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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Jannet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 1: So I am so excited to wind down today because

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Speaker 1: I've got my besties in the studio today, and that

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Speaker 1: would be my husband Hell and then my girlfriend Sarah. Hello. Hello.

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Speaker 1: I'm really pumped because well, I feel bad because Jen sick,

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Speaker 1: but it's also an opportunity to bring in some more

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Speaker 1: of my my friends in here, and obviously my husband again,

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Speaker 1: who has become quite the regular on the show, series regular.

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Speaker 1: I love it's now as he's now. Yeah, he's now

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Speaker 1: a series regular. So I'm gonna negotiate my contract talk later.

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Speaker 1: So I have to tell you guys about Sarah because

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Speaker 1: Sarah and I have a very unique story. Unique me

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Speaker 1: or are you ready? And Sarah's like she's been practicing

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Speaker 1: her I literally called her this morning, was like hey,

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Speaker 1: I voice membered her and I said, hey, Jen sick,

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Speaker 1: can you get to my house? Um? And she lives

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Speaker 1: about like probably pretty five nuts away. I swear she

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Speaker 1: was at the house in like twenty minutes. I am

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Speaker 1: ready to row. She's all about and then my workout clothes.

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Speaker 1: But I got done. You look great. So for everyone

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Speaker 1: that's listening, Um, I I post Sarah a lot on

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Speaker 1: my stories. She's become a great girlfriend of mine here

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Speaker 1: in l A. And we met actually on a Southwest

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Speaker 1: Airlines flight, this is true from Nashville to l A.

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Speaker 1: Nashville was l A to Nashville. You were like here

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Speaker 1: for like three hours. You're like, oh, that's right, because

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Speaker 1: that's when I had that meeting with the I tested

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Speaker 1: for a show and I didn't get it. But it's fine. Um,

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Speaker 1: but no, so Sarah was you were supposed to sit

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Speaker 1: in another seat, so go ahead. I had my dog,

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Speaker 1: the Frenchie, and I saw like two open seats and

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Speaker 1: I was traveling with my boyfriend and I got on

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Speaker 1: first and I was like, oh, sir, can I sit there?

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Speaker 1: It was a middle seat aisle, and he's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you need a seat for your dog. I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh god, okay, So I looked no. So I looked

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Speaker 1: right behind him and like there's just like this pretty

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Speaker 1: girl and I'm like total judge a book by its cover.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, she's pretty. I'm sitting next to her, and

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Speaker 1: so I just like I was like, can I sit here?

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Speaker 1: And You're like yeah, And then we talked for like

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Speaker 1: the whole flight. We talked the entire entire flight, which

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Speaker 1: I feel like, isn't that opposite just from a girl's perspective,

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Speaker 1: if you're like traveling with your boyfriend or your significant other,

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Speaker 1: it's like a smoke and hot girl like Janna and

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Speaker 1: you're like yeah. I mean, my boyfriend was say it

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Speaker 1: would be great. I was tiring on the plant, like

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Speaker 1: I don't even remember friend, I know, but he was

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Speaker 1: like listening. Literally he sat down and I was like,

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Speaker 1: this is my friend. She's from Nashville, like, she's married,

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Speaker 1: she has He's like, he's like, you got them five

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Speaker 1: minutes before. Literally literally. But I mean that's so true

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Speaker 1: because I would never if there was a hot girl

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Speaker 1: in the row and we were boarding. I'm with Mike,

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Speaker 1: I would I would never sit next to the hot girl. Ever.

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Speaker 1: Here I am, we are here, we are basically Sarah. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so this is how our conversation started. We reading instant

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Speaker 1: best friends than the first five minutes. Then her boyfriend boarded. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so let me just tell you this story. Her boyfriend said, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I talk. Oh no, here we go. Okay, here here

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Speaker 1: it is. We're sitting down on the plane. This is

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Speaker 1: my new best friend. She's in the middle seat, and

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Speaker 1: usually like you don't talk to the person in the

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Speaker 1: middle seat, so it's you know, but like she's really

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Speaker 1: cute too, and she's fun and like, okay, this is

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Speaker 1: this is cool, Like I have like a new friend.

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Speaker 1: This is awesome. So then her boyfriend sits down and

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Speaker 1: he's he's cute' that's just not my type. But I

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Speaker 1: didn't mean like that, no, no, no, he just keeps

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Speaker 1: to himself, like I don't even think he probably said HII,

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Speaker 1: like maybe he said hi, but he's just like me, okay,

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Speaker 1: like take him next to mine. He's so cute. He's cute. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: not my tie anyway, So he dying right now. I

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Speaker 1: mean if he was bald, i'd be like, not really cute.

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Speaker 1: And he has a lot of hair, so yeah. Anyways,

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Speaker 1: her boyfriend sits down, who's very cute, and um, so

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Speaker 1: we're talking and I noticed that he's in like he

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Speaker 1: has like hockey gear, you know, it says like hockey school.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I'm obsessed with hockey, like

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Speaker 1: absolutely obsessed with hockey. I grew up you know, as

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Speaker 1: a figure skater. I loved hockey players. I loved watching hockey,

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Speaker 1: like the whole dire thing. Why did you know? I

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Speaker 1: didn't say I love hockey players, like, oh god, she's

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Speaker 1: a queen. I just sit here and watching. I know

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Speaker 1: that both of us. You know, I'm just saying I

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Speaker 1: love like I love. Yeah, absolutely fun back, Jenna loves hockey.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Sarah. So I started talking to her boyfriend

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Speaker 1: and I was like, so, where were you guys at?

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Speaker 1: And you guys were just at a hockey you guys

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Speaker 1: we were going to Nashville for the Hockey score. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: hockey camp. And I was like, oh, that's you know,

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Speaker 1: that's really cool. Um, you know, that's really exciting. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, did you used to play hockey? He's like,

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Speaker 1: yeah I did. He's like I played for a little while.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh that's cool. Heays like my dad

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Speaker 1: played hockey and I was like, oh that's I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh that's really cool. She literally goes, oh, so like

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Speaker 1: did he like play a lot? So I said, I

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Speaker 1: was like, so he plays hockey. That's that's really cool.

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Speaker 1: And then I kind of started talking to Sarah again,

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Speaker 1: but again, huge hockey fan over here. I kind of

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Speaker 1: wanted to know more about you know, was it was

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Speaker 1: his dead good, like did he like play play you know,

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Speaker 1: because I'm like, who knows, Maybe he was just like

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Speaker 1: an overseas player and never actually like oss like maybe

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Speaker 1: he was like he didn't go professional kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: It's hard. Hey, I will back her up. It's hard

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Speaker 1: to make it. Yeah, I get it. You were like

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Speaker 1: maybe he's like, yeah, dying in like Russia. Yeah, like,

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Speaker 1: which is still great and amazing for this, I'm gonna stop.

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Speaker 1: But anyways, so you know, I kind of asked again.

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Speaker 1: I was like, so was your dad like good? And

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Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, you know he was, he was good,

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh cool. I was like, did

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Speaker 1: he play like on a team that I would of

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Speaker 1: like known. He's like, uh maybe, and I was like okay.

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Speaker 1: So then I started talking to Sarah again and then

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Speaker 1: I was like, god, I really want to know, like

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Speaker 1: is someone that I know because again a big hockey

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Speaker 1: fan over here. So then I was like, so what

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Speaker 1: I like know your dad and he's like, um, yeah maybe,

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Speaker 1: And I was like, well, what's your what's what's your

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Speaker 1: dad's name? Like maybe I do know him. He's like

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Speaker 1: Wayne Gretzky and I go, you're an literally literally look

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Speaker 1: at him and goes and he just like started dying laughing.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Wayne Gretzky could have just started with that,

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Speaker 1: like the greatest hockey player of all time? Put your

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Speaker 1: dad name the great one. Yeah, okay, I was just like,

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Speaker 1: so I then stopped talking to him because I was

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Speaker 1: mad at him. Um, Sarah, So obviously I don't have

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Speaker 1: my period right now. Um, what kind of tampons do

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Speaker 1: you use? Um? That's like super personal. But no, that's okay,

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Speaker 1: you don't have to use I think I used like

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Speaker 1: this play tax I've never used a tampon? Are you serious? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What do you use? Yeah, I'm not afraid to admit it. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: I just never have ever And I'm forty four. Why

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Speaker 1: have you? Just like are you afraid? It just seems

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Speaker 1: a little interesting. But that's what about like Lola, because

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Speaker 1: they pall and right. But I'm sorry, I have to

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Speaker 1: get back to this, but like you have, you have

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Speaker 1: other things to go up there. Well, hey, that's fine,

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Speaker 1: Uncle Roy, poor uncle Roy. Um, that's really funny. No,

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Speaker 1: but that's true though, Lola. You need to start using

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Speaker 1: Lola because so you're play tax ones that you're using,

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Speaker 1: they're not organic and uh. Lola is a female founded

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Speaker 1: company offering a line of organic cotton tampons, pads, liners,

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Speaker 1: and all natural cleansing wipes. So unlike all the other

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Speaker 1: major brands, Lola products are a percent natural. So I

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Speaker 1: mean for me, like you're worried about what you put

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Speaker 1: your body, you to be worried about showed up there. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: and you don't have to worry about it because it

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Speaker 1: shows up at your house exactly so you can pick

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Speaker 1: So for example, like when you go to the store

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Speaker 1: and you're picking out your other tampons, it's like, I'm

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Speaker 1: so embarrassed to check out, Well are you really okay?

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Speaker 1: I was like I'm the person who I was like

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Speaker 1: a fifty o'clock. I'm like, here we go. Well, but

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Speaker 1: there's a thing like you don't need a fifty you know.

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Speaker 1: It's like you're gonna have so many like you know, lights,

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Speaker 1: but it's like this way, like a Lola, you can

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Speaker 1: actually customize the number of super regular lights that you want.

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Speaker 1: So you're not and then it shows up to your

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Speaker 1: door right when you're it's like, oh, hello, I'm about

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Speaker 1: to start my period because low ledgers shot up in

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Speaker 1: my door. So a forty percent off all subscriptions. Visit

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Speaker 1: my lola dot com and enter Janna when you subscribe,

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Speaker 1: that's my lola dot com promacode Janna for forty percent

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Speaker 1: off all subscriptions, my lola dot com and enter Janna. Well,

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Speaker 1: this is when I knew we were going to be

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Speaker 1: best friends, because we're sitting there and she's like, so,

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Speaker 1: how long have you guys been together? And I said

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Speaker 1: almost five years? And she looks at him and goes,

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Speaker 1: what the f are you waiting for? And I said,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, like I think, I like almost wept.

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Speaker 1: I was like, thank you, thank you, like somebody thank you.

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Speaker 1: And he was like, oh my god. He like this

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Speaker 1: girl that i've number five. He's like, you told her

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Speaker 1: to say that. I'm like, I don't even know her,

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Speaker 1: That's why I but that's again, it's five years, Michael, like,

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Speaker 1: and I know that You're like, oh, that's such a

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Speaker 1: jama thing to do, but it's five years. That's like

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Speaker 1: I would say that I did it stranger again, she

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Speaker 1: did not. I don't know. We'reybody come like besties, you know.

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Speaker 1: But now I'm like, still to this day, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what are you doing no. And then we're sitting there

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Speaker 1: and she's like, so I'm like, okay, take the heat off.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh, what's your story? Like literally, I

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Speaker 1: go how long have you been married? And she goes

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Speaker 1: happily and tally looked at me. I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I don't know if I should

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Speaker 1: have them talk to each other. I mean, just a

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Speaker 1: perfect storm. Sorry, that's always my leading, Like I'm even

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Speaker 1: Mary for I'm like happily or no. But it was

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Speaker 1: so funny, like she didn't think she was ever going

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Speaker 1: to see me again. I don't think I was going

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Speaker 1: to see her again. We were dying. I mean we

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Speaker 1: were a very honor very It was like one of

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Speaker 1: those things where like when you think you're never going

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Speaker 1: to see someone against, you just go all out, just

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Speaker 1: like full disclosure, here are my fears, here my dad is.

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Speaker 1: And then five years like what is happening? And Aby

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Speaker 1: wants to know this because she's in something where it'll

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Speaker 1: be a hundred years. So it's like she but this

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Speaker 1: is good. You need to hear this because she's putting

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Speaker 1: her foot down. So like we're almost at six years

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Speaker 1: and what is it good? Oh? No, it couldn't be.

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Speaker 1: It's good, I know, because it's something that I want.

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Speaker 1: I want that he would have a baby. Now she

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to go on that order. She wants to

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Speaker 1: be married first. I'm on like Jana scene where I'm like,

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Speaker 1: it's just what I want. I just want that union.

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Speaker 1: I just want the marriage, like I just want to

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Speaker 1: text back. But it's literally I said him a picture

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Speaker 1: on the plane and it was the aisle and it

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Speaker 1: was and I literally was like all my friends walking

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Speaker 1: down the aisle and I'm just walking down the plane

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Speaker 1: aisle like no, but I did that all the time

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Speaker 1: to him. So I did you put your You did

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Speaker 1: because we had it. Sarah's like, now become our our child,

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Speaker 1: our child Jolie. Yeah, we call her Jolie two point oh.

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Speaker 1: She's whenever it's Mike and I, it's always then Sarah.

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Speaker 1: She becomes our our daughter, and it's always like third

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Speaker 1: You're not like third wheeling because it's truly like our daughter.

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Speaker 1: But we're like the same. What an honor. But so

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Speaker 1: you came over and looked out with us and you're like, guys,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna I just w was say, Amy, listen up.

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Speaker 1: This is where you need to hear. I just was

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Speaker 1: like her dad, actually my dad and I had a

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Speaker 1: really good talk and he is like, you know, he's

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Speaker 1: the dad and we had like a really emotional talk

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Speaker 1: and he's like, I just want you to be happy,

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Speaker 1: like and I could. I am happy. And so that's

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Speaker 1: why I go back and forth, because I'm like, why

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Speaker 1: would I I have my girlfriend sending me like bumble

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Speaker 1: pictures and they're like, thank your man tonight, like the

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Speaker 1: freaks are out, and so I'm like, why would I

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Speaker 1: like rock something that's so good? But however, you know,

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Speaker 1: I just don't want to look back and be like,

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Speaker 1: you know, like what if he never marries me? Right?

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Speaker 1: But what if you're happy for a hundred years and

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Speaker 1: she doesn't want that. She wants to be married. You know,

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Speaker 1: She's like, and we may want to go another six years.

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Speaker 1: Such an interesting conversation. It is such do you want

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Speaker 1: to have a piece of paper? Do you want to

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Speaker 1: be happy? I know what's his hold up? Maybe he's

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Speaker 1: seen unhappy marriages. I think he just with GWayne Gretzky

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Speaker 1: and no, he like literally he doesn't have a reason.

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Speaker 1: So I think that's why I'm like, if you had

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Speaker 1: like a reason. He just says, like why why? Now?

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Speaker 1: Why rush? How old are you? How old is he?

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Speaker 1: He's I know, I know, but but she's from Texas.

