WEBVTT - Ep. 14 Numbers Don't Lie

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<v Speaker 1>Wind Down with Jannet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>So I am so excited to wind down today because

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<v Speaker 1>I've got my besties in the studio today, and that

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<v Speaker 1>would be my husband Hell and then my girlfriend Sarah. Hello. Hello.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm really pumped because well, I feel bad because Jen sick,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's also an opportunity to bring in some more

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<v Speaker 1>of my my friends in here, and obviously my husband again,

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<v Speaker 1>who has become quite the regular on the show, series regular.

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<v Speaker 1>I love it's now as he's now. Yeah, he's now

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<v Speaker 1>a series regular. So I'm gonna negotiate my contract talk later.

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<v Speaker 1>So I have to tell you guys about Sarah because

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<v Speaker 1>Sarah and I have a very unique story. Unique me

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<v Speaker 1>or are you ready? And Sarah's like she's been practicing

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<v Speaker 1>her I literally called her this morning, was like hey,

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<v Speaker 1>I voice membered her and I said, hey, Jen sick,

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<v Speaker 1>can you get to my house? Um? And she lives

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<v Speaker 1>about like probably pretty five nuts away. I swear she

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<v Speaker 1>was at the house in like twenty minutes. I am

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<v Speaker 1>ready to row. She's all about and then my workout clothes.

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<v Speaker 1>But I got done. You look great. So for everyone

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<v Speaker 1>that's listening, Um, I I post Sarah a lot on

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<v Speaker 1>my stories. She's become a great girlfriend of mine here

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<v Speaker 1>in l A. And we met actually on a Southwest

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<v Speaker 1>Airlines flight, this is true from Nashville to l A.

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<v Speaker 1>Nashville was l A to Nashville. You were like here

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<v Speaker 1>for like three hours. You're like, oh, that's right, because

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<v Speaker 1>that's when I had that meeting with the I tested

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<v Speaker 1>for a show and I didn't get it. But it's fine. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>but no, so Sarah was you were supposed to sit

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<v Speaker 1>in another seat, so go ahead. I had my dog,

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<v Speaker 1>the Frenchie, and I saw like two open seats and

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<v Speaker 1>I was traveling with my boyfriend and I got on

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<v Speaker 1>first and I was like, oh, sir, can I sit there?

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<v Speaker 1>It was a middle seat aisle, and he's like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>you need a seat for your dog. I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh god, okay, So I looked no. So I looked

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<v Speaker 1>right behind him and like there's just like this pretty

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<v Speaker 1>girl and I'm like total judge a book by its cover.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, she's pretty. I'm sitting next to her, and

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<v Speaker 1>so I just like I was like, can I sit here?

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<v Speaker 1>And You're like yeah, And then we talked for like

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<v Speaker 1>the whole flight. We talked the entire entire flight, which

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like, isn't that opposite just from a girl's perspective,

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<v Speaker 1>if you're like traveling with your boyfriend or your significant other,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like a smoke and hot girl like Janna and

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<v Speaker 1>you're like yeah. I mean, my boyfriend was say it

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<v Speaker 1>would be great. I was tiring on the plant, like

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<v Speaker 1>I don't even remember friend, I know, but he was

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<v Speaker 1>like listening. Literally he sat down and I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>this is my friend. She's from Nashville, like, she's married,

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<v Speaker 1>she has He's like, he's like, you got them five

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<v Speaker 1>minutes before. Literally literally. But I mean that's so true

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<v Speaker 1>because I would never if there was a hot girl

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<v Speaker 1>in the row and we were boarding. I'm with Mike,

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<v Speaker 1>I would I would never sit next to the hot girl. Ever.

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<v Speaker 1>Here I am, we are here, we are basically Sarah. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so this is how our conversation started. We reading instant

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<v Speaker 1>best friends than the first five minutes. Then her boyfriend boarded. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so let me just tell you this story. Her boyfriend said, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I talk. Oh no, here we go. Okay, here here

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<v Speaker 1>it is. We're sitting down on the plane. This is

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<v Speaker 1>my new best friend. She's in the middle seat, and

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<v Speaker 1>usually like you don't talk to the person in the

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<v Speaker 1>middle seat, so it's you know, but like she's really

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<v Speaker 1>cute too, and she's fun and like, okay, this is

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<v Speaker 1>this is cool, Like I have like a new friend.

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<v Speaker 1>This is awesome. So then her boyfriend sits down and

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<v Speaker 1>he's he's cute' that's just not my type. But I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't mean like that, no, no, no, he just keeps

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<v Speaker 1>to himself, like I don't even think he probably said HII,

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<v Speaker 1>like maybe he said hi, but he's just like me, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>like take him next to mine. He's so cute. He's cute. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>not my tie anyway, So he dying right now. I

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<v Speaker 1>mean if he was bald, i'd be like, not really cute.

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<v Speaker 1>And he has a lot of hair, so yeah. Anyways,

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<v Speaker 1>her boyfriend sits down, who's very cute, and um, so

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<v Speaker 1>we're talking and I noticed that he's in like he

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<v Speaker 1>has like hockey gear, you know, it says like hockey school.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was like, oh, I'm obsessed with hockey, like

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<v Speaker 1>absolutely obsessed with hockey. I grew up you know, as

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<v Speaker 1>a figure skater. I loved hockey players. I loved watching hockey,

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<v Speaker 1>like the whole dire thing. Why did you know? I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't say I love hockey players, like, oh god, she's

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<v Speaker 1>a queen. I just sit here and watching. I know

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<v Speaker 1>that both of us. You know, I'm just saying I

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<v Speaker 1>love like I love. Yeah, absolutely fun back, Jenna loves hockey.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you, Sarah. So I started talking to her boyfriend

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like, so, where were you guys at?

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<v Speaker 1>And you guys were just at a hockey you guys

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<v Speaker 1>we were going to Nashville for the Hockey score. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>hockey camp. And I was like, oh, that's you know,

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<v Speaker 1>that's really cool. Um, you know, that's really exciting. And

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, did you used to play hockey? He's like,

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<v Speaker 1>yeah I did. He's like I played for a little while.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh that's cool. Heays like my dad

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<v Speaker 1>played hockey and I was like, oh that's I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh that's really cool. She literally goes, oh, so like

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<v Speaker 1>did he like play a lot? So I said, I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, so he plays hockey. That's that's really cool.

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<v Speaker 1>And then I kind of started talking to Sarah again,

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<v Speaker 1>but again, huge hockey fan over here. I kind of

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to know more about you know, was it was

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<v Speaker 1>his dead good, like did he like play play you know,

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm like, who knows, Maybe he was just like

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<v Speaker 1>an overseas player and never actually like oss like maybe

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<v Speaker 1>he was like he didn't go professional kind of thing.

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<v Speaker 1>It's hard. Hey, I will back her up. It's hard

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<v Speaker 1>to make it. Yeah, I get it. You were like

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<v Speaker 1>maybe he's like, yeah, dying in like Russia. Yeah, like,

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<v Speaker 1>which is still great and amazing for this, I'm gonna stop.

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<v Speaker 1>But anyways, so you know, I kind of asked again.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, so was your dad like good? And

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<v Speaker 1>he's like, yeah, you know he was, he was good,

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<v Speaker 1>And I was like, oh cool. I was like, did

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<v Speaker 1>he play like on a team that I would of

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<v Speaker 1>like known. He's like, uh maybe, and I was like okay.

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<v Speaker 1>So then I started talking to Sarah again and then

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, god, I really want to know, like

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<v Speaker 1>is someone that I know because again a big hockey

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<v Speaker 1>fan over here. So then I was like, so what

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<v Speaker 1>I like know your dad and he's like, um, yeah maybe,

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<v Speaker 1>And I was like, well, what's your what's what's your

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<v Speaker 1>dad's name? Like maybe I do know him. He's like

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<v Speaker 1>Wayne Gretzky and I go, you're an literally literally look

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<v Speaker 1>at him and goes and he just like started dying laughing.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, Wayne Gretzky could have just started with that,

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<v Speaker 1>like the greatest hockey player of all time? Put your

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<v Speaker 1>dad name the great one. Yeah, okay, I was just like,

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<v Speaker 1>so I then stopped talking to him because I was

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<v Speaker 1>mad at him. Um, Sarah, So obviously I don't have

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<v Speaker 1>my period right now. Um, what kind of tampons do

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<v Speaker 1>you use? Um? That's like super personal. But no, that's okay,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have to use I think I used like

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<v Speaker 1>this play tax I've never used a tampon? Are you serious? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>What do you use? Yeah, I'm not afraid to admit it. Yeah, no,

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<v Speaker 1>I just never have ever And I'm forty four. Why

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<v Speaker 1>have you? Just like are you afraid? It just seems

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<v Speaker 1>a little interesting. But that's what about like Lola, because

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<v Speaker 1>they pall and right. But I'm sorry, I have to

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<v Speaker 1>get back to this, but like you have, you have

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<v Speaker 1>other things to go up there. Well, hey, that's fine,

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<v Speaker 1>Uncle Roy, poor uncle Roy. Um, that's really funny. No,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's true though, Lola. You need to start using

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<v Speaker 1>Lola because so you're play tax ones that you're using,

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<v Speaker 1>they're not organic and uh. Lola is a female founded

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<v Speaker 1>company offering a line of organic cotton tampons, pads, liners,

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<v Speaker 1>and all natural cleansing wipes. So unlike all the other

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<v Speaker 1>major brands, Lola products are a percent natural. So I

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<v Speaker 1>mean for me, like you're worried about what you put

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<v Speaker 1>your body, you to be worried about showed up there. Yes, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>and you don't have to worry about it because it

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<v Speaker 1>shows up at your house exactly so you can pick

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<v Speaker 1>So for example, like when you go to the store

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<v Speaker 1>and you're picking out your other tampons, it's like, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>so embarrassed to check out, Well are you really okay?

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<v Speaker 1>I was like I'm the person who I was like

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<v Speaker 1>a fifty o'clock. I'm like, here we go. Well, but

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<v Speaker 1>there's a thing like you don't need a fifty you know.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like you're gonna have so many like you know, lights,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's like this way, like a Lola, you can

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<v Speaker 1>actually customize the number of super regular lights that you want.

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<v Speaker 1>So you're not and then it shows up to your

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<v Speaker 1>door right when you're it's like, oh, hello, I'm about

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<v Speaker 1>to start my period because low ledgers shot up in

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<v Speaker 1>this is when I knew we were going to be

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<v Speaker 1>best friends, because we're sitting there and she's like, so,

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<v Speaker 1>how long have you guys been together? And I said

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<v Speaker 1>almost five years? And she looks at him and goes,

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<v Speaker 1>what the f are you waiting for? And I said,

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<v Speaker 1>oh my god, like I think, I like almost wept.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, thank you, thank you, like somebody thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>And he was like, oh my god. He like this

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<v Speaker 1>girl that i've number five. He's like, you told her

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<v Speaker 1>to say that. I'm like, I don't even know her,

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<v Speaker 1>That's why I but that's again, it's five years, Michael, like,

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<v Speaker 1>and I know that You're like, oh, that's such a

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<v Speaker 1>jama thing to do, but it's five years. That's like

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<v Speaker 1>I would say that I did it stranger again, she

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<v Speaker 1>did not. I don't know. We'reybody come like besties, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>But now I'm like, still to this day, I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>what are you doing no. And then we're sitting there

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<v Speaker 1>and she's like, so I'm like, okay, take the heat off.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm like, oh, what's your story? Like literally, I

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<v Speaker 1>go how long have you been married? And she goes

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<v Speaker 1>happily and tally looked at me. I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, okay, I don't know if I should

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<v Speaker 1>have them talk to each other. I mean, just a

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<v Speaker 1>perfect storm. Sorry, that's always my leading, Like I'm even

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<v Speaker 1>Mary for I'm like happily or no. But it was

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<v Speaker 1>so funny, like she didn't think she was ever going

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<v Speaker 1>to see me again. I don't think I was going

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<v Speaker 1>to see her again. We were dying. I mean we

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<v Speaker 1>were a very honor very It was like one of

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<v Speaker 1>those things where like when you think you're never going

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<v Speaker 1>to see someone against, you just go all out, just

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<v Speaker 1>like full disclosure, here are my fears, here my dad is.

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<v Speaker 1>And then five years like what is happening? And Aby

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<v Speaker 1>wants to know this because she's in something where it'll

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<v Speaker 1>be a hundred years. So it's like she but this

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<v Speaker 1>is good. You need to hear this because she's putting

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<v Speaker 1>her foot down. So like we're almost at six years

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<v Speaker 1>and what is it good? Oh? No, it couldn't be.

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<v Speaker 1>It's good, I know, because it's something that I want.

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<v Speaker 1>I want that he would have a baby. Now she

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't want to go on that order. She wants to

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<v Speaker 1>be married first. I'm on like Jana scene where I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>it's just what I want. I just want that union.

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<v Speaker 1>I just want the marriage, like I just want to

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<v Speaker 1>text back. But it's literally I said him a picture

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<v Speaker 1>on the plane and it was the aisle and it

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<v Speaker 1>was and I literally was like all my friends walking

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<v Speaker 1>down the aisle and I'm just walking down the plane

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<v Speaker 1>aisle like no, but I did that all the time

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<v Speaker 1>to him. So I did you put your You did

0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:18.120
<v Speaker 1>because we had it. Sarah's like, now become our our child,

0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:21.120
<v Speaker 1>our child Jolie. Yeah, we call her Jolie two point oh.

0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:23.760
<v Speaker 1>She's whenever it's Mike and I, it's always then Sarah.

0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:27.480
<v Speaker 1>She becomes our our daughter, and it's always like third

0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:30.480
<v Speaker 1>You're not like third wheeling because it's truly like our daughter.

0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:38.120
<v Speaker 1>But we're like the same. What an honor. But so

0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:40.720
<v Speaker 1>you came over and looked out with us and you're like, guys,

0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:43.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna I just w was say, Amy, listen up.

0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:45.560
<v Speaker 1>This is where you need to hear. I just was

0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:48.160
<v Speaker 1>like her dad, actually my dad and I had a

0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:51.240
<v Speaker 1>really good talk and he is like, you know, he's

0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:53.480
<v Speaker 1>the dad and we had like a really emotional talk

0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:54.880
<v Speaker 1>and he's like, I just want you to be happy,

0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:57.679
<v Speaker 1>like and I could. I am happy. And so that's

0:11:57.679 --> 0:11:59.480
<v Speaker 1>why I go back and forth, because I'm like, why

0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:02.040
<v Speaker 1>would I I have my girlfriend sending me like bumble

0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:04.000
<v Speaker 1>pictures and they're like, thank your man tonight, like the

0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:06.240
<v Speaker 1>freaks are out, and so I'm like, why would I

0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:10.400
<v Speaker 1>like rock something that's so good? But however, you know,

0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:12.640
<v Speaker 1>I just don't want to look back and be like,

0:12:12.679 --> 0:12:14.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, like what if he never marries me? Right?

0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:16.679
<v Speaker 1>But what if you're happy for a hundred years and

0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:19.080
<v Speaker 1>she doesn't want that. She wants to be married. You know,

0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:21.800
<v Speaker 1>She's like, and we may want to go another six years.

0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:24.600
<v Speaker 1>Such an interesting conversation. It is such do you want

0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:27.960
<v Speaker 1>to have a piece of paper? Do you want to

0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:32.880
<v Speaker 1>be happy? I know what's his hold up? Maybe he's

0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:36.560
<v Speaker 1>seen unhappy marriages. I think he just with GWayne Gretzky

0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:41.120
<v Speaker 1>and no, he like literally he doesn't have a reason.

0:12:41.480 --> 0:12:43.080
<v Speaker 1>So I think that's why I'm like, if you had

0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:45.400
<v Speaker 1>like a reason. He just says, like why why? Now?

0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:46.920
<v Speaker 1>Why rush? How old are you? How old is he?

0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:53.720
<v Speaker 1>He's I know, I know, but but she's from Texas.

0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:59.200
<v Speaker 1>Her little sister just got married. Yeah, that's hard when

0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:01.400
<v Speaker 1>you have That's the main thing is, it's a lot

0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:03.679
<v Speaker 1>of pressure for me. I'm the one who gets all

0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:05.760
<v Speaker 1>the questions like why is everyone asking me? Like why

0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:09.240
<v Speaker 1>what about not worrying about the noise? Because she wants

0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:11.080
<v Speaker 1>to have because I do want that with him, Like

0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.640
<v Speaker 1>she wants to start, like and here's the problem because

0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:15.480
<v Speaker 1>I feel like guys too in l A. It's very

0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:18.000
<v Speaker 1>different from like, you know, you guys back in Baltimore

0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:21.040
<v Speaker 1>where it's it's the guys here in California are like

0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:24.240
<v Speaker 1>ten years behind. So she doesn't want to be thirties

0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:27.320
<v Speaker 1>seven and still in a situation where she's not married

0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:31.160
<v Speaker 1>and doesn't have kids totally where I think with you Michael,

0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:33.679
<v Speaker 1>like yeah, it depends on Yeah, I think geographically he

0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:36.080
<v Speaker 1>does have something to play to a part to play

0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:38.520
<v Speaker 1>in it. But also what your parents are still married, right,

0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:41.000
<v Speaker 1>They've been married for a long time. Literally, Like even

0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:42.800
<v Speaker 1>in my sister's wedding speech, I was like, I'm someone

0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:45.360
<v Speaker 1>who can definitely say, like, I think my parents have

0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:48.480
<v Speaker 1>the perfect marriage. His parents have been married thirty years,

0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:50.440
<v Speaker 1>mine are almost out thirty, so like we both come

0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:53.640
<v Speaker 1>from that. I just I'm like what he literally is like,

0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.880
<v Speaker 1>go like, why rush? That's literally his rush? I mean

0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:59.560
<v Speaker 1>that's literally his why rush? And you can tell him

0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:02.280
<v Speaker 1>it's not about rushing, It's about this year the person

0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:03.640
<v Speaker 1>I know I want to spend the rest of my

0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:06.960
<v Speaker 1>life with. Marriage is something that is important to me

0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:09.280
<v Speaker 1>that my parents have shown me a good example, and

0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:11.920
<v Speaker 1>it's something that for me, I won't feel complete until

0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:13.520
<v Speaker 1>I have that, and I want to complete my life

0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:16.680
<v Speaker 1>with you complete. So why not do that complete me

0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:20.320
<v Speaker 1>and marry me completely? No, that means like that the

0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:23.280
<v Speaker 1>more he gets it now. A year ago he was

0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:25.360
<v Speaker 1>like whatever, but like he gets it now, So what's

0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:29.000
<v Speaker 1>the timeline now? I mean, what do you mean, like,

0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:32.280
<v Speaker 1>if you're thirty and you are still not don't have

0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:34.840
<v Speaker 1>a ring on your finger? No, I'm thinking, like I

0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:36.720
<v Speaker 1>think a year. I think it will be happening in

0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:40.040
<v Speaker 1>a year. And you said maybe, you said be prepared

0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:43.960
<v Speaker 1>for the consequences of what happens when you do pressure him. Yeah,

0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:47.240
<v Speaker 1>like you're going to break up with this No, And

0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:49.560
<v Speaker 1>that's the thing. It's all just talk. I'm so talk

0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:51.640
<v Speaker 1>she but I will say this though, is like she's

0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:55.440
<v Speaker 1>not doing the things that she's Yeah, it's like it's

0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:57.240
<v Speaker 1>almost like holding you back in a way. I just

0:14:57.280 --> 0:14:59.880
<v Speaker 1>want that, like it is I would say, I just

0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:01.720
<v Speaker 1>want that, like because it's like what is my purpose?

0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:03.360
<v Speaker 1>Actel Like I'm just following him here and there, and

0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:06.400
<v Speaker 1>they're all my families and Texas and I just sometimes,

0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:08.480
<v Speaker 1>you know, I get home, I have tons of nieces

0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:10.680
<v Speaker 1>and nephews, and I just sometimes feel like I'm missing out.

0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:12.360
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, if you give me that, if you

0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:14.240
<v Speaker 1>become my family and it's you and me, then I

0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:16.800
<v Speaker 1>have then I'm fine staying here in California and I'm fine.

0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:19.000
<v Speaker 1>If not, then it's like okay, and then I'm thirty,

0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:20.400
<v Speaker 1>then I just start all over and do I move

0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:23.840
<v Speaker 1>back to San France? Like this the great debate of

0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:30.880
<v Speaker 1>all life? Literally because you're happy. I'm so happy married people,

0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:35.520
<v Speaker 1>I know, but there's still something missing though. That's the thing.

0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:39.640
<v Speaker 1>You can still be like missing just because you're pretending

0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:41.280
<v Speaker 1>it's missing. Do you know what I mean? Are you

0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:43.840
<v Speaker 1>making up that it's missing. Maybe it's not missing because

0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:47.840
<v Speaker 1>she wants I just want to just I'm just so stubborn.

