WEBVTT - Take a Walk on the Dark Side 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.960 What's up you guys. This episode is brought to you 0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:08.000 by Ladysweet, an intimate skincare wellness brand that we absolutely love. 0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:12.119 Jamila loves to use the botanical oils to shave her 0:00:12.480 --> 0:00:15.200 vulva and help with ingrowns. I like to use it 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:18.960 to lighten, brighten, and refresh. I also really really love 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:23.599 their probiotic refreshing cleanser, which is infused with rose chords bitch, 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:28.000 so make sure you go check out their brand ladysweet 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:31.680 dot com. Use Good Moms fifteen at checkout for fifteen 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:36.960 percent off over any purchases over thirty dollars. Anyway, I 0:00:37.000 --> 0:01:05.440 hope you guys enjoy this episode. Ella La, let's say, 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:11.640 welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Mila and 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:12.800 I'm Ediquita. 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:24.920 Okay, can we do a whole episode in Spanish? Condo 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:30.119 moy despasio, your competende mass impressive. 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:32.360 You don't know I know Spanish? I know, I know, 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:36.080 I know my Spanish. On the other hand, actually it's 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:40.039 not bad. It's Justish is good, I know, but it 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:42.720 could be better. I get nervous when I speak, start 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:44.920 speaking around people that actually know how to speak, knows 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:48.560 how to speak. She doesn't correct me though, why I'll 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:59.080 be telling for like port for Luna espio. Wow. 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:02.920 I feel like if you live in l A, you 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:05.040 should know some Spanish. 0:02:05.760 --> 0:02:07.480 Yeah, but that's not true. 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:09.760 Also, I'm recruiting, and then I had big plans that 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:12.600 me and literally Spanish together, because that's been like my 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:14.120 dream for a long time to be fluent. 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:17.600 Clearly, I don't think I'm like a linguistics person. Someone's 0:02:17.600 --> 0:02:25.120 will wait, I's mom's friend's mom friends you, or I 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:29.320 IRI's friend's mom told me about an app not dual Lingo, 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:33.040 but a different one like Impressivo some. 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:37.480 One that's really really to ask her, that's an ad bitch. 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:46.960 We just gave impressive Evo impressed in calling all Latin 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:52.040 men and women and women. I think I'm really back 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:53.120 on my lesbianism. 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:55.040 Are you always? Is that your door? And they were 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:57.440 there texting and ship all own and ship No. 0:02:58.040 --> 0:03:00.200 But I have text my one of my ex a 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:05.320 couple times. But I just feel like maybe I was 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:07.360 more lesbian than I want to believe. 0:03:07.880 --> 0:03:11.079 You only had girlfriends? What do you mean you I did? 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:13.840 I thought you were like a bona fide lesbo I was. 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:16.040 I was lesbian, and I like buried it in the 0:03:16.040 --> 0:03:17.760 back of my mind because it was so much drama. 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:21.040 But when I saw my ex lesbian girlfriend, I was like, 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:23.960 I saw two lesbian girlfriends actually, and I was. 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:24.440 Like, Okay. 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:26.440 First of all, one loved me more than anyone who's 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:28.480 ever loved me in my life, would do anything for me, 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:31.119 buy me anything, make sure I'm straight. The other one 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:33.600 she like, I was like laying there like my eyes closed, 0:03:33.600 --> 0:03:36.280 and she came and kissed me. Essentially, I was like, oh, okay, 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:37.040 you love me too. 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:39.640 And then I didn't. 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:44.760 Say this last episode, but our friend's friend, Carlton's friend, 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:47.520 and I saw her at the after hours. First of all, 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:50.320 Atlanta's the devil because you can find something to do 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:53.880 in all hours. I literally was out. I looked at 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:56.960 the clock. It was like five point fifty seven at pals. 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:59.040 I was like, when does this shit close? 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.120 And no close at six am. I think yeah. I 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:03.640 was like, it has to be close. I don't know how. 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:05.880 I don't know how. He does me crazy. 