WEBVTT - Giving Birth as a 40-Year-Old Virgin w/ Lynette Weaver 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:05.840 Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio 0:00:06.000 --> 0:00:09.280 in partnership with I Heart Radio. So tell me about 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:12.680 what the labor experience was like as a virgin, Like, 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:15.360 does your O B say that it's like drastically different 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:20.919 because your vagina hasn't like she was, like listen, a 0:00:21.000 --> 0:00:24.239 penis and a baby are not even close to the 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:30.920 same size, so she's like year five. Mentally, I had 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:34.600 a little bit of you know, thought around that, like yeah, 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:37.440 because I didn't want to like tear from here to 0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:48.320 Timbuck two as well, you know, welcome back to Katie's Crib. 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:52.960 I have someone here today that I've met before, no before. 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:58.160 We have so many people in common. Our Dulah, Rebecca 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:00.760 ben A Nati or my Dula who was on episode two, 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:04.280 season one of Katie's Crib. Dr Berlin, who is an 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:09.840 incredible pregnant Cairo practor Mssus Extraordinaire, and also Duela himself. 0:01:10.440 --> 0:01:12.880 We have lots of people in common. Um, we are 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:15.440 talking about one of the coolest things I've ever heard 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:19.200 about today, We're talking about embryo adoption. And then I 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:23.880 have here in parentheses, forty year old virgin. I just like, 0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:28.959 I don't know. Let's just tell you how fabulous Lynnette 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:31.479 Weaver is who is our guest today. She's an HR 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:34.679 professional who previously served as a birth doula and childbirth 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:39.080 educator for over ten years. Desiring to be a mother 0:01:39.160 --> 0:01:41.800 from the time she was very young and finding herself 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:44.920 approaching forty and still single, she chose to pursue motherhood 0:01:45.000 --> 0:01:48.760 on her own through the process of embryo adoption. She 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:52.040 currently resides in Los Angeles with her three year old son, Miles. 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:54.800 I love that name, Lynette. Thank you so much for 0:01:54.840 --> 0:02:03.000 coming on Katie's crib. I have so many girlfriends turning 0:02:03.040 --> 0:02:05.000 for you this year, and I am also turning for 0:02:05.040 --> 0:02:08.120 you this year. And we have a lot of conversations 0:02:08.120 --> 0:02:11.680 about freezing. What am I doing this on my own? 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:14.760 What's my deal? What do I want? What does my 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:16.440 future look like? And I want to be a mom? 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:18.960 These are big conversations being had. So I'm thrilled to 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:24.119 do an episode about this. Tell our viewers, listeners, listeners, 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:28.000 how we know each other, where we met, etcetera. Yes, well, 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:30.640 thank you so much for chatting with me and having 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:36.280 me here. Um, so we met through childbirth education. So 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:40.080 Rebecca ben Nati or dula Um is also a friend 0:02:40.120 --> 0:02:43.840 of mine, and she sent you to the childbirth class 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:46.239 that I was teaching with Talia, who also has been 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:47.920 a guest on your show a couple of times. The 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:50.640 best we all did to Talian more episodes. She's up. 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:55.320 She specializes in child nutrition and so she was big 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:59.360 on the solid foods episode. And also she was my 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:03.560 big hell and saving angel for postpartum depression and anxiety, 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:06.680 which she also struggled with. But she taught my child 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:10.040 with class at Beanie Birth when we could do those 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:12.560 things pre COVID with Albie. When you go to that 0:03:12.639 --> 0:03:14.800 class and you learn how to like do a diaper 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:18.320 or a swaddle or whatever. Lynnette is also there and 0:03:18.400 --> 0:03:22.080 was it. Were you a teacher there too? I was yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:25.639 So Talia and I talked, Yeah, you team taught, that's right. 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:27.880 And I have photos from that class, like I was 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:30.120 in that class. Audiley Cabral was on that cast. Who's 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:33.200 been on this podcast? Oh my god, this is crazy. 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:35.200 It's all coming back to me now. That was that 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:40.280 wasn't the before times? And you were so much fun 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:44.320 in there? Well that's probably my husband. I was probably 0:03:44.400 --> 0:03:47.960 very pregnant, and my husband was probably using the whole 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:52.440 experience as some sort of theatrical event like he does. Um, 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:56.520 so you taught that class, and you've always wanted to 0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:59.520 be a mom, like from the time you were little. Yeah. 