0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:54.400
<v Speaker 1>Everybody support No, it's literally God, I gotta get to Texas. No,

0:15:54.800 --> 0:15:57.400
<v Speaker 1>I think I'm just so stubborn. And so now I'm like,

0:15:57.640 --> 0:15:59.560
<v Speaker 1>now it's a thing where like, okay, you won't give

0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.360
<v Speaker 1>me a ring, so now why won't you? Wendy Walsh

0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:04.480
<v Speaker 1>gets here. Dr Wendy Walsh, this is like a great

0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:08.960
<v Speaker 1>thing to start with her, because you might be sabotaging

0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:13.680
<v Speaker 1>your own happiness. I know I probably am like a psychologist,

0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:17.480
<v Speaker 1>but here's my question though, but she might not not

0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:19.240
<v Speaker 1>just to play Devil's advocate with you. Just what you

0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:22.680
<v Speaker 1>just said, Amy is she might be sabotaging her own

0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:26.720
<v Speaker 1>growth and her own dreams and aspirations by being held

0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:29.360
<v Speaker 1>back by someone that isn't wanting to move forward with her.

0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:32.920
<v Speaker 1>And it's a crap shoot, hold on, I'm getting the doctor, okay.

0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:35.640
<v Speaker 1>But I mean from a guy's perspective though, like you

0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:37.280
<v Speaker 1>don't want to feel rushed. I mean I remember in

0:16:37.320 --> 0:16:39.600
<v Speaker 1>the very beginning, I mean I put my foot down

0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:41.720
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, look, we own this house together.

0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:43.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to play house put her ring on it.

0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:45.640
<v Speaker 1>This is what I want. I told you what I want,

0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:47.200
<v Speaker 1>and you're not in the same page. Get out like

0:16:47.280 --> 0:16:49.360
<v Speaker 1>that's the I just have a very like, this is

0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:52.280
<v Speaker 1>what I wanted. But then he would he didn't like

0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:55.280
<v Speaker 1>the It's not that I ultimatum do or made you rush,

0:16:55.560 --> 0:17:00.440
<v Speaker 1>but like, but because of my codependency, it felt like that,

0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:02.400
<v Speaker 1>and so I felt like I had no choice and

0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:04.280
<v Speaker 1>that was because of my internal struggle. So I felt

0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:05.920
<v Speaker 1>like I had to do that to keep her happy

0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:09.879
<v Speaker 1>when ultimately created a lot of resentment in me. Now, granted,

0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:13.000
<v Speaker 1>you guys have five six years and our timeline was

0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:16.800
<v Speaker 1>a lot shorter. So but I come from like I mean,

0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:20.080
<v Speaker 1>my dad was married once. All I have three older sisters,

0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:23.439
<v Speaker 1>they've all been married at least once, and so I

0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:26.520
<v Speaker 1>come from line. I know that, you know, divorces a

0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:29.359
<v Speaker 1>real thing. And so that's why I've worked so hard

0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:32.359
<v Speaker 1>to not pressure him, not ultimate um him, not because

0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:34.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't ever want him to to ever have that

0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:36.840
<v Speaker 1>to throw back at me. I want and I tell him,

0:17:36.880 --> 0:17:38.040
<v Speaker 1>I go, I just want you to marry me because

0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:39.439
<v Speaker 1>you want to marry me. Well, but that's the thing too,

0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:41.720
<v Speaker 1>that's why you don't want to have kids first because

0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:44.400
<v Speaker 1>you don't want to feel like you're getting married because

0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:48.200
<v Speaker 1>I had to kid, because that's that sucks. It's like, oh,

0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:50.320
<v Speaker 1>so you're just really marrying me because now I'm pregnant

0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:51.840
<v Speaker 1>and now I'm like, I now I have your kid

0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:54.560
<v Speaker 1>like that. Even Jane, Jane wanted to try to get

0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:58.560
<v Speaker 1>pregnant we we got married. When I said I didn't

0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:00.680
<v Speaker 1>want to have a baby until we get married, and

0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:08.240
<v Speaker 1>she was we decided, Oh no, you guys, I'm never

0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:12.080
<v Speaker 1>coming back. I thought we decided that we wanted kids,

0:18:12.200 --> 0:18:19.440
<v Speaker 1>like we're gonna start trying. Oh my, Mike, Mike. We

0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:22.280
<v Speaker 1>we eventually got to that point because we had our

0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:25.080
<v Speaker 1>wedding plan. So we're going to we're on our way

0:18:25.080 --> 0:18:30.080
<v Speaker 1>to get married. Yes, Okay, So Sarah and Amy, I

0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:32.600
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0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:34.800
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0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:22.679
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0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:41.200
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0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:46.280
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0:19:46.320 --> 0:19:49.479
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0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:05.399
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0:20:05.440 --> 0:20:11.000
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0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:15.399
<v Speaker 1>got a doctor in the house, ladies and gentlemen, I

0:20:15.440 --> 0:20:18.520
<v Speaker 1>mean your personal space, because a stay can come a

0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:22.080
<v Speaker 1>little closer. We have Dr Walsh here with us today

0:20:22.160 --> 0:20:26.359
<v Speaker 1>in studio. Hi. I'm Janna. Hi, it's nice to me.

0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:29.960
<v Speaker 1>This is my husband, my loving husband. So I would

0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:31.919
<v Speaker 1>call the two of you on first sight, just the

0:20:32.040 --> 0:20:35.640
<v Speaker 1>highest ranking mate ever when we're looking at mate status.

0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:43.000
<v Speaker 1>So your babies are damn gorgeous. One we have one

0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:45.640
<v Speaker 1>and I one on the way. We have one congratulating.

0:20:46.160 --> 0:20:48.200
<v Speaker 1>And how old is a baby? She's two and a

0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:52.160
<v Speaker 1>half spacing. Yeah, so it's it's good. And then that's

0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:55.359
<v Speaker 1>my dear friend Sarah, Sarah, nice to you. I'm Dr

0:20:55.359 --> 0:20:59.919
<v Speaker 1>Wendy Good nice to you. Oh oh, she's just an

0:21:00.000 --> 0:21:03.480
<v Speaker 1>a very um she's it's she's been in a relationship

0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:05.600
<v Speaker 1>for six years and she's kind of at that point

0:21:05.600 --> 0:21:09.399
<v Speaker 1>where it's like what are we doing? You know, I

0:21:09.520 --> 0:21:13.119
<v Speaker 1>call it the stalemate, the stalemate where you're just in

0:21:13.160 --> 0:21:15.320
<v Speaker 1>a steelmate. So first of all, I need a couple

0:21:15.320 --> 0:21:18.440
<v Speaker 1>of demographic questions. How old are you? How old i've

0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:23.080
<v Speaker 1>he's okay, he's from California. I'm from Texas. Huge difference

0:21:24.080 --> 0:21:28.240
<v Speaker 1>because in Texas traditional should have been married like fashion. Right. Okay,

0:21:28.359 --> 0:21:31.639
<v Speaker 1>And um, how long you've been together? Almost six years? Okay,

0:21:31.680 --> 0:21:34.440
<v Speaker 1>he's a cancer. I'm a scorpio. So let me throw

0:21:34.440 --> 0:21:36.720
<v Speaker 1>some stats at you. Okay. Average age of first time

0:21:36.760 --> 0:21:40.159
<v Speaker 1>marriage for men is about twenty eight. Average age of

0:21:40.200 --> 0:21:42.520
<v Speaker 1>first time marriage for women is twenty six. When I

0:21:42.560 --> 0:21:45.639
<v Speaker 1>say average, that's an American average. So we're not talking

0:21:45.640 --> 0:21:47.800
<v Speaker 1>about l A and New York. We're talking about the

0:21:47.800 --> 0:21:51.840
<v Speaker 1>whole country brought in together. Now we're also seeing, you know,

0:21:51.880 --> 0:21:54.600
<v Speaker 1>women have this thing called a fertility window that men

0:21:54.720 --> 0:21:57.119
<v Speaker 1>just don't have. By the way I had if you

0:21:57.119 --> 0:22:01.280
<v Speaker 1>had to guess, what do you think the age of

0:22:01.480 --> 0:22:07.879
<v Speaker 1>what age a woman is where she is most biologically fertile. Well,

0:22:08.040 --> 0:22:10.400
<v Speaker 1>she has the most eggs at eighteen, which is why

0:22:10.400 --> 0:22:13.120
<v Speaker 1>those girls get I think, But um, I would say

0:22:13.320 --> 0:22:21.159
<v Speaker 1>twenty six. So what happens is we're all born with

0:22:21.200 --> 0:22:23.960
<v Speaker 1>about four hundred little suckers tucked into our ovaries. We

0:22:24.080 --> 0:22:25.880
<v Speaker 1>drop one, two or three a month if you're gonna

0:22:25.880 --> 0:22:29.680
<v Speaker 1>have triplets, and um. So what happens is our fertility

0:22:29.760 --> 0:22:33.359
<v Speaker 1>stays really strong through our twenties. It takes a dive

0:22:33.480 --> 0:22:37.159
<v Speaker 1>at thirty, falls off a cliff at thirty five, and

0:22:37.200 --> 0:22:40.760
<v Speaker 1>by the time you're talking forty, you're talking about high

0:22:40.880 --> 0:22:46.280
<v Speaker 1>incidents of you know, disabilities, autism, et cetera. However, our

0:22:46.320 --> 0:22:49.280
<v Speaker 1>culture is not matching up with our biology because right

0:22:49.359 --> 0:22:52.440
<v Speaker 1>now we have more successful women than men. In fact,

0:22:52.480 --> 0:22:55.359
<v Speaker 1>they're more women in the American workforce than men. And

0:22:55.400 --> 0:22:58.520
<v Speaker 1>for every two guys that graduate college, there are three women.

0:22:59.240 --> 0:23:02.080
<v Speaker 1>So when her is women are eating up their fertility

0:23:02.080 --> 0:23:05.360
<v Speaker 1>window with education and career building. And then there's this

0:23:05.600 --> 0:23:10.679
<v Speaker 1>scramble in the early thirties, a crazy anxiety that women

0:23:10.760 --> 0:23:15.320
<v Speaker 1>have that men. Because you came into a great debate,

0:23:15.960 --> 0:23:17.679
<v Speaker 1>let me just tell you this, Okay, you can just

0:23:17.760 --> 0:23:20.320
<v Speaker 1>laugh all you want, sir. My mother went through menopause

0:23:20.320 --> 0:23:23.239
<v Speaker 1>at thirty three, so I started to freak out. So

0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:26.080
<v Speaker 1>I met him and when I was thirty one, so

0:23:26.119 --> 0:23:28.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm like the biological reality, I was like, look, this

0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:30.720
<v Speaker 1>is this is what I want. I want to get married.

0:23:30.760 --> 0:23:32.159
<v Speaker 1>I want to have kids like, and I want to

0:23:32.160 --> 0:23:34.199
<v Speaker 1>do it within this window because I'm freaking out if

0:23:34.240 --> 0:23:36.679
<v Speaker 1>I can't have kids, Like my purpose in life is

0:23:36.720 --> 0:23:38.359
<v Speaker 1>to be a mom. Like. What I like about you

0:23:39.440 --> 0:23:41.240
<v Speaker 1>is that you're a smart woman who knows that you're

0:23:41.280 --> 0:23:44.240
<v Speaker 1>in charge of relationships. Guys, just follow along. If we

0:23:44.280 --> 0:23:48.959
<v Speaker 1>don't negotiate commitments questions. We don't have grooms magazines, all right.

0:23:48.960 --> 0:23:51.359
<v Speaker 1>They don't spend their whole life dreaming about what tucks

0:23:51.359 --> 0:23:53.360
<v Speaker 1>they're going to wear to their wedding. It's up to

0:23:53.520 --> 0:23:59.280
<v Speaker 1>us to make the ultimatum happen, to negotiate commitment. But

0:23:59.320 --> 0:24:01.240
<v Speaker 1>we have to be to find out. But here's the

0:24:01.240 --> 0:24:02.919
<v Speaker 1>problem though, And here's the problem with that. And let

0:24:02.960 --> 0:24:04.880
<v Speaker 1>me just say a side note, sidebar. We're going back

0:24:04.880 --> 0:24:07.000
<v Speaker 1>to the pin. I did that because I wanted to

0:24:07.040 --> 0:24:09.199
<v Speaker 1>freeze my eggs because I was so scared of not

0:24:09.280 --> 0:24:11.920
<v Speaker 1>being able to have and of course those embryos weren't

0:24:11.920 --> 0:24:14.520
<v Speaker 1>good enough to you know, to freeze, so we implanted

0:24:14.560 --> 0:24:18.160
<v Speaker 1>whatever back to He held that against me, though, Yeah,

0:24:18.240 --> 0:24:21.159
<v Speaker 1>that's what I don't What do you mean again? She

0:24:21.280 --> 0:24:23.800
<v Speaker 1>missed the fact that I was like, this is what

0:24:23.840 --> 0:24:26.200
<v Speaker 1>I want, and I want it now, like you know,

0:24:26.240 --> 0:24:29.040
<v Speaker 1>I want in this window, this year period. And he

0:24:29.200 --> 0:24:32.199
<v Speaker 1>held punished against what was his punishment? There was no punishment. Well,

0:24:32.200 --> 0:24:36.000
<v Speaker 1>then he is not held against you. You won. No.

0:24:36.280 --> 0:24:39.440
<v Speaker 1>She said that if basically I didn't jump on board,

0:24:39.440 --> 0:24:41.280
<v Speaker 1>then she'd find someone that would. There you go, that's

0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:46.159
<v Speaker 1>called an ultimatum. And baby number two, you're married, you're together. Right,

0:24:47.320 --> 0:24:51.040
<v Speaker 1>We had major issues. So what guys, it hurts. It hurts,

0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:53.040
<v Speaker 1>But if you want to get with an a list

0:24:53.280 --> 0:24:58.879
<v Speaker 1>number time and get with the program. But here's the

0:24:58.880 --> 0:25:01.240
<v Speaker 1>thing though, how for for a man though, Like because

0:25:01.240 --> 0:25:02.840
<v Speaker 1>he used that against me and then that kind of

0:25:02.840 --> 0:25:06.560
<v Speaker 1>fed into his his mental health stuff that followed that.

0:25:06.640 --> 0:25:08.359
<v Speaker 1>So his punishment was kind of a little bit of

0:25:08.359 --> 0:25:13.080
<v Speaker 1>emotional abuse. Yeah, alright, just keep your eye on the prize,

0:25:13.080 --> 0:25:15.879
<v Speaker 1>which is the long range goal. Work through his emotional

0:25:16.119 --> 0:25:20.040
<v Speaker 1>He'll get over it. He's good, lacorious name, that's happy,

0:25:20.240 --> 0:25:25.840
<v Speaker 1>sweet baby girl. Another one coming. He has the world

0:25:26.200 --> 0:25:28.120
<v Speaker 1>right now. He just needed to guide him a little

0:25:28.119 --> 0:25:31.800
<v Speaker 1>bit towards that perfect life. Yes, as I said, no

0:25:31.880 --> 0:25:35.439
<v Speaker 1>man reads a groom's magazine and that's not there because

0:25:35.480 --> 0:25:37.639
<v Speaker 1>there's so much pressure on us. And that's what I think. Well,

0:25:37.800 --> 0:25:40.000
<v Speaker 1>I also want to say something else, Sarah, is that

0:25:40.040 --> 0:25:44.080
<v Speaker 1>we live in a culture with a very narrow definition

0:25:44.080 --> 0:25:46.399
<v Speaker 1>of what it is to be masculine and what it

0:25:46.480 --> 0:25:48.640
<v Speaker 1>is to be a man. Spend some time in Sweden,

0:25:48.640 --> 0:25:51.119
<v Speaker 1>as I just did a few months ago, Oh my goodness,

0:25:51.119 --> 0:25:54.000
<v Speaker 1>such a wide range of masculinity on display. First of all,

0:25:54.280 --> 0:25:58.480
<v Speaker 1>they legislate fatherhood because they give you eighteen months off,

0:25:58.520 --> 0:26:00.720
<v Speaker 1>but a woman is not allowed to take all eighteen months.

0:26:00.840 --> 0:26:02.760
<v Speaker 1>Dude has to take a chunk of it. So you

0:26:02.880 --> 0:26:08.520
<v Speaker 1>see these marauding rows of gangs of baby wearing guys everywhere.

0:26:08.840 --> 0:26:12.239
<v Speaker 1>It is just that's beautiful. It is beautiful. And so

0:26:12.280 --> 0:26:15.320
<v Speaker 1>what happens here is that guys don't realize they've ingested

0:26:15.880 --> 0:26:17.960
<v Speaker 1>the rules of the man box and they're put in

0:26:17.960 --> 0:26:23.280
<v Speaker 1>a very narrow man box. And so giving them the

0:26:23.320 --> 0:26:26.919
<v Speaker 1>opportunity to be a good father, to be a loving

0:26:27.000 --> 0:26:32.240
<v Speaker 1>husband is what women are doing by guiding them a bit, right,

0:26:32.359 --> 0:26:35.880
<v Speaker 1>they're letting them out of the man box. Yeah, okay,

0:26:35.880 --> 0:26:38.960
<v Speaker 1>Sarah interrupted you. Oh no, no, no, I was just

0:26:39.000 --> 0:26:40.920
<v Speaker 1>saying that. I just think it's not fair that there's

0:26:40.960 --> 0:26:44.320
<v Speaker 1>so much pressure for like women when it's like why biology,

0:26:44.359 --> 0:26:46.639
<v Speaker 1>no one's asking him when we're getting married. Everyone asked me,

0:26:46.640 --> 0:26:48.119
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like why, I don't know you have a

0:26:48.119 --> 0:26:51.960
<v Speaker 1>fertility window. It doesn't. And so the ultimatum is the

0:26:52.119 --> 0:26:54.160
<v Speaker 1>so you you think there should be an ultimatum given

0:26:54.200 --> 0:26:58.000
<v Speaker 1>to him. I'm a big believer in ultimatums. I just think, well, also,

0:26:58.119 --> 0:27:01.600
<v Speaker 1>what happens is this, do you guys live together? I know,

0:27:02.440 --> 0:27:06.480
<v Speaker 1>so here's again just statistics. Just because there's statistics doesn't

0:27:06.480 --> 0:27:09.880
<v Speaker 1>mean you will fall into that group. But generally, if

0:27:09.880 --> 0:27:13.000
<v Speaker 1>you live together before marriage, and the longer you live together,

0:27:13.280 --> 0:27:15.960
<v Speaker 1>the worsh your marital outcomes, the higher divorce rate, the

0:27:16.040 --> 0:27:18.520
<v Speaker 1>less chance you'll actually get married, because what ends up

0:27:18.520 --> 0:27:21.719
<v Speaker 1>happening is you burn out the passion years. You know,

0:27:21.760 --> 0:27:23.960
<v Speaker 1>we comfortable. I mean we're comfortable. Yeah, you're far in

0:27:24.000 --> 0:27:26.520
<v Speaker 1>each other's face. Now, well no, no, actually I am not. No,

0:27:26.720 --> 0:27:28.720
<v Speaker 1>We're not like that. That's a big thing I'm not about.

0:27:29.000 --> 0:27:34.040
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, I know we're comfortable. I'm a lady. Janna's

0:27:34.080 --> 0:27:36.880
<v Speaker 1>burping up a storm every time it gets me, But

0:27:37.520 --> 0:27:44.560
<v Speaker 1>I know even when she's not, um, yeah, and I know,

0:27:44.920 --> 0:27:47.000
<v Speaker 1>I know, I don't know. So the thing is, you

0:27:47.080 --> 0:27:49.520
<v Speaker 1>have to be at your state of readiness and if

0:27:49.560 --> 0:27:51.280
<v Speaker 1>in fact, you do want to become a mother. And

0:27:51.320 --> 0:27:54.200
<v Speaker 1>as a little caveatte, I want to add the twenty

0:27:54.320 --> 0:27:58.760
<v Speaker 1>percent of human beings male and female do not become parents. Now,

0:27:58.800 --> 0:28:01.320
<v Speaker 1>that doesn't mean that we're not or to reproduce. How

0:28:01.359 --> 0:28:03.880
<v Speaker 1>do their genes stay in evolution's chain if they don't

0:28:03.880 --> 0:28:07.439
<v Speaker 1>become parents, Because every allow parent, allow parents. Somebody who

0:28:07.520 --> 0:28:10.520
<v Speaker 1>has not a biological interesting kids, but somebody who cares

0:28:10.520 --> 0:28:13.560
<v Speaker 1>about kids keeps their genes by being the best and

0:28:13.840 --> 0:28:17.680
<v Speaker 1>the best uncle. They also help nurture the culture because

0:28:17.720 --> 0:28:21.280
<v Speaker 1>they tend to build businesses that employ families, they tend

0:28:21.320 --> 0:28:23.879
<v Speaker 1>to build charities that help children. They tend to just

0:28:24.040 --> 0:28:28.199
<v Speaker 1>nurture the culture at large. So I'm not thinking that

0:28:28.240 --> 0:28:30.760
<v Speaker 1>every woman out there has to become a mother, because

0:28:31.520 --> 0:28:33.320
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I was a single mom, a single mother,

0:28:33.359 --> 0:28:35.840
<v Speaker 1>have been for fourteen years and if I didn't have

0:28:35.880 --> 0:28:38.800
<v Speaker 1>a bunch of child free girlfriends helping me out, I

0:28:38.800 --> 0:28:42.400
<v Speaker 1>could never have survived. And so you know, you're going

0:28:42.440 --> 0:28:44.240
<v Speaker 1>to make the decision what you want in your life,

0:28:44.320 --> 0:28:46.760
<v Speaker 1>make a relationship life plan. This is the dat I

0:28:46.800 --> 0:28:48.760
<v Speaker 1>want to get married, if that's what you want, This

0:28:48.840 --> 0:28:50.400
<v Speaker 1>is the date I want to have a kid by.