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:10.520 And as she was there with her husband or her boyfriend, 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:12.560 but as I was leaving, same thing kind of with 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:14.880 your lipstick situation, I was wearing like a black lipstick 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:16.720 and as I was like, I'm like I'm leaving girl, 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:21.280 and girl, huh, she made out with me deep and 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:26.479 essentially and felt me up in five point fifty five 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:29.040 am in the club and it was crowded still, which 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:32.280 is crazy, and we had a very deep makeout and 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:33.920 I was like, I think you have black stuff all 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:36.400 over your face. I have black lipstick on and then 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:39.160 she was like I don't care. M He's like okay, 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:41.400 and her husband was like sitting right there like trying 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:45.400 to get a little I was like, calm. 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:47.480 Down, but it was good. 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:50.080 And I was like, maybe something about the Atlanta water 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:51.440 just make me lesbian. 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:55.200 Mm. But I didn't spend enough time there, you did. 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:57.039 I want to go back though. Somebody asked me how 0:04:57.080 --> 0:04:57.800 to did Erica like it? 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:01.560 So she doesn't know for forty eight hours literally, and 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:03.880 we panicked to forty seven of those hours. 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:09.160 Seriously. Well, I just wanted to start off this episode 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:13.680 with some sage because I feel like we need some saging. 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:20.840 Today was a day as usual, but I'm grateful that 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:24.280 we are now two weeks out of a show and 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:28.280 I feel like I'm finally really decompressed. My birthday is 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:35.000 in two days. Happy birthday, Thank you. And I'm turning 0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:41.039 thirty two, which I don't know feels good. I'm like 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:44.360 chilling in thirties, like I'm good, Like I'm not stressed. 0:05:44.400 --> 0:05:46.400 Maybe ask me when I'm like turning thirty six to 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:49.360 thirty seven. I've had different feelings about it. Just come down. 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:53.520 Someone told me today, wow, you look really good for 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:57.520 thirty two. I hate that shit. I feel I say that, 0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:00.880 I feel like that's some la shit. Don't say no 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:06.120 to anyone under thirty listening. If don't tell a thirty 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:09.200 person a person over thirty they look good for being 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:12.280 in the thirties. Guess what when you turn thirty and 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:14.359 you look exactly the same as you did when you 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:17.040 were twenty five, I'd be like, what the fuck are 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:20.000 you talking about? Like it's really not that deep. So 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.120 many young bitches have told me that. I'm like, oh 0:06:22.200 --> 0:06:24.279 my god, I know you were in your thirties. Looks 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:27.000 so good. He looks so young. I'm like, duh, I'm young. 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:30.200 Look better than you, bitch. I actually do look better. 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:32.640 I was looking at my face today and I was like, 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:39.480 still snatched period. I was like, nope, no wrinkles, look 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:42.080 a little more tired, got the dark circles maybe, but 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:44.240 you know what gives me character? You know what? That's 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:48.279 what conceler and beauty blenders are for. Period bomb bam, 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:51.080 pick up your local pick up your beauty blender at 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:58.120 your local Sephora yep, yeah, or at beauty blender dot com. Yeah. 0:06:58.160 --> 0:07:03.040 So I I don't know. I love at Scorpio season, 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:08.360 which you know as Scorpios another thing. Check out our 0:07:08.360 --> 0:07:10.760 patreon to see what that looks like. If you want 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.120 to watch this episode, you want to check out Patreon. 0:07:15.160 --> 0:07:19.520 But yeh, Scorpio season is in full effect. Today's the 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:25.920 first day of Scorpio season, and I will say, uh, Scorpios, 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:29.600 we go hard for our birthdays, like it's an all 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:32.520 month thing. Like we might not say it, but we're 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:36.080 thinking it. Mkay. Birthdays are very important to us, even 0:07:36.160 --> 0:07:38.840 though we act like they're not. Like once the the 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:41.680 day starts approaching, like it's gets to like day, like 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.080 two days before the birthday, and there's no plans made. 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:46.440 We're mad at everyone, but no one planned our shit, 0:07:46.880 --> 0:07:49.560 and then we take control. Okay, is that well you've 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:51.680 been taking control of the situation. Well, I plan the 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:53.840 ship like me so I'm going on a trip. I'm 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:59.280 actually going to Tuloom tomorrow, which I've never been there. Uh, 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.800 and I'm going with like three other birth scorpios. So 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:06.880 it's my birthday, it's Ashley's birthday, It's NAS's birthday. It's 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:09.160 I think that's it. Actually May maybe there's one more 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:12.200 person's birthday. As you can tell, we take our birthdays 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:14.600 very seriously. We like all plan a trip together about it. 