WEBVTT - Re-Release: Alan Cumming 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:01.480 I got a call in the post office from my 0:00:01.520 --> 0:00:03.560 agent in London, going, I want to see you for. 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:04.200 A Bond film. 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:05.160 Oh my god. 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:06.520 And I was like, oh, I'm going to be a 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:08.720 Bond girl. And she was like, no, you don't fuck 0:00:08.760 --> 0:00:10.160 anyone and you don't kill anyone. 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:13.560 You just sing a country in western song. 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:15.440 I was like, great, I'm in, I'm in. And then 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:16.920 you were in gold and I too. 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:19.759 That's right. Actually, my god, look what I've got. It's 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:24.000 next to me here machine. You're on it. You're on it. 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:27.840 I take it, you bastard. I've seen one of these. 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:30.560 I'm on the fucking pinball machine? 0:00:30.200 --> 0:00:31.280 Is it you? 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:31.480 Oh? 0:00:31.480 --> 0:00:35.839 There you are? Oh my god, on the pin. 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:39.000 I'm By'm underneath you. 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:42.000 Okay, Alan, I can't even believe it. I don't believe 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:42.640 that you have. 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:44.120 The bimber and also do the other thing about that 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:46.440 film is that it's a video game. I didn't know 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:49.239 about that until years later. And I had an assistant 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:51.680 called Landon at the time, and I said, Landon, I'm 0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:53.479 in a video game. He was like, yeah, I know. 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:55.440 If you piss me off, I go home and shoot 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:58.840 you in the balls. 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:05.800 Hello, I'm Mini Driver and welcome to the mini questions. 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:09.880 I've always loved Pru's questionnaire. It was originally an eighteenth 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:13.080 century parlor game meant to reveal an individual's true nature. 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:16.880 But with so many questions, there wasn't really an opportunity 0:01:16.920 --> 0:01:19.520 to expand on anything. So I took the format of 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:22.880 Prus's questionnaire and adapted What I think are seven of 0:01:22.880 --> 0:01:26.320 the most important questions you could ever ask someone. They 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:30.720 are when and where were you happiest? What is the 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:36.160 quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:40.679 defines love for you? What question would you most like answered, 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:45.440 What person, place, or experience has shaped you the most? 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:50.400 What would be your last meal? And can you tell 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:53.160 me something in your life that has grown out of 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:57.440 a personal disaster. The more people we ask, the more 0:01:57.440 --> 0:02:00.080 we begin to see what makes us similar and what 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:04.520 makes us individual. I've gathered a group of really remarkable 0:02:04.560 --> 0:02:06.760 people who I am honored and humbled to have had 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:10.760 a chance to engage with. My guest today is Alan Cumming. 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:14.400 He is an actor in movies like X Men and 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:17.320 in the TV show The Good Wife. He is an author, 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:21.040 he has an obe, and he is a podcaster. He's 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:25.440 also an articulate, powerful voice in and for the LGBTQ community, 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:29.000 and he's been my friend for thirty years. We made 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:32.440 the short film together called That Sunday in the early nineties. 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:34.960 It's worth having a dig and finding it if you can, 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:39.400 along with the film Circle of Friends and then Gold 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:42.679 and Eye. I had a hard time not constantly interrupting 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:46.840 and finishing his sentences in this interview, largely because my 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:49.400 brain likes to go down the same pathways as Alan's, 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:52.960 which is to say, off the main road and deep 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:57.680 into glorious woodland. He is a deep and generous soul 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:00.320 and has a way of sharing the painful hearts of 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:10.919 his past with great compassion and great humor. What relationship, 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:16.080 real or fictionalized, defines love for you? Well? 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:18.160 Is it you and me? In Circle of Friends? 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:21.520 What did I call you? 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:22.320 You? What? 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:24.240 What does it you call me? I can remember, hold on, 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:25.320 I can see it. 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:28.520 Some remember said in a bit of the Succulent Bird. 