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Speaker 1: Hi everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. I am

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Speaker 1: so excited for this episode. Um. We are talking about

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Speaker 1: the village that it takes to raise your baby. And

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Speaker 1: I know a lot on this podcast we have talked

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Speaker 1: about your community, your family, your friends, the people who

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Speaker 1: are there for you during pregnancy, after pregnancy, when you're

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Speaker 1: raising this kid. Um, it's friends, it's specialists. It's maybe

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Speaker 1: an O, B G. I n It's maybe a doula.

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Speaker 1: It's maybe electation consultant. Maybe it's a nanny or babysitter,

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Speaker 1: you get it. The list is endless. But my question

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Speaker 1: for you is what happens after the first few months?

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Speaker 1: How can you keep this? You know, the sense of community,

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Speaker 1: the sense of village going. Who do you call for support?

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Speaker 1: Who are the people you go and talk with? Who

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Speaker 1: are the people you laugh with? Who are the people

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Speaker 1: you cry with? Um? And to talk about my village,

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Speaker 1: I've invited for men of my village who are here

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Speaker 1: with me today, and I'm so excited guys meet members

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Speaker 1: of my village. Um. We have Andela cabral Hi. Yeah, Hi,

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Speaker 1: we have the wonderful Katie Davis. Hi. I'm far tell

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Speaker 1: everybody where you're from Katie Davis from Dublin. Yeah, then

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Speaker 1: we have Laura Man hello, and then we have Amy

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Speaker 1: Rosof Davis. Um, so we have four girls here. We

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Speaker 1: are a member of a group that on our text

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Speaker 1: chain is called swim How many are there eight or

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Speaker 1: nine of us? I always get confused. I know there's

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Speaker 1: at least there's eight, and then there's definitely eight. There's

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Speaker 1: a rogue nine, remember I think my ten. Yeah, there's

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Speaker 1: about ten of us. Uh, there's even an eleven because

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Speaker 1: Jen Jenen, who you've heard from, is offshooting, so that's

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Speaker 1: maybe eleven. There's Dennicut, there's twelve. There's a lot of us. Um,

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Speaker 1: I think there's twelve babies. So I think there's twelve babies. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So we've got members of Swim Club. And the reason

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Speaker 1: it's called swim Club is because, um, when I found

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Speaker 1: out I was pregnant, these twelve women were circling my

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Speaker 1: life in different spheres of my life. They were also pregnant.

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Speaker 1: And it's not like we talked to each other, the

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Speaker 1: twelve of us, and all decided to get pregnant the

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Speaker 1: same time. No, no, no, there are a lot of

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Speaker 1: these women. These wonderful women who had miscarriages rounds of

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Speaker 1: IVF got pregnant on the first try. There are all

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Speaker 1: different varying degrees and journeys and stories of how these

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Speaker 1: women came to be pregnant. But for some amazing reason,

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Speaker 1: the twelve of them me included, got pregnant around the

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Speaker 1: same time, within about a three month period. Um. And

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Speaker 1: so I would have water aerobics in my pool for

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Speaker 1: these uh twelve women, and so we are now called

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Speaker 1: swim club. It's not, it's really not. It's very literal. Um.

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Speaker 1: But what's cool about the village and swim Club is

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Speaker 1: that the women, um all didn't know each other, like

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Speaker 1: every woman at the table, and we're going to let

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Speaker 1: them all with everyone's gonna have their turn to talk,

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Speaker 1: but just quickly. Like Angelie Cabral and I, we are

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Speaker 1: actors and we had been circling each other in auditions

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Speaker 1: for years. Katie Davis, her husband and my husband went

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Speaker 1: to University of Maryland together. Laura Man worked on a

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Speaker 1: theater company show you Guys, No Shout Out. I Am

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Speaker 1: a Theater Company. Uh. She is a member of I

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Speaker 1: Am a Theater Company and Amy Rosa and I go

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Speaker 1: way way back and have been best seed since we

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Speaker 1: were seventeen. So it's and then the other members are

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Speaker 1: friends of friends and Cabral brought in Hannah Simone who

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Speaker 1: just showed up at my house and I've never met

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Speaker 1: her before and now she's part of Swim Club. Their

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Speaker 1: makeup artists, there's a comedy writer, there's there's like all

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Speaker 1: different women, summer stay at home moms, summer full time

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Speaker 1: working moms, um and it has been truly I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna cry, no, I'm already bawling. Has definitely been one

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Speaker 1: of the greatest joys of my life has to to

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Speaker 1: be able to be a mom and not be alone.

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Speaker 1: And so we are thought it would be very important

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Speaker 1: and cool to have an episode talking about how you

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Speaker 1: could maybe build one for yourself and why this might

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Speaker 1: be a value for you in your journey of being

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Speaker 1: a mom, and why it might be cool to find

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Speaker 1: your own text chain of moms, why that might be

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Speaker 1: helpful to you, and if you don't have that, how

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Speaker 1: you can get something like it, and how that might

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Speaker 1: be something that could be cool. Um. So I'm going

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Speaker 1: to throw this out to Katie Davis. When you hear

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Speaker 1: the phrase, it takes a village. What do you think of? Oh,

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Speaker 1: I think of women years ago and a hush and

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Speaker 1: like your aunt and your second calls and twice removed,

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Speaker 1: and the cat and everybody just in there helping you

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Speaker 1: and making your food and boobs coming out and just

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Speaker 1: it all being really natural. And I think the same thing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's likely. I just think, yeah, yeah, when when the

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Speaker 1: women came together, you feel like our village is far

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Speaker 1: off from that and there's no cat, but no, it's

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Speaker 1: something yet that I feel is missing, especially being a

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Speaker 1: foreign person in a new country. So family, there's just

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Speaker 1: no knowledge of actual blood family. But yeah, that's what

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Speaker 1: I think of, just and and there being no nothing

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Speaker 1: to be afraid of or or no hiding or shame.

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Speaker 1: It's just we're all here and we're all in it together,

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Speaker 1: and like if you're going through with someone else has

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Speaker 1: gone through, right. I have to say I felt very

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Speaker 1: we know, and I've talked about on this podcast before

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Speaker 1: how much of a phobia labor was for me. And

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Speaker 1: I have to say, I think in the lineup of

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Speaker 1: the twelve babies, I think my son is like second

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Speaker 1: to last or something. And I went into that labor

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Speaker 1: and getting this kid out, knowing that you guys had

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Speaker 1: all done it before me and that I was going

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Speaker 1: to live and that was a huge source of To

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Speaker 1: see it in real time was very um I'm like

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Speaker 1: so emotional, but it was very um reassuring, wasn't it?