0:28:50.520 --> 0:28:53.280
<v Speaker 1>And then you're very calmly going to inform that date

0:28:53.320 --> 0:28:57.600
<v Speaker 1>and that relationship plan to your partner and the step

0:28:57.680 --> 0:29:00.280
<v Speaker 1>up and if he can't step up by the eight

0:29:00.720 --> 0:29:02.640
<v Speaker 1>then you have to be prepared to find a mate

0:29:02.720 --> 0:29:05.680
<v Speaker 1>that will. Yeah, I feel like you hold you're you're

0:29:05.680 --> 0:29:09.920
<v Speaker 1>You're staring at Wendy and you're like, you're disagreeing. I'm

0:29:09.920 --> 0:29:12.040
<v Speaker 1>just taking it all in. But I feel like you're

0:29:12.080 --> 0:29:14.440
<v Speaker 1>like you kind of looked at it or like because

0:29:14.440 --> 0:29:16.280
<v Speaker 1>I feel like when like when we have like, um,

0:29:16.400 --> 0:29:19.560
<v Speaker 1>Julie two point our conversations, me and you guys, the

0:29:19.640 --> 0:29:22.240
<v Speaker 1>ultimatum thing, you guys are kind of torn on it. Okay, babe,

0:29:22.240 --> 0:29:23.840
<v Speaker 1>do you want to elaborate on that a little bit?

0:29:23.920 --> 0:29:26.800
<v Speaker 1>Because I feel like you were you were given her

0:29:26.840 --> 0:29:28.920
<v Speaker 1>the eye of like I don't agree with that at all.

0:29:29.040 --> 0:29:31.440
<v Speaker 1>It's not that I don't agree I agree that men

0:29:31.480 --> 0:29:33.680
<v Speaker 1>in general, Yes, we need a little pressure, because God

0:29:33.720 --> 0:29:36.840
<v Speaker 1>knows that. Janna's pressure me in situations. I needed that

0:29:37.400 --> 0:29:40.400
<v Speaker 1>um to mature and take the next step. But I

0:29:40.520 --> 0:29:43.880
<v Speaker 1>just have concerns, just knowing how I am personally with

0:29:44.360 --> 0:29:48.600
<v Speaker 1>whether it creating resentment or just holding something against my

0:29:48.720 --> 0:29:51.320
<v Speaker 1>partner because it's something that maybe I'm not ready for,

0:29:51.400 --> 0:29:53.960
<v Speaker 1>maybe something I really don't want to do now as

0:29:53.960 --> 0:29:55.720
<v Speaker 1>a man, that's up to me to express my emotions

0:29:55.760 --> 0:29:58.840
<v Speaker 1>around that. And I found that through Janna and not

0:29:58.840 --> 0:30:01.640
<v Speaker 1>communicating better in our relates ship now that I don't

0:30:01.720 --> 0:30:04.960
<v Speaker 1>have resentments like I used to because we are communicating

0:30:05.000 --> 0:30:07.480
<v Speaker 1>and I'm communicating about my feelings. But because he was

0:30:07.480 --> 0:30:11.239
<v Speaker 1>so codependent in the beginning of our relationship whatever, I

0:30:11.640 --> 0:30:14.000
<v Speaker 1>but then held that against me, which is unfair, Which

0:30:14.000 --> 0:30:15.880
<v Speaker 1>is completely unfair because I didn't tell her how I

0:30:15.880 --> 0:30:18.040
<v Speaker 1>felt about it, and I couldn't not only that, I

0:30:18.040 --> 0:30:20.320
<v Speaker 1>couldn't say in a healthy way because I would let

0:30:20.360 --> 0:30:22.800
<v Speaker 1>things bottle up inside me. And then I'll just explore.

0:30:22.920 --> 0:30:25.000
<v Speaker 1>Many men need to learn that lesson or to actually

0:30:25.560 --> 0:30:29.000
<v Speaker 1>um find words for their feelings and express it. Because

0:30:29.120 --> 0:30:32.080
<v Speaker 1>you know, what is a relationship. A relationship is an

0:30:32.160 --> 0:30:36.560
<v Speaker 1>exchange of care. That care can take many forms. It

0:30:36.600 --> 0:30:42.120
<v Speaker 1>can be sexual care, financial care, child care, domestic responsibilities care,

0:30:42.440 --> 0:30:46.600
<v Speaker 1>emotional care, physical care. When someone's ill right and so

0:30:46.640 --> 0:30:50.360
<v Speaker 1>when we're talking about Sarah being in a relationship where

0:30:50.360 --> 0:30:53.880
<v Speaker 1>you've been exchanging care. You now have a need that

0:30:54.000 --> 0:30:56.960
<v Speaker 1>he doesn't have at this stage, at this time. And

0:30:57.520 --> 0:31:00.360
<v Speaker 1>when I talk about ultimatums, I'm not asked you to

0:31:00.440 --> 0:31:04.440
<v Speaker 1>be manipulative and try to get him to do something.

0:31:05.080 --> 0:31:08.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm asking you to look at your own goals, your

0:31:08.560 --> 0:31:13.400
<v Speaker 1>own life and put some boundaries on yourself because you

0:31:13.480 --> 0:31:16.120
<v Speaker 1>can choose to wait it out until his state of readiness,

0:31:17.280 --> 0:31:20.000
<v Speaker 1>which may or may not come and may or may

0:31:20.040 --> 0:31:23.600
<v Speaker 1>not come along your fertility window schedule. And that's the

0:31:23.640 --> 0:31:26.840
<v Speaker 1>thing too. He when I see him with children again,

0:31:27.040 --> 0:31:30.400
<v Speaker 1>I weep, like he's so good with like that's when

0:31:30.440 --> 0:31:32.560
<v Speaker 1>I love him the most. And we both come from

0:31:32.600 --> 0:31:35.000
<v Speaker 1>big family, so he has nephews, I have nieces, and

0:31:35.160 --> 0:31:38.720
<v Speaker 1>so we both love kids. We both but I'm just like,

0:31:38.880 --> 0:31:41.600
<v Speaker 1>come on, I just want that order. I just want

0:31:41.640 --> 0:31:46.840
<v Speaker 1>to let the conversation start with something about your relationship

0:31:46.880 --> 0:31:50.040
<v Speaker 1>life plan. In other words, you know, honey, um, I

0:31:50.080 --> 0:31:52.240
<v Speaker 1>don't want to pressure you. I love what we have

0:31:52.360 --> 0:31:55.120
<v Speaker 1>going here, but I need to know where the end

0:31:55.160 --> 0:31:57.960
<v Speaker 1>game is and when. So, what age do you think

0:31:58.000 --> 0:31:59.480
<v Speaker 1>you'll be when you want to have kids? That's just

0:31:59.640 --> 0:32:02.440
<v Speaker 1>explore are his needs we've had, Like that's the thing

0:32:02.480 --> 0:32:05.520
<v Speaker 1>is we've had a lot of talks over almost six years,

0:32:05.640 --> 0:32:08.120
<v Speaker 1>and they're always good. And he knows. That's the thing

0:32:08.240 --> 0:32:10.800
<v Speaker 1>is he knows what I want and he knows how

0:32:10.840 --> 0:32:13.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling. But what does he want? He just wants

0:32:14.000 --> 0:32:16.000
<v Speaker 1>me forever. He wants He tells me all the time,

0:32:16.120 --> 0:32:17.640
<v Speaker 1>I want to be with you forever. I'm gonna be

0:32:17.680 --> 0:32:21.680
<v Speaker 1>with you forever. I just I'm just why why do

0:32:21.720 --> 0:32:23.360
<v Speaker 1>we need to jump into something? Why do we need

0:32:23.400 --> 0:32:26.240
<v Speaker 1>to rush into something? And again, I don't think six years,

0:32:27.360 --> 0:32:29.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't think we're jumping or rushing. But I think

0:32:29.600 --> 0:32:33.040
<v Speaker 1>that he just again California. Mean he doesn't have any

0:32:33.080 --> 0:32:36.080
<v Speaker 1>married friends. Yeah, that's part of it too. And I

0:32:36.160 --> 0:32:38.280
<v Speaker 1>have a lot in not in l A. And so

0:32:38.360 --> 0:32:41.720
<v Speaker 1>it's marriage is contagious. I just like divorces. And she

0:32:41.760 --> 0:32:43.720
<v Speaker 1>sees me like she comes every time she comes over,

0:32:43.760 --> 0:32:45.640
<v Speaker 1>it's like she's with my daughter, and then like I'm

0:32:45.680 --> 0:32:47.960
<v Speaker 1>pregnant and you know, so it's and so I think

0:32:48.000 --> 0:32:50.000
<v Speaker 1>that again, and I've always said this, if he had

0:32:50.000 --> 0:32:53.320
<v Speaker 1>a friend like in his get engaged, we'd be two

0:32:53.400 --> 0:32:56.640
<v Speaker 1>months later. He does not. I just I think he

0:32:56.720 --> 0:32:58.640
<v Speaker 1>just does not want to like I don't know, I

0:32:58.640 --> 0:33:02.880
<v Speaker 1>don't know. But like we were talking before, no other issues,

0:33:03.400 --> 0:33:05.920
<v Speaker 1>no other what do you want? I wanna I want

0:33:05.920 --> 0:33:08.280
<v Speaker 1>to be with him forever. But and do you want

0:33:08.280 --> 0:33:12.760
<v Speaker 1>to become a mother? I okay? And do you want

0:33:12.800 --> 0:33:16.640
<v Speaker 1>to do that by the time you're what age? I mean, yeah,

0:33:16.720 --> 0:33:19.280
<v Speaker 1>I want to do it a sap oh sap. Not

0:33:19.320 --> 0:33:21.400
<v Speaker 1>when I'm thirty two. No, I mean I would have

0:33:21.440 --> 0:33:24.000
<v Speaker 1>liked to have already had Like then you're there, you're there,

0:33:24.400 --> 0:33:27.920
<v Speaker 1>but he will have a baby without He is fine

0:33:27.920 --> 0:33:30.200
<v Speaker 1>to have the baby. So maybe you just need to

0:33:30.240 --> 0:33:33.479
<v Speaker 1>adjust that part of it. No, not if you've been

0:33:33.520 --> 0:33:36.480
<v Speaker 1>together six years and you're from Texas and he can

0:33:36.520 --> 0:33:38.840
<v Speaker 1>respect your background and he knew this, he knew what

0:33:38.880 --> 0:33:40.960
<v Speaker 1>he was signing up for when he walked into It's

0:33:41.000 --> 0:33:43.800
<v Speaker 1>the thing, my traditional value, my family love. I mean,

0:33:44.440 --> 0:33:46.840
<v Speaker 1>his family loves me. I love his family, My family

0:33:46.920 --> 0:33:52.000
<v Speaker 1>loves him. But I just like mind, I just it's

0:33:52.000 --> 0:33:54.000
<v Speaker 1>a respect. I don't know what happens if he says no,

0:33:54.920 --> 0:33:59.840
<v Speaker 1>he want to know my prediction. Here's my prediction. You

0:34:00.000 --> 0:34:01.640
<v Speaker 1>eys are going to break up and then you're gonna

0:34:01.640 --> 0:34:05.520
<v Speaker 1>get back together and get engaged. That's how the ultimatums work.

0:34:05.560 --> 0:34:08.120
<v Speaker 1>I disagree, not gonna happen. He will not break up

0:34:08.160 --> 0:34:10.120
<v Speaker 1>with her, but she she's he has his cake and

0:34:10.120 --> 0:34:12.040
<v Speaker 1>he's eating it too. She lives with him, So the

0:34:12.080 --> 0:34:15.280
<v Speaker 1>words mean nothing unless they're backed up by action. Action

0:34:15.480 --> 0:34:19.480
<v Speaker 1>is her getting her own place he's been, But I

0:34:19.600 --> 0:34:22.200
<v Speaker 1>just she's been saying for six years, this is what

0:34:22.280 --> 0:34:24.560
<v Speaker 1>she wants, and he's not doing yet right, So we're

0:34:24.800 --> 0:34:27.120
<v Speaker 1>nothing gonna do it right when he's right. It's like

0:34:27.160 --> 0:34:29.359
<v Speaker 1>if you tell your two year old, no, you can't

0:34:29.400 --> 0:34:31.480
<v Speaker 1>have a cookie before dinner, that two year old is

0:34:31.480 --> 0:34:33.440
<v Speaker 1>going to keep going to the cookie jar until you

0:34:33.480 --> 0:34:37.560
<v Speaker 1>back it up every behavior. But we can't all just

0:34:37.640 --> 0:34:40.239
<v Speaker 1>have everything we want, like we're not. I mean, I

0:34:40.320 --> 0:34:44.200
<v Speaker 1>get it. Maybe. Wait, wait, we're talking about the one

0:34:44.640 --> 0:34:47.200
<v Speaker 1>thing we're put on the earth to do, which is

0:34:47.239 --> 0:34:49.640
<v Speaker 1>to reproduce. So he said yes to that. He just

0:34:49.719 --> 0:34:52.600
<v Speaker 1>isn't ready to get maybe, but that's but if it

0:34:52.640 --> 0:34:55.239
<v Speaker 1>hadn't been six years, it hadn't been six years, I understand, Like,

0:34:55.280 --> 0:34:57.960
<v Speaker 1>not everyone can get what they want. She's waited six years,

0:34:58.040 --> 0:35:00.520
<v Speaker 1>so she hasn't she got what she wanted. She'd been

0:35:00.520 --> 0:35:02.920
<v Speaker 1>doing it years ago, like really putting the heat on them.

0:35:03.000 --> 0:35:04.920
<v Speaker 1>But there's two things that she's staying true to which

0:35:04.960 --> 0:35:07.080
<v Speaker 1>I think are very valuable. The fact that she wants

0:35:07.080 --> 0:35:09.560
<v Speaker 1>to get married before having children, and that she wants

0:35:09.560 --> 0:35:12.279
<v Speaker 1>to have children with him and not and nobody else

0:35:12.719 --> 0:35:19.840
<v Speaker 1>wants him or marriage than a baby. I mean obviously him,

0:35:19.880 --> 0:35:21.680
<v Speaker 1>because that's what I go back and forth about. I'm

0:35:21.680 --> 0:35:24.480
<v Speaker 1>like sacrifice, I know, and that's what that's the only

0:35:24.520 --> 0:35:27.080
<v Speaker 1>thing that we find. I say something that he needs

0:35:27.080 --> 0:35:31.400
<v Speaker 1>to hear from you, that we're not a socialist country,

0:35:31.400 --> 0:35:34.640
<v Speaker 1>where a capitalist country. We don't have a big safety

0:35:34.680 --> 0:35:38.480
<v Speaker 1>net for single parents. If people have babies out of wedlock,

0:35:38.760 --> 0:35:43.279
<v Speaker 1>statistically break up rate by the time the kid is ten.

0:35:44.480 --> 0:35:47.600
<v Speaker 1>So the best nest we still have in modern America

0:35:48.280 --> 0:35:53.320
<v Speaker 1>is two people, hopefully with a biological interest in those kids,

0:35:53.560 --> 0:35:56.280
<v Speaker 1>to help raise them. I'm not a big believer until

0:35:56.280 --> 0:35:58.680
<v Speaker 1>Death do us Part because I think when Until Death

0:35:58.719 --> 0:36:00.960
<v Speaker 1>do us Part was invented, death was pretty imminent, and

0:36:01.000 --> 0:36:03.759
<v Speaker 1>because of our long lifespans, even the most monogamous of

0:36:03.840 --> 0:36:06.360
<v Speaker 1>humans will have two or three long stints of monogamy.

0:36:06.440 --> 0:36:08.719
<v Speaker 1>But I believe you sign up for eighteen years and

0:36:08.760 --> 0:36:11.279
<v Speaker 1>you're about to sign up for another eighteen then you're

0:36:11.320 --> 0:36:13.920
<v Speaker 1>in it. Yeah, that's the commitment, and that's the thing

0:36:13.960 --> 0:36:18.440
<v Speaker 1>the relationship grows. So why not have that marital contract

0:36:18.600 --> 0:36:21.920
<v Speaker 1>because research shows it's the thing that keeps people in

0:36:21.960 --> 0:36:24.960
<v Speaker 1>the game. No, And I told I mean, like I said,

0:36:25.000 --> 0:36:27.560
<v Speaker 1>before he comes, his parents have been married forever. So

0:36:28.080 --> 0:36:30.480
<v Speaker 1>it's just something that I want. I would like to

0:36:30.520 --> 0:36:35.880
<v Speaker 1>rena look like his mom to get that. What I

0:36:35.960 --> 0:36:38.080
<v Speaker 1>think is interesting though, I think what amy it's like

0:36:38.160 --> 0:36:40.719
<v Speaker 1>because you're in a different path, Like, you don't you

0:36:40.719 --> 0:36:43.719
<v Speaker 1>don't want kids, so it's like you're fine with not

0:36:43.920 --> 0:36:46.520
<v Speaker 1>being she's the great allo parent here. Yeah, and she doesn't.

0:36:46.560 --> 0:36:49.080
<v Speaker 1>She doesn't want to have kids. You know, she's your

0:36:49.200 --> 0:36:51.880
<v Speaker 1>in your relationship, you're just wanting to You don't care

0:36:51.920 --> 0:36:54.719
<v Speaker 1>about getting married. You just want the guy you just want.

0:36:54.840 --> 0:36:57.960
<v Speaker 1>So it's like you guys just have two very different

0:36:58.040 --> 0:37:01.000
<v Speaker 1>which is like, yeah, what on a saying is so interesting?

0:37:01.000 --> 0:37:04.680
<v Speaker 1>I come at it from a completely different perspective. I

0:37:04.680 --> 0:37:06.239
<v Speaker 1>want to keep talking about this, and then I want

0:37:06.280 --> 0:37:08.719
<v Speaker 1>to talk about all these bad marriages too, and see

0:37:08.719 --> 0:37:10.279
<v Speaker 1>what Wendy thinks we people need what do you mean

0:37:10.360 --> 0:37:12.839
<v Speaker 1>bad marriages? Think of these people that, like, we all

0:37:12.880 --> 0:37:14.560
<v Speaker 1>have friends. I'm not talking about you guys, because you

0:37:14.560 --> 0:37:16.680
<v Speaker 1>guys are like working it out, it's great. But I

0:37:16.760 --> 0:37:20.319
<v Speaker 1>have so many friends that have been married for ten

0:37:20.480 --> 0:37:25.000
<v Speaker 1>twenty years. Like I have a girlfriend who the marriage

0:37:25.000 --> 0:37:28.880
<v Speaker 1>is just dead. They've been together so long. It's not miserable,

0:37:29.160 --> 0:37:31.799
<v Speaker 1>but there's just no there there, And what are those

0:37:31.840 --> 0:37:35.440
<v Speaker 1>people supposed to do well? Also, looking at any relationship

0:37:35.480 --> 0:37:39.480
<v Speaker 1>from the outside is impossible to imagine what they're experiencing inside,

0:37:39.760 --> 0:37:42.080
<v Speaker 1>because there can be a level of secure attachment that

0:37:42.120 --> 0:37:45.640
<v Speaker 1>you say there's no there there and they feel absolutely secure.

