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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot m a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Jay dot Ilo Podcasts. And we've been asking,

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Speaker 1: you know, letting you know that you could call us

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Speaker 1: and leave a message and let us know how you

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Speaker 1: feel about the show. And you did. You did. Thank

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Speaker 1: you so much. Just as Jill Scott and agr Grading

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Speaker 1: Dance Learn likes St Clair, we are so geeked about

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Speaker 1: the messages that you've been leaving about Jay dot il

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Speaker 1: the podcast. Thank you so much, so without further ado,

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Speaker 1: check it out. I see now I should give a

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Speaker 1: disclaimer Jill that these are very random. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what they're you're gonna hear, but I'm just gonna hit

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Speaker 1: him because y'all deserve to be her. What if they

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Speaker 1: comes to us out all right? Cost me out? You

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Speaker 1: should see your face? Hey too. My name is Amber

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Speaker 1: Rose Howard and I'm out here in California. I listened

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Speaker 1: to the Long Bust episode and I am just so

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Speaker 1: uh connected to the things that I all were saying

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Speaker 1: around the excuse us about not being physical and and diet,

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Speaker 1: especially when it got too real, stuff like you know,

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Speaker 1: uh the workout closed and the hassehold of putting out

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Speaker 1: I got big. You know, I'm ben branted out here,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like having to put on sports flaw and

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Speaker 1: you know, um the workout pants and just you have

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Speaker 1: to go through those motions so um, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: discouraging and and just to hear like, oh yeah, put

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Speaker 1: them on in the morning and hold yourself to come.

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Speaker 1: I'm about to work out before today is out or

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Speaker 1: you know, um, just a lot of the trust that

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Speaker 1: I really connected to and it has to be motivated,

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Speaker 1: um to not laying a bit and do my stuff

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Speaker 1: at jack kind of like day. But thank you all

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Speaker 1: so much. I love the podcast. By thank you that

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Speaker 1: that was that was like, is good good advice? Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: indeedy I have one. I did it today. Actually, I

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Speaker 1: think it's so funny that that that that particular thing

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Speaker 1: happened to me today. It doesn't look like I haven't

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Speaker 1: workout clothes from y'all can see me, but I have

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Speaker 1: on my workout pants and as this is so, I

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Speaker 1: would take my walk nice. We'll love to Amber Rose

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Speaker 1: Howard out there, and she said, I think Edison, California,

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Speaker 1: love love, love all y'all want another one one another one? Yes, yes, ma'am. Okay,

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Speaker 1: thank you all for the long bus today. I needed

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Speaker 1: to hear that because my big behind is turning into

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Speaker 1: a shadow during the pandemic and I really need to

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Speaker 1: get one of us and get myself together. All of

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Speaker 1: the conversations about UM information, especially with these food deserts

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Speaker 1: in our black neighborhoods UM has been a conversation in

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Speaker 1: our house and I'm so as y'all talked about it.

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Speaker 1: It really like in the mood, but also made me

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Speaker 1: know how serious this is as I'm approaching fifthy myself.

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Speaker 1: So I thank you all so much for that conversation.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for bringing it to light, and thank you

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Speaker 1: for helping us so much to to really get this

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Speaker 1: out there in the open. More and more I appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: My name is Roxanne Grant from Miami, Florida. Thank you,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Roxane Grant. That is man. This is the goal.

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Speaker 1: I know I say it so much. You guys are

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Speaker 1: probably tired of me saying it, but it is what

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Speaker 1: it is. The goal is just to have conversation, to

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Speaker 1: spark conversation, you know, and we think things. We all

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Speaker 1: think things about what's happening in our society. Was going

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Speaker 1: on in our neighborhoods and in our households, but we

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Speaker 1: just might not say it out loud and for other

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Speaker 1: people to you know, recognize that. Yo, you you gotta

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Speaker 1: take the long bus, you know, in order to get

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Speaker 1: to get healthy food. It's fucked up, but it's true.

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Speaker 1: It's true because they're not they're not presenting that in

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Speaker 1: our neighborhoods. You know, they're just not. Now with the

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Speaker 1: panty honey, right, some folks really took advantage. But people

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Speaker 1: like myself. We had the bread, we had the pasta,

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Speaker 1: we watched the Netflix, you know what I'm saying. So

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Speaker 1: I will be getting on the long bus myself. So,

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Speaker 1: you know, regardless of all the things that may be

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Speaker 1: in our way, we do have to make the decision

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Speaker 1: and go forward, go forth. Well, you know when I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna lie today, I am. I'm I'm tired. So

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Speaker 1: when we get off, I'm gonna take a nap. Hey man, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a nap. But then after that, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna take the walk. I'm gonna go ahead and move

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Speaker 1: this thing. And it's so true. All right, let's see

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Speaker 1: what they're talking about. Is Charlotte, North Carolina, Okay, So

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Speaker 1: I just listen to Days Your Faith from Charlotte Madelina.

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Speaker 1: Um it's called the Shame, and you know I've been

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Speaker 1: dealing with shame all my life. UM A lot had

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Speaker 1: to do with my mom because you know, I'm a lesbian,

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Speaker 1: so she does not like me being a lesbian. UM

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Speaker 1: and she antagonizes me at all the time. But this

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Speaker 1: episode will be touched to me and made me cry.

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Speaker 1: But I thank y'all for everything you've done. Like I

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Speaker 1: listened to it forbading every Wednesday and every Wednesday. And

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Speaker 1: also you know my aunt loves you to Scott by

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Speaker 1: the way, I man your mind, Nicole Daddy. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: like I don't know when I when I listen to

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Speaker 1: you y'all episode, it's it's a sigh of relief because

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Speaker 1: y'all under staying and I've would love to talk to

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Speaker 1: you just for thank you. You know, we we might

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Speaker 1: have to take this. We might have to start traveling,

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Speaker 1: you know, we might have to start trying and look

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Speaker 1: at the faces and meet the people. Because thus far

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Speaker 1: there have been men, women, you know, and everybody in

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Speaker 1: between them. They though, come on, jail, I try. I

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Speaker 1: am trying to learn and thank you, Agel, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Like yeah, but there's been all kinds of human beings

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Speaker 1: that are just like, hey, this touched me, this moved me,

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Speaker 1: This made me angry, this made me want to change something.

