Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, Hello listeners. How are you today?
Speaker 1: How is everybody today? I hope just wonderful? Yes I
Speaker 1: do too. You know who's thriving at home? Who Berniece is?
Speaker 1: She is? She just really every time one of my
Speaker 1: dogs dies, the other dog is fucking happy. Now she
Speaker 1: gets all the attention. And yeah, I realized how marginalized
Speaker 1: she must have felt. I mean, she was always the
Speaker 1: one who wanted to be spoiled the most, right I
Speaker 1: think so, Yeah, because she looks now like she's now.
Speaker 1: She's flirty, like she comes in like care you up,
Speaker 1: let's hang, and it's really cute, and she doesn't seem
Speaker 1: to be bothered by the fact that Bert isn't there
Speaker 1: at all. Oh, and that happened also when my older
Speaker 1: dog Tammy died and Chunk was left, he got a
Speaker 1: pep in his step as soon as she was out
Speaker 1: of the way. That is an interesting dynamic, like maybe
Speaker 1: they were just waiting for the other one. Today they
Speaker 1: clearly don't have the affinity for the other dogs is
Speaker 1: the way that we want to believe that they do.
Speaker 1: You want to believe your children love each other, but
Speaker 1: the reality is they don't. So we had a dog
Speaker 1: who was a Great Pyrenees, and there were these huge dogs.
Speaker 1: They're all white, and this dog sort of had the
Speaker 1: personality of a cat, very like I'll come to you
Speaker 1: sort of energy. And when our older dog died, she
Speaker 1: who she had basically been raised by, she turned orange
Speaker 1: and she got super depressed. She did also get more
Speaker 1: like snuggly, wanted to be with you, wanted to hang out.
Speaker 1: She definitely became more of a people person. About two
Speaker 1: dogs now they're in love, right, Well, that's actually an
Speaker 1: interesting conversation because apparently we didn't know that you're not
Speaker 1: technically supposed to get sibling puppies, and so there was
Speaker 1: a little bit of an adjustment period where they were
Speaker 1: like fighting all the time. And I know, honestly, like
Speaker 1: I was so upset about it because they were fighting
Speaker 1: like in this way, these tiny puppies and just like
Speaker 1: fighting this way that was like really aggressive, nobody's drawn blood.
Speaker 1: But I was like, I don't know what we're gonna do, Brad.
Speaker 1: We might have to re home Lottie because she's like
Speaker 1: going after Wendell. And then I found this perfect solution,
Speaker 1: which was basically training them out of it by using
Speaker 1: a squirt bottle, and I did not think it would work,
Speaker 1: and it fully works. It just snaps them out of
Speaker 1: an argument and then we do a little training. Calm
Speaker 1: is their new command after they like break up a
Speaker 1: fight and they have to come and sit calmly. So
Speaker 1: now they're starting to like when I stay calm, They're
Speaker 1: just coming over and like breaking it up. So I'm
Speaker 1: so relieved, honestly, and it's getting a lottery something that
Speaker 1: I would not be equipped to deal. No, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: I had no thought in my mind that it could
Speaker 1: be a bad thing, and so careful out there. If
Speaker 1: you're trying to get a puppy, don't get to you
Speaker 1: know what. I just okay, Well, if you don't want
Speaker 1: a puppy, you can buy a hyperbaric chamber. I just
Speaker 1: got one of those installed into my house because I
Speaker 1: came back from skiing and my knees are just so
Speaker 1: messed up. So I got one, and then I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to get one of my lasers done.
Speaker 1: I'm going to get a CEO two laser on my
Speaker 1: face and neck. And so I'm cited about this because
Speaker 1: they're not as strong as ones you get for your
Speaker 1: house as the ones where you go to like a clinic.
Speaker 1: I get it done, but you could sleep in it
Speaker 1: if you want. Really, yeah, would you do that? I
Speaker 1: doubt it. But I can go in there and read
Speaker 1: for two hours a day, you know what I mean? Right,
Speaker 1: that's easy, Like I can last night. I did one
Speaker 1: hour tonight, I'm gonna do two. You have to be
Speaker 1: cumulative about Yeah, you can't just like start with four
Speaker 1: hours or well no, I mean like you have to
Speaker 1: be consistent and do it. Like if you do it
Speaker 1: once in a while, it doesn't work, I don't think,
Speaker 1: does it? Deep puff, Like, what's the what's like you're
Speaker 1: getting one hundred and fifty I'm at one atmospheric pressure,
Speaker 1: which you know, me and my space degree. Who the
Speaker 1: fuck knows what that means. But you're at like one
Speaker 1: hundred and fifty percent oxygen, whereas we're at fifty percent
Speaker 1: right now, Like we're getting fifty percent of oxygen. I
Speaker 1: don't know what else we're getting rogen Maybe I don't
Speaker 1: know another thing. I don't know carbon dioxide. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure what's happening. Carbon monoxide probably a little bit of
Speaker 1: that too. So yeah, it's supposed to be really good
Speaker 1: for injuries, inflammation, reducing swelling, you know, all that stuff.
Speaker 1: So the house we bought has a pool and we
Speaker 1: have not yet put a heater in it. I'm like,
Speaker 1: should I just become one of those people who does
Speaker 1: cold plunges? I don't know. I don't know if I'm
Speaker 1: brave enough for that, but I'm tempted. Have you ever
Speaker 1: done one? I have. I just got one of those
Speaker 1: things too, a cold plunge pool. Yeah. I haven't used
Speaker 1: it yet though, I'm saving that for the new house
Speaker 1: when it's ready. Yeah, I don't think I need both
Speaker 1: of those things. I think I like cold, actually, but
Speaker 1: I don't like it that cold. That's a little but
Speaker 1: that's got to be really good for you. And that's
Speaker 1: only three minutes. Like a hyperbaric chamber, you have to
Speaker 1: be in for an hour, you know, two hours a day.
Speaker 1: Like that's a little to more time consuming, but a
Speaker 1: good excuse to read and not be on my phone.
Speaker 1: Take some time in the hyperbaric chamber. Chelsea, I'm so
Speaker 1: excited for our guest today. It's Bianca. Do you want
Speaker 1: to tell us a little bit about her? Okay. Bianca
Speaker 1: del Rio is the host of the pit Stop, which
Speaker 1: is the official review show of RuPaul's Drag Race, and
Speaker 1: her alter ego is Roy Heylock, and that's who's here today.
Speaker 1: Hello Roy, Hello high sweet cheeks. How are you? We're
Speaker 1: happy to see you. Since drag It's such a hot
Speaker 1: topic these last few months, drag shows are being banned.
Speaker 1: Was it the state of Mississippi or Tennessee? Tennessee, Okay,
Speaker 1: which is very confusing because what's Nashville going to do? Well? Also,
Speaker 1: like what's Dolly Parton gonna do? I mean, let's be
Speaker 1: real here, drag It's a serious thing. Tennessee's all fucked
Speaker 1: up that they're not as bad as Florida though, but
Speaker 1: it is pretty insane that this is happening. Have they
Speaker 1: been banned in Florida to drag shows? No, not yet,
Speaker 1: but it's on their way. You know. DeSantis is losing
Speaker 1: his mind over there, so he's just been creeping out
Speaker 1: on other topics, basically about the trans youth and dealing
Speaker 1: with trans people in general, because apparently the orders that
Speaker 1: they're making are just kind of vague. It's like blanket
Speaker 1: situations where it's leading things to where they could kind
Speaker 1: of decide what they think is right or wrong in
Speaker 1: the moment. Yeah, yeah, which is kind of fucked. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's taking a lot of latitude because he's going after
Speaker 1: everything that's going to make him like a political hero, right,
Speaker 1: like taking the power away from Disney World, which doesn't
Speaker 1: sound actually that bad when you read about it, because
Speaker 1: you're like, wait, why is Disney World have their own municipality?
