Speaker 1: Hey, Chris Fairbanks here with some show announcements coming up
Speaker 1: very soon. On March twenty third, I'll be at the
Speaker 1: Meyer Theater in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The next time I'm
Speaker 1: at the Laughing Tap in Milwaukee, and then I'm at
Speaker 1: City Winery in Chicago. I'm closing out all these shows
Speaker 1: with the haunted Renwick Mansion in Davenport, Iowa. Ooh, sounds scary.
Speaker 1: And then in May, starting on the tenth, I'll be
Speaker 1: in New York City the Apple that's big at the Bellhouse,
Speaker 1: followed then by Jam and Java in Vienna, Virginia that's
Speaker 1: very near DC. And then I'm closing out these shows
Speaker 1: with City Winery in Philly, Philadelphia. Thank you and you're welcome.
Speaker 2: Are leaven I you wanna way back home? Either way,
Speaker 2: we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 2: you clean us time and they turn and on engage.
Speaker 1: We want to send you in star.
Speaker 2: We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 2: We scared or was it fine? Melbourne? Do you need
Speaker 2: to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you Need with Karen
Speaker 1: and Chris. Welcome to Do you Need a Ride? This
Speaker 1: is Chris.
Speaker 2: Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgarreth.
Speaker 1: You know Karen before we record. Sometimes if I haven't
Speaker 1: left the house in a while, I will go and
Speaker 1: try and experience something so I I have something to
Speaker 1: share with you. But I didn't have to try hard today.
Speaker 1: It's something very exciting happened. I'm very excited to share
Speaker 1: with you. What is it. I went golfing. I promised
Speaker 1: this isn't a golfing story. But I hit There's one
Speaker 1: hole there that's real short, it's a three par hole,
Speaker 1: and before it there's a couple mounds of grass, so
Speaker 1: you can't really see the flag. And I saw tiny
Speaker 1: coyote like it looked like an actual puppy, and it
Speaker 1: was like pouncing playfully. It's before coyotes get mange and
Speaker 1: they get upset and then they don't they really don't
Speaker 1: want to be around people. But he was very a
Speaker 1: frisky coyote. And I hit the ball. I could not
Speaker 1: see the ball went behind these mounds and then but
Speaker 1: I saw exactly the direction it went. It went to
Speaker 1: the left of the green, and I knew I probably
Speaker 1: didn't land on it again, and I ran up the
Speaker 1: I saw the little coyote run off after I hit.
Speaker 1: I thought, oh no, I wonder if I got close
Speaker 1: to him. He got scared and I went. As I
Speaker 1: walked up, my ball was right by the hole, Karen,
Speaker 1: I know this coyote picked up my ball. He understood
Speaker 1: the rules of golf, and he had it in his
Speaker 1: little mouth, and he dropped it near the hole. And
Speaker 1: I don't know if rules wise, I if that is
Speaker 1: a playable ball. I think so. I think it's a
Speaker 1: It's the same as if it bounced off a tree
Speaker 1: and went near the hole. I swear I did not
Speaker 1: see him do it. I wish I did, but I'm
Speaker 1: very certain. I'm ninety percent certain this cute little coyote
Speaker 1: puppy had my ball in his mouth.
Speaker 2: What if you actually got hitley hit? Listen to my theory,
Speaker 2: because there's another way to look at this. What if
Speaker 2: you got a hole in one and that coyote took
Speaker 2: the ball out of the hole.
Speaker 1: See nice, I did the hole. They when they get older,
Speaker 1: I can tell they are not fans of golf, and
Speaker 1: we are just there and they don't even respect us.
Speaker 1: They don't. They will hang out on purpose and act
Speaker 1: like they're bathing, because we know those coyotes they don't
Speaker 1: really they're not worried about looking sharp. They're not a fan.
Speaker 2: You're saying, a young coyote is going to help you
Speaker 2: before it gets cynical, before it learns the ways.
Speaker 1: Of the before he listens to the pack. Exactly, this
Speaker 1: baby coyote was still had this hopeful. I just love it.
Speaker 1: And I of course went online and there's a lot
Speaker 1: of footage of little coyotes they're always young, playing with
Speaker 1: golf balls in the dark and some I just I'm
Speaker 1: so excited by it. I just wish I could have
Speaker 1: seen it.
Speaker 2: That was like your own little legend of bager Vance
Speaker 2: coyote version.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what if it gave me life advice? Right when
Speaker 1: I came up like a.
Speaker 2: Justin land, right as you walk up to the ball, Well, congratulations.
Speaker 1: I thank you. I think they are in order. Congratulations,
Speaker 1: I think they are due. And I did par that.
Speaker 1: If that's a good ending, I think it's because.
Speaker 2: The words are meaningless to me. I don't know.
Speaker 1: It is the goal of golf.
Speaker 2: Get it in three, you got it in two?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got it in three. If it was a birdie, boy,
Speaker 1: that would Oh my god, what if a bird swept
Speaker 1: down and grabbed my ball?
Speaker 2: And then what birdie? That? What if they're all so
Speaker 2: used to you guys golfing at that golf course that
Speaker 2: they all know how to help you numbers wise?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would love I would love it if there's
Speaker 1: a parrot somewhere that yells four four, That, of course,
Speaker 1: is when a ball's heading towards you, a helpful parrot.
Speaker 1: I just you know me, I got an animal fever.
Speaker 1: I just lately since the big bite. Oh, since that
Speaker 1: dog bit me my friend I did, I almost got
Speaker 1: big yesterday. This isn't But I hugged my friend and
Speaker 1: he just got a new dog. And the dog did
Speaker 1: not like that. I hugged him, and he had a
Speaker 1: classic Spuds Mackenzie bud light face and he lunched at me.
Speaker 1: But he just nipped, just nipped at my sweatshirt and
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, Greg, cool new dog. It didn't happen.
Speaker 1: It was just a close call. God. Yeah, it made
Speaker 1: my day and it can only be made better by
Speaker 1: our guests today. I'm so good at it.
Speaker 2: That was the segue on par with your coyo.
Speaker 1: Do you take you same today's guest? You know from
Speaker 1: clubs and colleges across the country. Yeah, he's a damned delight.
Speaker 1: He's always been supportive and sweet and everyone put your
Speaker 1: ears together for our friend Kurt Bronolder. Hello, how are
Speaker 1: you buddy? Hello?
Speaker 3: Loa, I'm so excited to laugh. I heard when you
Speaker 3: said went golfing.
Speaker 1: Enough. It got me going ridiculous, what are you eighty?
Speaker 1: Oh there's more to this story.
Speaker 3: You said wet golfing, but the like because of like
Speaker 3: the zoom digital stuff, I heard wank offing. I mean
Speaker 3: it was like he says wank offing and not wanking.
Speaker 1: Off like that was. I went off on that and
Speaker 1: then came back to be like there's a coyote involved,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, it's a golfing story, okay,
Speaker 1: but it was a cool It was a cool three seconds.
Speaker 1: Do you know how your brain can go to like
Speaker 1: fifty thousand dimensions within the space of you taking a breath.
Speaker 2: That's what happened, right, I like the you do that
Speaker 2: Chris Wind start this podcast telling me about a time
Speaker 2: he went wank off it. I'd just be like excuse me, no,
Speaker 2: thank you, Freds of Private.
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking of a kid that's his parents immigrate
Speaker 1: here and he's new to us school and he wants
Speaker 1: to relate to the other kids they're all coming of
Speaker 1: that age, and he says, do you guys like whank coffing?
Speaker 1: And they're like, you're you're gonna like it here kid.
Speaker 2: The new Australian guy's weird.
Speaker 3: That's probably how they do say it in Australia.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when golfing, Kurt, what's going on? What are you after?
Speaker 1: Tell what's going on, Kurt?
Speaker 2: What's your what par are you shooting these days?
Speaker 1: What's up? It's your wane coff game? I do.
Speaker 3: I really hope that that coyote put that. I just
Speaker 3: want I want him to have helped you so badly.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 3: Also, I love that you were searching a very specific
Speaker 3: search when you found many videos of baby coyotes playing
Speaker 3: with golf balls.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's common because they are I see them, and
Speaker 1: we see we've just gotten used to. Sure there's rattlesnakes also,
Speaker 1: which you know we avoid those. But the coyote do
Speaker 1: not want to be our friend, and I want them
Speaker 1: to be because a lot of them are really dog
Speaker 1: like and cute, not that they have to be cute
Speaker 1: for me to like them animals.
