Speaker 1: Hi everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. I am
Speaker 1: so excited for this episode. Um. We are talking about
Speaker 1: the village that it takes to raise your baby. And
Speaker 1: I know a lot on this podcast we have talked
Speaker 1: about your community, your family, your friends, the people who
Speaker 1: are there for you during pregnancy, after pregnancy, when you're
Speaker 1: raising this kid. Um, it's friends, it's specialists. It's maybe
Speaker 1: an O, B G. I n It's maybe a doula.
Speaker 1: It's maybe electation consultant. Maybe it's a nanny or babysitter,
Speaker 1: you get it. The list is endless. But my question
Speaker 1: for you is what happens after the first few months?
Speaker 1: How can you keep this? You know, the sense of community,
Speaker 1: the sense of village going. Who do you call for support?
Speaker 1: Who are the people you go and talk with? Who
Speaker 1: are the people you laugh with? Who are the people
Speaker 1: you cry with? Um? And to talk about my village,
Speaker 1: I've invited for men of my village who are here
Speaker 1: with me today, and I'm so excited guys meet members
Speaker 1: of my village. Um. We have Andela cabral Hi. Yeah, Hi,
Speaker 1: we have the wonderful Katie Davis. Hi. I'm far tell
Speaker 1: everybody where you're from Katie Davis from Dublin. Yeah, then
Speaker 1: we have Laura Man hello, and then we have Amy
Speaker 1: Rosof Davis. Um, so we have four girls here. We
Speaker 1: are a member of a group that on our text
Speaker 1: chain is called swim How many are there eight or
Speaker 1: nine of us? I always get confused. I know there's
Speaker 1: at least there's eight, and then there's definitely eight. There's
Speaker 1: a rogue nine, remember I think my ten. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: about ten of us. Uh, there's even an eleven because
Speaker 1: Jen Jenen, who you've heard from, is offshooting, so that's
Speaker 1: maybe eleven. There's Dennicut, there's twelve. There's a lot of us. Um,
Speaker 1: I think there's twelve babies. So I think there's twelve babies. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So we've got members of Swim Club. And the reason
Speaker 1: it's called swim Club is because, um, when I found
Speaker 1: out I was pregnant, these twelve women were circling my
Speaker 1: life in different spheres of my life. They were also pregnant.
Speaker 1: And it's not like we talked to each other, the
Speaker 1: twelve of us, and all decided to get pregnant the
Speaker 1: same time. No, no, no, there are a lot of
Speaker 1: these women. These wonderful women who had miscarriages rounds of
Speaker 1: IVF got pregnant on the first try. There are all
Speaker 1: different varying degrees and journeys and stories of how these
Speaker 1: women came to be pregnant. But for some amazing reason,
Speaker 1: the twelve of them me included, got pregnant around the
Speaker 1: same time, within about a three month period. Um. And
Speaker 1: so I would have water aerobics in my pool for
Speaker 1: these uh twelve women, and so we are now called
Speaker 1: swim club. It's not, it's really not. It's very literal. Um.
Speaker 1: But what's cool about the village and swim Club is
Speaker 1: that the women, um all didn't know each other, like
Speaker 1: every woman at the table, and we're going to let
Speaker 1: them all with everyone's gonna have their turn to talk,
Speaker 1: but just quickly. Like Angelie Cabral and I, we are
Speaker 1: actors and we had been circling each other in auditions
Speaker 1: for years. Katie Davis, her husband and my husband went
Speaker 1: to University of Maryland together. Laura Man worked on a
Speaker 1: theater company show you Guys, No Shout Out. I Am
Speaker 1: a Theater Company. Uh. She is a member of I
Speaker 1: Am a Theater Company and Amy Rosa and I go
Speaker 1: way way back and have been best seed since we
Speaker 1: were seventeen. So it's and then the other members are
Speaker 1: friends of friends and Cabral brought in Hannah Simone who
Speaker 1: just showed up at my house and I've never met
Speaker 1: her before and now she's part of Swim Club. Their
Speaker 1: makeup artists, there's a comedy writer, there's there's like all
Speaker 1: different women, summer stay at home moms, summer full time
Speaker 1: working moms, um and it has been truly I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna cry, no, I'm already bawling. Has definitely been one
Speaker 1: of the greatest joys of my life has to to
Speaker 1: be able to be a mom and not be alone.
Speaker 1: And so we are thought it would be very important
Speaker 1: and cool to have an episode talking about how you
Speaker 1: could maybe build one for yourself and why this might
Speaker 1: be a value for you in your journey of being
Speaker 1: a mom, and why it might be cool to find
Speaker 1: your own text chain of moms, why that might be
Speaker 1: helpful to you, and if you don't have that, how
Speaker 1: you can get something like it, and how that might
Speaker 1: be something that could be cool. Um. So I'm going
Speaker 1: to throw this out to Katie Davis. When you hear
Speaker 1: the phrase, it takes a village. What do you think of? Oh,
Speaker 1: I think of women years ago and a hush and
Speaker 1: like your aunt and your second calls and twice removed,
Speaker 1: and the cat and everybody just in there helping you
Speaker 1: and making your food and boobs coming out and just
Speaker 1: it all being really natural. And I think the same thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's likely. I just think, yeah, yeah, when when the
Speaker 1: women came together, you feel like our village is far
Speaker 1: off from that and there's no cat, but no, it's
Speaker 1: something yet that I feel is missing, especially being a
Speaker 1: foreign person in a new country. So family, there's just
Speaker 1: no knowledge of actual blood family. But yeah, that's what
Speaker 1: I think of, just and and there being no nothing
Speaker 1: to be afraid of or or no hiding or shame.
Speaker 1: It's just we're all here and we're all in it together,
Speaker 1: and like if you're going through with someone else has
Speaker 1: gone through, right. I have to say I felt very
Speaker 1: we know, and I've talked about on this podcast before
Speaker 1: how much of a phobia labor was for me. And
Speaker 1: I have to say, I think in the lineup of
Speaker 1: the twelve babies, I think my son is like second
Speaker 1: to last or something. And I went into that labor
Speaker 1: and getting this kid out, knowing that you guys had
Speaker 1: all done it before me and that I was going
Speaker 1: to live and that was a huge source of To
Speaker 1: see it in real time was very um I'm like
Speaker 1: so emotional, but it was very um reassuring, wasn't it?
