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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly

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Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small

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Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

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Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you

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Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is

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Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with

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Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much

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Speaker 1: for joining me for session three twenty seven of the

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our

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Speaker 1: conversation after a word from our sponsors. The reviews for

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Speaker 1: This October, Therapy for Black Girls is celebrating Breast Cancer

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Speaker 1: Awareness Month by sharing resources and celebrating the experiences of survivors.

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Speaker 1: Studies have shown that breast cancer disproportionately impacts Black women. However,

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Speaker 1: a breast cancer diagnosis does not have to mean a

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Speaker 1: death sentence, and there is support available to anyone who

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Speaker 1: feels like they are navigating this journey alone. Joining me

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Speaker 1: today is patient advocate and breast cancer thriver. Marissa Thomas

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Speaker 1: Maorisa was diagnosed in twenty fifteen with stage two breast

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Speaker 1: cancer and is now the co founder and CEO of

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Speaker 1: for the Breast of Us, an inclusive online community for

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Speaker 1: women of color impacted by breast cancer. Marissa also holds

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Speaker 1: a Bachelor of Science and Healthcare Administration and is a

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Speaker 1: current board member of Living Beyond Breast Cancer Today. Marissa

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Speaker 1: and I discussed her experience as a breast cancer survivor,

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Speaker 1: the importance of family and how a parent can relay

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Speaker 1: their diagnosis to a child, and embracing changes in your

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Speaker 1: body and personhood after breast cancer. If something resonates with

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Speaker 1: you while enjoying our conversation, please share with us on

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Speaker 1: social media using the hashtag TVG in session, or join

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Speaker 1: us over in the sister circle To talk more about

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Speaker 1: the episode. You can join us at community dot therapy

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Speaker 1: for Blackgirls dot com. Here's our conversation. Thank you so

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Speaker 1: much for joining us today, Marissa.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for having me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a pleasure. So you are a breast cancer survivor,

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Speaker 1: you're a women's health advocate, and you're also the co

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Speaker 1: founder and CEO of the breast of Us. It's an

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Speaker 1: online community blog and podcast for women of color who

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Speaker 1: are affected by breast cancer. Can you tell me a

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Speaker 1: little bit about what you love most about the work

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Speaker 1: that you do.

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Speaker 3: I love just meeting the women and the community and

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Speaker 3: seeing them bond and connect with each other, definitely sharing

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Speaker 3: resources things that I didn't have when I was diagnosed.

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Speaker 3: I've actually made some really good friends within the community here,

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Speaker 3: some who I would even consider my sisters. And so

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Speaker 3: just seeing those bonds and meeting women who are also

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Speaker 3: diagnosed with breast cancer and that irobably wouldn't have met

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Speaker 3: at any other time if this wasn't the case, that's

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Speaker 3: definitely fulfilling for me.

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Speaker 1: And how long has the organization existed?

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Speaker 2: For?

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Speaker 3: Four years? We started in May of twenty nineteen.

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Speaker 1: Got It. Got It? Yeah, And you talked a little

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Speaker 1: bit about your diagnosis there. So you were diagnosed at

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Speaker 1: thirty five years young, which is very very young. Can

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Speaker 1: you tell us a little bit about getting that diagnosis,

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Speaker 1: like were you having symptoms or did you find out

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Speaker 1: some other way?

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Speaker 3: I wasn't having any symptoms. Ironically enough, I found the

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Speaker 3: lump myself. But two weeks before I found the lump,

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Speaker 3: I actually had my physical with my doctor and as

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Speaker 3: she was doing my breast exam, I felt her push

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Speaker 3: down on something and she felt something as well, and

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Speaker 3: she just dismissed it and said, oh, you know, it's

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Speaker 3: probably nothing, like, of course, you're young and you've been

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Speaker 3: working out a lot, maybe just strained something like, don't

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Speaker 3: worry about it. And I remember walking out of that

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Speaker 3: appointment and texting my sister and saying, when she was

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Speaker 3: doing my breast exam, she felt something in my breast,

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Speaker 3: and as sisters do or your girlfriend, she just was

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Speaker 3: kind of like, oh, you know, it's probably nothing to

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Speaker 3: worry about. Women's breast tend to get lumpy around their cycle,

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Speaker 3: and even for me, in the back of my mind,

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Speaker 3: I knew that wasn't the case because I've never had

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Speaker 3: lumpy breasts and I've always been really in tune with

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Speaker 3: my body. But just you get that reassurance from your sister,

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Speaker 3: your girlfriends, you're just kind of like, Okay, I'll go

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Speaker 3: with it. And two weeks later, as I was getting

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Speaker 3: out of the shower and putting lotion on, I felt

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Speaker 3: the lump it.

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Speaker 2: At that time, and it had doubled in size.

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Speaker 3: So in two weeks it had already doubled in size,

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Speaker 3: and I knew immediately, even though it was a Saturday.

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Speaker 3: So there wasn't really much that I could do in

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Speaker 3: terms of trying to go and see a doctor or anything.

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Speaker 3: But I kept trying to tell myself. At the time,

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Speaker 3: my son was thirteen, and so I remember just telling

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Speaker 3: myself like, oh, it's probably like a clogged milk duck,

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Speaker 3: but as a clogged milk duck at thirteen, or maybe

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Speaker 3: it's just nothing, or maybe it's just a sist. Just

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Speaker 3: trying to talk myself off the ledge per se. But

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Speaker 3: I knew in my heart I have a background in

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Speaker 3: health care. I've worked in healthcare for about twenty years,

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Speaker 3: and so I knew in my heart that it was

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Speaker 3: probably cancer.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't something good, And.

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Speaker 1: Did you go back to the same doctor who has

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Speaker 1: told you it wasn't anything to worry about or somewhere else.

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Speaker 3: No, that's probably God's doing because that primary care physician

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Speaker 3: that I had at the time, she was actually getting

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Speaker 3: ready to retire. So I also think that, you know,

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Speaker 3: I don't really want to put that on her, but

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Speaker 3: I also think when you're getting ready to retire, you

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Speaker 3: get ready to lead somewhere. You're kind of mentally already

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Speaker 3: checked out and out the door. So I actually tried

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Speaker 3: to see her. I called that Monday, and then they

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Speaker 3: said they couldn't get me until Thursday. But I was

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Speaker 3: just like, now time is of the essence, like I

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Speaker 3: need to get this checked out. And so fortunately the

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Speaker 3: primary care office that I used to work in where

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Speaker 3: I got my training.

