1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: This is almost good Advice with Ben Higgins and Ashley 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: Ayak and Ettie Ashley. How are you feeling about giving 3 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:12,400 Speaker 1: some relatively good advice today? 4 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,079 Speaker 2: I feel like you'll do a better job at giving 5 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:20,440 Speaker 2: almost good advice, and then I will give very like 6 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,720 Speaker 2: fifty to fifty advice where I'm not even sure if 7 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 2: I believe my own. But you know what, I'm feeling 8 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 2: better today than I have in the past couple of weeks. 9 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,480 Speaker 2: The more we do this, the more I'm like, maybe 10 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 2: people care, maybe people actually think that I have something 11 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 2: to say about it. 12 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 1: Well, I think the responses have shown us that's what 13 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 1: I mean. The responses have shown us that this segment 14 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,559 Speaker 1: is really not only fun for us. It's maybe helpful 15 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,880 Speaker 1: for us, you know, to talk through things and learn 16 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,879 Speaker 1: things about, you know, how we see the world personally. 17 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:54,520 Speaker 1: But also hopefully it's helpful for all the listeners who 18 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 1: are writing us in or maybe listening to this segment 19 00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: and maybe feeling less alone or grabbing some peace piece 20 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:04,440 Speaker 1: of wisdom, or if you disagree with us completely, that's 21 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:08,399 Speaker 1: fine too. Maybe at least you're thinking through questions about 22 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 1: life and situations that you've never thought through before. We 23 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,759 Speaker 1: want you to disagree. We want you to agree. This 24 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,800 Speaker 1: is a conversation for us just to try to find 25 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 1: out what our listeners are going through and dealing with 26 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 1: and thinking through in this world. And we're so honored 27 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 1: that you let us host this segment. So let's dive 28 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: into it right away. We have some really, really great 29 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 1: questions today, some that are going to definitely spark hopefully 30 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:39,759 Speaker 1: a little bit of contentiousness, but also an understanding between 31 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 1: Ashley and myself. We start out with Marina. Here's the question, 32 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 1: how do I work on not thinking about a situation 33 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 1: that happened to me? I have something specific that I'm 34 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 1: thinking about, but I don't feel comfortable sharing that. I 35 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,520 Speaker 1: know that other people can relate on this. It is 36 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,280 Speaker 1: consuming me. Any advice would be great. Have you struggled 37 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: with this? I'm literally fixated on this situation. 38 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 2: It's hard and we don't know it. Of course, if 39 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 2: it's something like so so serious that you need to 40 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:10,640 Speaker 2: talk to a doctor or a therapist about, definitely I 41 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 2: go that route first. If it's not something like that, 42 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 2: my I've literally had one situation and I don't even 43 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,720 Speaker 2: know it's the most random thing in the entire world. 44 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:28,240 Speaker 2: Should I share it? It happened to me as a child. Okay, 45 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,960 Speaker 2: so I was chosen, which is hilarious now that I 46 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 2: have a good advice podcast segment. I was chosen in 47 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 2: a fourth grade to be a pure mediator as a 48 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:43,640 Speaker 2: fifth grader and sixth grader each. There was like ten 49 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 2: from the entire grade. And you know, my parents were 50 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:51,120 Speaker 2: super proud of this. You don't even submit yourself that 51 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 2: the guidance counselor and the teachers came together to make 52 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 2: a decision on it would be this. And my parents 53 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 2: are really proud because of course, like that means that 54 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:01,359 Speaker 2: you know how to make a decision, you know how 55 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:08,080 Speaker 2: to solve issues peacefully. And this one girl thought that 56 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 2: I was like stealing her best friend and I was 57 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 2: spending too much time with her, and the other girl 58 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 2: was annoyed because she wasn't getting as much time. So 59 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,959 Speaker 2: this other girl that I speak of happened to also 60 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 2: be a peer mediator, and she took me to a 61 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:31,239 Speaker 2: mediation and I was like so embarrassed that another mediator 62 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 2: would take me to a mediation because we should be 63 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 2: able to just talk this out together, right, I know, 64 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 2: I was eleven. It's like not a big deal. But 65 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 2: I never told my parents this, and I told my 66 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 2: parents everything. So for like twenty years, not twenty maybe 67 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 2: like twelve years, I held this secret from my mom. 68 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 2: I thought specifically I was holding it for my mom, 69 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,560 Speaker 2: and it would eat me live sometimes. I think it 70 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 2: was an absolute OCD thing where I'd be like, what 71 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,839 Speaker 2: if something happens to my mom and I never told 72 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 2: her that I went to mediation. Great it was, It 73 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 2: was so OCD, but I would get this cycle of 74 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 2: thought and it would stress me out. And then one 75 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 2: day I was just like, hey, Mom, I'm like twenty two. 76 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 2: I'm like, Mom, guess what this girl took me to 77 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:22,239 Speaker 2: a mediation. One day she was like, oh, really, that's funny. 