Speaker 1: This show is off the cuff, no need to rehearse it.
Speaker 1: Put our thing down. Smack flip its it. Remember, Lacy
Speaker 1: licy and boh, that was pretty good. That might have
Speaker 1: been one of the best ones. Yeah, I think the
Speaker 1: very first one. I talked about you smelling like pee.
Speaker 1: But besides that, this is the next one. I think
Speaker 1: our first song. I couldn't even get it out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: p one is bad.
Speaker 2: One was one of the best.
Speaker 1: I'm still getting letters, like real letters about how great
Speaker 1: that was.
Speaker 2: So no one should be sending you a letter about that.
Speaker 2: Hold on, dear lady, a physical letter.
Speaker 1: If a stranger send you a physical letter, I don't
Speaker 1: know that you should be opening in That's true. That's true,
Speaker 1: especially nowadays. I don't even know these strange messages.
Speaker 2: Lacy. Yes, listen, I'm going on a trip. Wait let
Speaker 2: it wait.
Speaker 1: Wait wait oh oh oh my song that's late Okay,
Speaker 1: And it said scam likely oh man, Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm hearing. I thought there was a raccoon
Speaker 2: in the house. No, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going on a road trip again to New
Speaker 1: York my life yep, on the road again, just getting
Speaker 1: wait to be on the road again, Amber. Yes, and
Speaker 1: anything exciting happened today. Yes, today we announced that I'm
Speaker 1: going to be the featured entertainer at the White House
Speaker 1: Correspondence dinner.
Speaker 2: Yay, it's gonna be exciting.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be exciting. But I feel so bad because
Speaker 1: we were on Morning Joe.
Speaker 2: I saw it and the do you do do? Are
Speaker 2: you hoping that the president comes? I said no, that.
Speaker 1: I thought it. I died. I was like thatmell out
Speaker 1: of your mouth, that fell off up, that was a punk.
Speaker 1: I want to fight him, That's what I wanted to say,
Speaker 1: but I tried to act nicely.
Speaker 2: But if everyone would have been like, nobody wants him there.
Speaker 1: Nobody wants it smells like, oh that's information. I never
Speaker 1: want old spice. Come on now, old spicy McDonald's smells
Speaker 1: like old hmmm. Yeah, we don't want that. No one
Speaker 1: wants that. But I did laugh out loud when you
Speaker 1: said that it's going to be exciting.
Speaker 2: More importantly, what are you wearing? Who cares what you say?
Speaker 1: A beautiful black jacket and the jacket has.
Speaker 2: Let ell spark the lease. Okay, so you're gonna love it.
Speaker 2: I'm sure I will I'm sure it will be cute.
Speaker 2: What in the how did this? Can't I go off?
Speaker 2: I didn't? I turned it off. Always stop us from
Speaker 2: having fun.
Speaker 1: Oh man, my ring is one of the best ringtones ever, everybody,
Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry. I write songs to every ring
Speaker 1: tone everybody ever has I know, and our brother's ringtone
Speaker 1: is the best.
Speaker 2: What that man was thinking?
Speaker 1: Our brother's ringtone? We wrote an entire song for it.
Speaker 1: This is one of those Correspondent Dinner Janet Jackson a
Speaker 1: little bit. I love it. I'm glad we did that
Speaker 1: here on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Everyone.
Speaker 1: It's exactly how she decided. It's black and it's sparkly. Okay,
Speaker 1: just tune in Amber Ruffin Cabra. When is the Correspondent's Dinner?
Speaker 1: When can people watch it? The White House Correspondence Dinner
Speaker 1: takes place on no other than the twenty sixth.
Speaker 2: Hing the then.
Speaker 1: I know you was looking it up. I knew I
Speaker 1: see it if you knew, Oh, you were right, I know.
Speaker 1: Remember I think it was our last podcast I talked
Speaker 1: about we'll probably have IDs soon.
Speaker 2: Listen.
Speaker 1: Every day we're getting closer to having m id's and
Speaker 1: everybody going to have now listen, when the IDs come
Speaker 1: out what I've done, and you're not just gonna be
Speaker 1: able to leave your house anymore? Amber you think I'm joking.
Speaker 1: So I've seen started a new business. And uh it's
Speaker 1: called my White Disguise. Okay, if you want to be
Speaker 1: able to leave the house, put on this white disguise,
Speaker 1: just gonna push put it right on.
Speaker 2: Your Wig's gonna be in there, your face.
Speaker 1: Everything. The gloves are extra. The gloves are extra. The
Speaker 1: white gloves, the white skin gloves are extra. Listen, we
Speaker 1: were able to walk around freely. You think so, No,
Speaker 1: I think we're at the end of it.
Speaker 2: Lacey will not stop saying surprise, surprise. I love surprise surprise.
Speaker 1: And I left my I d the last time I
Speaker 1: was home at her house and I had to get
Speaker 1: on a flight. So I was like, Lacey, you got
Speaker 1: a break, waity. She drove up and she dropped off
Speaker 1: the idea of the roll darter window and yelled surprised,
Speaker 1: And we're.
Speaker 2: In the park.
