WEBVTT - Ask Banya: Scrubterranean 0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:04.960 Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:09.520 --> 0:00:12.920 Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:18.240 Scrub dub dum sco rub a dub dull. We are 0:00:18.480 --> 0:00:19.520 asking bunya. 0:00:20.720 --> 0:00:23.720 I don't know about like like US giving advice is 0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:26.920 like such a what It's just so funny, Like a 0:00:26.960 --> 0:00:30.800 whole episode of US giving advice is so funny because 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:33.839 sometimes people have like really hard life things that are 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:36.879 going through and we're just like bo just have a 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.360 conversation about you. 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:41.240 Know, watermelon and canalos. 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:43.920 But you know, they come to us for a reason. 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:45.440 I don't think it's that weird. 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:48.479 I think that oftentimes people seek advice from people that 0:00:48.520 --> 0:00:51.680 are not involved in the situation, like third parties. I 0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:53.880 think we've lived a lot of life. We've had different 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:57.320 experiences to very different experiences, so there's a lot of 0:00:57.320 --> 0:00:58.120 perspective there. 0:00:58.320 --> 0:00:59.800 Oh yeah, I got lots of perspective. 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:00.400 Yeah. 0:01:00.440 --> 0:01:02.880 Well, I'm super excited for this. I love these episodes. 0:01:03.200 --> 0:01:06.560 I love the ammes or auas ask us any things. 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:12.280 But I love a lengthy email typed out yeah seeking us. 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:15.560 Same mark, are you anyway? 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:16.399 Yeah? 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:19.160 It would be my pleasure. Thank you so much. Anonymous says, 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.520 I saw Tanya posting about how she and Robbie become 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:24.040 more obsessed with each other as time goes on. Becca 0:01:24.080 --> 0:01:26.520 mentioned recently Shan Haley are still so excited to hang 0:01:26.560 --> 0:01:29.240 out in love. I'm wondering if you have advice on 0:01:29.280 --> 0:01:31.679 how to do that. I'm in an amazing relationship with 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:33.680 the best human ever, but it's new, and I feel 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:36.720 so afraid of when we're no longer in this place. 0:01:37.040 --> 0:01:39.200 So I'm asking the age old question, how do you 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:42.160 keep that spark alive? What's your relationship advice on stayings 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:46.479 so in love and not letting all of that die out? 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:52.120 You can go, well, it's interesting because I don't think 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:54.440 that I have like necessarily a formula or like a 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:58.760 specific thing to say. And we've only been Robin and 0:01:58.800 --> 0:02:00.360 I have only been together for four and a half years, 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:02.640 so I guess it's not that long when you look 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:04.160 at it the big picture, you know what I mean, 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:06.480 People have been married for like twenty forty fifty years, 0:02:07.400 --> 0:02:08.960 so four and a half still feels like we're still 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:13.160 freshly in it. I feel like it's just finding the 0:02:13.200 --> 0:02:16.359 right partner, right, But. 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:19.080 It sounds like she is or they I don't know 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:21.160 if it's a man or woman, but sounds. 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:23.960 Like they're in a new relationship. 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:29.760 So it's like that honeymoon phase and everything feels so exciting. 0:02:29.240 --> 0:02:32.160 And big and new, and it does die. 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:33.839 I don't think you can keep that forever. 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:35.760 Yeah, I don't think you can keep people like say that. 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:36.520 I think it's. 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:39.480 Totally they're like I think I think there's a difference 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:42.800 of saying that. 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:43.880 There there's almost this. 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:49.080 Like it's not not a toxic feeling, but it's almost 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:52.959 like this intoxicating feeling where you like I wasn't sleeping, 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:58.320 Like to maintain that feeling would be so exhausting looking back, 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:01.639 But there's still the excitement of getting to hang out 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:04.799 with her at Hayley after six years, there's still that 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.080 excitement of getting to talk to her at the end 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:09.200 of the day and recap our days together and like 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:10.480 do new things together. 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:15.160 So I'm still I'm more in love. 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:17.480 Like the love is so much deeper, but it's not 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:20.680 this like thing I'm trying to grasp onto, Like I 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:25.760 feel like at peace in the relationship. 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:27.799 As opposed to like frantically trying to Like. 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:30.440 Yeah, because like in the early days when you're like dating, 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:33.400 you don't see them every day, so you like anticipate 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:37.120 seeing them. You like shave every inch of your body, 0:03:37.560 --> 0:03:40.960 you like, you know, your slick as a dolphin. Yeah, dolphin, 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:45.840 like dolphin, Like you know now I'm like grizzly, you 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:47.040 know whatever, But. 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:48.600 Like you just do. 0:03:48.640 --> 0:03:50.760 There's so much that you like, there's so much build up, 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:54.080 and it's like you just can't keep that forever, you 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:54.560 know what I mean? 0:03:54.760 --> 0:03:57.400 My mom shows every day her likes. 0:03:57.720 --> 0:03:59.440 I think I kind of shave them every time I'm 0:03:59.480 --> 0:03:59.960 in the shower. 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:03.080 You shower three times a day, yeah, my. 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:08.960 Everything shower, which is like twice a week, okay, and. 