1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,480 Speaker 1: I got a call in the post office from my 2 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:03,560 Speaker 1: agent in London, going, I want to see you for. 3 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:04,200 Speaker 2: A Bond film. 4 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:05,160 Speaker 3: Oh my god. 5 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:06,520 Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, I'm going to be a 6 00:00:06,519 --> 00:00:08,720 Speaker 2: Bond girl. And she was like, no, you don't fuck 7 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,160 Speaker 2: anyone and you don't kill anyone. 8 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,560 Speaker 3: You just sing a country in western song. 9 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:15,440 Speaker 2: I was like, great, I'm in, I'm in. And then 10 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 2: you were in gold and I too. 11 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,759 Speaker 3: That's right. Actually, my god, look what I've got. It's 12 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:24,000 Speaker 3: next to me here machine. You're on it. You're on it. 13 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,840 Speaker 2: I take it, you bastard. I've seen one of these. 14 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 3: I'm on the fucking pinball machine? 15 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: Is it you? 16 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:31,480 Speaker 2: Oh? 17 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 1: There you are? Oh my god, on the pin. 18 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 3: I'm By'm underneath you. 19 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,000 Speaker 2: Okay, Alan, I can't even believe it. I don't believe 20 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 2: that you have. 21 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 3: The bimber and also do the other thing about that 22 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 3: film is that it's a video game. I didn't know 23 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,239 Speaker 3: about that until years later. And I had an assistant 24 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 3: called Landon at the time, and I said, Landon, I'm 25 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,479 Speaker 3: in a video game. He was like, yeah, I know. 26 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 3: If you piss me off, I go home and shoot 27 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 3: you in the balls. 28 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 1: Hello, I'm Mini Driver and welcome to the mini questions. 29 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:09,880 Speaker 1: I've always loved Pru's questionnaire. It was originally an eighteenth 30 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: century parlor game meant to reveal an individual's true nature. 31 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: But with so many questions, there wasn't really an opportunity 32 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 1: to expand on anything. So I took the format of 33 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 1: Prus's questionnaire and adapted What I think are seven of 34 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,320 Speaker 1: the most important questions you could ever ask someone. They 35 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 1: are when and where were you happiest? What is the 36 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 1: quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, 37 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:40,679 Speaker 1: defines love for you? What question would you most like answered, 38 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: What person, place, or experience has shaped you the most? 39 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 1: What would be your last meal? And can you tell 40 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 1: me something in your life that has grown out of 41 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 1: a personal disaster. The more people we ask, the more 42 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,080 Speaker 1: we begin to see what makes us similar and what 43 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:04,520 Speaker 1: makes us individual. I've gathered a group of really remarkable 44 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: people who I am honored and humbled to have had 45 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: a chance to engage with. My guest today is Alan Cumming. 46 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: He is an actor in movies like X Men and 47 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: in the TV show The Good Wife. He is an author, 48 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: he has an obe, and he is a podcaster. He's 49 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: also an articulate, powerful voice in and for the LGBTQ community, 50 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 1: and he's been my friend for thirty years. We made 51 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: the short film together called That Sunday in the early nineties. 52 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: It's worth having a dig and finding it if you can, 53 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 1: along with the film Circle of Friends and then Gold 54 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,679 Speaker 1: and Eye. I had a hard time not constantly interrupting 55 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:46,840 Speaker 1: and finishing his sentences in this interview, largely because my 56 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: brain likes to go down the same pathways as Alan's, 57 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: which is to say, off the main road and deep 58 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 1: into glorious woodland. He is a deep and generous soul 59 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,320 Speaker 1: and has a way of sharing the painful hearts of 60 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:10,919 Speaker 1: his past with great compassion and great humor. What relationship, 61 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:16,080 Speaker 1: real or fictionalized, defines love for you? Well? 62 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 2: Is it you and me? In Circle of Friends? 63 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 3: What did I call you? 64 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: You? What? 65 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 2: What does it you call me? I can remember, hold on, 66 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 2: I can see it. 67 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 3: Some remember said in a bit of the Succulent Bird. 68 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 3: But that wasn't ast talking about the chicken eating as 69 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,119 Speaker 3: I was eluding. But at the end I say something 70 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 3: awful to you. 71 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 2: He called me something bitch, and I can't remember what 72 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 2: it is. 73 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, But back to love. Unconditional love. I think 74 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,640 Speaker 3: with Grant Schaeffer, my husband upstairs. Not that I've got 75 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 3: another one downstairs, but you know what I mean, I. 76 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 2: Was going to say, show me the one in the basement. 