1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:04,960 Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. 3 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:18,240 Speaker 3: Scrub dub dum sco rub a dub dull. We are 4 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:19,520 Speaker 3: asking bunya. 5 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 2: I don't know about like like US giving advice is 6 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 2: like such a what It's just so funny, Like a 7 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 2: whole episode of US giving advice is so funny because 8 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,839 Speaker 2: sometimes people have like really hard life things that are 9 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,879 Speaker 2: going through and we're just like bo just have a 10 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,360 Speaker 2: conversation about you. 11 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,240 Speaker 4: Know, watermelon and canalos. 12 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,920 Speaker 3: But you know, they come to us for a reason. 13 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:45,440 Speaker 4: I don't think it's that weird. 14 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,479 Speaker 5: I think that oftentimes people seek advice from people that 15 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 5: are not involved in the situation, like third parties. I 16 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 5: think we've lived a lot of life. We've had different 17 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:57,320 Speaker 5: experiences to very different experiences, so there's a lot of 18 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 5: perspective there. 19 00:00:58,320 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I got lots of perspective. 20 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 1: Yeah. 21 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 3: Well, I'm super excited for this. I love these episodes. 22 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,560 Speaker 2: I love the ammes or auas ask us any things. 23 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 2: But I love a lengthy email typed out yeah seeking us. 24 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:15,560 Speaker 4: Same mark, are you anyway? 25 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:16,399 Speaker 3: Yeah? 26 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,160 Speaker 1: It would be my pleasure. Thank you so much. Anonymous says, 27 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,520 Speaker 1: I saw Tanya posting about how she and Robbie become 28 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:24,040 Speaker 1: more obsessed with each other as time goes on. Becca 29 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: mentioned recently Shan Haley are still so excited to hang 30 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: out in love. I'm wondering if you have advice on 31 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: how to do that. I'm in an amazing relationship with 32 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,680 Speaker 1: the best human ever, but it's new, and I feel 33 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: so afraid of when we're no longer in this place. 34 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 1: So I'm asking the age old question, how do you 35 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: keep that spark alive? What's your relationship advice on stayings 36 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:46,479 Speaker 1: so in love and not letting all of that die out? 37 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 5: You can go, well, it's interesting because I don't think 38 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 5: that I have like necessarily a formula or like a 39 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 5: specific thing to say. And we've only been Robin and 40 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,360 Speaker 5: I have only been together for four and a half years, 41 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,640 Speaker 5: so I guess it's not that long when you look 42 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 5: at it the big picture, you know what I mean, 43 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,480 Speaker 5: People have been married for like twenty forty fifty years, 44 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 5: so four and a half still feels like we're still 45 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 5: freshly in it. I feel like it's just finding the 46 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,359 Speaker 5: right partner, right, But. 47 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 2: It sounds like she is or they I don't know 48 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 2: if it's a man or woman, but sounds. 49 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 3: Like they're in a new relationship. 50 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 2: So it's like that honeymoon phase and everything feels so exciting. 51 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 3: And big and new, and it does die. 52 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:33,839 Speaker 1: I don't think you can keep that forever. 53 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think you can keep people like say that. 54 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 4: I think it's. 55 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 2: Totally they're like I think I think there's a difference 56 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,800 Speaker 2: of saying that. 57 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 3: There there's almost this. 58 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:49,080 Speaker 2: Like it's not not a toxic feeling, but it's almost 59 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,959 Speaker 2: like this intoxicating feeling where you like I wasn't sleeping, 60 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 2: Like to maintain that feeling would be so exhausting looking back, 61 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,639 Speaker 2: But there's still the excitement of getting to hang out 62 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,799 Speaker 2: with her at Hayley after six years, there's still that 63 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 2: excitement of getting to talk to her at the end 64 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 2: of the day and recap our days together and like 65 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 2: do new things together. 66 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 3: So I'm still I'm more in love. 67 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 2: Like the love is so much deeper, but it's not 68 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:20,680 Speaker 2: this like thing I'm trying to grasp onto, Like I 69 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 2: feel like at peace in the relationship. 70 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,799 Speaker 3: As opposed to like frantically trying to Like. 71 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 5: Yeah, because like in the early days when you're like dating, 72 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 5: you don't see them every day, so you like anticipate 73 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 5: seeing them. You like shave every inch of your body, 74 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 5: you like, you know, your slick as a dolphin. Yeah, dolphin, 75 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:45,840 Speaker 5: like dolphin, Like you know now I'm like grizzly, you 76 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 5: know whatever, But. 77 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 3: Like you just do. 78 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 5: There's so much that you like, there's so much build up, 79 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 5: and it's like you just can't keep that forever, you 80 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 5: know what I mean? 81 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 3: My mom shows every day her likes. 82 00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 4: I think I kind of shave them every time I'm 83 00:03:59,480 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 4: in the shower. 84 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 1: You shower three times a day, yeah, my. 85 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:08,960 Speaker 5: Everything shower, which is like twice a week, okay, and. 86 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,160 Speaker 3: That's when you wash your feet. 87 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 4: That's when I watch my feet shape. 88 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 1: You know that every time you're in the shower. 89 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 4: R fair fair, fair, fair, fair fair fair. 90 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,240 Speaker 2: So basically, what we're saying is when you are with them, 91 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 2: I mean, you you how long have you all been? 92 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 3: How long have you been with ay? 93 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 2: Twenty seven years since you've been Matten started dating, okay, 94 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:26,120 Speaker 2: and you and. 95 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,839 Speaker 6: I'll say eleven years. 96 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 3: Okay, So how what would y'all say. 97 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,520 Speaker 1: That you can't keep that going? Because love evolves and 98 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: it's going to evolve whether you want it to or not. 99 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 1: It's going to and it can be go to a 100 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,159 Speaker 1: better place. And I hope for your case the sake, 101 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: it doesn't go to a worse place. But it's going 102 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,719 Speaker 1: to be different in the future than it is now. 103 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,680 Speaker 1: And that doesn't make it bad in the future. It 104 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,600 Speaker 1: can be great in the future in its own way. 105 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,479 Speaker 6: I agree like that feeling. 