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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota and this is Angie, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before then, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors to keep the show alive. My friend

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Speaker 2: wouldn't stop cooking for everyone, and it's horrible.

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Speaker 1: Nobody wants to tell her that she's bad at cooking.

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Speaker 2: About six months ago, I thirty female, moved across the

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Speaker 2: country to a new state where I have a lot

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Speaker 2: of friends and family. I posted about my move on Facebook,

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Speaker 2: and Michael thirty two male, a Facebook friend which an

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Speaker 2: acquaintance I had met once or twice through other friends,

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Speaker 2: reached out to tell me he happened to be moving

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Speaker 2: to the same city. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: usual a throwaway, a bunch of numbers, blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 2: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the our slash showcase Storytime severed it. I'm Dakota,

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Speaker 2: I'm Angie, I'm Riley, and we're here to give you

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Speaker 2: good advice. Goofully, But we don't know everything. I really

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Speaker 2: know what we would do, So tell us what you

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Speaker 2: would do In the comments, he asked if I would

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Speaker 2: want to get together sometime. I agreed, and after we

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Speaker 2: had both moved and settled, we met up. We became

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Speaker 2: friendly and started hanging out semi regularly. I have a

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Speaker 2: lot of friends and family in this state. As I mentioned,

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Speaker 2: work also keeps me very busy, so I don't have

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Speaker 2: a ton of free time. Michael moved here because he

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Speaker 2: recently got a divis. He has an old friend in

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Speaker 2: his thirties male who owns a house here, who agreed

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Speaker 2: to rent him a room. They also have a third roommate,

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Speaker 2: also in his thirties. Michael does not have a job,

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Speaker 2: so he has a lot of free time, and he

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Speaker 2: is usually the one to initiate hangouts. So Michael loves

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Speaker 2: to cook. The very first time we got together, he

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Speaker 2: came to my place and cooked dinner. The meal was okay,

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Speaker 2: although it was dairy based and I really don't eat

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Speaker 2: dairy at all, so I felt pretty sick afterwards. I

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Speaker 2: was also very specific about a certain ingredient that I

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Speaker 2: don't really like, but he was insistent that he needed

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Speaker 2: to use it for the dish. Whatever, no biggie. However,

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Speaker 2: as time went on, every time Michael would invite me

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Speaker 2: to hang out, he wanted to cook. Either he wanted

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Speaker 2: to come to my place and cook, or he wanted

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Speaker 2: me to come over and he would cook for me

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Speaker 2: and the roommates and their significant others. Each time I

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Speaker 2: ate Michael's cooking, began to think more and more that

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Speaker 2: I really just could not stand it. The first time

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Speaker 2: he cooked for me in his roommates, I noticed that

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Speaker 2: everyone at the table was silent when eating, and no

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Speaker 2: one else commented on the food until he would eagerly

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Speaker 2: ask how is it and get some sort of lackluster praise.

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Speaker 2: He did this at least three times during the meal.

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Speaker 2: The worst time probably was the time no one could

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Speaker 2: finish their plate, and everyone made excuses for why they

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Speaker 2: were just so full they couldn't finish the meal. After

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Speaker 2: that incident, whenever Michael would invite me to hang out,

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Speaker 2: I would try suggesting other activities. We live in a

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Speaker 2: place that is full of fun socially distanced outdoor activities,

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Speaker 2: so I would frequently suggest those things. He would always

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Speaker 2: decline and try to convince me to come to his

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Speaker 2: place so that he could cook for us. He's told

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Speaker 2: me that the thing that brings him the greatest joy

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Speaker 2: is cooking for other people. Due to this, I kind

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Speaker 2: of started to distance myself and just politely decline his invitations.

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Speaker 2: Last night, I got a message from Michael that he

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Speaker 2: had a huge falling out with his roommate and he

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Speaker 2: was very upset. I texted him for a while, trying

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Speaker 2: to calm him down and give him some advice about

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Speaker 2: how to handle the situation. He was so upset that

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Speaker 2: eventually I asked if he wanted to come over for

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Speaker 2: a little bruski so he could get out of the

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Speaker 2: house and clear his head. He asked if I had

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Speaker 2: already eaten, and I said that I had. It was

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Speaker 2: almost eight by that point, and he asked if he

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Speaker 2: could come over tomorrow, which is today instead. I said sure.

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Speaker 2: He replied with great, I'll stop at the store and

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Speaker 2: cook a dish for us. I told him, actually, I'm

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Speaker 2: on a diet and I couldn't eat that, but he

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Speaker 2: was welcome to come over out for drinks and some

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Speaker 2: video games. He just kept pushing, asking about my diet

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Speaker 2: and what I could eat, and finally suggested something that

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Speaker 2: I would have no reason to say no to. This morning,

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Speaker 2: when I woke up, I was so dreading his meal

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Speaker 2: that I texted him I forgot I had made plans

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Speaker 2: this evening. I told him I'd be home around eight,

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Speaker 2: which is too late for dinner, and he was still

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Speaker 2: welcome to come over then, or we could try for

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Speaker 2: another night. I don't really know what to do about

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Speaker 2: this guy. I feel bad because he hardly knows anyone here,

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Speaker 2: and now it looks like he's on bad terms with

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Speaker 2: his roommates, and I know he probably really needs a

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Speaker 2: friend right now. He's so insistent on feeding me every

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Speaker 2: single time we get together. I think if I tell

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Speaker 2: him I can't stand his cooking, it will honestly be

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Speaker 2: more hurtful than just fading out of his life. After

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Speaker 2: posting and thinking about things, I realized that it wasn't

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Speaker 2: just about the cooking. Ooh. I didn't want to hurt

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Speaker 2: his feelings, but I really don't care to be friends

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Speaker 2: with Michael anymore. He never wanted to do anything I suggested,

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Speaker 2: and that really bothered me. Felt like our entire friendship

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Speaker 2: was just about me making time to do what he enjoyed,

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Speaker 2: which was cooking for us, even though I got nothing

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Speaker 2: out of it at all. After that, I started to

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Speaker 2: distance myself from Michael. I would put hours between answering

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Speaker 2: his text and politely decline any invites. I was also

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Speaker 2: in an accident a few weeks ago, and I'm now

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Speaker 2: on a medication that makes me very tired, so I

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Speaker 2: have limited free time. Then one night, around midnight, I

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Speaker 2: got a text from Michael saying that he was worried

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Speaker 2: about me. When I asked why, he replied that you

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Speaker 2: used to be my best friend, but now you just

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Speaker 2: ignore me.

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Speaker 1: That's a red flag and a friend I would say.

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Speaker 2: That physically hurt to read out loud. I'm oh, peace, mom,

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Speaker 2: oh peace disappeared. No one knows where they are and

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Speaker 2: we'll probably never find them. Please don't text this number

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Speaker 2: every again. Right, there were a bunch of typos, so

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Speaker 2: I could tell he had been drinking. I told him

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Speaker 2: I had been busy, and also pointed out that I

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Speaker 2: had actually invited him to do a lot of things

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Speaker 2: with me, but he always turned down my invites. He

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Speaker 2: acknowledged that was true, apologized, and said that in the future,

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Speaker 2: if I asked him to do things I enjoy, he'd

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Speaker 2: be sure to accept. Three days later, he messaged me again,

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Speaker 2: asking when I was free to hang out. I replied with,

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Speaker 2: what do you have in mind. I wanted to hear

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Speaker 2: what he wanted to do before committing to hanging out.

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Speaker 2: He kept pushing, just saying he'd like to see me

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Speaker 2: and he'd be available anytime I was free. I finally

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Speaker 2: gave him a time frame, to which he replied he'd

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Speaker 2: love to come over and cook for us. So that

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Speaker 2: was just the final straw. So I sent him the

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Speaker 2: following message, Hey, So, to be honest, you're a nice person,

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Speaker 2: but I'm not interested in hanging out tonight or at all.

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Speaker 2: The time that we have spent together has made me

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Speaker 2: realize we don't actually have much in common. And when

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Speaker 2: you weren't into any of the stuff I enjoy doing,

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Speaker 2: I lost interest in the friendship. Combined with the fact

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Speaker 2: that I still have so much pain for my accident,

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Speaker 2: it just seems like too much effort, no hard feelings.

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Speaker 2: I really do wish you the best, and I blocked

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Speaker 2: him after that. Wow, it was just a cooking. No

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Speaker 2: advice yourself, it was just a cooking. Now I see

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Speaker 2: this as totally fair. I think you're blocking him just

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Speaker 2: for your own peace of mind, because you don't want

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Speaker 2: to like there's no argument here. You're like, I'm done.

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Speaker 2: I just don't feel like there's any real reason to

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Speaker 2: connect or be friends because we're just not really aligned.

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Speaker 2: And also I have an injury and I'm not really

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Speaker 2: I don't even have the bandwidth to make or develop

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Speaker 2: or maintain a friendship with someone like you. Maybe it

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Speaker 2: was bad the way I handled the situation, but life

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Speaker 2: feels too short to waste so much time doing what

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Speaker 2: other people want. I never advocate for myself and always

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Speaker 2: end up in these types of draining, one sided friendships.

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Speaker 2: So I feel proud of what I said and relieved

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Speaker 2: to be moving past the situation. At it there are

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Speaker 2: a lot of people defending Michael and calling me a

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Speaker 2: horrible person. In my last post, I mentioned that he

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Speaker 2: had a falling out with his roommates. They actually asked

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Speaker 2: him to move out because he was being so disrespectful

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Speaker 2: and aloof. I didn't include this information in my post

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Speaker 2: because I didn't want to be unfairly harsh. Now I

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Speaker 2: see the way I describe Michael made people sympathize with him,

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Speaker 2: and that's honestly given me more food for thought than anything.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't even describe how awful he was to a

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Speaker 2: bunch of Internet strangers without feeling bad. A lot of

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Speaker 2: people are also just making blind assumptions about him, and

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Speaker 2: every single one is so far from reality. I guess

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Speaker 2: we should all take Reddit posts with a grain of salt.

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Speaker 2: And we've got some comments here. You're a chica, says,

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Speaker 2: I totally understand why this happened. Unfortunately, Michael probably thinks

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Speaker 2: he's trying hard to be social and puts effort into

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Speaker 2: his friendships, so he just can't understand why he doesn't

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Speaker 2: get the same effort back. He's probably lonely, and you

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Speaker 2: can find a lot of lonely people complaining about this.

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Speaker 2: But he's awkward and has a hard time reading or

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Speaker 2: understanding your cues or I dare say, caring about your

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Speaker 2: cues and messages about what you do and don't want

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Speaker 2: to do. It's hard to be friends with someone like that,

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Speaker 2: and to be honest, Michael probably doesn't have a lot

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Speaker 2: of friends. Op replies very insightful. I mentioned at the

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Speaker 2: end of my post that I end up in a

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Speaker 2: lot of friendships like this. I have sympathy for people

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Speaker 2: like this, and I usually endure the friendship because I

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Speaker 2: feel for them. But honestly, I think I'm at a

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Speaker 2: point in my life where I'm just over being that

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Speaker 2: nice person. Friendship needs to go both ways, and I'm

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Speaker 2: tired of giving so much time to people who I

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Speaker 2: get no enjoyment from being with. Recycled Air says I

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Speaker 2: wanted to hear what he wanted to do before committing

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Speaker 2: to hanging out. He kept pushing, just saying he'd like

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Speaker 2: to see me and he'd be available anytime I was free.