Speaker 3: I once found a coyote who was just asleep on
Speaker 3: the side of the road in Griffith Park and so
Speaker 3: I called and I was like, something's wrong, and so
Speaker 3: I called Animal Control.
Speaker 1: First, I called nine one one and they're like stop
Speaker 1: and then.
Speaker 2: And what's your emergency. Well, it's more of a concern.
Speaker 1: We got a sleeping coyote where I am and I
Speaker 1: think he's having nightmares.
Speaker 3: And so I waited. So then I got in touch
Speaker 3: with the animal control. They're like, we'll send a park ranger.
Speaker 3: Whatever we send. And then while I'm waiting.
Speaker 1: He he just like wakes up, stands up, and trots off.
Speaker 1: And then as he trots into the woods, like the
Speaker 1: Animal Control pulls up and I'm standing.
Speaker 3: He's like did you call? And I was like, he
Speaker 3: just walked away. He's like, yeah, of course he did.
Speaker 1: And then he just drove away. Oh wow, he bother
Speaker 1: what if.
Speaker 2: That is like a pranking coyote? And he's like he's
Speaker 2: just trying to mess with that Animal Control guy because
Speaker 2: he's the enemy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's one thing we've learned I think is they
Speaker 1: love pranking humans. Yeah, they are the guy upset Usually
Speaker 1: he has to scrape up roadkill with a shovel. He
Speaker 1: should have been delighted. Yeah, probably took care of itself. Pal.
Speaker 2: It's that's the first thing I thought of. When you
Speaker 2: said I saw coyote sleeping next to the side of
Speaker 2: the road, I'm like, oh, no, that's just what Lauren
Speaker 2: told you, that he was dead. It sounded like someone
Speaker 2: was really trying to keep you from the harsh Yeah,
Speaker 2: the harsh reality is of Griffith Park.
Speaker 1: They nap all the time. Usually it's on a nearby ranch, Kurt,
Speaker 1: they go off to a ranch to ranch, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know about it. Look out with it on bananas.
Speaker 1: What's has there been any weird what's your favorite animal
Speaker 1: related bananas? I mean, there's so many animals.
Speaker 3: We want to make t shirts that say birds but
Speaker 3: holes bananas because it's mostly birds, butt and butt whole stories.
Speaker 1: What's my favorite? Oh, my favorite.
Speaker 3: One of my favorite animal stories is there was a
Speaker 3: crow in Oregon. It showed up at a elementary school
Speaker 3: and came in through a window into a science class
Speaker 3: and then was just like sitting, like jumping from people's
Speaker 3: kid's desk to kid's desk. They put a little hat
Speaker 3: on it and it was totally okay with it. There's
Speaker 3: like a photograph of it wearing a tiny hat and
Speaker 3: it was talking and it was talking, it was saying words,
Speaker 3: and it was cursing a lot. And so because a
Speaker 3: lot of people don't know the crows can talk, but
Speaker 3: crows are hyper smart than they and a lot of
Speaker 3: them can talk if they're humanized or whatever it's called.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and uh, which all you have to do to
Speaker 1: do that is put a hat on them. It's called humanized, Karen.
Speaker 2: I mean, yes, once you put a.
Speaker 1: Hat on it, it's humanized. Okay, it's a trade.
Speaker 2: It makes a sound and then it's humanized.
Speaker 3: And the story behind it, So all these kids were
Speaker 3: like fascinated, and you know, the teacher was fascinated.
Speaker 1: They had to call. They called a bunch of people
Speaker 1: and like animal control wouldn't come, and then wildlife rescue
Speaker 1: started to come. But then a kid who was not
Speaker 1: in that class recognized the crow and was like, that's
Speaker 1: my neighbor's crow friend, like not her crow. So what
Speaker 1: had happened?
Speaker 3: This is the craziest story is that this woman who
Speaker 3: lived like twenty miles away. She fed this crow every day.
Speaker 3: So it wasn't like her pet or anything. It was
Speaker 3: a wild crow. But she would feed it and talk
Speaker 3: to it, and it could talk, and it was very
Speaker 3: smart and everything. But it really annoyed her neighbor. So
Speaker 3: when she went out of town for the weekend, her
Speaker 3: neighbor kidnapped the fucking bird and drove it like fifty
Speaker 3: miles away and led it off somewhere because it didn't
Speaker 3: want the because you know, the woman said, the bird
Speaker 3: would go after the neighbor a lot, because the bird
Speaker 3: saw the neighbor as like the threat to her friend.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they do that. Crows will shit on you. They like,
Speaker 1: out of your jib, dive bomb you. And then the
Speaker 1: bird slowly made its way back towards the area, but
Speaker 1: didn't know where his friend was, and he was lost.
Speaker 1: But he found a Planet Fitness and he stood, this
Speaker 1: is so crazy. He stood on top of the Planet
Speaker 1: Fitness the door and just talked to everyone who was
Speaker 1: going in and out of the Planet Fitness until he
Speaker 1: saw a friend of the woman who was coming out
Speaker 1: and then taking her son to school. Followed that woman's
Speaker 1: car and then followed the boy who was the son
Speaker 1: of the friend of the woman who knew the crow.
Speaker 1: And then the woman came and picked up the crow
Speaker 1: and brought it home. Holy shit, Oh my lord, that's crest.
Speaker 1: Was it that crazy? I like that, and correct me
Speaker 1: if I'm wrong. This whole crow story doesn't involve him
Speaker 1: flying at any point. It's mostly vehicular travel and hat
Speaker 1: wearing and.
Speaker 2: And crow napping, tons of crow naps.
Speaker 1: I want him to have gotten on top of the
Speaker 1: planet fitness, to have used a.
Speaker 2: Ladder, and then a helicopter picked him up and drove
Speaker 2: him back to his old neighborhood. There's women on Ticked,
Speaker 2: or there's a woman, I should say on TikTok who
Speaker 2: did a thing where she was feeding crows and they
Speaker 2: kept more and more kept coming into the tree in
Speaker 2: her front yard, bringing her presence, which is my favorite
Speaker 2: when they bring little shiny things like here, you like this,
Speaker 2: it's a bottle cap, which is the cutest. But then
Speaker 2: she was like, as she walks, they follow her up
Speaker 2: the streets. So it like if you were I would
Speaker 2: just imagine like a fourteen year old goth doing this,
Speaker 2: and then you have like an army of crows walking
Speaker 2: behind you. Awesome, Like it would be a dream come true.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah for me.
Speaker 3: And they can communicate to other crows what you look like,
Speaker 3: so you could go into a new neighborhood and the
Speaker 3: new crows would come flocking to you that she's.
Speaker 2: Great, you'll get really good corn or whatever crow phone.
Speaker 1: I oh my god, how did they do that? How
Speaker 1: is that proven? How did they communicate with each other?
Speaker 1: Until they do? They describe what you're wearing?
Speaker 3: There was That was another story where it was like
Speaker 3: they showed like they had one group of crows where
Speaker 3: like a guy would harass them all the time, and
Speaker 3: then another one where another guy would like give them
Speaker 3: treats all the time. And then they like went to
Speaker 3: a separate I don't know murder of crows that was nearby,
Speaker 3: and that murder had communicated what the guy looked like
Speaker 3: who harassed them, so that they started harassing the guy
Speaker 3: who harassed the other Murder of crows. It was crazy.
Speaker 3: It's straight up. I don't know how they I don't
Speaker 3: know how they do it. I mean they obviously they talk.
Speaker 3: They can talk.
Speaker 2: You know how they do it? Gossip?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's biggest.
Speaker 2: They get little little kitchen tables and they sit around
Speaker 2: and they talk massive shit.
Speaker 1: Oh god, I hope it was a top hat.
Speaker 3: That's just it was a little Santa's hat, That's what
Speaker 3: it because it was around Christmas time.
Speaker 1: And what bold child? I that the idea of doing that,
Speaker 1: putting a hat on a crow. Actually that's a that
Speaker 1: kid had.