0:37:45.960 --> 0:37:49.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh no, this is her words. She's telling me that

0:37:49.280 --> 0:37:52.759
<v Speaker 1>it's well, I think for like when this is what

0:37:52.840 --> 0:37:54.239
<v Speaker 1>I kind of tell Michael, and which is what I

0:37:54.400 --> 0:37:56.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm scared about. Yes, we've had some massive

0:37:56.960 --> 0:37:59.120
<v Speaker 1>issues in the relationship. Were repairing. We're we're at a

0:37:59.120 --> 0:38:01.600
<v Speaker 1>good place now. It's going to be constant repair and

0:38:01.640 --> 0:38:05.640
<v Speaker 1>constant communication. But my fear is that when we keep going,

0:38:05.880 --> 0:38:09.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, more years, there are times when we might

0:38:10.120 --> 0:38:11.839
<v Speaker 1>grow and be different and change, and it's like, how

0:38:11.880 --> 0:38:14.400
<v Speaker 1>do you how do you stay connected? Like so that

0:38:14.480 --> 0:38:17.080
<v Speaker 1>we when we get to our tenure, I'm not here.

0:38:17.640 --> 0:38:19.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm here, and he's like over here, and it's like,

0:38:19.520 --> 0:38:22.120
<v Speaker 1>how do you stay together in that? In addition to

0:38:22.280 --> 0:38:26.080
<v Speaker 1>relationships being an exchange of care, the other amazing thing

0:38:26.080 --> 0:38:29.080
<v Speaker 1>about relationships is they're the best gymnasium we have for

0:38:29.120 --> 0:38:32.920
<v Speaker 1>our minds. They help us grow. And that back and

0:38:32.960 --> 0:38:36.279
<v Speaker 1>forth tangle that you're describing is the life of a

0:38:36.280 --> 0:38:40.960
<v Speaker 1>healthy relationship. As two people grow, life is changing every second,

0:38:41.040 --> 0:38:44.480
<v Speaker 1>every minute. Our fingernails are growing so fast, at a nanosecond,

0:38:44.480 --> 0:38:47.800
<v Speaker 1>they're growing, right, Everything is changing. The person that you

0:38:47.920 --> 0:38:51.480
<v Speaker 1>married will biologically not be the same person seven years later.

0:38:51.480 --> 0:38:53.759
<v Speaker 1>Every cell in her body will have been replaced. And

0:38:53.800 --> 0:38:57.319
<v Speaker 1>along the way, you guys get to tangle with each

0:38:57.320 --> 0:39:00.720
<v Speaker 1>other and learn about yourselves and grow because that partners

0:39:00.760 --> 0:39:02.320
<v Speaker 1>do you believe that partners do fall in and not

0:39:02.440 --> 0:39:05.239
<v Speaker 1>of love in marriage? Oh well, let's define love. There

0:39:05.239 --> 0:39:07.360
<v Speaker 1>are lots of different kinds of love. At the beginning

0:39:07.360 --> 0:39:10.880
<v Speaker 1>of a relationship, it's mostly lust and passion. Right after

0:39:10.920 --> 0:39:14.840
<v Speaker 1>a while, it gets into intellectual commitment, love commitment for

0:39:14.920 --> 0:39:17.440
<v Speaker 1>the kids and for you know, the families brought together,

0:39:17.480 --> 0:39:20.040
<v Speaker 1>and maybe the incomes and buildings, your or houses, your

0:39:20.040 --> 0:39:22.120
<v Speaker 1>building and things you're doing right. You made an intellectual

0:39:22.120 --> 0:39:24.759
<v Speaker 1>commitment to ride out the bumps because it's the long

0:39:24.840 --> 0:39:27.960
<v Speaker 1>game is so important. And then eventually the couples that

0:39:28.040 --> 0:39:32.239
<v Speaker 1>stay together the longest fall into something called mature companion

0:39:32.280 --> 0:39:34.480
<v Speaker 1>at love. Look at your parents. If you say your

0:39:34.480 --> 0:39:36.759
<v Speaker 1>parents have been married together, I promise you it's not

0:39:36.840 --> 0:39:39.399
<v Speaker 1>first aid sex for them, if they're having it at all,

0:39:40.120 --> 0:39:43.920
<v Speaker 1>but they're not going anywhere because they have mature companion

0:39:43.960 --> 0:39:46.920
<v Speaker 1>at love. That is so good for our physiology to

0:39:47.000 --> 0:39:49.440
<v Speaker 1>have somebody who knows you so well, who can almost

0:39:49.480 --> 0:39:52.040
<v Speaker 1>read your mind, and someone who will still tangle with

0:39:52.080 --> 0:39:55.120
<v Speaker 1>you and argue with you if you're straying out to

0:39:55.160 --> 0:40:00.080
<v Speaker 1>be the key, Like Jeanna and Mike have junk and

0:40:00.080 --> 0:40:02.919
<v Speaker 1>they're always kind of work. Everyone does. But I think

0:40:03.080 --> 0:40:07.640
<v Speaker 1>that marriages that seem to need to be done are

0:40:07.680 --> 0:40:10.720
<v Speaker 1>the ones where there is no tangling. It's so done.

0:40:11.040 --> 0:40:14.200
<v Speaker 1>And I have friend after friend after friend who like

0:40:14.280 --> 0:40:16.719
<v Speaker 1>they're just waiting for the eight teen, waiting for the

0:40:16.760 --> 0:40:20.480
<v Speaker 1>kids to go to college. But that's so kids. I

0:40:20.520 --> 0:40:24.960
<v Speaker 1>don't want. If they're not happy years, they they're not miserable.

0:40:25.040 --> 0:40:28.200
<v Speaker 1>There's just nothing. What is that and what do you

0:40:28.239 --> 0:40:29.960
<v Speaker 1>do about that? Well, that that's just two people not

0:40:30.000 --> 0:40:32.359
<v Speaker 1>growing together, or it could be mature companion at love.

0:40:32.400 --> 0:40:34.279
<v Speaker 1>And you're judging it based on sexuality. You know, there

0:40:34.280 --> 0:40:37.960
<v Speaker 1>are lots of wide range of sexualities and every kind

0:40:37.960 --> 0:40:40.800
<v Speaker 1>of relationship. Some people have sex every day, some people

0:40:40.840 --> 0:40:43.160
<v Speaker 1>have sex only on Christmas, you know, and and some

0:40:43.239 --> 0:40:45.120
<v Speaker 1>don't have it for years. I mean, they're just there's

0:40:45.120 --> 0:40:47.720
<v Speaker 1>a wide range of sexuality, So that's not a litmus

0:40:47.719 --> 0:40:50.960
<v Speaker 1>test to judge a relationship. Um. And the highest divorce

0:40:51.040 --> 0:40:54.640
<v Speaker 1>rate is when the empty nest happens because they forgot

0:40:54.640 --> 0:40:58.279
<v Speaker 1>to repurpose their relationship, They forgot to create whatever retirement

0:40:58.320 --> 0:41:02.320
<v Speaker 1>life they want to have together, and they grew separately. Um.

0:41:02.360 --> 0:41:05.040
<v Speaker 1>I do think that there are some people that have

0:41:05.239 --> 0:41:08.640
<v Speaker 1>kind of an avoidant attachment style, meaning that they're actually

0:41:08.680 --> 0:41:11.480
<v Speaker 1>afraid of emotional intimacy, so they live like roommates in

0:41:11.520 --> 0:41:15.560
<v Speaker 1>their house, nobody entering tender private areas of their psyche

0:41:15.640 --> 0:41:20.720
<v Speaker 1>and living like perfect roommates together and for them that works.

0:41:21.560 --> 0:41:23.880
<v Speaker 1>Now you and I would judge it because we're intimacy addicts.

0:41:23.880 --> 0:41:25.360
<v Speaker 1>Why do you think I'm in this business? Right? I

0:41:25.400 --> 0:41:27.239
<v Speaker 1>want to know it's in your mind. I want to

0:41:27.280 --> 0:41:30.239
<v Speaker 1>feel what's happening, right, So I would look at it

0:41:30.280 --> 0:41:33.000
<v Speaker 1>and go that would never work for me, but for

0:41:33.080 --> 0:41:35.359
<v Speaker 1>them when they find for them, they're not happy. All

0:41:35.360 --> 0:41:38.120
<v Speaker 1>these people telling me they're not happy. But I was

0:41:38.160 --> 0:41:40.960
<v Speaker 1>telling you all these people, all I have girlfriend after

0:41:40.960 --> 0:41:43.360
<v Speaker 1>girlfriend after girlfriend telling me these same stories where I

0:41:43.360 --> 0:41:46.320
<v Speaker 1>think we're nailing it, but they're not happy. They don't

0:41:46.440 --> 0:41:48.400
<v Speaker 1>like here, here's one of the saddest things. So I

0:41:48.440 --> 0:41:50.520
<v Speaker 1>want to really quickly give you a tiny little lesson

0:41:50.520 --> 0:41:53.160
<v Speaker 1>in attachment theory. So um and again this is just

0:41:53.200 --> 0:41:56.240
<v Speaker 1>boiling it down to simple jargon for everybody. So attachment

0:41:56.280 --> 0:41:58.319
<v Speaker 1>theory is the theory that looks at how and why

0:41:58.400 --> 0:42:01.279
<v Speaker 1>we attached to people across the life's man and it's

0:42:01.280 --> 0:42:03.960
<v Speaker 1>a long scale. Some people have a lot of anxiety

0:42:04.040 --> 0:42:07.160
<v Speaker 1>and fear and preoccupation with their partners. They have easy

0:42:07.200 --> 0:42:09.920
<v Speaker 1>abandonment issues. They're counting the minutes between the text why

0:42:09.960 --> 0:42:12.960
<v Speaker 1>didn't he call? What's happening? And there's a lot of anxiety.

0:42:12.960 --> 0:42:16.480
<v Speaker 1>Other people feel easily smothered and they're even the person

0:42:16.520 --> 0:42:18.560
<v Speaker 1>just calls once and they're like, oh, this girl calls

0:42:18.560 --> 0:42:20.560
<v Speaker 1>all the time. What's happening? And I don't mean to

0:42:20.600 --> 0:42:23.600
<v Speaker 1>put gender on it, because there can be anxiously attaching

0:42:23.640 --> 0:42:30.040
<v Speaker 1>guys um And so what happens is the longest relationships

0:42:30.040 --> 0:42:32.920
<v Speaker 1>that are sometimes the most painful but often last the longest.

0:42:33.480 --> 0:42:35.759
<v Speaker 1>Is the person who have the anxious attachment style who

0:42:35.800 --> 0:42:39.279
<v Speaker 1>meets the avoidant person. And what happens is we're trying

0:42:39.320 --> 0:42:41.760
<v Speaker 1>to work out our earlier It's all developed in early life,

0:42:42.080 --> 0:42:44.239
<v Speaker 1>in the first twelve months of life, when our brain

0:42:44.280 --> 0:42:47.840
<v Speaker 1>triples in size, and we make assumptions about whether the

0:42:47.880 --> 0:42:50.799
<v Speaker 1>world can be trusted, whether mommy and daddy will be

0:42:50.840 --> 0:42:52.960
<v Speaker 1>there when we cry, whether we will be picked up,

0:42:53.120 --> 0:42:55.359
<v Speaker 1>whether we'll be left in a wet diaper, And so

0:42:55.520 --> 0:42:58.879
<v Speaker 1>this is how we form a blueprint for love. That

0:42:58.920 --> 0:43:01.320
<v Speaker 1>then we go out and cast, and we look, we

0:43:01.480 --> 0:43:05.640
<v Speaker 1>cast and look for that perfect person who will play along. Oh,

0:43:05.680 --> 0:43:08.359
<v Speaker 1>you'll be the daddy who promises to abandon me. You'll

0:43:08.360 --> 0:43:11.759
<v Speaker 1>be the smothering mother. Okay, and it's on. I'm gonna

0:43:11.800 --> 0:43:14.880
<v Speaker 1>fix it this time. So interesting enough, when people have

0:43:14.920 --> 0:43:17.719
<v Speaker 1>an anxious attachment style, they're most often sexually attracted to

0:43:17.760 --> 0:43:20.399
<v Speaker 1>the avoidant people. So it's a chase that always goes

0:43:20.400 --> 0:43:28.120
<v Speaker 1>on with both unfulfilled needs. I believe that in a

0:43:28.200 --> 0:43:31.919
<v Speaker 1>corner and shaking, crying, so again, happiness and duration are

0:43:31.960 --> 0:43:34.040
<v Speaker 1>not necessarily linked. In other words, there are people in

0:43:34.120 --> 0:43:37.160
<v Speaker 1>unhappy relationships who will stay together forever because that chase

0:43:37.280 --> 0:43:39.960
<v Speaker 1>never ends and they're always feeling they're in love with longing,

0:43:40.239 --> 0:43:42.319
<v Speaker 1>they're not in love with love. And in my in

0:43:42.400 --> 0:43:44.719
<v Speaker 1>my personal opinion, just in the last year and a

0:43:44.719 --> 0:43:47.279
<v Speaker 1>half with therapy of Jane and I've done and we've

0:43:47.320 --> 0:43:51.160
<v Speaker 1>done personally as individuals and growing together is I know

0:43:51.200 --> 0:43:53.759
<v Speaker 1>it's cliche to say communication is key, but I don't

0:43:53.880 --> 0:43:56.359
<v Speaker 1>think a lot of relationships out there understand really the

0:43:56.400 --> 0:43:58.759
<v Speaker 1>depth of communication that they need to get to and

0:43:58.920 --> 0:44:02.120
<v Speaker 1>be rigorously honest with your partner and get to a

0:44:02.120 --> 0:44:04.359
<v Speaker 1>place where you feel safe with that. And that's where

0:44:04.400 --> 0:44:06.000
<v Speaker 1>Janna and I start are starting to get where we

0:44:06.040 --> 0:44:08.880
<v Speaker 1>can be rigorously honest with fears or feelings and what

0:44:08.920 --> 0:44:11.680
<v Speaker 1>we have going on where now we're not really as

0:44:11.719 --> 0:44:14.680
<v Speaker 1>reactive to that as the partner, where we get scared

0:44:14.760 --> 0:44:20.080
<v Speaker 1>or triggered from those feelings. Um and that those feelings

0:44:20.320 --> 0:44:24.600
<v Speaker 1>have nothing to do with gender. They're human. You can

0:44:24.680 --> 0:44:28.279
<v Speaker 1>be all man and fully masculine and in fact very

0:44:28.320 --> 0:44:31.760
<v Speaker 1>responsible and in charge and control by expressing your feelings.

0:44:32.360 --> 0:44:34.440
<v Speaker 1>That's one of the most masculine things out there. And

0:44:34.520 --> 0:44:36.759
<v Speaker 1>the best person you want to be regulously honest with

0:44:37.200 --> 0:44:40.239
<v Speaker 1>is yourself, right, and then I'm self aware and I

0:44:40.280 --> 0:44:43.439
<v Speaker 1>think your friends just they're they're just again it maybe

0:44:43.560 --> 0:44:45.799
<v Speaker 1>haven't communicated over the years, and you just grow so

0:44:45.840 --> 0:44:47.600
<v Speaker 1>apart that you're just like, I don't like the person

0:44:47.680 --> 0:44:49.319
<v Speaker 1>up next to you know, and that I'm sure that

0:44:49.360 --> 0:44:51.719
<v Speaker 1>happens a lot of times in marriages because you're not

0:44:52.320 --> 0:44:54.839
<v Speaker 1>growing together and they're not maybe not at their state

0:44:54.840 --> 0:44:57.520
<v Speaker 1>of readiness, you're at their state of readiness, and they're

0:44:57.560 --> 0:45:07.320
<v Speaker 1>not anxious person. That stating the avoidance person. These are

0:45:07.360 --> 0:45:10.560
<v Speaker 1>These are the wonderful couples to get into couples therapy

0:45:10.640 --> 0:45:13.600
<v Speaker 1>because you're basically teaching the anxious person to contain themselves

0:45:13.640 --> 0:45:16.960
<v Speaker 1>a little bit and hang on, and you're also teaching

0:45:17.000 --> 0:45:18.440
<v Speaker 1>the other one to come out of his or her

0:45:18.440 --> 0:45:21.279
<v Speaker 1>shell and express their feelings. So that could take some time. Yeah,

0:45:21.320 --> 0:45:25.439
<v Speaker 1>oh it's not a quick I'm an avoidant. Jana's gets

0:45:25.480 --> 0:45:28.120
<v Speaker 1>anxious and through the work that we've done, we've started

0:45:28.160 --> 0:45:31.160
<v Speaker 1>to meet in the middle, to understand that her love

0:45:31.560 --> 0:45:35.040
<v Speaker 1>will not smother you and engulf you, will not kill

0:45:35.120 --> 0:45:37.840
<v Speaker 1>you in any way, that it's just there. Just allow

0:45:37.880 --> 0:45:40.680
<v Speaker 1>it to be there. And in the other hand, he's

0:45:40.719 --> 0:45:44.439
<v Speaker 1>not going anywhere and needing to know that he's checking

0:45:44.520 --> 0:45:46.680
<v Speaker 1>in a certain number of times a day or showing

0:45:46.840 --> 0:45:49.040
<v Speaker 1>his love for you. Here's my feeling. And I don't

0:45:49.040 --> 0:45:50.640
<v Speaker 1>know anything about you in your relationship, but I will

0:45:50.680 --> 0:45:53.640
<v Speaker 1>say it's common that the anxious person is always looking

0:45:53.680 --> 0:45:56.279
<v Speaker 1>for the other person to express love. The gifts that

0:45:56.560 --> 0:45:59.080
<v Speaker 1>you tell me, I'm pretty all this stuff. When we

0:45:59.160 --> 0:46:03.120
<v Speaker 1>learn to love ourselves deeply, that's the only time we

0:46:03.160 --> 0:46:06.720
<v Speaker 1>can really love somebody else and we are so fulfilled

0:46:07.080 --> 0:46:09.440
<v Speaker 1>with our own self confidence and self love. Oh and

0:46:09.480 --> 0:46:12.200
<v Speaker 1>that's when we become really sexy. By the way, Okay,

0:46:12.200 --> 0:46:14.279
<v Speaker 1>can we read an email for Corey? One of our

0:46:14.280 --> 0:46:18.600
<v Speaker 1>listeners wants um some Michael, and your name isn't there too? Okay?

0:46:18.960 --> 0:46:21.360
<v Speaker 1>Is it from Corey? We struggle with intimacy issues. My

0:46:21.440 --> 0:46:24.239
<v Speaker 1>husband and I tend to struggle with intimacy issues. I

0:46:24.280 --> 0:46:26.520
<v Speaker 1>want to have sex way more often than he does,

0:46:26.719 --> 0:46:29.120
<v Speaker 1>and I can tell it bothers him because the drive

0:46:29.239 --> 0:46:31.799
<v Speaker 1>is not always there. It's a struggle to always feel

0:46:31.800 --> 0:46:34.680
<v Speaker 1>like I'm nagging for sex to happen. If Michael is

0:46:34.680 --> 0:46:36.720
<v Speaker 1>in the studio, can he shed light to a male's

0:46:36.760 --> 0:46:39.839
<v Speaker 1>perspective on this and what I could do to help

0:46:39.840 --> 0:46:42.600
<v Speaker 1>the situation? Janna, how do you deal with feeling that

0:46:42.680 --> 0:46:45.399
<v Speaker 1>the one who instigates more often? If that's the case,

0:46:45.440 --> 0:46:48.000
<v Speaker 1>because it is with me, which it is, I understand

0:46:48.000 --> 0:46:50.560
<v Speaker 1>the biggest thing here is communicating about it, and we have,

0:46:50.800 --> 0:46:54.040
<v Speaker 1>but it hasn't changed the situation. I've suggested therapy, but

0:46:54.080 --> 0:46:56.160
<v Speaker 1>he doesn't want to go. He doesn't think we're at

0:46:56.160 --> 0:47:01.360
<v Speaker 1>that point you want okay. So this is why whenever

0:47:01.360 --> 0:47:06.719
<v Speaker 1>I talk about relationships, I talk about biology, sociology, and psychology.

0:47:06.760 --> 0:47:10.640
<v Speaker 1>So biologically, sometimes people just have different levels of sex

0:47:10.760 --> 0:47:13.560
<v Speaker 1>drives they have and usually when they see a sex

0:47:13.600 --> 0:47:17.160
<v Speaker 1>therapist it's because of a high desire low desire dynamic,

0:47:17.440 --> 0:47:20.479
<v Speaker 1>and there are exercises and work that you can do

0:47:20.680 --> 0:47:26.000
<v Speaker 1>to get into something that works for both. Now, so sociology,

0:47:26.200 --> 0:47:29.000
<v Speaker 1>what does your social group think is a normal amount

0:47:29.040 --> 0:47:31.680
<v Speaker 1>of sex? Where what messages are you picking up from

0:47:31.680 --> 0:47:34.440
<v Speaker 1>your culture about sex? Is sex supposed to mean that

0:47:34.480 --> 0:47:35.960
<v Speaker 1>you're in love and if you're not having sex, he

0:47:36.000 --> 0:47:40.080
<v Speaker 1>doesn't love you enough. Psychology, do we have an anxious

0:47:40.080 --> 0:47:43.400
<v Speaker 1>attachment person because the way that our attachment style plays

0:47:43.400 --> 0:47:47.160
<v Speaker 1>out is through our sexuality. Is she anxious and is

0:47:47.200 --> 0:47:49.200
<v Speaker 1>he avoidant? And the more she's needed, the more his

0:47:49.239 --> 0:47:52.799
<v Speaker 1>body shuts down? Right, So that's why all of these

0:47:52.840 --> 0:47:56.359
<v Speaker 1>things needs to be teased out separately and discussed. Well,

0:47:56.400 --> 0:47:58.479
<v Speaker 1>it sounds like I mean, she says she has talked

0:47:58.480 --> 0:48:00.439
<v Speaker 1>about it. It It seems like they talked about it good way.