78 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,480 Speaker 3: That was it. 79 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 1: So you tell me one of the most like traumatizing 80 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,720 Speaker 1: moments of your friendship as a child is the fact 81 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,159 Speaker 1: that you had a a mediator come in between you 82 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: and somebody else. 83 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 2: Well that I had that somebody took me to a 84 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 2: mediation as I as we both were mediators. I know 85 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,160 Speaker 2: this is the silliest story ever, but I'm trying to 86 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 2: tell you that there is like there's a situation like 87 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 2: this girl Marina is saying that there's a situation and 88 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 2: it's all consuming, and to me, my best advice is 89 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 2: that it could be it's probably so consuming in your head. 90 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 2: But then when you say it out loud, if it 91 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,600 Speaker 2: is something like a secret that you need to share 92 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 2: with others to make you feel better, once it's out there, 93 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 2: you're actually gonna be like so relieved and it's probably 94 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 2: hopefully not as big of a deal. Well, yes, I've 95 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 2: ever shared on this podcast. 96 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 1: It's not the stupidest now, I don't think so. So 97 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 1: it's really hard to answer this without knowing the context 98 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 1: of the situation. We don't know the gravity of the 99 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:35,280 Speaker 1: thing that's consuming you. If it's a mistake you made, 100 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: you know. Ashley just talked about her situation where she 101 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: was hiding something from her family that she felt like 102 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 1: she needed to share with them because it was maybe 103 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: embarrassing for her, and also it was probably a realization 104 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 1: that maybe for the first time, somebody who's actually angry 105 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:54,120 Speaker 1: at you. 106 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:56,000 Speaker 3: And I think that's always. 107 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,919 Speaker 1: A moment you remember as a child, is when you 108 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:01,840 Speaker 1: feel like, wow, the world maybe doesn't just completely love 109 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 1: me like my family does. Maybe I will have conflict 110 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,919 Speaker 1: in life. It's really your first moment of conflict, and 111 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 1: that's always a memorable moment as a child, and we can. 112 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,160 Speaker 3: Always well speak to that. 113 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 1: But I don't know, so I'll go out it from 114 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 1: the angle maybe of if this is a mistake you made, 115 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: or it's or maybe it's a way somebody has made 116 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: you feel. I think the best way for it to 117 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 1: kind of process through your mind is definitely to speak 118 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 1: to somebody. I always think that's a good option because 119 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,720 Speaker 1: I do think having another ear to hear it and 120 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: kind of bounce some truce off of you will always 121 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: help you move forward. 122 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 3: I also think. 123 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:47,000 Speaker 1: For me, when there's something on my mind or maybe 124 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,920 Speaker 1: I'm feeling down and out in a day because it's 125 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,919 Speaker 1: something somebody said or maybe something I did that I 126 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 1: when I hurt somebody unintentionally, is I like to sit 127 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 1: in those moments a little bit and think through what 128 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 1: I'm learning, Like what is actually bothering me? Like what 129 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 1: actually offended me? What actually hurt me here? Like was 130 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: it my ego? Was it what they said about the 131 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,559 Speaker 1: way I looked? Was it about the way they said? 132 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 1: Was it something they said about the way I treat 133 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: people or the way that I come off to them? 134 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: As a person, and I have to really sit in 135 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: that and think through why did it affect me so much? 136 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:24,679 Speaker 1: Like why is this on my mind so heavily? Because 137 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: then I can start to get to the root of 138 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: the issue. I can really start to like dig deep 139 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 1: inside myself and say, Okay, this is obviously an area 140 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: of my life that I need to work on, or 141 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 1: an area of my life I need to bring to 142 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 