Speaker 1: Which one of us kind of we could be going
Speaker 1: back to the swim club. We had those like maybe
Speaker 1: you'll speak on this, I don't know, but like how
Speaker 1: every week we would lose one of us to go
Speaker 1: up the baby, like there was one every week, Like
Speaker 1: there was less and less women pregnant in the swim club,
Speaker 1: and it was so kind of reassuring to know that
Speaker 1: we everyone had a different birst story. Everything was different,
Speaker 1: nothing was the same. A lot of plans did not
Speaker 1: go as planned, and everyone was fine and the babies
Speaker 1: were even even when we had a scare. Oh yeah right,
Speaker 1: And we learned by watching and by observing that. So
Speaker 1: it made us all feel I think, very confident going
Speaker 1: into birth. Has the idea of community changed from before
Speaker 1: and after pregnancy and now that you have adelaide, Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure. I would say that, Um, I didn't have
Speaker 1: any pregnant friends before I met this crew, So for me,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to be alone being pregnant,
Speaker 1: and then, thank God, by a miracle, we got I
Speaker 1: don't know how, I don't even remember now, but well,
Speaker 1: you tell me you were pregnant, and I knew I
Speaker 1: was pregnant, but I wasn't telling anybody, and I was like,
Speaker 1: holy crap, I'm like a week month, right, and you
Speaker 1: just told me you're twelve weeks pregnant and in a
Speaker 1: week and we had sort of known each other but
Speaker 1: not and I remember that and I knew you were
Speaker 1: but I couldn't tell you, and you were like and
Speaker 1: I was like, I was pregnant, and I knew you
Speaker 1: were pregnant by the way you were acting, And you
Speaker 1: knew I was pregnant. Well, yeah, because we drink guys,
Speaker 1: You're always a tell tale. But nobody was telling Kennan.
Speaker 1: I had to do a scene on that I am
Speaker 1: a twenty three It's twenty three hour play festival, and
Speaker 1: I was showing pregnant and she was pregnant for not
Speaker 1: telling anyone. And in the scene, obviously we had a
Speaker 1: comment on me being pregnant, but the whole time I
Speaker 1: was like, she's pregnant, right. I feel like our husbands
Speaker 1: had told each other they did pregnant before. I think
Speaker 1: that's always something whenever I found out that people are pregnant. Now,
Speaker 1: I always say, oh, just hold on. If you don't
Speaker 1: you don't know yet who you're walking this fire with,
Speaker 1: Like you don't know that someone's going to come out
Speaker 1: of the woodwork. Who's a friend of a friend of
Speaker 1: a friend who might be a month behind you or
Speaker 1: two months behind you, And if you just like stretch
Speaker 1: out an arm, you could really go through this thing together. Um.
Speaker 1: But like when you said community, I just think that
Speaker 1: now my sense of community is very different because now
Speaker 1: it's only that, like it's this is the only community
Speaker 1: I care about. It's like where is my kid going
Speaker 1: to be? Who's going to be around my kid? And
Speaker 1: and who knows what I'm going through? And and that's
Speaker 1: what I think. I didn't have that before. I didn't before. Uh.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about this text chain because I
Speaker 1: think that that is something that's super accessible to other women.
Speaker 1: Like I feel like if you're in a Mommy and me,
Speaker 1: or if you're in some sort of class, let's say,
Speaker 1: and you could easily volunteer, Like why don't we all
Speaker 1: get on a text chain or something, or maybe if
Speaker 1: you're not able to take classes and you feel isolated.
Speaker 1: Like I'm just trying to really figure out how women
Speaker 1: everywhere could get this, because I feel like when we
Speaker 1: can talk more about the benefits of having a mom crew,
Speaker 1: but there are true, true benefits to having a mom crew.
Speaker 1: But um, like let's give examples of like how like
Speaker 1: a day on the life of the swim club text
Speaker 1: Chaine goes. Usually it's about something that one of us
Speaker 1: discovered or has a question about, and then it's a
Speaker 1: riff on that, like you Amy Davis gave us a
Speaker 1: great breakdown about food that's a big topic for us,
Speaker 1: which and look, every kid and parent and is different
Speaker 1: depending on what your doctor said or you want to
Speaker 1: feed them, or if you have dietary stuff. But I
Speaker 1: my child happens to be the oldest or second oldest
Speaker 1: in the group. So I just went through it first
Speaker 1: of I said, this is what I did and work
Speaker 1: for me, and if it works for you, great, and
Speaker 1: then you know. But yeah, it's a lot of love questions,
Speaker 1: like a lot of Amazon send links, Katie Davis send links,
Speaker 1: like people will post like this is a toy that
Speaker 1: my kid is obsessed with right now that's literally on sale,
Speaker 1: or they'll be like Carter's, you guys, it's having a
Speaker 1: pair of fifteen socks is two dollars, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, we're all doing that. But it were like
Speaker 1: stuff that seems insurmountable. Remember when when we all thought
Speaker 1: getting a passport was going to be like going to
Speaker 1: you've got to go to Van Eye's, We've got to
Speaker 1: strap on a bulletproof, a joke of wine. And then
Speaker 1: I discovered from somebody outside of our group, oh, you
Speaker 1: can just make an appointment. You can drive up, and
Speaker 1: like it's now all twelve of us have made appointments
Speaker 1: in Burbank and we got our passports in ten minutes, right, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. So like stuff like that, you go, oh great, right,
Speaker 1: because there's there, We're doing everything for the first time,
Speaker 1: and it all seems overwhelming until you've done at once.
Speaker 1: And you don't want to Google. I would say that, like,
Speaker 1: just in general, stay away from Google. It's just too
Speaker 1: confusing and I'm often scary. Yeah yeah, I feel the
Speaker 1: same way I before. I don't like to be a
Speaker 1: big Google searcher, and now I go to swim club
Speaker 1: text this morning, I was you know, I was very
Speaker 1: curious about which moms had started cereals for their kids, right,
Speaker 1: because again, i'll be just started eating solid foods two
Speaker 1: weeks ago, and he's done some fruits and vegetables. So
Speaker 1: I replied to the swim club saying, who's done oatmeal?