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean the crow was sitting on their
Speaker 3: desks and just being like, eat my ass because it
Speaker 3: was cursing a lot.
Speaker 2: Is that really what it was saying.
Speaker 3: I don't know what it was saying, eat my ass.
Speaker 3: It was cursing. It was cursing. I know that because
Speaker 3: the woman puted him up was like, well he does.
Speaker 3: He does curse a lot. He does have a film.
Speaker 3: And if you if anyone doubts a single word, I
Speaker 3: just said. The article is in the Oregonian. I remember,
Speaker 3: you can google Planet, fitness, crow and the Oregonian.
Speaker 2: It's a legit newspaper. I never even thought about that part.
Speaker 2: It really is. I thought you were gonna say some no,
Speaker 2: it's like I thought you were going to say, if
Speaker 2: you want to do it, you can google News of
Speaker 2: the Coast or whatever, where it's like uh huh, good yep,
Speaker 2: but it's really the most legit newspaper of the Pacific Northwest.
Speaker 3: I could talk animal stories from bananas for forever, forever.
Speaker 1: Really, I mean, it is what I asked of you.
Speaker 2: And that is the joy of that podcast to me.
Speaker 2: It's just kind of like weird news. You go, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: I love I love that. I love the idea of it.
Speaker 2: It's it's delightful. You kind of can hear what's going
Speaker 2: on in the world, but it's not all the stuff
Speaker 2: that makes you to have a heart attack. But there's
Speaker 2: so much of it that there's now at this point,
Speaker 2: you guys have been doing it for.
Speaker 1: Through three three years, three years.
Speaker 2: But now it's like all these sub categories. It's like
Speaker 2: this again, one of these Like there's so many subcategories
Speaker 2: of weird news. It's amazing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and this is the you know, Last of Us,
Speaker 3: the Last of Us, which is all about like their
Speaker 3: zombies are like fungus instead of being what it usually
Speaker 3: it's a virus.
Speaker 1: And I was immediately like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, because there was one we did about
Speaker 3: bees which was there's like a fungus that infects bees,
Speaker 3: it kills them, it kills them, then takes over their
Speaker 3: brain and makes them have sex with as many other
Speaker 3: bees as they possibly can until they sent until their
Speaker 3: bodies disintegrate, just to pass the fungus on to other bees.
Speaker 3: And so there's zombie bees that are just fucking constantly
Speaker 3: and it's crazy. So like that whole last of us
Speaker 3: thing is totally from like you know.
Speaker 2: From bees, yes, from science.
Speaker 1: From science. Well, Kurk, can you tell us your best
Speaker 1: butthole story?
Speaker 3: My best but well, that's that's a pretty good butthole
Speaker 3: story because the fungus actually becomes their butthole.
Speaker 2: But kind of sounds like you're lying a little bit,
Speaker 2: just you know what I mean, Like that sounded like
Speaker 2: a fifth grade lie where you're just like going with
Speaker 2: what Chris said.
Speaker 1: You had me until fungus bu hole fun because that's
Speaker 1: exactly they I swear to God, that's part of it.
Speaker 3: The bottom half of the bee becomes the fungus and
Speaker 3: so it like it like that's where it is. It
Speaker 3: just the whole bee is fungus at that point and
Speaker 3: it's you know, shoving it into places.
Speaker 1: But I'm trying to think the best buttthhole story. Ooh,
Speaker 1: that's a good one.
Speaker 3: I mean, like we used to have when we first
Speaker 3: did the original, like the thing that like the pilot
Speaker 3: that this was based on, we did a whole segment
Speaker 3: called What's Up Your Butt?
Speaker 1: And it was just X.
Speaker 3: Ray scans from emergency rooms of things that had been
Speaker 3: removed from people's butts. And we've seen a lot of those,
Speaker 3: but still the most surprising one is a full buzz
Speaker 3: light Year action figure, which I'm still I'm still confused
Speaker 3: as to how because it has arms that go out
Speaker 3: like this.
Speaker 1: You can understand the dome part, but then the arms.
Speaker 3: Are sticking up like this, you know, because he's saying
Speaker 3: to infinity and beyond. So that was the joke, was
Speaker 3: to infinity and be ouch a.
Speaker 1: So that's probably one of my favorite butthole ones. Oh God,
Speaker 1: love it. When you did that segment, did you play
Speaker 1: Eddie Murphy's song put a Little Man in Your Book?
Speaker 1: Do you guys remember that song.
Speaker 2: In your butt?
Speaker 1: Put a Tiny Tree in your Butt? It's my sister
Speaker 1: and I had the list memorized. We lived in a
Speaker 1: small town. There wasn't a lot to do. Yeah, and uh,
Speaker 1: it was the whole list of things that you could,
Speaker 1: according Daddy Murphy, put in your in.
Speaker 2: Your butt, put a put a whole rubber band in
Speaker 2: your butt, and it's very It was very catchy. It
Speaker 2: was very well written.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, God just lock him in a room with
Speaker 1: uh coked up who did all that music with him?
Speaker 1: He spent like the weekend with Rick James. I think
Speaker 1: oh really made all those songs.
Speaker 2: I don't think you're a party all the time and
Speaker 2: all that.
Speaker 1: What were your favorite as kids?
Speaker 3: Like, what were your favorite comedy albums that that happened
Speaker 3: to listen to?
Speaker 2: Man Delirious I listened to and that's right when walkmans
Speaker 2: came out. So I have a very distinct memory of
Speaker 2: being on like the volleyball bus and my friend Patti
Speaker 2: Leoni snapped off one of the like you on your walkman,
Speaker 2: you could snap off us speaker and give it to
Speaker 2: somebody else and like then reattach it later. What you
Speaker 2: weren't breaking anything, And so we just held she had
Speaker 2: hers on, and then I held the thing up and
Speaker 2: we listened to that thing. Because we would always we
Speaker 2: were tiny high school, so we'd have to go play
Speaker 2: other tiny high schools, so we'd have to drive like
Speaker 2: up the you know, California coast, up into like point
Speaker 2: Arena and up by Eureka and like so far away
Speaker 2: just to find another school that was also tiny and
Speaker 2: bad at sports, and so you know, we'd like listened
Speaker 2: to the whole thing both sides a couple times, like
Speaker 2: there and back or whatever. So it was groundbreaking because
Speaker 2: it truly it wasn't like I felt like all the
Speaker 2: comedy I'd seen up till that point was like evening
Speaker 2: at the improv kind of mild everyone out of blaze.
Speaker 2: It was very like you can tell this joke at
Speaker 2: work or whatever, and it just felt so different, and
Speaker 2: it was just so genuinely hilarious. I just loved it.
Speaker 1: I remember watching that I Guess on cable when Yeah,
Speaker 1: like over and over and over and raw delirious and
Speaker 1: raw over and over and over and over. Oh man,
Speaker 1: I was obsessed with both of those.
Speaker 2: He's so good.
Speaker 1: I'm almost embarrassed that my first album comedy album that
Speaker 1: I knew was Andrew dice Clay because it was on Yeah.
Speaker 1: He was on Deaf Jam Deaf American, and so maybe
Speaker 1: that's how I found out about it. There was older
Speaker 1: kids in my neighborhood that were listening to it, but
Speaker 1: it was the same thing. You're saying, Karen, it was like,
Speaker 1: if you're used to the Blazer comedy of Late Night
Speaker 1: MTV half hour Comedy Hour with Mario Joyner, it's insane
Speaker 1: that someone's talking about squirting shampoo on the floor because
Speaker 1: he loves pert. I don't actually a lot of the stuff.
Speaker 1: I bet if I listened to it now, none of
Speaker 1: it would hit me the same way, but that it
Speaker 1: just happened to be the first.
Speaker 2: You don't think nurse dirty nursery rhymes would hold on?
Speaker 1: I know what. I never was into the und I'm like,
Speaker 1: this seems a little juvenile, and I was fifteen, But yeah,
Speaker 1: some of the stories like him getting very angry about
Speaker 1: expensive shampoos, so it would take the part shoot and
Speaker 1: shoot it all over the floor like someone's load. I
Speaker 1: take the joboba, So it was like a about him
Speaker 1: stealing shampoo actually, and I just thought, how hilarious to
Speaker 1: focus on that and tell it to a crowd of people.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I didn't like the rhyming. I've never liked rhyming.