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Speaker 2: I called them. And that's why I say, it's really.

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Speaker 3: Important not to burn bridges or anything, because you never

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Speaker 3: know that bridge if you got a cross back over it.

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Speaker 3: One day and I called the office manager and term

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Speaker 3: of what was happening, she pit me in the next day,

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Speaker 3: and then they also worked so hard and diligently they

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Speaker 3: got me in the following day to have a mamogram

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Speaker 3: and an ultrasound, which I know for most people that's

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Speaker 3: unheard of. Sometimes what you just do right by people

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Speaker 3: and they love you or like you, or whatever the

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Speaker 3: case may be, they'll go that extra mile for you.

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Speaker 1: So where were you, Mrisa already kind of doing routine

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Speaker 1: breast exams for yourself and that's how you knew to

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Speaker 1: be checking or was it just kind of happens dance.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to sit up here and line and

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Speaker 2: say that I was. I wasn't.

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Speaker 3: But I also did know my body, so even beforehand,

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Speaker 3: even though I wasn't necessarily having any symptoms, I was

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Speaker 3: really fatigued a couple of weeks before I was diagnosed,

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Speaker 3: but you know, I was just taking it out. I'm

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Speaker 3: a single mom, I'm running after my son, I'm working

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Speaker 3: full time, so you know, I had symptoms like that.

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Speaker 3: So I think it was just my body's way of

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Speaker 3: kind of telling me that something was off. But I

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Speaker 3: wasn't necessarily doing breast self exams. But again, in the

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Speaker 3: same token, I do know my body. I know when

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Speaker 3: something's off.

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Speaker 1: Right, right, So I would imagine that lots of complicated

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Speaker 1: feelings come up after a diagnosis. Can you talk to

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Speaker 1: us a little bit about some of the things that

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Speaker 1: came up for you in anything that may be shocked

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Speaker 1: or surprised you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's funny. I was actually thinking about this the

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Speaker 3: other day. A year prior to my diagnosis, I had

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Speaker 3: foot surgery. So you know, you're trying to figure out

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Speaker 3: all the reasons why you've gotten breast cancer, right, and

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Speaker 3: being a patient advocate now, I know that there's not

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Speaker 3: necessarily quote unquote any type of why, or you shouldn't

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Speaker 3: be blaming yourself or anything. But I was thinking like, oh,

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Speaker 3: maybe I shouldn't have that surgery. Maybe that surgery provoked

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Speaker 3: something in my body. So now that I have cancer,

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Speaker 3: I actually have a genetic mutation that predisposes me to

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Speaker 3: endometrial and colon cancer.

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Speaker 2: It's cult Lynch syndrome.

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Speaker 3: And I was thinking like, Okay, well, maybe it's because

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Speaker 3: of this genetic mutation, which, funny enough, that may be

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Speaker 3: the reason why I have gotten breast cancer. We could

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Speaker 3: talk about that a little bit later, but I remember

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Speaker 3: telling my doctors five years before I was diagnosed. I

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Speaker 3: knew I had this genetic mutation. That's when I found out.

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Speaker 3: So I was already going to get routine colonoscopies every year.

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Speaker 3: And I remember telling my oncologist when I was diagnosed,

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Speaker 3: you guys should research me because I'm pretty sure. I'm

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Speaker 3: thirty five, I'm young. I have this genetic mutation. There's

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Speaker 3: got to be a correlation. And I remember them telling me, oh,

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Speaker 3: there's no correlation, like there's not enough research, and I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 3: well duh, Like I'm the research. Like research me. It's

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Speaker 3: probably the reason why. So those things came up are

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Speaker 3: just even my mortality. Again, I work in healthcare, so

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Speaker 3: I know what a type of diagnosis with cancer what

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Speaker 3: that means, and I know what chemo could do to

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Speaker 3: your body. And so just me even toying with the factor,

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Speaker 3: thinking like okay, well what if I don't do chemo?

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Speaker 2: What if I don't do these things? Because is it.

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Speaker 3: My quality of life that I want? Or do I

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Speaker 3: want to extend my life? And so there were all

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Speaker 3: different types of emotions that came up.

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Speaker 1: So you mentioned that you found out about the genetic

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Speaker 1: mutation five years before the diagnosis. Was there just through

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Speaker 1: another doctor's appointment. How did you find out about that?

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Speaker 2: So I found out through my dad.

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Speaker 3: My dad had coin cancer and a lot of his

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Speaker 3: siblings were popping up with different types of rare cancers.

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Speaker 3: My dad actually had colon and skin cancer, and his

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Speaker 3: doctor told him that he should have genetic testing, and

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Speaker 3: he had the genetic testing, and that's how it came

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Speaker 3: out saying that he had Lynch syndrome. And so because

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Speaker 3: his was positive, they told him that your kids should

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Speaker 3: get genetic testing, your siblings, and then that way we

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Speaker 3: can be proactive about your health. It's one of the

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Speaker 3: biggest things I want to empower black and brown people

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Speaker 3: in general to be able to get genetic testing, so

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Speaker 3: that way they can be proactive and just be more

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Speaker 3: aware of like if you have this genetic mutation, or

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Speaker 3: just aware of your genetics in general, so that way,

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Speaker 3: even if you don't have it, you can at least

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Speaker 3: pass down to your kids and they can be more

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Speaker 3: proactive with their health.

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Speaker 1: So tell me more about genetic testing, Marisa. Is this

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Speaker 1: something that is covered by insurance? And do you just

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Speaker 1: go to your regular primary care doctor or somewhere special.

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Speaker 3: So you go and see a genetic counselor you can

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Speaker 3: get a referral from your primary care doctor, or you

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Speaker 3: can search for one yourself. Depending on your insurance is

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Speaker 3: whether it's covered or not. I do know, just now

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Speaker 3: being in the advocacy world with black and brown people,

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Speaker 3: it's really hard to get it covered, but more and

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Speaker 3: more insurances are starting to cover it now, so I

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Speaker 3: would just say, definitely do your research, find out if

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Speaker 3: your insurance covers it, Maybe find a genetic counselor or

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Speaker 3: clinic where they can cover, you.