1: somebody else to talk through with them, because this is 143 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 1: a very sensitive place subject for me. I also have 144 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 1: this theory in life that we're all going to mess up, 145 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,200 Speaker 1: and I think as long as your intentions were pure, 146 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:49,560 Speaker 1: like as long as your intentions were not to mess 147 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 1: up the way you did or to hurt somebody the 148 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:55,400 Speaker 1: way you did, then it's a learning moment. It's a 149 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 1: moment for growth. It's a moment to say, Okay, I 150 00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 1: don't want to do this again because I don't want 151 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: to have this feeling again. I don't want to sit 152 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: in this thought again. I want to get better next time, 153 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 1: so I know next time when I go into the situation, 154 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 1: maybe I won't lie, or maybe I won't be so 155 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:14,960 Speaker 1: direct to somebody to hurt their feelings, or maybe I'll 156 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,640 Speaker 1: listen more than I talk so that they can trust me, 157 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 1: or maybe I won't share that secret with somebody else. 158 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: I think knowing like really sitting and where your intentions were, 159 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,559 Speaker 1: and if your intentions were not good, then there's another 160 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 1: moment for growth is to ask stuff why your intentions 161 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,440 Speaker 1: were good? Why were you trying to hurt them, Why 162 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:31,960 Speaker 1: were you trying to make them feel a little less 163 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 1: about themselves, or any of those situations. 164 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,520 Speaker 3: So I think there's a few things there. 165 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: One is, as Ashley was mentioning, kind of that first 166 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: moment of conflict. I think the other thing is to 167 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,200 Speaker 1: sit in this and understand why it's affecting you so much. 168 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 1: You know, I don't know how that of a situation 169 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: this is, but I always I always recommend talk therapy. 170 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,840 Speaker 1: I always recommend speaking with somebody in these situations to 171 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:02,319 Speaker 1: try to just get mediator, to go back to Ashley's 172 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 1: kind of example, to kind of understand where you're at. Well, 173 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:20,840 Speaker 1: we have an next from Katie. Katie says this, I 174 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:23,240 Speaker 1: have an older brother who I live with in his apartment. 175 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: For reference, I am nineteen years old and he is 176 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:28,600 Speaker 1: twenty five years old. Here's some background. He is currently 177 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 1: dating Mary and has been and has been for three 178 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 1: years now, after cheating on his ex with her. I 179 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,400 Speaker 1: was the one who told the ex about the cheating 180 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,800 Speaker 1: and ended their relationship, which really strained mine and my 181 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 1: brother's closeness. Me and Mary get along well enough, but 182 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,480 Speaker 1: I wouldn't consider us friends. He has cheated on her 183 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: once before with his ex right after they officially got together, 184 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,600 Speaker 1: and I'm the only one who knows. I had never 185 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:59,000 Speaker 1: said anything because me and my brother are close and 186 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 1: I didn't want to herry our friendship more and that 187 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 1: we had finally rebuilt. But this is making me second 188 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,080 Speaker 1: guess what I should have done. A few days ago, 189 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 1: he invited over one of his female friends. This by 190 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,559 Speaker 1: itself would have been fine, but I could loudly hear 191 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,079 Speaker 1: them in the next room being intimate. When the girl 192 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 1: left and he realized I was awake, he told me 193 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: it's okay because him and Mary had broken up. I 194 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: didn't respond, but he reminded me that they are not together, 195 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:27,680 Speaker 1: so I shouldn't pull another stunt like I did with 196 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 1: his ex, and I said okay. But I have heard 197 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 1: him on the phone with Mary for the past three days. 198 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,559 Speaker 1: He always calls her baby pet names. He laughs with her, 199 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: and they still act like a couple. My last relationship 200 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: ended due to my ex cheating, so it hurts knowing 201 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: I could be helping my brother get away with an affair, 202 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 1: but he claims they aren't together. Should I tell her 203 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: about anything? Or is it not my place? 204 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 3: You go first? Let me go first? 