Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny garl. Hey, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
Speaker 1: the choices we make. And I'm back with Fiona, my daughter,
Speaker 1: for part two of our episode, answering your questions before
Speaker 1: she steps out into her next chapter of college. Okay,
Speaker 1: b underscore Dazzler seven. If you could pack one piece
Speaker 1: of advice in her suitcase, a note she'd open when
Speaker 1: she's having a hard day, what would it say, Well,
Speaker 1: I have to go back to our favorite movie The
Speaker 1: Help You Smart You is kind, is important, and then
Speaker 1: I would add you is so loved. Like there's never
Speaker 1: a minute when you're out there on your own. You're
Speaker 1: always have a support group, whether it's your high school friends,
Speaker 1: maybe some significant high school teachers that you can all
Speaker 1: want call back on, somebody in your community, your family,
Speaker 1: your friends, but just know that, like, you're not doing
Speaker 1: this alone. I always felt like I didn't go to college.
Speaker 1: I moved out of my mom my mom's house when
Speaker 1: I was like seventeen or eighteen, I can't remember exactly,
Speaker 1: but I moved out and I thought that's it. I'm done.
Speaker 1: I'm on my own. I don't need anybody. I don't
Speaker 1: need anybody's help, and I feel like if I could
Speaker 1: go back, I would be a little bit more like
Speaker 1: willing to ask for help or lean on people more,
Speaker 1: or go back to my mom and just you know,
Speaker 1: cry on her shoulder if I needed to, and then
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, I'm done by you know, but like
Speaker 1: I just know that I plan and I have been
Speaker 1: for your sisters a really safe place to land come
Speaker 1: back to. My love for you is never going to change,
Speaker 1: and you know, I think that it's important that kids
Speaker 1: remember that, because you do, you get caught up and like,
Speaker 1: I'm an adult now and I can do it all
Speaker 1: on my own. You just don't have to do it
Speaker 1: on your own. And also it's hard, you know, so
Speaker 1: allow yourself that grace to like lean on the people
Speaker 1: that are always going to be there for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great advice.
Speaker 2: Jay Patterson says, my parents divorced a year ago, and
Speaker 2: I think my mom is going to start dating soon.
Speaker 2: Feel weird about it? Any advice? Hmm, Well, I mean
Speaker 2: it's completely valid to feel weird about that. That's a
Speaker 2: very scary and weird shift that's going on. I mean,
Speaker 2: I know I was kind of young when you started dating,
Speaker 2: like very young, and I was like every guy you'd bring,
Speaker 2: I'd be like, I love him, I love him. But
Speaker 2: my sisters didn't.
Speaker 1: Your sisters were older, and they did not have the
Speaker 1: same because they were just in different places. You were like,
Speaker 1: yay a new playmate, Yeah, watch me do cars as
Speaker 1: long as he like paid attention to me. As like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you just wanted attention. Luca wanted them to buy her presence.
Speaker 2: Lola wanted yeah, out of the house.
Speaker 1: What do you want with my mother?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So whatever stage you're in, whether you're in any
Speaker 2: of those stages, I feel like it's valid to feel
Speaker 2: any way that you're feeling about it. I mean, like
Speaker 2: I said before, I love to think about how it's
Speaker 2: your parents' first time going through life too, and just
Speaker 2: because they're your parents, like that doesn't mean that they
Speaker 2: don't get to have their experiences, you know. And I
Speaker 2: think that if a divorce happens and they feel like
Speaker 2: they're ready to start dating again, then I mean, I
Speaker 2: think they they they can do that, and it's okay
Speaker 2: to feel weird about it, but it's completely normal for
Speaker 2: them to want to explore other connections and like be happy,
Speaker 2: and I think thinking like I just want what's best
Speaker 2: for my mom. I want what's best for my dad,
Speaker 2: you know, I want them to find happiness and find
Speaker 2: their person. And I think keeping that in mind can
Speaker 2: really help in the process, even if you feel like
Speaker 2: really weird about it. I knew for a long time
Speaker 2: I wanted you and Dadda back together. Secretly, I was
Speaker 2: like wishing every day. But honestly, for the best. It's
Speaker 2: for the best of you. Guys both found your other
Speaker 2: partners and they fit. I mean, I know Dave fits
Speaker 2: you so well, and you guys are very happy, so
Speaker 2: and I'm really happy that you found that person.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's the ultimate cool. It's for everyone to
Speaker 1: be happy. Yeah, I can imagine, though, I remember my mom.
