Speaker 1: Well, I welcome back to another episode of Bolchemists. Come
Speaker 1: your host, Kevin, Yes, yes, yes, that's Kevin bomb Well. No, no,
Speaker 1: because the bank open, Yeah, I think that's being no
Speaker 1: later hour could be in position and stuff manager opens
Speaker 1: up the day. But I digress. Let's mean you're not
Speaker 1: gonna shower in no particular order. Let's quickly check in
Speaker 1: with Craig Atkowski for his March Madness review the Cow.
Speaker 1: I I covered all my bases this year because I
Speaker 1: am really into March Madness. I did a lot of
Speaker 1: brackets and talking about Ukraine right, yes, yes, this is
Speaker 1: a various Eastern European countries and which ones will survive dark.
Speaker 1: I've got Belarus going all the ways for the absolute victory. Hey,
Speaker 1: there's chriss Avarado, taller than he knows. Fill in the blank. Please.
Speaker 1: Sometimes when I make brown, there's blank red, Gary, look out,
Speaker 1: it's James Ceeney, Johnny, Jungle Jim. What would you be
Speaker 1: most fearful of in a wide open forest? If I
Speaker 1: made brown and there was red? Yes, if I wish
Speaker 1: in a wide open forest, I'd be terrified. That is
Speaker 1: such as can smell it exactly and last, but not
Speaker 1: quite enough coffee for you, if you think at least
Speaker 1: Gary Anthony Williams coffee. I just had one recently, and
Speaker 1: I'm already thinking of my next one. Buddy. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: you're on the East coast time, so yeah, you're coming
Speaker 1: up on that that early afternoon cup. Dr mostly feels good.
Speaker 1: If laughter is the best medicine, what is the best
Speaker 1: hand cream? First of all, I say hand crim and
Speaker 1: a little secret that African Americans have gotten into years
Speaker 1: and years and years ago. That and I know this
Speaker 1: gonna sound a little racist that the whitey's have just
Speaker 1: now found out. Doesn't sounds lean petroleum jelly. The dinosaurs
Speaker 1: would not treat us wrong, now, No, please, they bled
Speaker 1: and sweat. Hey, let's do a damn show. All of
Speaker 1: our scene suggestions gathered from your listener emails or from
Speaker 1: our patron v I p s to become a patron
Speaker 1: supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content like stand
Speaker 1: alone bonus scenes, video of our actual recordings of what
Speaker 1: I'm saying right now, or at the highest level of
Speaker 1: alco maniac. Hey, why not join us for one of
Speaker 1: these zoom sessions your own damn self. In fact, we
Speaker 1: happen to have to alchemy xts with us today Ashley
Speaker 1: and KP and Um. We had a little chat with
Speaker 1: them before we started the show and they're currently UH
Speaker 1: or allegedly still hanging out with us as they watch
Speaker 1: UH and hang out in the zoo. And that could
Speaker 1: be you is my point. Head on over to patreon
Speaker 1: dot com slash alchemy this if you'd like a chance
Speaker 1: of that. Otherwise, send your scenes suggestions via old tiny
Speaker 1: email at alchemy this email at gmail dot com. It's
Speaker 1: alchemy dot com. Seen one comes from patron vip Patrick C,
Speaker 1: who wrote, Hey, gang, all the TV shows for superheroes
Speaker 1: focus on the good guys point of view. I've always
Speaker 1: wanted to know what the evil masterminds do in their
Speaker 1: day to day. Do they have a mortgage? Do they
Speaker 1: have to do list, etcetera. Take it away and thanks
Speaker 1: for all you guys and gals do pat So is
Speaker 1: that gonna do for you? You just want one pound
Speaker 1: of salami and a half pound of Swiss half pound
Speaker 1: of salammy and sorry, you got you just grab a ticket,
Speaker 1: you grab a number. I didn't grab a ticket. No,
Speaker 1: that is that necessary? Here? He's fine, he's You're okay.
Speaker 1: So it's a half pound of SALAMMI full pound of Swiss,
Speaker 1: full pound of Swiss? Are you calling your own number? Sir, Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm seventy one. That's I'm just working here. Yep, mind you.
Speaker 1: I brought my own scale and I will wait and
Speaker 1: make sure it's exactly a pound. Take Mr seventy one
Speaker 1: behind me, Mr seventy one. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: recognize that that older person, but that's that's Mr Mean,
Speaker 1: Mr Mean, Okay, he's just he's aged. Yeah, it's uh,
Speaker 1: it's the pop I left that I've always loved when
Speaker 1: he's in here, and uh, if I could just get
Speaker 1: my SALAMMI of course, of course I'm just gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna end this to him. He's gonna wait. He always
Speaker 1: wasted himself here you are, Mr Mean, man's way. This
Speaker 1: my very evil, very evil indeeds. So that was a
Speaker 1: pound of salami? Is that right? That? Are you talking
Speaker 1: to me? Mr? Mean? I know you're a pound of
Speaker 1: Swiss and a half pound of salami. Seventy one is
Speaker 1: a pound of salam Stop right there, Mr Mean? Are
Speaker 1: you trying to seat this business out of the rightful
Speaker 1: cost of their salami? How did you know that? I
Speaker 1: had my hand on the scale the hole time. You
Speaker 1: always carry your scale, Mr Mean, I'm sorry I didn't
Speaker 1: take a number, but I knew a crime was in progressed.