Speaker 1: We're in the parking garage're and echoed it was beautiful.
Speaker 2: It really did. So it was Beau, that's real. Sorry
Speaker 2: everybody you heard.
Speaker 1: My song, Yeah, everybody heard it.
Speaker 2: I love that you're so positive? What do you mean positive? How?
Speaker 2: And we're not gonna be wearing this my white the sky.
Speaker 2: I made you one. I made you one.
Speaker 1: We're not gonna be We're I don't think we're gonna
Speaker 1: have IDs. This is Lacy talking about the Trump presidency
Speaker 1: and how bad it's gonna get. But I will have
Speaker 1: to I do have to say this. Technically, Lacey's nickname
Speaker 1: is Lestradamus because thank you, she has an uncanny ability
Speaker 1: to predict what's going on. And she'll just flippantly say
Speaker 1: a joke and then the jokes will be real.
Speaker 2: The jokes will be real. So yeah, I'm going to
Speaker 2: make a ton all of this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, guys, and if you can't support, if you can't
Speaker 1: afford my white disguise, I'll get you one. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna you know, I'm not in it for the money,
Speaker 1: just trying to let you go to the you want
Speaker 1: to go to the grocery store, You put on the costume,
Speaker 1: you go.
Speaker 2: You won't get her asked.
Speaker 1: None of this is necessary. I also have to offer
Speaker 1: this story. One time one of our friends had ax wild.
Speaker 1: She asks too wild all the time, and Lacey was
Speaker 1: like she was looking for a job, and Lacy goes, huh.
Speaker 2: That's funny.
Speaker 1: I thought she had a job, because you know, she
Speaker 1: had for so long. And Lacy goes, her crazy ass
Speaker 1: probably fell down in front of everybody and got fired.
Speaker 1: And then it turned out that that is exactly what happened,
Speaker 1: and she had a big goose egg on her head
Speaker 1: and she had been fired.
Speaker 2: And I was like, that is uncanny.
Speaker 1: To such a throwaway line, probably failing her head everybody.
Speaker 1: So as you got fired, why would you why would
Speaker 1: that even occur to you to say? Because I know, okay,
Speaker 1: so with the white disguise, you get a free Trump,
Speaker 1: you get a free Trump. I d that matches your disguise.
Speaker 1: I'm doing this so you'll be fine. You'll be fine
Speaker 1: to I know you don't want to, None of us
Speaker 1: want to when you call me up at two am,
Speaker 1: and I know you will. You got any more white
Speaker 1: disguises over there? Like, yeah, go on, is this Waite?
Speaker 2: Who is it? Is this Amber Ruffert? The one who
Speaker 2: made fun of me? Is Amber Ruffett?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I got one for you. Yeah, you don't save me
Speaker 2: the ugliest one.
Speaker 1: Oh, the buck tooth one. Oh yeah, but tooth sharing.
Speaker 1: That's gonna be shared because you didn't get it when
Speaker 1: they were hot you.
Speaker 2: You didn't pick the good ones. You talked about me.
Speaker 1: Okay, No, I won't. I won't give you book tooth share. Yay,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna think about it. Jeez, Louise Lacy. I
Speaker 1: think we're all doing a good job. I think so too.
Speaker 1: And I think I'm excited to host White House Correspondence
Speaker 1: thenner and it's gonna be cute, but it's also going
Speaker 1: to be a little bit mean.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's gonna.
Speaker 1: Be he's gonna be upset and he's going to talk
Speaker 1: about you. He's gonna be tweeting while it happens. Right,
Speaker 1: do people still tweet? Is he still a tweeter?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: He's gonna do something. He's gonna go on whatever social
Speaker 1: media and he's gonna be talking about it.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel like the what I get to do my
Speaker 1: black privileges as a black lady with it with nappy hair.
Speaker 1: White people don't really like the real racists, don't. They
Speaker 1: can't bear to look at me. No, I don't think
Speaker 1: they can tolerate it. I really don't, because it's usually
Speaker 1: my face and then in the thumbnail of the video
Speaker 1: it's like racism or something, and then they're not clicking
Speaker 1: on it. So I rarely I think they are going
Speaker 1: to show a clip of you though on Fox, and
Speaker 1: that's what I really want to see. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that would rule. I'm gonna show that at clip. But
Speaker 1: you know, I'm in the audience. Hopefully they show me
Speaker 1: and they're like, audience like, yeah, no, my dream, that's
Speaker 1: my dream. Okay, Oh, we have to go take a break.
Speaker 1: We have to take a break around of time for this?
Speaker 1: Hey everybody, Hey, nobody have time for that except you
Speaker 1: stick around. We'll be right back with more of than
Speaker 1: Amber and lay Lacy at Amber Show sponsored by My
Speaker 1: White Surprise. Hey you need a costume? Do you want
Speaker 1: to go to the library today? Without being yelled at? Hey?
Speaker 1: Hey everybody, We're back with more than the Amber and
Speaker 1: Lacy Lacy and Amber Show. What what I forgot my
Speaker 1: show and tell? Do I have time to grab the
Speaker 1: show and tell?