106 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 7: I think like I think about to like the honeymoon feeling, 107 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 7: you know, and like I still get that feeling with Alis, 108 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 7: and it just takes on different forms, you know, like 109 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 7: I'm I know Alson better than any one else. I'm 110 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,160 Speaker 7: never better than I know myself. And uh, but I'm 111 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,039 Speaker 7: still excited. Like when she texts me, I get like 112 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 7: excited because and it's usually like, hey, the window guy 113 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 7: came by. It it's gonna be eighteen hundred dollars, you know, 114 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 7: it's like, oh, she just oh my gosh, she just 115 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 7: texted me, Oh, I miss you so much. 116 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:17,040 Speaker 6: Uh. 117 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 7: The window guy and I tried cleaning some of the 118 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 7: windows and we got a lot of the scratches out. 119 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 6: So that makes me so excited. 120 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 3: Said I miss you so much. 121 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 6: She did, and I saw her this morning. You know, 122 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 6: but uh. 123 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:40,080 Speaker 1: Wow and refreshing, refreshing, and you know. 124 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 7: Again, I, like Tony said, I don't know, like you know, 125 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 7: I don't know what the key to that is. I 126 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,840 Speaker 7: just I really like this person and I'm excited to 127 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:48,239 Speaker 7: see all the different forms our relationship takes over the years. 128 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,600 Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think also it's like as your relationship evolves, 129 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 5: just like with and over time, like then it takes 130 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 5: on different forms. So it's like when you move in together, 131 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,040 Speaker 5: that's like a whole different thing. So like I get 132 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 5: like so giddy when he some from work. Like me, 133 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,880 Speaker 5: I've posted videos of like my dog whenever Robbi gets home, her. 134 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,360 Speaker 4: Tail goes like crazy and she's like this, like that's 135 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 4: how I am too. 136 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 5: Just not filming myself, but like I'm so excited when 137 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 5: he comes home at the end of the day, you 138 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,920 Speaker 5: know what I mean. But I just feel like everything 139 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,840 Speaker 5: shifts as you grow as a couple, you know what 140 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 5: I mean. Like before I when we were dating, I 141 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 5: never had met hadn't even met the kids, so I 142 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 5: wasn't even involved in that. And now I'm like super 143 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 5: involved in that. So that's like another layer of you know, 144 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:26,840 Speaker 5: you just I don't know it's all just. 145 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,839 Speaker 2: Yeah, And you asked, like, is there conscious Like the 146 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,040 Speaker 2: question is their conscious effort to keep spark alive? And 147 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 2: I do think there's effort in the sense that like 148 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,039 Speaker 2: making time for each other and carving out things to 149 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 2: do for each other that maybe the other person loves. 150 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 2: We like couple therapy has been like so helpful for 151 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 2: helpful for us just in communicating and learning how to 152 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:53,159 Speaker 2: have like healthy conversations that might be hard so that 153 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 2: I don't I'm known to shut down. So like if 154 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,279 Speaker 2: I shut down and we're trying to have a productive conversation, 155 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 2: it just kind of puts a wedge in between us. 156 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 3: And that was happening. 157 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,600 Speaker 2: So now I feel like, because we're able to communicate 158 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 2: in a more healthy way, I feel like there's a 159 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 2: deeper love there that I didn't I've never experienced ever. 160 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 5: Yeah, I do feel like I know I say it 161 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 5: all the time, I really mean it. Finding out each 162 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 5: other's love languages is so important because I I don't 163 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 5: know if you know this about me, but I require 164 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 5: a lot of attention. 165 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 1: Fascinating. 166 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, I require a lot. 167 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 5: Robbie requires none like that guy, Like it's crazy, you know, 168 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 5: it's wild, he requires nothing and I require a lot. 169 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 3: So you how do you don't? 170 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 2: How do you know that he requires nothing because you 171 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 2: give so much? Have you ever seen him like just 172 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 2: not have Like you give him so much without him asking. 173 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,960 Speaker 4: For it, because that's right, that's wow. 174 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,800 Speaker 2: But like he he doesn't need more because he has 175 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 2: what you give him. But I'm saying, how do you 176 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 2: know he doesn't require stuff because you give everything, you 177 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 2: give a lot. 178 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't I get what you're saying, but like 179 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:00,840 Speaker 5: the guy really requires is not much. 180 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 4: He's very chill. 181 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 3: He's very lazy, very chilly. 182 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,920 Speaker 5: But it's like being open and communicating that, do you 183 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,520 Speaker 5: know what I mean? Like I'm like, I need you 184 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 5: to touch me, I need you to tell me, and 185 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 5: I need you. 186 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 4: To act every day how much you love me. 187 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,320 Speaker 5: Whereas he it could be like once a week, you know, 188 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,280 Speaker 5: like I could like give him a kiss on a 189 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,800 Speaker 5: Thursday and he's good till Monday. 190 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 4: Whereas I'm like, I don't think. 191 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 3: I don't think we approved because that has never happened. 192 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 5: I know, I get what you're saying, but I just 193 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 5: I feel it in my bones that he really requires 194 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 5: very little. 195 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, just a hunch Yeah. 196 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,959 Speaker 3: I also think I have a really hard time if 197 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 3: I do need something and I'm not and Haley's not 198 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 3: able to read my mind, which is so infuriating. 199 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 2: It's like, why can't you just read my mind? I'm 200 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:49,480 Speaker 2: giving all the hints, but having to ask for what 201 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,920 Speaker 2: I need is so uncomfortable for me. Right, But I 202 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,440 Speaker 2: do think it's helped us so much when I'm able 203 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 2: to do it in a productive way. 204 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 5: Yeah, I usually do it subtly, Like you know, I 205 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 5: write him a letter every morning. Don't write a letter 206 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 5: for like three days. He'll write me one because he's like, you. 207 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 3: Are the human form of subtlety. 208 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:12,560 Speaker 4: Correct, nothing but subtle. 209 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 2: You should have Sunny return the favor and film you 210 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,079 Speaker 2: when Robbie gets home, Like it's kind of rude that 211 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 2: you're always on me hurt honestly, So the Leasha could do, 212 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:25,600 Speaker 2: I know, So I would say, enjoy the phase that 213 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,840 Speaker 2: you're at and also know that just if that like 214 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 2: rush of like the newness goes away, that's not a 215 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 2: negative thing, correct, It just can mean it's like love 216 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 2: is growing in it. 217 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 3: It can look different at so many different life stages. 218 00:09:40,480 --> 00:10:00,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, next, Mark we go. 219 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 1: This is from Nicole I love your podcast. I came 220 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,880 Speaker 1: across it around the time Beca came out, and then 221 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,840 Speaker 1: binged all episodes from twenty seventeen in three to four months. 