1 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:05,840 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. So tell me about 3 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:12,680 Speaker 1: what the labor experience was like as a virgin, Like, 4 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 1: does your O B say that it's like drastically different 5 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 1: because your vagina hasn't like she was, like listen, a 6 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,239 Speaker 1: penis and a baby are not even close to the 7 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:30,920 Speaker 1: same size, so she's like year five. Mentally, I had 8 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,600 Speaker 1: a little bit of you know, thought around that, like yeah, 9 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 1: because I didn't want to like tear from here to 10 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 1: Timbuck two as well, you know, welcome back to Katie's Crib. 11 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,960 Speaker 1: I have someone here today that I've met before, no before. 12 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: We have so many people in common. Our Dulah, Rebecca 13 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: ben A Nati or my Dula who was on episode two, 14 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 1: season one of Katie's Crib. Dr Berlin, who is an 15 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 1: incredible pregnant Cairo practor Mssus Extraordinaire, and also Duela himself. 16 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:12,880 Speaker 1: We have lots of people in common. Um, we are 17 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: talking about one of the coolest things I've ever heard 18 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 1: about today, We're talking about embryo adoption. And then I 19 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: have here in parentheses, forty year old virgin. I just like, 20 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:28,959 Speaker 1: I don't know. Let's just tell you how fabulous Lynnette 21 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,479 Speaker 1: Weaver is who is our guest today. She's an HR 22 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,679 Speaker 1: professional who previously served as a birth doula and childbirth 23 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 1: educator for over ten years. Desiring to be a mother 24 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: from the time she was very young and finding herself 25 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 1: approaching forty and still single, she chose to pursue motherhood 26 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: on her own through the process of embryo adoption. She 27 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 1: currently resides in Los Angeles with her three year old son, Miles. 28 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,800 Speaker 1: I love that name, Lynette. Thank you so much for 29 00:01:54,840 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 1: coming on Katie's crib. I have so many girlfriends turning 30 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 1: for you this year, and I am also turning for 31 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: you this year. And we have a lot of conversations 32 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 1: about freezing. What am I doing this on my own? 33 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: What's my deal? What do I want? What does my 34 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 1: future look like? And I want to be a mom? 35 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,960 Speaker 1: These are big conversations being had. So I'm thrilled to 36 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:24,119 Speaker 1: do an episode about this. Tell our viewers, listeners, listeners, 37 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 1: how we know each other, where we met, etcetera. Yes, well, 38 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 1: thank you so much for chatting with me and having 39 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 1: me here. Um, so we met through childbirth education. So 40 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:40,080 Speaker 1: Rebecca ben Nati or dula Um is also a friend 41 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: of mine, and she sent you to the childbirth class 42 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,239 Speaker 1: that I was teaching with Talia, who also has been 43 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,920 Speaker 1: a guest on your show a couple of times. The 44 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: best we all did to Talian more episodes. She's up. 45 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 1: She specializes in child nutrition and so she was big 46 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:59,360 Speaker 1: on the solid foods episode. And also she was my 47 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 1: big hell and saving angel for postpartum depression and anxiety, 48 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: which she also struggled with. But she taught my child 49 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 1: with class at Beanie Birth when we could do those 50 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: things pre COVID with Albie. When you go to that 51 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:14,800 Speaker 1: class and you learn how to like do a diaper 52 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 1: or a swaddle or whatever. Lynnette is also there and 53 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:22,080 Speaker 1: was it. Were you a teacher there too? I was yeah, yeah, yeah, 54 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 1: So Talia and I talked, Yeah, you team taught, that's right. 55 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: And I have photos from that class, like I was 56 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: in that class. Audiley Cabral was on that cast. Who's 57 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 1: been on this podcast? Oh my god, this is crazy. 58 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: It's all coming back to me now. That was that 59 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 1: wasn't the before times? And you were so much fun 60 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 1: in there? Well that's probably my husband. I was probably 61 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 1: very pregnant, and my husband was probably using the whole 62 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 1: experience as some sort of theatrical event like he does. Um, 63 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 1: so you taught that class, and you've always wanted to 64 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 1: be a mom, like from the time you were little. Yeah. 65 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:04,400 Speaker 1: I of about eighteen cousins and my sister and I are, 66 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 1: you know, the oldest, and so every year it was 67 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 1: like a new baby being born, and every time the 68 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 1: family got together, that was the thing that I wanted 69 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: to do, was take care of the new baby. So 70 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:18,599 Speaker 1: I just have always been very nurturing and motherly and 71 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,640 Speaker 1: have wanted to be a mom since I can remember. Wow, 72 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,160 Speaker 1: how did you get into the dulah biz? So I 73 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: got to be present when my niece was born and 74 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:34,280 Speaker 1: she is fourteen now, and I though it's so crazy, 75 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 1: but I got to witness her birth and it was 76 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:40,040 Speaker 1: like the most amazing thing I had ever seen and 77 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,720 Speaker 1: I couldn't get over just the experience of it. And 78 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: my mom is not a Dulah, but she is very 79 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,359 Speaker 1: nurturing and kind of played the role of what a 80 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 1: Dulah would do. And I thought, Wow, that's something that 81 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 1: is really cool that everybody needs, Like everyone needs someone 82 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 1: to be able to, you know, walk them through the 83 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 1: process and be that physical comfort and emotional support and 84 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 1: all of that. I didn't even know a duel existed 85 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: at that time. And then I had a good friend 86 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 1: who was pregnant really shortly after that, and I couldn't 87 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: stop talking about birth apparently, and she was like, do 88 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 1: you want to come when I have the baby? And 89 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:18,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, So I just kind of stepped into that. 90 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 1: How amazing you weren't terrified. You didn't see the vagina 91 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 1: and opening up in the whole thing, and you were like, 92 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 1: oh my god. I mean before I did it myself, 93 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: I was so scared and scarred from whatever horrifying video 94 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: they used to show in the nineties of like that 95 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 1: super hairy bush. Excuse me, that isn't like this science 96 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 1: class of biology when you're thirteen and the show was 97 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,919 Speaker 1: seventies birth and it seems did they I feel like 98 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: they show us that to like practice abstinence. My births 99 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,240 Speaker 1: were so much better than that birth. Yeah, totally. So 100 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:56,359 Speaker 1: you saw a vaginal birth through your niece's birth and 101 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: you were completely inspired, blown away, not scared at all. Yeah. Yeah, 102 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 1: I mean some of the medical stuff took a little 103 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: time to get used to, but it really was. I 104 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: was so laser focused on the mom, on the laboring 105 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:15,279 Speaker 1: person that I was like, Wow, she needs somebody focused 106 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:20,119 Speaker 1: on her and the support and having someone just really 107 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: be able to bring down the anxiety level in the room. 108 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 1: After learning that, um, that that can affect the birth process, 109 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, that's something that I know how 110 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 1: to do. I feel like I can affect change in 111 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: the room by just you know, being present and being knowledgeable, 112 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:41,000 Speaker 1: being calm and being comforting. That's so great, My god. 113 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,640 Speaker 1: Anyone who had you as a duela was very, very lucky. 