0:48:00.640 --> 0:48:02.640
<v Speaker 1>She suggested therapy, but it isn't He doesn't want to

0:48:02.680 --> 0:48:04.400
<v Speaker 1>go even think he's at that point. So what does

0:48:04.440 --> 0:48:07.840
<v Speaker 1>she do when she's already tried to communicate? Here's the

0:48:07.840 --> 0:48:10.920
<v Speaker 1>good news. Even an individual can go to couples therapy

0:48:11.080 --> 0:48:15.000
<v Speaker 1>and change the relationship because relationships and families are a system,

0:48:15.160 --> 0:48:17.319
<v Speaker 1>and if you change one cog in the system, the

0:48:17.360 --> 0:48:19.520
<v Speaker 1>system can change. But what else, I mean, what else

0:48:19.520 --> 0:48:22.400
<v Speaker 1>can she do besides having a different conversation. She's already

0:48:22.400 --> 0:48:24.880
<v Speaker 1>had the conversation though, like being like, hey, this is

0:48:24.960 --> 0:48:28.399
<v Speaker 1>The therapist will help her come to a deeper realization

0:48:28.440 --> 0:48:31.560
<v Speaker 1>about what her needs are connected to her. The therapist

0:48:31.560 --> 0:48:34.920
<v Speaker 1>will help her understand whether her sexual needs are related

0:48:34.960 --> 0:48:37.759
<v Speaker 1>to her psychology and her neediness, or whether it's a

0:48:37.960 --> 0:48:40.719
<v Speaker 1>sex drive issue. The psychologists will help her find a

0:48:40.760 --> 0:48:44.319
<v Speaker 1>better way to communicate her needs or maybe given ultimatum,

0:48:44.640 --> 0:48:47.000
<v Speaker 1>um there will be if she can change her reaction

0:48:47.080 --> 0:48:50.319
<v Speaker 1>to him through getting to know herself better, and that

0:48:50.400 --> 0:48:53.040
<v Speaker 1>can change the relationship. Again, you don't go into therapy

0:48:53.080 --> 0:48:54.960
<v Speaker 1>saying I'm going to get him to do this. I'm

0:48:54.960 --> 0:48:57.240
<v Speaker 1>gonna get her to do this. You go into therapy

0:48:57.320 --> 0:49:00.440
<v Speaker 1>saying I'm gonna know me more so I can react

0:49:00.440 --> 0:49:03.239
<v Speaker 1>differently to the world. You know. That's that is a

0:49:03.480 --> 0:49:06.920
<v Speaker 1>great point. I hope people really heard that, because again,

0:49:07.040 --> 0:49:08.920
<v Speaker 1>just we can only go back on what Jana and

0:49:08.920 --> 0:49:14.360
<v Speaker 1>I have experienced personally and when we started therapy. Um,

0:49:14.600 --> 0:49:16.640
<v Speaker 1>just since everything happened a year and a half ago.

0:49:17.520 --> 0:49:19.040
<v Speaker 1>I feel like at the beginning of us going to

0:49:19.080 --> 0:49:23.160
<v Speaker 1>individual couples therapy, it was about how can I you know,

0:49:23.320 --> 0:49:25.840
<v Speaker 1>more about talking about our partner and how can we

0:49:25.880 --> 0:49:27.840
<v Speaker 1>get them to do what we want or not do

0:49:27.920 --> 0:49:30.200
<v Speaker 1>what we don't want? Started? Yeah, that if that's how

0:49:30.239 --> 0:49:32.080
<v Speaker 1>it feels like it started, at least for me, and

0:49:32.120 --> 0:49:35.000
<v Speaker 1>then then finally gets into you graduate into the place

0:49:35.040 --> 0:49:36.279
<v Speaker 1>of you're not going to talk about your partner, you

0:49:36.400 --> 0:49:38.719
<v Speaker 1>want to talk about yourself and your reaction to your

0:49:39.080 --> 0:49:41.760
<v Speaker 1>The changes actually happened, and that's what I've seen personally.

0:49:41.800 --> 0:49:44.440
<v Speaker 1>I think Jane can attested that too. And they may

0:49:44.440 --> 0:49:47.560
<v Speaker 1>not happen in the way you envisioned, but because you're

0:49:47.600 --> 0:49:50.560
<v Speaker 1>a different, different person in the dynamic, your needs may change.

0:49:51.400 --> 0:49:53.040
<v Speaker 1>So what do you think of her perspective? Like what

0:49:53.080 --> 0:49:57.200
<v Speaker 1>would you say? They're married? Yeah, they're married. She wants

0:49:57.200 --> 0:49:59.520
<v Speaker 1>to have sex more than he does. Um, you know,

0:49:59.560 --> 0:50:02.080
<v Speaker 1>how does you know? How does can you shed light

0:50:02.120 --> 0:50:04.000
<v Speaker 1>to a male's perspective on this? Like what can I

0:50:04.000 --> 0:50:06.160
<v Speaker 1>do to help the situation? Like, so what could she

0:50:06.280 --> 0:50:08.879
<v Speaker 1>do to like to say if they've been married? Doesn't

0:50:08.880 --> 0:50:10.400
<v Speaker 1>say if they're ma, it's just my husband and I

0:50:11.640 --> 0:50:16.800
<v Speaker 1>m for me as an avoidant and one with intimacy issues,

0:50:16.960 --> 0:50:20.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. In that title programming your Brain, that's

0:50:20.239 --> 0:50:24.840
<v Speaker 1>how I started. That is how I started acknowledge acknowledge

0:50:24.880 --> 0:50:26.680
<v Speaker 1>that because I know the work that I need to

0:50:26.680 --> 0:50:28.279
<v Speaker 1>do and the work that I am doing. So that's

0:50:28.320 --> 0:50:30.360
<v Speaker 1>why I acknowledge that, because that is someone who I

0:50:31.080 --> 0:50:33.880
<v Speaker 1>still am in certain scenarios and I'm working not to

0:50:33.920 --> 0:50:37.919
<v Speaker 1>be um, but for me, a lot of it comes

0:50:37.920 --> 0:50:43.440
<v Speaker 1>with performance anxiety because I am an avoidant and knowing

0:50:43.560 --> 0:50:46.879
<v Speaker 1>that maybe his spouse is someone who's anxious, and maybe

0:50:46.920 --> 0:50:51.520
<v Speaker 1>your love language is physical touch, where any time that

0:50:52.600 --> 0:50:54.560
<v Speaker 1>she may want to start to get physical, he might

0:50:54.600 --> 0:50:57.879
<v Speaker 1>automatically think, Okay, I have to have sex, Like that's

0:50:57.880 --> 0:51:00.600
<v Speaker 1>the verb, that's the verb. Is that my go in

0:51:00.640 --> 0:51:02.920
<v Speaker 1>his head is I have to do this. Well, that's

0:51:02.920 --> 0:51:04.200
<v Speaker 1>not what you want. You don't want to say I

0:51:04.239 --> 0:51:05.799
<v Speaker 1>have to do this. You want to be like, oh, yeah,

0:51:05.800 --> 0:51:07.600
<v Speaker 1>I want to do this. I just know that from

0:51:07.600 --> 0:51:09.440
<v Speaker 1>experience where I've had feelings in my head where I've

0:51:09.440 --> 0:51:12.520
<v Speaker 1>said I have to do this right now, and maybe

0:51:12.560 --> 0:51:14.359
<v Speaker 1>you just start off a little bit. And these are

0:51:14.400 --> 0:51:16.040
<v Speaker 1>things that you know, Jen and I have done at

0:51:16.080 --> 0:51:18.919
<v Speaker 1>times where it's hey, let's just let's just kiss, let's

0:51:18.920 --> 0:51:20.719
<v Speaker 1>just can you just hold me, hold me for a

0:51:20.760 --> 0:51:23.200
<v Speaker 1>little bit and warm him up, where it's not like

0:51:23.239 --> 0:51:25.839
<v Speaker 1>all or nothing, where it's you're away from him because

0:51:25.880 --> 0:51:27.719
<v Speaker 1>you know he doesn't want anything, but just bring it

0:51:27.760 --> 0:51:29.239
<v Speaker 1>up to him like, hey, will you just hold me

0:51:29.280 --> 0:51:32.759
<v Speaker 1>for a little bit, No expectations, no pressure to perform. No,

0:51:33.080 --> 0:51:35.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, we have to have sex, no have to anything.

0:51:35.760 --> 0:51:37.839
<v Speaker 1>In fact, what you're describing is something I talked about

0:51:37.840 --> 0:51:39.640
<v Speaker 1>on my CAFI show this week, which our sense ate

0:51:39.719 --> 0:51:42.520
<v Speaker 1>Focus exercises. And the first thing a sex therapist does

0:51:42.600 --> 0:51:44.480
<v Speaker 1>with a couple that walks in with a high high

0:51:44.600 --> 0:51:48.120
<v Speaker 1>dynamic or high desire low desire dynamic is they say

0:51:48.120 --> 0:51:50.920
<v Speaker 1>no sex for six weeks, so to take all the

0:51:50.960 --> 0:51:54.080
<v Speaker 1>pressure off. Because what ends up happening is that one couple,

0:51:54.320 --> 0:51:57.000
<v Speaker 1>one person says, well, if you stop nagging me and

0:51:57.040 --> 0:51:59.399
<v Speaker 1>wait until I come to you, and the other one

0:51:59.400 --> 0:52:02.160
<v Speaker 1>goes okay, So they grit their teeth and everybody's walking

0:52:02.200 --> 0:52:05.640
<v Speaker 1>on eggshells and nothing's happening. So instead the doctor steps

0:52:05.640 --> 0:52:07.799
<v Speaker 1>in and says, I prescribe that you do not have

0:52:07.840 --> 0:52:10.319
<v Speaker 1>any sex at all for six weeks. However, you have

0:52:10.360 --> 0:52:12.600
<v Speaker 1>to do a week of just handholding, you have to

0:52:12.640 --> 0:52:14.960
<v Speaker 1>do a week of just foot massages, you have to

0:52:14.960 --> 0:52:18.359
<v Speaker 1>do a week of back missile and you are not

0:52:18.400 --> 0:52:20.759
<v Speaker 1>allowed to touch the genitals. You are not allowed to

0:52:20.760 --> 0:52:24.400
<v Speaker 1>reach orgasm until six weeks. And so what that does

0:52:24.719 --> 0:52:28.200
<v Speaker 1>is takes the sensation out of the genitals. Because another

0:52:28.200 --> 0:52:31.200
<v Speaker 1>problem that happens with long terminogamy is that everybody knows

0:52:31.200 --> 0:52:33.879
<v Speaker 1>each other's body so well. They know they're highlight reel.

0:52:33.960 --> 0:52:37.200
<v Speaker 1>They go right to their hits and um. Therefore there's

0:52:37.200 --> 0:52:40.239
<v Speaker 1>no novelty, there's no variety, and sex is exciting when

0:52:40.239 --> 0:52:42.080
<v Speaker 1>it has variety in it. The other thing they do,

0:52:42.120 --> 0:52:44.000
<v Speaker 1>especially when there's kids in the houses, they schedule their

0:52:44.000 --> 0:52:46.440
<v Speaker 1>sex around childcare and working and everything else. So it's

0:52:46.440 --> 0:52:49.920
<v Speaker 1>a predictable time, it's a predictable place. It's a predictable position.

0:52:50.239 --> 0:52:52.879
<v Speaker 1>That will kill a sex life faster than anything. So

0:52:53.200 --> 0:52:55.759
<v Speaker 1>having a sex therapist step in and go, you know what,

0:52:56.080 --> 0:52:58.400
<v Speaker 1>let's take sex off the table for six weeks and

0:52:58.480 --> 0:53:00.799
<v Speaker 1>go back into the arow. So you felt on your

0:53:00.800 --> 0:53:03.239
<v Speaker 1>fingertips on your first date, what do you do for

0:53:03.280 --> 0:53:05.319
<v Speaker 1>the like? I mean, I know I felt this at

0:53:05.320 --> 0:53:08.560
<v Speaker 1>times where it's it just feels like such rejection and

0:53:08.600 --> 0:53:10.680
<v Speaker 1>like you don't feel pretty enough. You don't, so it's like,

0:53:10.719 --> 0:53:14.160
<v Speaker 1>how do you how do you not take that on?

0:53:14.480 --> 0:53:16.680
<v Speaker 1>Not to make them think that that's like I'm a

0:53:16.680 --> 0:53:20.000
<v Speaker 1>big believer in reframing, and so what I would tell

0:53:20.000 --> 0:53:24.239
<v Speaker 1>myself is, wow, this guy must be pretty confident if

0:53:24.280 --> 0:53:28.239
<v Speaker 1>he turned down this tent. If you turned down this

0:53:28.280 --> 0:53:34.800
<v Speaker 1>tent and I'm like, I'm so ugly, baby in my belly,

0:53:34.840 --> 0:53:38.000
<v Speaker 1>and yeah, it's beautiful. Don't guys find pregnant women sexy?

0:53:38.040 --> 0:53:42.319
<v Speaker 1>There's something sexy about little but there are Yeah, you

0:53:42.520 --> 0:53:44.479
<v Speaker 1>go ahead and sorry, yeah no. I was just telling

0:53:44.560 --> 0:53:46.759
<v Speaker 1>Janna that, you know, I think last week of how

0:53:46.800 --> 0:53:49.080
<v Speaker 1>beautiful I think she looks now it' sexually, especially with

0:53:49.080 --> 0:53:51.719
<v Speaker 1>how um this and I was on the first pregnancy,

0:53:51.800 --> 0:53:55.200
<v Speaker 1>with the issues that were going on. Just now I'm

0:53:55.200 --> 0:53:56.960
<v Speaker 1>being able to see it through different lands where I'm like, God,

0:53:57.000 --> 0:54:00.560
<v Speaker 1>you are beautiful, like just glowing, and I I finally

0:54:00.600 --> 0:54:02.839
<v Speaker 1>see that like through my own eyes because before they

0:54:02.840 --> 0:54:05.920
<v Speaker 1>are clouded. And the other thing I want to say,

0:54:05.960 --> 0:54:08.480
<v Speaker 1>we always think that the Horror Madonna syndrome is in

0:54:08.520 --> 0:54:11.560
<v Speaker 1>a man's head only, meaning that some men aren't sexually

0:54:11.560 --> 0:54:14.000
<v Speaker 1>correct attracted to women when they're pregnant or mothers are

0:54:14.080 --> 0:54:17.160
<v Speaker 1>nursing or whatever. Um, they have this concept in their

0:54:17.200 --> 0:54:19.960
<v Speaker 1>head that they're two women and only one is effable, right,

0:54:20.280 --> 0:54:24.440
<v Speaker 1>and so, but it can happen in um in a

0:54:24.480 --> 0:54:27.799
<v Speaker 1>woman's head as well. So it's really hard when you're

0:54:27.880 --> 0:54:32.239
<v Speaker 1>nursing and you're pregnant to turn all those mommy hormones

0:54:32.280 --> 0:54:35.719
<v Speaker 1>off and go back into your vixen. There are guys though, too.

0:54:35.760 --> 0:54:37.399
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I have a girlfriend that's pregnant and she's

0:54:37.400 --> 0:54:40.600
<v Speaker 1>having a hard time because her her husband is you know,

0:54:40.880 --> 0:54:44.200
<v Speaker 1>he's not into it, not into the pregnant really hard.

0:54:45.280 --> 0:54:47.920
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, I mean it's definitely hard. But but also

0:54:48.000 --> 0:54:50.560
<v Speaker 1>like once she communicated with him, it wasn't just about her.

0:54:50.600 --> 0:54:52.640
<v Speaker 1>It's about how he's also feeling like he feels a

0:54:52.640 --> 0:54:54.759
<v Speaker 1>lot of shape, so he doesn't feel sexy. So there's

0:54:54.800 --> 0:54:57.759
<v Speaker 1>like different layers with so much stuff. But yeah, it's

0:54:57.800 --> 0:55:00.600
<v Speaker 1>it's just it's just I mean, Corey Hope, you know.

0:55:00.920 --> 0:55:02.840
<v Speaker 1>I feel like those are some great tips from Michael

0:55:02.840 --> 0:55:05.759
<v Speaker 1>and Wendy. Um. But Wendy, thank you so much for

0:55:05.800 --> 0:55:07.920
<v Speaker 1>coming on the show. Where can our listeners find You

0:55:08.239 --> 0:55:10.920
<v Speaker 1>can find me anytime on the Heart Radio app just

0:55:11.000 --> 0:55:13.080
<v Speaker 1>keyword Dr Wendy and you can listen to me every

0:55:13.080 --> 0:55:16.120
<v Speaker 1>Sunday and Wednesday live on k IF. I am six forty.

0:55:16.239 --> 0:55:19.839
<v Speaker 1>You are You're not only beautiful, but you're beautiful insight too.

0:55:19.960 --> 0:55:23.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm just excited to watch this young family grow and

0:55:23.280 --> 0:55:26.920
<v Speaker 1>you're a young family. Yes, she might need your number,

0:55:27.719 --> 0:55:31.520
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, Wendy. Okay, So, Sarah, you know that I'm

0:55:31.560 --> 0:55:34.080
<v Speaker 1>like the biggest baby being home alone. Like I seriously

0:55:34.120 --> 0:55:37.000
<v Speaker 1>text you all the time all the time, being like, Hey, um,

0:55:37.280 --> 0:55:39.319
<v Speaker 1>Mike's gonna be out tom this weekend, so will you

0:55:39.360 --> 0:55:41.640
<v Speaker 1>come over and hang out with me? But now that

0:55:41.680 --> 0:55:44.200
<v Speaker 1>I have a d T, I don't text you anymore.

0:55:44.719 --> 0:55:46.160
<v Speaker 1>Now you don't have to drive end of the way

0:55:46.239 --> 0:55:48.920
<v Speaker 1>to my house to stay at my place with me.

0:55:48.960 --> 0:55:51.080
<v Speaker 1>Because I'm a total baby. But I love a d

0:55:51.200 --> 0:55:54.640
<v Speaker 1>T because I honestly feel so safe. I feel safe

0:55:54.680 --> 0:55:57.520
<v Speaker 1>knowing that me and my daughter can rest easy um

0:55:57.640 --> 0:56:00.759
<v Speaker 1>when we're you know, obviously I I I feel really

0:56:00.800 --> 0:56:03.040
<v Speaker 1>safe when Mike's there. But it's just it's so nice

0:56:03.080 --> 0:56:06.279
<v Speaker 1>to just have that extra um security blanket for me

0:56:06.400 --> 0:56:09.920
<v Speaker 1>to know that I can sleep and feel um secure.

0:56:10.239 --> 0:56:12.320
<v Speaker 1>So for a limited time, a d T s lowest

0:56:12.400 --> 0:56:16.040
<v Speaker 1>rate starting at just a month for the most trusted

0:56:16.120 --> 0:56:18.480
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0:56:18.520 --> 0:56:21.919
<v Speaker 1>And honestly, I mean, don't you want to feel safe? Yes? Yes,

0:56:22.000 --> 0:56:23.640
<v Speaker 1>So you need to sign up right now. So you

0:56:23.680 --> 0:56:25.840
<v Speaker 1>need to go to a d T dot com slash

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<v Speaker 1>podcast or just a dt dot com to take advantage

0:56:29.520 --> 0:56:32.200
<v Speaker 1>of a d t s lowest rate. That's ad T

0:56:32.440 --> 0:56:36.239
<v Speaker 1>dot com slash podcasts. I mean, I want to feel

0:56:36.280 --> 0:56:38.000
<v Speaker 1>safe and I want you guys to feel safe. So

0:56:38.400 --> 0:56:41.439
<v Speaker 1>do it quick. Legal disclaimer them with thirty six month

0:56:41.480 --> 0:56:45.960
<v Speaker 1>monitoring contract, early termination in installation. Fees apply. Exclude taxes

0:56:46.000 --> 0:56:48.880
<v Speaker 1>and fees applies to traditional services only certain markets included.

0:56:48.960 --> 0:56:54.080
<v Speaker 1>Licenses available at dot com. Um so, I am so stoked.

0:56:54.120 --> 0:57:00.919
<v Speaker 1>Put your hands on sir, um the biz you can cans. Yeah,

0:57:01.320 --> 0:57:06.120
<v Speaker 1>we have a numerologist here, like just walked in the studio.