Speaker 1: Like what is that? But whatever? Forget about that when
Speaker 1: we're talking about critical race theory, when we're talking about
Speaker 1: LGBTQ and in books, and then now they're you know,
Speaker 1: I was funny. I posted something the other day about
Speaker 1: banning books in Florida and how you know, Floridians really
Speaker 1: need to get their shit together, blah blah blah, and
Speaker 1: I got all these responses from people who's saying, well,
Speaker 1: I mean there's pornographic material in these books, and I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's not what we're talking about. Solely. We're not talking
Speaker 1: about porn. We're talking about exposure to LGBTQ people, and
Speaker 1: we're talking about critical race theory, like porn is the
Speaker 1: least of it. And I mean, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: porn in the Bible. Let's be real these people that
Speaker 1: clutch up to the Bible. I'm so done with the
Speaker 1: religious aspect of it or the people that say my
Speaker 1: moral compasses and is about this, and I live by
Speaker 1: the Bible. You know what, Go clean the Catholic Church.
Speaker 1: Go fix that motherfucker's because this is your people, this
Speaker 1: is your deal. You know, there's gaze in the church
Speaker 1: walking around with a purse that's on fire, up and
Speaker 1: down the aisle, wearing robes, telling stories. It's no different
Speaker 1: than Children's Story Hour. But why don't you fix that
Speaker 1: raping children? I mean, hello, why don't you give me
Speaker 1: one priest and one person who dresses in drag and
Speaker 1: see what their record is of assaulting little children? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree, I completely agree. It's just absolutely insane. It's
Speaker 1: also this thing now where I think that they have
Speaker 1: to find a way to, as you said, to become
Speaker 1: the hero. So they're just picking on any group they
Speaker 1: can possibly do this with, and it's just insane that
Speaker 1: this is the topic now. It's like, look, I'm a
Speaker 1: person who does drag obviously, and I don't believe in
Speaker 1: children coming to my show. My show is always eighteen
Speaker 1: twenty one up. That's my thing. So I'm not one
Speaker 1: of the children's story our people, but I never neither am.
Speaker 1: I yeah, agreed, but it's that thing where I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, this is not my thing. But I do
Speaker 1: understand that if a parent feels that, hey, this is
Speaker 1: what I want to do, bring my child or expose
Speaker 1: them too, that they should have the right to do it.
Speaker 1: You know, it shouldn't be up to quote unquote legislation
Speaker 1: or some guy with small dick energy. It all just
Speaker 1: is so counterintuitive to the Republican Party's platform. You know,
Speaker 1: not to get too political here, but like you know,
Speaker 1: Republicans are historically known for getting decisions out of government.
Speaker 1: They hate big government, they hate it when it's talking
Speaker 1: about taking people's rights away, and they're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we want to handle this. So it's just so hypocritical,
Speaker 1: all of it. I mean, obviously, the Republican Party has
Speaker 1: lost their way a long time ago, so we can't
Speaker 1: be expecting too much from them, especially with people like
Speaker 1: Ronda Santas. It was funny I listened to this thing
Speaker 1: on Ronda Santas yesterday, like the Genesis of Santas, and
Speaker 1: I forgot remember you guys, when that commercial came out
Speaker 1: before Trump was elected because everyone had to like cozy
Speaker 1: up to Trump because he was looking like the possible candidate.
Speaker 1: But it was like in twenty eighteen, I think when
Speaker 1: De Santis ran for Congress originally and he had to
Speaker 1: put an ad together and his wife was like, he
Speaker 1: plays with our kids and what they were playing was
Speaker 1: building a wall, and then he's like, look, my kids
Speaker 1: know how to But I remember spoofing that when I
Speaker 1: was doing a TV show at the time, because we
Speaker 1: were like, who's this idiot? And I was like, oh, fuck,
Speaker 1: that was Ron to Santa this We're in for it
Speaker 1: because this guy is still around and that was only
Speaker 1: like what five years ago, isn't it crazy? Yes, that
Speaker 1: was him. Yep. Now he's just bootlicking. But now he's
Speaker 1: on his own little platform here. And that's the scary
Speaker 1: part about it. It's just to think that, I mean,
Speaker 1: Florida is its own little world at this point, you know,
Speaker 1: and you sit back thinking, how is this fucking happening?
Speaker 1: How is this happening in real time? How is this?
Speaker 1: How is this our world? I don't get it? Yeah, uh, anyway,
Speaker 1: let's move on back to you instead of me just
Speaker 1: going off about everybody. You know what I mean. I've
Speaker 1: decided twenty twenty three is the year of conflict and confrontation.
Speaker 1: That makes total fucking sense. And listen. Also, I just
Speaker 1: wanted to say happy belated birthday. I see you just
Speaker 1: had a birthday and you were out on the slopes.
Speaker 1: I was pissing myself that. You know what, I gotta
Speaker 1: tell you, it's pretty enjoyable, Like isn't it's it's exhilarating,
Speaker 1: Like you're not cold because you have so much adrenaline. Like,
Speaker 1: first of all, we're trying to be discreet because we're
Speaker 1: trying not to have too many people seeing me because
Speaker 1: they'll they'll fill me and then it's blown. Or we're
Speaker 1: trying to hide from ski patrol. But this year, ski
Speaker 1: patrol saw us and then came back and picked us
Speaker 1: up and dragged us out of there because we're like,
Speaker 1: we need another half hour and they're like, all right,
Speaker 1: well this is going to close and we would have
Speaker 1: to really like walk out, and so the guy came
Speaker 1: back and tugged us out, which was really cute. So
Speaker 1: that was great. So now they've given up. And that's
Speaker 1: how I feel about pushing against authority. If you push
Speaker 1: hard enough, eventually the doors just open and the flooding starts.
Speaker 1: And then they're just like, fuck it, it's happening, and
Speaker 1: it's gonna happen. It's just sheer exhaustion. They just don't
Speaker 1: want to bother anymore. They're like a half fuck it,
Speaker 1: let's just roll with it. Yeah. Like the first year
Speaker 1: I made a ski video, this ski patrol found me
Speaker 1: or they were looking for me actively, but they didn't
Speaker 1: know I had already shot it two days earlier. They
Speaker 1: thought I was doing it in real time. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: that wasn't two days ago. Yeah, And then the next
Speaker 1: year I got a warning from the mountain that I'm
Speaker 1: not allowed to I'm not allowed to drink and smoke
Speaker 1: pot on the mountain. And then the next year I
Speaker 1: skied off the mountain. We did backcountry because I don't
Speaker 1: want to deal with those fucking people. And then this
Speaker 1: year they're just like, you know what, there they don't
Speaker 1: they have, they have no fight left in them. Do
Speaker 1: your thing. So that's how we always have to push
Speaker 1: up everyone who's listening. You have to keep going. You
Speaker 1: have to break the door down, you know, especially when
Speaker 1: it's in the name of just joyousness and celebration and
Speaker 1: fun and you're not hurting anybody, right, So and art
Speaker 1: and arts. Don't forget art, yes, oh yeah, please don't
Speaker 1: forget what an artist I am. So let's talk about
Speaker 1: I think actually a good lesson started to make you
Speaker 1: a teacher for a little bit. So I don't. Let's
Speaker 1: talk about she and her and pronouns. And I think
Speaker 1: it's always good to kind of refresh people who are
Speaker 1: confused still about what everything means. When you're in drag,
Speaker 1: you prefer to be referred to as a sheet or correct,
Speaker 1: you know what, I accept anything. I accept cunt and face.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I'm pretty cool with it because I'm
Speaker 1: of a certain age. I too accept cunt face. It's true.
Speaker 1: It's true. I'm of a certain age where it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't think about those things, and I
Speaker 1: guess being a drag queen for so many years, I
Speaker 1: just answer to any of it. So me, I'm just whatever.