114 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 1: It's the most rewarding work. It is such a sacred 115 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:52,480 Speaker 1: space to be allowed into. Um. I mean the rewards 116 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 1: were so great. Just sometimes I felt like I did 117 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:59,280 Speaker 1: nothing other than being present and being calm, and they 118 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: were like, oh, I couldn't do that without you here, 119 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,920 Speaker 1: and I thought, I'm not doing anything. But it is amazing, 120 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: it's beautiful. I'm I'm always inspired by the strength of 121 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 1: the woman and what she can do and what she 122 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 1: can experience, and UM, it really really has been an 123 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 1: honor every single time. It's it's such an honor. When 124 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 1: did it start to occur to you like, h, I've 125 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: always wanted to be a mom. I've been super present 126 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: for a lot of women's birds, and it's not lining 127 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:36,960 Speaker 1: up that my story might look like the societal norms 128 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 1: of how this would happen. When did it start to 129 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: dawn on you, like I might have to take a 130 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: different route. Yeah. So I have always had kind of 131 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: a heart for adoption in itself, and so there was 132 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 1: a time about I don't know, thirteen ish years ago 133 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 1: that I considered adopting in in one way or another, 134 00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 1: and I actually went through the certification through the foster 135 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: care system to do foster to adopt. And then it 136 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: was like, you know, back in two thousand eight or 137 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 1: nine or something, when the economy took a dive and 138 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: I ended up getting laid off of my teaching job 139 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: right when I got my certification, So timing wasn't right there. 140 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: But then over the next ten years, every couple of years, 141 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,880 Speaker 1: I would be like, is the timing right for this? 142 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 1: And then I have a friend who had done um 143 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: in vitro. She and her husband had you know, trouble 144 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 1: conceiving and found themselves in a situation where they had 145 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 1: completed their family but they had some remaining embryos, and 146 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 1: so they were exploring all of their options, like what 147 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 1: do we do at this point we have these embryos, 148 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,000 Speaker 1: And they came across an organization that works with families 149 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:50,319 Speaker 1: like that that places embryos for adoption. And when she 150 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:53,679 Speaker 1: heard about that, she immediately told me and was like, 151 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:57,079 Speaker 1: this is like the best of both worlds for you. Wow. 152 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 1: It's like you're adopting and you get to be pregnant, 153 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 1: which is something that's very interesting. That was something you 154 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: really wanted to experience yourself personally. Yes, So it was 155 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,080 Speaker 1: one of those moments of like, oh my gosh, this 156 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 1: is the thing for me. It didn't even really take 157 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,839 Speaker 1: me that long to think about it. When I heard 158 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: of this being an option. I always kind of joked 159 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,320 Speaker 1: with some of my girlfriends like, hey, if I'm thirty three, 160 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,839 Speaker 1: I don't know why thirty three, but that was a 161 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: number I threw out and I'm still sayingle I'm just gonna, 162 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,560 Speaker 1: you know, do artificial insemination and have a baby. But 163 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 1: it was always kind of a joke. And then all 164 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 1: of a sudden, I was thirty three and I was like, 165 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 1: m was I joking? Like is that something I would consider. 166 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:41,320 Speaker 1: And then as I was thirty seven thirty eight and 167 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,680 Speaker 1: then I learned about this, I was like, oh, I 168 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 1: mean I've always kind of been preparing for this, and 169 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:52,360 Speaker 1: this is a really viable option I can also, you know, 170 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 1: the adoption part was important to me because there's a 171 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,160 Speaker 1: there's a need in that there are a lot of 172 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 1: families who are are looking for the us um you know, 173 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:04,679 Speaker 1: to be able to give the embryos a chance at life. 174 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,000 Speaker 1: And then also for me, it was like, oh, I 175 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 1: can start caring for the child from the womb and 176 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,319 Speaker 1: you know, experience pregnancy and childbirth and all of them. 177 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 1: Was it ever a hiccup like oh my god, I'm 178 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,599 Speaker 1: going to do this by myself, Like I'm going to 179 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:23,120 Speaker 1: be single and do this or is this something that 180 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 1: you were what you know what I mean, what what 181 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: thoughts about that we're going on in your head? Yeah? 182 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,480 Speaker 1: I mean I knew it was going to be something 183 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:36,240 Speaker 1: that would be hard, But to be honest and working 184 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: with so many families and parents, it's like parenthood is 185 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 1: hard regardless, Like it's a whole different set of of circumstances, 186 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 1: but it's still freaking hard. You know what, I don't have. 187 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,520 Speaker 1: And what I knew going in is that I didn't 188 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:59,559 Speaker 1: have the trauma or the challenges that are often associated 189 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,200 Speaker 1: with the a single mom, like the circumstances that led 190 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,560 Speaker 1: to them. It's like there may have been a you know, 191 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:10,160 Speaker 1: a broken relationship or like a death or something that 192 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,439 Speaker 1: led to your circumstances of being a single mom. No, 193 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 1: there wasn't like darkness there or heavy stuff. It's like 194 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 1: it's like a different way in. What I like about 195 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,440 Speaker 1: your story is that it's like you heard of this 196 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 1: thing called embryo adoption, and it's almost like you knew 197 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,840 Speaker 1: in your gut that that's what you were looking for. 198 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: Why that per se than say IBF. You know, I 199 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 1: hadn't really gotten to the point where I had thought 200 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 1: about doing IVF on my own. I really thought, Okay, 201 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:44,959 Speaker 1: I'm a single woman, there are kids out there, adoption 202 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,160 Speaker 1: is a need, and that's just kind of the path 203 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 1: that I had always explored. I've always been open, but 204 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,880 Speaker 1: I really hadn't thoroughly considered that yet. And then when 205 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 1: this became an option, of course, then it it opened 206 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: my perspective was a little bit more to even all 207 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,679 Speaker 1: of the different options that were out there, but I 208 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 1: really felt in my gut that to be able to 209 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 1: meet another family's need in the process was an important 210 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,640 Speaker 1: part of it for me. Yes, especially because you had 211 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 1: been so into adoption, that was like a real yeah. 212 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,320 Speaker 1: And I've seen so you know, my I have a 213 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 1: couple of nephews that have been adopted, and I have 214 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,080 Speaker 1: you know, my sister in law was adopted, and I've 215 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:30,679 Speaker 1: seen I've seen it go very well and have a 216 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:34,600 Speaker 1: positive impact, and so adoption was just something that was 217 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 1: on my radar for a long time. Now take me 218 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:43,520 Speaker 1: through the embryo adoption process. So there's so many different 219 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 1: ways that you can do this UM and so many 220 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,760 Speaker 1: different agencies, but I went through one called UM Snowflakes. 