0:57:06.360 --> 0:57:09.400
<v Speaker 1>He's so cool, like you just like you look just

0:57:09.440 --> 0:57:17.520
<v Speaker 1>so cool. I try the guys. This is Remington Donna. Okay,

0:57:17.560 --> 0:57:20.480
<v Speaker 1>So for those speaking for my husband and to me too,

0:57:20.600 --> 0:57:23.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm just my girlfriend. Sarah is like all about this,

0:57:23.320 --> 0:57:25.080
<v Speaker 1>like she knows the number, like she's she's like a

0:57:25.360 --> 0:57:27.680
<v Speaker 1>crazy into this kind of stuff. So we'll we'll get

0:57:27.720 --> 0:57:30.960
<v Speaker 1>to you, but let's start with here here. Well, let's

0:57:30.960 --> 0:57:33.400
<v Speaker 1>get to my husband, because I know you have no

0:57:33.480 --> 0:57:36.520
<v Speaker 1>idea what a numerologist is, right, No, I have an

0:57:36.560 --> 0:57:39.360
<v Speaker 1>idea of everything else. I feel like this has been

0:57:39.360 --> 0:57:43.240
<v Speaker 1>a theme, like let's test Mike skepticism every episode. Mediums

0:57:43.240 --> 0:57:47.480
<v Speaker 1>and sidekicks and astrologers now numerologists. It's like, all right,

0:57:47.560 --> 0:57:50.360
<v Speaker 1>let's do it great. I literally got interviewed recently and

0:57:50.360 --> 0:57:52.320
<v Speaker 1>I said, oh, I usually don't try to do anything

0:57:52.360 --> 0:57:56.440
<v Speaker 1>for skeptics. I don't need to prove myself. But it's

0:57:56.520 --> 0:57:58.880
<v Speaker 1>not like, you know, I just want to say a

0:57:58.880 --> 0:58:01.040
<v Speaker 1>couple of things. It's kind of like, here's a here's

0:58:01.080 --> 0:58:04.680
<v Speaker 1>a message, here's a message of your soul, and you

0:58:04.720 --> 0:58:07.280
<v Speaker 1>can take it in a lot of different directions. And

0:58:07.440 --> 0:58:10.520
<v Speaker 1>it's not so much just the numbers that kind of

0:58:10.560 --> 0:58:15.120
<v Speaker 1>triggers an intuitive psychological response that starts to open up

0:58:15.120 --> 0:58:20.120
<v Speaker 1>a process. And it's so it's it's similar to say astrology.

0:58:20.360 --> 0:58:23.440
<v Speaker 1>You know, I use your birthday. It's really simple. Somebody

0:58:23.440 --> 0:58:30.520
<v Speaker 1>else has your exact same birthday, but it's still not

0:58:31.920 --> 0:58:38.040
<v Speaker 1>the same year. But yeah, um that everybody gave me

0:58:38.080 --> 0:58:43.560
<v Speaker 1>their real year. But it does it creates a process.

0:58:43.680 --> 0:58:46.680
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I have to be honest, I'm amazed every time.

0:58:46.800 --> 0:58:49.040
<v Speaker 1>And I this is what I literally do for a living,

0:58:49.080 --> 0:58:51.720
<v Speaker 1>and I consult with people every day and I'm booked

0:58:51.800 --> 0:58:56.360
<v Speaker 1>solid and um every time it opens something up and

0:58:56.960 --> 0:58:59.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm still like a little kid, and I still love

0:59:00.360 --> 0:59:01.960
<v Speaker 1>how did you get into this? Like what is it?

0:59:02.040 --> 0:59:03.880
<v Speaker 1>Was it? Just like was it? Was? There? A number

0:59:03.880 --> 0:59:05.400
<v Speaker 1>always in your head and you're like, why is this

0:59:05.480 --> 0:59:08.080
<v Speaker 1>coming to me? Or well I have so I grew

0:59:08.200 --> 0:59:13.880
<v Speaker 1>up total hippie parents on like a yoga community. Um

0:59:13.960 --> 0:59:16.720
<v Speaker 1>so which part of it is actually in Virginia now

0:59:16.720 --> 0:59:19.560
<v Speaker 1>and I think that's where you're born, so um but

0:59:19.880 --> 0:59:23.920
<v Speaker 1>uh so being in that kind of environment, I definitely

0:59:23.960 --> 0:59:26.560
<v Speaker 1>see it more through kind of a spiritual perspective. What

0:59:26.680 --> 0:59:29.400
<v Speaker 1>is the evolution of your soul? How can you use

0:59:29.480 --> 0:59:32.680
<v Speaker 1>this to increase and expand and have a better life.

0:59:33.280 --> 0:59:36.800
<v Speaker 1>So that spiritual experience is really this this expansion and

0:59:36.840 --> 0:59:41.320
<v Speaker 1>this betterment of you, and somehow it comes through these numbers.

0:59:41.320 --> 0:59:44.920
<v Speaker 1>So I've just always had an interest in these deeper studies,

0:59:45.000 --> 0:59:49.080
<v Speaker 1>but it's definitely from a kind of more devotional, kind

0:59:49.120 --> 0:59:51.960
<v Speaker 1>of loving perspective, and then you had to actually study

0:59:52.040 --> 0:59:54.560
<v Speaker 1>like what these numbers mean is that, Yeah, I have

0:59:54.640 --> 0:59:58.400
<v Speaker 1>a background in years and something called mystical Kabbalah and

0:59:58.520 --> 1:00:00.840
<v Speaker 1>that ties in a lot of number. So I'm actually

1:00:00.840 --> 1:00:04.240
<v Speaker 1>an astrologer, numerologist. I read hetero and then I'll have

1:00:07.280 --> 1:00:09.439
<v Speaker 1>when I do it, when I do a session with someone,

1:00:09.480 --> 1:00:11.800
<v Speaker 1>I combine all of that. But for some reason, I'm

1:00:11.800 --> 1:00:15.800
<v Speaker 1>more known numerology. It has a ring to it. But um,

1:00:15.840 --> 1:00:19.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm not. It's like crazy number obsessed, like I'm not tracking,

1:00:19.520 --> 1:00:21.800
<v Speaker 1>Like oh my god, that license plates at seven four two,

1:00:21.840 --> 1:00:24.200
<v Speaker 1>and I saw that in my receipt. But I will

1:00:24.320 --> 1:00:27.840
<v Speaker 1>notice it like I hadn't experience. I know, this was

1:00:27.880 --> 1:00:30.360
<v Speaker 1>like a year ago. I kept seeing the number seventeen,

1:00:30.400 --> 1:00:33.440
<v Speaker 1>like I had a receipt. It was like seventy one seventeen,

1:00:33.520 --> 1:00:36.640
<v Speaker 1>and something else was seventeen seventy one. I parked behind

1:00:36.640 --> 1:00:39.520
<v Speaker 1>a license places like seventeen seventeen. I went and got

1:00:39.520 --> 1:00:43.320
<v Speaker 1>a taco and my number was seventeen. And I told

1:00:43.320 --> 1:00:45.760
<v Speaker 1>my girlfriend and she was in Italy. She was by

1:00:45.760 --> 1:00:49.160
<v Speaker 1>a casino and yes, and I kept Gina and I

1:00:49.240 --> 1:00:53.040
<v Speaker 1>kept saying, I'm c seventeen everywhere, And so she went

1:00:53.080 --> 1:00:59.200
<v Speaker 1>to a room, are you? So she went to a

1:00:59.280 --> 1:01:02.680
<v Speaker 1>roue what what roulette wheel? And I'm not a gambler,

1:01:02.800 --> 1:01:08.840
<v Speaker 1>and she put everything on seventeen and on how many

1:01:08.840 --> 1:01:13.440
<v Speaker 1>times have you won the lottery? I've oh, yeah, then

1:01:13.440 --> 1:01:16.440
<v Speaker 1>the lottery is for seventeen million dollars once. I'm like

1:01:16.640 --> 1:01:19.920
<v Speaker 1>that right after all the seventeen I played totally lost,

1:01:20.000 --> 1:01:22.640
<v Speaker 1>So I don't know if it was. You gotta have

1:01:22.680 --> 1:01:26.360
<v Speaker 1>some perspective. People get totally their heads in the clouds.

1:01:26.440 --> 1:01:29.520
<v Speaker 1>I get emails and messages daily that are like, okay,

1:01:29.840 --> 1:01:32.200
<v Speaker 1>like a whole list of forty numbers that they see,

1:01:32.320 --> 1:01:34.320
<v Speaker 1>like what does it mean. I'm like, it means you

1:01:34.320 --> 1:01:38.120
<v Speaker 1>should probably start paying attention to the road, you know.

1:01:38.320 --> 1:01:40.200
<v Speaker 1>I was like in a store once and this guy

1:01:40.360 --> 1:01:42.280
<v Speaker 1>runs out. He's like, oh my god, your bill it

1:01:42.360 --> 1:01:45.160
<v Speaker 1>was nineteen dollars and forty three cents. Wasn't mean Like

1:01:45.440 --> 1:01:47.680
<v Speaker 1>around l A, I'm kind of known for it, And

1:01:47.720 --> 1:01:49.680
<v Speaker 1>I was like it just it means I spent way

1:01:49.720 --> 1:01:51.920
<v Speaker 1>too much money for like a bottle of water and

1:01:51.960 --> 1:01:57.440
<v Speaker 1>a gluten free donut in Los Angeles. So I definitely

1:01:57.480 --> 1:02:01.200
<v Speaker 1>have some perspective. But what it does, it's very um.

1:02:01.240 --> 1:02:05.040
<v Speaker 1>It has a deep message of of your soul. So

1:02:05.120 --> 1:02:07.600
<v Speaker 1>I and it's literally just these few I have a

1:02:07.600 --> 1:02:10.360
<v Speaker 1>little notebook here, there's okay, you want to go start

1:02:10.400 --> 1:02:15.720
<v Speaker 1>with Mike and I okay, so I'm gonna start with you.

1:02:16.160 --> 1:02:21.400
<v Speaker 1>So Mike, so I have these numbers there's these different

1:02:21.400 --> 1:02:23.760
<v Speaker 1>placements sort of like an astrology chart, like you have

1:02:23.840 --> 1:02:26.680
<v Speaker 1>a sun sign, a moon sign, like I don't know,

1:02:26.760 --> 1:02:31.080
<v Speaker 1>someone's a sagittarius or scorpio. Um. So this you have

1:02:31.160 --> 1:02:34.240
<v Speaker 1>these different placements. And so Mike is a soul of

1:02:34.320 --> 1:02:37.880
<v Speaker 1>eight and you can take so eight on its surface

1:02:37.960 --> 1:02:41.280
<v Speaker 1>is an energy. It's actually somebody who's very much a healer.

1:02:41.840 --> 1:02:44.680
<v Speaker 1>And what eight is is a symbol of is the

1:02:44.880 --> 1:02:48.680
<v Speaker 1>sort of life force of the universe. And so where

1:02:48.680 --> 1:02:50.640
<v Speaker 1>do you take it from there? So in a really

1:02:50.680 --> 1:02:54.080
<v Speaker 1>good note, this says, Okay, Mike has a soul that's

1:02:54.200 --> 1:02:58.120
<v Speaker 1>very enthusiastic, it's high energy, and it's it really loves

1:02:58.240 --> 1:03:04.560
<v Speaker 1>to be of service. And even your numerology together, so um,

1:03:04.680 --> 1:03:07.400
<v Speaker 1>you have a you have a gift of eight. So

1:03:07.480 --> 1:03:11.920
<v Speaker 1>you guys together actually create a very uplifting, very enthusiastic,

1:03:12.520 --> 1:03:14.400
<v Speaker 1>very healing energy. Does that mean you have to go

1:03:14.440 --> 1:03:17.320
<v Speaker 1>to med school or study like Raiky or become like

1:03:17.360 --> 1:03:20.520
<v Speaker 1>a clear light healer. No, but it means that you

1:03:20.600 --> 1:03:22.959
<v Speaker 1>have an energy force and you have a lot of

1:03:23.120 --> 1:03:26.440
<v Speaker 1>power and a lot of vitality, and there's excitement and

1:03:26.480 --> 1:03:31.440
<v Speaker 1>there's enthusiasm, and it just wants to help others. Then

1:03:31.440 --> 1:03:33.520
<v Speaker 1>we have a karma of two. So then we look

1:03:33.560 --> 1:03:35.120
<v Speaker 1>at the things. What are the things to look at?

1:03:35.600 --> 1:03:39.200
<v Speaker 1>You guys actually make a great relationship because there's actually

1:03:39.240 --> 1:03:43.800
<v Speaker 1>a healthy code dependence. There can be a negative code dependence.

1:03:43.840 --> 1:03:47.040
<v Speaker 1>I know that where it sounds is generally negative. But

1:03:47.240 --> 1:03:50.440
<v Speaker 1>two is this very open you. You have a Jana

1:03:50.480 --> 1:03:52.720
<v Speaker 1>has a two soul, Mike, you have a two karma.

1:03:52.800 --> 1:03:55.000
<v Speaker 1>Karma is just the thing that we're born to work on,

1:03:55.040 --> 1:03:58.760
<v Speaker 1>we're supposed to learn, we're supposed to master. And that

1:03:59.000 --> 1:04:03.040
<v Speaker 1>is very man it's very loving. It's almost like a

1:04:03.080 --> 1:04:07.400
<v Speaker 1>big hug. But then it's negative tendency is going to say, well,

1:04:07.480 --> 1:04:10.040
<v Speaker 1>I love I really want to belong. So you guys

1:04:10.120 --> 1:04:13.160
<v Speaker 1>have a collective energy that loves connection, it loves family,

1:04:13.200 --> 1:04:17.520
<v Speaker 1>it loves community. The downside of that is, okay, I

1:04:17.640 --> 1:04:21.560
<v Speaker 1>love fulfillment, but what am I fulfilling myself with? Where

1:04:21.560 --> 1:04:25.200
<v Speaker 1>am I looking outside of myself to consume? So it

1:04:25.240 --> 1:04:30.680
<v Speaker 1>can come through overeating, intoxication. Um, you know, being so

1:04:30.800 --> 1:04:34.920
<v Speaker 1>caught up in a relationship or an outside issue to

1:04:35.160 --> 1:04:38.280
<v Speaker 1>expand you and you lose track that what it really

1:04:38.360 --> 1:04:42.240
<v Speaker 1>is is your very powerful open conduits. It's something much

1:04:42.280 --> 1:04:47.040
<v Speaker 1>more sacred, So go for that. You have a gift though,

1:04:47.120 --> 1:04:50.800
<v Speaker 1>of being very orderly. Six is very has a lot

1:04:50.840 --> 1:04:53.760
<v Speaker 1>of follow through, a lot of consistency. It's a very

1:04:53.800 --> 1:04:57.480
<v Speaker 1>diligent number unless you take the I'm a total slack

1:04:57.520 --> 1:05:03.000
<v Speaker 1>around um well. Six is sort of like the orbit

1:05:03.160 --> 1:05:05.920
<v Speaker 1>of the sun. So in a way that can get

1:05:05.960 --> 1:05:09.640
<v Speaker 1>into a rut like six cannot make change. You can

1:05:09.680 --> 1:05:13.280
<v Speaker 1>go through like an orderly flow. Six is the um

1:05:13.320 --> 1:05:16.280
<v Speaker 1>It's like the cosmic harmony of the universe. That's something

1:05:16.320 --> 1:05:18.360
<v Speaker 1>that you're talented at. Sometimes we don't know we have

1:05:18.440 --> 1:05:20.440
<v Speaker 1>those gifts, to know that you actually have talents in

1:05:20.480 --> 1:05:24.840
<v Speaker 1>creating order uplifting spaces. You're in the underfield that shows

1:05:24.920 --> 1:05:26.960
<v Speaker 1>up and it's like, I don't know what it is.

1:05:27.000 --> 1:05:31.160
<v Speaker 1>I love that guy who's just vibrant and awesome. But

1:05:31.640 --> 1:05:33.880
<v Speaker 1>what you have to work on is what are you

1:05:33.920 --> 1:05:37.000
<v Speaker 1>opening up to? Yeah, but part of you, part of Mike,

1:05:37.160 --> 1:05:40.400
<v Speaker 1>actually likes to hide and that comes through ten and

1:05:40.840 --> 1:05:43.680
<v Speaker 1>ten is this very extreme. Ten is the number of

1:05:43.720 --> 1:05:46.600
<v Speaker 1>greatness of nobility. It is the number of a king

1:05:46.760 --> 1:05:49.640
<v Speaker 1>of a queen has an energy of fame about it.

1:05:49.640 --> 1:05:54.080
<v Speaker 1>It's radiance how noble and radiant are you? And how

1:05:54.520 --> 1:05:57.040
<v Speaker 1>are you? How cool are you? Just staying in that

1:05:57.120 --> 1:06:00.040
<v Speaker 1>kind of energy of that and how much do you

1:06:00.560 --> 1:06:05.640
<v Speaker 1>um take any perceived failures in your life and really

1:06:05.720 --> 1:06:09.080
<v Speaker 1>build on it. It's this extreme. It's like I deal

1:06:09.120 --> 1:06:12.840
<v Speaker 1>with a lot of actors in Los Angeles, and people

1:06:12.880 --> 1:06:15.880
<v Speaker 1>that have incredibly successful careers will have all these tens

1:06:16.720 --> 1:06:18.800
<v Speaker 1>and then they think they're total failures because they haven't

1:06:18.840 --> 1:06:22.120
<v Speaker 1>won an Oscar, but they've been on tons of shows

1:06:22.160 --> 1:06:25.280
<v Speaker 1>they've done really well. So you know, Mike would be

1:06:25.360 --> 1:06:28.360
<v Speaker 1>really good to just be like, look at whatever you

1:06:28.400 --> 1:06:31.040
<v Speaker 1>think is a failure and realize that ten is always

1:06:31.040 --> 1:06:34.600
<v Speaker 1>a number of success and greatness. This is a huge

1:06:34.880 --> 1:06:38.760
<v Speaker 1>energy field, like you're a powerhouse, but on a really

1:06:38.840 --> 1:06:43.000
<v Speaker 1>deep soul level, Mike's very much a healer, and it's

1:06:43.040 --> 1:06:45.840
<v Speaker 1>somebody who wants to show up and make everything better

1:06:46.320 --> 1:06:52.960
<v Speaker 1>for everybody. And it's You're like you elevate people, you

1:06:53.120 --> 1:06:56.800
<v Speaker 1>encourage people, and and on a keynote is really how

1:06:56.800 --> 1:06:58.480
<v Speaker 1>how do you show up to a situation not only

1:06:58.520 --> 1:07:00.520
<v Speaker 1>do you make it better? Only only do I sort

1:07:00.560 --> 1:07:04.919
<v Speaker 1>of out charm this sort of someone's having a bad day, Mike,

1:07:05.000 --> 1:07:07.400
<v Speaker 1>you can just show up be yourself, but you make

1:07:07.440 --> 1:07:12.280
<v Speaker 1>people feel safe and that's a really big talent and

1:07:12.440 --> 1:07:15.440
<v Speaker 1>gift and people will actually see you more as a

1:07:15.520 --> 1:07:18.560
<v Speaker 1>teacher to start to think what can you do that

1:07:18.720 --> 1:07:21.800
<v Speaker 1>just so even if it's like charity work, but in

1:07:21.920 --> 1:07:23.880
<v Speaker 1>some way the things that are going to be the

1:07:23.880 --> 1:07:28.680
<v Speaker 1>healthiest for Mike or like really deep community, family connections,

1:07:29.040 --> 1:07:37.760
<v Speaker 1>love both of you like love love and uh, but Mike,

1:07:37.800 --> 1:07:41.440
<v Speaker 1>you're you're really a teacher who who elevates everything and

1:07:41.440 --> 1:07:45.200
<v Speaker 1>and makes it better and and a healer and and

1:07:45.240 --> 1:07:51.000
<v Speaker 1>again take that on that sort of abstract these ideas

1:07:51.480 --> 1:07:53.640
<v Speaker 1>you hide, there's a part of you that high that

1:07:54.400 --> 1:07:59.760
<v Speaker 1>like stay great and you're gonna be good. I appreciate that. Um,

1:07:59.800 --> 1:08:03.400
<v Speaker 1>but I love like the two because the dynamic that

1:08:03.480 --> 1:08:07.160
<v Speaker 1>you guys with with Jenna, like your soul is too.