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:32.520 But that wasn't ast talking about the chicken eating as 0:03:32.520 --> 0:03:34.119 I was eluding. But at the end I say something 0:03:34.160 --> 0:03:34.760 awful to you. 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:37.000 He called me something bitch, and I can't remember what 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:37.200 it is. 0:03:37.560 --> 0:03:41.520 Yeah, yeah, But back to love. Unconditional love. I think 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:44.640 with Grant Schaeffer, my husband upstairs. Not that I've got 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:46.080 another one downstairs, but you know what I mean, I. 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:48.200 Was going to say, show me the one in the basement. 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:51.360 I feel I've reached a point with him after so 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:53.880 long where it's you know, he pisses me off, but 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:57.800 I just feel this completely solid, true thing that I 0:03:57.840 --> 0:03:59.960 just can't imagine we can get over anything. 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:02.960 Does that define love for you, that notion of. 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:07.680 Solid unconditional love, unconditional love? It, yes, I think, yeah, 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:10.200 because I no matter what happens, I'm going to have 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:11.760 this love right, no. 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:15.360 Matter the circumstances, the vagaries of the circumstance. 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:17.839 In life exactly. But then, actually, what I would say 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:20.359 is more unconditional love is my relationship with dogs. So 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:22.360 I've got La La and Jerry upstairs, and I'm very 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:24.240 attached to La La and attaching to them both. But 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:26.320 you know, I think I'm more of a special relationship 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:28.760 with La La. And I had my dog Honey before that. 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:31.000 There's a sort of a statue of her over there 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:34.400 on a little deck, who was my longest adult relationship. 0:04:34.400 --> 0:04:37.080 I mean, Grant has now superseded her, but She was 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:40.560 the longest relationship I had, through thick and thin, through 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:44.400 terrible things in my life. That was a true, unconditional love. 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:46.120 And I talk about her all the time. Actually, she's 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:48.200 sort of very pleasant in her life. And then she's 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.640 in the portrait of me at the Scottish National Portrait Girl. 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:51.719 That is she's referenced. 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:53.159 Oh, the one that replaced the queen. 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:54.960 Yes, that replaced the queen. 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:58.920 I love that your portrait replaced the queen. 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:00.960 It brought the queen that the queen was in the 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:03.000 blanket over or taken into somebody. 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:03.960 Put the queen down, and they put it. 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:06.800 Another queen up and set your queen. Jokes here. They 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:09.000 moved me around the last time. I think I was 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:11.920 in between Tilda Swinton and Nanny Lennox. That's a nice sandwich. 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:14.360 Oh my god, that's the best sandwich ever. But wait, 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:15.760 but Honey's in that portrait. 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:19.640 Well she's yes, because she died just before I got painted. 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:21.680 And the guy was asking me about things. So there's 0:05:21.680 --> 0:05:24.480 a little jar beside me and it says Honey on 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:25.440 it in the picture. 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:27.080 Ashes. 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:30.719 No, no, it's just a jar into the picture. Thought 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:32.280 her ashes are upstairs. 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:34.400 I was going to say, was that her ashes that 0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:36.000 just said honey No, actually was a. 0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:36.599 Jar of honey. 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:38.719 Yeah, it's the jar of honey, but it says honey 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:40.599 on it and then it says yes, yes, yes, because 0:05:40.600 --> 0:05:42.760 I was really sad about this Scots independence thing had 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:43.520 gone the wrong way. 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:44.000 Yeah. 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:47.040 What was hilarious was I'm wearing this kilt round my 0:05:47.200 --> 0:05:49.400 neck in the portrait and it was unveiled at the 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:51.520 Scots National Portrait Galery in the big you know, main 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:53.440 place to take the Queen down, you know, and it's 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:56.240 all posh and everyone's having drinks and it's a film 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:58.720 tree because they're filming it for that Sky Portrait Artist 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:00.640 of the Year thing, and that say a few words. 