Speaker 1: Episode Toto is episode one, how to improve your Money Mindset.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
Speaker 1: save money, embrace simplicity, rights, and liver with your life.
Speaker 1: Here your host Jen and Jill. Welcome to the Frugal
Speaker 1: Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name is Jill,
Speaker 1: and today we are bringing back around a listener favorite
Speaker 1: about money mindsets and before you're likes woo woo, it's
Speaker 1: too woo woo for me. Which, if that's you, you
Speaker 1: probably didn't even listen to the episode you Maybe you
Speaker 1: accidentally pressed play and you just haven't turned it off yet,
Speaker 1: You're just on a binge cycle. This is super tangible
Speaker 1: and relevant and has aged well. So we're we are
Speaker 1: things that age well, like cheese and wine and not
Speaker 1: all cheese me yes. But we're going to dive into
Speaker 1: mindsets that that are holding you back and like limiting
Speaker 1: beliefs from your childhood that are holding you back with money.
Speaker 1: We are getting we are into it. If you need vulnerable,
Speaker 1: here you go. But first, this episode is brought to
Speaker 1: you by to Changes. Turn the beat around. You know
Speaker 1: you can sing it, pause it right there and sing it.
Speaker 1: Get it out of you today. We're here for the changes,
Speaker 1: mostly the good, beneficial changes. But even when the changes
Speaker 1: we experience aren't that great, this is your dose of
Speaker 1: motivational pep talk. We can make shifts in our mindset
Speaker 1: and behaviors that do benefit us, whether we are making
Speaker 1: the change or the change is happening to us. Changes
Speaker 1: turning the beat around to make new, possibly even better music.
Speaker 1: Maybe not music at all, maybe a podcast where we
Speaker 1: wish we were making music, and so we constantly sing
Speaker 1: blessings baby, but we get it in there. We get
Speaker 1: it in there. It's so one way or another, it's
Speaker 1: off tune, but it's there. Forced Yeah, we're gonna have to.
Speaker 1: We'll make an album one day of all the music
Speaker 1: we made that you didn't realize we were making. Alright,
Speaker 1: So if you want to cue up a few other
Speaker 1: archive episodes to listen to after this one episode two
Speaker 1: hundred How to Get Stacked with Money with Joe Saucihi
Speaker 1: and Emily guy Burkin. We talked about mindset in there
Speaker 1: and it's a very fun episode. And then also episode
Speaker 1: one oh one Tips for being more Intentional with your
Speaker 1: finances um with Alyssa from Mixed at Money. Another another
Speaker 1: good one. She has a new book that I think
Speaker 1: Jess came out, so she's really great. But those are
Speaker 1: a few to queue up for after this. But first
Speaker 1: listen to this episode. Let's jump back in. We're gonna
Speaker 1: keep going with our first article from Business Insider, and
Speaker 1: it is twelve negative thoughts about money that are holding
Speaker 1: you back? Yes, uh so good. So we're just going
Speaker 1: to go through some of the top ones that stood
Speaker 1: out to us. I will say I kind of picked
Speaker 1: the ones that I used to tell myself why they
Speaker 1: stood out to me. So you're getting a little bit
Speaker 1: of bolleth well inside into me. And then, just like
Speaker 1: some of the highlights, the first one that can be
Speaker 1: a barrier to us getting out our financial goals is
Speaker 1: I don't make enough to save h If you've ever
Speaker 1: told yourself as before, this article is trying to prove
Speaker 1: us all wrong by saying there is not a minimum
Speaker 1: threshold here to be able to say, you know what
Speaker 1: I can get at some saving schools. I may not
Speaker 1: make enough to put massive amounts aside, but doing the
Speaker 1: small thing and the little step ultimately to build the muscle.
Speaker 1: The goal is not to stay in a place of
Speaker 1: low income, low wage, but we still do need to
Speaker 1: practice saving and just clinging to this idea of I
Speaker 1: don't make enough to save. That's not going to go
Speaker 1: away if we don't actively work to make that thought
Speaker 1: go away, because regardless of whether or not we increase
Speaker 1: our money, we might still stay married to this thought. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean this was my thought too for most of
Speaker 1: my time after I graduated college, and I guess it
Speaker 1: just came from not ever having quote unquote enough but
Speaker 1: yet I always had enough money to buy Starbucks and
Speaker 1: like other little things, but I just felt like saving
Speaker 1: and paying off debt was a big thing, and it
Speaker 1: was I had never done anything big in my life,
Speaker 1: and so I thought I can't do anything big. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that was kind of where I was at on it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and all or nothing mentality, which we can have in
Speaker 1: a variety of aspects of our personhood. Well, I need
Speaker 1: a three week vacation in Indonesia, and if I can't
Speaker 1: get that, then I just won't have a vacation, right like,
Speaker 1: and we can apply these types of things to any
Speaker 1: aspect of our lives, like, well, I need to be saving,
Speaker 1: I need to be maxing out my four oh one
Speaker 1: K and if I can't do that, then why even
Speaker 1: have one. That's just like, we can get ourselves into
Speaker 1: this trap when the reality is anything you can put
Speaker 1: away helps to secure your financial future. Absolutely, And we
Speaker 1: are big proponents of small steps, so they're not as
Speaker 1: sexy as big steps obviously, like we all want to
Speaker 1: be the story that paid off six figures in nine months,
Speaker 1: and that story does not exist like in the real world.
Speaker 1: You hear about these things on the internet and on
Speaker 1: social media because they are exceptions, because they are extraordinary,
Speaker 1: but they're not ordinary, and it's okay to be ordinary.
Speaker 1: It's very okay to be ordinary. Absolutely. The fourth one
Speaker 1: on this list is you think I'll never pay off
Speaker 1: my school loans. So this was me all the way.
