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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, Hello listeners. How are you today?

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Speaker 1: How is everybody today? I hope just wonderful? Yes I

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Speaker 1: do too. You know who's thriving at home? Who Berniece is?

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Speaker 1: She is? She just really every time one of my

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Speaker 1: dogs dies, the other dog is fucking happy. Now she

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Speaker 1: gets all the attention. And yeah, I realized how marginalized

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Speaker 1: she must have felt. I mean, she was always the

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Speaker 1: one who wanted to be spoiled the most, right I

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Speaker 1: think so, Yeah, because she looks now like she's now.

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Speaker 1: She's flirty, like she comes in like care you up,

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Speaker 1: let's hang, and it's really cute, and she doesn't seem

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Speaker 1: to be bothered by the fact that Bert isn't there

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Speaker 1: at all. Oh, and that happened also when my older

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Speaker 1: dog Tammy died and Chunk was left, he got a

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Speaker 1: pep in his step as soon as she was out

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Speaker 1: of the way. That is an interesting dynamic, like maybe

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Speaker 1: they were just waiting for the other one. Today they

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Speaker 1: clearly don't have the affinity for the other dogs is

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Speaker 1: the way that we want to believe that they do.

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Speaker 1: You want to believe your children love each other, but

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Speaker 1: the reality is they don't. So we had a dog

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Speaker 1: who was a Great Pyrenees, and there were these huge dogs.

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Speaker 1: They're all white, and this dog sort of had the

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Speaker 1: personality of a cat, very like I'll come to you

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Speaker 1: sort of energy. And when our older dog died, she

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Speaker 1: who she had basically been raised by, she turned orange

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Speaker 1: and she got super depressed. She did also get more

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Speaker 1: like snuggly, wanted to be with you, wanted to hang out.

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Speaker 1: She definitely became more of a people person. About two

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Speaker 1: dogs now they're in love, right, Well, that's actually an

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Speaker 1: interesting conversation because apparently we didn't know that you're not

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Speaker 1: technically supposed to get sibling puppies, and so there was

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Speaker 1: a little bit of an adjustment period where they were

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Speaker 1: like fighting all the time. And I know, honestly, like

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Speaker 1: I was so upset about it because they were fighting

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Speaker 1: like in this way, these tiny puppies and just like

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Speaker 1: fighting this way that was like really aggressive, nobody's drawn blood.

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Speaker 1: But I was like, I don't know what we're gonna do, Brad.

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Speaker 1: We might have to re home Lottie because she's like

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Speaker 1: going after Wendell. And then I found this perfect solution,

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Speaker 1: which was basically training them out of it by using

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Speaker 1: a squirt bottle, and I did not think it would work,

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Speaker 1: and it fully works. It just snaps them out of

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Speaker 1: an argument and then we do a little training. Calm

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Speaker 1: is their new command after they like break up a

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Speaker 1: fight and they have to come and sit calmly. So

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Speaker 1: now they're starting to like when I stay calm, They're

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Speaker 1: just coming over and like breaking it up. So I'm

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Speaker 1: so relieved, honestly, and it's getting a lottery something that

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Speaker 1: I would not be equipped to deal. No, oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: I had no thought in my mind that it could

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Speaker 1: be a bad thing, and so careful out there. If

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Speaker 1: you're trying to get a puppy, don't get to you

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Speaker 1: know what. I just okay, Well, if you don't want

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Speaker 1: a puppy, you can buy a hyperbaric chamber. I just

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Speaker 1: got one of those installed into my house because I

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Speaker 1: came back from skiing and my knees are just so

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Speaker 1: messed up. So I got one, and then I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to get one of my lasers done.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to get a CEO two laser on my

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Speaker 1: face and neck. And so I'm cited about this because

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Speaker 1: they're not as strong as ones you get for your

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Speaker 1: house as the ones where you go to like a clinic.

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Speaker 1: I get it done, but you could sleep in it

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Speaker 1: if you want. Really, yeah, would you do that? I

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Speaker 1: doubt it. But I can go in there and read

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Speaker 1: for two hours a day, you know what I mean? Right,

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Speaker 1: that's easy, Like I can last night. I did one

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Speaker 1: hour tonight, I'm gonna do two. You have to be

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Speaker 1: cumulative about Yeah, you can't just like start with four

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Speaker 1: hours or well no, I mean like you have to

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Speaker 1: be consistent and do it. Like if you do it

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Speaker 1: once in a while, it doesn't work, I don't think,

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Speaker 1: does it? Deep puff, Like, what's the what's like you're

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Speaker 1: getting one hundred and fifty I'm at one atmospheric pressure,

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Speaker 1: which you know, me and my space degree. Who the

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Speaker 1: fuck knows what that means. But you're at like one

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Speaker 1: hundred and fifty percent oxygen, whereas we're at fifty percent

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Speaker 1: right now, Like we're getting fifty percent of oxygen. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what else we're getting rogen Maybe I don't

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Speaker 1: know another thing. I don't know carbon dioxide. I'm not

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Speaker 1: sure what's happening. Carbon monoxide probably a little bit of

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Speaker 1: that too. So yeah, it's supposed to be really good

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Speaker 1: for injuries, inflammation, reducing swelling, you know, all that stuff.

