Speaker 1: Hellone, and welcome back to another episode of Are You
Speaker 1: Their Dad? It's me Yoko, And to kick things off
Speaker 1: this week, we're going to spend this segment of They
Speaker 1: Should Have Known talking about the one, the only, the
Speaker 1: Bermuda Triangle. Now, for those of you who are dumb
Speaker 1: and don't know what that is, it's a triangle in
Speaker 1: Bermuda or around Bermuda that people just like randomly disappeared,
Speaker 1: like a lot of ships and a lot of planes
Speaker 1: have gone missing there. And here's the thing. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1: It's like people just don't have on fine my friends
Speaker 1: because if you don't have fine my friends, then you'll die.
Speaker 1: And that's their fault. So all those people they died
Speaker 1: because of that. And I never turned my off, like
Speaker 1: I want all my friends to know where I am constantly.
Speaker 1: And you know what, my dad actually just turned his
Speaker 1: off for me recently, which is fine. I'm not mad
Speaker 1: about it, but it is weird because I just saw
Speaker 1: his other family's child, like, wait, what's that called Olivia?
Speaker 1: What's that called half sister? I just saw my half
Speaker 1: sister's Instagram story and I saw her posting about how
Speaker 1: he took them to Disney World. Recently, which is fine.
Speaker 1: It's fine really, and every wanted to go and I've
Speaker 1: never wanted to go to Disneyland or Disney World. So
Speaker 1: it's fine that they're going without me. And it's fine
Speaker 1: that they're ready to tea cups and sharing a churro together.
Speaker 1: It's fine that my house to share churro with her
Speaker 1: dad my dad while they watched fireworks and stay at
Speaker 1: the Polynesian which is on sale right now during the
Speaker 1: off season. That's fine. I didn't want that. I didn't
Speaker 1: want that for myself anyway, So it's fine. M oh yeah.
Speaker 1: But back to the Bermdia try and go. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: it's like, come on, people, just turn to find my
Speaker 1: friends on or just get to your hot their CRV
Speaker 1: and like turn on the GPS and get out of it.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like the don't die. So anyway, that's
Speaker 1: they should have known. Okay, well, now we're onto the
Speaker 1: next portion of the podcast where we and by we,
Speaker 1: I mean you all because I'm very smart and I
Speaker 1: know everything we're about to talk about. We're gonna learn
Speaker 1: about a new topic and this is you should have
Speaker 1: known and how fitting that we're going to be talking
Speaker 1: to Professor Alan Grundell, who's the vice dean and former
Speaker 1: head of marine biology at Stanford University. Welcome, professor, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for having me. Thank you for that
Speaker 1: lovely introduction. It's so so, so tremendous to be here
Speaker 1: with another fan of the ocean. Wow, that's so great.
Speaker 1: And just a quick correction. I am the vice Weistein.
Speaker 1: I'm the vistein to the Weisteine as it stands right now.
Speaker 1: Oh what, okay, so exactly I know this isn't your expertise,
Speaker 1: but what exactly does a vistein do well? I wouldn't
Speaker 1: know that. That's above my pay grade. I'm the vice
Speaker 1: deane to the vistein. So yeah, I don't really participate
Speaker 1: in those conversations at this time. So what do you do?
Speaker 1: Anything that the visteine neat? A lot of it right
Speaker 1: now is we're trying to find some fish to study
Speaker 1: and look at, because well that's mostly my purview and
Speaker 1: my department is to find and study fish, and right
Speaker 1: now we're having a really hard time finding fish because
Speaker 1: the ocean, as you know, is relatively enormous. I mean,
Speaker 1: you can't even I can't. I'm trying to use my
Speaker 1: hands right now to show how big it is. But
Speaker 1: it's much much bigger than I can show you with
Speaker 1: my hands. And the other really kooky thing about the
Speaker 1: ocean is it doesn't have any corners, so there's no
Speaker 1: way to really get the fish into a specific spot
Speaker 1: or get them into a corner. You gotta let them
Speaker 1: kind of come to you. And that's something that is
Speaker 1: one of the more difficult parts of getting an eyeball
Speaker 1: on these fish is because they kind of go wherever
Speaker 1: they want to. Oh wow, Okay, do you have a
Speaker 1: favorite fish? Wow? It's hard to choose out of the
Speaker 1: so many dozens of fish. I don't have a favorite
Speaker 1: at fish. I think all fish are ruthless and I
Speaker 1: don't really side with any of them, but I respect
Speaker 1: all fish. Okay, So I have a question for you,
Speaker 1: m F. Mary kill a killer whale, a narwhale, and
Speaker 1: a hammerhead shark. Go. There is one ethical correct answer?
