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Speaker 1: Who baby, my baby, I need you, Oh Hell, I

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Speaker 1: need you. What to expect As a production of I

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Speaker 1: Heart Radio, I'm your host Heidi Murkop and I'm a

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Speaker 1: mom on a mission, a mission to help you know

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Speaker 1: what to expect every step of the way. Leslie Odom Jr.

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Speaker 1: And Nicolette Robinson are a true Broadway power couple. You

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Speaker 1: may have seen Nicolette starring as Jenna in the hit

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Speaker 1: Broadway musical Waitress, the first time a woman of color

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Speaker 1: and a real life mom played that role. Leslie, as

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Speaker 1: everyone on the planet knows, played Aaron Burr in Hamilton's,

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Speaker 1: which won him both a Tony and a Grammy. Of course,

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Speaker 1: the co production they're probably proudest of. Certainly their cutest

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Speaker 1: so far is their three year old daughter Lucy. Coming

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Speaker 1: attractions for this team, a Baby Boy Do to debut

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Speaker 1: this spring. Today, they're here to share their pregnancy and

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Speaker 1: parenting experiences and how they're juggling their personal and professional

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Speaker 1: roles and making it all work during a pandemic. Nicolette

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Speaker 1: and Leslie, thank you so much for joining us, Thanks

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Speaker 1: for having us. First of all, congrats on baby number two. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that's so exciting, you know, um if we were doing

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Speaker 1: this in person, like the good old days. I have

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Speaker 1: really poor impulse control, full disclosure when it comes to bumps,

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Speaker 1: and like my hands have a mind of their own

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Speaker 1: and I'm trying to steer them back and I can't.

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Speaker 1: It's okay. And now that my bump is fully a

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Speaker 1: serious bump, it doesn't bother me. It used to. It

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Speaker 1: just bothered me when when there's not much of a

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Speaker 1: bump and people want to fill your belly because it

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Speaker 1: just still feels like my belly, But now it feels

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Speaker 1: like there's definitely a baby in there. Yeah. How has

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Speaker 1: pandemic pregnancy and parenting been going? You know, it's it

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Speaker 1: has its ups and downs, but it's I think the

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Speaker 1: hardest part, at least for me. We just feel so

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Speaker 1: bad that we can't let our daughter be around other

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Speaker 1: children and you know, see friends and family, and you know,

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Speaker 1: we have friends who have had babies this year and

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Speaker 1: we can't meet them in person, and that kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: It's it's it's challenging for sure, and exhausting, and we

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Speaker 1: end up being playmates and teachers and parents and disciplinarians

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Speaker 1: and everything in one. Yeah. The bounded balance is the

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Speaker 1: balance is tough, and it's tough for her too. This week,

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Speaker 1: I missed my school. You know, she's only three and

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Speaker 1: a half, so it doesn't it's not like every day

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Speaker 1: she's saying that, but um, because time works sort of

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Speaker 1: differently for her. But she misses, she misses her friends,

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Speaker 1: and she's you know, she's got a whole gang of

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Speaker 1: imaginary friends that travel with her now, which is on

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Speaker 1: track age wise, but she she definitely knows that it's

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Speaker 1: because she has a lack of interaction. She said the

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Speaker 1: other day, when the baby comes, I won't need creaking

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Speaker 1: Tracy anymore. That's the imaginary, imaginary trolls that she travels with.

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Speaker 1: So you know, we're adaptable creatures. You know, we're adapting

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Speaker 1: and we're getting through it. You know, we're surviving like

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Speaker 1: everybody else. We're doing our best to do. But it's

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Speaker 1: it's tough. It's heartbreaking sometimes. But you'll hear her. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you've heard her footsteps running outside out of Leslie's room.

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Speaker 1: That's also the thing, you know, there's a lot more

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Speaker 1: screen time so that we can get stuff done. She's

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Speaker 1: watching some Disney movie right now in the family room

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Speaker 1: and she'll pop in a couple of times during this Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that seems to be a universal theme these days. But

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Speaker 1: she's super excited about the new baby, all right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she's she's thrilled. You know, there's still concepts to grasp

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Speaker 1: about it. She always asks is he here? Is he

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Speaker 1: youre tell me? Or if I'm in the shower, he says,

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Speaker 1: are you both in there right now? But she, you know,

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Speaker 1: in the morning comes and good morning baby, and she

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Speaker 1: kisses my belly and she's really loving and sweet to him.

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Speaker 1: So it's so sweet. Did you wait to tell her

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Speaker 1: or did you tell? Could you not hold it in?