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Speaker 2: Know, or subsidize some of the cost.

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Speaker 3: I know where I went and had my genetic testing

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Speaker 3: at my insurance did cover it, but the place that

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Speaker 3: I had genetic testing, they actually covered it one hundred percent.

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Speaker 3: Whether your insurance covered it or not, they'd put it

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Speaker 3: through your insurance and then if it wasn't covered, they

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Speaker 3: would still cover it because it just felt like it

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Speaker 3: was important for people to get genetic testing.

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Speaker 1: Got it, got it. So you know, I'm sure, both

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Speaker 1: based on your professional background and just sounds like your

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Speaker 1: personal experience, it sounds like you went head first into

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Speaker 1: researching like, Okay, what's happening here? What do I need

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Speaker 1: to do? So can you tell us a little bit

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Speaker 1: about all the things that you researched, maybe in terms

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Speaker 1: of treatment, and then maybe how you made it decision

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Speaker 1: whether or not to try a chemo.

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Speaker 3: Sure, so some of the factors that I had was

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Speaker 3: first off, determined the type of surgery I wanted if

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Speaker 3: I wanted to have a lumpectomy or a masectomy. So

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Speaker 3: a lumpectomy is where they just removed the tumor in

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Speaker 3: your breast and then reshape your breast. Maseecto me is

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Speaker 3: where they remove your entire breast. Again, I was at

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Speaker 3: the age of thirty five. I've always loved my breast.

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Speaker 3: I'm not gonna be ashamed about that, and I just

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Speaker 3: mentally couldn't see myself removing both in my breast. And

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Speaker 3: you know, I tell people like, that's a personal decision

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Speaker 3: for you, whether that's something that you want to do

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Speaker 3: or not. For me, I just at the time wasn't

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Speaker 3: mentally ready to remove all my breasts. That just felt

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Speaker 3: it just shocked me to my cordy even think that

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Speaker 3: was even a possibility for something to do. So I

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Speaker 3: decided to go with a lumpectomy. Actually, two doctors tell

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Speaker 3: me that I should have a masectomy. Just because of

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Speaker 3: the type of breast cancer I had was very aggressive

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Speaker 3: and I was completely against it. And the doctor that

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Speaker 3: I was working for at the time time, when I

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Speaker 3: was telling him about it, and you know, it always

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Speaker 3: gives me really good advice, he said, well, you should

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Speaker 3: ask your oncologists if you had a missc to me,

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Speaker 3: does that mean that you don't have to do chemo,

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Speaker 3: because then if you don't have to do chemo, maybe

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Speaker 3: that'll help you make the decision on the type of

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Speaker 3: surgery that you.

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Speaker 2: Have to have.

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Speaker 3: And I asked my ancologist that and he said, no,

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Speaker 3: your cancer so aggressive you would still have to do chemo.

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Speaker 3: And I'm just like, okay, then why are we removing

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Speaker 3: my breast then if that's the case. And so I

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Speaker 3: decided to do a lumpect to me, and I remember

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Speaker 3: when I came out of surgery, the surgeon telling me,

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Speaker 3: I'm actually glad that you decided to just have a

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Speaker 3: lumpecto me because we removed the tumor at home, we

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Speaker 3: got clear margins, meaning that there was no other cancer

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Speaker 3: that had spread throughout my breast or my lymph nodes.

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Speaker 3: And she's like, you know, and I just put you

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Speaker 3: back together So my advice for people is definitely do

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Speaker 3: your research and do whatever you feel is best for you,

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Speaker 3: because at the end of the day, you're the one

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Speaker 3: that has to live with that decision.

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Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break, so, what kinds

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Speaker 1: of resources were available to you to help support your

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Speaker 1: mental health or as anything available for you or your family.

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Speaker 3: For myself, I did have a therapist. I wasn't seeing

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Speaker 3: her necessarily at the time when I was diagnosed. I

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Speaker 3: didn't see her until once I was going through treatment,

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Speaker 3: So that was a resource for myself. I was diagnosed

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Speaker 3: the end of twenty fifteen, did my treatment in twenty sixteen.

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Speaker 3: So I mean, even being as a black woman living

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Speaker 3: in the Seattle area, there weren't that many black or

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Speaker 3: brown therapists for me to reach out to that I

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Speaker 3: felt could connect with me. I think spiritually, like I had,

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Speaker 3: you know, like my mom and family members and things

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Speaker 3: of that nature. But I didn't have necessarily anybody that

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Speaker 3: I could talk to that was unbiased and that I

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Speaker 3: could just unleash everything that was going on with me.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: I actually slipped into a bit of depression while I

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Speaker 3: was going through key just because of so much that

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Speaker 3: was going on.

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Speaker 1: So it sounds like you did end up doing chemo

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Speaker 1: after all. Can you talk to us a little bit about,

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Speaker 1: like what your treatment has looked like since the lumpectomy.

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Speaker 3: Sure, So, after the lumpectomy, about a month later, after

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Speaker 3: I healed, I started chemotherapy. So I did adriamyason and

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Speaker 3: stoxin so ac, which AKA people probably heard of called

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Speaker 3: the red devil. So that's a really aggressive type of chemo.

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Speaker 3: And so I can't remember how many rounds I did.

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Speaker 3: I did the normal rounds of that, and then after

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Speaker 3: that I did taxle so chemo therapy altogether. I started

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Speaker 3: about the end of January and I finished the beginning

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Speaker 3: of June, so about five to six months.

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Speaker 1: Okay, And how are things checked during chemo? Like are

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Speaker 1: you kind of constantly going to the doctor to check

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Speaker 1: levels or something like? What is the process for that?

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Speaker 2: Sure?

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Speaker 3: So with Kimo, the first round of chemo I did,

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Speaker 3: it was every other week, and so before my chemo,

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Speaker 3: I'd get my laps checked and then if everything looked good,

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Speaker 3: then they went on ahead and proceeded with chemo. When

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Speaker 3: you're getting chemo, you're usually at the cancer center. It's

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Speaker 3: almost working like the full shift, you're there for about

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Speaker 3: eight hours because you know, you have to see the doctor.

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Speaker 3: She checks you, sees how you're doing, and then they

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Speaker 3: check your blood work, make sure that's all good to go,

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Speaker 3: and if everything's good, then they send you upstairs to

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Speaker 3: the chemotherapy suite and then from there that takes about

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Speaker 3: at least a good two hours for that to ren

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Speaker 3: its course.

