner and looked sympathetic to me

1178
00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:01,239
Speaker 2: and my son. Apparently she realized what was happening was

1179
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:03,760
Speaker 2: wrong and decided to take a stand. I was wary

1180
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 2: of his sister and told him that I'd have to

1181
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 2: meet her and speak with her a few times before

1182
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 2: I would be comfortable with her around my son. I

1183
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 2: informed Raja I was going to see a lawyer to

1184
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:14,920
Speaker 2: talk about custody and child support. He said, ultimately, like

1185
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:17,840
Speaker 2: a few years ago, he would like close to fifty

1186
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:21,439
Speaker 2: to fifty split. No way, you know, you haven't earned

1187
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:25,239
Speaker 2: that at all? In what world do you think you

1188
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:27,720
Speaker 2: can have that? And it's like, it's like very concerning

1189
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 2: that he has the gall to ask that that, Like

1190
00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:31,800
Speaker 2: I could see him being like listen, I want to

1191
00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:33,040
Speaker 2: work towards fifty to fifty.

1192
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 1: I know I don't deserve it right now, so we'll

1193
00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:37,400
Speaker 1: get there. This was not it. Yeah, this is not it.

1194
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:39,120
Speaker 1: He would go with whatever I wanted.

1195
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 2: Ultimately, he also threw out a number for child support,

1196
00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 2: more than what I was thinking, and we agreed to

1197
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,240
Speaker 2: that number. Of course, we will get all this legally

1198
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:48,480
Speaker 2: taken care of, because his word is crap. At the

1199
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 2: end of the conversation, I suggested he go and see

1200
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:53,239
Speaker 2: someone about his family issues and the guilty feels, and

1201
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:55,759
Speaker 2: he mentioned that he had already looked into it. I'm

1202
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 2: not sure if that meant he has been going or what,

1203
00:55:57,920 --> 00:55:59,680
Speaker 2: but as of right now, I'm not going to push it.

1204
00:55:59,719 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 2: And I think that basically means like going to a therapist,

1205
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:03,359
Speaker 2: you know, someone who could counsel a month.

1206
00:56:03,760 --> 00:56:06,399
Speaker 1: So that initial conversation was great. I went and saw

1207
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:08,360
Speaker 1: a lawyer and he said.

1208
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:10,920
Speaker 2: With our history, I would have no problem getting everything

1209
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:13,360
Speaker 2: I asked for, especially since Roger has been putting up

1210
00:56:13,360 --> 00:56:13,600
Speaker 2: a fight.

1211
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,880
Speaker 1: Nice at least that's a win. At least we've got

1212
00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:16,319
Speaker 1: to win there.

1213
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:18,319
Speaker 2: We have an appointment with a mediator in the next

1214
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 2: few weeks to make it legally binding. Ever since he's

1215
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,359
Speaker 2: been back, Roger has been calling every day to talk

1216
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 2: to our son. A few days after our second conversation,

1217
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:28,319
Speaker 2: he brought a check for the back child support, something

1218
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:31,240
Speaker 2: that I hadn't yet asked for nor was suspecting so quickly.

1219
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:33,600
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean, it seems like he's showing up finally.

1220
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 1: These are the example. These are example is taking. Yeah,

1221
00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 1: I mean it's not going to repair everything, but I

1222
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 1: think you know it can get you to a better

1223
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:42,759
Speaker 1: place than you are now. Yes, this is what you

1224
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:44,239
Speaker 1: should be doing. This is what you should be doing.

1225
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:46,560
Speaker 2: He's been showing up for all of our meetups early

1226
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:49,040
Speaker 2: at that and spends the entire time with our son,

1227
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 2: not trying to get back with me. That's also another

1228
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 2: good point. This was something I was worried about, but

1229
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 2: he's been trying to prove that he can be a father.

1230
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:57,360
Speaker 2: Before he left, I would have said he was in

1231
00:56:57,520 --> 00:56:59,839
Speaker 2: excellent hands on dad, And it looks like this guy

1232
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:02,799
Speaker 2: coming back. But again it's only been three weeks. I'll

1233
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:05,240
Speaker 2: be more confident once he's been consistent for six months,

1234
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:06,720
Speaker 2: a year, two years.

1235
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:07,560
Speaker 1: You get the idea.

1236
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:10,480
Speaker 2: So yesterday I met with him and his sister without

1237
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:12,719
Speaker 2: my son. She seems like a nice person. She was

1238
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 2: really apologetic and even cried and apparently on top of

1239
00:57:15,719 --> 00:57:17,840
Speaker 2: thinking it was wrong the way his parents acted, she

1240
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:22,480
Speaker 2: was sapphok and her orientation is frowned upon by their mother. Okay,

1241
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 2: so basically she's like the black sheep of the family too.

1242
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 2: So she understands like what it means to be on

1243
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:28,240
Speaker 2: the outside.