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:02.680 I said, Oh, it's so exciting because this tartan the 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:05.240 kill Time wedding, it's the official Tartan of the Yes 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:07.839 campaign for independence. And it was all these clinking of 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:12.320 glasses of the old Unionists in the room and it 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:14.080 was such such a great thing for me, like to 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:16.640 know that in that painting, which he'll be there forever, 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:20.040 it's not only his little honey reference, but this subversive 0:06:20.080 --> 0:06:22.440 little message that I managed to get in. But yes, 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:24.680 when I realized she was going to die before me. 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:26.520 I remember just thinking, no, you know, Honey's in my life. 0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:30.120 She's my sort of girlfriend. And I just remember when 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:32.120 someone sort of said some of the reference about her 0:06:32.200 --> 0:06:34.160 dying and I thought, oh my god, she's a dog. Yes, 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:37.200 the dogs die before you. She's going to die. And 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:39.080 it was such a weird things. I so thought of 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:42.640 her as like a human relationship. How much sort of 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:44.520 time I took to think about her and the way 0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:46.400 she featured in my life and the decisions I had 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:48.760 to make because of her was very much like having 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:49.719 an actual person. 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:52.360 I totally understand that my big you've. 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:54.560 Got puts his name down on you look at your feet. 0:06:54.720 --> 0:06:59.240 Okay, well Bob, Bob's a difficult so and I closes it. 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:01.040 He's not listening. He's a bit deaf. Anyway. 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:04.320 The true great love of my life was my labrador Bubba, 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:06.120 who I had for seventeen years. 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:08.200 Oh wow, who died in my arms. 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:12.480 And she was the greatest precursor to having a child, 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:16.080 particularly having a son. And there's a lot of similarities, 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:18.400 like if anyone wants to have a road test having a. 0:07:18.320 --> 0:07:20.800 Baby boy, get a labrador. 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:21.160 Right right. 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:24.560 They just want to be loved rambunctious. 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:26.440 They want to eat, they jump around a lot of 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:29.680 need exercise, and you need to go to sleep when 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:29.920 they do. 0:07:30.400 --> 0:07:33.360 And that's it, right, It's the same protocol. 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:35.440 I always think people should have a dog first when 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:36.320 they're thinking about kids. 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:36.760 Exactly. 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:39.600 Remember Rachel wevice. We were chatting. She said to grad 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:41.200 do you have children. You went, well, we have two 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:43.880 dogs and Bubba. And they had the conversation about dogs 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:45.480 for a bit and then he said to her, what 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:48.960 about you, And Rachel went, well, I have a human child. 0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:56.320 I don't bless you for entertaining these two old queers 0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:58.440 who are just talking about their dogs. And you have 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:01.000 to remind us that your child is a humans. 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:04.360 Very respectful to qualify that it was a human child, 0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:06.560 so as to not denigrate your fur babies. 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:09.440 Yeah, oh, I hate for a babies though. I hate 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:09.800 that way. 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:10.320 I hate it. 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:14.920 It's like it's hashtag blessed lives in the same space file. 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:17.400 And also like when the Honey died and people said, oh, 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:20.440 you'll meet them in the rainbow know they fucking won't. 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:22.960 Yeah, No, I on a dynamite that ship. 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:26.320 I hate that really me too, It's. 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:27.239 Snow rainbow bridge. 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:29.080 I do sometimes see Bubba when I'm in a soul 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:31.720 cycle class, though, like he's running beside me on the 0:08:31.760 --> 0:08:32.520 stationary bike. 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:33.600 It's really weird. 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:37.480 Wow. But you know, a sort of a fever of sweat, 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:39.920 and so it feels exactly cultish. 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:41.439 It's totally cultish. 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:44.440 It's amazing, and I can imagine you're getting into a revere. 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:47.200 It's like it's like being in a really sweaty cult 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:51.800 with their motivational speaker at the helm of this ship. 