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Speaker 1: And I'm so grateful for that. And I know, I

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Speaker 1: know your ladies are too. I know it. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: that shame episode. Like I listened back to that and

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Speaker 1: I was I'm I might have teared up at at us. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I really do appreciate that we be honest and

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Speaker 1: that we will really we really show ourselves. And I'm

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Speaker 1: really grateful for that. Like nobody could take that away.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm grateful that people listen to the show, but

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Speaker 1: I'm just really grateful that when whoever finds it, they

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Speaker 1: finding to us us. Yeah, and we can always find

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Speaker 1: the funny because you know, I'm just proud that we

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Speaker 1: spoke up for the small penis man because it's important

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Speaker 1: for somebody. What come on, a girl, what else you got?

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Speaker 1: You know? I kind of see I feel like the laughter,

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Speaker 1: the laughter is that's like hurtful, yo, like that trying

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Speaker 1: not to laught what you're gonna do if what are

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Speaker 1: you gonna do about your if your penis is small.

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Speaker 1: What you're gonna do about it? Nothing can be done.

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Speaker 1: It's sad. And I said, see that. I always say

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Speaker 1: that's this ship right there, like trying to be better.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying that in my lifetime. I told you y'

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Speaker 1: all already, well, um, one of my my top three.

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Speaker 1: It's like thumbsized and I have small hands. Now I'm laughing,

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Speaker 1: that's not right. But he look at your life. But listen,

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Speaker 1: I tell you having having an understanding how to give pleasure.

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Speaker 1: He knew what to do, he understood the assignment. That's

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Speaker 1: why it's in my job three. I'll never forget your dolly, No,

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Speaker 1: I like it. Give him hope, baby, That's what I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about. We gotta shout out folks too, because I'm

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Speaker 1: not everybody can have the time to stop and you

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Speaker 1: know call. But folks before we even had this line,

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Speaker 1: found us, like on Twitter, even before we had our

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Speaker 1: social like they found us on Twitter. And it's been

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Speaker 1: quite a few folks have been wryting with us from

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Speaker 1: the beginning. I know one person that comes to mind.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's Royce Hall. Hey, Royce Hi roys

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Speaker 1: and makes seven Roads tweets and whatnot. So I just

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Speaker 1: want to take a moment to also like pick up

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Speaker 1: some of our folks on Twitter and some of the

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Speaker 1: comments that we get one there I was gonna read

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Speaker 1: I have one that it's like consistently just supportive. He

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Speaker 1: always talks about the episodes always and I appreciate that

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Speaker 1: so much. So shout out to Mr Charles Lyles, thank

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Speaker 1: you so much. He wrote, Jill, please let your girl

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Speaker 1: Kindred the wife. No, she needs to market and copyright

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Speaker 1: a bit you drained. I know every woman felt what

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Speaker 1: she said right to the core of their souls. It

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Speaker 1: had me cracking up. I love her, realists, Charles, I

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Speaker 1: love it too. It's not just the words, right Charles.

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Speaker 1: It's like the way she's said, honey baby, And it's

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Speaker 1: funny because I didn't I don't even remember saying it,

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Speaker 1: but I punish you when I said it. I felt it.

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Speaker 1: That's that's where I was at. But maybe I'll give

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Speaker 1: me a little shirt though. And I don't know. I'm

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Speaker 1: just one special for Sharles, don't you know, or a

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Speaker 1: woman that he knows gonna really understand that feeling. But

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Speaker 1: I thank you, Charles. I appreciate, appreciate. Royce said there's

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Speaker 1: something about this episode in particular, Uh, they survived, so

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Speaker 1: you could thrive. That literally feels so at someone's house

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Speaker 1: with your shoes off, sitting in the living room talking

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Speaker 1: it up, or enjoying brunch somewhere any additance. I just

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Speaker 1: thought that was sweet. Yeah, I mean, like I told you,

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Speaker 1: I think I really like this energy that it feels

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Speaker 1: like the show has an audience that is cross generations

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Speaker 1: or cross age groups. You know, where people feel like

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Speaker 1: we're the girlfriends, but they also feel like we're maybe

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Speaker 1: like the older sisters and in some instances like the

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Speaker 1: full long aunties. And so I feel like that's pretty

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Speaker 1: dope because that's covering a lot of I don't know,

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Speaker 1: roles in people's lives, you know what I'm saying, And

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Speaker 1: and open it up because everybody doesn't have that. Everybody

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Speaker 1: don't have access to hearing or sitting at the feet

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Speaker 1: of anyone or being at that table or at that brunch.

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Speaker 1: So I think that's really special. Words. Yeah, I want

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Speaker 1: to shout out Timiljen. I'm so sorry if I pronounced

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Speaker 1: your name incorrectly. Timblegen Scott, He's I can't find what

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Speaker 1: he's posted, but he's always you know, always listening to

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Speaker 1: the podcast and always making comments that you can tell

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Speaker 1: he was really listening. Yeah, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: he was really in it. It wasn't It wasn't like

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Speaker 1: oh i'll say something nice today. You know that's that's

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Speaker 1: not at all what it was. Ever, So I definitely

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Speaker 1: appreciate anytime you comment, thank you so much for listening.

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Speaker 1: Is it kind of cool that the Brothers is out

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Speaker 1: there hitting us on Twitter? Like I mean, like, thank you.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate the Brothers who realized not for nothing. Not

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Speaker 1: only are you know you're getting good conversation, but sometimes

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Speaker 1: you're getting some conversation that usually some knowledge you're not

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Speaker 1: unaware of giving some behind the scenes. This is some cheating,

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Speaker 1: cheating in a good way. Cript note I got hit

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Speaker 1: on on Instagram speaking of from Princess Black, who said

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Speaker 1: it's really a wealth of information, just like this ship

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Speaker 1: should not be free. I was like, thank you, ma'am. Listen, well,

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Speaker 1: thank you, ma'il. Be happy to give it to you though,

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Speaker 1: for for whatever you know, whatever that for it so

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Speaker 1: you can get it for free. That boy, more real talk.

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Speaker 1: After the break, I got another call here from Martha.

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Speaker 1: I want to check her out. Indeed, Hi, my name

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Speaker 1: is Martha. I'm actually called about the episode along bus.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, ladies for

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Speaker 1: speaking about especially the health. Um. I'll wake up every

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Speaker 1: morning I was to a podcast, as you guys are

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Speaker 1: in my rotation. This particular morning of I woke up,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not exercising today. I had a

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Speaker 1: hundred thousand reasons why my knees. That's definitely hit home

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Speaker 1: for me, y'all. You all talking about the knees because

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Speaker 1: I have terrible needs. I'm forty four, so that's an issue.