Speaker 1: I can you? Can you give me the three again?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I was in a bike accident today and
Speaker 1: I I'm having trouble remembering. Yeah, yeah, Stanford right, Um, Yes,
Speaker 1: a killer whale, a narwhale, and a hammerhead shark go.
Speaker 1: I think if I had to have sex with one,
Speaker 1: it would probably be the killer whale. They're sort of
Speaker 1: the bad boys of the ocean, and I think I
Speaker 1: think they could really bring it Mary the narwhale. It's
Speaker 1: a stable, even tempered creature where I wouldn't like I said,
Speaker 1: I respect an orca, but I don't trust an orca,
Speaker 1: and then kill the hammerhead shark. Frankly, it's just it's
Speaker 1: a weird and it's a bad fish. Um. In this job,
Speaker 1: you don't try to make rulings on if fish are
Speaker 1: good or bad. But it's pretty It's it's held sort
Speaker 1: of a standard in the industry that hammerheads are are
Speaker 1: a bad fish. M Did you know that When I
Speaker 1: was younger, Um, people called me Shammou in Florida. I
Speaker 1: did not know that the whale from Sea World that
Speaker 1: was my nickname. Was it because you were in a
Speaker 1: prison made of water? No, it's because I was an
Speaker 1: Orlando transplant against my will. Oh well, that makes sense.
Speaker 1: And I also have a fear of white families watching
Speaker 1: me swim. Oh. I think that's a very reasonable fear.
Speaker 1: I think, um, yeah, I don't think anybody should be
Speaker 1: comfortable with a white family watching them swim. I think
Speaker 1: that's uh. I think you're you're in the right, and
Speaker 1: your instincts feel correct to me. Thank you. Okay. So
Speaker 1: I have a lot of questions about the ocean because
Speaker 1: it's just so big, you know, Yeah, me too. It's
Speaker 1: it's enormous. So I'm understood, I was. I know this already,
Speaker 1: and I'm asking you those questions so that the listeners know.
Speaker 1: Really it's very helpful. So I'm to understand that at
Speaker 1: the bottom of the ocean floor there's tectonic plates that
Speaker 1: meet m you know, and those cause earthquakes, right or
Speaker 1: tsunamism both. Yes, it might understand that earthquakes and tsunamis
Speaker 1: that's just the Earth's cheeks clapping together. Yes, that's a
Speaker 1: that's a really really good way of describing it. Okay,
Speaker 1: it really is. If you do think of the tectonic
Speaker 1: plates as the Earth's cheeks, you know, in the same
Speaker 1: way that say, somebody was shaking their cheeks right in
Speaker 1: front of your face, right, you'd hear the sense like this,
Speaker 1: you'd hear that sound of the cheeks hitting each other,
Speaker 1: and that sound is obviously the result of sonic waves
Speaker 1: being created as the cheeks hit and reflect off of
Speaker 1: each other exactly. And so if you think of the
Speaker 1: tectonic plates as cheeks when they hit together, they are
Speaker 1: also releasing sonic energy. When it happens under water. We
Speaker 1: see that in the form of tsunamis. You know, the
Speaker 1: the sound of those cheeks clapping essentially moves water across
Speaker 1: the ocean, and when it happens in a drier area,
Speaker 1: that's reflected as an earthquake. So yeah, I'd say that's
Speaker 1: a pretty accurate description. And as we know, you know,
Speaker 1: we like to refer to nature as Mother Earth. You know,
Speaker 1: I've written a couple papers about this that you could
Speaker 1: say that Mother Earth, from an academic standpoint, has a
Speaker 1: dump truck ass. Wow, mother Earth has a dump truck ass.