Speaker 1: Text me individually, let me know if you have or
Speaker 1: haven't done it, what are your thoughts on it? And
Speaker 1: then then I usually take the consensus of the group.
Speaker 1: I think on it for a couple of days, and
Speaker 1: then I come to my own decision, which is gratefully
Speaker 1: because you're all amazing supported by my group. That's what
Speaker 1: can I say. Support is That's the other thing. It's
Speaker 1: not just baby questions. But even last week this came
Speaker 1: up because a lot of us are working moms, and
Speaker 1: even ones that aren't. You know, it's just challenging and hard.
Speaker 1: It's being a mom and and having your life change
Speaker 1: with this amazing new creature and having each other for
Speaker 1: support on that. Even if one day someone's like, guys,
Speaker 1: I feel so sad. I haven't seen my kids today.
Speaker 1: I've been working for twelve hours. There's all these women
Speaker 1: that are like, who sent that text a mom, and
Speaker 1: I'm if I'm at home, I feel like I'm failing
Speaker 1: not putting an offen you into work. And when I'm
Speaker 1: at work, I feel like I'm failing because I'm not
Speaker 1: putting an off energy into my child. And I don't know,
Speaker 1: I think we all just went to you. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you're talking about, but that's something that we
Speaker 1: all definitely we were always feeling like guilty about something
Speaker 1: and then you're like, I don't think that ever ends,
Speaker 1: Like I think you're just like a mom, So you're
Speaker 1: just always guilty about something now. And that also ties
Speaker 1: into community and village because it's like it's not just
Speaker 1: our kids, like this is a group of women that's
Speaker 1: like you're alive every day and you're keeping people alive
Speaker 1: and you're awesome. I remember those first like the first month,
Speaker 1: when we were all up in the middle of the
Speaker 1: night and just being so grateful for the support. None
Speaker 1: of us knew what we were doing yet because it
Speaker 1: was so early on, and I remember Angelie and I
Speaker 1: would text each other and be like, who's up. It's
Speaker 1: when It's when I am, And then we would go
Speaker 1: to bed after feeding our babies and then at four
Speaker 1: am we'd all be like, hey, who's up and just
Speaker 1: kind of having that you know, yeah, my I remember
Speaker 1: you were alone the first fever albe had. I called
Speaker 1: Amy Rose of Davis and Laura Man first, because the
Speaker 1: other thing that's really cool about having a mom group, um,
Speaker 1: and we'll get into what's what can be challenging about
Speaker 1: a mom group is that everyone's going to raise their
Speaker 1: baby differently. There are some people that are into sliem trading,
Speaker 1: there are some people who are into on demand. There
Speaker 1: are some moms who are very fluid with attachment or
Speaker 1: you know what I like to say, really hippie moms,
Speaker 1: which I love. And then there are moms who are
Speaker 1: super regimented and really tough love like, and we have
Speaker 1: them all in this too, v degrees of smothering styles, um,
Speaker 1: which is wonderful. Because my kid had a fever. And
Speaker 1: I called Laura Man because Laura Man, I know, has
Speaker 1: read a million books about giving your baby titlan all,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to know. I wanted to do the
Speaker 1: cliff notes version of that. I didn't know why or
Speaker 1: why it would be bad or whatever. And I took
Speaker 1: all of Laura Man's information and then I called my
Speaker 1: friend Amy Rose so Davis, who has the oldest kid
Speaker 1: in the group, and I know she's given her talent,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to know how Ellie reacted to how
Speaker 1: did the fever go down? And then I called my pediatrician.
Speaker 1: So there's a hierarchy, Like that's yeah, there's a hierarchy,
Speaker 1: lawn everyone. But what's great is that each instead of
Speaker 1: finding what's different about us being an issue, what's different
Speaker 1: about us is actually our greatest asset. And that's because
Speaker 1: I can get a lot of different opinions that are
Speaker 1: working for them and then really assess what works for
Speaker 1: me and my family. But I love getting multiple ideas
Speaker 1: and just learning about the different subjects and topics because
Speaker 1: I really truly respect how you all are doing it, um,
Speaker 1: even though they're not all the same as you. So
Speaker 1: has anyone here in this group found that any there
Speaker 1: are any online communities that you guys are using, or
Speaker 1: any websites or I've definitely got an app. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, I like, there's an app that I love,
Speaker 1: um wonder Weeks that I find that really helpful for
Speaker 1: her developmental they call leaps. But like whenever she's like,
Speaker 1: there's something I can't crack. Like if she's like usually
Speaker 1: I unders understand her behavior. It's usually a diaper, she's hungry.
Speaker 1: But if there's something that's like gnawing at her, it's
Speaker 1: a great app I find it a great resource to
Speaker 1: tell you exactly developmentally what's going on in her brain
Speaker 1: which affects her behavior directly because they're growing, they're learning there,
Speaker 1: you know, expanding. And it's cool because they you can
Speaker 1: attach it to your calendar, so it'll tell you in
Speaker 1: your iPhone calendar saying Sullivan is entering leap his brain
Speaker 1: just woke up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, accurate. They take it
Speaker 1: from your Jude days rather Yeah, it's when you have it,
Speaker 1: but you have to take it with a grain of
Speaker 1: salt because it will say, oh, she's having a stormy period,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, she's fine, supposed to be stormy at
Speaker 1: the beginning. That's what I did, and then I was like,
Speaker 1: she's supposed to be fine and stormy. Right. It's just
Speaker 1: like everything though, it should be taken just like Katie
Speaker 1: just said, not just with a grain of salt. But
Speaker 1: you have to do what's best for you. So it's
Speaker 1: like you take what you will from that app, and
Speaker 1: then you say, okay, well I'm not gonna take any
Speaker 1: other apps people are using. I mean I just use
Speaker 1: glow for breastfeeding. Ye as well, that was a good breastfeeding.
Speaker 1: Are there any are you guys in any online communities?
Speaker 1: Are there? Facebook? I've heard friends, mom this one called
Speaker 1: l A. It's called like l A. Mommy's yeah, I
Speaker 1: got some fie million mom. Or I find it overwhelming
Speaker 1: and very alarmist, which I have no tolerance for. So
Speaker 1: it's seeming like of the five of us that we
Speaker 1: are really finding the most help from the village. We're
Speaker 1: raising our baby with more of a very personal local village.