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:04.400 I of about eighteen cousins and my sister and I are, 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:06.800 you know, the oldest, and so every year it was 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:09.040 like a new baby being born, and every time the 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:11.160 family got together, that was the thing that I wanted 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:14.160 to do, was take care of the new baby. So 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:18.599 I just have always been very nurturing and motherly and 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:22.640 have wanted to be a mom since I can remember. Wow, 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:26.160 how did you get into the dulah biz? So I 0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:29.200 got to be present when my niece was born and 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:34.280 she is fourteen now, and I though it's so crazy, 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:36.800 but I got to witness her birth and it was 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:40.040 like the most amazing thing I had ever seen and 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:43.720 I couldn't get over just the experience of it. And 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:46.680 my mom is not a Dulah, but she is very 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.359 nurturing and kind of played the role of what a 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:52.680 Dulah would do. And I thought, Wow, that's something that 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:56.400 is really cool that everybody needs, Like everyone needs someone 0:04:57.000 --> 0:04:59.080 to be able to, you know, walk them through the 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:02.440 process and be that physical comfort and emotional support and 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:04.440 all of that. I didn't even know a duel existed 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:06.760 at that time. And then I had a good friend 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:09.760 who was pregnant really shortly after that, and I couldn't 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:12.560 stop talking about birth apparently, and she was like, do 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:14.719 you want to come when I have the baby? And 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:18.600 I'm like, okay, So I just kind of stepped into that. 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:23.120 How amazing you weren't terrified. You didn't see the vagina 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:25.360 and opening up in the whole thing, and you were like, 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:28.120 oh my god. I mean before I did it myself, 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:32.000 I was so scared and scarred from whatever horrifying video 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:35.000 they used to show in the nineties of like that 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:38.680 super hairy bush. Excuse me, that isn't like this science 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:41.440 class of biology when you're thirteen and the show was 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:44.919 seventies birth and it seems did they I feel like 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:49.000 they show us that to like practice abstinence. My births 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:52.240 were so much better than that birth. Yeah, totally. So 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:56.359 you saw a vaginal birth through your niece's birth and 0:05:56.400 --> 0:06:02.080 you were completely inspired, blown away, not scared at all. Yeah. Yeah, 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:04.320 I mean some of the medical stuff took a little 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:07.520 time to get used to, but it really was. I 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:10.640 was so laser focused on the mom, on the laboring 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:15.279 person that I was like, Wow, she needs somebody focused 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:20.119 on her and the support and having someone just really 0:06:20.160 --> 0:06:23.880 be able to bring down the anxiety level in the room. 0:06:23.920 --> 0:06:28.200 After learning that, um, that that can affect the birth process, 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:29.960 I was like, Oh, that's something that I know how 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:33.520 to do. I feel like I can affect change in 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:37.080 the room by just you know, being present and being knowledgeable, 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:41.000 being calm and being comforting. That's so great, My god. 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:43.640 Anyone who had you as a duela was very, very lucky. 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:47.400 It's the most rewarding work. It is such a sacred 0:06:48.120 --> 0:06:52.480 space to be allowed into. Um. I mean the rewards 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:55.080 were so great. Just sometimes I felt like I did 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:59.280 nothing other than being present and being calm, and they 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.440 were like, oh, I couldn't do that without you here, 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:05.920 and I thought, I'm not doing anything. But it is amazing, 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:09.760 it's beautiful. I'm I'm always inspired by the strength of 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:12.320 the woman and what she can do and what she 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:15.960 can experience, and UM, it really really has been an 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:19.760 honor every single time. It's it's such an honor. When 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:23.720 did it start to occur to you like, h, I've 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:26.600 always wanted to be a mom. I've been super present 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:30.480 for a lot of women's birds, and it's not lining 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:36.960 up that my story might look like the societal norms 0:07:37.000 --> 0:07:39.120 of how this would happen. When did it start to 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:40.480 dawn on you, like I might have to take a 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:45.280 different route. Yeah. So I have always had kind of 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:49.760 a heart for adoption in itself, and so there was 0:07:49.800 --> 0:07:53.200 a time about I don't know, thirteen ish years ago 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:56.440 that I considered adopting in in one way or another, 0:07:56.600 --> 0:08:00.320 and I actually went through the certification through the foster 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:03.280 care system to do foster to adopt. And then it 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:06.320 was like, you know, back in two thousand eight or 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:09.000 nine or something, when the economy took a dive and 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:11.520 I ended up getting laid off of my teaching job 0:08:12.160 --> 0:08:15.920 right when I got my certification, So timing wasn't right there. 