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Speaker 1: Hello everyone, and welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hour. I'm Rachel,

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Speaker 1: and Charity is with us today via zoom.

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Speaker 2: And we have a very very special guest joining us. Everyone,

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Speaker 2: please welcome the One and the Only, the one of

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Speaker 2: her kid.

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Speaker 1: Kay is Hello, truly, the one and only.

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Speaker 3: Please that's really scary.

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Speaker 1: I'm scared for this episode.

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Speaker 4: I'm not. I'm excited.

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Speaker 1: I know you are. I'm so excited to have you here.

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Speaker 1: First of all, thank you. There's been a lot that's

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Speaker 1: been going down recently, and we.

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Speaker 3: Are time to talk about it.

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Speaker 1: We're going to talk about all of it today.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we didn't want to talk about it with anybody

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Speaker 3: else for the first time.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I'm so excited. So I guess where do we start?

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Speaker 3: There's too much I could I have anywhere you want.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So, Bachel Nation, the last that they saw you,

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Speaker 1: you were in a relationship.

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Speaker 3: That is true. You were Kale Oh jesus, Yeah.

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Speaker 4: The couple name is crazy. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess I was in a relationship last time

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Speaker 3: you guys saw me, and last time I guess I

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Speaker 3: spoke publicly. So this is my first time speaking. But

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Speaker 3: things have changed, Things have changed, have changed.

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Speaker 4: Wow? Okay, well, we're going to dive into all of

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Speaker 4: that today.

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Speaker 2: I think we should start with maybe, I guess give

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Speaker 2: us a little summary about your time on Paradise, because,

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Speaker 2: as we all know it, that was your second time

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Speaker 2: back and a much better experience around this time around.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I loved first time with you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of us. Okay, guys, it was really scary,

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Speaker 3: but I loved having you on the beach, Rachel, that

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Speaker 3: was great.

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Speaker 1: We had some good times. Yeah, hearing Kat screaming from

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Speaker 1: the pull up bus, I ran and Chase sewan down

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Speaker 1: the beach, like the will never be anything like it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Dobe, you can you can hear I can still

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Speaker 3: hear my screaming. No, this time was so much better.

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Speaker 3: It was so different. I mean, obviously we had better conditions,

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Speaker 3: in my opinion.

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Speaker 1: Air conditioning.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and overall, just coming in like clean slate, didn't

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Speaker 3: know anybody had no preconceived notions, was so much more

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Speaker 3: refreshing because then you can just really see people for

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Speaker 3: who they are without any judgment. And then obviously and

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Speaker 3: turned into a competition, so we had that aspect and

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Speaker 3: that was really fun having the challenges, but it did

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Speaker 3: bring people closer together. I think so a lot of

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Speaker 3: couples came out of it, me included. And you really

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Speaker 3: got to like see people in a easier light than

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Speaker 3: I think before because you weren't like in fight or

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Speaker 3: flight speading, no sweating, and like wearing makeups. You actually

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Speaker 3: felt pretty.

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Speaker 1: No, you can't. Watching me to play the games was

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Speaker 1: my favorite part.

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Speaker 3: Oh which one? You mean the bug crash out? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Insane, insane TV.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't help that. That was a true panic attack.

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Speaker 1: I loved watching you, though. I think it takes a lot,

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Speaker 1: you know, the last time you were engaged, yes, and

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Speaker 1: then to come back again and really put your self

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Speaker 1: out there. I feel like we saw a completely different

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Speaker 1: side of you. You were just I feel like, so

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Speaker 1: understanding and caring, and I just love that side of you.

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Speaker 1: And so I was so excited for this relationship. I mean, Dale,

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Speaker 1: he's a little older, more mature, Like that's what you need. No,

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Speaker 1: so that's not the case.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what we hope for, right, but that's what everybody.

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Speaker 1: No, truly, I actually know nothing about what has gone down. Said,

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Speaker 1: So I'm in my seat, I'm shrepped in no this season,

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Speaker 1: and I'm buckling my seatboat I mean, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: We're actually though, like I would love a shout of tequila,

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Speaker 3: Like what do I need for?

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Speaker 1: What is about?

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Speaker 2: Should we start the episode off with a good cheers, because,

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Speaker 2: like you know, I just want to set the news.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you guys are in person and I'm not there,

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Speaker 2: but like we can cheers with we can cheers with

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Speaker 2: a good clean water.

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Speaker 1: It's okay, it is so bachelor to do with cheers

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Speaker 1: before anything we do.

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Speaker 3: We take the toast away.

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Speaker 4: I know you can give a toast cares too.

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Speaker 2: I have mine in my little tumbler. But here's to

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Speaker 2: a great episode. Here's to kat is as growth and

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Speaker 2: character development.

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Speaker 4: Because it's never it's always evolving.

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Speaker 2: Here's to us getting some good tea, good story time,

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Speaker 2: and honestly just good vibes all around.

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Speaker 4: So to a great episode late and.

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Speaker 1: Don't forget cheers to love, oh.

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Speaker 4: Obviously love to us, truly to us.

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Speaker 1: I do wish this was something stronger because I'm getting

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Speaker 1: really sweaty.

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Speaker 4: I can't wait till drive January's over with. I'm not

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Speaker 4: gonna lie anyway.

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Speaker 1: Are you actually doing that?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely not, I'm not either.