Speaker 1: Mainly the reason why is is because I didn't think
Speaker 1: I made enough and so I would save. If I
Speaker 1: made a little extra, I would say that it because
Speaker 1: I had the scarcity mindset that I need this money,
Speaker 1: like something's going to happen to me and I need
Speaker 1: to have this money. And obviously it's smart to have
Speaker 1: an emergency fund, but I was making enough to start
Speaker 1: repaying my debt. Again, it was so big I didn't
Speaker 1: think I could do it, so I wouldn't even make
Speaker 1: small steps. And we talked about this a lot last episode,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't until we were paying it off. It
Speaker 1: wasn't until we were like five months in that I thought,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't pay this off. Like I
Speaker 1: didn't think we could do it when we started, and
Speaker 1: we just kept going. I just kept myself distracted. I
Speaker 1: didn't let myself think about the magnitude of it. I
Speaker 1: just kept myself distracted with making money. And that was
Speaker 1: really my method. That was honestly what I did. And
Speaker 1: by the time I looked up after I got over
Speaker 1: my shingles, we were on this path to significantly decreasing
Speaker 1: the amount of time it was going to take to
Speaker 1: pay off our debt. Yeah. The other one that stands
Speaker 1: out to me on this list is the number seven
Speaker 1: where we might think I can only make so much
Speaker 1: money in my chosen field. Bomp bom bom. This has
Speaker 1: been me and I can find myself in that trap
Speaker 1: occasionally as well, and ultimately what this does is limits
Speaker 1: us to Okay, so if I'm not going to make
Speaker 1: much money in this field, then I'm just going to
Speaker 1: resign myself to not even hardly setting any goals, and
Speaker 1: the reality is a lot of times we'll base this
Speaker 1: off of maybe what we perceive to be the top
Speaker 1: earners in our field and think, well that's the cap.
Speaker 1: If anything, I'll make what they make, and it's still
Speaker 1: not a ton of money, and so okay, this is
Speaker 1: just my life, and we resign ourselves to this certain
Speaker 1: kind of lifestyle, versus if we were able to shift
Speaker 1: our mindset and our expectations to be able to discover
Speaker 1: new opportunities. This article even prompts us to consider what's
Speaker 1: the biggest problem facing the industry or the field that
Speaker 1: you're in, and if you are able to be a
Speaker 1: part of that solution, my goodness, yes you will be
Speaker 1: rewarded nicely. Maybe not all of us are going to
Speaker 1: be that level of entrepreneur, but it is worth breaking
Speaker 1: out of these types of mindsets to say I don't
Speaker 1: have to limit myself there of well, maybe I'll only
Speaker 1: make as much as whoever I perceive to be making
Speaker 1: the most in this field. It it can be a fallacy.
Speaker 1: I can only make so much in my chosen field.
Speaker 1: I definitely, as a social worker working in my field,
Speaker 1: make far more. Right now, then I thought I could,
Speaker 1: and I'm doing things I thought I wouldn't be able
Speaker 1: to do. I get to travel internationally as a social worker.
Speaker 1: I never thought that that was a possibility working in
Speaker 1: the field. Maybe if you exited the field and you
Speaker 1: did something and goal, you could travel internationally for But
Speaker 1: I get to do that, and it has taken a
Speaker 1: degree of creativity to make that possible. But I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that I didn't limit myself to what it means
Speaker 1: to work within the field of social work and help others.
Speaker 1: That there is not only life experiences that I'm gaining.
Speaker 1: But yes, I'm making more money than what I thought
Speaker 1: possible and not compromising what I have worked for. Regarding education,
Speaker 1: I get to apply my education to my work and
Speaker 1: it's way different than what I thought it could have
Speaker 1: been in my early twenties. And I'm grateful for that.
Speaker 1: And I share that just to say we don't have
Speaker 1: to limit ourselves just based off of like a small
Speaker 1: understanding of what we think our roles are or could be. Yes,
Speaker 1: let's all take a breath together, a collective breath. You're
Speaker 1: listening to this in your car, and sit and repeat
Speaker 1: after me. Money is easy to come by. Money is
Speaker 1: easy to make. That feels really hard for me to
Speaker 1: like fill of that, right. Yeah, but here's the thing,
Speaker 1: you know, it's difficult to make time. Time is difficult
Speaker 1: to make. Time is impossible to make. And when you
Speaker 1: compare it to time, money is easy to make. It
Speaker 1: is easy. And it took me a really long time.
Speaker 1: And I say that, and I'm still on the journey
Speaker 1: to actually believing that. And one of the big things
Speaker 1: that has helped me kind of believe that money is
Speaker 1: easy to make is listening to the stories of other
Speaker 1: people in my industry that are actually uber successful, so
Speaker 1: like outrageously extraordinarily successful. I don't ever want to be there,
Speaker 1: nor do I believe I can be there, so I'm
Speaker 1: like still limiting my belief. But I listened to them,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, they are there, so
Speaker 1: I can at least be here, which is a far
Speaker 1: cry from where I thought I could be. And every
Speaker 1: year when I get better, I get further and I
Speaker 1: get closer to those people who I think are extraordinary.
Speaker 1: So I highly recommend listening to podcasts and trying to
Speaker 1: find people in your field or in the field you
Speaker 1: want to be that are doing extraordinary things, and that's
Speaker 1: going to help you believe that you can do it too. Yeah. Mmmm,
Speaker 1: that feels like a hard word. It's one to think about. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I believe that there are limitations, for sure. I'm not
Speaker 1: discounting the fact of some people are limited and their disadvantaged.
Speaker 1: But if you say that, you can take yourself just
Speaker 1: a step further, Like you don't have to even believe
Speaker 1: that you can make as much as Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg,
Speaker 1: all the marks. You don't have to believe you're going
Speaker 1: to be Mark, but you can believe that you can
Speaker 1: be better than what you believed you could be. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think ultimately as which where do you want to
Speaker 1: land in what you're saying to yourself? Do we want
Speaker 1: to land in these places that are holding us back
Speaker 1: to say I'm never going to make more money, this
Speaker 1: is always going to be my life. I can't ever
Speaker 1: do anything better. Like do we want to choose to
Speaker 1: stay there with what we tell ourselves as our narrative
Speaker 1: to ourselves? Or is it more advantageous to say, Hey,
Speaker 1: I have a skill set, I have something to offer.