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Speaker 1: Then I'm a natural and this week I decided to

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Speaker 1: wear my hair and straightened and I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: sweat it out. So you know, I had a hundred

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Speaker 1: and run reasons of why not to work out. But

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Speaker 1: you ladies are given me some hope. It's and inspiration

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Speaker 1: and motivation. The dairy. Yes, I love milk, and I

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Speaker 1: have like really tried the last couple of years of

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Speaker 1: weaning myself off. I buy half gallant all the time

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Speaker 1: and they just go away. But the chiefs, the chiefs,

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Speaker 1: I can't let go of the cheese. It's like I

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Speaker 1: have cheese stick in the apple, you know, because I

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Speaker 1: am working and um, the going to the farmer's mark things. Look,

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Speaker 1: I can walk to my farmer's market from my house.

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Speaker 1: That's how sad it is. I don't go get vegetables

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Speaker 1: all the time. I do try not to eat process too.

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Speaker 1: But I just want to tell you guys that you guys,

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Speaker 1: you know I'm trying to make this too long, but

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Speaker 1: I do thank you for the episode. Um, it gave

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Speaker 1: me a lot of motivation. I'm probably gonna stow it

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Speaker 1: again because it just gave me a lot of things

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Speaker 1: too to think about. Uh, and know that I'm not

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Speaker 1: out here on the struggle alone. You know. The way

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Speaker 1: to care of myself be trying to be more holistic

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Speaker 1: believes the needs have got me. But I just want

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Speaker 1: to thank you ladies. In that episode really hit home.

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Speaker 1: You also tea doing what you do. Thanks From what

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Speaker 1: I unders understanding, it's the it's the oils. So it's

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Speaker 1: those flax seed oils and and such are joints a

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Speaker 1: little more, oh women, fish oils too. Right, Yes, you

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Speaker 1: know I knew that, but I was You're okay, you

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Speaker 1: knew that age No, I knew it, but I have

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Speaker 1: not thought about that a long time and because sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's a long list of stuff we supposed to be

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Speaker 1: taking anyway. But I need to put that in back

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Speaker 1: at my regiment. I'm thank you for bringing that back up, girl,

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Speaker 1: like between the melt fizzle, the code, the C co

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Speaker 1: q ten, the the D three K three, like the

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Speaker 1: the the tensions. My tensions is taken on that Monday

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Speaker 1: Today vitamin thing that you open up and you put

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Speaker 1: all your stuff in it. But you can't do with

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Speaker 1: your tention, your tens, your ty call them the tenson.

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Speaker 1: The drop can't do nothing. Thank you, Tink Tink tink shirts,

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Speaker 1: that tink shirts you so so tink shirts for anybody

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Speaker 1: who listening. Basically, they're just drops, tinctions that you tend

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Speaker 1: to put them money and then then hold them called

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Speaker 1: a couple of you know, thirty seconds or so they say.

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Speaker 1: They they're you know, more potent than the actual vitamin.

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Speaker 1: So that's why thank you and a tink and a

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Speaker 1: t shirt shout to my girlfriend Sparry because I just

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Speaker 1: have to say something to her because like that, she's

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Speaker 1: my tincture person. She telled me what I need to take,

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Speaker 1: so that's where I get that from. I just have

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Speaker 1: to shout her because Lord, she's gonna mad when she

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Speaker 1: hear that part. Anyway, well shout out. So I'll be

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Speaker 1: na because she's she's my tink shirt lady. That's the

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Speaker 1: first time. That's the first time. I'll be na. I

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Speaker 1: love it. Yeah, them, that's the Tamasi. That was the

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Speaker 1: first time I heard tink shirt. M M. But she's

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Speaker 1: she's the first time. Jill. I was like, oh God,

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Speaker 1: tink Shirt. I'll tell y'all that I know we're doing

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Speaker 1: right when we've got several like life coaches, people that

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Speaker 1: do this for a living, that hit us up on

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Speaker 1: social and I wanted to pick up to kindle Lanise

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Speaker 1: or is it Kendell because she definitely has like a

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Speaker 1: little accent over the e. But she's a life coach

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Speaker 1: on Instagram and she hit us up a couple of

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Speaker 1: weeks ago and she said, I just want to thank

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Speaker 1: you Asia and Jill. Your podcast as Black women and

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Speaker 1: life coach has given me breath. The conversations you all

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Speaker 1: have man on man, I love y'all keep doing this podcast.

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Speaker 1: It's changing lives. I have a podcast too, and these

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Speaker 1: conversations push us forward as black people. That's what we're

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Speaker 1: just trying ps. Her podcast is because I asked her

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Speaker 1: what hers was so we can pick it up. Shine

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Speaker 1: by Kendall Lannis. That's her podcast. Yes, yeah, yeah, very

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Speaker 1: very nice. Oh wait, I think I got a fella. Hold.

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Speaker 1: I got a call from a fella because we said

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Speaker 1: we love my fellas Hill. My name is Johnny d Um.

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Speaker 1: I have a question not about one episode, is about

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Speaker 1: a multiple episodes that you, uh, lady who spoke about.

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Speaker 1: And I'm also a fan of everything that you want

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Speaker 1: to be doing that eloquently speaking about. But the question

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Speaker 1: that I have three questions in one. The question is

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Speaker 1: is around sexual assault. I have friends and I have

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Speaker 1: a wife that has been dealing with sexual assault. Um.

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Speaker 1: The question is what does the other side of sexual

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Speaker 1: assault look like when it comes to loving someone or

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Speaker 1: that species that wronged you? For one? And for two,

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Speaker 1: when it comes to sex period, what does it look like?

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Speaker 1: And then it can it be you know, how how

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Speaker 1: do you get open enough to have sex with a person? Uh?

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Speaker 1: And for three, when it comes to if you should

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Speaker 1: or should not have a porn mother like Vanessa del Rio,

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Speaker 1: as you guys put it um, because that is the

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Speaker 1: graduation stage. Maybe or maybe not to be open to

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Speaker 1: do more sexual exploration in that and if you're comfortable

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Speaker 1: in that. I have these questions because I'm also a

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Speaker 1: life coach and I also deal with many different things

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Speaker 1: of many different women, and I have sisters, I have aunts,

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Speaker 1: to have a lot of women in my life that

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Speaker 1: has helped me. So I'm wondering with all these questions,

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Speaker 1: and I apologize that there are so many. What does

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Speaker 1: the other side look like with all of these other

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Speaker 1: levels when someone that has wrong with you? Thank you

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Speaker 1: and thank you for your time. M hmm, thank you.