Speaker 3: I think the only actual tape I had, though, was
Speaker 3: Adam Sandler's do you remember that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Right?
Speaker 3: I wishes it was mostly and songs so it wasn't
Speaker 3: stand up or anything. And it was the first time
Speaker 3: I heard sketch comedy. I think, yeah, I think you're right. Yeah,
Speaker 3: the goat in the back of the truck, there was
Speaker 3: a gut. He did all the voices. There was other
Speaker 3: people in it.
Speaker 1: I remembered.
Speaker 3: One where like he bought a bag of weed from
Speaker 3: a guy, but it was pencil shavings.
Speaker 1: And that's all I remember, Like that is the extent
Speaker 1: that I remember.
Speaker 3: I would listen to it over and over and over again,
Speaker 3: and I remember one word, like four words for one sketch.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny that at that time though, I yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think I did not realize comedy albums were
Speaker 1: a thing. I just didn't you didn't know that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I remember watching that whole like uh, like a
Speaker 3: live at the improvs and stuff, and I don't know,
Speaker 3: and I still want and maybe you guys have heard
Speaker 3: this joke and know what comedian this was. But I
Speaker 3: remember I was by thirteen. I saw this on like
Speaker 3: some variety show.
Speaker 1: It was.
Speaker 3: The joke was it was a dude, white dude in
Speaker 3: a blazer and he said, I was at the airport
Speaker 3: and I went to go to the use the bathroom,
Speaker 3: but they had a sign up that said please use
Speaker 3: floor below, and they didn't even put down paper or
Speaker 3: anything but that.
Speaker 1: I would laugh at that. I'm afraid if someone said
Speaker 1: it tomorrow, even having you heard you say it just now.
Speaker 1: I love that Steve Middleman bit for real.
Speaker 2: I want. I wanted so bad to be like Gary
Speaker 2: Mulder Dear. I just immediately know know the tomic by
Speaker 2: the most obscure airport jokes.
Speaker 1: I know, I was actually getting excited there. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I bet, I bet, I know who it is. Damn,
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: I have one that maybe you guys can identify. That's
Speaker 2: one of my favorite, or I shouldn't say my favorite.
Speaker 2: It's almost like the first stuff I saw.
Speaker 1: I loved.
Speaker 2: I loved it all. I loved the people were doing it.
Speaker 2: There didn't seem to be any it was like they're
Speaker 2: making it up right now, that idea where like everything
Speaker 2: about it seems so magical. But there was a guy
Speaker 2: that did this joke where he's at the grocery store
Speaker 2: and he says he he has all of his groceries
Speaker 2: and the last thing he has on the conveyor belt
Speaker 2: is a package of toilet paper, and then when he
Speaker 2: gets up to the when the woman's checking him out,
Speaker 2: he says to her, so for all of this, how
Speaker 2: much of like he's holding up the toilet paper, how
Speaker 2: much of this do I need for this? Is this enough?
Speaker 1: This?
Speaker 2: And he just keeps doing it.
Speaker 1: You know who that guy is?
Speaker 2: He was kind of he was blonde, He was kind
Speaker 2: of just like a regular guy looking. But I think
Speaker 2: about that joke all the time where I'm like, that's
Speaker 2: the you know, when you're trying to write comedy and
Speaker 2: you can't think of anything, and then you just start
Speaker 2: thinking of, well, like that's so easy, it's simple. Everyone
Speaker 2: can relate to it. And then you're just sort of like,
Speaker 2: why can't I think of it? Like like, where's my
Speaker 2: conveyor belt? Toilet paper?
Speaker 1: Yeah joke, And little did you know you would have
Speaker 1: dozens of them by the time you were thirty.
Speaker 2: It's my true inspiration.
Speaker 1: It seems crazy to me, But the one comic that
Speaker 1: I saw on one of those shows late at Night
Speaker 1: that I related to was Jay Moore because he had
Speaker 1: on a leather jacket and a Bad Brains T shirt.
Speaker 1: And it's like, there's a comedian that listens to Bad Brains.
Speaker 1: Oh that's crazy. Yeah, he actually did. He produced some
Speaker 1: documentary about Bad Brains just recently I noticed, but I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: But he was also a great stand up. He had
Speaker 2: great jokes, did amazing impressions, Like he was great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's crazy to me that I saw a
Speaker 1: version of him with like long surfer hair and a
Speaker 1: Bad Brains T shirt and a leather jacket, like he
Speaker 1: was trying that lookout. And he was also young. He
Speaker 1: was like one of the youngest comics I'd ever seen
Speaker 1: on one of those shows. Like, so thank you Jaymore
Speaker 1: for being my inspiration into getting into comedy.
Speaker 2: The week I started comedy, like I had wanted to
Speaker 2: do it, and I was hanging out at this one
Speaker 2: like it wasn't really an open mic night. It was
Speaker 2: kind of booked, but there was like a bunch. It
Speaker 2: was like twelve comics a showcase night, I guess. But
Speaker 2: and I hung out there for like almost over a
Speaker 2: month before I could get up the gets to do it.
Speaker 2: And then when I finally did it, I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: it's so original, Like I was convinced I was the
Speaker 2: only person like me to be doing stand up comedy.
Speaker 2: In the way I was doing it. And a week
Speaker 2: later I saw Janie Garoffalo on half hour Comedy Hour
Speaker 2: and I just stood up and started crying and walked
Speaker 2: out of the room, and all my friends were like, oh, Karen,
Speaker 2: poor kid, And it was like, I was like, there
Speaker 2: was no reason for me to be doing stand up
Speaker 2: comedy anymore if she's doing it, like she had black
Speaker 2: tights and cut off jeans over her black tights and
Speaker 2: combat boots and like, you know, a cool shirt or
Speaker 2: whatever and cool everything, like that's what I wanted to
Speaker 2: be like, And then she was doing her amaze, saying
Speaker 2: jokes like when she's saying to the waiter like tapping
Speaker 2: a wrist, like what time is it? And he's like, yes,
Speaker 2: was what is it? And she's like, oh, what bone
Speaker 2: is this? She's what else would she be asking? But
Speaker 2: what time is it? And he's liked, can I help
Speaker 2: you out?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: What bone is this? Like stuff like that, and then
Speaker 2: I was just like, oh, forget it. I don't I
Speaker 2: shouldn't be doing this. Literally started crying, and my friend's
Speaker 2: made fun of me so hard because it's just like,
Speaker 2: you know, how old.
Speaker 1: Are I was?
Speaker 2: Twenty?
Speaker 1: Uh? That's crushing. It was.
Speaker 2: It was terrible.
Speaker 3: Yeah, especially at twenty. I can't believe you tried it
Speaker 3: at twenty. I didn't try stand up until I was
Speaker 3: twenty nine.
Speaker 1: I was very old. Yeah. Oh quote unquote you can
Speaker 1: start any time, right, because you can't.
Speaker 2: I had just flunked out of college, so it was
Speaker 2: almost like it was my last gasp of doing anything
Speaker 2: at all before I was like, Okay, I'll just be
Speaker 2: a gut or drunk right, never do anything else with
Speaker 2: my life. So it was kind of like I had
Speaker 2: to really paint myself into a corner. So it wasn't
Speaker 2: like a cool plan like had all this great you know,
Speaker 2: I was doing great stuff and I was working up
Speaker 2: to it or whatever. It's like, well, if I'm not
Speaker 2: in college, maybe maybe my parents will like it if
Speaker 2: I do stand up comedy. Just like, no, it's not
Speaker 2: a solution.
Speaker 1: Yeah, where Yeah, what were your parents like what you
Speaker 1: said you wanted to be a comic current were they supportive?
Speaker 1: I'm still not sure if my dad knows. I think
Speaker 1: he knows. I think he knows. I'm sure he knows maybe,
Speaker 1: And I think my mom. My mom was just.
Speaker 3: So she was so supportive without ever understanding anything that
Speaker 3: I did. Do you know what I mean that it
Speaker 3: just was like slotted in with everything else. You know,
Speaker 3: at least you're not wearing a phone cord as a
Speaker 3: belt anymore. Like that's sure what she was thinking, like,
Speaker 3: that's fine, Okay.