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Speaker 1: She had been asking for a little sibling for a while,

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Speaker 1: and so we were kind of in conversation about it

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Speaker 1: for a while and she kept asking, and it was,

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Speaker 1: you know, I accidentally one day mentioned you know, one

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Speaker 1: day you'll be a big sister, and and then she

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Speaker 1: just took that and ran with it and literally would

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Speaker 1: not stop talking about it for two months before we

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Speaker 1: were people. Yeah, she was telling people I'm going to

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Speaker 1: have a I'm going to have a baby, and we're

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Speaker 1: going to have a baby, and people would say, oh, congratulationtion.

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Speaker 1: So we did tell her around Uh, we telled her

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Speaker 1: pretty early, actually, before we started telling the rest of

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Speaker 1: the world. So you said that you're pregnant. See with

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Speaker 1: Lucy was challenging, Leslie. You were away filming during part

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Speaker 1: of that, and you know, I've worked a lot with

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Speaker 1: military moms who have deployed partners, and it's so hard

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Speaker 1: for them not to feel super isolated and alone during

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Speaker 1: a time when you feel like you really want somebody

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Speaker 1: there for you. So how did you keep the connection?

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Speaker 1: It was hard, it was It was the hardest time,

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Speaker 1: honestly in our marriage. Um, you know, it was we

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Speaker 1: we struggled with the fact that we were apart, but

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Speaker 1: we also struggled in our relationship during that time. Such

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Speaker 1: a huge change is approaching. You're also going through your

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Speaker 1: own individual crises or whatever you want to call it,

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Speaker 1: just um freak out moments. So we were kind of

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Speaker 1: balancing that and the distance and trying to maintain our

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Speaker 1: relationship at the same time. It was it was hard.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's so interesting you mentioned that you work

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Speaker 1: with military wives because my my mom and my sister

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Speaker 1: they were like, you know, there must be a support

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Speaker 1: group for military wives, and I was like, I can't.

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Speaker 1: I am not a military wife. As much as I

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Speaker 1: would love to get in that support group, you know,

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Speaker 1: it did feel very similar, But I just felt it

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Speaker 1: was such a weird place for me because I understood, like,

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Speaker 1: thank God, my husband is not potentially in danger, you

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Speaker 1: know what. That element is not there. But it did

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Speaker 1: emotionally feel very similar to having you know, as much

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Speaker 1: as I can imagine that it feels to happen, and

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Speaker 1: they feel like they have to be extra strong to

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Speaker 1: do it all and you have to, you know, I

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Speaker 1: can't even imagine hold the family up, and it's a lot. Leslie,

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Speaker 1: how did you feel about being far away during that, Well,

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Speaker 1: it was tough. It was tough for me too, obviously,

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Speaker 1: when Nicolette is having a rough time. If there's a

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Speaker 1: rough time happening in my family, even if I am

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Speaker 1: sort of isolated from that, um, it's still a rough

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Speaker 1: time for me. You know, it's it's a rough time

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Speaker 1: for me if it a rough time for her. Proximity wise,

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Speaker 1: you know, my world was My world looked very different

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Speaker 1: than Nicolet's. Every day I was shooting Murder on the

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Speaker 1: Orient Express, which is my my first major motion picture

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Speaker 1: in London at the time, and it's Michelle Peiffer and

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Speaker 1: Johnny Depp and Judy Dan Judy, you know, I mean

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Speaker 1: Kenneth Brownell's directing. So yes, you know, that's the experience

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Speaker 1: that I'm having at work. But I've never been through

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Speaker 1: it before either, so I couldn't understand really how she felt,

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Speaker 1: you know, UM, doing my best to be there for

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Speaker 1: her in in small spurts and on my lunch break

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Speaker 1: and right before I fell asleep at the end of

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Speaker 1: the night. And you know, obviously we're having the opposite

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Speaker 1: experience with this. You know, we are stuck together and

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Speaker 1: there's no I mean there's no there's barely any leading

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Speaker 1: the house, so you don't want to, you know, go

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Speaker 1: film the movie for a little while. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it's been really wonderful this time around to have that

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Speaker 1: opposite I mean we've more so worked on fixing that,

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Speaker 1: mending that afterwards. You know, therapy really helped me. I

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Speaker 1: definitely was depressed. I think I was, you know, I

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Speaker 1: definitely went through postpartum depression in a certain way, and

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Speaker 1: but I think that there was some depression there, you know,

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Speaker 1: mixed in for being so isolated and so much without him,

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Speaker 1: and um, there was a lot of you know, I

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Speaker 1: guess trauma involved in that that I'm trying to always

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Speaker 1: also keep in mind as we go through this pregnancy

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Speaker 1: to not bring that into this one. And so I

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Speaker 1: think therapy and then you know, just in the ways