205 00:10:55,960 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, because I mean, okay, here, here's mine. I don't know. 206 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 2: Your brother's definitely lying, and I still think you should 207 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 2: probably stay out of it. I don't know if Mary 208 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 2: ends up coming over. You've just heard her on the phone, 209 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 2: but she ends up coming over, and you can maybe 210 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 2: like drop some slight hints if you guys are alone, 211 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 2: try to vibe out how she's defining the relationship and 212 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 2: how seriously she's taking it. They've been together for three years, 213 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 2: Hive and Mary. Though, I think you can't like make 214 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:40,720 Speaker 2: the declaration to Mary about there's something going on. You 215 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 2: can you can maybe hint at it if you see 216 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:49,560 Speaker 2: her in person, steer her in the right direction. But yeah, 217 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 2: you can't say anything. I don't think. I don't know. 218 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 1: It's hard, Ben, Well, the first issue here is that 219 00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: you live with your brother, and I think in a 220 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:04,080 Speaker 1: healthy environment that could be a really cool thing and 221 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,560 Speaker 1: maybe really good for your closeness and for memories together. 222 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,960 Speaker 1: I think at this point he's putting you in situations 223 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,080 Speaker 1: that are no longer healthy for you guys to be 224 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 1: living this close to each other, especially in the same apartment. 225 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,360 Speaker 3: And so if it's straining. 226 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 1: Your, like your relationship with your brother by seeing how 227 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:26,600 Speaker 1: he is on an everyday basis, I think it's probably 228 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 1: good for you to move out, if that's an option 229 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 1: in your life. So that would be like my first 230 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,680 Speaker 1: piece of advice would be trying to find a separate 231 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: place to live, because this does not feel like a 232 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,560 Speaker 1: healthy environment for you, and it feels like over time 233 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:42,520 Speaker 1: this is only going to get more unhealthy. The second point, 234 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: and this is just going to be brutal honesty. Your 235 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: brother's not a good dude. He's not, and he's making 236 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: decisions that are going to really hurt people, not only 237 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:58,080 Speaker 1: yourself who's writing in here, but also the women that 238 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 1: he's doing this too. He's practicing a behavior and getting 239 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 1: kind of in a rhythm of a behavior. It's becoming 240 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 1: a trend at this point that is going to lead 241 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 1: him in a direction that's going to cause a lot 242 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: of pain probably in his own life at some level 243 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 1: when it catches up with him, and it will, it 244 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 1: will catch up with him. And so you know, I 245 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 1: think one of the things that could be done here 246 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,200 Speaker 1: is when it comes to advice, would we have a 247 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,400 Speaker 1: conversation with him and tell him, Hey, this isn't the 248 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 1: man you want to be. I don't think and if 249 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 1: it is, I need you to tell me that so 250 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,600 Speaker 1: I understand you better. But I don't think you want 251 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 1: to be a man that continues to hurt people along 252 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: his path and life and affects relationships and treats intimacy 253 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 1: like it's something that could be thrown away. And I 254 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 1: think as a sister, that's a really you're a trusted, 255 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 1: loving source of truth for him, and I think that 256 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 1: is your role here, first and foremost is to ask 257 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,600 Speaker 1: him who does he want to be in life? And 258 00:13:56,040 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 1: is this behavior leading him in this direction. The final thing, 259 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,319 Speaker 1: when it comes to your question of do you need 260 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 1: to tell Mary or not, I think it's a little 261 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:06,959 Speaker 1: different than the question that we had a couple of 262 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 1: weeks ago when it came to the neighbor cheating on 263 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:17,319 Speaker 1: the ex husband. I don't know. I don't know your 264 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:18,360 Speaker 1: relationship with Mary. 265 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,760 Speaker 2: She says that she's not close, she's not friends. 266 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, they're they're close, but they're not considered like friends. 267 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: I don't think that you need to. And the reason 268 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 1: I say this and this this is a really tricky situation. 269 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,520 Speaker 1: The reason I say this is because I think your 270 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 1: brother's relationship with you right now is the thing that 271 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,360 Speaker 1: you need to work on the most. It sounds like, 272 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,520 Speaker 1: and your brother and his behavior is something that you 273 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 1: need to be focused on at this point the most 274 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 1: because he's your brother, and I think family matters deeply, 275 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: and you want to see your brother be a good 276 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,440 Speaker 1: man to others, and you want to be proud of 277 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,240 Speaker 1: your brother, and you want to see him thrive, and 278 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,240 Speaker 1: and you want to see him live a life that 279 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 1: is fulfilling and not you know, practicing this behavior. And 280 