77 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 3: I feel I've reached a point with him after so 78 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 3: long where it's you know, he pisses me off, but 79 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 3: I just feel this completely solid, true thing that I 80 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 3: just can't imagine we can get over anything. 81 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 2: Does that define love for you, that notion of. 82 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 3: Solid unconditional love, unconditional love? It, yes, I think, yeah, 83 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 3: because I no matter what happens, I'm going to have 84 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 3: this love right, no. 85 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: Matter the circumstances, the vagaries of the circumstance. 86 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,839 Speaker 3: In life exactly. But then, actually, what I would say 87 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,359 Speaker 3: is more unconditional love is my relationship with dogs. So 88 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 3: I've got La La and Jerry upstairs, and I'm very 89 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 3: attached to La La and attaching to them both. But 90 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 3: you know, I think I'm more of a special relationship 91 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 3: with La La. And I had my dog Honey before that. 92 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 3: There's a sort of a statue of her over there 93 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 3: on a little deck, who was my longest adult relationship. 94 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 3: I mean, Grant has now superseded her, but She was 95 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 3: the longest relationship I had, through thick and thin, through 96 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 3: terrible things in my life. That was a true, unconditional love. 97 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 3: And I talk about her all the time. Actually, she's 98 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 3: sort of very pleasant in her life. And then she's 99 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 3: in the portrait of me at the Scottish National Portrait Girl. 100 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:51,719 Speaker 3: That is she's referenced. 101 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 2: Oh, the one that replaced the queen. 102 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 3: Yes, that replaced the queen. 103 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 2: I love that your portrait replaced the queen. 104 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 3: It brought the queen that the queen was in the 105 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 3: blanket over or taken into somebody. 106 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 2: Put the queen down, and they put it. 107 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 3: Another queen up and set your queen. Jokes here. They 108 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 3: moved me around the last time. I think I was 109 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,920 Speaker 3: in between Tilda Swinton and Nanny Lennox. That's a nice sandwich. 110 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's the best sandwich ever. But wait, 111 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 2: but Honey's in that portrait. 112 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 3: Well she's yes, because she died just before I got painted. 113 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 3: And the guy was asking me about things. So there's 114 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,480 Speaker 3: a little jar beside me and it says Honey on 115 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 3: it in the picture. 116 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 2: Ashes. 117 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,719 Speaker 3: No, no, it's just a jar into the picture. Thought 118 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:32,280 Speaker 3: her ashes are upstairs. 119 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 1: I was going to say, was that her ashes that 120 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 1: just said honey No, actually was a. 121 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:36,599 Speaker 2: Jar of honey. 122 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,719 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the jar of honey, but it says honey 123 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,599 Speaker 3: on it and then it says yes, yes, yes, because 124 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 3: I was really sad about this Scots independence thing had 125 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 3: gone the wrong way. 126 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 2: Yeah. 127 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:47,040 Speaker 3: What was hilarious was I'm wearing this kilt round my 128 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 3: neck in the portrait and it was unveiled at the 129 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,520 Speaker 3: Scots National Portrait Galery in the big you know, main 130 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 3: place to take the Queen down, you know, and it's 131 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 3: all posh and everyone's having drinks and it's a film 132 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:58,720 Speaker 3: tree because they're filming it for that Sky Portrait Artist 133 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 3: of the Year thing, and that say a few words. 