Speaker 1: But don't you be anized. When I put my hand
Speaker 1: on the scale, it made it look like it was
Speaker 1: more than it was. And so I'm actually giving them
Speaker 1: back money. It's citizens Goodman with me? The good Man?
Speaker 1: Yeah Goodman. Now he was giving more money to the proprietor.
Speaker 1: So where's the crime. There is none. I'm seventy one.
Speaker 1: Can I please get my look? You look great for
Speaker 1: seventy one? Thank you good Man. He took a number,
Speaker 1: good Man. Do you want your you? Sorry, it's good Man.
Speaker 1: I am not I am not billionaire Seth Goodman. Okay,
Speaker 1: so then you don't want sets normal order. Wait a minute,
Speaker 1: Just the way he said he's not billionaire, Seth Goodman
Speaker 1: makes me think that you're actually millionaire self Goodman, Seth
Speaker 1: Goodman wear a mask like this, I am good Man. No,
Speaker 1: no he doesn't. But while I'm here, if I could
Speaker 1: pick up Seth's order, and if the if the corn
Speaker 1: brief could be leaner leaner that it was last time? Okay,
Speaker 1: you got it? You there was a lot of there
Speaker 1: was a lot of fat. Seth told me, yes, no,
Speaker 1: of course, okay, seventy one. There's your pounds, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you very much. And how much is that, darling?
Speaker 1: I'm home. I'd just come back from the metterium that
Speaker 1: I got the meat that you asked for. It appears
Speaker 1: that Mr good Man was there. And do you know
Speaker 1: what I figured out today? Oh my goodness, what did
Speaker 1: you figure out today? That Mr good Man is very
Speaker 1: likely in disguise Seth Goodman, the nice Jewish lives to
Speaker 1: have over. Oh my, that's that's incredible. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Are you going to follow up on that? As soon
Speaker 1: as I pay my mortgage and do these other daily
Speaker 1: routines of mine. I was actually like, I think something.
Speaker 1: We've gotten another final notice, which is strange because there
Speaker 1: was already a final notice. I'm concerned. May I read it?
Speaker 1: Or better yet, would you read it? Toll me? Alright, Gareth.
Speaker 1: It says final notice, this property will be ceased and
Speaker 1: all possessions repossessed and sold for value. Thanks for coming in,
Speaker 1: Mr Me And I just want to go over some
Speaker 1: of the numbers here with you. The bookkeeping department Red
Speaker 1: flagged a few things for me, and I just wanted
Speaker 1: to make sure everything was okay, and please go ahead
Speaker 1: because I'm on the trail of Mr good Man. Set
Speaker 1: Are you talking about Seth Goodman? I think I am. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we do his taxes as well. You do, do you? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, I know all the Goodman's. I just took
Speaker 1: a guess. The first one was Seth. So uh. A
Speaker 1: couple of red flags? We got a did you need
Speaker 1: to take out a second mortgage? Is that something that
Speaker 1: might make sense to you? Because I'm going to recommend it.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I need to take out a
Speaker 1: second Do you mind if I get my wife on
Speaker 1: the telephone? I don't mind, But I'm just curious about
Speaker 1: the income. I don't see much of it. You you've
Speaker 1: listed a profession as well, fighting crime, and so um,
Speaker 1: I'm not a big fan of crime myself. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I think you read that wrong. I listed my profession
Speaker 1: as not fighting Oh here it is? Yeah, not not
Speaker 1: Well that's weird. Why does it say not fighting crime?
Speaker 1: Do you not realize who I am? Well, you've been
Speaker 1: a long time client of ours who were very happy
Speaker 1: for your business. Have you not read all of the
Speaker 1: news papers. As of late, I read about four newspapers
Speaker 1: every morning. Yeah, it's turned to page three on any
Speaker 1: of them. One, two, two, I'll help you the next
Speaker 1: numbers three. Yeah, m hmm. The doudgers to tread for
Speaker 1: that guy. M Are you fucking serious? Right? What am
Speaker 1: I looking for? I'm sorry, and my eye doesn't always
Speaker 1: go to what what I stand out story might be?
Speaker 1: Mr Mean, Mr Mean, Mr Mean, you're in the paper. Um,
Speaker 1: if you could tell Mr Goodman that uh, mrs Mean
Speaker 1: is here to see him, and maybe you could bust
Speaker 1: me and I've got some private conversation I'd like to
Speaker 1: talk to him about mm hmmm. And did you have
Speaker 1: an appointment? I don't. This is kind of off the cuff,
Speaker 1: I but I think he'll know who I am if
Speaker 1: you say Mrs Mean is here to speak with him?
Speaker 1: Very well, billionaire Seth Goodman, you have an unexpected guest.
Speaker 1: It's a Mrs Mean, She says, she's arrived off the cuff.
Speaker 1: Would you be seeing her today? Sure? Why not? And
Speaker 1: thank you for addressing me as billionaire Seth Admin Marshall. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: sender in sender, I have buzzed there. Oh my why
Speaker 1: Mrs Mean, I'm I'm billionaire Seth Goodman. I know who
Speaker 1: you are. Perhaps the most powerful man in this county, um,
Speaker 1: maybe country, maybe maybe maybe, If what I've heard about
Speaker 1: she is true, You're the most powerful man perhaps in
Speaker 1: the world physically well, oh and financially. Oh no, I'm
Speaker 1: I simply sit by the desk and do numbers all day.