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Speaker 1: Okay, and you mentioned that when you were diagnosed, your

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Speaker 1: son was thirteen, So can you say a little bit

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Speaker 1: about maybe sharing the diagnosis with him or how you've

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Speaker 1: navigated that with a son.

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Speaker 3: Sure, So I always say, after going through my experienced

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Speaker 3: kids are very resilient. They're more resilient than what we

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Speaker 3: give them credit for. And I waited to tell him.

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Speaker 3: I actually had my hand forced, and the fact that

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Speaker 3: I had to tell him, I told him sooner than

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Speaker 3: what I wanted to, just because a friend of mine

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Speaker 3: new and she told her son who was friends with

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Speaker 3: my son, and so her son went and told another

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Speaker 3: mutual friend and then that mom called me and said, hey,

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Speaker 3: I just want you to know my son knows that

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Speaker 3: you have breast cancer. So you're probably going to want

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Speaker 3: to sit your son down and tell him, so I

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Speaker 3: had to tell him sooner than when I wanted to.

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Speaker 3: And you know, I just any type of conversation that

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Speaker 3: I've had with my son, I definitely try to keep

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Speaker 3: it as real as possible if I can. I just

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Speaker 3: told him Mom's been diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm going

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Speaker 3: to have a good treatment plan. I'm laying it all out.

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Speaker 3: I'll keep you abreast of it step by step. You know,

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Speaker 3: I can tell just the shock that he had. I

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Speaker 3: also had him in therapy at the time, which was

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Speaker 3: definitely a blessing because then it's like I called a

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Speaker 3: therapist told him that I have to tell him, like,

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Speaker 3: this is my diagnosis. So then after I told my son,

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Speaker 3: we can go see his therapist and he could talk

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Speaker 3: about it. But one of the things that he had

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Speaker 3: told me after I told him is, you know, he's

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Speaker 3: just like, you know, I don't want you to die.

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Speaker 3: And I know that when people hear cancer, that's the

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Speaker 3: first thing that they think of, and so wanted to

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Speaker 3: change that narrative. Is just like, cancer doesn't necessarily mean

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Speaker 3: a deathstentence for people. There's many different treatment options and

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Speaker 3: things that you can do. But I think when having

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Speaker 3: a kid I think being as open and honest as

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Speaker 3: you can with them and involving them in the process,

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Speaker 3: so then that way they can navigate their own emotions

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Speaker 3: and feelings about it.

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Speaker 1: So you've already given us an incredible example of advocating

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Speaker 1: for yourself by calling your old employment space and getting

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Speaker 1: an appointment with your doctor there. What of the tips

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Speaker 1: might you have for people around how to advocate for

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Speaker 1: themselves with the healthcare system.

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Speaker 3: One of the things that I always say is we

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Speaker 3: know our own bodies. Nobody else can tell us anything

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Speaker 3: about our bodies better than we can. So my analogy

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Speaker 3: is just like driving a car. Your body is your car.

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Speaker 3: You're the one that's moving in your body all the time.

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Speaker 3: You know, if I was going to hop into your

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Speaker 3: car and you're telling me, like your car is wobbling

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Speaker 3: this in that way and I don't feel anything, you're

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Speaker 3: still going to tell me that this is what I feel, right,

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Speaker 3: and that's valid. So anytime you see something that's off,

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Speaker 3: or you feel like something's off, definitely talk to your

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Speaker 3: doctor about it.

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Speaker 2: Make them listen, make them run tests.

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Speaker 3: Recently, I just went to the doctor because I was

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Speaker 3: having some issues myself, and my doctor she just kept

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Speaker 3: trying to say like, oh.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's probably this, it's probably that.

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Speaker 3: They ransom tests. The test came back is whatever. And

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Speaker 3: I told her why I wanted her to run the

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Speaker 3: test again, and she said, well, we usually don't do that,

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Speaker 3: and I said, that's great that you don't do it,

401
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Speaker 3: but I want you to do it anyways.

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Speaker 2: And so just being assertive like that and letting them know.

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Speaker 3: And one thing that we always tell people, it's like,

404
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Speaker 3: if your doctor said that they don't want to do something,

405
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Speaker 3: have them note that in their chart that they're refusing

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Speaker 3: to do that. And definitely speaking up, especially when you

407
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Speaker 3: feel like something isn't right.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: I know it's hard to do, especially coming from black

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Speaker 3: and brown communities. We've always been taught that whatever the

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Speaker 3: doctor says, go you don't push back on that, and

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Speaker 3: it's okay to push back, and I say, just push

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Speaker 3: back with love. But you can always get more bees

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Speaker 3: with honey than you can with anything else. And so

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Speaker 3: just letting them know, telling them what your concerns are

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Speaker 3: in that your concerns are valid. One of the things

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Speaker 3: that I asked a doctor recently, it's just like, you

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Speaker 3: know what this was, like your mom, or your aunt

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Speaker 3: or your sister that's sitting here and you had to

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Speaker 3: give them the same advice, What would you tell them

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Speaker 3: if they were sitting in my chair here? And So

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Speaker 3: that's always a great question to ask doctors because I

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Speaker 3: think it humanizes the experience for them, right, It's not

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Speaker 3: just like you're another patient or another number. It's like, no,

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Speaker 3: there's actually a human that's here.

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Speaker 1: And given you a professional background, I think, and even

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Speaker 1: your personal experience, what kinds of things would you say

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Speaker 1: the healthcare system needs to do better in terms of

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Speaker 1: working with black women breast cancer survivors.

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Speaker 3: Definitely putting more of us that look like us there.

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Speaker 3: That definitely brings down the wall and it's a comfort level.

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Speaker 3: You know, at a recent appointment that I went to,

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Speaker 3: the whole team that walked in, it was all black,

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Speaker 3: and I remember saying to them, Oh, I just love

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Speaker 3: all this black girl magic right here. Okay, let's get

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Speaker 3: into my appointment. So you know, it's definitely employing getting

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Speaker 3: more of us in there, even if they're just patient

438
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:06,679
Speaker 3: advocates or patient navigators, to help the communities feel comfortable

439
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 3: and their experience. Definitely listening to any concerns that we

440
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:15,720
Speaker 3: have and not dismissing those concerns or just saying okay,

441
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:19,160
Speaker 3: well let's wait, like actually taking heed to what's being said.