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Speaker 1: Which one of us kind of we could be going

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Speaker 1: back to the swim club. We had those like maybe

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Speaker 1: you'll speak on this, I don't know, but like how

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Speaker 1: every week we would lose one of us to go

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Speaker 1: up the baby, like there was one every week, Like

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Speaker 1: there was less and less women pregnant in the swim club,

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Speaker 1: and it was so kind of reassuring to know that

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Speaker 1: we everyone had a different birst story. Everything was different,

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Speaker 1: nothing was the same. A lot of plans did not

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Speaker 1: go as planned, and everyone was fine and the babies

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Speaker 1: were even even when we had a scare. Oh yeah right,

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Speaker 1: And we learned by watching and by observing that. So

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Speaker 1: it made us all feel I think, very confident going

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Speaker 1: into birth. Has the idea of community changed from before

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Speaker 1: and after pregnancy and now that you have adelaide, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: for sure. I would say that, Um, I didn't have

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Speaker 1: any pregnant friends before I met this crew, So for me,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to be alone being pregnant,

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Speaker 1: and then, thank God, by a miracle, we got I

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Speaker 1: don't know how, I don't even remember now, but well,

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Speaker 1: you tell me you were pregnant, and I knew I

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Speaker 1: was pregnant, but I wasn't telling anybody, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: holy crap, I'm like a week month, right, and you

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Speaker 1: just told me you're twelve weeks pregnant and in a

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Speaker 1: week and we had sort of known each other but

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Speaker 1: not and I remember that and I knew you were

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Speaker 1: but I couldn't tell you, and you were like and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I was pregnant, and I knew you

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Speaker 1: were pregnant by the way you were acting, And you

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Speaker 1: knew I was pregnant. Well, yeah, because we drink guys,

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Speaker 1: You're always a tell tale. But nobody was telling Kennan.

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Speaker 1: I had to do a scene on that I am

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Speaker 1: a twenty three It's twenty three hour play festival, and

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Speaker 1: I was showing pregnant and she was pregnant for not

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Speaker 1: telling anyone. And in the scene, obviously we had a

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Speaker 1: comment on me being pregnant, but the whole time I

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Speaker 1: was like, she's pregnant, right. I feel like our husbands

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Speaker 1: had told each other they did pregnant before. I think

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Speaker 1: that's always something whenever I found out that people are pregnant. Now,

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Speaker 1: I always say, oh, just hold on. If you don't

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Speaker 1: you don't know yet who you're walking this fire with,

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Speaker 1: Like you don't know that someone's going to come out

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Speaker 1: of the woodwork. Who's a friend of a friend of

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Speaker 1: a friend who might be a month behind you or

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Speaker 1: two months behind you, And if you just like stretch

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Speaker 1: out an arm, you could really go through this thing together. Um.

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Speaker 1: But like when you said community, I just think that

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Speaker 1: now my sense of community is very different because now

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Speaker 1: it's only that, like it's this is the only community

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Speaker 1: I care about. It's like where is my kid going

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Speaker 1: to be? Who's going to be around my kid? And

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Speaker 1: and who knows what I'm going through? And and that's

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Speaker 1: what I think. I didn't have that before. I didn't before. Uh.

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about this text chain because I

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Speaker 1: think that that is something that's super accessible to other women.

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like if you're in a Mommy and me,

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Speaker 1: or if you're in some sort of class, let's say,

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Speaker 1: and you could easily volunteer, Like why don't we all

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Speaker 1: get on a text chain or something, or maybe if

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Speaker 1: you're not able to take classes and you feel isolated.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm just trying to really figure out how women

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Speaker 1: everywhere could get this, because I feel like when we

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Speaker 1: can talk more about the benefits of having a mom crew,

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Speaker 1: but there are true, true benefits to having a mom crew.

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Speaker 1: But um, like let's give examples of like how like

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Speaker 1: a day on the life of the swim club text

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Speaker 1: Chaine goes. Usually it's about something that one of us

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Speaker 1: discovered or has a question about, and then it's a

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Speaker 1: riff on that, like you Amy Davis gave us a

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Speaker 1: great breakdown about food that's a big topic for us,

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Speaker 1: which and look, every kid and parent and is different

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Speaker 1: depending on what your doctor said or you want to

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Speaker 1: feed them, or if you have dietary stuff. But I

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Speaker 1: my child happens to be the oldest or second oldest

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Speaker 1: in the group. So I just went through it first

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Speaker 1: of I said, this is what I did and work

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Speaker 1: for me, and if it works for you, great, and

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Speaker 1: then you know. But yeah, it's a lot of love questions,

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Speaker 1: like a lot of Amazon send links, Katie Davis send links,

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Speaker 1: like people will post like this is a toy that

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Speaker 1: my kid is obsessed with right now that's literally on sale,

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Speaker 1: or they'll be like Carter's, you guys, it's having a

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Speaker 1: pair of fifteen socks is two dollars, and all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden, we're all doing that. But it were like

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Speaker 1: stuff that seems insurmountable. Remember when when we all thought

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Speaker 1: getting a passport was going to be like going to

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Speaker 1: you've got to go to Van Eye's, We've got to

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Speaker 1: strap on a bulletproof, a joke of wine. And then

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Speaker 1: I discovered from somebody outside of our group, oh, you

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Speaker 1: can just make an appointment. You can drive up, and

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Speaker 1: like it's now all twelve of us have made appointments

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Speaker 1: in Burbank and we got our passports in ten minutes, right, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: yeah yeah. So like stuff like that, you go, oh great, right,

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Speaker 1: because there's there, We're doing everything for the first time,

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Speaker 1: and it all seems overwhelming until you've done at once.

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Speaker 1: And you don't want to Google. I would say that, like,

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Speaker 1: just in general, stay away from Google. It's just too

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Speaker 1: confusing and I'm often scary. Yeah yeah, I feel the

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Speaker 1: same way I before. I don't like to be a

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Speaker 1: big Google searcher, and now I go to swim club

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Speaker 1: text this morning, I was you know, I was very

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Speaker 1: curious about which moms had started cereals for their kids, right,

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Speaker 1: because again, i'll be just started eating solid foods two

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Speaker 1: weeks ago, and he's done some fruits and vegetables. So

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Speaker 1: I replied to the swim club saying, who's done oatmeal?