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Speaker 2: You're a butter both of us Okay, okay, yeah, we

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Speaker 2: should just really get into this. I don't want to

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Speaker 2: take up any more time. I'm like, I'm on the

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Speaker 2: edge of my seat.

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Speaker 3: Personally because it is I feel like it's a lot,

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Speaker 3: like all of it together. So yeah, okay, Kat.

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Speaker 2: So obviously with you going back to Paradise, you I

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Speaker 2: had no idea who was there, but I guess because

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Speaker 2: we know you and Dale left in a relationship. What

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Speaker 2: did you know about him prior to go into Paradise anything,

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Speaker 2: Like did you have your eyes set on him?

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Speaker 4: Were you hoping that he was going to be on

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Speaker 4: the beach? What was your expectations.

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Speaker 3: I really like did not know anyone at all or

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Speaker 3: their background story. Like I knew of him because he

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Speaker 3: dated like a previous Bacherette, but as far as like

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Speaker 3: the intricacies like the details and stuff like all, I

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Speaker 3: just knew he was like attractive and that he was older,

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Speaker 3: so I was like that probably comes with like good things.

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Speaker 3: But I really like did not know too much other

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Speaker 3: than that, like and kind of let everything like be

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Speaker 3: really like in the moment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like we didn't get to know him

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Speaker 1: at all. Unclear season this is the first time I

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Speaker 1: got to know Dale.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I didn't even follow him on social media,

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Speaker 3: Like I didn't even know what he did for work.

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Speaker 3: I didn't know what he did for his life. I

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Speaker 3: didn't know like anything. So everything I like discovered was there,

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Speaker 3: and I think i'd overheard that, like potentially like someone

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Speaker 3: that was older like was going to be.

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Speaker 1: There and say did you have him on your list?

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Speaker 3: I didn't have a list, Rachel, to ask you this

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Speaker 3: last time, you know, I had Oh my god, every

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Speaker 3: I knew there the sun.

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Speaker 1: Moon and starts. I could literally list Kat's list from

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Speaker 1: one to three. With the amount of list talking we

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Speaker 1: talked about.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we were all said like like that's the thing,

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Speaker 3: and it truly is. But I really like I signed

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Speaker 3: my contract at Stage Coach like the weekend before.

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Speaker 4: Like literally was like I personally love that. You know,

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Speaker 4: you at least did not have a list, Like it.

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Speaker 2: Really changed the season before, Like I think everyone had

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Speaker 2: like a ranking of like they knew.

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Speaker 3: Have no idea.

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Speaker 1: The way that the girls would talk and they make

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Speaker 1: up movement. It's like Tyler's her number one, but Tanner's

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Speaker 1: my number three and he's I was like, who can

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Speaker 1: I date? Just tell me which one to date, you

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Speaker 1: were like so scared.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I didn't terrify me or anyone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I was on the beach with my friends

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Speaker 1: and like I was, I didn't even know they were

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Speaker 1: basically alone. Yeah, like you didn't have anyone from your season,

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Speaker 1: and I.

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Speaker 3: Was you were just like so much you did it,

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Speaker 3: Like it was so much better that way, you just

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Speaker 3: I mean for you care. No, I loved it.

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Speaker 1: I loved meeting you guys.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but like it's just better when you don't come

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Speaker 3: in with like an idea because then you won't like

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Speaker 3: limit your like emotional availability. So yeah, with him, I

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Speaker 3: really just like took in for what I saw. So

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Speaker 3: like if it wasn't kicking it, then I like clocked

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Speaker 3: it because then I feel like you're able to notice

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Speaker 3: when things feel off because you don't have this idea

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Speaker 3: of this fantasy that you've already created versus like first

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Speaker 3: time I did it, there was probably a ton of

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Speaker 3: science for different reasons, but I had created something already

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Speaker 3: in my head that you overlook it, so you can

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Speaker 3: really just like be present with the person and the

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Speaker 3: people in general.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, so like when he came to the beach

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Speaker 2: or when he had his arrival day, Like, what what

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Speaker 2: went through your mind?

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Speaker 1: Because I mean, I feel like I could see the light,

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Speaker 1: but I guess eyes just like it was low. It

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Speaker 1: was like love at first sight. It is what it

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Speaker 1: seemed like. You were talking to Johnathan and You're like, I.

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Speaker 3: Does not love at first sight.

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Speaker 1: It looked like it.

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Speaker 4: I'm dead.

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Speaker 3: I was excited. I was excited because I was like, okay,

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Speaker 3: like he's older, you know, and like I like hope

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Speaker 3: that comes with different as like things that like I

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Speaker 3: feel like I align more with like people that are

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Speaker 3: a little bit older than I am, just in life,

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Speaker 3: like we have similarities with our seat like where our

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Speaker 3: stages is at typically, but that can always I'm open

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Speaker 3: to whatever. But and then we didn't really get much

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Speaker 3: time the first day because we had like rain, so

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Speaker 3: we went to bed pretty early. And then yeah, I

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Speaker 3: don't know. I was just like excited to see somebody

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Speaker 3: new on the beach because I kind of like really

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Speaker 3: was still feeling everyone out.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I was gonna ask like at that point

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Speaker 2: where you like, did.

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Speaker 4: You have yourself maybe set on anybody before he came.