Speaker 1: As long as you get the right name on the check.
Speaker 1: I don't give a I'm old enough to even say
Speaker 1: the check, because who gets a check anymore? But it's
Speaker 1: that thing where for me it doesn't bother me at all,
Speaker 1: So I mean I can be called anything. Okay, Well
Speaker 1: that's great to know for me, for you, and then
Speaker 1: when you're not a drag, you're you identify as a man, correct, Yeah,
Speaker 1: well on that one, it depends on who we talk too.
Speaker 1: I'm a little light in my loafers, but yeah, I
Speaker 1: would assume yes, yes, that works for me. And are
Speaker 1: you in a relationship? Oh currently, Yeah, shockingly. And I
Speaker 1: say that very begrudgingly and carefully, because you know, when
Speaker 1: you get to a certain age, Chelsea, you start thinking
Speaker 1: you don't want to mention the fuck boys, because we've
Speaker 1: all been there and we've all been like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is the one, this is it. I'm not one of
Speaker 1: those people that proclaim it on Facebook but or Instagram
Speaker 1: or any of that madness, but you know, every now
Speaker 1: and then they catch a picture of you and then
Speaker 1: people think, yeah, this is it, and then you end
Speaker 1: up sucking yourself. You know, you end up getting screwed over,
Speaker 1: and then you have to explain to the world in
Speaker 1: some form of fashion, Hey this didn't work out. So
Speaker 1: I've been low key with this one for about a year,
Speaker 1: so it's been hard to keep a secret. You know,
Speaker 1: gaze can't keep a secret. But you've been no and
Speaker 1: a year and getting like gay life is a really
Speaker 1: long time. That's like seven years, right, yeah, not lesbian.
Speaker 1: The lesbians about twelve years, but this is about seven
Speaker 1: years in the gay world. Yes, but well I feel
Speaker 1: like lesbians have they stay together longer? No? Yeah, because
Speaker 1: they're lazy. Yeah, it makes sense. You know, it's all
Speaker 1: about Listen, I would be a lesbian because it's all
Speaker 1: about comfort. Look at the costumes, look at the outfit,
Speaker 1: look at the choices of hair. Look at a cat.
Speaker 1: A cat can take care of themselves. Mother, think about
Speaker 1: it though, It's like it's literally all about comfort. So
Speaker 1: I would totally be a lesbian. A cat can take
Speaker 1: care of themselves. It's a different world for a lesbian.
Speaker 1: I mean they've got it figured out. And is this
Speaker 1: your first serious relationship or no? Oh hell no, I've
Speaker 1: had I've had a couple. I mean I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: forty seven, so I've been around the block and I've
Speaker 1: had the good ones and the bad ones. But you know,
Speaker 1: it's you get to that point where you're like, all right,
Speaker 1: let's see if this is working, and slowly this has
Speaker 1: been working shockingly And what do you think makes it
Speaker 1: work for you? Well, giving up, giving up, Chelsea, that's it,
Speaker 1: just given up, like you said. No, it's more or less.
Speaker 1: It just kind of being with an adult. Does that
Speaker 1: make sense. I don't even know if it's about age,
Speaker 1: but it's more about just being an adult. He's got
Speaker 1: his own ship. He didn't give a fuck what I do.
Speaker 1: He doesn't care about drag. He's not interested in it,
Speaker 1: which is a lovely thing, you know, didn't even ask
Speaker 1: questions about it, which makes it so much more entertaining,
Speaker 1: you know, because I can go do my thing, he
Speaker 1: can go do his, and then we meet in the middle.
Speaker 1: And how much of your life does drag take up?
Speaker 1: Far too much? I mean, it's your profession, really right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know it's kind of like you got to
Speaker 1: create your own world. So for me, it's usually when
Speaker 1: I'm out on the road. I just finished a tour
Speaker 1: where I was out for at thirteen months and so
Speaker 1: we did a one hundred and twenty nine shows in
Speaker 1: twenty seven countries and ninety nine cities. So that's the schedule,
Speaker 1: you know, And that's not just going out, but it's
Speaker 1: like going out with drag. You know, you got your
Speaker 1: meet and greets before the show, you got to get
Speaker 1: in the drag, you got to pack the drag, you
Speaker 1: got to go to the other countries and stuff. So
Speaker 1: it's a lot there, and it's not so much like, oh,
Speaker 1: my life is difficult. It just means, you know, when
Speaker 1: you're in the monkey suit, you're ready to entertain. When
Speaker 1: you're out of the monkey suit, you're like, get the
Speaker 1: funk away from me. I need to sleep, I need
Speaker 1: a drink, I need to be you know, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be bothered. So I guess that's the packaging
Speaker 1: for it. You know, you start to realize it's a
Speaker 1: lot physically and mentally. Then you go, how fucking lucky
Speaker 1: to get to travel the world and do what I do.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, it expends I'm sure it expends a
Speaker 1: lot of energy. There must be days where you just
Speaker 1: do not feel like getting it up right, like getting
Speaker 1: your outfit together and doing the whole hair and makeup right.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know as a woman that I don't
Speaker 1: want to do that. I'm most stayed. No, no, it's true,
Speaker 1: and it is kind of exhausted. But then in the
Speaker 1: end you realize. You know, if I don't wear the
Speaker 1: wig of the makeup, I gotta have the packaging to
Speaker 1: make it theatrical. How long does it take you to
Speaker 1: get in drag? I'm curious. I could get ready at
Speaker 1: about an hour, you know if I have Oh okay,
Speaker 1: if I yeah, I'm not one of those. If you've
Speaker 1: seen me, I don't blend. So it's not like I'm
Speaker 1: sitting back doing this whole you know, luxurious moment thing.
Speaker 1: It's not that fancy for me. But literally, if everything
Speaker 1: is in a room, I could do it within an hour.
Speaker 1: And what about the culture of your profession. I would
Speaker 1: assume it could be pretty catty, but that's just okay, okay,
Speaker 1: but I mean the cattiness of it though, that's Those
Speaker 1: are the people that are friends. You know. Everybody that's
Speaker 1: a count is my friend. You know, we got a
Speaker 1: part of it right, giving each other shit in an
Speaker 1: exaggerated way because you're on top of it. You are
Speaker 1: drag queens who kind of do that for a living
Speaker 1: without a doubt, and I think I have. I'm always
Speaker 1: suspicious of drag queens that don't drink and they don't
Speaker 1: have a fucking sense of humor, I go, how can
Speaker 1: you not have any of those? And so for me,
Speaker 1: you know, when I started out, I was working in
Speaker 1: gay bars, and you would do gay bars or cabaret spaces.
Speaker 1: That's the only place you could find a drag queen.
Speaker 1: But now you walk outside, they're fucking hanging from the
Speaker 1: trees everywhere you go. It's some stupid bitch with a
Speaker 1: wig on saying drag saved my life. No, no, that's
Speaker 1: not how I look at it. For me, it's a job,
Speaker 1: it's what I do, and it's not necessarily my identity.
Speaker 1: But when I'm in it, let's go have fucking fun,
Speaker 1: you know, let's let's make the best of it, take
Speaker 1: the piss out of each other. Basically, yeah, that's fun.
Speaker 1: Where are you based out of currently, I'm in Palm
Speaker 1: Springs because it was cheaper than having plastic surgery. You know,
Speaker 1: you just come out here where the old people are,
Speaker 1: and immediately you look better. So I've been out here
Speaker 1: now for about since a pandemic for about three years.
Speaker 1: Oh really, I was going to guess that you were
Speaker 1: in Miami just by your decor behind you. Oh no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's Palm Springs. Everything's white, even my neighbors, because I
Speaker 1: am the brownest thing in this neighborhood that doesn't have
Speaker 1: a lawn more. But that's a whole other story. Okay, Well, Catherine, Yes,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take calls for people. You're gonna expend great advice,
Speaker 1: as I can suspect you're very good at giving. Sure,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna help people along with their problems. Today.