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Speaker 1: Text me individually, let me know if you have or

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Speaker 1: haven't done it, what are your thoughts on it? And

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Speaker 1: then then I usually take the consensus of the group.

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Speaker 1: I think on it for a couple of days, and

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Speaker 1: then I come to my own decision, which is gratefully

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Speaker 1: because you're all amazing supported by my group. That's what

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Speaker 1: can I say. Support is That's the other thing. It's

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Speaker 1: not just baby questions. But even last week this came

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Speaker 1: up because a lot of us are working moms, and

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Speaker 1: even ones that aren't. You know, it's just challenging and hard.

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Speaker 1: It's being a mom and and having your life change

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Speaker 1: with this amazing new creature and having each other for

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Speaker 1: support on that. Even if one day someone's like, guys,

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Speaker 1: I feel so sad. I haven't seen my kids today.

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Speaker 1: I've been working for twelve hours. There's all these women

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Speaker 1: that are like, who sent that text a mom, and

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Speaker 1: I'm if I'm at home, I feel like I'm failing

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Speaker 1: not putting an offen you into work. And when I'm

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Speaker 1: at work, I feel like I'm failing because I'm not

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Speaker 1: putting an off energy into my child. And I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I think we all just went to you. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you're talking about, but that's something that we

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Speaker 1: all definitely we were always feeling like guilty about something

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Speaker 1: and then you're like, I don't think that ever ends,

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Speaker 1: Like I think you're just like a mom, So you're

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Speaker 1: just always guilty about something now. And that also ties

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Speaker 1: into community and village because it's like it's not just

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Speaker 1: our kids, like this is a group of women that's

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Speaker 1: like you're alive every day and you're keeping people alive

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Speaker 1: and you're awesome. I remember those first like the first month,

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Speaker 1: when we were all up in the middle of the

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Speaker 1: night and just being so grateful for the support. None

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Speaker 1: of us knew what we were doing yet because it

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Speaker 1: was so early on, and I remember Angelie and I

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Speaker 1: would text each other and be like, who's up. It's

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Speaker 1: when It's when I am, And then we would go

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Speaker 1: to bed after feeding our babies and then at four

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Speaker 1: am we'd all be like, hey, who's up and just

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Speaker 1: kind of having that you know, yeah, my I remember

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Speaker 1: you were alone the first fever albe had. I called

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Speaker 1: Amy Rose of Davis and Laura Man first, because the

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Speaker 1: other thing that's really cool about having a mom group, um,

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Speaker 1: and we'll get into what's what can be challenging about

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Speaker 1: a mom group is that everyone's going to raise their

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Speaker 1: baby differently. There are some people that are into sliem trading,

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Speaker 1: there are some people who are into on demand. There

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Speaker 1: are some moms who are very fluid with attachment or

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Speaker 1: you know what I like to say, really hippie moms,

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Speaker 1: which I love. And then there are moms who are

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Speaker 1: super regimented and really tough love like, and we have

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Speaker 1: them all in this too, v degrees of smothering styles, um,

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Speaker 1: which is wonderful. Because my kid had a fever. And

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Speaker 1: I called Laura Man because Laura Man, I know, has

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Speaker 1: read a million books about giving your baby titlan all,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to know. I wanted to do the

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Speaker 1: cliff notes version of that. I didn't know why or

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Speaker 1: why it would be bad or whatever. And I took

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Speaker 1: all of Laura Man's information and then I called my

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Speaker 1: friend Amy Rose so Davis, who has the oldest kid

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Speaker 1: in the group, and I know she's given her talent,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to know how Ellie reacted to how

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Speaker 1: did the fever go down? And then I called my pediatrician.

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Speaker 1: So there's a hierarchy, Like that's yeah, there's a hierarchy,

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Speaker 1: lawn everyone. But what's great is that each instead of

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Speaker 1: finding what's different about us being an issue, what's different

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Speaker 1: about us is actually our greatest asset. And that's because

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Speaker 1: I can get a lot of different opinions that are

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Speaker 1: working for them and then really assess what works for

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Speaker 1: me and my family. But I love getting multiple ideas

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Speaker 1: and just learning about the different subjects and topics because

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Speaker 1: I really truly respect how you all are doing it, um,

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Speaker 1: even though they're not all the same as you. So

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Speaker 1: has anyone here in this group found that any there

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Speaker 1: are any online communities that you guys are using, or

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Speaker 1: any websites or I've definitely got an app. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: was gonna say, I like, there's an app that I love,

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Speaker 1: um wonder Weeks that I find that really helpful for

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Speaker 1: her developmental they call leaps. But like whenever she's like,

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Speaker 1: there's something I can't crack. Like if she's like usually

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Speaker 1: I unders understand her behavior. It's usually a diaper, she's hungry.

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Speaker 1: But if there's something that's like gnawing at her, it's

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Speaker 1: a great app I find it a great resource to

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Speaker 1: tell you exactly developmentally what's going on in her brain

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Speaker 1: which affects her behavior directly because they're growing, they're learning there,

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Speaker 1: you know, expanding. And it's cool because they you can

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Speaker 1: attach it to your calendar, so it'll tell you in

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Speaker 1: your iPhone calendar saying Sullivan is entering leap his brain

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Speaker 1: just woke up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, accurate. They take it

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Speaker 1: from your Jude days rather Yeah, it's when you have it,

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Speaker 1: but you have to take it with a grain of

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Speaker 1: salt because it will say, oh, she's having a stormy period,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, she's fine, supposed to be stormy at

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Speaker 1: the beginning. That's what I did, and then I was like,

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Speaker 1: she's supposed to be fine and stormy. Right. It's just

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Speaker 1: like everything though, it should be taken just like Katie

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Speaker 1: just said, not just with a grain of salt. But

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Speaker 1: you have to do what's best for you. So it's

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Speaker 1: like you take what you will from that app, and

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Speaker 1: then you say, okay, well I'm not gonna take any

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Speaker 1: other apps people are using. I mean I just use

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Speaker 1: glow for breastfeeding. Ye as well, that was a good breastfeeding.

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Speaker 1: Are there any are you guys in any online communities?

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Speaker 1: Are there? Facebook? I've heard friends, mom this one called

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Speaker 1: l A. It's called like l A. Mommy's yeah, I

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Speaker 1: got some fie million mom. Or I find it overwhelming

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Speaker 1: and very alarmist, which I have no tolerance for. So

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Speaker 1: it's seeming like of the five of us that we

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Speaker 1: are really finding the most help from the village. We're

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Speaker 1: raising our baby with more of a very personal local village.