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Speaker 2: As Commander says, he was trying to act on your

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Speaker 2: previous feedback and wanted you to suggest something you wanted

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Speaker 2: to do before he suggested anything. You forced his hand

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Speaker 2: by pushing him to suggest something and blew up at

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Speaker 2: him when he offered the one thing he thought he

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Speaker 2: was good at that would help you out, which you've

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Speaker 2: never once told him you didn't enjoy, but continue to do.

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Speaker 2: I will back you up on that last point of

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Speaker 2: like you did always say that his cooking was good,

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Speaker 2: so why would he think that it would be bad anyway?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true if you really don't want him to

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Speaker 1: cook for you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, i'd be like, Michael, you're bad at cooking. You're cooking.

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Speaker 2: I don't like it, right, I'm sorry it's gotten to

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Speaker 2: this point that I had to say that to you. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't like your cooking, Michael, but there's ways to improve.

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Speaker 1: It's all right, yeah, Michael.

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Speaker 2: Ohp replies, I didn't want to put seemingly unnecessary detail

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Speaker 2: in my post. I have invited Michael to go hiking

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Speaker 2: at least four times. I have also invited him to

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Speaker 2: go ice skating, snow tubing, skiing, driving in the mountains,

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Speaker 2: and even on a weekend trip to a nearby States

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Speaker 2: declined every single invite, instead asking me to come over

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Speaker 2: and try his cooking or watch TV. Edit to add

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Speaker 2: I even offered to pay for him on the activities

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Speaker 2: that were expensive, even though he doesn't need me to,

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Speaker 2: as an incentive to get him to join Accomplished Bison replies,

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Speaker 2: those are all super physical activities, and he sounds like

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Speaker 2: more of a homebody if he likes cooking and watching TV.

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Speaker 2: I agree you probably weren't compatible as friends, But ghosting him,

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Speaker 2: re engaging with him, and then about facing and sending

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Speaker 2: a Dear John all sounds a bit much. Tattletale ninety

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Speaker 2: one says, I mean, I like to cook, but I

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Speaker 2: am I am good at it and watch TV, and

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Speaker 2: I would never want to do any of those activities,

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Speaker 2: not even if someone else paid, not even if someone

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Speaker 2: paid me to do it. Will you sound boring? But

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Speaker 2: I know this, and I avoid having a good friend's

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Speaker 2: status with anyone because I don't want to socialize the

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Speaker 2: way other people do. I've pretty much done the same

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Speaker 2: thing before with a friend, send her messages telling her

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Speaker 2: that while I liked her, I didn't really enjoy when

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Speaker 2: we hung out and didn't want to anymore. It sounds

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Speaker 2: like a breakup, and in a way, I guess it is. Hope,

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Speaker 2: He replies, Yeah, I'm getting a lot of hate for it,

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Speaker 2: but I just don't see why I should continue to

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Speaker 2: be friends with someone I don't like hanging out with.

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Speaker 2: We don't enjoy doing the same things. I tried to

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Speaker 2: drift away slowly and we wouldn't have it, though I

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Speaker 2: had to treat it like a breakup. Lenny w Tef says,

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Speaker 2: you don't have to continue hanging out with anyone you

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Speaker 2: don't want to, and you can break off a friendship

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Speaker 2: whenever you like. Nobody is telling you to continue being

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Speaker 2: friends with him, just don't be a wiener and actually

247
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Speaker 2: tell the guy instead of him thinking you were great

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Speaker 2: friends and you're blocking him out of the blue. Total

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Speaker 2: wiener move. Tell the guy sorry, I don't like your

250
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Speaker 2: cooking at all and want to do other activities. Had

251
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Speaker 2: a few friends just ghost me like this and do

252
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Speaker 2: this day? I have no idea why I thought they

253
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Speaker 2: were really good friends. Did you not read the part

254
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Speaker 2: where she sent a message explaining all of that.

255
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Speaker 1: Yeah, she blocked afterwards, but like she did give an explanation.

256
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Speaker 1: This is very annoying. All those comments were really annoying me.

257
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Speaker 2: Update. I got a lot of hate on my last

258
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Speaker 2: post here, and at first I couldn't really understand why.

259
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Speaker 2: One person who continued to comment angrily was user named

260
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Speaker 2: recycled Air. So I actually ended up messaging him privately

261
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Speaker 2: to ask why he thought I was such a villain.

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Speaker 2: It turned out to be a really productive conversation, Okay.

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Speaker 2: I gave him some more details about the situation and

264
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Speaker 2: really ended up realizing that the issue was deeper than

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Speaker 2: I made it out to be. I had left some

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Speaker 2: details out of my original post thinking that they were

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Speaker 2: not necessarily relevant, only to realize that they were the

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Speaker 2: true root of the problem. Thanks to recycled Air for

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Speaker 2: letting me get stuff off my chest and encouraging me

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Speaker 2: to make another post, so I will provide those details,

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Speaker 2: and surprisingly, even to me, new events have occurred and

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Speaker 2: I will share those as well. When Michael and I

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Speaker 2: first moved to the state we live in, we were

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Speaker 2: both romantically interested in one another. Well that's well, that's why.

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Speaker 2: That's a little bit of something right there. How do

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Speaker 2: we miss that, that's a whole lot of something right away.

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Speaker 2: We had been online friends for a while, having only

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Speaker 2: met once briefly in real life, and I think we

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Speaker 2: expected more to develop between us when we moved to

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Speaker 2: the same city. I did not mention this at all

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Speaker 2: in my post, because after spending some time together, I

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Speaker 2: realized I didn't feel that way toward him anymore. I

283
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Speaker 2: told him that upfront, and we agreed to continue to

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Speaker 2: be friends. Initially, one of the biggest reasons that we

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Speaker 2: connected was over our shared love of outdoor activity. So

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Speaker 2: for everyone guessing that Michael was unable to or disinterested

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Speaker 2: in that hike and the trips I planned, that just

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Speaker 2: wasn't true. Michael is very physically fit and early on

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Speaker 2: expressed a huge interest in these activities. However, when he

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Speaker 2: wanted to hang out, he always wanted to hang out

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Speaker 2: at one of our houses, and almost always this led

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Speaker 2: to us being in situations where he would want to

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Speaker 2: lay on the couch and gradually lead into trying to

294
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Speaker 2: puddle with me. So while I disliked his cooking, I

295
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,320
Speaker 2: guess that really I just felt like he was never

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Speaker 2: respectful of the boundary that I set when I told

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Speaker 2: him I only wanted to be friends.

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Speaker 1: I see, see, when you're hiking, you're not staying in

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Speaker 1: close quarters, so he could try to make a move

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Speaker 1: on you.

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Speaker 2: So you're gonna tell me this whole time that after

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Speaker 2: you were like, let's just be friends, and then he

303
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:26,280
Speaker 2: constantly insisted on cooking you dinner and trying to hook

304
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Speaker 2: up with you on the couch. We didn't stop hanging

305
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Speaker 2: out with this guy. You got chronic CPP, chronic chronic

306
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Speaker 2: people pleasing. You should have cut this thing off way earlier.

307
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Speaker 2: You should be like, dude, why do you keep trying

308
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Speaker 2: to cut with me? We're just friends. You're being weird.

309
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Speaker 2: I want to hang out with you. I was channeling

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Speaker 2: my anger into his mediocre food. I tried hard to

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Speaker 2: maintain a friendship by inviting him to do the things

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Speaker 2: he had already told me he loved, but he never

313
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Speaker 2: wanted to do this, and this led me to feel

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Speaker 2: like he was disingenuous, which ultimately ended with ME telling

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Speaker 2: him off and blocking him. Many people read what I

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Speaker 2: did and saw it as cruel, but I felt like

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Speaker 2: this person and did not respect me, and I didn't

318
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,640
Speaker 2: feel like what I did was wrong. However, there's more.

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Speaker 2: The day after I made the post, I came home

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Speaker 2: from work and found a stuffed animal on my doorstep

321
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,960
Speaker 2: with an apology note. It just said, sorry for being

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00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:16,080
Speaker 2: a bad friend. Aw nah, but see that's the thing,

323
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,920
Speaker 2: you're being creepy. I thought about it for a couple

324
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,280
Speaker 2: of days and decided that maybe I have been overly harsh.

325
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Speaker 2: I unblocked Michael, and I thanked him for the stuffed animal.

326
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Speaker 2: Then I apologized for blocking him and told him basically

327
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Speaker 2: what I said here, that I felt like he didn't

328
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Speaker 2: respect my boundaries and he didn't really value my friendship

329
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:35,040
Speaker 2: because he never wanted to do anything that I suggested.

330
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Speaker 2: I expected him to be defensive, but he actually apologized profusely.

331
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Speaker 2: Of course he did, because he's freaking weird. Bro. He's weird,

332
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,520
Speaker 2: he's got weird vibes, and he's so unbelievably desperate to like,

333
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,440
Speaker 2: I don't know, like be with you or be around

334
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 2: you or be near you. It's like I ugh, and

335
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,320
Speaker 2: he can't even cook. He told me the situation with

336
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,840
Speaker 2: his roommates had been deteriorating for the last two months,

337
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,400
Speaker 2: and he was physically and mentally exhausted, which is why

338
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,920
Speaker 2: he never wanted to do anything. Every time he declined

339
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,440
Speaker 2: my invites, he could feel that we were drifting apart

340
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,280
Speaker 2: his friends, but he was focused on trying to manage

341
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,720
Speaker 2: the issues at home. One thing he apologized for was

342
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,840
Speaker 2: being unable to communicate to me what was going on.

343
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,600
Speaker 2: He also recognized that he had pushed my boundaries and

344
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,480
Speaker 2: tried to move things in a direction that was not platonic,

345
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,080
Speaker 2: and he apologized for that as well. In fact, he

346
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:21,480
Speaker 2: sent me a very long, seemingly heartfelt message that I

347
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,280
Speaker 2: found really touching. He told me that the day that

348
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,360
Speaker 2: I sent him that message and blocked him, he realized

349
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,360
Speaker 2: that between pushing away his one friend here and having

350
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,680
Speaker 2: such major problems with his roommates, he just didn't want

351
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,040
Speaker 2: to stay in this city because if he runs away,

352
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:39,080
Speaker 2: all his problems will go away as well. He realized

353
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,680
Speaker 2: the issue was that he was in the city, move

354
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,560
Speaker 2: across the country. Go ahead, that will surely solve a problem.

355
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Speaker 1: Keeping me here was my roommates and this friend that

356
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Speaker 1: I will turn into more than a friend.

357
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,120
Speaker 2: So the day he left the plush on my doorstep,

358
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,480
Speaker 2: he had also packed a U haul and moved back

359
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,720
Speaker 2: home to his parents' house where he can be happy.

360
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,120
Speaker 1: Run away to mommy and Daddy. That's what he did.

