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Speaker 1: All right, guys, time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And

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Speaker 1: if you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting,

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Speaker 1: and more. Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM

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Speaker 1: dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be

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Speaker 1: reading your letter live on the air, just like we're

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Speaker 1: going to read this one right here, right now. Bugle

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Speaker 1: up and hold on tight. We got it for you. Here.

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Speaker 1: It is Strawberry Letter. Subject my wife made sure my

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Speaker 1: son hates me. Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm going to jump

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Speaker 1: right on in. I cheated on my wife two years

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Speaker 1: ago with a woman that constantly threatened to call my

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Speaker 1: wife when she didn't get what she wanted. This one

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Speaker 1: on two years until I ran out of money and

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Speaker 1: decided to end the affair. This woman called my wife

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Speaker 1: a few days later. I was out cutting the yard

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Speaker 1: when my wife when she called my house and my

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Speaker 1: wife answered. I walked in and my wife was on

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Speaker 1: the speakerphone listening to my side chick with my son

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Speaker 1: sitting there listening to everything. He was twelve years old

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Speaker 1: at the time, and I made him leave the room,

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Speaker 1: but he had already heard enough. My relationship with him

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Speaker 1: was ruined. After that day, my home life was terrible too,

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Speaker 1: so I moved out after my wife served me with

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Speaker 1: divorce papers. We are in the process of discussing who

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Speaker 1: will get custody of our son, and I haven't seen

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Speaker 1: him in months. His mother is brainwatched him to think

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Speaker 1: I'm a no good cheeter and liar. She has him

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Speaker 1: in the middle of grown folks business, and when we talk,

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Speaker 1: she's always on speakerphone so my son can hear all

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Speaker 1: of the conversation. She sends me text messages with our

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Speaker 1: son on the text thread, and she's usually calling me

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Speaker 1: names and cursing me out. She's brought up all kinds

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Speaker 1: of things that have happened in our marriage, and my

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Speaker 1: son doesn't need to know all of that. I'm dying

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Speaker 1: to see him, so I sent him a text asking

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Speaker 1: him to have dinner with me one day. Soon, he

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Speaker 1: sent me the most disrespectful reply a child could send

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Speaker 1: a father. I wanted to go snatch him up real quick,

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Speaker 1: but I can't. This is not the boy I raised.

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Speaker 1: He needs his father back in his life. How can

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Speaker 1: I reverse all of this brainwashing? Please advise? Well, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you're gonna be able to do that.

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Speaker 1: And I have to say this, Everything in this letter

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Speaker 1: is just terrible. Everything in this letter, I mean, you

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Speaker 1: cheat it for the lamest excuse ever, I mean, in

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Speaker 1: the history of cheating. Just say you cheated or wanted

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Speaker 1: to cheat. Cheating because this woman was gonna call your

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Speaker 1: wife if you didn't cheat with her is about the

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Speaker 1: stupidest thing ever, I mean. And then you cheated with

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Speaker 1: her for two years. She scared you for two years. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's just dumb. You know you should have told your

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Speaker 1: wife about the threats when they started, and then call

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Speaker 1: the woman's bluff and not cheat it since she ended

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Speaker 1: up calling your wife anyway, you know. I also, this

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Speaker 1: is what I don't hear in this letter. I don't

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Speaker 1: hear any remorse from you. I hear no remorse from

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Speaker 1: you about what you did. I mean, did you try

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Speaker 1: to fix it, did you try to apologize, did you

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Speaker 1: try anything anything? I mean? And of course your wife

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Speaker 1: wanted to hurt you, and she knows your son is

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Speaker 1: the way to get at you. I mean, what she

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Speaker 1: did is beyond wrong. What she did is beyond wrong.

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Speaker 1: There's no way your son should have been in the middle.

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Speaker 1: As you say, grown folks business. If she needed an ally,

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Speaker 1: she could have talked to another adult. You know, she

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Speaker 1: tainted the boy now, made herself look like a victim,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, made you hate him, made your son hate

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Speaker 1: you and disrespect you. I'm not blaming your wife. I'm

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Speaker 1: not blaming her for anything. This is your fault. This

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Speaker 1: is you. And of course your son doesn't want to

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Speaker 1: see his mom hurt and going through because of you.