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Speaker 1: Her little sister just got married. Yeah, that's hard when

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Speaker 1: you have That's the main thing is, it's a lot

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Speaker 1: of pressure for me. I'm the one who gets all

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Speaker 1: the questions like why is everyone asking me? Like why

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Speaker 1: what about not worrying about the noise? Because she wants

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Speaker 1: to have because I do want that with him, Like

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Speaker 1: she wants to start, like and here's the problem because

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Speaker 1: I feel like guys too in l A. It's very

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Speaker 1: different from like, you know, you guys back in Baltimore

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Speaker 1: where it's it's the guys here in California are like

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Speaker 1: ten years behind. So she doesn't want to be thirties

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Speaker 1: seven and still in a situation where she's not married

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Speaker 1: and doesn't have kids totally where I think with you Michael,

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Speaker 1: like yeah, it depends on Yeah, I think geographically he

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Speaker 1: does have something to play to a part to play

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Speaker 1: in it. But also what your parents are still married, right,

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Speaker 1: They've been married for a long time. Literally, Like even

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Speaker 1: in my sister's wedding speech, I was like, I'm someone

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Speaker 1: who can definitely say, like, I think my parents have

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Speaker 1: the perfect marriage. His parents have been married thirty years,

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Speaker 1: mine are almost out thirty, so like we both come

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Speaker 1: from that. I just I'm like what he literally is like,

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Speaker 1: go like, why rush? That's literally his rush? I mean

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Speaker 1: that's literally his why rush? And you can tell him

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Speaker 1: it's not about rushing, It's about this year the person

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Speaker 1: I know I want to spend the rest of my

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Speaker 1: life with. Marriage is something that is important to me

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Speaker 1: that my parents have shown me a good example, and

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Speaker 1: it's something that for me, I won't feel complete until

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Speaker 1: I have that, and I want to complete my life

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Speaker 1: with you complete. So why not do that complete me

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Speaker 1: and marry me completely? No, that means like that the

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Speaker 1: more he gets it now. A year ago he was

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Speaker 1: like whatever, but like he gets it now, So what's

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Speaker 1: the timeline now? I mean, what do you mean, like,

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Speaker 1: if you're thirty and you are still not don't have

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Speaker 1: a ring on your finger? No, I'm thinking, like I

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Speaker 1: think a year. I think it will be happening in

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Speaker 1: a year. And you said maybe, you said be prepared

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Speaker 1: for the consequences of what happens when you do pressure him. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like you're going to break up with this No, And

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Speaker 1: that's the thing. It's all just talk. I'm so talk

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Speaker 1: she but I will say this though, is like she's

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Speaker 1: not doing the things that she's Yeah, it's like it's

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Speaker 1: almost like holding you back in a way. I just

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Speaker 1: want that, like it is I would say, I just

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Speaker 1: want that, like because it's like what is my purpose?

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Speaker 1: Actel Like I'm just following him here and there, and

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Speaker 1: they're all my families and Texas and I just sometimes,

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Speaker 1: you know, I get home, I have tons of nieces

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Speaker 1: and nephews, and I just sometimes feel like I'm missing out.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, if you give me that, if you

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Speaker 1: become my family and it's you and me, then I

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Speaker 1: have then I'm fine staying here in California and I'm fine.

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Speaker 1: If not, then it's like okay, and then I'm thirty,

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Speaker 1: then I just start all over and do I move

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Speaker 1: back to San France? Like this the great debate of

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Speaker 1: all life? Literally because you're happy. I'm so happy married people,

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Speaker 1: I know, but there's still something missing though. That's the thing.

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Speaker 1: You can still be like missing just because you're pretending

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Speaker 1: it's missing. Do you know what I mean? Are you

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Speaker 1: making up that it's missing. Maybe it's not missing because

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Speaker 1: she wants I just want to just I'm just so stubborn.

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Speaker 1: Everybody support No, it's literally God, I gotta get to Texas. No,

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Speaker 1: I think I'm just so stubborn. And so now I'm like,

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Speaker 1: now it's a thing where like, okay, you won't give

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Speaker 1: me a ring, so now why won't you? Wendy Walsh

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Speaker 1: gets here. Dr Wendy Walsh, this is like a great

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Speaker 1: thing to start with her, because you might be sabotaging

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Speaker 1: your own happiness. I know I probably am like a psychologist,

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Speaker 1: but here's my question though, but she might not not

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Speaker 1: just to play Devil's advocate with you. Just what you

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Speaker 1: just said, Amy is she might be sabotaging her own

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Speaker 1: growth and her own dreams and aspirations by being held

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Speaker 1: back by someone that isn't wanting to move forward with her.

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Speaker 1: And it's a crap shoot, hold on, I'm getting the doctor, okay.

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Speaker 1: But I mean from a guy's perspective though, like you

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Speaker 1: don't want to feel rushed. I mean I remember in

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Speaker 1: the very beginning, I mean I put my foot down

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Speaker 1: and I was like, look, we own this house together.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to play house put her ring on it.

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Speaker 1: This is what I want. I told you what I want,

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Speaker 1: and you're not in the same page. Get out like

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Speaker 1: that's the I just have a very like, this is

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Speaker 1: what I wanted. But then he would he didn't like

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Speaker 1: the It's not that I ultimatum do or made you rush,

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Speaker 1: but like, but because of my codependency, it felt like that,

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Speaker 1: and so I felt like I had no choice and

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Speaker 1: that was because of my internal struggle. So I felt

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Speaker 1: like I had to do that to keep her happy

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Speaker 1: when ultimately created a lot of resentment in me. Now, granted,

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Speaker 1: you guys have five six years and our timeline was

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Speaker 1: a lot shorter. So but I come from like I mean,

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Speaker 1: my dad was married once. All I have three older sisters,

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Speaker 1: they've all been married at least once, and so I

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Speaker 1: come from line. I know that, you know, divorces a

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Speaker 1: real thing. And so that's why I've worked so hard

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Speaker 1: to not pressure him, not ultimate um him, not because

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Speaker 1: I don't ever want him to to ever have that

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Speaker 1: to throw back at me. I want and I tell him,

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Speaker 1: I go, I just want you to marry me because

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Speaker 1: you want to marry me. Well, but that's the thing too,

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Speaker 1: that's why you don't want to have kids first because

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Speaker 1: you don't want to feel like you're getting married because

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Speaker 1: I had to kid, because that's that sucks. It's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: so you're just really marrying me because now I'm pregnant

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Speaker 1: and now I'm like, I now I have your kid

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Speaker 1: like that. Even Jane, Jane wanted to try to get

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Speaker 1: pregnant we we got married. When I said I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to have a baby until we get married, and

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Speaker 1: she was we decided, Oh no, you guys, I'm never

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Speaker 1: coming back. I thought we decided that we wanted kids,

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Speaker 1: like we're gonna start trying. Oh my, Mike, Mike. We

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Speaker 1: we eventually got to that point because we had our

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Speaker 1: wedding plan. So we're going to we're on our way

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Speaker 1: mean your personal space, because a stay can come a

401
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Speaker 1: little closer. We have Dr Walsh here with us today

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00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:26,359
Speaker 1: in studio. Hi. I'm Janna. Hi, it's nice to me.

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Speaker 1: This is my husband, my loving husband. So I would

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00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,919
Speaker 1: call the two of you on first sight, just the

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00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:35,640
Speaker 1: highest ranking mate ever when we're looking at mate status.

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Speaker 1: So your babies are damn gorgeous. One we have one

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00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,640
Speaker 1: and I one on the way. We have one congratulating.

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Speaker 1: And how old is a baby? She's two and a

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00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:52,160
Speaker 1: half spacing. Yeah, so it's it's good. And then that's

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Speaker 1: my dear friend Sarah, Sarah, nice to you. I'm Dr

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Speaker 1: Wendy Good nice to you. Oh oh, she's just an

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Speaker 1: a very um she's it's she's been in a relationship

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Speaker 1: for six years and she's kind of at that point

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Speaker 1: where it's like what are we doing? You know, I

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Speaker 1: call it the stalemate, the stalemate where you're just in

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Speaker 1: a steelmate. So first of all, I need a couple

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00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 1: of demographic questions. How old are you? How old i've

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Speaker 1: he's okay, he's from California. I'm from Texas. Huge difference

419
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:28,240
Speaker 1: because in Texas traditional should have been married like fashion. Right. Okay,

420
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:31,639
Speaker 1: And um, how long you've been together? Almost six years? Okay,

421
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,440
Speaker 1: he's a cancer. I'm a scorpio. So let me throw

422
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,720
Speaker 1: some stats at you. Okay. Average age of first time

423
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:40,159
Speaker 1: marriage for men is about twenty eight. Average age of

424
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 1: first time marriage for women is twenty six. When I

425
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 1: say average, that's an American average. So we're not talking

426
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 1: about l A and New York. We're talking about the

427
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 1: whole country brought in together. Now we're also seeing, you know,

428
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 1: women have this thing called a fertility window that men

429
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,119
Speaker 1: just don't have. By the way I had if you

430
00:21:57,119 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 1: had to guess, what do you think the age of

431
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:07,879
Speaker 1: what age a woman is where she is most biologically fertile. Well,

432
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,400
Speaker 1: she has the most eggs at eighteen, which is why

433
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,120
Speaker 1: those girls get I think, But um, I would say

434
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:21,159
Speaker 1: twenty six. So what happens is we're all born with

435
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 1: about four hundred little suckers tucked into our ovaries. We

436
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,880
Speaker 1: drop one, two or three a month if you're gonna

437
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,680
Speaker 1: have triplets, and um. So what happens is our fertility

438
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 1: stays really strong through our twenties. It takes a dive

439
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:37,159
Speaker 1: at thirty, falls off a cliff at thirty five, and

440
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 1: by the time you're talking forty, you're talking about high

441
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 1: incidents of you know, disabilities, autism, et cetera. However, our

442
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: culture is not matching up with our biology because right

443
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,440
Speaker 1: now we have more successful women than men. In fact,

444
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 1: they're more women in the American workforce than men. And

445
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: for every two guys that graduate college, there are three women.

446
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 1: So when her is women are eating up their fertility

447
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,360
Speaker 1: window with education and career building. And then there's this

448
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:10,679
Speaker 1: scramble in the early thirties, a crazy anxiety that women

449
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 1: have that men. Because you came into a great debate,

450
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,679
Speaker 1: let me just tell you this, Okay, you can just

451
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: laugh all you want, sir. My mother went through menopause

452
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,239
Speaker 1: at thirty three, so I started to freak out. So

453
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: I met him and when I was thirty one, so

454
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:28,719
Speaker 1: I'm like the biological reality, I was like, look, this

455
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,720
Speaker 1: is this is what I want. I want to get married.

456
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,159
Speaker 1: I want to have kids like, and I want to

457
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,199
Speaker 1: do it within this window because I'm freaking out if

458
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,679
Speaker 1: I can't have kids, Like my purpose in life is

459
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,359
Speaker 1: to be a mom. Like. What I like about you

460
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 1: is that you're a smart woman who knows that you're

461
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,240
Speaker 1: in charge of relationships. Guys, just follow along. If we

462
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:48,959
Speaker 1: don't negotiate commitments questions. We don't have grooms magazines, all right.

463
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 1: They don't spend their whole life dreaming about what tucks

464
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,360
Speaker 1: they're going to wear to their wedding. It's up to

465
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 1: us to make the ultimatum happen, to negotiate commitment. But

466
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 1: we have to be to find out. But here's the

467
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 1: problem though, And here's the problem with that. And let

468
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,880
Speaker 1: me just say a side note, sidebar. We're going back

469
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: to the pin. I did that because I wanted to

470
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,199
Speaker 1: freeze my eggs because I was so scared of not

471
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 1: being able to have and of course those embryos weren't

472
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: good enough to you know, to freeze, so we implanted

473
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,160
Speaker 1: whatever back to He held that against me, though, Yeah,

474
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,159
Speaker 1: that's what I don't What do you mean again? She

475
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 1: missed the fact that I was like, this is what

476
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 1: I want, and I want it now, like you know,

477
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 1: I want in this window, this year period. And he

478
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,199
Speaker 1: held punished against what was his punishment? There was no punishment. Well,

479
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: then he is not held against you. You won. No.

480
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,440
Speaker 1: She said that if basically I didn't jump on board,

481
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 1: then she'd find someone that would. There you go, that's

482
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:46,159
Speaker 1: called an ultimatum. And baby number two, you're married, you're together. Right,

483
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 1: We had major issues. So what guys, it hurts. It hurts,

484
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: But if you want to get with an a list

485
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:58,879
Speaker 1: number time and get with the program. But here's the

486
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,240
Speaker 1: thing though, how for for a man though, Like because

487
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 1: he used that against me and then that kind of

488
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 1: fed into his his mental health stuff that followed that.

489
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,359
Speaker 1: So his punishment was kind of a little bit of

490
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 1: emotional abuse. Yeah, alright, just keep your eye on the prize,

491
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: which is the long range goal. Work through his emotional

492
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 1: He'll get over it. He's good, lacorious name, that's happy,

493
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 1: sweet baby girl. Another one coming. He has the world

494
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,120
Speaker 1: right now. He just needed to guide him a little

495
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 1: bit towards that perfect life. Yes, as I said, no

496
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,439
Speaker 1: man reads a groom's magazine and that's not there because

497
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 1: there's so much pressure on us. And that's what I think. Well,

498
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 1: I also want to say something else, Sarah, is that

499
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 1: we live in a culture with a very narrow definition

500
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,399
Speaker 1: of what it is to be masculine and what it

501
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,640
Speaker 1: is to be a man. Spend some time in Sweden,

502
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,119
Speaker 1: as I just did a few months ago, Oh my goodness,

503
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: such a wide range of masculinity on display. First of all,

504
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 1: they legislate fatherhood because they give you eighteen months off,

505
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 1: but a woman is not allowed to take all eighteen months.

506
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: Dude has to take a chunk of it. So you

507
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: see these marauding rows of gangs of baby wearing guys everywhere.

508
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:12,239
Speaker 1: It is just that's beautiful. It is beautiful. And so

509
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: what happens here is that guys don't realize they've ingested

510
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 1: the rules of the man box and they're put in

511
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 1: a very narrow man box. And so giving them the

512
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,919
Speaker 1: opportunity to be a good father, to be a loving

513
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 1: husband is what women are doing by guiding them a bit, right,

514
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:35,880
Speaker 1: they're letting them out of the man box. Yeah, okay,

515
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 1: Sarah interrupted you. Oh no, no, no, I was just

516
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 1: saying that. I just think it's not fair that there's

517
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 1: so much pressure for like women when it's like why biology,

518
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,639
Speaker 1: no one's asking him when we're getting married. Everyone asked me,

519
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 1: and I'm like why, I don't know you have a

520
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 1: fertility window. It doesn't. And so the ultimatum is the

521
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,160
Speaker 1: so you you think there should be an ultimatum given

522
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 1: to him. I'm a big believer in ultimatums. I just think, well, also,

523
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 1: what happens is this, do you guys live together? I know,

524
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 1: so here's again just statistics. Just because there's statistics doesn't

525
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,880
Speaker 1: mean you will fall into that group. But generally, if

526
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 1: you live together before marriage, and the longer you live together,

527
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 1: the worsh your marital outcomes, the higher divorce rate, the

528
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 1: less chance you'll actually get married, because what ends up

529
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,719
Speaker 1: happening is you burn out the passion years. You know,

530
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,960
Speaker 1: we comfortable. I mean we're comfortable. Yeah, you're far in

531
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 1: each other's face. Now, well no, no, actually I am not. No,

532
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 1: We're not like that. That's a big thing I'm not about.

533
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 1: But yeah, I know we're comfortable. I'm a lady. Janna's

534
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,880
Speaker 1: burping up a storm every time it gets me, But

535
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: I know even when she's not, um, yeah, and I know,

536
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 1: I know, I don't know. So the thing is, you

537
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: have to be at your state of readiness and if

538
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: in fact, you do want to become a mother. And

539
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 1: as a little caveatte, I want to add the twenty

540
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 1: percent of human beings male and female do not become parents. Now,

541
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that we're not or to reproduce. How

542
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,880
Speaker 1: do their genes stay in evolution's chain if they don't

543
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 1: become parents, Because every allow parent, allow parents. Somebody who

544
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: has not a biological interesting kids, but somebody who cares

545
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: about kids keeps their genes by being the best and

546
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 1: the best uncle. They also help nurture the culture because

547
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: they tend to build businesses that employ families, they tend

548
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 1: to build charities that help children. They tend to just

549
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: nurture the culture at large. So I'm not thinking that

550
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 1: every woman out there has to become a mother, because

551
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 1: I mean, I was a single mom, a single mother,

552
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 1: have been for fourteen years and if I didn't have

553
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: a bunch of child free girlfriends helping me out, I

554
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 1: could never have survived. And so you know, you're going

555
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 1: to make the decision what you want in your life,

556
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: make a relationship life plan. This is the dat I

557
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 1: want to get married, if that's what you want, This

558
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 1: is the date I want to have a kid by.