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Speaker 1: that we've been reconnecting since then and during this time

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Speaker 1: and being able to do it differently this time. Well,

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Speaker 1: you learn, you learn from every experience in life, but

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Speaker 1: especially during pregnancy and the first time. There are so

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Speaker 1: many unknowns, so many things that are brand new and

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Speaker 1: bewildering and sometimes terrifying and sometimes exciting all at the

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Speaker 1: same time. But pregnant women are more vulnerable to depression

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Speaker 1: during pregnancy postpartum, you know, every pregnancy is also different physically, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: how has this pregnancy been different for you and how

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Speaker 1: you're feeling? I think I feel him a lot more

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Speaker 1: this time. Yes, the time is going by way faster

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Speaker 1: because we have a three year three and a half

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Speaker 1: year old to keep us busy, and you know, and

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Speaker 1: we're very focused on just like trying to get through

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Speaker 1: each day, um with the amount of energy that you

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Speaker 1: need for for that. So um, the nights have been

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Speaker 1: more challenging to sleep, and physically it's I've felt a

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Speaker 1: little more uncomfortable, but at the same time, it feels

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Speaker 1: so much more manageable at this time around, because, like

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Speaker 1: you said, you know what to expect exactly. Um, but

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Speaker 1: also I was definitely much more nause is this time around,

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Speaker 1: in the first in the first trimester. How about you, Leslie,

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Speaker 1: Because you know Dad's also experienced hormonal changes during their

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Speaker 1: partner's pregnancy. I don't know if you've been experiencing any

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Speaker 1: what they call kuvad syndrome. You know, guys experienced a

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Speaker 1: surgeon estrogen and a drop in testosterone, but that sometimes

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Speaker 1: leaves some guys, you know, literally feeling their partners paint.

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Speaker 1: Have you been experiencing any of that? I wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: been feeling quite that, but I would say that there

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Speaker 1: were some things. There were some physical things about the

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Speaker 1: first pregnancy that both of us have been fighting. I

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Speaker 1: gained some sympathy weight that first time around, very much

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Speaker 1: not into repeating. Uh, you know, I think I gained like,

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Speaker 1: you know, thirty forty pounds along with Nicolette. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: she's like, wow, you blaming that all. Yeah, that's so

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Speaker 1: far from me. I think I gained like five pounds

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Speaker 1: somewhere around there. Yeah, it was not It was not awesome.

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Speaker 1: I that was one of the things in the film

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Speaker 1: I was. I was over there so long. I was

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Speaker 1: over there for like three months, and I kid you

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Speaker 1: not the last costume they put on me, I thought that.

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Speaker 1: Someone was like, I really got upset, Heidi. I was like,

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Speaker 1: there is literally no way that I ever fit into

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Speaker 1: this suit. This is the suit of a child. You

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Speaker 1: brought this to me, you know this, there's a mistake. Like,

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Speaker 1: so if I fit into this at any point, show

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Speaker 1: me a photo of me in this suit. And they

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Speaker 1: brought me a photo of me in this suit that

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Speaker 1: literally the jacket would not close. So I gained, you know,

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Speaker 1: twenty pounds of that weight, you know, six thousand miles

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Speaker 1: away from Nick. It's amazing, one sympathy weight. How that

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Speaker 1: that weight just jumped over the Atlantic Ocean and got

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Speaker 1: to me. That's something we have to study because I

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Speaker 1: would assume it would it would be based on proximity,

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Speaker 1: but apparently not. Definitely. Maybe it's based on the food,

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Speaker 1: the craft services. It's also like he was, I went

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Speaker 1: I went out to London for like two weeks, was

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Speaker 1: it um? And he ate out every single night and

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Speaker 1: we would get you know, the chocolate cake every night

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Speaker 1: or the you know, the dessert. I don't know how

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Speaker 1: it happened, but now this time we've been we've been

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Speaker 1: way more conscious, both of us of like our physical fitness.

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Speaker 1: We both want to not give ourselves so far to

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Speaker 1: go once we you know, once we make it to

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Speaker 1: our due date. Well, I just I definitely have been

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Speaker 1: more active this time around than I was the first time.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm only doing like a once a week

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Speaker 1: work out with a dear friend of mine. She helped

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Speaker 1: me last time with postpartum bounce back, but this time

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Speaker 1: I was like, let's keep it going through the pregnancy

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Speaker 1: and it's it's helped me. I feel so much better

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Speaker 1: after I do it, which I never thought I'd be

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Speaker 1: able to physically do it. It also gives you more

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Speaker 1: energy paradoxically, and it also helps prevent gestational diabetes. So