Speaker 1: We're gonna help people with problems, and we curate. We
Speaker 1: curate the episodes to our guests. Yes, so we have
Speaker 1: questions that I think you'll be able to relate to. Yes,
Speaker 1: Katherine thinks. Yeah. Catherine produces all our episodes. Every time
Speaker 1: I come here. It's a surprise, exactly. Well, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: make us take a quick break and then we'll be
Speaker 1: right back with Bianca and Chelsea. Okay, and we're back.
Speaker 1: We're back. We're back. Brad or engineer. Quick question? Is
Speaker 1: Rob on the line or no? No Rob? Just Danny
Speaker 1: and Brian? Are you I'm sorry? Brad? Are you listening
Speaker 1: to Whitney Houston feeling it? Watching an Instagram video? Brad's
Speaker 1: favorite song is I want to dance with somebody like No, Lie,
Speaker 1: that's crazy? He doesn't dance Catherine, you know Selen Dion.
Speaker 1: That's not accurate. So Selene Dion is where it's at. Actually,
Speaker 1: she's pretty fucking funny. I didn't realize Selene Dion was funny. Yeah,
Speaker 1: drag Queen introduced me to her. We'll not introduce me,
Speaker 1: but verified. He's like, Chelsea, you have got to watch her.
Speaker 1: She fucks around and she's really funny. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I didn't know. Yes, then that awkward in that awkward
Speaker 1: way which makes it so fucking fun Yeah, and in
Speaker 1: an awkward French Canadian way. Yeah that too. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: so Brad, sorry, we don't have him on correct No, okay,
Speaker 1: and my heart will go okay, wonderful. I think this
Speaker 1: question is great for both of you. So Rob is
Speaker 1: running in from Toronto, he says, Dear Chelsea. After an
Speaker 1: emotionally exhausting relationship with someone who I thought was going
Speaker 1: to be my person, I ended things after coming to
Speaker 1: the conclusion that he was manipulating me and playing games
Speaker 1: due to what I believe were narcissistic tendencies. This scenario
Speaker 1: forced me to call him out on his behavior and
Speaker 1: block him so he would stop reaching out to try
Speaker 1: and convince me that he had changed and that we
Speaker 1: should get back together. Luckily, I've moved forward and been
Speaker 1: able to get back on the mend. But here's the issue.
Speaker 1: He and I fell in love over a common interest.
Speaker 1: We both want to pursue a career in comedy and writing. Now,
Speaker 1: him being further along in his career means he's become
Speaker 1: a part of that world in our city. Meanwhile, the
Speaker 1: loan me is just getting started. It means that I'll
Speaker 1: have to see him, interact with him, and deal with
Speaker 1: him again. After coming to the incredibly hard conclusion that
Speaker 1: the best thing for me would be to never have
Speaker 1: to see him again, I don't have any intention to
Speaker 1: sacrifice my career ambitions. But I'm also unsure how to
Speaker 1: face all that anxiety, depression, and emotional trauma all over again.
Speaker 1: How do I honor the part of me that wants
Speaker 1: to make this a reality well also honoring the part
Speaker 1: of me that has urged me to stay away. Rob,
Speaker 1: I'll go first, Okay, Roy, got it, and you can
Speaker 1: follow up. First of all, huge opportunity for growth right here.
Speaker 1: Huge growth opportunity, as they would say in any book,
Speaker 1: whenever you have to be faced with something you're already
Speaker 1: saying that you're going to pursue your career. He's going
Speaker 1: to be in the same career. There's nothing you could
Speaker 1: do about it. All you can control is the way
Speaker 1: that you react to the situation and handle the situation.
Speaker 1: And you have a huge opportunity to handle it with
Speaker 1: dignity and with grace and with self respect and respect
Speaker 1: for him too. It didn't work out, that doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 1: You don't have to harbor ill will for that person.
Speaker 1: In fact, you should want that person to be able
Speaker 1: to find what they're looking for, regardless of whether they're
Speaker 1: a narcissist or how they treated you or the dynamic
Speaker 1: of your relationship. You should want the best for him.
Speaker 1: And if you keep saying that to yourself, eventually you'll
Speaker 1: start to believe that you want the best for him.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you kind of have to trick yourself into thinking that.
Speaker 1: But this is a great, great life lesson. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm excited for you because I go into this and
Speaker 1: be like, I am going to crush this, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, I'm gonna get an A plus in
Speaker 1: this class of like being a higher person and leading
Speaker 1: the way you are going to be an example to
Speaker 1: show him and the people around you how to behave
Speaker 1: after a breakup. Rob, I say, move package shit, move listen.
Speaker 1: Gay's are the fucking worst. They will haunt you, they
Speaker 1: will drive you crazy. Get the fuck out of town. No,
Speaker 1: the thing is, you know, this is the thing. Maybe
Speaker 1: Chelsea's right be the bigger person, which can be very
Speaker 1: difficult when you're dealing with gay people because they don't
Speaker 1: sit well with it. The fact that you both were
Speaker 1: in the same profession, that alone is a fucking nightmare.
Speaker 1: I can't I would never would you date another comedian? Oh?
Speaker 1: I guess I shouldn't ask Chelsea, But I mean in
Speaker 1: general for me, I couldn't imagine dating another drag queen.
Speaker 1: I think that would be quite problematic, you know, so
Speaker 1: I don't know if I could do it. So you're
Speaker 1: a better person for even giving that fucker an opportunity.
Speaker 1: But just just have a drink and remember that you
Speaker 1: know one day he's going to die, and that should
Speaker 1: make you feel better and that should help you get
Speaker 1: through this. Yeah, that's how I look at it. There's
Speaker 1: two sides of the coin, and that advice right there. Well,
Speaker 1: our next question comes from Danny. Danny says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: my friend who all call Matt and I have been
Speaker 1: close friends since college. For the last twenty years, he's
Speaker 1: been a faithful, loyal friend who I've shared good times
Speaker 1: and bad times with. He's funny, he's loyal, he's sassy.
Speaker 1: We both came out and around the same time in life.
Speaker 1: We've gone through a lot together, and he's family to me.
Speaker 1: He still lives in Dallas, where we went to school.
Speaker 1: I live in Boston with my husband. Matt visits frequently,
Speaker 1: and there's one side of him that makes it difficult
Speaker 1: to have him around. He has loud outbursts at times
Speaker 1: at restaurants on the streets, and he even said something
Speaker 1: out the window to my neighbor who has severe mental
Speaker 1: health issues. He whistles the people at bars and says
Speaker 1: obnoxious shit to strangers in the streets. He's meaning to
Speaker 1: be funny or playful, but it makes me want to
Speaker 1: disappear out of humiliation. It's the behavior of a teenager,
Speaker 1: and we are forty years old. I've asked him repeatedly
Speaker 1: to please stop, and he doesn't seem to understand how
Speaker 1: embarrassing this is for me. I've gotten to the point
Speaker 1: where I feel like I need to tell him this
Speaker 1: behavior must stop immediately or he can't come to visit anymore.
Speaker 1: He's never responded well to criticism, so I'm at a
Speaker 1: loss on how to approach him with this, as he's
Speaker 1: already experiencing some loneliness in his life and therefore likes
Speaker 1: visiting frequently. Much love from Boston, Danny. I think we
Speaker 1: all have some loud friends. Yeah, yeah, they all do.
Speaker 1: Personal I thought he was describing me, Danny. This is challenging.
Speaker 1: It's annoying when somebody thinks they're funny and they're not
Speaker 1: being funny. I can't fake laugh at something that I
Speaker 1: don't think is funny, so that's annoying and really annoying. Quality.