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 1: so for me, I would say, I don't think your 281 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 1: focus needs to be on if you need to tell 282 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,520 Speaker 1: Mary or not. I think your first focus needs to 283 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,440 Speaker 1: be on sitting with your brother. And if that conversation 284 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 1: goes poorly and you feel like he is going to 285 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: be hurting Mary as time goes on, then I think 286 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 1: I would go with the same suggestion we gave the others, 287 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 1: which is, Hey, you need to talk to Mary about this, 288 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,520 Speaker 1: and if not, I'm going to So you need to 289 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:40,320 Speaker 1: let him know first, because I think him being blindsided 290 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: by you doing this twice. Even though I think you're 291 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: in the right and I don't think there's any wrong 292 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 1: to what you did, I think the blindsidingness of doing 293 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 1: this twice will lose your ability to speak any truth 294 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 1: into him in the future, and I think right now 295 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: he needs that more than anything else. 296 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:56,600 Speaker 3: Does that make sense. 297 00:15:56,640 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 2: It's fantastic advice, Ben, stop it. We're going to have 298 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 2: to rename this segment. Ben's great advice. 299 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 3: No, I mean I do. 300 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 1: I think I think this is tricky and it's hard, 301 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: and there's like, this is one of those situations where 302 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: everything is so and so much in a gray area. 303 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: There's no black and white right response here or right answer. 304 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: If she told Mary, I don't think you're in the 305 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:24,120 Speaker 1: wrong at all for doing that. I just worry about 306 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 1: your ability to support your brother Will if he finds 307 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 1: out you did that again. Like I think the first 308 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 1: step needs to be sitting with him, and then you 309 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,160 Speaker 1: can make a decision on how to move forward from there, 310 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 1: but I think first he he probably could need you 311 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 1: and like use your love right now, because he's again 312 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 1: we said it last week, hurt people, hurt people, right. 313 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's my advice, that's. 314 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 2: Ben's advice, And if it were me, I'd be like, mom, 315 00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 2: what should I do? Brother? Guys, brother is doing this. 316 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 3: He's so gross, it's tough, it's it's it's hard. He's 317 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,120 Speaker 3: obviously hurt though. 318 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,239 Speaker 1: I mean, I read this and I see probably some 319 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,640 Speaker 1: some type of pain in his life or whatever has happened, 320 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 1: you know, in your guys upbringing has kind of probably 321 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,719 Speaker 1: I'm hoping he has a good example back home. I'm 322 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,679 Speaker 1: hoping you do a parance that you can call and 323 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,640 Speaker 1: trust and talk to. But I'm assuming at this point 324 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: you don't, just because it wasn't mentioned uh in the question, 325 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 1: And so if if that's not an option, then my 326 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:44,840 Speaker 1: first step would be sitting with him. 327 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,400 Speaker 2: Ben. I'm gonna read the next one. 328 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 3: Okay. 329 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,920 Speaker 2: I don't even know where to start because this guy 330 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 2: sounds so gross. 331 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,359 Speaker 3: Why why? Okay? 332 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,159 Speaker 2: So I'm so like I can't even like put myself 333 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 2: in this situation because I encountered a manage how you 334 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:06,400 Speaker 2: read it Okay, this is Lula, and she says, how 335 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 2: do I get nudes off my boyfriend's phone? My boyfriend 336 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 2: sexted somebody who I thought was my friend behind my back. 337 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,800 Speaker 2: Well that was my friend, Apparently not so much. She 338 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:21,720 Speaker 2: was interested in a threesome and asked to see my nudes, 339 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:27,520 Speaker 2: so he sent her photos and videos of me that 340 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 2: he had. By the way, guys rated our question, I 341 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:35,920 Speaker 2: feel absolutely disgusting and I'm gearing up to leave him, 342 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,720 Speaker 2: but I need to get some things in line first, 343 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 2: due to kids and living with him. I would also 344 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,119 Speaker 2: like to make sure he doesn't keep any photos of me, 345 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,360 Speaker 2: so I asked him to delete them as a condition 346 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 2: of staying together, and he agreed to do so. But 347 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 2: the other day he mentioned that since we haven't been 348 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 2: having sex, he decided to restore an old version of 349 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,600 Speaker 2: his phones that did have the nudes on them. He 350 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 2: had done it in a couple He had done it 351 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,120 Speaker 2: a couple of days prior to telling me, and only 352 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,400 Speaker 2: admitted it when I was kind of fishing for information 353 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 2: to see if all of them are actually deleted, How 354 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 2: can I remove them in a way that he won't 355 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,560 Speaker 2: be able to recover them. I still have all of 356 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 2: his passwords. 