559
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 1: And then you're very calmly going to inform that date

560
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 1: and that relationship plan to your partner and the step

561
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 1: up and if he can't step up by the eight

562
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:02,640
Speaker 1: then you have to be prepared to find a mate

563
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: that will. Yeah, I feel like you hold you're you're

564
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 1: You're staring at Wendy and you're like, you're disagreeing. I'm

565
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: just taking it all in. But I feel like you're

566
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 1: like you kind of looked at it or like because

567
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 1: I feel like when like when we have like, um,

568
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: Julie two point our conversations, me and you guys, the

569
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 1: ultimatum thing, you guys are kind of torn on it. Okay, babe,

570
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 1: do you want to elaborate on that a little bit?

571
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 1: Because I feel like you were you were given her

572
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 1: the eye of like I don't agree with that at all.

573
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 1: It's not that I don't agree I agree that men

574
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 1: in general, Yes, we need a little pressure, because God

575
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 1: knows that. Janna's pressure me in situations. I needed that

576
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 1: um to mature and take the next step. But I

577
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 1: just have concerns, just knowing how I am personally with

578
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 1: whether it creating resentment or just holding something against my

579
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 1: partner because it's something that maybe I'm not ready for,

580
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 1: maybe something I really don't want to do now as

581
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 1: a man, that's up to me to express my emotions

582
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 1: around that. And I found that through Janna and not

583
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 1: communicating better in our relates ship now that I don't

584
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 1: have resentments like I used to because we are communicating

585
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 1: and I'm communicating about my feelings. But because he was

586
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:11,239
Speaker 1: so codependent in the beginning of our relationship whatever, I

587
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 1: but then held that against me, which is unfair, Which

588
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 1: is completely unfair because I didn't tell her how I

589
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: felt about it, and I couldn't not only that, I

590
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 1: couldn't say in a healthy way because I would let

591
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 1: things bottle up inside me. And then I'll just explore.

592
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 1: Many men need to learn that lesson or to actually

593
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:29,000
Speaker 1: um find words for their feelings and express it. Because

594
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:32,080
Speaker 1: you know, what is a relationship. A relationship is an

595
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: exchange of care. That care can take many forms. It

596
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 1: can be sexual care, financial care, child care, domestic responsibilities care,

597
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: emotional care, physical care. When someone's ill right and so

598
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 1: when we're talking about Sarah being in a relationship where

599
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 1: you've been exchanging care. You now have a need that

600
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 1: he doesn't have at this stage, at this time. And

601
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 1: when I talk about ultimatums, I'm not asked you to

602
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 1: be manipulative and try to get him to do something.

603
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: I'm asking you to look at your own goals, your

604
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: own life and put some boundaries on yourself because you

605
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 1: can choose to wait it out until his state of readiness,

606
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 1: which may or may not come and may or may

607
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: not come along your fertility window schedule. And that's the

608
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 1: thing too. He when I see him with children again,

609
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: I weep, like he's so good with like that's when

610
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 1: I love him the most. And we both come from

611
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 1: big family, so he has nephews, I have nieces, and

612
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 1: so we both love kids. We both but I'm just like,

613
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 1: come on, I just want that order. I just want

614
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 1: to let the conversation start with something about your relationship

615
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 1: life plan. In other words, you know, honey, um, I

616
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: don't want to pressure you. I love what we have

617
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,120
Speaker 1: going here, but I need to know where the end

618
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 1: game is and when. So, what age do you think

619
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 1: you'll be when you want to have kids? That's just

620
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 1: explore are his needs we've had, Like that's the thing

621
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 1: is we've had a lot of talks over almost six years,

622
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,120
Speaker 1: and they're always good. And he knows. That's the thing

623
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 1: is he knows what I want and he knows how

624
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 1: I'm feeling. But what does he want? He just wants

625
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 1: me forever. He wants He tells me all the time,

626
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: I want to be with you forever. I'm gonna be

627
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 1: with you forever. I just I'm just why why do

628
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 1: we need to jump into something? Why do we need

629
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 1: to rush into something? And again, I don't think six years,

630
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 1: I don't think we're jumping or rushing. But I think

631
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: that he just again California. Mean he doesn't have any

632
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 1: married friends. Yeah, that's part of it too. And I

633
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: have a lot in not in l A. And so

634
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 1: it's marriage is contagious. I just like divorces. And she

635
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 1: sees me like she comes every time she comes over,

636
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 1: it's like she's with my daughter, and then like I'm

637
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 1: pregnant and you know, so it's and so I think

638
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 1: that again, and I've always said this, if he had

639
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: a friend like in his get engaged, we'd be two

640
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 1: months later. He does not. I just I think he

641
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 1: just does not want to like I don't know, I

642
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 1: don't know. But like we were talking before, no other issues,

643
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 1: no other what do you want? I wanna I want

644
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 1: to be with him forever. But and do you want

645
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 1: to become a mother? I okay? And do you want

646
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 1: to do that by the time you're what age? I mean, yeah,

647
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 1: I want to do it a sap oh sap. Not

648
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 1: when I'm thirty two. No, I mean I would have

649
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 1: liked to have already had Like then you're there, you're there,

650
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 1: but he will have a baby without He is fine

651
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 1: to have the baby. So maybe you just need to

652
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,479
Speaker 1: adjust that part of it. No, not if you've been

653
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 1: together six years and you're from Texas and he can

654
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 1: respect your background and he knew this, he knew what

655
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 1: he was signing up for when he walked into It's

656
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: the thing, my traditional value, my family love. I mean,

657
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 1: his family loves me. I love his family, My family

658
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 1: loves him. But I just like mind, I just it's

659
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 1: a respect. I don't know what happens if he says no,

660
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 1: he want to know my prediction. Here's my prediction. You

661
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 1: eys are going to break up and then you're gonna

662
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 1: get back together and get engaged. That's how the ultimatums work.

663
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: I disagree, not gonna happen. He will not break up

664
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: with her, but she she's he has his cake and

665
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 1: he's eating it too. She lives with him, So the

666
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:15,280
Speaker 1: words mean nothing unless they're backed up by action. Action

667
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: is her getting her own place he's been, But I

668
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 1: just she's been saying for six years, this is what

669
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 1: she wants, and he's not doing yet right, So we're

670
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 1: nothing gonna do it right when he's right. It's like

671
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 1: if you tell your two year old, no, you can't

672
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 1: have a cookie before dinner, that two year old is

673
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 1: going to keep going to the cookie jar until you

674
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 1: back it up every behavior. But we can't all just

675
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 1: have everything we want, like we're not. I mean, I

676
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 1: get it. Maybe. Wait, wait, we're talking about the one

677
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 1: thing we're put on the earth to do, which is

678
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 1: to reproduce. So he said yes to that. He just

679
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 1: isn't ready to get maybe, but that's but if it

680
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 1: hadn't been six years, it hadn't been six years, I understand, Like,

681
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 1: not everyone can get what they want. She's waited six years,

682
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 1: so she hasn't she got what she wanted. She'd been

683
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 1: doing it years ago, like really putting the heat on them.

684
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 1: But there's two things that she's staying true to which

685
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 1: I think are very valuable. The fact that she wants

686
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 1: to get married before having children, and that she wants

687
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 1: to have children with him and not and nobody else

688
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 1: wants him or marriage than a baby. I mean obviously him,

689
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 1: because that's what I go back and forth about. I'm

690
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 1: like sacrifice, I know, and that's what that's the only

691
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 1: thing that we find. I say something that he needs

692
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 1: to hear from you, that we're not a socialist country,

693
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: where a capitalist country. We don't have a big safety

694
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: net for single parents. If people have babies out of wedlock,

695
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 1: statistically break up rate by the time the kid is ten.

696
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: So the best nest we still have in modern America

697
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:53,320
Speaker 1: is two people, hopefully with a biological interest in those kids,

698
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,280
Speaker 1: to help raise them. I'm not a big believer until

699
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 1: Death do us Part because I think when Until Death

700
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 1: do us Part was invented, death was pretty imminent, and

701
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 1: because of our long lifespans, even the most monogamous of

702
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,360
Speaker 1: humans will have two or three long stints of monogamy.

703
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,719
Speaker 1: But I believe you sign up for eighteen years and

704
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,279
Speaker 1: you're about to sign up for another eighteen then you're

705
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 1: in it. Yeah, that's the commitment, and that's the thing

706
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 1: the relationship grows. So why not have that marital contract

707
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 1: because research shows it's the thing that keeps people in

708
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 1: the game. No, And I told I mean, like I said,

709
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 1: before he comes, his parents have been married forever. So

710
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 1: it's just something that I want. I would like to

711
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 1: rena look like his mom to get that. What I

712
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 1: think is interesting though, I think what amy it's like

713
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 1: because you're in a different path, Like, you don't you

714
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 1: don't want kids, so it's like you're fine with not

715
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: being she's the great allo parent here. Yeah, and she doesn't.

716
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,080
Speaker 1: She doesn't want to have kids. You know, she's your

717
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 1: in your relationship, you're just wanting to You don't care

718
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 1: about getting married. You just want the guy you just want.

719
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 1: So it's like you guys just have two very different

720
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: which is like, yeah, what on a saying is so interesting?

721
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 1: I come at it from a completely different perspective. I

722
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 1: want to keep talking about this, and then I want

723
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 1: to talk about all these bad marriages too, and see

724
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 1: what Wendy thinks we people need what do you mean

725
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,839
Speaker 1: bad marriages? Think of these people that, like, we all

726
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 1: have friends. I'm not talking about you guys, because you

727
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 1: guys are like working it out, it's great. But I

728
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 1: have so many friends that have been married for ten

729
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 1: twenty years. Like I have a girlfriend who the marriage

730
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 1: is just dead. They've been together so long. It's not miserable,

731
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:31,799
Speaker 1: but there's just no there there, And what are those

732
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 1: people supposed to do well? Also, looking at any relationship

733
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 1: from the outside is impossible to imagine what they're experiencing inside,

734
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 1: because there can be a level of secure attachment that

735
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 1: you say there's no there there and they feel absolutely secure.

736
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 1: Oh no, this is her words. She's telling me that

737
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 1: it's well, I think for like when this is what

738
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 1: I kind of tell Michael, and which is what I

739
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 1: you know, I'm scared about. Yes, we've had some massive

740
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 1: issues in the relationship. Were repairing. We're we're at a

741
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: good place now. It's going to be constant repair and

742
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 1: constant communication. But my fear is that when we keep going,

743
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 1: you know, more years, there are times when we might

744
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:11,839
Speaker 1: grow and be different and change, and it's like, how

745
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 1: do you how do you stay connected? Like so that

746
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 1: we when we get to our tenure, I'm not here.

747
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 1: I'm here, and he's like over here, and it's like,

748
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 1: how do you stay together in that? In addition to

749
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 1: relationships being an exchange of care, the other amazing thing

750
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 1: about relationships is they're the best gymnasium we have for

751
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 1: our minds. They help us grow. And that back and

752
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:36,279
Speaker 1: forth tangle that you're describing is the life of a

753
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:40,960
Speaker 1: healthy relationship. As two people grow, life is changing every second,

754
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 1: every minute. Our fingernails are growing so fast, at a nanosecond,

755
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,800
Speaker 1: they're growing, right, Everything is changing. The person that you

756
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 1: married will biologically not be the same person seven years later.

757
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 1: Every cell in her body will have been replaced. And

758
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:57,319
Speaker 1: along the way, you guys get to tangle with each

759
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:00,720
Speaker 1: other and learn about yourselves and grow because that partners

760
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,320
Speaker 1: do you believe that partners do fall in and not

761
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 1: of love in marriage? Oh well, let's define love. There

762
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 1: are lots of different kinds of love. At the beginning

763
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 1: of a relationship, it's mostly lust and passion. Right after

764
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 1: a while, it gets into intellectual commitment, love commitment for

765
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,440
Speaker 1: the kids and for you know, the families brought together,

766
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: and maybe the incomes and buildings, your or houses, your

767
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 1: building and things you're doing right. You made an intellectual

768
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,759
Speaker 1: commitment to ride out the bumps because it's the long

769
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 1: game is so important. And then eventually the couples that

770
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 1: stay together the longest fall into something called mature companion

771
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 1: at love. Look at your parents. If you say your

772
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 1: parents have been married together, I promise you it's not

773
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,399
Speaker 1: first aid sex for them, if they're having it at all,

774
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 1: but they're not going anywhere because they have mature companion

775
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 1: at love. That is so good for our physiology to

776
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 1: have somebody who knows you so well, who can almost

777
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 1: read your mind, and someone who will still tangle with

778
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 1: you and argue with you if you're straying out to

779
00:39:55,160 --> 00:40:00,080
Speaker 1: be the key, Like Jeanna and Mike have junk and

780
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,919
Speaker 1: they're always kind of work. Everyone does. But I think

781
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:07,640
Speaker 1: that marriages that seem to need to be done are

782
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,720
Speaker 1: the ones where there is no tangling. It's so done.

783
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 1: And I have friend after friend after friend who like

784
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:16,719
Speaker 1: they're just waiting for the eight teen, waiting for the

785
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 1: kids to go to college. But that's so kids. I

786
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 1: don't want. If they're not happy years, they they're not miserable.

787
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 1: There's just nothing. What is that and what do you

788
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 1: do about that? Well, that that's just two people not

789
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,359
Speaker 1: growing together, or it could be mature companion at love.

790
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 1: And you're judging it based on sexuality. You know, there

791
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 1: are lots of wide range of sexualities and every kind

792
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,800
Speaker 1: of relationship. Some people have sex every day, some people

793
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 1: have sex only on Christmas, you know, and and some

794
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 1: don't have it for years. I mean, they're just there's

795
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,720
Speaker 1: a wide range of sexuality, So that's not a litmus

796
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 1: test to judge a relationship. Um. And the highest divorce

797
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 1: rate is when the empty nest happens because they forgot

798
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 1: to repurpose their relationship, They forgot to create whatever retirement

799
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:02,320
Speaker 1: life they want to have together, and they grew separately. Um.

800
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 1: I do think that there are some people that have

801
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 1: kind of an avoidant attachment style, meaning that they're actually

802
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 1: afraid of emotional intimacy, so they live like roommates in

803
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 1: their house, nobody entering tender private areas of their psyche

804
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:20,720
Speaker 1: and living like perfect roommates together and for them that works.

805
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,880
Speaker 1: Now you and I would judge it because we're intimacy addicts.

806
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:25,360
Speaker 1: Why do you think I'm in this business? Right? I

807
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 1: want to know it's in your mind. I want to

808
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:30,239
Speaker 1: feel what's happening, right, So I would look at it

809
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 1: and go that would never work for me, but for

810
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,359
Speaker 1: them when they find for them, they're not happy. All

811
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 1: these people telling me they're not happy. But I was

812
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 1: telling you all these people, all I have girlfriend after

813
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,360
Speaker 1: girlfriend after girlfriend telling me these same stories where I

814
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,320
Speaker 1: think we're nailing it, but they're not happy. They don't

815
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:48,400
Speaker 1: like here, here's one of the saddest things. So I

816
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 1: want to really quickly give you a tiny little lesson

817
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:53,160
Speaker 1: in attachment theory. So um and again this is just

818
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:56,240
Speaker 1: boiling it down to simple jargon for everybody. So attachment

819
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,319
Speaker 1: theory is the theory that looks at how and why

820
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 1: we attached to people across the life's man and it's

821
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: a long scale. Some people have a lot of anxiety

822
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 1: and fear and preoccupation with their partners. They have easy

823
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 1: abandonment issues. They're counting the minutes between the text why

824
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,960
Speaker 1: didn't he call? What's happening? And there's a lot of anxiety.