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Speaker 1: So we had three questions. Is there any way to

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Speaker 1: go back so we can hear one at a time. Sure,

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Speaker 1: let me see why I That's why I took that

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Speaker 1: mental note, because I knew that Jill Scott would be

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Speaker 1: testing me. Here we are. The question is what does

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Speaker 1: the other side of sexual assault look like when it

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Speaker 1: comes to loving someone or that species that wronged you?

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Speaker 1: What does it look like when it comes to loving someone? Now,

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Speaker 1: he said specie, but I believe he meant gender gender

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Speaker 1: loving the other side, loving the other the gender that

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Speaker 1: hurts you or harmed you. It looks like therapy. Friends.

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Speaker 1: To me, it looks like it looks like plenty of

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Speaker 1: therapy and unpacking. I remember, like you had mentioned, you

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Speaker 1: know that you had a hard time opening your legs.

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Speaker 1: That you know, that really struck me, because you know,

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Speaker 1: that's really that's really what we got, you know, protecting

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Speaker 1: this gold mine over him. You know, we got these

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Speaker 1: legs that kind of hopefully will will bind together so

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Speaker 1: that somebody can't take advantage of us. Yeah, that's it's

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Speaker 1: quite a bit friend, you know, to to date again,

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Speaker 1: or to try again, to trust somebody, to sleep around someone,

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Speaker 1: you know, once you literally close your eyes right and

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Speaker 1: to ows your eyes to truly rest, you know, and

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Speaker 1: not be on guard. It takes time. It takes time,

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Speaker 1: and it takes I would believe that it takes slow friendships,

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Speaker 1: reals slow friendships with men. You know, if that's who

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Speaker 1: it was, it may it may have well been a

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Speaker 1: female that did something like that to you, But it

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Speaker 1: takes time and really really slow friendships to build trust.

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Speaker 1: And I think it's a wise decision if you have

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Speaker 1: been sexually assaulted to take a class as well. This

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Speaker 1: might sound so I'm just saying this is what I think.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you guys, you ladies are gonna jump further

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Speaker 1: into it, but it's I think it's a really good

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Speaker 1: idea to take a self defense class so that you

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Speaker 1: you can begin to feel like you have some level

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Speaker 1: of power again in in your protection, in your safety

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Speaker 1: and well being. I think that was a good answer.

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Speaker 1: I think, you know, trying to support somebody through a

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Speaker 1: trauma really can be very similar no matter what the

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Speaker 1: trauma is. You know what I'm saying, having that patience,

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Speaker 1: encouraging them to get support outside of yourself, whether it's

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Speaker 1: through group therapy, whether it's individual therapy, um encouraging them

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Speaker 1: to understand about their own wellness and investing in that.

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Speaker 1: Those are the kinds of things and what partnership and

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Speaker 1: friendship looks like for a person who's you know, a survivor. Yeah, yeah, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: And then you don't have to be a woman to

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Speaker 1: to be that friend. A person can open up to

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Speaker 1: a mail if that is the energy that they're giving,

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Speaker 1: If they're giving the right energy, I think they're open

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Speaker 1: to feeling that. As far as as far as being

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Speaker 1: in a relationship. You know, again, that's just about patients.

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Speaker 1: That's about understanding, like you said, taking allowing them the

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Speaker 1: time to heal and work on that healing and um

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Speaker 1: not taking things personal, not believing that it's a you know,

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Speaker 1: at tackle on the relationship or that they don't trust you.

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Speaker 1: It's just that they are dealing with the traumatic experience.

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Speaker 1: But I think that that happens with trauma across the boarder.

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Speaker 1: I really believe that. But I think that that can

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Speaker 1: happen no matter what the traumatic experience. Sometimes we have

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Speaker 1: a way of mothering a sexual assault and though it

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Speaker 1: has its specific kinds of outcomes in terms of how

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Speaker 1: people respond, but overwall support and support hard should we do?

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Speaker 1: The second question when it comes to sex period, what

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Speaker 1: does it look like? Can it? Can it be? You know?

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Speaker 1: How how do you get open enough to have sex

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Speaker 1: with a person after sexual assault? How do you get

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Speaker 1: open enough to have sex with a person again? It's

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Speaker 1: the same, It's it's time and patience. Patience. Yes, it's

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Speaker 1: a lot of patients there. How does the woman or

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Speaker 1: the man become open enough to to do it again,

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Speaker 1: both of them? For the person who was assaulted and

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Speaker 1: the person who's trying to engage in sex with someone

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Speaker 1: who has been assaulted, like patience for that person and

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Speaker 1: patience for yourself. Yeah, because you might you might be

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Speaker 1: going without for a while. You know, if you're the

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Speaker 1: partner of someone who's sexually assaulted you, your you might

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Speaker 1: be going without for a while. And I know how

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Speaker 1: you know that can be frustrating. You're in a relationship

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Speaker 1: and you don't intend on being celibate, but it is,

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Speaker 1: you know, it is what it is. Hopefully, hopefully your

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Speaker 1: relationship is strong enough to bear that, because the last

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Speaker 1: thing I would say to somebody if you feel like

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Speaker 1: your partner who has been sexually assaulted, they're not giving

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Speaker 1: you what you need. I think you would have to

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Speaker 1: to try your best to be honest. It's not a

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Speaker 1: good time to break up. It's not a good time,

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Speaker 1: you know, but it's worse to be cheated on. So

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Speaker 1: you know, adding that being sexually assaulted and cheated on

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Speaker 1: is that's that's that's too much to offer friendship. But

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Speaker 1: realize where you are in your life that this is

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Speaker 1: not what you want. Celibacy is not something that you

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Speaker 1: want in a relationship. You know, I would say that,

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Speaker 1: you know you have to be really honest about that,

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Speaker 1: but continue to be a friend. Don't just disappear like

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Speaker 1: I can't getting us or I'm out. You know that

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Speaker 1: that's a whole other trauma attached to that, because now

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Speaker 1: you know they're thinking about sex in a way that

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Speaker 1: it's not going to be healthy later either. You know,

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Speaker 1: when when something happens like that to someone with sexual

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Speaker 1: assault happens to someone you love, there's a lot of patients,