222 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 1: I want to ask Beca how her journey has been 223 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: so far reconnecting with her faith. I grew up Catholic, 224 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,360 Speaker 1: but was never forced by my parents to attend church 225 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 1: all the time, and therein lies my issue. I'm twenty 226 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: six now and looking back, I feel like it was 227 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,679 Speaker 1: a formality and nothing else. I've never felt connected to that, 228 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: and the interest has never really been there. I'm very 229 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: comfortable with not knowing whether or not God or a 230 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,559 Speaker 1: God exists, but sometimes I do feel guilty that I'm 231 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 1: doing something wrong. But at the same time, I can't 232 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 1: force myself to believe in something I'm not connected to. 233 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: Tanya once mention growing up Serbian Orthodox then breaking away 234 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 1: from that to become Christian. Did you ever feel like 235 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 1: you were doing something wrong and breaking away from all 236 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,960 Speaker 1: you'd known. I'd love to hear Marconie in the Feuse 237 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,000 Speaker 1: as well, having grown up without religion at all. 238 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 4: Would you like to start, Becka? 239 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,439 Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say that. 240 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 2: The hardest thing that I feel like I've ever had 241 00:10:56,360 --> 00:11:00,200 Speaker 2: to really navigate was my faith and my religion, and 242 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,079 Speaker 2: especially after meeting Haley. 243 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,720 Speaker 3: I've talked about I actually weirdly talked about this on 244 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,079 Speaker 3: another podcast I did, but. 245 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 2: I said, I was talking about how like my whole 246 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 2: life growing up in the South in a very like 247 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:16,559 Speaker 2: conservative Christian environment, going to a Christian school, going to 248 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 2: church three times a. 249 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:20,960 Speaker 1: Week, like three times a week, Sunday. 250 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 3: Morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night. 251 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: Sunday morning, and Sunday night. 252 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, that is a lot. Yeah. 253 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,200 Speaker 2: But then in high school I kind of would just 254 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,640 Speaker 2: kind of go by my like I was more involved, 255 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 2: like just on my own and wasn't necessarily that was 256 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,439 Speaker 2: like more as a child, and like I went because 257 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 2: I had to. And then when I was in high school, 258 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 2: I would go on my own, and what I knew 259 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:47,160 Speaker 2: about same sex relationships or you know, homosexuality was that 260 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,320 Speaker 2: it was wrong and bad. And so I think that 261 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,200 Speaker 2: when before Haley, my sister came out to me, and 262 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 2: I think that was a real big shift for me 263 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,679 Speaker 2: because my whole life I had never really had to 264 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 2: deal This is very selfish statement, but looking back, this 265 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 2: is how I felt. But because no one that I 266 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 2: was super close to had told me. 267 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:10,080 Speaker 3: That that part of them. 268 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,440 Speaker 2: I think that it just was never I just kind 269 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 2: of like had my beliefs, but it was never something 270 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:17,800 Speaker 2: I talked about or felt like I needed to reevaluate 271 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 2: until my sister came out to me, because I felt like, 272 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,680 Speaker 2: how am I supposed to believe what I've been taught 273 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,199 Speaker 2: my whole life about this person who I love more 274 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 2: than anything, you know, Like it was like my whole 275 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 2: mindset and like my belief system was kind of like shook, 276 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,319 Speaker 2: and you grow up being. 277 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 3: Like you don't question, like how I grew up. 278 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,680 Speaker 2: You don't question anything, You don't take a deep dive 279 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 2: and look into things like that. Like I had never 280 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:47,880 Speaker 2: even had that perspective of thinking about it. 281 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 3: Until you know, my sister. 282 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 2: And so then when I met Hayley, it was such 283 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 2: this instant connection that I didn't really go into the 284 00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 2: faith thing until I was kind of having to navigate 285 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,319 Speaker 2: things with my family and my parents, and then it. 286 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 3: Was like what do I actually believe? 287 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 2: Like I started having this moment of like I just 288 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,360 Speaker 2: kind of followed and did what I was told, but 289 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,760 Speaker 2: like I've never looked into it as like what do 290 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 2: I connect with? 291 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 3: What do I believe about this. 292 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:19,439 Speaker 2: What what is it that's keeping me in this state 293 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:23,959 Speaker 2: of faith or like believing in something that's so big? 294 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 2: So I went through this huge phase of just being 295 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 2: like what is it? Can I keep that? And can 296 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 2: I have a relationship with a woman? You know? 297 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:34,200 Speaker 4: Yeah? 298 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 2: And that was really scary because it was like the 299 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,760 Speaker 2: most consistent important thing in my life. And then I 300 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 2: realized I can have both and I believe in I 301 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 2: believe in what I believe in. And I think I've 302 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 2: always feared talking about religion because I was scared of 303 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 2: what Christian people would say, Like my fear has always 304 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,440 Speaker 2: been around what will the Christians say? And then I 305 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 2: was thinking, how twisted is that that my fear of 306 00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 2: who's going to bully me? 307 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,160 Speaker 3: Or t is gonna be Christian people? 308 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 2: Like what a backwards mindset of Like how to think 309 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:09,320 Speaker 2: about faith as opposed to thinking it's so huge? It's 310 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,040 Speaker 2: faith because you don't it's believing in something that you 311 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 2: can't see or know, and also there's so many elements 312 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,360 Speaker 2: to it. So I just always felt like it's my 313 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 2: it's such a personal thing and it's it's my personal journey. 314 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 2: And I always felt like I needed to make sure 315 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 2: everyone was happy with how I was doing it, But 316 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 2: no one's ever gonna be happy with how you're doing it. 317 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 2: I find personally that my faith brings me more peace 318 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 2: than anything else in my life. 319 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 3: So that's how I've been able to like when people like, 320 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 3: how do you still believe? 321 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 2: But I think the organized religion of it all has 322 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 2: been a little bit of a turn off because I 323 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 2: see people that I don't really want to associate and 324 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 2: if they're if they're of the Christian faith or they're 325 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 2: talking about that, I'm like, I don't want to really 326 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 2: be associated with those people, right? And that was really 327 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,640 Speaker 2: that's kind of a complicated feeling, you know, because you're like, well, 328 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 2: you grow up being like you really shouldn't have deep 329 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 2: relationships outside of people who believe the same as you, 330 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 2: you know, but that feels so. 331 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 3: That doesn't. 332 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 2: I just feel like what I've learned and like how 333 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 2: what I believe Jesus to be was not that type 334 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 2: of person. 