Speaker 1: My time is valuable. The work that I do for
Speaker 1: others is valuable and there is potential for me to
Speaker 1: earn more, to gain more knowledge, to be better next
Speaker 1: year than I was this year, not just financially but
Speaker 1: as a person and in my character. I think that
Speaker 1: growth mindset is always going to be more helpful, more beneficial,
Speaker 1: advantageous to us than than a stagnant mindset, one that
Speaker 1: might want to keep us stuck. Yeah, we only have
Speaker 1: the perspective in which our surroundings typically allow us. And
Speaker 1: so to have a growth mindset, you just need to
Speaker 1: step back a little bit and look at where you're at,
Speaker 1: look at where other people are at, and have that
Speaker 1: create your own outsider perspective. I mean, if you think
Speaker 1: about it, like you to get paid, you just have
Speaker 1: to show up at a place or on your computer
Speaker 1: and like log into something or something that's not super difficult. So,
Speaker 1: like money is easy to come by theoretic, we're not
Speaker 1: saying like millions of dollars it's easy to come by.
Speaker 1: But getting a job and making a wage, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very possible, especially with the help of a community,
Speaker 1: a supportive community. Absolutely. It's interesting because the pendulum can
Speaker 1: swing on the other side. And I want to point
Speaker 1: out number ten on this list is mindset of money.
Speaker 1: Isn't that important in that we could either put so
Speaker 1: much weight on money and forget all these other aspects
Speaker 1: of our lives and our personhood, or we could swing
Speaker 1: the other way and just be like, well, who needs money,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's only a tool or a resource,
Speaker 1: which it is, or money can corrupt people, or money
Speaker 1: is often very bad, So I would rather just avoid
Speaker 1: it and take on maybe a poverty mindset. And I
Speaker 1: think again, this is where that radical middle that you've
Speaker 1: heard us talk about in this podcast is so helpful
Speaker 1: that we could go to either direction either play same way,
Speaker 1: too much weight on money or not enough weight on it,
Speaker 1: and to recognize we do need it as a tool
Speaker 1: and as a resource. It is something that can help
Speaker 1: us become more healthy. It is something that can create freedom,
Speaker 1: It is something that can assist others in their journey
Speaker 1: within life. It is something that we can be generous with.
Speaker 1: So it's not necessarily avoid money. It's corrupt, But maybe
Speaker 1: how do I want to use the tool of money
Speaker 1: as a force of good in the world. Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1: Number six also resonated with me. I'll never make as
Speaker 1: much money as so and so so it says, comparison
Speaker 1: is the death of joy I guess Mark Twain said
Speaker 1: that another mark, all these marks, we should have a
Speaker 1: mark of the week, Oh don't ruin it for Bill.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I in my business I have frequently said that,
Speaker 1: And so I mentioned. Something that helped me was listening
Speaker 1: to people that are making like outrageous amounts of money
Speaker 1: in my field. And so at first my mindset was
Speaker 1: I will never be like that. I don't have that
Speaker 1: business mind. I don't know how to do that. I
Speaker 1: don't even want to do that. That seems like a
Speaker 1: lot of work, YadA, YadA. And so it has gradually
Speaker 1: over time shifted to, hey, I have spent a few
Speaker 1: years in this into street, and if they can do it,
Speaker 1: why can't I do half of that or a quarter
Speaker 1: of that or whatever? And why can't I be a
Speaker 1: little bit better than what I thought I could? Like
Speaker 1: these mindset shift things, it's all a journey. You have
Speaker 1: to get more experience to realize that you are capable
Speaker 1: of more. But yeah, that was definitely one that I
Speaker 1: had for sure and still do at times. Or the
Speaker 1: last one on this list, number twelve is I've made
Speaker 1: too many money mistakes to ever recover. Oh, this is
Speaker 1: a devastating one and does speak to a great deal
Speaker 1: of some hardship and probably some downcasteness in the financial landscape.
Speaker 1: If this is a mindset that's being adopted. But the
Speaker 1: reality is is no, if you're still living and breathing,
Speaker 1: taking in oxygen, then you're not too far deep to
Speaker 1: recover from your money mistakes. Yes, we can always do
Speaker 1: a little bit better the next day and the next
Speaker 1: day and the next day. I think this is a
Speaker 1: place of hopelessness, and that is devastating to feel like
Speaker 1: there is no hope, but to recognize this is a
Speaker 1: mindset that's happening that can be shifted. This is a
Speaker 1: story that we are telling ourselves that we can choose
Speaker 1: to not tell ourselves that. No, I don't think it's
Speaker 1: true that any one of us can reach a place
Speaker 1: of too many money mistakes, I'll never recover. Yes, that
Speaker 1: perpetuates that cycle. That's what that mindset does. And I
Speaker 1: think of so many other things in life too that
Speaker 1: maybe in relationships or in jobs that you want to
Speaker 1: go for. I can think of so many other times
Speaker 1: where I've seen people think that that I've fallen too
Speaker 1: many times it's not worth getting back up. And I
Speaker 1: think if you've seen any movies, it's that loud time
Speaker 1: that you get back up. That's the time they make
Speaker 1: a movie about it. It's like they don't make movies
Speaker 1: about somebody who fell down eighteen times and then never
Speaker 1: got back up, Like they make movies about people who
Speaker 1: fell eighteen times and got up the nineteenth and succeeded.
Speaker 1: So all that to say they may not make a
Speaker 1: movie about you. Just press on until it finally happens. Yeah,
Speaker 1: keep doing it. And so the last one on this
Speaker 1: list that I wanted to mention was number eleven, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to change it slightly. So on here it
Speaker 1: says you think I'm not checking my credit card balance
Speaker 1: because I don't want to know, So I switched that too.
Speaker 1: I'm not checking my budget because I don't want to
Speaker 1: know I am a horrible budget or naturally, my business
Speaker 1: is called modern frugality because I prefer to just not
Speaker 1: spend money versus budgeting to spend it. I don't love
Speaker 1: tracking everything and planning to that detail. So there are
Speaker 1: definitely times where I would make a budget and still
Speaker 1: even now make a budget, and then I'll make one
Speaker 1: purchase that I didn't plan on, and then I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm just not going to check the budget. I'm just
Speaker 1: not going to spend anything, or I just keep spending
Speaker 1: more often now it's like I'm just not going to
Speaker 1: spend anything else because I don't want to look at
Speaker 1: my budget. It's a weird phenomenon that, like how I
Speaker 1: don't want to look at it as if that's going
Speaker 1: to make it not true or as if that's going
Speaker 1: to help and making anything better. But we do this.