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Speaker 3: No, I don't think I was set at all. Like

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Speaker 3: it's just not like a thing, like I was so fluid,

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Speaker 3: it was so weird.

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Speaker 1: No you, I'm like, why am I so chill right now?

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Speaker 1: Like what's going on? I feel like your time on

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Speaker 1: the beach, like you guys did go through so much.

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Speaker 1: We did, like you went through the hardships and watching

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Speaker 1: you have serious mature conversations Like when I saw you

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Speaker 1: doing that good well because we know you could do it,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I was so.

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Speaker 3: Proud of you.

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Speaker 1: But watching that, I'm like, Okay, this is definitely gonna

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Speaker 1: work out. Outside of paradise. Like you guys went to

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Speaker 1: the beach, then you were like whisked off. You were

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Speaker 1: like in Vegas. You were all over the place, like

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Speaker 1: making out with your man. So after the show, it

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Speaker 1: was like still hot and heavy.

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Speaker 3: I mean so like there was definitely like we went

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Speaker 3: through a lot of ups and downs that you can

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Speaker 3: to correlate into real life that I don't really feel

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Speaker 3: like I experienced the first time. So that was a

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Speaker 3: little bit more promising. But you know, being in this

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Speaker 3: environment that no matter what like you experienced, there can

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Speaker 3: you never know how life is going to be when

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Speaker 3: you leave, when work comes into play, family priorities, everything

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Speaker 3: like that like I really need my partner to prioritize

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Speaker 3: me because that's how I move in a relationship, and

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Speaker 3: that's become more of my like non negotiable and I

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Speaker 3: feel like this is probably the first relationship I've ever

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Speaker 3: been in where like my needs and wants are so

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Speaker 3: clear and I'm able to communicate them so if they're

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Speaker 3: not meeting that, like I can clock it in that

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Speaker 3: in real time. And I felt like we had like

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Speaker 3: glimpses of moments that could potentially like lead to something great,

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Speaker 3: but it really just comes down to like in real life.

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Speaker 3: And then so when we first got off the show,

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Speaker 3: it was good. He came and saw me like right

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Speaker 3: away in San Diego.

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Speaker 1: He's in New York, right, Yeah, And when I was on.

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Speaker 3: The show, I was like, hey, these are all the

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Speaker 3: things I experienced like first time, and I need to

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Speaker 3: make sure that like they're not going to do that.

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Speaker 3: I was very clear that I'm not leaving San Diego.

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Speaker 1: I just got there and you both were engaged, so

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Speaker 1: you know what it's like to write like that exactly, Sorry,

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Speaker 1: this are hurting my little years.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I was very clear of like I don't

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Speaker 3: do long distance. I don't want to do long distance,

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Speaker 3: and I'm willing to put in some time if that's

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Speaker 3: the goal, and we're moving towards it like actively, and

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Speaker 3: I was under the impression that his life is really

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Speaker 3: fluid at the moment, so he was able to like

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Speaker 3: he wants He said he wanted to leave New York

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Speaker 3: and all these things and sounds like San Diego was

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Speaker 3: like a total option, and I was like, Okay, that's

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Speaker 3: like kind of perfect if that's something like that was

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Speaker 3: in the way beginning, Like I don't even think I

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Speaker 3: would have spent more than like five minutes if that

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Speaker 3: was not discussed early on, because that was such like

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Speaker 3: a clear thing that I knew I wanted, and I

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Speaker 3: was very like set on, like this is where I'm living.

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Speaker 3: So because what does he do for work?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, because you're a very wet it I really know. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so we still don't know, No shame to it.

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Speaker 3: But I think it's a combination of like, I know

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Speaker 3: he should be moving to you because oh, yeah, have

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Speaker 3: a I have an established job. I have an established

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Speaker 3: like client community and everything like that. Granted, so his

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Speaker 3: job definitely is centered around like public spacing.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so is he a model I saw him in,

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Speaker 1: Like I think.

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Speaker 4: I truly am going to fall out this chair.

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Speaker 3: Because a party city, if I please? You know what,

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Speaker 3: he owns a tripod, he owns.

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Speaker 1: He took those pictures in the taco costume.

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Speaker 3: Oh no no, but those are his job. His job

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Speaker 3: requires the tripod and like enlightening stuff for sure, and a.

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Speaker 1: Ring light and like physically, I you know what, I listen,

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Speaker 1: I get it.

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Speaker 3: I you know, same yeah, same, because we're girlies. But

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Speaker 3: like I will never date a man that owns a

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Speaker 3: tripod again. I will actually never. That is number one

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Speaker 3: on my list. If you own a tripod, you're out,

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Speaker 3: so sorry. The only reason, you know, the only reason

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Speaker 3: you're trying to use the camerastic pictures of me and

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Speaker 3: like sometimes yourself. But like, if you know, can I.

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Speaker 1: Ask you a question? And yeah? Was he ever like

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Speaker 1: let's make content?

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Speaker 3: Like let's do Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So it was like kind of pushing it because I

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Speaker 1: think it's no secret to everyone who's listening that, like

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Speaker 1: when you leave the show and you're on TikTok, yeah,

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Speaker 1: making content it does do well.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So did that seem like something he was trying to push?