335 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, what an awful statement that you shouldn't have deep 336 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 1: relationships with Basically, like. 337 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 2: Don't don't have deep rooted relationships with people who don't 338 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,440 Speaker 2: have the same beliefs. 339 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: How do you grow you learn the world. 340 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. 341 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 2: Like until I, until I moved out of that mindset, 342 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 2: the amount of people I met who celebrate totally different 343 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,680 Speaker 2: cultures and religion I would have never known had I 344 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 2: not moved and like ask questions and gotten to know 345 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,720 Speaker 2: people who were different than me. And I think it's 346 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 2: such a beautiful thing to have relationships with people from 347 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,840 Speaker 2: all different backgrounds and from the you know, different parts 348 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 2: of the country and world, and and I think it's 349 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 2: a beautiful thing. I just I don't know, it's it's 350 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 2: definitely complicated. It's not something I have a clear answer about, obviously, 351 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,240 Speaker 2: but I have my faith, and I think that if 352 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 2: you don't connect to something, you can't force yourself. But 353 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 2: I also it gives me peace believing in something bigger 354 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 2: than me. 355 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,880 Speaker 4: Yeah. I think for me. 356 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 5: It was a really hard topic because I did grow 357 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 5: up very Serbian Orthodox, Like I would go to church 358 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 5: every Sunday with my dad, and it's more deep rooted 359 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 5: for my dad than my mom, I think. But when 360 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 5: I I never felt connected to the Serbian Orthodox Church. 361 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,920 Speaker 5: I didn't really understand what they were saying. I always 362 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:45,240 Speaker 5: felt judged because I didn't speak Serbian. It was very traditional, 363 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 5: like I had to wear a skirt past my knees, 364 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 5: you can't have your shoulders. It was just it felt 365 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,440 Speaker 5: I never felt like I fit in when I was 366 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:58,440 Speaker 5: going there, and that's hard, right. So again, I'm doing 367 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,080 Speaker 5: this because I'm just I'm going with my dad and 368 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 5: it means so much to him. And then when I 369 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 5: started going to Christian Church and really finding my footing 370 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,560 Speaker 5: in that, it was like a really hard conversation with 371 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,000 Speaker 5: my parents because like they just didn't understand it. They 372 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 5: were just like, it's all the same beliefs, so why 373 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 5: can't you go? 374 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 1: You know. 375 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,399 Speaker 5: It was like a really hard and it still is 376 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 5: to this day a very touchy subject. And I think 377 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 5: it's because, you know, I grew up one hundred percent 378 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:28,160 Speaker 5: fully Serbian, and I think that in my parents' eyes, 379 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,640 Speaker 5: it was like I was turning my back on that, 380 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,840 Speaker 5: and I you know, I wanted to be different than 381 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 5: how I was born and. 382 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 4: Didn't appreciate that, you know. And like my sister got. 383 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 5: Married and her husband converted to Serbian Orthodox and they 384 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 5: got married in a Serbian Orthodox church, and like she 385 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 5: did it the way that I think they wanted that 386 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:53,119 Speaker 5: they wanted it, and I'm going to do it a 387 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:59,199 Speaker 5: marrying a Jewish man with a pop culture officiant, not 388 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:02,880 Speaker 5: in a serby words at the Dux church, you. 389 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:06,680 Speaker 4: Know, Like it's very it's just very different. And so. 390 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,399 Speaker 5: That's what's hard for me is it's how hard it 391 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,560 Speaker 5: is for my parents. It has not been hard for 392 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:19,359 Speaker 5: me personally, like being Christian and my relationship with God 393 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 5: is what is what fuels me. It's not about the 394 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,080 Speaker 5: rules and the what not to do and who not 395 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 5: to be with. I did get a lot of criticism 396 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 5: when I started dating Robbie, like, you know, how do 397 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,639 Speaker 5: you guys do it? How to navigate? And I'm like, 398 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:36,399 Speaker 5: it's actually quite beautiful. We both celebrate each other's holidays 399 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:41,840 Speaker 5: and traditions and learn and grow and I think it's 400 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:48,440 Speaker 5: cool that he's Jewish and I'm Christian and it works 401 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,720 Speaker 5: and we think about I don't know, like we just 402 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,119 Speaker 5: have more holidays and more celebrating, Like who doesn't like that? 403 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 4: You know what I mean? Will it be different when 404 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,679 Speaker 4: we have a kid. I don't know. I have no idea, 405 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,200 Speaker 4: I'm no idea how that's going to feel. 406 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 5: But for now, this is how we do it, and 407 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:06,960 Speaker 5: we like it. 408 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,760 Speaker 1: It's a hard question for me because I don't speak 409 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,359 Speaker 1: this language, you know, And I don't feel guilty about that, 410 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,440 Speaker 1: Like you feel guilty you don't speak Swedish. Well, no, 411 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,440 Speaker 1: I don't speak Swedish, so therefore I don't. I don't 412 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,439 Speaker 1: speak religion. I don't really know anything about it. I 413 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,080 Speaker 1: haven't had in my whole life. But I'll say this, 414 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: it's all taught. Homophobia is taught, Racism is taught, transphobia, islamophobia, 415 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:32,800 Speaker 1: whatever it is. Any this disregard, dislike, disapproval of cultures 416 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,640 Speaker 1: or lifestyles is all taught. When my kids were born, 417 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 1: I saw it. They loved everybody, everybody. But the journey 418 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,000 Speaker 1: that most people are forced to go on is I 419 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:45,280 Speaker 1: love everybody, and then someone tells them you shouldn't love 420 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,239 Speaker 1: this person with these people are these people? Are these 421 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 1: people for various reasons. And then those kids are like, okay, God, 422 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:52,960 Speaker 1: I'm not going to like any of those people. And 423 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: then they get out in the world and they meet 424 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 1: a gay person, they meet a black person, they meet 425 00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 1: a Muslim person, and they realize, gosh, you know what, 426 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 1: this is kind of cool. These people that are out 427 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,080 Speaker 1: there in the world and that's the journey we make 428 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 1: everyone go on, which is so odd to me. Well, 429 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 1: with my kids, I just want to put a period 430 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,280 Speaker 1: of the end of statement. You love everyone, great love everyone. 