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Speaker 1: it's definitely doing your body. Gud Yeah for both of you.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk a little bit about what was that birth story? Like, Leslie,

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Speaker 1: you were home by then, right, I was home and

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Speaker 1: we I'll start it by saying that we live, you know,

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Speaker 1: we we have our village kind of close, you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna get closer even more next year. We have

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Speaker 1: some of my parents are going to move out to

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Speaker 1: l A next year, very close to Nicolette's family. So

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Speaker 1: her mother and her sister, we're both here that day

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Speaker 1: and they were just you know, we were all taking

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Speaker 1: it easy, you know, hanging out, and Nicolette made a

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Speaker 1: joke about that I hadn't packed my hospital bag yet,

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Speaker 1: you know, Um, and I hadn't, and so I don't

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Speaker 1: think did I start packing a baby, but did you

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Speaker 1: guys start packing it for me? My sister was packing

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Speaker 1: Ali was packing it for you. It was I was.

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Speaker 1: It was thirty nine weeks to the day, so I was.

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Speaker 1: I was a week early. So um, yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: less is all about doing things, you know, right when

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Speaker 1: it's last minute, not a moment too soon. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was packing my bag that day. And then so

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Speaker 1: the night before, we've done a walk. Yeah, so I had.

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Speaker 1: I had gone to the guy in college just that Thursday,

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Speaker 1: which was like two days before this, and I was

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Speaker 1: not far like I can't remember how dilated I was,

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Speaker 1: but not very dilated. And then you know, it took

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Speaker 1: a quick turn within the next couple of days, um

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Speaker 1: between some intimacy and also some hey. Yeah, it definitely

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Speaker 1: definitely worked. Because then we went on a walk that

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Speaker 1: on the Friday, the day before I started going into labor,

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Speaker 1: and there's a lot of hills in our neighborhood, and

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Speaker 1: we stopped by my parents house and my mom was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she's she's about to go to labor. She she could

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Speaker 1: just tell tell by the way I looked. I guess

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Speaker 1: I just kind of like, you know, blew up a

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Speaker 1: little bit in the face, and I was definitely swollen

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Speaker 1: and just looked different I was. But then Saturdays was

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Speaker 1: the day that I went into labor. I had a

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Speaker 1: yoga class and an acupuncture appointment scheduled. And my dueler

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Speaker 1: was like, skip the yoga, but why don't you go

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Speaker 1: to your acupuncture and see if she can do a

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Speaker 1: little infection. But you have been doing acupuncture weekly for

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Speaker 1: like the last couple of months. I had been, right,

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Speaker 1: that's right. I went with you to that session. She

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Speaker 1: asked if you wanted her to kick stone. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: so we were like, yeah, go for it. It was

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Speaker 1: to this day, we can't we don't know for sure,

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Speaker 1: but sure, yeah, And she told us also to make

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Speaker 1: the spicy watermelon drink at home, you know that that

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Speaker 1: that would also induce well, so we were gonna do

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Speaker 1: all the stuff just to like we're none of it's

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Speaker 1: gonna work. Yeah, So we got home and Les made

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Speaker 1: the watermelon juice with some cayenne pepper and he added

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Speaker 1: some vodka to his and my mom and my sisters

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Speaker 1: and I just drank it without. It was just as good.

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Speaker 1: It was a really great little mocktail situation where we

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Speaker 1: will never know what did the trap. We sure did

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Speaker 1: a lot of things. So but that night, yeah, we Nicole,

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Speaker 1: it starts to feel the stuff. It's just got more intense.

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Speaker 1: I was feeling cramping throughout the day, but around like

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Speaker 1: six or seven pm that night, I was starting to

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Speaker 1: feel contractions. And then by ten pm that night, it

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Speaker 1: was it was intense. And we called our dula and

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Speaker 1: she came. We just needed her because it was getting

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Speaker 1: really intense and we needed her to show Les where

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Speaker 1: to press on my back and I was bouncing on

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Speaker 1: the ball and so our Dula, you know, got us

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Speaker 1: set up and then she was I'm gonna go take

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Speaker 1: a quick nap in your living room, you know, I'll

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Speaker 1: check on you. She was asleep for an hour and

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Speaker 1: then my water broke. I think it was like twelve

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Speaker 1: thirty in the morning. We were reading about the water

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Speaker 1: breaking and what to you know, what what is that

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Speaker 1: going to be and what we expect, and so nicolet's

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Speaker 1: on this ball, you know, she's rolling the hips around

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Speaker 1: on this ball, and there was and there was a broke.