Speaker 2: Yeah? For can you stand it? Okay?
Speaker 1: Okay, so hey everyone, we have a segment on the
Speaker 1: Amber and Lacy Lacy and Amber Show where it's called
Speaker 1: can you Stand It?
Speaker 2: Can You Stand It?
Speaker 1: Is where we tell one another about the people with, places,
Speaker 1: or things that are currently changing our lives. Is it
Speaker 1: a new can of hairspray, Is it a new matt
Speaker 1: finish to your powder face? Or is it a lollipop?
Speaker 1: If it's me, it's probably a lollipop. So while Lacey's gone,
Speaker 1: and she just ran out of the room to get her,
Speaker 1: can you stand it? I just would like to tell
Speaker 1: you the following secrets about Lacey. One she's a poop.
Speaker 1: Two she poops. Three Lacey Lamar smells like poops. Okay,
Speaker 1: we are back with we'd talking.
Speaker 2: And I was talking about you where you were going? Okay.
Speaker 1: Amber just got issued some new medication and the medication
Speaker 1: makes her spot lies.
Speaker 3: So I don't know what she's good when I was gone,
Speaker 3: but just she needs help, y'all. Okay, we want to
Speaker 3: adjust her. Man, She's gonna be good now. My can
Speaker 3: you stand it? My?
Speaker 2: Can you stand it? Okay? Here, I'm bretty heavy because
Speaker 2: I went up two stairs.
Speaker 1: I haven't stairs in your house is fun until you
Speaker 1: leave something down there that's horrible. I there's a small
Speaker 1: dog behind me going in saying, Mike, can you stand it? Is?
Speaker 1: I've decided to get me and my ladies. We're going
Speaker 1: to join a sculpting class. Okay. Fun. So I went
Speaker 1: and toward the studio and you know, I got a
Speaker 1: little piece of clay while we were touring, and the
Speaker 1: guy was like, here, do you want to just do
Speaker 1: a little sculpture right here? And I was like what
Speaker 1: and show everyone up and show everyone how a beautiful
Speaker 1: sculpture I am. So look at my sculpture that I made.
Speaker 1: This is only the nose and the mouth. Did you
Speaker 1: see how beautiful it is?
Speaker 2: Can you say? Everyone? Okay, do you see that? You
Speaker 2: see this? Okay, there you go. Do you see it?
Speaker 2: Looks it's beautiful. Now.
Speaker 1: I brought this up because I need you. I'm comparing
Speaker 1: this to one of Amber's sculptures.
Speaker 2: What hell is? Damn it?
Speaker 1: What's this mess? Okay, it's a mess. So I'm just
Speaker 1: letting you know, nose and lips bobbing.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's all I want. That's me. That's my show
Speaker 2: and tell.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna say two or three days, I'm going
Speaker 1: to be a world famous sculptor. After world famous, Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: everyone's gonna be coming from all over the world.
Speaker 2: You got any more nose?
Speaker 1: Lips, and I'm gonna be like, yeah, why.
Speaker 2: Did you just do the nose and lips?
Speaker 1: Just started? That's all I did. Mind your business. I'm
Speaker 1: the artist here, Okay, okay, I'm the captain. Now look
Speaker 1: at me. I made those nose and lips's. It was
Speaker 1: beautiful nose and lips. But why what I started with?
Speaker 1: Don't question It's just that I have so many questions. No,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be questioning so hard if I wasn't filled
Speaker 1: with questions, right, Okay, stop making fun of my thing.
Speaker 1: It's funny when we make fun of you, but when
Speaker 1: you make fun of me, that's not funny.
Speaker 2: Okay, Amber, do you have a canyon statu? Oh?
Speaker 1: Actually this just happened to me the other day. I
Speaker 1: was googling best what's the word that you where you
Speaker 1: write on paper?
Speaker 2: The best card stock?
Speaker 1: So then I found the place that has a lot
Speaker 1: of really thick, really good card stock, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: let me see it. I get there and they're like here,
Speaker 1: here you go, and they hand me this card stock
Speaker 1: and it's the menu of the cheesecake fashery.
Speaker 2: The best person it is the cheesecake factory.
Speaker 1: I'll never not say anything other than cheesecake factory cheesecake
Speaker 1: factory rules. So you're going to be writing invitations on
Speaker 1: cheesecake factory menus. Is this what you're saying is bountiful,
Speaker 1: thick end perfect? That's okay, we'll freeze for a minute,
Speaker 1: But it's what you do when you unfreeze that counts.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Now is your ship plugged in tight enough? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Lacy?
Speaker 1: And I've always said this about you. You you have
Speaker 1: loose plugs.
Speaker 2: I knew you were going to say that. Nasty, a
Speaker 2: little nasty. It's tough having plugs, it is, it is.
Speaker 1: I know that sounds like you have loose hair plugs
Speaker 1: and then your hair is gonna start falling out one
Speaker 1: by one man, which man would be so fucking great.
Speaker 2: No, it wouldn't, it would actually rule. It absolutely would not.
Speaker 2: Yes it would, Lacey. When's your next? Okay? Oh?