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:18.080 But actually this this trip. Normally when I go on 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:19.960 these type of trips, I like have a schedule of 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:21.360 like the things I want to hit. I have no 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:23.280 idea what I want to do, and I'm kind of like, okay, 0:08:23.320 --> 0:08:25.320 maybe this is thirty two. Maybe I'm like chilling out 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:27.680 a little more. When it comes to the B day festivities. 0:08:27.760 --> 0:08:29.920 I really just want to lay on a beach and float. 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:31.960 That's really all real. Limb is very chill. 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:35.760 There's the Aztec Ruins, which is close by Mayan ruins. 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:42.560 Oh yeah, Mayan ruins all the same pyramids, Indigenous ruins. Yeah. No, 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:45.720 I definitely want to try and go see them. Go 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:49.480 maybe go to Chichinitza, which it's a city which is 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:51.199 like I think it's about like an hour and a 0:08:51.240 --> 0:08:55.400 half to two hours outside of Tuloom, and then there's 0:08:55.440 --> 0:08:58.200 this and not this, which are like the caves. But 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:00.160 right now it's raining a lot, so I'm hoping I mean, 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:02.040 that it calms the fuck down so you can go. 0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:08.680 But yeah, I was just like reflecting on thirty one, 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:17.080 and it's been like such a beer of intense uncomfortability, 0:09:18.440 --> 0:09:24.679 like really but uncomfortability, but also like feeling more secure 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:28.480 in who I am, like more than ever, like not 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:34.959 feeling I feel like just knowing, like what my purpose 0:09:35.080 --> 0:09:38.520 is more, what are you doing? What the fuck are 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:43.120 you doing? I'm trying to see sleep. I think she is, 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:47.840 Oh cute school. I know. I was like, oh my god, 0:09:48.000 --> 0:09:52.719 it's a school done. Yeah, which we mean to talk 0:09:52.720 --> 0:09:55.080 about that too much. And it has been a month 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:59.000 of wod you say? Uncomfortable uncomfortability like I think also 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:04.640 just having this like us coming together weekly and talking 0:10:04.720 --> 0:10:08.079 really like forces us to like face things and check in, 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:11.880 which is like something before this I didn't do, you know, 0:10:11.960 --> 0:10:15.360 like maybe I would, maybe I'd try to do it 0:10:15.400 --> 0:10:19.720 alone in my head, but actually vocalizing things and talking 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:23.720 things through is just it's just different. So I think 0:10:23.760 --> 0:10:27.000 I just feel more confident than ever. I feel like 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:30.520 this next thirty two for me is really just trusting 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:33.440 my instincts. I feel like thirty one there was a 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:36.360 lot of that, like me going against it and then 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:41.760 like time and time again, the universe saying no, you 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:44.559 were right. Follow that go with that, and also that 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:48.320 like don't underestimate yourself, which I think like we have 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:50.679 done a lot, and even in our podcast thinking that 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:53.240 like well we can't, We're not. No one's gonna come, 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:55.160 no one's gonna show up, no one's gonna buy a ticket, 0:10:55.200 --> 0:10:57.160 no one wants to pay to come like hang out 0:10:57.200 --> 0:11:00.120 and like see hear us, like talk our shit it. 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:04.040 No one's gonna buy gift bags, no one's gonna like 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:08.319 who's gonna follow us? You know why? Who's gonna show 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:10.560 up at the meet up? Are we? Who the fuck 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:12.920 are we? You know what we're talking about? What are 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:15.200 we doing? Like even today, like what are we talking about? 0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:18.680 Like overthinking things and just like instead of just like Okay, 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:23.600 we got this, I think thirty two it's gonna be 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:25.720 more of that for me, like just like no, I 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:29.600 got this right. I think even like when I when 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:34.000 we started this, I felt really insecure about how much 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:36.360 I could share and like what I was going to 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:37.960 share and what I was going to talk about. And 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:41.840 now I feel, more more than ever, like share whatever 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:44.360 the fuck I want. It's too late, well that it's 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:46.959 too late, but also like it's too late, but it's 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:51.280 too late, but also like I've seen the results. I've 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:58.920 seen the like what happens when you when people relate 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:00.680 and you're honest, you can. 