Speaker 1: Hi Danny, Hi Danny, Hi, how are you good? Hiar
Speaker 1: we hear your friend Matt as being very annoying. Yes,
Speaker 1: very much so. Yeah, that is really annoying. By the way,
Speaker 1: I hate that when guy. I hate loud, when people
Speaker 1: are screaming and loud, you know. And I also hate
Speaker 1: when people think they're funny and they're not and you're
Speaker 1: supposed to pretend to laugh or not or whatever. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I think your friend is worth losing. And I've been
Speaker 1: influenced already by Roy on this podcast today, So I know,
Speaker 1: I think your friend is If you lost him, it's
Speaker 1: not that big of a detriment to you, is it.
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, So that's the that's the complicated part.
Speaker 1: I mean, he so we've been friends for I mean
Speaker 1: twenty two years if I'm doing the math right, so
Speaker 1: it would feel like a huge impact for me. But
Speaker 1: like I was telling Catherine yesterday, I know you guys
Speaker 1: are busy, so I won't give you my whole story.
Speaker 1: But we're busy fucking doing this podcast. I mean, we're
Speaker 1: busy listening to callers, So yeah, give us your story. Okay, awesome,
Speaker 1: thanks Chlseie. I mean, you know, keep it succinct. Vote.
Speaker 1: So I grew up in very like small town Texas.
Speaker 1: I left my small fucking town and moved to Boston
Speaker 1: and have the career I won and a tall, wardous
Speaker 1: Italian husband and basically killing it and like it's the
Speaker 1: truth and and it's that thing where it's just here
Speaker 1: in my new life that I have here that I've
Speaker 1: worked very hard for, I live with like co respect,
Speaker 1: if that makes sense, Like, let's live positively towards each
Speaker 1: other and that type of thing. But I am not
Speaker 1: I am not gonna suffer fools, and I'm not going
Speaker 1: to put up with people's bullshit anymore. And I deserve
Speaker 1: respect like anybody else deserves respect. But he probably doesn't
Speaker 1: think he's disrespecting you. In his defense, he thinks he's
Speaker 1: being entertaining or funny. You know, oh totally. And also, Danny,
Speaker 1: you said you've been friends for like twenty two years. Now,
Speaker 1: is he being annoying the fuck out of you for
Speaker 1: twenty two years or is it just recently that he
Speaker 1: started annoying you? Is he jealous because you've got that
Speaker 1: fine piece of Italian man? Is that what's setting him off?
Speaker 1: That he's forced to talk to strangers to make himself.
Speaker 1: Is that what it is? Danny? No, No, No, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's that at all. I mean, I
Speaker 1: think that it's always been there in some capacity, but
Speaker 1: then it's just a mixture of things. So I live
Speaker 1: in a different city and then he turns into this
Speaker 1: quote unquote city person when he's here, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: look the fuck around you. No one else is acting
Speaker 1: like that, and all of us live here. What exactly
Speaker 1: does he turn into it? It's like a it's like
Speaker 1: a get out of my way, like no, like whatever.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you're kind of the one being mister
Speaker 1: nonsense and irritating everybody because it's one of these older
Speaker 1: friendships where they're used to me being that person. It
Speaker 1: feels like I have to handle that new version of
Speaker 1: me a little bit more delicately. But then I live
Speaker 1: in Cambridge. I live very close to Harvard Square for
Speaker 1: eleven years. I know people, and you're embarrassing me, and
Speaker 1: people in my building know me and all these things.
Speaker 1: So that's I think that's where I'm having such a
Speaker 1: hard time. How do I go? Can you please knock
Speaker 1: this the fuck off and be forty because you're not
Speaker 1: like a fifteen year old girl. Yes? Absolutely, but obviously
Speaker 1: you've said it to him in the past, right, Yes
Speaker 1: I have? Yeah, And did you say it like you
Speaker 1: just said it to us? Knock knock at the fuck off.
Speaker 1: You're embarrassing the shit out of him. You're forty. You're forty,
Speaker 1: and there's nothing worse than telling a gay person they're forty.
Speaker 1: That's a fucking reality check. It's definitely gonna wreck his nerves.
Speaker 1: And it sounds like you hate him, Danny. It sounds
Speaker 1: like you've made it, You've already got all this figured out.
Speaker 1: You hate him, Just drop him. It's not worth all
Speaker 1: the grief. No, I definitely don't feel like I hate him.
Speaker 1: I think with my own personal growth and people have
Speaker 1: had to have compassion for me when I was just
Speaker 1: being a fucking idiot in places in my life. But
Speaker 1: I went, oh, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I
Speaker 1: will not I'm gonna stop doing that. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it's your approach. I think if you say to him
Speaker 1: in a much more gentle, loving way, like in a
Speaker 1: thoughtful way, where the conversation isn't a reaction to his behavior,
Speaker 1: it's actually aside from his behavior. You know, you either
Speaker 1: have a phone call or see him in person, whatever
Speaker 1: feels right to you. But I think you can address
Speaker 1: this and be like, listen, I know we've joked about it,
Speaker 1: and I've been kind of a shit about it in
Speaker 1: the past, reactive to your behavior, but I have to
Speaker 1: tell you it's not funny, and it makes other people uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: and it makes me uncomfortable, and like, say it in
Speaker 1: a really loving way, like I care about our friendship.
Speaker 1: It's been twenty two years. It's starting to become an issue,
Speaker 1: Like you don't seem to have any self awareness around
Speaker 1: this issue that you know, how you're coming across isn't
Speaker 1: what you think it is, and you know, without assailing him,
Speaker 1: but just laying it on the table in a more
Speaker 1: loving way. Yeah, I think there's also something there with
Speaker 1: like when we're out at the bar, like be yourself,
Speaker 1: be your crazy self. We love to see it. But
Speaker 1: when we're walking home late at night in my neighborhood
Speaker 1: where I know all these people who are eighty or whatever,
Speaker 1: one who is mentally ill, like dot you triggering them
Speaker 1: or screaming at them, And if he can't get it
Speaker 1: together and he can't obey by those rules, then you know,
Speaker 1: maybe he doesn't come to say anymore. Right. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I mean that's where I'm at. I want to have
Speaker 1: space for everybody in my life, if they're Texas people
Speaker 1: or Boston people or wherever people. If it's someone I love,
Speaker 1: I want to have space for them in my life.
Speaker 1: But for me, it's just like you're literally taking space
Speaker 1: from me by being here. Well, he's got to meet
Speaker 1: you halfway he's got to meet you halfway. He's gonna
Speaker 1: be respectful of what you're going through as well. Yes, totally,
Speaker 1: that's really great advice in terms of just approaching it
Speaker 1: a little bit more gently, and also I think just
Speaker 1: bringing it up when it's not a place where I
Speaker 1: am just ready to go off. Yeah. I think that's
Speaker 1: the bigger part is I need to get to a
Speaker 1: place where I can separate myself from the problem and
Speaker 1: go this isn't mine to carry. So yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: also okay to set that boundary with your friend. And
Speaker 1: remember you're in Cambridge and you got that fine man.