Speaker 1: Part of corned beef, corn beef. Anybody with anybody like
Speaker 1: corn so thinly slice, very thinly sliced, it melt in
Speaker 1: the mouth, corn beef. Marshall, could you make a ruben
Speaker 1: for for Mrs Mean here? Very well, very well, we
Speaker 1: import Belarusian sauerkraut for our I don't know if I
Speaker 1: wish I was here just for the pleasures of meeting
Speaker 1: my mouth, but I'm really here because my husband's told
Speaker 1: me that he knows that you are good Man. Now
Speaker 1: you're not. You're not married to that notorious supervillain. Mr Mean,
Speaker 1: are you by anything? That's that's where my Mrs comes from.
Speaker 1: What was your maiden name? It was? It was okay,
Speaker 1: I was I was Mary okay before? But yes, all right,
Speaker 1: all right, Well that's a beautiful dress, by the way,
Speaker 1: and sorry, I didn't compliment you on that before. Silk. Oh, yes,
Speaker 1: that is it is silk. Who that kissed me shiffers,
Speaker 1: I can immediately determine the providence of any fabric. I
Speaker 1: don't believe you. Where do you think this silk is from?
Speaker 1: Because I happen to know it's Malaysian silk? Oh? My god,
Speaker 1: you do know, Seth. I'm sorry, I'm a little lightheaded
Speaker 1: right now. I'm here for a purpose. What my husband wearing?
Speaker 1: Mrs Mean? I'm sorry, gonna call you Mary, please please
Speaker 1: do it's I'm embarrassed to say it's nothing. Mr Mean.
Speaker 1: You know me. I work for a billionare Seth Goodman? Yes?
Speaker 1: Of course I know you. But you know I also
Speaker 1: have an evil streak to me, do you not? I
Speaker 1: do not realize that, but I can see a very
Speaker 1: green coming from around you. Well, I'm here to report
Speaker 1: that's your Mrs Mean stopped by the mansion for purposes
Speaker 1: of getting meat in her mouth? What was she wearing?
Speaker 1: Malaysian silp? That's her courting dress, her dating Yes, excuse me.
Speaker 1: If if somebody's got that too, Toyota Corolla would mean
Speaker 1: it's being told right now that has seen one scene
Speaker 1: fun Villains get the cars told Yeah ye, scene too
Speaker 1: comes from listener Corey K, who wrote how don't you know?
Speaker 1: And the Alchemy team long time, first time. This show
Speaker 1: always ranks the highest in my yearly Spotify. Well, then
Speaker 1: thank you for that, I think? Is that? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that means he listens to us more than any of
Speaker 1: the podcast. Yeah. I'm just curious about a fellow or
Speaker 1: lady who um looks at their annual report on Spotify
Speaker 1: and figure out everyone does. It's a it's a thing
Speaker 1: on social media you post at the end of the year.
Speaker 1: You post really yeah, so it's you get a yearly recap,
Speaker 1: and it's fun for people to post on Instagram and
Speaker 1: Twitter and stuff they do. It's really fun. It's really fun,
Speaker 1: super fun. Okay, all right, all right, I'm feeling very
Speaker 1: creeped out by people I love right now. Candle Maker.
Speaker 1: It's the scene suggestion from Corey Kay. What was it?
Speaker 1: Candlemaker Union and the Electric Light Bulb. I can't wait
Speaker 1: to hear you read this email aloud as if it
Speaker 1: were the first time you edit at all. Corey Kay
Speaker 1: out of Oregon, candle Makers Union and the Electric Light Hey, Tim, Yeah,
Speaker 1: uh did you want me to pick you up for
Speaker 1: the meeting. I mean you usually do yes, please, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I got a weird I got a weird I
Speaker 1: got a weird text, uh that I thought was from
Speaker 1: you about you the music you've been listening to. And
Speaker 1: I just didn't know if that was your way of saying,
Speaker 1: don't pick me up. No, I just wanted you to
Speaker 1: know I cued up a playlist for a ride today. Yeah. Okay,
Speaker 1: so that's the part that I was curious about because
Speaker 1: that just creeps me out. Um, your playlist and your
Speaker 1: musical taste is none of my business. So in terms
Speaker 1: of our our friendship moving forward, let's leave that out
Speaker 1: of it. If I want to know your opinion, I'll
Speaker 1: I'll give it to you sort of thing. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: I I was. It was just it's kind of a
Speaker 1: melancholy playlist because I've got some insider information that I
Speaker 1: think you might insider information. You know. Now, My ears
Speaker 1: are are a little well, my wife, my wife is
Speaker 1: in in the union, you know. And they had a
Speaker 1: meeting last week and the candlemaker unions coming back and
Speaker 1: and she they're confident. Who whoa, whoa whoa? Can we
Speaker 1: not say, I know, I know, I know, candlemaker, this
Speaker 1: could be recorded. Now we're saying you don't know, Well
Speaker 1: I would have said this is being recorded, or you
Speaker 1: would have is this being recorded? Like don't you have
Speaker 1: to say that in California? Well, you know what, if
Speaker 1: it is, we're fucked. So just tell me more about
Speaker 1: your wife being a part of this union. Always been
Speaker 1: part of the union. But it's just like a hobby,
Speaker 1: you know, candlemaking hobby. But they're they're restarting the union
Speaker 1: and they're going to try to give they're going to
Speaker 1: try to give up. And that's all the tape I have.