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Speaker 1: People get divorced every day and parents do get joint

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Speaker 1: custody of a kid, so hopefully during the divorce that'll

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Speaker 1: work itself out. But yeah, you, sir, created all of

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Speaker 1: this because of your cheating. Now the family's broken. But

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Speaker 1: you got to get to your son some kind of way.

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Speaker 1: You got to apologize to him. You gotta do something.

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Speaker 1: You got to talk to your son and not say

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Speaker 1: anything bad about his mom like you tried to, you know,

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Speaker 1: allude to in the letter. None of that. I don't

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Speaker 1: agree with anything she's done either, And your son has

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Speaker 1: already damaged by what she did, you know, letting him

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Speaker 1: hear everything. So you gotta get to a counselor. You

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Speaker 1: got to talk to him, a therapist of pastor Jesus,

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Speaker 1: someone to heal this relationship hopefully, like I said, the divorce.

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Speaker 1: When you get that, when you get custody, you know,

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Speaker 1: he can begin to understand that you do love him. Steve. See,

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Speaker 1: I don't think this is a letter at all about reconciliation.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it is at all. And I think

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Speaker 1: the man came right on when he said, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: just jump right on it. I cheated on my wife

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Speaker 1: two years ago. He already noticed his fault. I'm just

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Speaker 1: saying he know it. This is his fault with a

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Speaker 1: woman who constantly threatened to call my wife when she

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Speaker 1: didn't get what she wanted. See, now that's not a threat.

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Speaker 1: If you don't stay with me, I'm gonna call your wife.

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Speaker 1: It could be anything she wanted, because he said it

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Speaker 1: like he was buying her stuff, getting her stuff, probably

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Speaker 1: helping her, you know, with the bills and all this hidden.

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Speaker 1: When she don't get something, she won't her way or

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Speaker 1: him to come over at a certain time, then I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna threaten to call your wife. This went on for

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Speaker 1: two years, and this is the killer part, he says,

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Speaker 1: until I read out of money and decided to end

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Speaker 1: the affair. See, this affair was based around the money

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Speaker 1: he was given the mistress. So when the mistress couldn't

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Speaker 1: get what she wants and I'll need this, you need

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Speaker 1: to buy me that, dear shit, threatened to call the wife.

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Speaker 1: He kept it going for two years. He liked a

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Speaker 1: little sideline stuff, but it was costing him too much,

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Speaker 1: so then he decided to end the affair. What what

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Speaker 1: should He didn't have to do any of this. I'm

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Speaker 1: cheating with the woman. He was buying the stuff she

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Speaker 1: wanted more. When he didn't have the money to give

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Speaker 1: or won't, she threatened to call him. He tried to

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Speaker 1: keep it until he ran out of money. All right,

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Speaker 1: what we'll come back with per two of your response,

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Speaker 1: girl at twenty three minutes after straightened the letter in

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Speaker 1: her out come on back straightened him out. He needs

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Speaker 1: my ex wife made sure my son hates me? Is

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Speaker 1: the subject. We'll be back right after this. You're listening

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Speaker 1: Morning show? All right, Come on, Steve, Let's recap today's

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Speaker 1: strawberry letter. The subject might ex wife made my son

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Speaker 1: hate me? All right? Man writes a letter and said

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Speaker 1: he gonna jump right on it. Cheated on his wife

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Speaker 1: two years ago. He admitted that he know he wronged

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Speaker 1: with the woman that constantly threatened to call my wife

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Speaker 1: when she didn't get what she wanted. That could be

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Speaker 1: I want you to come over now. That could be

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Speaker 1: I want a new dress. That could be I want

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Speaker 1: you to fix my car. That could be I need

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Speaker 1: help with these bills. It could be anything she wanted,

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Speaker 1: but she would threaten to call a wife. Now. He

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Speaker 1: tried to keep it up, and he said this went

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Speaker 1: on for two years until I ran out of money.

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Speaker 1: And I said, man, now I got to end this

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Speaker 1: affair because that affair he was in, it might have

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Speaker 1: been sexual, but it was tied to money. Sugar Daddy

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Speaker 1: ran out of silker, he just dadded now. So that's

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Speaker 1: what happened. I was out cutting the yard when she

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Speaker 1: called my house and my wife answered. Walked in. Wife

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Speaker 1: on the speaker phone listening to my side. Chick, he

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Speaker 1: know he wrong. Myself was sitting there listening to everything.