1:08:08.000 --> 1:08:14.280
<v Speaker 1>It means you're very open. It's very how open Sometimes

1:08:14.360 --> 1:08:16.800
<v Speaker 1>lessons they're like and the soul is like, here's your you,

1:08:17.120 --> 1:08:20.200
<v Speaker 1>But how open are you? You know? Sometimes it takes

1:08:20.240 --> 1:08:23.000
<v Speaker 1>discernment what am I again? Like I said, one of

1:08:23.040 --> 1:08:26.800
<v Speaker 1>my fulfilling But you guys together have this match that

1:08:27.120 --> 1:08:32.639
<v Speaker 1>just the deeper you go, the better it is. And um,

1:08:32.680 --> 1:08:36.000
<v Speaker 1>but you have a gift of a levin Well, the

1:08:36.080 --> 1:08:41.120
<v Speaker 1>leven is called sound. So literally your talents have to

1:08:41.160 --> 1:08:45.519
<v Speaker 1>do with using voice with sound, playing music, talking on

1:08:45.600 --> 1:08:50.920
<v Speaker 1>the radio. So but what what it is too is

1:08:51.000 --> 1:08:55.080
<v Speaker 1>it's it's an expansion of your kind of frequency, is

1:08:55.120 --> 1:08:58.080
<v Speaker 1>the way I put it. So everything about you has

1:08:58.120 --> 1:09:00.599
<v Speaker 1>a natural tendency. You have gifts to head it out

1:09:00.640 --> 1:09:04.000
<v Speaker 1>to the world. So what like the things that you

1:09:04.000 --> 1:09:07.240
<v Speaker 1>can really that's really good for even like investing money

1:09:07.280 --> 1:09:09.960
<v Speaker 1>for example, it's the kind of energy that says, Okay,

1:09:09.960 --> 1:09:11.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna do a little work in the moment, I'm

1:09:11.920 --> 1:09:15.000
<v Speaker 1>gonna hand it off, I'm gonna let something else, I'm

1:09:15.000 --> 1:09:18.120
<v Speaker 1>gonna let the universe in some level of another cultivate

1:09:18.160 --> 1:09:20.960
<v Speaker 1>it and grow it. Do you have like a product line,

1:09:21.000 --> 1:09:24.599
<v Speaker 1>because that is really good for product line for getting

1:09:24.720 --> 1:09:27.280
<v Speaker 1>it right now you Well, that's your gift. You have

1:09:27.360 --> 1:09:28.680
<v Speaker 1>to do it. You have to learn to be more

1:09:28.680 --> 1:09:35.400
<v Speaker 1>of a boss. You know you have you literally have

1:09:35.520 --> 1:09:37.080
<v Speaker 1>to own it. These are some of the biggest things

1:09:37.120 --> 1:09:38.920
<v Speaker 1>that are going to make a difference in your life.

1:09:39.200 --> 1:09:41.840
<v Speaker 1>Is going to say okay, it's okay for me to

1:09:41.920 --> 1:09:44.519
<v Speaker 1>speak up for my needs and what I want and

1:09:44.560 --> 1:09:46.600
<v Speaker 1>just sort of and it means doesn't mean you have

1:09:46.640 --> 1:09:49.320
<v Speaker 1>to be a harsh B word means you can be

1:09:49.360 --> 1:09:52.840
<v Speaker 1>really cool. So communication is going to be key for you,

1:09:52.880 --> 1:09:55.240
<v Speaker 1>knowing where you set boundaries so things don't get to

1:09:55.240 --> 1:09:58.040
<v Speaker 1>a point where you're just f and pissed and resentful

1:09:58.240 --> 1:10:00.680
<v Speaker 1>and and keeping a bottled and I mean we all

1:10:00.720 --> 1:10:03.400
<v Speaker 1>do that at some point. But for you too, is

1:10:03.520 --> 1:10:06.639
<v Speaker 1>really learning to step into your real courage, your real

1:10:06.720 --> 1:10:10.080
<v Speaker 1>authority and you have you literally some of the things

1:10:10.120 --> 1:10:11.760
<v Speaker 1>I would say you were born to learn. It's kind

1:10:11.760 --> 1:10:14.839
<v Speaker 1>of how to run a run a business, be a boss,

1:10:14.920 --> 1:10:18.479
<v Speaker 1>be an authority, and use your leving gift that says

1:10:18.760 --> 1:10:21.640
<v Speaker 1>the world is going to receive the things that you

1:10:21.760 --> 1:10:25.640
<v Speaker 1>put out there. So something like, I mean this is

1:10:25.680 --> 1:10:30.520
<v Speaker 1>great like doing a radio show, being a musician. Eleven

1:10:30.600 --> 1:10:33.559
<v Speaker 1>has an energy, you know, acting it needs to be seen.

1:10:33.720 --> 1:10:40.040
<v Speaker 1>But like think of yourself as an entrepreneur, run I

1:10:40.040 --> 1:10:43.040
<v Speaker 1>would say, start, get a product line going, and it

1:10:43.080 --> 1:10:46.639
<v Speaker 1>can be really successful as long as you know how

1:10:46.760 --> 1:10:49.400
<v Speaker 1>to like just hone it in. You also have a

1:10:49.439 --> 1:10:51.640
<v Speaker 1>path of eight. You both have this path of that

1:10:51.880 --> 1:10:55.600
<v Speaker 1>enthusiastic kind of healer energy and at the end of

1:10:55.600 --> 1:10:58.599
<v Speaker 1>the day, it's really about how are we of service

1:10:58.640 --> 1:11:04.559
<v Speaker 1>to others? How do we help others? Yes by being

1:11:04.640 --> 1:11:06.680
<v Speaker 1>kind of a natural teacher and say I'm gonna show

1:11:06.760 --> 1:11:08.479
<v Speaker 1>up and make it better and make you feel safe

1:11:08.479 --> 1:11:10.320
<v Speaker 1>for him and make you feel good about your life,

1:11:10.720 --> 1:11:13.720
<v Speaker 1>like you would be a great like. Um you know

1:11:14.479 --> 1:11:17.640
<v Speaker 1>those like and why am I totally going blank on

1:11:17.720 --> 1:11:21.320
<v Speaker 1>those like speakers? A motivational speaker kind of energy. I'm

1:11:21.400 --> 1:11:23.880
<v Speaker 1>not saying you have to go do that, but know

1:11:24.000 --> 1:11:26.320
<v Speaker 1>that that's an energy that you bring where people feel

1:11:26.320 --> 1:11:29.759
<v Speaker 1>safe and good. But uh, Janet, you gotta be a boss.

1:11:30.000 --> 1:11:32.519
<v Speaker 1>You gotta be cool with it. You gotta speak up.

1:11:33.400 --> 1:11:35.960
<v Speaker 1>I know you speak probably all day for a living,

1:11:36.120 --> 1:11:39.320
<v Speaker 1>but it's really no. Hey, it's okay for me to

1:11:39.360 --> 1:11:42.720
<v Speaker 1>go for what I want. I'm not being selfish, and

1:11:42.760 --> 1:11:45.519
<v Speaker 1>I can create order and structure. And you have to

1:11:45.640 --> 1:11:49.320
<v Speaker 1>learn where Mike is a natural teacher, people actually see

1:11:49.320 --> 1:11:52.200
<v Speaker 1>you as a teacher and as a guide and somebody

1:11:52.200 --> 1:11:54.960
<v Speaker 1>who makes it better. You have to step into that

1:11:55.080 --> 1:11:58.800
<v Speaker 1>role and that comes from the number five. Um. Five

1:11:58.960 --> 1:12:02.559
<v Speaker 1>is also physical. So you know, pro athlete is going

1:12:02.600 --> 1:12:06.280
<v Speaker 1>to be the best easiest extreme Like whoa actual pro

1:12:06.360 --> 1:12:09.920
<v Speaker 1>athlete here? But it's really the number of a teacher.

1:12:10.280 --> 1:12:14.240
<v Speaker 1>You have to learn about that just knowing them. Like

1:12:14.320 --> 1:12:16.639
<v Speaker 1>even when I come talk, Mike is always like, okay,

1:12:16.720 --> 1:12:19.960
<v Speaker 1>let's talk about like with my life problems totally, and

1:12:20.000 --> 1:12:22.880
<v Speaker 1>you speak up for everyone, all your friends. She's like

1:12:22.880 --> 1:12:24.800
<v Speaker 1>a writer or die. So then that makes sense, like

1:12:24.800 --> 1:12:31.680
<v Speaker 1>now do it for yourself? Yeah, oh yes, but you

1:12:31.720 --> 1:12:35.120
<v Speaker 1>have a really the two souls. You have a very

1:12:35.400 --> 1:12:37.920
<v Speaker 1>and you have it what's called the projection, so you

1:12:38.000 --> 1:12:40.799
<v Speaker 1>may be heard from that astrologer like you have rising signs,

1:12:40.800 --> 1:12:42.439
<v Speaker 1>which is sort of that's the idea of how you

1:12:42.560 --> 1:12:45.439
<v Speaker 1>come off. You have a projection. This is Jannah has

1:12:45.439 --> 1:12:48.120
<v Speaker 1>a projection of a number called four, which is all love.

1:12:48.920 --> 1:12:52.040
<v Speaker 1>Everyone is going to see you as just holding this

1:12:52.120 --> 1:12:55.559
<v Speaker 1>really loving space, so make the most of it. It's

1:12:55.680 --> 1:12:59.240
<v Speaker 1>very not very accepting, very compassionate. What do I have

1:12:59.280 --> 1:13:03.000
<v Speaker 1>to be aware of? Well, it's the um for you.

1:13:03.080 --> 1:13:06.800
<v Speaker 1>It's viewing the world as working in your favor and

1:13:06.840 --> 1:13:10.240
<v Speaker 1>that outside influences are in a threat and that things

1:13:10.320 --> 1:13:13.679
<v Speaker 1>aren't working against you. And some level does that make sense?

1:13:13.880 --> 1:13:16.439
<v Speaker 1>Like that comes from your karma of three where you

1:13:16.520 --> 1:13:20.799
<v Speaker 1>might shut down. Uh, Mike's kind of even too open,

1:13:21.720 --> 1:13:25.320
<v Speaker 1>like to like possibilities. But both of you have this thing,

1:13:25.479 --> 1:13:28.240
<v Speaker 1>so look at like how open I am I to

1:13:28.320 --> 1:13:32.120
<v Speaker 1>possibilities and expansion And where do I have the discernment

1:13:32.160 --> 1:13:35.000
<v Speaker 1>to say no, that's not going to serve a higher

1:13:35.040 --> 1:13:38.120
<v Speaker 1>purpose for me. But you're both our teacher. You have

1:13:38.160 --> 1:13:39.720
<v Speaker 1>to learn Jan has to learn to be a little

1:13:39.760 --> 1:13:44.200
<v Speaker 1>more of a teacher. But you're here to really as

1:13:44.320 --> 1:13:47.320
<v Speaker 1>jeesy as it sounds, you're really here to uplift and

1:13:47.439 --> 1:13:52.599
<v Speaker 1>help others shift the world and collectively your ten energy,

1:13:52.760 --> 1:13:56.559
<v Speaker 1>you guys together have a soul of ten, experience of ten.

1:13:57.479 --> 1:14:00.280
<v Speaker 1>You gotta stay shut. You guys help each other stay

1:14:00.320 --> 1:14:03.439
<v Speaker 1>completely radiant at all times. It's like the sun. The

1:14:03.479 --> 1:14:05.880
<v Speaker 1>sun is a symbol of radiance because the sun is

1:14:05.880 --> 1:14:09.200
<v Speaker 1>always shiny and the sun is always giving. That's that

1:14:09.320 --> 1:14:12.479
<v Speaker 1>energy and a lot of prosperity comes from that ten.

1:14:12.600 --> 1:14:14.479
<v Speaker 1>But together, you guys have a path of seven and

1:14:14.560 --> 1:14:16.880
<v Speaker 1>that's the number that says I want to make this

1:14:16.960 --> 1:14:20.120
<v Speaker 1>better for everybody. I mean, you're like spot on with everything,

1:14:20.120 --> 1:14:22.720
<v Speaker 1>with everything like we have. Sarah's over there doing a

1:14:22.800 --> 1:14:26.040
<v Speaker 1>round of applause. Um, yeah, because we have We definitely

1:14:26.080 --> 1:14:30.799
<v Speaker 1>are working on things to be able to publicly speaking,

1:14:30.840 --> 1:14:33.120
<v Speaker 1>and Mike wants to go out there and take that rain,

1:14:33.280 --> 1:14:36.160
<v Speaker 1>and you know, I'm working on the business and so

1:14:36.240 --> 1:14:39.320
<v Speaker 1>it's just together, we're working on our brand to help people.

1:14:39.520 --> 1:14:42.840
<v Speaker 1>And so that's that's huge. You need to like help

1:14:43.320 --> 1:14:46.599
<v Speaker 1>Mike have the confidence to stay radiant all the time

1:14:46.680 --> 1:14:50.120
<v Speaker 1>and really be comfortable in that and to say, hey,

1:14:50.320 --> 1:14:53.240
<v Speaker 1>you're an awesome guy and you have so much to

1:14:53.280 --> 1:14:56.200
<v Speaker 1>give and share. If I had emotional problems, I'd be

1:14:56.240 --> 1:15:02.880
<v Speaker 1>going to Mike. I love that. So it's you know,

1:15:03.080 --> 1:15:06.920
<v Speaker 1>it's true that because he's like he's just now really

1:15:06.920 --> 1:15:09.759
<v Speaker 1>starting to like open up to the idea of being

1:15:09.800 --> 1:15:12.840
<v Speaker 1>able to help others with through his experiences because he

1:15:12.880 --> 1:15:15.479
<v Speaker 1>has been through a lot. So I think it's and

1:15:15.640 --> 1:15:18.160
<v Speaker 1>this is now the third time you've heard this just

1:15:18.479 --> 1:15:23.040
<v Speaker 1>in this setting, so I know the only ones that

1:15:23.080 --> 1:15:25.360
<v Speaker 1>are the only ones that carried away are honestly the

1:15:25.439 --> 1:15:30.760
<v Speaker 1>astrologist and now Remington because the other stuff, I just

1:15:30.760 --> 1:15:33.320
<v Speaker 1>feel like it's two subjective mediums and it's like nothing

1:15:33.360 --> 1:15:36.599
<v Speaker 1>against that wherever for whatever people want to believe is fine,

1:15:36.680 --> 1:15:38.519
<v Speaker 1>but for me, I feel like this is a little

1:15:38.520 --> 1:15:40.800
<v Speaker 1>bit more concrete where there's not a lot of manipulation,

1:15:40.920 --> 1:15:43.200
<v Speaker 1>at least in my skeptic mind. There's not a lot

1:15:43.240 --> 1:15:46.320
<v Speaker 1>of manipulation with numbers and in stars and maligning. I

1:15:46.360 --> 1:15:50.519
<v Speaker 1>think it is what it is, um, So I mean, yeah,

1:15:50.640 --> 1:15:53.160
<v Speaker 1>I just have a lot of shame behind things still

1:15:53.280 --> 1:15:55.599
<v Speaker 1>that stopped me. And Jan is always there to cheer

1:15:55.640 --> 1:15:59.000
<v Speaker 1>me on and encourage me. So that makes sense. That's

1:15:59.040 --> 1:16:01.000
<v Speaker 1>a great way to put it. I try to keep

1:16:01.040 --> 1:16:03.720
<v Speaker 1>it really simple and real. And when people call me

1:16:03.720 --> 1:16:06.680
<v Speaker 1>a psychic, I kind of I'm like, it's not. It

1:16:06.800 --> 1:16:09.160
<v Speaker 1>just opens up in intuitive process, just if you were

1:16:09.200 --> 1:16:13.040
<v Speaker 1>a psychologist or it's it's more like being an artist.

1:16:13.560 --> 1:16:16.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm more fascinated that somebody like you write a song,

1:16:16.479 --> 1:16:18.880
<v Speaker 1>it comes through, it comes out, and you manifest that

1:16:18.920 --> 1:16:22.360
<v Speaker 1>you turn into reality. And these are just little things

1:16:22.439 --> 1:16:25.439
<v Speaker 1>that say, hey, here's some clues, here's some tendencies, and

1:16:25.479 --> 1:16:28.160
<v Speaker 1>here's a formula whatever you're doing in your life. If

1:16:28.160 --> 1:16:31.360
<v Speaker 1>you guys like owned a coffee stand, you could still

1:16:31.560 --> 1:16:33.720
<v Speaker 1>use You're just like, hey, we're giving coffee. That is

1:16:33.760 --> 1:16:38.400
<v Speaker 1>like uplifts everybody. Um. And just so you know too, though,

1:16:38.439 --> 1:16:40.679
<v Speaker 1>there's a lot of good uh, A lot of those

1:16:40.720 --> 1:16:43.080
<v Speaker 1>eights and that enthusiasm, the energy and that level. That's

1:16:43.080 --> 1:16:46.640
<v Speaker 1>all good for financial expansion too. So yeah, so be

1:16:46.760 --> 1:16:59.719
<v Speaker 1>cool with that chas email six months but um, don't

1:17:00.120 --> 1:17:04.719
<v Speaker 1>uh make sure, Mike, like just stay stay in that

1:17:04.920 --> 1:17:08.559
<v Speaker 1>greatness and don't it Ten wants to doubt itself. Ten,

1:17:08.840 --> 1:17:10.680
<v Speaker 1>this is the thing for you to work on. Ten

1:17:10.840 --> 1:17:14.320
<v Speaker 1>is somebody who has has greatness and success and love

1:17:14.840 --> 1:17:17.160
<v Speaker 1>and his lying in bed thinking I'm kind of a

1:17:17.200 --> 1:17:19.920
<v Speaker 1>miserable failure at life. And I'm not saying you go

1:17:20.040 --> 1:17:23.000
<v Speaker 1>that extreme. I say, that's kind of a funny way.

1:17:23.040 --> 1:17:26.280
<v Speaker 1>That's gonna be the super extreme. It's like that, Um

1:17:26.320 --> 1:17:29.519
<v Speaker 1>I always describe it was that movie Talladega Nights. Do

1:17:29.520 --> 1:17:34.240
<v Speaker 1>you guys see that where the Will Ferrell's character's dad

1:17:34.320 --> 1:17:36.360
<v Speaker 1>is always like, boy, if you ain't first your last,

1:17:37.040 --> 1:17:39.920
<v Speaker 1>that's ten. If I didn't if I'm not first place,

1:17:40.200 --> 1:17:42.799
<v Speaker 1>if I didn't win forty super Bowls, if I didn't

1:17:42.880 --> 1:17:45.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, get an oscar, if I didn't always be

1:17:45.560 --> 1:17:47.519
<v Speaker 1>at what I think the top of my game is,

1:17:47.800 --> 1:17:50.600
<v Speaker 1>then I'm I'm completely failed and I don't want to

1:17:50.640 --> 1:17:54.439
<v Speaker 1>show myself to the world. And you know what, It's okay.

1:17:54.520 --> 1:17:56.519
<v Speaker 1>You have to show yourself to the world because you're

1:17:56.520 --> 1:17:58.719
<v Speaker 1>here to heal it and help it and make everything

1:17:59.000 --> 1:18:01.280
<v Speaker 1>feel better. And we need a world that people are

1:18:01.280 --> 1:18:04.479
<v Speaker 1>allowing people to feel safe it is and that is

1:18:04.520 --> 1:18:06.200
<v Speaker 1>literally one of the hardest things for me to do

1:18:06.360 --> 1:18:09.559
<v Speaker 1>because I do have that mentality, and I don't feel

1:18:09.560 --> 1:18:13.679
<v Speaker 1>like anything I've accomplished is good enough and that there

1:18:13.760 --> 1:18:16.280
<v Speaker 1>I just always feel like no matter even though if

1:18:16.320 --> 1:18:17.880
<v Speaker 1>I look back, I know I tried as hard as

1:18:17.880 --> 1:18:20.200
<v Speaker 1>I could or did everything I possibly could that was

1:18:20.439 --> 1:18:23.920
<v Speaker 1>within my power, and things still didn't happen my the

1:18:23.960 --> 1:18:26.680
<v Speaker 1>way I wanted them to. I still feel like I

1:18:26.680 --> 1:18:29.320
<v Speaker 1>could have done more. Like I'm never satisfied with what

1:18:29.360 --> 1:18:32.439
<v Speaker 1>I do, which is very hard to live with at times.