Speaker 1: That's correct. Yes, you know, I've always thought that myself,
Speaker 1: so I'm glad that someone else is affirming it up
Speaker 1: for me. Yes, there's a lot of research to back
Speaker 1: that up, back it up exactly. Yes, Okay, So moving on,
Speaker 1: what do you think is the most evil creature in
Speaker 1: the ocean. Oh, the most evil creature is by far
Speaker 1: the octopus. It's not really a contest now, to be clear,
Speaker 1: the octopus isn't the smartest creature in the ocean. It's
Speaker 1: one of the smarter ones, but it is the most evil. Okay,
Speaker 1: I think in terms of true malice of intent, the
Speaker 1: octopus is number one. All octopi are up to no good.
Speaker 1: They want to hurt us, they want to hurt each other,
Speaker 1: and therein lies the problem in their quest to seek
Speaker 1: domination over the ocean as well as the land, is
Speaker 1: because they have a hard time working together, mainly because
Speaker 1: the octopus has the largest ego of any underwater creature.
Speaker 1: For that reason, it doesn't work well in teams. Now.
Speaker 1: A smarter but less evil animal, but one that I
Speaker 1: still think we should be worried about is the oracle whale,
Speaker 1: as you said earlier, because oracle whales, according to our research,
Speaker 1: are much orders of magnitude more intelligent than human beings.
Speaker 1: The only thing that has stopped oracle whales from being
Speaker 1: the dominant society, the dominant food chain in and out
Speaker 1: of the water, is the fact that oracle whales can't
Speaker 1: hold a gun. They don't have hands. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And so a lot of my research is in essentially
Speaker 1: the most drastically bad thing that could happen to human
Speaker 1: beings or really any other living creature is for orcas
Speaker 1: to acquire hands, and so we've done a lot of
Speaker 1: research on how do we make sure that orcas don't
Speaker 1: get hands, Because they're considerably smarter than us. It's really
Speaker 1: just an issue of dexterity. Now, that's not to say
Speaker 1: all orca whales are bad, but orca whales, given the opportunity,
Speaker 1: could become the dominant species on earth where Octopi, although
Speaker 1: more evil than orca whales, again too evil to work
Speaker 1: together on anything. They're kind of all out for their
Speaker 1: own purposes, whether those be scams, murders, robbery, trafficking, those
Speaker 1: type of things. Wait, so orcahales could kill us, well,
Speaker 1: they are called killer whales just as a reminder. They
Speaker 1: can definitely kill us. But here's the thing. They can't
Speaker 1: kill us from a distance. And here's the number one
Speaker 1: thing I would want all of your listeners to take away.
Speaker 1: You should never ever, ever, ever go into the water.
Speaker 1: You should never go into an ocean because that's where
Speaker 1: orcas can get you. Orcas at this point in time,
Speaker 1: can't get you on land, and so if you're living
Speaker 1: on land, you should sleep safe at night, at least
Speaker 1: for now. Okay, well, that's very upsetting because I have
Speaker 1: a bachelorette party I'm going to next week in the ocean.
Speaker 1: It's on a boat, so I shouldn't go. I would
Speaker 1: say that you should not go, but if you are
Speaker 1: to go, you definitely want to be very, very heavily armed.
Speaker 1: Are you sure? Because this is Fergie's bachelorette party and
Speaker 1: I feel like I should go. Fergie's bachelorette party's coming up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Stacy Ferguson, my friend Fergie. Boys, that's a pickle. So
Speaker 1: can I go. Let me think about this for just
Speaker 1: a moment. How close are you to Stacy Ferguson. I'm
Speaker 1: pretty close. I was the third person she called after
Speaker 1: she botched the national anthem. Okay, then yeah you have
Speaker 1: to go. That's so I should go. But should I
Speaker 1: go with a gun? Yeah, you should go, and you
Speaker 1: should bring a gun or a sword. The other thing
Speaker 1: you could do is just where something that tastes really,
Speaker 1: really bad. Okay, that would be another good option. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this, Freggie, I'll be there. But
Speaker 1: if I'm weird on the boat, know that it's because
Speaker 1: of Let's it's because of him. Here's the thing orcus
Speaker 1: present tremendous danger to us. But friendships, that's the family
Speaker 1: you choose, so you know you really have to put
Speaker 1: that above all else. Okay, Well, to go back to
Speaker 1: the octopus is being evil thing, because the way that
Speaker 1: you're describing it sounds kind of like my stepmom Sharon.
