1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:05,920 Speaker 1: I'm abandoning my girlfriend and my baby for good reason, Babe. 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,800 Speaker 2: When the baby keeps crying at three am, when I'm 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,119 Speaker 2: about to break my call of duty record, like my 4 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 2: team needs. 5 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:16,640 Speaker 1: Me, Babe, I have to leave, Babe, Babe, store bought 6 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: milk is good. I need to start my own cow farm. 7 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: I need to start a dairy farm. Babe. I need 8 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:26,319 Speaker 1: to go out and not only get the milk. I 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,760 Speaker 1: need to make the milk. Babe. 10 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:30,639 Speaker 3: It's for your own good. It's for a little timmy. 11 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,839 Speaker 1: And that's how my dad went to get milk and 12 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: was gone for five years. 13 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 2: And became the biggest milk producer this world has ever seen. 14 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,760 Speaker 1: Have you heard of Alta Dina? Yeah, that's my dad. 15 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 1: Guessin that's a giant milk company. That is a giant 16 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: milk company. Bro, giant Mommy milkers, the biggest, no big 17 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: at the milk company. Milk truck, just arrive first line. 18 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: I twenty five mail, have been with my now ex 19 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,040 Speaker 1: twenty three female for a little over three months. I 20 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: always made sure we use lots of precaution when having sex. 21 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:17,160 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, as in, the only safe sex is no 22 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 1: sex abstinent. If you have sex you will throw up 23 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: and die. She was on birth control, and I always 24 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,399 Speaker 1: use condoms. I wanted to avoid a child. I have 25 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,920 Speaker 1: known for a long time that I do not want children. 26 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,080 Speaker 1: I find them annoying and they would severely limit my 27 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: ability to do the things I enjoy traveling, outdoor stuff, 28 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 1: et cetera. Unfortunately for me, my ex didn't have her 29 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,560 Speaker 1: period when she was supposed to, and it turned out 30 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,919 Speaker 1: she is now pregnant. 31 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 3: There you go. 32 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: She came to me and told me she was pregnant. 33 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: The first thing I did was suggest an abortion. We 34 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: don't live in a state where it's legal, so I 35 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 1: offered to pay for her flight and a hotel and 36 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: told her I'd be happy to come with her to 37 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 1: get it done. I have a stable job and make 38 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,560 Speaker 1: good money, so it wouldn't be too much of a 39 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 1: hit for me. 40 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 2: I love always talking about like, oh yeah, I'm happy 41 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 2: to like gets like a like an airbnb, or like 42 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 2: they're going to a conference and they. 43 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,919 Speaker 1: Got a hanger right here, Like what's the big deal. 44 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, we go out to dinner. Oh you know what, 45 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,400 Speaker 2: I'll pick up a tab why not? Oh, and by 46 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 2: the way, I'll get that creature inside you out. 47 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 1: Get that creatures given me. 48 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 4: Man. 49 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 1: She works as a receptionist and does it make a lot, 50 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,120 Speaker 1: so I figured it would be better for me to pay. 51 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 1: That's when she told me she was hoping to keep 52 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,919 Speaker 1: it and that she wanted me to help her raise 53 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: the kid as its father. Wooo opey, you're. 54 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 3: A daddy, dude. You were assuming a lot, bunny. 55 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:50,480 Speaker 1: I have no intention of being a father beyond just 56 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: my dislike of children. I'm not ready for that. I 57 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 1: made it very clear that I didn't want the baby, 58 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 1: but she kept insisting that i'd have a change of 59 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: heart once it's born. Just to try it out. Just 60 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,440 Speaker 1: try it out once, babe, Just try it out once. 61 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,760 Speaker 1: You know, just one measley to just a few, just 62 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,600 Speaker 1: eighteen years years, eighteen years, just a few years, and 63 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:12,640 Speaker 1: it'll end it out, quick adventure. If you don't like it, 64 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: we'll send it back. After a long exchange, I told 65 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: her that if she intended to keep the baby, I 66 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 1: would not act as the father. You would have to 67 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:28,640 Speaker 1: hire another. After Danny de Vito, maybe I broke up 68 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 1: with her and told her that I would pay child 69 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 1: support once it's born. 70 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 2: Damn, bro, this guy is just a freaking robot like, 71 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 2: my God. 72 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,000 Speaker 1: No, I will not be the father. I will not 73 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: act as the father. Also, I'm breaking up with you. 74 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: Send me a VENMO request for the child support. 75 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 3: Have you sent the invoice? My accountant will look at it. 76 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 1: I expect her to respect my wishes and keep the 77 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: child away from me. Since then, Jesus damn. 78 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 3: The way he stocks it's awful. 