Speaker 1: Because so by the way, guys, listeners, I like our
Speaker 1: village is very locally based. We don't live far away.
Speaker 1: I mean, you had to move ten minutes away. She
Speaker 1: needed to be I think I think that people listening.
Speaker 1: I think having a community is more important than having none.
Speaker 1: Most importantly, so if you live in the middle of
Speaker 1: nowhere and there are no places for you except an
Speaker 1: online situation, get on that. But just no grain of salt.
Speaker 1: A lot of them can be alarmist sometimes, or you
Speaker 1: just have to sort of like going to the park
Speaker 1: is a great thing. I mean, I was at the
Speaker 1: park the other week and we always text each other first,
Speaker 1: or like, anyone want to go to the park, but
Speaker 1: no one could go that day, and I wound up
Speaker 1: standing next to a mom who her kid was on
Speaker 1: the swing to and we started chatting. I did not
Speaker 1: get her number because I was like, I already have
Speaker 1: a swim club, but if I had, but she was
Speaker 1: so nice and I was like, if I didn't have anyone,
Speaker 1: the park is a great option, and classes are great options.
Speaker 1: So this is the app. So on top of swim
Speaker 1: Club text chain, which thank you iPhone or whatever phone,
Speaker 1: you can do a group texting on any phone, right,
Speaker 1: I think? So yeah, I'm like, we just happen to
Speaker 1: have iPhone so it's easy. So it's blue, but you
Speaker 1: can do it on anything, I think. Okay. So so okay,
Speaker 1: so we're talking group text chains is really important. But
Speaker 1: there's also this app called Marco Polo um that can
Speaker 1: we call Marco Polo and a sponsor what you need
Speaker 1: to say what we call us? So ours is called
Speaker 1: Marco Holo, which is who create who's snecky that? So
Speaker 1: Marco Polo was is an app where you can leave.
Speaker 1: You can have all twelve people and they leave video
Speaker 1: messages for each other. And why it's helpful is because
Speaker 1: sometimes when you have mombring and you can't look at
Speaker 1: eighty thousand texts from twelve women who are hormonal and
Speaker 1: it's great. Sometimes Amy will just send a text, Hey,
Speaker 1: I can't explain all the food stuff on text. Just
Speaker 1: check out my whole low and then actually Amy will
Speaker 1: walk us through. I did this food first, then this
Speaker 1: food first, and this first. You could even show the frigerator.
Speaker 1: You could show yourself cooking it. You could show what
Speaker 1: the brand is of the best puade peach, you like,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. But it's very helpful. Um Becky Todd
Speaker 1: has how to use an anal thermometer with and then
Speaker 1: everyone freaked out about the rectal thermometer. So then I
Speaker 1: got on the Marco poland was like, look, guys, the
Speaker 1: rectal thermometer is only the size of like my it's
Speaker 1: half of my piggy nail, Like he can't feel it.
Speaker 1: It's fine. Because everyone was freaking out about the rectal thermometer.
Speaker 1: And then I went out and bought the rectal thermometer.
Speaker 1: Did I use it, but I was scared before then,
Speaker 1: and then I was the same thing. I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: the group uses it, it doesn't And the first thing,
Speaker 1: yeah no. And the first thing you're done, pediatrician is
Speaker 1: gonna ask if your kid has a fever. They're going
Speaker 1: to say, well, did you take a rectal thermometer? It's
Speaker 1: the only one that actually matters. Is there any other
Speaker 1: examples of how market mark I did solar demage ration,
Speaker 1: breast pump ones. I remember like, oh, you helped me
Speaker 1: so much to do a hand pump hand pump. I
Speaker 1: was like, do not show this to anyone, but we
Speaker 1: just took my clothes off our Marco Polos are usually like, sorry,
Speaker 1: I slipped it in private. I've got a couple of
Speaker 1: private Marco Polos where Laura Man has showed me how
Speaker 1: to use a handpump. I very much appreciated that. Yeah, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: the Medella handpump that you actually like pump with your hand.
Speaker 1: I never I always try just in case my pump
Speaker 1: gives out or something. I don't want to be stranded,
Speaker 1: so I always travel things. I have learned that as well,
Speaker 1: you should always travel handpump in case your electricity is
Speaker 1: out or something that I also thought it was very helpful,
Speaker 1: like when there are moms in our groups, some are breastfeeding,
Speaker 1: some are not, and I think it's been very helpful
Speaker 1: to go through that journey with the mom's. The hormonal
Speaker 1: drop offs have been insane. Um, I know you guys, Yeah,
Speaker 1: go ahead of me. I'm sorry. I said that one
Speaker 1: week when I when I weaned, where I broke down
Speaker 1: crying on it. Yeah. Oh yeah, you had a huge
Speaker 1: emotional breakdown on Marco Polo. Guys, Marco Polo is great.
Speaker 1: You lost your mind on Marktolo is great. And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I stopped breastfeeding, that's I'm like losing it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I appreciated that honesty so much because I was
Speaker 1: connecting with it and just to see somebody else going
Speaker 1: through it, You're like, I'm not alone. Thanks for being honest.
Speaker 1: I think that's so important too, because it's so easy
Speaker 1: as moms, you know, when you're just like casual friends
Speaker 1: people to be like everything is great, it's very you
Speaker 1: didn't sleep, it's very And I feel like that's such
Speaker 1: a good point because I feel like we're all very honest. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're talking about losing our hair. Yeah today our other
Speaker 1: friends showing like the biggest bald spot on the side
Speaker 1: because you are horrific. Yeah yeah, Um. I think these
Speaker 1: are the two biggest and why I'm so excited to
Speaker 1: have you guys on is I think like the biggest
Speaker 1: themes we've been seeing in in the this season of
Speaker 1: Katie's Crib is that one it really does take a
Speaker 1: village two make sure you are healthy with yourself, of mind, body, spirit,
Speaker 1: and your baby and raising them. But the other one,
Speaker 1: which you just touched on, is the representative mom you're
Speaker 1: putting out in the world and really what's going on.