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Speaker 1: So the house we bought has a pool and we

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Speaker 1: have not yet put a heater in it. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: should I just become one of those people who does

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Speaker 1: cold plunges? I don't know. I don't know if I'm

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Speaker 1: brave enough for that, but I'm tempted. Have you ever

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Speaker 1: done one? I have. I just got one of those

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Speaker 1: things too, a cold plunge pool. Yeah. I haven't used

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Speaker 1: it yet though, I'm saving that for the new house

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Speaker 1: when it's ready. Yeah, I don't think I need both

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Speaker 1: of those things. I think I like cold, actually, but

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Speaker 1: I don't like it that cold. That's a little but

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Speaker 1: that's got to be really good for you. And that's

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Speaker 1: only three minutes. Like a hyperbaric chamber, you have to

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Speaker 1: be in for an hour, you know, two hours a day.

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Speaker 1: Like that's a little to more time consuming, but a

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Speaker 1: good excuse to read and not be on my phone.

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Speaker 1: Take some time in the hyperbaric chamber. Chelsea, I'm so

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Speaker 1: excited for our guest today. It's Bianca. Do you want

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Speaker 1: to tell us a little bit about her? Okay. Bianca

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Speaker 1: del Rio is the host of the pit Stop, which

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Speaker 1: is the official review show of RuPaul's Drag Race, and

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Speaker 1: her alter ego is Roy Heylock, and that's who's here today.

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Speaker 1: Hello Roy, Hello high sweet cheeks. How are you? We're

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Speaker 1: happy to see you. Since drag It's such a hot

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Speaker 1: topic these last few months, drag shows are being banned.

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Speaker 1: Was it the state of Mississippi or Tennessee? Tennessee, Okay,

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Speaker 1: which is very confusing because what's Nashville going to do? Well? Also,

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Speaker 1: like what's Dolly Parton gonna do? I mean, let's be

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Speaker 1: real here, drag It's a serious thing. Tennessee's all fucked

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Speaker 1: up that they're not as bad as Florida though, but

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Speaker 1: it is pretty insane that this is happening. Have they

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Speaker 1: been banned in Florida to drag shows? No, not yet,

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Speaker 1: but it's on their way. You know. DeSantis is losing

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Speaker 1: his mind over there, so he's just been creeping out

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Speaker 1: on other topics, basically about the trans youth and dealing

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Speaker 1: with trans people in general, because apparently the orders that

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Speaker 1: they're making are just kind of vague. It's like blanket

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Speaker 1: situations where it's leading things to where they could kind

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Speaker 1: of decide what they think is right or wrong in

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Speaker 1: the moment. Yeah, yeah, which is kind of fucked. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's taking a lot of latitude because he's going after

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Speaker 1: everything that's going to make him like a political hero, right,

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Speaker 1: like taking the power away from Disney World, which doesn't

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Speaker 1: sound actually that bad when you read about it, because

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Speaker 1: you're like, wait, why is Disney World have their own municipality?

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Speaker 1: Like what is that? But whatever? Forget about that when

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Speaker 1: we're talking about critical race theory, when we're talking about

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Speaker 1: LGBTQ and in books, and then now they're you know,

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Speaker 1: I was funny. I posted something the other day about

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Speaker 1: banning books in Florida and how you know, Floridians really

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Speaker 1: need to get their shit together, blah blah blah, and

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Speaker 1: I got all these responses from people who's saying, well,

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Speaker 1: I mean there's pornographic material in these books, and I'm like, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: that's not what we're talking about. Solely. We're not talking

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Speaker 1: about porn. We're talking about exposure to LGBTQ people, and

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Speaker 1: we're talking about critical race theory, like porn is the

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Speaker 1: least of it. And I mean, there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: porn in the Bible. Let's be real these people that

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Speaker 1: clutch up to the Bible. I'm so done with the

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Speaker 1: religious aspect of it or the people that say my

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Speaker 1: moral compasses and is about this, and I live by

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Speaker 1: the Bible. You know what, Go clean the Catholic Church.

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Speaker 1: Go fix that motherfucker's because this is your people, this

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Speaker 1: is your deal. You know, there's gaze in the church

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Speaker 1: walking around with a purse that's on fire, up and

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Speaker 1: down the aisle, wearing robes, telling stories. It's no different

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Speaker 1: than Children's Story Hour. But why don't you fix that

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Speaker 1: raping children? I mean, hello, why don't you give me

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Speaker 1: one priest and one person who dresses in drag and

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Speaker 1: see what their record is of assaulting little children? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I agree, I completely agree. It's just absolutely insane. It's

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Speaker 1: also this thing now where I think that they have

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Speaker 1: to find a way to, as you said, to become

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Speaker 1: the hero. So they're just picking on any group they

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Speaker 1: can possibly do this with, and it's just insane that

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Speaker 1: this is the topic now. It's like, look, I'm a

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Speaker 1: person who does drag obviously, and I don't believe in

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Speaker 1: children coming to my show. My show is always eighteen

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Speaker 1: twenty one up. That's my thing. So I'm not one

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Speaker 1: of the children's story our people, but I never neither am.