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Speaker 1: Because so by the way, guys, listeners, I like our

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Speaker 1: village is very locally based. We don't live far away.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you had to move ten minutes away. She

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Speaker 1: needed to be I think I think that people listening.

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Speaker 1: I think having a community is more important than having none.

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Speaker 1: Most importantly, so if you live in the middle of

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Speaker 1: nowhere and there are no places for you except an

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Speaker 1: online situation, get on that. But just no grain of salt.

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Speaker 1: A lot of them can be alarmist sometimes, or you

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Speaker 1: just have to sort of like going to the park

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Speaker 1: is a great thing. I mean, I was at the

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Speaker 1: park the other week and we always text each other first,

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Speaker 1: or like, anyone want to go to the park, but

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Speaker 1: no one could go that day, and I wound up

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Speaker 1: standing next to a mom who her kid was on

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Speaker 1: the swing to and we started chatting. I did not

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Speaker 1: get her number because I was like, I already have

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Speaker 1: a swim club, but if I had, but she was

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Speaker 1: so nice and I was like, if I didn't have anyone,

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Speaker 1: the park is a great option, and classes are great options.

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Speaker 1: So this is the app. So on top of swim

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Speaker 1: Club text chain, which thank you iPhone or whatever phone,

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Speaker 1: you can do a group texting on any phone, right,

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Speaker 1: I think? So yeah, I'm like, we just happen to

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Speaker 1: have iPhone so it's easy. So it's blue, but you

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Speaker 1: can do it on anything, I think. Okay. So so okay,

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Speaker 1: so we're talking group text chains is really important. But

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Speaker 1: there's also this app called Marco Polo um that can

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Speaker 1: we call Marco Polo and a sponsor what you need

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Speaker 1: to say what we call us? So ours is called

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Speaker 1: Marco Holo, which is who create who's snecky that? So

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Speaker 1: Marco Polo was is an app where you can leave.

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Speaker 1: You can have all twelve people and they leave video

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Speaker 1: messages for each other. And why it's helpful is because

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Speaker 1: sometimes when you have mombring and you can't look at

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Speaker 1: eighty thousand texts from twelve women who are hormonal and

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Speaker 1: it's great. Sometimes Amy will just send a text, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I can't explain all the food stuff on text. Just

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Speaker 1: check out my whole low and then actually Amy will

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Speaker 1: walk us through. I did this food first, then this

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Speaker 1: food first, and this first. You could even show the frigerator.

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Speaker 1: You could show yourself cooking it. You could show what

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Speaker 1: the brand is of the best puade peach, you like,

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Speaker 1: whatever it is. But it's very helpful. Um Becky Todd

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Speaker 1: has how to use an anal thermometer with and then

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Speaker 1: everyone freaked out about the rectal thermometer. So then I

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Speaker 1: got on the Marco poland was like, look, guys, the

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Speaker 1: rectal thermometer is only the size of like my it's

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Speaker 1: half of my piggy nail, Like he can't feel it.

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Speaker 1: It's fine. Because everyone was freaking out about the rectal thermometer.

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Speaker 1: And then I went out and bought the rectal thermometer.

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Speaker 1: Did I use it, but I was scared before then,

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Speaker 1: and then I was the same thing. I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: the group uses it, it doesn't And the first thing,

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Speaker 1: yeah no. And the first thing you're done, pediatrician is

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Speaker 1: gonna ask if your kid has a fever. They're going

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Speaker 1: to say, well, did you take a rectal thermometer? It's

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Speaker 1: the only one that actually matters. Is there any other

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Speaker 1: examples of how market mark I did solar demage ration,

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Speaker 1: breast pump ones. I remember like, oh, you helped me

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Speaker 1: so much to do a hand pump hand pump. I

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Speaker 1: was like, do not show this to anyone, but we

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Speaker 1: just took my clothes off our Marco Polos are usually like, sorry,

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Speaker 1: I slipped it in private. I've got a couple of

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Speaker 1: private Marco Polos where Laura Man has showed me how

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Speaker 1: to use a handpump. I very much appreciated that. Yeah, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: the Medella handpump that you actually like pump with your hand.

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Speaker 1: I never I always try just in case my pump

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Speaker 1: gives out or something. I don't want to be stranded,

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Speaker 1: so I always travel things. I have learned that as well,

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Speaker 1: you should always travel handpump in case your electricity is

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Speaker 1: out or something that I also thought it was very helpful,

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Speaker 1: like when there are moms in our groups, some are breastfeeding,

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Speaker 1: some are not, and I think it's been very helpful

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Speaker 1: to go through that journey with the mom's. The hormonal

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Speaker 1: drop offs have been insane. Um, I know you guys, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: go ahead of me. I'm sorry. I said that one

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Speaker 1: week when I when I weaned, where I broke down

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Speaker 1: crying on it. Yeah. Oh yeah, you had a huge

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Speaker 1: emotional breakdown on Marco Polo. Guys, Marco Polo is great.

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Speaker 1: You lost your mind on Marktolo is great. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, I stopped breastfeeding, that's I'm like losing it. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I appreciated that honesty so much because I was

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Speaker 1: connecting with it and just to see somebody else going

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Speaker 1: through it, You're like, I'm not alone. Thanks for being honest.

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Speaker 1: I think that's so important too, because it's so easy

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Speaker 1: as moms, you know, when you're just like casual friends

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Speaker 1: people to be like everything is great, it's very you

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Speaker 1: didn't sleep, it's very And I feel like that's such

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Speaker 1: a good point because I feel like we're all very honest. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're talking about losing our hair. Yeah today our other

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Speaker 1: friends showing like the biggest bald spot on the side

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Speaker 1: because you are horrific. Yeah yeah, Um. I think these

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Speaker 1: are the two biggest and why I'm so excited to

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Speaker 1: have you guys on is I think like the biggest

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Speaker 1: themes we've been seeing in in the this season of

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Speaker 1: Katie's Crib is that one it really does take a

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Speaker 1: village two make sure you are healthy with yourself, of mind, body, spirit,

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Speaker 1: and your baby and raising them. But the other one,

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Speaker 1: which you just touched on, is the representative mom you're

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Speaker 1: putting out in the world and really what's going on.