Speaker 1: I can't quite explain why, but we do. It's weird.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's still like all of these things
Speaker 1: are ebb and flow in my head. Some days I
Speaker 1: do good, other days I fall back into it. And
Speaker 1: it's because they have been ingrained in me since childhood.
Speaker 1: So it's hard to change how I look about money.
Speaker 1: And I've already changed so much. I have come so
Speaker 1: far in the past five years, and I have to
Speaker 1: give myself some grace. And you should give yourself some
Speaker 1: grace to like you're already making like changes that are
Speaker 1: leaps and bounds from what you were, So when you
Speaker 1: can't be perfect, have grace for yourself. I like what
Speaker 1: you're pointing out gen about the hand our sponsor thank
Speaker 1: you childhood, the way that some of these thinking patterns
Speaker 1: are so ingrained in us and sometimes we don't even
Speaker 1: realize it or even realize that it's a mindset that
Speaker 1: needs shifting, our mindset that is holding us back from
Speaker 1: any given goal. But this is where so much of
Speaker 1: our behaviors start, is in our minds and in our
Speaker 1: thought processes. And if we can rain that in, we
Speaker 1: do have the potential of changing our behaviors, which can
Speaker 1: relate to actually meeting financial goals. I want to also
Speaker 1: just to bring this a bit to the mental health level,
Speaker 1: of the clinical level. While we're talking about here with
Speaker 1: these mindsets, are cognitive distortions, Like that's the clinical term
Speaker 1: for what we're describing, and we all have them. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of them. I want to just give a
Speaker 1: brief rundown of some really common cognitive distortions. We've talked
Speaker 1: about them, Like what we've just described in this article
Speaker 1: is examples of some cognitive distortions, but the actual language
Speaker 1: for it, just so that you can be more prepared
Speaker 1: and have some tools in your tool belt to identify
Speaker 1: what it is that's happening. For you inside your mind.
Speaker 1: So one of a cognitive distortion is filtering, where we
Speaker 1: might magnify negative details and derail or completely ignore all
Speaker 1: the positive things that are happening in our lives. We
Speaker 1: kind of filter it in the sway. That's something that
Speaker 1: we can do related to our finances. Another cognitive distortion
Speaker 1: is polarized thinking, or what we might describe as black
Speaker 1: and white. It's it's either this or it's that, it's
Speaker 1: all or it's nothing, kind of like what we were
Speaker 1: talking about before, like either I can save a bunch
Speaker 1: of money or I can at also might as well
Speaker 1: not do it. That's a cognitive distortion. You may have
Speaker 1: seen this cognitive distortion in October at Oh gosh, yes,
Speaker 1: we all fall victim to some of these, maybe all
Speaker 1: of these, any given moment. Another one is over generalization,
Speaker 1: to reach a conclusion based on a single incident or
Speaker 1: one piece of evidence and just completely over generalize. Another
Speaker 1: is to quickly jump to conclusions based on a few facts.
Speaker 1: Another cognitive distortion is to catastrophize any given circumstance, of
Speaker 1: imagining that this is just a massive tragedy that is happening,
Speaker 1: when really it might not be as major as we're
Speaker 1: making it out to be fallacy of fairness, blaming should
Speaker 1: or labeling so many right, and so if you're more
Speaker 1: interested in this, certainly it's something that you can look
Speaker 1: up all link an article in our show notes to
Speaker 1: just laying out a good deal of common cognitive distortions.
Speaker 1: And this is something that a therapist, a counselor could
Speaker 1: help you to identify in your life, whether it's related
Speaker 1: to finances or not. But cognitive distortions can be found
Speaker 1: in our financial lives and we've just given a bunch
Speaker 1: of examples of them. And the goal is not to
Speaker 1: remain in these cognitive distortions, to identify them and move
Speaker 1: out of them so that your life can be aimed
Speaker 1: at well being and financial freedom and getting at the
Speaker 1: goals that you want to get at. It oftentimes starts
Speaker 1: in our mind and if we're able to recognize where
Speaker 1: these things are happening, change some of our mindsets, change
Speaker 1: our perspectives, change the narrative that's happening, we will do
Speaker 1: much better in our actual behaviors. Good word. Well, that's it, folks.
Speaker 1: That's all for today. Hashtag childhood. Yes, but we can
Speaker 1: go over this other article, it may be helpful. It's
Speaker 1: from Psychology Today, and it's four steps to release limiting
Speaker 1: beliefs learned from childhood or some of these cognitive distortions
Speaker 1: that you may have from childhood. So I really liked short,
Speaker 1: succinct processes, and I love that this one's four steps
Speaker 1: strategic and can help you, like leaps and bounds, become
Speaker 1: better financially. Yeah, what this is is it's laying out
Speaker 1: a therapeutic technique and intervention that can be done on
Speaker 1: your own. If you're recognizing that you're having a lot
Speaker 1: of difficulty doing this on your own, then maybe getting
Speaker 1: a buddy to help you, or seeing a counselor or
Speaker 1: a therapist. They can absolutely help you through this process.
Speaker 1: And it's related to what we've talked about in the
Speaker 1: past of thoughts influence our feelings, influence our behaviors. It
Speaker 1: goes in that cycle, and so if we can catch
Speaker 1: it at the thought level, we can then help to
Speaker 1: influence our own feelings and our behaviors out of that.
Speaker 1: And yes, this is absolutely a principle that we can
Speaker 1: apply to our financial lives. So step one is to
Speaker 1: write it down. What is This article chooses the term
Speaker 1: limiting belief. We could say cognitive distortion, we could say
Speaker 1: internal narrative. Pick your wording and verbiage doesn't matter her,
Speaker 1: it's all the same concept. What is it? What is
Speaker 1: the phrase that's going through your mind that is keeping
Speaker 1: you from being able to get at some of these
Speaker 1: goals that you have for yourself, or what's holding you back? Again,
Speaker 1: we gave a lot of examples in that first article
Speaker 1: of I'll never make enough money. Money is bad? You
Speaker 1: name it. What is it that you're telling yourself about
Speaker 1: money and write it down? Yes, And step two is
Speaker 1: to acknowledge that these are beliefs, not truths. They say
Speaker 1: this is the hardest step, and even like a common
Speaker 1: quote is, people will rest on but my limitations are real.