357 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, this dude sounds gross. You know. 358 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:30,160 Speaker 1: First off, he's holding these pictures over Lula in a way. 359 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 2: That's like black Maley. 360 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I mean it's it's terrible. Uh. 361 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,640 Speaker 1: You know, this feels like a techy question for me, actually, 362 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,800 Speaker 1: and I don't I'm not a tech expert, and so 363 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 1: I do believe we probably have a producer on here 364 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 1: who would know how to permanently delete photos and videos. 365 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:51,239 Speaker 1: I don't have that answer, but let me start. Let 366 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: us start Ashley with kind of talking through the situation 367 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,119 Speaker 1: in general. One, I'm really glad you're getting out of 368 00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 1: this relationship. I can't understate just how disgusting really this 369 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:10,720 Speaker 1: behavior is the fact that he would not only send 370 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,879 Speaker 1: your videos to somebody else, and I'm not quite clear 371 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: here if it was with your permission or not. 372 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:20,880 Speaker 2: No, No, it doesn't really seem like it was ibsolutely discussed. 373 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:25,120 Speaker 1: Okay, so let's say that. Well, first off, that's that's terrible. 374 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 1: I mean, there's very few things that are more violating 375 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:33,800 Speaker 1: in life than somebody that you're intimate with, that you're 376 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:38,639 Speaker 1: close to, that you trust, taking advantage of that trust 377 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 1: and intimacy, and also of taking advantage of you as 378 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 1: a human and and doing whatever with these videos. He is, 379 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 1: So this is this is a terrible situation, and I 380 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,639 Speaker 1: feel for you, Lula, and I hope you're listening to 381 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,239 Speaker 1: this and just understand that if you're feeling really like, 382 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 1: just like you said, disgusting and and kind of just 383 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 1: down and out, I'm We're sorry, first off, but we 384 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:06,360 Speaker 1: hear you. But you're you're not in the wrong here 385 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,320 Speaker 1: for wanting to get out of this thing as quickly 386 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:12,680 Speaker 1: as possible. I do believe though you're there's a lot 387 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,800 Speaker 1: of Wisdomulan what you're saying where you have to get 388 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 1: some things together first. And I don't know how he 389 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 1: would respond based on the behavior you've mentioned. It doesn't 390 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,160 Speaker 1: sound like he's a great dude, so I'm doubting he's 391 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,360 Speaker 1: going to respond. Well, if you were to say, hey, 392 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:33,000 Speaker 1: this is over and I need you to remove those 393 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 1: videos and pictures. I also don't know what kind of 394 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,359 Speaker 1: legal recourse you can have if somebody has videos and 395 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 1: pictures of you on their phone and you have ended 396 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:44,080 Speaker 1: this relationship. I don't know if there's maybe some legal 397 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:46,040 Speaker 1: recourse you could have to make sure that those get 398 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,960 Speaker 1: deleted permanently from his phone. I don't I don't know 399 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,200 Speaker 1: you know that kind of law, and I can't really 400 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,639 Speaker 1: speak to it, but I do believe that is a 401 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,840 Speaker 1: really smart first step here is to make sure that 402 00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,639 Speaker 1: those are gone. But I would hope you could be 403 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,160 Speaker 1: honest with them and say we're done and as a result, 404 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:08,520 Speaker 1: you no longer have privilege to me and these pictures 405 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:12,640 Speaker 1: of me. You've taken advantage of this privilege. You haven't 406 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: treated me well, and I need those pictures gone immediately, 407 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,719 Speaker 1: And I hope, I mean, it sounds crazy to even say, 408 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,720 Speaker 1: I would hope he would just respect you and do 409 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,760 Speaker 1: that in front of you for you. Now, let's bring 410 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:30,479 Speaker 1: in Let's bring in Easton. I think Easton is our 411 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:31,320 Speaker 1: tech expert. 412 00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:31,760 Speaker 3: Easton. 413 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,160 Speaker 1: Is there a way to permit make sure you permanently 414 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,840 Speaker 1: delete pictures and videos from your phone? 