Speaker 1: Don't worry about that little bitch about him all the
Speaker 1: time he's in Texas. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Just turn
Speaker 1: your turn that beat around and focus on your big
Speaker 1: Italian sausage. So thank you so much, Dan, Thanks Danny
Speaker 1: than you. Hi. I love Danny. I love Danny too.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about my big Italian sausage. I
Speaker 1: was as I said that, I was like, I've never
Speaker 1: had a big Italian sausage. And then I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: yeah I did. I did an Italian guy who lived
Speaker 1: in Spain, but I dated him for a couple of months. Well,
Speaker 1: we had like a long term kind of come and
Speaker 1: go affair, like we meet each other in cities. It
Speaker 1: was pretty cute, actually, he had over the course of
Speaker 1: like a year or two. You were never like we
Speaker 1: were never like exclusive. It was just an understood we
Speaker 1: would meet up in different cities, which is my favorite
Speaker 1: thing really to do for having sex. Anyway, Chelsea, you
Speaker 1: have an area code. I know I love. I love
Speaker 1: a man in every port. You know what I mean,
Speaker 1: as you should, Chelsea. Are you sure you're not a
Speaker 1: gay man? I mean so I'm not. I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm a lesbian or a gay man,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I am definitely on the other
Speaker 1: side of things. Got it? Got it well? Our next
Speaker 1: question comes from Brian Brand's also here with us. On
Speaker 1: the phone. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing because I
Speaker 1: need some advice that I haven't been able to get
Speaker 1: from a therapist. A thing that haunts me is the
Speaker 1: dynamic I have in a lot of my friendships. Ever
Speaker 1: since middle school. I've been told that I'm easy to
Speaker 1: pick on or fun to tease. I definitely grew up
Speaker 1: in a household where I was sort of prepped to
Speaker 1: expect the world to reject me. Both of my parents
Speaker 1: are deeply insecure, and somehow transferred that to me as
Speaker 1: an attempt at protection. Now, in my mid thirties, I'm
Speaker 1: still haunted by friendships with people who seem to find
Speaker 1: a lot of pleasure in teasing me or picking on me,
Speaker 1: often about things that are reminiscent of what I got
Speaker 1: picked on for in middle school, my weight or my
Speaker 1: lack of masculinity. Therapist after therapist gives me the same
Speaker 1: runaround about having self worth and all that stuff. That's lovely,
Speaker 1: but it's hard to balance an attitude of not taking
Speaker 1: oneself too seriously and also not being self deprecating. I
Speaker 1: think a lot of this is just sort of lazy
Speaker 1: humor that people have that was popular in the early
Speaker 1: two thousands, and we've all sort of grown up from.
Speaker 1: One of the things I love about you and your
Speaker 1: podcast has been your evolution in your own sense of humor.
Speaker 1: I'm just really looking for some help and advice from
Speaker 1: someone that I think has ther shit together and isn't
Speaker 1: so damn invested in who I am. Brian, Hi, Brian, Hi, Brian, Hi, Hi, Brian.
Speaker 1: We have our special guest today Bianca slash Roy Hi, Brian,
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Hi. Okay,
Speaker 1: So your friends is it the same group of friends?
Speaker 1: Is it a varied group of I mean, is it
Speaker 1: a lot of people or is it it's like a
Speaker 1: good percentage of my friends. But I think so. I've
Speaker 1: got friends from my like teens and twenties from when
Speaker 1: I lived in Atlanta, and then I've got friends from
Speaker 1: when I moved back to California that are mostly people
Speaker 1: I met in my thirties. And I really thought that
Speaker 1: when I made that move that I would be able
Speaker 1: to redefine that boundary of how I talked about myself
Speaker 1: and how I let friends talk about me. And I
Speaker 1: just noticed like the same pattern has started up again
Speaker 1: over the past few years. So I'm kind of at
Speaker 1: a loss. Okay, So what is the pattern? Can you
Speaker 1: give us some examples totally? I mean, it could be
Speaker 1: like little remarks from straight friends about being so gay
Speaker 1: or too gay, or you look straight until you open
Speaker 1: your mouth and start talking, or comments about my weight.
Speaker 1: I work in the diversity, equity and inclusion space, so
Speaker 1: like jokes about me being the woke police, or just
Speaker 1: stuff like that. I see. Yeah, Okay, well I think
Speaker 1: these are just kind of leftovers, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like everybody's getting up to speed. If you're these people
Speaker 1: are good friends in your life, I'm sure that they
Speaker 1: care about you, right, So it is lazy humor. It
Speaker 1: is leftover from we're entering a like a world where
Speaker 1: like it's not cool to say that anymore, and some
Speaker 1: people are just kind of like they don't want to
Speaker 1: let that go, you know what I mean. It's easy
Speaker 1: to make that joke. It's easy to make that reference.
Speaker 1: I'm guilty of it myself at times. You know, I
Speaker 1: just always have to remember or like pick it up,
Speaker 1: pick up your humor. So I think you have to
Speaker 1: just have a different reaction than you've had, and don't
Speaker 1: think of it as a reaction as much of a
Speaker 1: response where you are firm, you know, and whatever that
Speaker 1: looks like for you, Like it can be a real
Speaker 1: conversation or it can just be like the way you
Speaker 1: react in the moment. Like, dude, if you still think
Speaker 1: you can say stuff like that, you're like mistaken, Like
Speaker 1: get with the program. Yeah, I might be the woke police,
Speaker 1: but I know what's going on, and you guys don't.
Speaker 1: It's not cool to make fun of people being gay anymore.
Speaker 1: It's not funny anymore. Get more clever in your humor.
Speaker 1: I think you have to be a little bit more
Speaker 1: aggressive than your probably natural disposition allows you to be
Speaker 1: totally And I think where I've tried to like call
Speaker 1: people out on it, especially when it's stuff that I'm
Speaker 1: like really sensitive about, the immediate reaction that I get is,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you take yourself too seriously. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you're too sensitive. And that's where I honestly like fall
Speaker 1: apart and turn into like a kid being bullied on
Speaker 1: the schoolyard again and just kind of want to burst
Speaker 1: into tears. Yeah, you don't want to do that. You
Speaker 1: don't want to do that. You want to like handle
Speaker 1: it in a way that it's not a question right,
Speaker 1: because then they're going to attack you for being weak,
Speaker 1: and then that supports their argument that you're already too
Speaker 1: much of a whatever, too effeminate or too girly or
Speaker 1: too gay or whatever. Like I think you have to
Speaker 1: just be succinct about it, like it's not cool guys
Speaker 1: at all, and not in a victimy way, in a
Speaker 1: way that you're not the victim in a way that
Speaker 1: you're taking charge of your life. Like great, if you
Speaker 1: guys want to do that, that's great. But I have
Speaker 1: other friends that aren't going to treat me like that.
Speaker 1: Even though you don't yet, let's just pretend you do. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: because we're going to manifest them, and you're gonna start
Speaker 1: talking and you're going to start attracting people that are
Speaker 1: going to be treating you in a more dignified way.
Speaker 1: Because the people you're around is always just a projection
Speaker 1: of yourself. So when you start taking your gayness more
Speaker 1: seriously and with more pride instead of being a victim
Speaker 1: about it, then you're going to be in a position
Speaker 1: of power instead of a position of weakness, which it
Speaker 1: seems that you're in right now. But that's easy to
Speaker 1: shift out of totally. And you also have to realize
Speaker 1: that you know, when someone says this kind of shit,
Speaker 1: like as gay people, we've heard this our entire life.
Speaker 1: As you've said, you dealt with it as a kid,
Speaker 1: and it takes you back there is it literally in
Speaker 1: your mind. You have to flip it and just go,
Speaker 1: I've heard it. This doesn't affect me on that level anymore.
Speaker 1: I can't allow it to affect me anymore. You got me.
Speaker 1: I'm gay, Yeah, I'm as gay as it gets. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a flyaway in about five minutes. It's just one
Speaker 1: of those things where it is it is a lazy situation.
Speaker 1: But yeah, once you assess it and just kind of
Speaker 1: in your own mind, go, hey, I'm not that kid anymore,
Speaker 1: and I don't have to put up with this shit,
Speaker 1: you know, and you do realize that when people are
Speaker 1: this negative in your world that it does become exhausting.
Speaker 1: How much of it are you willing to take? How
Speaker 1: much are you willing to put up with? You know?
Speaker 1: It's so I think if you put it on the
Speaker 1: line with them, then they have the option. I'm either
Speaker 1: staying and being a better person or getting the fuck out.
