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Speaker 1: Buggle up, hold on tight. We got it for you here.

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Speaker 1: It is the Strawberry Letter, A subject a stepmom that

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Speaker 1: made need to step away. Dear Stephen Shirley, My husband

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Speaker 1: and I have been married for eleven years. My husband

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Speaker 1: has three grown children from his previous marriage, two sons

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Speaker 1: and a daughter. His sons are happily married, but his

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Speaker 1: daughter is not. My husband's ex wife constantly intrudes in

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Speaker 1: our marriage and in her daughter's marriage. The daughter will

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Speaker 1: not keep her mom out of her business and it

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Speaker 1: upsets her husband. The ex wife has also made my

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Speaker 1: husband's life miserable, but I can deal with that. It's

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Speaker 1: my stepdaughter that is the problem. I am not welcome

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Speaker 1: at any of the grandchildren's birthday parties or family get

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Speaker 1: togethers because of her. I have tried for many years

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Speaker 1: to have a relationship with my stepdaughter, but she's not interested.

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Speaker 1: I run around and buy things for her children and

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Speaker 1: help her father get gifts for her children, and she

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Speaker 1: will only thank my husband. She has never told me

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Speaker 1: thank you. She refers to our home as her dad's house.

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Speaker 1: It hurts my feelings that she does not respect my

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Speaker 1: marriage to her dad. My husband always defends his daughter's

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Speaker 1: actions and how he treats me. He tries to make

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Speaker 1: it better by making up lies about how his daughter

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Speaker 1: says to tell me hi when they talk Steve, how

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Speaker 1: can I get my husband to realize that his actions

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Speaker 1: are just as bad as his daughter's attitude. I'm not

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Speaker 1: worried about the ex wife, but I have to spend

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Speaker 1: time with his daughter, So I need to fix this situation.

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Speaker 1: My family life is falling apart, and I am the

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Speaker 1: only one who seems to notice. Uh what should I do?

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Speaker 1: What should you do? You ask? Well, first of all,

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Speaker 1: I think you're doing way too much. I think you

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Speaker 1: should stop doing everything. Okay. Stop going to places with them.

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Speaker 1: They don't want you there anyway, So stop going, Stop

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Speaker 1: buying stuff uh for them, Stop trying to make them

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Speaker 1: like you, Stop you know, wanting to thank you from

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Speaker 1: the daughter and going and helping you know, buy stuff

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Speaker 1: and and get gifts and all of that. And please

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Speaker 1: stop letting this woman disrespect you like this. Okay, Uh,

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Speaker 1: you deserve much better. You know. It's not about them,

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Speaker 1: it's about you. And your husband really needs to grow

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Speaker 1: up here. Um, he needs to speak up for you

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Speaker 1: on your behalf. You're his wife, you should come first. Okay,

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Speaker 1: he shouldn't let anyone. I don't care who it is.

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Speaker 1: I don't care if it's this crazy daughter that he

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Speaker 1: has his meddling ex wife, anyone, Uh come before you

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Speaker 1: and treat you this way. My husband always defends his

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Speaker 1: daughter's actions and how he treats me. Why is he

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Speaker 1: defending her? Why isn't he defending you? His wife, that's who,

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Speaker 1: and you need to let him know, uh, what is

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Speaker 1: going on here? I'm your wife. He knows that, but

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Speaker 1: you haven't spoken up for yourself. You need to let

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Speaker 1: your husband know how it's going to be from this

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Speaker 1: day forward. He needs to You all need to be

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Speaker 1: a unit, present that unit to the family and do

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Speaker 1: with it that way. Okay. Maybe the daughter will back

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Speaker 1: down once she sees that the husband respects you and

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Speaker 1: sticks up for you, But you gotta stick up for

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Speaker 1: yourself to your husband first. Steve, Well, this is a

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Speaker 1: complete mess. Blended families are always difficult. I've had my

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Speaker 1: share of difficulties with it myself, especially when you're dealing

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Speaker 1: with these grown kids because they have their own ideas

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Speaker 1: of what they think should be had. I listened to

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Speaker 1: our grown kids. Marjorie and I probably wouldn't have got

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Speaker 1: married because they went bowling and decided, Um, since we're

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Speaker 1: just informing them that they don't think we should get married,

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Speaker 1: I call him a bunch of stupid, blanketed blanks and

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Speaker 1: walked out the room simply because how y'all ignorant ass

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Speaker 1: gonna tell me something? Ain't none of y'all got a husband,

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Speaker 1: a wife, or a child. Now you're gonna tell me

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Speaker 1: how to behave So I can understand that it's gotten

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Speaker 1: way better since then, but that's still friction every now

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Speaker 1: and then. Your problem is that the daughter has sided