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Speaker 3: Not really with us together as much, like it is

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Speaker 3: his profession now, so like he kind of needs to

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Speaker 3: be like that's like how he makes money, right, So

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Speaker 3: the more content he makes, the mare goes out. But

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Speaker 3: like I do very different content than him, Like I'm

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Speaker 3: like very authentic in the moment, Like I make like

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Speaker 3: silly things, and if it feels forced, I'm like so

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Speaker 3: strange in it. So like I think we just have

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Speaker 3: different ideas of what that looks like. But when we

305
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Speaker 3: first came off the show, like he took it so seriously,

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Speaker 3: like we could not be seen in public in any

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Speaker 3: capacity whatsoever. I understam being like you have to be careful.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but it felt just like a little bit more

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Speaker 1: intense knows better than me because yeah, two weeks, I

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Speaker 1: want to go in a gas station together.

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Speaker 3: Like he felt like everybody knew who he was. He's

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Speaker 3: like I dated the most, Like I had this most

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Speaker 3: public relationship. Everybody knows who I am, Like I'm going

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Speaker 3: to get recognized everywhere.

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Speaker 4: Like like somebody was.

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Speaker 1: I mean you guys though probably would get recognized.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but it was in like I'm sure if we

318
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Speaker 3: were out in crazy public spaces, not a station, but

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Speaker 3: it was just like a constant thing, and it felt

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Speaker 3: like I was just like, how am I.

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Speaker 4: Going to okay experience this relationship?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So it was just like a lot of things

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Speaker 3: that felt like super intense that was like really disconnecting

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Speaker 3: in a wife for us. But I was just like, dude, no,

326
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Speaker 3: what he cares.

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Speaker 1: Like he had a public relationship since Claire.

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Speaker 3: I mean I think, so okay, yeah, I guess his acts,

329
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,920
Speaker 3: but like yeah, yeah, but it's like he made he

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Speaker 3: felt as if like, yeah, he stands out in a

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Speaker 3: room Like I'm not going to disagree with that, but

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Speaker 3: like we're like we also like our inner real relationship too,

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00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,760
Speaker 3: so I have to like feel that way in order

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00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:03,520
Speaker 3: to like come relationship grow. So we were trying our

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00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,280
Speaker 3: best to see each other and like the moments that

336
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,520
Speaker 3: we had, and like he had a lot of work

337
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,600
Speaker 3: obligations on the weekends and so he went to No.

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Speaker 3: He said that it was way too public if we

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Speaker 3: went to New York. And because I think, I don't know,

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Speaker 3: I guess, I mean exacinitely lessening. I don't know, guys,

341
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Speaker 3: I never cared. But he would come stay with me

342
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Speaker 3: like a few times, like for like a week or so,

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Speaker 3: because like he had the capacity to do that, and

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Speaker 3: like I would work, so he would just like stay

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Speaker 3: at my house and everything, so like we would see

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00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,080
Speaker 3: each other for extended periods of time, and then we

347
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,840
Speaker 3: kind of went on some trips as much as we could,

348
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:39,960
Speaker 3: like secretly, but anyways, Yeah, I just felt like we

349
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,240
Speaker 3: still needed so much more to grow in the relationship.

350
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Speaker 3: And I started to see how the other couples are

351
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:50,320
Speaker 3: moving as well, and it just was like okay, well,

352
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 3: you know, especially like right before it was airing, I

353
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:54,800
Speaker 3: was like, okay, it's in a couple of months, Like

354
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,680
Speaker 3: what's our plan, Like are we gonna are you gonna

355
00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,280
Speaker 3: make your way here? Like how are we going to

356
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,560
Speaker 3: move this together? And kind of always just got really

357
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,320
Speaker 3: vague responses, one being like, well, that's always the goal,

358
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Speaker 3: and I was.

359
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:08,000
Speaker 4: Like okay, like hell and then give me a full plan.

360
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,280
Speaker 3: I could never get a full answer, and then he

361
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:14,720
Speaker 3: was like that's tabless like for now, and then said

362
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,640
Speaker 3: that you know, I guess like other couples in this space,

363
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,360
Speaker 3: like didn't you know, come together until I don't know when,

364
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,280
Speaker 3: like maybe a year later or something. And at the time,

365
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,040
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I guess maybe I'm moving too.

366
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:25,800
Speaker 1: Fast or whatever.

367
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,400
Speaker 3: But then like as things started to settle, I was like, no,

368
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,800
Speaker 3: actually I don't really care what other couples do, Like

369
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,720
Speaker 3: that's what I want, That's how I want to grow

370
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,440
Speaker 3: a relationship. I thought you were in a space of

371
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,360
Speaker 3: life where like you could because that's what we talked about.

372
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,320
Speaker 3: But it felt like if he did, then he was

373
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,880
Speaker 3: gonna like hold resentment towards me because like San Diego

374
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,160
Speaker 3: is just like apparently to him, not anywhere that he

375
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,480
Speaker 3: could grow his career.

376
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,840
Speaker 4: So, uh, he did he tell you that? Yeah?

377
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, but so it just felt like, Okay, I don't know,

378
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,560
Speaker 3: I never really got full answers, like always, I don't

379
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,280
Speaker 3: really know what the true reason was. I don't really

380
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,200
Speaker 3: know what his intention always was. But that was like

381
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,200
Speaker 3: kind of before it aired.

382
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:07,119
Speaker 4: And then, uh, you know, do you mind.