79 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: Is it bad? Like? All right? But way talking boundaries 80 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 1: all but is he doing anything wrong here? 81 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 2: I think like the big thing that stood out to 82 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,640 Speaker 2: me was his he talked to her about the abortion, 83 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:16,040 Speaker 2: as if he's like assuming that she was going to 84 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:19,640 Speaker 2: do it, versus like sitting down and being like, all right, 85 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 2: you know this is it's growing in her, you know. 86 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 3: So it's like, all right, you know. 87 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,720 Speaker 2: But I don't think there's wrong with anything wrong with 88 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,279 Speaker 2: like having boundaries or not wanting to have kids. But 89 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 2: now he's plopped in this very unfortunate situation. 90 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 3: He's paying child support. That's good. 91 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 1: That's something I would I would love to know. Is 92 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 1: op doing anything wrong here? And if so, what's he 93 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 1: doing wrong? For your answers in the comments. Since then, 94 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 1: she's been frantically texting me, begging me to come back 95 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 1: and telling me she'd forgive me. She's sent me voicemails 96 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:56,160 Speaker 1: crying it does hurt to see, but I haven't responded. 97 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: I mean, it's not my problem. Not my problembe is 98 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: not me. 99 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:01,279 Speaker 3: I'm not your guy, no. 100 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:05,360 Speaker 1: More, I'm not your guy. All right. Yes, Opie is 101 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: a little bit of a deck. But you know who 102 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:13,479 Speaker 1: also had an absent father, Barack Obama. So call me 103 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 1: when my kid's president and then say thank you. 104 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:20,080 Speaker 3: He's officially lost me. Ladies and gentleman, Jay Z. 105 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:26,919 Speaker 1: Oprah Winfrey, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise, all raised by single mothers. 106 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: So I just have one thing to so Opie helping 107 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,280 Speaker 1: out by not answering the voicemails. 108 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,640 Speaker 2: I think you're you're sitting sale on that ship. So look, captain, 109 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 2: I'll let you. I'll let you take the reins on 110 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:42,039 Speaker 2: that one. 111 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,560 Speaker 1: Just saying if you want your kid to be president 112 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:48,599 Speaker 1: or Jay Z or Leonardo DiCaprio, just don't be around. 113 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: But the jokes aside, Oh, he's being a deck. The 114 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 1: other day she texted me saying how she can't raise 115 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,880 Speaker 1: the kid alone and how I'm basically forcing her to 116 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,120 Speaker 1: get an abortion just by leaving. She called me an 117 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,359 Speaker 1: asshole and a user and a sexist. She ended the 118 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,360 Speaker 1: text begging me to talk again. I certainly feel shitty. 119 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 1: I really liked her and we had a good relationship 120 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 1: before this, But I don't want to be a father. 121 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,599 Speaker 1: I'm already bitter about the fact that I'll have to 122 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:16,119 Speaker 1: pay child support for eighteen years, which will somewhat limit 123 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,039 Speaker 1: me financially. I also feel it isn't right for a 124 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 1: parent who doesn't want their child to be involved. I 125 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 1: just end up taking that pent up anger and bitterness 126 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 1: out on the child who is ultimately innocent, which I 127 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,280 Speaker 1: feel isn't right. Well, all that said, I come here 128 00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 1: to ask am I the asshole? I certainly feel like one, 129 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 1: but I also stand by what I did, and there 130 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:42,039 Speaker 1: is a big update and some clarifying edits. But John, 131 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 1: what do you think is OP the asshole? 132 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 2: I mean, he's definitely I will say he is a 133 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:51,000 Speaker 2: victim of the predicament. He clearly stated early in the 134 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 2: relationship he didn't want a child. He didn't want to 135 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,680 Speaker 2: have children. It sounds like he told his partner that. 136 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: But I wonder if he specifically said, Hey, if you 137 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:02,960 Speaker 1: get pregnant and we're going to engage in any sexual activity. 138 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,000 Speaker 1: I want you to get an abortion. 139 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 3: I doubt he said that. 140 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:07,760 Speaker 1: I doubt he said that. 141 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,440 Speaker 2: Ultimately, it's it's her choice. Like if she's down and 142 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,480 Speaker 2: he wants to pay and like whatever else, great, But 143 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,280 Speaker 2: like this is a consequence of his own action. 144 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I was saying, Like, by you know, 145 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,360 Speaker 1: by engaging in any kind of sex, like you are 146 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,440 Speaker 1: at risk of having children risk is there? 147 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 2: So it's like you did this act, that you did 148 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 2: this act, therefore there are consequences, There are consequence, there's 149 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 2: some form of responsibility for those actions. 