431 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,320 Speaker 1: And some people would say to me, you know, your 432 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 1: sister is married to a woman. Was that weird for 433 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: your kids? No, they love everyone, and so saying to 434 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 1: my kids, we never even said it that that's your 435 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:27,399 Speaker 1: aunt Amy, and that's your aunt Emily, that's her wife Emily. Okay, cool, 436 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 1: Like they just when you love everyone, like as all 437 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:34,159 Speaker 1: babies do, they just accept everything. It's fine, That's just 438 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 1: how the world is. And he said, love is love, 439 00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. It's a beautiful thing. So I wish 440 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,520 Speaker 1: there was less of that. I wish there was so 441 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,879 Speaker 1: much less of that journey that we make everyone go 442 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:44,640 Speaker 1: so interesting. 443 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,480 Speaker 5: I do feel like, and I'm not going to get political, 444 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,240 Speaker 5: but if you look at a lot of the harm 445 00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 5: in the world, it is all rooted in what am 446 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:03,480 Speaker 5: I trying to say, that device those walls. Everybody that's 447 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,840 Speaker 5: been put into a wall, been born into like these 448 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 5: these views. And I think if that weren't the case, 449 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,880 Speaker 5: there would be a lot more peace in our world. 450 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,280 Speaker 1: And but I would as a as a non religious person, 451 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 1: I'd point out their religion is one of those walls. 452 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:18,920 Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying. 453 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:22,159 Speaker 1: Yeah, right, right, So it's like it's like, imagine by 454 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,439 Speaker 1: John Lennon, imagine no religion. Imagine there's no countries. You know, 455 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,800 Speaker 1: there's borders, there's language, there's skin color, there's religion. It 456 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,119 Speaker 1: all separates us in different ways. And it would be 457 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,399 Speaker 1: a much better world if we weren't separated by all 458 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:34,400 Speaker 1: these different things, right. 459 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:36,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I feel I also I was thinking about 460 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 2: like when I when Haley and I were going to 461 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,160 Speaker 2: come out and be public, all all of my fear 462 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,919 Speaker 2: was surrounded by like Christian people saying things, you know, 463 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,159 Speaker 2: like you read the Bible, you know, like just all that. 464 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 3: I really didn't think about any. 465 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 2: Other type of hate, And I remember thinking why did 466 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:55,199 Speaker 2: I have that? You know that, because that's how I 467 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,720 Speaker 2: used to think. So in my mind, I was like everyone, 468 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,879 Speaker 2: that's how, that's what I should be worried about, because 469 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 2: I was. 470 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:05,120 Speaker 3: I was not. I mean, I guess taught to be judgmental, you. 471 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 2: Know, you're like you're raised to be friends with certain 472 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,639 Speaker 2: people and to form relationships with certain people. And so 473 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:14,480 Speaker 2: when I realized that my biggest fear of who was 474 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 2: going to hurt me the most were the Christians, people 475 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,520 Speaker 2: who were religious. 476 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,960 Speaker 3: I was like, this feels like it's not right. 477 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 1: I think it's a credit to you that you stuck 478 00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,359 Speaker 1: with it. I think a lot of people realizing this 479 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 1: is not right leave the church. You know, I don't 480 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,840 Speaker 1: know how involve you on an actual church. Your faith 481 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 1: has has continued, which I think is a credit to you. 482 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:40,359 Speaker 3: Thank you. Yeah. 483 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,280 Speaker 2: I think it was one of those things of like 484 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 2: give up something that means so much because of what 485 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 2: other people might say or not agree with, or keep 486 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,720 Speaker 2: something that's so personal and important to me and also 487 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:52,959 Speaker 2: live my life, you know. 488 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,480 Speaker 3: So but it's hard. Religions so complicated. 489 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 7: How do you feel about it? 490 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,359 Speaker 6: It's it's weird. 491 00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,600 Speaker 7: I I had a I was very very anti religion 492 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:08,359 Speaker 7: for a very long time because so my my father 493 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,720 Speaker 7: was an ultra boy and he was abused by a 494 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,119 Speaker 7: priest when he was a child. He's been he was 495 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,119 Speaker 7: in like a documentary about He's been very open about it, 496 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 7: and I like went with him to a lot of 497 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 7: like helping other like survivors and say victims, but and 498 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,119 Speaker 7: like seeing how the church reacted to when all that 499 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:29,520 Speaker 7: was happening, the Catholic church specifically just despicable, like like 500 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:29,760 Speaker 7: it was. 501 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,160 Speaker 6: It was really crazy. It was really. 502 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,600 Speaker 7: Upsetting to see how they were reacting to these horrible 503 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 7: things happening. And so I was like, Oh, religion sucks 504 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,960 Speaker 7: like this, this sucks, like who would want to do 505 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,280 Speaker 7: something like this? And and it you know, that's why 506 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:43,359 Speaker 7: we we never went to church growing up because of that, 507 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 7: because like like my parents went to like a Catholic 508 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,200 Speaker 7: high school, and then when my sister and I were born, 509 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 7: like we'd go to church like one time and then 510 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 7: might have like, I'm not doing this. We wouldn't go back. 511 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,879 Speaker 7: I never knew what the what the deal was. But 512 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 7: so I didn't have religion forever. And and it wasn't 513 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,440 Speaker 7: until long into adulthood that I was like meeting other 514 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,200 Speaker 7: people that had faith and like realizing, oh, this person 515 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,720 Speaker 7: like doesn't hate it, you know, like so many negative 516 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 7: things with it, and uh, and I see so many 517 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 7: beautiful things come from faith and come from the community 518 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,639 Speaker 7: that in a church. So that that was a I mean, 519 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:16,960 Speaker 7: that was a journey I had to go on, you know, 520 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 7: you talk about that like like I really had a 521 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 7: lot of animosity towards organized religion for a long time. 522 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:26,760 Speaker 7: But that being said, I don't think that I've ever 523 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,280 Speaker 7: had an issue living my life like not without religion, 524 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,720 Speaker 7: like in terms of like how to behave and how 525 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:33,600 Speaker 7: to really. 526 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:34,680 Speaker 3: To be moral compass. 527 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,880 Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, you know, I I and I know that's 528 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,280 Speaker 7: not the same way, you know, not everyone needs that, 529 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:43,879 Speaker 7: But I don't know I'll never I don't think I'll 530 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,240 Speaker 7: ever go to church. We Allison worked in a church, 531 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,600 Speaker 7: like in admin roll for a while, and like I 532 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:53,040 Speaker 7: went to some services there just like you know, because 533 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:56,679 Speaker 7: it's like her coworkers, you know, doing that thing, and 534 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 7: it was fine, and I thought it was I thought 535 00:24:58,280 --> 00:24:59,200 Speaker 7: it was like nice. 536 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,879 Speaker 6: But but I don't think I'll ever do that. 537 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:02,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, So I don't know. 538 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:03,479 Speaker 6: I'm trying to stay here. 539 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,040 Speaker 7: Do what you want, you know, believe what you want, 540 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,000 Speaker 7: but don't do terrible things other people. 