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:04.240 Never go wrong when you're telling the truth. Like, what 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:06.439 is something I gonna tell you you're wrong? No, Well that's 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:07.120 what happens. 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:09.040 Well, I think I've lived in a place of like 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:14.320 fear of like disappointing family, disappointing people that are important 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:16.720 to me, wanting to feeling like I had to like 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:24.800 be a certain way to a appease them. And I'm 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:26.960 I'm doing what I want to do and they're fine, 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:31.240 They're okay, they're surviving. Whether or not I'm talking about 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:35.080 dicks or mental health, it doesn't matter. I still, well, 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:37.079 that's I say, No one's gonna no one's gonna disown you. 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:40.800 Erica's I know. But it's like, but I think I 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:45.439 just I've always I've always had I think disappointing. Disappointment 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:50.440 is like something that I've that has like paralyzed me 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:53.080 so much in my life. And I think this like 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:57.320 the past year and a half two years, it's a 0:12:57.360 --> 0:12:59.880 culmination of things, not just this, but like you know, 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.199 becoming a like just becoming a mother and like try 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:07.280 like that journey of becoming a mother and feeling more confident, 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:11.640 becoming more confident, just being a single person, like I've 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:15.200 always been attached to someone, I've always been in a relationship, 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:17.920 like figuring out who I am outside of that. Like 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:19.719 all those things have kind of like made me kind 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:22.280 of not give a fuck anymore. And I still I'm 0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:25.000 still unlearning things. There's still times where I like feel like, 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:28.120 ooh should I can I H I don't know, but 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:32.680 I just feel like thirty two is going to be 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:38.880 a really pivotabal, pivotal, pivotal, pivotal year for me. And 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:42.280 the pattern says so too, So it must be trip 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:44.800 pattern knows everything. So it is true. 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:49.679 It's funny because I don't think so much my issue 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:54.679 is disappoining family as as it is so much that 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:56.319 I think I get into my head about like how 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:58.000 I come off with people that don't know me. 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:01.600 I don't know why care about the people close to me. 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:03.240 You're gonna disown me. 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:07.520 I didn't think so, but even like saying I've come 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:08.439 the same way like. 0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:11.800 Certain things. 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:15.840 So I just realized a lot this year that like 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:18.360 being comfortable in my skin and who I am as 0:14:18.400 --> 0:14:19.680 a person is. 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:21.360 Like people are gonna like it or not like it. 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:24.000 People are gonna always have some shit to say. 0:14:24.280 --> 0:14:25.760 But at the end of the day, when I know 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:28.880 like this is who I am and this is like 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:34.520 my journey and my purpose, I care less slowly about 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:37.160 people what people say, and just by talking to people, 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:38.400 like I told you, I was talking to one of 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:40.760 our friends and she was just like, you know, it's 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:43.720 so crazy, like I'm constantly thinking about what other people 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:46.560 are thinking. She's like, I'll probably leave here right now 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:48.520 and be like does she like me? And I'm like, 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:50.080 oh my god, I'm so happy you said that, because 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:52.120 sometimes I feel the same way. I'm like, so in 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:55.720 my head, hmmm, that was stupid. When I say that, 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:59.000 then I'm like, bitch, nobody's even thinking about you but you. 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.640 But her even saying that aloud to me was so 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:04.960 such a big deal for me. I'm like, oh, I'm 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:07.760 not crazy, Like, oh, this is what this is like 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:10.320 the unlearning where the unlearning begins. 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:13.040 And even with people who are close to me, that 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:14.400 it bothers me when they. 