150 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: Is just paying child support enough of taking responsibility for 151 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: a kid that he doesn't want? 152 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 3: Big question. 153 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 2: I think it works more in a co parenting situation 154 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 2: where there's agreement between the two of them. That's like 155 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 2: a very different story than the one that we have here. 156 00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 1: I feel like how he's communicating with her isn't good, 157 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 1: terrible terrible for sure where he's the asshole. Yeah, yeah, 158 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 1: let us know what you think. Like if someone says 159 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 1: they don't want kids, and like, what do you think 160 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,120 Speaker 1: their duty is to that kid and to the partner 161 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 1: that they have that kid with. I would love because 162 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:22,080 Speaker 1: I'm sure there are a wide range of opinions on 163 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: what this is, so I would love to know what 164 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,760 Speaker 1: your answers are to that. So for some clarifying edits. 165 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,080 Speaker 1: On the topic of a vasectomy I tried. I met 166 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 1: with the doctor last year and asked about getting one, 167 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,560 Speaker 1: but he refused and said every doctor he knows won't 168 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 1: do it until you're at least thirty. It's a conservative state, 169 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,320 Speaker 1: and while I disliked the politics, I was born and 170 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,560 Speaker 1: raised here, so I'm still attached to the state and 171 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: I've never felt the urge to leave. Someone said I 172 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 1: should have flown elsewhere to get it, and I guess 173 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 1: they're right, but I just didn't think about that. On 174 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:52,040 Speaker 1: the topic of birth control, I bought the condos myself, 175 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 1: so they were fine. Whenever we were done, I'd throw 176 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,199 Speaker 1: used condoms in the dumpster, so I don't think she 177 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: went dumpster diving. I asked her on her first day 178 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: if she was taking birth control, and she said yes. 179 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 1: I took her for her word, maybe foolish just to 180 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 1: believe her, but if she was lying, she'd be the 181 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:10,319 Speaker 1: first I've met to lie about that. Most girls I've 182 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,800 Speaker 1: met are honest. About it. I assume she was on 183 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 1: the pill, since that's the main birth control I know, 184 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 1: but maybe she was on something else and I'm not 185 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,560 Speaker 1: educated on that. Being said, I'll follow your advice and 186 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,680 Speaker 1: lawyer up and get a paternity test. I don't know 187 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,719 Speaker 1: how long it will take, but whenever I get it done, 188 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 1: i'll update here with the results. Okay, so let's get 189 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 1: into the updates. So Update one. I've hired one of 190 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 1: the better family court lawyers in my state. She has 191 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 1: someone representing her pro bono. It has been made clear 192 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: to my acts and her representative that she is not 193 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,480 Speaker 1: to contact me personally and that all contact will go 194 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,600 Speaker 1: through my lawyer from now on. A paternity test was 195 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 1: scheduled for next Wednesday. I don't know how long it 196 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 1: will take to get results, but the test is happening. 197 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,960 Speaker 1: If the child is mine, we will go to court 198 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,080 Speaker 1: to determined child support payments, and we'll set up the 199 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 1: process for me to sign away my rights. So when 200 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,280 Speaker 1: you don't want a kid and you're the father, you 201 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,680 Speaker 1: just like, are like, I don't want anything to do 202 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: with it, You sign away your rights and you just 203 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 1: pay I. 204 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 2: Guess so I never knew that either, Pat's you legally 205 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,599 Speaker 2: have to sign a document. That's so crazy from the 206 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:17,679 Speaker 2: child's perspective, Like my dad literally signed a document saying nope. 207 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: Wow, damn, that's crazy. 208 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 3: That is kind of nuts. 209 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 1: And if you if you just give your kid to 210 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: an orphanage, you don't have to pay anything, right. 211 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 2: Well, well, I guess there's ways, bro Sam is on 212 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 2: on this episode. I guess there are ways. You don't 213 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:40,320 Speaker 2: the fire the firehouse Cubbies. 214 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 1: And yeah, that's a way to dump a firehouse. 215 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 3: Dump your kid into firehouse. That's one way people do it. 216 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:47,840 Speaker 2: I guess. 217 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 1: Let's ask chat GPT. Hey chat, So, like, uh, if 218 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:56,319 Speaker 1: you have a baby with a person and you give 219 00:10:56,360 --> 00:11:00,680 Speaker 1: it to an orphanage, do you have to pay any 220 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:03,960 Speaker 1: money for that ever? Like in the Whole Baby's Life, 221 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,120 Speaker 1: I love talking to shat GPT like it's a person. 