Speaker 1: Oh interesting, you know, evil and sure conniving. So what's
Speaker 1: the most evil thing that you think an octopus could do?
Speaker 1: Because whatever it is probably what my stepmom Sharon's gonna do. Gosh,
Speaker 1: that's a really really good question. What's the most evil
Speaker 1: thing that I think an octopus could do? Or actually,
Speaker 1: let me, let me change that question on you sure,
Speaker 1: what's the most evil thing that you think my stepmom
Speaker 1: Sharon could do? Given that everything you said about octopus
Speaker 1: is a little while ago reminding me of my stepmom Sharon. Great. Great,
Speaker 1: So if your stepmom Sharon is anything like an octopus,
Speaker 1: first of all, she's into emotional manipulation yeah, and is
Speaker 1: probably to my guests, very very clever at it. She
Speaker 1: checks me all the time exactly and making you question
Speaker 1: your own reality. I could see something like, for example,
Speaker 1: changing the size of items in your apartment only slightly
Speaker 1: to make you think that you've grown bigger or smaller.
Speaker 1: What say, for example, she replaces your bed with a
Speaker 1: bed that's three inches wider, making you think that you've shrunk,
Speaker 1: or you know, the obviously the inverse, making your bed
Speaker 1: a few inches narrower, making you think that you've grown,
Speaker 1: replacing your cups was slightly smaller cups. That sort of
Speaker 1: thing making you think that maybe you're turning into some
Speaker 1: sort of iron, or maybe you're slowly shrinking. That's the
Speaker 1: type of thing that, given the capabilities of a bipedal organism,
Speaker 1: that we could easily see transferring from the octopus psyche
Speaker 1: onto a human being. But she's not bipedal. She's only
Speaker 1: into men. She's only into my dad. M okay, So
Speaker 1: I don't think that that part doesn't really track gotcha, gotcha.
Speaker 1: But she's kind of done stuff like that before. Like
Speaker 1: one time she came into my apartment and she moved
Speaker 1: everything three inches to the left except for my computer. Gotcha.
Speaker 1: So I thought I was going crazy. So you walk
Speaker 1: in and immediately you feel off balance, Immediately you feel
Speaker 1: off kilter. Yeah, she did that, and then I was
Speaker 1: so distructed by that I missed my graduation. Wow, I'm
Speaker 1: really sorry to hear that. Yeah, okay, so it sounds
Speaker 1: like you're an expert on my stepmom Sharon too. So okay,
Speaker 1: I have a question then. So if your stepmom, I mean,
Speaker 1: if let's say, an octopus named Sharon in your lab um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, let's say, stopping you from talking to
Speaker 1: your other octopus parent and was changing one digit off
Speaker 1: of his phone number in your octopus phone so that
Speaker 1: you keep texting some random person in Albuquerque instead, and
Speaker 1: then getting confused why it's not your octopus dad? What
Speaker 1: would you do to confront this octopus about that? So,
Speaker 1: like I said earlier, I was in a bike accident
Speaker 1: today and so I kind of I kind of had
Speaker 1: trouble following. You know, what things are octopus specific and
Speaker 1: what pieces of building sort of building out the universe
Speaker 1: in my head of an octopus phone and an octopus
Speaker 1: mom and an octopus dad. But I would say that, um,
Speaker 1: standing up for yourself, that's always a good bat to
Speaker 1: the octopus. Charon. You have to stand up for yourself
Speaker 1: to the octopus. Okay, here's here's the thing. You cannot
Speaker 1: trust an octopus. So any sort of truce or surrender
Speaker 1: to an octopus. They're never going to honor the terms
Speaker 1: and conditions of any sort of agreement. The only way
Speaker 1: to beat them is with pure raw power, physical force,
Speaker 1: and emotional domination. So I wouldn't rely on any sort
Speaker 1: of acquiescence or deal making, because an octopus is going
Speaker 1: to violate the terms of that deal. It'll shake you
Speaker 1: with one hand, and it'll stab you in the back
Speaker 1: with another, and it'll still have six more hands with
Speaker 1: which to do whatever it wants. Professor, did the octopus
Speaker 1: hurt you in your life recently? Because it sounds like
Speaker 1: you're kind of talking from personal experience. I've met several
Speaker 1: octopie in my life. None of them has ever been
Speaker 1: so much as cordial to me. They're all disgusting, slimy
Speaker 1: little villains, and I don't mean to get angry on
Speaker 1: the podcast, but I want to fight them. I want
Speaker 1: to beat the shit out of them. They're discussing little
Speaker 1: slimy creeps. Frankly, they're, in my opinion, gross misogynists. Oh
Speaker 1: and also, um just habitually late to arrangements? Okay, um?