Speaker 1: So here's the place where choice comes in. Which are
Speaker 1: you more interested in defending your limitations to the death
Speaker 1: or achieving your goals and desires. There's a quote from
Speaker 1: an author and here she says, when we argue for
Speaker 1: our limitations, we get to keep them. So you choose. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I read another article that had a similar for step process,
Speaker 1: and on this one it said it kind of like
Speaker 1: give in to your beliefs or acknowledge your beliefs and
Speaker 1: be like, if you say you're not good enough, then say, okay,
Speaker 1: I believe I'm not good enough and speak that out,
Speaker 1: but define that it is a belief and not the
Speaker 1: truth and acknowledge that. So but I like this one
Speaker 1: a lot. When we argue for our limitations, we get
Speaker 1: to to them. Yeah, and where do you want to
Speaker 1: spend the majority of your time, energy and attention on
Speaker 1: proving that you'll never do better or shifting the mindset
Speaker 1: and see if something else is possible for you? I
Speaker 1: like step three. I like the way that they word it.
Speaker 1: It says, try on a different belief. I love this
Speaker 1: word picture of trying it on. I think it helps
Speaker 1: with step to the initial cringe factor of step two,
Speaker 1: where every part of us wants to be like, no,
Speaker 1: this is real, and I don't want to let go
Speaker 1: of this because in some weird way it feels protective.
Speaker 1: But to say, try it on, because you can always
Speaker 1: take it off. See what it looks like, get into
Speaker 1: the fitting room if it's open, if it's not COVID,
Speaker 1: it's hants, and you try them on, one leg at
Speaker 1: a time. Yes, exactly. I just love this idea that
Speaker 1: that you could try it, Just try it? What's it
Speaker 1: makes it so much less scary, so much more freedom
Speaker 1: and choice in that process. And so what it's saying is,
Speaker 1: let's figure out what we might be able to replace
Speaker 1: this with. Rather than saying I'll never be able to
Speaker 1: make as much money as so and so, what if
Speaker 1: we said I might be able to make x amount
Speaker 1: of money. What if we took away the comparison with
Speaker 1: even another person and just said I think that I'd
Speaker 1: be able to increase my salary by fifteen percent next year, Right, Like,
Speaker 1: if we just try on a different attitude or narrative
Speaker 1: for ourselves, or repeated a certain goal, try it on,
Speaker 1: see what happens in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as
Speaker 1: a result of that. You don't even have to give
Speaker 1: it a number or value if you don't want to,
Speaker 1: just being like, I will increase my income every year
Speaker 1: and whatever that is. If you do it, you've succeeded.
Speaker 1: You know. They give an example of my financial difficulties
Speaker 1: in the past have taught me so much that I'm
Speaker 1: fully prepared to handle them now. Who that feels powerful. Yes,
Speaker 1: And it's such a different approach from I'm too far
Speaker 1: gone to ever come back from the financial decisions I've made. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my starting line is so far behind everyone else's that
Speaker 1: it doesn't even make sense, Like I'll never get to
Speaker 1: where they are. It doesn't make sense to try. Now
Speaker 1: that I've been in an unhealthy relationship, I've learned what
Speaker 1: to look for and a happy, loving partner. M Yeah,
Speaker 1: powerful stuff. Yeah, I love it. So try on your
Speaker 1: different belief. And then step four is take different action.
Speaker 1: So this is really scary, but you have to act
Speaker 1: as if your new belief is true. In other words,
Speaker 1: you really are the kind of woman menadoor, or if
Speaker 1: you really were, how would you act at parties? Or
Speaker 1: money really is easy to come by, so how would
Speaker 1: you act when you're looking for side hustles? Try acting
Speaker 1: out what you would do if your new belief was
Speaker 1: actually true. So you don't even have to believe it's
Speaker 1: true yet. And part of this starts to come naturally
Speaker 1: as we train our thoughts, as we stop ourselves. Once
Speaker 1: we have named and identified what the limiting belief is
Speaker 1: or the cognitive distortion is, we are better equipped to
Speaker 1: be able to identify it when it happens, and then
Speaker 1: to train ourselves when that go us through our mind
Speaker 1: to replace it with a different narrative, the one that
Speaker 1: you're trying on. And as you continue to do that,
Speaker 1: it will just start to shift your actions. There will
Speaker 1: come a point where you don't have to actively focus
Speaker 1: on changing your behavior if you're able to catch it
Speaker 1: at the thought level, kind of like fake it till
Speaker 1: you make it, but not as yucky as that sounds,
Speaker 1: because you're not faking anything. You're just trying something new.
Speaker 1: And you're getting bigger pants, like if you're a kid,
Speaker 1: not if you're like a full grown woman. But you're
Speaker 1: getting bigger pants that you want to fit into, and
Speaker 1: you're wearing them with a belt at first until you're
Speaker 1: old enough to really fit into them. But you're getting
Speaker 1: the bigger pants because you're a child and not a
Speaker 1: full grown woman. I'm sorry, but on those big pantst
Speaker 1: you don't need a belt anymore. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: do it with small pants like you're trying to lose weight,
Speaker 1: because that's a negative body image that I don't want
Speaker 1: to perpetuate. You're my favorite counselor, Jen, You're my favorite
Speaker 1: council and these are coming at you for free, like
Speaker 1: sessions by Jill coming at you for free. So I
Speaker 1: hope that gave you kind of a strategy that you
Speaker 1: can go home tonight, sit down, write down some limiting
Speaker 1: beliefs and acknowledge them, figure out what to replace them with.
Speaker 1: Because just like a habit, like if you want to
Speaker 1: build a new positive habit or break a bad habit,
Speaker 1: you need both. They're not mutually exclusive. So in order
Speaker 1: to break one, you need to replace it with a
Speaker 1: positive one. So just like this, if you want to
Speaker 1: build a positive mindset, you need to replace a negative one.
Speaker 1: So do that and fake it till you make it.