Speaker 2: Did you just rip it off an old phone one day?
Speaker 2: Like was up your punk rock era?
Speaker 1: It sure was? It sure was had a it would
Speaker 1: be a classic outfit. Would it be a phone cord?
Speaker 3: And it was a curly Q phone cord around my waist,
Speaker 3: just tied with a wean a ripped Wien shirt and
Speaker 3: purple hair and that was.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and.
Speaker 3: Yep, that was that was And honestly she she missed
Speaker 3: most of the worst haircuts because I was at college
Speaker 3: when I did them. At one point I had a
Speaker 3: completely shaved head with just at I left the front
Speaker 3: and the front just this like little a coxcomb of
Speaker 3: hair in the front that I would then sculpt into
Speaker 3: two horns with pamad like like an hant sniffing out
Speaker 3: his his his place to go.
Speaker 2: Well the visual uh huh wait, I saw an Alice
Speaker 2: put together a very nice bio of you, which is
Speaker 2: always funny when it's someone that you already know, and
Speaker 2: then you're like, oh, I would like to know where
Speaker 2: he went to college. Finally the information I've wanted. But
Speaker 2: you went to Johns Hopkins. Were you pre med or
Speaker 2: was that a medical situation?
Speaker 1: No, that's what I wonder it was not. I mean
Speaker 1: I was not meet pre med. I was a philosophy.
Speaker 3: So you know the classic place you go for an
Speaker 3: English philosophy degree, Johnson's University. I like to be in
Speaker 3: a minority wherever I go, of what other people are doing. Yeah,
Speaker 3: there was like four other four other people that were
Speaker 3: also doing that and we all lived together, but we.
Speaker 1: Were definitely like not. The campus was very pre made.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and there was a big building on campus that
Speaker 3: Bloomberg had paid for Mike Bloomberg, and it was just
Speaker 3: like we are making weapons.
Speaker 1: WHOA. So yeah, So I think now it's a lot different,
Speaker 1: Like there's a theater department now, I think at Johns Hopkins.
Speaker 3: But when I was there, it was just like all
Speaker 3: the plays, we were just putting them on by ourselves.
Speaker 2: And what why was that your I imagine you got
Speaker 2: good grades, so you had a choice if you got
Speaker 2: into Johns Hopkins.
Speaker 3: You know, I think I only got into two places.
Speaker 3: I got into Johns Hopkins in Middlebury, and I decided
Speaker 3: to go to Johns Hopkins. Yeah, my dad had gone
Speaker 3: there and that was what I was. He was gonna
Speaker 3: help me if I went there.
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, okay, yes I will, I'll go.
Speaker 2: I'll go there and the thing you don't want me
Speaker 2: to do, it'll.
Speaker 1: Be yeah, it'll be great. I well I can.
Speaker 3: I can study useless things anywhere, pay for it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Everything that I wanted to do in college, they
Speaker 1: started those programs. Like the year I graduated, they all
Speaker 1: of a sudden there's a new building and they're like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: we teach pre film, animation, graphic design, everything I wanted
Speaker 1: to do prior to that. They're like, you can either
Speaker 1: teach art history or become a studio painter and try
Speaker 1: and do shows gallery shows. And I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 1: I want to draw things and get them in magazines
Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, we don't know anything about that.
Speaker 1: And then all that you yeah, yeah. I was like
Speaker 1: I should have taken a break and then come back,
Speaker 1: because yeah, now there's like a full on people put
Speaker 1: out animated films there. Just it's amazing to think of
Speaker 1: like if I had started making things at a younger
Speaker 1: age that because like then I left, I left school
Speaker 1: and then just started improvising. I was just improvising from
Speaker 1: like twenty two to twenty nine and not making a
Speaker 1: goddamn thing. I just wish I was making things earlier,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: I was just I had convinced myself that improv was
Speaker 3: like like some It was just like jazz man is
Speaker 3: the only art form that exists that is just created
Speaker 3: on the spot and it doesn't have a record, you know,
Speaker 3: Like I thought it was like so noble that I
Speaker 3: had nothing to show for seven years of work.
Speaker 1: Ye.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is because it was the nineties, right or
Speaker 2: two thousands, yeah, early two thousands, Yeah, early two thousands.
Speaker 2: I think that is what it was like pre internet mentality,
Speaker 2: and I came up in the midst of it where
Speaker 2: it's like, no matter what you did, you were a
Speaker 2: sellout unless you basically, you know, did exactly that, like
Speaker 2: did a thing that wasn't recorded, did a thing that
Speaker 2: wasn't rehearsed, did a thing that wasn't Nobody was paying you,
Speaker 2: like that was the only way to get invisible cred.
Speaker 2: And then social media came along and it's like, Nope,
Speaker 2: we're all going to make some money and we're all
Speaker 2: gonna be nice to each other. Get used to it.
Speaker 2: It's a completely it's a one eighty, everybody.
Speaker 1: It was a it's a real one eighty.
Speaker 3: It took me so long to not see telling people
Speaker 3: that I was performing as bragging.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Right?
Speaker 3: It took me so long to see promote self promotion
Speaker 3: as not like being braggy about what I was just
Speaker 3: like it was like, yeah, like ten years, ten years, yeah, definitely, yes, yeah,
Speaker 3: I still struggle with that, and it's so bad.
Speaker 1: I can't post another stand up clip. People are gonna
Speaker 1: think I'm riddled with confidence.
Speaker 2: Here's what I think is interesting though, after all this time.
Speaker 2: My biggest regret because it took me a really long
Speaker 2: time to ever take an improv of class. That turned
Speaker 2: out to be my biggest fear because I've a lot
Speaker 2: of control issues and I like to see things exactly
Speaker 2: how I see it, and then basically that's it. So
Speaker 2: stand up comedy is perfect, right because and then you're
Speaker 2: getting like applause for that, like he says, only my idea,
Speaker 2: it's only me, And so improv is like the opposite
Speaker 2: of that, and I was just like that, I can't
Speaker 2: do it, like there's no way. And my friend tricked
Speaker 2: me into doing an improv class with her because she's like,
Speaker 2: just come with me, you can audit, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: all right, I don't have anything else to do. So
Speaker 2: I went and the teachers immediately like no, no auditing,
Speaker 2: get up here, and I was like, this is like
Speaker 2: but I couldn't say that because it seems so unreasonable
Speaker 2: and kind of crazy where I'm like, this is my
Speaker 2: version of like of like jumping off a cliff or
Speaker 2: something like I can't do this. This is horrifying to me.
Speaker 2: And the first scene that I was ever in, I
Speaker 2: just went to one side of the stage started flipping burgers,
Speaker 2: but like like as if I was dying, just kind
Speaker 2: of like ugh, and the guy walked in and I
Speaker 2: just slowly turned my back so that it's like stop.
Speaker 2: Chris Barnes, amazing improv teacher, he was like, Karen, stops that.
Speaker 2: Why won't you acknowledge the person in your if you
Speaker 2: made it so that it's a hamburger stand, why won't
Speaker 2: you talk to the customer. I'm like, I don't know,
Speaker 2: I just don't want to, like it was all my
Speaker 2: instincts were perfectly incorrect, and it was it really was hard.
Speaker 2: And then once I started doing it, I was like,
Speaker 2: oh shit, this is like how you're supposed to be
Speaker 2: in the world. Like yes, anding reality and like being
Speaker 2: in it with other people and seeing what they bring
Speaker 2: and reacting, not planning ahead and not like you know,
Speaker 2: controlling everything, but just going with what's happening, which is
Speaker 2: so much harder than it sounds for some people in life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, up to that point, even in life, you were
Speaker 1: no budding.
Speaker 2: I know, butted the fuck out of things. It was
Speaker 2: my way.
Speaker 3: And also stand up is a no butt at almost
Speaker 3: the whole time. And I found it because I started
Speaker 3: doing stand up after doing seven years of improv and
Speaker 3: I was teaching improv. You know, it was like my
Speaker 3: whole life I struggled so much. It was like stand
Speaker 3: up was such a different brain that I was just like,
Speaker 3: I'm a very good impromiser. This is gonna be easy,
Speaker 3: and get up there. And my first five minutes was
Speaker 3: too like you know, dead, like not a single joke worked,
Speaker 3: and I was like, this is a lot of material
Speaker 3: to not work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, in a row.