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Speaker 1: We thought we thought that she was and it was

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Speaker 1: you know, because it sounded like something pop. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: thought I popped the ball. It was after my most

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Speaker 1: intense um contraction of the evening and then we literally

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Speaker 1: heard that pop and then I felt the gush of

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Speaker 1: water and I was like, oh my god. And it

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Speaker 1: wasn't as bad as I thought. We went and woke

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Speaker 1: up our doula and she was like, okay, so we

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Speaker 1: should head to the hospital now. And we got to

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Speaker 1: the hospital around one am and it was five seven

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Speaker 1: are stylated, and it progressed really fast. Our daughter was

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Speaker 1: here by three thirty four am that morning. That's not

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Speaker 1: so bad, I mean, yeah, easy for me to say,

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Speaker 1: but I mean it was bad, but it was Niccolette

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Speaker 1: looked at everyone in the room in all earnestness. Two times.

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Speaker 1: She was so calm. She did it without the you know,

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Speaker 1: without the help of she did ask about She was

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Speaker 1: like when we first got there, you know, Nicolett's like,

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Speaker 1: so so I'm and uh, And nobody wanted to tell

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Speaker 1: her that it was too late. They all kind of

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Speaker 1: looked like, yeah, sure we can talk about you know once,

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Speaker 1: once it got going, my sweet wife looked at these

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Speaker 1: people and she said, am I gonna die? It looked

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Speaker 1: but she was not kidding in all seriousness, and and

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Speaker 1: they had to You're not gonna die. You are? You are?

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Speaker 1: This is exactly But it was the first time that it,

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Speaker 1: you know, it occurred to me. There is no equivalent

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Speaker 1: for men. We do not have to face our death

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Speaker 1: to bring life into the world. I mean, you know

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Speaker 1: what what women have to do. It was a remarkable

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Speaker 1: and humbling thing to witness, to witness that miracle up close,

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Speaker 1: to witness Nicolette's strength and her her power, you know.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't help at all. I held it by

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Speaker 1: help you. And now you're all ready to do it again,

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Speaker 1: there we go. I'm this time around. I'm looking into

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Speaker 1: the hypno birthing classes. Now it helps you get to

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Speaker 1: a heightened sense of relaxation, and some women find it

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Speaker 1: incredibly effective. UM in control and pain. So that's definitely

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00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 1: worth a whirl. So what's that a little bit about parenting? UM,

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Speaker 1: what do you love best about being a mom and

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Speaker 1: a dad? What's your favorite thing? My favorite thing is

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Speaker 1: this little human being comes more and more into consciousness

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Speaker 1: every day, and so we we learn her. We learn

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Speaker 1: about the way she's hardwired, We learn about her sense

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Speaker 1: of humor and her imagination, and you know, just the

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Speaker 1: things that are unique to her. Because it's certainly if

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Speaker 1: there's obviously there's a lot we can give her an

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Speaker 1: offer and teach, but you know, there's there's quite a

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Speaker 1: bit of that that's just how she how she arrived,

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Speaker 1: So that my favorite part is just meeting her. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the mine is very similar. I mean there are days

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Speaker 1: where I look at her and I'm just like in

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Speaker 1: awe of how she is even here, how she was

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Speaker 1: in in this body at one point. It just feels

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Speaker 1: so crazy to me. I mean, the fact that we

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Speaker 1: too very different humans who you know, came together twelve

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Speaker 1: years ago and fell in love and then all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden we've created a human that is out in

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Speaker 1: the world and her own person and is kind, miraculously

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Speaker 1: and intelligent, and um she surprises us every day and

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Speaker 1: I think, like even just in a in a simpler

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Speaker 1: way also there for me, it surprises me how much

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Speaker 1: she makes me laugh genuinely, you know. So I never

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Speaker 1: had that full connection with children before as as an adult,

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Speaker 1: I just didn't understand how parents would talk about their

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Speaker 1: kids or you know, belly laugh over. She really genuinely

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Speaker 1: brings joy and humor and light into our lives. And

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Speaker 1: it's it's also just miraculous to me that that's possible

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Speaker 1: so completely. And is she a born performer like you guys?

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Speaker 1: Is she, like she said, she's very funny, so she's

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a comedian, um ya, a singer perhaps,

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Speaker 1: I think all of the above. Les Les likes to

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Speaker 1: deny it, and we try to. He calls her doctor

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Speaker 1: Lucy just to try and ingrain that into her. But

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Speaker 1: she's definitely got I want to I want her to

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Speaker 1: be an ol b G I M but we'll see.

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Speaker 1: You know, we all know it's not about what we

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Speaker 1: want or either one of you the pushover as parents,

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Speaker 1: or are you both pretty much on the same page.