Speaker 1: My mom and dad separated when I was about your age,
Speaker 1: maybe no, sixteen, fifteen, sixteen, and they ended up getting
Speaker 1: back together. But my mom, I remember like I would
Speaker 1: see her talking to guys or like people at her work.
Speaker 1: They would be doing like after work things and stuff.
Speaker 1: I would be very suss. Yeah, and I wasn't like
Speaker 1: I wasn't the most welcoming girl around town to strangers,
Speaker 1: because honestly, they my parents were separated, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want that to begin with. I want them to be together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I mean all kids probably want that unless it's
Speaker 1: just a completely disastrous situation and you know that it's
Speaker 1: better that they're apart. But for me, it was hard, definitely,
Speaker 1: because we all want that, you know, picture perfect image
Speaker 1: that we've held onto in our minds, and it's hard
Speaker 1: to let that go. But yeah, people grow, people change,
Speaker 1: and you honestly just have to know that everybody wants
Speaker 1: to feel loved and be happy and let them. Let
Speaker 1: them evolve, let them, let them do them, let them,
Speaker 1: let them, yes, as mel Robin says, or also just
Speaker 1: let them you know you do you like this is
Speaker 1: your life. It's not my life exactly. This is a
Speaker 1: great question, so relatable. Okay, football underscore, Juno. I'm freaking out.
Speaker 1: Pinterest dorm rooms look so fancy. Do I really have
Speaker 1: to remodel the dorms? Or can I just take the
Speaker 1: list of stuff the college asks about? Are you taking
Speaker 1: anything special? Okay, it really is. I just screamed to
Speaker 1: you the other day. I think it's your Your dorm
Speaker 1: doesn't have to look like a pinterestward because that's what
Speaker 1: you Guys, do you look at the you see it
Speaker 1: all day, like what I brought to my dorm and.
Speaker 2: Here's what, Oh my god, TikTok with the like transitions
Speaker 2: of like what it looked like before and after. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I need that, I need that, I need that, and
Speaker 2: it's just like it's such a wormhole. I mean I can't.
Speaker 2: It's really a problem because I wanted to feel like home,
Speaker 2: but like it's so cute the way they do it
Speaker 2: on those apps.
Speaker 1: That sucks you in.
Speaker 2: It really does. I mean, we have good like decor,
Speaker 2: I feel like we're not going too overboard.
Speaker 1: Or we've really talked about it a lot. We've done
Speaker 1: I'm definitely like planning of essentials, purchasing of essentials.
Speaker 2: But even thought about the essentials, I'm only thinking about
Speaker 2: the headboard and the bed skirt.
Speaker 1: In the lamp and the wall art.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 1: It's been like.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna forget my toothpaste and my initior.
Speaker 1: No. But what what if you what if we did
Speaker 1: a TikTok before and after and the before looks exactly
Speaker 1: the after, and you're like what, yeah, like take the
Speaker 1: pressure off people, can.
Speaker 2: You know a lot of pressure I'm like scared to
Speaker 2: listen ourselves and be like, oh wait, their room looks
Speaker 2: cute to their mind.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. This is your chance, you guys, to
Speaker 1: like make a space that you feel good about that
Speaker 1: expresses like your character and your sensibilities, your likes, your dislikes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all while just taping it onto the wall.
Speaker 2: No, no, exactly, I'm Bell crow Strips.
Speaker 1: By the way.
Speaker 2: We have to get this.
Speaker 1: I just remember, God, you guys, I'm for higher I
Speaker 1: can come help you do your daughter's or son's dorm room,
Speaker 1: because can you?
Speaker 2: Because you've had like three panic Actually.
Speaker 1: I don't, I take that back. You're on your own.