222 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:09,400 Speaker 1: If you're consider placing your child up for adoption, there's 223 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 1: no cost to the birth parents. They cover legal fees. 224 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,719 Speaker 1: If you legally abandon your child without going through the 225 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:20,199 Speaker 1: formal adoption process, you may be financially responsible for child. 226 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 3: Support, which that makes perfect sense. 227 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: That's crazy, dude, Wow, you can just dump your. 228 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,359 Speaker 3: Kid one signature. 229 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 1: Another clarifying edit. I was gone for a while, and 230 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 1: while reading through some of the comments, I have found 231 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: a topic I'd like to clarify for anyone left who 232 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 1: still checks here and cares. We care. At the beginning, 233 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: I said I made sure to use lots of precautions. 234 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 1: I had thought people would take away from that idea 235 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 1: that I had made my intention to not have kids 236 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: clear at the beginning. I just wanted to make clear 237 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: she told me she wasn't looking to have kids. I 238 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: should have been more clear about this. I guess I 239 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 1: was under the assumption she didn't want kids, which is 240 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,440 Speaker 1: why I was blindsided by her change of heart when 241 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:04,000 Speaker 1: she was actually pregnant. I understand it happens, feelings change 242 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: or whatever, but for me, it was a big shock. 243 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 1: When I go to get the paternity test started, she 244 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 1: will also have an ultrasound and we'll talk then. And 245 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,959 Speaker 1: I wanted to read a comment from this part of 246 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:20,320 Speaker 1: the post. So Apprehensive Cactus says it's extremely unlikely that 247 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 1: she would give up the baby when she's already got 248 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,960 Speaker 1: the child in her arms and goes through the process. 249 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 1: It's extremely emotional, and we're wired to take care of 250 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: her young, chances of her giving up the baby are 251 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: like two percent. She really needs to stop hoping you're 252 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 1: all going to be a happy family someday, because this 253 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 1: is awful for her self esteem. She can be happy 254 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 1: as a single mother, even if it's very hard. Does 255 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,840 Speaker 1: she have family willing to help her own parents' motherhood 256 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:49,000 Speaker 1: is a huge adjustment and doing it with zero support 257 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 1: is awful and postpartum depression is not a joke. She 258 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,439 Speaker 1: can totally do this without you. In fact, Barack Obama 259 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:59,559 Speaker 1: was raised by a single mother and so is. Don't kidding, 260 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 1: but it would be a lot better if she had 261 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,839 Speaker 1: at least some support from her family. So Opie said, 262 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: I don't know that much about her family, haven't met them, 263 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,040 Speaker 1: just her bits and pieces. Apparently her dad has some 264 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: drinking issues and her mom is pretty closed off. They 265 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 1: live in a different city. That's about the extent of 266 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: what I know. But I doubt they'd be able to 267 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:20,400 Speaker 1: help her very much. So this girl is on her own. Yikes, bro, 268 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:26,400 Speaker 1: that sucks. Oh man, all right, we're getting into update 269 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,559 Speaker 1: two now, y'all you ready, let's do it. Let's go 270 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 1: go in your seatbelts, suppressing you have belly buttons, because 271 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: we are about to go deep into this next update. 272 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,720 Speaker 1: I got the test done and the results are in. 273 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:47,719 Speaker 1: The baby is a girl and it is indeed mine. Oh. 274 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 1: When I saw my ex, I had a talk with her. 275 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 1: We talked about birth control, and she told me she 276 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 1: was on birth control and had no intention of having children, 277 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:58,240 Speaker 1: but once she found out she was pregnant, she changed 278 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,880 Speaker 1: her mind. I believe her. She was hopeful that I 279 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 1: would come around to that perspective. So I made it 280 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,320 Speaker 1: very clear I will not be part of the child's 281 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 1: life and gave her three options. Option one, get an 282 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:15,680 Speaker 1: abortion in any state of her choosing. Wow, any state, Wow, 283 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: any state, and I'll pay for he stay there for 284 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,960 Speaker 1: a week, so she could basically take a vacation to 285 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 1: Hawaii or NYC or LA on my dime. Vacation. 286 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 3: God, this guy, this guy's killing me over here. 287 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,400 Speaker 1: But I need to come with and get confirmation that 288 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 1: she had the abortion. Option two, put the child up 289 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 1: for adoption and I'll pay for all the medical expenses 290 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 1: that come with having the child. And Option three, keep 291 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,640 Speaker 1: the child and I pay my court ordered child support. 