383
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,960
Speaker 2: Me asking before you go on, like what you guys specifically?

384
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,680
Speaker 2: I guess when he came to San Diego and visited you, Like,

385
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:15,320
Speaker 2: how did you feel like either one of you like

386
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,920
Speaker 2: facilitated like the growth in your relationship because I know,

387
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,160
Speaker 2: like like Rachel is saying like happy couple of times

388
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,639
Speaker 2: or just like the time that you guys have in

389
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,600
Speaker 2: hiding is like, at least it was for me, I

390
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,760
Speaker 2: thought super important superent because like that's like how you

391
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,480
Speaker 2: like you were building up to this, like you know,

392
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 2: you kind of have this momentum coming off the show,

393
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,919
Speaker 2: but it's like those are the crucial building stages of like, Okay,

394
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,239
Speaker 2: when this is public, this is how now we're going

395
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,600
Speaker 2: to like continue off of this foundation that we've already

396
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,400
Speaker 2: laid and like work together on while we've been secluded,

397
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,919
Speaker 2: which I think is the most like sacred intimate space.

398
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:45,240
Speaker 1: To do so.

399
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,560
Speaker 3: And like it's such a like we'll never get that

400
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,600
Speaker 3: time back because once it's public, it's public. So it's like,

401
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,359
Speaker 3: let's enjoy why we can so something I did? I

402
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,200
Speaker 3: think I give you the book too? Yeah, one of

403
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,840
Speaker 3: this book I was reading? Is it one problem? Is

404
00:17:59,320 --> 00:17:59,800
Speaker 3: that the awesome?

405
00:17:59,840 --> 00:17:59,959
Speaker 4: Yah?

406
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just like I got us both the book

407
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 3: and it was all different parts of like yourself and

408
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,440
Speaker 3: the relationship. So when we did start to face like

409
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,359
Speaker 3: hard moments, we had like a referencing and we were

410
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:10,879
Speaker 3: supposed to do it together, and I was kind of

411
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,320
Speaker 3: like always pushing the hard conversations.

412
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,639
Speaker 1: Hearing this coming from Cat, like I'm so proud of

413
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,840
Speaker 1: you then I know the book. It's like I'm like,

414
00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:25,560
Speaker 1: I'm so proud, You've come so far, so good. Thank

415
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:26,880
Speaker 1: God for modern medicine.

416
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:27,119
Speaker 4: I know.

417
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,359
Speaker 3: Well, honestly, I think not being in school, like I

418
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,800
Speaker 3: finished in peace school like two years ago and congratulations,

419
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:36,760
Speaker 3: thanks fish for two years, and I felt like just

420
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,959
Speaker 3: that light that lift of like Okay, now I can

421
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,600
Speaker 3: like focus and I'm not in like this crazy like

422
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,680
Speaker 3: survival mode all the time. And then moving to a

423
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,879
Speaker 3: new city at the same time and like re experiencing

424
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,160
Speaker 3: like a new season of life allows you to really

425
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,119
Speaker 3: like have the time. But I tried really hard to

426
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,640
Speaker 3: just kind of like keep us moving in a way

427
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,000
Speaker 3: that felt close. I am never afraid of hard conversations.

428
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,880
Speaker 3: I will initiate them right away and talk them through

429
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,520
Speaker 3: as like health like in every healthy way that I

430
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:07,000
Speaker 3: can at the time. Sometimes it was met with you know,

431
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 3: similar energies in him as it wasn't you know, we

432
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,920
Speaker 3: are offered like the therapy, and I tried that with him,

433
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:17,720
Speaker 3: but honestly, like it was fine. It wasn't like super

434
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,520
Speaker 3: like hard where really it just felt like it was

435
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 3: getting stagnant.

436
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,400
Speaker 1: Did you start to feel like maybe you were more

437
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 1: in it than him in those times.

438
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:32,040
Speaker 3: Me, I always feel that way, and uh, I guess,

439
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,720
Speaker 3: I guess I had more not really like into it,

440
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,280
Speaker 3: but I had more like drive to grow together and

441
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:41,920
Speaker 3: step apart. And what I was gathered gathering I guess

442
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 3: in the sense of like how he views relationships is

443
00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:50,040
Speaker 3: more of like an exchange of life partnership almost and

444
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:54,399
Speaker 3: not companionship. So he would like label companion like He's like, well,

445
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,040
Speaker 3: you want like a companion. I was like, yeah, of

446
00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:00,320
Speaker 3: course I do. Like that's is like I want to

447
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:01,960
Speaker 3: be silly. I want to date my best friend. I

448
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 3: want to be like like I want to like just

449
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,120
Speaker 3: be our like most authentic and real selves and like's

450
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 3: I know, I want to date my best friend. And

451
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,040
Speaker 3: I didn't know if we were like getting there. But

452
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 3: you know, when your work is stressful, that can cause

453
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 3: you to be a little disconnected with yourself, which I

454
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,840
Speaker 3: think affected him a little bit. So he was in

455
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 3: a space of like, I guess a busy season. It's

456
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 3: just I don't really know what was true. Like the

457
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,560
Speaker 3: problem is is like after everything is done now I

458
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 3: look back to those moments and we had hard times

459
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 3: and the responses that I got and they could very

460
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,080
Speaker 3: well be not true, and they could very well be

461
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,960
Speaker 3: like what he thought I needed to hear at the moment.