221 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,080 Speaker 1: They are traditional adoption agencies, so they do all different 222 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:57,560 Speaker 1: kinds of adoptions, but then their embryo adoption department is 223 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 1: called Snowflakes, and so UM it's very similar to a 224 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 1: traditional adoption. The difference is that by law, embryos are 225 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 1: not considered life, and so it is governed by property law, 226 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: so it's it's actually a transfer of property at the 227 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: end of it. But going through this organization, it made 228 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,560 Speaker 1: it to where the other family the placing family got 229 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:30,200 Speaker 1: to be involved, They got to select and decide that 230 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:33,200 Speaker 1: I was, you know, somebody that they wanted to choose 231 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: to adopt their embryos um. And then it's they really 232 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:42,679 Speaker 1: encourage some sort of openness, whether that's just email communication 233 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 1: once a year through the agency and not having direct communication, 234 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:51,720 Speaker 1: to having you know, meetings and getting together and things 235 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 1: like that. So similar to the adoption process, you can 236 00:13:56,440 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 1: choose how open or closed it is, but this place 237 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:05,000 Speaker 1: encourages some sort of contact, whether even if it's through 238 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: the agency itself. Yes, yes, because you can do an 239 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,600 Speaker 1: anonymous donor a lot of clinics you can get an 240 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: anonymously donated embryo, and that's a thing too, and so 241 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 1: that is another path to this, you know, motherhood on 242 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:21,840 Speaker 1: your own um. But for me, it was really appealing 243 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,080 Speaker 1: to have that open communication and go kind of the 244 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 1: adoption route. So the process, how does it work? Like 245 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 1: you're ovulating, You go in and they just is it 246 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 1: just like the old school I'm like the old school 247 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 1: turkey based. No, it's not that no, because it's already embryo, 248 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: so it's not like turkey basting sperm up there while 249 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: you're ovulating. It's like we take a fully put together 250 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,240 Speaker 1: sperm and egg embryo in a petri dish that's already 251 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 1: gone through all the genetic testing. It's already gone through 252 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,080 Speaker 1: all that stuff, and then what happens. So it's like 253 00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: the last step of IVF, it's called At this point, 254 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 1: they're obviously frozen, so it's a frozen embryo transfer. So 255 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,920 Speaker 1: you do have to do you know, the hormones and 256 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: the medication leading up to the transfer day, just as 257 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,960 Speaker 1: if it were my owning, if I had done IVF 258 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 1: on my own, lots of medicine, ultrasounds once a week, 259 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,040 Speaker 1: and then they determine when like the lining of your 260 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:25,840 Speaker 1: uterus is prime exactly, it's nice and thick and sticking 261 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:30,520 Speaker 1: exactly perfect, and then they can transfer one or however 262 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: many embryos you decide that you're going to transfer at 263 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 1: a time. Does some people choose more than one? They do, 264 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 1: So there's a lot of factors, and you work with 265 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:45,120 Speaker 1: your fertility specialists to determine success rates and percentages and 266 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 1: all of that. And I had a doctor who I loved, 267 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: and he was very comfortable with doing a single embryo transfer. 268 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 1: Some will recommend doing two um for based on age 269 00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 1: and a lot of factors UM. But I really wanted 270 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 1: to reduce the risk of multiples as much as I could, 271 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 1: because you always you could always transfer and then it 272 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 1: can split. Still that's how you get identical twins. So 273 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 1: there's always a risk of multiples. But I was like, 274 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 1: let's let's let's reduce that. The first time I went 275 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 1: through the whole process and I had a negative pregnancy test, 276 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 1: so then I had to wait and start again. How 277 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: did you feel, you know? I mean, of course I 278 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 1: was upset, but I knew it wasn't the end for me. 279 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:40,520 Speaker 1: It's also expensive, no, like it is is where does 280 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:44,240 Speaker 1: embryo adoption lie cost wise to what I mean? I 281 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:48,040 Speaker 1: think egg freezing is like anywhere from ten to twenty 282 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,120 Speaker 1: somewhere in there. I feel like I v F is like, 283 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,400 Speaker 1: I have no idea. I could be a ballparking this. 284 00:16:55,680 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 1: I'm just trying to remember. Where's embryo adoption? So the 285 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 1: the agency fees, like the whole process of adoption through 286 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 1: the agency was eight thousand, and then you pay for 287 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 1: an embryo transfer and you pay for all the medications 288 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,399 Speaker 1: and all that. So I would say it's approximately like 289 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 1: six to seven thousand for a transfer like fifteen Yeah, okay, 290 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,879 Speaker 1: so you're like, in this similar a little bit similar. 291 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 1: But what's crazy is that we've done adoption episodes of 292 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,120 Speaker 1: this podcast. On the Rhymes Producers podcast, she adopted two kids. 293 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 1: Adopting is expensive too. I mean that is very expensive, 294 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 1: like the lawyer fees and the paperwork it's and the 295 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: I mean it's very expensive, which sucks it. Okay, so 296 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 1: the first one doesn't take it's you were like, I 297 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 1: am not giving up. Yeah, So I was, I mean 298 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:55,440 Speaker 1: obviously upset, and honestly, I was really surprised because in 299 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 1: my mind, I mean, you you know that this is 300 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,960 Speaker 1: a risk, but in my mind it was like it 301 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 1: was always gonna work on the first try, and so 302 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,760 Speaker 1: it I did have a little bit of a curveball 303 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,640 Speaker 1: on the day of the transfer. So originally I got 304 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,639 Speaker 1: matched with a family that had two embryos so I 305 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: got these two embryos um. One was a little better 306 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:17,880 Speaker 1: quality than the other one. So the day I arrived, 307 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,040 Speaker 1: they were going to transfer the one that was better quality. Well, 308 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:25,160 Speaker 1: they thought it out and it didn't survive. So then 309 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:26,960 Speaker 1: they're like, but we thought the other one and it's 310 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 1: doing fine and it wasn't as high quality. So all 311 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,280 Speaker 1: of a sudden, I went in one moment from like, 312 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:35,760 Speaker 1: oh I have two good chances to okay, one chance 313 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:41,400 Speaker 1: already gone. Second chance is high. So I did have 314 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:45,240 Speaker 1: that you know, reality check in that moment. So I 315 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,520 Speaker 1: was surprised, but I knew it could be a possibility, 316 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,560 Speaker 1: but it took me like a day. I always give 317 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,439 Speaker 1: myself like I can have a day to just be 318 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 1: really upset and then get back your feel the way 319 00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 1: and then I'm like, okay, so what do we do next? 320 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,400 Speaker 1: So then I had to go back into the matching 321 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 1: face get matched with another family. They had a little 322 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 1: bit of a problem this time because there were a 323 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,400 Speaker 1: lot of families that they want to try to match 324 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 1: you with a reasonable number of embryos. So if you're saying, 325 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,679 Speaker 1: like I want to have one or two kids, they 326 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,679 Speaker 1: don't want to match you as someone who has embryos. 