292 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 1: Sign away my parental rights, have my name taken off 293 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 1: the birth certificate and have absolutely zero involvement with her 294 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,479 Speaker 1: or the child beyond my monthly payments. 295 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:02,040 Speaker 3: Pick your option. 296 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,720 Speaker 1: Like, I understand he's legally allowed to do this, but 297 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 1: like this ain't a stand up guy move you know. 298 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 2: No, no, no, no no, it's I'm just like thinking 299 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 2: if he if he talks to her the way he 300 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 2: like writes this, I'm just like, dude, it makes it 301 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 2: so much. 302 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:25,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard. It's like you want to have kids, right, John, Yes, 303 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 1: Riley you want to have kids? Yeah? Oh yeah, I 304 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 1: want to have kids. So we all like want to 305 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 1: have kids. So it's like, I don't know, but Riley, 306 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 1: what we're like? All right, you just went on a 307 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:38,080 Speaker 1: hinge date not too long ago. You find out she's pregnant. Uh, 308 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 1: what are you doing? 309 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,960 Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm keeping it well even if she don't want to, 310 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 5: I'll be like, hey, I'll keep it all right. 311 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 1: But like what like, like, are you like, are you 312 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,600 Speaker 1: going to be like let's get married? Are you going 313 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,320 Speaker 1: to be like let's move in together? All right? What 314 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 1: are you? What are you doing? 315 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,080 Speaker 4: I mean just depends on the vibe with her. 316 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: I mean I know the vibe she calls right now Riley, 317 00:15:58,760 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 1: I'm pregnant. 318 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:05,120 Speaker 5: The well, yeah, i'd probably like try to work things out, 319 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 5: see what it is like, you know, like not ninety 320 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 5: day fiance, but nine. 321 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:14,400 Speaker 4: Months, say you know, see how that works. And then 322 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 4: by the baby's born, we'd be like, let's merry up 323 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 4: or split it down the middle. 324 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 1: Out of the baby, down the middle. 325 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 5: That's what I would like, like the time spit with 326 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,560 Speaker 5: the baby, if you took. 327 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 1: It all Solomon on your hands, bro. But no, I 328 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 1: would not marry her, okay, noted, all right. I also 329 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 1: I just want to know, like, is this from the audience? 330 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 1: Is this an a whole move? Put it in your 331 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 1: answers to the comments, so I would love to know 332 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,280 Speaker 1: what you're doing. It was a tough conversation and she 333 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,080 Speaker 1: didn't take it well. She ended up crying for a while. 334 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: She kept telling me that I would be a loving 335 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 1: and kind dad. I don't know where you're getting that information, 336 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 1: but this guy, everything I'm reading, I don't think so Nah. 337 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,640 Speaker 1: Asking me to try fatherhood and think about how well 338 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 1: our relationship was going before has happened, and to imagine 339 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,879 Speaker 1: our future together with a daughter. I told her I 340 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:10,399 Speaker 1: still am firmly against fatherhood and she was devastated. She 341 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,119 Speaker 1: refuses to get an abortion, but is scared to be 342 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 1: a single mother at twenty three. Oh, Riley, that's that's 343 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 1: how old you are, see you, buddy, that's you buddy. Yeah, 344 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:21,680 Speaker 1: dang could. 345 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,160 Speaker 4: Have imagine single mother either. 346 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,719 Speaker 3: Shit, dude, is this a secret? Riley submission? 347 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:30,960 Speaker 1: Question mark Shiley's submission. I'm a single mother even though 348 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: she wants the child. She told me that if I'm 349 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 1: with her during the birth, see and hold the child, 350 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:39,159 Speaker 1: but still feel nothing for the baby after all, that 351 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:43,119 Speaker 1: she will then consider adoption. Damn, Bro, she's really holding 352 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: out hope. She also said if I changed my mind 353 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,399 Speaker 1: about fatherhood, she will be waiting with open arms to 354 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 1: enjoy parenting together as a loving family, and would hope 355 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:55,160 Speaker 1: I'd propose. I have made it very clear I don't 356 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,119 Speaker 1: want any involvement. I'm not sure what I should do, 357 00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,920 Speaker 1: since I would prefer for the baby to be put 358 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 1: up for adoption rather than have to pay child support 359 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,119 Speaker 1: for eighteen years, but I also don't want to be 360 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 1: around the baby at all or present during the birth. 361 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 1: Advice is appreciated. 