Speaker 1: Wind Down with Jane Kramer and Michael Coffin and I'm
Speaker 1: her radio podcast.
Speaker 2: Mom January and I'm alone, not all, I'm not alone.
Speaker 2: Easton Tory. Are you there, We're here, We're from here, Easton.
Speaker 2: You sound rough right now, buddy.
Speaker 3: You know, I hear this thing about the man cold,
Speaker 3: and I'm trying to stomp on that because I'm powering
Speaker 3: through man and I'm getting my work done.
Speaker 2: I feel like we could have a whole show about
Speaker 2: the man flu. Does that mean that you're not enjoying
Speaker 2: some good drinks lately?
Speaker 3: You know, I'm still finding time to have a party.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm feeling my wife is not sick, so
Speaker 3: she's she's really kicking back lately.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you, so, I've been having these Bachelor parties,
Speaker 2: right because you know, with the whole like theme of
Speaker 2: like Mom January. I don't know. I'm just like, this
Speaker 2: is like let's all meet up and then watch the Bachelor.
Speaker 2: So we've been doing that and it's been I really like,
Speaker 2: I want to talk about the girls, but I mean,
Speaker 2: I want to like keep the focus. But I I
Speaker 2: have to tell you this is gonna sound so crazy,
Speaker 2: but I feel like welly have my two girlfriends coming in.
Speaker 2: They're going to be here any second. But I've been
Speaker 2: telling a lie, oh because I know you want to
Speaker 2: know about it.
Speaker 3: I like actually do.
Speaker 2: So like I'm because you know me, like I'm like
Speaker 2: a red wine drinker, right, So I've been trying to
Speaker 2: like spice things up a little bit for you know,
Speaker 2: the the mom like Bachelor viewing or whatever. So I
Speaker 2: don't know if anyone watches my Instagram, but I've I
Speaker 2: posted about it probably like a month ago. It's did
Speaker 2: you see it, toy? It's like the drink works.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, I saw that because you were like you
Speaker 4: were sitting on that by your bar tender, right, I
Speaker 4: mean your bar, yeah.
Speaker 2: Like the barer counter and so yeah, so like Catherine,
Speaker 2: who's one of the girls sitters gonna be here because
Speaker 2: she's always just like you only drink wine, like you know,
Speaker 2: and whenever we go somewhere, like you're never like having
Speaker 2: like cocktails, And I was just like, well that's changing,
Speaker 2: because honestly, the truth is, I never know how to
Speaker 2: make them, which is why because I'm like, it's easy
Speaker 2: to uncork a bottle, like it's the one is done,
Speaker 2: it's a one and done. But when it comes to
Speaker 2: like a margarita or like a Moscow mule, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't even know like what like liquor goes in there,
Speaker 2: because I'm not like baked on liquor. So I've done
Speaker 2: this thing for Drink Works and it is the most
Speaker 2: incredible thing I've ever had. I got to feel like
Speaker 2: I'm like doing a spot for them right right, I
Speaker 2: looking online right now. I'm like no, So they come
Speaker 2: over and I'm like, cause, I just like trying to
Speaker 2: spice it up this month a little bit, you know,
Speaker 2: like I've been doing like a lot of work on myself.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to like spice up my life. And so
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know what, I love my red wine,
Speaker 2: but I'm gonna try something new. And so when I
Speaker 2: had the Drink Works thing, I was like, yes, So
Speaker 2: I've been making these margaritas and you guys, it's been
Speaker 2: like my biggest lie because they're like, how do you
Speaker 2: make this? And I'm like, well, you know, it's just
Speaker 2: a little bit of like this and that and right
Speaker 2: and then I think I said, like, I don't even
Speaker 2: remember what liquor I said, But Catherine totally ousted me.
Speaker 2: She's like, that's not in a margarita and I was like, no, Like,
Speaker 2: I'm totally out. So I had to show them what
Speaker 2: it was. But I don't know. I'm just like, God,
Speaker 2: this is totally this is crazy. But it's almost like
Speaker 2: you know those pods. Yeah, they send you pods of
Speaker 2: everything that's in, so that's liquor. It has the liquor
Speaker 2: in it, and it also has the ingredients of what
Speaker 2: comes in like a margarita, so you don't have to
Speaker 2: buy aMule. You don't have to buy two separate pods necessarily.
Speaker 2: It's like it's all in one. It's all in one.
Speaker 2: So literally, you put the pod in the drink works
Speaker 2: thing and you press the thing down and outcomes a
Speaker 2: perfectly tasting margarita. It blows my mind. And I did
Speaker 2: it to Mike the other day too. I was like, Hey,
Speaker 2: how do you want a mask on Mule? And he
Speaker 2: about fell over and I was like, no, no, baby,
Speaker 2: is seriously do you want a mask on Mule? And
Speaker 2: he was just like do you even know what that is?
Speaker 2: And I was like, I'm about to rock your world, baby.
Speaker 2: So I went into the bar and he like, obviously
Speaker 2: forgot that I have this amazing thing in the bar,
Speaker 2: and so I made him a drink and he was
Speaker 2: just like, oh, it's drink Works, and I was like, yeah, honey,
Speaker 2: but come on, give me like credit where credit is due.
Speaker 2: But no, it's awesome. It comes with the liquor in it,
Speaker 2: the one pod, all the stuff, so it's awesome anyway.
Speaker 2: So I just you know, if anyone's having any parties
Speaker 2: out there, I would definitely suggest trying to get the
Speaker 2: Drink Works.
Speaker 4: I mean, with all these award shows coming up, it's
Speaker 4: literally the perfect thing because then you're not stuck behind
Speaker 4: the bar all night long, so it's perfect. They have
Speaker 4: like a Cosmopolitan, margarita, Sangria Moscow mule, my tie.
Speaker 2: I don't even know what's in my tie exactly. So
Speaker 2: I get what you're saying.
Speaker 4: Why it's so easy You just put it in and
Speaker 4: then it's perfect because then while you're judging everybody's outfits,
Speaker 4: being like that's great, who wore.
Speaker 2: It best, and you're just drinking your drink.
Speaker 4: And I can't believe Jana just said she's moving on
Speaker 4: from wine.
Speaker 2: I'm not moving on. I'm just now expanding because now
Speaker 2: I don't have to. I don't need to know what's
Speaker 2: in it because it's pre made for me. So thank you.
Speaker 2: So I just like this is this is like my
Speaker 2: shout out to Drink Works to say thank you for
Speaker 2: not only you know, making super Bowl and everything looking
Speaker 2: great soon. I appreciate you. Yeah, I was gonna ask you.
Speaker 4: Also, nothing's worse than a strong drink. You know when
Speaker 4: people don't have the portions correct?
Speaker 2: Do you feel like fi thousand percent?
Speaker 1: Do you feel like it's perfect?
Speaker 2: I'm not the kidding with you, Tori. It's the it's
Speaker 2: the coolest thing ever. I mean, it's it's like a
Speaker 2: cure rig but with the pod, it's just it's it
Speaker 2: has everything measured in there. It's fantastic, I know. So
Speaker 2: just give it a ring. All you have to do
Speaker 2: is be red carpet ready the Drink Works Home bar
Speaker 2: By Kerri. Get one now on drinkworks dot com and
Speaker 2: please enjoy responsibly. Oh my ladies are walking in perfect timing.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's the end of an era and
Speaker 2: it's really making me sad. I have closure issues to
Speaker 2: see end. Well, Mom, January is coming to an end.
Speaker 1: Can't we just keep going?
Speaker 2: Is this the launch of Mom February.
Speaker 1: Did we just make something?
Speaker 2: I don't want to break up you guys.
Speaker 5: I was driving in today and I was like, I
Speaker 5: really just don't want this to be over.
Speaker 1: It's been really therapeutic.
Speaker 2: I had like the.
Speaker 5: Laguna Beach theme song playing in my head. It was
Speaker 5: like very sad and graduation feeling.
Speaker 2: What was the theme song?
Speaker 5: I'm not a singer. There's only one of those in
Speaker 5: this room. Don't make me do it, and it's Easton.
Speaker 1: Crickets.
Speaker 2: I'm pheready go. No, it's funny because I was I
Speaker 2: think we should do a segment at least once a month.
Speaker 2: I agree. I don't want to break up with you guys.
Speaker 1: So yeah, no, this, yeah, yeah, this is.
Speaker 2: How it went in high school too.
Speaker 5: We took a break before we broke up because I
Speaker 5: have like issues separating from people.
Speaker 2: That's really funny. I'm going to go back to that.
Speaker 2: But my therapist, so we've just been doing the month
Speaker 2: of January besides you know Mom, you know Mom month
Speaker 2: has been just like real deep in like therapy, and
Speaker 2: so I probably didn't even know if I should say this,
Speaker 2: but my therapist, you know, we're doing just kind of
Speaker 2: all different kinds of work and like that one letter
Speaker 2: that she made me write. But then she emailed me
Speaker 2: today and was just like, hey, for our session tomorrow,
Speaker 2: I'd like it if you brought a picture of your
Speaker 2: father and then other men that you've been in relationships with.
Speaker 2: I was like, it was like, define relationship. I was like,
Speaker 2: because we're gonna have a rolodex here, like what do
Speaker 2: you what are you thinking? So she's just like, she's like,
Speaker 2: you're so funny. She's like, no, just men that have
Speaker 2: impacted your life. And I was like, oh, this is good.
