1 00:00:15,910 --> 00:00:16,690 Speaker 1: Hello. 2 00:00:16,810 --> 00:00:17,169 Speaker 2: Hello. 3 00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:18,310 Speaker 1: And welcome. 4 00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:21,510 Speaker 2: To my favorite murder. The mini-sode. That's right. We read 5 00:00:21,550 --> 00:00:23,990 Speaker 2: you stories, you listen to them, and then maybe you 6 00:00:24,010 --> 00:00:25,290 Speaker 2: write your own in for fun. 7 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:29,800 Speaker 1: You know, it's like a casual agreement of content churning. 8 00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:35,100 Speaker 2: That you've never consented to. You want to go first? 9 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:36,260 Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay. 10 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,160 Speaker 2: My first one is called The Brazilian Boogeyman. Just starts. 11 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:42,820 Speaker 2: I was born and raised in Brasilia, Brazil's capital. I 12 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,500 Speaker 2: think I'm saying that right. I have a Brasilia story 13 00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:49,659 Speaker 2: for you that has everything. A family massacre, a massive manhunt, 14 00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:52,560 Speaker 2: the Brazilian wilderness, a guy who seemed to disappear into 15 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:55,740 Speaker 2: thin air, and because apparently we cannot have a Brazilian 16 00:00:55,770 --> 00:00:58,790 Speaker 2: true crime story without some seasoning, rumors that he made 17 00:00:58,830 --> 00:01:03,250 Speaker 2: a deal with the devil and was basically fucking magical. Wow. 18 00:01:03,550 --> 00:01:06,470 Speaker 2: In 2021, mid-COVID madness, the entire region was introduced to 19 00:01:06,490 --> 00:01:09,370 Speaker 2: a man named Lazaro Barbosa. For about three weeks, it 20 00:01:09,390 --> 00:01:11,990 Speaker 2: felt like the entire country was looking for him. In 21 00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:16,130 Speaker 2: June 2021, Lizaru was accused of killing four members of 22 00:01:16,170 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 2: a family at their rural property in an area about 23 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:24,400 Speaker 2: 40 minutes outside central Brasilia. He fled into the Sahado, 24 00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:30,030 Speaker 2: the huge savanna-like wilderness surrounding Brasilia. The Sahado is dense scrub, 25 00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 2: tall grass, trees, rivers, rocky terrain... and enormous stretches of 26 00:01:34,620 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 2: land where you can disappear if you know what you're doing. 27 00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:40,990 Speaker 2: And apparently, Lazarov knew exactly what he was doing. For 28 00:01:40,990 --> 00:01:44,010 Speaker 2: 20 days, he stayed ahead of the police. More than 29 00:01:44,010 --> 00:01:47,470 Speaker 2: 270 officers from different police and federal agencies were involved 30 00:01:47,510 --> 00:01:52,030 Speaker 2: in the search. There were helicopters, drones, tracking dogs, roadblocks, 31 00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:55,130 Speaker 2: and news crews following the whole thing. And somehow, this 32 00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:58,190 Speaker 2: one guy kept getting away. He crossed rivers to throw 33 00:01:58,270 --> 00:02:02,310 Speaker 2: off the dogs, moved between rural properties, stole cars, took 34 00:02:02,350 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 2: people hostage, and allegedly committed additional crimes while he was 35 00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:08,080 Speaker 2: on the run. Every time the police thought they had 36 00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:12,080 Speaker 2: him surrounded, he disappeared again. And then something fascinating happened. 37 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:16,450 Speaker 2: Lazarou stopped being just a dangerous fugitive. He became a legend. 38 00:02:16,690 --> 00:02:20,100 Speaker 2: People in the area were terrified. and rumors started spreading 39 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 2: that he had supernatural powers. Some people said he made 40 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,700 Speaker 2: a pact with the devils. Others claimed he could disappear 41 00:02:25,740 --> 00:02:28,829 Speaker 2: into the woods, turn invisible, or somehow transform himself so 42 00:02:28,870 --> 00:02:31,910 Speaker 2: police couldn't find him. Obviously, there was no evidence of 43 00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:35,510 Speaker 2: any of this, but when you've got hundreds of police officers, helicopters, dogs, 44 00:02:35,550 --> 00:02:38,790 Speaker 2: and drones looking for one guy, and he keeps disappearing 45 00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:42,470 Speaker 2: into the Brazilian wilderness, reality starts to feel like folklore. 46 00:02:42,889 --> 00:02:46,550 Speaker 2: The media coverage was also insane. It became this bizarre 47 00:02:46,610 --> 00:02:49,630 Speaker 2: national obsession. People were afraid to leave their homes. Rural 48 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:52,710 Speaker 2: families were locking themselves inside. Some people even left the 49 00:02:52,810 --> 00:02:54,810 Speaker 2: area because they were so afraid he'd show up at 50 00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:58,530 Speaker 2: their property. And then after 20 days, it finally ended. 51 00:02:58,550 --> 00:03:02,830 Speaker 2: Lizarro was located in a city just outside Brasilia. He 52 00:03:02,889 --> 00:03:06,350 Speaker 2: exchanged gunfire with police, was shot, and died. And just 53 00:03:06,410 --> 00:03:09,679 Speaker 2: like that, the manhunt was over. The whole thing reminded 54 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 2: me a little of Richard Ramirez, not because their crimes 55 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,850 Speaker 2: were the same, because they absolutely weren't, But because of 56 00:03:14,889 --> 00:03:18,350 Speaker 2: what happened to the criminal's image, Richard Ramirez became almost 57 00:03:18,550 --> 00:03:21,450 Speaker 2: mythical while he was still at large. The media turned 58 00:03:21,490 --> 00:03:24,010 Speaker 2: him into the Night Stalker and people became obsessed with 59 00:03:24,050 --> 00:03:27,370 Speaker 2: where he was and when he would strike next. Lazaro 60 00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:31,030 Speaker 2: became something similar in Brazil. He became bigger than the 61 00:03:31,090 --> 00:03:34,990 Speaker 2: individual crimes. He became a boogeyman. And honestly, if you've 62 00:03:35,050 --> 00:03:37,990 Speaker 2: ever been around Brasilia, you understand why the setting made 63 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:42,190 Speaker 2: this so terrifying. The Cejado is beautiful, but it's huge. 64 00:03:42,350 --> 00:03:44,670 Speaker 2: You can be relatively close to the city and suddenly 65 00:03:44,710 --> 00:03:46,870 Speaker 2: feel like you're in the middle of nowhere. So the 66 00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:51,650 Speaker 2: idea of someone dangerous disappearing into that landscape? Terrifying. Add 67 00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:55,850 Speaker 2: Brazilian folklore, sensationalist television, social media, and three weeks of 68 00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:59,580 Speaker 2: everyone asking, where the fuck is Lazaru? And suddenly you've 69 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,780 Speaker 2: got a true crime story that starts feeling like a 70 00:04:01,860 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 2: campfire legend. Anyway, Brasilia says hi. SSDGM, Lorena. Like Lauren, 71 00:04:09,470 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 2: but with a Latin rolled R and an A at 72 00:04:12,260 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 2: the end. Lorena. Lorena. Lorena. Lorena. 