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:54.000 And I think you do go into a bit of 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:57.120 a trance and then you start seeing your dead dog. 0:09:10.240 --> 0:09:14.320 This is my favorite question. What would be your last meal? 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:17.400 I would have still these the stow this. This is 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:19.599 an old Scottish thing. I guess it's because it's on 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:21.880 the stove. It's like supposed to be when you're drinking. 0:09:21.960 --> 0:09:23.079 You leave it there and you're going. You have a 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:25.400 little some steeves. It's potatoes and onions, meat it. I 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:28.040 do a vegan version. It's delicious. It's just like the 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:30.880 most carby starchy thing, so delicious. I put guardic and 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:33.599 other things, so source and blah blah blah. See I 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:36.840 really think I'm a peasant. I really it's so interesting. 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:39.480 I discovered recently I'm part Portuguese. I did that thing 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:42.040 you send off. I'm six percent Portuguese. 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:44.400 Oh that's quite a lot, is it. 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:45.920 I had no idea. I'm a little bit sort of 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:47.640 German and there was a few percentage of there, but 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:49.840 you know, mostly Scottish and north of England. 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:54.240 I'm literally an Anglo Saxon like I basically was either 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:56.440 one of the people that the Vikings came and found 0:09:56.520 --> 0:09:57.559 who already. 0:09:57.160 --> 0:10:00.040 Lived here, a bit of picked, a bit of. 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:05.240 I have nothing exotic in me at all, unless i'm 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:08.120 you know, drinking tequila. That's the most exotic I get 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:09.320 something interesting in me. 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:14.200 Funny. I love that I was a little more saucy 0:10:14.200 --> 0:10:16.319 than I thought, but mostly you know, white Scottish boy. 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:19.040 But the thing was, I'm very much a peasant. I 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:22.640 really feel very peasanty, and I know that I am 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:25.000 from sort of peasant stock on my father's side of 0:10:25.000 --> 0:10:25.800 the family too. 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:30.640 Are you utter complete peasants, some of who could play 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:35.120 musical instruments and so we're musical peasants. 0:10:34.679 --> 0:10:38.040 Musical peasants. I love that. That's a good band we're going. 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:40.080 So you're a peasant, So what does that mean you 0:10:40.200 --> 0:10:40.680 like eating? 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:43.920 So my dad's family all worked and lived on Codor 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:47.520 estate for generations, like on the farms or in the forestry. 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:50.920 My dad was a forester. And then what was hilarious 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:53.160 is that if you go to Coder Castle you look 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:56.280 up on the wall, there's a portrait of me. No, seriously, 0:10:56.280 --> 0:10:58.800 it looks like me in a period film. It's insane. 0:10:58.840 --> 0:11:00.680 And when it was open to the public about the 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:03.280 nineties summing or whatever, people send me this postcard the 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:05.840 sun said what the hell? And then I thought, wait 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:10.200 a minute, maybe there was some dabbling below stay, because 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:13.040 I mean, of course that I look so much like 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:15.000 that man who was like the first Dail of Cordor 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:15.640 or something. 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:18.000 So actually you think that you are an. 0:11:17.960 --> 0:11:21.720 Aristocrat of peasant stock. But there was dabbling below stairs. 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:23.720 And if I could just get one of the Corridor 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:27.040 families DNA chunk of their hair, yeah, and do it, 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:29.040 I would be able to prove. But I don't think 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:29.760 I want to do that. 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:31.840 Yeah, we need to go to a few more parties 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:33.400 and like steal some whiskey. 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:34.880 Glasses would hilarious. 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:36.880 I'm sorry, duchess. 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:39.000 There was always at that thing about remember they were 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:40.600 trying to get Prince Hardie's den and the people are 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:42.200 trying to steal bits of Prince Hardie's hair. 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:45.400 I felt it was happening in a nightclub. 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:48.080 I think my brother was working the door and some yeah, 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:50.560 somebody was trying to sort of snip Harry's hat. 0:11:50.640 --> 0:11:52.800 Can you imagine god Pool love? 