Speaker 1: Is this octopus? Uh? Similarly to four mel four four
Speaker 1: for something? No, I'm literally talking about octopuses. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: I though ye know where you found him? Guys, sorry,
Speaker 1: oh my mic is on. Okay, um, professor, okay, let's
Speaker 1: move on. M. What's the weirdest thing that you've ever
Speaker 1: found in the whales? Blowhole? Oh? Great question. Um, it's
Speaker 1: hard to say because blow holes themselves are so weird,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Yeah, and so I think
Speaker 1: I might answer that question with a blow hole itself.
Speaker 1: Every time I get a look at a blow hole,
Speaker 1: I think that's crazy. Frankly, yuck, my ex is blow
Speaker 1: hole is crazy too. It's nasty in what way, just
Speaker 1: looks weird. M. It's like a cavernous but shallow m
Speaker 1: so wide but shallow, like like a ramkin or a
Speaker 1: four rounds mason jar. Yeah. Maybe it's a ramicin the
Speaker 1: thing that you used to make M delicious tooflets and tarts. Yes,
Speaker 1: you would put like a like a crembrulet in a ramkin. Okay,
Speaker 1: you could put like a like a chocolate like a
Speaker 1: lava cake and the ramic cake. Yes, yes, exactly exactly. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: his blowhole is like a rambicin. Then great, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: totally understand. It's grooved. Kind of like it too, I
Speaker 1: don't like it. Oh interesting, interesting, So that's the weirdest
Speaker 1: blowhole I've seen, gotcha? Gotcha? Yeah? Well, every every blowhole
Speaker 1: I've ever seen has been weird in its own way.
Speaker 1: You know. Sometimes I think to myself, why did I
Speaker 1: get into this business? The fish are all over the place,
Speaker 1: the ocean so big. We have no idea how big
Speaker 1: it is. We don't know where it goes. We know
Speaker 1: it goes all over the place, but we don't know
Speaker 1: exactly where. Every time I might look at one of
Speaker 1: these slippery, slimy scumbags, and by that I mean aquatic life,
Speaker 1: I'm more grossed out than the last time. So it
Speaker 1: really is. It's a it's an interesting and it's a
Speaker 1: fickle business. Okay, speaking of that, how rich are you? Well?
Speaker 1: Right now, I'm still I have a negative net worth,
Speaker 1: you know, from nine years of grad school studying marine
Speaker 1: biology and oceanography. So yeah, so at this point I
Speaker 1: am am worth less than zero financially. But I'm hoping
Speaker 1: to discover some sort of unbelievable fish that makes me
Speaker 1: a lot of money somehow, a fish maybe that people
Speaker 1: can invest in or something like that. I miss you
Speaker 1: the best on that endeavor. Thank you so much. And
Speaker 1: I thought you were rich. This kind of sucks. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: question then, have you ever been to the Tampa Bay Aquarium,
Speaker 1: because if so, I have some follow up questions. I
Speaker 1: have never been to the Tampa Bay Aquarium, but I
Speaker 1: have seen beautiful pictures of it. Oh, so you've never
Speaker 1: been to the Tampa Bay Aquarium. No, because I lost
Speaker 1: my retainer there and I need someone to find it. Oh, okay,
Speaker 1: I can put in a call if you like. No,
Speaker 1: it's okay. I do have some colleagues that work there.
Speaker 1: Are you sure, that's fine, It's fine, fine, fine. I
Speaker 1: just thought maybe you would know. You have my email.