Speaker 2: What is just second through the home run? That are
Speaker 2: we talking like high school sweetheart to like you know
Speaker 2: the you know? But she said here right, let me
Speaker 2: just pull up the email because she was very specific
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 5: Man, we just went through this last night. I had
Speaker 5: a girlfriend and I were talking about what relationships were
Speaker 5: to men and what relationships are to girls.
Speaker 2: This is really in alignment. No, That's why I said
Speaker 2: define relationship because I've had there's there's been different relationships
Speaker 2: and she goes, oh, yeah, this is our thing. Hi, Jane,
Speaker 2: for our session tomorrow, please bring in a photo of
Speaker 2: your father and each man you have been in a
Speaker 2: relationship with She says, we're going to use these in
Speaker 2: our work, thank you?
Speaker 5: Is it like a lineup? Like I envision it to
Speaker 5: be like pick one of these in a crime.
Speaker 2: To which I said, amy, ha, define relationship and she
Speaker 2: said she was okay, you are hilarious. And she goes
Speaker 2: those relationships that you consider impactful in your life and
Speaker 2: emotionally meaningful, good or bad. Again, we asked a fine relationship.
Speaker 2: So it's like, what are you looking at?
Speaker 1: I'm just looking at Oh she's.
Speaker 2: Looking just doing a quick Google search, you know. I'm
Speaker 2: just like, But then I started thinking about too, and
Speaker 2: this is I'm going so all over the all over
Speaker 2: the place. But some of these I don't really have
Speaker 2: pictures of because I'm like, she'd just like bring my Instagram,
Speaker 2: like google Google. Some maybe can't be googled, you know.
Speaker 2: We hope not, actually, I hope. Yeah.
Speaker 5: The Google lists are probably the most secure relationship we've had.
Speaker 2: I just I'm a little nervous about it. The I'm like,
Speaker 2: what is she gonna do you have like a type? No,
Speaker 2: I mean it doesn't seem to me. Catherine's so funny.
Speaker 2: I remember I called you the other day and I
Speaker 2: was like, hey, if you want to go pick me up,
Speaker 2: I'll three at Whole Food's real cute high school boy.
Speaker 2: I remember his name. What's his name? Bailey?
Speaker 3: Bailey?
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 5: So I'm like, because I thought Bailey on the rocks.
Speaker 5: So I hang up and press and goes who's that
Speaker 5: And I said Janna and I'm a horrible liar. And
Speaker 5: he's like, what's she calling about?
Speaker 2: Bailey? And I said, oh, and.
Speaker 5: I just got really hot and sweaty, and he's like what,
Speaker 5: And I was like, it's just a mom thing.
Speaker 2: Is really funny.
Speaker 5: There's this guy the check out and he's like really,
Speaker 5: and I'm like, don't worry, instacar. It's not like that's
Speaker 5: a problem for me.
Speaker 1: High school boy.
Speaker 2: He was so college, don't be a creepy. I don't really.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: I was just we were just having a day and
Speaker 2: so and so I called her and I was while
Speaker 2: I was in the check and I just felt so ugly.
Speaker 2: I felt so mom and just like you know, just
Speaker 2: I just like front the old sweatshirt and then there's
Speaker 2: a sweet Bailey, Hey, ma'am, make ready to check out,
Speaker 2: and I was just like, you're so cute, and you know,
Speaker 2: he just was like so kind and so sweet and
Speaker 2: just he was just like, I hope you have a
Speaker 2: beautiful day. And I was just like, you're beautiful. Man.
Speaker 5: One more common, I'm gonna have to call security.
Speaker 2: So then I called Kristen, was just like, hey, if
Speaker 2: you want a really good pick me up right now,
Speaker 2: like go to Whole Foods Aisle three. And I said,
Speaker 2: did you hear my tires squealing out?
Speaker 1: Did you go to Hold.
Speaker 2: Foods right off? Do you tell?
Speaker 1: And then you're gone?
Speaker 2: I did tell Michael though, just in this in the
Speaker 2: defense because I thought about that. I was like, man,
Speaker 2: So I just called Kristen and I told her because
Speaker 2: I'm like I would be upset. Well actually, but I
Speaker 2: mean the family. He's like a high school college kid.
Speaker 2: So I told told him. I was like, you know,
Speaker 2: I still got it. I had a ma'am, ma'm, ma'am, ma'am.
Speaker 2: Do you maybe I don't? I love you so much?
Speaker 2: But if we're ma'am, you're right, but it maybe it?
Speaker 2: Then okay, So to full circle this, it flashed me
Speaker 2: back to then my high school sweetheart. So like for
Speaker 2: tomorrow session, It's like, it's interesting the relationships that have
Speaker 2: impacted us in our life. So or vision you walking
Speaker 2: in with like a yearbook stack. Well this was when
Speaker 2: I was, you know, thirteen, but no, it was. It's
Speaker 2: so interesting because all the work that I've kind of
Speaker 2: been doing this month, she it all goes obviously back
Speaker 2: to like my dad issues, which again we're great now,
Speaker 2: but it's just so funny how each relationship you still
Speaker 2: bring a piece of that into each relationship. I brought
Speaker 2: more than a piece. What did you brought? Like luggage?
Speaker 5: And I was like, don't look behind the curtain, just
Speaker 5: say yes to marry me and we'll talk about this later.
Speaker 1: We'll deal with this in therapy later.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but anyways, sorry about my little rant. I love
Speaker 2: your ma'am. Ma'am do you still have it? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think I got enough. Mam. He wants you to
Speaker 2: pack his lunch.
Speaker 1: There's a different.
Speaker 2: But anyways, I've really enjoyed mom month, and as excited
Speaker 2: as I am to go back to relationship talks, I
Speaker 2: do think that we should get We should do at
Speaker 2: least a once a month. My secret ballot right now
Speaker 2: and we can all put our votes in. Sorry, Mike,
Speaker 2: you're voted off the island. Off, Well, no, because one
Speaker 2: so I did questions before I left, and then I
Speaker 2: said ask questions and they said, can you and your
Speaker 2: girls do a mom podcast all the time? And I
Speaker 2: was just like, I yes, yeah, thousand percent best piece
Speaker 2: of advice for a first time mama to be. So
Speaker 2: I told them to send in some questions and that
Speaker 2: was one. What do you think your best piece of
Speaker 2: advice would be?
Speaker 1: Mine would be scheduling. Scheduling what like getting the baby
Speaker 1: on a schedule early?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, So someone asked when you talked about that,
Speaker 2: how do you get someone them like, which schedule do you?
Speaker 2: Because there's so many different sleeping schedules.
Speaker 1: I think for you, I mean, I like the oh gosh,
Speaker 1: I can't remember what it was called, but it's similar
Speaker 1: to baby Wise, but not so strict. It was a
Speaker 1: little bit less. Maybe furber I could be making that up.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but I just think the schedule in
Speaker 1: general is what helps and just having that, you know,
Speaker 1: set bedtime very important.
Speaker 2: Sorry now I'm just laughing. I'm sorry. I just flashed
Speaker 2: back to our group text between the three of us
Speaker 2: and can we please we.
Speaker 5: Need to.
Speaker 2: Kristen sent a photo of well a video a video
Speaker 2: and then Love pooped in her.
Speaker 1: When she was in mom hell in the bathroom for
Speaker 1: an hour.
Speaker 2: I'm the number one girl. And then.
Speaker 1: She yeah, because she went in the swim suation.
Speaker 2: I was in we forget, Oh what a mess? Do
Speaker 2: you want my advice? You want to talk about poop
Speaker 2: and a swimsuit?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: But I agree with Catherine's I think schedule is very important.
Speaker 2: I think babies need it. I think it's great. You
Speaker 2: guys are both really good at that. We did baby Wise. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but you also, like with your husband and stuff, that's
Speaker 2: hard because he's on the road. That's hard to Yeah.
Speaker 1: I just think that helps you your sanity. It does
Speaker 1: help your help mom sanity.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But I also think they are better adapted to the kids.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: But they know what to expect. Yeah. But we did
Speaker 2: the every feed play What is it? I think it was.
Speaker 2: I think it was baby Wise, play Place Sleep, Yeah,
Speaker 2: something like that. But it did. It worked for Jolie,
Speaker 2: it worked for jas like we were super obsessed with that.
Speaker 2: What's your best piece of mom advice?
Speaker 5: I actually got this advice from Jesse James Decker in
Speaker 5: interview love.
Speaker 2: This.
Speaker 5: I read this while I was pregnant with lovebugs. This
Speaker 5: had to be about four years ago, and Jesse said,
Speaker 5: do one thing a day that makes you feel like yourself,
Speaker 5: like you could be like I think for her, I
Speaker 5: remember this example. I don't know if it was hers
Speaker 5: or someone else that she cited, but she said, like,
Speaker 5: she loves to wear lipstick and it makes her feel
Speaker 5: like a person. So she was like, there was days
Speaker 5: basically where she looked broke down and oversized sweatpants with
Speaker 5: like dirty hair, but she would wear lipstick.
Speaker 2: And so I kind of adopted that, and I did.