Speaker 1: And I think that there are a lot of pressures
Speaker 1: and insecurities with being a mom, being around other moms,
Speaker 1: and I think it can get competitive, it can get surface,
Speaker 1: which just makes you more tired. Let's be honest. So
Speaker 1: do you guys feel any pressure or insecurities when you're
Speaker 1: in a group with other moms and even swim club?
Speaker 1: Like talk about swim club. We'll talk about what has
Speaker 1: been brought up for you and why having a village
Speaker 1: of moms. We've talked about why it's great, but let's
Speaker 1: talk about why it's hard or things for other women
Speaker 1: to look out for when they're in a group of
Speaker 1: moms and how like, let's get a little bit on
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that the number one thing that's
Speaker 1: always happens is there's two things that get competitive. How
Speaker 1: your child is developing quickly or not, like the milestones,
Speaker 1: and then how you are physically bouncing back, I know,
Speaker 1: a bottom line, Like that's all you ever think about
Speaker 1: and compare yourself to when you've just had a baby.
Speaker 1: And some women bounce right back, some women don't, bottom line,
Speaker 1: And I think that for new moms who are listening
Speaker 1: to this or people out there who just had babies, like,
Speaker 1: don't compare yourself, Like I know it's impossible, but literally
Speaker 1: every person's body reacts differently when you have a child,
Speaker 1: and every baby is different and they're going to do
Speaker 1: things on their own time, So don't look at the
Speaker 1: other babies because they're not yours. Well and along the
Speaker 1: same lines is then, like I never knew what a
Speaker 1: percentile was, but if you line up your baby one
Speaker 1: to a hundred, say, you know, like, for example, my
Speaker 1: child's third percent which my husband gets mad that I
Speaker 1: ever say that because it doesn't matter. But she's small,
Speaker 1: so out of a hundred babies, she's the third smallest.
Speaker 1: That is. That is an insecurity for you. So when
Speaker 1: you measure her on monkst Our twelve babies and she's
Speaker 1: at her age, you get insecure about her size. And
Speaker 1: everyone's got their thing. That's right. Like like Albie just
Speaker 1: rolled over two days ago. He's almost seven months old.
Speaker 1: He is the last of the Albi. When you listen
Speaker 1: to this when you're sixteen, I love you so much.
Speaker 1: You're the last. All the four month old kids in
Speaker 1: our group have rolled over before. You know that Adlie
Speaker 1: doesn't have teeth yet. That's how I'm What can I
Speaker 1: tell you? My husband's favorite thing. My husband's just a messer.
Speaker 1: His favorite thing is when people are talking milestones. He's like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: do you know when you crawled over? Were rolled over? Crawled? No?
Speaker 1: Are you fine? Are you a functioning adult? Do you
Speaker 1: poop on the potty? And everything? Everybody he just goes,
Speaker 1: this is ridiculous. Why are we putting ourselves through this?
Speaker 1: Like who gives a ship? I mean, I think the
Speaker 1: best answers like just don't participate in any right. But
Speaker 1: he just likes to make fun when people are doing
Speaker 1: we're pretty good at No. One. No, I don't feel
Speaker 1: that at all, but I do feel like I worry
Speaker 1: sometimes It's not competitive. I have a worry because my
Speaker 1: kid's the oldest way, or even I'm like, oh, did
Speaker 1: I do that wrong? Because you guys are so well researched,
Speaker 1: and like even like we're talking abo vaccinations and Laura's
Speaker 1: like the vaccination queen, and you were like, don't get
Speaker 1: to vaccinations at the same time, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, did she always gets? So you know,
Speaker 1: it's so I sometimes I have a backtrack freaking out
Speaker 1: because and you as a trail everybody in the back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, you go to Laura Man. I guess Laura
Speaker 1: Man just told you everybody's fine. Everybody's fine. How do
Speaker 1: you feel about it, Katy Davis? Like and insecurities that
Speaker 1: come up about being in a group of moms. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just that sometimes there's so many opinions and I
Speaker 1: and I and I sometimes envy maybe even just my
Speaker 1: mom's generation. Of course that was probably more loneliness, but
Speaker 1: there was also just maybe a little bit more contentedness
Speaker 1: because because you didn't your decision and you and there
Speaker 1: you go because because we have access to so much
Speaker 1: information that's sometimes it could just get really noisy, and
Speaker 1: I love that. And also that leads me to the
Speaker 1: social media aspect of it, not necessarily within our group,
Speaker 1: but the competition out there with like you post a
Speaker 1: picture of your baby and how he likes it again,
Speaker 1: and it's a weird. It's a weird thing with other
Speaker 1: moms that I have known, not in the swim club,
Speaker 1: but like, like, I don't know how I feel about it,
Speaker 1: but we keep saying, like why do we keep saying that,
Speaker 1: like not in the swim because we don't really get
Speaker 1: because I want if I could give that, I want
Speaker 1: to know why because no one's a threat or we've
Speaker 1: been through maybe because we've been through it since before
Speaker 1: we had the babies we were pregnant together, we've seen
Speaker 1: are the complete transition into motherhood. Is that another group
Speaker 1: of um two of my best friends from my childhood
Speaker 1: were pregnant at the same time as me, and we
Speaker 1: had babies in similar times. And we're in a text
Speaker 1: hite a too. And we're also not competitive. I think
Speaker 1: we are just all maybe nice people almost I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think I have to also, can I mention Rebecca
Speaker 1: of course, so we had the same duel, and that
Speaker 1: was also a huge coincidence because we separately know each other.
Speaker 1: And I'm knowing that she set the tone because she
Speaker 1: was the one teaching also our aquerobics or whatever, and
Speaker 1: I think she set a really healthy tone within our
Speaker 1: group of people, maybe if you agree. And also we
Speaker 1: were all taking her yoga class and it was really
Speaker 1: encouraged to always check in and be very honest and
Speaker 1: and like I'll still bump into women that were in
Speaker 1: that yoga class who I won't necessarily be hugely close
Speaker 1: to you, but I'll see them and go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: how are you. That's your baby? Like I just met
Speaker 1: one of them at swimming yoga class. That's really awesome.