Speaker 1: You let me know if you change your mind, and
Speaker 1: I'll make a call to the Tampa Bay Aquarium. And
Speaker 1: I have a friend there, Jean Pierre, who could actually
Speaker 1: take a look and see if you could find your retainer. Fessor,
Speaker 1: that's the nicest thing ends ever said to me. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry to hear this. So kind. I would
Speaker 1: hope that by this time in your life people would
Speaker 1: have said kinder things to you. No, not really tell
Speaker 1: you what, my friend, You've got an awful lot of
Speaker 1: hurt in that voice. No, I'm fine. Anything you want
Speaker 1: to share, anything you want to talk about. No, I
Speaker 1: want to ask this question. Just let me Okay, Like,
Speaker 1: is it is? It? Is it root to poop in
Speaker 1: the ocean? Is my question? No? No, No. You should
Speaker 1: feel free to poop in the ocean at any time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's That's an extremely natural part of life. There's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with that at all. Okay, because I pooped in
Speaker 1: the ocean one time and then my stepmom Sharon was
Speaker 1: screaming at me in front of everyone, saying that I
Speaker 1: can't take hot dumps in the ocean because I'm the
Speaker 1: reason why turtles are dying. No, no, no, The reason
Speaker 1: turtles are dying is the gradual escalation of ocean temperatures,
Speaker 1: as well as the fact that they're extremely slow. They
Speaker 1: didn't get anywhere quickly, and that makes it hard to
Speaker 1: run away. Your dumps of any temperature are no problem
Speaker 1: for the ocean. They're not going to hurt it, absolutely not.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't feel ashamed of that, and you should feel free, honestly,
Speaker 1: feel free. Okay, because I took a dump on the
Speaker 1: ocean the other day at a different bachelorette party, that
Speaker 1: I was at. I was at a different black Eyed
Speaker 1: Peas bachelorette party on the ocean, and I took a
Speaker 1: dumb on that everyone kept making fun of me. Everyone
Speaker 1: can't make fun of me, gotcha. Yeah. Everyone was like, yoka, stop,
Speaker 1: so why are you doing? Why are you taking it? Dump?
Speaker 1: Stop squatting over the deck? Stop? And I said, it's
Speaker 1: a poop deck. It's called a poop deck for a reason.
Speaker 1: And I to go, fat hot dump into the ocean
Speaker 1: and everyone's like stop, stop. And then one person made
Speaker 1: a boomerang of it coming out of my butthole. So
Speaker 1: then it's like me squatting over the ocean and the
Speaker 1: poop goes back up and down, up and down, and
Speaker 1: then it's all made an NFT out of it, and
Speaker 1: now it's just like living on the internet forever. Sure, sure,
Speaker 1: so you have my email. If you do feel comfortable
Speaker 1: sending that to me, that would be you know, no
Speaker 1: pressure at all. But do you feel free to send
Speaker 1: that my way? Okay, yeah, I don't. I don't think
Speaker 1: you should feel any shame, any shame whatsoever, perfectly natural
Speaker 1: part of life. It's good to know. It's like throwing
Speaker 1: up or peeing a little bit when you laugh or
Speaker 1: something like, you know, it's just it's just part of
Speaker 1: being a person. So then it's peeing in the ocean also, okay,
Speaker 1: peeing in the ocean absolutely, Okay. Wow. So if there's
Speaker 1: any takeaway I would want people to get from this
Speaker 1: peeing and pooping in the ocean, it's a green light. Okay, Professor,
Speaker 1: this has been really encouraging. Are you looking to adopt? Adopt?
Speaker 1: Adopt a child in his mid twenties? You know, it's
Speaker 1: so crazy you ask that because I've been thinking in
Speaker 1: this life of the high seas, I'd love to share
Speaker 1: it with someone. I'd love to pass on what I've
Speaker 1: learned from the ocean to somebody. And this could just
Speaker 1: be the bike accident that I was in earlier talking.
Speaker 1: But I don't know if I have it in me
Speaker 1: to raise a child from birth, or to raise a
Speaker 1: child from a small little kid into a fully grown adult.
Speaker 1: But to adopt and I sort of bring into my
Speaker 1: family a twenty year old that feels like just my speed. Actually,
Speaker 1: So I don't know if that was made in jest
Speaker 1: or anything, but no, it's my step mom Sharon that
Speaker 1: I can't go back into the house for the next
Speaker 1: few weeks. Sure, and I picked up on this, like,
Speaker 1: you know, have you seen the movie up? Absolutely? You know,
Speaker 1: the old guy and the little little Asian boy. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I feel like you and I could kind of be
Speaker 1: like that. I don't see why not. This is awesome.