Speaker 5: I was at home with love the first year a
Speaker 5: lot alone, and I would like, for me, it was
Speaker 5: curling my hair, and so I would just that seems
Speaker 5: so silly, but it just made me feel like a person.
Speaker 5: I never left the house. It just reminded me to like,
Speaker 5: it made me feel pretty or something.
Speaker 2: But I I liked.
Speaker 5: She was like, whether it's a hot cup of coffee,
Speaker 5: whether it's lipstick or reading a book, or just pick
Speaker 5: one thing a day that you is attainable for you
Speaker 5: to do that makes you feel like yourself. And that
Speaker 5: saved me a lot of days. Silly had nothing to
Speaker 5: do with the baby. But maybe that's why I helped.
Speaker 2: No, I loved that. I think it helps probably postpart
Speaker 2: him too.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, because I mean literally, just sitting in a
Speaker 5: condo for like three hundred and sixty five days, it's
Speaker 5: a little wears you out. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think my best piece of advice for a first
Speaker 2: time mama to be is I remember the first two
Speaker 2: weeks after having both kids, and remember how like, you know,
Speaker 2: you just start crying for no reason. Oh yeah, not
Speaker 2: to hold in that cry, let it out. It feels
Speaker 2: so good. I remember the second time with Jace, I
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, I don't know, it just felt gay,
Speaker 2: like just embrace the ugliness of it all, because it
Speaker 2: goes by so fast, too fast. Like I look at
Speaker 2: Jason now and I'm just like, you're not a baby anymore.
Speaker 2: How did you know you were to have kids? You
Speaker 2: don't really.
Speaker 6: For you?
Speaker 2: Uh, I just I want it was so fast with us, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean it was like.
Speaker 5: But I will say, in previous relationships and in a
Speaker 5: previous marriage, every time when someone would say when are
Speaker 5: you guys gonna have kids because we had been together
Speaker 5: so long, I would say I'm not ready yet. But
Speaker 5: then when I met my person. It was fast, fast, fast,
Speaker 5: and I was like, oh, I, I'm gonna have babies
Speaker 5: with you?
Speaker 6: Like it?
Speaker 2: Just so that felt maybe when you feel like you
Speaker 2: have a real partner.
Speaker 1: Yeah, cap I wanted babies for so long.
Speaker 2: It was just for me.
Speaker 1: It was like, I'm married, when are we having babies?
Speaker 2: Yeah? That's kind of same me too, Yeah, love me
Speaker 2: some babies.
Speaker 5: I always wanted babies. I just didn't want to raise
Speaker 5: a husband and babies, understood. Yeah, So I actually would
Speaker 5: like to say, if you feel like you could be
Speaker 5: raising your husband and babies, this might not be the
Speaker 5: time to have babies.
Speaker 2: Sorry. One of the questions I just got was are
Speaker 2: you ticklish? That's very interesting relevant to really going to
Speaker 2: content that much as it is, just I didn't know
Speaker 2: about Jane. Someone asked, how do you deal with the
Speaker 2: anger of infertility and not being able to have babies?
Speaker 2: Would you like to start with that?
Speaker 5: Kristen, Well, we I always I carry a bit of
Speaker 5: guilt at how easily we get pregnant because I have
Speaker 5: a lot of friends that have dealt with infertility. But
Speaker 5: we didn't always keep the babies, so we lost one
Speaker 5: between our kids, and that was rather devastating for a
Speaker 5: long time. That's actually when you and I got to
Speaker 5: me in my brain. That's when you and I got
Speaker 5: close because you were my first call when I pulled
Speaker 5: out of the parking lot and I was like, I
Speaker 5: don't know how to lose a baby.
Speaker 2: What do you do with the anger?
Speaker 5: Though? Because I think that piece is I wasn't actually
Speaker 5: angry as much as I was sad. It didn't go
Speaker 5: to anger to me until other people were in sensitive
Speaker 5: to it. That's when I got angry, like just dumb comments,
Speaker 5: just like like do you get annoying people like well,
Speaker 5: at least you know, yeah, just anything. I just was like,
Speaker 5: until you've walked it, you just don't know, you really don't.
Speaker 2: So best just to say I'm sorry that you're going
Speaker 2: through that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, anger is probably because there's some deep
Speaker 5: healing that needs to be done. But again, like I
Speaker 5: don't feel like I'm even fair. It's not fair for
Speaker 5: me to even speak on that because we were able
Speaker 5: to have babies, three pregnancies, two babies.
Speaker 2: Do you usually go to sadness?
Speaker 6: M h?
Speaker 2: Where do you usually go when you're when you're upset?
Speaker 2: Not upset, but I mean when you when you start
Speaker 2: to feel something like, what is your first feeling?
Speaker 1: That's a good question. I mean, I've never experienced something
Speaker 1: as I'm.
Speaker 2: Not even talking with day, just like any arguments with
Speaker 2: with your husband.
Speaker 1: I think I start out angry, but I cry when
Speaker 1: I'm angry, sames I'm sad, which I don't think. I
Speaker 1: really just think I'm so angry. I cry for whatever reason. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I usually start out angry and then go to
Speaker 1: a sad place, I guess, but I start out with anger,
Speaker 1: so I'm I mean, I don't know in that position
Speaker 1: if I would have gone, you know, to anger first
Speaker 1: or sadness, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, not been in
Speaker 1: your shoes, so I know.
Speaker 2: I was just when you when I was reading that,
Speaker 2: I was just like, how anger? Because I think it
Speaker 2: depends on the situation. But like I know when I
Speaker 2: lost it was I go anger first. So I'm always
Speaker 2: just like, how do you not go angry first? Because
Speaker 2: I like, I want to do that more in my life. Yeah,
Speaker 2: not go angry first. I'd like to go angry first
Speaker 2: a little more, so maybe we can help each other. No, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: I think it's better not because underneath the anger is
Speaker 2: just hurt yea and pain and sad. I just get
Speaker 2: straight to that. I guess I just skip that and
Speaker 2: go straight to devastated. So that's the good news, guys.
Speaker 2: Let's take a break. So update on the diapers. I
Speaker 2: am keeping Jolie in pull ups at night because let
Speaker 2: me say this, just to recap on the Joe Frost thing,
Speaker 2: she came out of her room at least thirty times.
Speaker 2: I was texting you girls like I'm about to lose
Speaker 2: my mind, but I'm doing what she said and I
Speaker 2: had the thing off too. So during all of that,
Speaker 2: she then pees herself and it's like ten o'clock a night.
Speaker 2: I'm just like, I cannot handle this, so I've put
Speaker 2: a pull up on her, and but ever since then,
Speaker 2: she has not gotten out of her bed. So for me,
Speaker 2: I'm like, let's just do one thing at like one
Speaker 2: when at a time, I'm like, I'm not pulling two
Speaker 2: things off at once. But she has not gotten out
Speaker 2: of her bed.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy.
Speaker 2: I mean, great job. It was from seven o'clock to
Speaker 2: ten o'clock at night. I need bed. Yeah, And then
Speaker 2: I'm like I'm like, like I would do it five
Speaker 2: times and I say, Mike, yeah, I'm about to lose it,
Speaker 2: like like you know, pass out like whatever, like high five,
Speaker 2: tap out. And then he would do it and he's like,
Speaker 2: I'm about to lose it. I was like, just don't
Speaker 2: he was, He's he started to have He's a jolleye. Stop.
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, no, no, no, don't give her any satisfaction,
Speaker 2: pick her up, put her back in bed.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So was it just one night? Then one night she
Speaker 2: said she's hours.
Speaker 1: See if you listen for three hours but you did it,
Speaker 1: isn't it worth it?
Speaker 2: It's worth it now it is.
Speaker 1: I feel really bad about giving you a shame about
Speaker 1: the pull ups when you said and then she peter
Speaker 1: her Oh god, I take it back.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, she.
Speaker 3: Is.
Speaker 2: How is I love doing? Though? Okay, so.
Speaker 5: Bless this little one. Uh Sunday, I was like, okay,
Speaker 5: so no pull ups. I waited till I had reinforcements
Speaker 5: at home, had dead dah and I was like, all right,
Speaker 5: it's no pull up Sunday.
Speaker 2: And this is how it goes. So pull ups ever,
Speaker 2: moved out of the bathroom and at ten am she
Speaker 2: starts holding her little booty outside of her little big
Speaker 2: girl panties and she said, oh, I really got a poop.
Speaker 2: I just need to pull up.
Speaker 5: And this went on all day and I just kept
Speaker 5: saying encouraging, like we can go to the potty at
Speaker 5: any time. Let me know when you're ready to go
Speaker 5: to the potty. So she's scared of it hitting the water.
Speaker 5: This is early on traumatic and Air quotes experience for
Speaker 5: her when she started peeing on the potty. Anyways, we
Speaker 5: make it through Sunday. She does not have to she
Speaker 5: will not poop, so she's just holding it all day.
Speaker 5: Monday morning, here we go to swim and she's in
Speaker 5: the sweetest little ballerina one piece and she's at swim
Speaker 5: and I'm like, great, put her in swim with her
Speaker 5: little instructor and I hit the treadmill for a minute
Speaker 5: and then I get the call Lovely needs to go bathroom,
Speaker 5: she needs to get. I get her out of the pool,
Speaker 5: and she's walking over to me and she's like just weeping.