Speaker 1: In a row it and I was like, it had
Speaker 1: I had to like rebuild my brain for it. And
Speaker 1: once I had rebuilt my brain, I stopped doing improv. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's I for a long time when I moved to Austin,
Speaker 1: because I moved there because of the big stinking Improv Festival.
Speaker 1: I don't know if either of you heard of that.
Speaker 1: I remember it just a couple of years, but that's
Speaker 1: my group went there, and that's when I got introduced
Speaker 1: to stand up. And so when I moved there, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I can do both, because they would
Speaker 1: have like improv at eight and then nine o'clock there's
Speaker 1: stand up, and I'd be on both shows. And I
Speaker 1: did that for a while, but I realized there was
Speaker 1: like there was nights I was able to do stand
Speaker 1: up and absolutely it could not do improv and then
Speaker 1: vice versa. It's just obviously a different part of your brain.
Speaker 1: If you're feeling loose and playful, I don't you would
Speaker 1: think that would be helpful for stand up too, but
Speaker 1: I never did well at both in the same night. Ever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's always alternate.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is very I've also seen some improvisers do
Speaker 2: stand up and eat it when on paper what they
Speaker 2: were saying was funny. But what I realized, like, there's
Speaker 2: a couple of people I've watched and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: they're doing It's not them doing stand up, They're doing
Speaker 2: the character of a stand up comedian, right, is what
Speaker 2: I think? Yes, as an audience member, that's what I
Speaker 2: was feeling, like the audience was interpreting. Whereas if everybody
Speaker 2: other person is getting up, even if they're eating it,
Speaker 2: they're being themselves eating it, and that's the audience can feel.
Speaker 2: It's like that credit you're getting for just even standing
Speaker 2: there and saying your real thoughts as opposed to kind
Speaker 2: of doing a voice or being present, where immediately the
Speaker 2: audience is like, you're not actually doing it, so we're
Speaker 2: not gonna like laugh at this. It's an interesting I
Speaker 2: don't know. I think I find those two things fascinating,
Speaker 2: and I really do. Having been in the nineties like
Speaker 2: improv phobic, I became such a believer after that, Whereas
Speaker 2: like that one class kind of just snapped me out
Speaker 2: of it, where it's like you have to be open
Speaker 2: to things to think things are funny and do me
Speaker 2: funny in the moment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that divide. That's what I experienced in Austin. People
Speaker 1: were like, you have to choose one or the other.
Speaker 1: You can't do both, and I'm like why not? And
Speaker 1: then so it was pressure from other stand ups and
Speaker 1: it's like you can't got rules, Chris. Yeah, they did
Speaker 1: rules and they were a lot. There was two camps
Speaker 1: and you couldn't be in both. Yes, very straight. It's
Speaker 1: obviously not that way anymore.
Speaker 3: I also find when people come from improv to start
Speaker 3: doing stand up, there's an obsession with the form of
Speaker 3: stand up, and so all of their first jokes or
Speaker 3: I see it a lot at least, are making fun
Speaker 3: of the tropes of stand up or the like holding
Speaker 3: the mic or adjusting the mic like that bit. I've
Speaker 3: seen so, you know, so many times from people like
Speaker 3: starting off or like the idea of like ladies, am
Speaker 3: I right? You know, and like doing the things that
Speaker 3: are like the callback to the audience. It's like people
Speaker 3: being like, these are all the things I noticed about
Speaker 3: stand up, but when you do them, the audience is like, yeah,
Speaker 3: doesn't we want to see like you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And there's a little bit of when you do
Speaker 2: a true I mean, I'm thinking of a very specific night.
Speaker 2: It was at Little Joy and I think Chris you
Speaker 2: were probably on the show, and everyone was doing having
Speaker 2: very different sets. So I was like, what is going
Speaker 2: on with this audience because it was like one person
Speaker 2: would get up that you know, was hilarious and it
Speaker 2: would just be dead silent, and then another person would
Speaker 2: get up and they would be fine, but they would
Speaker 2: be killing and I'm like, oh, are those all your friends?
Speaker 2: What is it? And I was like getting very analytical
Speaker 2: about like what is this and how do we do
Speaker 2: this or whatever? And then one person got up that
Speaker 2: was basically introduced by saying that they do improv or something,
Speaker 2: and that's what he was. It was like he was
Speaker 2: up there to go this is what stand up is,
Speaker 2: but almost sarcastically, and the audience might as well have
Speaker 2: all like cross their arms at the same time they were.
Speaker 2: It was so funny and interesting in that way where
Speaker 2: it's like, oh, you're going to do this five more
Speaker 2: times and then you're going to actually just be doing
Speaker 2: it instead of doing the voice. Yeah, you don't have
Speaker 2: to have that thing up.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes it is. It's like a.
Speaker 3: It's an attempt to have like a critical I'm making
Speaker 3: fun of the the of stand up, but you're doing.
Speaker 2: Stand up, you're doing it, You're in it.
Speaker 3: So the audience feels the inherent honesty there.
Speaker 1: I think, you know, yeah, or it's probably a product
Speaker 1: of the fact that Little Joy usually was just comics
Speaker 1: stand up other stand ups waiting to go out there? Yes,
Speaker 1: every time? And which is I mean that that That
Speaker 1: place is a block from my house and lately I've
Speaker 1: been going there to if golf isn't boring enough, I've
Speaker 1: really gotten into playing pool and there's like a league
Speaker 1: night down there. And now it's a shame they're they're
Speaker 1: close playing game you're going to play.
Speaker 2: When my bingo is down on the corner.
Speaker 1: I have a stick that's in my Amazon cart right now.
Speaker 1: I haven't pulled the trigger on it because they've closed
Speaker 1: for a month. They're renovating and they're actually Little Dooy's
Speaker 1: taking that performance space out and guess what they're putting
Speaker 1: in there, Uh, the pool table. So I'm doing this
Speaker 1: is going to be really bad for my career, but
Speaker 1: not my future on ESPN shot fair Banks, Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: snooker competition. How does he always know where to leave
Speaker 1: the cup ball cubeball? Oh, there's a coyote in the
Speaker 1: on the table.
Speaker 2: You and your coyote.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a shame. I didn't realize I would miss
Speaker 1: that that space there's I was so embarrassed when I
Speaker 1: would go there because Monday night is a night for
Speaker 1: playing pool. And Anna Saragina and all those people that
Speaker 1: run a show right now, Megan Caster, they all would
Speaker 1: come out after a show and I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're doing stand up, which is the thing I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to do for a living, and I'm just get to work. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I try and hide my black fingerless glove that I require.
Speaker 1: That makes me.
Speaker 2: Sad that room is going away. Yeah, it was so cool.
Speaker 1: It's kind of been hitting me the last couple of
Speaker 1: weeks of them being closed. Also the fact that I've
Speaker 1: been healthy and sober and waking up early because of
Speaker 1: my unhealthy Billiard's lifestyle is on hold.
Speaker 2: Really makes you think, yeah.
Speaker 1: It is there. No one gets on ESPN, bowling or
Speaker 1: playing pool without some damage to their liver, without a divorce, yeah,
Speaker 1: or without someone leaving you.
Speaker 2: Kurt, do you guys? Two questions?
Speaker 1: Two parter, I'm ready?
Speaker 2: Do you still do? Hot Tub? The legendary comedy show.
Speaker 1: Yes we do. We've started up again and it's Wednesday
Speaker 1: nights at Permanent Records Roadhouse and my favorite and you
Speaker 1: guys both have to come and do it anytime they
Speaker 1: want to get up. It's awesome.
Speaker 3: It's outside, so you know, COVID friendly guys, and it's
Speaker 3: just such a cool space because as soon as like
Speaker 3: the show ends, there's a band that's inside, so literally
Speaker 3: as you're leaving your like, here's just a great local
Speaker 3: band that I've never heard of, and I just always
Speaker 3: like hang out and watch a couple songs and it
Speaker 3: feels very cool.
Speaker 1: Yep. Last time I performed there, went in saw Frankie
Speaker 1: in the Witch Fingers, rocked out and bought a T shirt. Nice,
Speaker 1: I have a tea shirt. I have nothing to show
Speaker 1: for my set that night, but I do have my
Speaker 1: first on purpose Ti Di shirt. It's the coolest. It's
Speaker 1: one of the coolest venues in LA right now. It
Speaker 1: really is, and doing it this week, I'm very excited.