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Speaker 1: And I think that there are a lot of pressures

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Speaker 1: and insecurities with being a mom, being around other moms,

425
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:31,520
Speaker 1: and I think it can get competitive, it can get surface,

426
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 1: which just makes you more tired. Let's be honest. So

427
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,920
Speaker 1: do you guys feel any pressure or insecurities when you're

428
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 1: in a group with other moms and even swim club?

429
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,920
Speaker 1: Like talk about swim club. We'll talk about what has

430
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,480
Speaker 1: been brought up for you and why having a village

431
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 1: of moms. We've talked about why it's great, but let's

432
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,480
Speaker 1: talk about why it's hard or things for other women

433
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 1: to look out for when they're in a group of

434
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 1: moms and how like, let's get a little bit on

435
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that the number one thing that's

436
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 1: always happens is there's two things that get competitive. How

437
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: your child is developing quickly or not, like the milestones,

438
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:12,439
Speaker 1: and then how you are physically bouncing back, I know,

439
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,640
Speaker 1: a bottom line, Like that's all you ever think about

440
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 1: and compare yourself to when you've just had a baby.

441
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 1: And some women bounce right back, some women don't, bottom line,

442
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 1: And I think that for new moms who are listening

443
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,680
Speaker 1: to this or people out there who just had babies, like,

444
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: don't compare yourself, Like I know it's impossible, but literally

445
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: every person's body reacts differently when you have a child,

446
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 1: and every baby is different and they're going to do

447
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 1: things on their own time, So don't look at the

448
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,399
Speaker 1: other babies because they're not yours. Well and along the

449
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: same lines is then, like I never knew what a

450
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: percentile was, but if you line up your baby one

451
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 1: to a hundred, say, you know, like, for example, my

452
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 1: child's third percent which my husband gets mad that I

453
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 1: ever say that because it doesn't matter. But she's small,

454
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 1: so out of a hundred babies, she's the third smallest.

455
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 1: That is. That is an insecurity for you. So when

456
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 1: you measure her on monkst Our twelve babies and she's

457
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: at her age, you get insecure about her size. And

458
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 1: everyone's got their thing. That's right. Like like Albie just

459
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 1: rolled over two days ago. He's almost seven months old.

460
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,400
Speaker 1: He is the last of the Albi. When you listen

461
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 1: to this when you're sixteen, I love you so much.

462
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: You're the last. All the four month old kids in

463
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,959
Speaker 1: our group have rolled over before. You know that Adlie

464
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: doesn't have teeth yet. That's how I'm What can I

465
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 1: tell you? My husband's favorite thing. My husband's just a messer.

466
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 1: His favorite thing is when people are talking milestones. He's like, yeah, yeah,

467
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 1: do you know when you crawled over? Were rolled over? Crawled? No?

468
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: Are you fine? Are you a functioning adult? Do you

469
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 1: poop on the potty? And everything? Everybody he just goes,

470
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,399
Speaker 1: this is ridiculous. Why are we putting ourselves through this?

471
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,199
Speaker 1: Like who gives a ship? I mean, I think the

472
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,199
Speaker 1: best answers like just don't participate in any right. But

473
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: he just likes to make fun when people are doing

474
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 1: we're pretty good at No. One. No, I don't feel

475
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,120
Speaker 1: that at all, but I do feel like I worry

476
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: sometimes It's not competitive. I have a worry because my

477
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,400
Speaker 1: kid's the oldest way, or even I'm like, oh, did

478
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 1: I do that wrong? Because you guys are so well researched,

479
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 1: and like even like we're talking abo vaccinations and Laura's

480
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: like the vaccination queen, and you were like, don't get

481
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,479
Speaker 1: to vaccinations at the same time, and I was like,

482
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: oh my god, did she always gets? So you know,

483
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: it's so I sometimes I have a backtrack freaking out

484
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 1: because and you as a trail everybody in the back. Yeah,

485
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: I know, you go to Laura Man. I guess Laura

486
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 1: Man just told you everybody's fine. Everybody's fine. How do

487
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 1: you feel about it, Katy Davis? Like and insecurities that

488
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,120
Speaker 1: come up about being in a group of moms. Yeah,

489
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 1: it's just that sometimes there's so many opinions and I

490
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: and I and I sometimes envy maybe even just my

491
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 1: mom's generation. Of course that was probably more loneliness, but

492
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: there was also just maybe a little bit more contentedness

493
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:01,920
Speaker 1: because because you didn't your decision and you and there

494
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:05,120
Speaker 1: you go because because we have access to so much

495
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 1: information that's sometimes it could just get really noisy, and

496
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,080
Speaker 1: I love that. And also that leads me to the

497
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 1: social media aspect of it, not necessarily within our group,

498
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 1: but the competition out there with like you post a

499
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 1: picture of your baby and how he likes it again,

500
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: and it's a weird. It's a weird thing with other

501
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,880
Speaker 1: moms that I have known, not in the swim club,

502
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 1: but like, like, I don't know how I feel about it,

503
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 1: but we keep saying, like why do we keep saying that,

504
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: like not in the swim because we don't really get

505
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 1: because I want if I could give that, I want

506
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,920
Speaker 1: to know why because no one's a threat or we've

507
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 1: been through maybe because we've been through it since before

508
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 1: we had the babies we were pregnant together, we've seen

509
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 1: are the complete transition into motherhood. Is that another group

510
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: of um two of my best friends from my childhood

511
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: were pregnant at the same time as me, and we

512
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: had babies in similar times. And we're in a text

513
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 1: hite a too. And we're also not competitive. I think

514
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:07,919
Speaker 1: we are just all maybe nice people almost I don't know.

515
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 1: I think I have to also, can I mention Rebecca

516
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 1: of course, so we had the same duel, and that

517
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,360
Speaker 1: was also a huge coincidence because we separately know each other.

518
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 1: And I'm knowing that she set the tone because she

519
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 1: was the one teaching also our aquerobics or whatever, and

520
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,439
Speaker 1: I think she set a really healthy tone within our

521
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,959
Speaker 1: group of people, maybe if you agree. And also we

522
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,400
Speaker 1: were all taking her yoga class and it was really

523
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:37,880
Speaker 1: encouraged to always check in and be very honest and

524
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 1: and like I'll still bump into women that were in

525
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 1: that yoga class who I won't necessarily be hugely close

526
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 1: to you, but I'll see them and go, oh my god,

527
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 1: how are you. That's your baby? Like I just met

528
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 1: one of them at swimming yoga class. That's really awesome.