73 00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:18,160 Speaker 1: Wow. 74 00:04:18,339 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 2: I know. I'd never heard of that. 75 00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:25,260 Speaker 1: Never heard of it. Also, sorry to say, never knew. Well, 76 00:04:25,540 --> 00:04:28,159 Speaker 1: of course, never knew that Brasilia was the capital of Brazil. 77 00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 2: No. 78 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,620 Speaker 1: But then also that there was like this surrounding landscape. 79 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:31,960 Speaker 2: Yeah. 80 00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:32,260 Speaker 1: Yeah. 81 00:04:32,670 --> 00:04:36,510 Speaker 2: That sounds amazing. Yeah. Oh, the insects, though. 82 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:37,050 Speaker 1: Oh. 83 00:04:37,550 --> 00:04:41,130 Speaker 2: Oh, my God. And that really big Jesus. So big. 84 00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 2: Insects and Jesus everywhere. Insects and Jesus everywhere you look. Okay. 85 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:52,020 Speaker 1: I think because of the international flavor of your first one, 86 00:04:52,060 --> 00:04:54,120 Speaker 1: I'm going to use this one as my first one. 87 00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:54,849 Speaker 2: Okay. 88 00:04:55,130 --> 00:04:58,090 Speaker 1: The subject line of this email is, no sex, no raft, 89 00:04:58,370 --> 00:05:02,250 Speaker 1: just a man and a rowboat. And it starts, Hello, gals, pals, 90 00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:04,510 Speaker 1: and pets. I just listened to Karen's story about the 91 00:05:04,550 --> 00:05:07,690 Speaker 1: sex raft, and your discussion about how terrifying the ocean 92 00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:10,810 Speaker 1: is reminded me of a story from my home country. 93 00:05:11,620 --> 00:05:15,960 Speaker 1: I'm from Finland, so apologies for any grammar mistakes. Please, 94 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,800 Speaker 1: you're writing an email in English. Could we do that 95 00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 1: in Finnish? 96 00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:22,839 Speaker 2: No, never. Oh, I could. 97 00:05:23,339 --> 00:05:26,140 Speaker 1: Well, sorry to speak for Georgia, but not even with 98 00:05:26,220 --> 00:05:30,020 Speaker 1: Google Translate, could I? Then it says, We Finns are 99 00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:33,919 Speaker 1: known for a little thing we call Sisu, which I've 100 00:05:33,940 --> 00:05:34,940 Speaker 1: told you about that movie. 101 00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:38,430 Speaker 2: There's a movie called Sisu, S-I-S-U. Oh, yeah. 102 00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:41,190 Speaker 1: If you and Vince are ever bored, I tell you, 103 00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:46,310 Speaker 1: it will be a rollicking romp that you will not 104 00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:47,109 Speaker 1: regret watching. 105 00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:48,609 Speaker 2: Unbelievable movie. 106 00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: And it's about this Finnish miner during World War II 107 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 1: and the end of World War II. He's trying to 108 00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:57,169 Speaker 1: stay away from the Nazis, that one. It's so good. 109 00:05:57,810 --> 00:06:00,540 Speaker 1: But basically, you learn a little bit about what this 110 00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:02,739 Speaker 1: person is about to start talking about in that movie. 111 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 1: So it says, we Finns are known for a little 112 00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 1: something we call sisu, which basically means having an unreasonable 113 00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:14,660 Speaker 1: amount of determination, grit, and resilience. And sometimes, apparently, using 114 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:19,890 Speaker 1: that determination to row across an entire fucking ocean. Enter Jari, 115 00:06:20,190 --> 00:06:24,730 Speaker 1: a 53-year-old Finnish firefighter In 2023, Yari decided to row 116 00:06:24,850 --> 00:06:29,210 Speaker 1: solo across the Atlantic Ocean in a rowboat. What? Because 117 00:06:29,270 --> 00:06:33,090 Speaker 1: I guess running into burning buildings for a living wasn't 118 00:06:33,150 --> 00:06:34,010 Speaker 1: enough excitement. 119 00:06:34,029 --> 00:06:34,550 Speaker 2: Oh, my God. 120 00:06:34,589 --> 00:06:37,739 Speaker 1: He rowed from the Canary Islands to Antigua. Then he 121 00:06:37,770 --> 00:06:40,120 Speaker 1: made his way to Canada so he could row back 122 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,560 Speaker 1: across the Atlantic to Germany. 123 00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 2: Oh, my God. 124 00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:47,820 Speaker 1: In total, he spent 178 days at sea. By the 125 00:06:47,860 --> 00:06:50,839 Speaker 1: time he finished, he was malnourished and could barely stand 126 00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:53,500 Speaker 1: upright because his body was... had gotten so used to 127 00:06:53,540 --> 00:06:56,780 Speaker 1: being thrown around by ocean waves that walking on land 128 00:06:56,940 --> 00:07:01,380 Speaker 1: was difficult. This made him a bit of a Finnish legend. 129 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,570 Speaker 1: So after finally recovering from spending nearly half a year 130 00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:08,989 Speaker 1: alone in a rowboat, Jari had a very normal thought. 131 00:07:09,610 --> 00:07:13,030 Speaker 1: I should do that again. So in 2025, he set 132 00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:15,030 Speaker 1: off on another solo expedition. 133 00:07:15,190 --> 00:07:19,580 Speaker 2: Jari, go to therapy. It's just words. You'll be fine. 134 00:07:20,450 --> 00:07:23,000 Speaker 2: Like do a cold plunge, you know, every morning or something. 135 00:07:23,780 --> 00:07:27,119 Speaker 1: Eat some tinned fish and talk to another human being. 136 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,120 Speaker 1: So in 2025, he set off on another solo expedition, 137 00:07:31,540 --> 00:07:34,920 Speaker 1: this time attempting to row from Cape Horn, Chile to 138 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,980 Speaker 1: Cape Town, South Africa. The trip was expected to take 139 00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:41,460 Speaker 1: three to four months. And for 65 days, things were 140 00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:45,340 Speaker 1: going relatively well until one Thursday night, his team back 141 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: in Finland lost contact with him during a storm. Then 142 00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:52,660 Speaker 1: a massive wave hit his boat and flipped the entire 143 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,370 Speaker 1: thing upside down. Thankfully, the boat was designed to flip 144 00:07:56,470 --> 00:08:00,190 Speaker 1: back up by itself, which it did. Unfortunately, it also 145 00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:03,830 Speaker 1: swallowed a massive amount of seawater. And that seawater got 146 00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 1: into the electrical system. And the electrical system, all caps, 147 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 1: caught on fire. So just to recap. Yari is alone 148 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean at night. His 149 00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:18,860 Speaker 1: boat has flipped upside down, and now his rowboat is 150 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 1: on fire. Pick a struggle, my guy. That's what it says. 151 