442
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 3: And then even from a research or clinical trials perspective,

443
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 3: it's offering us those options. That's always a last resort,

444
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,919
Speaker 3: especially for communities of color, because doctors think that we

445
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 3: just don't want to participate because of anything that's happened

446
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 3: in the past. Where it's like, no, that's not the case.

447
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,760
Speaker 3: We just need to know the information. Be fully transparent

448
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 3: with us. I mean not even just with clinical trials.

449
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,280
Speaker 3: I would just say with doctors in general, tell us

450
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,359
Speaker 3: all the information, tell us what it is that you

451
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,800
Speaker 3: would want us to know, and break that information down

452
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 3: to us so that way we can understand. Don't throw

453
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:53,639
Speaker 3: a whole bunch of medical jargon towards people. You know,

454
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,919
Speaker 3: people like me who work in health your system, I

455
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 3: can understand that. But someone like you or anybody else,

456
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,199
Speaker 3: if I'm just spinning a whole bunch of medical jargon at

457
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:02,639
Speaker 3: You're going to look at me crazy, like what are

458
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,639
Speaker 3: you talking about. So making sure that the language that

459
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 3: you're using is digestible for everybody. And one of the

460
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 3: things that I love with one of my doctors. At

461
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 3: the end of my appointment, she always goes, have I

462
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 3: asked you all your questions? Is there anything else? And

463
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 3: do you understand what it is that I said? Because

464
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 3: then that makes you think about it like, okay, well

465
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,840
Speaker 3: maybe I do have a question here. Let's circle back

466
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 3: to this. So those would be some of my advice

467
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 3: that I feel like healthcare providers can do better.

468
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,680
Speaker 1: Great insights there. So you mentioned already that chemo appointments

469
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,919
Speaker 1: sometimes can be like a full day, like eight hours.

470
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 1: I would imagine that recovery is often difficult. Can you

471
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about what is like the transition

472
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,439
Speaker 1: back into your life maybe after a round of chemo,

473
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 1: Like what is that recovery process?

474
00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:52,200
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, well what's hard? And I mean even now,

475
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,160
Speaker 3: what am I about seven years out?

476
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 2: Now?

477
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 3: You know, you never go back to where you were.

478
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 3: I still have some side effects from chemo and the

479
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 3: treatments that I had, And one of the things that

480
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 3: I try to tell people is just take it one

481
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 3: day at a time. One day can be easier than

482
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:10,920
Speaker 3: the other. And just also realizing for survivors or people

483
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 3: who are going through cancer treatment, realizing that you may

484
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 3: not get back to the person that you were before,

485
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 3: and that's okay. You can always look in the mirror

486
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 3: and mourn that person that was, but then embrace the

487
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 3: new person that you are now. And with me, like

488
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:28,480
Speaker 3: I said, with chemo, mentally, I had a whole bunch

489
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 3: of different things that were going on, and then also

490
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 3: just the physical changes and realizing that is only temporary.

491
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 3: But then once you get on the other side, even

492
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:39,920
Speaker 3: though it looks different, it'll still be okay.

493
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,439
Speaker 1: So what kinds of things have been most helpful for

494
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: you kind of managing your mental health throughout this process.

495
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 3: Definitely talking to a therapist and just talking to somebody

496
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 3: that's unbiased that I can get everything out that's inside

497
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 3: that I can't necessarily talk to friends or family with,

498
00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,199
Speaker 3: So that's helped. Also leaning into the women in the

499
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 3: community and just sharing experiences and knowing that I'm not

500
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 3: the only one that's going through some of the things

501
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,119
Speaker 3: that I have been going through, that there's other people

502
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:12,040
Speaker 3: that can understand and relate. So those things have been

503
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 3: able to help. And then just also spiritually talking to

504
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 3: God and asking him questions or having him help direct

505
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,639
Speaker 3: me or figure out some things that are going on.

506
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,600
Speaker 3: In my life to help me with what I call

507
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 3: the term that we call it a survivorship.

508
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 2: It's just navigating survivorship.

509
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,879
Speaker 1: Is there anything you wish you would have known before

510
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 1: your diagnosis?

511
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 3: I actually wish I would have known that there were

512
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 3: different types of breast cancer. That's one thing that I

513
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 3: wish I would have known. And also even now hearing

514
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,359
Speaker 3: when people say, oh, you were so young when you

515
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,719
Speaker 3: were diagnosed, there's women who were younger than me that

516
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 3: have been diagnosed. And realizing that we're out there and

517
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 3: not to feel ashamed about being sick. I think that

518
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,879
Speaker 3: was another big thing for myself as being a single

519
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 3: mom or a woman. I think a lot of people

520
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 3: within communities of color and their households were all taught

521
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 3: sick is like shameful, like let's form a weakness, and

522
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 3: realizing that no, it's okay, it's okay to sit down

523
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 3: and take a rest and take time for yourself.

524
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,400
Speaker 1: Can you tell a little bit more about how more

525
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 1: information about the different kinds of breast cancer might have

526
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:13,920
Speaker 1: been helpful to you.

527
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 3: Just then the fact of knowing there's triple negative breast cancer,

528
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,199
Speaker 3: which means that your breast cancer isn't fed off of

529
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 3: any hormones in your body. It's also the hardest and

530
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 3: most difficult to treat, and unfortunately black and Hispanic women

531
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,640
Speaker 3: are being diagnosed with that aggressive type of breast cancer

532
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 3: at a younger and alarming rates. So that's one. There's

533
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 3: your positive breast cancer, which is estragen positive or progressed

534
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,120
Speaker 3: your oones. So just knowing that breast cancer just isn't

535
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 3: one thing. There's different types and doctors treat it differently

536
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,439
Speaker 3: depending on the type of breast cancer that you have,

537
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:48,679
Speaker 3: and so just knowing that it would have been like,

538
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 3: oh okay, it's just something that's different.

539
00:25:51,480 --> 00:26:04,679
Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break, do you already

540
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 1: talk to a little bit about how the breast of

541
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,639
Speaker 1: us has been healing for you being a part of

542
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 1: that community, Can you say a little bit about how

543
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 1: it's helped you both while you were in the hospital

544
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:14,960
Speaker 1: and even now.