529
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: And I think that, you know, as a leader, Rebecca

530
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 1: is just so inclusive and just embodies a village, Like

531
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,479
Speaker 1: she has the ability to just bring people together, and

532
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: she's just a very calming influence. Calming that's what she

533
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 1: meant to say. It was the talk of assuming this morning,

534
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,199
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know if that maybe had I

535
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 1: think it's because she makes us celebrate each other instead

536
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: of coming like coming out of love always and no

537
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:31,359
Speaker 1: matter what felt like a crisis, she was able to

538
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 1: just have a chance about it and kind of bring

539
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 1: it down. And she has so much experience and that's

540
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: very true. Yeah, So I don't know, how would what

541
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 1: would be your advice? Let's say, Laura Man, what would

542
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 1: be advice for new parents? Um who I don't know?

543
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 1: And we could all go around who might feel isolated

544
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 1: or where did they go? Like I just, I really

545
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: I have found this to be so helpful, and I

546
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 1: just I hope Katie's crib is helpful to moms and

547
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: oh I hope that they too can find a village

548
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 1: that can help them with their baby and finding motherhood

549
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: at all easier. I think the classes really are huge

550
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: getting out there and do some doing something like preno yoga,

551
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: even when you're pregnant. It's great. The earlier the better,

552
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: but afterwards you can do mommy and Me or something

553
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 1: like that. And I the one the cool thing about

554
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: kind of joining the club of having a baby or

555
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: being pregnant is that I feel like people are so

556
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: much more open to hanging out with new people, Like

557
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: in a yoga class. We're so right. It's like this

558
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,239
Speaker 1: weird thing where because I I've gone to yoga at

559
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 1: the same place like every day for years. I see

560
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 1: the same people. We know each other. We don't really

561
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 1: even know each other's names. We never hang out after class,

562
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 1: even though a lot of times I want to. The

563
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 1: second I was in prenatal yoga, I swear, I just

564
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 1: you kind of say, if you have the courage to

565
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 1: just say, hey, do you want to get a coffee

566
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 1: after literally a d people are like, yes, please, I

567
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:53,719
Speaker 1: need to talk about all this stuff that's going on.

568
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 1: So just know if you can take that first initiative,

569
00:29:56,760 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 1: which might be a little scary, you're like, sign they're

570
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: not going to get rejected by the other persons. Really

571
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: good advice. Yeah, just taking that step and knowing that

572
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 1: people want it. And I think that when the women

573
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: make the connection, then the dads can kind of have

574
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,959
Speaker 1: a connection to or if they have a you know

575
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 1: whoever their partner may or may not be. I also

576
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 1: think a lot about we talked about this this single mom,

577
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 1: you know who I mean, you really need I mean again,

578
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 1: we're living in this time where this village idea is

579
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 1: so different than what it used to be. I mean,

580
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: we all collectively have the same idea of what it

581
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 1: takes a village means. So we're like women were in

582
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 1: a hut. Our boobs are out. I don't know why

583
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: we all feel that way. It's so weird, but you know,

584
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 1: I think about, um, I think about doing this all

585
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 1: by myself, Like I think about doing it without you girls.

586
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 1: I think about doing it without Adam. I think about

587
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 1: doing it you know, anything like that. I think the

588
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,959
Speaker 1: hardest thing is and even people who do have all

589
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 1: those things can feel very alone. So I think the

590
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 1: most important thing for everyone, I think, being pregnant or

591
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 1: or having a new baby, is to just take that risk,

592
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 1: to put themselves out there. As lame and corny as

593
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 1: that sounds, and it's hard. Now, it's hard. My my mom,

594
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: who's visiting right now, has said to me, she knows

595
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: all of you now very well with your mom, but

596
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 1: she said, like, you are so lucky to have that

597
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 1: group of women. My she sees it. She was alone.

598
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 1: She had me and was like divorced, single mom, and

599
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 1: she's like I had nothing, and you are, like that's

600
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,239
Speaker 1: the most important takeaway. She's like, you're so lucky that

601
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 1: you have these social events and like you make time

602
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: for each other and you have each other to talk to.

603
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,959
Speaker 1: It's great. It's also just such a big change in

604
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,239
Speaker 1: your life to have to make a human and you know,

605
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 1: even just every evening is different if you're alone, if

606
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: you're with a partner anything, you are responsible for taking

607
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 1: care of a life, and that overwhelm and along with

608
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 1: all the response ability is a lot if you don't

609
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: have people to lean on for support and help and love. Yeah.

610
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 1: Also one thing, these classes can get super expensive and

611
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 1: you do around a mommy and me and you're taking

612
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 1: music class and you're like, I'm spending eight hundred dollars

613
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 1: a month taking on and it doesn't matter, you know.

614
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 1: So maybe what you do, which I've done, is you

615
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,120
Speaker 1: do one round a mommy and me. You make friends

616
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 1: with these girls, and then you set up your own

617
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 1: thing and you say, every single week, every Sunday, you know,

618
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 1: whoever can come, can come, but it's going to be

619
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 1: at noon. Someone's going to host it every Sunday, which

620
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 1: is kind of what we did, but I've started. I've

621
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 1: done it with some other classes too, and you just

622
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 1: hang out because like we were saying, it's all you

623
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 1: need to do is talk to each other and maybe like,

624
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 1: and you'll just tell each other what each other has done.

625
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 1: You don't necessarily need a guided class for you know,

626
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: the first year of your pregnancy. Some people are back

627
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: to work and they don't even have the opportunity to

628
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: be able to do that. So you don't just set

629
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 1: it up and have it be a regular thing. You

630
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: bring up such a good point. We at at at

631
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 1: swim club. I mean we uh at swim club. We

632
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: we we we all had our babies and then we

633
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 1: all I as had a teacher come to our my

634
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: house on Sundays and I lead a class. It was fine.

635
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 1: Here's what we learned. We don't like it. We would

636
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 1: rather just hang out on Saturdays or Sundays with everyone

637
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 1: bringing a bottle, a snack or whatever and talking about

638
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: the things we're learning, and talking about the things that

639
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 1: were hard this week and really just being there for

640
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 1: each other. And that's how I learned like everything. And

641
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 1: also the babies love it. I mean this Sunday we

642
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 1: went to Jackie's. My child had the best time just

643
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 1: swimming in the pool with other babies. Like, we don't

644
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 1: have to pay for that. I do want to say

645
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:55,600
Speaker 1: something that I have found really helpful is really making

646
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 1: an effort and it just happened organically for us too.

