WEBVTT - We Choose ... Q&A with Fiona Facinelli (pt 2) 

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny garl. Hey, everyone,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about

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<v Speaker 1>the choices we make. And I'm back with Fiona, my daughter,

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<v Speaker 1>for part two of our episode, answering your questions before

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<v Speaker 1>she steps out into her next chapter of college. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>b underscore Dazzler seven. If you could pack one piece

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<v Speaker 1>of advice in her suitcase, a note she'd open when

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<v Speaker 1>she's having a hard day, what would it say, Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I have to go back to our favorite movie The

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<v Speaker 1>Help You Smart You is kind, is important, and then

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<v Speaker 1>I would add you is so loved. Like there's never

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<v Speaker 1>a minute when you're out there on your own. You're

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<v Speaker 1>always have a support group, whether it's your high school friends,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe some significant high school teachers that you can all

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<v Speaker 1>want call back on, somebody in your community, your family,

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<v Speaker 1>your friends, but just know that, like, you're not doing

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<v Speaker 1>this alone. I always felt like I didn't go to college.

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<v Speaker 1>I moved out of my mom my mom's house when

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<v Speaker 1>I was like seventeen or eighteen, I can't remember exactly,

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<v Speaker 1>but I moved out and I thought that's it. I'm done.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm on my own. I don't need anybody. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>need anybody's help, and I feel like if I could

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<v Speaker 1>go back, I would be a little bit more like

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<v Speaker 1>willing to ask for help or lean on people more,

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<v Speaker 1>or go back to my mom and just you know,

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<v Speaker 1>cry on her shoulder if I needed to, and then

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<v Speaker 1>be like, Okay, I'm done by you know, but like

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<v Speaker 1>I just know that I plan and I have been

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<v Speaker 1>for your sisters a really safe place to land come

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<v Speaker 1>back to. My love for you is never going to change,

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, I think that it's important that kids

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<v Speaker 1>remember that, because you do, you get caught up and like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm an adult now and I can do it all

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<v Speaker 1>on my own. You just don't have to do it

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<v Speaker 1>on your own. And also it's hard, you know, so

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<v Speaker 1>allow yourself that grace to like lean on the people

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<v Speaker 1>that are always going to be there for you. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's great advice.

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<v Speaker 2>Jay Patterson says, my parents divorced a year ago, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think my mom is going to start dating soon.

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<v Speaker 2>Feel weird about it? Any advice? Hmm, Well, I mean

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<v Speaker 2>it's completely valid to feel weird about that. That's a

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<v Speaker 2>very scary and weird shift that's going on. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>I know I was kind of young when you started dating,

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<v Speaker 2>like very young, and I was like every guy you'd bring,

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<v Speaker 2>I'd be like, I love him, I love him. But

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<v Speaker 2>my sisters didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>Your sisters were older, and they did not have the

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<v Speaker 1>same because they were just in different places. You were like,

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<v Speaker 1>yay a new playmate, Yeah, watch me do cars as

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<v Speaker 1>long as he like paid attention to me. As like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you just wanted attention. Luca wanted them to buy her presence.

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<v Speaker 2>Lola wanted yeah, out of the house.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you want with my mother?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? So whatever stage you're in, whether you're in any

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<v Speaker 2>of those stages, I feel like it's valid to feel

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<v Speaker 2>any way that you're feeling about it. I mean, like

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<v Speaker 2>I said before, I love to think about how it's

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<v Speaker 2>your parents' first time going through life too, and just

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<v Speaker 2>because they're your parents, like that doesn't mean that they

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<v Speaker 2>don't get to have their experiences, you know. And I

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<v Speaker 2>think that if a divorce happens and they feel like

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<v Speaker 2>they're ready to start dating again, then I mean, I

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<v Speaker 2>think they they they can do that, and it's okay

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<v Speaker 2>to feel weird about it, but it's completely normal for

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<v Speaker 2>them to want to explore other connections and like be happy,

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<v Speaker 2>and I think thinking like I just want what's best

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<v Speaker 2>for my mom. I want what's best for my dad,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I want them to find happiness and find

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<v Speaker 2>their person. And I think keeping that in mind can

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<v Speaker 2>really help in the process, even if you feel like

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<v Speaker 2>really weird about it. I knew for a long time

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted you and Dadda back together. Secretly, I was

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<v Speaker 2>like wishing every day. But honestly, for the best. It's

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<v Speaker 2>for the best of you. Guys both found your other

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<v Speaker 2>partners and they fit. I mean, I know Dave fits

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<v Speaker 2>you so well, and you guys are very happy, so

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm really happy that you found that person.