Speaker 2: Okay. Next question, s Jones three three six says, are
Speaker 2: you keeping Fiona's room exactly as it is or turning
Speaker 2: it into a guest room slash office slash craft room.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, can you read my mind?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, No, yours, Jones.
Speaker 1: It's like you are inside my head.
Speaker 2: I asked my mom to keep it the same for
Speaker 2: just one year in case I want to come back,
Speaker 2: and she's like, Nope, it's gonna be like three other
Speaker 2: different spaces now.
Speaker 1: No, no, I'm going to keep it basically your room.
Speaker 1: But I can't be that mom. You know in the
Speaker 1: movies when they're like thirty and forty years old and
Speaker 1: the kids go home and the room looks exactly the
Speaker 1: way it always did. That, I mean, that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: You look up and you're like, there's my high school
Speaker 1: pictures on the wall that we're always there. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I can't do that. I need the space. I've got
Speaker 1: new hobbies I need. I need to put my workout
Speaker 1: room and my yoga room in there, maybe, oh my god,
Speaker 1: and a place for.
Speaker 2: And you're painting the walls a different color.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm gonna freshen it up. That's what's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I'm gonna keep your stuff, but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna fresh.
Speaker 2: We're gonna put all myself outside. Here's it going now?
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm just in a in a in a closet.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, so messed uff.
Speaker 1: No, I won't change it until you're ready.
Speaker 2: Really.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, that's nice of you.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: We're gonna wrap this up. But before we go, Fiona,
Speaker 1: how do you plan on choosing yourself as you make
Speaker 1: this big transition into this next phase of your life?
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, there's so many ways that I've thought of.
Speaker 2: I think that the number one thing I kind of
Speaker 2: want to focus on is saying yes to things. I
Speaker 2: know that I can sometimes be a little nervous and shy,
Speaker 2: but I think putting myself out. They're joining the clubs
Speaker 2: because in high school I never.
Speaker 1: Joined the club. Oh my gosh, we were all like,
Speaker 1: join the club, it'll be so fun.
Speaker 2: You're like, No, I want to expand, like who I
Speaker 2: am and like even try everything, because I think choosing
Speaker 2: myself will mean exploring all my options of what I
Speaker 2: could do and who I could be. And now I
Speaker 2: think college is such an important time to really find
Speaker 2: yourself and saying yes to the clubs and you know,
Speaker 2: joining the sororities or whatever I may want to end
Speaker 2: up doing. I think it could be really important to
Speaker 2: just say yes and chiny things.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm really nervous.
Speaker 1: Though, See what happens, see what you learn about yourself.
Speaker 1: Such an exciting time. I'm very excited for you. I'm
Speaker 1: very proud of you, and I know that you're gonna
Speaker 1: make smart choices. Yeah, like I always say, right before
Speaker 1: you pull out the driveway, makes more choices.
Speaker 2: But also, I'll be home literally every since I.
Speaker 1: Was gonna you, Are there any boundaries around our communication
Speaker 1: because I as a mom, like I'd never had somebody
Speaker 1: like literally move into a dorm and go off to
Speaker 1: college other than Lola, who moved in with her sister
Speaker 1: Luca was so independent. But I talked to both of
Speaker 1: them pretty much on the daily. Yeah, and I don't
Speaker 1: expect that. I heard someone say, so, what is it
Speaker 1: going to be like for you guys? Are you going
Speaker 1: to like talk once a week? And I nearly passed out.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think that will be the case at all.
Speaker 2: I think that both of us are going to have
Speaker 2: our time adjusting to this, and I think we'll probably
Speaker 2: be talking a lot more than you think. And also
Speaker 2: I'm close. I'm not like moving across the country like
Speaker 2: some of my friends, So I'll be home all the time,
Speaker 2: and I definitely want to keep our connection strong and
Speaker 2: like you're I mean, you're one of my best friends.
Speaker 2: I mean, you are my best friends. So I want
Speaker 2: to stay talking to you of course.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, well that could change, I know, So
Speaker 1: whenever I text you too many times, just gee, you know,
Speaker 1: let me know.
Speaker 2: I will no worry.
Speaker 1: I love you baby. Thanks for being on today, Thank
Speaker 1: you for having me