541 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:12,119 Speaker 2: Goes. 542 00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:15,080 Speaker 1: I don't like that you feel guilty about any of it. 543 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,919 Speaker 1: You should figure out what you believe in and what 544 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,680 Speaker 1: you don't, but you you shouldn't fee gilty about it 545 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,960 Speaker 1: whatever it is exactly. I know that's easier said than done. 546 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,200 Speaker 3: But no, and it's really hard. 547 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 2: But I do think that there is beauty in figuring 548 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 2: out what you believe in. I think your journey of 549 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:34,240 Speaker 2: finding something that that you believe in is important and 550 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:38,239 Speaker 2: it's beautiful, and it's also hard because there's a lot 551 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:39,119 Speaker 2: of opinions about it. 552 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 4: It's very hard. 553 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,600 Speaker 2: Okay, there's a we have a one to two more emails, 554 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,879 Speaker 2: so we're going to take a break and we'll be 555 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 2: right back. 556 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:10,360 Speaker 3: All right, we are back. Which one do we want 557 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 3: to do next? 558 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 1: How about this one from Becca? Hi, Tanya and Becca. 559 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,399 Speaker 1: I love your podcast. It truly brings me so much 560 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,399 Speaker 1: joy to listen to every week, Like I'm listening in 561 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,639 Speaker 1: on my girlfriends and find myself laughing out loud to 562 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,119 Speaker 1: myself in the car. My boyfriend and I have been 563 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 1: together for three years and are now talking about taking 564 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,040 Speaker 1: the next steps of an engagement and getting married. My 565 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,000 Speaker 1: boyfriend is adamant about getting a pre nup before we 566 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,760 Speaker 1: getting married. I can't help it feel like that means 567 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 1: we will be preparing for a divorce before we're even married. 568 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,399 Speaker 1: My boyfriend would be coming into the married with significantly 569 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,800 Speaker 1: more money than me. I can't help it feel like 570 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,040 Speaker 1: a prenup puts us in a situation where we're protecting 571 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,399 Speaker 1: ourselves against each other and feel as though it's a 572 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 1: lack of trust rather than unity. If either, if you 573 00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,360 Speaker 1: had this conversation, do you see it as a lack 574 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,720 Speaker 1: of trust or just going through the motions like getting 575 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:56,080 Speaker 1: insurance for any other major commitment in life. 576 00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:00,440 Speaker 2: This is so funny because before, like my whole life 577 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,399 Speaker 2: growing up, or when I the first time I ever 578 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 2: heard about a prenup or what it was, I was like, 579 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,240 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, that is just such a negative like viewpoint, 580 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,600 Speaker 2: and why would you I had that mindset of like 581 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,960 Speaker 2: you're just anticipating that it's gonna end before it even begins. 582 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,919 Speaker 2: But now I have a different view on it, in 583 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:21,520 Speaker 2: the sense that if someone has a significant amount of 584 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 2: money more than the person that they're marrying, I just 585 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,439 Speaker 2: think that it's a way of being like, hey, I 586 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:31,080 Speaker 2: have no intention about like this ever having to come 587 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:37,440 Speaker 2: into play, but I like, you just don't know what's 588 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:38,439 Speaker 2: gonna happen in life. 589 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,160 Speaker 4: Yeah, honestly, I don't know what y'all think. 590 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,800 Speaker 3: Because you're all married and then you're you're getting. 591 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:43,480 Speaker 4: Married getting married. 592 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:47,120 Speaker 5: I would be not offended at all if Robbi would 593 00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:48,639 Speaker 5: have come to me and said, I think we should have. 594 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:53,600 Speaker 4: A prenup like I really wouldn't, especially coming from his 595 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:55,640 Speaker 4: previous experience, Like. 596 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 5: To me, you just you really I get it. It 597 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 5: does feel dark because you are preparing something in the 598 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 5: case that it does not and the way that you 599 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,119 Speaker 5: want it to. But I just feel like it's like 600 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,360 Speaker 5: anything in life. And also if you're really, if you're 601 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,840 Speaker 5: good and like you're good in a good, healthy relationship, 602 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,560 Speaker 5: you know what you're going to bring to the table. 603 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,520 Speaker 5: It's just a matter of contract, like anything else that 604 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:22,880 Speaker 5: you sign in life, you know what I mean. 605 00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:25,680 Speaker 2: I also wonder though, if it's different if the if 606 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,840 Speaker 2: the goal is that you're going to be a mom, 607 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:29,600 Speaker 2: and the goal is you're like you're going to be 608 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,200 Speaker 2: a stay at home mom, then I feel like that's 609 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,560 Speaker 2: a different conversation because if you're at home raising the 610 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,040 Speaker 2: kids and you have kids together, and then this person 611 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:39,320 Speaker 2: signs a pre nup and it's like you're not getting 612 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 2: you and the kids aren't getting anything, that's kind of dark. 613 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,000 Speaker 5: But I feel like you would factor that in, you 614 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,160 Speaker 5: would factor everything in that your situation is. 615 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:53,320 Speaker 8: I feel like if they couldn't go after correct yeah, 616 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 8: and you just kind of lay it out because what 617 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:59,360 Speaker 8: I feel like, when you get divorced, I'm not, to 618 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,960 Speaker 8: the knowledge of anyone ever getting divorced under happy terms, 619 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 8: like people are usually pissed and fiery and angry, and 620 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 8: that is like. 621 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 5: The worst you are, your worst self when you're going 622 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 5: through and hurt and bitterer on either side, you know 623 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,160 Speaker 5: what I mean. Like, if you got cheated on, you're 624 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,240 Speaker 5: fucking pissed and you're bitter and you're hurt. 625 00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:20,760 Speaker 4: If you are the one that cheated, you're. 626 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:25,880 Speaker 5: Fucking oh sorry, and yeah, but I think it's on 627 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:26,600 Speaker 5: both ends, do you. 628 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,400 Speaker 4: Know what I mean? So it's like you're your worst self. 629 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 5: So if there's already something in place that you have 630 00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:34,720 Speaker 5: both agreed upon under happy terms, that's just going to 631 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,960 Speaker 5: deal with the situation. I feel like that's better than 632 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,320 Speaker 5: the latter in my personal tet. 633 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:40,880 Speaker 3: No, I agree. 634 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 2: And it's also like if you go and get life insurance, 635 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,120 Speaker 2: it's like, oh, are you anticipating that, like you're immediately 636 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 2: gonna die. No, it's just like setting everybody up to 637 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:53,200 Speaker 2: be protected in this in the case that something happens. 