Speaker 5: I'm afraid, I'm afraid I've already pooped in my in
Speaker 5: my in my swimsuit. I'm afraid there's poop in my swimsuit.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, bless your heart. So thank god there
Speaker 5: was a ruffle kind of hid any disaster we had
Speaker 5: as we trotted in the bathroom. Very dramatic, but I did.
Speaker 5: I just told her, I said, you know, honestly happens.
Speaker 5: Maybe that's maybe a mom came up with that, but
Speaker 5: I was like, you know what, love this happens. We
Speaker 5: went to the restroom. I did make her clean it.
Speaker 2: Up, okay, how which is a big step because like
Speaker 2: she's just disgusted with poopment in general, like she's such
Speaker 2: a capricorn. So we I had her up.
Speaker 5: We just kind of cleaned it up. She hasn't pooped
Speaker 5: since that. She did one time. She does sleep in
Speaker 5: a pull up overnight still, which I have no problem
Speaker 5: with that art she said. I I just to do
Speaker 5: that because Jolie's been potty trained since she was uh
Speaker 5: two and a half. Yeah, for two she really rocked
Speaker 5: in So but the night time, like I'm not getting
Speaker 5: up in the middle of the night to body train,
Speaker 5: Like I'm just not doing it.
Speaker 1: She's everything, You're still, and I just think that if
Speaker 1: they're dry for a certain amount of time, sure, that's
Speaker 1: when I always took them away.
Speaker 2: That was going to be my strategy when they were saying.
Speaker 1: Them until they were dry, and then we just took them.
Speaker 2: She got up in the morning.
Speaker 1: But I mean there's some people that are in elementary
Speaker 1: school that are still wearing them at night and they're
Speaker 1: not dry.
Speaker 2: Look, men still shirk their pants. So it does happen
Speaker 2: until we.
Speaker 1: Meet the right woman and they get us to stop
Speaker 1: doing that.
Speaker 2: I do see skid marks quite frequently on underwear, let
Speaker 2: me tell you. Honestly, though, I feel like it's a
Speaker 2: childhood trauma, like from seeing like dad skid marks. You know,
Speaker 2: It's like I always just thought men pooped in their pants.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 3: Tracy Crossley, you know Tracy Crossley from crossley dot com
Speaker 3: and her podcast Dealing with It, an Apple podcast.
Speaker 1: He's on the phone.
Speaker 2: Oh yay, Tracy, Hello, thank you for breaking up our conversation.
Speaker 2: We were just having super appreciate it. You are a
Speaker 2: behavioral Oh god, I can't even say that word behavior.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Behavior.
Speaker 2: Behavior is that bad that I can't say that word.
Speaker 2: She'll train you. Behavior.
Speaker 6: It's a long word, it's multi syllable, so it's fine.
Speaker 2: Your relationship expert and podcast host, you specialize in treating
Speaker 2: individuals with unhealthy dating and relationship patterns. Where have you been?
Speaker 2: Where were you in my twenties? This is all I
Speaker 2: have to say. I see you're about twenty years later
Speaker 2: for me, Tracy, where are you been?
Speaker 6: I got it? I understand.
Speaker 2: What's the biggest pattern that you've seen to be the
Speaker 2: biggest problem.
Speaker 6: Uh, well, there's a couple of them. But the biggest
Speaker 6: one is people are not authentic. And I know that's
Speaker 6: a really general statement, but with not being authentic come secrets.
Speaker 6: Becomes a problem with actually being emotionally intimate with another person,
Speaker 6: because if you're not being yourself, who are you being?
Speaker 6: And you're not attracting them to you, you're attracting them
Speaker 6: to someone that you're you have a facade for. So,
Speaker 6: but that's the biggest one, next to people not staying
Speaker 6: in reality. A lot of people get into fantasy, like
Speaker 6: on the first day, Oh this is fun, this person's
Speaker 6: perfect or whatever idea they're coming up with, and they
Speaker 6: start getting ahead and thinking about, oh wow, I want
Speaker 6: to introduce he or sheet to my parents, and then
Speaker 6: they're already way to hell out of the first date
Speaker 6: and into fantasy. So it's always about staying in reality
Speaker 6: and being yourself like, those are the two biggest things.
Speaker 2: What about because I feel like in that moment it
Speaker 2: is all perfect because it is so new, like staying
Speaker 2: in that reality where it's like nothing has been tampered
Speaker 2: or broken or lost or beginning, you know, because the
Speaker 2: sweet beginning. So isn't that still kind of a reality
Speaker 2: staying in that moment?
Speaker 6: Or am I just really.
Speaker 2: You are?
Speaker 6: Well, it's great to have a spark, right, But it's
Speaker 6: when you get carried away with the spark, because then
Speaker 6: that's how you develop expectations and you're wanting those expectations
Speaker 6: to remain. And what you're doing is, first of all,
Speaker 6: you don't really know the person, right. It's what you're
Speaker 6: picking up from what they're doing, and you're thinking, oh,
Speaker 6: that hits my checklist. That sounds good, that sounds good,
Speaker 6: that sounds good. But the reality of the person and
Speaker 6: getting to know them and living with them, not literally
Speaker 6: living with them, but living with them as far as
Speaker 6: getting to know them and dating them and so on
Speaker 6: and so forth, you find that, oh, wow, my expectations
Speaker 6: are really out of whack compared to who this person
Speaker 6: really is. So you know, at some point you're gonna
Speaker 6: have to deal with the disappointment of that.
Speaker 2: So I know you have that ten week boot camp.
Speaker 2: It helps people, you know, with the dysfunctional yo yo
Speaker 2: daters having you know, problems moving on from a past relationship.
Speaker 2: Why do you think people hang on to relationships that
Speaker 2: are not serving them?
Speaker 6: Well, there's a couple of reasons, but one of the
Speaker 6: biggest ones is to do with insecure attachment. So a
Speaker 6: lot of people who I don't know, how much do
Speaker 6: your listeners know about that?
Speaker 2: We talk about our relationships a lot, So can you
Speaker 2: tell us a little bit more of that about that?
Speaker 6: Sure? Sure? So with insecure attachment, basically, as a child,
Speaker 6: you either securely attached to your parents or you're insecurely
Speaker 6: attached to your parents, meaning emotionally. So there were experiments
Speaker 6: that were done in the early seventies by a psychologist
Speaker 6: named Mary Ainsworth and it was called the Strange experiment,
Speaker 6: And so it's where a parent would leave a child
Speaker 6: and they would judge the child's reaction to the parent leaving.
Speaker 6: So a lot of us who didn't necessarily emotionally bond
Speaker 6: with our parents in a way where there's emotional intimacy
Speaker 6: tend to come at relationships in a completely different way
Speaker 6: than somebody who was securely attached to a parent. So,
Speaker 6: as an example, let's say that you had a parent
Speaker 6: who wasn't around very much, and so you would try
Speaker 6: to be perfect or try to please them to get
Speaker 6: their attention, and maybe you still didn't really get their
Speaker 6: attention because they'd come home and they'd be preoccupied. So
Speaker 6: you would be looking for somebody who is preoccupied. And
Speaker 6: this is not a conscious thought, by the way, this
Speaker 6: is totally subconscious autopilot. Okay, I'm looking for somebody who's
Speaker 6: not really going to give me that attention. And then
Speaker 6: the way I think I get love is by people
Speaker 6: pleasing or trying to be perfect, which is also why
Speaker 6: people have trouble being authentic when they first start dating.
Speaker 2: I sorry, I just have to say, first of all,
Speaker 2: there's a lot of head shaking going on in.
Speaker 5: This room, a lot of nonverbal amen's happening over yours.
Speaker 2: Also, I've never heard it, in all the years of
Speaker 2: therapy and having experts come on, I've never heard it
Speaker 2: said quite that way. And I feel like some somehow
Speaker 2: that just kind of clicked because I know, I know,
Speaker 2: like you know, all of us have you know, experiences
Speaker 2: with our upbringing, and I've always been able to relay.
Speaker 2: Oh that's probably why I do that. But with how
Speaker 2: you phrased it, can you say that word again, that
Speaker 2: in secure attachment? Yeah, that's a yeah. I love how
Speaker 2: you put that, because that just was like, oh, that's
Speaker 2: one thousand percent.
Speaker 5: What it is was the most groundbreaking moment I've had
Speaker 5: been non therapy therapy in my entire life.
Speaker 2: One thousand percent. I could have used you two marriages ago.
Speaker 2: Where have you been? Well?
Speaker 4: Had?
Speaker 6: I had to learn this in between my first and
Speaker 6: second marriage. So yeah, and a lot of it was
Speaker 6: my own journey. I mean I trained as a coach,
Speaker 6: and I went to school and got my degree in psychology.
Speaker 6: But yeah, none of this really prepared me for why
Speaker 6: I felt the way I did and the struggles I
Speaker 6: had in dating, relationships, being a single mom, all that stuff.
Speaker 6: I mean that was my title. And I really didn't
Speaker 6: even understand myself, Like I didn't understand why am I
Speaker 6: picking these people? Why am I doing this? Why can't
Speaker 6: I be real? What is so hard about asking somebody
Speaker 6: a question? Well, if you're afraid they're going to abandon
Speaker 6: you or think something was wrong with you, then you're
Speaker 6: not going to ask the questions, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2: And you're also yeah, one thousand percent. This is so crazy.