Speaker 2: It also looks like a dive bar from the nineties,
Speaker 2: like the checkered floor, red vinyl booths, Budweiser, Tiffany lamp.
Speaker 2: I mean that like the first time I walked in.
Speaker 2: It was like my heart, like, this is a real
Speaker 2: blast from the past. But they're not being like kitchy
Speaker 2: or anything. It's just like, no, this is what a
Speaker 2: cool bar. This is what it feels like. Is what
Speaker 2: it looks like. Yes, and then that perfect stage at
Speaker 2: the end, it's I love that place.
Speaker 3: The last the when you said the checkered floor, the
Speaker 3: checker floor is a big thing. And I remember the
Speaker 3: very first time I ever encountered that was at this
Speaker 3: that no longer exists in Baltimore, Maryland, in a section
Speaker 3: of Baltimore called pig Town, And only Baltimore would have
Speaker 3: a section of town called Pigtown because it was where
Speaker 3: the slaughterhouses were, but then human beings lived there, and
Speaker 3: so it was like slaughterhouses and junk yards and salvage yards,
Speaker 3: and then a fucking neighborhood and Memory Lanes was there,
Speaker 3: and it was like a fifty styled punk rock dive
Speaker 3: bar that would have shows there. And I spent my
Speaker 3: twenty first birthday there like getting drunk. Saw so many
Speaker 3: good shows there in Baltimore. Oh, it was a delight,
Speaker 3: a delight. If anybody remembers Memory Lanes and Pig the best.
Speaker 1: They knew that you would think about it later. Memory lanes,
Speaker 1: Remember if you when did you first start doing things
Speaker 1: with shall?
Speaker 3: Was that two thousand and four February twenty second, two
Speaker 3: thousand and four.
Speaker 1: Because so, I bet the university's coming up. Living in
Speaker 1: I lived with Tig in that year. Tig was on
Speaker 1: the road for I think a couple months, and Kristen
Speaker 1: took over her bedroom and we were like roommates for
Speaker 1: just a couple months. And I can't remember where she
Speaker 1: had moved from, but I know she was new to town.
Speaker 1: That had to be. That was my second year in
Speaker 1: La So in La yeah, for a little mile. Oh
Speaker 1: it was New York. This was New York, two thousand
Speaker 1: and four, New York. I think when did she move.
Speaker 1: I think she maybe would come out.
Speaker 3: She would stay in Tig's back house when she came
Speaker 3: out for like pilot season and stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, and this one of the okay,
Speaker 1: and she had done that a few times, but this
Speaker 1: time someone a DJ or someone was living in the
Speaker 1: back who I think broke in and stole tigs TV,
Speaker 1: one of the first things Tig ever bought. And I
Speaker 1: don't know why I went in her room. Don't tell her,
Speaker 1: but I peeked in there and there was just a
Speaker 1: broken window and her brand new TV was gone. And
Speaker 1: I called her immediately because I love spreading bad news,
Speaker 1: but one, yeah, dude, doesn't. Kristen's stayed in there for
Speaker 1: a while and we'd have coffee in the kitchen, and
Speaker 1: I was, yeah, we lived together for a short time.
Speaker 1: Look at that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's going to be eighteen years of stand of
Speaker 3: us doing the show.
Speaker 2: That's amazing soon. That's great.
Speaker 1: Isn't that crazy? Was hot Tub just a random why'd
Speaker 1: you name your show hot tub? Because we were trying
Speaker 1: to come up with the name and I had been
Speaker 1: in a hot tub, Okay, I not that that would
Speaker 1: be the story actual reason.
Speaker 3: I had been in a hot tub in like for
Speaker 3: New Years, and so we were like, come, trying to
Speaker 3: come up with a flyer, and I had a photograph
Speaker 3: of we had like rented a hot tub because we
Speaker 3: had rented a house in upstate New York, I think
Speaker 3: to go skiing or something, and then we rented a
Speaker 3: hot tub because like the company would just come and
Speaker 3: like in laid a hot tub in the backyard and
Speaker 3: fill it up.
Speaker 1: And so when you like arrived. It was like hot
Speaker 1: and ready to go.
Speaker 3: It's like, uh, the fact that I had the wherewithal
Speaker 3: to do that at twenty nine blows my mind away,
Speaker 3: you know. And I have this awesome photograph of all
Speaker 3: of us in there, but all of our faces are
Speaker 3: obscured by like the steam, except for my one buddy Mike,
Speaker 3: who has this giant beard on and he's so high
Speaker 3: and he's holding a beer and he's like looking out
Speaker 3: and it looks like it's from the seventies or something.
Speaker 3: And so I gave that photograph to a buddy of
Speaker 3: mine and he just like you know, just did some
Speaker 3: graphic design magic.
Speaker 1: And that was like our first flyer, which was oh okay,
Speaker 1: hot Day and it was a wet Jubilee of Comedy
Speaker 1: was the name of it originally, and the originally when
Speaker 1: we had Hot Tub, there was an animal race that
Speaker 1: was happened every show for like the first six months
Speaker 1: of the show, and there was a lot of animals
Speaker 1: lost in the space. You would line them up and
Speaker 1: they would make it to a finish line.
Speaker 3: Yes, we so we would like once we did cockroaches,
Speaker 3: the theater did not like that. We did sand shit,
Speaker 3: we did sandworms once they're disgusting.
Speaker 1: We did crickets. The theater really didn't like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this seems more like bugs we were doing. We did snails. Well,
Speaker 1: the thing is we had to have animals that you
Speaker 1: could like keep it apo us. Oh my god, So
Speaker 1: we kind of stopped. We stopped shortly after. But and
Speaker 1: then we felt, you know, because we just started the show.
Speaker 1: We were like, people are gonna be really disappointed. This
Speaker 1: is by the way.
Speaker 3: We would sell out at forty tickets and we were like,
Speaker 3: people are gonna be so upset that we've got.
Speaker 1: Annibal races this comedy show. We were like, really worried.
Speaker 2: There is a part the reason they're coming.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people, you would always be like, what is happening?
Speaker 1: Why is this happening? At the end, people, it's surprising.
Speaker 1: There's this Brennan's pub near where I lived in Venice
Speaker 1: and they had turtle racing, which I did not. It
Speaker 1: was it's people yelling and screaming and the turtles are
Speaker 1: running in a panic like they are not enjoying it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we realized it was they do know to go in
Speaker 1: a straight line, and people get very competitive and it's
Speaker 1: just not my scene. Not my scene at all. I
Speaker 1: would prefer to play chicken shit Bengo. I prefer to
Speaker 1: keep going to these underground dog fights. I didn't bet
Speaker 1: at all.
Speaker 2: Chris.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but it's just the the energy in the room.
Speaker 1: It can't be duplicated, the passion.
Speaker 2: I thought when you said that, I was imagining that
Speaker 2: you were having, like comedians that were on the show,
Speaker 2: bring a pet to race like. And maybe it's because
Speaker 2: when my sister was in garden. This is like the
Speaker 2: legendary family story. When my sister was in kindergarten, they
Speaker 2: had a day in kindergarten, so five year olds called
Speaker 2: pet parade, and you just brought your pet, dog, cat,
Speaker 2: whatever you wanted to school and so they could walk
Speaker 2: it in a circle at pet parade in the kindergarten.
Speaker 2: So my sister brings our cat, Taffy, who was just
Speaker 2: one of them orange cats that we found in the
Speaker 2: crick and of course Taffy spends maybe twenty seconds there
Speaker 2: and there's dogs around and other cats, and Taffy flips out.
Speaker 2: My sister's trying to hold it as a five year old,
Speaker 2: and Taffy scratches her eye directly underneath, so she almost
Speaker 2: lost an eye, but instead it was just a scar
Speaker 2: she had till she was like in high school, but
Speaker 2: wasn't It wasn't like it almost looked like a crease.
Speaker 2: But we talk about it where it's like who doesn't
Speaker 2: know that animals don't get along? Like those animals probably
Speaker 2: won't get along, and that the people in charge of
Speaker 2: the animals just got here. They're five or six years old,
Speaker 2: six macs and they're in charge of pet parade, like
Speaker 2: the most psychotic idea. I think.