545
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 3: When I was diagnosed for the breast of us wasn't around,

546
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 3: so there wasn't necessarily a community like that. I found

547
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 3: women just from searching through social media, searching the hashtag

548
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:29,360
Speaker 3: breast cancer and then just finding different accounts and following

549
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 3: different women or sliding in their DMS and talking to them,

550
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:34,439
Speaker 3: and so that helped. I think that's one of the

551
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 3: reasons why we formed for the Breast of Us. So

552
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 3: then that way there is just one community where women

553
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 3: can connect with other women who look like them, who

554
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 3: can relate to them as well, and be able to

555
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 3: ask questions in a safe setting, like my hair's falling out,

556
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 3: What did you guys do? What type of products did

557
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 3: you use? I'm going through radiation and this is what

558
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,919
Speaker 3: my skin looks like. Is this normal? Or even just

559
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 3: asking different types of referrals for providers and so having

560
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 3: those type of resources is just so beneficial and to

561
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 3: have it at your fingertips is also beneficial as well.

562
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 3: You know, here for the Breast of Us are three

563
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 3: pillars or advocacy, community, and education, and that is just

564
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 3: teaching women of color how to advocate for themselves, not

565
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 3: even necessarily being diagnosed of breast cancer, but just advocating

566
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,479
Speaker 3: through the healthcare system. Community, just bringing the community together,

567
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:30,360
Speaker 3: whether that be in person or virtually. And then education,

568
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,200
Speaker 3: just that education piece, educating them on the different types

569
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 3: of breast cancer, the different types of medical providers that

570
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 3: may see or you may encounter, or you should ask

571
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:42,440
Speaker 3: about or just even the basics of breast cancer in general.

572
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 1: You know, Mercer, you mentioned like this comes up I

573
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 1: think a lot, especially for black women, like changes to

574
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 1: hair and skin after a diagnosis. Is there anything that

575
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 1: you look at today that you were concerned about related

576
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 1: to your physical appearance from the cancer diagnosis?

577
00:27:58,280 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 2: Sure.

578
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 3: I've always had pretty long hair, and one of my

579
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 3: biggest things that I mean even just for anybody or

580
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:06,879
Speaker 3: any black and brown women, it's just our hair as

581
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 3: our crown. So that I knew that that was going

582
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,360
Speaker 3: to be a big thing for me. So losing it

583
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 3: was definitely a shock for me. And I never wanted

584
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 3: to be seen with is my bald head today if

585
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:19,280
Speaker 3: I had to do it all.

586
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,400
Speaker 2: Over again and knock on wood, hopefully.

587
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,640
Speaker 3: I don't have to, but I wouldn't be as ashamed

588
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 3: of walking around with my bald head. I remember, I

589
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 3: never wanted my son to see me with my bald

590
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,359
Speaker 3: head at all, because to me, that just showed him

591
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:33,679
Speaker 3: that I was sick, even though he was with me

592
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 3: every single day, so he knew how sick I was

593
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 3: even going through chemo.

594
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 2: And I remember one day I.

595
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 3: Was just having a hot flash because if you're diagnosed

596
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 3: young with breast cancer. Chemo throws you into menopause. It's

597
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 3: called medically induced menopause. And so I was thrown into

598
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 3: menopause at the age of thirty six and having a

599
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 3: hot flash, and I had a scarf on my head,

600
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 3: and I remember just like ripping the scarf off on

601
00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 3: my head because I was just so hot. And my

602
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 3: son came around the corner in the house and he

603
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 3: see me, and I stopped and I was just like,

604
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 3: is this too much for you? And He's just like no,

605
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:07,840
Speaker 3: And that just brought down the barrier. And so I

606
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 3: think I just wouldn't feel ashamed about that. I would

607
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 3: just rock my bald head proudly and just be who

608
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 3: I was and not worry about other people. I think

609
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 3: that's one thing that cancer US taught me now, is

610
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 3: just not to worry about other people and apologizing for

611
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 3: who I am.

612
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,240
Speaker 1: And what insight could you share for other women who

613
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 1: might be feeling hopeless or depressed related to a diagnosis.

614
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 3: I would definitely say, if you have the resources to

615
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 3: connect with a therapist, if you can somebody that you

616
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 3: can talk to and let them know how you're feeling

617
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 3: and what your feelings are. I would also say to

618
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 3: tap into communities like for the rest of us, where

619
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 3: you can meet other women like you. During my diagnosis,

620
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 3: I actually met a young woman named Christina. We just

621
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 3: connected on the same level of being single, moms, having boys,

622
00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 3: and just Raley talking about us cancer as what it

623
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 3: is and not sugarcoating it or knowing that it's not

624
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 3: rainbows and butterflies. So I would say, definitely tap into

625
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 3: your community and find somebody that you can relate with, and.

626
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 2: Even just writing about your experience.

627
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 3: I think that's one of the beautiful things that for

628
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 3: the breast of us is that we let women and

629
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 3: a shame ofly write about their experience of being impacted

630
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 3: with breast cancer on any type of level, whatever that

631
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 3: may be. Our experience is so unique, and you know,

632
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 3: it's powerful, and it's powerful to read and just to

633
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 3: get those words out on paper. I think that has

634
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 3: also been therapeutic for me. It's like when I get

635
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 3: into groove and I can just write about how I'm

636
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 3: feeling and get that out on paper. And I always

637
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 3: say in any interview that I do, it doesn't matter

638
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,479
Speaker 3: if you impact one person or one hundred people, it

639
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 3: doesn't matter regardless, it's still just the impact that you

640
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 3: make on other people's lives.

641
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 1: And what role has your family and friends played in

642
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 1: your recovery and throughout this process.

643
00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 2: They have been great.

644
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 3: When I was going through treatment, my dad lived about

645
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 3: almost about an hour for me, and he would drive

646
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 3: up every day, take my son to school or pick

647
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:10,240
Speaker 3: them up from school. He would clean my house, and

648
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 3: you know, I think that that was a big thing

649
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 3: for me and for him. I inherited the gene from

650
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 3: my dad's side of the family. I think he felt

651
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 3: a little bit guilty, and so I think one of

652
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 3: the things that he felt that he could do was

653
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 3: just like take care of me.