638 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 4: When you're all happy and in a sound right mind. 639 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,280 Speaker 2: That's a good point, though, You're right, people get I mean, 640 00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,520 Speaker 2: it brings up I think that situation and brings out 641 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:01,560 Speaker 2: the worst in people, the. 642 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,800 Speaker 5: Worst, and then you spend so much time and money 643 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,800 Speaker 5: and energy on all of that when if you just 644 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,000 Speaker 5: had it done, it's just there. 645 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:11,840 Speaker 3: And I'd also like to validate that. 646 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,120 Speaker 2: I think as a human being, it feels very normal 647 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 2: and valid that your feelings would feel a little bit 648 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,320 Speaker 2: hurt and like everything that you're saying makes perfect sense 649 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:26,800 Speaker 2: to me. But I'm almost I think, yeah, I'm with 650 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 2: Tanya in the sense that it just sets sets things 651 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,440 Speaker 2: up before you move into the marriage if anything were 652 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:33,920 Speaker 2: to happen. 653 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 5: Yeah, and you said it again, on good terms where 654 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,320 Speaker 5: you both are looking out for each other's best interest. 655 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:43,680 Speaker 5: You think it's fair. You know again, I too, like 656 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 5: I would feel there is a part of me that 657 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,800 Speaker 5: would feel sad. Heck, I could even ask him for 658 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:52,000 Speaker 5: a prenup. You know, there would be a part of 659 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 5: me that would be sad about it, But I also 660 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 5: wouldn't be so offended either way. 661 00:30:58,880 --> 00:30:59,840 Speaker 1: It's excellent advice. 662 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,240 Speaker 4: Thank you so much. 663 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,960 Speaker 1: I can't another thing I can't relate to. When Amy 664 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:08,720 Speaker 1: and I met, we had nothing. Yeah, zero assets, We 665 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:12,280 Speaker 1: own no property. Our cars were worthless, like we had zero. 666 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:14,760 Speaker 1: So it's hard to imagine that. But I think I 667 00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,280 Speaker 1: think it's fine. And I think I think your your 668 00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:20,440 Speaker 1: analogy about how you're in a better state of mind 669 00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,240 Speaker 1: now than you would be at the time. God forbid. 670 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,080 Speaker 1: I think it's smart. 671 00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:23,440 Speaker 4: Yeah. 672 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:25,040 Speaker 7: I mean Allison and I were in the same like 673 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,720 Speaker 7: when we met. We also had nothing, but something we 674 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 7: did I think I talked about on the show. But 675 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,480 Speaker 7: Allison inherited some money from her grandfather a couple of 676 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,200 Speaker 7: years ago, and she bought this cabin that we spent 677 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:37,240 Speaker 7: a lot of time in up in the mountains, and 678 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:41,040 Speaker 7: her attorney said, you should this should be bought soul 679 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,360 Speaker 7: and separate, Like it should be just your name on it, 680 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 7: so that if something happens, you know, it's property. Yeah, 681 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:48,760 Speaker 7: like we don't have to sell it and I get 682 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 7: half of it, you know. And she was like really 683 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 7: sheepish about it, like talking to me about that, and 684 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,240 Speaker 7: I was like, no, that, I think that's a great idea. 685 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:59,000 Speaker 7: That's fantastic. That's so like, you know, if something happens, 686 00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 7: I have no claim to that property, and you know, 687 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,960 Speaker 7: I don't anticipate anything to happen. But I felt like 688 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 7: that it makes her feel more secure and it doesn't 689 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,040 Speaker 7: bother me at all, Like I you know, that's and 690 00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:12,200 Speaker 7: I told her tale, was like, do you want to 691 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:13,880 Speaker 7: get a post enough? Is that something you like to do? 692 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,080 Speaker 7: And she's like, no, what are we going to do? 693 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,880 Speaker 7: But uh, yeah, that's h And also it kind of 694 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:23,920 Speaker 7: absolves me for having to do any damn work on 695 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 7: that house because I have problem. Yeah, as soon as 696 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,360 Speaker 7: I get under the end of the head there, then 697 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:31,400 Speaker 7: I have a financial interest. 698 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 6: I'm sorry, the court is not going to look very 699 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:34,520 Speaker 6: fondly on that site. 700 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:36,160 Speaker 4: It is true. 701 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:36,840 Speaker 3: It's interesting. 702 00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:41,400 Speaker 5: It's such an interesting conversation because I think that it 703 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:43,720 Speaker 5: does have a very negative connotation, but I think it's 704 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:48,400 Speaker 5: very realistic. Money is a factor in life, and so 705 00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:51,600 Speaker 5: it's just like you treat it like anything else, like 706 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:52,280 Speaker 5: a contract. 707 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:56,200 Speaker 1: All right, Anonymous says the guy I truly believe is 708 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,560 Speaker 1: my person is newly single. We were in a best 709 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:01,760 Speaker 1: friends type situationship almost a decade. It was too hard 710 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 1: for me to see him with someone else, and then 711 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,920 Speaker 1: our mutual friend group disbanded soon after, so we haven't 712 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,680 Speaker 1: spoken for a few years. We never had a conversation 713 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 1: or any closure because I was never confident enough to 714 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,000 Speaker 1: tell him how I felt. I never regret that every 715 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,200 Speaker 1: day now that he's single again, I've been waiting for 716 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:16,840 Speaker 1: him to reach out, but I haven't heard anything yet. 717 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:18,240 Speaker 1: And I don't know if it's because he doesn't want 718 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:19,760 Speaker 1: to talk to me, or if he just thinks I 719 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,000 Speaker 1: don't want to hear from him. Should I keep waiting 720 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,600 Speaker 1: to see if he reaches out, or should I reach 721 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,400 Speaker 1: out to him. I don't want to seem desperate. I 722 00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,080 Speaker 1: have no clue what to even say. That would be 723 00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,760 Speaker 1: the length of that wouldn't be the length of an 724 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,120 Speaker 1: entire novel. I just want him to somehow get the 725 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,680 Speaker 1: messages that I miss him, and I want to reconnect. 726 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:40,200 Speaker 3: This feels like a great moment for Hey, how are you. 727 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 3: I've been thinking about you lately. Are you free to 728 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:43,960 Speaker 3: catch up? Hey? 729 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,720 Speaker 1: I saw that movie maybe think of you? 730 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 3: Hey? Yeah, I heard that song? Remember that song we 731 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,880 Speaker 3: always we loved when we all hang out. I hope 732 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,520 Speaker 3: you're doing well. I heard that song that reminded me of. 733 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,200 Speaker 1: You when I drove by that restaurant we went to 734 00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:59,600 Speaker 1: that one time. Have you been there recently a favorite 735 00:33:59,600 --> 00:33:59,840 Speaker 1: of mine. 736 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 6: I had a dream about you. 737 00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:06,880 Speaker 4: That's a good one. It's actually a good one. 738 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,480 Speaker 2: But anyone ever says they have a dream about me, 739 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,200 Speaker 2: I'm like, I gotcha, say no more. 740 00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:15,560 Speaker 3: I know what that means. I always assume, like because 741 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,279 Speaker 3: if I were to, like when I used to try 742 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,239 Speaker 3: and like reach out to someone I had talked to 743 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,440 Speaker 3: and it was a guy, had to dream about you. 744 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:25,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, funny how that works. 