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,700 Speaker 1: He managed to put out that fire, but his electrical 152 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:29,030 Speaker 1: system was destroyed. His boat went completely dark. He no 153 00:08:29,070 --> 00:08:32,570 Speaker 1: longer could operate it properly, and his only satellite phone 154 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 1: had about 10% battery left with no way to recharge it. 155 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:40,010 Speaker 1: He managed to briefly contact his team in Finland, and 156 00:08:40,030 --> 00:08:42,959 Speaker 1: they agreed... he would only turn the phone on once 157 00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: an hour to save the battery. Meanwhile, he was soaking wet, freezing, 158 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 1: and getting dangerously close to hypothermia while his powerless little 159 00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:54,460 Speaker 1: boat continued drifting farther away from the coordinates rescuers had 160 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:58,440 Speaker 1: been given. Eventually, he got word that a South African 161 00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:02,270 Speaker 1: rescue boat was about two to three hours away, which 162 00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:04,710 Speaker 1: is great, except it was the middle of the night, 163 00:09:04,910 --> 00:09:09,059 Speaker 1: pitch black, and he was still drifting around the Atlantic Ocean. Finally, 164 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:12,700 Speaker 1: around 2.30 a.m., Yari saw the lights of the rescue boat. 165 00:09:13,059 --> 00:09:13,780 Speaker 2: They found him. 166 00:09:14,260 --> 00:09:18,470 Speaker 1: After being awake for nearly 48 hours, surviving a capsized boat, 167 00:09:18,950 --> 00:09:22,050 Speaker 1: an electrical fire, freezing temperatures, and almost being lost in 168 00:09:22,090 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: the Atlantic, Yari was finally pulled to safety. After thanking 169 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 1: the South African crew for saving his life, he had 170 00:09:29,660 --> 00:09:30,300 Speaker 1: one request. 171 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:34,630 Speaker 2: A glass of whiskey. Honestly, fair. I would too. 172 00:09:35,410 --> 00:09:38,350 Speaker 1: Yari has since vowed that he will not attempt another 173 00:09:38,470 --> 00:09:41,850 Speaker 1: ocean crossing, but he is Finnish and clearly has no 174 00:09:41,970 --> 00:09:44,590 Speaker 1: interest in sitting still, so I personally would not put 175 00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:47,650 Speaker 1: any money on that. Thanks for reading my story. Stay 176 00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:51,829 Speaker 1: sexy and stay on dry land. Helena from Finland. 177 00:09:54,670 --> 00:09:55,349 Speaker 2: Guys. 178 00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:56,189 Speaker 1: Men. 179 00:09:56,230 --> 00:09:59,970 Speaker 2: I mean, dudes. Men, dudes. What's out there so bad? 180 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 1: What's out there that you think that's going to help you, 181 00:10:03,380 --> 00:10:08,260 Speaker 1: that can't help you at your local library therapist's office, 182 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,580 Speaker 1: community gathering spot? 183 00:10:13,950 --> 00:10:16,290 Speaker 2: Okay, my next one's about cats. I'm not going to 184 00:10:16,309 --> 00:10:19,670 Speaker 2: read you this subject, though. Hello, lovely ladies and fellow murderinos. 185 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:25,070 Speaker 2: About 25 years ago in Aberdeen, north of Scotland, I 186 00:10:25,110 --> 00:10:27,130 Speaker 2: worked in an office from 9 to 5 and then 187 00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:30,510 Speaker 2: in a bar from 6 to 11. Jesus. One evening 188 00:10:30,570 --> 00:10:32,670 Speaker 2: while I was working behind the bar, my mom called 189 00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:35,890 Speaker 2: to tell me that their cat, Sparky, affectionately known as 190 00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:41,060 Speaker 2: Little Shit, had died. I was devastated. Sparky was a gorgeous, long-haired, 191 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,980 Speaker 2: black and white cat until he wasn't. He would rub 192 00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:46,500 Speaker 2: his head against your hand until you gave him one 193 00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:48,860 Speaker 2: pet too many, at which point he would attempt to 194 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:53,660 Speaker 2: remove your hand. with his furry flick knives. Hence, little shit. 195 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,550 Speaker 2: He actually responded to little shit, which I found hilarious. 196 00:10:57,150 --> 00:10:59,170 Speaker 2: I sat behind the bar and shed a little tear, 197 00:10:59,270 --> 00:11:02,790 Speaker 2: desperately trying to hide my face so nobody would notice. Unfortunately, 198 00:11:02,850 --> 00:11:05,370 Speaker 2: I didn't fool the regular customers who were very concerned 199 00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:08,700 Speaker 2: because I really wasn't much of a crier back then. 200 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:11,840 Speaker 2: 25 years later and menopausal, I can confirm that things 201 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,780 Speaker 2: have changed considerably. Anyway, My mom told me they had 202 00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 2: found Sparky at the bottom of the garden. They assumed 203 00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 2: he had been knocked over or hit by a car 204 00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 2: because the main road running through the village ran alongside 205 00:11:23,059 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 2: their house. We always had cats growing up, and whenever 206 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,750 Speaker 2: one died, my dad would bury them in the garden. 207 00:11:28,070 --> 00:11:30,970 Speaker 2: My parents, Mary and Alan, would then go to the 208 00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:35,630 Speaker 2: garden center, C-E-N-T-R-E. Of course. And buy a rope to 209 00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:38,660 Speaker 2: send to me. And by a rosebush to mark the grave. 210 00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 2: So my dad dug a hole, put Sparky directly into 211 00:11:41,970 --> 00:11:44,570 Speaker 2: the earth, no blanket, no box, because apparently my dad 212 00:11:44,610 --> 00:11:48,130 Speaker 2: had very firm views about feline funerals, and called my 213 00:11:48,150 --> 00:11:50,550 Speaker 2: mom outside to say goodbye. She didn't want to go, 214 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:53,469 Speaker 2: but dad insisted. Come on, come and say goodbye to him. 215 00:11:54,150 --> 00:11:56,630 Speaker 2: So she went out into the garden. Sparky was curled 216 00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:58,589 Speaker 2: up in the earth, and according to my mom, looked 217 00:11:58,650 --> 00:12:01,819 Speaker 2: exactly like he was sleeping. She went back into the house, 218 00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:05,459 Speaker 2: sat in the conservatory, crying, and pretended to read her book. Oh, 219 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 2: someone's got a conservatory. Oh, I know. Pinky, yeah. Play 220 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 2: the violin. Why not you? Dad told her he was 221 00:12:12,580 --> 00:12:14,679 Speaker 2: going to have a shower, and then they could drive 222 00:12:14,730 --> 00:12:17,090 Speaker 2: to the garden center and choose a rose for Sparky. 