647
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 1: And this is getting really specific, but to have friends

648
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: with babies in and around the same age, just because

649
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 1: I've had a couple of friends who have a child

650
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,360
Speaker 1: that's say, six months or a year older than mine,

651
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,359
Speaker 1: and you just forget, like you forget what you were

652
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,440
Speaker 1: going through. Like I'm trying to think of things to

653
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:19,839
Speaker 1: tell my friend who's newly pregnant, I like, how can

654
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: I not remember? And it's because you know, I don't

655
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:26,359
Speaker 1: remember when you're you're in it and then you're onto

656
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: the next thing. And I also think that's how we

657
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 1: continue to keep making babies because we don't remember it.

658
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 1: But like, I think there's really something to be said

659
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 1: for being within a few weeks or months of each other,

660
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 1: because you really are in the trenches together at the

661
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 1: same time with the same issues. I'm not saying that

662
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: you can't have friends that have, you know, kids of

663
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 1: all different ages, but there's just something about really going

664
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,360
Speaker 1: through the same things at the same time. And I

665
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: do think that that's maybe a good investment money wise

666
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 1: for a mommy and me class because a lot of

667
00:34:56,000 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 1: the time they'll be yeah, and so you'll you do

668
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 1: one round and then exactly right, because otherwise, like what

669
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 1: do you do your baby? And then take it on

670
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,320
Speaker 1: and then take it on the road. And it's a

671
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 1: healthy at the beginning, I mean, especially if it's your

672
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 1: first time. The overwhelm is just so you know to

673
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,799
Speaker 1: have one every week and be like, wait, is this

674
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 1: supposed to happen, rather than someone going oh, yeah, like

675
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:27,240
Speaker 1: it's totally fine, it'll pass, but it doesn't feel like that, right.

676
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: So which I did two different I did two actually

677
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: different mommy and me's um before even you guys were

678
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,799
Speaker 1: so pregnant because I was the first one up and

679
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 1: no before music. I did one in Beverly Hills and

680
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 1: then one in the valley and it was really helpful.

681
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,759
Speaker 1: I didn't necessarily leave with a bond like we have

682
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 1: with any amount, but I learned stuff that helped me

683
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 1: get through that time that was very valuable. So this

684
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 1: is a really scary question. How are is this village

685
00:35:57,880 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 1: going to evolve as our kids go older and we

686
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 1: go to differ in schools? Guys, it's a gun happen,

687
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 1: and people are going to move, and people are gonna

688
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 1: and also just with the ages itself like not everyone's

689
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 1: gonna be in the same class because maybe he's born

690
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 1: the twenty six September and America says you, it's what

691
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 1: you are on the first to September. It's September. No, no,

692
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 1: but you'll be yeah, but you'll you'll be in our class. Yeah,

693
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,319
Speaker 1: but then he's gonna be the oldest one. That's the best.

694
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:29,279
Speaker 1: That's the best thing. I think you talk about this,

695
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 1: but everyone before September. Yeah, so there's a whole thing too,

696
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:38,840
Speaker 1: because Albie is only a week after your Sullivan. Um,

697
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 1: but see you guys, this is already to swim club

698
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 1: at work. But what I have heard is that um boys,

699
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: because they their adolescence are and they're slower to puberty,

700
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 1: that a lot of times they they it's better to

701
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 1: if have a boy be the oldest in his class

702
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:02,839
Speaker 1: and the youngest, especially when they get to high school

703
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:06,920
Speaker 1: age and they haven't and they're doing like sports and

704
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:15,239
Speaker 1: swim clubs. You want you want your sure? Uh, how

705
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 1: do we think this village is going to involve? Because

706
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 1: I think going to make friends, we're going to move away.

707
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 1: People might have their second people, we're going to have

708
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 1: our second at different times want to have any conversation

709
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 1: that we were all having a second of the same.

710
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 1: We're all I love that you're just giggling. I love it.

711
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: My first baby, I went home and told my husband

712
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 1: Shanna told me to have a baby, and then my

713
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: second one will be like, well, the swim clubs having

714
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 1: their second baby. We're doing this. I really think that's

715
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 1: what's gonna happen to something someone's gonna have pregnant. This

716
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,320
Speaker 1: is what I think everyone's going to start. If someone

717
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 1: does that soon, I'm going to ring fucking Should we

718
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:56,399
Speaker 1: just make a pack that it's not before a year? Yah? What? Yes?

719
00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: That is guys. Listen. I was just holding said that

720
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,479
Speaker 1: we haven't gotten to the pelvic floor episode, but I

721
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 1: cannot um. I think that we it's gonna end up

722
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 1: coming down to us actively making it happen. This is

723
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 1: getting very weird and very like about getting it together

724
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 1: like staying together swim club. I think you just have

725
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 1: to try to uh first and foremost, also say thank

726
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 1: you for coming on Katie's crib. Also say thank you

727
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 1: because I think out of the whole group, I think

728
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 1: I had the roughest go at the beginning. Like I

729
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,239
Speaker 1: think I was really sad and not excited about being

730
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:43,720
Speaker 1: a mother, which you guys know hearing the postpartum depression episode.

731
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:48,360
Speaker 1: Um and I guys, like my uh like safe space

732
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: and happy space. Was watching all of your faces on

733
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: the Marco Polo app. Wow, this marct Pole app is

734
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 1: really getting a lot of play today. Um. But I

735
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 1: would be like breastfeeding at one o'clock in the morning

736
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: and not enjoying it and not connecting to Albie. Really

737
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:07,839
Speaker 1: and um and you guys really I don't know, like

738
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: you just you did make it better. And I really, truthfully,

739
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 1: honestly like I I don't know if but I actually

740
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 1: I do know. I think if I would have been

741
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:21,759
Speaker 1: by myself, um, and I really didn't have you guys

742
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 1: a support system. Um and I didn't have Adam in place,

743
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 1: and I think, I definitely I think it would have

744
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 1: been darker for a lot longer. So I say that

745
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 1: to you guys all listening, because it is they're in

746
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 1: the olden times. There was a village for a reason

747
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 1: in raising a baby, and now times may look different,

748
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 1: but there are still ways to have it. Um. And

749
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:48,320
Speaker 1: that is reaching out a hand and taking that first

750
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 1: step to meet someone in a class or at a

751
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 1: park um or online. Is that safe? But I wouldn't go.