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:17.600 Don't agree or when they're like, you know, telling me 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:20.360 something about myself that like, I feel like we don't 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:24.000 have to discuss. I've realized that everybody's grown up differently 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:28.480 and had different experiences and they're not going to understand 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:32.240 yours and they're not supposed to, you know what I'm saying, Like. 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:37.200 People project, that's what humans do. 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:40.320 And if you're insecure and about your shit or about 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:43.120 what other people think of you, me being overly honest 0:15:43.160 --> 0:15:45.080 about my shit is gonna make you uncomfortable. 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:46.680 But that's not my problem. 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:49.480 And usually, like my cancer will harbor some shit and 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:52.440 I can like, sim shit will bother me and bother 0:15:52.520 --> 0:15:54.280 me and bother me and bother me, and I'll think 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:55.240 about it and then I'm like Okay. 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:57.440 Finally I'm like, Okay, well let me tell you how 0:15:57.480 --> 0:15:57.920 I feel. 0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:01.160 But it's just like I don't even I've noticed in myself, 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:02.800 like there's a lot of things I still need to 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:05.280 cultivate and grow because I still fuck up. But there's 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:08.200 partying where I'm like, I see that I'm growing because 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:10.840 there's things I'm like, I'm not taking this personally. I'm 0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:13.840 not going to I refuse to take this personally right now. 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:18.760 And so I think that's even when I went to 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:20.680 Atlanta and I was in Atlanta and I. 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:23.120 Was like, damn, I was so stressed out while I 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:24.680 was here, But I didn't have nothing to stress about, 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:26.120 you know what I mean. Like I was so young, 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:28.040 Like I was here doing what I was supposed to 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:29.360 be doing, fucking up. 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:34.320 Making money, doing horseshit, fucking up. That's exactly what I 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:36.000 was supposed to be doing in those twenties because I 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:40.000 didn't go in college. I mean college was a floor, 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:43.880 but I was like maybe going class I yeah, that 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:47.920 was like ten percent. No, I get it, you know 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:48.280 what I mean. 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:52.040 I'm like, So it reminds me now my early thirties, 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:55.040 like you know, you got it under control and panic, 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:57.040 but don't panic to the point where it like. 0:16:57.360 --> 0:16:59.440 Well, because you'll look back on the thirties and when 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:01.160 you're a fifties and be like, why did I waste 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:03.040 so much time? It's like that's I feel like that's 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:05.440 the trend in life, and that's the one I don't want. 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:08.680 That's the one thing I hear consistently that I don't want, 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.200 you know. I like even thinking back, Like I think 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:16.600 back too, Like I feel like when you know, when 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:19.600 I was like young too, Like I was always so 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:24.560 worried about like how I looked like my body, And 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:26.520 then I look back on pictures and I'm like, what 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:29.240 the fuck was I talking about? It was fine, it 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:31.000 was fine, and I and but thank god, Like I've 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:32.760 done a lot of work on myself now where like 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:36.080 I like even now like I'm I'm in a place 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:37.959 in my body where like I feel like I'm not 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:42.000 in the best shape. I notice things, but I love 0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:44.879 myself more. And that's a big deal for me because 0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:46.639 like for me, that's always been an issue. But like 0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:49.479 looking back, it's always like that looking back, like what 0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:53.840 was I worried about? Like even like I think about 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:58.040 when I was like fourteen and thinking like, wow, thirty 0:17:58.480 --> 0:18:01.159 is really grown. I better have. I'm gonna have all 0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:02.760 my shit together, I'm gonna own a home, I'm gonna 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:05.840 be two. I'm like, you know, yeah, five kids. I'm 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:09.240 like basically I'm dying you'll be dying, You'll be you'll 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:12.920 basically almost to the great every child I was dead. 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:16.320 So, like, I really thought thirty was so old. I 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:19.520 remember my aunt, my favorite aunt, turning thirty two, and 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:19.840 I was. 