825
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 1: Other people feel easily smothered and they're even the person

826
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 1: just calls once and they're like, oh, this girl calls

827
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 1: all the time. What's happening? And I don't mean to

828
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 1: put gender on it, because there can be anxiously attaching

829
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 1: guys um And so what happens is the longest relationships

830
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:32,920
Speaker 1: that are sometimes the most painful but often last the longest.

831
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 1: Is the person who have the anxious attachment style who

832
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 1: meets the avoidant person. And what happens is we're trying

833
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,760
Speaker 1: to work out our earlier It's all developed in early life,

834
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 1: in the first twelve months of life, when our brain

835
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:47,840
Speaker 1: triples in size, and we make assumptions about whether the

836
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 1: world can be trusted, whether mommy and daddy will be

837
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 1: there when we cry, whether we will be picked up,

838
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:55,359
Speaker 1: whether we'll be left in a wet diaper, And so

839
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:58,879
Speaker 1: this is how we form a blueprint for love. That

840
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,320
Speaker 1: then we go out and cast, and we look, we

841
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 1: cast and look for that perfect person who will play along. Oh,

842
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,359
Speaker 1: you'll be the daddy who promises to abandon me. You'll

843
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 1: be the smothering mother. Okay, and it's on. I'm gonna

844
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,880
Speaker 1: fix it this time. So interesting enough, when people have

845
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 1: an anxious attachment style, they're most often sexually attracted to

846
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,399
Speaker 1: the avoidant people. So it's a chase that always goes

847
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 1: on with both unfulfilled needs. I believe that in a

848
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:31,919
Speaker 1: corner and shaking, crying, so again, happiness and duration are

849
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,040
Speaker 1: not necessarily linked. In other words, there are people in

850
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 1: unhappy relationships who will stay together forever because that chase

851
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,960
Speaker 1: never ends and they're always feeling they're in love with longing,

852
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,319
Speaker 1: they're not in love with love. And in my in

853
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 1: my personal opinion, just in the last year and a

854
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 1: half with therapy of Jane and I've done and we've

855
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 1: done personally as individuals and growing together is I know

856
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 1: it's cliche to say communication is key, but I don't

857
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 1: think a lot of relationships out there understand really the

858
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 1: depth of communication that they need to get to and

859
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: be rigorously honest with your partner and get to a

860
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:04,359
Speaker 1: place where you feel safe with that. And that's where

861
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 1: Janna and I start are starting to get where we

862
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 1: can be rigorously honest with fears or feelings and what

863
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 1: we have going on where now we're not really as

864
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 1: reactive to that as the partner, where we get scared

865
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 1: or triggered from those feelings. Um and that those feelings

866
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 1: have nothing to do with gender. They're human. You can

867
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 1: be all man and fully masculine and in fact very

868
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:31,760
Speaker 1: responsible and in charge and control by expressing your feelings.

869
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 1: That's one of the most masculine things out there. And

870
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 1: the best person you want to be regulously honest with

871
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,239
Speaker 1: is yourself, right, and then I'm self aware and I

872
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:43,439
Speaker 1: think your friends just they're they're just again it maybe

873
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:45,799
Speaker 1: haven't communicated over the years, and you just grow so

874
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: apart that you're just like, I don't like the person

875
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,319
Speaker 1: up next to you know, and that I'm sure that

876
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,719
Speaker 1: happens a lot of times in marriages because you're not

877
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 1: growing together and they're not maybe not at their state

878
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 1: of readiness, you're at their state of readiness, and they're

879
00:44:57,560 --> 00:45:07,320
Speaker 1: not anxious person. That stating the avoidance person. These are

880
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 1: These are the wonderful couples to get into couples therapy

881
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: because you're basically teaching the anxious person to contain themselves

882
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: a little bit and hang on, and you're also teaching

883
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 1: the other one to come out of his or her

884
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:21,279
Speaker 1: shell and express their feelings. So that could take some time. Yeah,

885
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:25,439
Speaker 1: oh it's not a quick I'm an avoidant. Jana's gets

886
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 1: anxious and through the work that we've done, we've started

887
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 1: to meet in the middle, to understand that her love

888
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 1: will not smother you and engulf you, will not kill

889
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 1: you in any way, that it's just there. Just allow

890
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 1: it to be there. And in the other hand, he's

891
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:44,439
Speaker 1: not going anywhere and needing to know that he's checking

892
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 1: in a certain number of times a day or showing

893
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: his love for you. Here's my feeling. And I don't

894
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 1: know anything about you in your relationship, but I will

895
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,640
Speaker 1: say it's common that the anxious person is always looking

896
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,279
Speaker 1: for the other person to express love. The gifts that

897
00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 1: you tell me, I'm pretty all this stuff. When we

898
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 1: learn to love ourselves deeply, that's the only time we

899
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:06,720
Speaker 1: can really love somebody else and we are so fulfilled

900
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:09,440
Speaker 1: with our own self confidence and self love. Oh and

901
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:12,200
Speaker 1: that's when we become really sexy. By the way, Okay,

902
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 1: can we read an email for Corey? One of our

903
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 1: listeners wants um some Michael, and your name isn't there too? Okay?

904
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 1: Is it from Corey? We struggle with intimacy issues. My

905
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 1: husband and I tend to struggle with intimacy issues. I

906
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 1: want to have sex way more often than he does,

907
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 1: and I can tell it bothers him because the drive

908
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:31,799
Speaker 1: is not always there. It's a struggle to always feel

909
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 1: like I'm nagging for sex to happen. If Michael is

910
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:36,720
Speaker 1: in the studio, can he shed light to a male's

911
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,839
Speaker 1: perspective on this and what I could do to help

912
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,600
Speaker 1: the situation? Janna, how do you deal with feeling that

913
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:45,399
Speaker 1: the one who instigates more often? If that's the case,

914
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 1: because it is with me, which it is, I understand

915
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 1: the biggest thing here is communicating about it, and we have,

916
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 1: but it hasn't changed the situation. I've suggested therapy, but

917
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to go. He doesn't think we're at

918
00:46:56,160 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 1: that point you want okay. So this is why whenever

919
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:06,719
Speaker 1: I talk about relationships, I talk about biology, sociology, and psychology.

920
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 1: So biologically, sometimes people just have different levels of sex

921
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 1: drives they have and usually when they see a sex

922
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 1: therapist it's because of a high desire low desire dynamic,

923
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:20,479
Speaker 1: and there are exercises and work that you can do

924
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 1: to get into something that works for both. Now, so sociology,

925
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 1: what does your social group think is a normal amount

926
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:31,680
Speaker 1: of sex? Where what messages are you picking up from

927
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:34,440
Speaker 1: your culture about sex? Is sex supposed to mean that

928
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 1: you're in love and if you're not having sex, he

929
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 1: doesn't love you enough. Psychology, do we have an anxious

930
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 1: attachment person because the way that our attachment style plays

931
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 1: out is through our sexuality. Is she anxious and is

932
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 1: he avoidant? And the more she's needed, the more his

933
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:52,799
Speaker 1: body shuts down? Right, So that's why all of these

934
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:56,359
Speaker 1: things needs to be teased out separately and discussed. Well,

935
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,479
Speaker 1: it sounds like I mean, she says she has talked

936
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:00,439
Speaker 1: about it. It It seems like they talked about it good way.

937
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 1: She suggested therapy, but it isn't He doesn't want to

938
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 1: go even think he's at that point. So what does

939
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:07,840
Speaker 1: she do when she's already tried to communicate? Here's the

940
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:10,920
Speaker 1: good news. Even an individual can go to couples therapy

941
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 1: and change the relationship because relationships and families are a system,

942
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:17,319
Speaker 1: and if you change one cog in the system, the

943
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 1: system can change. But what else, I mean, what else

944
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:22,400
Speaker 1: can she do besides having a different conversation. She's already

945
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 1: had the conversation though, like being like, hey, this is

946
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:28,399
Speaker 1: The therapist will help her come to a deeper realization

947
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 1: about what her needs are connected to her. The therapist

948
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 1: will help her understand whether her sexual needs are related

949
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:37,759
Speaker 1: to her psychology and her neediness, or whether it's a

950
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:40,719
Speaker 1: sex drive issue. The psychologists will help her find a

951
00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:44,319
Speaker 1: better way to communicate her needs or maybe given ultimatum,

952
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 1: um there will be if she can change her reaction

953
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:50,319
Speaker 1: to him through getting to know herself better, and that

954
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 1: can change the relationship. Again, you don't go into therapy

955
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 1: saying I'm going to get him to do this. I'm

956
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,240
Speaker 1: gonna get her to do this. You go into therapy

957
00:48:57,320 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 1: saying I'm gonna know me more so I can react

958
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:03,239
Speaker 1: differently to the world. You know. That's that is a

959
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 1: great point. I hope people really heard that, because again,

960
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:08,920
Speaker 1: just we can only go back on what Jana and

961
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:14,360
Speaker 1: I have experienced personally and when we started therapy. Um,

962
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:16,640
Speaker 1: just since everything happened a year and a half ago.

963
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,040
Speaker 1: I feel like at the beginning of us going to

964
00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 1: individual couples therapy, it was about how can I you know,

965
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 1: more about talking about our partner and how can we

966
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:27,840
Speaker 1: get them to do what we want or not do

967
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: what we don't want? Started? Yeah, that if that's how

968
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:32,080
Speaker 1: it feels like it started, at least for me, and

969
00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 1: then then finally gets into you graduate into the place

970
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 1: of you're not going to talk about your partner, you

971
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 1: want to talk about yourself and your reaction to your

972
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:41,760
Speaker 1: The changes actually happened, and that's what I've seen personally.

973
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 1: I think Jane can attested that too. And they may

974
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 1: not happen in the way you envisioned, but because you're

975
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 1: a different, different person in the dynamic, your needs may change.

976
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:53,040
Speaker 1: So what do you think of her perspective? Like what

977
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 1: would you say? They're married? Yeah, they're married. She wants

978
00:49:57,200 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 1: to have sex more than he does. Um, you know,

979
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 1: how does you know? How does can you shed light

980
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 1: to a male's perspective on this? Like what can I

981
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,160
Speaker 1: do to help the situation? Like, so what could she

982
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:08,879
Speaker 1: do to like to say if they've been married? Doesn't

983
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:10,400
Speaker 1: say if they're ma, it's just my husband and I

984
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:16,800
Speaker 1: m for me as an avoidant and one with intimacy issues,

985
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 1: I don't know. In that title programming your Brain, that's

986
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 1: how I started. That is how I started acknowledge acknowledge

987
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 1: that because I know the work that I need to

988
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 1: do and the work that I am doing. So that's

989
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:30,360
Speaker 1: why I acknowledge that, because that is someone who I

990
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 1: still am in certain scenarios and I'm working not to

991
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:37,919
Speaker 1: be um, but for me, a lot of it comes

992
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 1: with performance anxiety because I am an avoidant and knowing

993
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:46,879
Speaker 1: that maybe his spouse is someone who's anxious, and maybe

994
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 1: your love language is physical touch, where any time that

995
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 1: she may want to start to get physical, he might

996
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:57,879
Speaker 1: automatically think, Okay, I have to have sex, Like that's

997
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:00,600
Speaker 1: the verb, that's the verb. Is that my go in

998
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:02,920
Speaker 1: his head is I have to do this. Well, that's

999
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 1: not what you want. You don't want to say I

1000
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:05,799
Speaker 1: have to do this. You want to be like, oh, yeah,

1001
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 1: I want to do this. I just know that from

1002
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:09,440
Speaker 1: experience where I've had feelings in my head where I've

1003
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 1: said I have to do this right now, and maybe

1004
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:14,359
Speaker 1: you just start off a little bit. And these are

1005
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 1: things that you know, Jen and I have done at

1006
00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:18,919
Speaker 1: times where it's hey, let's just let's just kiss, let's

1007
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:20,719
Speaker 1: just can you just hold me, hold me for a

1008
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:23,200
Speaker 1: little bit and warm him up, where it's not like

1009
00:51:23,239 --> 00:51:25,839
Speaker 1: all or nothing, where it's you're away from him because

1010
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:27,719
Speaker 1: you know he doesn't want anything, but just bring it

1011
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:29,239
Speaker 1: up to him like, hey, will you just hold me

1012
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,759
Speaker 1: for a little bit, No expectations, no pressure to perform. No,

1013
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 1: you know, we have to have sex, no have to anything.

1014
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:37,839
Speaker 1: In fact, what you're describing is something I talked about

1015
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 1: on my CAFI show this week, which our sense ate

1016
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 1: Focus exercises. And the first thing a sex therapist does

1017
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: with a couple that walks in with a high high

1018
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 1: dynamic or high desire low desire dynamic is they say

1019
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:50,920
Speaker 1: no sex for six weeks, so to take all the

1020
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:54,080
Speaker 1: pressure off. Because what ends up happening is that one couple,

1021
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 1: one person says, well, if you stop nagging me and

1022
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,399
Speaker 1: wait until I come to you, and the other one

1023
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 1: goes okay, So they grit their teeth and everybody's walking

1024
00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:05,640
Speaker 1: on eggshells and nothing's happening. So instead the doctor steps

1025
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:07,799
Speaker 1: in and says, I prescribe that you do not have

1026
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:10,319
Speaker 1: any sex at all for six weeks. However, you have

1027
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 1: to do a week of just handholding, you have to

1028
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 1: do a week of just foot massages, you have to

1029
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:18,359
Speaker 1: do a week of back missile and you are not

1030
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:20,759
Speaker 1: allowed to touch the genitals. You are not allowed to

1031
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 1: reach orgasm until six weeks. And so what that does

1032
00:52:24,719 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 1: is takes the sensation out of the genitals. Because another

1033
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:31,200
Speaker 1: problem that happens with long terminogamy is that everybody knows

1034
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:33,879
Speaker 1: each other's body so well. They know they're highlight reel.

1035
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 1: They go right to their hits and um. Therefore there's

1036
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 1: no novelty, there's no variety, and sex is exciting when

1037
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 1: it has variety in it. The other thing they do,

1038
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 1: especially when there's kids in the houses, they schedule their

1039
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:46,440
Speaker 1: sex around childcare and working and everything else. So it's

1040
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 1: a predictable time, it's a predictable place. It's a predictable position.

1041
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:52,879
Speaker 1: That will kill a sex life faster than anything. So

1042
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 1: having a sex therapist step in and go, you know what,

1043
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:58,400
Speaker 1: let's take sex off the table for six weeks and

1044
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:00,799
Speaker 1: go back into the arow. So you felt on your

1045
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 1: fingertips on your first date, what do you do for

1046
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:05,319
Speaker 1: the like? I mean, I know I felt this at

1047
00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 1: times where it's it just feels like such rejection and

1048
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 1: like you don't feel pretty enough. You don't, so it's like,

1049
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: how do you how do you not take that on?

1050
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 1: Not to make them think that that's like I'm a

1051
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 1: big believer in reframing, and so what I would tell

1052
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:24,239
Speaker 1: myself is, wow, this guy must be pretty confident if

1053
00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:28,239
Speaker 1: he turned down this tent. If you turned down this

1054
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:34,800
Speaker 1: tent and I'm like, I'm so ugly, baby in my belly,

1055
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:38,000
Speaker 1: and yeah, it's beautiful. Don't guys find pregnant women sexy?