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Speaker 1: He was twelve years old at the time, and I

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Speaker 1: made him leave the room, but he had already heard enough.

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Speaker 1: My relationship when him was ruined. After that day, my

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Speaker 1: home life was terrible too, so I moved out after

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Speaker 1: my wife served me with divorce papers. So This isn't

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Speaker 1: about a reconciliation. It's over. He caused it, his fault,

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Speaker 1: bad hit the problem. We are in the process of

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Speaker 1: discussion who will get custody of our son dog. You're

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Speaker 1: not getting custody. You could get joint custody. You know

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Speaker 1: you might get knocked down the visitation, but you're not

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Speaker 1: getting custody. You can stop this argument right now. I

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Speaker 1: haven't seen him in months. His mother has brainwashed him

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Speaker 1: to think I'm a no good cheetah and liar. She

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Speaker 1: has him in the middle of grown folks business, and

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Speaker 1: when we talk, she's always on speaking phones, so my

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Speaker 1: son can hear all of the conversation. Sherley and I

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Speaker 1: both agree she's wrong for this. I'm gonna tell you

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Speaker 1: at the end, sends me text messages with our son

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Speaker 1: on the text thread. Oh she wrong, man, But I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna tell you why she's doing this too, calling your

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Speaker 1: names and cussing me out. She's brought off all kinds

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Speaker 1: of things that happened in I marriaging my son. Don't

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Speaker 1: need to know all that. I'm dying to see him,

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Speaker 1: so when I sent him a text asking to have

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Speaker 1: dinner with me one day soon, he sent me the

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Speaker 1: most disrespectful reply a child could send a father. I

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Speaker 1: want to go snatch him up real quick, but I can't.

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Speaker 1: This is not the boy I raise. He needs his

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Speaker 1: father back in his life. How can I reverse all

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Speaker 1: the brainwashing? Please advise? Well, she here's a deal. She

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Speaker 1: has accomplished what she wanted to do. But here's the problem.

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Speaker 1: She won, but he lost. Not you have lost. Her

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Speaker 1: son has lost because she not only does she not

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Speaker 1: have a husband, but now she got her son thinking

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Speaker 1: he ain't got a father. And it don't have to

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Speaker 1: be because here's my opinion in this old thing, when

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Speaker 1: your husband doesn't prove to be a great husband, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that he's not a good father. Those are

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Speaker 1: two different roles completely, And when I say that, I'm

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Speaker 1: meaning that the two roles can be separated and each

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Speaker 1: can be performed extremely well. You can be a great

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Speaker 1: husband and never have any children. You can be a

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Speaker 1: great father, but you don't necessarily make you a great husband.

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Speaker 1: So the man is not a great husband, got that,

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Speaker 1: But that don't mean he ain't a great father. But

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Speaker 1: as a scorn woman or man, tying the two together

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Speaker 1: only hurts the child. The childish crust. Oh, you're whipping

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Speaker 1: the father's behind. But do you know that, you know

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Speaker 1: in the long run, that man is still a man

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Speaker 1: no matter what you say about him. But you are

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Speaker 1: hindering your son's development into manhood because the one person

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Speaker 1: that can teach him how to be a man, you've

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Speaker 1: discredited him because he wasn't a good husband. See, y'all

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Speaker 1: just wasn't it for each other? For whatever the reason was.

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Speaker 1: He wrong for cheating one hundred percent. But because he's

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Speaker 1: not a good husband, don't make him not a good father.

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Speaker 1: So now you brainwashed the child into hating his own father,

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Speaker 1: and you win. But guess what your child loses. And

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Speaker 1: y'all got to stop that is, if you are out there,

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Speaker 1: you have to stop that. If you are in the

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Speaker 1: process of using your child as upon and your divorce

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Speaker 1: or your relationship, you have to stop that. I am

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Speaker 1: speaking from experience. You have to stop that. It's not

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Speaker 1: for you to do this to this boy, because I

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Speaker 1: have news for you. One day, this boy's gonna grow

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Speaker 1: up and he gonna know the truth. And as this

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Speaker 1: boy grows up, this boy's gonna make mistakes of his

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Speaker 1: own and he's gonna start to understand that mistakes happen

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Speaker 1: in life. But because he wasn't a great husband to

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Speaker 1: you don't mean that he wasn't a great father to

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Speaker 1: this boy. And you're doing nothing but damaging the board.