Speaker 1: And I think that, you know, as a leader, Rebecca
Speaker 1: is just so inclusive and just embodies a village, Like
Speaker 1: she has the ability to just bring people together, and
Speaker 1: she's just a very calming influence. Calming that's what she
Speaker 1: meant to say. It was the talk of assuming this morning,
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know if that maybe had I
Speaker 1: think it's because she makes us celebrate each other instead
Speaker 1: of coming like coming out of love always and no
Speaker 1: matter what felt like a crisis, she was able to
Speaker 1: just have a chance about it and kind of bring
Speaker 1: it down. And she has so much experience and that's
Speaker 1: very true. Yeah, So I don't know, how would what
Speaker 1: would be your advice? Let's say, Laura Man, what would
Speaker 1: be advice for new parents? Um who I don't know?
Speaker 1: And we could all go around who might feel isolated
Speaker 1: or where did they go? Like I just, I really
Speaker 1: I have found this to be so helpful, and I
Speaker 1: just I hope Katie's crib is helpful to moms and
Speaker 1: oh I hope that they too can find a village
Speaker 1: that can help them with their baby and finding motherhood
Speaker 1: at all easier. I think the classes really are huge
Speaker 1: getting out there and do some doing something like preno yoga,
Speaker 1: even when you're pregnant. It's great. The earlier the better,
Speaker 1: but afterwards you can do mommy and Me or something
Speaker 1: like that. And I the one the cool thing about
Speaker 1: kind of joining the club of having a baby or
Speaker 1: being pregnant is that I feel like people are so
Speaker 1: much more open to hanging out with new people, Like
Speaker 1: in a yoga class. We're so right. It's like this
Speaker 1: weird thing where because I I've gone to yoga at
Speaker 1: the same place like every day for years. I see
Speaker 1: the same people. We know each other. We don't really
Speaker 1: even know each other's names. We never hang out after class,
Speaker 1: even though a lot of times I want to. The
Speaker 1: second I was in prenatal yoga, I swear, I just
Speaker 1: you kind of say, if you have the courage to
Speaker 1: just say, hey, do you want to get a coffee
Speaker 1: after literally a d people are like, yes, please, I
Speaker 1: need to talk about all this stuff that's going on.
Speaker 1: So just know if you can take that first initiative,
Speaker 1: which might be a little scary, you're like, sign they're
Speaker 1: not going to get rejected by the other persons. Really
Speaker 1: good advice. Yeah, just taking that step and knowing that
Speaker 1: people want it. And I think that when the women
Speaker 1: make the connection, then the dads can kind of have
Speaker 1: a connection to or if they have a you know
Speaker 1: whoever their partner may or may not be. I also
Speaker 1: think a lot about we talked about this this single mom,
Speaker 1: you know who I mean, you really need I mean again,
Speaker 1: we're living in this time where this village idea is
Speaker 1: so different than what it used to be. I mean,
Speaker 1: we all collectively have the same idea of what it
Speaker 1: takes a village means. So we're like women were in
Speaker 1: a hut. Our boobs are out. I don't know why
Speaker 1: we all feel that way. It's so weird, but you know,
Speaker 1: I think about, um, I think about doing this all
Speaker 1: by myself, Like I think about doing it without you girls.
Speaker 1: I think about doing it without Adam. I think about
Speaker 1: doing it you know, anything like that. I think the
Speaker 1: hardest thing is and even people who do have all
Speaker 1: those things can feel very alone. So I think the
Speaker 1: most important thing for everyone, I think, being pregnant or
Speaker 1: or having a new baby, is to just take that risk,
Speaker 1: to put themselves out there. As lame and corny as
Speaker 1: that sounds, and it's hard. Now, it's hard. My my mom,
Speaker 1: who's visiting right now, has said to me, she knows
Speaker 1: all of you now very well with your mom, but
Speaker 1: she said, like, you are so lucky to have that
Speaker 1: group of women. My she sees it. She was alone.
Speaker 1: She had me and was like divorced, single mom, and
Speaker 1: she's like I had nothing, and you are, like that's
Speaker 1: the most important takeaway. She's like, you're so lucky that
Speaker 1: you have these social events and like you make time
Speaker 1: for each other and you have each other to talk to.
Speaker 1: It's great. It's also just such a big change in
Speaker 1: your life to have to make a human and you know,
Speaker 1: even just every evening is different if you're alone, if
Speaker 1: you're with a partner anything, you are responsible for taking
Speaker 1: care of a life, and that overwhelm and along with
Speaker 1: all the response ability is a lot if you don't
Speaker 1: have people to lean on for support and help and love. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also one thing, these classes can get super expensive and
Speaker 1: you do around a mommy and me and you're taking
Speaker 1: music class and you're like, I'm spending eight hundred dollars
Speaker 1: a month taking on and it doesn't matter, you know.
Speaker 1: So maybe what you do, which I've done, is you
Speaker 1: do one round a mommy and me. You make friends
Speaker 1: with these girls, and then you set up your own
Speaker 1: thing and you say, every single week, every Sunday, you know,
Speaker 1: whoever can come, can come, but it's going to be
Speaker 1: at noon. Someone's going to host it every Sunday, which
Speaker 1: is kind of what we did, but I've started. I've
Speaker 1: done it with some other classes too, and you just
Speaker 1: hang out because like we were saying, it's all you
Speaker 1: need to do is talk to each other and maybe like,
Speaker 1: and you'll just tell each other what each other has done.
Speaker 1: You don't necessarily need a guided class for you know,
Speaker 1: the first year of your pregnancy. Some people are back
Speaker 1: to work and they don't even have the opportunity to
Speaker 1: be able to do that. So you don't just set
Speaker 1: it up and have it be a regular thing. You
Speaker 1: bring up such a good point. We at at at
Speaker 1: swim club. I mean we uh at swim club. We
Speaker 1: we we we all had our babies and then we
Speaker 1: all I as had a teacher come to our my
Speaker 1: house on Sundays and I lead a class. It was fine.
Speaker 1: Here's what we learned. We don't like it. We would
Speaker 1: rather just hang out on Saturdays or Sundays with everyone
Speaker 1: bringing a bottle, a snack or whatever and talking about
Speaker 1: the things we're learning, and talking about the things that
Speaker 1: were hard this week and really just being there for
Speaker 1: each other. And that's how I learned like everything. And
Speaker 1: also the babies love it. I mean this Sunday we
Speaker 1: went to Jackie's. My child had the best time just
Speaker 1: swimming in the pool with other babies. Like, we don't
Speaker 1: have to pay for that. I do want to say
Speaker 1: something that I have found really helpful is really making
Speaker 1: an effort and it just happened organically for us too.