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:56.760 And I wonder he's gone to California. I mean, seriously, man, quick, 0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:57.640 get back to the face. 0:11:57.720 --> 0:11:59.960 So the food, because of my peasant thing. I love 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.480 food that is one bowl of the same thing. Like 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:04.240 you know, if you have too many different options, I 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:06.640 You've got, like you know, alls of vegetables. It's too 0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:08.319 overwhelming for me. I don't like it. I like to 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:10.440 mush them all together. And I like to eat things 0:12:10.440 --> 0:12:12.920 with a spoon. It's that I love more than anything, 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:15.600 the feeling of having the same taste again and again 0:12:16.280 --> 0:12:18.040 and eating it with a spoon. That's what I would do. 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:20.000 I suppose it's very like like baby foods. It's probably 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:22.000 going back to this. It's like there's seven ages of man. 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:24.040 But that's what my last meal would be. 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:28.280 Stuve is it's very safe. Then it feels very primal. 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:32.640 That and also understandable. Something that is in one ball comforting. 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:35.520 It's comforting, do you know what I mean? I get 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:39.000 confused in posh restaurants sometimes. I mean I've been undone 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:41.960 by like a foam on top of something. 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:46.360 God saved me from foam. It looks it looks like, 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:49.560 it looks like fish spit. I can't do it. I 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:50.199 agree with you. 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:53.319 I like a bowl and those have become fashionable now. 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:55.600 You know there are a menu like a bowl. Would 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.040 you like the ancient grain bowl? 0:12:58.280 --> 0:13:00.600 Yes, that's right, there's the Buddha bowl and things. 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:02.000 Do those make you happy? 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:04.080 Yeah? I like those, and I think I'm more in 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:05.520 the Asian thing as well, like I you know, I 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:07.600 loved I made a film in Australian. They had Kanji 0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:10.199 for breakfast, which is like poor edge, and then you 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:12.000 put all these things in it. I love. That's my dream. 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:15.240 Oh God, that is delicious. I like pokey balls in. 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:17.160 A like in Hawaii a pokey board. 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:19.600 Yes, yes, I lived there for a while and I 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:21.920 ate a lot of what did we in Hawaiian? 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:23.520 Oh? I left Hollywood. I left Hollywood. 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.360 I hated it and nobody noticed I'd left because I 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:28.240 all like I'd like two films come out the year 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:29.439 that I went and lived in Hawaii. 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:31.720 It was quite funny. 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:34.040 I went there just to write music and to surf 0:13:34.160 --> 0:13:36.560 and to live on the beach and hang out. 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:40.640 Gosh, I made a film there, that Tempest film that 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:45.800 Julia Timore Helen Mirrin was was prospero prospera, and we 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:47.640 were it was just so hilarious, like being in the 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:51.640 hot tub with like Chris Cooper and David Strath there 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:54.800 and Tom Knti and Russell Brand and you know, practicing 0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:56.360 our lines for the next day in the hot tub 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:59.600 of the Four Seasons and in that funny little island camera. 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:01.679 Quite a long time, I went back and forward a bit, 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:02.760 such a Huto. 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:12.000 Love, Okay, what question would you most like? Answered? 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:13.040 Ugh? 0:14:13.360 --> 0:14:16.640 I mean, I think it would have to be what 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:19.200 was wrong with my father? What it was the true 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:23.440 mental diagnosis of him? You know, I think I think 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:25.200 maybe ten years ago and said why did my father 0:14:25.240 --> 0:14:27.640 not love me? And I've got over that one, you know, 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:29.960 as I found out all this evidence about him, you know, 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:32.800 I came to the conclusion not just like, oh he's 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:35.920 insane and awful, but he's just was mentally ill and 0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:39.680 I would love to get proper diagnosis, and I never 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:42.520 will because I was I can't examine him or have 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:44.600 anyone examine him, But that, to me is something I 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.080 would really love to have answered, just what it actually 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:48.600 was that made him behave the way he did. 0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:51.040 Do you think that if a person can give something 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:55.720 a name it can be understood better, does it stay 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:59.480 nebulous and therefore threatening if you can't contain it with 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:00.280 the world. 