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Speaker 1: And they tell you all the time. Listen, I don't

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Speaker 1: let my children hear me say nothing about their mother's

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Speaker 1: disparaging nothing. Oh I could, but I don't now them.

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Speaker 1: On the other hand, Oh, they ain't done me, done

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Speaker 1: me like like like a damn book. But guess what,

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Speaker 1: At the end, the truth comes out hanging that dog.

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Speaker 1: I support the man in this letter. I supports the child.

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Speaker 1: All right, well, wow, okay, Well we'll continue this conversation

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Speaker 1: when we come back. My ex wife made sure my

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Speaker 1: son hates me. Steve and I agree on that that

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Speaker 1: that is definitely wrong and we have some personal experiences

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Speaker 1: to talk about when we come back. All right, after this,

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Speaker 1: you're listening to the Steven Show. All right, Steve, this

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Speaker 1: this Strawberry letter was was interesting. My ex wife mate,

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Speaker 1: sure my son hates me. Um, you know, I mean

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Speaker 1: we can relate to it. We can relate to it.

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Speaker 1: We've both been divorced on the show, Um, you know.

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Speaker 1: Full disclosure Um, my first marriage didn't go well, didn't

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Speaker 1: end well, but we had a beautiful child out of

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Speaker 1: that relationship. And you know, I'm not ashamed to admit

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Speaker 1: um that I was very bitter. I was very very

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Speaker 1: bitter when we broke up. Um Uh, you know, you

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Speaker 1: get to a dark place. Sometimes you're angry, you're bitter,

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Speaker 1: all of this, and um, you know I was on

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Speaker 1: the radio. I was on the radio in LA. A

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Speaker 1: lot of people who listened during that time probably well

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Speaker 1: hopefully they don't remember. It was so long ago, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: I used to bad man. I used to really bad

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Speaker 1: mom my ex husband on the air constantly because you know,

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Speaker 1: something would happen that it would remind me or you know,

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Speaker 1: trigger me or something like that, and I just go in,

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Speaker 1: you know, or say one thing, Yeah, call him a

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Speaker 1: dead beat dad or whatever whatever, and just just not

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Speaker 1: a good look. You know, when you look back and

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Speaker 1: you look back from now, what you think, Oh, it

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Speaker 1: was horrible. I mean I had to stop myself. You know,

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Speaker 1: you grow, you change, people change, they do. I had

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Speaker 1: to forgive him that. It started with that forgiveness, because

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Speaker 1: forgiveness is not for the other person. We talk about

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Speaker 1: that a lot on the show, Forgiveness is for You.

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Speaker 1: Once I forgave him, then I could start to heal.

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Speaker 1: And I stopped, and I apologized on the air. I

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Speaker 1: apologized to him for saying that because we had a child,

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Speaker 1: I never wanted her to grow up. And you know

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Speaker 1: have people saying, well, your mom used to do this,

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Speaker 1: talk about your I've never wanted that. You know mine

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Speaker 1: ain't feel that way. But you wouldn't do that. You're

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Speaker 1: too much of a gentleman to do that. Well, I

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Speaker 1: would never talk about my sons and daughters mothers in

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Speaker 1: a disparaging way publicly. I would never do that. You know.

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Speaker 1: I have my comments away in my own personal life

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Speaker 1: because I'm human, but never on the app. Because I

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Speaker 1: taught my sons. I raised my sons to honor them

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Speaker 1: mothers like I was raised to honor mine and to

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Speaker 1: defend her at all costs. I can't they can't see

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Speaker 1: me talking about it. And then I asked them not

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Speaker 1: to honor them. But you know my ex. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: my ex went on a complete and total smear campaign

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Speaker 1: out of out of her anger and score for years,

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Speaker 1: I understand, for years, I mean just attack of attack, attack, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you know I thank god I had Marjorie, you know,

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Speaker 1: a strong woman who knew me. Yeah, I could say no.

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Speaker 1: All right. Coming up at the top of the hour,

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Speaker 1: we're going to talk about the moment we realized that

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Speaker 1: we've turned into our parents. Oh boy, we'll talk about

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Speaker 1: that right after this. You're listening to the Dame Harvey

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Speaker 1: Morning Show.