134 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,680 Speaker 3: I said, Oh, it's so exciting because this tartan the 135 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 3: kill Time wedding, it's the official Tartan of the Yes 136 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 3: campaign for independence. And it was all these clinking of 137 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 3: glasses of the old Unionists in the room and it 138 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 3: was such such a great thing for me, like to 139 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 3: know that in that painting, which he'll be there forever, 140 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:20,040 Speaker 3: it's not only his little honey reference, but this subversive 141 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 3: little message that I managed to get in. But yes, 142 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 3: when I realized she was going to die before me. 143 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 3: I remember just thinking, no, you know, Honey's in my life. 144 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:30,120 Speaker 3: She's my sort of girlfriend. And I just remember when 145 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 3: someone sort of said some of the reference about her 146 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,160 Speaker 3: dying and I thought, oh my god, she's a dog. Yes, 147 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 3: the dogs die before you. She's going to die. And 148 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 3: it was such a weird things. I so thought of 149 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 3: her as like a human relationship. How much sort of 150 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 3: time I took to think about her and the way 151 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 3: she featured in my life and the decisions I had 152 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 3: to make because of her was very much like having 153 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:49,719 Speaker 3: an actual person. 154 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,360 Speaker 2: I totally understand that my big you've. 155 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 3: Got puts his name down on you look at your feet. 156 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: Okay, well Bob, Bob's a difficult so and I closes it. 157 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,040 Speaker 2: He's not listening. He's a bit deaf. Anyway. 158 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:04,320 Speaker 1: The true great love of my life was my labrador Bubba, 159 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,120 Speaker 1: who I had for seventeen years. 160 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 2: Oh wow, who died in my arms. 161 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 1: And she was the greatest precursor to having a child, 162 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: particularly having a son. And there's a lot of similarities, 163 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 1: like if anyone wants to have a road test having a. 164 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 2: Baby boy, get a labrador. 165 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:21,160 Speaker 3: Right right. 166 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 2: They just want to be loved rambunctious. 167 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,440 Speaker 1: They want to eat, they jump around a lot of 168 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: need exercise, and you need to go to sleep when 169 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:29,920 Speaker 1: they do. 170 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 2: And that's it, right, It's the same protocol. 171 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 3: I always think people should have a dog first when 172 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 3: they're thinking about kids. 173 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 2: Exactly. 174 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 3: Remember Rachel wevice. We were chatting. She said to grad 175 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 3: do you have children. You went, well, we have two 176 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,880 Speaker 3: dogs and Bubba. And they had the conversation about dogs 177 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 3: for a bit and then he said to her, what 178 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 3: about you, And Rachel went, well, I have a human child. 179 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,320 Speaker 3: I don't bless you for entertaining these two old queers 180 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 3: who are just talking about their dogs. And you have 181 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,000 Speaker 3: to remind us that your child is a humans. 182 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: Very respectful to qualify that it was a human child, 183 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 1: so as to not denigrate your fur babies. 184 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, I hate for a babies though. I hate 185 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 3: that way. 186 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 2: I hate it. 187 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: It's like it's hashtag blessed lives in the same space file. 188 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 3: And also like when the Honey died and people said, oh, 189 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 3: you'll meet them in the rainbow know they fucking won't. 190 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I on a dynamite that ship. 191 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 3: I hate that really me too, It's. 192 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:27,239 Speaker 2: Snow rainbow bridge. 193 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:29,080 Speaker 1: I do sometimes see Bubba when I'm in a soul 194 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: cycle class, though, like he's running beside me on the 195 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 1: stationary bike. 196 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:33,600 Speaker 2: It's really weird. 197 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 3: Wow. But you know, a sort of a fever of sweat, 198 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 3: and so it feels exactly cultish. 199 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,439 Speaker 2: It's totally cultish. 200 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,440 Speaker 3: It's amazing, and I can imagine you're getting into a revere. 201 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 1: It's like it's like being in a really sweaty cult 202 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 1: with their motivational speaker at the helm of this ship. 203 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 1: And I think you do go into a bit of 204 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 1: a trance and then you start seeing your dead dog. 205 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:14,320 Speaker 2: This is my favorite question. What would be your last meal? 206 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 3: I would have still these the stow this. This is 207 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,599 Speaker 3: an old Scottish thing. I guess it's because it's on 208 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,880 Speaker 3: the stove. It's like supposed to be when you're drinking. 209 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,079 Speaker 3: You leave it there and you're going. You have a 210 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 3: little some steeves. It's potatoes and onions, meat it. I 211 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,040 Speaker 3: do a vegan version. It's delicious. It's just like the 212 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 3: most carby starchy thing, so delicious. I put guardic and 213 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,599 Speaker 3: other things, so source and blah blah blah. See I 214 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 3: really think I'm a peasant. I really it's so interesting. 