223 00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:20,050 Speaker 2: My mom was sitting in the conservatory when she heard 224 00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:25,569 Speaker 2: Dad walk down the hallway, and then she heard, all caps, Jesus, Mary, Mother, 225 00:12:25,630 --> 00:12:31,260 Speaker 2: and Fuck, followed by Mary, Mary. Oh, I wish I 226 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:34,489 Speaker 2: could hear her in the accent. I know what this is. 227 00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:38,130 Speaker 2: Do you do? I think I do. Mom came running. 228 00:12:38,370 --> 00:12:40,689 Speaker 2: She got to their bedroom, and there, lying on the bed, 229 00:12:40,790 --> 00:12:44,309 Speaker 2: fast asleep, was Sparky. They just stared at him. Then 230 00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:47,390 Speaker 2: they stared at each other. Then back at the cat. Eventually, 231 00:12:47,429 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 2: my dad whispered, if that's Sparky, who's in the ground? 232 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,660 Speaker 2: My mom called, Sparky. The cat opened his eyes, looked 233 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:56,860 Speaker 2: at her, had a stretch, and went back to sleep. Basically, 234 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,320 Speaker 2: his expression said, stop bothering me. I'm trying to sleep. 235 00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,969 Speaker 2: At this point, my parents went running back into the 236 00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:05,010 Speaker 2: garden and there still lying in the hole was the 237 00:13:05,090 --> 00:13:09,970 Speaker 2: exact same cat. Identical. The same long black and white fur, 238 00:13:10,410 --> 00:13:16,110 Speaker 2: same size, everything. What the actual fuck? Whose cat was this? God. 239 00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:17,010 Speaker 2: Is that what you thought it was? 240 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,489 Speaker 1: Yes. Okay. 241 00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:20,410 Speaker 2: I thought the cat was going to come back to life. 242 00:13:20,830 --> 00:13:21,969 Speaker 2: That was what I initially thought. 243 00:13:21,990 --> 00:13:23,709 Speaker 1: Yeah, like dig its way out of a hole. I 244 00:13:23,710 --> 00:13:25,390 Speaker 1: kind of thought it would be covered in dirt. It 245 00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:26,469 Speaker 1: looks like it was sleeping, right? 246 00:13:27,270 --> 00:13:29,490 Speaker 2: They started asking the neighbors if anyone knew of another 247 00:13:29,730 --> 00:13:31,930 Speaker 2: black and white cat in the area, but nobody did. 248 00:13:32,330 --> 00:13:34,750 Speaker 2: Unable to find the owner, my parents decided to continue 249 00:13:34,790 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 2: with the burial. They went to the garden center, bought 250 00:13:37,179 --> 00:13:40,640 Speaker 2: a beautiful rose, and planted it over the grave. Problem solved. 251 00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:43,940 Speaker 2: Except two or three days later, there was a knock 252 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,420 Speaker 2: at the door. Standing there was a young couple from 253 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 2: around the corner asking if my mom and dad had 254 00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:52,050 Speaker 2: seen their missing black and white cat. My parents invited 255 00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:55,699 Speaker 2: them in and explained the entire bizarre situation. Then they 256 00:13:55,740 --> 00:13:58,300 Speaker 2: introduced them to Sparky. The couple took one look at 257 00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:01,960 Speaker 2: him and immediately understood the confusion. But unfortunately, they wanted 258 00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:05,340 Speaker 2: their cat back. So my dad had to go back 259 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,700 Speaker 2: into the garden, all caps, dig the cat up again. 260 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:08,780 Speaker 1: No. 261 00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:13,059 Speaker 2: And hand it back to them. Remember, dad didn't believe 262 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,500 Speaker 2: in burying animals in blankets or boxes. So this poor 263 00:14:15,580 --> 00:14:18,660 Speaker 2: cat was pulled directly out of the earth. My dad 264 00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 2: handed the cat to its owners while trying to brush 265 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 2: the soil off him. Apparently, the look on their faces 266 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,500 Speaker 2: was one of pure horror. No, I'm sorry. You don't 267 00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 2: get to have a look on your face. No. Leave 268 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:32,200 Speaker 2: the cat alone. I'd be happy that someone cared enough 269 00:14:32,380 --> 00:14:36,040 Speaker 2: about a strange cat. Yes. And I'd come and look 270 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,130 Speaker 2: every year on the anniversary. And I'd go, I'd be like, 271 00:14:39,150 --> 00:14:40,430 Speaker 2: that was so nice of you. Thank you. 272 00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:42,010 Speaker 1: And as I walk out the door, I pick up 273 00:14:42,030 --> 00:14:44,430 Speaker 1: Sparky and just take him with us. I'll take this 274 00:14:44,530 --> 00:14:45,190 Speaker 1: one instead. 275 00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:51,460 Speaker 2: Same diff. Meanwhile, back at the bar, it took me 276 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 2: about 10 minutes to explain to everyone why I had 277 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,640 Speaker 2: gone from crying over the death of a beloved cat 278 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:59,250 Speaker 2: to absolutely pissing myself laughing. And honestly, I couldn't stop 279 00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:01,870 Speaker 2: because the mental image of my dad calmly digging up 280 00:15:01,950 --> 00:15:04,410 Speaker 2: somebody else's dead cat and then handing it back to 281 00:15:04,450 --> 00:15:07,490 Speaker 2: them while sweeping the dirt off it still makes me 282 00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:11,370 Speaker 2: giggle 25 years later. Sparky lived on completely unfazed by 283 00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:15,340 Speaker 2: the whole experience and somewhere, presumably, another family had their 284 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:20,420 Speaker 2: own black and white little shit. SSD GM, Angie. That's 285 00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 2: a great story. 286 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,180 Speaker 1: I mean, basically, same thing where we had this old 287 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,820 Speaker 1: cat and my mom drugged the cat. She got drugs 288 00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:30,860 Speaker 1: from work and then drugged the cat because the cat 289 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,940 Speaker 1: had like seizures and all this weird shit and was 290 00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:37,260 Speaker 1: clearly not okay. But my mom was very close to 291 00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:40,020 Speaker 1: this cat because Laura and I had left at the 292 00:15:40,060 --> 00:15:42,910 Speaker 1: same time. So she was like, That was her empty 293 00:15:42,990 --> 00:15:47,150 Speaker 1: nest friend. And so she drugs the cat and she's crying, 294 00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:48,850 Speaker 1: feels bad that she has to do it, but is 295 00:15:48,910 --> 00:15:49,670 Speaker 1: putting the cat out. 296 00:15:49,610 --> 00:15:50,210 Speaker 2: Of her misery. 297 00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:53,200 Speaker 1: And the cat walks outside and goes in a circle 298 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: and lays down and my mom cries and goes inside 299 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 1: and has a moment. And then like an hour later, 300 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:02,060 Speaker 1: the cat jumps up on the fucking couch and as 301 00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:02,980 Speaker 1: if nothing happened. 