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Speaker 1: and you have to be honest on your on your side,

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Speaker 1: and if it's a marriage or something, when it happens

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Speaker 1: during the relationship and you feel like you might need

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Speaker 1: some therapy because just knowing that your person was violated

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Speaker 1: can be ah, you know, mind thing. Let me say

425
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 1: there's a circle back, just a little tiny bit that

426
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 1: also to not even just how you interact sexually with

427
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 1: a person who is a survivor, but the things you

428
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: say out of your mouth. I think it's really important

429
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: to understand what trigger survivors. I think a lot of

430
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: people say things, and especially things not understanding rape culture,

431
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,159
Speaker 1: not understanding our society and how it works. How you

432
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,440
Speaker 1: can say things that have quote unquote opinions about things

433
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 1: that trigger your mate or trigger a person close to

434
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 1: you who is a survivor. So you know, while you're

435
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 1: talking about you know, you still want to listen to

436
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,720
Speaker 1: a certain person song, or you want to do this,

437
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 1: or you want to do that, or you want to

438
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 1: talk about a rapper or this person or whatever. Be careful,

439
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 1: you know, educate yourself about what that means and how

440
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 1: that feels to survivors, because sometimes it's not even Maybe

441
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 1: maybe you're okay when not having sex, maybe you're okay

442
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:55,440
Speaker 1: with going to therapy, but maybe you don't really understand

443
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 1: from a you know, a political and societal kind of

444
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 1: side of it, that that there's just certain things you

445
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 1: don't do and say, wow, I think that you have

446
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 1: to also ask a lot of questions, you know, don't

447
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,439
Speaker 1: be on the other side not you know, just guessing

448
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 1: and assuming you have to do. You have to ask

449
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 1: how do you feel? What do you think? What do

450
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 1: you want? You know? What what do you think is best?

451
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 1: You know? What shouldn't I do right now? Mm hmmm.

452
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,679
Speaker 1: And the last but final question from my man Johnny

453
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: did and for three when it comes to if you

454
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 1: should or should not have a porn mother like Vanessa

455
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 1: del Rio, as you guys put it um, because that

456
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,359
Speaker 1: is the graduation stage maybe you or maybe not to

457
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 1: be open to do more sexual exploration in that and

458
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 1: if you're comfortable in that, you're saying, should someone have

459
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 1: someone to look up to? And in sex? Yeah, I

460
00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: had to separate that question from the first two because

461
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 1: initially I was like, wait, this has something to do

462
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 1: with the first two, But no, he just asking separately,

463
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 1: just should a person have someone to look to, somebody

464
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 1: that looked I mean most of us do we just yeah, like,

465
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: it's usually several people who don't. I'm sorry there are

466
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 1: some people who don't. There are still some people who

467
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,760
Speaker 1: have a lot of sexual stigma and believe a lot

468
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 1: of things they should not do. A lot of people

469
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:25,879
Speaker 1: I'll never forget one time I was on Instagram and

470
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 1: I asked people like, had an old had an elder

471
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 1: ever told you some old toxic mess that you didn't

472
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 1: realize was a hot mess till later? And when I

473
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: tell you sexual stuff just in general. But what I'm

474
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: saying is that people have a tendency to implant certain

475
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 1: beliefs around, specifically around something like sex, that can mess

476
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:53,479
Speaker 1: you up for life. So yeah, come, let's keep it real.

477
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: We come from the era we giving head was just

478
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 1: something talked about. It was a white girl's thing in

479
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: a night these right then we that's when it was

480
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: like black girls don't do that in the nineties, and

481
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 1: now all of a sudden then we started, you know,

482
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 1: but we've been doing it, but we just maybe didn't

483
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 1: talk about it. But but my point is, I think

484
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 1: it might be a good idea for somebody to to

485
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 1: be able to have someone who can help them become

486
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: more comfortable with with sex. I mean there are therapists

487
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 1: that works specifically around sex. Sex therapists people who talk

488
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 1: to folks about you know, you know, just about kind

489
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 1: of pulling back whatever it is stuff that they have

490
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 1: holding them. You know, that's holding them back from having

491
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 1: the best sexual experience that they can and the most

492
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 1: healthy one. So yeah, I mean I think that could

493
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: be just as helpful as any kind of other therapists.

494
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 1: I don't know where you find them. I mean, like therapy, absolutely,

495
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,479
Speaker 1: but I don't know where you find the friend um.

496
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 1: I am sexual mother to several um women. Uh Um.

497
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: I guess that's the only way I could put it.

498
00:29:55,600 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 1: A mentor okay, mentor to being on these conversations with

499
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 1: the last tip of you gave. I've got so many questions.

500
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 1: The last my advice she gave as the mom. For me,

501
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: it was a it was a couple, they've been together

502
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: for a few years. They're both exceptionally beautiful to look at,

503
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: but the sex was a little it was a little

504
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 1: more aggressive than what she wanted, and that she didn't

505
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: mind the aggressiveness of it, but you know, she wanted

506
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: something else. And my response to her it was that

507
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 1: she was going to have to take charge of it,

508
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 1: that she was going to have to maneuver in ways

509
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: that are not typical, that there's waves of the ocean,

510
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: and that she was going to have to mimic those

511
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 1: waves and they're not back and forth, and they're not

512
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 1: up and down. Yes, j come on, mimic the way.

513
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 1: It ain't up and down, and it ain't up and down,

514
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: and it ain't back and forth. It's communication. It's a

515
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: conversation and when she says she but she needs him

516
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 1: to to respond in kind, you know, or say something completely,

517
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: say something different, but nonetheless respond and then after a while,

518
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 1: the community it starts that you're talking at the same time.

519
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 1: Now you're speaking the same language. But it's a it's

520
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 1: a practice, but it's it's not what you know. It

521
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: appears to be you know, on on the most im porn,

522
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 1: most most porn is like up and down and back

523
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 1: and forth. You know that it's that's not it. We're

524
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 1: talking about connecting, We're talking about communicating. It's it's a

525
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 1: it's a whole different vibe. Yeah, now you can get

526
00:31:57,840 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 1: some more calls on this one down jails. Oh you

527
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: get it? Thanks you Okay, okay, ask let me not stop,

528
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 1: let me stop. Look, don't put it on to me, stop,

529
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 1: let me stop. I'm in my notes some ways, more

530
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 1: conversation after the break, let me play way. I think

531
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 1: I missed. I didn't get Stephanie in. Hey, y'all, my

532
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 1: name is secon Me and I just needed to tell y'all,

533
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: thank y'all so much for everything y'all doing in this podcast.