Speaker 1: That's all the tape I have. So I recorded their
Speaker 1: entire conversation up until that point. And so from what
Speaker 1: I understand, then they do want They do know that
Speaker 1: we are making our return to great Yes, sir, well
Speaker 1: they see they don't say greatness. And I think that's
Speaker 1: the point I'm trying to get across to you. People
Speaker 1: are aware that the Union is coming back and we're
Speaker 1: coming back strong, but they don't know how great we
Speaker 1: can be. Now do they also realize that we're the
Speaker 1: reason for the b shorters, that we've been housing all
Speaker 1: the bees to make wax ken. I don't think that.
Speaker 1: I don't think they made that connection. And I think
Speaker 1: that's good for us, sir. And do they realize that
Speaker 1: we've also hired several slaves down south to make cotton
Speaker 1: wicks for all the candles? That a true? Is that
Speaker 1: per true? I thought that was a rumor. That's not
Speaker 1: a rumor at all. That's a true that very well
Speaker 1: paid slaves. And the employees employees. Sure you can call
Speaker 1: them that. I'd rather not call them anything, sir. There
Speaker 1: is just still one and I'll just say it's it's
Speaker 1: just one thing. Electricity has been doing so well. Doesn't
Speaker 1: seem like that's a trend, like you said, or a fad.
Speaker 1: It seems to be here to stay in. Uh you know, now,
Speaker 1: we do. We do have an insider. We do have
Speaker 1: an insider at the electric light bulb company trying to
Speaker 1: gather some information. Who's there, who's there? They are company?
Speaker 1: We sent in our best, we sent in. My name
Speaker 1: is Chandler, and uh yeah, just love electricity. I just
Speaker 1: wanna well a lot of light, a lot of light
Speaker 1: in this room. Huh all right, all right, Well, what
Speaker 1: you need to do is you need to stretch this
Speaker 1: filament so that it goes on both sides of this
Speaker 1: that the conductivity uh lightens. Yes, yes, you stress the
Speaker 1: filament and then there goes to both sides and that's
Speaker 1: how the electricity goes through it. Right, I mean, why
Speaker 1: are you so curious about everything else that's going on here?
Speaker 1: I mean it's just fascinating, like, uh, I mean the
Speaker 1: power right and in light. You know, you don't want
Speaker 1: to sit there and curse the darkness though, I mean
Speaker 1: there was for the thousands of years a perfectly good
Speaker 1: solution to darkness. Of course, that reminds me I want
Speaker 1: to make sure I weren't you. Try not to do
Speaker 1: any clapping because a lot of this is clap activity.
Speaker 1: You could turn off a whole line of the whole factory.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, does somebody have a lighter. Someone buzz
Speaker 1: Candler into my office please, trying very well, very well,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to buzz Chandler. Candler reporting for duty. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I just realized as I misread your name that your
Speaker 1: name basically is Candler, which is exactly what you do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I come from a long line of candlers,
Speaker 1: and I have in my breast pocket check for two
Speaker 1: million dollars. I haven't my real back pocket on the
Speaker 1: right hand side of my million dollars, but my real
Speaker 1: hold on, let me call my Taylor just one second. Hello, Hello,
Speaker 1: Taylor's miguel, Hey Taylor holds. Question. Yeah, the less suit
Speaker 1: that you made me the real back pocket. I put
Speaker 1: a four million dollars checking and someone was questioning me
Speaker 1: if it wasn't the real order back right pocketing. I really,
Speaker 1: I was at a loss. We did not make the
Speaker 1: left side back pocket for checks, just the right. It
Speaker 1: has to be the right. So if it fits in
Speaker 1: there's the right rear back. Yeah, I would never fit
Speaker 1: in the left. The left is really for a pencil,
Speaker 1: maybe a backscratcher you could put in there, or fingernail
Speaker 1: file or maybe a new driver could fit a nail.
Speaker 1: You could put a long nail in there, a nail file.
Speaker 1: Go nicely. Do you need me to step out? So? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: this is a this is all information I'm gonna share
Speaker 1: back with you in just a moment. Anyways, was there
Speaker 1: anything else? That's it? Thank you shalom shalom to you. No, no,
Speaker 1: I said at first, No, that's a billion or so,
Speaker 1: good man. You're too, is it? No? No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: he's off somewhere with Mr. De Mean's wife stroking silk uh. Now,
Speaker 1: this four million dollar check that's in my real right
Speaker 1: back pocket, I've been assured, got it, Neil file or
Speaker 1: any of those items that's for you for shutting down
Speaker 1: that light bulb place yesterday. Nice? The one in my
Speaker 1: bread were the wrong pocket? Wrong pocket, You're gonna pinch it.
Speaker 1: You're gonna hurt yourself. What you said, you're right right,
Speaker 1: But notice that you're standing back back to front with me,
Speaker 1: so then that makes you I reached around the wrong
Speaker 1: I got a screw driver. That's one of the items
Speaker 1: that would be kept in there. There's other two million dollars. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's for you to go over there again tonight and
Speaker 1: shut it down permanently, sir. How do I do that?