654
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 2: And I'm always a big person.

655
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 3: So I'm actually having surgery tomorrow, which I mean, it's

656
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 3: not funny, but it's just funny. And the fact of

657
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 3: that it's hard for me to let people help me,

658
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 3: and I'm still learning that. And so you know, I

659
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 3: think even for him and for me having him there,

660
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 3: just letting him help me wash my dishes or do

661
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 3: you know those type of things, it's like, okay, letting

662
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,640
Speaker 3: people do for me. My son, like I said, he

663
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 3: was resilient, he was always there. So I mean even

664
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 3: now when I'm going in and I'm having a procedure

665
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 3: or whatever, I could just tell him I'll ask me questions,

666
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 3: and I let him ask whatever he wants to ask,

667
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 3: and we just let it be there. My friends and family,

668
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 3: they all rallied around me. My sister snuck and made

669
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:03,840
Speaker 3: an email addressed for me, so then that way people

670
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 3: could email me while I was going through surgery and treatment,

671
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 3: which I think is a great idea. That way you

672
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 3: don't have a lot of people calling you or texting you.

673
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 3: They could just email you, send you a love note

674
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 3: and ask you how you're doing, tell you that they're

675
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 3: thinking about you, but you don't have to worry about

676
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 3: your phone going off. So that's a great tool for

677
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 3: anybody that's listening to be able to do. And you know,

678
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 3: I think they all just rallied around me and then

679
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 3: just listened and also realized. I think it's a big

680
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 3: thing for your caregivers or family and friends to realize

681
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 3: is that you'll never one hundred percent understand what somebody

682
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 3: that was diagnosed with cancer what they're going through. And

683
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 3: you don't need to pretend to act like you do

684
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 3: understand what's going on, but just being there and being

685
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 3: a listening ear or a helping hand when you can.

686
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 3: My best friend would come over to my house when

687
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 3: I was really sick going through chemo, and she would

688
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 3: just sit on my couch and we wouldn't say anything,

689
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 3: and that was the best thing. I don't need you

690
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 3: to say anything. I don't need you to tell me

691
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 3: that it's going to be okay. I just need you

692
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:00,080
Speaker 3: to sit here, and she would just sit there.

693
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 1: You've referenced several times how hard it was for you

694
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 1: to allow people to help you or even asking for help,

695
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: and I would imagine many people who are listening to

696
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 1: this conversation might struggle with something similar. Can you share

697
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: what kinds of things have been helpful to you to

698
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 1: kind of get out of your own way and allow

699
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,840
Speaker 1: people to step up for you and kind of be

700
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 1: there for you.

701
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think just me taking a step back myself,

702
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 3: people even calling me out on it, or if they

703
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 3: just know me just doing whatever it is that they

704
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 3: know that I want or I need in that moment,

705
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 3: and realizing that people want to help and so I

706
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 3: should just allow them to allow them to have that

707
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 3: space because that's their way of showing love.

708
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 2: And we all want love.

709
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 3: We all want to embrace it and take it in,

710
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 3: and so if their way of showing love is doing

711
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 3: for me, then I need to be able to let

712
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 3: them do that.

713
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:51,240
Speaker 2: So it's something that I remind myself of.

714
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 1: I'm also curious, have you done any testing with your

715
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 1: son given the family history and genetic concerns.

716
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 3: Not yet, so it's fun He actually turned twenty one

717
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 3: this year and the genetic counselor that I met said,

718
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 3: just have him get tested after he turns twenty one,

719
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 3: so he's up for that time.

720
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 2: I know I need to tell him. It's funny.

721
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 3: I was telling a friend of mine, like, oh, now

722
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,360
Speaker 3: these turn twenty one, he needs to get.

723
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:14,280
Speaker 2: This genetic testing.

724
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 3: But I'm also in the back of my mind a

725
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:19,399
Speaker 3: little bit afraid because I'm like, if he gets genetic testing,

726
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 3: it he's positive, then I know what his life is

727
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 3: going to be like. And I don't necessarily want that

728
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 3: for him. But on the flip side of that, I

729
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 3: also want him to be proactive.

730
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I am curious when you do genetic testing, if

731
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 1: idiot is positive that you know, like, okay, something could happen.

732
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:37,239
Speaker 1: Do they make decisions or make recommendations for you to

733
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 1: like start certain treatments to prevent any cancers from developing.

734
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 3: Yes, so like with this genetic mutation that I have,

735
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 3: like I said, it predisposes me to colon or individrial cancer.

736
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 3: So I've been getting colonoscopy since i was thirty one.

737
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 3: And I know people listening it's probably crazy for them

738
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 3: to hear. And I know some people are like, oh

739
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 3: my gosh, I can't even fathom it. But for me,

740
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 3: it's just second nature. I know every year around Thanksgiving,

741
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 3: I'm getting a kolonoscopy.

742
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 2: It just it is what it is.

743
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 3: Once you are positive with the genetic mutation, then they

744
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 3: have guidelines of certain tests that you should get done,

745
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 3: so certain types of blood tests, certain types of ultrasound imaging,

746
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 3: if you need to go be followed by a certain specialist.

747
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 3: Like with the indumistrial predisposition to the indemestrial cancer, like

748
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 3: I have to go see a special obgyn just because

749
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 3: then they know what type of tests and what to

750
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:27,320
Speaker 3: look for.

751
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:27,800
Speaker 2: Which is great.

752
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 3: So it's great to have that because then they know

753
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 3: if you're coming in with this symptom, then they're not

754
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,879
Speaker 3: just necessarily playing the guessing game. They're just like Okay, well,

755
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 3: these are the type of tests that we need to run,

756
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,439
Speaker 3: so let's go do that, or they just know every year,

757
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 3: these are the type of tests that you need to

758
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,800
Speaker 3: have done. Make sure that you're getting those completed.

759
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 1: Got it, got it? Thank you for that information. So

760
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 1: can you tell us where it's how you choose to

761
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:53,919
Speaker 1: honor people who have lost their life to cancer. There's

762
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: something special that you do.

763
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 2: Well.