1244
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:31,280
Speaker 1: Yes, which honestly kind of great that. I think the

1245
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 1: siblings have each other like an eternal champion. Yeah, one

1246
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:34,919
Speaker 1: hundred percent.

1247
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:36,920
Speaker 2: As an aside, I don't want anyone to think all

1248
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:40,840
Speaker 2: Indian people are discriminatory closet guards get in term of

1249
00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:43,840
Speaker 2: that one racists basically, especially since a lot of people

1250
00:57:43,880 --> 00:57:46,000
Speaker 2: of the same or similar culture while commenting on my

1251
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:49,080
Speaker 2: last posts saying they'd experienced something similar, but Raj's family

1252
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:50,680
Speaker 2: are some seriously judgmental people.

1253
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 1: Together. They tried to show me proof that they had

1254
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:53,920
Speaker 1: cut off their family.

1255
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 2: They showed me unanswered texts, played me angry voicemails that

1256
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:59,400
Speaker 2: weren't in English but sounded mad and rag translated. He

1257
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:01,720
Speaker 2: showed me email that his mother had sent that was

1258
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:04,280
Speaker 2: in English, basically telling him that if he came back

1259
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,200
Speaker 2: now and married the girl they had lined up for him,

1260
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:09,400
Speaker 2: all would be forgiven. But if he didn't, he was disowned. Wow,

1261
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:11,760
Speaker 2: they would never talk to him again.

1262
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 1: I mean, that's gonna be tough for Ra too. I mean, like,

1263
00:58:14,480 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 1: definitely he's been in the wrong, but not an easy

1264
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 1: thing to get cut off from your family. But hey,

1265
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:21,360
Speaker 1: if thirder family's going to cut you off for this reason,

1266
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:24,440
Speaker 1: then maybe they aren't the best to be around anyway.

1267
00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:26,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, I do have some good news

1268
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,960
Speaker 2: if you are worried about getting cut off from us.

1269
00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's literally impossible impossible. And you know why

1270
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:35,880
Speaker 2: that is, Sam, Why is that because we have over

1271
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:39,600
Speaker 2: two thousand podcast episodes for you to binge.

1272
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 1: It your heart's content, those in your ear hole that's

1273
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:43,600
Speaker 1: Rice get married to them.

1274
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 2: Go to Spotify, Apple or the iHeartRadio app and search

1275
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:48,640
Speaker 2: Okay story Time and you can binge all of our

1276
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:52,480
Speaker 2: podcast episodes for more insane plot twisting stories like this one.

1277
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:54,280
Speaker 1: We're about at the end. But I mean, I don't

1278
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 1: know if there's anything left to said. We haven't Aready said, Yeah,

1279
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 1: I mean, I think the relationship is going in the

1280
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:01,680
Speaker 1: right direction, very least that is saying very little because

1281
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:05,520
Speaker 1: it was going extremely deeply into the wrong direction. Yeah,

1282
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,760
Speaker 1: give it those years, OPI mentioned, and you know, then

1283
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 1: we can talk. But to close this out, Opie says

1284
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 1: his reply to saying that he'd be cut off was

1285
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:17,480
Speaker 1: that he was with his family and that he was

1286
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:20,080
Speaker 1: not going to leave us again. It seemed to be legit,

1287
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:23,240
Speaker 1: but I am skeptical. Nothing but time will fix that.

1288
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:25,439
Speaker 1: So there you have it. Raj is being a father.

1289
00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:28,160
Speaker 2: We are not getting to get back together anytime soon,

1290
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:30,240
Speaker 2: if at all, and he has cut off his family

1291
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 2: for good, hopefully. I know many said that I shouldn't

1292
00:59:32,680 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 2: even given him another chance to be in our son's life,

1293
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 2: but making that decision would not have been fair to

1294
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:40,200
Speaker 2: my son. Raj knows this is his last chance and

1295
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:43,720
Speaker 2: that he better not f up. He better he better

1296
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 2: not f up.

1297
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:48,400
Speaker 1: But hey again, I think op now finally got a

1298
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 1: little spine, went from noodle to maybe some wood spine.

1299
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:56,040
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and is putting down the things that she

1300
00:59:56,240 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 1: needs to make a relationship work for her. So I

1301
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:01,240
Speaker 1: feel like there's been character element on op side and

1302
01:00:01,400 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 1: also some character development Rogers's side, like, you know, not great,

1303
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 1: but he is making moods is paying for the kids,

1304
01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:09,439
Speaker 1: so it feels like we are ending in a better

1305
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:11,480
Speaker 1: place than we started. Absolutely, and hey, as long as

1306
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 1: they continue on. I think this should be good. But

1307
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:16,919
Speaker 1: I wanna but I think, but I think we can't

1308
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:19,960
Speaker 1: continue on in this episode. We can't because it's done.

1309
01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 1: So if you love us, make sure to subscribe We

1310
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:23,960
Speaker 1: love you and see your wor