Speaker 1: That's up to you. I like it, Honey. Could you
Speaker 1: pass the parmesan cheese? Yeah, there you go, Thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you to do something I I didn't
Speaker 1: think i'd ever ask you to do. Um. Well, first
Speaker 1: you tell me why you never thought you'd ask me
Speaker 1: to do it? Because I love the fact that we
Speaker 1: have such independent lives. We don't have a codependent relationship,
Speaker 1: but I want you to quit the candlemaker union. Oh my, okay,
Speaker 1: So we've gone wonderfully for seventeen years without being co
Speaker 1: dependent or telling each other what we think they should do,
Speaker 1: and you'd like to break that tonight by asking me
Speaker 1: to quit my job. I think that you could get
Speaker 1: You could just continue to do it as a part
Speaker 1: of a hobby like you could make you know, sand dead.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go help my friend Chandler. I'll be home
Speaker 1: later by wait what what time are you going to
Speaker 1: be home later? Layer? God damn it. I don't like
Speaker 1: his friend Chandler. I don't like that. Do you've raised
Speaker 1: the child to do whatever? The hell? He please? Well? Hey,
Speaker 1: what's up, Chandler? Man? That's a cool ride. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: runs entirely on candle light fuck yeah yeah, So all right,
Speaker 1: let me go this, Hi, do see your license and
Speaker 1: registration police. There you go, Chandler, Candler candle or head
Speaker 1: candle headlines. You got up there. That's pretty nice. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I just just make sure everything's okay. I see a
Speaker 1: grown ass man riding with a young boy in a
Speaker 1: car at nighttime, and it's just sure, a little suspicious.
Speaker 1: Fourteen I'm fourteen, so respect he's small for his age though. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's a young boy and you're a grown ass man.
Speaker 1: We're not gonna but everything and Adam and everything looks okay,
Speaker 1: and the guys have a good night. Huh, easy, does it? Johnny?
Speaker 1: Sorry you too, He gets a little over zealous. I
Speaker 1: keep telling them they could be father and son, they
Speaker 1: could be uncle and nephew. We don't need to rush
Speaker 1: to judgment. Just friends. Now you say, huh, Now, I'm suspicious, Johnny.
Speaker 1: You know, no one says just friends unless they're covering
Speaker 1: up something. Hold up, uh, sir, could you step battle
Speaker 1: the car? I think he means you who'd probably call
Speaker 1: me a kid? Kids stay seated? Yes you see, Yeah,
Speaker 1: let me see your license. I know you showed it
Speaker 1: to my partner, but let me get a look at
Speaker 1: Chandler Candler. Chandler Candler. Okay, that's definitely made up. What
Speaker 1: do you do for a living? Chandler Candler? I'm don't
Speaker 1: don't say it. Don't say you're a candlemaker. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm a chandler. You you channel for for a living? No,
Speaker 1: a Chandler makes candles. It's the fancy way of saying
Speaker 1: candle maker. Chandler. So you accidentally just blew out one
Speaker 1: of my headlights? Yeah, I get a little b boviate.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you could tell um. So, how
Speaker 1: long have you been a chandler? Uh? My family? Your answers.
Speaker 1: Your answer should be from birth. If that's actually your name. Yes,
Speaker 1: And you say your profession is also a chandler. I
Speaker 1: am also a chandler. Yes, but currently I'm working at
Speaker 1: the at the local power company. Oh, what do you
Speaker 1: do there? I'm responsible for I shouldn't have to think
Speaker 1: about it, should really just trickle right off the tongue fact.
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not a spy. This is what we
Speaker 1: call it hemming and hawing. Okay, so you know, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna need you to step back, put your hands out
Speaker 1: wide to either side, and then one at a time,
Speaker 1: bring him in and just touch the tip of your
Speaker 1: nose to tip of your nose with your finger, just
Speaker 1: one finger at a time, all right, and now reverse.
Speaker 1: He doesn't drink. This is not difficult. What's the kid's name, chandler?
Speaker 1: What's the kid's name? This kid your friend, your friend,
Speaker 1: the boy, call each other friend. That's for sure. We
Speaker 1: call each other friend. For the most part. I think
Speaker 1: it's never gotten beyond that. I mean we're just friends.
Speaker 1: Oh man, see again that thou dost dost protest too
Speaker 1: much or some ship like that. Uh, kid, let's you
Speaker 1: go ahead and step out of the car as well. No,
Speaker 1: I'm good, he's good. Johnny, you want to get out
Speaker 1: of the car. Yeah, no, you won't. You can't touch me.
Speaker 1: That psis Oh my friend, Oh my arm, I hate
Speaker 1: to do this. Wof see. Okay, he can get a
Speaker 1: high speed of twelve miles per hour in that candle
Speaker 1: car should be able to chase him. Let's let's give chase,
Speaker 1: shall we? And that is seen to. Scene three comes
Speaker 1: to us from listener Nope, patron supporter. Uh, how would
Speaker 1: how would you all pronounce d E N I Z knees?
Speaker 1: I would sure Dennis, Yeah, I thought Dennis, and my
Speaker 1: brain said no, no, we're not going to use z
Speaker 1: as a sound. The Knees wrote, Hello, dear alchemists, I
Speaker 1: would like to start with saying that I love each
Speaker 1: and every one of you very much. A scene suggestion
Speaker 1: just off the top of my head. Sword fight notice
Speaker 1: the balance of this one. Notice the hilt, the balance
Speaker 1: on the handle, and then notice the width of the blade.
Speaker 1: This is one that you'll want to take into battle
Speaker 1: with you, I assure you when you say it's just hilt.
Speaker 1: Holding a second, sir, let me just do check this.