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:19.240 But then over the next ten years, every couple of years, 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:21.880 I would be like, is the timing right for this? 0:08:22.480 --> 0:08:26.520 And then I have a friend who had done um 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:29.480 in vitro. She and her husband had you know, trouble 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:33.320 conceiving and found themselves in a situation where they had 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:37.240 completed their family but they had some remaining embryos, and 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:39.280 so they were exploring all of their options, like what 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:41.160 do we do at this point we have these embryos, 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:45.000 And they came across an organization that works with families 0:08:45.040 --> 0:08:50.319 like that that places embryos for adoption. And when she 0:08:50.400 --> 0:08:53.679 heard about that, she immediately told me and was like, 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:57.079 this is like the best of both worlds for you. Wow. 0:08:57.120 --> 0:09:00.520 It's like you're adopting and you get to be pregnant, 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:03.560 which is something that's very interesting. That was something you 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:07.920 really wanted to experience yourself personally. Yes, So it was 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:11.080 one of those moments of like, oh my gosh, this 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:13.040 is the thing for me. It didn't even really take 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:15.839 me that long to think about it. When I heard 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:18.160 of this being an option. I always kind of joked 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:21.320 with some of my girlfriends like, hey, if I'm thirty three, 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:22.839 I don't know why thirty three, but that was a 0:09:22.920 --> 0:09:25.120 number I threw out and I'm still sayingle I'm just gonna, 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:28.560 you know, do artificial insemination and have a baby. But 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:30.920 it was always kind of a joke. And then all 0:09:30.960 --> 0:09:33.200 of a sudden, I was thirty three and I was like, 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:37.560 m was I joking? Like is that something I would consider. 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:41.320 And then as I was thirty seven thirty eight and 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:44.680 then I learned about this, I was like, oh, I 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:48.080 mean I've always kind of been preparing for this, and 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:52.360 this is a really viable option I can also, you know, 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:55.920 the adoption part was important to me because there's a 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:58.160 there's a need in that there are a lot of 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:01.160 families who are are looking for the us um you know, 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:04.679 to be able to give the embryos a chance at life. 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:07.000 And then also for me, it was like, oh, I 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:11.400 can start caring for the child from the womb and 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:15.319 you know, experience pregnancy and childbirth and all of them. 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:18.480 Was it ever a hiccup like oh my god, I'm 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:20.599 going to do this by myself, Like I'm going to 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:23.120 be single and do this or is this something that 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:26.240 you were what you know what I mean, what what 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:30.200 thoughts about that we're going on in your head? Yeah? 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:33.480 I mean I knew it was going to be something 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:36.240 that would be hard, But to be honest and working 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:40.240 with so many families and parents, it's like parenthood is 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:46.960 hard regardless, Like it's a whole different set of of circumstances, 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:50.320 but it's still freaking hard. You know what, I don't have. 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.520 And what I knew going in is that I didn't 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:59.559 have the trauma or the challenges that are often associated 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:02.200 with the a single mom, like the circumstances that led 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:04.560 to them. It's like there may have been a you know, 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:10.160 a broken relationship or like a death or something that 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:13.439 led to your circumstances of being a single mom. No, 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:16.280 there wasn't like darkness there or heavy stuff. It's like 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:19.640 it's like a different way in. What I like about 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:21.440 your story is that it's like you heard of this 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:23.880 thing called embryo adoption, and it's almost like you knew 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:26.840 in your gut that that's what you were looking for. 