Speaker 1: I can't even imagine.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't even let my five year old walk our
Speaker 3: dog current like at all at all, at all at all,
Speaker 3: So that is amazing that like that, that was like
Speaker 3: every cause there's definitely not it's not all small dogs.
Speaker 1: There's just some normally big dogs that they're.
Speaker 2: Absolutely And also Laura didn't my sister didn't have the
Speaker 2: cat on a leaf. We don't have that, so it
Speaker 2: was just her holding the cat for And also both
Speaker 2: my parents worked, no one was with her. I'm sure
Speaker 2: my carpool dropped her off with the cat and it
Speaker 2: was like good luck.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Will refused to believe that day ever went off
Speaker 1: without a hitch. I do not think there is ever
Speaker 1: a successful cat day, what if it was?
Speaker 2: It was always great until my sister and then she
Speaker 2: in it for everybody with taffy.
Speaker 1: Well, I hope she believes that.
Speaker 3: I do have a weird way to marry our conversation
Speaker 3: about hot tub and the pet parade is that for
Speaker 3: a hot tub? In I think two thousand and eleven,
Speaker 3: I did the nine to eleven Memorial Puppy Parade and
Speaker 3: it was at the top of the show, and we
Speaker 3: had we did exactly that.
Speaker 1: We walked around the block. I had a marching band
Speaker 1: and everyone brought their dogs to the show, and then
Speaker 1: we marched around the block with a marching band, and
Speaker 1: I had a big banner that says nine to eleven
Speaker 1: and then we brought everybody back to uh there that
Speaker 1: we just started the show. That was just like how
Speaker 1: it happened. But this was not because there was a
Speaker 1: version of this that you did at Bridgetown and I
Speaker 1: actually was in the parade marched with people. Oh there
Speaker 1: was a barching bed, but it wasn't an ID eleven
Speaker 1: memorial parade. It was just to celebrate. I think everyone
Speaker 1: was going to get cookies or donuts or maybe I'm
Speaker 1: doing what I've done many times and confused you with
Speaker 1: Andy Kaufman. He brought us when I was a child
Speaker 1: to get cookies.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's right.
Speaker 3: And that Bridgetown show, there was also a guy on
Speaker 3: a unicycle just as Darth Vader with a bagpipe that
Speaker 3: shot fire.
Speaker 1: Do you remember him? No?
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I think we marched past him and he
Speaker 3: did a performance while we were like marching past.
Speaker 1: But it was this was crazy, like a steampunk. Did
Speaker 1: he have one of those utility kilts.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he had a kilt on, yes, he had to,
Speaker 3: and he had a Darth Vader mask and a bagpipes
Speaker 3: that played music but then also shot fire out the tops.
Speaker 1: That had to be a modification. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that wasn't a real bagpipe. That's not from the store.
Speaker 2: It doesn't come though.
Speaker 1: They don't do that at Guitars Center.
Speaker 2: But you hired that guy to be someone you passed
Speaker 2: or was it?
Speaker 1: No? No, No, we hired that would be amazing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know if we paid him, but he was
Speaker 1: definitely part of the entertainment.
Speaker 2: You invited him, that's what matters. He was invited. Well,
Speaker 2: I just want to say, because we should have you
Speaker 2: plug things like your newest special, Perfectly Stupid, that you
Speaker 2: just released at the end of last year, right.
Speaker 3: M Yeah, you can watch it for free right now.
Speaker 3: It's called Perfectly Stupid, and it's on YouTube. And if
Speaker 3: you don't want to watch it on YouTube on your computer,
Speaker 3: you can watch it on Amazon for five bucks. The
Speaker 3: New York Times said it was good. So you know
Speaker 3: somebody likes it, just one person.
Speaker 2: You know, you know it's anti trans the entire time.
Speaker 1: What from the bottom, And yeah, it's I'm very proud
Speaker 1: of it. I'm very happy with it how it turned.
Speaker 2: Congratulations getting Actually, to be honest, getting a great review
Speaker 2: from the New York Times is a big deal that
Speaker 2: they don't give those out easy.
Speaker 3: I have been trying for eighteen years, and you did it,
Speaker 3: and it felt very good. I was like, oh good,
Speaker 3: even though I was paid nothing for the special, I
Speaker 3: am paid in kind words from the New York Times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Kurt, that's exactly was my situation. Pay for it
Speaker 1: on Amazon or it's free on YouTube. I like to
Speaker 1: give people that option. But I didn't have a review.
Speaker 1: I had a review in the Saturday Evening Post. It
Speaker 1: was a magazine Normaze illustrate yet nice. Well you know
Speaker 1: how a lot of my jokes are World War two era,
Speaker 1: yeah period bits.
Speaker 2: Listener if you haven't watched it, because you also have
Speaker 2: two other commtists one two. Kurt is truly one of
Speaker 2: the best stand up comedians I've ever seen. You are, honestly,
Speaker 2: and I don't tell you this enough for directly enough,
Speaker 2: but when I watch you do comedy, I'm like, that
Speaker 2: is how it is supposed to be done. It's so smart,
Speaker 2: it is so truly delightful and beautifully developed and completely accessible.
Speaker 2: Like it's not it's smart, not snobby, It's always hilarious
Speaker 2: and then gets more hilarious, Like you have blown my
Speaker 2: mind multiple times when I've watched you live.
Speaker 1: Oh, I really thank you.
Speaker 3: It's nice to hear that because I'm just writing all
Speaker 3: new material now and I.
Speaker 1: Feel like a real idiot, isn't the It's the worst feeling.
Speaker 1: I really feel like I spent my entire career, especially
Speaker 1: since when I finally made a special a lot of
Speaker 1: the material was there's versions of it on my very
Speaker 1: first album, like it's spanning and embarrassing twenty and now
Speaker 1: I really feel like I have to start over, and
Speaker 1: that pressure has been sitting here for like three years,
Speaker 1: and it's still what I'm saying is much like the
Speaker 1: loss of a loved one. It never gets easier, and
Speaker 1: it really does, no matter how many times you go
Speaker 1: through it. You're still like, well, I guess I don't
Speaker 1: have any more ideas. Yeah, there always is that feeling
Speaker 1: where and it's like it's simply not true, but it's
Speaker 1: very difficult to not feel it. I mean, it's true
Speaker 1: that you get fewer and fewer ideas. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: just how the world works.
Speaker 2: That's just how brains work in time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, eighty years old, being like, I gotta I gotta
Speaker 1: have one more.
Speaker 2: Uh, delightful to talk to you. Thank you so much
Speaker 2: for doing You're the best.
Speaker 1: Thank you put us both in a good mood. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say a better mood I am. Yeah, Yeah, we're
Speaker 1: gonna be when we log off after this, we're all
Speaker 1: going to be alone in our place, just whistling. That's
Speaker 1: what people do when they're in a good mood, right,
Speaker 1: or if they're a serial killer, that they whistle to
Speaker 1: you know what I've just remembered. I fucking hate whistling.
Speaker 1: It's very cool, even if you're good at it. Don't
Speaker 1: do it and I'm talking to you guy from Scorpions. Wow, yeah,
Speaker 1: now I do personal. That's my dog celebrating the wall
Speaker 1: coming down, the bur lit wall coming down. I know
Speaker 1: I'm more of a hasslehoff guy Chris Love.
Speaker 2: And he didn't want that wall coming down. He was
Speaker 2: for it. He loves it.
Speaker 1: Well watched Kurt anywhere you see comedy with a parade after.
Speaker 1: He's one of the best. And thank you for being
Speaker 1: on our podcast, Kurt. Thank you for talking about buttholes
Speaker 1: and animals too, all the assignments I gave you you've been
Speaker 1: listening to. Do you need a ride? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: this voice will never get better. D y nar Ai
Speaker 1: I a minute too. I got called up, I got
Speaker 1: caught up in. This has been an exactly Right production.
Speaker 2: Produced by Annalise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi. Our talent
Speaker 2: booker is Patrick Coottner.
Speaker 1: Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.
Speaker 2: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter,
Speaker 2: and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.
Speaker 1: For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Oh You're welcome.