Speaker 1: This is I'm taking number seventy four right now, sir,
Speaker 1: you'll have to wait your turn. Go ahead, please, sorry, sorry,
Speaker 1: that's fine, that's fine. We all get a bit rambunctious
Speaker 1: and impatient when a sword fight day, don't. Yeah, hey,
Speaker 1: would you mind seventy three? Would you mind asking what
Speaker 1: a hilt than I have seventy five? Oh? You know
Speaker 1: what it is? Three? I am seventy. Forgive my hand
Speaker 1: right here. Let me make a public Let me make
Speaker 1: a public apology for for everyone standing in line, forgive
Speaker 1: my handwriting. My threes tend to look like fives, and
Speaker 1: for some reason, the zeros look like fours. Go ahead now, please, yes, Well,
Speaker 1: I'm going to defer what was the question you wanted
Speaker 1: to ask you about the hilt because my question was, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just gonna ask my question. The
Speaker 1: blade is very but it's not very long. No, No,
Speaker 1: this is this is a short broad This is a
Speaker 1: shortened broad sword for more close battle. When you're in
Speaker 1: the heat of battle, you want to see the sweat
Speaker 1: on your opponent's brow. You want to smell his breath
Speaker 1: in the tickle of his mustache. That's when you know
Speaker 1: you've conquered a man. I was really looking for a
Speaker 1: sword that could I could fight at a great distance
Speaker 1: from someone, maybe like very long. Yes, that's called it. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's the CS or the chicken ship sword. Hold on,
Speaker 1: Just get my assistant to open the chicken ship room
Speaker 1: for you, Darius. Yes, could you open the chicken ship
Speaker 1: room and take this face loser that there and let
Speaker 1: him choose some whimpy ass sword. Of course, Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank You're welcome, Thank you. Now you the hilt? You
Speaker 1: want a heavy hilt and a broad blade. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: just not from as familiar with the word hilt. I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm new to sword fighting, and so could you
Speaker 1: help me out? Yes? Who it actually stands for? What
Speaker 1: it sounds like? Hell, the H is behind I is interior,
Speaker 1: L is for length length and t you so you
Speaker 1: kind of do know. No, I'm just good at acronyms,
Speaker 1: and so you can see We've got a lot of
Speaker 1: options here. Um, it goes all the way from coward
Speaker 1: to bitch. Um you know your your joy, Yeah, depending
Speaker 1: on the longest was the longest sword possible? Well, I
Speaker 1: would like to be able to strike somebody from even
Speaker 1: maybe around a corner, if possible. All right, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the that's the that's the B B sword. We don't
Speaker 1: sell many of these. This is the biggest bit sword. Um.
Speaker 1: Open this here now you see. This is twenty two
Speaker 1: ft in length and even has a has a little
Speaker 1: curve at the end. You can you can go around
Speaker 1: corners without actually looking. It's kind of bendy. It's very's bendy.
Speaker 1: It's bendy. Yeah, but it's still kills, still kills over
Speaker 1: take it. Who are you? Who are you killing? What
Speaker 1: the fuck? I was just rounding a corner. You swing
Speaker 1: a sword at me, sir, So you're bleeding, you're bleeding
Speaker 1: from your Oh god, oh I saw the whole thing.
Speaker 1: I thought, if you need a witness, I saw you
Speaker 1: come around a corner and oh god, what did he
Speaker 1: look like? I don't know the enemies he's over there,
Speaker 1: about twenty two ft away from you. He's still standing
Speaker 1: there with a big smile on his face. He's starting
Speaker 1: to run. I could kill with sword. I could give Chase.
Speaker 1: I think I could catch him. That sword probably weighs.
Speaker 1: It's so easy to get a sword in this town.
Speaker 1: You want to help background checks, I'll give chase. If
Speaker 1: you want to check on this guy, he could and
Speaker 1: please call an ambulance. Oh god, nurse, we're gonna have
Speaker 1: to operate on this man. But since he was struck
Speaker 1: in such a odd way, as they say, we'll have
Speaker 1: to operate equally as odd. And I'm going to go
Speaker 1: into the next room, and I need you to try
Speaker 1: to elongate and bend the scalpel so I can operate
Speaker 1: him from the same way that he was stabbed. Right, Okay,
Speaker 1: so why is no one in here with me? We're
Speaker 1: around the corner, sir, We're around the corner. You'll be fine.
Speaker 1: Where's the anesthesiologist, for fox sake, The anesthesiologists three buildings away, right,
Speaker 1: So he's on his way in No, no, no, he's
Speaker 1: going to work from three. But this man was struck
Speaker 1: in such an odd way, we have to heal him
Speaker 1: in an odd way. Okay, Well, you're still bading from
Speaker 1: the gun. We understand, shouldn't we patch him up? We
Speaker 1: get right in there with needle and thread. We're going
Speaker 1: to scampl him open first. We're first. We're gonna open
Speaker 1: him up even more, open him up more, the same
Speaker 1: way you would with the what's something that's open that
Speaker 1: you have to open more to? Really zipp zipper? Like
Speaker 1: a zipper, you have to take it. Hey, welcome back. Um,
Speaker 1: there's been new protocols. We have to new background checks now.
Speaker 1: So I gotta ask you a couple of questions before
Speaker 1: you get one of these sores, If that's cool with you.
Speaker 1: I just want to get the same thing as you
Speaker 1: sold me less time. There's are rules. I can't just
Speaker 1: get the same I want another bb. I had to
Speaker 1: drop it in the running moment. That happens a lot
Speaker 1: a lot of people who buy the babies dropped them
Speaker 1: and running. Um, A couple of questions here, are you
Speaker 1: a bit yeah? Okay? Um? Have have you ever been
Speaker 1: into a hand to hand combat situation? Oh? God, not
Speaker 1: hand to hand? No? Wait? Were you ever picked on? Uh?