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:35.200 Why that per se than say IBF. You know, I 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:37.640 hadn't really gotten to the point where I had thought 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:41.080 about doing IVF on my own. I really thought, Okay, 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:44.959 I'm a single woman, there are kids out there, adoption 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:47.160 is a need, and that's just kind of the path 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:51.560 that I had always explored. I've always been open, but 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:55.880 I really hadn't thoroughly considered that yet. And then when 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:58.880 this became an option, of course, then it it opened 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:01.760 my perspective was a little bit more to even all 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:03.679 of the different options that were out there, but I 0:12:03.720 --> 0:12:07.040 really felt in my gut that to be able to 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:10.520 meet another family's need in the process was an important 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:13.640 part of it for me. Yes, especially because you had 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:17.280 been so into adoption, that was like a real yeah. 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:20.320 And I've seen so you know, my I have a 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:22.640 couple of nephews that have been adopted, and I have 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:25.080 you know, my sister in law was adopted, and I've 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:30.679 seen I've seen it go very well and have a 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:34.600 positive impact, and so adoption was just something that was 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:38.880 on my radar for a long time. Now take me 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:43.520 through the embryo adoption process. So there's so many different 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:45.560 ways that you can do this UM and so many 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:49.760 different agencies, but I went through one called UM Snowflakes. 0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:53.080 They are traditional adoption agencies, so they do all different 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:57.560 kinds of adoptions, but then their embryo adoption department is 0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:03.280 called Snowflakes, and so UM it's very similar to a 0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:08.280 traditional adoption. The difference is that by law, embryos are 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:12.960 not considered life, and so it is governed by property law, 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:18.160 so it's it's actually a transfer of property at the 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:22.360 end of it. But going through this organization, it made 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:25.560 it to where the other family the placing family got 0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:30.200 to be involved, They got to select and decide that 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:33.200 I was, you know, somebody that they wanted to choose 0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:37.880 to adopt their embryos um. And then it's they really 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:42.679 encourage some sort of openness, whether that's just email communication 0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:46.280 once a year through the agency and not having direct communication, 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:51.720 to having you know, meetings and getting together and things 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:56.200 like that. So similar to the adoption process, you can 0:13:56.440 --> 0:14:01.480 choose how open or closed it is, but this place 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:05.000 encourages some sort of contact, whether even if it's through 0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:08.480 the agency itself. Yes, yes, because you can do an 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:11.600 anonymous donor a lot of clinics you can get an 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:15.080 anonymously donated embryo, and that's a thing too, and so 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:17.840 that is another path to this, you know, motherhood on 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:21.840 your own um. But for me, it was really appealing 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:25.080 to have that open communication and go kind of the 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:30.400 adoption route. So the process, how does it work? Like 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:34.000 you're ovulating, You go in and they just is it 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:37.320 just like the old school I'm like the old school 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:42.200 turkey based. No, it's not that no, because it's already embryo, 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:44.480 so it's not like turkey basting sperm up there while 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:48.520 you're ovulating. It's like we take a fully put together 0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:51.240 sperm and egg embryo in a petri dish that's already 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:54.400 gone through all the genetic testing. It's already gone through 0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:57.080 all that stuff, and then what happens. So it's like 0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:01.000 the last step of IVF, it's called At this point, 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:05.200 they're obviously frozen, so it's a frozen embryo transfer. So 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:07.920 you do have to do you know, the hormones and 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:12.040 the medication leading up to the transfer day, just as 