Speaker 2: I feel like because I was just having so simplified
Speaker 2: and I was just having this conversation. I was telling
Speaker 2: Kat about it the other day in the car. I
Speaker 2: was like, I know that we all know that like
Speaker 2: my dad and you know those I'm not. I will
Speaker 2: never blame my dad because I know that he was
Speaker 2: brought up a certain way which led him to, you know,
Speaker 2: be a parent a certain way to me. But you know,
Speaker 2: I have learned that some ways of his you know,
Speaker 2: of our of my upbringing was based on how he
Speaker 2: you know, he handled the divorce and how he left
Speaker 2: and had the affairs, and so that then made me
Speaker 2: go off to do you know X, Y and Z.
Speaker 2: But I so I've always known that my dad's like
Speaker 2: affected my relations and chips because of the things that happen,
Speaker 2: but I've never my therapist is trying to tell me
Speaker 2: the other day where it's just like you've stayed in
Speaker 2: certain things because you're or you've tried to be so
Speaker 2: perfect because you're so afraid of that abandonment. But what
Speaker 2: you just said makes it even clarifies it even more
Speaker 2: to me with that insecure attachment.
Speaker 6: Mm hmmm. Yeah, until I just skipped for I was
Speaker 6: going to say, until I discovered it, I really had
Speaker 6: no clue. And then here's this was a kicker. Okay,
Speaker 6: So there's different labels under insecure attachment. I happened to
Speaker 6: fall under anxious avoidant. Okay, so what the hell is that?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 6: So anxious meaning I would have I would get into
Speaker 6: these relationships with people like the yo yo ones and
Speaker 6: where I call it breadcrumbing, right where you hit it
Speaker 6: off at first, and you think everything's great and they're
Speaker 6: making promises to you, and then all of a sudden
Speaker 6: they do kind of like the fade out, and then
Speaker 6: they show back up, right, but you're thinking, oh my god,
Speaker 6: they're gone, I've ruined this relationship whatever, And they show
Speaker 6: back up and you're back in it. And this can
Speaker 6: go on for years, right, And so I kept going,
Speaker 6: what the heck is my problem? But I had such
Speaker 6: tremendous anxiety during it, and then this is this is
Speaker 6: where I'm coming in with the avoidant. So then he
Speaker 6: would kind of change and want to get closer, and
Speaker 6: I became avoidant. Oh wait a minute, I don't have
Speaker 6: time to see you, I don't want to talk to you.
Speaker 6: I'm going to ignore you. I mean, so I was
Speaker 6: both sides of the coin, and a lot of people
Speaker 6: I help are both sides of the coin as well,
Speaker 6: going between anxiety and avoiding and meeting people who would
Speaker 6: be healthy and that would give you anxiety like, oh
Speaker 6: my god, I'm feeling engulfed. Oh God, I get away
Speaker 6: from me. You know, I don't want anything to do
Speaker 6: with you.
Speaker 1: So yeah, well why is that?
Speaker 2: Because I know with relationships, you know, the guys that
Speaker 2: actually might have been the best for you, you don't
Speaker 2: want because it's that they're too nice, or I feel
Speaker 2: too smothered, or you know, they don't have that bad boy,
Speaker 2: but you know that they'd probably be a great husband
Speaker 2: and they wouldn't never hurt you.
Speaker 6: Why because there's a few there's there's okay, so there's like,
Speaker 6: there are so many reasons why. So first of all,
Speaker 6: remember the subconscious wiring here, right, So if you don't
Speaker 6: have to work hard, like you don't have to be perfect,
Speaker 6: you don't have to be a people pleaser, you don't
Speaker 6: know what the heck to do with yourself. So oh
Speaker 6: I gotta be me, and so you're not you're not
Speaker 6: performing the drama we are used to having drama because
Speaker 6: that is drama, and drama doesn't necessarily mean yelling and screaming.
Speaker 6: Drama means these heightened emotions, right of am I gonna
Speaker 6: have my dad hug me today? Or my dad gonna
Speaker 6: stop watching TV and actually pay attention to me? You know?
Speaker 6: Is my dad going to critique me? Whatever? So as
Speaker 6: an adult, we are still caught up in those patterns.
Speaker 6: And when you meet somebody who's open and available and
Speaker 6: you don't have to dance around like that, it feels
Speaker 6: like it's boring for one. I mean, that's when you're
Speaker 6: coming out of this, right you can feel like, oh,
Speaker 6: this is boring, there's no spark. But the spark we're
Speaker 6: looking for is that intensity that makes us actually feel
Speaker 6: our feelings. Because what we really don't realize through all
Speaker 6: of this with the insecure attachment, is that we're really
Speaker 6: pretty numb to our own feelings. Like we know our reactions, right,
Speaker 6: we know if we're mad, sad, whatever, but we don't
Speaker 6: know the deeper feelings because we're cut off from them.
Speaker 6: And so when you meet somebody and you have that
Speaker 6: chemistry and it's all that excitement and they're a bad boy.
Speaker 6: Then it's that constant drama. It's like watching a movie,
Speaker 6: right and you're just going along with the plot. But
Speaker 6: when you meet somebody and it's not that way, it's
Speaker 6: almost like you really just don't know what to do
Speaker 6: with yourself. So that's why to me it was really hard,
Speaker 6: Like I wanted to get in a healthy relationship, and
Speaker 6: so I really had to go okay, trace you got
Speaker 6: to deal with all this intensity. You've got to deal
Speaker 6: with the fact that you don't know how you feel
Speaker 6: on a deeper level and what drives you to actually
Speaker 6: be with people who can't give you what you want.
Speaker 6: So there's a lot there. I mean, I could go
Speaker 6: on and on and on for hours probably about just
Speaker 6: that question if.
Speaker 2: You're in the relationship though, you know, for the for
Speaker 2: the married ones out there that have the pattern of this,
Speaker 2: it can be such heightened emotions and you're also portraying
Speaker 2: that they need to be perfect, but they're not perfect.
Speaker 2: It's like, how do you walk through that season of
Speaker 2: life to get to a healthier spot.
Speaker 6: So you have to make a decision to want to
Speaker 6: be a good partner to have a healthy relationship regardless
Speaker 6: of your partner, Okay, because you can't control another person,
Speaker 6: and a lot of us put well, I'm going to
Speaker 6: change or I'm going to grow, but we put that
Speaker 6: on the other person to have to do it with us.
Speaker 6: It's a decision that you want to make to have
Speaker 6: a sense of well being, right, and so what you
Speaker 6: have to do is, first of all, you've got to
Speaker 6: look at how much energy physical and emotional energy goes
Speaker 6: out of my body trying to control or maintain this
Speaker 6: relationship so that it's at least familiar to me. You know,
Speaker 6: a lot of times we want change, but at the
Speaker 6: same time we want to keep it familiar. So first
Speaker 6: of all, you've got to realize what are the things
Speaker 6: that I am doing to stay stuck in this place
Speaker 6: with this person emotionally, and then you have to stop
Speaker 6: doing those things. As an example, again, you know I'm
Speaker 6: using people pleasing and perfectionism, but there's also problem solving.
Speaker 6: How often in your relationship that doesn't feel great and
Speaker 6: you're committed to are you looking for problems? Is your
Speaker 6: focus on all the problems? Why is it on all
Speaker 6: the problems? Well, that's a distraction from intimacy. You can't
Speaker 6: be intimate with someone if you're always focusing on, well,
Speaker 6: what's wrong, and then something gets solved, and then you're
Speaker 6: focused on the next problem. So there's all sorts of things.
Speaker 6: We tend to personalize our mates, We tend to assume
Speaker 6: a lot about our mates, and it's to step out
Speaker 6: of that and to really become emotionally present to what
Speaker 6: is happening when you do what you do. This is
Speaker 6: hard because most of the time we are on autopilots
Speaker 6: ninety five percent of the day. We're just repeating the
Speaker 6: same patterns, repeating the same things. And so to actually
Speaker 6: develop some awareness about how you even interact in your
Speaker 6: relationship and you stop blaming the other person for how
Speaker 6: they are, you can make a big change right there,
Speaker 6: just by taking responsibility and going, oh, you know what,
Speaker 6: I didn't realize that I do that, that I keep
Speaker 6: finding problems with my mate, right, I mean, how often
Speaker 6: do we do that?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Often? But what if there are problems though?
Speaker 6: You know Kate now and that's it, So that would
Speaker 6: be different. You know, somebody has big problems in their relationship, Okay,
Speaker 6: there is total dysfunction. They have to look at why
Speaker 6: they're staying there. A lot of times we stay out
Speaker 6: of fear. Sometimes we'll say, oh, it's the money, it's
Speaker 6: the kids, But really it's a fear. It's a fear
Speaker 6: of ending up alone. It's a fear because I don't
Speaker 6: trust myself to make the right decision. What if I
Speaker 6: leave and it was the wrong decision. So it's just
Speaker 6: easier to blame your mate for all their faults and
Speaker 6: everything wrong with them, and never look at yourself. You
Speaker 6: still have to take yourself in hand and go what
Speaker 6: am I doing? I am half of the relationship, so
Speaker 6: I must be doing something. But it's to take yourself,
Speaker 6: you know, to take yourself in hand and start making
Speaker 6: the changes inside of you. You know, what do you
Speaker 6: resist in the relationship? Meaning what are you fighting against
Speaker 6: and struggling against all the time? That never changes?