534
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 1: I've been listening since day one, and I've been wanting

535
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 1: to call y'all, like almost every episode, UM to talk

536
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 1: about how they y'all are. UM, one of my favorite

537
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 1: people y'all interviewed with fine Pe and that was just

538
00:32:55,480 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 1: the most hilarious episode ever. But today episode I literally

539
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 1: just finished listening to it, and it was they survived

540
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 1: so you could thrive, And I just appreciate you all

541
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 1: to just bringing up so many things that I've thought

542
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 1: about so many times, and so where I am right

543
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 1: now in my life at forty one, feeling like middle

544
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 1: age and being a single woman, um not married with

545
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 1: no kids, and it's just like thinking about expectations of

546
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: generations before me, and how I sometimes feel like I'm

547
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 1: not where I should be because I don't have all

548
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 1: the things that we're impressed in my mind that I

549
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 1: should have basically at this point in my life, and

550
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: thinking about the fact that I have friends who I

551
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 1: graduated from high schools just who are now like grandparents

552
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 1: and I'm just like wow, like WHOA, Okay, that's interesting.

553
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: And also seeing a generation of young people who are

554
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: in their twenties who are like killing it in every

555
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,440
Speaker 1: aspect of a game in life and just have so

556
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 1: many things that I'm still aspiring to have. And it's

557
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 1: just like, you know, hearing y'all articulate the differences in

558
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 1: language and trying to catch up and keep up with

559
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 1: all of the new things that are coming about now,

560
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:28,439
Speaker 1: as well as trying to let go some of these

561
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 1: old traditions that were put in place before us that

562
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 1: no longer serve us. I mean, thank you all for

563
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: being like voices. Thank you' all for just being beautiful

564
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 1: minds and spirits, and I appreciate you'all for just being

565
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 1: like the big sister cousins um that I would just

566
00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 1: love to hang with. You know, I'm still trying to

567
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: figure out and find if I have a tribe. I

568
00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 1: guess everybody does. Pause, Like, thank you all for being

569
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 1: pretty much a virtual tribe for me to hear things

570
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:11,479
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't have heard otherwise if y'all hadn't brought

571
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: this podcast to light for us to hear. You're beautiful mine.

572
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: So I'm grateful to jel Asia, Like, yeah, thank y'all

573
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 1: so much. It's so many topics that you'll touched on,

574
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 1: but this one right here. Cut off on it because

575
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:32,240
Speaker 1: you know, we only got a limited time on that voicemail.

576
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 1: Y'all know what it is, right, But that was beautiful

577
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: and so heartfelt and so understandable, so understandableby girls. That

578
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,000
Speaker 1: was I was like, she's talking about my life talking

579
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 1: so understandable. I want to tell you, when it comes

580
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 1: to building your tribe, you have to start to do

581
00:35:56,280 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 1: the things that really float your boat. Go go and

582
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,400
Speaker 1: do those things even if it is by yourself and

583
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 1: when you do it really enjoy it. Whether it's crocheting

584
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 1: in the park or maybe you join you know, approcheate club.

585
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not saying that because that's an old

586
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 1: thing to do. Crocheting is dope, So anybody who doesn't think,

587
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:22,760
Speaker 1: you know, but I'm just saying, whatever it is roller

588
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 1: skating and that's what you like to do. If you're

589
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 1: a roller coaster advocate, if that's something that you're like,

590
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,479
Speaker 1: you're like really rock with roller coasters. You know, there's

591
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 1: there are people that do what you do bike riding

592
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:38,839
Speaker 1: and and go go where they are, go to group

593
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 1: commercial about this. Really, I'm sure there is, but you know,

594
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:45,719
Speaker 1: go search out your folks and if that's not the

595
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 1: right one, find another one. You know, it's it's like

596
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: nothing just happens. You have to actually get up, go

597
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 1: out and do something, and you know, go and go

598
00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:59,920
Speaker 1: ahead and find your people. And if you're looking for

599
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 1: a relationship, you know, this is my my thoughts on

600
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,400
Speaker 1: on that is that you have to start hanging out

601
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 1: with happy people, hang out hang out with with people

602
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 1: who enjoy being of service to them, be of service

603
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 1: to them. I'm not saying be a slave to him.

604
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, be of service to them if they

605
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,800
Speaker 1: you know, they need something, or if it's an older couple,

606
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:28,399
Speaker 1: do nice things for them, like what you do good.

607
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:32,960
Speaker 1: Be gat's good, you know, and I know that to

608
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 1: be true. You know, just just spending your time with

609
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 1: people who actually really like each other and love each

610
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 1: other and honor each other, they exist, and be of

611
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 1: service to them. That's the if that's your way to

612
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 1: get in, you know, find out if they need their

613
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,839
Speaker 1: dog walks, find out, you know, and make a couple

614
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 1: of bucks at it. While you're doing it, and you're

615
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 1: getting some exercise, you know, look at the look at

616
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,040
Speaker 1: the pluses, find all the pluses of your life, and

617
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:05,719
Speaker 1: just jump into those pluses hard and smile as much

618
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 1: as you can and enjoy the ride, and don't worry

619
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 1: about the rest of it. I know, you know, regardless

620
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 1: of what your mind might be saying or somebody else

621
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: about what you should have, what your consciousness saying to you,

622
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 1: you know, about what you should have it should have,

623
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:27,440
Speaker 1: could have, would have. It's it's somebody else's stuff. It's

624
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 1: not your existence. This is what you have, So you

625
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:33,720
Speaker 1: can get because if you don't know that you're grateful

626
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 1: for what you got, how are you gonna give you

627
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 1: what you want? But I'm just, oh, girl, if I

628
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 1: don't know that you're grateful for what you got, why

629
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,839
Speaker 1: why would you give you what you want? Ain't even

630
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 1: grateful for what you got? And we're not talking about you,

631
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 1: we're just speaking specifically like and you know, well specifically

632
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:01,360
Speaker 1: in general, but move talking about but even once up

633
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 1: earlier about the tribe thing. I think what happens is

634
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 1: that we do take someone for granted that we have

635
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 1: one and then for some of us have multiple, and

636
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 1: I think we think that's just regular. It's it's not.