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:14.960 if it were my owning, if I had done IVF 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:18.520 on my own, lots of medicine, ultrasounds once a week, 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:21.040 and then they determine when like the lining of your 0:15:21.160 --> 0:15:25.840 uterus is prime exactly, it's nice and thick and sticking 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:30.520 exactly perfect, and then they can transfer one or however 0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:33.600 many embryos you decide that you're going to transfer at 0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:38.120 a time. Does some people choose more than one? They do, 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:40.600 So there's a lot of factors, and you work with 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:45.120 your fertility specialists to determine success rates and percentages and 0:15:45.160 --> 0:15:47.640 all of that. And I had a doctor who I loved, 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:51.800 and he was very comfortable with doing a single embryo transfer. 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:56.000 Some will recommend doing two um for based on age 0:15:56.240 --> 0:16:00.360 and a lot of factors UM. But I really wanted 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:03.880 to reduce the risk of multiples as much as I could, 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:08.320 because you always you could always transfer and then it 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:12.040 can split. Still that's how you get identical twins. So 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:15.600 there's always a risk of multiples. But I was like, 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:20.400 let's let's let's reduce that. The first time I went 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:24.240 through the whole process and I had a negative pregnancy test, 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:28.440 so then I had to wait and start again. How 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.800 did you feel, you know? I mean, of course I 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:35.480 was upset, but I knew it wasn't the end for me. 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:40.520 It's also expensive, no, like it is is where does 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:44.240 embryo adoption lie cost wise to what I mean? I 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:48.040 think egg freezing is like anywhere from ten to twenty 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:51.120 somewhere in there. I feel like I v F is like, 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:55.400 I have no idea. I could be a ballparking this. 0:16:55.680 --> 0:17:00.280 I'm just trying to remember. Where's embryo adoption? So the 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:04.000 the agency fees, like the whole process of adoption through 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:08.440 the agency was eight thousand, and then you pay for 0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:11.320 an embryo transfer and you pay for all the medications 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:14.399 and all that. So I would say it's approximately like 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:20.760 six to seven thousand for a transfer like fifteen Yeah, okay, 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:22.879 so you're like, in this similar a little bit similar. 0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:27.000 But what's crazy is that we've done adoption episodes of 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:30.120 this podcast. On the Rhymes Producers podcast, she adopted two kids. 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:35.840 Adopting is expensive too. I mean that is very expensive, 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:41.320 like the lawyer fees and the paperwork it's and the 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:45.560 I mean it's very expensive, which sucks it. Okay, so 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:48.560 the first one doesn't take it's you were like, I 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:51.560 am not giving up. Yeah, So I was, I mean 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:55.440 obviously upset, and honestly, I was really surprised because in 0:17:55.480 --> 0:17:57.280 my mind, I mean, you you know that this is 0:17:57.320 --> 0:17:58.960 a risk, but in my mind it was like it 0:17:59.000 --> 0:18:02.040 was always gonna work on the first try, and so 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:04.760 it I did have a little bit of a curveball 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:08.640 on the day of the transfer. So originally I got 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:11.639 matched with a family that had two embryos so I 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:15.000 got these two embryos um. One was a little better 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:17.880 quality than the other one. So the day I arrived, 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:21.040 they were going to transfer the one that was better quality. Well, 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:25.160 they thought it out and it didn't survive. So then 0:18:25.240 --> 0:18:26.960 they're like, but we thought the other one and it's 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:30.000 doing fine and it wasn't as high quality. So all 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:32.280 of a sudden, I went in one moment from like, 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:35.760 oh I have two good chances to okay, one chance 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:41.400 already gone. Second chance is high. So I did have 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:45.240 that you know, reality check in that moment. So I 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:48.520 was surprised, but I knew it could be a possibility, 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:50.560 but it took me like a day. I always give 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:53.439 myself like I can have a day to just be 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:57.560 really upset and then get back your feel the way 0:18:57.600 --> 0:18:59.480 and then I'm like, okay, so what do we do next? 