215 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 3: I discovered recently I'm part Portuguese. I did that thing 216 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 3: you send off. I'm six percent Portuguese. 217 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 2: Oh that's quite a lot, is it. 218 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 3: I had no idea. I'm a little bit sort of 219 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 3: German and there was a few percentage of there, but 220 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 3: you know, mostly Scottish and north of England. 221 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 1: I'm literally an Anglo Saxon like I basically was either 222 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: one of the people that the Vikings came and found 223 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:57,559 Speaker 1: who already. 224 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,040 Speaker 3: Lived here, a bit of picked, a bit of. 225 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:05,240 Speaker 1: I have nothing exotic in me at all, unless i'm 226 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,120 Speaker 1: you know, drinking tequila. That's the most exotic I get 227 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 1: something interesting in me. 228 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,200 Speaker 3: Funny. I love that I was a little more saucy 229 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,319 Speaker 3: than I thought, but mostly you know, white Scottish boy. 230 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,040 Speaker 3: But the thing was, I'm very much a peasant. I 231 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 3: really feel very peasanty, and I know that I am 232 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 3: from sort of peasant stock on my father's side of 233 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 3: the family too. 234 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 1: Are you utter complete peasants, some of who could play 235 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 1: musical instruments and so we're musical peasants. 236 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 3: Musical peasants. I love that. That's a good band we're going. 237 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,080 Speaker 2: So you're a peasant, So what does that mean you 238 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:40,680 Speaker 2: like eating? 239 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 3: So my dad's family all worked and lived on Codor 240 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 3: estate for generations, like on the farms or in the forestry. 241 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 3: My dad was a forester. And then what was hilarious 242 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 3: is that if you go to Coder Castle you look 243 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 3: up on the wall, there's a portrait of me. No, seriously, 244 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 3: it looks like me in a period film. It's insane. 245 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,680 Speaker 3: And when it was open to the public about the 246 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,280 Speaker 3: nineties summing or whatever, people send me this postcard the 247 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,840 Speaker 3: sun said what the hell? And then I thought, wait 248 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:10,200 Speaker 3: a minute, maybe there was some dabbling below stay, because 249 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 3: I mean, of course that I look so much like 250 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 3: that man who was like the first Dail of Cordor 251 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 3: or something. 252 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 2: So actually you think that you are an. 253 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,720 Speaker 3: Aristocrat of peasant stock. But there was dabbling below stairs. 254 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 3: And if I could just get one of the Corridor 255 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,040 Speaker 3: families DNA chunk of their hair, yeah, and do it, 256 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 3: I would be able to prove. But I don't think 257 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 3: I want to do that. 258 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, we need to go to a few more parties 259 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 1: and like steal some whiskey. 260 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,880 Speaker 3: Glasses would hilarious. 261 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, duchess. 262 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 3: There was always at that thing about remember they were 263 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,600 Speaker 3: trying to get Prince Hardie's den and the people are 264 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 3: trying to steal bits of Prince Hardie's hair. 265 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 2: I felt it was happening in a nightclub. 266 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,080 Speaker 1: I think my brother was working the door and some yeah, 267 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,560 Speaker 1: somebody was trying to sort of snip Harry's hat. 268 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 3: Can you imagine god Pool love? 269 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,760 Speaker 1: And I wonder he's gone to California. I mean, seriously, man, quick, 270 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: get back to the face. 271 00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,960 Speaker 3: So the food, because of my peasant thing. I love 272 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 3: food that is one bowl of the same thing. Like 273 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 3: you know, if you have too many different options, I 274 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 3: You've got, like you know, alls of vegetables. It's too 275 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:08,319 Speaker 3: overwhelming for me. I don't like it. I like to 276 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,440 Speaker 3: mush them all together. And I like to eat things 277 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 3: with a spoon. It's that I love more than anything, 278 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 3: the feeling of having the same taste again and again 279 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 3: and eating it with a spoon. That's what I would do. 280 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 3: I suppose it's very like like baby foods. It's probably 281 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,000 Speaker 3: going back to this. It's like there's seven ages of man. 282 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 3: But that's what my last meal would be. 283 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 1: Stuve is it's very safe. Then it feels very primal. 