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Speaker 1: We're mostly on the same page, but if there is

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Speaker 1: a push over between us, it's definitely him. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: a special bond, and I'm curious to see that. I'm

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Speaker 1: that I'm learning about firsthand, you know, for myself, and

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Speaker 1: I'm curious to see what the little boy's bond will

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Speaker 1: be with Nicolette. Okay, I always ask this just because

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Speaker 1: I'm always curious who does puke and who does diaper

385
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 1: blowouts or is it like whoever is in the room.

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Speaker 1: Let's really handled a lot of the diapers situations, especially

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Speaker 1: when she was firstborn. That was mine. That was my job. Yeah,

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00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 1: I was proud to like that was what I could do. Yeah,

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00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,640
Speaker 1: it's an important job. Yeah. I was stuck to the

390
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Speaker 1: rocking chair just either pumping or nursing the entire time.

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Speaker 1: Hold she like, she delivers this baby and then it's

392
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Speaker 1: just trapped titties for like six weeks. It's just like

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00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 1: all about these titties, Like just how do I get

394
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Speaker 1: this system working? And I had a hell of a time.

395
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Speaker 1: I really struggled with breastfeeding. And I stopped at five

396
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 1: weeks and realized, like after I stopped, the clouds had

397
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Speaker 1: just parted. I didn't realize how depressed I was. Yeah,

398
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 1: that's actually important to know when you need to make

399
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 1: that decision and pull that particular plug. My daughter did

400
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:55,679
Speaker 1: that as well, but it took like an intervention, you know,

401
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 1: she was that upset about it. So yeah, I think,

402
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,439
Speaker 1: you know, you may find it was more easily this time.

403
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 1: We're not. But you know, the most important ingredient in

404
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 1: any feeding is love. Period. You love your baby. You

405
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 1: do the skin to skin, you do the eye contact,

406
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,919
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what else you add to that feeding.

407
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 1: So that's that's my little thing. I think that's so good.

408
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 1: It's so important. I wish that I had known a

409
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 1: little bit more. There was so much It felt like

410
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:27,440
Speaker 1: there was so much pressure on breastfeeding. Yeah, and shame

411
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 1: and shame yeah, and also just you know, of course,

412
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,679
Speaker 1: you get the nutrients from the breast milk that's different

413
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Speaker 1: from formula for the beginning, So you're just trying to

414
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,679
Speaker 1: keep your baby safe from feed, do you know. And

415
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,239
Speaker 1: if you take it one day at a time, it's

416
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 1: a lot less overwhelming than setting goals like I have

417
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: to breastfeed exclusively for six months, you know, a year, whatever.

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Speaker 1: If it happens, it happens, and that's awesome, But don't

419
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 1: put the pressure on yourself. That's that's a online you've

420
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,879
Speaker 1: learned that. So you're way ahead of the game this time.

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00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,119
Speaker 1: That's totally. That's awesome. We're going to try for a

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00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,440
Speaker 1: month or five weeks if we can get there, and

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Speaker 1: you know, we'll just take it day by day. The

424
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:09,439
Speaker 1: vomit question. Back to the vomit question, I think I

425
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 1: think we've both kind of equally done that. Humby. It's

426
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 1: kind of just it's just been you know, if he's

427
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:18,400
Speaker 1: out of town, yeah, you know who's around it, Like, yeah,

428
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,639
Speaker 1: you're going into the other room and like making somebody

429
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 1: come in and vomit, Like listen if you see vomit. Yeah,

430
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: I think I'm I'm a little better at the cleanup,

431
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 1: like the full you know, the fully like effective cleanup.

432
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: But was has also I did good, I did good

433
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 1: my last one there was a little sad good. You

434
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 1: did mostly good at just the stain. Yeah, it wasn't

435
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 1: saro he wasn't sarough. Yeah, but that's okay. Now, moving

436
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 1: from put to sex, because that's a natural segue perfect um,

437
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 1: at least give the example of me and Eric, because

438
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,879
Speaker 1: We made a pact when the kids were little that

439
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 1: we were going to have sex no less than once

440
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,959
Speaker 1: a week when they were little, because I mean more great.

441
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 1: But we to that faithfully, because it's really easy for

442
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 1: to fall through the cracks. We didn't. We didn't limit

443
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 1: ourselves to once a week like it's it's yeah, it's

444
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 1: just like, Um, I don't love working on the schedule,

445
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 1: so I don't love you know, to see know what

446
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like I don't want to get to Sunday,

447
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: Uh gotta get it in. But having been in the

448
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 1: delivery room, I mean I was so you know, I

449
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 1: just um had such a profound respect for her and

450
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: her body and her awareness of like listen, if she

451
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 1: can do that, like she will tell me when she

452
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 1: is ready, like she will you feel me? Like I

453
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: didn't want to at all. I didn't know if that.