Speaker 3: You think?
Speaker 2: Do you think change is a change is possible?
Speaker 6: I've seen it. I mean I've been doing this for
Speaker 6: twelve years and I have seen people chanting their relationships
Speaker 6: for the better. But it usually takes both of them
Speaker 6: wanting that. What I often find instead is that when
Speaker 6: somebody starts working on themselves and they're getting to a
Speaker 6: better place that there's a distance that even grows more
Speaker 6: in the relationship. Now that might spurt the other person
Speaker 6: who's not doing anything about themselves to start doing something.
Speaker 6: But in all honesty, you really want someone that's motivated
Speaker 6: to want to feel better and have their own sense
Speaker 6: of wellbeing rather than a fear of losing you. Because
Speaker 6: we're talking about love, and for some reason it seems
Speaker 6: really romantic when we're making somebody fear losing us. But
Speaker 6: that's not really romantic. That's about love. So as you
Speaker 6: start to love yourself more and your mate decides to
Speaker 6: cool you, guys might work it out. If you're the
Speaker 6: only one doing it, it's probably going to be where
Speaker 6: you work yourself out of the relationship over time.
Speaker 2: How do you not put I totally agree with you
Speaker 2: on that. How do you not put this where? I
Speaker 2: know it's such a codependent way of thinking, but sometimes
Speaker 2: in a lot of relationships I've been and even you know,
Speaker 2: in my relationship with my husband, I'll say, well, you
Speaker 2: don't make me happy, or this doesn't this doesn't make
Speaker 2: me happy. So it's like I'm almost is that is
Speaker 2: that just codependency? Because of course he can't make me happy,
Speaker 2: or though his actions might not make me happy, but
Speaker 2: I still I still am in control of that, aren't I.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you are in control of that because if you
Speaker 6: think about it, Okay, and this is a little off topic,
Speaker 6: but it's an example. So let's say that you want
Speaker 6: to throw somebody a surprise party, Okay, and the reason
Speaker 6: you're doing it, of course, you want to do something
Speaker 6: nice for your friend, let's say, but if you don't
Speaker 6: have any joy in the process of putting the surprise
Speaker 6: party together, then you're missing the boat, especially if your
Speaker 6: friend has a bad reaction is like I don't like
Speaker 6: surprise parties. Why'd you do the surprise party for me?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 6: So here you are trying to do some thing you
Speaker 6: think is going to make somebody happy, and they're like,
Speaker 6: this doesn't make me happy. This really is embarrassing. I'm
Speaker 6: so embarrassed. So it's the same thing in our relationships
Speaker 6: where we tend to want to please the other person,
Speaker 6: Like my husband does things to please me, and even
Speaker 6: if I'm in a crappy mood, or let's say I'm
Speaker 6: not happy in the moment, I do appreciate it, but
Speaker 6: I know he can't make me happy and that's up
Speaker 6: to me. And actually, actually in a relationship, it's such
Speaker 6: a great opportunity to work on yourself because you recognize, oh,
Speaker 6: my feelings aren't going to change unless I do something
Speaker 6: about it. So it always comes back to you. And
Speaker 6: if you have a partner like my partner, I feel
Speaker 6: he's all about growing himself and I'm about growing myself.
Speaker 6: So it works really well. I don't blame him for things.
Speaker 6: I don't put things on him because I know in
Speaker 6: the end, I'm still going to feel the same way.
Speaker 6: I'm still going to feel like I feel whenever that is,
Speaker 6: you know, like right now, tomorrow, it's still gonna be
Speaker 6: my feelings.
Speaker 5: Right, Okay, I have a question. I'm actually this is
Speaker 5: actually asking for a friend, not a friend in the room.
Speaker 5: But I have a girlfriend who is twice divorced and
Speaker 5: has two little kids, and she stop talking about me while.
Speaker 2: This is actually asking for a friend.
Speaker 5: So the authenticity we talked that you talked about, like
Speaker 5: at the very beginning of the relationship, she struggles sometimes
Speaker 5: with when to like out herself as a twice divorced mother,
Speaker 5: you know, like obviously she talks about her kids kind
Speaker 5: of like straight out of the gate. But when it
Speaker 5: comes to being married twice, I know there's some shame
Speaker 5: attached to that for her a little bit. And then
Speaker 5: when she tries to date, she's like, Okay, at what
Speaker 5: point do I say, like, you know, to a lot
Speaker 5: of men that feels like, you know, a girl's crazy
Speaker 5: so and she's not. She's actually a beautiful human being.
Speaker 5: She just has seen a lot more in men then
Speaker 5: they even solve themselves kind of. But I'm wondering what
Speaker 5: your advice would be for her when she's dating, and
Speaker 5: when is maybe an appropriate time to say that, or
Speaker 5: maybe it's not their business, or what is your I
Speaker 5: really love you already and you've really cracked a lot
Speaker 5: of things for me.
Speaker 6: So okay, So of course this is going to sound crazy.
Speaker 6: But first of all, she has to own the fact
Speaker 6: that she's been married twice. You got to own it.
Speaker 6: You got to say, you know what this is, this
Speaker 6: is what's happened, and I got to own it. And
Speaker 6: I've got to feel okay about it first. So if
Speaker 6: you feel okay about something first, you don't really care
Speaker 6: when you tell somebody. I would tell somebody right up front,
Speaker 6: why because I don't want to go down the path
Speaker 6: of Okay, well, maybe he'll like me enough and then
Speaker 6: I can tell him at that point. But you're not
Speaker 6: the Booby prize. You're still a prize. But if you
Speaker 6: don't feel like you're the prize and that somebody is
Speaker 6: taking you on, like, oh, you've been married twice, Okay, fine,
Speaker 6: I'll take you. You know you'reamage goods or whatever it
Speaker 6: is that you've attached to the whole idea of being
Speaker 6: married twice. But it's really about saying, screw it, I've
Speaker 6: been married twice. Oh well, you know, s happens. Things
Speaker 6: happen in life, and here I am. I own it.
Speaker 6: I take responsibility for what's happened in my life. And
Speaker 6: when you come across like your own heroine, then it's
Speaker 6: really about the guy who's going to have the confidence.
Speaker 6: And that's what you want anyway, Like you don't want
Speaker 6: to bamboozle somebody into being with you because they're deciding, oh, okay,
Speaker 6: you've been married twice. I'll take you because of that,
Speaker 6: and you're the Booby Prize. No, you want someone who
Speaker 6: thinks that you're awesome no matter what, and the right
Speaker 6: guy and not that there's just one right guy, by
Speaker 6: the way, but the right guy or a guy that's
Speaker 6: confident enough you're going to have a great relationship with.
Speaker 6: You're going to have a relationship with someone who's actually
Speaker 6: a partner rather than somebody who feels like they got
Speaker 6: the leftovers, you know, like the day old bread or something.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I like that's she's like a fiercely independent I mean,
Speaker 5: she obviously is in't therapy. She's so strong and so good.
Speaker 5: There's been a couple of times where she's kind of
Speaker 5: immediately said those things, and I think she felt the
Speaker 5: relief of the ownership of it, you know, just being
Speaker 5: like this is it? Because she is so amazing, Like
Speaker 5: I'd marry her. You know, she's a good she's a
Speaker 5: really really great check.
Speaker 2: She's a catch.
Speaker 5: So I just know she would appreciate that insight a lot.
Speaker 5: What is you not to get I have too personal
Speaker 5: in your life? But what is your biggest struggle with
Speaker 5: your husband? Now?
Speaker 2: Not to get too personal? Take us into your bedroom.
Speaker 1: I know, Oh my god.
Speaker 6: I mean, well, if you listen to my podcast, you
Speaker 6: would know that there's nothing really that I don't hold
Speaker 6: back from. I would say, as far as my husband goes,
Speaker 6: I don't know. I think my biggest struggle with myself
Speaker 6: when it comes to my husband is more about my
Speaker 6: own avoidancy. Right, So, like I said, it was an
Speaker 6: anxious avoidant. And so there's times we're all fine. Like
Speaker 6: I also can be kind of a alcoholic. Let's say
Speaker 6: where I start putting up walls and I'll realize it
Speaker 6: and I'll go, okay, Trace, this is how you used
Speaker 6: to do relationships, right, You just get all on your
Speaker 6: head and thinking about work or thinking about something and
Speaker 6: be totally focused and checked out to my surroundings and
Speaker 6: the fact that I have a relationship. And so what
Speaker 6: I do now is I'll catch myself and it'll feel
Speaker 6: hard because it should feel hard, and I'll be vulnerable,
Speaker 6: and I will tell him. I always tell on myself,
Speaker 6: you know what, this is what I'm doing. Or I'll
Speaker 6: just go over and I'll hug him or crawl on
Speaker 6: top of him or whatever, you know. I mean, I
Speaker 6: will get closer to him rather than farther apart from him,
Speaker 6: and that's great. And the I guess, you know, the
Speaker 6: other struggle would be we both can be kind of introverted,
Speaker 6: Like we're both like introvert extroverts. Right, so we can
Speaker 6: both get caught up in our things and he'll be
Speaker 6: quiet about stuff because he's not used to having somebody
Speaker 6: who wants to hear about him, and I always want
Speaker 6: to hear about him. So I would say for him,
Speaker 6: it's opening up more, even though he's not really trying
Speaker 6: to hide it. It's just like these old patterns that
Speaker 6: we've had from past relationships, I think are the things
Speaker 6: that sometimes get in the way. But we really do
Speaker 6: have good communications, so that helps. And if we trigger
Speaker 6: each other right where I'll say something and he gets upset,
Speaker 6: we're pretty good about being in reality and going whoa,
Speaker 6: wait a minute, Okay, that's my stuff and need to
Speaker 6: I need to work on that. I need to figure
Speaker 6: out why I'm triggered or why I want to strangle
Speaker 6: you right now. I got to figure that out because
Speaker 6: it really doesn't have anything to do with the moment,
Speaker 6: because I can tell because I'm like totally reacting when
Speaker 6: it's not even something that would have actually been anything
Speaker 6: to react to in the first place. So stuff like that,
Speaker 6: I mean, so.