302 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,220 Speaker 2: So she didn't kill the cat. She didn't kill it. 303 00:16:05,330 --> 00:16:05,910 Speaker 2: She didn't give him. 304 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,940 Speaker 1: It basically got enough drugs to kind of like take 305 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,620 Speaker 1: a long nap and be like drugged out on the lawn. 306 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:16,880 Speaker 2: Your mom's just going through it the whole time. Fully mourning. Oh, 307 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:20,720 Speaker 2: my God. And the cat's like, what's up? Thanks for that. 308 00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:24,330 Speaker 2: Can I get another hit? Yeah, for real. Oh, my God. Okay, 309 00:16:24,370 --> 00:16:25,020 Speaker 2: here's my next one. 310 00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:29,570 Speaker 1: The subject line of this is corded phone catastrophe. So 311 00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:31,330 Speaker 1: there's so many people. I have no idea what that 312 00:16:31,350 --> 00:16:34,650 Speaker 1: would even could possibly mean. It says, hi, Karen in Georgia. 313 00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:38,430 Speaker 1: It was 1993, around 3 p.m., when I got home 314 00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:41,690 Speaker 1: from the burning hot hellscape that was my Southern California 315 00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:45,990 Speaker 1: high school. I went straight to our yellow refrigerator. That's 316 00:16:46,010 --> 00:16:49,530 Speaker 1: the one we had, mustard yellow. Grabbed a liter bottle 317 00:16:49,670 --> 00:16:54,100 Speaker 1: of bright orange crush and poured myself a glass. Thirst quenched, 318 00:16:54,290 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 1: I walked around the counter to make a phone call. 319 00:16:56,780 --> 00:16:59,300 Speaker 1: We had the typical late 70s ranch house with an 320 00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:03,960 Speaker 1: oversized U-shaped countertop open to the family room on one side, 321 00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:05,930 Speaker 1: so you could pull up a bunch of vinyl bar 322 00:17:05,950 --> 00:17:08,790 Speaker 1: stools and never actually have to dine in your dining room. 323 00:17:09,770 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 1: The phone was on the outside wall closest to the 324 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,700 Speaker 1: living room with a fairly long cord, just long enough 325 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 1: that it could stretch across the kitchen. I dialed my 326 00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:21,179 Speaker 1: friend and started talking about whatever we talked about at 15, 327 00:17:21,180 --> 00:17:23,480 Speaker 1: and then in parentheses it says, probably boys and drugs, 328 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,100 Speaker 1: and began to pace around the kitchen. As I paced, 329 00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:29,859 Speaker 1: I began to circle back around the counter and somehow 330 00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 1: smacked the liter bottle of closed orange-crushed off the counter, 331 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,879 Speaker 1: and onto the kitchen floor. You probably assumed this would 332 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: be no big deal since it was closed, but you 333 00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,920 Speaker 1: would be wrong. In fact, it would have been better 334 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,480 Speaker 1: if I had left the cap off, which honestly is 335 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:48,750 Speaker 1: more like me. Instead, somehow, the plastic bottle cracked, but 336 00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:51,270 Speaker 1: just enough in and around the right place so that 337 00:17:51,310 --> 00:17:54,490 Speaker 1: the bottle spun around in circles on the floor while 338 00:17:54,510 --> 00:18:00,420 Speaker 1: a jet stream of orange crush coated the ceiling, walls, cabinets, counters, appliances, 339 00:18:00,859 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 1: and me. 340 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:01,859 Speaker 2: Ugh. 341 00:18:02,619 --> 00:18:04,840 Speaker 1: I was in so much shock that my teenage brain 342 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,139 Speaker 1: didn't even entertain the thought of trying to pick up 343 00:18:07,180 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 1: the bottle or put something on top of it to 344 00:18:09,510 --> 00:18:12,750 Speaker 1: stop the spraying. There was not a crevice in that 345 00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,510 Speaker 1: kitchen that was left untouched. 346 00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:16,710 Speaker 2: It's just, that's like a car accident, like a minor 347 00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:18,450 Speaker 2: car accident. It's never going to be the same again. 348 00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:18,990 Speaker 1: Yes. 349 00:18:19,290 --> 00:18:21,190 Speaker 2: Like it's just a little fucked for the rest of 350 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,409 Speaker 2: its life. It's just always going to be sticky and 351 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:24,550 Speaker 2: a little orange crushy. 352 00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:29,170 Speaker 1: Yeah. I did the typical teenager thing and cleaned in quotations, 353 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,020 Speaker 1: but I don't think I got past the floor and countertops. 354 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,180 Speaker 1: Before my mom came home and I left to change 355 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:38,300 Speaker 1: out of my orange sprayed clothes. She was already on 356 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 1: a ladder cleaning off the ceiling when I came back. 357 00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:45,270 Speaker 1: And I snuck out of the house to avoid helping. 358 00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:49,330 Speaker 2: Clean up the rest. This is why. No kids. No children. 359 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:50,170 Speaker 1: Ever. 360 00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:51,690 Speaker 2: Horrible things. 361 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:55,270 Speaker 1: Because I was a teenager and teenagers can be pretty 362 00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:56,190 Speaker 1: selfish assholes. 363 00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:59,250 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what? That's self-awareness. I respect it. It's 364 00:18:59,270 --> 00:19:00,350 Speaker 2: very true. Yeah, and it's true. 365 00:19:00,990 --> 00:19:04,210 Speaker 1: But also, I just love there's households where you just 366 00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:06,970 Speaker 1: had the kind of mom that's up on the ladder like, oh, 367 00:19:07,030 --> 00:19:09,760 Speaker 1: I'll be back for dinner. Do you know how you'd 368 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:14,240 Speaker 1: be destroyed emotionally, financially, and reputationally if you did something 369 00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:15,060 Speaker 1: like that in our house? 