1:18:32.960 --> 1:18:36.200
<v Speaker 1>So Jane is always there to encourage me to. I mean,

1:18:36.240 --> 1:18:39.160
<v Speaker 1>I totally understand. You're the person that who's always encouraging

1:18:39.200 --> 1:18:41.880
<v Speaker 1>everybody else and it takes a little practice to put

1:18:41.880 --> 1:18:46.040
<v Speaker 1>it towards yourself, you know, Jane, just you give all love,

1:18:46.960 --> 1:18:50.920
<v Speaker 1>like you know how to make connections now and like, uh,

1:18:50.960 --> 1:18:55.519
<v Speaker 1>you know an emotional human interaction way that's really deep,

1:18:55.560 --> 1:18:58.599
<v Speaker 1>it's very sincere, but even on a a practical real

1:18:58.680 --> 1:19:01.960
<v Speaker 1>world way, like you know how to like let's say, Okay,

1:19:02.000 --> 1:19:04.360
<v Speaker 1>I want to expand and I wanna I don't know,

1:19:05.000 --> 1:19:06.479
<v Speaker 1>it might be a dumb example, but I want to

1:19:06.479 --> 1:19:09.880
<v Speaker 1>get this person on the show that to energy. It's

1:19:09.920 --> 1:19:12.800
<v Speaker 1>just like a just hug it all in, everything that

1:19:12.840 --> 1:19:15.280
<v Speaker 1>you want, just kind of love it all in and

1:19:15.640 --> 1:19:18.760
<v Speaker 1>give it back out to the world. There's no way

1:19:18.800 --> 1:19:21.640
<v Speaker 1>you can't do awesomely well with these numbers. And you

1:19:21.640 --> 1:19:24.840
<v Speaker 1>guys together have a relationship that encouraged so much healing,

1:19:25.000 --> 1:19:29.160
<v Speaker 1>greatness and emotional support, and that's what we're trying to

1:19:29.200 --> 1:19:31.559
<v Speaker 1>do on the show. Actually, So that's amazing. Um, I

1:19:31.600 --> 1:19:34.680
<v Speaker 1>have to love it. You have to go so I

1:19:34.720 --> 1:19:39.320
<v Speaker 1>love you and have a field day with this one.

1:19:42.320 --> 1:19:44.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm sweating. Okay, I want to hear what you have

1:19:44.840 --> 1:19:46.280
<v Speaker 1>to say about Sarah, but real quick, I want to

1:19:46.280 --> 1:19:49.840
<v Speaker 1>tell you guys about homest candles. I'm obsessed with these

1:19:49.880 --> 1:19:53.960
<v Speaker 1>because literally, like I have a Michigan candle. No. I

1:19:54.800 --> 1:19:57.760
<v Speaker 1>love these like I love you on the Texas one.

1:19:58.960 --> 1:20:02.679
<v Speaker 1>It's like a little piece of right though. It's such

1:20:02.720 --> 1:20:07.160
<v Speaker 1>a great idea because I mean, honestly, it's smells like,

1:20:07.240 --> 1:20:09.639
<v Speaker 1>remind you of something, I know, what are I smell?

1:20:09.720 --> 1:20:12.440
<v Speaker 1>Copper tone? I feel like, oh my god, it's a summer.

1:20:12.680 --> 1:20:16.360
<v Speaker 1>And that's how these candles are. They remind you of

1:20:17.080 --> 1:20:19.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, depending on which I got Northern California, so

1:20:19.640 --> 1:20:23.639
<v Speaker 1>I can be reminded of home. You have Michigan, Michigan Tennessee,

1:20:23.680 --> 1:20:27.240
<v Speaker 1>which I'm just obsessed with. So they provide warm, glowing

1:20:27.240 --> 1:20:30.200
<v Speaker 1>reminders of the special times people in places of your life.

1:20:30.479 --> 1:20:32.479
<v Speaker 1>They even have a gender reveal one too, which is

1:20:32.520 --> 1:20:36.800
<v Speaker 1>so cute, Like, yeah, it's like, come on, stylishly personalized

1:20:36.840 --> 1:20:39.880
<v Speaker 1>your home office with the conversation starter that smells great

1:20:39.880 --> 1:20:41.759
<v Speaker 1>and puts you in a good mood whenever you smell

1:20:41.760 --> 1:20:43.719
<v Speaker 1>it or see it burning in your shop. I mean, honestly,

1:20:43.760 --> 1:20:45.280
<v Speaker 1>for me, it always makes me so happy because I

1:20:45.320 --> 1:20:47.600
<v Speaker 1>missed Nashville every single day. So when I like my

1:20:47.680 --> 1:20:52.679
<v Speaker 1>Nashville candle with Tennessee and I'm like that little moment. Well,

1:20:52.720 --> 1:20:54.720
<v Speaker 1>and it's so cool when someone comes to your house too.

1:20:54.800 --> 1:20:56.559
<v Speaker 1>You know, when someone goes in your bathroom and then

1:20:56.560 --> 1:20:59.880
<v Speaker 1>they smell that smell, so it's like going to bath

1:21:00.040 --> 1:21:01.720
<v Speaker 1>that's a gift. They're an amazing gift. But it's also

1:21:01.760 --> 1:21:03.479
<v Speaker 1>great to buy for your own house so that when

1:21:03.479 --> 1:21:06.720
<v Speaker 1>people come over They're like it exactly and it's a

1:21:06.720 --> 1:21:11.080
<v Speaker 1>great value to it's so I think that's a fantastic

1:21:11.200 --> 1:21:13.400
<v Speaker 1>So go to homesick dot com to find every single

1:21:13.479 --> 1:21:16.439
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1:21:16.479 --> 1:21:19.360
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1:21:19.400 --> 1:21:21.680
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1:21:21.720 --> 1:21:24.120
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1:21:24.200 --> 1:21:27.639
<v Speaker 1>free shipping plus ten dollars off when you buy two

1:21:27.960 --> 1:21:30.840
<v Speaker 1>or more candles. Just visit homesick dot com, use my

1:21:30.880 --> 1:21:33.800
<v Speaker 1>co Janna that's homesick dot com and use my co

1:21:33.960 --> 1:21:38.640
<v Speaker 1>Janna homesick no longer. Um okay, so real fast, you

1:21:38.640 --> 1:21:40.360
<v Speaker 1>got some time for my girl over here, because she's

1:21:40.400 --> 1:21:43.040
<v Speaker 1>like she needs as much help as possible. What's funny,

1:21:43.080 --> 1:21:46.200
<v Speaker 1>all three of you have all of this energy and

1:21:46.240 --> 1:21:49.280
<v Speaker 1>paths of eight eight is this is very It's it's

1:21:49.320 --> 1:21:52.400
<v Speaker 1>it's the life force. It's the life of the party. Okay,

1:21:52.439 --> 1:21:54.439
<v Speaker 1>but it's the life of the party that shows up.

1:21:54.479 --> 1:21:57.439
<v Speaker 1>Sure you can take that into like a crazy, wild, fun,

1:21:57.680 --> 1:22:02.840
<v Speaker 1>decadent way and call me later, but um, what I mean,

1:22:03.080 --> 1:22:06.240
<v Speaker 1>that's that same healing energy. So it's like know that

1:22:06.520 --> 1:22:08.760
<v Speaker 1>you know Sarah know that you show up and and

1:22:08.880 --> 1:22:12.400
<v Speaker 1>you bring that enthusiasm. But you have to look at two.

1:22:12.560 --> 1:22:15.400
<v Speaker 1>For you, how far do you push yourself where you

1:22:15.439 --> 1:22:17.280
<v Speaker 1>go to an extreme and then you crash and burn,

1:22:17.360 --> 1:22:20.400
<v Speaker 1>then crash and burn, then crash and burn. So I'd

1:22:20.439 --> 1:22:24.880
<v Speaker 1>say take some sort of adrenal vitamin supplement. But um,

1:22:25.000 --> 1:22:26.960
<v Speaker 1>you also have the same thing about learning. If the

1:22:27.000 --> 1:22:29.200
<v Speaker 1>more you speak up for yourself, the more you use

1:22:29.240 --> 1:22:32.920
<v Speaker 1>your voice. Um, you actually have an eleven soul and

1:22:32.960 --> 1:22:36.599
<v Speaker 1>that's the soul so and um, Jen actually want to get.

1:22:36.600 --> 1:22:39.240
<v Speaker 1>Your gift is an eleven Levin is the number that

1:22:39.320 --> 1:22:42.880
<v Speaker 1>literally can do anything. It's the number of anything. And

1:22:42.920 --> 1:22:45.360
<v Speaker 1>you'll often meet people with eleven and they're like, well,

1:22:45.840 --> 1:22:48.360
<v Speaker 1>I have a consulting company and then I like to

1:22:48.400 --> 1:22:50.760
<v Speaker 1>do weaving on the side, and then I do and

1:22:50.800 --> 1:22:54.760
<v Speaker 1>then I do craft shows. It you know you? For example, Jen,

1:22:54.880 --> 1:22:57.080
<v Speaker 1>I know you you sing, your an actor and a

1:22:57.280 --> 1:23:01.559
<v Speaker 1>radio show host. Um, I don't know you personally. Uh well,

1:23:01.600 --> 1:23:04.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't actually just met everybody, but I could like

1:23:04.360 --> 1:23:09.280
<v Speaker 1>google stuff. I have that gift in my numbers googling.

1:23:09.400 --> 1:23:12.840
<v Speaker 1>But um, Sarah, you haven't eleven soul. That again, you

1:23:12.920 --> 1:23:15.920
<v Speaker 1>have to realize that you're who you are is trying

1:23:15.920 --> 1:23:18.000
<v Speaker 1>to get out to the world more and don't limit

1:23:18.040 --> 1:23:20.920
<v Speaker 1>yourself to think, oh I have to do one like

1:23:20.960 --> 1:23:23.920
<v Speaker 1>sort of one dimensional thing career wise, like, oh, this

1:23:24.000 --> 1:23:27.320
<v Speaker 1>is it? So so why don't you embrace the fact

1:23:27.320 --> 1:23:29.800
<v Speaker 1>that you have talents to do everything? I mean both

1:23:29.800 --> 1:23:32.800
<v Speaker 1>of you. Um, but you need to know that and

1:23:32.840 --> 1:23:37.120
<v Speaker 1>to know that whatever thinking tells you, Oh, I'm only

1:23:37.120 --> 1:23:40.439
<v Speaker 1>supposed to do one thing in life, forget about that.

1:23:40.520 --> 1:23:48.679
<v Speaker 1>What about relationship though? Geez, well, very sensitive? That's so

1:23:49.160 --> 1:23:51.320
<v Speaker 1>you have, Well, you have a gift of nine. Nine

1:23:51.400 --> 1:23:56.080
<v Speaker 1>is the most sensitive, most sophisticated, most gentle number. It's

1:23:56.160 --> 1:24:00.519
<v Speaker 1>highly intelligent, it's very intuitive, it's very psychic. But uh,

1:24:00.560 --> 1:24:03.479
<v Speaker 1>it can be so sensitive that it just trips out

1:24:03.479 --> 1:24:06.920
<v Speaker 1>and blows everything out of proportion. So let's take relationships,

1:24:07.040 --> 1:24:10.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you for you, like, where do you compromise yourself?

1:24:10.200 --> 1:24:12.720
<v Speaker 1>Where do you accept just good enough and then get

1:24:12.760 --> 1:24:19.120
<v Speaker 1>into a complacent rut and never cause change? Oh I

1:24:19.160 --> 1:24:23.720
<v Speaker 1>can see it. Um, that's those are those are your

1:24:23.800 --> 1:24:26.960
<v Speaker 1>lessons to learn. You have to learn to really stand

1:24:27.120 --> 1:24:31.519
<v Speaker 1>up for the for quality. Eleven is the number that

1:24:31.560 --> 1:24:33.880
<v Speaker 1>everything will kind of come to you and everything will

1:24:33.880 --> 1:24:37.320
<v Speaker 1>work out, but then it can get lazy. And then

1:24:37.680 --> 1:24:40.360
<v Speaker 1>so let's take your relationship. How many relationships have you

1:24:40.360 --> 1:24:42.320
<v Speaker 1>been in where you're just like, you know what, it's

1:24:42.400 --> 1:24:45.360
<v Speaker 1>sort of it's okay, it's not really good enough, and

1:24:45.400 --> 1:24:48.960
<v Speaker 1>I nobody's listening, but uh, and you just sort of

1:24:49.080 --> 1:24:51.720
<v Speaker 1>let it go on because you don't even want it.

1:24:51.920 --> 1:24:55.080
<v Speaker 1>You're afraid to assert yourself and say, you know what,

1:24:55.160 --> 1:24:59.040
<v Speaker 1>this doesn't serve a bigger purpose for me, and then

1:24:59.080 --> 1:25:01.360
<v Speaker 1>you have ten experien and so it's also tells me

1:25:01.680 --> 1:25:04.000
<v Speaker 1>sort of like Mike, what part of you says, I'm

1:25:04.080 --> 1:25:07.760
<v Speaker 1>maybe not worthy enough to attract the quality relationship that

1:25:07.840 --> 1:25:11.200
<v Speaker 1>I have. You need to find somebody. A lot of

1:25:11.200 --> 1:25:14.320
<v Speaker 1>times with relationship work is getting a better understanding of

1:25:14.360 --> 1:25:17.639
<v Speaker 1>yourself to know, hey, I should attract somebody of this

1:25:17.760 --> 1:25:22.000
<v Speaker 1>sort of caliber that really aids in my existence, and

1:25:22.000 --> 1:25:25.479
<v Speaker 1>then I will help that person. And eleven is a

1:25:25.600 --> 1:25:30.400
<v Speaker 1>very great, very expansive, very big number. You can't puts around.

1:25:30.760 --> 1:25:33.120
<v Speaker 1>Levin will just puts around and not figure it out

1:25:33.120 --> 1:25:37.040
<v Speaker 1>because it's sort of like, especially even with options of dating,

1:25:37.840 --> 1:25:39.360
<v Speaker 1>it's like you can go on like an app and

1:25:39.400 --> 1:25:44.080
<v Speaker 1>you're just constantly swiping eleven is the number of all numbers,

1:25:44.160 --> 1:25:47.200
<v Speaker 1>so all numbers are contained within eleven. I was described

1:25:47.240 --> 1:25:50.519
<v Speaker 1>it's like watching Netflix, so let's look at that like dating.

1:25:50.560 --> 1:25:52.840
<v Speaker 1>You can put it on next thing. You know, you've

1:25:52.840 --> 1:25:57.000
<v Speaker 1>spent an hour just scrolling through a trillion options and

1:25:57.040 --> 1:26:01.080
<v Speaker 1>then you're like there's nothing and it's like this sort

1:26:01.120 --> 1:26:04.920
<v Speaker 1>of ce. So just make your mark, set your boundary.

1:26:05.560 --> 1:26:12.160
<v Speaker 1>Know you're worth You're a freaking eight. Like that was fun,

1:26:12.439 --> 1:26:16.840
<v Speaker 1>high energy, vital, enthusiastic person to be around. And you

1:26:16.880 --> 1:26:19.559
<v Speaker 1>have to own your tent. You have to say every

1:26:19.640 --> 1:26:25.519
<v Speaker 1>freaking day, I'm so radiant, I'm so beautiful, I'm a tent. Okay,

1:26:25.680 --> 1:26:27.920
<v Speaker 1>just tell yourself you gotta wake up instead of like

1:26:28.560 --> 1:26:32.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm just like a puts and I'll just go along

1:26:32.360 --> 1:26:36.880
<v Speaker 1>with whatever seems good enough. I mean, right, where can

1:26:36.920 --> 1:26:40.760
<v Speaker 1>my listeners find you? So well, Remington Donovan, I have

1:26:40.800 --> 1:26:43.519
<v Speaker 1>a website which is my name, Remington Donovan dot com.

1:26:43.640 --> 1:26:46.880
<v Speaker 1>But I love Instagram and I do a lot. I

1:26:46.920 --> 1:26:49.240
<v Speaker 1>actually do a little thing where I pick a tarot

1:26:49.280 --> 1:26:51.120
<v Speaker 1>card every day and I give a little lesson about it.

1:26:51.240 --> 1:26:54.360
<v Speaker 1>I'll talk about the numbers and that. My Instagram, well

1:26:54.360 --> 1:26:58.600
<v Speaker 1>it's the mystical arts, but it's Remington Donovan if you

1:26:58.680 --> 1:27:02.280
<v Speaker 1>look that up. Those are probably the best ways. And

1:27:02.320 --> 1:27:05.519
<v Speaker 1>then for private sessions, usually through my website, and you're

1:27:05.520 --> 1:27:07.920
<v Speaker 1>booked out for like life for well, I'm going to

1:27:08.000 --> 1:27:09.920
<v Speaker 1>be out of the country for a little bit. I'm

1:27:09.920 --> 1:27:14.080
<v Speaker 1>actually teaching a lot in Spain right now. But once

1:27:14.120 --> 1:27:17.160
<v Speaker 1>I get back, yeah, things are there's still be openings.

1:27:17.200 --> 1:27:18.880
<v Speaker 1>You may have to wait a mind. All right. Well,

1:27:18.920 --> 1:27:21.280
<v Speaker 1>you are awesome and I cannot thank you enough for

1:27:21.439 --> 1:27:24.880
<v Speaker 1>bringing your numeralgy. I love it. You guys are great

1:27:25.000 --> 1:27:27.559
<v Speaker 1>and own it you, guys. To one last note, you

1:27:27.600 --> 1:27:29.680
<v Speaker 1>have a very just in the numbers. You have a

1:27:29.760 --> 1:27:35.160
<v Speaker 1>very beautiful, very loving relationship. Just always work it out.

1:27:35.400 --> 1:27:38.800
<v Speaker 1>There's so much love there and so much connection and

1:27:38.840 --> 1:27:43.639
<v Speaker 1>there's so much healing and Sarah, you're freaking tent alright,

1:27:43.920 --> 1:27:50.920
<v Speaker 1>just own it. Thanks guys. Okay, how are you doing? Girl?

1:27:50.960 --> 1:27:55.320
<v Speaker 1>I mean we like, I feel totally set up, like

1:27:55.400 --> 1:27:58.360
<v Speaker 1>this was planned. It wasn't planned. I swear it was

1:27:58.400 --> 1:28:00.800
<v Speaker 1>not planned, but I mean, like, how was it for you?

1:28:00.840 --> 1:28:02.519
<v Speaker 1>Like do you feel I mean not only are you

1:28:02.560 --> 1:28:05.120
<v Speaker 1>attend that's what Remington said, but I mean the things

1:28:05.160 --> 1:28:07.360
<v Speaker 1>that you know Dr Wendy Walsh said to you and

1:28:07.600 --> 1:28:11.120
<v Speaker 1>just the conversation, how are you are you? Are you okay?

1:28:11.920 --> 1:28:15.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm good. But I think it's because I've never

1:28:15.080 --> 1:28:16.920
<v Speaker 1>had like a I mean I talked to like you

1:28:16.960 --> 1:28:19.760
<v Speaker 1>and people I've never had like a specialist get all

1:28:19.800 --> 1:28:22.320
<v Speaker 1>up in my grill and she was up in it

1:28:22.479 --> 1:28:25.680
<v Speaker 1>and you don't know, I mean, like I said, I

1:28:25.720 --> 1:28:28.000
<v Speaker 1>know she said, like I got an ultimatum or and

1:28:28.040 --> 1:28:29.599
<v Speaker 1>then break up and they get back together. But at

1:28:29.600 --> 1:28:32.120
<v Speaker 1>the end of the day, like, am I really going

1:28:32.160 --> 1:28:36.160
<v Speaker 1>to do anything? You're just gonna be happy, But you

1:28:35.960 --> 1:28:38.920
<v Speaker 1>do need to set something though. That is and I

1:28:39.400 --> 1:28:41.799
<v Speaker 1>what if you say, hey, this is what I want

1:28:42.160 --> 1:28:44.439
<v Speaker 1>and I'd love to oh he knows what I want

1:28:44.520 --> 1:28:46.800
<v Speaker 1>and say, well, when do you want it? I know

1:28:47.439 --> 1:28:49.160
<v Speaker 1>whatever I need to get there. I just hope he

1:28:49.200 --> 1:28:52.360
<v Speaker 1>doesn't want it to God, no kidding, I hope nobody

1:28:52.360 --> 1:28:54.800
<v Speaker 1>I know who listen to um. But seriously, thank you

1:28:54.840 --> 1:28:56.880
<v Speaker 1>for being a show. I swear I didn't set you up,

1:28:56.880 --> 1:28:59.160
<v Speaker 1>even though I was. My girlfriend Katherine always saying I'm

1:28:59.160 --> 1:29:01.920
<v Speaker 1>setting her up whatever mean she's on, But no, I

1:29:01.920 --> 1:29:03.479
<v Speaker 1>swear to you this was not a setup. And I

1:29:03.560 --> 1:29:05.760
<v Speaker 1>love you, I love you. And um, just a huge

1:29:05.800 --> 1:29:08.479
<v Speaker 1>thank you to Remington Donovan, our numerologist and then Dr

1:29:08.520 --> 1:29:12.439
<v Speaker 1>Wendy Walsh for just being fantastic guests on our show. UM,

1:29:12.479 --> 1:29:15.840
<v Speaker 1>and thank you Sarah. Hopefully you'll come back. I can't wait.

1:29:16.200 --> 1:29:21.360
<v Speaker 1>This was my opener to come to Vegas. Until next time,

1:29:21.520 --> 1:29:22.719
<v Speaker 1>We're wine down later