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:22.520 Like, what, you're how old? Right? 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:28.520 Crazy? And now like my therapist she's I guess. 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:30.959 She's like forty. How's that going. I've been going stuff. 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:33.200 Well I've been out of town because I was duction, 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:38.080 but I think she's forty six. She's like, you're so young. 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:41.000 She's like, you're so young, you're so young. I'm like, okay, 0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:43.399 I'm like maybe I should believe it. Yeah, don't say 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:44.040 I don't be offended. 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:46.159 So I'm twenty, right, So sometimes we can be offend. 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:48.919 We're offended if people think we're too old, then we're 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:50.800 offended people think we're too young. But you know what, 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:53.680 I'm not offended because I know I'm not like not offended, 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:56.560 but you know what I mean, like okay, like you know, yeah, yeah, 0:18:56.640 --> 0:18:58.200 like come down. Okay. 0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:00.560 So when I was in Atlanta, went out with my 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:02.760 ex girlfriend, who I haven't talked to in a long 0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:04.480 time because she kind of reminded me. She stocked me 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:07.320 at the end, which was true. I think she's grown 0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:10.080 a lot, which is good. But we went out okay, 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:13.320 we went out with two of her co workers. 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:13.399 No. 0:19:13.520 --> 0:19:15.000 First night, we went out with one of her coworkers 0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:17.879 and one of my girlfriends who's also like a steadily lesbian, 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:18.880 and they were fine. 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:20.680 We went to a star bar. We had a great time. 0:19:20.680 --> 0:19:23.480 We danced disco, my favorite thing. Yeah, a star bars. 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:26.440 You mentioned that last time. It's like famous. 0:19:28.040 --> 0:19:30.439 The second night, went to MJQ and she came with 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:33.560 this other girl from her job, and the other girl 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:35.879 like started a scene in the parking lot. I was like, well, 0:19:35.920 --> 0:19:38.080 what's wrassling a scene in a parla? 0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:39.359 So what's wrong with her? 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:41.159 And later she's like, well, she was upset because I 0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:43.439 was flirted because we know, we were like, you know, 0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:44.720 like they might have made out a little bit in 0:19:44.760 --> 0:19:47.080 the club or whatever, and the girl was like freaking 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:48.800 out in the parking lot. 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:50.439 And I was like never ever. I was like, how 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:52.639 old is she? She's like twenty nine. I'm like that's insane. 0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:55.160 And I was like, I've never been crazy like that. 0:19:55.280 --> 0:19:59.080 I can't like, I've never been like stupid in my twenties. 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:01.959 I've always been a pretty mature person. I have an 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:05.360 old soul. So sometimes like when people say like, oh, 0:20:05.400 --> 0:20:07.960 you're so young, you're so young, I'm like, Okay, calm down, 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:10.879 because I know I've been here a lot of times before. 0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:13.800 There's certain things I just wouldn't I've don dumb shit, 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:15.760 but there's anything that just wouldn't do, Like my ego 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:16.359 won't allow it. 0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:17.040 My pride. 0:20:17.560 --> 0:20:19.800 And I see some twenties and I'm like, oh my god, 0:20:19.840 --> 0:20:21.400 you're so green, and. 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:23.520 You can be forty in act that way. 0:20:23.600 --> 0:20:26.520 That's true, and that's you could be forty and act 0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:27.480 like a crazy bitch. 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:31.320 Don't get that age. Age is twisted. Yeah, that's true, 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:34.119 that's true. It's just a level. Yeah. I mean, I 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:38.640 think it's understanding self that piece. I think a lot 0:20:38.640 --> 0:20:40.920 of the reasons I don't freak out is because I 0:20:41.000 --> 0:20:44.879 really value my inner I already struggle enough to like 0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:48.280 maintain inner peace when I'm when there's nothing happening, Like 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:51.719 I don't need to like make it worse. Right, I'm 0:20:51.760 --> 0:20:54.240 not going to see I'm not about to let you 0:20:54.760 --> 0:20:57.680 make me crazy, you know. Like, don't get me wrong, 0:20:58.280 --> 0:21:00.879 I've I've definitely seen moments of my from like who 0:21:00.920 --> 0:21:04.480 the fuck was that like violent ass moments like not 0:21:04.760 --> 0:21:09.800 for throwing shit, crazy psycho shit. But for the most part, 0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:14.080 I can keep it together. But like sometimes you need 0:21:14.119 --> 0:21:16.560 those moments though too. Those moments are necessary. Sometimes some 0:21:16.600 --> 0:21:20.679 of those moments I have felt like the most like 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:23.480 that was the only way to release at that time. 0:21:23.600 --> 0:21:26.720