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:10.160 That's when you wash your feet. 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:11.800 That's when I watch my feet shape. 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:13.880 You know that every time you're in the shower. 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:16.560 R fair fair, fair, fair, fair fair fair. 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:19.240 So basically, what we're saying is when you are with them, 0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:21.120 I mean, you you how long have you all been? 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:22.200 How long have you been with ay? 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:25.640 Twenty seven years since you've been Matten started dating, okay, 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:26.120 and you and. 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:28.839 I'll say eleven years. 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:30.760 Okay, So how what would y'all say. 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:34.520 That you can't keep that going? Because love evolves and 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:36.560 it's going to evolve whether you want it to or not. 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:38.200 It's going to and it can be go to a 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:40.159 better place. And I hope for your case the sake, 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:41.880 it doesn't go to a worse place. But it's going 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:43.719 to be different in the future than it is now. 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:45.680 And that doesn't make it bad in the future. It 0:04:45.720 --> 0:04:47.600 can be great in the future in its own way. 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:49.479 I agree like that feeling. 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:53.240 I think like I think about to like the honeymoon feeling, 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:56.120 you know, and like I still get that feeling with Alis, 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:58.000 and it just takes on different forms, you know, like 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:01.200 I'm I know Alson better than any one else. I'm 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:03.160 never better than I know myself. And uh, but I'm 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:05.039 still excited. Like when she texts me, I get like 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:07.800 excited because and it's usually like, hey, the window guy 0:05:07.880 --> 0:05:10.880 came by. It it's gonna be eighteen hundred dollars, you know, 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:13.120 it's like, oh, she just oh my gosh, she just 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:16.360 texted me, Oh, I miss you so much. 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:17.040 Uh. 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:18.599 The window guy and I tried cleaning some of the 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:20.160 windows and we got a lot of the scratches out. 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:22.000 So that makes me so excited. 0:05:22.480 --> 0:05:23.560 Said I miss you so much. 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:27.919 She did, and I saw her this morning. You know, 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:30.400 but uh. 0:05:30.160 --> 0:05:40.080 Wow and refreshing, refreshing, and you know. 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:42.240 Again, I, like Tony said, I don't know, like you know, 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:43.680 I don't know what the key to that is. I 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:45.840 just I really like this person and I'm excited to 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:48.239 see all the different forms our relationship takes over the years. 0:05:48.440 --> 0:05:51.600 Yeah, And I think also it's like as your relationship evolves, 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:55.120 just like with and over time, like then it takes 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:57.320 on different forms. So it's like when you move in together, 0:05:57.440 --> 0:05:59.040 that's like a whole different thing. So like I get 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:00.880 like so giddy when he some from work. Like me, 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:03.880 I've posted videos of like my dog whenever Robbi gets home, her. 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:06.360 Tail goes like crazy and she's like this, like that's 0:06:06.400 --> 0:06:07.080 how I am too. 0:06:07.240 --> 0:06:09.640 Just not filming myself, but like I'm so excited when 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:10.920 he comes home at the end of the day, you 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:12.920 know what I mean. But I just feel like everything 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:15.840 shifts as you grow as a couple, you know what 0:06:15.880 --> 0:06:18.440 I mean. Like before I when we were dating, I 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:20.240 never had met hadn't even met the kids, so I 0:06:20.240 --> 0:06:23.200 wasn't even involved in that. And now I'm like super 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:25.440 involved in that. So that's like another layer of you know, 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:26.840 you just I don't know it's all just. 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:30.839 Yeah, And you asked, like, is there conscious Like the 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:33.040 question is their conscious effort to keep spark alive? And 0:06:33.080 --> 0:06:35.440 I do think there's effort in the sense that like 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:39.039 making time for each other and carving out things to 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:41.480 do for each other that maybe the other person loves. 0:06:41.680 --> 0:06:45.000 We like couple therapy has been like so helpful for 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:48.760 helpful for us just in communicating and learning how to 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:53.159 have like healthy conversations that might be hard so that 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:57.320 I don't I'm known to shut down. So like if 0:06:57.320 --> 0:07:00.279 I shut down and we're trying to have a productive conversation, 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:02.920 it just kind of puts a wedge in between us. 0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:03.880 And that was happening. 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:07.600 So now I feel like, because we're able to communicate 0:07:07.600 --> 0:07:09.240 in a more healthy way, I feel like there's a 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:12.600 deeper love there that I didn't I've never experienced ever. 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:14.360 Yeah, I do feel like I know I say it 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:16.520 all the time, I really mean it. Finding out each 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:20.400 other's love languages is so important because I I don't 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:21.920 know if you know this about me, but I require 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:22.920 a lot of attention. 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:24.880 Fascinating. 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:26.080 Yeah, I require a lot. 