327 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,320 Speaker 1: But they were everybody wanted to have one or two kids, 328 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,880 Speaker 1: so they they're like, would you be willing to take 329 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:27,199 Speaker 1: on nine? And what you do is you agree to 330 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,959 Speaker 1: adopt the whole batch, and then once you have as 331 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,920 Speaker 1: many children as you desire, then you agree to return 332 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,119 Speaker 1: the remaining embryos. So basically you're being matched up to 333 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:41,840 Speaker 1: a family, but you have to take the whole kitten caboodle. 334 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 1: Yes cool. Yeah, and I'm sure there are other agencies 335 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 1: that do it differently, but through this one. Yeah. So 336 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:53,640 Speaker 1: then the second time, I adopted nine embryos and then 337 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,800 Speaker 1: I transferred one. And then that is when I got 338 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:02,120 Speaker 1: pregnant with our mild with Miles. So I would say 339 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 1: like five days probably after transfer, I had this wave 340 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:12,879 Speaker 1: of nausea and I was like, it's on. You're like, 341 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 1: I feel like this might be what everyone's talking about. Yeah, 342 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 1: how was the pregnancy for you? So my pregnancy was 343 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 1: very interesting. So I had you know, I was a duelah. 344 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,239 Speaker 1: I had all these visions of on one hand, all 345 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: these visions of what I wanted it to look like, 346 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,159 Speaker 1: and on the other hand, I know how flexible you 347 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,359 Speaker 1: have to be and how you have to hold everything 348 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:51,919 Speaker 1: with like open hands because it's unpredictable. And so I 349 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:56,000 Speaker 1: experienced something that none of my clients have ever experienced. 350 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:01,320 Speaker 1: And at fourteen weeks into my pregnancy, I started having sciatica, 351 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 1: which sciatica is pretty common in pregnancy, but mine was 352 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:10,399 Speaker 1: too early for what it usually is, and so later on, 353 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 1: as the pregnancy went on, it got worse and worse, 354 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 1: and I tried every intervention, but by the time I 355 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 1: was eight months pregnant, I could not walk. So I 356 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:25,680 Speaker 1: was in like severe pain for my almost my entire pregnancy, 357 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:31,400 Speaker 1: and then also I was diagnosed swift gestational diabetes. I'm 358 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,080 Speaker 1: only quiet because I'm just covered for those listening and 359 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,520 Speaker 1: just covering my mouth, and my eyes are bulging into 360 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,880 Speaker 1: my head, and I'm just like one of my dear, 361 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,720 Speaker 1: dear friends just had the end of her pregnancy, which 362 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 1: I can't even believe. You started having sciatica pain in 363 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,439 Speaker 1: fourteen weeks. But the end of my friend's pregnancy just now. 364 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 1: The last month. The baby was resting on her sciatica 365 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 1: and she couldn't walk and she has a top. I 366 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,879 Speaker 1: was like, what the actual funck is going on? Like 367 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 1: how can this be happening? She gave birth and now 368 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 1: she's fine, she's like walking around, right, It's like, what 369 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 1: the fucking house? So by month eight, you've lost your 370 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,640 Speaker 1: you cannot walk, it so painful, and you can't take 371 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,560 Speaker 1: like pain killers or anything. I mean, you're pregnant. No, 372 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,639 Speaker 1: but so, I mean I was desperate. My Obie was 373 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 1: the sweetest and she was trying everything. She sent me 374 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: to acupuncture and I saw Dr Berlin, and I tried 375 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:30,399 Speaker 1: um physical therapy, on land, physical therapy, and water. I 376 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:36,040 Speaker 1: actually got an at the dural injection in my spine. 377 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 1: Um did not help. Nothing helped. Everything just continued to 378 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 1: get worse. And so, I mean, it was just it 379 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 1: was awful, NTT. I'm so sorry. And gestational diabetes you 380 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,919 Speaker 1: can't even fucking eat donuts and ship No, I was 381 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,920 Speaker 1: like the only thing that's making me feel better every 382 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 1: once in a a while, you know, I spread. Yeah, I 383 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 1: mean the gestational diabetes wasn't going because I had to 384 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:02,760 Speaker 1: stick my finger four times a day and be on 385 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,280 Speaker 1: a very strict diet. But I will say there were 386 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,920 Speaker 1: no side effects. It was controlled just by diet. That 387 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 1: was fine. That left when the baby was born. Two 388 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,240 Speaker 1: weeks after he was born, I had an m r 389 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 1: I and they showed that I had a very large 390 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 1: herniated disk that was completely compressing and displacing my sciatic nerve. 391 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:27,120 Speaker 1: So when Miles was five weeks old, I had back surgery. 392 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 1: So so five weeks old, you had back surgery. Were 393 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:38,800 Speaker 1: you breastfeeding? So okay, so you're you're getting all the 394 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,800 Speaker 1: fun facts all out. This is how you know that 395 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:45,680 Speaker 1: you are a fula embryo adoption, paid to be pregnant, 396 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 1: paid to be a single mom, chose this four year 397 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,680 Speaker 1: old virgin, which I have to get into that too. 398 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,840 Speaker 1: Wait really really virgin? Is that like out there? Yeah, 399 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,480 Speaker 1: and we can talk about that night. Great, So sciatica 400 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,520 Speaker 1: doesn't go away, you have to have sciatica gets worse 401 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,040 Speaker 1: because you had a bold switch. By the way, they 402 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:05,560 Speaker 1: can't give you an m r I when you're pregnant, 403 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,080 Speaker 1: so no one knew what the fun was going on. Yeah. So, 404 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:11,760 Speaker 1: like you were saying with your friend, usually after the 405 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,280 Speaker 1: baby is born, it goes away. And so I was 406 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:16,600 Speaker 1: kind of not by my obi, she was wonderful, but 407 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,600 Speaker 1: by like pain management specialists, even someone who came to 408 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 1: see me in the hospital afterwards. They were like, oh, 409 00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:24,720 Speaker 1: just give it six weeks and you'll be fine, and 410 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,600 Speaker 1: especially with the birth, like of course it changed my 411 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,560 Speaker 1: whole birth plan. I had an epidural like the moment 412 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,360 Speaker 1: I went into labor because so I could get out 413 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,400 Speaker 1: of back pain. Because I