415 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,479 Speaker 4: There is the thing that frightens me. I don't want 416 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 4: to be the bearer of bad news. But when you 417 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:48,000 Speaker 4: delete a photo on an Apple device, they exist in 418 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,720 Speaker 4: like a recently deleted folder for I think thirty days 419 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,720 Speaker 4: and then they're gone forever and you can go in 420 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,879 Speaker 4: there and clear those out. But the fact that she said, 421 00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,800 Speaker 4: he restored an old version of his phone. This man 422 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,840 Speaker 4: is going to extreme lengths to hide these pictures and 423 00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 4: get them back. I wouldn't be surprised if he has 424 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,840 Speaker 4: them on a computer somewhere, to our drive or something. 425 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,359 Speaker 2: I would go through every piece of technology that you 426 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 2: can get your hands on from him. You do have 427 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 2: the passwords, I would use them, go through every photo album, 428 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,479 Speaker 2: delete everything you can find, and then after that I 429 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,720 Speaker 2: can't imagine that you have too much power unless he 430 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 2: worked to of course, share them in the future after 431 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,480 Speaker 2: you guys break up. Hey, and by the way, do 432 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,360 Speaker 2: that deleting before you announce the breakup to him. 433 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:41,280 Speaker 4: I mean, if you have all those passwords, I say, 434 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,199 Speaker 4: log into his iCloud in deulate the old versions of 435 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,119 Speaker 4: his phone too. I mean, this man doesn't have a 436 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:45,879 Speaker 4: backup of anything. 437 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 2: Working off the fact that hopefully this guy has an 438 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:51,679 Speaker 2: Apple where it's like all very easy like that. But 439 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 2: if yeah, he has other stuff, there's not like an 440 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:57,360 Speaker 2: eye cloud that's all like consuming, I would uh. 441 00:23:58,119 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 1: I don't know why I want to say this, but 442 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,560 Speaker 1: I just feel like I should too. When you do 443 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:08,840 Speaker 1: do this process, when you go through the steps here 444 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,879 Speaker 1: as Easton mentioned, I do want to reiterate there is 445 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,040 Speaker 1: a way to permanently delete these. If it's on only 446 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,760 Speaker 1: a phone, you go you delete it, and you go 447 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,479 Speaker 1: in the recently deleted files and delete those and then 448 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,800 Speaker 1: they're gone. So make sure you know if it's just 449 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,880 Speaker 1: on a phone, that's a good step. When it comes 450 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 1: to other, you know, devices that he might have stuff 451 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,520 Speaker 1: saved on, you would know that a lot better than 452 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,480 Speaker 1: we would if those exist or not. And if they 453 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,679 Speaker 1: do exist, then make sure you check those. But I 454 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,119 Speaker 1: didn't want to just mention that. And when you go 455 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,040 Speaker 1: through this process, I feel like I just want to 456 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 1: say you should have a peer there with you, a 457 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,040 Speaker 1: trusted friend. 458 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 3: Advice. 459 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, you should have somebody with you, because I feel 460 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 1: like this could be a very contentious moment and based 461 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,440 Speaker 1: on the question that you asked us, it doesn't sound 462 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:55,520 Speaker 1: like this dude is a good dude, and it doesn't 463 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,440 Speaker 1: sound like he'll probably respond very well to it, And 464 00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,320 Speaker 1: so I would just recommend having somebody there that you 465 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:05,560 Speaker 1: trust beside you as you go through this for multiple reasons. 466 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 1: One is they can validate that you've asked him to 467 00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:11,720 Speaker 1: do this. If this ever does become a bigger subject, 468 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,159 Speaker 1: and two just to have that support next to you 469 00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:16,680 Speaker 1: and with you as you do this. This could be 470 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 1: a very emotional time for you as well, because there 471 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,040 Speaker 1: is going to be things that probably you have to 472 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:22,960 Speaker 1: go back through and look at and see and it 473 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,040 Speaker 1: will probably mess with you a little bit. 474 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:27,639 Speaker 3: And that's okay if it does. 475 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,320 Speaker 1: But I just want you to make sure that you 476 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,120 Speaker 1: kind of have a community around you while. 477 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,120 Speaker 2: You do that. It's really smart, Ben. 478 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,560 Speaker 3: Ashley. Why do I mean? 479 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,720 Speaker 1: I've never been a fan of the saying that guy 480 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,000 Speaker 1: suck because I just don't. I know so many good 481 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,680 Speaker 1: dudes in my life. I know so many men that 482 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,600 Speaker 1: I look up to that I get wisdom from, that 483 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,160 Speaker 1: I talk to, that I learned from, that support me well, 484 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 1: that care for me well. I have an amazing dad. 485 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:56,480 Speaker 1: I've been lucky to be surrounded, I think intentionally and 486 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,440 Speaker 1: sometimes just by luck with really good men. So I've 487 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,200 Speaker 1: never liked the that guys suck. But