Speaker 1: And this is getting really specific, but to have friends
Speaker 1: with babies in and around the same age, just because
Speaker 1: I've had a couple of friends who have a child
Speaker 1: that's say, six months or a year older than mine,
Speaker 1: and you just forget, like you forget what you were
Speaker 1: going through. Like I'm trying to think of things to
Speaker 1: tell my friend who's newly pregnant, I like, how can
Speaker 1: I not remember? And it's because you know, I don't
Speaker 1: remember when you're you're in it and then you're onto
Speaker 1: the next thing. And I also think that's how we
Speaker 1: continue to keep making babies because we don't remember it.
Speaker 1: But like, I think there's really something to be said
Speaker 1: for being within a few weeks or months of each other,
Speaker 1: because you really are in the trenches together at the
Speaker 1: same time with the same issues. I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: you can't have friends that have, you know, kids of
Speaker 1: all different ages, but there's just something about really going
Speaker 1: through the same things at the same time. And I
Speaker 1: do think that that's maybe a good investment money wise
Speaker 1: for a mommy and me class because a lot of
Speaker 1: the time they'll be yeah, and so you'll you do
Speaker 1: one round and then exactly right, because otherwise, like what
Speaker 1: do you do your baby? And then take it on
Speaker 1: and then take it on the road. And it's a
Speaker 1: healthy at the beginning, I mean, especially if it's your
Speaker 1: first time. The overwhelm is just so you know to
Speaker 1: have one every week and be like, wait, is this
Speaker 1: supposed to happen, rather than someone going oh, yeah, like
Speaker 1: it's totally fine, it'll pass, but it doesn't feel like that, right.
Speaker 1: So which I did two different I did two actually
Speaker 1: different mommy and me's um before even you guys were
Speaker 1: so pregnant because I was the first one up and
Speaker 1: no before music. I did one in Beverly Hills and
Speaker 1: then one in the valley and it was really helpful.
Speaker 1: I didn't necessarily leave with a bond like we have
Speaker 1: with any amount, but I learned stuff that helped me
Speaker 1: get through that time that was very valuable. So this
Speaker 1: is a really scary question. How are is this village
Speaker 1: going to evolve as our kids go older and we
Speaker 1: go to differ in schools? Guys, it's a gun happen,
Speaker 1: and people are going to move, and people are gonna
Speaker 1: and also just with the ages itself like not everyone's
Speaker 1: gonna be in the same class because maybe he's born
Speaker 1: the twenty six September and America says you, it's what
Speaker 1: you are on the first to September. It's September. No, no,
Speaker 1: but you'll be yeah, but you'll you'll be in our class. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then he's gonna be the oldest one. That's the best.
Speaker 1: That's the best thing. I think you talk about this,
Speaker 1: but everyone before September. Yeah, so there's a whole thing too,
Speaker 1: because Albie is only a week after your Sullivan. Um,
Speaker 1: but see you guys, this is already to swim club
Speaker 1: at work. But what I have heard is that um boys,
Speaker 1: because they their adolescence are and they're slower to puberty,
Speaker 1: that a lot of times they they it's better to
Speaker 1: if have a boy be the oldest in his class
Speaker 1: and the youngest, especially when they get to high school
Speaker 1: age and they haven't and they're doing like sports and
Speaker 1: swim clubs. You want you want your sure? Uh, how
Speaker 1: do we think this village is going to involve? Because
Speaker 1: I think going to make friends, we're going to move away.
Speaker 1: People might have their second people, we're going to have
Speaker 1: our second at different times want to have any conversation
Speaker 1: that we were all having a second of the same.
Speaker 1: We're all I love that you're just giggling. I love it.
Speaker 1: My first baby, I went home and told my husband
Speaker 1: Shanna told me to have a baby, and then my
Speaker 1: second one will be like, well, the swim clubs having
Speaker 1: their second baby. We're doing this. I really think that's
Speaker 1: what's gonna happen to something someone's gonna have pregnant. This
Speaker 1: is what I think everyone's going to start. If someone
Speaker 1: does that soon, I'm going to ring fucking Should we
Speaker 1: just make a pack that it's not before a year? Yah? What? Yes?
Speaker 1: That is guys. Listen. I was just holding said that
Speaker 1: we haven't gotten to the pelvic floor episode, but I
Speaker 1: cannot um. I think that we it's gonna end up
Speaker 1: coming down to us actively making it happen. This is
Speaker 1: getting very weird and very like about getting it together
Speaker 1: like staying together swim club. I think you just have
Speaker 1: to try to uh first and foremost, also say thank
Speaker 1: you for coming on Katie's crib. Also say thank you
Speaker 1: because I think out of the whole group, I think
Speaker 1: I had the roughest go at the beginning. Like I
Speaker 1: think I was really sad and not excited about being
Speaker 1: a mother, which you guys know hearing the postpartum depression episode.
Speaker 1: Um and I guys, like my uh like safe space
Speaker 1: and happy space. Was watching all of your faces on
Speaker 1: the Marco Polo app. Wow, this marct Pole app is
Speaker 1: really getting a lot of play today. Um. But I
Speaker 1: would be like breastfeeding at one o'clock in the morning
Speaker 1: and not enjoying it and not connecting to Albie. Really
Speaker 1: and um and you guys really I don't know, like
Speaker 1: you just you did make it better. And I really, truthfully,
Speaker 1: honestly like I I don't know if but I actually
Speaker 1: I do know. I think if I would have been
Speaker 1: by myself, um, and I really didn't have you guys
Speaker 1: a support system. Um and I didn't have Adam in place,
Speaker 1: and I think, I definitely I think it would have
Speaker 1: been darker for a lot longer. So I say that
Speaker 1: to you guys all listening, because it is they're in
Speaker 1: the olden times. There was a village for a reason
Speaker 1: in raising a baby, and now times may look different,
Speaker 1: but there are still ways to have it. Um. And
Speaker 1: that is reaching out a hand and taking that first
Speaker 1: step to meet someone in a class or at a
Speaker 1: park um or online. Is that safe? But I wouldn't go.