Speaker 1: Yes, I have my d MS and they're ready, they're
Speaker 1: hot and ready. But what were you about to say?
Speaker 2: Oh, let's do it? Hey? Everyone?
Speaker 1: On? Why do you and I say hey everyone so often?
Speaker 1: Hundred all the time, all the time. Hey everybody. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm in the kitchen and I can't find something, and
Speaker 1: I go Hey, everyone, where is the thing?
Speaker 2: And I'm just doing it all the time. I see
Speaker 2: Hey everyone, I can't be stopped. We're ready for the stage. Yay,
Speaker 2: Hey everybody. H Hey everyone here.
Speaker 1: On the Amber and Lacy Lacy and Amber Show, we
Speaker 1: like to do a segment called please Slide Out of
Speaker 1: Lacey's dms, where we read actual dms sent to Lacey
Speaker 1: on dating dating apps. I almost said dating sites because
Speaker 1: of my age. Okay, Lacey, take it away.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: And not only are they sent to me on dating
Speaker 1: sites apps anyone. This is just anything. It could be
Speaker 1: in my Facebook d and ms. It could be Instagram.
Speaker 1: People will shoot their shot and it's never really great.
Speaker 2: I hate to say it. Here we go.
Speaker 1: This one says, hello, I love oh, I gotta get
Speaker 1: the picture ready. I love that you don't wear a
Speaker 1: lot of makeup. It's hard to find a woman that
Speaker 1: isn't slathered in it. And he sent me a picture.
Speaker 1: You know when they send you the little picture and
Speaker 1: there's a little comment next to it. So he got
Speaker 1: it from my profile. Listen, buddy, this ain't nothing. The
Speaker 1: most you ever worn. This is your makeup artists did this.
Speaker 1: This was when I was on your show, sir, so
Speaker 1: I responded to him.
Speaker 2: In this picture, I'm beyond slathered in it. I'm covered.
Speaker 1: It's a damn makeup, I said, I'm covered, and codd,
Speaker 1: it's a damn makeup mask. You absolutely love women in makeup.
Speaker 1: You love us, You love women in makeup. If that's
Speaker 1: what you chose and said you want a natural woman,
Speaker 1: No you don't.
Speaker 2: No, you don't, cause I take that makeup off. You
Speaker 2: don't know who I am. You won't recognize me.
Speaker 1: So you you're the opposite of what you're saying.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also, the way your dms are, I thought one hundred
Speaker 1: percent that you were going to be like and this
Speaker 1: was his profile picture, and it would be a man
Speaker 1: in makeup.
Speaker 2: That was what I said. I want to see. He
Speaker 2: probably did have a little, at least it a little
Speaker 2: well contour. That is so funny. You fully TV ready
Speaker 2: you don't like women to makeup, You absolutely love you
Speaker 2: love us.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, that was a full face that took six
Speaker 1: hours to get that makeup of. I know that's right,
Speaker 1: but thank you for thinking that all that blush was natural.
Speaker 2: Get out of here. Okay, this one, Oh my god,
Speaker 2: this hurt my little feelings.
Speaker 1: You know when you know someone from like elementary school
Speaker 1: and they reach out to you and you're like, oh
Speaker 1: he's cute. Oh my god, look crush and oh now
Speaker 1: we're older and we it's like, oh, we made a
Speaker 1: full circle at baby, and then we can tell everybody we.
Speaker 2: Met the third grade.
Speaker 1: So he reached out to me and he said, so disappointing.
Speaker 1: Let me take you out to dinner and you can
Speaker 1: find a way to pay me back. Oh oh, when
Speaker 1: I tell you, my heart fell. But you know my
Speaker 1: level of pettiness. When you go low, I go to hell.
Speaker 1: I said, you Pete on yourself during Show and Tell
Speaker 1: Miss Dunnan's third grade class, and I left it because
Speaker 1: you did. I want to say his first name so bad.
Speaker 1: But since there was like twelve of us in class,
Speaker 1: everyone's going to go back and know why I don't
Speaker 1: have time for this.
Speaker 2: See he did. Didn't you say that? Because he did?
Speaker 2: So he did.
Speaker 1: And you're asking for you're asking for favors after a date, sir,
Speaker 1: we're going to straight to P. P.
Speaker 2: Johnson. Yeah, you're getting that. That's forty years ago, Pete
Speaker 2: and I left it never responded. It's still up. He
Speaker 2: didn't respond I didn't black him, he didn't black me.
Speaker 2: Maybe he's still thinking that's.
Speaker 1: Really extra cold because he knows you remembered it for
Speaker 1: forty years this whole time.
Speaker 2: Come on, now, that's that's the nightmare.
Speaker 1: You comfort yourself by saying, well, no one remembers it, sir,
Speaker 1: Claire is a bell. Claire is a bell. Was still
Speaker 1: willing to cheachat with you. I was still like, that's
Speaker 1: that point to pee on herself. I'm gonna give them
Speaker 1: a chance. And this is what you come at me with.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get it. You're gonna get it.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: My last one is okay, this just out of the blue,
Speaker 1: just dumb ass. First things they say, will you please
Speaker 1: take my virginity? And I just said, no, keep it.