745 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,640 Speaker 5: Yeah, I say, you open the door, like you just 746 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,160 Speaker 5: open it slightly, like to let the breeze in. You 747 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,839 Speaker 5: don't open it wide and let like the whole air 748 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:38,080 Speaker 5: conditioning come into the room. You're just opening it slightly 749 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:38,640 Speaker 5: to get the. 750 00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:39,720 Speaker 4: Little bit of breeze. 751 00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:41,880 Speaker 5: That way, if you're not it's not fully open, you're 752 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,359 Speaker 5: not vulnerable completely. But if it's not totally shut, then 753 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:48,600 Speaker 5: it gives them the freedom to just blow it. 754 00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:49,920 Speaker 4: Open, if you know what I mean. 755 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,160 Speaker 3: Just blow it right open, blow it right open. 756 00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think you don't have to immediately 757 00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:00,680 Speaker 2: confess your feelings. If you's just got out of a relationship. 758 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,800 Speaker 2: Maybe he's grieving the relationship and he's not even thinking 759 00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,799 Speaker 2: about dating again, so or. 760 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,200 Speaker 4: He could you don't know he could be so stoked 761 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:09,840 Speaker 4: to be out of that relationship totally. 762 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,520 Speaker 3: But I'm saying, you never know until you know. 763 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:16,439 Speaker 2: Confess all of your feelings in a long text or call. 764 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:18,840 Speaker 2: You can just say, hey, I've been thinking about you, 765 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:22,000 Speaker 2: had to dream about you. I was just wondering how 766 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:22,279 Speaker 2: you're doing. 767 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:23,200 Speaker 3: I'd love to catch up. 768 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 5: This is what Bill Hayter did with with Ali Wang. 769 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,440 Speaker 5: Ali Wang got a divorce. It was all over the news, 770 00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:32,160 Speaker 5: and she was like, I did not realize that I 771 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:33,880 Speaker 5: was going to be like a calling a bat signal 772 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,880 Speaker 5: because Bill Hater found out that she was getting divorced 773 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:41,600 Speaker 5: and said, you were the girl of my dreams. I 774 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,000 Speaker 5: had to shoot my shot and look at them now. 775 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:45,920 Speaker 5: In case you don't know, they're together, I didn't. 776 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:46,799 Speaker 3: I didn't know that. 777 00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:49,640 Speaker 5: So this is actually used to me spoiler alert, they 778 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:54,279 Speaker 5: are together. So I don't know, man, I say, take 779 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,880 Speaker 5: the Bill Hayter approach when. 780 00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:57,560 Speaker 1: In doubt, I don't. 781 00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:01,279 Speaker 2: She thinks this is our guys, So she does want 782 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,400 Speaker 2: to tread lightly because she doesn't want to blow it. 783 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 4: Who needs to tread lightly? 784 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:09,320 Speaker 1: Who treads lightly? I've never tread lightly. 785 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:13,640 Speaker 2: You were kind of in your like getting advice on 786 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:16,760 Speaker 2: how to handle the dating apps. You were treading lightly 787 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,359 Speaker 2: because you were asking on how to tread lightly. 788 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,840 Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, no, no no, I've not tread lightly. 789 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,240 Speaker 5: I would hand the ball over to somebody to pretend 790 00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:26,480 Speaker 5: to me so that they could tread lightly. But I 791 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:27,799 Speaker 5: myself never tread lightly. 792 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,040 Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. You've called in the sources to 793 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:33,320 Speaker 3: tread lightly, and I'm just saying. 794 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:34,560 Speaker 1: That's not your style. 795 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:35,400 Speaker 4: It's not my style. 796 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:38,360 Speaker 1: You're not a light treader. 797 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:38,799 Speaker 4: No. 798 00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:41,680 Speaker 5: Me and Bill Hater birds of a feather, Yeah, you 799 00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:45,560 Speaker 5: and Bill Hater birds of a feather, we stick together. 800 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,799 Speaker 3: That's all for now. See that was very different than 801 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,040 Speaker 3: ask us anything. 802 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:55,960 Speaker 5: So different, way deeper, sterraneous. 803 00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,120 Speaker 1: Four questions as opposed to thirty questions. 804 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:00,279 Speaker 6: What's your favorite color? 805 00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,040 Speaker 4: Right right, right, right right? 806 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:07,200 Speaker 1: My real quick favorite color go oh white, really unexpected 807 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:12,160 Speaker 1: the color all colors combined. It's all colors. 808 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:13,520 Speaker 4: I don't have a favorite color. 809 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,000 Speaker 6: That's that's very tiny though. Everything working in harmony. 810 00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:19,440 Speaker 1: Thank you back a favorite color blue? 811 00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:20,239 Speaker 4: It is. 812 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,720 Speaker 1: Blue. I'm also blue. I like a cobalt blue. 813 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,400 Speaker 3: Okay, I love a coal, but I love like the 814 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:28,800 Speaker 3: color of the Tahoe water. 815 00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,480 Speaker 5: That's the thing you can't say, like what's your favorite color? 816 00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,279 Speaker 5: It's like, what's your favorite color to wear? What's your 817 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:34,319 Speaker 5: favorite color to look at? 818 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:35,960 Speaker 1: What's your favorite I just said what's your color? And 819 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:37,920 Speaker 1: the other two three people in the room answered that, 820 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:39,399 Speaker 1: no problem. 821 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:39,799 Speaker 3: But I see what I'm wearing. 822 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:42,959 Speaker 4: Well, they're not going subterranean on the question. 823 00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:46,840 Speaker 3: I know you, what's your favorite what's your favorite color 824 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:47,359 Speaker 3: to look at? 825 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:47,920 Speaker 4: Pink? 826 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:49,919 Speaker 3: I would say, okay, what's your favorite color to wear? 827 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:51,399 Speaker 1: Black? Wow? 828 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,320 Speaker 6: Also, that's the absence of color orange. 829 00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:56,000 Speaker 4: Orange. 830 00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:58,320 Speaker 3: Your favorite color to wear is orange. 831 00:37:58,320 --> 00:37:59,360 Speaker 4: I love me and orange. 832 00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,399 Speaker 5: Hey, I don't have a lot of it, not a lot, 833 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:03,760 Speaker 5: not a lot out there. 834 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:05,880 Speaker 3: Okay, but I love to wear it. What's your favorite color? 835 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:06,480 Speaker 2: That? 836 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:13,279 Speaker 3: Robbie worse, These these verse answers are just. 837 00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:17,160 Speaker 4: What I'm saying. There's just so much more to the question. 838 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:18,680 Speaker 1: That's the beauty of this show, isn't it. We could 839 00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:20,439 Speaker 1: do an entire episode and what's your favorite color? 840 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:25,360 Speaker 3: Because nothing, no, no, no, it's always subterranean. 841 00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:26,920 Speaker 4: And that's that is life. You know. 842 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:32,799 Speaker 3: It should be called scrub terraneum. 843 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:36,399 Speaker 4: Wow, that's what this episode should be called. 844 00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:40,759 Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, thank you for that. We love y'all 845 00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:44,800 Speaker 3: so much. Have a great weekend, let see you next week.