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Speaker 1: with the mother who is his ex wife. She's totally

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Speaker 1: taking her side. Now's something wrong with his ex wife,

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Speaker 1: because if it wasn't, it wouldn't be his ex wife,

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Speaker 1: it would be his current wife. My husband's ex wife

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Speaker 1: constantly intrudes in our marriage and then her daughter's marriage. Well,

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Speaker 1: I thought you said his sons are happily married, but

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Speaker 1: his daughter is not. All that means she's married but

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Speaker 1: not happ Okay, Well, see, first of all, his ex

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Speaker 1: wife doesn't know how to have a successful marriage, so

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Speaker 1: any information that she's intruding on with her daughter's marriage

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Speaker 1: ain't gonna be helpful to his daughter, her daughter because

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Speaker 1: she don't know how to have a healthy marriage, and

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Speaker 1: spreading dissension is her way. So now the daughter can't

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Speaker 1: stand you. Now. What you're art this is is you

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Speaker 1: are not welcome at any of the grandchildren's birthday parties

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Speaker 1: or family get togethers because of her. I tried for

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Speaker 1: many years and have relationship with my stepdaughter, but she's

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Speaker 1: not interested. I run around and buy things for her

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Speaker 1: children and help her father get gifts for her children.

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Speaker 1: She will only thank her husband. She will only think

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Speaker 1: my husband the lady. She's never told me thank you.

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Speaker 1: She refers to our home as her dad's house. It

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Speaker 1: hurts my feeling that she does not respect my marriage

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Speaker 1: to her dad. And you have every right to be hurt.

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Speaker 1: So what do you do? At one point, it takes

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Speaker 1: two to tangle if the other person, it takes two

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Speaker 1: people to take It takes two people to have a relationship.

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Speaker 1: Relationship is to people. She don't want the relationship. I

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Speaker 1: agree with Shirley. Stop stop buying stuff for the grandkids

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Speaker 1: and all this. Stop shopping for your husband. Now. If

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Speaker 1: you can't get respected, she don't talk, do you. She

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Speaker 1: don't thank you. Then see, let let him go buy

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Speaker 1: stuff for the grandkids. Now, he caught between the rock

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Speaker 1: and a hard place, and we're gonna get to that

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Speaker 1: after the break. But he caught between the hot rock

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Speaker 1: and hard play because I know what he's tryed to

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Speaker 1: He tries to make it better by making up lies

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Speaker 1: about it. How his daughter says to tell me hi

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Speaker 1: when they talk. She already knows that's not you know,

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Speaker 1: good well said hi to me. He's trying. She ain't

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Speaker 1: ever said hi to me and I've been right here,

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Speaker 1: So when the hell she started sending a message? So

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Speaker 1: you already noticed crazy? But oh dude, he don't want

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Speaker 1: you hurting The guy a bad He don't want you

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Speaker 1: to hurt But at one point in time, a decision

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Speaker 1: has got to be made. His loyalty is to you, period.

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Speaker 1: But he's suffering from guilt though. You gotta understand his

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Speaker 1: daughter is making him feel guilty over the mom's condition

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Speaker 1: mental stability. Oh pulling this man, and so you gotta

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Speaker 1: you gotta understand that a stepmom that may need to

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Speaker 1: step away is the subject. Let's recap, shall we. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know this woman is married his husband. They've been

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Speaker 1: married for eleven years. He got three grown children from

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Speaker 1: his previous marriage, two sons and a daughter. His sons

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Speaker 1: are happily married, but his daughter is not. My husband's

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Speaker 1: ex wife constantly intrudes in our marriage and then her

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Speaker 1: daughter's marriage. The daughter will not keep her mom out

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Speaker 1: of her business, and it upsets her husband. The ex

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Speaker 1: wife also made my husband's life miserable. Oh I know

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Speaker 1: what that is right there, that ex wife trying to

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Speaker 1: make your husband's life miserable. Oh Lord, been there? Um Um,

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Speaker 1: I tightened up right there. I got tight because Lord,

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Speaker 1: I know what that is. Your ex wife make your

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Speaker 1: life miserable. Why won't she go sit her tail down

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Speaker 1: some damn well, get your ass off the internet. Quit

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Speaker 1: selling stories to the inquiry. Okay, remind you to stop

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Speaker 1: lying about me all the damn time. This is not

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Speaker 1: about you. I have to, you know, remind you of that, Steve.