Speaker 2: That's all I did.
Speaker 1: That's just no, I want it. Why do people say
Speaker 1: dumb things like that? And are you a virgin? You're fifty, sir,
Speaker 1: you're fifty. I don't want it. I don't want it.
Speaker 1: I want it. I want it something. The fact that
Speaker 1: you held out this lot, I don't want it. It's rotten.
Speaker 1: It's like a spire.
Speaker 2: I don't want that your virginity. Virginities do expire they do.
Speaker 2: They do.
Speaker 1: You do not get time, then you hasn't broken gotten laid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I don't want to.
Speaker 1: Sorry. Virginities expire. You learn that here on the Amber
Speaker 1: and Lacey Show. See how easy it is to become
Speaker 1: a conspiracy theorist, because how much fun would it have
Speaker 1: been to quadruple down and be like, if you don't
Speaker 1: lose your virginity, then you lose your virginity expirement. That's
Speaker 1: so true. That's how these people are born, Lacey. Let's
Speaker 1: start offering one conspiracy theory per show. Absolutely, that was
Speaker 1: our first one. Yeah, our first one is virginities expire.
Speaker 1: They do so every none not a virgin. Once you
Speaker 1: have none of a stortain age gone, then virginity is gone.
Speaker 1: Your virginity is gone. Oh how old are you? That
Speaker 1: thing expired twelve months ago? I'm sorry, ma'am? Sorry whoever? No,
Speaker 1: you wait until fifty. First of all, no, you didn't know,
Speaker 1: you didn't, you didn't. Terrible line, terrible line. Okay, I
Speaker 1: think it's also time now for sister goold dut dunt
Speaker 1: don't godes God.
Speaker 2: That's a good song.
Speaker 1: When we get that album of Amber and Lacy, Lacey
Speaker 1: and Ambershaw songs. It's gonna go platinum, It's gonna it's
Speaker 1: gonna be bigger than they not like us. Oh, what's
Speaker 1: hold on? I got a chit chat about this? What
Speaker 1: am I the only? Am I the only person in
Speaker 1: the world that is like.
Speaker 2: Okay, Drake's had enough? Leave him alone.
Speaker 1: When I tell you, I don't know anything about Drake.
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about Drake. I feel like he's
Speaker 1: somewhere crying. I feel it in my heart, and I
Speaker 1: feel like he's so so sad. It's the ultimate.
Speaker 2: This is more.
Speaker 1: This is this is more bullying than you peeped in
Speaker 1: front of your class.
Speaker 2: This is this is terrible.
Speaker 1: It's I don't feel bad about Pep Johnson, but I
Speaker 1: feel bad about Drake. I feel bad about it too,
Speaker 1: and I have felt bad about it from the very beginning,
Speaker 1: from the second dis track, like this's too far. He
Speaker 1: can't he doesn't know because I don't know what he
Speaker 1: would have expected. Did he expect to be spared? Did
Speaker 1: he think he could win? I don't quite get it.
Speaker 1: I don't love it, but it did make for easily
Speaker 1: one of the best songs of all time.
Speaker 2: No, don't say it. I don't want to do.
Speaker 1: This.
Speaker 2: I do too, and that's sad. And then he got
Speaker 2: a Grammy about it.
Speaker 1: And then as he was walking up to get the Grammy,
Speaker 1: every respected musician on earth was singing alonggoing and it's
Speaker 1: probably a minor I was like.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, that stings. That's stings. That stings. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: hope no one dislikes me that bad. One day I
Speaker 2: sold that disk track. I've made a amber. Okay, thank you. Sorry,
Speaker 2: make a disk track about me.
Speaker 1: You just told me that you can't take a distrack,
Speaker 1: so I just canceled it. I think not coming out. Look,
Speaker 1: I've been around people talk shit about me on the internet.
Speaker 1: It's very it's infrequent, but it does happen. But I'm saying,
Speaker 1: if you made a disk track about me, even if
Speaker 1: it was bad, the thought, the thought that you would
Speaker 1: get up, put on socks, go to a studio and
Speaker 1: get out of your car.
Speaker 2: Yeah, make a song that's so cold.
Speaker 1: I've disliked many people, probably hate not not that many
Speaker 1: at all, probably almost zero.
Speaker 2: But I can't. My hate has no action behind it.
Speaker 1: My hate is just like I don't like this, and
Speaker 1: then that's it and move on to the next thing.
Speaker 2: I can't imagine being fueled by it. And that's the
Speaker 2: difference between Amber and I.
Speaker 1: I will write a song today, that's right, I'll write
Speaker 1: a song today.
Speaker 2: Lassie will all write a song today. She will.
Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, you know what song we just wrote. It's
Speaker 1: time for us to go to the break. Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: hold on to you. But wow, we'll be right back
Speaker 1: with more of the Ember and Lacy Lacy and Amber show.
Speaker 2: So stick around or else.
Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, we're back with more of the Embra and Lacy,
Speaker 1: Lacy and Amber Show.