Speaker 1: Huh okay yeah, certified bitch? Yeah? Okay, Um, so you
Speaker 1: wanted the same one because we got a new one.
Speaker 1: Oh my God, that one was really good, Like, what's
Speaker 1: what's the new one? This is the Triple be. Now
Speaker 1: only my boss has the key to open it. But um,
Speaker 1: if you want, you've passed the background check, can get him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wanted. The last one was good, but there's a
Speaker 1: new improvement to it. Problem was that it was hard
Speaker 1: to run because it was so long. Most people just
Speaker 1: drop it and run. That's the that's probably it's so expectedly. Yes,
Speaker 1: I want the Triple B. Okay, uh sir? Yes, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: hold on just one second, hold on, just one He kisses,
Speaker 1: He kisses for a long time, always kiss I'm halfway
Speaker 1: done kissing you, darling, Hea. He loves to kiss. Do
Speaker 1: you kiss anybody? Yeah? He kisses. I'd like to try
Speaker 1: it though, are you know not mean interested? Oh? He's
Speaker 1: almost done here and finished. Boss, we got somebody here
Speaker 1: who wants to check out the Triple B. Now I
Speaker 1: know it's secret, so I will leave. Did you do
Speaker 1: a background check on this guy? Yes, sir, he's a
Speaker 1: bit he's never been in a hand to hand combat before.
Speaker 1: And the other one he was picked on, Yes, yes
Speaker 1: he was he was. Okay, i'll leave you now if
Speaker 1: I'm not mistaken. I saw your sallow cheeks in here earlier,
Speaker 1: but they well, this one is really made for distance
Speaker 1: and it's lightweight. The hilt is actually made out of billiam.
Speaker 1: This not only goes around the corner. It reached down
Speaker 1: an alley en up three stories to a building. Whoa, whoa,
Speaker 1: hey babe, Sorry, sorry, I'm still on my way there.
Speaker 1: I had to go to the emergency room. But I'll
Speaker 1: tell you all about it later. They stitched me up
Speaker 1: from twenty ft away. It was crazy. Are you going
Speaker 1: to go up to the third floor or not? I'm
Speaker 1: not holding this elevator forever for you. No, that that's fine.
Speaker 1: I'm just finishing with my wife. I'll take the stairs.
Speaker 1: Who is that hold the door? Holding the door? Hi?
Speaker 1: Who's that weird? Though? I don't know, just some guy
Speaker 1: at the hospital anyways, is the is that the hold
Speaker 1: the door? Guy holding the door? Hi? I don't think
Speaker 1: it's the original guy. It's another guy who's filling in,
Speaker 1: I think anyway, Look, just tell everyone, tell everyone. I'm right.
Speaker 1: You guys can go. You guys can go. Hey, Sorry,
Speaker 1: I was just serving a few to the sandwiches, okay, Um,
Speaker 1: Jim's got kids. Over with the pool again today. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm in the lobby of catchphrase one on one
Speaker 1: holding the door him. Anyway, I'm safely Yes, I love you, okay,
Speaker 1: al right? Well, wow, boss, you sold him the triple B.
Speaker 1: Huh I did? I've never seen that's a coward in
Speaker 1: my life. Boss. Do you ever feel like maybe you're
Speaker 1: responsible for some of the death in this neighborhood? Absolutely? Yes,
Speaker 1: Why do you want? I feel like I am nine
Speaker 1: responsible for all the deaths of sword deaths? Yes, I
Speaker 1: do like I feel that way. But you ever see
Speaker 1: that movie about the Winchester mentioned the wife was crazy
Speaker 1: and said that her husband had used the Winchester rifles
Speaker 1: to kill people. My wife was building another room onto
Speaker 1: our home right now. I'm afraid she's going insane from
Speaker 1: my from the guilt of me killing people. Anyways, I
Speaker 1: have to go out for a send, which now wait,
Speaker 1: I know what that means. It's code for kissing. You're
Speaker 1: gonna go kiss some more, Boss. You can't lose yourself
Speaker 1: in all these kisses. You gotta you gotta, you gotta
Speaker 1: stand up. So what you'll notice on your ride is
Speaker 1: a stairway that leads up to a door and the
Speaker 1: other side of that door as a brick wall. Mrs
Speaker 1: Winchester was told by a psychic to keep expanding her
Speaker 1: home in order to stay alive. I have a question
Speaker 1: from the back. Yes, yes, a question there in the
Speaker 1: red velvet hat. That's me, they call me, velvi Um.
Speaker 1: Is the psychic still alive or did he die around
Speaker 1: the time Miss Winchester or previous on the same day.
Speaker 1: Do we know if you're a fan of a show
Speaker 1: called Forensic File, Yeah, of course i am. A story
Speaker 1: did come out about that very psychic whose husband was
Speaker 1: a contractor and in cahoots and then the whole thing
Speaker 1: was a plan to get Mrs Winchester to keep building.