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<v Speaker 1>So yeah, that's the ultimate cool. It's for everyone to

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<v Speaker 1>be happy. Yeah, I can imagine, though, I remember my mom.

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<v Speaker 1>My mom and dad separated when I was about your age,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe no, sixteen, fifteen, sixteen, and they ended up getting

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<v Speaker 1>back together. But my mom, I remember like I would

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<v Speaker 1>see her talking to guys or like people at her work.

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<v Speaker 1>They would be doing like after work things and stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>I would be very suss. Yeah, and I wasn't like

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't the most welcoming girl around town to strangers,

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<v Speaker 1>because honestly, they my parents were separated, and I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>want that to begin with. I want them to be together. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>but I mean all kids probably want that unless it's

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<v Speaker 1>just a completely disastrous situation and you know that it's

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<v Speaker 1>better that they're apart. But for me, it was hard, definitely,

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<v Speaker 1>because we all want that, you know, picture perfect image

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<v Speaker 1>that we've held onto in our minds, and it's hard

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<v Speaker 1>to let that go. But yeah, people grow, people change,

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<v Speaker 1>and you honestly just have to know that everybody wants

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<v Speaker 1>to feel loved and be happy and let them. Let

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<v Speaker 1>them evolve, let them, let them do them, let them,

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<v Speaker 1>let them, yes, as mel Robin says, or also just

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<v Speaker 1>let them you know you do you like this is

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<v Speaker 1>your life. It's not my life exactly. This is a

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<v Speaker 1>great question, so relatable. Okay, football underscore, Juno. I'm freaking out.

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<v Speaker 1>Pinterest dorm rooms look so fancy. Do I really have

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<v Speaker 1>to remodel the dorms? Or can I just take the

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<v Speaker 1>list of stuff the college asks about? Are you taking

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<v Speaker 1>anything special? Okay, it really is. I just screamed to

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<v Speaker 1>you the other day. I think it's your Your dorm

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't have to look like a pinterestward because that's what

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<v Speaker 1>you Guys, do you look at the you see it

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<v Speaker 1>all day, like what I brought to my dorm and.

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<v Speaker 2>Here's what, Oh my god, TikTok with the like transitions

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<v Speaker 2>of like what it looked like before and after. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>I need that, I need that, I need that, and

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<v Speaker 2>it's just like it's such a wormhole. I mean I can't.

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<v Speaker 2>It's really a problem because I wanted to feel like home,

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<v Speaker 2>but like it's so cute the way they do it

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<v Speaker 2>on those apps.

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<v Speaker 1>That sucks you in.

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<v Speaker 2>It really does. I mean, we have good like decor,

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like we're not going too overboard.

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<v Speaker 1>Or we've really talked about it a lot. We've done

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<v Speaker 1>I'm definitely like planning of essentials, purchasing of essentials.

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<v Speaker 2>But even thought about the essentials, I'm only thinking about

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<v Speaker 2>the headboard and the bed skirt.

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<v Speaker 1>In the lamp and the wall art.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, oh my god.

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<v Speaker 1>It's been like.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna forget my toothpaste and my initior.

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<v Speaker 1>No. But what what if you what if we did

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<v Speaker 1>a TikTok before and after and the before looks exactly

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<v Speaker 1>the after, and you're like what, yeah, like take the

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<v Speaker 1>pressure off people, can.

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<v Speaker 2>You know a lot of pressure I'm like scared to

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<v Speaker 2>listen ourselves and be like, oh wait, their room looks

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<v Speaker 2>cute to their mind.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh. This is your chance, you guys, to

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<v Speaker 1>like make a space that you feel good about that

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<v Speaker 1>expresses like your character and your sensibilities, your likes, your dislikes. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>all while just taping it onto the wall.

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<v Speaker 2>No, no, exactly, I'm Bell crow Strips.

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<v Speaker 1>By the way.

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<v Speaker 2>We have to get this.

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<v Speaker 1>I just remember, God, you guys, I'm for higher I

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<v Speaker 1>can come help you do your daughter's or son's dorm room,

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<v Speaker 1>because can you?

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<v Speaker 2>Because you've had like three panic Actually.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't, I take that back. You're on your own.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. Next question, s Jones three three six says, are

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<v Speaker 2>you keeping Fiona's room exactly as it is or turning

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<v Speaker 2>it into a guest room slash office slash craft room.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, can you read my mind?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, No, yours, Jones.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like you are inside my head.