couldn't stand up, so that 414 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,080 Speaker 1: looked very different. But you know, I had a pain 415 00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:41,120 Speaker 1: management specialists say oh, just wait, and I was like no, 416 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,159 Speaker 1: so my Obi sent me two weeks later. So to 417 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:48,160 Speaker 1: get back to your breastfeeding question, Yes, I began breastfeeding, 418 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:52,800 Speaker 1: but I had, of course all the issues. So my 419 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:56,719 Speaker 1: son had a tongue tie, he wasn't latching. I had 420 00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:03,680 Speaker 1: the worst nipple infection my Obi has ever seen, don't 421 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 1: even know. And on top of it, I had a 422 00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:11,520 Speaker 1: clog duct. I had a clog duct with mass titis 423 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,280 Speaker 1: and and a duct that was so clogged that it 424 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,800 Speaker 1: was like the size of a golf ball. That then 425 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,440 Speaker 1: got as they first thought it was a staff infection, 426 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:26,200 Speaker 1: it was a strep infection that had to be cut 427 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:32,679 Speaker 1: open and drained because it was awful. And meanwhile, I 428 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:36,120 Speaker 1: can't walk and I'm waiting for back surgery. So did 429 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:40,960 Speaker 1: we just wean and forget breastfeeding? Because because of that infection, 430 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:45,160 Speaker 1: I threw it off the limbow bye bye. Also, how 431 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 1: would you even had you back, like like having major 432 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,840 Speaker 1: fucking back surgery and then contorting yourself into every weird 433 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:57,200 Speaker 1: position you do to breastfeed? Forget it? I mean all 434 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,240 Speaker 1: the doctors were like, please take this off the list. 435 00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:04,320 Speaker 1: Take this off the list? Yeah, and are you a who? 436 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 1: Who is your Like? What did your support system look like? 437 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:10,840 Speaker 1: You give birth? Your single mom? You can't walk. The 438 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,200 Speaker 1: back pain is not getting better. Now we have mastitis. 439 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,880 Speaker 1: We have the worst nipple infection your obi has ever seen. 440 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:20,280 Speaker 1: And now your mastitis golf ball clog has gotten fucked 441 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 1: up into an abscess that now needs to be cut 442 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:28,480 Speaker 1: and drained. Great, and we're scheduling back surgery. Yes, I 443 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:32,479 Speaker 1: literally thought I was dying. Were you like done with this? 444 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,080 Speaker 1: Did you hate your baby? Were you like, no, this 445 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,360 Speaker 1: was still I'm still okay, I'm still this is still 446 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,439 Speaker 1: worth it. Were you in like any sort of serotonin bubble? 447 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,159 Speaker 1: I mean, it's kind of a blur at this point, 448 00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 1: but I had no ill feelings towards the baby, Like 449 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,960 Speaker 1: I knew this is not his fault. We were doing 450 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,600 Speaker 1: awesome as far as that. I I knew I was 451 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,440 Speaker 1: going to need support. All moms do, whether you're single 452 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:02,840 Speaker 1: or not. I have an amazing village of people, and 453 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 1: I you know, I've always been the person that is 454 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:11,159 Speaker 1: helping everyone else, And so I got to exercise the Okay, 455 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,880 Speaker 1: I need to say yes, I need help. I mean 456 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 1: I was, I felt like I was dying and because 457 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:21,000 Speaker 1: of the infection, I'm like, I can't function. So when 458 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,040 Speaker 1: I was eight months pregnant and could no longer walk, 459 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:26,000 Speaker 1: my sweet dad who has retired. My mom still working, 460 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,760 Speaker 1: but my dad's retired, so he basically moved in with 461 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:34,359 Speaker 1: me for the last month of my pregnancy. How special? 462 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 1: What special time? Like if there's any silver lining, you know, 463 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:43,600 Speaker 1: like God. And then there was probably a three week 464 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:49,320 Speaker 1: period of time where every single night an additional person, 465 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:51,639 Speaker 1: whether it was a friend, a couple of nights it 466 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,639 Speaker 1: was a postpartum doulah, but I had a third person 467 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,439 Speaker 1: spend the night and do the night shift with the 468 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:01,320 Speaker 1: baby because I was dying ing, I was, you know, 469 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,960 Speaker 1: fighting this infection. Also, like for people listening, mass titis 470 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:09,000 Speaker 1: makes you feel like a horrible flu. So imagine a 471 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 1: horrible flu feeling with a very infected boob, a very 472 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: infected nipple, of very fucked up back, and you're not 473 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:18,400 Speaker 1: sleeping because you have a new born right and speaking 474 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,639 Speaker 1: of sleep, I couldn't. I couldn't no longer because the 475 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,359 Speaker 1: back was so bad. I could no longer laid down, 476 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:29,000 Speaker 1: so I could only sleep Basically during the day, I 477 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,640 Speaker 1: sat up on my bed like criss cross style, and 478 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,439 Speaker 1: I would prop pillows up around me basically like I 479 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 1: was on an airplane to sleep because I could not 480 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 1: lay down. The pain, the nerve pain was so bad 481 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,920 Speaker 1: and it was pinching the nerve so much in that 482 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 1: position that I couldn't lay down, So it was it 483 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:52,720 Speaker 1: was torture. I've truly in every episode we've ever done 484 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,440 Speaker 1: and every pregnant moment I've ever spoken to, I have 485 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,360 Speaker 1: truly never heard of a postpartum experience. This fucked up 486 00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 1: in my life. And I love you, and I'm sorry 487 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: to give you that award, but the award goes to you. 488 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 1: This is you deserve all the medals. We have so 489 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:13,000 Speaker 1: many things. How was labor? So I loved my labor. 490 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:17,640 Speaker 1: This is the first time in months that I was 491 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 1: out of pain because I got the epidural. It took 492 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,960 Speaker 1: the back pain away. I still, you know, I mean, 493 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:27,760 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have chosen that necessarily to be like, Okay, 494 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:30,360 Speaker 1: my my water broke, so I know I'm in labor. 495 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,440 Speaker 1: Oh And that was a fun That was a fun 496 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 1: time too. Um. I had it in my mind because 497 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,479 Speaker 1: I was in so much pain that I was like 498 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:42,760 Speaker 1: thirty seven weeks. My doula brain was like, I just 499 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:45,040 Speaker 1: need to make it to thirty seven weeks because that's 500 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:49,240 Speaker 1: when baby is no issues with the baby, and so 501 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:51,960 Speaker 1: I just had in my mind that I was gonna 502 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 1: be induced or go into labor or whatever it was 503 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,280 Speaker 1: when I was thirty seven weeks. So at my thirty 504 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,800 Speaker 1: seven week appointment, I went to my OBI appointment and 505 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,800 Speaker 1: was like, let's do it. And she's like, I cannot 506 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 1: induce you until your thirty nine weeks unless there is 507 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:10,080 Speaker 1: a medical reason to induce, and I'm like okay. So 508 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,320 Speaker 1: she kept me that day, ran all these tests, she 509 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,160 Speaker 1: did like a really long and st to try to 510 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,240 Speaker 1: find a medical reason to induce, and there was nothing. 