Speaker 1: You know, it ain't worth all that. It ain't worth
Speaker 1: all that. Trust me. I've been called sissy, I've been
Speaker 1: called everything. And it's just one of those things where
Speaker 1: like if you say fag on the street, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: turn first because I would react to it going hey,
Speaker 1: But in the end I laugh at it now, you know,
Speaker 1: because I am a big fag in a wig. You know.
Speaker 1: It's much job and Brian, you mentioned being self deprecating.
Speaker 1: Is that something that you find yourself sort of leading
Speaker 1: with when you meet someone new or you know, are
Speaker 1: in a new friend group. Oh my god, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I've been out since I was thirteen and had
Speaker 1: a weight problem since I was younger than that. So
Speaker 1: of course, like the way that I've always learned to
Speaker 1: sort of be on the defense is to make the
Speaker 1: joke quicker than everybody else does, And through like years
Speaker 1: and years and years of therapy, I've learned that that's
Speaker 1: something I have to really check. But also it does
Speaker 1: make people feel more comfortable around you when you can
Speaker 1: show that you can make a joke about yourself. It's
Speaker 1: just such a hard boundary for me to find between
Speaker 1: being self deprecating and then also not just talking shit
Speaker 1: about yourself. Right Exactly, you can be self deprecating, but
Speaker 1: not what you're telling yourself negative things about yourself. There
Speaker 1: are different ways to be funny and make other people
Speaker 1: feel comfortable without putting yourself down. Yeah, right, Like Chelsea
Speaker 1: has a joke about like the friends between the Sun
Speaker 1: and the Moon, and she talks about that, but she's
Speaker 1: not going around calling herself stupid there's a difference between
Speaker 1: a shame based you know, quote unquote self deprecation and
Speaker 1: something that's fun and lively and invites positivity into your life.
Speaker 1: So I would just be really careful and maybe for
Speaker 1: a time you aren't self deprecating. Maybe you take a
Speaker 1: break from that for a little while and start making
Speaker 1: jokes that are positive about yourself and see where that
Speaker 1: gets you. See what happens with that. Yeah, I like
Speaker 1: that idea, making jokes that are positive about yourself. And also,
Speaker 1: you know, like whatever your approach has been or response
Speaker 1: has been thus far isn't setting the right message. So
Speaker 1: you should experiment with some other responses, you know. And
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be like you getting up and
Speaker 1: storming out when you're in a group setting and your
Speaker 1: friends are like not getting it. It's about you laying
Speaker 1: down a boundary and going, hey, guys, I know this
Speaker 1: is fun for you, but it's so old and it's
Speaker 1: so not funny for me, Like this is my life.
Speaker 1: I'm not interested in hearing about this anymore. Like if
Speaker 1: we can't have more clever jokes about me, then like,
Speaker 1: why don't you guys let me know when you're ready
Speaker 1: to hang out? Without making fun of the fact that
Speaker 1: I'm gay. Yeah. Yeah, when you're ready to do that
Speaker 1: and you feel more mature than great, and you know,
Speaker 1: you can try it like that, but make it a
Speaker 1: non emotional And I know it's hard in the moment
Speaker 1: when you're having those interactions, but I think this is
Speaker 1: a perfect example of something that kind of needs to
Speaker 1: be handled in the moment. Yeah, totally. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: that makes total sense. It's a good exercise for you.
Speaker 1: It's great, you know, because once you get a little
Speaker 1: bit of power, your power back, you're gonna like the
Speaker 1: way that feels, and then there's going to be more boundaries.
Speaker 1: And boundaries are good, Like they're not limiting. They actually
Speaker 1: are expansive because they make people behave in different ways
Speaker 1: and they make other people expand their behavior, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So, like, you're not just helping yourself,
Speaker 1: you're helping other people around you, and you're setting up
Speaker 1: a dynamic that's much more respectful to yourself, right, you know.
Speaker 1: I think there's also an opportunity maybe for you to
Speaker 1: express to your friends that you are making a conscious
Speaker 1: shift and how you talk about yourself and what you
Speaker 1: talk about. Yeah, I had a moment with my therapist
Speaker 1: where I was like, my in laws are going to
Speaker 1: bring up such and such and I'm gonna have to
Speaker 1: talk about it. And she's like, you know what, just
Speaker 1: say like I actually used to talk about that all
Speaker 1: the time and I'm not comfortable talking about it anymore.
Speaker 1: And then you change the subject and I think it's
Speaker 1: okay to do that in like a kind and caring way,
Speaker 1: like I don't really love joking about my weight anymore.
Speaker 1: Like let's move on. You know. It's just like taking
Speaker 1: ownership over something, Just taking ownership over it and also
Speaker 1: just realizing, hey, we've been there, we've discussed it, it's
Speaker 1: been beaten to death. Moving on, Yeah, And I think
Speaker 1: being comfortable with that like momentary discomfort knowing he's going
Speaker 1: to have a positive it's temporary run. Yeah. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's like I was talking about this last week. I
Speaker 1: was reading this book and I was talking about like
Speaker 1: letting go and dancing even though you may look like
Speaker 1: an idiot, you're learning how to dance or you're gonna
Speaker 1: you're gonna let people see you kind of stumble. And
Speaker 1: for me, because I'm not good at dancing, I have
Speaker 1: no rhythm, but I was like, it's preventing me from dancing, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be like that. I don't care
Speaker 1: what I look like what I danced. At least I
Speaker 1: want to be that person. So I just I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I made a real effort this winter when I was
Speaker 1: up with my friends when we went out, I was like,
Speaker 1: you gotta day out all the time. Just dance as
Speaker 1: an exercise because it doesn't matter what anybody thinks, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if people see you mess up. That's
Speaker 1: good and it's a growth spur for you to be
Speaker 1: uncomfortable in what you're asking and then see the result
Speaker 1: of what you're asking. And if your friends aren't respectful
Speaker 1: of that, then they're not your friends to begin with,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? The bigger issue right yeah
Speaker 1: you go yeah, yeah, but I'm sure that they will be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's probably me giving them a little bit more credit
Speaker 1: to and just giving them time to understand that, Like
Speaker 1: I'm having a shift in how I want to talk
Speaker 1: about myself. So yeah, yeah, absolutely, what was this helpful? Brian? Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: Years and years in therapy can give you a bunch
Speaker 1: of tools, but sometimes you just need like a really
Speaker 1: good pep talk. So this has been great for that
Speaker 1: and I thank you all so much. And we didn't
Speaker 1: even charge you. We didn't even know we are we're
Speaker 1: going to or do you venmo us? Who venmos? Who
Speaker 1: is the purchaser or the O or or the buyer?
Speaker 1: I don't know? So confusing, are we on? Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll send you an invoice. Awesome, Well, thank you so much, Brian,
Speaker 1: good luck bye. A lot of questions that really, like
Speaker 1: deep down, are about people pleasing with two people who are,
Speaker 1: in my opinion, don't seem very concerned about pleasing people. No, No,
Speaker 1: well I'm quick to drop a bitch. I'm just one
Speaker 1: of those. I mean I think also, just as you
Speaker 1: get older, you start to realize we ain't got much time,
Speaker 1: Like do I really want to be bothered with this
Speaker 1: toxic person? You know? And if they're going through a moment,
Speaker 1: I never say never. So it's that thing of like
Speaker 1: if you have a spell and you don't speak to
Speaker 1: them and then eventually you pick back up. All right,
Speaker 1: you got over yourself, we addressed it. Now you're in
Speaker 1: a better place. That's fine. But the daily occurrence, they're
Speaker 1: just dealing with that annoying son of a bitch. I
Speaker 1: don't think I could do it. I just can't. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And also, these people aren't necessarily toxic. They just are not.