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:01.400 So then I had to go back into the matching 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:04.000 face get matched with another family. They had a little 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:05.760 bit of a problem this time because there were a 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:08.400 lot of families that they want to try to match 0:19:08.440 --> 0:19:11.480 you with a reasonable number of embryos. So if you're saying, 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:14.679 like I want to have one or two kids, they 0:19:14.720 --> 0:19:17.679 don't want to match you as someone who has embryos. 0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:20.320 But they were everybody wanted to have one or two kids, 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:22.880 so they they're like, would you be willing to take 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:27.199 on nine? And what you do is you agree to 0:19:27.240 --> 0:19:30.959 adopt the whole batch, and then once you have as 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:34.920 many children as you desire, then you agree to return 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:38.119 the remaining embryos. So basically you're being matched up to 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:41.840 a family, but you have to take the whole kitten caboodle. 0:19:42.680 --> 0:19:46.480 Yes cool. Yeah, and I'm sure there are other agencies 0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:49.760 that do it differently, but through this one. Yeah. So 0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:53.640 then the second time, I adopted nine embryos and then 0:19:53.960 --> 0:19:57.800 I transferred one. And then that is when I got 0:19:57.840 --> 0:20:02.120 pregnant with our mild with Miles. So I would say 0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:06.520 like five days probably after transfer, I had this wave 0:20:06.600 --> 0:20:12.879 of nausea and I was like, it's on. You're like, 0:20:12.960 --> 0:20:27.560 I feel like this might be what everyone's talking about. Yeah, 0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:31.960 how was the pregnancy for you? So my pregnancy was 0:20:32.080 --> 0:20:35.840 very interesting. So I had you know, I was a duelah. 0:20:35.920 --> 0:20:39.239 I had all these visions of on one hand, all 0:20:39.320 --> 0:20:41.800 these visions of what I wanted it to look like, 0:20:42.200 --> 0:20:45.159 and on the other hand, I know how flexible you 0:20:45.240 --> 0:20:47.359 have to be and how you have to hold everything 0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:51.919 with like open hands because it's unpredictable. And so I 0:20:51.960 --> 0:20:56.000 experienced something that none of my clients have ever experienced. 0:20:56.520 --> 0:21:01.320 And at fourteen weeks into my pregnancy, I started having sciatica, 0:21:01.520 --> 0:21:05.520 which sciatica is pretty common in pregnancy, but mine was 0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:10.399 too early for what it usually is, and so later on, 0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:13.760 as the pregnancy went on, it got worse and worse, 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:17.760 and I tried every intervention, but by the time I 0:21:17.840 --> 0:21:21.040 was eight months pregnant, I could not walk. So I 0:21:21.119 --> 0:21:25.680 was in like severe pain for my almost my entire pregnancy, 0:21:25.760 --> 0:21:31.400 and then also I was diagnosed swift gestational diabetes. I'm 0:21:31.440 --> 0:21:34.080 only quiet because I'm just covered for those listening and 0:21:34.200 --> 0:21:36.520 just covering my mouth, and my eyes are bulging into 0:21:36.560 --> 0:21:38.880 my head, and I'm just like one of my dear, 0:21:38.960 --> 0:21:42.720 dear friends just had the end of her pregnancy, which 0:21:42.720 --> 0:21:44.840 I can't even believe. You started having sciatica pain in 0:21:44.920 --> 0:21:48.439 fourteen weeks. But the end of my friend's pregnancy just now. 0:21:48.520 --> 0:21:51.600 The last month. The baby was resting on her sciatica 0:21:51.720 --> 0:21:55.560 and she couldn't walk and she has a top. I 0:21:55.640 --> 0:21:58.879 was like, what the actual funck is going on? Like 0:21:59.240 --> 0:22:02.080 how can this be happening? She gave birth and now 0:22:02.160 --> 0:22:04.600 she's fine, she's like walking around, right, It's like, what 0:22:04.720 --> 0:22:09.200 the fucking house? So by month eight, you've lost your 0:22:09.480 --> 0:22:11.640 you cannot walk, it so painful, and you can't take 0:22:11.680 --> 0:22:14.560 like pain killers or anything. I mean, you're pregnant. No, 0:22:14.840 --> 0:22:18.639 but so, I mean I was desperate. My Obie was 0:22:18.680 --> 0:22:21.800 the sweetest and she was trying everything. She sent me 0:22:21.840 --> 0:22:25.800 to acupuncture and I saw Dr Berlin, and I tried 0:22:26.280 --> 0:22:30.399 um physical therapy, on land, physical therapy, and water. I 0:22:30.520 --> 0:22:36.040 actually got an at the dural injection in my spine. 0:22:36.240 --> 0:22:40.080 Um did not help. Nothing helped. Everything just continued to 0:22:40.600 --> 0:22:44.760 get worse. And so, I mean, it was just it 0:22:44.800 --> 0:22:48.760 was awful, NTT. I'm so sorry. And gestational diabetes you 0:22:48.760 --> 0:22:51.919 can't even fucking eat donuts and ship No, I was 0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:53.920 like the only thing that's making me feel better every 0:22:53.960 --> 0:22:58.080 once in a a while, you know, I spread. Yeah, I 0:22:58.080 --> 0:23:01.080 mean the gestational diabetes wasn't going because I had to 0:23:01.119 --> 0:23:02.760 stick my finger four times a day and be on 0:23:02.840 --> 0:23:06.280 a very strict diet. But I will say there were 0:23:06.280 --> 0:23:09.920 no side effects. It was controlled just by diet. That 0:23:10.040 --> 0:23:13.240 was fine. That left when the baby was born. Two 0:23:13.320 --> 0:23:15.240 weeks after he was born, I had an m r 0:23:15.320 --> 0:23:18.800 I and they showed that I had a very large 0:23:19.160 --> 0:23:23.520 herniated disk that was completely compressing and displacing my sciatic nerve. 0:23:23.920 --> 0:23:27.120 So when Miles was five weeks old, I had back surgery. 0:23:27.880 --> 0:23:34.080 So so five weeks old, you had back surgery. Were 0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:38.800 you breastfeeding? So okay, so you're you're getting all the 0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:40.800 fun facts all out. This is how you know that 0:23:40.880 --> 0:23:45.680 you are a fula embryo adoption, paid to be pregnant, 0:23:45.720 --> 0:23:48.840 paid to be a single mom, chose this four year 0:23:48.840 --> 0:23:50.680 old virgin, which I have to get into that too. 0:23:50.720 --> 0:23:54.840 Wait really really virgin? Is that like out there? Yeah, 0:23:54.960 --> 0:23:58.480 and we can talk about that night. Great, So sciatica 0:23:58.560 --> 0:24:01.520 doesn't go away, you have to have sciatica gets worse 0:24:02.359 --> 0:24:04.040