1056
00:53:38,040 --> 00:53:42,319
Speaker 1: There's something sexy about little but there are Yeah, you

1057
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,479
Speaker 1: go ahead and sorry, yeah no. I was just telling

1058
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:46,759
Speaker 1: Janna that, you know, I think last week of how

1059
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 1: beautiful I think she looks now it' sexually, especially with

1060
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 1: how um this and I was on the first pregnancy,

1061
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:55,200
Speaker 1: with the issues that were going on. Just now I'm

1062
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:56,960
Speaker 1: being able to see it through different lands where I'm like, God,

1063
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 1: you are beautiful, like just glowing, and I I finally

1064
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:02,839
Speaker 1: see that like through my own eyes because before they

1065
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 1: are clouded. And the other thing I want to say,

1066
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 1: we always think that the Horror Madonna syndrome is in

1067
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:11,560
Speaker 1: a man's head only, meaning that some men aren't sexually

1068
00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 1: correct attracted to women when they're pregnant or mothers are

1069
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 1: nursing or whatever. Um, they have this concept in their

1070
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 1: head that they're two women and only one is effable, right,

1071
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:24,440
Speaker 1: and so, but it can happen in um in a

1072
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 1: woman's head as well. So it's really hard when you're

1073
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:32,239
Speaker 1: nursing and you're pregnant to turn all those mommy hormones

1074
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 1: off and go back into your vixen. There are guys though, too.

1075
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,399
Speaker 1: I mean, I have a girlfriend that's pregnant and she's

1076
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 1: having a hard time because her her husband is you know,

1077
00:54:40,880 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 1: he's not into it, not into the pregnant really hard.

1078
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean it's definitely hard. But but also

1079
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,560
Speaker 1: like once she communicated with him, it wasn't just about her.

1080
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:52,640
Speaker 1: It's about how he's also feeling like he feels a

1081
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 1: lot of shape, so he doesn't feel sexy. So there's

1082
00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:57,759
Speaker 1: like different layers with so much stuff. But yeah, it's

1083
00:54:57,800 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 1: it's just it's just I mean, Corey Hope, you know.

1084
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:02,840
Speaker 1: I feel like those are some great tips from Michael

1085
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 1: and Wendy. Um. But Wendy, thank you so much for

1086
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:07,920
Speaker 1: coming on the show. Where can our listeners find You

1087
00:55:08,239 --> 00:55:10,920
Speaker 1: can find me anytime on the Heart Radio app just

1088
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 1: keyword Dr Wendy and you can listen to me every

1089
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 1: Sunday and Wednesday live on k IF. I am six forty.

1090
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:19,839
Speaker 1: You are You're not only beautiful, but you're beautiful insight too.

1091
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 1: I'm just excited to watch this young family grow and

1092
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 1: you're a young family. Yes, she might need your number,

1093
00:55:27,719 --> 00:55:31,520
Speaker 1: Thank you, Wendy. Okay, So, Sarah, you know that I'm

1094
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,080
Speaker 1: like the biggest baby being home alone. Like I seriously

1095
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:37,000
Speaker 1: text you all the time all the time, being like, Hey, um,

1096
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:39,319
Speaker 1: Mike's gonna be out tom this weekend, so will you

1097
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 1: come over and hang out with me? But now that

1098
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 1: I have a d T, I don't text you anymore.

1099
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:46,160
Speaker 1: Now you don't have to drive end of the way

1100
00:55:46,239 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 1: to my house to stay at my place with me.

1101
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,080
Speaker 1: Because I'm a total baby. But I love a d

1102
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 1: T because I honestly feel so safe. I feel safe

1103
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:57,520
Speaker 1: knowing that me and my daughter can rest easy um

1104
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:00,759
Speaker 1: when we're you know, obviously I I I feel really

1105
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 1: safe when Mike's there. But it's just it's so nice

1106
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 1: to just have that extra um security blanket for me

1107
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:09,920
Speaker 1: to know that I can sleep and feel um secure.

1108
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:12,320
Speaker 1: So for a limited time, a d T s lowest

1109
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:16,040
Speaker 1: rate starting at just a month for the most trusted

1110
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 1: name and home security. That's just a dollar a day.

1111
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:21,919
Speaker 1: And honestly, I mean, don't you want to feel safe? Yes? Yes,

1112
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 1: So you need to sign up right now. So you

1113
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:25,840
Speaker 1: need to go to a d T dot com slash

1114
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 1: podcast or just a dt dot com to take advantage

1115
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 1: of a d t s lowest rate. That's ad T

1116
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:36,239
Speaker 1: dot com slash podcasts. I mean, I want to feel

1117
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 1: safe and I want you guys to feel safe. So

1118
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:41,439
Speaker 1: do it quick. Legal disclaimer them with thirty six month

1119
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:45,960
Speaker 1: monitoring contract, early termination in installation. Fees apply. Exclude taxes

1120
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:48,880
Speaker 1: and fees applies to traditional services only certain markets included.

1121
00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 1: Licenses available at dot com. Um so, I am so stoked.

1122
00:56:54,120 --> 00:57:00,919
Speaker 1: Put your hands on sir, um the biz you can cans. Yeah,

1123
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 1: we have a numerologist here, like just walked in the studio.

1124
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:09,400
Speaker 1: He's so cool, like you just like you look just

1125
00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:17,520
Speaker 1: so cool. I try the guys. This is Remington Donna. Okay,

1126
00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:20,480
Speaker 1: So for those speaking for my husband and to me too,

1127
00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 1: I'm just my girlfriend. Sarah is like all about this,

1128
00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:25,080
Speaker 1: like she knows the number, like she's she's like a

1129
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 1: crazy into this kind of stuff. So we'll we'll get

1130
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 1: to you, but let's start with here here. Well, let's

1131
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 1: get to my husband, because I know you have no

1132
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 1: idea what a numerologist is, right, No, I have an

1133
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 1: idea of everything else. I feel like this has been

1134
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:43,240
Speaker 1: a theme, like let's test Mike skepticism every episode. Mediums

1135
00:57:43,240 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 1: and sidekicks and astrologers now numerologists. It's like, all right,

1136
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 1: let's do it great. I literally got interviewed recently and

1137
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:52,320
Speaker 1: I said, oh, I usually don't try to do anything

1138
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:56,440
Speaker 1: for skeptics. I don't need to prove myself. But it's

1139
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 1: not like, you know, I just want to say a

1140
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:01,040
Speaker 1: couple of things. It's kind of like, here's a here's

1141
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:04,680
Speaker 1: a message, here's a message of your soul, and you

1142
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 1: can take it in a lot of different directions. And

1143
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:10,520
Speaker 1: it's not so much just the numbers that kind of

1144
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:15,120
Speaker 1: triggers an intuitive psychological response that starts to open up

1145
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 1: a process. And it's so it's it's similar to say astrology.

1146
00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:23,440
Speaker 1: You know, I use your birthday. It's really simple. Somebody

1147
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 1: else has your exact same birthday, but it's still not

1148
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:38,040
Speaker 1: the same year. But yeah, um that everybody gave me

1149
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 1: their real year. But it does it creates a process.

1150
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:46,680
Speaker 1: I mean, I have to be honest, I'm amazed every time.

1151
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:49,040
Speaker 1: And I this is what I literally do for a living,

1152
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 1: and I consult with people every day and I'm booked

1153
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 1: solid and um every time it opens something up and

1154
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:59,800
Speaker 1: I'm still like a little kid, and I still love

1155
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:01,960
Speaker 1: how did you get into this? Like what is it?

1156
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:03,880
Speaker 1: Was it? Just like was it? Was? There? A number

1157
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:05,400
Speaker 1: always in your head and you're like, why is this

1158
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:08,080
Speaker 1: coming to me? Or well I have so I grew

1159
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:13,880
Speaker 1: up total hippie parents on like a yoga community. Um

1160
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:16,720
Speaker 1: so which part of it is actually in Virginia now

1161
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:19,560
Speaker 1: and I think that's where you're born, so um but

1162
00:59:19,880 --> 00:59:23,920
Speaker 1: uh so being in that kind of environment, I definitely

1163
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 1: see it more through kind of a spiritual perspective. What

1164
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 1: is the evolution of your soul? How can you use

1165
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 1: this to increase and expand and have a better life.

1166
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:36,800
Speaker 1: So that spiritual experience is really this this expansion and

1167
00:59:36,840 --> 00:59:41,320
Speaker 1: this betterment of you, and somehow it comes through these numbers.

1168
00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 1: So I've just always had an interest in these deeper studies,

1169
00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 1: but it's definitely from a kind of more devotional, kind

1170
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 1: of loving perspective, and then you had to actually study

1171
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:54,560
Speaker 1: like what these numbers mean is that, Yeah, I have

1172
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:58,400
Speaker 1: a background in years and something called mystical Kabbalah and

1173
00:59:58,520 --> 01:00:00,840
Speaker 1: that ties in a lot of number. So I'm actually

1174
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:04,240
Speaker 1: an astrologer, numerologist. I read hetero and then I'll have

1175
01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:09,439
Speaker 1: when I do it, when I do a session with someone,

1176
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:11,800
Speaker 1: I combine all of that. But for some reason, I'm

1177
01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 1: more known numerology. It has a ring to it. But um,

1178
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 1: I'm not. It's like crazy number obsessed, like I'm not tracking,

1179
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:21,800
Speaker 1: Like oh my god, that license plates at seven four two,

1180
01:00:21,840 --> 01:00:24,200
Speaker 1: and I saw that in my receipt. But I will

1181
01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 1: notice it like I hadn't experience. I know, this was

1182
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:30,360
Speaker 1: like a year ago. I kept seeing the number seventeen,

1183
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:33,440
Speaker 1: like I had a receipt. It was like seventy one seventeen,

1184
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 1: and something else was seventeen seventy one. I parked behind

1185
01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:39,520
Speaker 1: a license places like seventeen seventeen. I went and got

1186
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 1: a taco and my number was seventeen. And I told

1187
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:45,760
Speaker 1: my girlfriend and she was in Italy. She was by

1188
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 1: a casino and yes, and I kept Gina and I

1189
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 1: kept saying, I'm c seventeen everywhere, And so she went

1190
01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:59,200
Speaker 1: to a room, are you? So she went to a

1191
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:02,680
Speaker 1: roue what what roulette wheel? And I'm not a gambler,

1192
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:08,840
Speaker 1: and she put everything on seventeen and on how many

1193
01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:13,440
Speaker 1: times have you won the lottery? I've oh, yeah, then

1194
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:16,440
Speaker 1: the lottery is for seventeen million dollars once. I'm like

1195
01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:19,920
Speaker 1: that right after all the seventeen I played totally lost,

1196
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,640
Speaker 1: So I don't know if it was. You gotta have

1197
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 1: some perspective. People get totally their heads in the clouds.

1198
01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:29,520
Speaker 1: I get emails and messages daily that are like, okay,

1199
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:32,200
Speaker 1: like a whole list of forty numbers that they see,

1200
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:34,320
Speaker 1: like what does it mean. I'm like, it means you

1201
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 1: should probably start paying attention to the road, you know.

1202
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,200
Speaker 1: I was like in a store once and this guy

1203
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:42,280
Speaker 1: runs out. He's like, oh my god, your bill it

1204
01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 1: was nineteen dollars and forty three cents. Wasn't mean Like

1205
01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:47,680
Speaker 1: around l A, I'm kind of known for it, And

1206
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:49,680
Speaker 1: I was like it just it means I spent way

1207
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:51,920
Speaker 1: too much money for like a bottle of water and

1208
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:57,440
Speaker 1: a gluten free donut in Los Angeles. So I definitely

1209
01:01:57,480 --> 01:02:01,200
Speaker 1: have some perspective. But what it does, it's very um.

1210
01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:05,040
Speaker 1: It has a deep message of of your soul. So

1211
01:02:05,120 --> 01:02:07,600
Speaker 1: I and it's literally just these few I have a

1212
01:02:07,600 --> 01:02:10,360
Speaker 1: little notebook here, there's okay, you want to go start

1213
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:15,720
Speaker 1: with Mike and I okay, so I'm gonna start with you.

1214
01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:21,400
Speaker 1: So Mike, so I have these numbers there's these different

1215
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:23,760
Speaker 1: placements sort of like an astrology chart, like you have

1216
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:26,680
Speaker 1: a sun sign, a moon sign, like I don't know,

1217
01:02:26,760 --> 01:02:31,080
Speaker 1: someone's a sagittarius or scorpio. Um. So this you have

1218
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:34,240
Speaker 1: these different placements. And so Mike is a soul of

1219
01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:37,880
Speaker 1: eight and you can take so eight on its surface

1220
01:02:37,960 --> 01:02:41,280
Speaker 1: is an energy. It's actually somebody who's very much a healer.

1221
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:44,680
Speaker 1: And what eight is is a symbol of is the

1222
01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 1: sort of life force of the universe. And so where

1223
01:02:48,680 --> 01:02:50,640
Speaker 1: do you take it from there? So in a really

1224
01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:54,080
Speaker 1: good note, this says, Okay, Mike has a soul that's

1225
01:02:54,200 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 1: very enthusiastic, it's high energy, and it's it really loves

1226
01:02:58,240 --> 01:03:04,560
Speaker 1: to be of service. And even your numerology together, so um,

1227
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:07,400
Speaker 1: you have a you have a gift of eight. So

1228
01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:11,920
Speaker 1: you guys together actually create a very uplifting, very enthusiastic,

1229
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:14,400
Speaker 1: very healing energy. Does that mean you have to go

1230
01:03:14,440 --> 01:03:17,320
Speaker 1: to med school or study like Raiky or become like

1231
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:20,520
Speaker 1: a clear light healer. No, but it means that you

1232
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:22,959
Speaker 1: have an energy force and you have a lot of

1233
01:03:23,120 --> 01:03:26,440
Speaker 1: power and a lot of vitality, and there's excitement and

1234
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:31,440
Speaker 1: there's enthusiasm, and it just wants to help others. Then

1235
01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:33,520
Speaker 1: we have a karma of two. So then we look

1236
01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:35,120
Speaker 1: at the things. What are the things to look at?

1237
01:03:35,600 --> 01:03:39,200
Speaker 1: You guys actually make a great relationship because there's actually

1238
01:03:39,240 --> 01:03:43,800
Speaker 1: a healthy code dependence. There can be a negative code dependence.

1239
01:03:43,840 --> 01:03:47,040
Speaker 1: I know that where it sounds is generally negative. But

1240
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:50,440
Speaker 1: two is this very open you. You have a Jana

1241
01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:52,720
Speaker 1: has a two soul, Mike, you have a two karma.

1242
01:03:52,800 --> 01:03:55,000
Speaker 1: Karma is just the thing that we're born to work on,

1243
01:03:55,040 --> 01:03:58,760
Speaker 1: we're supposed to learn, we're supposed to master. And that

1244
01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:03,040
Speaker 1: is very man it's very loving. It's almost like a

1245
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:07,400
Speaker 1: big hug. But then it's negative tendency is going to say, well,

1246
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:10,040
Speaker 1: I love I really want to belong. So you guys

1247
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:13,160
Speaker 1: have a collective energy that loves connection, it loves family,

1248
01:04:13,200 --> 01:04:17,520
Speaker 1: it loves community. The downside of that is, okay, I

1249
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:21,560
Speaker 1: love fulfillment, but what am I fulfilling myself with? Where

1250
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 1: am I looking outside of myself to consume? So it

1251
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 1: can come through overeating, intoxication. Um, you know, being so

1252
01:04:30,800 --> 01:04:34,920
Speaker 1: caught up in a relationship or an outside issue to

1253
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:38,280
Speaker 1: expand you and you lose track that what it really

1254
01:04:38,360 --> 01:04:42,240
Speaker 1: is is your very powerful open conduits. It's something much

1255
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:47,040
Speaker 1: more sacred, So go for that. You have a gift though,

1256
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:50,800
Speaker 1: of being very orderly. Six is very has a lot

1257
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:53,760
Speaker 1: of follow through, a lot of consistency. It's a very

1258
01:04:53,800 --> 01:04:57,480
Speaker 1: diligent number unless you take the I'm a total slack

1259
01:04:57,520 --> 01:05:03,000
Speaker 1: around um well. Six is sort of like the orbit

1260
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:05,920
Speaker 1: of the sun. So in a way that can get

1261
01:05:05,960 --> 01:05:09,640
Speaker 1: into a rut like six cannot make change. You can

1262
01:05:09,680 --> 01:05:13,280
Speaker 1: go through like an orderly flow. Six is the um

1263
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:16,280
Speaker 1: It's like the cosmic harmony of the universe. That's something

1264
01:05:16,320 --> 01:05:18,360
Speaker 1: that you're talented at. Sometimes we don't know we have

1265
01:05:18,440 --> 01:05:20,440
Speaker 1: those gifts, to know that you actually have talents in

1266
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:24,840
Speaker 1: creating order uplifting spaces. You're in the underfield that shows

1267
01:05:24,920 --> 01:05:26,960
Speaker 1: up and it's like, I don't know what it is.