361
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:02,000
Speaker 2: So in the life past two days, we've both apologized

362
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,600
Speaker 2: a lot and sort of resumed our superficial meme sharing

363
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,840
Speaker 2: internet long distance friends relationship that we had for a

364
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,480
Speaker 2: year prior to both moving to the same state. He

365
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,480
Speaker 2: said he hopes that one day, when he's in a

366
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,600
Speaker 2: better place, we can meet up again and I can

367
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,640
Speaker 2: know him as the person he really is. Not that exciting,

368
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,240
Speaker 2: but I guess a happier ending than I expected. Thanks

369
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,120
Speaker 2: to everyone who chimed in, even the criticisms, really helped

370
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,080
Speaker 2: me unpack the issue that I was having.

371
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Speaker 1: I don't like that saying is a happy ending, but

372
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,720
Speaker 1: you can get to know me for the person I

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Speaker 1: really am.

374
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,720
Speaker 2: What so you're just.

375
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,520
Speaker 1: Backing out of all of the bad things I said

376
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,360
Speaker 1: about you, saying, oh that just wasn't the real me. Yeah,

377
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,760
Speaker 1: you just don't actually know me. I'm actually a really

378
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,720
Speaker 1: cool guy. This is honestly why you need to not

379
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,920
Speaker 1: have pity friendships, because true, if there's people that are

380
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,520
Speaker 1: antisocial and they are attracted to your gender and they

381
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,680
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of friends, and you are friends

382
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,800
Speaker 1: with them randomly, not out of their own earnings, but

383
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,480
Speaker 1: just you're going out of your way to be a

384
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,640
Speaker 1: friend that they didn't earn or deserve it all, they're

385
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:05,720
Speaker 1: gonna think you're interested in them. You gotta not do that, girl.

386
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 2: So a lot of people also wanted me to tell

387
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,840
Speaker 2: him his cooking was bad, but I decided not to

388
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:16,200
Speaker 2: why why. It just felt like it was unnecessary because

389
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,679
Speaker 2: he was already so down, and ultimately the cooking was

390
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,960
Speaker 2: irritating me, mostly because of the events surrounding it. Maybe

391
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,960
Speaker 2: if we hung out again in person someday we could

392
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,560
Speaker 2: laugh about it. But for now, I communicated what was

393
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,600
Speaker 2: really upsetting me, and he had the opportunity to explain

394
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,280
Speaker 2: his behavior and apologize, So I think it was as

395
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,840
Speaker 2: constructive as it could be.

396
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,840
Speaker 1: Oh Pie, you are just two dag nice Okay, I

397
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,960
Speaker 1: think that's true. If you are still being friends with him,

398
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,520
Speaker 1: even though you talked about like just being friends and

399
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,399
Speaker 1: he apologized for like trying to make things more than that.

400
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 1: He is going to still think that that's a possibility

401
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,680
Speaker 1: in the future, like that will even even if he

402
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,600
Speaker 1: like doesn't totally believe it, like it'll be in the

403
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,359
Speaker 1: back of his mind like maybe you know, yeah, we

404
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,000
Speaker 1: talked about it, but like you know, maybe it'll turn

405
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,919
Speaker 1: into something like it's going to be what the relationship is.

406
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,040
Speaker 2: He's that too creaty. That's the kind of vibe those

407
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,840
Speaker 2: kind of guys hang on to yes where it's like, okay,

408
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,280
Speaker 2: so we'll keep this going for another five years and

409
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,560
Speaker 2: then one day will fall in love because she spoke

410
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,400
Speaker 2: to me. Yeah, it's like lift.

411
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,280
Speaker 1: It's like no, no, no, no, no, no. They don't have

412
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,399
Speaker 1: it like many other friends. They're not gonna they're not

413
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,719
Speaker 1: gonna go outside enough to meet people.

414
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,920
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

415
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:28,800
Speaker 3: on to the next one.

416
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,440
Speaker 1: My friend waited two months to unload on me, and

417
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 1: I had no idea. Why keep that to yourself. I'm

418
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,679
Speaker 1: currently very blindsided by someone who I thought was a

419
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:42,000
Speaker 1: pretty good friend. Her name is Ray twenty one female,

420
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 1: and she's been roommates with my very good friend Muna,

421
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 1: twenty two female for four years while we went to

422
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,600
Speaker 1: college in NYC. I met Muna freshman year and we've

423
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,920
Speaker 1: been very close ever since. By the way, this comes

424
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,119
Speaker 1: from PJ mockingj and if you want us to make

425
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,360
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime

426
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 1: separated it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia. Where are here

427
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:01,000
Speaker 1: to give good advice? Goofly, But we don't have all

428
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,480
Speaker 1: the answers. We just know we would do in this situation,

429
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,040
Speaker 1: So let us know what you would do in the comment.

430
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,680
Speaker 1: I didn't really know her roommate Ray until sophomore year,

431
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,960
Speaker 1: when we were in orchestra together and became closer. To preface,

432
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,159
Speaker 1: I've always been closer to Muna, but I had this

433
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 1: view of the two roommates as BFFs who tell each

434
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,040
Speaker 1: other everything, which may have been presumptuous. Lash forward to

435
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,640
Speaker 1: two months ago, when we all graduated together. I had

436
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,520
Speaker 1: my apartment for another few weeks, so I spent a

437
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,199
Speaker 1: lot of time with both Ray and Muna, plus Muna's boyfriend.

438
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,360
Speaker 1: I was moving, selling things on Facebook marketplace, shipping things

439
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,159
Speaker 1: across the country packing while simultaneously trying to enjoy my

440
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,200
Speaker 1: last few weeks in New York. It was a pretty

441
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,200
Speaker 1: stressful and difficult time because I was having to say

442
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,520
Speaker 1: goodbye to so many people and I had no idea

443
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,359
Speaker 1: when I would see them all again. For my last

444
00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:44,120
Speaker 1: two days in New York, I had to move out

445
00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:46,639
Speaker 1: of my apartment, and Muna offered to have me stay

446
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,399
Speaker 1: at her and Rai's place and sleep in her bed

447
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,119
Speaker 1: with her for two nights. We often had sleepovers like this,

448
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,520
Speaker 1: so even less weird from me. For my last night

449
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,040
Speaker 1: in the city on Monday night, I wanted to go

450
00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:00,000
Speaker 1: to a board game cafe with Ray, Muna, and Muna's boyfriend.

451
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,399
Speaker 1: We pregamed beforehand and played really loud Librarians, and I

452
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,920
Speaker 1: thought we had a fantastic time. I pulled my hamstring

453
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,320
Speaker 1: on the way home what and ended up going to

454
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,040
Speaker 1: sleep in a moderate amount of pain. It was kind

455
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,960
Speaker 1: of awkward in the morning when I woke up, but

456
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 1: I didn't really know why. Ray left pretty early before

457
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 1: my two PM flight, so I didn't really see or

458
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,399
Speaker 1: talk to her before I left, but I hugged and

459
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 1: thanked Muna for being such a good friend before I

460
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:24,400
Speaker 1: got in my uber. It was really hard to say

461
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 1: goodbye to her. I shot the roommates a group text

462
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,480
Speaker 1: a few weeks later, asking how their summer was going,

463
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,280
Speaker 1: and only Muna responded. I didn't think much of it

464
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,919
Speaker 1: because Ray sometimes pretty bad at answering texts, So a

465
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 1: month later I texted her individually asking for an update

466
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 1: on her life. Two days later, she texted, Honestly, I

467
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,160
Speaker 1: feel like things between us were left on a really

468
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,399
Speaker 1: bad note and I don't appreciate you texting me now

469
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 1: like that isn't the case. Either we need to have

470
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,040
Speaker 1: a serious talk or we need to not be friends anymore.

471
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 1: Dang oh whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yikes, dude, I replied, Hey, sorry,

472
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 1: I honestly don't know what you're talking about. Two minutes

473
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 1: later I got several texts saying exactly this. Do you

474
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,439
Speaker 1: remember when I said you should take an uber to

475
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,439
Speaker 1: the airport because you had to carry so much stuff

476
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,480
Speaker 1: and you responded by going on a brand about how

477
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 1: maybe other people me the person you're responding to, don't

478
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:17,200
Speaker 1: value hard work and don't have any principles, but you do,

479
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 1: so you absolutely would not be taking an uber and

480
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 1: then you took an uber the next morning, Or the

481
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,679
Speaker 1: fact that, after I've had convos with you about feeling excluded,

482
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 1: you were staying in my house for two days and

483
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 1: did not even bother to mention it to me. I

484
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 1: only found out what was happening through Muna. Or the

485
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 1: fact that the entire time you were here, probably because

486
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 1: you were stressed about the move, you were incredibly grumpy

487
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 1: and combative, and in the end you didn't even say

488
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,159
Speaker 1: thank you to Muna or.

489
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,320
Speaker 2: I for helping you out.

490
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,960
Speaker 1: And also the fact that you were yelling for most

491
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,560
Speaker 1: of the game night, which was supposed to be fine. Okay,

492
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 1: well that's that's just classic game night. That's you got.

493
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,679
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're not yelling, you're not fighting it.

494
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 1: If you pregamed game night, ye, Like this is gonna

495
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 1: get loud, gotta get like you were playing loud librarians. Yeah,

496
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 1: like what Sorry, she was good at the game.

497
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 4: I truly don't. I have never heard of loud librarians.

498
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 4: Me neither, but from the name.

499
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess you gotta be laugh. Yeah, not the librarians.

500
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 1: Come on, after I already had a combo with you

501
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,199
Speaker 1: about not liking being yelled at. Honestly, I think you

502
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 1: need to take a real hard look at yourself and

503
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 1: try to be more aware of your impact on other people.

504
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: I think the craziest part about this is that I

505
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 1: just had an absolutely zero idea that there was any

506
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,160
Speaker 1: bad blood between me and her, and by extension, Muna

507
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,679
Speaker 1: for two months. I guess her plan was to just

508
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 1: never text me again, which I honestly would have preferred.

509
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,160
Speaker 1: So let me explain as best I can the Uber thing.

510
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,960
Speaker 1: I vaguely remember the night before my flight, I had

511
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 1: made a plan with Muna, who had offered to help

512
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 1: me take my luggage two heavy checked bags, a carry on,

513
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,640
Speaker 1: and a personal item on the train to the airport.

514
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 1: I had made a trip before and knew it pretty well,

515
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 1: so even though it would be difficult, the move had

516
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 1: already been very expensive for me, and I wanted to

517
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,440
Speaker 1: save money. I was surprised that Muna offered to help,

518
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 1: but it seemed to me that she insisted, so I

519
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 1: gladly accepted her help, and obviously I would pay for

520
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 1: her train ticket. Ray approached me that night before my

521
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,400
Speaker 1: flight and kept pushing me on taking an uber, considering

522
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 1: she wasn't involved in the decision at all, since she

523
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 1: wasn't offering to help, I was pretty frustrated. I honestly

524
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 1: don't remember what I said, but it clearly hurt her,

525
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 1: so I feel terrible about that. I may have miscommunicated

526
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 1: that for myself, I wanted to exhaust every effort before

527
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:28,199
Speaker 1: spending money. I definitely did not mean to imply that

528
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,919
Speaker 1: Ray was not hard working or did not have principles,

529
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 1: and I had no idea that she even thought I

530
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,480
Speaker 1: was implying that because she didn't bring it up again.