637
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,759
Speaker 1: It's not everybody doesn't have that, And some of us

638
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 1: are overcoming trauma that's keeping us from doing this. Like

639
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 1: you said, going out, maybe you depressed, maybe you don't

640
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:28,879
Speaker 1: get out, Maybe you're dealing with some trauma that makes

641
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 1: you afraid, maybe you've been through something. So I think again,

642
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 1: that's heartwarming and encouraging to hear someone say I get

643
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:43,280
Speaker 1: that tribe thing. I'm getting some of that from listening

644
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 1: to you all. You know what I'm saying, and so

645
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:48,800
Speaker 1: now you can pinpoint what it feels like. So it

646
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,320
Speaker 1: sounds like what it sounds like, what it feels like,

647
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 1: So then you can say, okay, boom, all right, I

648
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,880
Speaker 1: kind of have at least a little idea about what

649
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:57,719
Speaker 1: it is I'm looking for, what works for me, the

650
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 1: kind of conversations I'm trying to have with the people

651
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 1: in my circle. So that's yeah, that's that's fabulous. Just

652
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 1: a sidebar, right real quick. For anybody who wants to

653
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:12,279
Speaker 1: learn something from another person, be of service to them. Wait,

654
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:14,680
Speaker 1: sit out again, jil. If you're if you want to

655
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 1: learn something from another person, be of service to regardless

656
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:21,840
Speaker 1: of what it what it may be, you know what

657
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 1: I mean, what it is that you want to learn?

658
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 1: You know, the student is a humble it's it's being

659
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:35,760
Speaker 1: a student is a humble act. So act do do something,

660
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 1: you know to benefit your teacher. You know, well what

661
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 1: old girl had to bring pie may what she had

662
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:46,879
Speaker 1: to make him uh rice, and she had to make

663
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,840
Speaker 1: him his tea, and you know she had to clean

664
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 1: and sweep and do everything else. So he trainer, you know,

665
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 1: Mr Miyagi, you know, off and then carry to care,

666
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 1: read the buckets and do the thing. If you really

667
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:04,320
Speaker 1: want to know if you really want to learn be

668
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:07,399
Speaker 1: of service and you know what, stuff not for nothing.

669
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 1: Stephanie from Detroit who asked that question, I can say too,

670
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:12,879
Speaker 1: if you're on Twitter and you hit the hashtag jd il,

671
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 1: you might find some tribal some tribal members in there,

672
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:19,319
Speaker 1: like maybe you start there, Like I was looking at

673
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: my girl Donna, who was came when we did Our

674
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 1: Our Lives, even a live virtual man. We have some

675
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 1: folks that really been down and they stayed with us,

676
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 1: and Donna is one of those and she live tweets

677
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,399
Speaker 1: our show. So people like Donna she around. I feel

678
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,799
Speaker 1: she might be tri for you. Stuff. You never know, y'all.

679
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 1: Betta introduced, Yeah, yeah, hey, girl, you like every part

680
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 1: of it because I'm gonna tell you something. It is

681
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 1: nothing like a girlfriend, but like, girl, I need to

682
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 1: connect you with someone. Yeah, yeah, listen, however, this happy

683
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 1: days over here about that? Yeah, go ahead, got the

684
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,319
Speaker 1: soul proof too, because they always laugh to tweeting our

685
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:10,719
Speaker 1: show as well. Show enough, we're gonna take a quick

686
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 1: break and then we'll be right back. All right. Let

687
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,319
Speaker 1: me let me let me see what Latoy talking about

688
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 1: over here. Hello, Jill and the rest of the ladies.

689
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,919
Speaker 1: This is Latoy Brown and I'm talking about the long bus.

690
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,120
Speaker 1: And that's that was a great episode. The hour was

691
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:40,800
Speaker 1: definitely not enough. I am studying to be an a

692
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 1: romance therapist, so I was all over that one. And

693
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 1: I'm reading a book called Essential Healing that has a

694
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 1: lot of what you're talking about, and more the benefits

695
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 1: of natural posture. And nobody thinks about the Nettie pod

696
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 1: to rinse out your nose. Nobody thinks about all the

697
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:02,279
Speaker 1: bacteria and that gets trapped inside of our noses. So

698
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 1: that was a great episode. I loved it. I love

699
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 1: you all. Have a good one. Thank you, bye bye,

700
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:13,840
Speaker 1: thank you. You know, my mother has been saying that

701
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 1: for a long time, since I was a child, you

702
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 1: gotta wash your nose out. Yet that that was in

703
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:23,320
Speaker 1: my house, I wish I didn't have. Get yeah, you

704
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 1: can't have no. I have a deviated sept all right,

705
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 1: so it won't go it won't go over there. Mm hmmm,

706
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 1: it all it doesn't make hurt. Damn, you're gonna make

707
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:34,879
Speaker 1: me try this. I'm always scared to put that stuff

708
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 1: up my nose. You know. I don't like to put

709
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 1: afron in my nose, but I don't know. It's not

710
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 1: nothing you want. It won't bother you. But my mother

711
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,040
Speaker 1: did that a lot because she had real bad allergies

712
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 1: and it works, okay, you know what to help to

713
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 1: relieve it. And you know the thing is like when

714
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 1: little kids get sicknaated. We didn't do it with the

715
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:53,920
Speaker 1: full pot, but you know, with the drops and stuff.

716
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 1: So you know, when little kids get sick, you know

717
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 1: that that tussing ain't working, blessing tussing, but it you

718
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:02,600
Speaker 1: know sometimes like that, I mean that costs you learned

719
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: early on kids. You gotta work a cold out of them.

720
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 1: You know that kind of thing. So yeah, no, no, no, no.

721
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 1: Peace out to all the practitioners and life coaches and

722
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 1: people who are studying who find some value in the

723
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:18,880
Speaker 1: things that we've been talking about. That's kind of dope.

724
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 1: I won't even lie. Its so dope. I was like,

725
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 1: she's so much man, or what's your look at us?

726
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 1: What was you look at us? Hey? Dr Javis Johnson.