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:30.440 Robbie requires none like that guy, Like it's crazy, you know, 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:34.440 it's wild, he requires nothing and I require a lot. 0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:36.200 So you how do you don't? 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:38.200 How do you know that he requires nothing because you 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:40.680 give so much? Have you ever seen him like just 0:07:40.760 --> 0:07:44.560 not have Like you give him so much without him asking. 0:07:44.200 --> 0:07:46.960 For it, because that's right, that's wow. 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:50.800 But like he he doesn't need more because he has 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:52.440 what you give him. But I'm saying, how do you 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:54.920 know he doesn't require stuff because you give everything, you 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:55.440 give a lot. 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:58.000 Yeah, I don't I get what you're saying, but like 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:00.840 the guy really requires is not much. 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:02.280 He's very chill. 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:03.680 He's very lazy, very chilly. 0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:06.920 But it's like being open and communicating that, do you 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:08.520 know what I mean? Like I'm like, I need you 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:10.640 to touch me, I need you to tell me, and 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:11.200 I need you. 0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:14.480 To act every day how much you love me. 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:18.320 Whereas he it could be like once a week, you know, 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.280 like I could like give him a kiss on a 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:22.800 Thursday and he's good till Monday. 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:24.600 Whereas I'm like, I don't think. 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:27.280 I don't think we approved because that has never happened. 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:29.440 I know, I get what you're saying, but I just 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:31.920 I feel it in my bones that he really requires 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:32.520 very little. 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:35.120 Yeah, just a hunch Yeah. 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:37.959 I also think I have a really hard time if 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.680 I do need something and I'm not and Haley's not 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:42.800 able to read my mind, which is so infuriating. 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:44.679 It's like, why can't you just read my mind? I'm 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:49.480 giving all the hints, but having to ask for what 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:52.920 I need is so uncomfortable for me. Right, But I 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:55.440 do think it's helped us so much when I'm able 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:57.280 to do it in a productive way. 0:08:57.480 --> 0:09:00.280 Yeah, I usually do it subtly, Like you know, I 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:03.600 write him a letter every morning. Don't write a letter 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:06.120 for like three days. He'll write me one because he's like, you. 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:10.160 Are the human form of subtlety. 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:12.560 Correct, nothing but subtle. 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.640 You should have Sunny return the favor and film you 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:18.079 when Robbie gets home, Like it's kind of rude that 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:20.800 you're always on me hurt honestly, So the Leasha could do, 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:25.600 I know, So I would say, enjoy the phase that 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:27.840 you're at and also know that just if that like 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:32.760 rush of like the newness goes away, that's not a 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:36.880 negative thing, correct, It just can mean it's like love 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:37.760 is growing in it. 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.240 It can look different at so many different life stages. 0:09:40.480 --> 0:10:00.320 Yeah, next, Mark we go. 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:02.760 This is from Nicole I love your podcast. I came 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:04.880 across it around the time Beca came out, and then 0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:07.840 binged all episodes from twenty seventeen in three to four months. 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:09.920 I want to ask Beca how her journey has been 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:12.400 so far reconnecting with her faith. I grew up Catholic, 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:14.360 but was never forced by my parents to attend church 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:17.880 all the time, and therein lies my issue. I'm twenty 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:19.640 six now and looking back, I feel like it was 0:10:19.640 --> 0:10:22.679 a formality and nothing else. I've never felt connected to that, 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:25.120 and the interest has never really been there. I'm very 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:27.880 comfortable with not knowing whether or not God or a 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:30.559 God exists, but sometimes I do feel guilty that I'm 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:32.880 doing something wrong. But at the same time, I can't 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:35.160 force myself to believe in something I'm not connected to. 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:38.520 Tanya once mention growing up Serbian Orthodox then breaking away 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:40.800 from that to become Christian. Did you ever feel like 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:43.000 you were doing something wrong and breaking away from all 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:44.960 you'd known. I'd love to hear Marconie in the Feuse 0:10:45.000 --> 0:10:47.000 as well, having grown up without religion at all. 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:48.920 Would you like to start, Becka? 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:50.439 Yeah, I would say that. 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:56.280 The hardest thing that I feel like I've ever had 0:10:56.360 --> 0:11:00.200 to really navigate was my faith and my religion, and 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:02.079 especially after meeting Haley. 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:05.720 I've talked about I actually weirdly talked about this on 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:07.079 another podcast I did, but. 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:10.960 I said, I was talking about how like my whole 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:12.840 life growing up in the South in a very like 0:11:12.880 --> 0:11:16.559 conservative Christian environment, going to a Christian school, going to 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:17.760 church three times a. 