370 00:19:15,580 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 2: Same. Janet, you think she'd fucking be cool with that? 371 00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:23,159 Speaker 2: With you walking away? For one fucking... She'd say, I'm 372 00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:24,760 Speaker 2: leaving to get a drink, and by the time I 373 00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:27,020 Speaker 2: get back, this better be fucking cleaned up. For real. 374 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,580 Speaker 1: Which is, she's not wrong. It's not wrong. Now the 375 00:19:29,619 --> 00:19:31,459 Speaker 1: countdown is on. I wonder if that's why I'm so 376 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,100 Speaker 1: obsessed with games and stuff like that. 377 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:37,439 Speaker 2: Oh. Let's do it before mom beats the shit out 378 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,250 Speaker 2: of me. Yeah, you have 15 minutes. 379 00:19:39,710 --> 00:19:42,530 Speaker 1: Okay. They go on to say, I now have two 380 00:19:42,570 --> 00:19:45,010 Speaker 1: teenagers of my own, and although neither of them has 381 00:19:45,070 --> 00:19:47,890 Speaker 1: managed to spray soda all over the house, which they. 382 00:19:47,810 --> 00:19:49,969 Speaker 2: Don't drink it anymore. Right. These young. 383 00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:52,140 Speaker 1: people, I'm always like, hey, you want a Diet Coke? 384 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,570 Speaker 1: And they're like, no, I'll have water. I'll have water 385 00:19:54,630 --> 00:19:55,830 Speaker 1: from my bottle, please. 386 00:19:56,070 --> 00:20:02,190 Speaker 2: Okay. They want reverse osmosis water, please, with electrolytes. That's right. 387 00:20:02,890 --> 00:20:04,970 Speaker 1: So neither of them has managed to spray soda all 388 00:20:04,990 --> 00:20:07,370 Speaker 1: over the house, but I do feel like my experience... 389 00:20:07,310 --> 00:20:09,389 Speaker 1: helped me somewhat keep my cool when one of my 390 00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:12,190 Speaker 1: sweet baby angels went to fill the bathtub and instead 391 00:20:12,730 --> 00:20:14,909 Speaker 1: of waiting and watching it fill up, decided they had 392 00:20:15,290 --> 00:20:22,540 Speaker 1: enough time to go play video games. No. I'm not 393 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,340 Speaker 1: sure how long the tub ran for, but it flooded 394 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:28,060 Speaker 1: the bathroom so bad that the water ran out of 395 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,139 Speaker 1: the bathroom onto our second story landing down the stairs 396 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,929 Speaker 1: and even through the bathroom floor. through the ceiling, or 397 00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:37,869 Speaker 1: it dripped down into the dining room below. No. 398 00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:42,149 Speaker 2: That is structural damage and, like, mold toxicity. 399 00:20:42,470 --> 00:20:46,250 Speaker 1: Fuck. Luckily, our house was 106 years old, drafty, full 400 00:20:46,290 --> 00:20:49,449 Speaker 1: of cracks, and built mostly out of redwood, so it 401 00:20:49,570 --> 00:20:51,170 Speaker 1: dried out surprisingly well. 402 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,199 Speaker 2: Oh, my God. 403 00:20:53,540 --> 00:20:53,900 Speaker 1: I mean. 404 00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:57,230 Speaker 2: I did, however, get to clean up that mess myself. 405 00:20:57,510 --> 00:20:59,930 Speaker 2: What goes around comes around. 406 00:21:00,310 --> 00:21:02,850 Speaker 1: SSDGM and don't buy vinyl bar stools when you live 407 00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:03,740 Speaker 1: in a hot climate, A. 408 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:08,379 Speaker 2: Okay, here's what we need. I love this. Send us 409 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,500 Speaker 2: the fucked up thing that you did as a kid 410 00:21:10,780 --> 00:21:14,159 Speaker 2: that made you think when your kid did something fucked up, 411 00:21:14,420 --> 00:21:15,780 Speaker 2: you couldn't get that mad at them. 412 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:16,260 Speaker 1: Yes. 413 00:21:16,340 --> 00:21:19,210 Speaker 2: Like the payback you got from your kid because of 414 00:21:19,270 --> 00:21:20,590 Speaker 2: what you did to your parents. 415 00:21:20,930 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 1: Yes. Yes. 416 00:21:21,830 --> 00:21:24,750 Speaker 2: That's a great one. Okay. My favorite murder at Gmail. 417 00:21:24,830 --> 00:21:29,770 Speaker 2: Send us the... And we'll call it grandma's revenge. I 418 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 2: told you so. Speaking of, I have a grand... My 419 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:36,220 Speaker 2: last story is a grandma story. 420 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:36,760 Speaker 1: Oh, nice. 421 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:41,639 Speaker 2: Grandma Jackie Robinson story. Ooh. Hi, Karen and Georgia. My 422 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,940 Speaker 2: grandma lived in a small town in Wisconsin in the 423 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,879 Speaker 2: 40s and 50s. Jackie Robinson was playing for the Brooklyn 424 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:50,270 Speaker 2: Dodgers when she was in high school. In August 1952, 425 00:21:50,270 --> 00:21:52,530 Speaker 2: just before her junior year, she heard that he would 426 00:21:52,550 --> 00:21:55,469 Speaker 2: be playing a game in Chicago. Lucky for her, her 427 00:21:55,510 --> 00:21:57,770 Speaker 2: best friend's dad worked for the railroad at the time 428 00:21:57,869 --> 00:21:59,950 Speaker 2: and was able to help get the girls to Chicago 429 00:22:00,010 --> 00:22:03,070 Speaker 2: via train ride to watch him play. After a long 430 00:22:03,090 --> 00:22:04,990 Speaker 2: day of travel, the girls got to their seats in 431 00:22:05,010 --> 00:22:08,149 Speaker 2: the stadium just as the teams were warming up. Grandma 432 00:22:08,210 --> 00:22:12,149 Speaker 2: grabbed her camera, walked down the railing, yelled, Hi, Jackie! 433 00:22:12,590 --> 00:22:14,590 Speaker 2: And he turned and smiled at them. 434 00:22:14,609 --> 00:22:14,669 Speaker 1: Oh! 435 00:22:15,330 --> 00:22:18,310 Speaker 2: He held a throwing pose for her to be able 436 00:22:18,350 --> 00:22:21,149 Speaker 2: to snap a photo of him. She said it was 437 00:22:21,210 --> 00:22:23,669 Speaker 2: by far one of the best memories of her youth. 438 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,300 Speaker 2: I loved hearing her tell people this story with such 439 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,060 Speaker 2: youthful joy, like she was right back there in the 440 00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:32,720 Speaker 2: stadium every time she told it. Coincidentally, my grandma's name 441 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:39,780 Speaker 2: was also Jackie. It was the perfect combination. After she 442 00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:41,780 Speaker 2: passed away a few years ago, my uncle had the 443 00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 2: photo professionally retouched and printed on canvas. including a school 444 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,040 Speaker 2: photo of grandma and a copy of Jackie Robinson's rookie 445 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:53,340 Speaker 2: card for my mom. He titled the photo, Jackie by Jackie. 446 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:57,180 Speaker 2: It says, see attached photo of the canvas and original, 447 00:22:57,220 --> 00:22:59,310 Speaker 2: which I'll show you in a second. Grandma was notorious 448 00:22:59,350 --> 00:23:02,370 Speaker 2: for writing on her photos, but there's something cozy about 449 00:23:02,430 --> 00:23:06,790 Speaker 2: seeing her handwriting. Grandparents are such treasures slash treasures, and 450 00:23:06,830 --> 00:23:11,229 Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed this little story about mine. S-S-D-G-M, Renee. 