Speaker 1: Put on your big girl pants until you grow into them,
Speaker 1: and where until you grow into I don't know why
Speaker 1: my voice changed there. I don't know who I am. Oh,
Speaker 1: you know what, you can save us from the big pants?
Speaker 1: The billow. That's right, it's time for the best minute
Speaker 1: of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and
Speaker 1: his name is William. Maybe you paid off your mortgage,
Speaker 1: Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have
Speaker 1: to pay that bill anymore. That's bill Buffalo Bills, Bill Clinton,
Speaker 1: this is the bill of the week. Hi, Jen and Jill.
Speaker 1: My name is Allison, and my Bill of the week
Speaker 1: is not a specific bill, but a group of of
Speaker 1: bills that I call non routine expenses. These are bills
Speaker 1: that I pay once or a few times per year,
Speaker 1: such as oil changes, annual subscriptions like Amazon haircuts, ten
Speaker 1: class passes for yoga, vet appointments for my cat, etcetera.
Speaker 1: I would make what I thought were these amazing comprehensive
Speaker 1: budgets and excel and then feel like I could never
Speaker 1: stick to them because I would end up over spending
Speaker 1: in so many categories. So a couple of years ago
Speaker 1: I made of spreadsheet outlining and categorizing these non routine
Speaker 1: expenses that occur over the year, and it totaled over
Speaker 1: four thousand dollars of my annual spending that I was
Speaker 1: not accounting for properly in my budget. I now have
Speaker 1: a few categories through my non routine expenses that I've
Speaker 1: figured out the annual total for and divided by twelve.
Speaker 1: I saved those monthly amounts each month, so when one
Speaker 1: of the bills comes to I already have that money allocated.
Speaker 1: I have a lot more control over my budget now,
Speaker 1: and it isn't as stressful when these bills come due. Allison,
Speaker 1: so smart. Yes, that's it, that's how you do it.
Speaker 1: That is how you do it. I like the way
Speaker 1: that you've gone about this. I think sometimes people can
Speaker 1: just say, here's a target amount of money to say
Speaker 1: for emergencies quote unquote, But what you're describing isn't an emergency.
Speaker 1: We wouldn't want to go into an emergency fund for that.
Speaker 1: It's the non routine expense, but still just an expense
Speaker 1: to plan for. And just the methodical way that you've
Speaker 1: looked at your budget, looked at what that spending has been,
Speaker 1: and then accounted for that throughout the year. I love it.
Speaker 1: What a great tip. Yes, I have a budget in course,
Speaker 1: and that's exactly what I teach in it because it
Speaker 1: does save you so much like mental anguish from thinking
Speaker 1: that you are busting your budget every month. But really
Speaker 1: it's because you need this extra fund between a miscellaneous
Speaker 1: fund and an emergency fund for all of these. So
Speaker 1: way to go figuring that out, Allison. And if you
Speaker 1: figured out something fun it's bill related, please please send
Speaker 1: it to us for Girlfriends Podcast dot com slash bill
Speaker 1: and leave us yo bail. And now it's time for
Speaker 1: lining round the Lightning Round gotta get the last word
Speaker 1: in I do. Today we're talking about our limiting beliefs
Speaker 1: and how we overcame slash are working on them. I
Speaker 1: like what you wrote here, Jill in the outline, very comprehensive,
Speaker 1: short and sweet. Oh man. My limiting belief is I'm poor.
Speaker 1: That's it. I just have held onto, tight fisted lee
Speaker 1: this idea that I'm poor for a long time, or
Speaker 1: to be replaced with maybe I don't have money, maybe
Speaker 1: that would be like another version of that. And part
Speaker 1: of that was based in aspects of my childhood experience,
Speaker 1: where we didn't have money at various points growing up,
Speaker 1: and I was accustomed to that. It's part of what
Speaker 1: has fed a frugal mentality for me is I'm I'm
Speaker 1: used to not having money in my early years of marriage,
Speaker 1: I mean college. Yeah, I didn't have money in college,
Speaker 1: got married, didn't have much money, and I just kind
Speaker 1: of continued to hold on to that belief and almost
Speaker 1: allowed it to define who I was. I really did,
Speaker 1: And this is even hard to admit and say. I
Speaker 1: think there were aspects of pride that I took in
Speaker 1: how little money I had and was still living and
Speaker 1: almost used it as this thing to like talk about
Speaker 1: and prove myself in a weird way of how little
Speaker 1: money I had and how much more money other people
Speaker 1: had than me, and how savvy and resourceful I had
Speaker 1: to be because I was so quote unquote poor. And
Speaker 1: I don't have like a timing on the exact pivot
Speaker 1: point of this, but I do remember at some point
Speaker 1: just feeling quite convicted in myself for holding onto this
Speaker 1: idea of I'm poor, you know what. I think it
Speaker 1: was in college, in studying social work and in realizing
Speaker 1: what poverty actually meant. And while my finances showed me
Speaker 1: that I was below the poverty line, in life and
Speaker 1: relationships and support network, I was not poor. I was
Speaker 1: actually quite wealthy, and even recognizing the privilege that I
Speaker 1: had that, Okay, even though I'm below the poverty line,
Speaker 1: and maybe there are days when I'm like, what's for dinner?
Speaker 1: What are we gonna do? I knew that I would
Speaker 1: never find myself in a position where I am literally
Speaker 1: sleeping on the streets, because we were in positions of
Speaker 1: having family and friends who love us, who would always
Speaker 1: take us in, and to me, being poor would be
Speaker 1: not having that right like that to me is truly
Speaker 1: finding yourself in a poverty situation where you don't have
Speaker 1: access to those resources. And I felt convicted, like I
Speaker 1: can't claim this, this is not mine to say that
Speaker 1: I am struggling with this aspect of life, Like I
Speaker 1: need to stop saying this because it's not true. Maybe
Speaker 1: I don't make a lot of money, but I'm not poor.
Speaker 1: I'm wealthy in many many ways, and and me claiming
Speaker 1: this is also leading to discontentment and in some ways
Speaker 1: some entitlement in different aspects of my life. So I
Speaker 1: just really felt as though I need to stop saying this.
Speaker 1: Even if I don't make a lot of money, I
Speaker 1: cannot keep claiming that I'm poor I don't have money,
Speaker 1: and so I did. I stopped saying it, just because
Speaker 1: I felt like so bad about saying it, like the
Speaker 1: realities that other people are living in. And I don't
Speaker 1: know if I can fully place it on this or not.