454
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 1: If it's listen, I hope it's sooner rather than later.

455
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 1: But if it's, I don't know how long it's gonna

456
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 1: be before she feels in her body enough yet to

457
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: like to share in that way with me again. But

458
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 1: once we she did start sharing with me, we got

459
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: you know, pretty pretty. I didn't feel the pride in anyway,

460
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 1: it was pretty regular. Yeah, I mean we we we

461
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 1: definitely have the rule in terms of being a part

462
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,440
Speaker 1: for you know, we try not to go more than

463
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 1: two weeks of being apart if we can help it,

464
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 1: and even even less now we can. But we're pretty

465
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 1: good at at just knowing when it's time. I guess are.

466
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 1: I don't know there's a sexual clock or whatever it is,

467
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 1: but we usually sink up. The first year was really

468
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 1: challenging for me, just like feeling back in my body

469
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 1: and feeling sexy again. But then it hit a point

470
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 1: where it almost felt like it got better than it

471
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 1: had been in years and years, like it just felt

472
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,399
Speaker 1: more more dropped in and free and fun and I

473
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 1: don't know, right we also, I don't know, I don't

474
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:52,680
Speaker 1: remember exactly when this happened in Lucy's low life, but

475
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: because so close we actually do get there. She is

476
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 1: gonna say, Hi, how I just waving to that. I

477
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 1: lose that's hidi, I'm just giving you a hug the

478
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: PG version of what I'm going to say, since the

479
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 1: babies in the room, since we since Nicolette's family is

480
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,439
Speaker 1: so close, we get a night or two, which is

481
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,359
Speaker 1: you know enough parents are going to be shooting us

482
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 1: daggers through the air pods right now. Yeah, we're really

483
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,680
Speaker 1: lucky in that sense. I mean we it pretty much

484
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,199
Speaker 1: just we build it into our date nights. I mean

485
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 1: it's it's usually we usually kind of keep the one

486
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: once a week sort of a non rule rule as well,

487
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: and if we get lucky, it can be more than that.

488
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 1: And you know, we have more grace for when one

489
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: more time goes by. I have to get this child. Yes,

490
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 1: a snap, real quick, I'll be right back. I'll be

491
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 1: back in five seconds. Okay, let me go get it.

492
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: How many do you have? How many? I have a

493
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 1: girl and a boy, and I have two grandsons. I

494
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 1: can't even imagine. I'm so excited for I really can't

495
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 1: wait to have my parents out here. Wait, they haven't.

496
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 1: You haven't seen them since lockdown. I haven't seen them

497
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 1: in a year. You haven't seen But they'll be here

498
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 1: when the baby comes to help. Yeah, we're gonna have them.

499
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: We're gonna have them move out. But I can't imagine

500
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 1: is the is the feeling altogether different in your heart

501
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: with grandkids or is it similar to your kids or what? Well,

502
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 1: you know What's different is that I knew exactly how

503
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,480
Speaker 1: to hold a baby, whereas the first time I was like,

504
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:39,960
Speaker 1: wait what, it's incredible. And every weekend he has he

505
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: calls it holiday Lenox or older grandson spends a night

506
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,719
Speaker 1: with us, like on Fridays and Saturdays. It came from

507
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 1: Peppa the Pig. You know holidays. You know that's all

508
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 1: every Friday and Saturday. And it's so fun. That's amazing. Listen,

509
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: let me tell you who. Let me tell you who

510
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 1: else thinks it's fun. His mom dat Yeah, yeah, except

511
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 1: now not now because they have a two and a

512
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 1: half year old also, and you guys won't take both,

513
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: not yet. The two and a half year old is like, no,

514
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: he sleeps in her bed linic, so there's no room

515
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 1: left in that bed. Trust me, you know how how

516
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 1: kids sleep? Like all over, speaking of sleep, I heard

517
00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 1: you have a question. I felt that issue. Yeah, I do.

518
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: I mean entering into the two children world. I mean

519
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 1: we were just like, how do you even do that?

520
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,200
Speaker 1: How do you? But for me, I was, you know,

521
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 1: we we might end up having Lucy and the baby

522
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 1: share a bedroom, depending we have a guest room, but

523
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: we're thinking to keep that open, you know, for especially

524
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 1: if we're going to get any help and all that.

525
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 1: And I was just curious how people do the transition

526
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 1: once once we move the baby out of our room

527
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 1: and try to have him sleep and start sleep training

528
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: and doing the thing, can you have a toddler and

529
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 1: the baby in the same room at the same time

530
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 1: and successfully get them to sleep. That's a great question.