Speaker 1: Oh that is that is interesting information. Thank you, Velvin,
Speaker 1: Thanks you, Thank you, Velvie. Any other questions while we're
Speaker 1: at this. Is that sword it's reaching around the corner
Speaker 1: part of the tour or yes? That was the story
Speaker 1: that Mrs Winchester purchased from a sortatorium in nineteen thirty one,
Speaker 1: and she believed that the sword could poke uh, the
Speaker 1: contractor when he was taking a break some of his career. Yes,
Speaker 1: is that the original bitch Crest family bitch Crest Uh,
Speaker 1: that is the third one, not the original. Sorry. Sorry,
Speaker 1: you know the originals in a museum in San Carlos, California. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's mid Peninsula, San Carlos, California. Carlos, California, San Carlos, California, California.
Speaker 1: From here, this is Gary Anthony Williams with the Midnight News.
Speaker 1: Apparently a run on San Carlos has been made. People
Speaker 1: are coming from all over America. Who sang Carlos California
Speaker 1: as a young man here? Now I'm gonna try to
Speaker 1: stop him. Excuse me, sir, sir, could you slow down
Speaker 1: just I'll keep up with you running? Then, sir, why
Speaker 1: why did you feel it necessary for you to come
Speaker 1: to San Carlos, California. Well, finally we found the original
Speaker 1: location of the Bitch Crest, the original family Bitch Crest,
Speaker 1: and it is here. It's Carlos, It's Here's wives Midnight News,
Speaker 1: Love you work. This is Chris Alvarado with the one
Speaker 1: AM News. It breaks my heart to say that Gary
Speaker 1: Anthony Williams, beloved anchor of the Gary Anthony Williams News
Speaker 1: at Midnight, has died. He's died of a heart attack.
Speaker 1: Questions from the bag high questions from the back. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I just was doing a studio tour and I saw
Speaker 1: you in Where did where did he die? What part
Speaker 1: of the world? That a dian I won't be giving
Speaker 1: that information out. I said, where did he die? What
Speaker 1: part of the world did it die in? That sort
Speaker 1: is so fat and so short. Yeah. I smell your breath,
Speaker 1: I see the sweat in your eyes and my mustache,
Speaker 1: I see. I think I feel the tickle of your stash.
Speaker 1: San Carlos, this is Craig Atkowski with your two AM News.
Speaker 1: Chris Alvarado, our one AM anchor has been fired. And
Speaker 1: that was our show for today. Oh man, mommy, make
Speaker 1: it stop. Oh gosh, bless us all um uh well,
Speaker 1: thank you all very much for being here. Let's start
Speaker 1: with Craig Atkowski. Craig, anything you want to share that
Speaker 1: our listeners should know about anything at all. Yes, A
Speaker 1: chandler is the name of a candlemaker. I that is
Speaker 1: a little hobby of mine, is learning those English Old
Speaker 1: English last names that are occupations. There's the obvious ones
Speaker 1: like cook and baker and butcher. But a chandler is
Speaker 1: a candlemaker. A fletcher is an arrowmaker. A Cooper is
Speaker 1: a barrel maker. Oh I asked him. Thank you for
Speaker 1: all of that right to us at AL commut his
Speaker 1: email at gmail dot com if you have further questions
Speaker 1: about names that referred to occupations occupations christov Arando, thank
Speaker 1: you for being here. What can you tell us? Gosh,
Speaker 1: I can't tell you stuff like that, but I can
Speaker 1: tell you that my wife Jessica Lowe has been on
Speaker 1: the show before is her show Minx has premiered on
Speaker 1: HBO Max. It's a big hit. Everyone loves it, and
Speaker 1: I might I you know, if I don't, if if
Speaker 1: I don't end up on the cutting room floor, I
Speaker 1: might be in an episode coming up here soon. That's
Speaker 1: one of the stars of Minx. That's one of the
Speaker 1: stars of Minks. Everybody that's Jessica Lowe. Well, this week
Speaker 1: doesn't mean much because who knows him? This airs. I
Speaker 1: just want to say, check out Minks on HBO Max.
Speaker 1: Can we get a visual cameo as well as an
Speaker 1: audio cameo? She charges for these now. Absolutely got in
Speaker 1: the mail. Gary Anthony Williams, Swedish of cheeks Um, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for being here. It was this was
Speaker 1: literally my pleasure and I will tell you this, without
Speaker 1: our guests on the show, with it, I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: delivered black I did today No pressure. That was pretty nice. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Having Kpene actually with us. Yeah. And if anybody knows
Speaker 1: the original version of Elton John's it was, it seems
Speaker 1: to me you live your life like a Chendel in
Speaker 1: the wind. Ah. Yes, Bernie Tupp and that freak for
Speaker 1: w James Heeney, thank you for being here as well.
Speaker 1: Dr j Thank you. I want to remind everybody that
Speaker 1: it's not too late to get their ticket to the
Speaker 1: April third Alchemy this live show at the West Side
Speaker 1: Comedy Theater. It starts at eight pm. God knows when
Speaker 1: it will end. Honestly, if we all really stick together,
Speaker 1: we could probably keep them from closing at the end
Speaker 1: of the night, but otherwise it will be like an
Speaker 1: hour long show. Thank you for that and those of
Speaker 1: you listening after April two. I'm sorry. Let's thank our
Speaker 1: producer and engineer to the stars, Mr Doug Bane, the
Speaker 1: fine folks that I hurt Media Award winning co star
Speaker 1: Minx Jessica Low. Jessica, I'm your host, Kevin Pollack Magneta.
Speaker 1: Please be kind to everybody you know and don't know.
Speaker 1: Be kind of a stranger today, just for ship, said Giggles. Uh,
Speaker 1: tell everyone you've ever known about the podcast until next
Speaker 1: time can be s