Speaker 2: We are going to hit you with the law. We're
Speaker 2: taking an oath.
Speaker 1: We're hands on the Bible, and we're about to testify
Speaker 1: because it's time for her sister Cord Babbo.
Speaker 2: It's sister Courd.
Speaker 1: We read emails that were sent to us from you,
Speaker 1: and then we come down hard pro or con with
Speaker 1: our own verdicts. You wrote to us, You asked us
Speaker 1: for help. You'll regret it. If you want help from us,
Speaker 1: email us at Amberandlacyadvice at gmail dot com. If you
Speaker 1: don't want advice from us, email us at Amber and
Speaker 1: Lacyadvice at gmail dot com. We'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 1: It's time for Sister Courd email number one. Okay, this
Speaker 1: one says, how do you eat fruit at the bottom
Speaker 1: of a cocktail. I'm currently on vacation and I keeping
Speaker 1: served delicious tropical cocktails, but they come with pineapple or
Speaker 1: strawberries or something in the glass.
Speaker 2: So when I.
Speaker 1: Drink it, there's fruit at the bottom. Do you just
Speaker 1: throw the fruit away? Try to use your straw or
Speaker 1: your finger to dig it out. Suggestions are super appreciated here.
Speaker 1: I know exactly what Lacy is going to say, so
Speaker 1: let me go first. I think you can just tip
Speaker 1: the glass up to your mouth and then the fruit
Speaker 1: will slide into your mouth. If not, you got to
Speaker 1: stab it with a straw and then sloop it into
Speaker 1: your mouth. If not, you have to leave it alone.
Speaker 1: Do not, I repeat, do not be sticking your little
Speaker 1: fingers in there, having everybody watch you root around in
Speaker 1: the bottom of your your fill out of you have
Speaker 1: to leave there there. You cannot have that pineapple. That
Speaker 1: is not for you. Okay, And what I would do
Speaker 1: is yell, really loudly, does anybody have a trash can
Speaker 1: and throw that cup into the trash. I hate fruit.
Speaker 1: You're asking the wrong person. Here hate it fruits to.
Speaker 2: Say he hates fruit like male men hate dogs. She
Speaker 2: hates it.
Speaker 1: The fruit has done nothing to her, but try to
Speaker 1: be her friend. She don't want it. Do not put
Speaker 1: it in my drink. Don't even don't do that. No,
Speaker 1: she doesn't, truly doesn't. And I think so she can
Speaker 1: certainly this or that she can't.
Speaker 2: I just want to cleaned out a glass.
Speaker 1: I gave my dad some of his homemade lemonade that
Speaker 1: had you know, lemonade bits, and when I went to
Speaker 1: clean out the glass, a little bit of the pulp
Speaker 1: got on my arm.
Speaker 2: It might as well have been vomit. I was like,
Speaker 2: oh God.
Speaker 1: Then I thought it's just fruit. Lacy calmed out, But yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how I feel about fruit.
Speaker 2: It touched me.
Speaker 1: Guys, she really hates fruit, and I'm sorry about that.
Speaker 1: Everyone that she's missing out one of the great joys
Speaker 1: of life.
Speaker 2: Fruit.
Speaker 1: Okay, whatever would you like to read the next one?
Speaker 1: Or shall I here is? Oh wait, so then that
Speaker 1: person is, oh innocent, You're guilty to me, you shouldn't
Speaker 1: mean that stuff. But okay, sister, Court scenario number two.
Speaker 1: Am I being petty or am I justified? When I
Speaker 1: was in college, I dated a guy who would eventually
Speaker 1: be my husband. We moved in together pretty quickly. We
Speaker 1: were both in our mid twenties when I brought him
Speaker 1: to meet my parents over the holidays.
Speaker 2: Even if we lived.
Speaker 1: Together, my mom insisted we sleep in separate rooms because
Speaker 1: we weren't married at the time. My parents are divorced
Speaker 1: and my mom is seeing a new guy. She's going
Speaker 1: to be staying with my husband and I and she'll
Speaker 1: be bringing her new boyfriend. I'm thinking about making them
Speaker 1: sleep in separate rooms since they aren't married yet. Is
Speaker 1: that going too far my pettiness or am I justified
Speaker 1: in this? Okay, you're going too far. That's your mama.
Speaker 1: She can do whatever the hell she want to do.
Speaker 1: She can come in there with two men. Mind your
Speaker 1: own Business's your mom. Your mom makes all the rules.
Speaker 1: I go into my daughter's house, you better not. You
Speaker 1: gotta say nothing to me. That's the joy of being
Speaker 1: a parent. Now you can do that to your kids.
Speaker 1: It doesn't go reverse, it doesn't go in reverse. You
Speaker 1: ain't telling me nothing, nothing, nada. Oh now I'm bringing
Speaker 1: three men. Who's that guy that on my DMS? I'm
Speaker 1: bringing three No, you can't tell me what to do.