451 00:23:11,869 --> 00:23:14,090 Speaker 2: And then it says, PS, shout out to my bestie, Kate, 452 00:23:14,210 --> 00:23:16,929 Speaker 2: a day one listener who introduced me to MFM. We 453 00:23:16,990 --> 00:23:19,630 Speaker 2: saw you in Chicago and watching you pull a hot 454 00:23:19,670 --> 00:23:22,810 Speaker 2: dog out of your dress pocket and tossing it into 455 00:23:22,830 --> 00:23:25,810 Speaker 2: the audience was one of the highlights of my life. 456 00:23:26,190 --> 00:23:30,520 Speaker 2: Spoiler teaser, spoiler teaser for the upcoming show. You guys 457 00:23:30,540 --> 00:23:33,400 Speaker 2: will know. And so let me show you this photos. 458 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 2: We'll put it on social media, but you can see 459 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,620 Speaker 2: him like posing like he's about to throw the ball. 460 00:23:37,700 --> 00:23:41,050 Speaker 2: He's like, here, is this what you want? Aww. I know, 461 00:23:41,070 --> 00:23:43,550 Speaker 2: isn't it cute? Yes. God, that's so funny. 462 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 1: It's like I was picturing the famous picture of him 463 00:23:46,740 --> 00:23:51,080 Speaker 1: that's very close up. No, yeah. Grandma Jackie got like 464 00:23:51,220 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 1: the full scene of them all warming up on the field. 465 00:23:54,260 --> 00:23:56,720 Speaker 2: Isn't it cute? It's so good. 466 00:23:56,740 --> 00:23:57,380 Speaker 1: I know. 467 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,060 Speaker 2: Okay. You got one more? Yeah. I got one more 468 00:24:00,100 --> 00:24:00,400 Speaker 2: for you. 469 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,350 Speaker 1: And the subject line of this email, just to change 470 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,210 Speaker 1: the direction one more time, is toddler con woman. 471 00:24:07,230 --> 00:24:08,350 Speaker 2: Sick. 472 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,850 Speaker 1: You asked for scam artist con stories, and my parents 473 00:24:12,910 --> 00:24:15,570 Speaker 1: love to talk about how I was a toddler con woman. 474 00:24:15,970 --> 00:24:19,110 Speaker 1: And then in parentheses, it says con girl, con child, 475 00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:20,670 Speaker 1: question mark. 476 00:24:21,109 --> 00:24:21,330 Speaker 2: Okay. 477 00:24:21,590 --> 00:24:23,630 Speaker 1: So my dad was a lawyer with a small practice, 478 00:24:23,710 --> 00:24:26,250 Speaker 1: and my mom was his office manager. She would bring 479 00:24:26,290 --> 00:24:29,030 Speaker 1: me to work with her daily, since what was the boss. 480 00:24:28,869 --> 00:24:29,330 Speaker 2: Going to say? 481 00:24:30,530 --> 00:24:32,920 Speaker 1: My mom used to put baby me in one of 482 00:24:32,950 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 1: those walkers that you can sit in and walk around 483 00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 1: in as. 484 00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:38,540 Speaker 2: It had wheels. Remember those? Little tippy toes? 485 00:24:39,730 --> 00:24:42,050 Speaker 1: I had free reign of not only the law office, 486 00:24:42,150 --> 00:24:44,850 Speaker 1: but the whole building. For some reason, they'd open the 487 00:24:44,890 --> 00:24:47,449 Speaker 1: door and let me wander around when I got home. 488 00:24:48,609 --> 00:24:52,530 Speaker 2: No. Just like down the stairs, out the door. Is 489 00:24:52,750 --> 00:24:55,630 Speaker 2: it also like down the stairs? 490 00:24:56,170 --> 00:24:59,640 Speaker 1: The baby's like holding itself back, trying not to fall. 491 00:25:00,140 --> 00:25:02,760 Speaker 1: But it's just like the things that I think you 492 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,330 Speaker 1: and I have such reservations about raising children. Yeah. It 493 00:25:06,350 --> 00:25:09,480 Speaker 1: seems like most people have never cared about any of that. 494 00:25:10,180 --> 00:25:11,440 Speaker 2: You and I are the only people who have thought 495 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 2: of these things. The people who are never having children 496 00:25:13,859 --> 00:25:16,399 Speaker 2: are like, wait, maybe you shouldn't do that with children. 497 00:25:16,660 --> 00:25:18,930 Speaker 1: I don't know if you should let your toddler go 498 00:25:18,970 --> 00:25:19,590 Speaker 1: door to door. 499 00:25:19,790 --> 00:25:23,449 Speaker 2: I don't know. What would I know? Okay. So it said. 500 00:25:24,070 --> 00:25:26,490 Speaker 1: Thankfully, all the other building tenants knew me, and I 501 00:25:26,530 --> 00:25:29,690 Speaker 1: quickly learned that the other office employees would give me. 502 00:25:29,609 --> 00:25:31,889 Speaker 2: Candy or snacks. Yeah, they would. 503 00:25:32,109 --> 00:25:34,869 Speaker 1: I would go office to office making grabby hands at 504 00:25:34,890 --> 00:25:37,619 Speaker 1: the various candy bowls, and everyone would give me a 505 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,700 Speaker 1: piece of candy. At some point, I think my mom 506 00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 1: told them to stop giving me candy because the supply 507 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 1: dried up, but I was undeterred. My mom's favorite part 508 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:48,540 Speaker 1: of this story is that I would make my way 509 00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:51,100 Speaker 1: to the building's vending machine on the first floor. 510 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:55,300 Speaker 2: Her office was on the second. Jesus. She got down there. 511 00:25:55,340 --> 00:25:56,870 Speaker 2: Take the elevator down or what? 512 00:25:57,090 --> 00:26:00,030 Speaker 1: I would wait by the elevators until someone was going 513 00:26:00,109 --> 00:26:01,690 Speaker 1: down and ride along. 514 00:26:01,890 --> 00:26:03,649 Speaker 2: I'm sorry. If I saw a baby getting in an 515 00:26:03,730 --> 00:26:06,250 Speaker 2: elevator with me. I would never stop screaming. I wouldn't 516 00:26:06,290 --> 00:26:08,150 Speaker 2: be like, what floor? I would be like, get the 517 00:26:08,410 --> 00:26:10,820 Speaker 2: fuck out of here. Punt that baby out of there. 518 00:26:12,890 --> 00:26:17,050 Speaker 1: I would have the strangest reaction. I'd think, um, you 519 00:26:17,109 --> 00:26:18,149 Speaker 1: can't come in here. 520 00:26:18,170 --> 00:26:21,820 Speaker 2: No babies in the elevator. You don't go to this school. 521 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,899 Speaker 2: You can't sit with us. Okay. God, that's crazy. 522 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,679 Speaker 1: I would then stand next to the vending machine and 523 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,120 Speaker 1: wait for a poor sap to walk by. When someone approached, 524 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 1: I would tap on the vending machine, quiver my lip, 525 00:26:36,380 --> 00:26:37,850 Speaker 1: and tears would fill my eyes. 526 00:26:38,310 --> 00:26:39,470 Speaker 2: I would say, Coca. 527 00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:45,240 Speaker 1: While tapping pathetically i guess people would fall for it 528 00:26:45,300 --> 00:26:47,580 Speaker 1: because they would insert coins and buy me a coke 529 00:26:47,859 --> 00:26:50,379 Speaker 1: yeah they often open the can for me which i 530 00:26:50,420 --> 00:26:55,300 Speaker 1: would happily accept and toddle off what if. 531 00:26:55,300 --> 00:26:58,409 Speaker 2: You were high and that happened you're just like. 532 00:26:58,570 --> 00:27:01,530 Speaker 1: Did i hallucinate a baby yeah did i baby did 533 00:27:01,570 --> 00:27:04,070 Speaker 1: i buy a baby a coke or am i the 534 00:27:04,109 --> 00:27:06,950 Speaker 1: baby One time it was a client of my dad's, 535 00:27:07,130 --> 00:27:09,570 Speaker 1: so he followed me as I went to the elevator. 