531
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: All this to say, on my last day in New York,

532
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,760
Speaker 1: I didn't think much of her behavior around me. It

533
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 1: truly didn't seem different at all. After we got back

534
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 1: from our night out, I discussed with Muda that I

535
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 1: would just take an uber because I didn't want to

536
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 1: strain my weak leg. Ray commenting on me taking the

537
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 1: uber makes me think that she hadn't discussed any of

538
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,640
Speaker 1: this with Muna during those two months, because Muna would

539
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 1: have explained why I decided to take one. Even looking back,

540
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,920
Speaker 1: I can't pinpoint her feelings because she really seemed to

541
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: hide them entirely. Now, going back to the text about

542
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: feeling excluded, I admit I should have texted her. I

543
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: was very busy beforehand. In Muna and I had made

544
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,360
Speaker 1: the plans a while ago. I usually assume they've talked

545
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 1: about whatever I texted, So I text Muna directly about

546
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 1: plans involving both of them. Most of what she said

547
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 1: is pretty valid, and I'm not even upset that she

548
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 1: brought it up, only that she brought it up two

549
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 1: months later, after I had commented on their Instagram posts

550
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,360
Speaker 1: and texted our group chat a few times. Ray had

551
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 1: even liked my comment on Instagram after she apparently formed

552
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 1: a deep grudge with me. Okay, I get it, but also,

553
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 1: like that's a really annoying thing too, and I've definitely

554
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,880
Speaker 1: done that like recently, like that mindset of like, well,

555
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,159
Speaker 1: she said she was upset, but she also liked my

556
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: comment on Instagram, So like after she was apparently upset,

557
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, like I get it.

558
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:46,959
Speaker 4: I don't think you can take on, but you know

559
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,679
Speaker 4: you can take liking Instagram comment.

560
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's proof that she's not upset, right.

561
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 3: We don't.

562
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 1: We don't need to involve that in the in the

563
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,120
Speaker 1: she might have liked to accident. Yeah, exactly, in regard

564
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,719
Speaker 1: to me being grump I most certainly was. I had

565
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,880
Speaker 1: admitted to both of them how miserable I was about

566
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,360
Speaker 1: moving and saying goodbye to everyone. I tried to keep

567
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:08,119
Speaker 1: my spirits up, and I truly thought we had a

568
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 1: great time. I was very surprised to hear that Ray

569
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 1: was upset that I was apparently yelling the whole time.

570
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,359
Speaker 1: I can see how being loud is in everyone's idea

571
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,159
Speaker 1: of fun, but I really don't think it's fair to

572
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 1: not bring it up with me at all and then

573
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,160
Speaker 1: spring it on me months later. And it's honestly kind

574
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 1: of laughable because the game we all agreed to was

575
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,879
Speaker 1: literally called really Loud Librarians. In no way was I

576
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 1: yelling at her. I raised my voice and excitement, not anger.

577
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 1: But her saying that I didn't thank her and Muna

578
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 1: at all is just not true. Ray was gone most

579
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,719
Speaker 1: of my last day there. I said goodbye and hugged her.

580
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 1: I don't really know what she's referencing, because I was

581
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 1: staying in Muna's room and Muna was the one helping

582
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 1: me with everything. I suppose I could have thanked her

583
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 1: for letting me stay at her place, but I didn't

584
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: really think about it. A few days before, Muna, her boyfriend,

585
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:53,000
Speaker 1: and Ray helped me take luggage to their fourth floor

586
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 1: walk up. I believe I thanked everyone then, and I

587
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,200
Speaker 1: gave them things that I wasn't taking, like a new vacuum,

588
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: canned food, and other supplies. And as for her last paragraph,

589
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 1: it feels so patronizing and hypocritical coming from Ray in particular,

590
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,399
Speaker 1: she has hurt my feelings in the past, and I

591
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 1: didn't bring it up because I felt intimidated by her.

592
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,360
Speaker 1: She doesn't like to admit when she's wrong. Whenever Ray

593
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 1: made me upset, I gave her the benefit of the

594
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,439
Speaker 1: doubt and chalked it up to her being in a

595
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 1: bad mood. My philosophy is that if I don't bring

596
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: it up.

597
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 2: It's my problem.

598
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 1: I would never hold someone accountable for my feelings if

599
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,119
Speaker 1: I didn't express them, let alone hold a grudge for months.

600
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 1: I always gave her the benefit of the doubt, and

601
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 1: it's really disappointing to realize that she didn't afford me

602
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 1: the same. If she had brought any of this up,

603
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 1: it would have given me the chance to make up

604
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:35,280
Speaker 1: for it before we no longer lived in the same state.

605
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 1: I always kind of felt like Ray wasn't really my

606
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,680
Speaker 1: friend and I was just being friends with her because

607
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: she and Muna were so close. They had recently been

608
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 1: having conflict about Muna's boyfriend being over too often, and

609
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,359
Speaker 1: Ray said that she wouldn't want to live with Muna again.

610
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,640
Speaker 1: Muna had told me about this before, but I didn't

611
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,199
Speaker 1: bring it up when we were all hanging out together. Honestly,

612
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,439
Speaker 1: don't even want to respond to these texts, and my

613
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 1: mom is telling me to ghost her, but the problem

614
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: is that I still very much love Muna and want

615
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:01,920
Speaker 1: to remain her friend. I have no idea what Ray

616
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,400
Speaker 1: has said about me to Muna, so I'm not.

617
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 2: Sure what to do.

618
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 1: Asker Yeah, on a harker, I obviously I don't think

619
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 1: that we should be friends anymore. But am I the

620
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 1: a whole? That's the end of that story. But yeah,

621
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:15,199
Speaker 1: I think you're not.

622
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 4: No, but I also think that anything you do going

623
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 4: forward to try and fix it should not be done

624
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 4: over text.

625
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. I would have to agree, Yeah, because.

626
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 4: We don't want you going Immuna and like sending a

627
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 4: whole bunch of texts that maybe she can show Ray.

628
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 1: Let's just let's just chat with her. Yeah, yeah, exactly,

629
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 1: Like you don't need to involve her in the stuff,

630
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: because I've had that too, where it's like a mutual

631
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 1: friend was like at risk of not being my friends

632
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,479
Speaker 1: anymore because I knew that the person that was beefing

633
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 1: with me was like telling them things, and I just

634
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,719
Speaker 1: like didn't show them any texts. It was just like,

635
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: this is just where I stand with that. Yeah, And

636
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 1: then it was just the same thing with me.

637
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:53,920
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, and that friend realized that the other friend, yeah,

638
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 4: not a good person.

639
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 1: There you go. It sorts itself out, it really does,

640
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,640
Speaker 1: and maybe they won't be roommates for a very much. Yeah,

641
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 1: but that's the end of that story.

642
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 2: My sister's boyfriend took my nephew's controller, so I got

643
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 2: some petty revenge.

644
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 5: You beat him in Mario Kart.

645
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,440
Speaker 2: Yes, and there's a trigger warning for mention of mistreatment.

646
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,400
Speaker 2: This happened a week ago, but my nephew is still

647
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 2: losing his mind over it and told me I should

648
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 2: post it here for everyone to enjoy as well. So

649
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,320
Speaker 2: here we go. And by the way, this comes from

650
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 2: user Puppy Marrow And if you want to submit your

651
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash okay, storytime suburn it.

652
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,439
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and we're here to give good

653
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:34,199
Speaker 2: advice Googly, But we don't have all the answers. We

654
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 2: only know what we would do, So let us know

655
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments, and Op says

656
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 2: I should preface by saying I only see my nephew

657
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,960
Speaker 2: every couple months due to him being at his dad's

658
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 2: or me not being able to come up when she

659
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 2: has him. Because of that, when I do visit, I

660
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 2: try to make the time count. This trip ended up

661
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 2: being way more memorable than I expected. I thirty three

662
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 2: e mail, went to visit my sister thirty eight female,

663
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 2: and my nephew thirteen mail for two weeks. My nephew

664
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 2: and I are really big gamers, though we are into

665
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:09,520
Speaker 2: different games. He loves playing Fortnite with me, while I

666
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 2: enjoy things like Overwatch, war Frame, et cetera. We were

667
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 2: playing Fortnite and he was laughing hysterically because I cannot

668
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 2: build quickly at all. I just cannot do it, no

669
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 2: matter how much he tries to help and teach me.

670
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 2: He kept yelling, Uncle, hit this button and then that

671
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 2: and this and that, over and over to build a

672
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 2: ramp while laughing his head off. My sister's boyfriend, thirty

673
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 2: nine mail, who they've been together for about a year,

674
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 2: came in and raised his voice about my nephew using

675
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 2: his controller. Mind you, it is normally okay, but randomly

676
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 2: today it was not. He snatched the controller from my

677
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 2: nephew and the game pretty much ended because we couldn't

678
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 2: play together anymore. Weird, weird vibe, strange switch up, very strange.

679
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:01,959
Speaker 2: It's you. You're supposed to be the adult, you're acting

680
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 2: like you're also thirteen. Here's the thing about me. I

681
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 2: am not a petty person, but the look in my

682
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 2: nephew's eyes hit me hard. I am not a physical

683
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 2: altercation person, but I will use my resources to get even.

684
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 2: I told my sister I was taking my nephew out

685
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 2: for an hour. We went to game stop and I

686
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 2: bought two controllers and then headed back. We started playing

687
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 2: again and the boyfriend threw another fit. I calmly showed

688
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 2: him the receipt and told him they were my controllers,

689
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 2: not his. The manchild boyfriend then said it was his

690
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:40,840
Speaker 2: PS four, so we left again and headed back to GameStop. God,

691
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 2: that's so funny. Yes, that's so funny.

692
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 5: Eighteen year olds having the day of his life.

693
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 2: He just hit, he just made he hit bank.

694
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 5: He just got two controllers and a PS four hit

695
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 5: the mudload.

696
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 2: I bought my nephew a new PS four. We went

697
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 2: back and set it up, started playing again once again.

698
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 2: The manchild had a fit. I showed him the receipts

699
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 2: and then he said it was his TV and his games.

700
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 2: At this point, I was annoyed beyond belief because it

701
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 2: was not that serious.

702
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 5: Manchild just wants to play PS four right now.

703
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's just like I just want to play. But

704
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 2: I don't have the emotional maturity to express that in

705
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 2: a way that's not entirely abrasive.

706
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,959
Speaker 5: And I'm afraid that my little thirteen year old's going

707
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 5: to show me up.

708
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also he's not allowed to be better than me.

709
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, my ego can't handle that.

710
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 2: No, is you have to lose on purpose. I did

711
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 2: not want to spend this kind of money, but this

712
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 2: is my only nephew, and this man was being childish

713
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 2: over something so small. I could not just let it go.

714
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 2: I pulled my sister aside and told her my nephew

715
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 2: and I would be gone early the next morning for

716
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 2: half the day. She said it was fine, as I

717
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 2: knew she would. The next morning, we went to GameStop

718
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 2: and I got him a ton of games. I say

719
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 2: a ton, but it was about ten, which that that's

720
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 2: a a lot. That game, two extra controllers, and a

721
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 2: VR setup. Then we went to Walmart and I got

722
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 2: him a forty two inch TV and a TV stand.

723
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 2: We brought everything back to my sister's house and set

724
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 2: it all up in the den. Later that day, the

725
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 2: boyfriend arrived and tried to start something. My lovely sister

726
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 2: pointed out that I bought everything and that she pays

727
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 2: for the internet. Ah, yes, sorry, you actually can't play that.

728
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 2: It's my internet. Yeah yeah, it's not allowed. Only single player,

729
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,680
Speaker 2: only single player offline games for you, boyfriend. So at

730
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 2: this point boyfriend had nothing left to argue about and

731
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 2: couldn't say anything anymore. Y'all, this man child spent four

732
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 2: hours sitting in the corner of the living room, four

733
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 2: hours of full on scowling. I was loving it because

734
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 2: I could see him from where I was sitting. My

735
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 2: nephew was completely oblivious, and my sister had to keep

736
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 2: hiding her smirk. Why is sister they're still with this

737
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,959
Speaker 2: guy if she is also happy that he is upset

738
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 2: and like, why would we stay with someone so childish?

739
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 2: He was so mad that his girlfriend's brother spent all

740
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 2: this money just to be able to game with his nephew.

741
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 2: My sister saw it as him being childish and me

742
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 2: making sure my nephew and I could enjoy something we

743
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 2: like together. We spent all day playing Fortnite and having

744
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,120
Speaker 2: an awesome time. I have never felt so petty, but

745
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 2: foref's sake, it felt so good. It was worth every

746
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 2: bit of it just to see my nephew happy. No,

747
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 2: I still cannot build to save my life. Yes, my

748
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 2: sister can build better than I can. And yes she

749
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 2: did game with us. While he sat there fuming. She

750
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 2: told me if I ever have kids, she'll buy mine

751
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 2: the latest and greatest game system when the time comes.

752
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 2: We now try to play together every other night. My

753
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 2: nephew finally has no one telling him he cannot use

754
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 2: his PlayStation or his controllers. He is happier, and honestly

755
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,720
Speaker 2: so am I. Gaming together has become our thing now,

756
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 2: questions I was asked in the other community. My sister

757
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,479
Speaker 2: normally has a boyfriend like this for one or two years,

758
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 2: then finds another one. It is complicated and very much

759
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 2: and I can fix him or lost puppy syndrome situation.

760
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 2: I did not plan to go as far as I

761
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 2: did with what I bought, which is why I did

762
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 2: not get a PS five. In the beginning, everything was

763
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 2: pre owned from GameStop, and the TV was a TLC

764
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,439
Speaker 2: that cost about one hundred and sixty bucks. A lot

765
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 2: of the accessories were me feeding off my nephew's excitement

766
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 2: at the store. Seeing how happy he was made it

767
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 2: hard to stop. I don't regret it, even if it

768
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 2: got a little out of hand. Sometimes joy is worth

769
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 2: the price OPI spent like probably like five hundred dollars

770
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 2: at least, like on all of this stuff.

771
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 5: Right now though, that thirteen year old like, you're in forever.

772
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, permanent, permanent in status.

773
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 5: For sure, permanent coolness.

774
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 2: And we have an update. I linked this post to

775
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 2: my sister because some of you said to show her

776
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 2: what was being said. She was pissed that I put

777
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 2: her business out there like that, but I told her

778
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 2: no one knows who she is unless she comments or

779
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 2: tells people. She is completely anonymous. She called me early

780
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 2: this morning, breaking down and crying, saying, y'all were a

781
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 2: holes for the words you said, but in a good way. Hmm,

782
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:19,879
Speaker 2: maybe in like a way where she saw the light.

783
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

784
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:21,760
Speaker 5: I think it's a wake up powe.

785
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think maybe we need to talk to sister

786
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 2: about the kind of guys she's dating. Yeah, but it

787
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 2: sounds like you're already aware of that and.

788
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 5: Why they're beefing with your child.

789
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't be dating a guy who's got beef

790
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 2: with your actual child. My sister is realizing that the

791
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:43,880
Speaker 2: men she chooses are nothing but harmful tools. Oh yeah,

792
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 2: I got there. Therapy starts in three weeks and the

793
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 2: boyfriend is being broken up with today. Yay. She apologized

794
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,239
Speaker 2: to me, but I told her to apologize to her

795
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:59,760
Speaker 2: son and she will be. Reddit is known for its trolling,

796
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 2: and but y'all did it. You helped her understand that

797
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 2: she's causing her own problems and that she needs to

798
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 2: be working on being better. Thank you from a little

799
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 2: brother who loves his big sister and has tried for

800
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 2: years to get her to understand. Thank you from an

801
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 2: uncle who wants the best for his nephew. Also, my

802
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 2: nephew's dad is going to help her find a good

803
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,480
Speaker 2: man who will love and care for them both when

804
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,280
Speaker 2: the time comes. And that's the end of that story.

805
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,759
Speaker 2: That's that's that's intense.

806
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 5: It's a weird final statement.

807
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 2: That's like the so your your sister's ex husband is

808
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:39,360
Speaker 2: gonna help find her a new man. Hmm. Yes, that

809
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 2: sounds like a Hallmark movie plot where they just end

810
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:42,760
Speaker 2: up getting back together.

811
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,759
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

812
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 3: on to the next one.

813
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and

814
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 1: we're going to get back to the stories.

815
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 5: But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

816
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 5: My sister drained me finance and she still wanted more.

817
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:07,440
Speaker 5: MA give me Ma for background. I am the oldest

818
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 5: of three girls, and I've always felt like I had

819
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:14,720
Speaker 5: to take on a lot in my family, especially financially

820
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 5: growing up. I never really made my sisters pay for

821
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 5: anything and covered most things when we were out and about.

822
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Significant Salt seven three

823
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:28,840
Speaker 5: and if you want us to make your own stories,

824
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 5: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

825
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,320
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, I'm Dakota and we're.

826
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 5: Here to give good advice. Goofully. We don't have all

827
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:37,920
Speaker 5: the answers. We only know what we would do, So

828
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,400
Speaker 5: let us know what you would do in the comments,

829
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 5: and OP says, I've played uber driver essentially my whole life,

830
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 5: spending hours moving them into college, driving them to and

831
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 5: from places, covering rent deposits, even when I was still

832
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 5: in school, paying my own rent, and doing things that

833
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 5: generally my parents should have done from a young age.

834
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,360
Speaker 5: It felt like this responsibility naturally fell on me, and

835
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 5: I accepted it without much question. Fast forward to now

836
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 5: we are all adults in our twenties. I have essentially

837
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 5: stopped covering things for my middle sister because she has

838
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:19,359
Speaker 5: a full time job and a master's degree. She gets

839
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,360
Speaker 5: upset when I do not cover her expenses and nags

840
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 5: me for staying with my parents and using them despite

841
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 5: how much money I make. I do make about twice

842
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 5: her salary, but I have over one hundred and sixty

843
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 5: K worth of school owns, and my parents are doing

844
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 5: me a huge favor by letting me stay home while

845
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 5: I pay them off. Aside from living at home, I'm

846
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:45,319
Speaker 5: pretty much financially independent. I should also mention that she

847
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:49,040
Speaker 5: also stays at home for the same reason, so we're

848
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 5: we're like twins. Everything came to a head when I

849
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 5: called her out for her crappy behavior after she got

850
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:59,400
Speaker 5: mad at me for asking for a ride from the airport.

851
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 5: This was even though just a few days prior she

852
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 5: had me drop her off at some random party. She

853
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 5: acted as if she had done me some huge, elaborate

854
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 5: favor that I didn't appreciate her when I felt like

855
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 5: she could have simply said no if she didn't want

856
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 5: to help, not to mention, I do these things for

857
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 5: her constantly without complaining or asking for anything in return.

858
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 5: The double standard really started to hit me in that moment.

859
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 5: We also got into a huge fight about her wanting

860
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:33,879
Speaker 5: to use a purse she gave me over five years

861
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 5: ago for her first day of work, which she never

862
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:40,720
Speaker 5: told me about beforehand. She assumed that I knew every

863
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 5: detail about her life. Anne was upset that I didn't

864
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 5: congratulate her on her new job, yet she was also

865
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:50,480
Speaker 5: mad that my mom told me about it, indicating she

866
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:53,440
Speaker 5: never wanted me to know at all. I would have

867
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 5: given her the purse back to borrow if she had

868
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:59,240
Speaker 5: asked nicely, but Instead, she came to my face cussing

869
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:03,399
Speaker 5: me out and called me fat, ugly, and selfish for

870
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,959
Speaker 5: not letting her use it. She even said she never

871
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,880
Speaker 5: meant to give it to me in the first place,

872
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 5: despite it being over half a decade ago.

873
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 2: That's a long time to hold on to such like

874
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 2: a petty beef.

875
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 5: Yeah. I was eventually guilted into giving it back, but

876
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 5: she continued to blast my very personal life to my family,

877
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 5: which crossed a major line for me. She has a

878
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:31,400
Speaker 5: foul mouth, and I have warned her before to be

879
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 5: more mindful of how she uses her words because they

880
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 5: can have consequences. That all happened about five months ago,

881
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 5: and I've cut her off since, including blocking her on everything. Truthfully,

882
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:48,800
Speaker 5: I've never been happier. Staying at home does make things

883
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:51,919
Speaker 5: awkward at times, but I feel like a huge weight

884
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 5: has been lifted off my shoulders from not having to

885
00:40:54,560 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 5: be around her constant complaining, nagging, verbal mistreatment, and endless

886
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 5: need for favors. Despite being completely capable herself, I genuinely

887
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 5: feel happier in many ways. The piece has been noticeable. Recently,

888
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 5: I heard her freaking out about someone eating her snacks

889
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,400
Speaker 5: and immediately pointing fingers at me. She spent three dollars

890
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 5: on random chocolates and accused me of eating them, which

891
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 5: I definitely did not, which I honestly cannot believe how

892
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 5: petty and obnoxious this behavior feels. I proceeded to remove

893
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 5: her access from my Amazon account, and she sent me

894
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:38,320
Speaker 5: a long paragraph which my other sister showed me, saying

895
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,880
Speaker 5: that I was pathetic and had nothing better to do

896
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 5: in my free time than make things difficult for her.

897
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 5: Mind you, this is my account that I pay for

898
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 5: but allow my entire family to use. I never addressed

899
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 5: her message. My sister and I grew up incredibly close,

900
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 5: but in the past year she has changed so much.

901
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:02,319
Speaker 5: She is far more verbal, aggressive, and cusses people out

902
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 5: when things do not go her way. She is a

903
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 5: few years younger than me, so I understand there may

904
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:11,440
Speaker 5: be immaturity involved, but it feels like she has regressed

905
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 5: rather than grown. Either that or her true colors are

906
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 5: finally showing. She has also displayed multiple behaviors that make

907
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 5: me feel like she is resentful of my success, such

908
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 5: as sabotaging my grad gifts by threatening to throw them

909
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:31,840
Speaker 5: out and expecting me to continually pay for her just

910
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 5: because I make more money. I will say she occasionally

911
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:37,799
Speaker 5: gets me at pastry here and there, but it does

912
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,239
Speaker 5: not even come close to what I've done for her

913
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 5: over the years. On top of that, she tracks every

914
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:48,759
Speaker 5: nice deed she does and is extremely transactional about it.

915
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's tracking every nice thing you do. Means that

916
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 2: you're not doing nice things. You're doing things with the

917
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 2: expectation that you'll get something out of it, not doing

918
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:00,319
Speaker 2: a nice.

919
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 5: It's a little weird. Meanwhile, I never asked for anything

920
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 5: in return, which I recognize is partly my fault because

921
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:11,839
Speaker 5: I have bad boundaries. I'm now trying to set those boundaries,

922
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:16,360
Speaker 5: and I'm receiving insane backlash from my entire family. I

923
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 5: keep hearing, she's your sister, how could you treat her

924
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 5: like that? Yet no one asks I am her sister, too,

925
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 5: so how could she treat me like that? I also

926
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 5: realized that a lot of this may sound like small,

927
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 5: petty stuff. However, I do not have these issues with

928
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 5: my youngest sister, whom I also treat similarly to my

929
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 5: middle sister. My youngest sister is simply more self aware, appreciative,

930
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 5: and self sufficient. I think deep down. Part of my

931
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,759
Speaker 5: hurt comes from the fact that I never really had

932
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:51,360
Speaker 5: the cushion of an older sister myself and had to

933
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 5: be independent my entire life. Now, my middle sister is

934
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 5: refusing to come to Thanksgiving dinner if I show up,

935
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:02,239
Speaker 5: meaning that I have to decide whether to attend or

936
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:06,320
Speaker 5: get blamed forever for her absence. I am just tired

937
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 5: of her. Your sister kind of sucks.

938
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 2: Middle child be middle childing.

939
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:12,800
Speaker 5: It's always the middle children.

940
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think maybe just like, make an itemized list

941
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:17,799
Speaker 2: of everything you've done for her and be like, you

942
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,200
Speaker 2: can just pay this back to me over time. Yeah.

943
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:23,920
Speaker 5: Remember when I paid for your college? Do you do

944
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,400
Speaker 5: you want more college to Yeah?

945
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 2: Would you like? Would you like to experience DT to me?

946
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 2: And by would you like? I mean you now are

947
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:38,719
Speaker 2: in debt to me? Surprise, you took the purse back.

948
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 2: It all started with that.

949
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 5: I do not see myself making up with her anytime soon.

950
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:47,760
Speaker 5: I cannot subject myself to the behavior I was dealing

951
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:51,399
Speaker 5: with anymore, especially now that I have additional real life

952
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:55,280
Speaker 5: stressors like my career as a provider in the ICU.

953
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 5: I feel pressured by my family to reconcile but I

954
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 5: do not think they understand, including my sister herself, the

955
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,160
Speaker 5: magnitude of her actions and how deeply they affected me.

956
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 5: I have to prioritize my own happiness and I cannot

957
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 5: keep doing this sacrificial stuff because it completely drains me.

958
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 5: I think moving out would help, but it is not

959
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 5: financially responsible right now. Bottom line, I cut my sister off.

960
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 5: My family thinks I'm a knucklehead for it because I'm

961
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 5: the oldest daughter, but I feel much happier without her

962
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 5: in my life and do not see reconciliation happening anytime soon.

963
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:33,839
Speaker 5: Am I the a hole?

964
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 2: It really doesn't feel like you are.

965
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 5: It really feels just like, hey, can your parents, like

966
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 5: I don't know, do something.

967
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, can we get a little intermediary going here with

968
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 2: mental us?

969
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:50,959
Speaker 5: Perhaps, considering you've been parenting them your whole life, maybe

970
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:51,800
Speaker 5: they could start.

971
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 2: It would be nice if you had a little bit

972
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:58,000
Speaker 2: of a backup instead of everyone they're mad at you

973
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:00,839
Speaker 2: because it's like, well, now, it's like if now, if

974
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 2: you show up, there's strife. But it's like there's two sides, right,

975
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 2: There's two sides to the strife.

976
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, do you ever think that maybe she's call using

977
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:09,440
Speaker 5: the strife people.

978
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

979
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 3: on to the next one.

980
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 2: My family accused me of stealing my sister's money after

981
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:17,919
Speaker 2: I took her in.

982
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 5: Sounds like that might just be rent.

983
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 2: I got temporary guardianship of my little sister and she

984
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 2: is now living with me full time. I provide everything

985
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:32,400
Speaker 2: for her, including housing, school, food, transportation, and all daily needs.

986
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,880
Speaker 2: I will be getting full guardianship in two months. And

987
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,280
Speaker 2: by the way, this comes from user mad Candy twelve

988
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 2: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

989
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:42,720
Speaker 2: to the r slash showcase storytime subburn it. I'm Dakota,

990
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, and we're here to give a little good

991
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 2: of virus goofully. We don't have all the answers, we

992
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:48,719
Speaker 2: just know what we do, so just tell us what

993
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 2: you would do in the comments if you so choose.

994
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 2: And op says, my sister's dad passed away and my

995
00:46:56,760 --> 00:47:00,799
Speaker 2: mom and my sister receive Social Security money every my

996
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:04,080
Speaker 2: mom is refusing to give me my sister's portion and

997
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:07,879
Speaker 2: is instead giving it to my grandma. My grandma also

998
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 2: won't give it to me and says I need to

999
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 2: buy my sister things first, and then she will pay

1000
00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 2: me back using the Social Security money only if I

1001
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 2: provide receipts. Even then, she will only reimburse me if

1002
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 2: she personally deems the purchase acceptable. So that sounds like

1003
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:27,320
Speaker 2: if you have full guardianship over your sister. That sounds

1004
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:28,400
Speaker 2: maybe illegal.

1005
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:31,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, it sounds like you legally get that money no

1006
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:34,400
Speaker 5: matter what. I feel like we can call up the

1007
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 5: Social Security people.

1008
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:37,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we need to look up some laws.

1009
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 2: If I buy something she does not approve of, she

1010
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 2: will not pay me back using my sister's SSA money.

1011
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 2: When I asked my grandma to just give me the

1012
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 2: full amount, she and my aunt said no because they

1013
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:52,480
Speaker 2: want to keep it as an emergency fund that I

1014
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 2: will not be able to access. When I asked for

1015
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,560
Speaker 2: access to those emergency funds, they said no because they

1016
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 2: think I will use the money for myself. My aunt

1017
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 2: is telling my grandma that I'm irresponsible and naive and

1018
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 2: that I will use the money for myself instead of

1019
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 2: my sister if I'm given full access. My grandma and

1020
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,840
Speaker 2: aunt also claim I cannot go through so Security to

1021
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 2: have the money sent directly to me because it will

1022
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 2: decrease the amount my sister receives. They insist that going

1023
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 2: through them is the best way to manage the money

1024
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 2: without it being reduced. I think all of this is ridiculous.

1025
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 2: I have had my little sister living with me full

1026
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 2: time for over a month with zero help from anyone.

1027
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 2: No one even asks me how she's doing, not about

1028
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:39,040
Speaker 2: her allergies, diet, school, friends, or anything else. Yeah, it

1029
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 2: sounds like bad parent.

1030
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:44,320
Speaker 5: This sounds like this is the reason that you have customs.

1031
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 2: Her mom got bad parent disease. Yeah, I'm the one

1032
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 2: who did all of the paperwork, went to court, got

1033
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 2: her therapy, tuck her in at night, I make her

1034
00:48:56,080 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 2: practice her timetables, and handling everything alone in voting. Financially,

1035
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 2: I've spent a little over one thousand dollars setting up

1036
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,319
Speaker 2: her room and getting everything she needs because I had

1037
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:09,400
Speaker 2: to start from scratch. Now that money is involved, everyone

1038
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:12,719
Speaker 2: suddenly feels the need to be involved. My grandma did

1039
00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:15,440
Speaker 2: reimburse me using the money for most of what I

1040
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,480
Speaker 2: bought after I gave her receipts, but she excluded three

1041
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,400
Speaker 2: hundred dollars because I left that receipt at my apartment.

1042
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:23,919
Speaker 2: She does not believe me that the money was spent

1043
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 2: on my sister, and insists she needs proof. It's honestly

1044
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 2: so insulting because I've never done anything to show that

1045
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 2: I'm financially selfish or malicious. I'm twenty three years old

1046
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:36,600
Speaker 2: and just got guardianship of a little kid. What part

1047
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 2: of that is selfish? I'm giving up my twenties to

1048
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:42,560
Speaker 2: take care of a kid who's not even mine. I'm

1049
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 2: responsible enough to take her to doctors and dentists, enroll

1050
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:49,719
Speaker 2: her in school and sports, treat her infections, maintain a

1051
00:49:49,719 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 2: bed time routine, and follow a specific diet because she's

1052
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 2: at risk for diabetes. But I'm supposedly too irresponsible to

1053
00:49:57,120 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 2: make financial decisions. I don't think that's the case. I

1054
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:01,720
Speaker 2: think they're keeping that money.

1055
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, they just want the money.

1056
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:06,600
Speaker 2: Money make people weird. People want money.

1057
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,480
Speaker 5: They're lying to you. They just want money, and you're

1058
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 5: doing so well. Though.

1059
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 2: If I'm so irresponsible and selfish, then why do I

1060
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:17,560
Speaker 2: have guardianship of her? Why didn't my grandma or aunt

1061
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 2: try to get guardianship instead. It's because they don't want

1062
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 2: to take care of a little kid. They just want

1063
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 2: to control what I do with her. I also do

1064
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:30,240
Speaker 2: everything for everyone in this family, but that's a different story.

1065
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 2: So am I overreacting for being upset about this? Should

1066
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,440
Speaker 2: I just go along with it, give the receipts and

1067
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:38,839
Speaker 2: get paid back? Should I try to get the money

1068
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:41,480
Speaker 2: sent directly to me since I'm the one caring for her.

1069
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 2: I honestly do not know. And there are some comments,

1070
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 2: but yeah, I think look exactly into the laws and stuff.

1071
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 2: If you know, if it is true that she gets

1072
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:52,839
Speaker 2: less money somehow, if it's sent directly to.

1073
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:55,120
Speaker 5: You, I feel like that's a lie.

1074
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, that sounds a little too convenient. Yeah, come at one.

1075
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 2: Why do they think you're going to take her money

1076
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,600
Speaker 2: and use it for yourself? Do you have a good job,

1077
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:07,879
Speaker 2: are you in financial distress? Is it a ridiculous thought,

1078
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,880
Speaker 2: or is there a reason they might believe it? Opie says,

1079
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 2: I have a very well paying job. I currently have

1080
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:17,360
Speaker 2: a two bedroom, two bath apartment I pay for by myself.

1081
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 2: I got pneumonia and broke my leg. That's a bad combo,

1082
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 2: so I couldn't work for like four months. So I'm

1083
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,719
Speaker 2: in a little bit of credit card debt, but I'm

1084
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 2: paying it off and all my cards are zero percent APR.

1085
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:33,560
Speaker 2: They're saying, I'm going to use my sister's money to

1086
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 2: pay it off for myself. That thought never even came

1087
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 2: to mind. I would never do that. I don't know

1088
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,759
Speaker 2: why they would think so little of me. Ope, it's

1089
00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:43,120
Speaker 2: because that's what they would.

1090
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:46,879
Speaker 5: Do, right, because they would be that petty to use it.

1091
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 2: They think that you would do it because it's exactly

1092
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:52,880
Speaker 2: what they want to do. I've never done anything like

1093
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 2: that before. And there is an update. My grandma, my

1094
00:51:56,680 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 2: aunt and I all talked today. They said, the money

1095
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 2: my sister gets as survivor benefits from Social Security, is

1096
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 2: it my business? I told them it is my business,

1097
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 2: so I know how much money I can spend on

1098
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:13,279
Speaker 2: my kid. When I said my kid, my aunt yelled

1099
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 2: at me and said my sister is not my child

1100
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 2: and that I only have her until my mom gets

1101
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 2: her life together. She said my mom is trying to

1102
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 2: improve and that once she does, I will have to

1103
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:26,719
Speaker 2: give my sister back. They told me they'll receive the

1104
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 2: money from my mom and that they're not going to

1105
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 2: tell me when they get it how much it is

1106
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:34,800
Speaker 2: or how much is left, because it is not my business.

1107
00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:37,920
Speaker 2: They said, I have to get any purchase preapproved. If

1108
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 2: I want to buy my sister anything, they can deny

1109
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:42,840
Speaker 2: anything I ask for and they will not reimburse me

1110
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 2: unless I provide a receipt and they decide the item

1111
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:49,240
Speaker 2: and price are worth it. I asked why I cannot

1112
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 2: just receive the total amount since I'm the one taking

1113
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 2: care of her, and they said it is because I

1114
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:58,520
Speaker 2: am financially irresponsible. When I asked what made them think that,

1115
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:00,600
Speaker 2: they said it was because I bought my sister a

1116
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:04,280
Speaker 2: fifty dollars water bottle and new clothes when she already

1117
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 2: had water bottles and clothes at my grandma's house. Yeah.

1118
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:09,239
Speaker 5: Is grandma going to give her those clothes because she's

1119
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:10,400
Speaker 5: not giving her anything else?

1120
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, hope, he elaborates. My grandma's house is full of

1121
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 2: mold and the clothes my mom got her are ugly,

1122
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 2: too small, absurdly too big, moldy, or have holes. The

1123
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 2: water bottles were moldy as well. In the month I've

1124
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 2: had my sister, I've spent about one thousand dollars on her,

1125
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:32,960
Speaker 2: which includes food and everything needed to start from scratch.

1126
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 2: This includes a comforter, pillows, sheets, special shoes for her

1127
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:42,480
Speaker 2: wide feet, binders, notebooks, a backpack, folders for school, bath towels,

1128
00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 2: a shower curtain, and a bath mat. Kids need a

1129
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,279
Speaker 2: lot of stuff. I explained to all of this, and

1130
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:52,719
Speaker 2: they did not care. Full blown figuring out exactly how

1131
00:53:52,800 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 2: much leverage you.

1132
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 5: Have legally, Yeah, I cannot wait for you to just

1133
00:53:56,520 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 5: like come at them with the forces of the Social Security.

1134
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:03,400
Speaker 2: Yes, the course of the law. But you got to

1135
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:06,719
Speaker 2: do your research. Be tactical. Yeah, tactical research.

1136
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:08,560
Speaker 5: And I really hope that the law is made to

1137
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:10,759
Speaker 5: be on your side. Yes, that would be ridiculous if

1138
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 5: it's not. Yes, that also, Unfortunately it's the way it

1139
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 5: happens sometimes.

1140
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. They told me that was too much money and

1141
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:21,400
Speaker 2: said I'm buying things I want, not things she needs.

1142
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 2: I told them I was insulted that they thought that

1143
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:27,680
Speaker 2: of me, and they said, well, it's true, so you

1144
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:30,400
Speaker 2: can't be upset about it. They also told me that

1145
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:33,279
Speaker 2: the money is actually my mom's, not my sisters, which

1146
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:36,120
Speaker 2: is not true. It's both of them. They claimed my

1147
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:38,799
Speaker 2: sister is only entitled to thirty to forty percent of it,

1148
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 2: and that if I got to Social Security the amount

1149
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:45,439
Speaker 2: will be reduced to that percentage. I don't know where

1150
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:48,840
Speaker 2: they got those numbers for the social Security money. My

1151
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:51,279
Speaker 2: grandma and aunt said, how generous my mom is for

1152
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 2: giving me any of the money at all, because it's

1153
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 2: supposedly her money and she's not required to give my

1154
00:54:57,280 --> 00:54:58,120
Speaker 2: sister any other it.

1155
00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 5: Then use it and take care of your I can't.

1156
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 2: Imagine the brain rot, the amount of mold in your brain.

1157
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:07,440
Speaker 2: You would need to think that that is like a oh,

1158
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:10,160
Speaker 2: like I got you, I just owned you. It's like, yeah,

1159
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:13,400
Speaker 2: your mom Actually, really, you should be grateful because your

1160
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 2: mother doesn't need to give any of this money to

1161
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 2: her daughter. Most of this conversation involved yelling and constant interruptions.

1162
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:23,800
Speaker 2: Should I just stay quiet and go along with this arrangement?

1163
00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:27,279
Speaker 2: Am I overreacting for being insulted? Did I actually go

1164
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 2: overboard setting her up to live with me? Should I

1165
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,040
Speaker 2: just be grateful that my mom is giving us any

1166
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:35,480
Speaker 2: money at all and that is the end of that story. No,

1167
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 2: I think you're not overreacting. I think you need to

1168
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:40,399
Speaker 2: figure out exactly how much money she does get from

1169
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:45,120
Speaker 2: Social Security and get it given to you, seeing as

1170
00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:48,040
Speaker 2: you have a legal guardianship over her. Now. I don't

1171
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:49,960
Speaker 2: think it was too far to take her out of

1172
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:53,759
Speaker 2: the mold pit that she was living in, and a

1173
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:57,520
Speaker 2: thousand dollars for like new bedroom, set up, new clothes,

1174
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:01,399
Speaker 2: new necessities. Seems like a perfectly reasonable amount of money

1175
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:01,960
Speaker 2: for a child.

1176
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:04,279
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1177
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:05,160
Speaker 3: on to the next one.

1178
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:08,560
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite rat brain host here, and

1179
00:56:08,560 --> 00:56:10,959
Speaker 2: we're gonna get back to the stories soon. But here's

1180
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 2: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1181
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:16,200
Speaker 5: I needed to cut off my mother, but I still

1182
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:16,759
Speaker 5: miss her.

1183
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:20,080
Speaker 2: Oh that sounds sad.

1184
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:23,000
Speaker 5: And we have a trigger warning for verbal mistreatment. I

1185
00:56:23,239 --> 00:56:26,319
Speaker 5: twenty four female and my mom forty three female, have

1186
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:30,760
Speaker 5: always had what you would call a strained relationship. Before

1187
00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 5: I get into some background, I just want to say

1188
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:36,720
Speaker 5: that I do love my mom and always will because

1189
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 5: of her actions. At this point in time, I am

1190
00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:42,879
Speaker 5: loving her from afar and we are very little too

1191
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 5: no contact by my choice. This decision did not come

1192
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:52,040
Speaker 5: easily and it has been emotionally exhausting. I still carry

1193
00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:54,759
Speaker 5: a lot of mixed feelings about it. By the way,

1194
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:58,759
Speaker 5: this comes from Fickle Bookkeeper eighty three. And if you

1195
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:01,520
Speaker 5: want to make your own story, go to the r slash. Okay, storytime,

1196
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:04,360
Speaker 5: supread it. I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and we're here to

1197
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 5: give good advice. Goofiy. We don't have all the answers,

1198
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 5: we really know what we would do, so let us

1199
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 5: know what you would do in the comments, as OPI says,

1200
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:15,279
Speaker 5: some background. My mom raised my three brothers and me

1201
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,560
Speaker 5: as a single mom. She did always take care of us,

1202
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 5: but when it came to me, she is harmful. She

1203
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:25,160
Speaker 5: constantly threw it in my face that my father was

1204
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:29,200
Speaker 5: not around, saying things like I didn't have to keep you,

1205
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:32,320
Speaker 5: but I did, and I could have given you up

1206
00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 5: to the state like my mom did to me. She

1207
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 5: also told me your father didn't want you, but I

1208
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:42,480
Speaker 5: kept you, and you disrespect me whenever we argued.

1209
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 2: So, yeah, that's super bad. Yeah that is that's terrible,

1210
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:51,640
Speaker 2: big red alert bad parenting town.

1211
00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 5: Oh sad story. Those words stuck with me far longer

1212
00:57:56,880 --> 00:58:00,240
Speaker 5: than she ever acknowledged. She also said things like if

1213
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:03,200
Speaker 5: you weren't so fat, you'd have clothes to wear while

1214
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 5: I sat on my bedroom floor crying because I couldn't

1215
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 5: find an outfit. Other comments included you have no friends

1216
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:13,160
Speaker 5: because you're such a witch, and you will never find

1217
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:15,800
Speaker 5: someone to love you because you don't take care of yourself.

1218
00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 5: On top of that, I was expected to clean the

1219
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 5: entire house, her room, and make her bed. I took

1220
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:27,200
Speaker 5: care of all the animals, including cleaning cages, letting the dogs, out,

1221
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:31,400
Speaker 5: feeding them, grooming the cats, and scooping letterboxes. I also

1222
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 5: cooked meals, made sure she ate, and made sure she

1223
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 5: had a cold drink before she went to bed. After

1224
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:41,240
Speaker 5: I graduated high school, she guilt tripped me into not

1225
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 5: going to college so I could get a job and

1226
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 5: help pay the bills. Once I did get a job,

1227
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:51,240
Speaker 5: she took almost my entire paycheck except for twenty to

1228
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 5: forty dollars to pay bills. She used my money to

1229
00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:58,440
Speaker 5: fill her tank and buy herself food that I was

1230
00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:03,320
Speaker 5: not allowed to touch. I put paybills in quotes because

1231
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:06,640
Speaker 5: after she put the utilities in my name, she let

1232
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:12,080
Speaker 5: them rack up to over three thousand dollars. That debt

1233
00:59:12,200 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 5: is now in collections and is destroying my credit score.

1234
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 5: When I decided to move out at age twenty two,

1235
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:22,919
Speaker 5: she completely flipped. She accused me of turning my back

1236
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:25,800
Speaker 5: on her and asked how she was supposed to pay

1237
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:28,600
Speaker 5: the bills without me. She told me I would fail,

1238
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:32,240
Speaker 5: end up homeless, and come crawling back within a year.

1239
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,480
Speaker 2: It's like you're gonna fail. I made sure of it.