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:03.240 I think it's just a thing of it takes outside 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:05.640 of your experience. It makes it something that exists in 0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:08.120 the world that wasn't just about you, you know, So 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:10.800 perhaps that is what you're saying. And I've talked to 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:14.560 psychiatrists about this, you know. I have actually spent quite 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:16.960 a lot of time trying to diagnose my father from 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:19.400 beyond the great personality disorders that he clearly had, but 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:22.160 there's more, and I just I don't know quite why 0:15:22.320 --> 0:15:24.520 and when, you know, and what kicked it in And 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:27.160 because something that was such a big part of my life, 0:15:27.520 --> 0:15:29.640 that is kind of a mystery. And I've definitely made 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:31.800 peace of that, and I understand truly that he was 0:15:31.840 --> 0:15:34.760 mentally ill, and I've made it easier to to come 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:37.200 to terms with and to forgive, and to sort of 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:39.640 not too much to forgive. That was easy, but to 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:42.760 sort of place what happened to me in a context 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:46.120 that I can get myself out of it. But obviously 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:49.680 it's I'm never going to have a proper answer, So 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:52.640 that would be the thing I would like the answer to. 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:56.120 Yeah, I'm sorry, you won't have the answer to that question. 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:59.840 I hope that the exploration or the interrogation of what 0:15:59.840 --> 0:16:00.480 it might be. 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:02.240 I hope that there were enough people that said the 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:04.120 same thing that I've given you a good idea of 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:04.920 what it might have been. 0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:08.880 Definitely, there's you know, narcissistic disorder, of psychotic personality, there's 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:12.080 there's all these things. But you know, you can't really 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:15.000 do that just on one person's memory. You have to 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:18.240 get in a bit deeper. So it's so interesting to me. 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:20.960 I always I'm really fascinated by the various sort of 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:25.920 little psychological quirks we all have. I agree, And I 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:28.320 think that's maybe because you know, from such an early age, 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:29.720 I was so aware of it. I was so aware 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:31.680 of them. I was aware that my dad was not 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:36.480 right right from I'm not right as in wrong as 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:39.040 well as being not right psychologically, I had a very 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:41.160 good sort of balance between my mum and my dad, 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:43.400 so I knew that both couldn't be right. And also, 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:45.560 I you know, hate to say it, but I think 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:48.680 that's also why I'm quite a good actor, is that 0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:52.600 I can understand get into sort of people's psychological quirks 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:57.160 because I'm aware of the difference. You know, I see it. 0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:00.160 So yeah, I was used to looking for. 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:16.840 What person, place, or experience most altered your life. 0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:19.800 Again, I'm going to see my father. I know I 0:17:19.880 --> 0:17:21.560 keep sort of bringing it back there, but. 0:17:21.720 --> 0:17:24.200 No, no, no, it's good because you wrote a book about 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:27.280 your experiences with your father. And someone very early on 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:31.359 said to me when I'd not drawing a comparison between 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:34.600 an abusive childhood and heartbreak, but I was suffering jemry 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:37.159 from a heartbreak and I wrote a record, and a 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:40.440 musician that I love said, oh, yeah, you know, wherever possible, 0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:47.399 you should profit off your pain. Whatever that well is 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:51.240 of you, of your father, that he would be the 0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:54.320 question that you would want answered that it's the person 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:56.560 who altered or affected your life so much. 0:17:56.600 --> 0:17:58.639 They are connected those questions for you. 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:01.280 So yeah, exactly, and Also it's sort of you know, 0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:03.560 in positive ways as well. I mean, like, what's really 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:09.160 had been fascinating is right after we made Circle of Friends, actually, 0:18:09.200 --> 0:18:12.439 I had this nervous breakdown. I remember it was basically 0:18:12.440 --> 0:18:14.880