727
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, I know you got some busts and

728
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:35,800
Speaker 1: you want all the TV shows, but we're doing some

729
00:44:35,880 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 1: stuff and learning thing. Sham nothing reiggling in my waist. Oh,

730
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 1: I want to do this one thing and I forgive me, listen,

731
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 1: forgive me. I'm sorry I did not do my proper

732
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:09,319
Speaker 1: homework with this, but I remember this from someone hit

733
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 1: me on Instagram, and I want to shout them out

734
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:13,839
Speaker 1: so maybe they can leave us a message if they

735
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 1: listened to this. Someone did shot me out and said,

736
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 1: I actually thanked us for continuing to acknowledge transpolting and

737
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:24,359
Speaker 1: l g B t Q black community because a lot

738
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 1: of times, you know, we all had a role in

739
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,759
Speaker 1: this group, and sometimes we can be superhero normative and

740
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 1: really center our own personal experiences, hederal ancests, we go

741
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:57,160
Speaker 1: as we go. It's the greatest. I love it. So

742
00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 1: I just want to at least kind of say that

743
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:03,680
Speaker 1: that we did get some feedback for trying to kind

744
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 1: of make sure that we are thinking about all our folks,

745
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, and that when we talk

746
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:13,040
Speaker 1: about each other and our experiences, that we're sharing our

747
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:16,920
Speaker 1: personal experiences but not always centering our personal experiences. That

748
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:20,439
Speaker 1: we're letting everybody know that there's room in this room,

749
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:24,399
Speaker 1: at this table, in the circle, you know, at my house,

750
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 1: in the bed, because everybody getting my damn bed because

751
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 1: all black lives matter. I'm just joking everybody, and you're

752
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:35,759
Speaker 1: not and you're not, you're you're you're not joking and

753
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:38,239
Speaker 1: we're with you though. With that's that's that's, that's the

754
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 1: part of it. We're here right here, or you're not,

755
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: you're not by yourself and anything. Oh my god, it

756
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 1: feels so good not to be alone and see I

757
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:50,840
Speaker 1: get it, guys. It feels so good to be brief

758
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:53,520
Speaker 1: and go all right, let me, how can I got

759
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 1: one more? And we can, we can, we can start

760
00:46:55,600 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 1: packing this up. And Hi, my name was Charles Gibbs

761
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:05,320
Speaker 1: and I'm Liah st Clair's brother. I was listening to

762
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 1: your episode on Shame and I love it. I'm an

763
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,960
Speaker 1: avid follower of you and seeing me when you was

764
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:15,440
Speaker 1: here in d C with Chuck Brown. So but back

765
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:18,320
Speaker 1: to what I was saying, I like your episode on

766
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 1: Shame and especially on g D Park because I'm one

767
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 1: with a g D and like she said, great minds

768
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:33,319
Speaker 1: comes from people with g D two. So again, keep

769
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:37,399
Speaker 1: up the good work you and your team. Well, thank

770
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 1: you very much. JR. Oh. I just I was like,

771
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 1: do we have something that you need to tell us?

772
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: Because I'm a whole only child, but I do have

773
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 1: a lot of play brothers, and Junior is one of

774
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:52,480
Speaker 1: my play brothers that I kind of grew up. I

775
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 1: kind of grew up around on the d C. He

776
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:57,279
Speaker 1: was my neighbor. Okay, okay, still he still comes over

777
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,440
Speaker 1: and has the time. He supports everything I do. But yeah,

778
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 1: come on. Well he mentioned the g D episode and

779
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 1: I did have a comment from somebody about that. It's

780
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 1: a great episode. I love this conversation. Every week we

781
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 1: share the same g D shame. And ironically, I am

782
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 1: also in a circle of very educated peers and sister friends.

783
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,280
Speaker 1: I never feel afraid to speak, but I always carried

784
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 1: out and wonder should I be here in this room

785
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 1: with this opportunity. It's freeing to know I'm not the

786
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: only one. And that was her. I g handle is

787
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:32,720
Speaker 1: O wise one? Come on girl, one with a Z nice.

788
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:36,800
Speaker 1: That was one. There was another one of those moments

789
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,520
Speaker 1: when when I was shut up, like you shut up,

790
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:51,800
Speaker 1: shut up, don't don't worry about me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

791
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:56,239
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I wish I was closer. I was

792
00:48:56,320 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 1: throwing I was so I was. There's been so many

793
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 1: instances when when listening to this podcast, and I just

794
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: feel so proud of us, like for for like unzipping,

795
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:15,799
Speaker 1: you know, and unpacking. Like every time we have a conversation,

796
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 1: it's like letting go of something. Sometimes it's a it's

797
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:22,200
Speaker 1: a small thing that you're like, okay, you know, cool,

798
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 1: you know I could do something about that. And then

799
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 1: sometimes it's just a big, heavy, major boulder that we've

800
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 1: been carrying around for years. So I just really want

801
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 1: to say thank you to my Heart Radio for giving

802
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 1: us this opportunity to to communicate with each other. And

803
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:45,440
Speaker 1: as I can tell, you know that these conversations have

804
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:48,400
Speaker 1: been really beneficial for other people too, and that's the

805
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 1: best part of it all, you know. So as we're

806
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 1: healing and learning and growing as we go, oh um,

807
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 1: you know, the people are learning and growing and healing

808
00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 1: along with us, and that feels wonderful. It really does.

809
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:12,239
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to Jay dot Ilga podcast.

810
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 1: It is our esteemed pleasure and privilege to share our

811
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 1: hearts and minds with you. Thank you so much. Next time, Hi,

812
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 1: if you have comments on something we said in this episode,

813
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 1: call eight six six. Hey Jill, if you want to

814
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:50,000
Speaker 1: add to this conversation. That's eight six, six, three, nine, five,

815
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 1: four five five. Don't forget to tell us your name

816
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 1: and the episode you're referring to. You might just hear

817
00:50:56,760 --> 00:51:00,440
Speaker 1: your message on a future episode. Thank you for listening

818
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:04,440
Speaker 1: to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Il the Podcast. This

819
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 1: podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah st Clair, and

820
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 1: Aga Graden Danceller. It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn

821
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:16,000
Speaker 1: g and Brian Calhoun. It's produced by Layas st Clair.

822
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 1: The editing and sound design for this episode we're done

823
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:25,719
Speaker 1: by Christina Larenger. Let me tell you something. That's how

824
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:27,759
Speaker 1: I sing in the shower. Just in case anybody had

825
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:31,640
Speaker 1: any questions like if you're asking if sink would singers

826
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:34,880
Speaker 1: sing in the shower? What? How did they be in there? Killing? No,

827
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: it's terrible, terrible every time, and it feels it feels

828
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 1: so good. It feels so good from love you baby,

829
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:59,800
Speaker 1: sound good though. J dot Ill is a production of

830
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio,

831
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:08,840
Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever

832
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows