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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to today's Tommy Talk. And this is

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Speaker 1: a Tommy Talk that I am very passionate about. And

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Speaker 1: the topic today is you are so much more than

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Speaker 1: your job. We live in a culture that glorifies work, work, work, work, work,

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Speaker 1: and I am very passionate about what I do. I

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Speaker 1: love what I do, and it is a huge part

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Speaker 1: of my identity, just like perhaps your job is a

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Speaker 1: huge part of your identity. We spend so many hours

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Speaker 1: of our lives working that of course your job is

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Speaker 1: going to be a big part of your identity, but

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Speaker 1: it doesn't define who you are. And I was falling

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Speaker 1: into a trap of spending every single free moment I

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Speaker 1: had doing something work related. Especially with the show like this,

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Speaker 1: there's always something to do. There's clips to make, there's

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Speaker 1: episodes to record, there's concepts to create, there's scripts to

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Speaker 1: write for my interviews. I mean, I could do work

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Speaker 1: for the show every single day along with the other

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Speaker 1: jobs I have with Extra and IMDb and so on.

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Speaker 1: So what kind of struck a chord with me is

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Speaker 1: And this is gonna sound so silly, but I used

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Speaker 1: to love waking up on a weekend and making my

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Speaker 1: chocolate chip cookie recipe, So I note they're amazing, and

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Speaker 1: if you want the recipe, let me know. They are

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Speaker 1: a healthy, flowerless chocolate chip cookie. And I used to

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Speaker 1: love making them on a Saturday morning and just having

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Speaker 1: my tea and putting music on and lighting a candle

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Speaker 1: and it was just kind of therapeutic for me and

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Speaker 1: I loved it. And then I realized one day I

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Speaker 1: hadn't made those cookies in like six months, and I thought,

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Speaker 1: what am I doing on my Saturday mornings that I'm

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Speaker 1: not making a cookie that I love? Like what am

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Speaker 1: I doing? And I realized I was writing scripts on

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Speaker 1: my computer, working like all of it. I was working,

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Speaker 1: it's the bottom line. And I'm like, man, this is

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Speaker 1: my Saturday morning, it's like my day off, and I'm

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Speaker 1: still feeling the pressure to work. What am I doing?

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Speaker 1: Like this isn't living, This isn't living. This is my job.

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Speaker 1: This is not living. If I want to make cookies,

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Speaker 1: I should go and make my cookies. So I made

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Speaker 1: my cookies and it just brought me so much joy.

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Speaker 1: It was a reminder, as silly as it sounds, like

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Speaker 1: cookies reminding me of this that we are so much

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Speaker 1: more than our jobs and I am so oh, I'm

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Speaker 1: so over hearing people say things like Team No Sleep

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Speaker 1: glorifying being exhausted and not sleeping because they're working so much. Guys,

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Speaker 1: first of all, that's not healthy, Like you gotta sleep

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Speaker 1: for your health. I mean, you want to fight diseases,

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Speaker 1: you want to you want your body to function as

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Speaker 1: it should. You got to sleep. So this Team no

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Speaker 1: Sleep being exhausted kind of glorifying it. It's just a

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Speaker 1: really stupid message to put out because it's detrimental to

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Speaker 1: your health. And b it makes it seem like having

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Speaker 1: balance or having a life outside of work is a

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Speaker 1: bad thing, and it's not a bad thing. You have

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Speaker 1: to have a balance. I love work. I am a

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Speaker 1: work horse. I am a work horse, and I put

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Speaker 1: in so many hours and I love it. But it's

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Speaker 1: not all of who I am, and it shouldn't be

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Speaker 1: all of who you are. It certainly shouldn't. So Team

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Speaker 1: No Sleep is is really something that's just not not

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Speaker 1: my vibe. And glorifying exhaustion, I think is something we

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Speaker 1: have to be very very careful of. I also think

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Speaker 1: that I'm so busy. I'm so busy. I'm so busy,

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Speaker 1: I'm so busy in conversations with people comes up quite

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Speaker 1: a lot, and it's also triggering to me because we're

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Speaker 1: all busy, we all have a lot going on. But

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Speaker 1: it's again glorifying the being so busy. What's wrong with

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Speaker 1: being still for a moment. What's wrong with opening up

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Speaker 1: a kindle or a great book on a morning, on

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Speaker 1: a Sunday morning and reading and not being so busy?

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Speaker 1: What's wrong with that? Why do we have to always

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Speaker 1: feel like we're so busy. It's not healthy, it's not right.

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Speaker 1: And I think that what's very dangerous about tying your

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Speaker 1: entire identity to work is if that job goes away,

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Speaker 1: who are you? Who are you? In my world with entertainment,

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Speaker 1: I've met a lot of actors before who are between

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Speaker 1: jobs or having a tough time working or getting a

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Speaker 1: show or a movie, and there's spiral that happens, and

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Speaker 1: I see so much depression and so much darkness, and

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Speaker 1: some of these brilliant artists because they feel like if

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Speaker 1: they're not working, they have no value or no purpose,

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Speaker 1: and it breaks my heart. And I've actually played therapists

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Speaker 1: to a few people before who felt like, you know,

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Speaker 1: their life had no meaning. And these are people I

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Speaker 1: wasn't even very close to, but I guess they felt

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Speaker 1: like I was a trusted friend and source, and I

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Speaker 1: would never reveal who it is and who they were.

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Speaker 1: But it's a very hard thing when that goes away,

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Speaker 1: even temporarily, right. I think it's hard for any freelance artist.

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Speaker 1: I think it's hard for any freelance employee. I think

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Speaker 1: sometimes you see people who who have a job for

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Speaker 1: so long and then they get laid off or the

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Speaker 1: company gets consolidated, and then they're like, I don't know

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Speaker 1: who I am, and they fall into a deep depression,

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Speaker 1: not because they lost their job, but because they feel

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Speaker 1: like they have no purpose anymore. And I just think

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Speaker 1: it is such a dangerous game we're playing. So there

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Speaker 1: has to be a fine line between Yes, we are

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Speaker 1: passionate about our work. It is a huge part of

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Speaker 1: who we are and what we do and what we love.

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Speaker 1: But what about the other parts? What about the part

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Speaker 1: of you that's a friend or a girlfriend or a boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: or a wife or a husband, or an aunt or

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Speaker 1: an uncle. What about those people who, in the moments

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Speaker 1: of freedom that you have from your job, are you

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Speaker 1: choosing to be present and show up as that person

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Speaker 1: for the people in your life, or are you solely

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Speaker 1: focused on work and wrapping your head around I have

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Speaker 1: to do this still and this still, and it's an

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Speaker 1: interesting conversation to me, and it's something that I will

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Speaker 1: admittedly share. I work through a lot too, and I

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Speaker 1: have to remind myself constantly to be present because work

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Speaker 1: will pull you away. And actually, a great story for

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Speaker 1: you guys is I was in Hawaii a few years ago.

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Speaker 1: The island of Kawaii is so special to Geo and I.

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Speaker 1: We just we love it and it's one of the

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Speaker 1: few places in the world that I feel like when

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Speaker 1: I get off that plane, I can breathe, and I

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Speaker 1: feel like I am back in my body and I'm

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Speaker 1: not worried about the things that I have to do

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Speaker 1: and the things that I haven't done, or what's coming

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Speaker 1: up with work. I can truly just be Oh. I

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Speaker 1: can breathe, and I can smell the flowers and the

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Speaker 1: scent of the air of Hawaii when you get off

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Speaker 1: that plane, and it is the most magical experience for

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Speaker 1: me in the world, and I miss it so much,

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Speaker 1: and it's just it's just special, such a special place

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Speaker 1: that I could imagine having a retirement home there. One

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Speaker 1: day and we were hiking in Kawaii with our friends

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Speaker 1: and we got to the top and it was this

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Speaker 1: beautiful outlook with waterfalls underneath us and just nature and

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Speaker 1: the most lush greenery, and I started crying. I actually

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Speaker 1: started crying. And I'm not a huge crier. It's just

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I think I suppressed that for some

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Speaker 1: reason quite a bit, but it overtook my body and

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Speaker 1: tears were streaming down my face, and I remember Geo

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Speaker 1: looked at me and I was just like, I'm just

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Speaker 1: so present. I am so present right now, and that

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Speaker 1: feeling is a feeling that I want to continue to

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Speaker 1: fight for, to fight for in my everyday life, because

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Speaker 1: it shouldn't just be once a year when you're away

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Speaker 1: on a vacation. You should have those moments of feeling

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Speaker 1: present and in your body all the time that's unrelated

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Speaker 1: to the work that you do, because there's so many

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Speaker 1: different sides to us. And I firmly believe you can't

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Speaker 1: even bring your best self to the work that you

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Speaker 1: do if you're not working on yourself as an individual.

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Speaker 1: And I don't think you can bring your best self

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Speaker 1: to a relationship if you're not working on yourself as

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Speaker 1: an individual. So workman, we need it. We got to

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Speaker 1: bay our bills. And hopefully we're all enjoying the work

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Speaker 1: we do and we're passionate about it and love it

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Speaker 1: and want to keep growing. And I have so many

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Speaker 1: goals work wise that I still want to achieve. And

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Speaker 1: like I said, it is it is a huge part

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Speaker 1: of my identity, but it can't be the only part

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Speaker 1: of your identity. And you have to be so much

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Speaker 1: more than your work. And I meet some people in

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Speaker 1: my industry, in my profession who feels like if they're

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Speaker 1: not constantly talking about who they're interviewing, what premiere they

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Speaker 1: were at, the success of their interviews, that they have

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Speaker 1: no value. And it's quite sad. It's quite sad to me.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. If you ever meet somebody for the

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Speaker 1: first time and instead of learning about them, like how

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Speaker 1: are you or you know, inevitably what do you do

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Speaker 1: might come up? That's a very normal question to ask,

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Speaker 1: but then the person solely talks about their work, like

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Speaker 1: kind of nice to meet you, I'm so and so

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Speaker 1: this is what are you for work? And this is

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Speaker 1: what I achieved and this is what I'm working on next.

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Speaker 1: And it's like, oh, okay, I didn't ask for a resume.

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Speaker 1: I just simply wanted to know how you are and

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Speaker 1: a little bit more of who you are. But the

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Speaker 1: resume comes out right, it's like the default for some people,

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Speaker 1: the here's my resume, here's everything I do with work,

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Speaker 1: because it's such an identity marker for so many people,

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Speaker 1: and I just there's there's a real danger in that

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Speaker 1: because who are you when that goes away? Who are you?

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Speaker 1: Who are you when you retire? Who are you if

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Speaker 1: the job goes away? Who are you if you don't

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Speaker 1: like the job anymore? But you're still doing the job.

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Speaker 1: But we need to make a transition who are you?

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Speaker 1: We have to focus on who we are. And while

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Speaker 1: people's jobs are cool and I have total respect for

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Speaker 1: what people do, and there's definitely a lot of interest

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Speaker 1: in that, I don't find that to be the most

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Speaker 1: interesting part about somebody. I just don't. What's interesting to

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Speaker 1: me is who are you as a human? What do

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Speaker 1: you believe in? Right? Like? What groundbreaking amazing experiences have

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Speaker 1: you had in your life? Where have you traveled that

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Speaker 1: I need to go check out? What was your Greatest Love?

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Speaker 1: Are you in your Greatest Love chapter? What have you

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Speaker 1: learned from things you've gone through that we're hard? What

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Speaker 1: is something I want to know about you that I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't know about you just by looking at you? Like

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Speaker 1: those are the questions to me that are exciting. What

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Speaker 1: is your story? What have you survived? What have you

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Speaker 1: overcome that is human to human connection? What do you

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Speaker 1: do for workh Okay, cool, But you know there's so

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Speaker 1: much more to us. So I guess the point of this,

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Speaker 1: and it's a little bit of a reminder of this

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Speaker 1: of this for me is that we are so much

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Speaker 1: more than our work. We don't need to be defined

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Speaker 1: by our work. While it's cool or impressive or awesome

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Speaker 1: or great, it's not who we are as humans. It's

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Speaker 1: just not. It's it's a piece of us, right. There's

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Speaker 1: a pie that makes us who we are, and it

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Speaker 1: is a slice. We can't ignore all the other slices

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Speaker 1: and only focus on that one. Absolutely not. And I

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Speaker 1: promise you, once you start focusing on things outside of

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Speaker 1: work and really focusing on who you are as an individual,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have so much more happiness. Because even when

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Speaker 1: work pisces you off, and everyone's annoying you or this

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Speaker 1: and that. It's like, all right, whatever, I'm leaving that

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Speaker 1: at the door. I don't need to talk about it

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Speaker 1: or think about it till tomorrow or when the weekend's done.

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Speaker 1: Like it's a job, it doesn't have to define you.

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Speaker 1: So here's a reminder for all of us that we

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Speaker 1: don't need to be defined by the work that we do.

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Speaker 1: There's so much more of us that is equally or

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Speaker 1: I would argue, more interesting about us. And let's just

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Speaker 1: make sure we don't neglect those other pieces of us. Right, So,

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Speaker 1: if you see me in the street, or if I

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Speaker 1: see you in the street, let's have a hard tire conversation.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you don't have to tell me your deepest,

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Speaker 1: darkest secrets unless you want to. I mean, let's go, baby,

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Speaker 1: but let's have a real moment of connection that's not

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Speaker 1: work related necessarily. I'm down. I'm smiling so hard because

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Speaker 1: this is making me feel good right now. All right, guys,

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Speaker 1: love and light until the next time, and don't ever

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Speaker 1: forget you are so much more than your work. I've

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Speaker 1: never said this before. Is hosted by me Tommy Dedario.

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Speaker 1: This podcast is executive produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio

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Speaker 1: and by me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've

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Speaker 1: Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis Duran

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Speaker 1: podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate, review and

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Speaker 1: subscribe to our show and if you like this episode,

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Speaker 1: tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy de Dario