511 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 1: So I left and I was so mad. Did you 512 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,480 Speaker 1: know at this point that something was like horribly wrong 513 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,440 Speaker 1: with your back, like like this is abnormal? Like you 514 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:30,040 Speaker 1: were like, this isn't the sciatica I've seen in doulah clients, 515 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:33,920 Speaker 1: Like this is not? Like yes, yes, And that's because 516 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,360 Speaker 1: you know, Miles was like the size of a blueberry 517 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,560 Speaker 1: when the back pain started, so it certainly was not him, 518 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:43,640 Speaker 1: which is usually the cause of pregnancy related So going 519 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:47,520 Speaker 1: back to that day, I went home upset and went 520 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 1: to bed that night and my water broke that night. 521 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 1: Why how do you think that happened? I don't know. 522 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:59,760 Speaker 1: I mean God, an act of God. I mean really, 523 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,760 Speaker 1: that's like fate. That's like your mind over matter, like 524 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 1: you just chose. I remember the same thing happened with 525 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,240 Speaker 1: Vera like Adam had been. My husband was so busy 526 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:12,040 Speaker 1: with pretzels and all this kind of stuff, and literally 527 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:16,240 Speaker 1: the friday where of his like paternity leave starting where 528 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,480 Speaker 1: he was like, you cannot go into labor until this Friday, 529 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:21,640 Speaker 1: Like I have too much with work, I'm on set, 530 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,240 Speaker 1: I'm on this adding And he pulled in at six 531 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:27,680 Speaker 1: pm on that Friday, and I went to the bathroom 532 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,720 Speaker 1: and my mucus plug came out and I was like, oh, 533 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 1: this is like very mental, do you know what I mean? 534 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,640 Speaker 1: Like he was like I relaxed and like released, and 535 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: then the next day I was four centimeters dilated and 536 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,800 Speaker 1: there you have it. But um, wow, So tell me 537 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:46,200 Speaker 1: about what the labor experience was like as a virgin, 538 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,520 Speaker 1: Like does your O B say that it's like drastically 539 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:53,600 Speaker 1: different because your vagina hasn't Like she was like listen, 540 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,840 Speaker 1: a penis and a baby are not even close to 541 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:04,960 Speaker 1: the same size. She's like year five, So there wasn't 542 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,160 Speaker 1: really a concern there at all. I mean mentally, I 543 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:12,080 Speaker 1: had a little bit of you know, thought around that, like, yeah, 544 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 1: because I didn't want to like tear from here to 545 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,800 Speaker 1: timbuck two as well, you know. Um, but I also 546 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 1: have seen very large babies be born with no tears whatsoever. 547 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:26,040 Speaker 1: So yeah, I feel like there's no rhyme or reason. 548 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:29,480 Speaker 1: It's like I've I've had friends with teeny teeny babies tear, 549 00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:32,360 Speaker 1: I've had friends with big babies not tear. I've had 550 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,080 Speaker 1: everything in between. Like it just sort of feels like 551 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:42,000 Speaker 1: a circumstances of the moment, Like I don't know, but okay, 552 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:46,280 Speaker 1: so did you tear? I did. I had a small tear. 553 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:49,360 Speaker 1: It wasn't crazy, but I did too. And I've had 554 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:54,440 Speaker 1: lots of sex. No, I mean, I'm like, it doesn't 555 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,880 Speaker 1: matter huge petises. Oh my god, this podcast is getting crazy. 556 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:02,200 Speaker 1: Um No, but but honest, so you're obi literally noticed 557 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 1: like no difference between a virgin giving birth and like 558 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 1: a yeah, like when I told her was like in 559 00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:13,120 Speaker 1: our first meeting when she was like, huh, She's like, 560 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 1: that's interesting. I don't think I've ever delivered a virgin. 561 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,200 Speaker 1: And then after she thought about it for a minute, 562 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:19,480 Speaker 1: she was like, Oh, it's not going to be that 563 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,840 Speaker 1: big of a deal. This is one of the coolest 564 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 1: things I've ever heard. I mean, it's like Mary Magdalen 565 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:27,960 Speaker 1: or no, not Mary, Who am I talking about? No, 566 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,760 Speaker 1: it's like the virgin Mary, Mary, Mary, the Mary. Guys. 567 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 1: You can tell how not how I don't know much 568 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:48,960 Speaker 1: about this. Okay, in a different universe, you would have 569 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:54,480 Speaker 1: loved to have no epidural duel. Uh? Oh you? Oh god, No, 570 00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:59,360 Speaker 1: I'm very open. I was very open, very open, I 571 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:04,040 Speaker 1: will tell you because of the virgin thing, I thought 572 00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,480 Speaker 1: more about the delivery without the epidural, because in my 573 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,719 Speaker 1: mind it was a bigger deal than it was. But 574 00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,440 Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I did want to experience some 575 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,279 Speaker 1: of labor, and I wanted to be able to make 576 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,400 Speaker 1: the decision in the moment and how I was feeling 577 00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,080 Speaker 1: and how I was coping and how long it was 578 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:23,759 Speaker 1: going and and not have that be totally kind of 579 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:27,520 Speaker 1: taken away from me. And I was I so welcome 580 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:29,120 Speaker 1: to the epidur. I was like, give me that as 581 00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:31,880 Speaker 1: soon as you possibly can, because I can't stand the 582 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,919 Speaker 1: back pain. And when you think about all the things 583 00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:37,880 Speaker 1: that help you cope with labor, being an upright positions movement, 584 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,960 Speaker 1: moving around, I couldn't do anything right. None of that 585 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:45,359 Speaker 1: was a possibility anyway. Yeah, um on Dr Berlin, who 586 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,319 Speaker 1: we both used, and you must have used him a lot, 587 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:53,000 Speaker 1: because Dr Berlin is a chiropractic mussouss doula in l 588 00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:55,520 Speaker 1: A who works on pregnant women and is awesome on 589 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:59,200 Speaker 1: his Informed Pregnancy podcast. You mentioned before giving birth that 590 00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:01,439 Speaker 1: you were thinking about how maybe one or two people 591 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,319 Speaker 1: in the room who was in the room with you 592 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,400 Speaker 1: when you gave birth? So I had a doulah um, 593 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,520 Speaker 1: and then my mom and then my two best friends. 594 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:14,840 Speaker 1: So I love it. How special was it? Long short 595 00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,040 Speaker 1: you weren't in pain when you met Miles? Was it 596 00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:21,120 Speaker 1: so miraculous to have been through so many other people's 597 00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:24,040 Speaker 1: births and then to be through your own. It was 598 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:28,120 Speaker 1: a little bit surreal and a little bit like I'd 599 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:31,360 Speaker 1: been there before, Like every I knew what to expect. 600 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:35,400 Speaker 1: I it was just as I had imagined you know. 601 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 1: I mean, I've been at I can't I don't even 602 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,200 Speaker 1: know how many births at that point that I have 603 00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,880 Speaker 1: had witnessed, and so it felt very familiar. I was 604 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,359 Speaker 1: completely calm. I had not an ounce of anxiety through 605 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,600 Speaker 1: any part of it. Oh, I love the NTY. That's 606 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,719 Speaker 1: so magical, that's so wonderful. It was magical is the 607 00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,880 Speaker 1: right word for it. I mean I had music playing, 608 00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,720 Speaker 1: I had at least two people massaging me at all times. 