1268
01:05:27,000 --> 01:05:31,160
Speaker 1: I love that guy who's just vibrant and awesome. But

1269
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:33,880
Speaker 1: what you have to work on is what are you

1270
01:05:33,920 --> 01:05:37,000
Speaker 1: opening up to? Yeah, but part of you, part of Mike,

1271
01:05:37,160 --> 01:05:40,400
Speaker 1: actually likes to hide and that comes through ten and

1272
01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 1: ten is this very extreme. Ten is the number of

1273
01:05:43,720 --> 01:05:46,600
Speaker 1: greatness of nobility. It is the number of a king

1274
01:05:46,760 --> 01:05:49,640
Speaker 1: of a queen has an energy of fame about it.

1275
01:05:49,640 --> 01:05:54,080
Speaker 1: It's radiance how noble and radiant are you? And how

1276
01:05:54,520 --> 01:05:57,040
Speaker 1: are you? How cool are you? Just staying in that

1277
01:05:57,120 --> 01:06:00,040
Speaker 1: kind of energy of that and how much do you

1278
01:06:00,560 --> 01:06:05,640
Speaker 1: um take any perceived failures in your life and really

1279
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:09,080
Speaker 1: build on it. It's this extreme. It's like I deal

1280
01:06:09,120 --> 01:06:12,840
Speaker 1: with a lot of actors in Los Angeles, and people

1281
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:15,880
Speaker 1: that have incredibly successful careers will have all these tens

1282
01:06:16,720 --> 01:06:18,800
Speaker 1: and then they think they're total failures because they haven't

1283
01:06:18,840 --> 01:06:22,120
Speaker 1: won an Oscar, but they've been on tons of shows

1284
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:25,280
Speaker 1: they've done really well. So you know, Mike would be

1285
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:28,360
Speaker 1: really good to just be like, look at whatever you

1286
01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:31,040
Speaker 1: think is a failure and realize that ten is always

1287
01:06:31,040 --> 01:06:34,600
Speaker 1: a number of success and greatness. This is a huge

1288
01:06:34,880 --> 01:06:38,760
Speaker 1: energy field, like you're a powerhouse, but on a really

1289
01:06:38,840 --> 01:06:43,000
Speaker 1: deep soul level, Mike's very much a healer, and it's

1290
01:06:43,040 --> 01:06:45,840
Speaker 1: somebody who wants to show up and make everything better

1291
01:06:46,320 --> 01:06:52,960
Speaker 1: for everybody. And it's You're like you elevate people, you

1292
01:06:53,120 --> 01:06:56,800
Speaker 1: encourage people, and and on a keynote is really how

1293
01:06:56,800 --> 01:06:58,480
Speaker 1: how do you show up to a situation not only

1294
01:06:58,520 --> 01:07:00,520
Speaker 1: do you make it better? Only only do I sort

1295
01:07:00,560 --> 01:07:04,919
Speaker 1: of out charm this sort of someone's having a bad day, Mike,

1296
01:07:05,000 --> 01:07:07,400
Speaker 1: you can just show up be yourself, but you make

1297
01:07:07,440 --> 01:07:12,280
Speaker 1: people feel safe and that's a really big talent and

1298
01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:15,440
Speaker 1: gift and people will actually see you more as a

1299
01:07:15,520 --> 01:07:18,560
Speaker 1: teacher to start to think what can you do that

1300
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:21,800
Speaker 1: just so even if it's like charity work, but in

1301
01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:23,880
Speaker 1: some way the things that are going to be the

1302
01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:28,680
Speaker 1: healthiest for Mike or like really deep community, family connections,

1303
01:07:29,040 --> 01:07:37,760
Speaker 1: love both of you like love love and uh, but Mike,

1304
01:07:37,800 --> 01:07:41,440
Speaker 1: you're you're really a teacher who who elevates everything and

1305
01:07:41,440 --> 01:07:45,200
Speaker 1: and makes it better and and a healer and and

1306
01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:51,000
Speaker 1: again take that on that sort of abstract these ideas

1307
01:07:51,480 --> 01:07:53,640
Speaker 1: you hide, there's a part of you that high that

1308
01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:59,760
Speaker 1: like stay great and you're gonna be good. I appreciate that. Um,

1309
01:07:59,800 --> 01:08:03,400
Speaker 1: but I love like the two because the dynamic that

1310
01:08:03,480 --> 01:08:07,160
Speaker 1: you guys with with Jenna, like your soul is too.

1311
01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:14,280
Speaker 1: It means you're very open. It's very how open Sometimes

1312
01:08:14,360 --> 01:08:16,800
Speaker 1: lessons they're like and the soul is like, here's your you,

1313
01:08:17,120 --> 01:08:20,200
Speaker 1: But how open are you? You know? Sometimes it takes

1314
01:08:20,240 --> 01:08:23,000
Speaker 1: discernment what am I again? Like I said, one of

1315
01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:26,800
Speaker 1: my fulfilling But you guys together have this match that

1316
01:08:27,120 --> 01:08:32,639
Speaker 1: just the deeper you go, the better it is. And um,

1317
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:36,000
Speaker 1: but you have a gift of a levin Well, the

1318
01:08:36,080 --> 01:08:41,120
Speaker 1: leven is called sound. So literally your talents have to

1319
01:08:41,160 --> 01:08:45,519
Speaker 1: do with using voice with sound, playing music, talking on

1320
01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:50,920
Speaker 1: the radio. So but what what it is too is

1321
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:55,080
Speaker 1: it's it's an expansion of your kind of frequency, is

1322
01:08:55,120 --> 01:08:58,080
Speaker 1: the way I put it. So everything about you has

1323
01:08:58,120 --> 01:09:00,599
Speaker 1: a natural tendency. You have gifts to head it out

1324
01:09:00,640 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 1: to the world. So what like the things that you

1325
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:07,240
Speaker 1: can really that's really good for even like investing money

1326
01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:09,960
Speaker 1: for example, it's the kind of energy that says, Okay,

1327
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:11,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do a little work in the moment, I'm

1328
01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:15,000
Speaker 1: gonna hand it off, I'm gonna let something else, I'm

1329
01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:18,120
Speaker 1: gonna let the universe in some level of another cultivate

1330
01:09:18,160 --> 01:09:20,960
Speaker 1: it and grow it. Do you have like a product line,

1331
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:24,599
Speaker 1: because that is really good for product line for getting

1332
01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:27,280
Speaker 1: it right now you Well, that's your gift. You have

1333
01:09:27,360 --> 01:09:28,680
Speaker 1: to do it. You have to learn to be more

1334
01:09:28,680 --> 01:09:35,400
Speaker 1: of a boss. You know you have you literally have

1335
01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:37,080
Speaker 1: to own it. These are some of the biggest things

1336
01:09:37,120 --> 01:09:38,920
Speaker 1: that are going to make a difference in your life.

1337
01:09:39,200 --> 01:09:41,840
Speaker 1: Is going to say okay, it's okay for me to

1338
01:09:41,920 --> 01:09:44,519
Speaker 1: speak up for my needs and what I want and

1339
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:46,600
Speaker 1: just sort of and it means doesn't mean you have

1340
01:09:46,640 --> 01:09:49,320
Speaker 1: to be a harsh B word means you can be

1341
01:09:49,360 --> 01:09:52,840
Speaker 1: really cool. So communication is going to be key for you,

1342
01:09:52,880 --> 01:09:55,240
Speaker 1: knowing where you set boundaries so things don't get to

1343
01:09:55,240 --> 01:09:58,040
Speaker 1: a point where you're just f and pissed and resentful

1344
01:09:58,240 --> 01:10:00,680
Speaker 1: and and keeping a bottled and I mean we all

1345
01:10:00,720 --> 01:10:03,400
Speaker 1: do that at some point. But for you too, is

1346
01:10:03,520 --> 01:10:06,639
Speaker 1: really learning to step into your real courage, your real

1347
01:10:06,720 --> 01:10:10,080
Speaker 1: authority and you have you literally some of the things

1348
01:10:10,120 --> 01:10:11,760
Speaker 1: I would say you were born to learn. It's kind

1349
01:10:11,760 --> 01:10:14,839
Speaker 1: of how to run a run a business, be a boss,

1350
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:18,479
Speaker 1: be an authority, and use your leving gift that says

1351
01:10:18,760 --> 01:10:21,640
Speaker 1: the world is going to receive the things that you

1352
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:25,640
Speaker 1: put out there. So something like, I mean this is

1353
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:30,520
Speaker 1: great like doing a radio show, being a musician. Eleven

1354
01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:33,559
Speaker 1: has an energy, you know, acting it needs to be seen.

1355
01:10:33,720 --> 01:10:40,040
Speaker 1: But like think of yourself as an entrepreneur, run I

1356
01:10:40,040 --> 01:10:43,040
Speaker 1: would say, start, get a product line going, and it

1357
01:10:43,080 --> 01:10:46,639
Speaker 1: can be really successful as long as you know how

1358
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:49,400
Speaker 1: to like just hone it in. You also have a

1359
01:10:49,439 --> 01:10:51,640
Speaker 1: path of eight. You both have this path of that

1360
01:10:51,880 --> 01:10:55,600
Speaker 1: enthusiastic kind of healer energy and at the end of

1361
01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:58,599
Speaker 1: the day, it's really about how are we of service

1362
01:10:58,640 --> 01:11:04,559
Speaker 1: to others? How do we help others? Yes by being

1363
01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:06,680
Speaker 1: kind of a natural teacher and say I'm gonna show

1364
01:11:06,760 --> 01:11:08,479
Speaker 1: up and make it better and make you feel safe

1365
01:11:08,479 --> 01:11:10,320
Speaker 1: for him and make you feel good about your life,

1366
01:11:10,720 --> 01:11:13,720
Speaker 1: like you would be a great like. Um you know

1367
01:11:14,479 --> 01:11:17,640
Speaker 1: those like and why am I totally going blank on

1368
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:21,320
Speaker 1: those like speakers? A motivational speaker kind of energy. I'm

1369
01:11:21,400 --> 01:11:23,880
Speaker 1: not saying you have to go do that, but know

1370
01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:26,320
Speaker 1: that that's an energy that you bring where people feel

1371
01:11:26,320 --> 01:11:29,759
Speaker 1: safe and good. But uh, Janet, you gotta be a boss.

1372
01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:32,519
Speaker 1: You gotta be cool with it. You gotta speak up.

1373
01:11:33,400 --> 01:11:35,960
Speaker 1: I know you speak probably all day for a living,

1374
01:11:36,120 --> 01:11:39,320
Speaker 1: but it's really no. Hey, it's okay for me to

1375
01:11:39,360 --> 01:11:42,720
Speaker 1: go for what I want. I'm not being selfish, and

1376
01:11:42,760 --> 01:11:45,519
Speaker 1: I can create order and structure. And you have to

1377
01:11:45,640 --> 01:11:49,320
Speaker 1: learn where Mike is a natural teacher, people actually see

1378
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:52,200
Speaker 1: you as a teacher and as a guide and somebody

1379
01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:54,960
Speaker 1: who makes it better. You have to step into that

1380
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:58,800
Speaker 1: role and that comes from the number five. Um. Five

1381
01:11:58,960 --> 01:12:02,559
Speaker 1: is also physical. So you know, pro athlete is going

1382
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:06,280
Speaker 1: to be the best easiest extreme Like whoa actual pro

1383
01:12:06,360 --> 01:12:09,920
Speaker 1: athlete here? But it's really the number of a teacher.

1384
01:12:10,280 --> 01:12:14,240
Speaker 1: You have to learn about that just knowing them. Like

1385
01:12:14,320 --> 01:12:16,639
Speaker 1: even when I come talk, Mike is always like, okay,

1386
01:12:16,720 --> 01:12:19,960
Speaker 1: let's talk about like with my life problems totally, and

1387
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:22,880
Speaker 1: you speak up for everyone, all your friends. She's like

1388
01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:24,800
Speaker 1: a writer or die. So then that makes sense, like

1389
01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:31,680
Speaker 1: now do it for yourself? Yeah, oh yes, but you

1390
01:12:31,720 --> 01:12:35,120
Speaker 1: have a really the two souls. You have a very

1391
01:12:35,400 --> 01:12:37,920
Speaker 1: and you have it what's called the projection, so you

1392
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:40,799
Speaker 1: may be heard from that astrologer like you have rising signs,

1393
01:12:40,800 --> 01:12:42,439
Speaker 1: which is sort of that's the idea of how you

1394
01:12:42,560 --> 01:12:45,439
Speaker 1: come off. You have a projection. This is Jannah has

1395
01:12:45,439 --> 01:12:48,120
Speaker 1: a projection of a number called four, which is all love.

1396
01:12:48,920 --> 01:12:52,040
Speaker 1: Everyone is going to see you as just holding this

1397
01:12:52,120 --> 01:12:55,559
Speaker 1: really loving space, so make the most of it. It's

1398
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:59,240
Speaker 1: very not very accepting, very compassionate. What do I have

1399
01:12:59,280 --> 01:13:03,000
Speaker 1: to be aware of? Well, it's the um for you.

1400
01:13:03,080 --> 01:13:06,800
Speaker 1: It's viewing the world as working in your favor and

1401
01:13:06,840 --> 01:13:10,240
Speaker 1: that outside influences are in a threat and that things

1402
01:13:10,320 --> 01:13:13,679
Speaker 1: aren't working against you. And some level does that make sense?

1403
01:13:13,880 --> 01:13:16,439
Speaker 1: Like that comes from your karma of three where you

1404
01:13:16,520 --> 01:13:20,799
Speaker 1: might shut down. Uh, Mike's kind of even too open,

1405
01:13:21,720 --> 01:13:25,320
Speaker 1: like to like possibilities. But both of you have this thing,

1406
01:13:25,479 --> 01:13:28,240
Speaker 1: so look at like how open I am I to

1407
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:32,120
Speaker 1: possibilities and expansion And where do I have the discernment

1408
01:13:32,160 --> 01:13:35,000
Speaker 1: to say no, that's not going to serve a higher

1409
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:38,120
Speaker 1: purpose for me. But you're both our teacher. You have

1410
01:13:38,160 --> 01:13:39,720
Speaker 1: to learn Jan has to learn to be a little

1411
01:13:39,760 --> 01:13:44,200
Speaker 1: more of a teacher. But you're here to really as

1412
01:13:44,320 --> 01:13:47,320
Speaker 1: jeesy as it sounds, you're really here to uplift and

1413
01:13:47,439 --> 01:13:52,599
Speaker 1: help others shift the world and collectively your ten energy,

1414
01:13:52,760 --> 01:13:56,559
Speaker 1: you guys together have a soul of ten, experience of ten.