362 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:11,359 Speaker 4: Bro is an. 363 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 2: Accountant in every manner of his life. Like I would 364 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 2: like to inform you that I don't want to think 365 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 2: about the baby. 366 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 3: I don't want to hear about the baby. 367 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 1: I I don't want to even look at the baby. 368 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 1: And so this was what we just heard. Was some 369 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: September fifth. We're getting another update in October twenty fifth. 370 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,920 Speaker 1: It was the first time we had talked in over 371 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,040 Speaker 1: a month. All our communication before had been through lawyers. 372 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 1: I decided the best way to ensure the conversation was 373 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 1: productive was to set ground rules and make sure we 374 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:42,399 Speaker 1: were operating from reality. Both of us haven't been being realistic. 375 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 1: I told her that I was giving up on abortion 376 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,080 Speaker 1: or adoption. It was what I wanted, but I already 377 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:50,440 Speaker 1: know it isn't going to happen. At this point. Max 378 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: wants the baby. I know she does, and I told 379 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,000 Speaker 1: her I know I won't be bringing up abortion or 380 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:58,639 Speaker 1: adoption to her again. It just isn't worthwhile even that 381 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,639 Speaker 1: somethings Jesus have to work within reality, and at this 382 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,920 Speaker 1: point that means under the assumption that she will keep 383 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: the baby. I also told her it's time for her 384 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 1: to give up on me. I made it very clear 385 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,879 Speaker 1: to her that I will not be getting back together 386 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,480 Speaker 1: with her no matter what, even if she aborts the baby, 387 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,280 Speaker 1: she will never have the happy family with me that 388 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 1: she wants. I made it clear, damn she needs to 389 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,720 Speaker 1: drop the idea because it won't happen and it makes 390 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: it impossible to find any real solutions to the situation. 391 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: She acknowledged that there will be no happy family between us. 392 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:34,840 Speaker 1: I think reality has finally set in for both of us. 393 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 1: At this point, nobody is getting what they want, so 394 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,879 Speaker 1: it's time to compromise. The new goal that we have 395 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:44,480 Speaker 1: agreed upon is this provide my ex and our daughter 396 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,320 Speaker 1: with support that they desperately need right now, while also 397 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 1: allowing me to have zero involvement with raising the child. 398 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,600 Speaker 1: In other words, I will not be involved in raising 399 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,679 Speaker 1: the child whatsoever, but I will try to give my 400 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,080 Speaker 1: ex the resources she needs to make sure the child 401 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,360 Speaker 1: has a good life. I won't be in the delivery room, 402 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 1: and I will never see her. I will simply provide money. 403 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: My ex has twenty five k in student debt that 404 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,920 Speaker 1: she needs to pay off. She's only making around sixty 405 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,800 Speaker 1: k a year from her job, and she will be 406 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 1: a single mother, which means child expenses and such. By contrasts, 407 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 1: I only have around ten K in student debt left 408 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,680 Speaker 1: to pay, and after a little over two years working 409 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 1: at the company, I just got a promotion into a 410 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,000 Speaker 1: different pay raise, so I'm now making roughly one hundred 411 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,560 Speaker 1: and fifty K a year, not bad, Opie. Additionally, there's 412 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: plenty of room for further growth in my field, with 413 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,919 Speaker 1: income growth potential all the way up to three hundred 414 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 1: and twenty five K a year, although that is still 415 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,400 Speaker 1: pretty far off in the future. I don't say any 416 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 1: of this to brag, just to put our situations in perspective. 417 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,560 Speaker 1: I'll have all my debts paid off by the end 418 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 1: of twenty twenty five, plus I've been setting aside money 419 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,800 Speaker 1: into a savings account and investment funds. What I'm trying 420 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 1: to say is I have money and she doesn't, so 421 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,880 Speaker 1: I will be making up for my lack of presence 422 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,840 Speaker 1: with significant financial support. I would prefer to avoid court, 423 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,920 Speaker 1: so I worked with my ex to find a fair 424 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,199 Speaker 1: monetary support system. All of what comes next is a 425 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,920 Speaker 1: handshake agreement between the two of us. If someone has 426 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 1: a problem, they can go to court and determine child 427 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,840 Speaker 1: support that way. We talked for a while about what 428 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 1: is a fair payment system. And what that would look like. 429 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,080 Speaker 1: And this is what we decided on. I will pay 430 00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,399 Speaker 1: for all of my ex's medical expenses that come with 431 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,280 Speaker 1: her carrying the baby, including doctor's visits and hospital bills. 432 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,000 Speaker 1: When the baby is born, I will pay my ex 433 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,439 Speaker 1: two k a month in child support to pay for 434 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,600 Speaker 1: the child's expensives. This will leave my ex with breathing 435 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: room and allow her to continue paying off her student debt. 436 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 1: We don't have exact math, but our estimate we found 437 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: using phone calculators was that it would probably take her 438 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,439 Speaker 1: between six to eight more years to pay off all 439 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 1: her student debt. Once she has paid all her debt off, 440 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 1: the monthly child support payment would drop to one k 441 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 1: a month. That seems low. Is that not low? 442 00:21:59,080 --> 00:21:59,399 Speaker 3: Right? 443 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 1: Yeah? One grand a month out of one hundred and 444 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:03,400 Speaker 1: fifty grand a year. 445 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, pro got a deal. He got a bogo on 446 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 3: child support. 447 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,840 Speaker 1: What's the average amount of child support for someone is 448 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,119 Speaker 1: making one hundreds of decay? The income of the first 449 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,359 Speaker 1: parent is sixty K, the number of children is one, 450 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,160 Speaker 1: and the time the child spends with the other parent 451 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 1: is one hundred percent of the time. The income of 452 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:25,679 Speaker 1: the other parent is sixty K. The amount of time 453 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,720 Speaker 1: they will spend with the other parent is one hundred 454 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,959 Speaker 1: percent of the time, but at a very rough estimate, 455 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 1: it might be in the range of one thousand to 456 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,200 Speaker 1: two thousand dollars per month. Okay, guess that makes sense. 457 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,159 Speaker 1: If my ex finds a man who she marries and 458 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,119 Speaker 1: takes on the role of the father to the child, 459 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,160 Speaker 1: then my child support payments will stop since he will 460 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,840 Speaker 1: be able to provide an extra stream of income. Additionally, 461 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 1: I will create a savings account that my ex will 462 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,040 Speaker 1: be able to see. Starting the day the baby is born, 463 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,040 Speaker 1: I will deposit five hundred dollars into the account. I 464 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,359 Speaker 1: will then deposit five hundred dollars in the account on 465 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 1: the first day of the month every month until the 466 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,120 Speaker 1: girl turns eighteen. At that point, she will be given 467 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,439 Speaker 1: access to the account as a college fund. Based on 468 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: the math we did, the account will roughly have one 469 00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:08,600 Speaker 1: hundred and eight k in it, not including interest. I 470 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 1: don't know how much college will cost then, but that 471 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 1: should be a significant help for her to pay for college. 472 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,240 Speaker 1: If she decides not to go to college, I will 473 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,159 Speaker 1: empty the fund into my personal savings account so she 474 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: only gets the money. 475 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,639 Speaker 3: God, this guy's fucking killing me. 476 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:29,639 Speaker 1: Oh, my fund has another condition on it, but I 477 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 1: will get to that later. Beyond money, my ex and 478 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,760 Speaker 1: the child will need emotional support. This is where my 479 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,120 Speaker 1: lovely sister comes in no way. She and her wife 480 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,879 Speaker 1: love kids. They have been looking into adoption for a 481 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,400 Speaker 1: few months now, based on another comment I got, which 482 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 1: I cannot find anymore and in striving me crazy, from 483 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,399 Speaker 1: a woman whose brother was in a similar situation. The 484 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,119 Speaker 1: woman decided to take on an active role and helped 485 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,399 Speaker 1: his ex raise the child of her own volition because 486 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,600 Speaker 1: she liked kids. Knowing my sister was already interested in 487 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,199 Speaker 1: raising a child with her wife, I reached out and 488 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,520 Speaker 1: asked her if she'd be interested in helping my ex. 489 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,680 Speaker 1: She was very excited about the prospect if my ex 490 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,200 Speaker 1: would have her. I asked my ex what she thought 491 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,760 Speaker 1: of that, and she said yes. My sister and her 492 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,280 Speaker 1: wife will act as a support system for my ex 493 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,159 Speaker 1: when they have time. They will help my ex with 494 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,879 Speaker 1: things like babysitting, giving her any advice she needs to, 495 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,560 Speaker 1: or just being there for her to talk to. They'll 496 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,399 Speaker 1: also be extra family for the child, helping make things 497 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 1: like birthdays and holidays special. This is where second condition 498 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,160 Speaker 1: for the college fund comes in as I'm sure you've noticed, 499 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,920 Speaker 1: my sister is a lesbian. I've gotten many questions about 500 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,840 Speaker 1: why I don't want my parents involved with the child. 501 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 1: Let me answer them. My sister came out at fourteen. 502 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,440 Speaker 1: From then on, she was the scum of the earth 503 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 1: in our house. My parents are extremely religious and very homophobic, 504 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 1: so as soon as she came out, they hated her. 505 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,280 Speaker 1: No more birthdays, no more Christmases, no more family dinners. 506 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:52,000 Speaker 1: They gave her the absolute bare minimum necessities to survive, 507 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,959 Speaker 1: then left her alone. Otherwise, obviously it was extremely toxic. 508 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,320 Speaker 1: What she did, what they did was awful. My sister 509 00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,639 Speaker 1: has rightfully got on no contact with them. So my 510 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:03,960 Speaker 1: second condition for the college fund is that my ex 511 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 1: cannot tell them about the child or let them meet her. Okay, 512 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 1: so they don't want to tell the parents. What they 513 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,680 Speaker 1: want most in the world is grandchildren, and I will 514 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: not give them that joy. My ex has my sister's 515 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,240 Speaker 1: help and support, so she doesn't need my parents. I 516 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 1: made it clear if I ever find out about her 517 00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 1: visiting them with the child, there will be no college fund. Finally, 518 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,719 Speaker 1: I want to talk about me writing a letter based 519 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,480 Speaker 1: on advice from someone whose father came back and then left. 520 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: They told me not to come back, but to write 521 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,200 Speaker 1: a letter to my daughter as closure. I don't want 522 00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,359 Speaker 1: to come back, so I thought it was a great idea. 523 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,879 Speaker 1: The letter will explain why I'm not around and this 524 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 1: whole situation. I would not want to read a letter 525 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 1: from op if I was the daughter, I would not 526 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 1: want to read this letter anything. Story. Yeah right, I'm 527 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:55,439 Speaker 1: going to be truthful, God damn, but try to also 528 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,959 Speaker 1: be gentle in the letter. The goal is to make 529 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,359 Speaker 1: it clear that I didn't leave because of a particular 530 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,800 Speaker 1: hatred towards her, but just because I never wanted to 531 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,480 Speaker 1: be a father in the first place. I also included 532 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,560 Speaker 1: something about how hard her mother tried to make me 533 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,800 Speaker 1: reconsider and how much her mother loves her. I'll end 534 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,639 Speaker 1: it by wishing her a good luck in life. The 535 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,040 Speaker 1: letter will be officially notarized and will be signed by 536 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 1: both me and my ex once she turns eighteen. If 537 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,359 Speaker 1: she has questions about me and wants I'm answered, my 538 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,840 Speaker 1: ex will give her the letter. If the letter still 539 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,920 Speaker 1: can't satisfy her and she wants further answers, I've given 540 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: permission for her to talk to me in person. I 541 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,920 Speaker 1: feel I owe it to her to answer her questions 542 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 1: in person if that's what she needs forclosure. My ex 543 00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:37,080 Speaker 1: also felt strongly about wanting my name on the birth certificate, 544 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,800 Speaker 1: so I agreed to that. Thank you for all the advice. Also, 545 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,800 Speaker 1: for anyone who hasn't seen, I'll be getting a visectomy 546 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,880 Speaker 1: in Colorado in February twenty twenty four, I'd already said so, 547 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:54,560 Speaker 1: so I'll put it here too. And that is the end. Boy, 548 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,000 Speaker 1: damn yeah that is. I really want to read more 549 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 1: of these comments because it feels like them are generally 550 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:02,480 Speaker 1: pretty supportive of his decisions. 551 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, I yeah. 552 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:10,320 Speaker 2: He he just comes off so robotic to me, and 553 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,040 Speaker 2: so like, you know. 554 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,680 Speaker 1: I'm curious what you guys think of him, Like obviously 555 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 1: he's not great date material probably oh no, but maybe 556 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,440 Speaker 1: he is maybe just I don't know, it just seems Yeah, 557 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,720 Speaker 1: I think robotic is right. Most people are saying, not 558 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:27,240 Speaker 1: the asshole. 559 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I will give like one. 560 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 2: I think just his way, like the way he is, 561 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:39,600 Speaker 2: he's just like not like super emotionally adept at communicating. Uh, 562 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,919 Speaker 2: and you know, will give him the credit of like 563 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,880 Speaker 2: he at least was trying to figure out and put 564 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:50,399 Speaker 2: some effort into some sort of solution to you know, 565 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,600 Speaker 2: at least financially, which is something like I won't I 566 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:54,960 Speaker 2: won't discredit that for sure. 567 00:27:56,400 --> 00:28:00,399 Speaker 1: I don't know. This is pretty whack though, but I 568 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:04,640 Speaker 1: don't know. It's you know, there's there's two sides, and 569 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,880 Speaker 1: he is doing everything within the bounds of the law. 570 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,359 Speaker 1: So I don't know. I would love to know what 571 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 1: everyone else thinks. Uh, put your answer to the comments, 572 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,080 Speaker 1: is this guy dick? Is he not the asshole? Let 573 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,439 Speaker 1: us know and with that we'll get into this next story.