Speaker 1: I'm the adult. I will always be. There's a hierarchy
Speaker 1: to this, so you can't I know you want. You
Speaker 1: can bring it up, bring it up at dinner. Oh,
Speaker 1: y'all ain't married yet. Did you sleep in the same
Speaker 1: bed last night? You can bring that up. You can
Speaker 1: be petty, but you can't tell them not to sleep
Speaker 1: in the same bed. That's why you asking us. I
Speaker 1: think when they get there, you tell them to sleep
Speaker 1: in separate beds, and then you see how far it goes,
Speaker 1: and then you go, I'm just kidding. But you remember
Speaker 1: when you did this to me? Now do you think
Speaker 1: you were being unreasonable?
Speaker 2: Well you were.
Speaker 1: Luckily in my house we're a little more open minded
Speaker 1: than that. So thank goodness, who knows where I got
Speaker 1: this from, because it wasn't you.
Speaker 2: No, that's petty. Now, that's petty.
Speaker 1: And then that's just randomly in the middle of the
Speaker 1: night busting everyone with a flashlight. Kick in fact, be
Speaker 1: ready to buy a new door, because I really appreciate
Speaker 1: the kicking down of the door. Kick it down, kick
Speaker 1: it out. I want the splinters on the side to
Speaker 1: shoot out what you're doing. They get a door, you
Speaker 1: know that's.
Speaker 2: Up to you.
Speaker 1: Not everybody gets to have a room with a door
Speaker 1: on it. You can make it real uncomfortable for him
Speaker 1: because they did do you wrong. So I say, go
Speaker 1: for it. Go for it, that's right.
Speaker 2: Ah yeah yeah yeah, yea am right? Do I agree
Speaker 2: with you? So they are guilty and she is innocent,
Speaker 2: that's right?
Speaker 1: Sorry?
Speaker 2: Okay this one.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about not pitching in to a
Speaker 1: group birthday gift at work? I'm in an office and
Speaker 1: whenever it's someone's birthday, someone always comes around asking for
Speaker 1: some cash to help pay for a small gift and
Speaker 1: a cake or something. Not to sound like an asshole,
Speaker 1: but I don't really care enough to participate. I like
Speaker 1: my coworkers well enough, but I don't really feel the
Speaker 1: need to bond like that. Would it be bad if
Speaker 1: I said no next time they asked me for cash
Speaker 1: on the next birthday? Okay, this and I mean this.
Speaker 1: Please do not isolate this answer. Don't put it out
Speaker 1: on social media. It is the worst thing I have
Speaker 1: ever said in my life. People who insist on running
Speaker 1: around and getting the cake and getting the present and
Speaker 1: making everybody sign the card and this and that and
Speaker 1: that and the other.
Speaker 2: Do not have enough stuff going on in their lives.
Speaker 2: They just don't.
Speaker 1: I mean, look, I think everything in my life serves
Speaker 1: a purpose, and I do not think that birthday and
Speaker 1: job overlap in any way whatsoever. I don't need it.
Speaker 1: Every office should do what we do here every month.
Speaker 1: The first of the month, we go happy birthday everyone
Speaker 1: in June, and then we put up a little sign
Speaker 1: that says everyone's name, and we put a pie in
Speaker 1: the kitchen.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: That's what you get. Now, that's what you're doing. That's fine,
Speaker 1: but don't be don't And lady, lady, if you're running
Speaker 1: around making everybody sign the card, making everybody give you
Speaker 1: five dollars so you can get somebody some mess they
Speaker 1: don't want. Girl, read a novel, don't do that. Don't
Speaker 1: do that, don't busy yourself. And then I got it.
Speaker 1: It's my problem. You ain't got enough to do in
Speaker 1: your life.
Speaker 2: Cut that out out.
Speaker 1: So in that way, I'm the coldest motherfucker on earth.
Speaker 1: I do not like birthday stuff.
Speaker 2: I don't like it. Yes, you know what.
Speaker 1: I was not on board with a thing you were
Speaker 1: saying at first, But then when you said put everybody's
Speaker 1: name at the first of the month.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it because we all have given money to Steve.
Speaker 1: Nobody likes Steve. I can't stand him. Oh and you
Speaker 1: asked for ten dollars. No, I don't want to spend
Speaker 1: ten dollars on Steve to make his day better. Oh,
Speaker 1: Steve voted to Trump. I don't like Steve. Now you're
Speaker 1: going to have someone in here and they're gonna like push,
Speaker 1: like slap his food out of his hand.
Speaker 2: You got my tender. We're hiring someone to harass Steve. Okay,
Speaker 2: how much right?
Speaker 1: No I have I have contributed a billion dollars to
Speaker 1: the group birthdays at work. I mean yeah, And then
Speaker 1: you've got to run around.
Speaker 2: You've got to hide the cart. Oh they're coming, hide
Speaker 2: the cart.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: Then you got to get a cake and a gift.
Speaker 2: It's a lot.
Speaker 1: It was a lot all the time. All the time,
Speaker 1: it was a cake and a gift, a cake and
Speaker 1: a gift. I just don't think that's what work is for.
Speaker 1: And if you think everyone needs a morale boost.
Speaker 2: You're right they do.