284 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:32,640 Speaker 1: That and also understandable. Something that is in one ball comforting. 285 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 1: It's comforting, do you know what I mean? I get 286 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: confused in posh restaurants sometimes. I mean I've been undone 287 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 1: by like a foam on top of something. 288 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 2: God saved me from foam. It looks it looks like, 289 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,560 Speaker 2: it looks like fish spit. I can't do it. I 290 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,199 Speaker 2: agree with you. 291 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,319 Speaker 1: I like a bowl and those have become fashionable now. 292 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: You know there are a menu like a bowl. Would 293 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 1: you like the ancient grain bowl? 294 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 3: Yes, that's right, there's the Buddha bowl and things. 295 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 2: Do those make you happy? 296 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,080 Speaker 3: Yeah? I like those, and I think I'm more in 297 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 3: the Asian thing as well, like I you know, I 298 00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:07,600 Speaker 3: loved I made a film in Australian. They had Kanji 299 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,199 Speaker 3: for breakfast, which is like poor edge, and then you 300 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 3: put all these things in it. I love. That's my dream. 301 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 2: Oh God, that is delicious. I like pokey balls in. 302 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,160 Speaker 3: A like in Hawaii a pokey board. 303 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,600 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I lived there for a while and I 304 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 1: ate a lot of what did we in Hawaiian? 305 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 2: Oh? I left Hollywood. I left Hollywood. 306 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: I hated it and nobody noticed I'd left because I 307 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: all like I'd like two films come out the year 308 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,439 Speaker 1: that I went and lived in Hawaii. 309 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 2: It was quite funny. 310 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 1: I went there just to write music and to surf 311 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,560 Speaker 1: and to live on the beach and hang out. 312 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,640 Speaker 3: Gosh, I made a film there, that Tempest film that 313 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 3: Julia Timore Helen Mirrin was was prospero prospera, and we 314 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 3: were it was just so hilarious, like being in the 315 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 3: hot tub with like Chris Cooper and David Strath there 316 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,800 Speaker 3: and Tom Knti and Russell Brand and you know, practicing 317 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 3: our lines for the next day in the hot tub 318 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 3: of the Four Seasons and in that funny little island camera. 319 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:01,679 Speaker 3: Quite a long time, I went back and forward a bit, 320 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 3: such a Huto. 321 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 2: Love, Okay, what question would you most like? Answered? 322 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:13,040 Speaker 1: Ugh? 323 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 3: I mean, I think it would have to be what 324 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 3: was wrong with my father? What it was the true 325 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 3: mental diagnosis of him? You know, I think I think 326 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 3: maybe ten years ago and said why did my father 327 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 3: not love me? And I've got over that one, you know, 328 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,960 Speaker 3: as I found out all this evidence about him, you know, 329 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 3: I came to the conclusion not just like, oh he's 330 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 3: insane and awful, but he's just was mentally ill and 331 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,680 Speaker 3: I would love to get proper diagnosis, and I never 332 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 3: will because I was I can't examine him or have 333 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,600 Speaker 3: anyone examine him, But that, to me is something I 334 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 3: would really love to have answered, just what it actually 335 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 3: was that made him behave the way he did. 336 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 1: Do you think that if a person can give something 337 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 1: a name it can be understood better, does it stay 338 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 1: nebulous and therefore threatening if you can't contain it with 339 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 1: the world. 340 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 3: I think it's just a thing of it takes outside 341 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 3: of your experience. It makes it something that exists in 342 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 3: the world that wasn't just about you, you know, So 343 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 3: perhaps that is what you're saying. And I've talked to 344 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 3: psychiatrists about this, you know. I have actually spent quite 345 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 3: a lot of time trying to diagnose my father from 346 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 3: beyond the great personality disorders that he clearly had, but 347 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 3: there's more, and I just I don't know quite why 348 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 3: and when, you know, and what kicked it in And 349 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 3: because something that was such a big part of my life, 350 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 3: that is kind of a mystery. And I've definitely made 351 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,800 Speaker 3: peace of that, and I understand truly that he was 352 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,760 Speaker 3: mentally ill, and I've made it easier to to come 353 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 3: to terms with and to forgive, and to sort of 354 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 3: not too much to forgive. That was easy, but to 355 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,760 Speaker 3: sort of place what happened to me in a context 356 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 3: that I can get myself out of it. But obviously 357 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,680 Speaker 3: it's I'm never going to have a proper answer, So 358 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,640 Speaker 3: that would be the thing I would like the answer to. 359 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sorry, you won't have the answer to that question. 