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:20.960 Week, like three times a week, Sunday. 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:22.040 Morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night. 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:24.240 Sunday morning, and Sunday night. 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:26.120 Yeah, that is a lot. Yeah. 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:29.200 But then in high school I kind of would just 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:31.640 kind of go by my like I was more involved, 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:33.600 like just on my own and wasn't necessarily that was 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:35.439 like more as a child, and like I went because 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:37.480 I had to. And then when I was in high school, 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:40.960 I would go on my own, and what I knew 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:47.160 about same sex relationships or you know, homosexuality was that 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:49.320 it was wrong and bad. And so I think that 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:53.200 when before Haley, my sister came out to me, and 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:55.360 I think that was a real big shift for me 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:57.679 because my whole life I had never really had to 0:11:57.760 --> 0:12:01.520 deal This is very selfish statement, but looking back, this 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:03.720 is how I felt. But because no one that I 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:06.240 was super close to had told me. 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:10.080 That that part of them. 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:12.440 I think that it just was never I just kind 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:14.640 of like had my beliefs, but it was never something 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:17.800 I talked about or felt like I needed to reevaluate 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:21.640 until my sister came out to me, because I felt like, 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:24.680 how am I supposed to believe what I've been taught 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:27.199 my whole life about this person who I love more 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:29.520 than anything, you know, Like it was like my whole 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:35.800 mindset and like my belief system was kind of like shook, 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:38.319 and you grow up being. 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:39.920 Like you don't question, like how I grew up. 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:43.680 You don't question anything, You don't take a deep dive 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:45.640 and look into things like that. Like I had never 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:47.880 even had that perspective of thinking about it. 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:49.600 Until you know, my sister. 0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:53.000 And so then when I met Hayley, it was such 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:56.000 this instant connection that I didn't really go into the 0:12:56.000 --> 0:13:00.000 faith thing until I was kind of having to navigate 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:03.319 things with my family and my parents, and then it. 0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:05.120 Was like what do I actually believe? 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:07.240 Like I started having this moment of like I just 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.360 kind of followed and did what I was told, but 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:11.760 like I've never looked into it as like what do 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:12.440 I connect with? 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:14.120 What do I believe about this. 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:19.439 What what is it that's keeping me in this state 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:23.959 of faith or like believing in something that's so big? 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:28.120 So I went through this huge phase of just being 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:31.400 like what is it? Can I keep that? And can 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:33.360 I have a relationship with a woman? You know? 0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:34.200 Yeah? 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:36.000 And that was really scary because it was like the 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:38.760 most consistent important thing in my life. And then I 0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:42.760 realized I can have both and I believe in I 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:46.400 believe in what I believe in. And I think I've 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:49.400 always feared talking about religion because I was scared of 0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:52.360 what Christian people would say, Like my fear has always 0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:55.440 been around what will the Christians say? And then I 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:58.400 was thinking, how twisted is that that my fear of 0:13:58.440 --> 0:13:59.600 who's going to bully me? 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:02.160 Or t is gonna be Christian people? 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:05.240 Like what a backwards mindset of Like how to think 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:09.320 about faith as opposed to thinking it's so huge? It's 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:12.040 faith because you don't it's believing in something that you 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:17.160 can't see or know, and also there's so many elements 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:19.360 to it. So I just always felt like it's my 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:23.840 it's such a personal thing and it's it's my personal journey. 0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:26.240 And I always felt like I needed to make sure 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:28.360 everyone was happy with how I was doing it, But 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:30.480 no one's ever gonna be happy with how you're doing it. 0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:33.080 I find personally that my faith brings me more peace 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:34.320 than anything else in my life. 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:36.840 So that's how I've been able to like when people like, 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:37.800 how do you still believe? 