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Speaker 1: I think now it's a good place. Well, but when

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Speaker 1: he said the ex wife has also made my husband's

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Speaker 1: life miserable, that was directed. You don't see, Steve in

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Speaker 1: that sentence. I know I do. Two different people. Has

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. Be objective, Steve. First of all,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. We'll take yourself out

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Speaker 1: of it. Take yourself out of it, take yourself out.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't in it until she said the ex wife

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Speaker 1: has also made my husband's life miserable. Now if that

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Speaker 1: don't sound like she talking to me? And I see,

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Speaker 1: when God gives you a guilt, you got to look

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Speaker 1: at the gift for what it is and appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: So now here's what you got to do. Step away.

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Speaker 1: You should step away. Ain't no need to trying to

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Speaker 1: be kind and keep getting rebuffed. You don't have to

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Speaker 1: just have a person keep spitting on you in your face,

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Speaker 1: stay out their face. That's all you got to do.

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Speaker 1: Remove yourself from all this shopping and buying and trying

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Speaker 1: to go to get togethers and stuff. You know, I

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Speaker 1: don't understand that having family events and and then someone

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Speaker 1: calling you baby, I'm popular, popular, somebody calling me when

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Speaker 1: you think, yeah, I heard you talking about I'm going.

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Speaker 1: I got so many blocks and stuff. You don't even

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Speaker 1: want to stand up. Okay, back to the letter, because

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Speaker 1: you will get to X. Don't ask me how I know.

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Speaker 1: I just know Shirley's right. I would remove myself from situation.

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Speaker 1: I'm not worried about the X wife, but I have

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Speaker 1: to spend time with his daughter, so I need to

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Speaker 1: fix this situation. But his daughter don't want to fix

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Speaker 1: the situation. Have you ever just said, hey, listen, I

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Speaker 1: love your father. Your father loves me. I have nothing

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Speaker 1: to do with your father's breakup. I'm tired of being

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Speaker 1: blamed for it. I've been nothing but kind to you

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Speaker 1: and these grandchildren I want us to have Huh. She

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Speaker 1: says that I have tried for many years to have

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Speaker 1: a relationship with my step Well, I just told him

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Speaker 1: what you said. Okay, well, just quit trying to have

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Speaker 1: it hell with you? Just live your life by yes,

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Speaker 1: and don't bring them damn kids over here. Now, let's

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Speaker 1: Christmas shop. You ain't about That's right, I'm gonna stain,

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Speaker 1: so wait, say that one more time. Don't come over

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Speaker 1: here no more, and don't bring them damn kids. Do

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Speaker 1: you talk about the kids to make them feel bad? No? Okay, no, no,

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Speaker 1: they're innocent. Don't bring them over I'll tell you what

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Speaker 1: if you want the kids to come over here from now,

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Speaker 1: send them over here by your husband. You don't bring

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Speaker 1: your ass over here no more. But she's miserable in

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Speaker 1: her marriage. She is in an unhappy marriage, so misery

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Speaker 1: loves company, right, Well, that's why I say send him

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Speaker 1: over here by the husband, because he probably needs a break.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure he loved to come over here to

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Speaker 1: kill wash the game with us and everything. He let

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Speaker 1: it come over by herself just to get away from

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Speaker 1: your If I just stopped by and sit down the driveway,

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Speaker 1: I just swing by, Crispy kreing the light, don't know

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Speaker 1: that don't really make her mad if she, you know,

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Speaker 1: develops a relationship with the husband and they become good friends. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so it's really no way to help people like that.

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Speaker 1: It's no terrible how long this ex white thing and

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Speaker 1: last m trust me another day. I'm shot over here.

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Speaker 1: If you won't, I forgot what I was going to

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Speaker 1: ask you. Now keep going. Yeah, I think should answer

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Speaker 1: this question. At least I know what it was. Don't

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Speaker 1: you think the husband should say something. Don't you think

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Speaker 1: the husband wants trying to say something what he needs

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Speaker 1: to get them off his wife? You don't think that,

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Speaker 1: you know what? He's got a delicate line because he

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Speaker 1: don't want it's his daughter. He doesn't want to lose

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Speaker 1: a relationship with his daughter. He doesn't want the daughter

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Speaker 1: to think he's picking the wife over her, and he

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Speaker 1: don't want the wife to think that he's picking the

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Speaker 1: daughter over her. He's caught between the rock and hard place.

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Speaker 1: It's is really tough position to be, especially when it

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Speaker 1: comes to the women and boys. Boys get on with

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Speaker 1: a lot quicker, yeah, yeah, all right, Well listen, guys,

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Speaker 1: we do have to go email us or Instagram. That's

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Speaker 1: your thoughts on today's Strawberry letter, which was not about Steve.

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Speaker 1: Uh it wasn't. My son has actually told me that

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Speaker 1: I know my mom gourd Steve him go to My Girls, Shirley,

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Speaker 1: at My Girls Sholey. You're listening to the stay of

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Speaker 1: the Horday Morning showm