360 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,840 Speaker 2: I hope that the exploration or the interrogation of what 361 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:00,480 Speaker 2: it might be. 362 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,240 Speaker 1: I hope that there were enough people that said the 363 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,120 Speaker 1: same thing that I've given you a good idea of 364 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:04,920 Speaker 1: what it might have been. 365 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 3: Definitely, there's you know, narcissistic disorder, of psychotic personality, there's 366 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 3: there's all these things. But you know, you can't really 367 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 3: do that just on one person's memory. You have to 368 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:18,240 Speaker 3: get in a bit deeper. So it's so interesting to me. 369 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 3: I always I'm really fascinated by the various sort of 370 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 3: little psychological quirks we all have. I agree, And I 371 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 3: think that's maybe because you know, from such an early age, 372 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 3: I was so aware of it. I was so aware 373 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 3: of them. I was aware that my dad was not 374 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:36,480 Speaker 3: right right from I'm not right as in wrong as 375 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 3: well as being not right psychologically, I had a very 376 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,160 Speaker 3: good sort of balance between my mum and my dad, 377 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 3: so I knew that both couldn't be right. And also, 378 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 3: I you know, hate to say it, but I think 379 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 3: that's also why I'm quite a good actor, is that 380 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 3: I can understand get into sort of people's psychological quirks 381 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 3: because I'm aware of the difference. You know, I see it. 382 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 3: So yeah, I was used to looking for. 383 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 1: What person, place, or experience most altered your life. 384 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 3: Again, I'm going to see my father. I know I 385 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,560 Speaker 3: keep sort of bringing it back there, but. 386 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 1: No, no, no, it's good because you wrote a book about 387 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: your experiences with your father. And someone very early on 388 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:31,359 Speaker 1: said to me when I'd not drawing a comparison between 389 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: an abusive childhood and heartbreak, but I was suffering jemry 390 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,159 Speaker 1: from a heartbreak and I wrote a record, and a 391 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:40,440 Speaker 1: musician that I love said, oh, yeah, you know, wherever possible, 392 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:47,399 Speaker 1: you should profit off your pain. Whatever that well is 393 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 1: of you, of your father, that he would be the 394 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,320 Speaker 1: question that you would want answered that it's the person 395 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 1: who altered or affected your life so much. 396 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,639 Speaker 2: They are connected those questions for you. 397 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,280 Speaker 3: So yeah, exactly, and Also it's sort of you know, 398 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 3: in positive ways as well. I mean, like, what's really 399 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:09,160 Speaker 3: had been fascinating is right after we made Circle of Friends, actually, 400 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,439 Speaker 3: I had this nervous breakdown. I remember it was basically 401 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,880 Speaker 3: because I realized, oh, I'm this person. I'm Alan ahaha, 402 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 3: happy Alan, not terribly different from how I am now. 403 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,879 Speaker 3: I mean into this on the surface, but I was 404 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 3: a construct of something my father had done that I'd 405 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:30,440 Speaker 3: not remembered. So I thought, I've become this person by ignoring, 406 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,720 Speaker 3: you know, suppressing this whole side of these things that 407 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,879 Speaker 3: happened to me. I don't want to be this person anymore. 408 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,919 Speaker 3: I want to embrace this terrible thing's happened to me 409 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,040 Speaker 3: to become the person I'm supposed to be. So that 410 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 3: was a huge thing he influenced me. He got completely 411 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 3: changed my life. And then when he told me I 412 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:48,400 Speaker 3: wasn't his son, that was pretty huge. And then the 413 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,120 Speaker 3: ability to go back and talk to him and tell 414 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,720 Speaker 3: him I was indeed his son after I got the 415 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:55,719 Speaker 3: Dana test and everything. You know, things like that are 416 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,000 Speaker 3: monumental moments that really change you in terms of like 417 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 3: I stood up to this scariest possible monster, I could 418 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 3: stand up to I'm now fearless, and then writing about 419 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,479 Speaker 3: it and realizing that actually how important it is and 420 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:12,119 Speaker 3: how many people's lives I changed by telling my story 421 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,920 Speaker 3: and helped them to be able to deal with things 422 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 3: in their life. I had no idea that would happen. 