Speaker 1: They haven't been called to task for their behavior. So
Speaker 1: if they were called to task for the behavior and
Speaker 1: then increase that behavior, then you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: then it's toxic. But like we have to give them
Speaker 1: a little bit of credit to understand that. They might
Speaker 1: get the feedback and be like, oh shit, you're totally right. Sorry,
Speaker 1: sorry we did that. You know, that's also an option,
Speaker 1: and they may have just like gotten the wrong impression
Speaker 1: in the beginning of like he's teasing about himself, like
Speaker 1: he's the guy who's let me jump on the bandwagon. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: Well let's take a quick break and we'll be right
Speaker 1: back to wrap up with Bianca del Rio and Chelsea.
Speaker 1: And we're back Bianca Roy. Yeah, I love your energy.
Speaker 1: Oh well, thank you know, listen, it's just what it is,
Speaker 1: you know, for somebody who wears all this shit in drag,
Speaker 1: I'm just basically a normal person, which is funny, you know,
Speaker 1: because you put all these layers on, you put all
Speaker 1: this madness, and and people just assume that you're going
Speaker 1: to be different. Now I'm still the same sad fact
Speaker 1: out of it. So it's no big deal. It's what
Speaker 1: it is. Bianca. Do you have any advice you'd like
Speaker 1: from Chelsea? Well, I'm just curious, though, Chelsea. You've been around,
Speaker 1: You've had the block around Jenny's block, and you've also
Speaker 1: been you know, in and out of a big Italian passage.
Speaker 1: You know you've had a rehab. Oh, that's good. I
Speaker 1: haven't done rehab yet, is it? Maybe that's the question,
Speaker 1: is rehab worth it? I haven't been either. To be
Speaker 1: quite honest with you, I'm not. I'm not doing that
Speaker 1: in this lifetime. I also was going to say it's
Speaker 1: for quitters, but I feel like I was in rehab
Speaker 1: the last lifetime and that's why I'm acting against it now.
Speaker 1: I guess you know the question I would ask, because
Speaker 1: that how do you how do you maintain your sanity
Speaker 1: with as many projects as you have going on because
Speaker 1: of the fact that you basically, you know, as a comedian,
Speaker 1: as a writer, as a person who's out there and
Speaker 1: making appearances and talking efforts like even just now giving
Speaker 1: advice to people, how do you find that balance for
Speaker 1: yourself to stay kind of in tune with yourself and
Speaker 1: also funny, entertaining, engaging in the business side of it
Speaker 1: as well. How do you How do you do it?
Speaker 1: I mean, I hate saying I have a practice. I
Speaker 1: don't hate saying it. I'm just not used to saying that,
Speaker 1: but it is a practice. I practice it. I practice
Speaker 1: making sure that this is not my whole life, that
Speaker 1: my whole life does not revolve around my career. My
Speaker 1: career is pretty much the biggest thing in my life,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't take over my life. Like I have
Speaker 1: a private life and a personal life, and I have friends,
Speaker 1: you know, lots of different groups of friends that have
Speaker 1: nothing to do with Hollywood. And I try to spend
Speaker 1: as much time as I can away from LA so
Speaker 1: that I am reminded about the rest of the world.
Speaker 1: And I think that is a really important ingredient. And
Speaker 1: in terms of evolving and growing and learning, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm always trying to learn. Even when I'm watching TV,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to learn something, you know. I try not
Speaker 1: to watch stupid shit so that I could be educated,
Speaker 1: but you know, obviously I watch stupid shit as well,
Speaker 1: And you know, when I'm reading and stuff, but it's
Speaker 1: it's really important too. For me, at least, it has
Speaker 1: been to remain very grounded in terms of my relationship
Speaker 1: with my family and my relationship with myself, not to
Speaker 1: be not to have it all encompassing, you know, to
Speaker 1: have like a wide birth of interests, not a narrow field,
Speaker 1: or to be like a hermit. You know. I always
Speaker 1: want to just go out and grow, and anytime I can,
Speaker 1: you know, leave this country, I do it so that
Speaker 1: I'm not getting recognized every single place and I'm not
Speaker 1: constantly being told nice things about myself or terrible things
Speaker 1: about myself. Either way, it's not about me, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. You want to get to a place
Speaker 1: in your life where not everything is about you, right right?
Speaker 1: I think I think that's definitely the issues that lie
Speaker 1: within it, because it's so I guess with social media,
Speaker 1: there's so much that's they're out in the world, and
Speaker 1: then everybody then starts to compare or analyze what everybody's
Speaker 1: doing in the world. And there's a huge part of
Speaker 1: my life that I don't put you know, as I'm
Speaker 1: telling you before, I don't put all my business out
Speaker 1: there on the street. But what I do put out
Speaker 1: there you are going to be judged by, so I
Speaker 1: try to maintain that sense of, hey, this is what
Speaker 1: this is and this is what my real life is.
Speaker 1: I just didn't know if that's like the best way
Speaker 1: to go, but it just seems like that works for you.
Speaker 1: So well. It's nice to integrate everything, you know, because
Speaker 1: whatever is happening in your private life and your personal life,
Speaker 1: you're able to bring with you to your profession and
Speaker 1: to your creativity and vice versa. So it's like it
Speaker 1: all feeds each other. You know, there is no perfect
Speaker 1: ratio of time spent in the public eye versus time
Speaker 1: spent in the private eye. But you know, I'm a
Speaker 1: very public person. I'm totally down with that because I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to pretend on anything that other than who
Speaker 1: I am, and I like that people respond to it.
Speaker 1: So I have a lot of gratitude, but I also
Speaker 1: have a desire to not you know, I can't tell
Speaker 1: you how nice it feels when you don't check Instagram
Speaker 1: all day, one single time. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, when
Speaker 1: you could go a day twenty four hours, and then
Speaker 1: you start to deprogram yourself, like it's fine to be
Speaker 1: on social media, but not scrolling for hours blindly and
Speaker 1: mindlessly like that is just And every time I give
Speaker 1: myself time like that, I'm always feel it. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're fuller like you felt you've You've filled up your
Speaker 1: cup a little bit more today instead of depleting it
Speaker 1: with compare contrast gossip, looking at people liking what they're wearing,
Speaker 1: not liking what they're wearing, whatever, all of that bullshit.
Speaker 1: So I think it's a good practice to try and
Speaker 1: just always maintain a little bit of, you know, some
Speaker 1: other interests. Makes sense, makes sense. It was great seeing you.
Speaker 1: I hope I get to see you in person one
Speaker 1: day soon. Yes, hopefully too. Yes, we got to work
Speaker 1: that out. Next time you're around. We can make some
Speaker 1: Madden does happen? Well? Yeah, we can have a sausage party.
Speaker 1: Y all about it. I'll order up. That sounds like
Speaker 1: a friend, like a joke that one of his friends
Speaker 1: would make to him. Welcome to the sausage party. Jason
Speaker 1: has arrived. Okay, have a great day. We love you.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. All right, Okay, thankye bye, and
Speaker 1: don't forget everybody. My new special Revolution is now streaming
Speaker 1: on Netflix and it's Badass and then I'm doing a tour,
Speaker 1: a little Big Bitch tour. Go to Chelsea Hamma dot
Speaker 1: com for tickets. I've added some new dates. I added
Speaker 1: a date in Monticello, New York. I'm coming to Colorado
Speaker 1: to Red Rocks Amphitheater. I'm coming to klam Miszoo, and
Speaker 1: then I'm coming to a bunch of places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville,
Speaker 1: and Chattanooga. That's May nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty first, and
Speaker 1: then I'll be in Atlantic City June tenth, which is
Speaker 1: almost sold out, so get your tickets. So if you'd
Speaker 1: like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is
Speaker 1: a production of iHeartRadio, produced by Catherine Law and edited
Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad Dickert.