1415
01:13:57,479 --> 01:14:00,280
Speaker 1: You gotta stay shut. You guys help each other stay

1416
01:14:00,320 --> 01:14:03,439
Speaker 1: completely radiant at all times. It's like the sun. The

1417
01:14:03,479 --> 01:14:05,880
Speaker 1: sun is a symbol of radiance because the sun is

1418
01:14:05,880 --> 01:14:09,200
Speaker 1: always shiny and the sun is always giving. That's that

1419
01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:12,479
Speaker 1: energy and a lot of prosperity comes from that ten.

1420
01:14:12,600 --> 01:14:14,479
Speaker 1: But together, you guys have a path of seven and

1421
01:14:14,560 --> 01:14:16,880
Speaker 1: that's the number that says I want to make this

1422
01:14:16,960 --> 01:14:20,120
Speaker 1: better for everybody. I mean, you're like spot on with everything,

1423
01:14:20,120 --> 01:14:22,720
Speaker 1: with everything like we have. Sarah's over there doing a

1424
01:14:22,800 --> 01:14:26,040
Speaker 1: round of applause. Um, yeah, because we have We definitely

1425
01:14:26,080 --> 01:14:30,799
Speaker 1: are working on things to be able to publicly speaking,

1426
01:14:30,840 --> 01:14:33,120
Speaker 1: and Mike wants to go out there and take that rain,

1427
01:14:33,280 --> 01:14:36,160
Speaker 1: and you know, I'm working on the business and so

1428
01:14:36,240 --> 01:14:39,320
Speaker 1: it's just together, we're working on our brand to help people.

1429
01:14:39,520 --> 01:14:42,840
Speaker 1: And so that's that's huge. You need to like help

1430
01:14:43,320 --> 01:14:46,599
Speaker 1: Mike have the confidence to stay radiant all the time

1431
01:14:46,680 --> 01:14:50,120
Speaker 1: and really be comfortable in that and to say, hey,

1432
01:14:50,320 --> 01:14:53,240
Speaker 1: you're an awesome guy and you have so much to

1433
01:14:53,280 --> 01:14:56,200
Speaker 1: give and share. If I had emotional problems, I'd be

1434
01:14:56,240 --> 01:15:02,880
Speaker 1: going to Mike. I love that. So it's you know,

1435
01:15:03,080 --> 01:15:06,920
Speaker 1: it's true that because he's like he's just now really

1436
01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:09,759
Speaker 1: starting to like open up to the idea of being

1437
01:15:09,800 --> 01:15:12,840
Speaker 1: able to help others with through his experiences because he

1438
01:15:12,880 --> 01:15:15,479
Speaker 1: has been through a lot. So I think it's and

1439
01:15:15,640 --> 01:15:18,160
Speaker 1: this is now the third time you've heard this just

1440
01:15:18,479 --> 01:15:23,040
Speaker 1: in this setting, so I know the only ones that

1441
01:15:23,080 --> 01:15:25,360
Speaker 1: are the only ones that carried away are honestly the

1442
01:15:25,439 --> 01:15:30,760
Speaker 1: astrologist and now Remington because the other stuff, I just

1443
01:15:30,760 --> 01:15:33,320
Speaker 1: feel like it's two subjective mediums and it's like nothing

1444
01:15:33,360 --> 01:15:36,599
Speaker 1: against that wherever for whatever people want to believe is fine,

1445
01:15:36,680 --> 01:15:38,519
Speaker 1: but for me, I feel like this is a little

1446
01:15:38,520 --> 01:15:40,800
Speaker 1: bit more concrete where there's not a lot of manipulation,

1447
01:15:40,920 --> 01:15:43,200
Speaker 1: at least in my skeptic mind. There's not a lot

1448
01:15:43,240 --> 01:15:46,320
Speaker 1: of manipulation with numbers and in stars and maligning. I

1449
01:15:46,360 --> 01:15:50,519
Speaker 1: think it is what it is, um, So I mean, yeah,

1450
01:15:50,640 --> 01:15:53,160
Speaker 1: I just have a lot of shame behind things still

1451
01:15:53,280 --> 01:15:55,599
Speaker 1: that stopped me. And Jan is always there to cheer

1452
01:15:55,640 --> 01:15:59,000
Speaker 1: me on and encourage me. So that makes sense. That's

1453
01:15:59,040 --> 01:16:01,000
Speaker 1: a great way to put it. I try to keep

1454
01:16:01,040 --> 01:16:03,720
Speaker 1: it really simple and real. And when people call me

1455
01:16:03,720 --> 01:16:06,680
Speaker 1: a psychic, I kind of I'm like, it's not. It

1456
01:16:06,800 --> 01:16:09,160
Speaker 1: just opens up in intuitive process, just if you were

1457
01:16:09,200 --> 01:16:13,040
Speaker 1: a psychologist or it's it's more like being an artist.

1458
01:16:13,560 --> 01:16:16,400
Speaker 1: I'm more fascinated that somebody like you write a song,

1459
01:16:16,479 --> 01:16:18,880
Speaker 1: it comes through, it comes out, and you manifest that

1460
01:16:18,920 --> 01:16:22,360
Speaker 1: you turn into reality. And these are just little things

1461
01:16:22,439 --> 01:16:25,439
Speaker 1: that say, hey, here's some clues, here's some tendencies, and

1462
01:16:25,479 --> 01:16:28,160
Speaker 1: here's a formula whatever you're doing in your life. If

1463
01:16:28,160 --> 01:16:31,360
Speaker 1: you guys like owned a coffee stand, you could still

1464
01:16:31,560 --> 01:16:33,720
Speaker 1: use You're just like, hey, we're giving coffee. That is

1465
01:16:33,760 --> 01:16:38,400
Speaker 1: like uplifts everybody. Um. And just so you know too, though,

1466
01:16:38,439 --> 01:16:40,679
Speaker 1: there's a lot of good uh, A lot of those

1467
01:16:40,720 --> 01:16:43,080
Speaker 1: eights and that enthusiasm, the energy and that level. That's

1468
01:16:43,080 --> 01:16:46,640
Speaker 1: all good for financial expansion too. So yeah, so be

1469
01:16:46,760 --> 01:16:59,719
Speaker 1: cool with that chas email six months but um, don't

1470
01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:04,719
Speaker 1: uh make sure, Mike, like just stay stay in that

1471
01:17:04,920 --> 01:17:08,559
Speaker 1: greatness and don't it Ten wants to doubt itself. Ten,

1472
01:17:08,840 --> 01:17:10,680
Speaker 1: this is the thing for you to work on. Ten

1473
01:17:10,840 --> 01:17:14,320
Speaker 1: is somebody who has has greatness and success and love

1474
01:17:14,840 --> 01:17:17,160
Speaker 1: and his lying in bed thinking I'm kind of a

1475
01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:19,920
Speaker 1: miserable failure at life. And I'm not saying you go

1476
01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:23,000
Speaker 1: that extreme. I say, that's kind of a funny way.

1477
01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:26,280
Speaker 1: That's gonna be the super extreme. It's like that, Um

1478
01:17:26,320 --> 01:17:29,519
Speaker 1: I always describe it was that movie Talladega Nights. Do

1479
01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:34,240
Speaker 1: you guys see that where the Will Ferrell's character's dad

1480
01:17:34,320 --> 01:17:36,360
Speaker 1: is always like, boy, if you ain't first your last,

1481
01:17:37,040 --> 01:17:39,920
Speaker 1: that's ten. If I didn't if I'm not first place,

1482
01:17:40,200 --> 01:17:42,799
Speaker 1: if I didn't win forty super Bowls, if I didn't

1483
01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:45,400
Speaker 1: you know, get an oscar, if I didn't always be

1484
01:17:45,560 --> 01:17:47,519
Speaker 1: at what I think the top of my game is,

1485
01:17:47,800 --> 01:17:50,600
Speaker 1: then I'm I'm completely failed and I don't want to

1486
01:17:50,640 --> 01:17:54,439
Speaker 1: show myself to the world. And you know what, It's okay.

1487
01:17:54,520 --> 01:17:56,519
Speaker 1: You have to show yourself to the world because you're

1488
01:17:56,520 --> 01:17:58,719
Speaker 1: here to heal it and help it and make everything

1489
01:17:59,000 --> 01:18:01,280
Speaker 1: feel better. And we need a world that people are

1490
01:18:01,280 --> 01:18:04,479
Speaker 1: allowing people to feel safe it is and that is

1491
01:18:04,520 --> 01:18:06,200
Speaker 1: literally one of the hardest things for me to do

1492
01:18:06,360 --> 01:18:09,559
Speaker 1: because I do have that mentality, and I don't feel

1493
01:18:09,560 --> 01:18:13,679
Speaker 1: like anything I've accomplished is good enough and that there

1494
01:18:13,760 --> 01:18:16,280
Speaker 1: I just always feel like no matter even though if

1495
01:18:16,320 --> 01:18:17,880
Speaker 1: I look back, I know I tried as hard as

1496
01:18:17,880 --> 01:18:20,200
Speaker 1: I could or did everything I possibly could that was

1497
01:18:20,439 --> 01:18:23,920
Speaker 1: within my power, and things still didn't happen my the

1498
01:18:23,960 --> 01:18:26,680
Speaker 1: way I wanted them to. I still feel like I

1499
01:18:26,680 --> 01:18:29,320
Speaker 1: could have done more. Like I'm never satisfied with what

1500
01:18:29,360 --> 01:18:32,439
Speaker 1: I do, which is very hard to live with at times.

1501
01:18:32,960 --> 01:18:36,200
Speaker 1: So Jane is always there to encourage me to. I mean,

1502
01:18:36,240 --> 01:18:39,160
Speaker 1: I totally understand. You're the person that who's always encouraging

1503
01:18:39,200 --> 01:18:41,880
Speaker 1: everybody else and it takes a little practice to put

1504
01:18:41,880 --> 01:18:46,040
Speaker 1: it towards yourself, you know, Jane, just you give all love,

1505
01:18:46,960 --> 01:18:50,920
Speaker 1: like you know how to make connections now and like, uh,

1506
01:18:50,960 --> 01:18:55,519
Speaker 1: you know an emotional human interaction way that's really deep,

1507
01:18:55,560 --> 01:18:58,599
Speaker 1: it's very sincere, but even on a a practical real

1508
01:18:58,680 --> 01:19:01,960
Speaker 1: world way, like you know how to like let's say, Okay,

1509
01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:04,360
Speaker 1: I want to expand and I wanna I don't know,

1510
01:19:05,000 --> 01:19:06,479
Speaker 1: it might be a dumb example, but I want to

1511
01:19:06,479 --> 01:19:09,880
Speaker 1: get this person on the show that to energy. It's

1512
01:19:09,920 --> 01:19:12,800
Speaker 1: just like a just hug it all in, everything that

1513
01:19:12,840 --> 01:19:15,280
Speaker 1: you want, just kind of love it all in and

1514
01:19:15,640 --> 01:19:18,760
Speaker 1: give it back out to the world. There's no way

1515
01:19:18,800 --> 01:19:21,640
Speaker 1: you can't do awesomely well with these numbers. And you

1516
01:19:21,640 --> 01:19:24,840
Speaker 1: guys together have a relationship that encouraged so much healing,

1517
01:19:25,000 --> 01:19:29,160
Speaker 1: greatness and emotional support, and that's what we're trying to

1518
01:19:29,200 --> 01:19:31,559
Speaker 1: do on the show. Actually, So that's amazing. Um, I

1519
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:34,680
Speaker 1: have to love it. You have to go so I

1520
01:19:34,720 --> 01:19:39,320
Speaker 1: love you and have a field day with this one.

1521
01:19:42,320 --> 01:19:44,800
Speaker 1: I'm sweating. Okay, I want to hear what you have

1522
01:19:44,840 --> 01:19:46,280
Speaker 1: to say about Sarah, but real quick, I want to

1523
01:19:46,280 --> 01:19:49,840
Speaker 1: tell you guys about homest candles. I'm obsessed with these

1524
01:19:49,880 --> 01:19:53,960
Speaker 1: because literally, like I have a Michigan candle. No. I

1525
01:19:54,800 --> 01:19:57,760
Speaker 1: love these like I love you on the Texas one.

1526
01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:02,679
Speaker 1: It's like a little piece of right though. It's such

1527
01:20:02,720 --> 01:20:07,160
Speaker 1: a great idea because I mean, honestly, it's smells like,

1528
01:20:07,240 --> 01:20:09,639
Speaker 1: remind you of something, I know, what are I smell?

1529
01:20:09,720 --> 01:20:12,440
Speaker 1: Copper tone? I feel like, oh my god, it's a summer.

1530
01:20:12,680 --> 01:20:16,360
Speaker 1: And that's how these candles are. They remind you of

1531
01:20:17,080 --> 01:20:19,600
Speaker 1: you know, depending on which I got Northern California, so

1532
01:20:19,640 --> 01:20:23,639
Speaker 1: I can be reminded of home. You have Michigan, Michigan Tennessee,

1533
01:20:23,680 --> 01:20:27,240
Speaker 1: which I'm just obsessed with. So they provide warm, glowing

1534
01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:30,200
Speaker 1: reminders of the special times people in places of your life.

1535
01:20:30,479 --> 01:20:32,479
Speaker 1: They even have a gender reveal one too, which is

1536
01:20:32,520 --> 01:20:36,800
Speaker 1: so cute, Like, yeah, it's like, come on, stylishly personalized

1537
01:20:36,840 --> 01:20:39,880
Speaker 1: your home office with the conversation starter that smells great

1538
01:20:39,880 --> 01:20:41,759
Speaker 1: and puts you in a good mood whenever you smell

1539
01:20:41,760 --> 01:20:43,719
Speaker 1: it or see it burning in your shop. I mean, honestly,

1540
01:20:43,760 --> 01:20:45,280
Speaker 1: for me, it always makes me so happy because I

1541
01:20:45,320 --> 01:20:47,600
Speaker 1: missed Nashville every single day. So when I like my

1542
01:20:47,680 --> 01:20:52,679
Speaker 1: Nashville candle with Tennessee and I'm like that little moment. Well,

1543
01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:54,720
Speaker 1: and it's so cool when someone comes to your house too.

1544
01:20:54,800 --> 01:20:56,559
Speaker 1: You know, when someone goes in your bathroom and then

1545
01:20:56,560 --> 01:20:59,880
Speaker 1: they smell that smell, so it's like going to bath

1546
01:21:00,040 --> 01:21:01,720
Speaker 1: that's a gift. They're an amazing gift. But it's also

1547
01:21:01,760 --> 01:21:03,479
Speaker 1: great to buy for your own house so that when

1548
01:21:03,479 --> 01:21:06,720
Speaker 1: people come over They're like it exactly and it's a

1549
01:21:06,720 --> 01:21:11,080
Speaker 1: great value to it's so I think that's a fantastic

1550
01:21:11,200 --> 01:21:13,400
Speaker 1: So go to homesick dot com to find every single

1551
01:21:13,479 --> 01:21:16,439
Speaker 1: one of the fifty United States candles, plus dozens of

1552
01:21:16,479 --> 01:21:19,360
Speaker 1: classic U S cities in popular countries. They will ship

1553
01:21:19,400 --> 01:21:21,680
Speaker 1: directly to you and your friends or family in just

1554
01:21:21,720 --> 01:21:24,120
Speaker 1: a few days. So right now, my listeners can get

1555
01:21:24,200 --> 01:21:27,639
Speaker 1: free shipping plus ten dollars off when you buy two

1556
01:21:27,960 --> 01:21:30,840
Speaker 1: or more candles. Just visit homesick dot com, use my

1557
01:21:30,880 --> 01:21:33,800
Speaker 1: co Janna that's homesick dot com and use my co

1558
01:21:33,960 --> 01:21:38,640
Speaker 1: Janna homesick no longer. Um okay, so real fast, you

1559
01:21:38,640 --> 01:21:40,360
Speaker 1: got some time for my girl over here, because she's

1560
01:21:40,400 --> 01:21:43,040
Speaker 1: like she needs as much help as possible. What's funny,

1561
01:21:43,080 --> 01:21:46,200
Speaker 1: all three of you have all of this energy and

1562
01:21:46,240 --> 01:21:49,280
Speaker 1: paths of eight eight is this is very It's it's

1563
01:21:49,320 --> 01:21:52,400
Speaker 1: it's the life force. It's the life of the party. Okay,

1564
01:21:52,439 --> 01:21:54,439
Speaker 1: but it's the life of the party that shows up.