Speaker 2: Like reships aren't perfect, then my insecure attachments, little child
Speaker 2: is saying, wait, so then really, not all relationships are perfect.
Speaker 2: What d for entertainment?
Speaker 6: Right, I know, not perfect, but you know what, here's
Speaker 6: the thing. They can be safe. So most who have
Speaker 6: insecure attachment, right, we're looking for safety. We're looking for security,
Speaker 6: and a lot of times we think it's it's somebody.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 6: Again, we're doing all those things that we're used to
Speaker 6: doing and they're reacting to it. That that makes us
Speaker 6: feel safe, That that's temporary. Like there's a real feeling
Speaker 6: of safety when you've done the inner work and then
Speaker 6: you have somebody who's consistent, who's stable, or your relationship
Speaker 6: excuse me, your relationship keeps progressing. You know, there's growth,
Speaker 6: there's communication, you have those things working and it just
Speaker 6: makes such a difference. And the thing with the inner child,
Speaker 6: you know, that little kid, is that you start to
Speaker 6: love her in a different way. Like I look at
Speaker 6: it as though there are always things that I can
Speaker 6: be aware of, and one of them is when I
Speaker 6: disconnect from my own feelings. When you do that, you
Speaker 6: disconnect from your inner child. When you are connected and
Speaker 6: you're really relaxed in that and you're feeling all of
Speaker 6: your feelings, you start to realize that whether it's you
Speaker 6: as a little kid or you as an adult, you
Speaker 6: actually feel really good. And that means in almost any situation,
Speaker 6: and that sort of answers that need that the inner
Speaker 6: child has because attachment, no, well, it can get better,
Speaker 6: it can be resolved. It really can. Like I read
Speaker 6: that book Attached, I don't know how many years ago
Speaker 6: it was, and I and that's like the seminal book
Speaker 6: about attachment. And right now I have a literary agent
Speaker 6: who's shopping my book on attachment. So anyways, this book
Speaker 6: says that people like me who are anxious avoidant, that
Speaker 6: there's no way we're ever going to feel better. The
Speaker 6: only way we'll feel better is if we find a
Speaker 6: partner who make us feel better. And it kind of
Speaker 6: pissed me off when I read that. I thought, you
Speaker 6: know what, that's bs because I want to feel good
Speaker 6: whether I'm in a relationship or not. So you know,
Speaker 6: the insecure attachment can absolutely go away. It can absolutely
Speaker 6: be taken care of. It's conditioning. It's not who you
Speaker 6: really are.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 2: Do you do private sessions?
Speaker 1: We got three people up for you.
Speaker 5: Do you do?
Speaker 2: What do you do for the next three hours?
Speaker 6: I will get.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, amazing. So you your podcast is deal with
Speaker 2: It on Apple Podcasts. Everyone listened to her because she's
Speaker 2: incredible and apparently you can do private sessions and I
Speaker 2: will be going on her website. We will put it
Speaker 2: on the bio. Thank you so much, Tracy for just
Speaker 2: enlightening this entire room and giving us some some awesome knowledge.
Speaker 2: We really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you for having me.
Speaker 6: I love talking about this.
Speaker 2: So I'll talk to you on behalf of me and
Speaker 2: my husband.
Speaker 6: Fine, Oh you are welcome, all right, you guys, bye
Speaker 6: bye bye.
Speaker 2: So we're all best friends with Tracy. I mean, she's great.
Speaker 2: I just want to know more about that. She's secure
Speaker 2: attach it so well. Something about the way she said
Speaker 2: it was so I mean, that was just it blew
Speaker 2: everything out of the water. We were all like it
Speaker 2: was so clear to me. Yeah. And it's funny because I,
Speaker 2: like Amy and I were just talking about this. Yeah,
Speaker 2: well I was telling Catherine about it. But how she
Speaker 2: just said it just made that even simpler, Like she
Speaker 2: explained it even it made so much sense to me.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing, though, I hear that can I say
Speaker 1: this real fast? It gives me so much anxiety? Why
Speaker 1: because it just makes me think about my kids. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's all I can think about when I because I
Speaker 1: know what affects me.
Speaker 2: But what I hear in that is secure attachment and
Speaker 2: make a healthy adult. Right But how do you know?
Speaker 5: So they just have to know that they're safe with
Speaker 5: us and that we love them, and we talk about
Speaker 5: things and we sort through things.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be perfect. So like abandonment, like
Speaker 2: even if you parents aren't together, like my dad could
Speaker 2: have love you, dad, but like there could have been
Speaker 2: a different way to not make me feel abandoned, which
Speaker 2: then has my So my my insecure attachment is all
Speaker 2: about I need to feel safe in a relationship. And
Speaker 2: what doesn't I either flee or I cling tighter. Right,
Speaker 2: So that's you know. But so then I okay, now
Speaker 2: that we have this knowledge, which I don't think our
Speaker 2: parents really had because my parents have worn to therapy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I had my issues with my mom too,
Speaker 1: and I don't now as an adult, I don't think
Speaker 1: it was purposeful. I don't sure she you know, but
Speaker 1: that's what scares me.
Speaker 2: Like now we're aware of that, but I don't, but
Speaker 2: I don't think are then we're that in touch with
Speaker 2: how this would affect us or or you know again,
Speaker 2: like none of them I knew, no knew, no one
Speaker 2: that went to therapy.
Speaker 1: Right, that's true.
Speaker 5: And I do think we're all so tuned into like
Speaker 5: our kids and our fa I mean, I know the
Speaker 5: way you guys mother and it's like we all three
Speaker 5: have different styles of mothering, but at the core of
Speaker 5: it is always wanting our little ones to feel heard
Speaker 5: and loved and safe.
Speaker 2: And I think that neat or that like, well, I
Speaker 2: think what's scary to me is like.
Speaker 1: We're in a business where it's constant and so you're
Speaker 1: constantly working, whereas like my mom worked all the time,
Speaker 1: she was out of the house, you know, right, and
Speaker 1: when she came she was home, but she wasn't present.
Speaker 1: She wasn't present when she was home. But it's like
Speaker 1: finding that balance and how to make sure you're present
Speaker 1: but still getting you know, but still working and still
Speaker 1: you know, it's just all the all the things.
Speaker 2: No, that's tough, and then like you said, we will
Speaker 2: mess them up somehow, because it can be. I tell
Speaker 2: Jolie probably too. I love you, I love you, I
Speaker 2: love you, I love you, like every two frickin seconds
Speaker 2: so if I keep because I'm wanting that love, that's
Speaker 2: my own issues, but I portraying that on her to
Speaker 2: get that love, so she's probably gonna have Maybe maybe
Speaker 2: I'm screwing her up that way. I definitely love is
Speaker 2: definitely going to therapy for opposite reasons I did. So
Speaker 2: their application of my feelings on this poor thirty pounder
Speaker 2: is like, I can't keep my mother happy.
Speaker 5: She's like, why you need more validation? Okay, Oh love
Speaker 5: her so much too much not to put the negative
Speaker 5: part of it. No, but I mean that's a real
Speaker 5: the reality, and I think that's it. But again we're
Speaker 5: conscious of that. Yes, more, we're more like Christen, like
Speaker 5: you said, we're more in tune to ways to be
Speaker 5: careful of maybe not.
Speaker 2: Screwing them up to a tea, which I think is
Speaker 2: half the work.
Speaker 1: Sure, just want to we can cheat on our private
Speaker 1: like what we need to do.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like in the next thirty minutes when we get
Speaker 5: back on when they start knowing her for our private session.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's read an email before we say goodbye. I
Speaker 2: can't mom, January.
Speaker 1: It's not happy from Alicia.
Speaker 2: Help. I'm desperate. My husband and I have had a
Speaker 2: lot of trust issues lately, and we've been trying to
Speaker 2: work through them. A couple months ago, I found cocaine
Speaker 2: in his wallet. He said it was a friends, and
Speaker 2: I chose to believe him until I found some again later.
Speaker 2: He said he was holding it for his friend, who
Speaker 2: was hiding it from his wife. He said the friend
Speaker 2: has done it around him, but he hasn't done it himself.