Speaker 1: I wanted to say thank you to Katie bring us
Speaker 1: all together because ultimately it was Katie that offered your
Speaker 1: home and brought us all together with I mean it
Speaker 1: was Rebecca too, but like it's because of you that
Speaker 1: we have swim Club bottom line. So it's a big
Speaker 1: thank you. I did not title it swim club. I
Speaker 1: don't know say it's Hannah. I think it was Hannah.
Speaker 1: I might have been Hannah, it was whoever. You know,
Speaker 1: the way I'm a group text, you can type in
Speaker 1: a title. That's where it started. Do you know what
Speaker 1: YE might have been Becky. I feel like it was
Speaker 1: actually Becky. Well she named Marco Holo. This is so boring.
Speaker 1: So I want to say about you is that I
Speaker 1: think one thing that was really great that you did
Speaker 1: is that you were super inclusive, and I think you
Speaker 1: sat that early on you didn't necessarily know everybody. Some
Speaker 1: people were, oh yeah, by the way, guys, swim I
Speaker 1: wasn't close to a lot of these women before swim Club.
Speaker 1: Like I didn't know I didn't know Hannah Simone. I
Speaker 1: knew Katie Davis through our husbands, but not on a
Speaker 1: personal level, Like I don't think I had your private
Speaker 1: number like you and I didn't text. Maybe maybe here
Speaker 1: and there, maybe here and there, But because we can't
Speaker 1: remember anymore, my words are gotten. Laura Man and I
Speaker 1: almost we work together, like in a professional setting, and
Speaker 1: Amy and I go back interesting children. But um, you
Speaker 1: know so again, like we have already said, like having
Speaker 1: a baby and doing it with somebody who's a girlfriend
Speaker 1: is an awesome a chance for you to get close
Speaker 1: to a really cool woman going through something like huge
Speaker 1: in their life. Um, it's cool that you yourself are
Speaker 1: going through it, and then it's super inspirational to watch
Speaker 1: someone who you're falling in love with their friendship also
Speaker 1: go through it. Um, is there any enclosing words? Are
Speaker 1: there any thoughts or sayings or advice or anything you
Speaker 1: want to say to the women, men, partners, significant others,
Speaker 1: children listening out there. I have one thing that a
Speaker 1: friend told me before I did have my baby. Before
Speaker 1: you guys, and I have a friend who has two
Speaker 1: children that are older, not older, one is five and
Speaker 1: one's too, But she said something to me the minute
Speaker 1: I had my baby that really stuck with me. Which
Speaker 1: is and you reiterated this this episode, but it's really true,
Speaker 1: do what's best for your family. And the great thing
Speaker 1: about a village is, like you said, you get all
Speaker 1: these different opinions, but the most important is what's right
Speaker 1: for your family, and that's all that matters. Great. I
Speaker 1: would also say, every phase ends, don't worry, it's all
Speaker 1: going to I mean, honestly, honestly true. And another good
Speaker 1: one that I stuck it through my whole pregnancy and
Speaker 1: now is just don't borrow trouble. It's great to have
Speaker 1: the advice, and it's great to know what everyone's going through,
Speaker 1: but just don't borrow the trouble. If it's not happening
Speaker 1: to you, you know, just keep your head down and
Speaker 1: keep going. It might be more of an Irish phrase,
Speaker 1: but like, just don't borrow that trouble, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like you can be supportive, what you also
Speaker 1: don't have to think, well, it's gonna happen to me,
Speaker 1: that's gonna These are actually great, this is life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: in general, like you don't have to have a baby,
Speaker 1: like everything everything, don't borrow the trouble because I think
Speaker 1: what's best for your Like you were saying, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I do think you have to trust your own instincts,
Speaker 1: which sounds so cliche, but when you do hear all
Speaker 1: this information, and you do if you are into research,
Speaker 1: which I'm overly into research. Katie Norman is like, you
Speaker 1: like the group though, do you think I do you
Speaker 1: do your research? I think you do research. Why I
Speaker 1: think you pretend like you're not, But oh my god,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's I think it's because I hear
Speaker 1: a lot and I memory. I memorize a lot of
Speaker 1: what people tell me. I think that's what it is.
Speaker 1: You're literally on Marco pol the other day. We're like,
Speaker 1: this is the stock of books I'm reading. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is the baby Lidating you guys, that's the first book
Speaker 1: I have ever read about parenting. But I really I'm
Speaker 1: google that you actually read a book. I literally I
Speaker 1: guess what I'm not doing it, So it was a
Speaker 1: complete waste of time at the point being that you know,
Speaker 1: trust your trust your instincts, like actually actually take a
Speaker 1: second and your because your mind can just spin with
Speaker 1: all these different theories about what the heck you should
Speaker 1: be doing. If you're just like, okay, what is my
Speaker 1: body telling me I should do now to my my
Speaker 1: child that came out of my body, and maybe sometimes
Speaker 1: you just do that, Yeah, you know your baby. Best guys,
Speaker 1: we're just going around around the circle with real gems
Speaker 1: here coming to the swim Club book. Hashtag send links.
Speaker 1: Hashtag send links is really our t shirt. I want
Speaker 1: to thank Andjolie Cabral. I want to thank Katie Davis.
Speaker 1: I want to thank Laura Man, and I want to
Speaker 1: thank Amy Rosoft Davis for being on Katie's Crib for
Speaker 1: being a part of my village. And I encourage you
Speaker 1: all to reach a hand across and find anyone going
Speaker 1: through what you're going through so that you are not alone,
Speaker 1: and it will be awesome if you do. Thank you
Speaker 1: guys so much for listening to Katie's Crib. Make sure
Speaker 1: you subscribe to the podcast and tell your friends. And
Speaker 1: also if you go to the website shawna Land dot
Speaker 1: com and check out the crib notes, you can see
Speaker 1: a bunch of the different topics we discussed in today's episode.
Speaker 1: Look at the guests their social media handles get more info.
Speaker 1: So check out shawna Land dot com and subscribe to
Speaker 1: Katie's Crib. Check wat