752
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 1: I wanted to say thank you to Katie bring us

753
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 1: all together because ultimately it was Katie that offered your

754
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 1: home and brought us all together with I mean it

755
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 1: was Rebecca too, but like it's because of you that

756
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,439
Speaker 1: we have swim Club bottom line. So it's a big

757
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 1: thank you. I did not title it swim club. I

758
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 1: don't know say it's Hannah. I think it was Hannah.

759
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 1: I might have been Hannah, it was whoever. You know,

760
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 1: the way I'm a group text, you can type in

761
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 1: a title. That's where it started. Do you know what

762
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 1: YE might have been Becky. I feel like it was

763
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:32,720
Speaker 1: actually Becky. Well she named Marco Holo. This is so boring.

764
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 1: So I want to say about you is that I

765
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:36,799
Speaker 1: think one thing that was really great that you did

766
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 1: is that you were super inclusive, and I think you

767
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 1: sat that early on you didn't necessarily know everybody. Some

768
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,919
Speaker 1: people were, oh yeah, by the way, guys, swim I

769
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:48,080
Speaker 1: wasn't close to a lot of these women before swim Club.

770
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 1: Like I didn't know I didn't know Hannah Simone. I

771
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 1: knew Katie Davis through our husbands, but not on a

772
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 1: personal level, Like I don't think I had your private

773
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 1: number like you and I didn't text. Maybe maybe here

774
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 1: and there, maybe here and there, But because we can't

775
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:07,799
Speaker 1: remember anymore, my words are gotten. Laura Man and I

776
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 1: almost we work together, like in a professional setting, and

777
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:17,279
Speaker 1: Amy and I go back interesting children. But um, you

778
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:21,760
Speaker 1: know so again, like we have already said, like having

779
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:25,440
Speaker 1: a baby and doing it with somebody who's a girlfriend

780
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:30,000
Speaker 1: is an awesome a chance for you to get close

781
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 1: to a really cool woman going through something like huge

782
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: in their life. Um, it's cool that you yourself are

783
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,800
Speaker 1: going through it, and then it's super inspirational to watch

784
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:45,720
Speaker 1: someone who you're falling in love with their friendship also

785
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 1: go through it. Um, is there any enclosing words? Are

786
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:54,840
Speaker 1: there any thoughts or sayings or advice or anything you

787
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 1: want to say to the women, men, partners, significant others,

788
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 1: children listening out there. I have one thing that a

789
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,760
Speaker 1: friend told me before I did have my baby. Before

790
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: you guys, and I have a friend who has two

791
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 1: children that are older, not older, one is five and

792
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,760
Speaker 1: one's too, But she said something to me the minute

793
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: I had my baby that really stuck with me. Which

794
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:19,240
Speaker 1: is and you reiterated this this episode, but it's really true,

795
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 1: do what's best for your family. And the great thing

796
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,799
Speaker 1: about a village is, like you said, you get all

797
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 1: these different opinions, but the most important is what's right

798
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:31,440
Speaker 1: for your family, and that's all that matters. Great. I

799
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 1: would also say, every phase ends, don't worry, it's all

800
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 1: going to I mean, honestly, honestly true. And another good

801
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 1: one that I stuck it through my whole pregnancy and

802
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 1: now is just don't borrow trouble. It's great to have

803
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 1: the advice, and it's great to know what everyone's going through,

804
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 1: but just don't borrow the trouble. If it's not happening

805
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: to you, you know, just keep your head down and

806
00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 1: keep going. It might be more of an Irish phrase,

807
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 1: but like, just don't borrow that trouble, you know what

808
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 1: I mean, Like you can be supportive, what you also

809
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 1: don't have to think, well, it's gonna happen to me,

810
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 1: that's gonna These are actually great, this is life. Yeah,

811
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 1: in general, like you don't have to have a baby,

812
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:15,640
Speaker 1: like everything everything, don't borrow the trouble because I think

813
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 1: what's best for your Like you were saying, you know, yeah,

814
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: and I do think you have to trust your own instincts,

815
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 1: which sounds so cliche, but when you do hear all

816
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 1: this information, and you do if you are into research,

817
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 1: which I'm overly into research. Katie Norman is like, you

818
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 1: like the group though, do you think I do you

819
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:37,600
Speaker 1: do your research? I think you do research. Why I

820
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:42,479
Speaker 1: think you pretend like you're not, But oh my god,

821
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:44,879
Speaker 1: I don't think it's I think it's because I hear

822
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,360
Speaker 1: a lot and I memory. I memorize a lot of

823
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,279
Speaker 1: what people tell me. I think that's what it is.

824
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,359
Speaker 1: You're literally on Marco pol the other day. We're like,

825
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 1: this is the stock of books I'm reading. Yeah, this

826
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:57,800
Speaker 1: is the baby Lidating you guys, that's the first book

827
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 1: I have ever read about parenting. But I really I'm

828
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:03,960
Speaker 1: google that you actually read a book. I literally I

829
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 1: guess what I'm not doing it, So it was a

830
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 1: complete waste of time at the point being that you know,

831
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 1: trust your trust your instincts, like actually actually take a

832
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 1: second and your because your mind can just spin with

833
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 1: all these different theories about what the heck you should

834
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 1: be doing. If you're just like, okay, what is my

835
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 1: body telling me I should do now to my my

836
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 1: child that came out of my body, and maybe sometimes

837
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 1: you just do that, Yeah, you know your baby. Best guys,

838
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 1: we're just going around around the circle with real gems

839
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:39,880
Speaker 1: here coming to the swim Club book. Hashtag send links.

840
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:43,879
Speaker 1: Hashtag send links is really our t shirt. I want

841
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 1: to thank Andjolie Cabral. I want to thank Katie Davis.

842
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,440
Speaker 1: I want to thank Laura Man, and I want to

843
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:51,719
Speaker 1: thank Amy Rosoft Davis for being on Katie's Crib for

844
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:55,480
Speaker 1: being a part of my village. And I encourage you

845
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 1: all to reach a hand across and find anyone going

846
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 1: through what you're going through so that you are not alone,

847
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 1: and it will be awesome if you do. Thank you

848
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:09,399
Speaker 1: guys so much for listening to Katie's Crib. Make sure

849
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:12,440
Speaker 1: you subscribe to the podcast and tell your friends. And

850
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Speaker 1: also if you go to the website shawna Land dot

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Speaker 1: com and check out the crib notes, you can see

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Speaker 1: a bunch of the different topics we discussed in today's episode.

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Speaker 1: Look at the guests their social media handles get more info.

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Speaker 1: So check out shawna Land dot com and subscribe to

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Speaker 1: Katie's Crib. Check wat