Speaker 1: This is my favorite episode ever. I got a parent. Look,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be extensive paperwork, It's gonna take some time.
Speaker 1: Like I said, I don't have a lot of money,
Speaker 1: but what I do have is a knowledge and a
Speaker 1: love for the sea that I would be happy for
Speaker 1: you to join me. Yet. That's awesome. Wait, so that
Speaker 1: means that I don't have to go back to Sharon.
Speaker 1: That means I don't have to go back to my dad. Well,
Speaker 1: well that's your choice. You can if you like to,
Speaker 1: but you don't have to. No, no, no, I don't
Speaker 1: want to go back. I hate them. Now I have
Speaker 1: a new Hey, dad, you hear that. I have a
Speaker 1: new dad now. Wow. I don't need you. Wow, I
Speaker 1: don't need you. I don't I don't care about you.
Speaker 1: I don't need your validation. I don't even care if
Speaker 1: you show up to my cello recital next week. I
Speaker 1: don't care about any of that. You have a cello
Speaker 1: recital next week? I do. Will you come? I love
Speaker 1: the cello, beautiful instrument, absolutely tremendous instrument. Thanks. I'm not
Speaker 1: very good, but I'll make you proud. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I can be proud of you. I cannot be proud
Speaker 1: of you. Your dad can be proud of you. He
Speaker 1: cannot be proud of you. The most important thing, sorry,
Speaker 1: proud of yourself. That's shared. Are you listening to this?
Speaker 1: You need to talk like this to me a little
Speaker 1: bit more often. That's wild. That's wild. Well, professor, I
Speaker 1: have one last question about the ocean before we move
Speaker 1: on to our next segment. Great, okay, So in the
Speaker 1: ocean you said there's a lot of evil creatures. Yes, absolutely,
Speaker 1: And so there's a lot of smart creatures. Yes. Who
Speaker 1: do you think is the dumbest but nicest creature? Oh,
Speaker 1: that's easy. Whales? Whales, and by that I do don't
Speaker 1: mean dolphins. Killer whales are actually part of the dolphin families,
Speaker 1: so they're a little bit different. But whales. Whales are
Speaker 1: incredibly kind and not that sharp. Whales can't do math,
Speaker 1: they can barely read. I'd say the only thing that
Speaker 1: saves them is they have a decent sense of direction.
Speaker 1: They have okay emotional intelligence, but in terms of hard skills, computation, etc.
Speaker 1: Not very good. Also, whales, they don't really understand sarcasm
Speaker 1: or irony at all. Whales have a really, really hard
Speaker 1: time understanding any sort of complex humor. But whales really
Speaker 1: never hurt anybody. They make amazing pets, they're wonderful travel companions,
Speaker 1: and they're extremely trustworthy and loyal. You know, Look, every
Speaker 1: creature has its pros and cons. Whales overall, they're all
Speaker 1: right with me. It sounds like you really like whales, Professor.
Speaker 1: I find whales useful. I find whaless interesting. Look again,
Speaker 1: I try not to get into good and bad. I
Speaker 1: know earlier I kind of slipped up. I let some
Speaker 1: passions overtake me, and I mentioned how hammerhead sharks are bad.
Speaker 1: Whales on the spectrum probably good. I guess you could
Speaker 1: say that I like them. But again, what am I
Speaker 1: going to Essentially, here's how i'd put it. What am
Speaker 1: I going to talk about with a whale? What am
Speaker 1: I going to do with a whale? There's not much.
Speaker 1: I respect them, I give them their distance, they respect me,
Speaker 1: They give me my distance. If we see each other,
Speaker 1: we might say hello, that sort of thing, but overall,
Speaker 1: there's not I don't have that much in common with
Speaker 1: a whale. If that makes sense, Well, then what's your
Speaker 1: favorite creature? Oh, my favorite sea creature? Gosh, it's crazy
Speaker 1: nothing you bring it up. I guess I don't really
Speaker 1: have one. And that makes me realize I've been spending
Speaker 1: all this time in the ocean making observations, but I
Speaker 1: haven't really been making friends. And you'd think after all
Speaker 1: these years in the ocean, I would have a couple
Speaker 1: of friends that I could call on. And I think
Speaker 1: it wasn't until this moment that I realized, you know,
Speaker 1: in the ocean, I have a lot of work colleagues.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of ocean dwellers that respect me
Speaker 1: and whom I respect, but nobody that I could really
Speaker 1: call on in hard times. And I think that's something
Speaker 1: that I needed to wait to think about. I'll be
Speaker 1: your faith, I'll be your favorite creature. What about me?