Speaker 2: He knows I would not be okay, as we have
Speaker 2: three children. Well now he's gotten smarter about where he
Speaker 2: hides it, and I found four bags of it in
Speaker 2: his car. He may be selling it, but I also
Speaker 2: think he's doing it since addition to the bags of coke,
Speaker 2: I found a folded picture frame and inside, Oh damn,
Speaker 2: inside was a rolled up bill with coke clearly on
Speaker 2: it and a credit card. I haven't confronted him because
Speaker 2: I know he'll lie again. I'm confused and I love him,
Speaker 2: but I worry if I can afford to keep our
Speaker 2: home since we filed bankruptcy a few months ago.
Speaker 1: Dang h.
Speaker 2: So I'm sorry you're going through this. It's probably safe
Speaker 2: to say from this email he's obviously not holding it
Speaker 2: for a friend. It is his either way. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: he might maybe he's selling it. I don't know, but
Speaker 2: it's it's his cocaine. Whether he's I don't think he's
Speaker 2: just holding it for a friend. That's like, hey, dude,
Speaker 2: like my wife doesn't want this in the house, Like
Speaker 2: there's so in high school anymore. So holding it for
Speaker 2: a friend doesn't work. That's like what you say when
Speaker 2: you're sixteen to get busted. So I need him to
Speaker 2: get a little bit. Yeah, a little ownership either way
Speaker 2: would be I the bankruptc I mean, because another side
Speaker 2: is like, you know, is he maybe selling it because
Speaker 2: they're going through some financial problems right now. Doesn't make
Speaker 2: it okay at all, does not make it okay, especially
Speaker 2: with them having three kids. But she needs to know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: obviously though in my opinion, I one thousand percent that
Speaker 2: it is his. That's what I think. I think if
Speaker 2: he says comes up with a lie, that's just that's
Speaker 2: for example, let me just I was dating someone because
Speaker 2: I just I have friends that have done cocaine. I've
Speaker 2: never touched cocaine. I've never touched a drug in my life,
Speaker 2: haven't done it. But I remember I was dating a
Speaker 2: guy and he would you know, He's like, I don't
Speaker 2: do cocaine. I was like, okay. I was like, well
Speaker 2: at that time, I was like, if you do, well,
Speaker 2: you just tell me because I just for some I
Speaker 2: just I just don't know, Like and I you know
Speaker 2: what I'm kind of walking into. And he's like, yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 2: He's like, but I don't do it. I'm like, okay.
Speaker 2: So I remember I walked down the steps and I
Speaker 2: hear him snorting in the bathroom and I walk in
Speaker 2: and I'm and I clearly saw him snore a line
Speaker 2: of cocaine and I go, what are you doing? And
Speaker 2: he goes, I'm using Afron and I'm like, I just
Speaker 2: saw you snort cocaine off the countertop, Like what do
Speaker 2: you mean? And then but then he made me believe
Speaker 2: that it was the Afron and that that's like you said,
Speaker 2: it was the addict. And finally I was just like,
Speaker 2: I can't be in this relationship, Like I even asked
Speaker 2: you to be honest with me about it. Yeah. So,
Speaker 2: and to me, this feels like this this might be
Speaker 2: an addiction because of the and I brought that example
Speaker 2: up to say that this might be an addiction because
Speaker 2: of the constant lying, lying, yeah. The lying, Yeah, the
Speaker 2: lying behavior and the not coming forward and continually finding it.
Speaker 2: So I applaud you for not going to him yet,
Speaker 2: but I think that you need to have a plan
Speaker 2: in place for your kids, and a plan in place
Speaker 2: to ask for help. If there's a family member you
Speaker 2: can go to take the kids away. Like, I would
Speaker 2: not confront him around the kids, right, we all agree
Speaker 2: once to that, not confronting around the kids.
Speaker 1: He needs help, he needs to go to therapy. But
Speaker 1: then it's earth, Well it's money.
Speaker 2: How expensive is rehab It's so expensive, so expensive. Well,
Speaker 2: what he needs to do first is be honest. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 2: and that's that's where I think he should take the
Speaker 2: kids out. Kids have to be away. I grew up.
Speaker 2: Put them out of this. Yeah addiction, dat addiction. Take
Speaker 2: the kids out of the house. Yeah.
Speaker 5: It seeps into them and they take on more than
Speaker 5: they need to. So I love the fact that she's like,
Speaker 5: I have three kids, and that she's like kind of
Speaker 5: shielding them already from that.
Speaker 2: Now I don't, And and then I would ask him
Speaker 2: to go get help because clearly, whether it's in a
Speaker 2: drug addiction or whatever, like he needs some therapy, some
Speaker 2: help and y'all need like a good separation because I'm
Speaker 2: not saying divorce him, But if he's not willing to
Speaker 2: continue to get help and do better, then I don't
Speaker 2: see then in my opinion, that's but I do think
Speaker 2: he deserves the opportunity to try to change. Sure, I
Speaker 2: do too, because I do believe I believe in change.
Speaker 1: I do too.
Speaker 2: But if he keeps messing up, then yeah, I just
Speaker 2: as Yeah, we need to be some ownership there for sure,
Speaker 2: take the kids out, do some therapy, good separation, yeah,
Speaker 2: really ask for some and we just need to even
Speaker 2: she doesn't even really know what she's dealing with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's hard the bankrupt thing. Man, that doesn't
Speaker 1: I hate to say that, but when there's not a
Speaker 1: lot of money there, it's hard to not a lot
Speaker 1: of money. But I mean it's expensive. But there are
Speaker 1: some programs I think that you can get in that
Speaker 1: I think that are like, you know, state funded or something.
Speaker 1: There's got to be something out there where he can
Speaker 1: go and get help that's not going to cost a
Speaker 1: lot of money.
Speaker 5: Every time I've taken a faithful step into some dark place,
Speaker 5: I always feel like I've watched God provide for me,
Speaker 5: so hm, I agreed. I know that may seem like
Speaker 5: a very impossible thing to wrap your mind around, but
Speaker 5: it's like, if you're taking a good step to protect
Speaker 5: your children who are also God's children, and maybe make
Speaker 5: another broken child healthy who happens to be your husband,
Speaker 5: then I feel like at some point someone will present
Speaker 5: themselves for a way to wiggle out of this, or
Speaker 5: at least start the shift.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: Amenh three to one more from Misty expecting. My husband
Speaker 2: and I are expecting our first child together in July.
Speaker 2: As soon as we both found out, our reaction was
Speaker 2: stress and panic. We need to get into a house,
Speaker 2: but we have no money for one. Is it normal
Speaker 2: to not be that happy or not happy at all
Speaker 2: that I'm actually pregnant. Our entire family is stoked, but
Speaker 2: we aren't. Any advice would be tremendously appreciated.
Speaker 5: You do not have to live in a house to
Speaker 5: have a baby, No, you don't. We lived in a condo,
Speaker 5: Dave Ramsey says it. They actually take up the least
Speaker 5: amount of space and all the stuff we put with
Speaker 5: them is kind of like not real life, you know,
Speaker 5: I just would I mean, we lived in a thousand
Speaker 5: square feet and there was three of us and two dogs.
Speaker 5: So I don't think you have to have a house.
Speaker 5: There's something that we all think at first, we all
Speaker 5: kind of panic.
Speaker 2: I think I don't. I think there should be no
Speaker 2: panic is normal? Yeah, because you're about to take one.
Speaker 2: It's a lot of responsibility.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't think, especially if you weren't prepared for it.
Speaker 2: Even if you are prepared for, you bad planning for Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah absolutely yeah.
Speaker 5: And then not does she say not wanting it or no, No,
Speaker 5: just that I think there was a lot of projected
Speaker 5: like qualifications that she doesn't.
Speaker 2: Have that unhappy, not happy. I think she should not
Speaker 2: be putting so much because I think it's like you
Speaker 2: have to be happy, you should be happy. It's like,
Speaker 2: well that's what people say, but you might not be
Speaker 2: in that moment. Like I remember after I Jace, I
Speaker 2: was like, was I happier with Jolie when I was pregnant?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: When I got right, It's like because you're you're trying
Speaker 2: to compare and you're seeing what other people are doing,
Speaker 2: It's like, just take your experience and just give yourself
Speaker 2: some grace.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's too much pressure. Just feel the way that
Speaker 1: you feel. Wait till the baby gets here. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: were going you know you're going to feel differently once
Speaker 1: the baby gets here.
Speaker 5: Remember that people did this like in covered wagons. That
Speaker 5: was my go to mantra for myself. Like, it doesn't
Speaker 5: have to be a million gadgets a big house.
Speaker 2: It could.
Speaker 5: They really just like pajamas and their mama for a
Speaker 5: really long time. Anyways, it's a lot of pressure taking
Speaker 5: off me when I could simplify it, simplify.
Speaker 2: That in my brain. All right, guys, I don't I
Speaker 2: want to come to I get another email. I have
Speaker 2: separation anxiety. We'll do this again, I promise.
Speaker 3: I need you to.
Speaker 2: Pinky swear's bring it up.
Speaker 1: We'll do it.
Speaker 2: Everyone love this. So we're gonna at least do at
Speaker 2: least once a month. I will stick to that. We
Speaker 2: will try our best to at Lisa once a month.
Speaker 2: Mommy sign off, Mommy play how I Live Without you?
Speaker 5: Now?
Speaker 2: Okay, bye, guys, that was fun, Love you, thanks for
Speaker 2: having me and mom January signing off