462
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,200
Speaker 3: So it's hard for me to speak. But that's the

463
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 3: experience I lived then. But I don't really know what

464
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,560
Speaker 3: the underlying meaning or feeling is because I don't really

465
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:51,360
Speaker 3: know like who, like what lives on the inside, if

466
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 3: that makes sense.

467
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,400
Speaker 1: Do you feel like he was like playing a part

468
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 1: just because Paradise was about to air?

469
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,439
Speaker 3: I think he plays a part. I think he definitely

470
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 3: plays hearts in everyday life. Like that's how he.

471
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 4: That's like who he is. Yes, yeah, and that's why

472
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 4: he gives to the world.

473
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 3: At least that's how I've experienced it.

474
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 1: I think it. Yeah, you still don't really know who

475
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 1: he is?

476
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:13,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess.

477
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,399
Speaker 1: Where was the first crack like that you really started

478
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 1: to notice that this wasn't going to work.

479
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, just crack.

480
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:32,679
Speaker 3: That's a good one, honestly. Probably while it was airing

481
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,640
Speaker 3: there was moments. This is the first time that I've

482
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 3: ever like they I felt like so much that what

483
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 3: you saw was so true to form. So I'm watching

484
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 3: situations that I thought I understood or I was like

485
00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 3: thought that that was the situation like what like the

486
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 3: Alicia and Jonathan and that one. Well, first it was

487
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 3: the I saw us our interaction right when you're having

488
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 3: like our first fight on Paradise, so when you're in

489
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 3: those moments kind of hard to remember. But I was

490
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,159
Speaker 3: kind of experienced similar communication in real life, which I

491
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 3: brought up to him and then it became this whole thing.

492
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,240
Speaker 3: So I kind of let that die down. It was whatever,

493
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 3: but I noticed that he was not honest with me.

494
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 3: So in Paradise I was told that, Like when I

495
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,120
Speaker 3: first was told that by Jonathan about how Dale said

496
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,480
Speaker 3: that he wanted to just go on a date, I

497
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 3: guess to like get me worked up, which is my

498
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:26,679
Speaker 3: worst fear because I get worked up.

499
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,640
Speaker 1: Really we heard him say it right right.

500
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,439
Speaker 3: Right, So when I heard that from Jonathan, I was like, oh,

501
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 3: this is I don't do games like you can literally

502
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:37,360
Speaker 3: go play with someone else. And that became a big thing.

503
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 3: But he told me that that came out of Sean's

504
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,879
Speaker 3: mouth like verbatim. He said Jonathan was not even in

505
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 3: the room that they were talking about it before Birds

506
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 3: of Paradise all this stuff, And I'm like, Sean would

507
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 3: say that because he's always trying to like mess with

508
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 3: me whatever, So I'm like, oh, maybe Jonathan misunderstood whatever

509
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 3: moved on. It was not until like I think the

510
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 3: day or two before it aired, we were like driving

511
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 3: back from some event we were doing in La like

512
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 3: with Bachelor, and he mentioned that Jonathan or wait, what

513
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 3: did he mentioned? He mentioned that it was actually said

514
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,360
Speaker 3: outside of the room, and then it did come from him,

515
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:18,119
Speaker 3: but he confessed, but he said that Jonathan still was

516
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 3: not said to him, that it was said in general,

517
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,440
Speaker 3: like he stood on that, and I'm like, wait, so

518
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 3: that did come out of your mouth, Like what do

519
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:28,119
Speaker 3: you mean? And he was like like yeah, like brushing

520
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 3: it off. I didn't really get any details, so I

521
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,160
Speaker 3: was just like what, but I get it, like you're

522
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 3: in these places like maybe it's hard of everythings whatever.

523
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,320
Speaker 3: Then I actually watched him say it to Jonathan's face,

524
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 3: and I'm like, you don't mix that up like that happened.

525
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 3: And at the same time, I'm seeing how he was

526
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,679
Speaker 3: with Alicia, which none of that I didn't even really

527
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,520
Speaker 3: showed it, and like me, I didn't know any of that.

528
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,720
Speaker 3: So I'm like it's bringing back a lot of like

529
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 3: old trauma from two years ago where I saw people's

530
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,359
Speaker 3: like feelings about me without knowing and it was just

531
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,440
Speaker 3: really really that was like one of the hardest episodes

532
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,440
Speaker 3: to watch, and I really needed him to just like

533
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,920
Speaker 3: reassure me and like we talk it through because I

534
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 3: could be really understanding and forgiving, like I don't like

535
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:07,880
Speaker 3: hold guards as I wish I did, but like I can't.

536
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 3: Like it's just like but I can understand people make

537
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 3: mistakes and you have low character moments, especially in these environments. Right,

538
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 3: But it was completely like deflected. He I guess was

539
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 3: going through something else and like could not talk to me,

540
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 3: and like I felt like every time I tried to

541
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 3: bring up something that I was experiencing watching the show,

542
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 3: he was like, well, we already moved past that, Like

543
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 3: why are we talking about that right now? Well, I

544
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 3: moved past something completely different, and like I don't want

545
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,159
Speaker 3: this to reflect like what's going to happen, and like

546
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 3: like let's just like have a conversation, and it just

547
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 3: kept getting like minimized, in my opinion, minimized and just

548
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,200
Speaker 3: like not not any accountability or reflection of his own

549
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 3: momenttions that's when we tried to do the therapy, but

550
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 3: then it's being to.