536 00:27:09,830 --> 00:27:12,229 Speaker 1: I rode up with him, and I accompanied him to 537 00:27:12,270 --> 00:27:15,070 Speaker 1: the office. When he got into a meeting with my dad, 538 00:27:15,390 --> 00:27:17,389 Speaker 1: he told him that he'd bought me a Coke, and 539 00:27:17,430 --> 00:27:21,790 Speaker 1: my dad was very exasperated, as that day, it had 540 00:27:21,830 --> 00:27:24,630 Speaker 1: been the third one that day that someone had got 541 00:27:24,690 --> 00:27:25,490 Speaker 1: for me. 542 00:27:25,630 --> 00:27:30,400 Speaker 2: I don't know. Maybe supervise the fucking baby. Or just 543 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 2: put a fucking note on the fucking vending machine if 544 00:27:32,859 --> 00:27:35,730 Speaker 2: there's a baby trying to make you... Yeah, no Cokes 545 00:27:35,750 --> 00:27:38,310 Speaker 2: for this baby. No Cokes for babies, please. How about 546 00:27:38,330 --> 00:27:40,190 Speaker 2: you shut that baby into the conference room? 547 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:44,100 Speaker 1: Right. That's a full round of mini racetrack for a baby. 548 00:27:44,380 --> 00:27:44,920 Speaker 2: Absolutely. 549 00:27:45,100 --> 00:27:47,140 Speaker 1: Of course, when I'd show back up at the office 550 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 1: holding the can, they'd take it away from me. 551 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:50,200 Speaker 2: I never cried. 552 00:27:50,260 --> 00:27:52,119 Speaker 1: I just shrugged it off and went back to con 553 00:27:52,140 --> 00:27:53,320 Speaker 1: some other person out of a Coke. 554 00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:54,939 Speaker 2: And this is in bold. 555 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,449 Speaker 1: Eventually, they put up a sign saying, don't buy the 556 00:27:58,510 --> 00:27:59,350 Speaker 1: baby a Coke. 557 00:28:01,270 --> 00:28:03,669 Speaker 2: I wish I had a picture of that. That's so good. 558 00:28:03,869 --> 00:28:07,629 Speaker 2: Don't buy the baby a Coke. Get her diet only. 559 00:28:07,650 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 2: That's what they should have. Diet or nothing. 560 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 1: Because, you know, then you think about it where you're like, 561 00:28:12,060 --> 00:28:14,280 Speaker 1: there's some babies that look older and they're toddlers, but 562 00:28:14,300 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 1: you're like, oh, is that a four-year-old or whatever? 563 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,700 Speaker 2: Right. Then there's some babies that look younger. 564 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:22,360 Speaker 1: What if it looked like a six-month-old baby, but it's like, Coke? 565 00:28:23,380 --> 00:28:24,000 Speaker 2: So scary. 566 00:28:24,020 --> 00:28:27,580 Speaker 1: And then this is the next paragraph. After it says, 567 00:28:27,619 --> 00:28:29,740 Speaker 1: don't buy the baby a Coke, it says, people still would, though. 568 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: And then it said, now we're in the kind of 569 00:28:33,140 --> 00:28:36,200 Speaker 1: questioning philosophical part of the email. Why was I left 570 00:28:36,220 --> 00:28:39,530 Speaker 1: to wander an office building? Why was I left to 571 00:28:39,590 --> 00:28:42,390 Speaker 1: wander an office building by myself? I guess it was 572 00:28:42,410 --> 00:28:45,650 Speaker 1: the 90s. My con-toddler days are over, and I grew 573 00:28:45,710 --> 00:28:49,630 Speaker 1: up to be a law-abiding citizen. Nowadays, my toddler hasn't 574 00:28:49,690 --> 00:28:52,890 Speaker 1: had to perfect any sort of routine because my parents 575 00:28:53,060 --> 00:28:54,300 Speaker 1: are her biggest suckers. 576 00:28:54,820 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 2: Yes. 577 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,350 Speaker 1: The ultimate scam, which is the loosey-goosey parents in the 578 00:28:59,710 --> 00:29:01,970 Speaker 1: 90s are now the greatest grandparents in the 2020s. 579 00:29:02,020 --> 00:29:02,180 Speaker 2: Oh, no. 580 00:29:03,780 --> 00:29:05,740 Speaker 1: Thanks for being a bright spot to my weeks. I 581 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,940 Speaker 1: listened a lot during my daughter's extended NICU stay as 582 00:29:08,980 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 1: you brought me a lot of comfort. 583 00:29:10,860 --> 00:29:12,760 Speaker 2: Oh, so scary. Oh my God. 584 00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,700 Speaker 1: She has ridden in the car and we often listen together, 585 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,810 Speaker 1: though I screen episodes now beforehand and don't listen to 586 00:29:18,830 --> 00:29:20,590 Speaker 1: the darker slash violent ones with her. 587 00:29:20,710 --> 00:29:23,150 Speaker 2: Thank you. That's good. Yes. Good parenting. 588 00:29:24,030 --> 00:29:29,070 Speaker 1: Look at you parenting out of nowhere. It says, when 589 00:29:29,090 --> 00:29:30,870 Speaker 1: I start the car, I'll ask her, do you want 590 00:29:30,910 --> 00:29:34,590 Speaker 1: music or talking? And oftentimes she says, talking. And if 591 00:29:34,650 --> 00:29:37,760 Speaker 1: I put on a different podcast, she'll say, no, I 592 00:29:37,780 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 1: want to listen to the ladies. Yes. 593 00:29:41,020 --> 00:29:45,990 Speaker 2: Tell her to leave a review. We need it. Ask 594 00:29:46,030 --> 00:29:48,620 Speaker 2: her if she's interested in the fan cult. Yes, I 595 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,220 Speaker 2: love that. She wants to listen to the ladies. The 596 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:55,220 Speaker 2: baby likes us. I'm going to get that baby a Coke. Anyway, 597 00:29:55,440 --> 00:30:02,260 Speaker 2: that's probably not a good idea either. Oh, well, sincerely, Katie. Katie. 598 00:30:02,420 --> 00:30:04,590 Speaker 2: What was the baby's name? We don't know. The new baby. Hi, 599 00:30:04,620 --> 00:30:06,390 Speaker 2: new baby. Hi, new baby. We love you. 600 00:30:06,710 --> 00:30:09,210 Speaker 1: Hi, baby old enough to be able to make requests 601 00:30:09,310 --> 00:30:13,150 Speaker 1: on the car. Now the babies are calling the shots 602 00:30:13,170 --> 00:30:13,910 Speaker 1: from the backseat. 603 00:30:13,970 --> 00:30:14,430 Speaker 2: That's right. 604 00:30:15,030 --> 00:30:19,010 Speaker 1: Before you were left to scam for cane sugar. 605 00:30:19,750 --> 00:30:23,550 Speaker 2: What a time. Send us your email, whatever it may be. 606 00:30:24,030 --> 00:30:26,890 Speaker 2: My favorite word at Gmail, obviously, anything. 607 00:30:27,170 --> 00:30:29,710 Speaker 1: This was more like a hang with Katie, where Katie 608 00:30:29,730 --> 00:30:31,430 Speaker 1: was just kind of like, hey, here's a memory I 609 00:30:31,430 --> 00:30:32,670 Speaker 1: have from being a child. 610 00:30:32,970 --> 00:30:34,380 Speaker 2: And I loved it. One of the best. 611 00:30:34,980 --> 00:30:35,160 Speaker 1: Yeah. 612 00:30:35,180 --> 00:30:37,640 Speaker 2: We loved it. Good job. Good job, everyone. Thank you 613 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:41,420 Speaker 2: for listening. Thank you all kindly. And stay sexy. And 614 00:30:41,500 --> 00:30:42,360 Speaker 2: don't get murdered. 615 00:30:42,380 --> 00:30:42,620 Speaker 1: Goodbye. 616 00:30:42,900 --> 00:30:54,180 Speaker 2: Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been 617 00:30:54,220 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 2: an Exactly Right production. Our managing producer is Molly Smith. 618 00:30:57,660 --> 00:31:00,550 Speaker 2: Our consulting producer is Kate Schellenbach. Our creative lead is 619 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:01,460 Speaker 2: Allison Agosti. 620 00:31:01,770 --> 00:31:04,510 Speaker 1: Our associate producer is Tessa Hughes and our editor is 621 00:31:04,630 --> 00:31:05,810 Speaker 1: Aristotle Acevedo. 622 00:31:06,010 --> 00:31:08,130 Speaker 2: This episode was mixed by Liana Squalacci. 623 00:31:08,410 --> 00:31:11,930 Speaker 1: Email your hometowns to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com and follow the 624 00:31:11,970 --> 00:31:14,090 Speaker 1: show on Instagram at myfavoritemurder. 625 00:31:14,310 --> 00:31:17,500 Speaker 2: Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 626 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,080 Speaker 2: or wherever you get your podcasts. 627 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,790 Speaker 1: Or watch new episodes every week on Netflix. Search for 628 00:31:22,830 --> 00:31:25,370 Speaker 1: My Favorite Murder, add us to your list, and hit 629 00:31:25,410 --> 00:31:27,970 Speaker 1: the double thumbs up button. Goodbye.