609 00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:03,359 Speaker 1: I had beautiful smells in the room. I had um. 610 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,080 Speaker 1: You know, I was out of pain for the first 611 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,719 Speaker 1: time in months. If I could do it differently, I 612 00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:11,600 Speaker 1: would also probably have my sister there. I just didn't know. 613 00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,839 Speaker 1: I didn't know how it was going to feel, and 614 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,319 Speaker 1: I didn't know what what it was going to be like. 615 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:19,719 Speaker 1: And if you know, a lot of times I have 616 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:23,120 Speaker 1: witnessed too many people in the room and that bringing 617 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:28,040 Speaker 1: in a layer of anxiety that the birthing woman doesn't need. Um, 618 00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:32,319 Speaker 1: I didn't even notice. It was because the people that 619 00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:37,719 Speaker 1: I had in the room were loving, supportive, calm, nurturing. 620 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,400 Speaker 1: If there were a couple more of them, it wouldn't 621 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,719 Speaker 1: have been that big of a deal, you know, but 622 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:47,839 Speaker 1: from my knowledge of my education and and it would 623 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,239 Speaker 1: be a very different story. I imagine if I did 624 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:56,120 Speaker 1: not have an epidural, I would probably want much fewer 625 00:36:56,760 --> 00:37:02,360 Speaker 1: bodies in the room. Miles is three years old. Now, congratulations. 626 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:07,000 Speaker 1: Have you been open with Miles yet about embryo adoption 627 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:11,080 Speaker 1: and his birth story so far? Yeah? I have. And 628 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,960 Speaker 1: some of the research um that the agency shares with 629 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,000 Speaker 1: you is that the more open you are and the 630 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:24,719 Speaker 1: younger better. Yeah, so that you're not like sitting them 631 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:28,440 Speaker 1: down when they're nine or fourteen or eighteen and like 632 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:33,120 Speaker 1: there's this surprise element or this thing that you've kept 633 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,479 Speaker 1: from them. No, it's just part of his story from 634 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:39,239 Speaker 1: from since he can ever remember, right, So how do 635 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:43,920 Speaker 1: you say it to him now? So I'm going by 636 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:47,600 Speaker 1: his developmental level. And so I have two nephews that 637 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,560 Speaker 1: were adopted, and so it's just it's just the their story. 638 00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:54,279 Speaker 1: It's just some people come into the world like this, 639 00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:56,160 Speaker 1: and some people come into the world like that. We 640 00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:00,480 Speaker 1: have a really cute book um called Families, Families, Families. 641 00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:06,120 Speaker 1: And because because I'm a single mom, you know, his 642 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,680 Speaker 1: family looks different than others already. And so I mean, 643 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,520 Speaker 1: he I am shocked at how early I had to 644 00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:15,200 Speaker 1: have some of these conversations, at how young he was 645 00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:17,239 Speaker 1: when he was like, so I don't have a dad, 646 00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:19,840 Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, you don't have a dad, but 647 00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,640 Speaker 1: you have a mom, and you have a nana and 648 00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,720 Speaker 1: a papa, and you have aunts and uncles and cousins, 649 00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,239 Speaker 1: and this is what our family looks like. So this 650 00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:30,480 Speaker 1: family's book is super cute. It's very like it's animal pictures, 651 00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:33,239 Speaker 1: but it's like some families have lots of siblings and 652 00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:35,440 Speaker 1: there's like lots of little ducks lined up, and some 653 00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:39,200 Speaker 1: families have one mom and no dad. And he's always like, 654 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:42,520 Speaker 1: like me, like my family, um, and then he'll say 655 00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,200 Speaker 1: and some families have two moms and no dad. You know, 656 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:48,000 Speaker 1: because it kind of goes through each of the different 657 00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:51,000 Speaker 1: you know, options of what families look like, and at 658 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,919 Speaker 1: the end it comes together with if you love each other, 659 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:58,440 Speaker 1: then that's what makes a family. Families, families, families ordering 660 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:02,400 Speaker 1: it to day. So there's that. So we've talked about 661 00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:06,000 Speaker 1: that on the like I don't have a dad aspect um. 662 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:09,319 Speaker 1: And then when it comes to embryo adoption, so we 663 00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,279 Speaker 1: have a book, I can't think of what it's called 664 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,000 Speaker 1: but it's you know, it's like a level one all 665 00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:19,120 Speaker 1: about my body type of book, and it talks about 666 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:23,279 Speaker 1: you know, some some kids are born this way and 667 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,680 Speaker 1: some kids are adopted. And so we've talked about the 668 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,880 Speaker 1: term adopted as well, because you know, there's a picture 669 00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:30,800 Speaker 1: that's like there's a sperm and there's an egg and 670 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,440 Speaker 1: they come together and they make an embryo. And I'm like, embryo, 671 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,440 Speaker 1: you were a snowflake embryo when I got you. And 672 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:40,400 Speaker 1: so he'll say I was adopted into your tummy and 673 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,840 Speaker 1: I grew in your tummy, Like that's his that's his level. 674 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:50,200 Speaker 1: So incredible, Like science is so incredible. And the fact that, yeah, 675 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:51,759 Speaker 1: because I do have a lot of friends too that 676 00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:53,800 Speaker 1: have frozen eggs, use them or not use them, and 677 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,200 Speaker 1: have been like, what am I supposed to do with 678 00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:59,560 Speaker 1: these things? Like pay to have them frozen for all time? 679 00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:07,880 Speaker 1: Or mm hmm. It's very wild, wild wild times. Okay, Honestly, again, 680 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:11,400 Speaker 1: you get all the awards as the craziest postpartum and 681 00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:14,160 Speaker 1: and pregnancy. I mean that is that is one hell 682 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:18,360 Speaker 1: of an uphill climb, and now you get to be 683 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:23,760 Speaker 1: a single mom two miles in a global pandemic? How 684 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:27,680 Speaker 1: is motherhood going for you? Lynnette? So I knew choosing 685 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,920 Speaker 1: to be a single mom was going to be hard, 686 00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:32,759 Speaker 1: but honestly, there are things. There are things that are 687 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:34,600 Speaker 1: harder than I thought they would be. And that's all 688 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,520 Speaker 1: that medical crap and all the things that I did 689 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:39,640 Speaker 1: not expect medically because there were you know, a couple 690 00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:43,960 Speaker 1: other things that happened too. And then it's easier in 691 00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,359 Speaker 1: some ways than I thought, and um, you know, being 692 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,719 Speaker 1: part of a mommy and me group and hearing all 693 00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:53,319 Speaker 1: the challenges that people are facing. To be honest, the 694 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,960 Speaker 1: first you know, a few months, I was like, I 695 00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:01,680 Speaker 1: am so relieved that I'm not for strated by you know, 696 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:05,600 Speaker 1: unmet expectations of a partner who's sleeping next to me 697 00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:09,239 Speaker 1: when I'm awake, um in the night, or because so 698 00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,800 Speaker 1: many people's mommy and me complaints a lot of marital 699 00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:16,960 Speaker 1: or partners right, and you're just like, nope, I'm just 700 00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,400 Speaker 1: gone and that's its own hell in a handbag. But 701 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,279 Speaker 1: it's different, right, right, And you know what, I get 702 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:26,040 Speaker 1: to make all the parenting decisions, which sometimes I'm like, oh, 703 00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,680 Speaker 1: I'd be nice to have somebody else's input here, But 704 00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:32,080 Speaker 1: for the most part, it's like I get to decide 705 00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,960 Speaker 1: and I don't. It doesn't matter what someone else thinks 706 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,600 Speaker 1: about you know, how he handled discipline or solid food 707 00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:42,799 Speaker 1: or you know, any of it. And so some of 708 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:46,000 