531
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 1: Um So the first thing, it would depends somewhat on

532
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 1: what kind of sleeper Lucy is. Is she like a

533
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 1: good sound sleeper or a very light sleeper. She's pretty

534
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: sound most of the time. I mean, she can you know,

535
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: she has her moments, but she's pretty good at sleeping.

536
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 1: The thing is that that's like you said, you're going

537
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: to keep baby in your room for probably six months. Yeah,

538
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:52,440
Speaker 1: but at that point, before he makes a big move,

539
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 1: that's when I would start the basics of sleep training,

540
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 1: making sure that he's not feeding during the night, because

541
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: if he's still eating during the night, you know, moms

542
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 1: are always asking me, well alone started sleep training, and

543
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: I go how many times when I does he feed?

544
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 1: They're like five or six and so not gonna work.

545
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 1: Because when babies waked during the night and they're used

546
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,719
Speaker 1: to being fed, then they're hungry. They wake up hungry.

547
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 1: So around six months he should be not feeding during

548
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 1: the night. That's seven number one. The other thing is

549
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 1: just having a good solid bedtime routine, and those two things.

550
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: If you have those two things, and if you kind

551
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: of start sleep training when he's still in your room

552
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 1: and then move him out, the other thing is Lucy

553
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 1: might be really great and you can enlist her like

554
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: older siblings love to be, you know, kind of in

555
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 1: control of the shch so you can enlist her a

556
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 1: sort of the sleep buddy who isn't back to sleep

557
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 1: or something like that. But he helps sense that she's

558
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 1: in the room, so it's not going to be like

559
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 1: being in a room by himself. I get will work

560
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:04,960
Speaker 1: out and keep me posted on that. You can always

561
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 1: get in touch. And if you have bumps along the rope,

562
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 1: you don't have to think about it yet, okay, because

563
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 1: you've got you've got months ahead of you. Never that's helpful.

564
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 1: I mean, we didn't we feed Lucy and through the

565
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 1: night through like at least nine or ten months, didn't

566
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 1: she do? And the I mean, the gosh, if we

567
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 1: can stop that before I mean, I didn't even know

568
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: that that was a thing we could do. She sleep

569
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: trained well, but we were a little late. Well, I mean,

570
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 1: there's no such things. There's no rules when it comes

571
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: to this. That's something to remember. Like anyone who says

572
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 1: you have to do it by a certain age or

573
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 1: a certain way, don't listen to them, because there are

574
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 1: two absolutes in parenting this. I promise you loving your

575
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 1: child unconditionally and keeping your child healthy and safe, and

576
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 1: beyond that new rules, no absolutes. Don't listen to people

577
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,720
Speaker 1: who tell you there are like you pick and choose

578
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 1: from whatever parenting camp that you want to pick and

579
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 1: choose from, and whatever feels right for you. Guys, there's

580
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 1: no one good way to be a good parent. And then,

581
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,719
Speaker 1: but you got this in the bag. I can keep

582
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 1: this up all day. I know you have other things

583
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 1: to do, including lucy um, but do say in touch

584
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 1: because I had a lot of fun with you. Guys.

585
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,839
Speaker 1: We'll be reaching out to you for for all our

586
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 1: questions because I feel like heading into this, you're just like,

587
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 1: do we remember anything how to do this? I would

588
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 1: say it's like riding a bicycle, but not so much. Sure,

589
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 1: so good, Look, thank you so much. Fine, Thank you

590
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:46,440
Speaker 1: so much to Leslie and Glad for joining us, and

591
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 1: everyone can check them out in their new movie One

592
00:34:50,440 --> 00:35:00,080
Speaker 1: Night in Miami on Prime Video starting January. They my

593
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:04,839
Speaker 1: Baby Love. I need you, Oh how I need you.

594
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:10,360
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Remember I'm always here for you. What

595
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 1: to Expect is always here for you who are all

596
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 1: in this together. For more on what you heard on

597
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 1: today's episode, visit what to Expect dot com slash podcast.

598
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 1: You can also check out What to Expect when You're Expecting,

599
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 1: What to Expect the First Year, and the What to

600
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 1: Expect app. And we want to hear from you. Connect

601
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 1: with us on our community message board or on our

602
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 1: social media. You can find me at Heidi Murkoff and

603
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 1: Emma at Emma Being w t E and of course

604
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 1: at What to Expect. Baby Love is performed by Riley Beater.

605
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: What to Expect is a production of I Heart Radio.

606
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 1: From more shows from I Heart Radio check out the

607
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

608
00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows. In my Arms right, don't You Stay,

609
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Speaker 1: Knija Kneja, Baby Love, Baby Low