Speaker 1: You're a person, but I can be your favorite I
Speaker 1: just want to be someone's favorite thing. I can't be
Speaker 1: your favorite ocean creature, but you're not. Just so it
Speaker 1: just sounds like when you're talking about whales that you
Speaker 1: like whales more than me and I don't know. I'm
Speaker 1: just I just Hey, have you ever heard of a
Speaker 1: zero sum game? No? What's that? So it's this idea
Speaker 1: that for one person to win the other has to
Speaker 1: lose and Buddy, just because I like whales doesn't mean
Speaker 1: I like you any less. I can like both things.
Speaker 1: This sounds like when someone's trying to explain to me Wortle.
Speaker 1: I don't get it. I don't get it. Hey, can
Speaker 1: I whale play the cello? No, that's right, it doesn't
Speaker 1: have hands. You can play the cello, and I can
Speaker 1: shoot a gun and you can shoot a gun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And you can host a podcast and I can hear
Speaker 1: the podcast. Do you hear that? Sharon? You have a
Speaker 1: lot of things going for you, okay, And I don't
Speaker 1: want you to overlook those. Thanks. And that concludes this
Speaker 1: segment that before we say goodbye, we're gonna do our
Speaker 1: last segment called I should have known, where our guest
Speaker 1: has to answer questions about me to prove that I
Speaker 1: may be an expert and professor Grundle's field, but he's
Speaker 1: probably not an expert in mind are you ready? Yes? Okay,
Speaker 1: let's go. Okay. Question number one, what do I like
Speaker 1: more cats or dogs? Dogs? Wrong? Picking is homophobic? The
Speaker 1: Bible taught me that. Question number two, who is my
Speaker 1: dream emergency contact? Free? No, I am Freggie's emergency contact,
Speaker 1: but she's not my emergency contact. My dream emergency contact
Speaker 1: would be Mariah Carey. I think she seems reliable, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Totally? Yes, she'll be there.
Speaker 1: She's a song about that. Yeah. She just seems like
Speaker 1: she'll drop everything to be there for me. But I
Speaker 1: hope I'm not hers. She seems like a giver exactly. Okay.
Speaker 1: Number three, what's my favorite restaurant? I know you definitely
Speaker 1: don't know this one. For whatever reason, Chili's popped into
Speaker 1: my head, but I don't know if that's accurate. No. Wrong.
Speaker 1: The answer is the Cafeteria and the Tampa Bay Aquarium.
Speaker 1: And I know you don't know that because you've never
Speaker 1: been correct, But they have delicious French fries. And that
Speaker 1: now explains to me how you lost your retainer. My
Speaker 1: guess is you took it out to eat the French fries,
Speaker 1: set it down, and either somebody took it or you
Speaker 1: forgot to put it back in it. This is the
Speaker 1: Vice Dean, Vice Dean of Stanford right here, exactly right, professor. Okay,
Speaker 1: number four, what's the worst movie I've ever seen? Musucci? Wrong?
Speaker 1: The answer is my stupid step mom Sharon's home birth
Speaker 1: flog that my dad made me watch. Wow, it's awful.
Speaker 1: It was gross, and it was just so stupid because
Speaker 1: he just seems so happy to meet this baby. And
Speaker 1: I've seen his video of meeting me at my mom's
Speaker 1: birth and he did not seem that happy to see me.
Speaker 1: It's just ridiculous. That's really tough. Who my producer, Olivia's selling?
Speaker 1: I have to move on? Okay, and last question, who's
Speaker 1: my favorite poet? Ed Garland Poe? Wrong? It's me. I'm
Speaker 1: my favorite poet. Would you like to do one of
Speaker 1: your poems for me? Really? Dad? I would love to
Speaker 1: hear one of your poems. Okay, um uh too. Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening to this week's episode of Are You There? Dad?
Speaker 1: It's me Yoko. Until next time. Bye,