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<v Speaker 2>I asked my mom to keep it the same for

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<v Speaker 2>just one year in case I want to come back,

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<v Speaker 2>and she's like, Nope, it's gonna be like three other

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<v Speaker 2>different spaces now.

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<v Speaker 1>No, no, I'm going to keep it basically your room.

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<v Speaker 1>But I can't be that mom. You know in the

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<v Speaker 1>movies when they're like thirty and forty years old and

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<v Speaker 1>the kids go home and the room looks exactly the

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<v Speaker 1>way it always did. That, I mean, that's pretty cool.

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<v Speaker 1>You look up and you're like, there's my high school

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<v Speaker 1>pictures on the wall that we're always there. I'm sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>I can't do that. I need the space. I've got

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<v Speaker 1>new hobbies I need. I need to put my workout

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<v Speaker 1>room and my yoga room in there, maybe, oh my god,

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<v Speaker 1>and a place for.

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<v Speaker 2>And you're painting the walls a different color.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I'm gonna freshen it up. That's what's gonna happen.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna I'm gonna keep your stuff, but I'm

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<v Speaker 1>gonna fresh.

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<v Speaker 2>We're gonna put all myself outside. Here's it going now?

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe I'm just in a in a in a closet.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, so messed uff.

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<v Speaker 1>No, I won't change it until you're ready.

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<v Speaker 2>Really.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Okay, that's nice of you.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>We're gonna wrap this up. But before we go, Fiona,

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<v Speaker 1>how do you plan on choosing yourself as you make

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<v Speaker 1>this big transition into this next phase of your life?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I mean, there's so many ways that I've thought of.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that the number one thing I kind of

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<v Speaker 2>want to focus on is saying yes to things. I

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<v Speaker 2>know that I can sometimes be a little nervous and shy,

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<v Speaker 2>but I think putting myself out. They're joining the clubs

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<v Speaker 2>because in high school I never.

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<v Speaker 1>Joined the club. Oh my gosh, we were all like,

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<v Speaker 1>join the club, it'll be so fun.

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<v Speaker 2>You're like, No, I want to expand, like who I

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<v Speaker 2>am and like even try everything, because I think choosing

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<v Speaker 2>myself will mean exploring all my options of what I

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<v Speaker 2>could do and who I could be. And now I

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<v Speaker 2>think college is such an important time to really find

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<v Speaker 2>yourself and saying yes to the clubs and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>joining the sororities or whatever I may want to end

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<v Speaker 2>up doing. I think it could be really important to

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<v Speaker 2>just say yes and chiny things.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm really nervous.

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<v Speaker 1>Though, See what happens, see what you learn about yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>Such an exciting time. I'm very excited for you. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>very proud of you, and I know that you're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>make smart choices. Yeah, like I always say, right before

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<v Speaker 1>you pull out the driveway, makes more choices.

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<v Speaker 2>But also, I'll be home literally every since I.

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<v Speaker 1>Was gonna you, Are there any boundaries around our communication

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<v Speaker 1>because I as a mom, like I'd never had somebody

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<v Speaker 1>like literally move into a dorm and go off to

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<v Speaker 1>college other than Lola, who moved in with her sister

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<v Speaker 1>Luca was so independent. But I talked to both of

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<v Speaker 1>them pretty much on the daily. Yeah, and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>expect that. I heard someone say, so, what is it

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<v Speaker 1>going to be like for you guys? Are you going

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<v Speaker 1>to like talk once a week? And I nearly passed out.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I don't think that will be the case at all.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that both of us are going to have

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<v Speaker 2>our time adjusting to this, and I think we'll probably

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<v Speaker 2>be talking a lot more than you think. And also

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<v Speaker 2>I'm close. I'm not like moving across the country like

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<v Speaker 2>some of my friends, So I'll be home all the time,

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<v Speaker 2>and I definitely want to keep our connection strong and

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<v Speaker 2>like you're I mean, you're one of my best friends.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, you are my best friends. So I want

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<v Speaker 2>to stay talking to you of course.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, oh yeah, well that could change, I know, So

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<v Speaker 1>whenever I text you too many times, just gee, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>let me know.

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<v Speaker 2>I will no worry.

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<v Speaker 1>I love you baby. Thanks for being on today, Thank

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<v Speaker 1>you for having me