423 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,560 Speaker 3: That was such a shocker to me. And then also 424 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,199 Speaker 3: to realize that by doing that, I have brought my 425 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 3: father back into my life in a way that he 426 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,199 Speaker 3: never was before. So I didn't push him away like 427 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,239 Speaker 3: I thought. I actually brought him in. But as you say, 428 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,879 Speaker 3: it's on my terms. So it's been a series of 429 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:34,080 Speaker 3: things like that has really truly primarily changed me, and 430 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,399 Speaker 3: all of them actually are positive things. I mean, the 431 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:41,199 Speaker 3: actual stuff before you know, the childhood was awful, but 432 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,680 Speaker 3: actually as an adult, the huge, sort of cataclysmic things 433 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 3: that happened were ultimately very very positive things for me 434 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,199 Speaker 3: because it was about becoming my true, authentic self and 435 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 3: not a construct of something he had made me. 436 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,600 Speaker 2: Oh Johnnie is so articular. 437 00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:58,480 Speaker 3: Oh bless you. 438 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,840 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sorry those things happen to you, But 439 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 1: it sort of feeds into the last question that I have. 440 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,359 Speaker 1: It's very revealing in your life can you tell me 441 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,480 Speaker 1: about something that has grown out of a personal disaster. 442 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:17,760 Speaker 3: Well, yes, me, this my entire body. 443 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:21,480 Speaker 2: Definitely me I grew out. 444 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 3: A personal Yeah. I mean I think I would say 445 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 3: several relationships that are broken up, like a marriage, a 446 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,680 Speaker 3: couple of marriages, you know, sort of thing that were 447 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 3: when I was in them would definitely be described as 448 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,879 Speaker 3: personal disasters when they were breaking up, and just the 449 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 3: sort of the sort of ugliness of all that. But actually, 450 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 3: you know, getting older and looking back on things and 451 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 3: seeing the patterns, you notice the patterns of behavior of 452 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 3: yours as well as other people's. That gives you an 453 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,879 Speaker 3: opportunity to make a decision about are you going to 454 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,159 Speaker 3: behave differently now in this when this happens, or you know, 455 00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,480 Speaker 3: are you going to make the same mistake or maybe 456 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,000 Speaker 3: this is a good pattern to repeat. That to me 457 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,119 Speaker 3: is really fascinating. But there's definitely a couple of relationships 458 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 3: that I've had ended with a personal disaster and beautiful 459 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,720 Speaker 3: things came out. But like I think about talking circle 460 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,320 Speaker 3: of friends, and I like saph On, a nice relationship 461 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,800 Speaker 3: is such a beautiful, strong, loving friendship. I really feel 462 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 3: that I, you know, and she knows this too, that 463 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 3: we would be there for each other till we die. 464 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,199 Speaker 3: You know, we were together as a couple for a 465 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,400 Speaker 3: couple of years and that didn't work out. It worked 466 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 3: out for a while, but then it didn't and actually, 467 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,359 Speaker 3: something so much better has come out of it. So 468 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,240 Speaker 3: there's a couple of people in my life that I 469 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,879 Speaker 3: feel like that about. It's kind of funny that I 470 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,919 Speaker 3: quite a lot of my very close friends have been 471 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,760 Speaker 3: my lovers. Really yeah, quite a lot. Yeah, too many 472 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,199 Speaker 3: actually when you think about it. But I mean not 473 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 3: in the same way like with Safa, was like we 474 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,200 Speaker 3: were in a proper relationship together. But you know, several 475 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,040 Speaker 3: of my friends more in the gay world, several of 476 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:46,960 Speaker 3: my male friends I've had sexcellent at some point in 477 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,120 Speaker 3: the past, you know, first and then we stayed friends. 478 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 3: And I think that's really good. I think it's really good. 479 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,399 Speaker 2: I think it's lovely. I think it's lovely. I think 480 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:54,320 Speaker 2: it's quite unusual. 481 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 1: I can count on one hand the people that have 482 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 1: been lovers that are friends. 