551
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 4: Start o compassion either like hello, I know.

552
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,440
Speaker 3: Well I guess I was to have compasion for him

553
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 3: for whatever was happening in Stepe.

554
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 4: Well, it's it's both parties.

555
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have compassion and rightfully, so like you're expressing

556
00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 2: something that's difficult where you need it.

557
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 4: That is a first step is like you were expressing

558
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 4: these emotions and what you're going through to him. Now

559
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 4: it's up to him for him to digest that and

560
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 4: then give you back in turn what you need. So

561
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,199
Speaker 4: zero compassion, right and for me, that.

562
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 3: All comes down to communication. So we saw that our

563
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:19,120
Speaker 3: communication did not align very well. And I notice every

564
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 3: time that we've tried to bring like it felt like

565
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,399
Speaker 3: he was still in that space where he felt under attack,

566
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 3: which is okay, like I've lived that, I get the

567
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 3: audience by everybody. No, just like so anytime I bring

568
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 3: up something, it was like, let me prove to you

569
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 3: why I'm not wrong in what you're feeling, not let

570
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,360
Speaker 3: me understand your feelings more, not let me understand myself more,

571
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 3: which is a maturity thing, Like I think that that

572
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 3: just takes time. But then it was I've studied stress

573
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 3: management and I know all these things about like communication,

574
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 3: I've done all this stuff, and so like I don't

575
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 3: don't bother me with this, like I'm thirty six years old, like.

576
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:58,680
Speaker 4: Blah blah blah, Like okay, that's insane. Yeah, like congrats,

577
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,360
Speaker 4: but like, okay, you study stretch might let's see you. Yeah,

578
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 4: it was show me you're right, show me what's really

579
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 4: going on? Show me.

580
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was really weird. And then you know, he

581
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,879
Speaker 3: did stuff on weekends that, like I guess, required a

582
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 3: lot of his attention. So I felt just like I

583
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 3: didn't even have a boyfriend at some point, like I

584
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 3: was like in my relationship right now, like I don't

585
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 3: really feel like loved or like taken care of in

586
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 3: the way I thought I was going to. So those

587
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 3: were just like my experience, like not to say that

588
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,160
Speaker 3: he couldn't. Like that might be what's okay for someone else,

589
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,719
Speaker 3: but like I know what I need a lot more

590
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 3: than what I was receiving, and it just felt like

591
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 3: I either have to accept his lifestyle and his life

592
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 3: or like move on. It didn't feel like it was

593
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 3: we were building trying to build together a relationship together,

594
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 3: and so that kind of just like was always in

595
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 3: the back of my head. And then he met my

596
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 3: family and everything was fine there actually, and then it

597
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 3: was yeah, he was like around the week of the

598
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,720
Speaker 3: reunion and he's staying with me at my house and

599
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 3: I think maybe he was stressed with work or something.

600
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,159
Speaker 3: I don't know. I just kept feeling like I was

601
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 3: in the same room with him and like I was alone,

602
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 3: and I.

603
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: Feel like he's been stressed with work for months now.

604
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 3: I mean, that's what you said. It's always yeah, So

605
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 3: what do I just know? That's so valid? Yeah, exactly,

606
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 3: But it sounds like Kat.

607
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: Was more than clear about what she wanted. I also

608
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:17,919
Speaker 1: this even happen.

609
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 3: Every single week, four to five times a week, seeing

610
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 3: multiple patients working ten hour days, okay, like I have

611
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 3: just as much on my brain, and then trying to

612
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 3: manage and live my life and friends and family and

613
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 3: social and again so like I have just we all

614
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 3: have responsibilities. It's either do you want to fit your

615
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 3: partner in your life or you don't. And sometimes like

616
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,239
Speaker 3: people have different priorities and how the balance looks for them.

617
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 3: And I started to notice, like maybe our balance of

618
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,680
Speaker 3: what we want in a relationship is off, Like and

619
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 3: that's okay. I don't try to make people into what

620
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,119
Speaker 3: I want anymore. I used to do that, and I'm like,

621
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 3: you're either it or you're not, because like I don't care,

622
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,359
Speaker 3: Like I would much rather be alone than be in

623
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,159
Speaker 3: a relationship and feel alone. And so that started to

624
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:01,399
Speaker 3: be what I was experiencing.

625
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 1: And then.

626
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was just not very good healthy communication. And

627
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 3: I really feel like I was like very seen or anything.

628
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,920
Speaker 3: Whatever things would be discussed, and I also felt like

629
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 3: I was the only one like initiating like hard conversations

630
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 3: in terms of maybe like every time I would initiate them,

631
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 3: I still never knew where we got. Like it was

632
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 3: there was no clarity talking in like actual circles. I

633
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,639
Speaker 3: was like the beginning of that sentence did not have

634
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,159
Speaker 3: anything to do at the end, like let's stay on

635
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,639
Speaker 3: track here. And I started to lose a lot of

636
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 3: patience with that because that's just like not how I work.

637
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,359
Speaker 3: And then we went we became public and everything, and

638
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 3: what I loved was like and I was like really

639
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 3: stressed about how everything was going down with Alicia and

640
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 3: Sean and my ax and everything, and like I was

641
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 3: really focused on like that because it was bringing back

642
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 3: a lot of trauma from before, so I was like,

643
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 3: I it was hard for me to balance everything together.