Speaker 1: that I've been a little, you know, pleasantly surprised that 709 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:47,600 Speaker 1: I don't have to deal with that. And you know what, 710 00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,319 Speaker 1: my son when he goes to bed at night, I 711 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,600 Speaker 1: don't have to give my attention to anyone else. I 712 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:56,440 Speaker 1: can watch whatever I can get on my treadmill, and 713 00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,480 Speaker 1: I can exercise while he's sleeping, and I don't have 714 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:01,880 Speaker 1: to think about food for anyone else. I don't have 715 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:03,960 Speaker 1: I mean, of course I would love to be married, 716 00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:06,480 Speaker 1: and I know there are benefits, but it's like what 717 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:09,640 Speaker 1: I've learned is that the grass is always greener on 718 00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,560 Speaker 1: the other side, like that there are great things about both, 719 00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:16,400 Speaker 1: and there are really hard things about both. And this 720 00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:18,879 Speaker 1: is you and myles family right now, Like this is so, 721 00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:21,759 Speaker 1: and who knows what the future holds. Who knows if 722 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:25,120 Speaker 1: you will have a life partner at some point, or 723 00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,600 Speaker 1: if you may have another baby and do this again. 724 00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:31,799 Speaker 1: Is there a chance that this sciaticas situation could happen again. 725 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:36,960 Speaker 1: If you're right again, I mean, there there is a chance, 726 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:40,720 Speaker 1: but it's very unlikely because it's like that doesn't usually 727 00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:43,560 Speaker 1: happen in pregnancy. What probably happened I was a gymnast 728 00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:46,600 Speaker 1: growing up. It's probably like an old injury. And then 729 00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:50,120 Speaker 1: right around fourteen weeks is when that relax in kicks 730 00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:52,839 Speaker 1: in and everything kind of relaxes. It probably was like 731 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:57,920 Speaker 1: getting ready to happen. Anyway, um, it exacerbated something I 732 00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:00,200 Speaker 1: kind of similar thing I was grew up on the 733 00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:03,719 Speaker 1: ski team, Like, so I've taken a lot of falls 734 00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:07,839 Speaker 1: on my coxic bone, and with my pregnancies, like my 735 00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,960 Speaker 1: it becomes like I can't sit without a doughnut as 736 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:16,360 Speaker 1: of like weak. Early, like all of a sudden, my 737 00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:19,200 Speaker 1: my coxic bone gets really fucked up. And at first 738 00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:21,680 Speaker 1: I was like I actually had Dr Berlin like kind 739 00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:23,279 Speaker 1: of checking because I was like, I've heard these horror 740 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:26,839 Speaker 1: stories of your coxic bone healing incorrectly from when you're young, 741 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:28,279 Speaker 1: and then it won't get out of the way so 742 00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:31,200 Speaker 1: it breaks during labor, and I was like terrified that 743 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:34,319 Speaker 1: was gonna happen to me, and it didn't, but it's 744 00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:37,279 Speaker 1: very tender and bruised the entire time and then it 745 00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:42,120 Speaker 1: just stops, which is nothing compared to what you've gone through. UM. 746 00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:46,880 Speaker 1: Any tips for single moms who are listening, Oh my goodness, 747 00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:50,920 Speaker 1: I mean people who are already single moms or thinking 748 00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:56,080 Speaker 1: about thinking about thinking about becoming I would say, you 749 00:43:56,160 --> 00:44:00,480 Speaker 1: need to have people, and you need to have a 750 00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:04,080 Speaker 1: support system. UM. I literally don't know how I would 751 00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:09,000 Speaker 1: have survived that first month without my support system. And 752 00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:13,200 Speaker 1: at the same time, I would say, it is totally doable. 753 00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:17,120 Speaker 1: It is. It's hard, but it's just hard in a 754 00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:23,720 Speaker 1: different way. And UM, women are strong and resilient. And 755 00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:28,239 Speaker 1: if it's something that you will look back and potentially 756 00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:32,680 Speaker 1: regret not doing that is you know? That was my 757 00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:36,000 Speaker 1: decision maker for me. I couldn't agree with you more. 758 00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:42,040 Speaker 1: I think that that's really the deciding factor. UM, for 759 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:47,080 Speaker 1: anyone considering embryo adoption. Any advice, I have loved the 760 00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:51,880 Speaker 1: process of embryo adoption, UM, I would say, look at 761 00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,880 Speaker 1: your different options. There's there's lots of different paths to 762 00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:58,799 Speaker 1: do that. I love the open aspect of it. So 763 00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:00,960 Speaker 1: even though my situation it looks a little different than 764 00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:06,200 Speaker 1: I anticipated. UM, from what the research shows that children 765 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:10,319 Speaker 1: that are conceived with you know, donor sperm donor egg 766 00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:15,240 Speaker 1: donor embryos, things like that, the more the lines are open, 767 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:19,399 Speaker 1: the better they tend to process it. And I know 768 00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:22,600 Speaker 1: that society is going to look very different in you know, 769 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,480 Speaker 1: eighteen years when Miles is an adult, and it will 770 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:28,439 Speaker 1: be much more common and so you know, families look 771 00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:34,080 Speaker 1: a lot different and so it won't be as out there. Um, 772 00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:40,239 Speaker 1: but it is. It is so worth doing, and I 773 00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:43,520 Speaker 1: think the adoption part of it has just been, um, 774 00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,160 Speaker 1: something that's been like dear to my heart. Oh, it's 775 00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:52,920 Speaker 1: so fascinating and so amazing. Um. Final question finished this sentence, 776 00:45:53,040 --> 00:46:01,080 Speaker 1: Parenthood is. Oh. They're so many different words that I 777 00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:03,960 Speaker 1: could say, but I am going to go with. I 778 00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:08,719 Speaker 1: am going to go with an absolute dream come true 779 00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,319 Speaker 1: for me. It is despite all of those challenges that 780 00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:18,040 Speaker 1: I had. Um, it is beautiful, it's wonderful, it's messy, 781 00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:22,640 Speaker 1: it's challenging, and I am so obsessed with my son 782 00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:26,759 Speaker 1: and I could not love him anymore even if he 783 00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:31,279 Speaker 1: were my own DNA from my own egg. So it's 784 00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:34,640 Speaker 1: it's honestly the best thing I've ever done. Yea, Everyone 785 00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:37,160 Speaker 1: go to Lynette Weaver on Instagram, and if you have 786 00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:41,560 Speaker 1: any personal questions or need embryo adoption advice or single 787 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:44,239 Speaker 1: mommy guys orta like that, you can always be m 788 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:47,759 Speaker 1: our Linette Weaver and make sure you like all of 789 00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:49,799 Speaker 1: the pictures of Miles like I am going to go 790 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,560 Speaker 1: do right now. Thank you guys so much for listening 791 00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:54,759 Speaker 1: to this episode of Katie's Crib Linette. Thank you so 792 00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:58,040 Speaker 1: much for coming on the Crib. This was awesome. I 793 00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:02,520 Speaker 1: learned so much that. Wow, that is the craziest thing 794 00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:04,640 Speaker 1: I've ever heard in my life. Thank you for letting 795 00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:15,040 Speaker 1: me do this. Thank you guys so much for listening 796 00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:18,640 Speaker 1: to today's episode. I want to hear from you. Let's 797 00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:22,120 Speaker 1: chat questions, comments, concerns. Let me know. You can always 798 00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:27,959 Speaker 1: find me at Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com. 799 00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:30,400 Speaker 1: Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda Land Audio in 800 00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:33,920 Speaker 1: partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, 801 00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:36,720 Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 802 00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:38,040 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.