goodness gracious, these 488 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:06,920 Speaker 1: questions are making me question them, right, I mean, some guy, 489 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,440 Speaker 1: let's like, I think at this point I'd agree with yes, 490 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,800 Speaker 1: some guys do like this is this is some terrible 491 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,000 Speaker 1: stuff that these dudes are doing I don't like it. 492 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 1: It's actually like fire me up, and it makes me 493 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 1: sad and angry for the women that have entered into 494 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 1: these uh men's lives, but also for the men, because 495 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,439 Speaker 1: I know they can be better, Like I know that 496 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:33,560 Speaker 1: they they're better than this, and they're for whatever reason, 497 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: doing things that aren't just done with poor intention. They're 498 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 1: doing things that are drastically going to affect the mental 499 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,800 Speaker 1: well being of these women's lives. And I think that 500 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 1: is a power that nobody should have over somebody else, 501 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:56,280 Speaker 1: or nobody should at all release that power on somebody else. Right, 502 00:26:56,320 --> 00:27:00,160 Speaker 1: So this is this is heavy stuff. I hope, hope 503 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,960 Speaker 1: if you're listening again, we go back to the beginning 504 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,160 Speaker 1: of this episode where we just talk about if you're 505 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,640 Speaker 1: listening and you're finding yourself in a similar situation, maybe 506 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,359 Speaker 1: you're feeling a little less alone. Maybe you're gaining a 507 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 1: little bit of insight into how multiple people on this 508 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:17,520 Speaker 1: show would deal with it. But if you disagree with 509 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:22,359 Speaker 1: everything we're saying, again, that's okay. But maybe you're thinking 510 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,120 Speaker 1: through these situations a little bit, like you're at least 511 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:28,399 Speaker 1: considering how you would respond or what your advice you 512 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:30,840 Speaker 1: would give, and I think that's a benefit to everybody 513 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 1: as well, because these are tough, These are real. This 514 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,440 Speaker 1: is what people are going through who listen to the 515 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:41,919 Speaker 1: show weekly with us. And I hope Almost Famous podcast 516 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:43,600 Speaker 1: maybe gives you not only a place that you feel 517 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 1: les alone, but a little brevity in life to talk 518 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:51,199 Speaker 1: about some crazy reality show that gets the air on 519 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,359 Speaker 1: our TVs. And and hopefully this podcast is a place 520 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:59,600 Speaker 1: where you can just maybe take a second and realize 521 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,200 Speaker 1: that your problems, yes they're major. 522 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,240 Speaker 3: But you're not alone in them. Other people are going 523 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:05,880 Speaker 3: through stuff too. 524 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 2: Well. Put Ben Seriously, we're again sermons, got put them 525 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 2: out there. These are basically this is basically Ben sermon, 526 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 2: except for we don't call it Ben sermon. 527 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:20,640 Speaker 3: Ben sermon. That'd be great. 528 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,320 Speaker 1: I did just speaking to church last weekend, and I 529 00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:27,920 Speaker 1: just got back from Reno, Nevada, actually where I got 530 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:31,359 Speaker 1: to hear the head coach of Nevada give a speech 531 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:33,480 Speaker 1: to his team that really fired me up and rallied me. 532 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:35,800 Speaker 1: My best friend coached out there, and I got to 533 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 1: see his wife and two boys, and it was really 534 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,760 Speaker 1: cool to kind of hear what it's like to be 535 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 1: a mentor and a coach, not only my buddy, but 536 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:47,760 Speaker 1: the head coach. So I feel like I've gained some 537 00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:49,560 Speaker 1: wisdom this week and learn from some great men. 538 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 2: That's really cool. 539 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's cool. 540 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,000 Speaker 1: All right, we'll be back with another episode of The 541 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,840 Speaker 1: Almost Famous Podcast. We have some great interviews coming up 542 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,120 Speaker 1: on our threat that you should look for to. We 543 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,960 Speaker 1: are going to start bringing more past contestants and current 544 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,800 Speaker 1: contestants onto The Almost Famous Podcast. 545 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 3: Now it's about time. 546 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,479 Speaker 1: It's about that time of year where we're bringing in 547 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:14,360 Speaker 1: some of the people that are the biggest names the 548 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 1: making the headlines and we're gonna chat with them. Also, 549 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 1: we're gonna continue to break down Joey's season of the Bachelor. 550 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,840 Speaker 1: But this has been almost good advice and so until 551 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 1: next time, I've been Ben, I've been Ashley. 552 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:25,960 Speaker 2: See you guys. Thank you. 553 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,200 Speaker 4: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcasts on 554 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,480 Speaker 4: iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.