644
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 3: So he was really supportive with that, which I appreciated.

645
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 3: Looking back, I'm like, was he just supportive because it

646
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 3: made him look better, or like, was he actually did

647
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 3: he really care? Because like in the reunion, I felt

648
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 3: like everything I had things to say and I was

649
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 3: going to stand for myself and he was so specific

650
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 3: about like staying composed. You kept saying composure is like

651
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 3: such a thing.

652
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, what does that? He didn't want

653
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 1: to talk.

654
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 3: You can if you watch that reunion, that man that

655
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 3: was like trying, like was trying so hard to make

656
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 3: me quiet, Like.

657
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 1: I feel like you guys were like a unified like

658
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: he was almost.

659
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 4: That's an optic thing. That's one hundred You don't think

660
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 4: so what oh the fact I'm saying him.

661
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 2: Saying suggesting to you to stay composed, that's an optic thing.

662
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Because at this point, it's like, you, guys,

663
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 2: she should know one who he's dating.

664
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 3: He knows.

665
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 2: He knows this personality that you know, whether or not

666
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 2: you have something to say and you're passionate about it

667
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 2: or whatever. He already knows that. So to suggest, oh,

668
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 2: please stay composed in this moment is like I don't

669
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 2: want to hear any like thing from the audience. I

670
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 2: want us to be perceived as this couple like that.

671
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 3: And and also I've had so many moments up until

672
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 3: that point where I've proven my composure, which then I

673
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 3: started to feel like, oh, I have to like prove

674
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 3: that to him, and that's extremely triggering for me, Like

675
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 3: living in a space where you're trying to prove this

676
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 3: version of yourself to your partner when like it's like

677
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 3: you could just see me for who I am. You know,

678
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have to prove that, and I think I've

679
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 3: proved it very well once again. Then the show was

680
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 3: done and I was able to actually live in this

681
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 3: relationship and experience this relationship I think fully and like completely,

682
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 3: and now there's no excuse about not being able to

683
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 3: see in public. Now there's none of that. So I

684
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 3: still felt like off. And we went on this weekend

685
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 3: trip to what I thought was going to be more

686
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 3: about like us and I wanted to go to New

687
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 3: York Fashion Week, but I guess he had this big

688
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 3: thing that he wanted us to do in Vegas with

689
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:48,960
Speaker 3: the boxing and it ended up being me in like

690
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 3: a house with a bunch of guys, like I was

691
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 3: the only girl and like you've never even seen me

692
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 3: put on a boxing glove in your life, Like I.

693
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 4: Don't am, so what is that?

694
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 3: I was like what I go they before? That's when

695
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 3: I learned that we were going to be this influencer

696
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 3: house that I was like.

697
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: He's like, I was like, you know, he didn't even

698
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 1: get you guys a hotel, like nothing else.

699
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 3: This actually was for him. It was his paid opportunity.

700
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 3: I didn't get paid, but he made me feel like,

701
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 3: oh this is like this is way cooler, like everybody's

702
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 3: going blah blah blah. But at first I said yes

703
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 3: because I thought we were going to be like in

704
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 3: a hotel and doing all these things. God, I don't

705
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 3: even know. Maybe he created a fake messages like because

706
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 3: he I don't know.

707
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: So were you going into this knowing it was a

708
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 1: job for him like he had worked? Not really, No,

709
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 1: he presented it to you as this is something we're

710
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: gonna do together, like just a fun weekend.

711
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 3: Fun weekend, but like it's obviously like we're bune with

712
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 3: people that like are in the same space. But like

713
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 3: I learned that I was gonna be staying in a house,

714
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 3: having to participate in workouts like actual like boxing workouts.

715
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 1: This is my night. No.

716
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 3: I was like, wait, what is this schedule. I'm like,

717
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 3: I'm not going like we don't have to be like

718
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 3: what is this rocky Like you're getting up He's like

719
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 3: you don't have to do it, like blah blah blah.

720
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 3: I was like, wait, what what is going on? I'm

721
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 3: like what and so yeah, it was just like so

722
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 3: not anything for me. So right, so you're bringing me

723
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 3: into an environment like I love to turn anything, start whatever,

724
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 3: like I'll be cool, but like you're still bringing me

725
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 3: into an environment that's all new for me. I know,

726
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 3: no one, And then once again I felt completely alone.

727
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: Okay, you know what the crazy thing is. I remember

728
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 1: seeing like all the coverage of this at the time,

729
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 1: and it seemed like you guys were like such a

730
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 1: happy couple.

731
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 3: Yeah no, that's like the internet for you.

732
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 1: So was that him? That's like, I want to present

733
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 1: this to the public even though you were not having

734
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 1: a good time.

735
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 3: He had our most biggest fight there.

736
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 1: Okay, so obviously this conversation is far from over. So

737
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 1: tomorrow we are going to do a part two and

738
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: dive into the actual breakup.

739
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 4: Okay, and we are so excited. So Bachelor Nation, this

740
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 4: is Bachelor Happy Hour.

741
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 2: Make sure that you are tuned in, subscribing, and don't

742
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 2: forget to listen.

743
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 4: See you guys soon