483 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:02,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's tricky, it's I think it's I think it 484 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:07,280 Speaker 3: is easier in the same sex relationship, actually, do you why? Yeah, 485 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,520 Speaker 3: Because I think sex is easier in general, actually in 486 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:14,080 Speaker 3: the same sex relationship to you, Yes, because you understand 487 00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 3: the person. 488 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,440 Speaker 2: Like ergonomically or spiritually. 489 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,760 Speaker 3: Spiritually I mean, yeah, well I sort of both. Because 490 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 3: you are the same gender as that person, you automatically 491 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:31,119 Speaker 3: understand more things about how that person works, thinks and feels, 492 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 3: thinks and feels. And also, I think there and therefore 493 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,719 Speaker 3: you can be more honest with that person. There's not 494 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 3: such a barrier of a gender. And also, you know, 495 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,200 Speaker 3: men and women are fed so much shit that makes 496 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 3: it more difficult for them to communicate. 497 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 2: That is so true. 498 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:49,320 Speaker 1: You know, it's like we are raised on a completely 499 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:54,159 Speaker 1: and utterly different social, psychic and mental food. 500 00:22:55,720 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, and impossible to keep up standards. And so anyway, 501 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,560 Speaker 3: I think it's easier to be honest with the person 502 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,399 Speaker 3: of your own sex, and it's easier to move on 503 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 3: from sex with a person of your own sex as well, 504 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,320 Speaker 3: I do. I mean that's well, look at lesbians. It's 505 00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:12,200 Speaker 3: like a joke, But when you see a group of 506 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,080 Speaker 3: friends who are lesbians, they've all slept each other at 507 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,640 Speaker 3: some point, they're all great friends, and they're all godmothers 508 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,960 Speaker 3: to their children's I think it's it's that's the case 509 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,120 Speaker 3: in point, that you can move on from and still 510 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,680 Speaker 3: keep a loving thing, whereas with men and women it's 511 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 3: over and that's it. Many years later you can come 512 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,880 Speaker 3: back as the sort of thing. But I don't think 513 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:33,320 Speaker 3: there's the same sort of illusion into great friendship that 514 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,399 Speaker 3: that can happen in the same sex relationship. Sadly, sadly, 515 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 3: Oh God, I could talk to you for like ninety nine. 516 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,400 Speaker 1: I'm going to have to come as soon as we're 517 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 1: all allowed. I'm going to come and find you in 518 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:47,760 Speaker 1: your remote location. 519 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,120 Speaker 3: I'd glad you to come here. 520 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,199 Speaker 2: My god. I will come. I'll bring I'll come. I'll 521 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:52,680 Speaker 2: come and play some music. If you got a piano, 522 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:53,440 Speaker 2: I'll bring my guitar. 523 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, oh we've got it all. This has been fun. 524 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 3: Thanks many. I've really enjoyed this. 525 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:03,440 Speaker 2: I'm really fascinated and so grateful. You've just shared your 526 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,160 Speaker 2: heart and your life so generously. 527 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 3: Thank you, dar my pleasure very much. All right, let's 528 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:09,320 Speaker 3: love to you. 529 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,239 Speaker 1: In closing, I would like to make you aware of 530 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,439 Speaker 1: some projects that Alan has coming up. I think my 531 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:23,040 Speaker 1: particular favorite is a six part podcast series for Audible 532 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:27,280 Speaker 1: about a sperm bank heist that he produced and directed 533 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:31,879 Speaker 1: called Hot White Heist, starring Saturday Night Lives, Bow and Yang, 534 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:36,320 Speaker 1: along with an ensemble of amazing people including Cynthia Nixon, 535 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:41,040 Speaker 1: Abby Jacobson, Jane Lynch and Margaret Show. He also has 536 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,240 Speaker 1: a show for Apple TV coming in July called Schmigadoon 537 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 1: and another show for HBMX also coming in July called 538 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,720 Speaker 1: The Prince. He is the busiest men in show business, 539 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:59,920 Speaker 1: quite rightly. Mini Questions is hosted and written by Me Minidre, 540 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 1: supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Lavoy, Research assistant Marissa Brown. 541 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:15,000 Speaker 1: Original music Sorry Baby by a Mini Driver, Additional music 542 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 1: by Aaron Kaufman. Executive produced by Me and Mangesh Hettikadour. 543 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:26,600 Speaker 1: Special thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison, O'Day, Lisa 544 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:32,440 Speaker 1: Castella and Annik Oppenheim, a w kPr, Dala Pescador, Kate 545 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:37,920 Speaker 1: Driver and Jason Weinberg. And constantly solicited tech support Henry 546 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:38,320 Speaker 1: Driver