1565
01:21:54,479 --> 01:21:57,439
Speaker 1: Sure you can take that into like a crazy, wild, fun,

1566
01:21:57,680 --> 01:22:02,840
Speaker 1: decadent way and call me later, but um, what I mean,

1567
01:22:03,080 --> 01:22:06,240
Speaker 1: that's that same healing energy. So it's like know that

1568
01:22:06,520 --> 01:22:08,760
Speaker 1: you know Sarah know that you show up and and

1569
01:22:08,880 --> 01:22:12,400
Speaker 1: you bring that enthusiasm. But you have to look at two.

1570
01:22:12,560 --> 01:22:15,400
Speaker 1: For you, how far do you push yourself where you

1571
01:22:15,439 --> 01:22:17,280
Speaker 1: go to an extreme and then you crash and burn,

1572
01:22:17,360 --> 01:22:20,400
Speaker 1: then crash and burn, then crash and burn. So I'd

1573
01:22:20,439 --> 01:22:24,880
Speaker 1: say take some sort of adrenal vitamin supplement. But um,

1574
01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:26,960
Speaker 1: you also have the same thing about learning. If the

1575
01:22:27,000 --> 01:22:29,200
Speaker 1: more you speak up for yourself, the more you use

1576
01:22:29,240 --> 01:22:32,920
Speaker 1: your voice. Um, you actually have an eleven soul and

1577
01:22:32,960 --> 01:22:36,599
Speaker 1: that's the soul so and um, Jen actually want to get.

1578
01:22:36,600 --> 01:22:39,240
Speaker 1: Your gift is an eleven Levin is the number that

1579
01:22:39,320 --> 01:22:42,880
Speaker 1: literally can do anything. It's the number of anything. And

1580
01:22:42,920 --> 01:22:45,360
Speaker 1: you'll often meet people with eleven and they're like, well,

1581
01:22:45,840 --> 01:22:48,360
Speaker 1: I have a consulting company and then I like to

1582
01:22:48,400 --> 01:22:50,760
Speaker 1: do weaving on the side, and then I do and

1583
01:22:50,800 --> 01:22:54,760
Speaker 1: then I do craft shows. It you know you? For example, Jen,

1584
01:22:54,880 --> 01:22:57,080
Speaker 1: I know you you sing, your an actor and a

1585
01:22:57,280 --> 01:23:01,559
Speaker 1: radio show host. Um, I don't know you personally. Uh well,

1586
01:23:01,600 --> 01:23:04,280
Speaker 1: I don't actually just met everybody, but I could like

1587
01:23:04,360 --> 01:23:09,280
Speaker 1: google stuff. I have that gift in my numbers googling.

1588
01:23:09,400 --> 01:23:12,840
Speaker 1: But um, Sarah, you haven't eleven soul. That again, you

1589
01:23:12,920 --> 01:23:15,920
Speaker 1: have to realize that you're who you are is trying

1590
01:23:15,920 --> 01:23:18,000
Speaker 1: to get out to the world more and don't limit

1591
01:23:18,040 --> 01:23:20,920
Speaker 1: yourself to think, oh I have to do one like

1592
01:23:20,960 --> 01:23:23,920
Speaker 1: sort of one dimensional thing career wise, like, oh, this

1593
01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:27,320
Speaker 1: is it? So so why don't you embrace the fact

1594
01:23:27,320 --> 01:23:29,800
Speaker 1: that you have talents to do everything? I mean both

1595
01:23:29,800 --> 01:23:32,800
Speaker 1: of you. Um, but you need to know that and

1596
01:23:32,840 --> 01:23:37,120
Speaker 1: to know that whatever thinking tells you, Oh, I'm only

1597
01:23:37,120 --> 01:23:40,439
Speaker 1: supposed to do one thing in life, forget about that.

1598
01:23:40,520 --> 01:23:48,679
Speaker 1: What about relationship though? Geez, well, very sensitive? That's so

1599
01:23:49,160 --> 01:23:51,320
Speaker 1: you have, Well, you have a gift of nine. Nine

1600
01:23:51,400 --> 01:23:56,080
Speaker 1: is the most sensitive, most sophisticated, most gentle number. It's

1601
01:23:56,160 --> 01:24:00,519
Speaker 1: highly intelligent, it's very intuitive, it's very psychic. But uh,

1602
01:24:00,560 --> 01:24:03,479
Speaker 1: it can be so sensitive that it just trips out

1603
01:24:03,479 --> 01:24:06,920
Speaker 1: and blows everything out of proportion. So let's take relationships,

1604
01:24:07,040 --> 01:24:10,160
Speaker 1: I'm telling you for you, like, where do you compromise yourself?

1605
01:24:10,200 --> 01:24:12,720
Speaker 1: Where do you accept just good enough and then get

1606
01:24:12,760 --> 01:24:19,120
Speaker 1: into a complacent rut and never cause change? Oh I

1607
01:24:19,160 --> 01:24:23,720
Speaker 1: can see it. Um, that's those are those are your

1608
01:24:23,800 --> 01:24:26,960
Speaker 1: lessons to learn. You have to learn to really stand

1609
01:24:27,120 --> 01:24:31,519
Speaker 1: up for the for quality. Eleven is the number that

1610
01:24:31,560 --> 01:24:33,880
Speaker 1: everything will kind of come to you and everything will

1611
01:24:33,880 --> 01:24:37,320
Speaker 1: work out, but then it can get lazy. And then

1612
01:24:37,680 --> 01:24:40,360
Speaker 1: so let's take your relationship. How many relationships have you

1613
01:24:40,360 --> 01:24:42,320
Speaker 1: been in where you're just like, you know what, it's

1614
01:24:42,400 --> 01:24:45,360
Speaker 1: sort of it's okay, it's not really good enough, and

1615
01:24:45,400 --> 01:24:48,960
Speaker 1: I nobody's listening, but uh, and you just sort of

1616
01:24:49,080 --> 01:24:51,720
Speaker 1: let it go on because you don't even want it.

1617
01:24:51,920 --> 01:24:55,080
Speaker 1: You're afraid to assert yourself and say, you know what,

1618
01:24:55,160 --> 01:24:59,040
Speaker 1: this doesn't serve a bigger purpose for me, and then

1619
01:24:59,080 --> 01:25:01,360
Speaker 1: you have ten experien and so it's also tells me

1620
01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:04,000
Speaker 1: sort of like Mike, what part of you says, I'm

1621
01:25:04,080 --> 01:25:07,760
Speaker 1: maybe not worthy enough to attract the quality relationship that

1622
01:25:07,840 --> 01:25:11,200
Speaker 1: I have. You need to find somebody. A lot of

1623
01:25:11,200 --> 01:25:14,320
Speaker 1: times with relationship work is getting a better understanding of

1624
01:25:14,360 --> 01:25:17,639
Speaker 1: yourself to know, hey, I should attract somebody of this

1625
01:25:17,760 --> 01:25:22,000
Speaker 1: sort of caliber that really aids in my existence, and

1626
01:25:22,000 --> 01:25:25,479
Speaker 1: then I will help that person. And eleven is a

1627
01:25:25,600 --> 01:25:30,400
Speaker 1: very great, very expansive, very big number. You can't puts around.

1628
01:25:30,760 --> 01:25:33,120
Speaker 1: Levin will just puts around and not figure it out

1629
01:25:33,120 --> 01:25:37,040
Speaker 1: because it's sort of like, especially even with options of dating,

1630
01:25:37,840 --> 01:25:39,360
Speaker 1: it's like you can go on like an app and

1631
01:25:39,400 --> 01:25:44,080
Speaker 1: you're just constantly swiping eleven is the number of all numbers,

1632
01:25:44,160 --> 01:25:47,200
Speaker 1: so all numbers are contained within eleven. I was described

1633
01:25:47,240 --> 01:25:50,519
Speaker 1: it's like watching Netflix, so let's look at that like dating.

1634
01:25:50,560 --> 01:25:52,840
Speaker 1: You can put it on next thing. You know, you've

1635
01:25:52,840 --> 01:25:57,000
Speaker 1: spent an hour just scrolling through a trillion options and

1636
01:25:57,040 --> 01:26:01,080
Speaker 1: then you're like there's nothing and it's like this sort

1637
01:26:01,120 --> 01:26:04,920
Speaker 1: of ce. So just make your mark, set your boundary.

1638
01:26:05,560 --> 01:26:12,160
Speaker 1: Know you're worth You're a freaking eight. Like that was fun,

1639
01:26:12,439 --> 01:26:16,840
Speaker 1: high energy, vital, enthusiastic person to be around. And you

1640
01:26:16,880 --> 01:26:19,559
Speaker 1: have to own your tent. You have to say every

1641
01:26:19,640 --> 01:26:25,519
Speaker 1: freaking day, I'm so radiant, I'm so beautiful, I'm a tent. Okay,

1642
01:26:25,680 --> 01:26:27,920
Speaker 1: just tell yourself you gotta wake up instead of like

1643
01:26:28,560 --> 01:26:32,360
Speaker 1: I'm just like a puts and I'll just go along

1644
01:26:32,360 --> 01:26:36,880
Speaker 1: with whatever seems good enough. I mean, right, where can

1645
01:26:36,920 --> 01:26:40,760
Speaker 1: my listeners find you? So well, Remington Donovan, I have

1646
01:26:40,800 --> 01:26:43,519
Speaker 1: a website which is my name, Remington Donovan dot com.

1647
01:26:43,640 --> 01:26:46,880
Speaker 1: But I love Instagram and I do a lot. I

1648
01:26:46,920 --> 01:26:49,240
Speaker 1: actually do a little thing where I pick a tarot

1649
01:26:49,280 --> 01:26:51,120
Speaker 1: card every day and I give a little lesson about it.

1650
01:26:51,240 --> 01:26:54,360
Speaker 1: I'll talk about the numbers and that. My Instagram, well

1651
01:26:54,360 --> 01:26:58,600
Speaker 1: it's the mystical arts, but it's Remington Donovan if you

1652
01:26:58,680 --> 01:27:02,280
Speaker 1: look that up. Those are probably the best ways. And

1653
01:27:02,320 --> 01:27:05,519
Speaker 1: then for private sessions, usually through my website, and you're

1654
01:27:05,520 --> 01:27:07,920
Speaker 1: booked out for like life for well, I'm going to

1655
01:27:08,000 --> 01:27:09,920
Speaker 1: be out of the country for a little bit. I'm

1656
01:27:09,920 --> 01:27:14,080
Speaker 1: actually teaching a lot in Spain right now. But once

1657
01:27:14,120 --> 01:27:17,160
Speaker 1: I get back, yeah, things are there's still be openings.

1658
01:27:17,200 --> 01:27:18,880
Speaker 1: You may have to wait a mind. All right. Well,

1659
01:27:18,920 --> 01:27:21,280
Speaker 1: you are awesome and I cannot thank you enough for

1660
01:27:21,439 --> 01:27:24,880
Speaker 1: bringing your numeralgy. I love it. You guys are great

1661
01:27:25,000 --> 01:27:27,559
Speaker 1: and own it you, guys. To one last note, you

1662
01:27:27,600 --> 01:27:29,680
Speaker 1: have a very just in the numbers. You have a

1663
01:27:29,760 --> 01:27:35,160
Speaker 1: very beautiful, very loving relationship. Just always work it out.

1664
01:27:35,400 --> 01:27:38,800
Speaker 1: There's so much love there and so much connection and

1665
01:27:38,840 --> 01:27:43,639
Speaker 1: there's so much healing and Sarah, you're freaking tent alright,

1666
01:27:43,920 --> 01:27:50,920
Speaker 1: just own it. Thanks guys. Okay, how are you doing? Girl?

1667
01:27:50,960 --> 01:27:55,320
Speaker 1: I mean we like, I feel totally set up, like

1668
01:27:55,400 --> 01:27:58,360
Speaker 1: this was planned. It wasn't planned. I swear it was

1669
01:27:58,400 --> 01:28:00,800
Speaker 1: not planned, but I mean, like, how was it for you?

1670
01:28:00,840 --> 01:28:02,519
Speaker 1: Like do you feel I mean not only are you

1671
01:28:02,560 --> 01:28:05,120
Speaker 1: attend that's what Remington said, but I mean the things

1672
01:28:05,160 --> 01:28:07,360
Speaker 1: that you know Dr Wendy Walsh said to you and

1673
01:28:07,600 --> 01:28:11,120
Speaker 1: just the conversation, how are you are you? Are you okay?

1674
01:28:11,920 --> 01:28:15,040
Speaker 1: I'm I'm good. But I think it's because I've never

1675
01:28:15,080 --> 01:28:16,920
Speaker 1: had like a I mean I talked to like you

1676
01:28:16,960 --> 01:28:19,760
Speaker 1: and people I've never had like a specialist get all

1677
01:28:19,800 --> 01:28:22,320
Speaker 1: up in my grill and she was up in it

1678
01:28:22,479 --> 01:28:25,680
Speaker 1: and you don't know, I mean, like I said, I

1679
01:28:25,720 --> 01:28:28,000
Speaker 1: know she said, like I got an ultimatum or and

1680
01:28:28,040 --> 01:28:29,599
Speaker 1: then break up and they get back together. But at

1681
01:28:29,600 --> 01:28:32,120
Speaker 1: the end of the day, like, am I really going

1682
01:28:32,160 --> 01:28:36,160
Speaker 1: to do anything? You're just gonna be happy, But you

1683
01:28:35,960 --> 01:28:38,920
Speaker 1: do need to set something though. That is and I

1684
01:28:39,400 --> 01:28:41,799
Speaker 1: what if you say, hey, this is what I want

1685
01:28:42,160 --> 01:28:44,439
Speaker 1: and I'd love to oh he knows what I want

1686
01:28:44,520 --> 01:28:46,800
Speaker 1: and say, well, when do you want it? I know

1687
01:28:47,439 --> 01:28:49,160
Speaker 1: whatever I need to get there. I just hope he

1688
01:28:49,200 --> 01:28:52,360
Speaker 1: doesn't want it to God, no kidding, I hope nobody

1689
01:28:52,360 --> 01:28:54,800
Speaker 1: I know who listen to um. But seriously, thank you

1690
01:28:54,840 --> 01:28:56,880
Speaker 1: for being a show. I swear I didn't set you up,

1691
01:28:56,880 --> 01:28:59,160
Speaker 1: even though I was. My girlfriend Katherine always saying I'm

1692
01:28:59,160 --> 01:29:01,920
Speaker 1: setting her up whatever mean she's on, But no, I

1693
01:29:01,920 --> 01:29:03,479
Speaker 1: swear to you this was not a setup. And I

1694
01:29:03,560 --> 01:29:05,760
Speaker 1: love you, I love you. And um, just a huge

1695
01:29:05,800 --> 01:29:08,479
Speaker 1: thank you to Remington Donovan, our numerologist and then Dr

1696
01:29:08,520 --> 01:29:12,439
Speaker 1: Wendy Walsh for just being fantastic guests on our show. UM,

1697
01:29:12,479 --> 01:29:15,840
Speaker 1: and thank you Sarah. Hopefully you'll come back. I can't wait.

1698
01:29:16,200 --> 01:29:21,360
Speaker 1: This was my opener to come to Vegas. Until next time,

1699
01:29:21,520 --> 01:29:22,719
Speaker 1: We're wine down later