Speaker 1: But throughout life, I have started to make more money
Speaker 1: and now I genuinely cannot say I don't even make
Speaker 1: below the poverty line. I make well above the poverty
Speaker 1: line now, just financially speaking. And I would say my
Speaker 1: mindset and perspective has to be a part of that,
Speaker 1: not allowing myself to say, all right, I'm a social worker.
Speaker 1: I'm just forever and always going to make below the
Speaker 1: poverty line, but to say, no, it's possible to make
Speaker 1: enough to live off of as a social worker. I
Speaker 1: don't have to become some business tycoon to make a
Speaker 1: lot of money. I can make a livable wage. I
Speaker 1: started saying that, and I think there was some other
Speaker 1: social workers who kind of challenged me in that, like,
Speaker 1: don't keep saying like, oh, we make nothing social workers,
Speaker 1: we make nothing. No, you make something. You do make something,
Speaker 1: and you agree to what you make, and you can
Speaker 1: make it livable. So start saying that, and I did,
Speaker 1: and it is becoming more and more livable for me.
Speaker 1: I love that, Yes, And that's so healthy to realize,
Speaker 1: like poverty is not just the amount of money that
Speaker 1: you have. There are a lot of other things that
Speaker 1: go with it. And I love that. I feel I
Speaker 1: feel similarly about when I see those memes that are
Speaker 1: like seven thousand dollars in my savings account, two dollars
Speaker 1: in my checking account. Me, um broke. You're not broke.
Speaker 1: You're making a cognizant decision to not spend elsewhere you're
Speaker 1: not broke. That's a bad mindset to have, so mine
Speaker 1: is similar. It's a scarcity mindset, which I feel like
Speaker 1: would be in parallel even when I was in debt,
Speaker 1: like I think I had seven thousand dollars in saving
Speaker 1: and probably two d and checking, and I said that,
Speaker 1: I said, I'm broke. I can't afford specifically too broke
Speaker 1: to pay off debt, like I could still afford my
Speaker 1: Starbucks and all those little things. Because when I was
Speaker 1: growing up, we could never afford family vacations or home
Speaker 1: upgrades or cars or anything big. If it was big,
Speaker 1: we couldn't afford it. But if it was little like
Speaker 1: candles and so been planners and all this stuff toys,
Speaker 1: we could afford it. So that has been something that
Speaker 1: has stuck with me. So now that I own my
Speaker 1: own business, I feel the same way, like I can
Speaker 1: afford small things, but I can't afford big things that
Speaker 1: would make the business run more efficiently or would grow
Speaker 1: the business. And it's untrue. It's wildly untrue, because I
Speaker 1: see the bank account and the money is there, but
Speaker 1: I can't part with it. So it's the same mindset
Speaker 1: I had six seven years ago, it rears it's head
Speaker 1: in a different form. So all that to say, like
Speaker 1: the money mindsets that you struggle with, even if you
Speaker 1: get over one aspect of it, it can come back
Speaker 1: in different ways. And that's how it comes back for me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's why this is a journey of frugality and
Speaker 1: learning ourselves and one another in this process. And it's okay,
Speaker 1: like we're never going to fully arrive anywhere. Then, yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll hit some of these difficulties in different ways at
Speaker 1: different points than this. But I think recognizing as you're saying,
Speaker 1: this is what it is up here, it is. It
Speaker 1: took on a little bit of a different shade, but
Speaker 1: it's the same thing. And you know what, Jen, You've
Speaker 1: conquered it before and you can conquer it again. I
Speaker 1: believe that. And then I come to this thing trying
Speaker 1: to not just spend money for the sake of it,
Speaker 1: to overcome this mindset, and then I have the okay,
Speaker 1: so what is the most efficient way that that stretches
Speaker 1: me to learn more? And that's healthy too. I can't
Speaker 1: say it in warning that this was going to be
Speaker 1: a we have vulnerable episode. Yeah, that lightning round, I
Speaker 1: will say I've stuck with it. I have continued to
Speaker 1: not say I am poor, because again it's it's like
Speaker 1: increasingly increasingly not true anymore. So I'm glad for that. Well,
Speaker 1: you won't even say the word cheap. That word's not
Speaker 1: in your vocabulary, not even sometimes when I accidentally say it,
Speaker 1: you correct me, right exactly. Yeah, so you're really taking
Speaker 1: those limiting words out of your vocabulary. I commend you.
Speaker 1: I think once you make a step in one area,
Speaker 1: you identify a pretty big pitfall in mindset, it makes
Speaker 1: it easier to then identify others and make quick pivots
Speaker 1: and changes. So I think, ongoing doing this podcast talking
Speaker 1: about these concepts, being aware of my own mindsets, it
Speaker 1: has helped me make little shifts along the way. Recognize
Speaker 1: lifestyle creep in the moment, make a shift, recognize some
Speaker 1: of the limiting beliefs, make a shift, Recognize where I've
Speaker 1: got freedom to make different decisions with career path or goals,
Speaker 1: and make a shift. There's just I I increasingly increasingly
Speaker 1: experience more and more freedom and permission that I've identified
Speaker 1: even since the airing of that episode originally Yeah, same, yeah,
Speaker 1: So I've definitely grown in my growth mindset and still
Speaker 1: have to fight the demons that say my worth is
Speaker 1: tied to my income. But I have definitely taken a
Speaker 1: one eight on how much I am pursuing work like
Speaker 1: I would. My goal is just to have is to
Speaker 1: do enough work to only do what I love in
Speaker 1: the capacity, like in the capacity that it makes me money.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not doing things I love for free, but
Speaker 1: I'm not doing things I don't love for money. So
Speaker 1: that is the shift that I've made instead of doing
Speaker 1: everything for money and just to say I have a
Speaker 1: six figure income, I I do not do that anymore.