764
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 3: My friend Christina who I was talking about earlier, she

765
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 3: was one of the first people that was close to

766
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 3: me that passed away from cancer. One of the things

767
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 3: that I've chosen to do with honoring her is like

768
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 3: on breast of us dot com, we have a page

769
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 3: that's dedicated to her and talks about our relationship. We

770
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 3: call it Christina's Corner. And then in stories that are

771
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 3: posted on that corner are stories of Hispanic women because

772
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:26,000
Speaker 3: Christina was Hispanic, so Hispanic women who were diagnosed with

773
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 3: triple negative breast cancer and then also with metastatic breast cancer.

774
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:33,359
Speaker 3: So metasatic breast cancer is stage four cancer. It's incurable,

775
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,320
Speaker 3: means that you will live with it for your whole life,

776
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 3: whether you have current symptoms, are an active troopment or

777
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:43,240
Speaker 3: not you'll always be living with stage four breast cancer.

778
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,640
Speaker 3: And so that was one way for the Breast of Us.

779
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 3: We have a cohort of women who we call Baddy Ambassadors,

780
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:54,080
Speaker 3: So they're women who live all across the country diagnosed

781
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,720
Speaker 3: with different stages of breast cancer. They're all women of color.

782
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:02,720
Speaker 3: And just last year, one of our ambassadors, Sharon, passed away.

783
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 3: She had been with for the Breast of Us pretty

784
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:09,240
Speaker 3: much since we were founded. And one of the ways

785
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 3: that we honored her is that we gave a scholarship

786
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 3: to her daughter because she had a young daughter. And

787
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 3: then also she had a saying that said in purpose,

788
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,840
Speaker 3: on purpose, living my best life. And so with the

789
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:26,760
Speaker 3: permission of her family, we use that inscription on shirts

790
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 3: that people can buy from our shop, and so just

791
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 3: wanting to uplift people's legacies, whatever those are. Last year

792
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 3: we threw our first Sneaker ball and at that ball

793
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,800
Speaker 3: we had what was called a Legacy Room, which was

794
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,840
Speaker 3: an idea that I came up with that I loved.

795
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 3: And if you just imagine, it's like walking through a

796
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 3: museum and in this room, hanging from the filling or

797
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 3: up against the wall are pictures of women who have

798
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:58,240
Speaker 3: all been diagnosed with breast cancer. And then the people

799
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 3: who submitted these legacies, they put what that person's legacy was.

800
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,799
Speaker 3: And we had women who you know, are still living

801
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 3: in the community and some women who have passed away.

802
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,880
Speaker 3: And I think it's just important to realize what everyone's

803
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,800
Speaker 3: legacy is, what that is, and what type of legacy

804
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:18,360
Speaker 3: that you're wanting to leave, not even necessarily leave behind,

805
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 3: but just even right now, what type of impact our

806
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 3: legacy is it that you and I are leaving for

807
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 3: people here, And so just wanting to uplift that and

808
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:30,880
Speaker 3: uplift women, especially women of color, uplooking our voices and

809
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,879
Speaker 3: what we're doing here within the breast cancer community because

810
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:34,959
Speaker 3: it's so important.

811
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 1: So where can we stay connected with you? Marissa? What

812
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 1: is your website as well as any social media channels

813
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:41,240
Speaker 1: you'd like to share?

814
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:45,799
Speaker 3: Sure, so you can stay connected for the Breast of Us,

815
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 3: we are at breasto us dot com. That is our website.

816
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,400
Speaker 3: Please go take a look, read the story, share them.

817
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 3: There's some beautiful stories on there and we love for

818
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 3: people to take a look and share them and read them.

819
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 3: We're also on Instagram for the Breast of Us and

820
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 3: we are on Facebook at for the Breast of Us

821
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 3: as well. Also, if you are a woman of color

822
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 3: who has been impacted by breast cancer, we have a

823
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 3: private group specifically for women of color. You just search

824
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 3: breast Cancer Baddies and just answer the membership questions and

825
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 3: we'll let you in. Again, it's a safe space for

826
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 3: women of color, so then that way they can feel

827
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 3: that they can ask questions and things of that nature.

828
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 3: And then we're also on Twitter at breast of Us.

829
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 3: And then we also have a podcast called Breast Cancer

830
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 3: Batties as well, and that's women just talking about their experiences,

831
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 3: what it's like dating, post diagnosis, what it's like being married,

832
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 3: post diagnosis, moms. Everything is on that podcast, and so

833
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 3: definitely take a look and listen.

834
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 1: Perfect we'll be sure to include all of that in

835
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 1: our show notes. Thank you so much for spending some

836
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 1: time with us today, Marius, I appreciate it.

837
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it

838
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 2: as well.

839
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 1: I'm so GLAMOROUSA was able to join us for this episode.

840
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,320
Speaker 1: To learn more about her and the work that she's doing.

841
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,800
Speaker 1: Be sure to visit the show notes at Therapy for

842
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 1: Blackgirls dot com slash Session three twenty seven, and don't

843
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 1: forget to text two of your girls right now to

844
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,839
Speaker 1: tell them to check out the episode. If you're looking

845
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 1: for a therapist in your area, be sure to check

846
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:23,760
Speaker 1: out our therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com

847
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:27,360
Speaker 1: slash directory. And if you want to talk more about

848
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,360
Speaker 1: this episode or just be in community with other sisters,

849
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 1: come on over and join us in the Sister Circle.

850
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:35,880
Speaker 1: It's our colzy corner of the Internet designed just for

851
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 1: black women. You can join us at community dot Therapy

852
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 1: for Blackgirls dot com. This episode was produced by Frida Lucas,

853
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:48,840
Speaker 1: Elise Ellis, and Zaria Taylor. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford.

854
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 1: Thank y'all so much for joining me again this week.

855
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all

856
00:40:55,680 --> 00:41:04,760
Speaker 1: real soon. Take good care. The reviews for Sisterhood Heels

857
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 1: are rolling in and I simply cannot stop smiling at

858
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 1: the Hot girl books on Instagram shared finish reading this

859
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 1: warm hug of a book last night, and while it

860
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 1: made me want a hug my sister friend so bad.

861
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 1: Sisterhood Heels is a beautiful guide on how we as

862
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 1: black women can use our community and friends to aid

863
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 1: in our healing process. Thank you so much for the

864
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:31,439
Speaker 1: beautiful review. Have you grabbed your copy yet? Get one

865
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 1: for yourself and a friend at Sisterhoodheels dot com.