1240
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1241
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 5: She even said she hoped the place I moved into

1242
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:44,880
Speaker 5: would burn down with me inside. Well, that's that's pretty mean.

1243
00:59:45,520 --> 00:59:48,160
Speaker 5: That's a pretty mean thing to say. I would agree,

1244
00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 5: mickey mouse, that's a pretty pretty pretty bad thing. That

1245
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:54,960
Speaker 5: moment solidified just how little regard she had for my

1246
00:59:55,040 --> 00:59:59,160
Speaker 5: well being. After I moved out, she constantly texted me

1247
00:59:59,240 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 5: to braate me or ask me for money. She would

1248
01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:04,480
Speaker 5: tell me her life was falling apoor and that was

1249
01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 5: my fault because I abandoned her. Every message left me

1250
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:12,760
Speaker 5: feeling guilty and anxious. I never knew if answering would

1251
01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 5: make things better or worse. Recently, she got evicted from

1252
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 5: her apartment due to back rent. Before that happened, I

1253
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:23,760
Speaker 5: sent her easy job listings and cheaper apartments to try

1254
01:00:23,800 --> 01:00:26,560
Speaker 5: to help her get back on her feet. Instead of

1255
01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:29,360
Speaker 5: following through, she kept saying she was going to be homeless.

1256
01:00:29,840 --> 01:00:32,840
Speaker 5: She repeatedly asked if she and her two dogs could

1257
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:37,280
Speaker 5: move into my spare bedroom or office for free. I

1258
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:39,400
Speaker 5: know that if I let her move in, she would

1259
01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:42,800
Speaker 5: not respect any boundaries. It would turn into exactly what

1260
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:46,400
Speaker 5: it was like when I lived with her before. I

1261
01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:49,280
Speaker 5: truly believe she would never leave once she moved in.

1262
01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 5: Even knowing all of this, I still feel incredibly guilty

1263
01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:56,440
Speaker 5: for saying no. She recently messaged me saying that she

1264
01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:58,920
Speaker 5: and her two dogs were still living out of a

1265
01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:02,560
Speaker 5: U haul and asked me for money. The problem is

1266
01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:06,000
Speaker 5: that she has lied and manipulated me so many times

1267
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,080
Speaker 5: in the past that I do not know if I

1268
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:11,200
Speaker 5: believe her. I feel torn between wanting to help and

1269
01:01:11,240 --> 01:01:15,200
Speaker 5: wanting to protect myself. That inner conflict has not gone away.

1270
01:01:16,040 --> 01:01:16,959
Speaker 5: Am I the a whole?

1271
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:20,840
Speaker 2: Just a mind What a mind melter to be in

1272
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:23,760
Speaker 2: to even question if you're the a hole in this situation,

1273
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:26,600
Speaker 2: I would just quote her back what she would say

1274
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:29,520
Speaker 2: to you. I'd be like, that's crazy. I sure hope

1275
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:32,400
Speaker 2: your U haul doesn't burn down with you inside it.

1276
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:33,760
Speaker 2: That would be a tragedy.

1277
01:01:34,120 --> 01:01:36,479
Speaker 5: We're like, Wow, I thought I was gonna fail within

1278
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:40,120
Speaker 5: a year, but yeah, hmmmm.

1279
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 2: It looks like the shoes on the other foot though, huh. Edit.

1280
01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:46,400
Speaker 5: My father and I now have a great relationship. He

1281
01:01:46,480 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 5: officiated my marriage is there for me. Ann has become

1282
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 5: an amazing father in my life. Learning the truth about

1283
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 5: that relationship changed how I see my child way.

1284
01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:58,240
Speaker 2: At least your dad's pulled up right.

1285
01:01:58,560 --> 01:02:00,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, that sounds real good.

1286
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:01,320
Speaker 1: Update.

1287
01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:05,320
Speaker 5: It's been almost a year since I originally made this post.

1288
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:06,720
Speaker 2: Okay, oh no.

1289
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:09,440
Speaker 5: I ended up letting my mom stay with me for

1290
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:13,720
Speaker 5: a short time and it was a huge mistake. Ah,

1291
01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:17,040
Speaker 5: things went exactly as I feared they would in the end,

1292
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:20,120
Speaker 5: she almost got me kicked out of my apartment. We

1293
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:26,360
Speaker 5: are now fully no contact. She blocked me because, according

1294
01:02:26,360 --> 01:02:29,200
Speaker 5: to her, it hurt too badly to see my posts

1295
01:02:29,240 --> 01:02:31,080
Speaker 5: and not be able to say hi or have me

1296
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:34,920
Speaker 5: say hi back. I've since moved, she does not have

1297
01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 5: my current address, and we have not spoken since March

1298
01:02:38,280 --> 01:02:41,120
Speaker 5: or April of this year. I will be honest and

1299
01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:44,160
Speaker 5: say it has been incredibly hard not to reach out.

1300
01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:48,000
Speaker 5: I know I focused a lot on the bad things before,

1301
01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:51,960
Speaker 5: but we did have good times too. She raised me,

1302
01:02:52,160 --> 01:02:54,440
Speaker 5: and for a long time I thought I did not

1303
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:58,280
Speaker 5: have my dad because of circumstances I could not control.

1304
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:01,720
Speaker 5: I now know that was her doing, but I still

1305
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:02,160
Speaker 5: love her.

1306
01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:06,280
Speaker 2: Wow, you are such a sweetie. Popeedie.

1307
01:03:06,800 --> 01:03:10,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, I missed the version of her that exists in

1308
01:03:10,280 --> 01:03:14,280
Speaker 5: my good memories. About a week ago, my coworker casually

1309
01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:17,600
Speaker 5: mentioned that she saw my mom. We live in a

1310
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:20,600
Speaker 5: small town, and I look almost exactly like her, so

1311
01:03:20,720 --> 01:03:25,160
Speaker 5: people make the connection easily. I immediately started crying. I

1312
01:03:25,160 --> 01:03:29,160
Speaker 5: had spent months not knowing if she was alive, still homeless,

1313
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:32,440
Speaker 5: or something worse. There's just a little bit left. But

1314
01:03:32,480 --> 01:03:34,520
Speaker 5: I can't imagine how hard that is.

1315
01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:38,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you were parentified, I think really early on.

1316
01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:39,840
Speaker 2: Or it's like you were made to feel like you

1317
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:43,440
Speaker 2: were responsible for her when it's really the other way around. Yeah,

1318
01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:45,600
Speaker 2: And it sucks to be in a position where, like,

1319
01:03:46,400 --> 01:03:48,280
Speaker 2: you know, you have those thoughts hanging over you like

1320
01:03:48,320 --> 01:03:51,560
Speaker 2: a like a cloud. But you know, I think the

1321
01:03:51,600 --> 01:03:53,440
Speaker 2: only thing that you can really hang on to is

1322
01:03:53,480 --> 01:03:58,080
Speaker 2: just like knowing it's not your fault and that there's

1323
01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:01,800
Speaker 2: nothing that you could have really done to change any

1324
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:05,680
Speaker 2: of it. You're ma's a bad apple. You can't help

1325
01:04:05,720 --> 01:04:09,600
Speaker 2: the bad apple, unless unless the bad apple wants help.

1326
01:04:10,160 --> 01:04:11,080
Speaker 2: But I don't think she does.

1327
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:15,160
Speaker 5: My coworker told me my mom looked good. Was managing

1328
01:04:15,240 --> 01:04:18,680
Speaker 5: at a local clothing store and look health and looked healthy.

1329
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 5: I did not realize how badly I needed to hear

1330
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:24,560
Speaker 5: that she was okay until I heard it. I did

1331
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:27,760
Speaker 5: not realize how much I missed her until someone talked

1332
01:04:27,800 --> 01:04:32,400
Speaker 5: about her. I started bawling uncontrollably, and even leaving work,

1333
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:35,200
Speaker 5: I had to fight the urge to drive to her

1334
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:38,320
Speaker 5: job just to see if she was there. At home

1335
01:04:38,480 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 5: and in my personal life, I'm surrounded by people who

1336
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:44,080
Speaker 5: dislike her because of what she did to me. I

1337
01:04:44,120 --> 01:04:46,720
Speaker 5: have never really had anyone just talk to me about

1338
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:50,640
Speaker 5: how she is doing. Hearing that small update opened wounds

1339
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:54,080
Speaker 5: I thought were starting to heal. So here's the advice

1340
01:04:54,120 --> 01:04:57,640
Speaker 5: I need. Should I go see her? If not, how

1341
01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:00,600
Speaker 5: do I stop myself from going to see her? I

1342
01:05:00,680 --> 01:05:04,880
Speaker 5: cannot seem to stop this overwhelming feeling of longing towards her,

1343
01:05:04,920 --> 01:05:08,320
Speaker 5: and it is tearing me up inside. We have some

1344
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:11,800
Speaker 5: comments come at one. No matter what, she's your mom,

1345
01:05:11,920 --> 01:05:15,080
Speaker 5: you have that connection. You are the mature one. She

1346
01:05:15,320 --> 01:05:17,800
Speaker 5: is a person who I would guess has lots of

1347
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:21,640
Speaker 5: mental issues manifested through hurting the one she loves and

1348
01:05:21,720 --> 01:05:24,400
Speaker 5: who love her. There may be a way working through

1349
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:28,080
Speaker 5: friends to help in this matter without revealing your address

1350
01:05:28,320 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 5: or any contact info or other socials to her. Set

1351
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:34,280
Speaker 5: up a meeting at a neutral place, not lunch or

1352
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:38,280
Speaker 5: food centric, someplace easy to exit if it goes wrong,

1353
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:42,360
Speaker 5: like a coffee shop. The intermediary should give her the

1354
01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:46,320
Speaker 5: parameters of the meeting, like no yelling, no asking for anything,

1355
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:49,320
Speaker 5: and other things you want to include that goes for

1356
01:05:49,480 --> 01:05:52,280
Speaker 5: you too. Keep it short. If it goes well, do

1357
01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:55,440
Speaker 5: another one, maybe a bit longer. Try this for a

1358
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:59,560
Speaker 5: while and perhaps it will alleviate any guilt unwarranted. But

1359
01:05:59,600 --> 01:06:03,040
Speaker 5: you're good person, so feel guilty you have and just

1360
01:06:03,240 --> 01:06:06,880
Speaker 5: perhaps can let the long overdo healing begin. Wishing you

1361
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:09,919
Speaker 5: all the best. I would personally just say to give

1362
01:06:09,920 --> 01:06:12,360
Speaker 5: it more time because it's to me it would seem

1363
01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:14,800
Speaker 5: like she probably just started this job if like this

1364
01:06:14,920 --> 01:06:17,120
Speaker 5: is the first time that someone's bringing up like, hey,

1365
01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:21,840
Speaker 5: I start your mom in our town like sometime, because like, unfortunately,

1366
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:24,520
Speaker 5: that shock could also bump your mom back to a

1367
01:06:24,560 --> 01:06:27,480
Speaker 5: bad Please yeah, like giving her time to settle in

1368
01:06:27,640 --> 01:06:28,840
Speaker 5: and then doing that

1369
01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:30,800
Speaker 3: And that's the end of the story.