Speaker 1: Then fucking Taco Tuesday or some shit some goofy goofy
Speaker 1: goofy hat day and not even Taco Tuesday, because I
Speaker 1: don't want people's money. Casual Wednesday dressed like a twin day,
Speaker 1: you know, silly hair day, bad shit. Do Spirit Week,
Speaker 1: but do it at work, but don't be taking people's money.
Speaker 1: Don't take people's money.
Speaker 2: I don't like that.
Speaker 1: Because Happy Birthday is free and birthdays are for children.
Speaker 2: Amber does not care about the birthdays.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, I'm trying to go listen to some smooth jazz
Speaker 1: on my birthday, and I am let's turn this all
Speaker 1: about me, Okay. I found out where Chad Stoner chat
Speaker 1: Stoner is gonna make. You can google chat Stoner everybody.
Speaker 1: He's an amazing jazz musician and he mm mmmmm mmm mmmm.
Speaker 1: I went and listened to him last week and it
Speaker 1: was great. He will play some R and B, just
Speaker 1: instrumental R and B, which Amber and I have told
Speaker 1: you a million times.
Speaker 2: Love it. I mean he was playing the Angelo Digelo.
Speaker 1: Now you think you're not gonna love you would if
Speaker 1: you heard it, you would love it. And Chad Stoner,
Speaker 1: I don't know if Amber knows this. I know him
Speaker 1: from church. He used to be praise and worship guy
Speaker 1: that used to come. I used to work at a
Speaker 1: place for wayward girls, and he would come there on
Speaker 1: Sundays and do church. He would do the little praise
Speaker 1: and worship, and Chad Stoner looks really good. So I
Speaker 1: kept wondering, well, all these little girls going to church.
Speaker 2: What's going on.
Speaker 1: They were like, oh, we got to go to church,
Speaker 1: full face of makeup going, And then I went, Okay,
Speaker 1: the man looks very nice. But he's a very good
Speaker 1: saxophone saxophone player. He's great, He's wonderful. And that's how
Speaker 1: I know. I've known him for twenty plus years, so
Speaker 1: because I've known him from church. When I went to
Speaker 1: the concert, it wasn't really a concert, but I went
Speaker 1: to see him play last week. He goes, now, even
Speaker 1: though we're in a bar, I'm about to play a
Speaker 1: song that shouldn't be here. And he played like a
Speaker 1: sweet R and B version of Wade in the Water,
Speaker 1: and you know, I had to listen.
Speaker 2: It was great. I had to yell out let him
Speaker 2: use you, baby, let me abuse you.
Speaker 1: But it was good.
Speaker 2: You didn't think it was wrong there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it, love it, love it. And I've
Speaker 1: never seen him do that, but he does some. He
Speaker 1: does all your favorites Anita Baker, Luther, everybody, Lacy. I
Speaker 1: don't know how we got on that.
Speaker 2: We got to go to middle aged lady fest. Why
Speaker 2: isn't that that chase go to. We're gonna just slow.
Speaker 2: There's not too many of us. There's no stairs. It's
Speaker 2: not gonna be no stairs in middle aged.
Speaker 1: Ladies' flat somehow. It's just everywhere you go is downhill.
Speaker 1: Lady yay?
Speaker 2: Where is this event at? Always down that hill? Okay,
Speaker 2: thank you? Now get oh down another you got me?
Speaker 2: You can have my eight dollars. It costs eight dollars.
Speaker 2: Oh oh, I'm not going eight dollars. I'm telling you.
Speaker 1: This might not be the best lad This might not
Speaker 1: be the middle the best middle aged lady beest ambers
Speaker 1: we have okay, all right, well, hey everyone, thanks for
Speaker 1: tuning in today. We laughed, we loved, we shared. We
Speaker 1: want to leave you today with this thought. I'm so scared,
Speaker 1: just kidding, that is very real thought, though, America help you.
Speaker 1: Uh hey, we love you and have fun and goodbye.
Speaker 1: Oh Lacy, yes, how can people find you on social media?
Speaker 1: They can find me at Lacy lamar one though. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie I did just join What did
Speaker 1: I join?
Speaker 2: Blue Sky? Blue Sky?
Speaker 1: And I don't know what I am on there. When
Speaker 1: I find out, I'll come back next time, guys and
Speaker 1: tell you. I think it's Lacy Lamar.
Speaker 2: Oh, good job. Why doesn't someone look and you call me?
Speaker 2: My number is and I'm Amber.
Speaker 1: Ruffin across all socials, I assume, well, we've been The
Speaker 1: Amber and Lacy, Lacy and Amber Show.
Speaker 2: We love it very much. Good night and goodbye, good.
Speaker 1: Night and my bye. The Amber and Lacy, Lacy and
Speaker 1: Amber Show is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money
Speaker 1: Players and iHeartRadio podcast. It's created and hosted by Amber
Speaker 1: Ruffin and Lacy Lamar. Executive produced by Noah Avlar and
Speaker 1: Hans Sonni, super produced by Becca Ramos. Because She's a
Speaker 1: Superhero co produced by Victor Wright, Edited and mixed by
Speaker 1: Ty Herd.
Speaker 2: Music by David Schmoll.