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:41.760 But I think the organized religion of it all has 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:43.600 been a little bit of a turn off because I 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:47.400 see people that I don't really want to associate and 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:50.080 if they're if they're of the Christian faith or they're 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:54.040 talking about that, I'm like, I don't want to really 0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:58.000 be associated with those people, right? And that was really 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.640 that's kind of a complicated feeling, you know, because you're like, well, 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:04.200 you grow up being like you really shouldn't have deep 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:07.520 relationships outside of people who believe the same as you, 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:09.560 you know, but that feels so. 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:11.640 That doesn't. 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:14.120 I just feel like what I've learned and like how 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:16.480 what I believe Jesus to be was not that type 0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:16.920 of person. 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:20.440 Yeah, what an awful statement that you shouldn't have deep 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:22.240 relationships with Basically, like. 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:25.760 Don't don't have deep rooted relationships with people who don't 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:28.440 have the same beliefs. 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:30.960 How do you grow you learn the world. 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:32.000 That's what I'm saying. 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:35.120 Like until I, until I moved out of that mindset, 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:38.280 the amount of people I met who celebrate totally different 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:40.680 cultures and religion I would have never known had I 0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:44.720 not moved and like ask questions and gotten to know 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:46.720 people who were different than me. And I think it's 0:15:46.720 --> 0:15:50.280 such a beautiful thing to have relationships with people from 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:53.840 all different backgrounds and from the you know, different parts 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:57.040 of the country and world, and and I think it's 0:15:57.040 --> 0:16:00.240 a beautiful thing. I just I don't know, it's it's 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:03.480 definitely complicated. It's not something I have a clear answer about, obviously, 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:06.240 but I have my faith, and I think that if 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:09.840 you don't connect to something, you can't force yourself. But 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:13.600 I also it gives me peace believing in something bigger 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:13.840 than me. 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:16.880 Yeah. I think for me. 0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:23.600 It was a really hard topic because I did grow 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:26.640 up very Serbian Orthodox, Like I would go to church 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:32.680 every Sunday with my dad, and it's more deep rooted 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:35.120 for my dad than my mom, I think. But when 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:38.320 I I never felt connected to the Serbian Orthodox Church. 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:40.920 I didn't really understand what they were saying. I always 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:45.240 felt judged because I didn't speak Serbian. It was very traditional, 0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:46.800 like I had to wear a skirt past my knees, 0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:49.440 you can't have your shoulders. It was just it felt 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:52.440 I never felt like I fit in when I was 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:58.440 going there, and that's hard, right. So again, I'm doing 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:00.080 this because I'm just I'm going with my dad and 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:02.000 it means so much to him. And then when I 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:04.520 started going to Christian Church and really finding my footing 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:07.560 in that, it was like a really hard conversation with 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:10.000 my parents because like they just didn't understand it. They 0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:12.800 were just like, it's all the same beliefs, so why 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:13.280 can't you go? 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:13.639 You know. 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:16.399 It was like a really hard and it still is 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:20.320 to this day a very touchy subject. And I think 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:24.080 it's because, you know, I grew up one hundred percent 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:28.160 fully Serbian, and I think that in my parents' eyes, 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:30.640 it was like I was turning my back on that, 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:33.840 and I you know, I wanted to be different than 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:35.040 how I was born and. 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:42.320 Didn't appreciate that, you know. And like my sister got. 0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:44.800 Married and her husband converted to Serbian Orthodox and they 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:47.359 got married in a Serbian Orthodox church, and like she 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:49.600 did it the way that I think they wanted that 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:53.119 they wanted it, and I'm going to do it a 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:59.199 marrying a Jewish man with a pop culture officiant, not 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:02.880 in a serby words at the Dux church, you. 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:06.680 Know, Like it's very it's just very different. And so. 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:11.399 That's what's hard for me is it's how hard it 0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:13.560 is for my parents. It has not been hard for 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:19.359 me personally, like being Christian and my relationship with God 0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:23.080 is what is what fuels me. It's not about the 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:25.080 rules and the what not to do and who not 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:28.000 to be with. I did get a lot of criticism 0:18:28.000 --> 0:18:30.040 when I started dating Robbie, like, you know, how do 0:18:30.080 --> 0:18:31.639 you guys do it? How to navigate? And I'm like, 0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:36.399 it's actually quite beautiful. We both celebrate each other's holidays 0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:41.840 and traditions and learn and grow and I think it's 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:48.440 cool that he's Jewish and I'm Christian and it works 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:50.720