Speaker 1: Do not have a six figure income, and it's totally okay,
Speaker 1: totally okay for me. So that's been a real big
Speaker 1: shift that I've that I have made. I love that
Speaker 1: and I do and I see freedom for you in
Speaker 1: that that it's not just this arbitrary thing just to
Speaker 1: say I have it. And as a result, I think
Speaker 1: there is greater relaxation and contentment, freedom to do the
Speaker 1: things that you want to do. Beautiful. Yeah, So thank
Speaker 1: so much for listening or relistening. This is definitely one
Speaker 1: that deserves a re listen. Um, many of you know
Speaker 1: that we have a private Challenge community where we do
Speaker 1: monthly money challenges. One of the recent ones we did
Speaker 1: was on growth mindset and it was a really really
Speaker 1: good one, had a lot of deep like winds and
Speaker 1: transformations on that one. Another recent one we did was
Speaker 1: a declutter challenge, and we want to congratulate one of
Speaker 1: our members for a big one. Katie. The title of
Speaker 1: says sixty eight pounds gone, and then it's just a
Speaker 1: big picture, a few big pictures of just piles of
Speaker 1: clothing in the bag, and then she says sixty eight
Speaker 1: point eight pounds of clothes going to the donation bin.
Speaker 1: Uh so, way to go, Katie. Katie. I love this.
Speaker 1: I love that you weighed waited it and I kind
Speaker 1: of want to know what that process was, like how
Speaker 1: do you weigh all of these clothes? But I also
Speaker 1: love you just put it on a gale. It's a
Speaker 1: fun twist because you hear that title and it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: what sixty lost sixty eight pounds, sixty eight pounds out
Speaker 1: of my house and that feels amazing too, So well done, congratulations.
Speaker 1: I know, I think I commented. I was like, that's wait,
Speaker 1: that'll stay off. So are you funny? Though? Thank you
Speaker 1: and thank you for listening. If you want to check
Speaker 1: out our monthly challenge community. I had to Frugal Friends
Speaker 1: podcast dot com slash club to see what challenge we
Speaker 1: have coming up next. See you next time. Frugal Friends
Speaker 1: is produced by Eric Sirian. Do you have a scale
Speaker 1: in your house? Yeah? Mhm? Is that it? I don't
Speaker 1: want to. I'm just thinking about like weighing clothing and okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: so you can put it on a scale, but even still,
Speaker 1: like you had to have that thought, like I wonder
Speaker 1: how much all of this ways, and then you've got
Speaker 1: to get some sort of bin that you can put
Speaker 1: onto the scale in a way that you can still
Speaker 1: read what the scale says. I don't know, it's just
Speaker 1: I think it's a little bit more complicated than you
Speaker 1: could also just put stacks of stuff on the scale
Speaker 1: and then add the different leads together, or you hold
Speaker 1: it all in a pile, step on the scale and
Speaker 1: subtract your weight from it. I don't I'm just saying
Speaker 1: there's a few held. Yeah, I don't know. Probably that's
Speaker 1: the size of child. A large child. A large child
Speaker 1: like not a toddler, no, a child, a full grown,
Speaker 1: full child. A full childhood like that's a husband, but
Speaker 1: like a shy, like a like a you're going to
Speaker 1: get I know that was a that was a off
Speaker 1: color joke. I'm married a grown man. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't own a scale. I don't think I ever have. Well,
Speaker 1: I think it's like a normal, a normal household item.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know, I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know how much I weigh. Well, it comes
Speaker 1: back to that like diet culture thing is when you
Speaker 1: are when it's just something we've always had, both Travis
Speaker 1: and I and yeah, is it healthy? Probably not, you know,
Speaker 1: but now we have it. Get rid of the scale, Jen,
Speaker 1: There you go, there's your decluttering. But what if I
Speaker 1: need to wear your clothes? What if I need to
Speaker 1: weigh my clothes? This? I don't know. I do have
Speaker 1: one of those luggage wire things because that that's actually
Speaker 1: been useful to me knowing how much I weighed. I
Speaker 1: don't think I've ever needed to know that for for
Speaker 1: any real reasons. But the thing that has a hook
Speaker 1: and you pull your luggage up with it and you
Speaker 1: can see how much the luggage way, so that it
Speaker 1: can be under fifty pounds, for traveling. I have one
Speaker 1: of those. I don't think I think it only goes
Speaker 1: to seventy pounds though, So it's not like Eric, lift
Speaker 1: me up on this so I can find out how
Speaker 1: much I want clip this to my belt loop. Some
Speaker 1: girls are listening to this, and they're going to be
Speaker 1: mad at you for saying for not having a scale.
Speaker 1: I don't have a scale. I don't even know how
Speaker 1: much I weigh that that's empowering though? Is that that
Speaker 1: is empowering? Isn't that like what like hopefully you feel
Speaker 1: empowered to not have a scale. Yeah, until you go
Speaker 1: to the the doctor and they're like, but because it
Speaker 1: is so arbitrary, like someone could be me and be
Speaker 1: healthier than me, Like I just like a number on
Speaker 1: a scale. I don't know that I've ever like connected
Speaker 1: with that. I would rather it has been a I
Speaker 1: I don't really use it, but I did um at
Speaker 1: the gym they had like this total body Like it's
Speaker 1: not just a scale you stand on, but you also
Speaker 1: like hold onto these things so it gives you a
Speaker 1: full body breakdown of where you're like where you have
Speaker 1: more muscle, where you have more fat. I have like
Speaker 1: an adequate amount of muscle. So I was like really
Speaker 1: pleased to be Yes, I got a good, good muscle definition.
Speaker 1: I found out that one of my arms has more
Speaker 1: muscle than the other and it's dominant. No, you would
Speaker 1: think it usually is, but it's my left one because
Speaker 1: I carry Kai right for you know, three years, have
Speaker 1: carried him on and off with my left because I
Speaker 1: do things with my right hand. So I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: not doing it. I'm not going to text your right
Speaker 1: I can text, I can open a car door, I
Speaker 1: can open a house, or I can do all of
Speaker 1: these things. I can, you know, open something. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to carry him with my right side. And so
Speaker 1: I found that and that was quite interesting. I really
Speaker 1: very much preferred that scan to like this scale, because
Speaker 1: what is it going to tell you. It's not going
Speaker 1: to tell you anything about what you actually need for
Speaker 1: your body, no or how heavy my left arm is.
Speaker 1: Well I got that figured out