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Speaker 1: I yeah, agreed, but it's that thing where I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you know, this is not my thing. But I do

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Speaker 1: understand that if a parent feels that, hey, this is

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Speaker 1: what I want to do, bring my child or expose

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Speaker 1: them too, that they should have the right to do it.

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Speaker 1: You know, it shouldn't be up to quote unquote legislation

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Speaker 1: or some guy with small dick energy. It all just

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Speaker 1: is so counterintuitive to the Republican Party's platform. You know,

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Speaker 1: not to get too political here, but like you know,

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Speaker 1: Republicans are historically known for getting decisions out of government.

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Speaker 1: They hate big government, they hate it when it's talking

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Speaker 1: about taking people's rights away, and they're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we want to handle this. So it's just so hypocritical,

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Speaker 1: all of it. I mean, obviously, the Republican Party has

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Speaker 1: lost their way a long time ago, so we can't

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Speaker 1: be expecting too much from them, especially with people like

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Speaker 1: Ronda Santas. It was funny I listened to this thing

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Speaker 1: on Ronda Santas yesterday, like the Genesis of Santas, and

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Speaker 1: I forgot remember you guys, when that commercial came out

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Speaker 1: before Trump was elected because everyone had to like cozy

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Speaker 1: up to Trump because he was looking like the possible candidate.

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Speaker 1: But it was like in twenty eighteen, I think when

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Speaker 1: De Santis ran for Congress originally and he had to

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Speaker 1: put an ad together and his wife was like, he

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Speaker 1: plays with our kids and what they were playing was

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Speaker 1: building a wall, and then he's like, look, my kids

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Speaker 1: know how to But I remember spoofing that when I

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Speaker 1: was doing a TV show at the time, because we

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Speaker 1: were like, who's this idiot? And I was like, oh, fuck,

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Speaker 1: that was Ron to Santa this We're in for it

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Speaker 1: because this guy is still around and that was only

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Speaker 1: like what five years ago, isn't it crazy? Yes, that

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Speaker 1: was him. Yep. Now he's just bootlicking. But now he's

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Speaker 1: on his own little platform here. And that's the scary

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Speaker 1: part about it. It's just to think that, I mean,

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Speaker 1: Florida is its own little world at this point, you know,

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Speaker 1: and you sit back thinking, how is this fucking happening?

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Speaker 1: How is this happening in real time? How is this?

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Speaker 1: How is this our world? I don't get it? Yeah, uh, anyway,

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Speaker 1: let's move on back to you instead of me just

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Speaker 1: going off about everybody. You know what I mean. I've

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Speaker 1: decided twenty twenty three is the year of conflict and confrontation.

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Speaker 1: That makes total fucking sense. And listen. Also, I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to say happy belated birthday. I see you just

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Speaker 1: had a birthday and you were out on the slopes.

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Speaker 1: I was pissing myself that. You know what, I gotta

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Speaker 1: tell you, it's pretty enjoyable, Like isn't it's it's exhilarating,

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Speaker 1: Like you're not cold because you have so much adrenaline. Like,

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Speaker 1: first of all, we're trying to be discreet because we're

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Speaker 1: trying not to have too many people seeing me because

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Speaker 1: they'll they'll fill me and then it's blown. Or we're

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Speaker 1: trying to hide from ski patrol. But this year, ski

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Speaker 1: patrol saw us and then came back and picked us

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Speaker 1: up and dragged us out of there because we're like,

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Speaker 1: we need another half hour and they're like, all right,

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Speaker 1: well this is going to close and we would have

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Speaker 1: to really like walk out, and so the guy came

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Speaker 1: back and tugged us out, which was really cute. So

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Speaker 1: that was great. So now they've given up. And that's

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Speaker 1: how I feel about pushing against authority. If you push

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Speaker 1: hard enough, eventually the doors just open and the flooding starts.

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Speaker 1: And then they're just like, fuck it, it's happening, and

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Speaker 1: it's gonna happen. It's just sheer exhaustion. They just don't

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Speaker 1: want to bother anymore. They're like a half fuck it,

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Speaker 1: let's just roll with it. Yeah. Like the first year

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Speaker 1: I made a ski video, this ski patrol found me

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Speaker 1: or they were looking for me actively, but they didn't

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Speaker 1: know I had already shot it two days earlier. They

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Speaker 1: thought I was doing it in real time. I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: that wasn't two days ago. Yeah, And then the next

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Speaker 1: year I got a warning from the mountain that I'm

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Speaker 1: not allowed to I'm not allowed to drink and smoke

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Speaker 1: pot on the mountain. And then the next year I

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Speaker 1: skied off the mountain. We did backcountry because I don't

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Speaker 1: want to deal with those fucking people. And then this

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Speaker 1: year they're just like, you know what, there they don't

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Speaker 1: they have, they have no fight left in them. Do

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Speaker 1: your thing. So that's how we always have to push

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Speaker 1: up everyone who's listening. You have to keep going. You

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Speaker 1: have to break the door down, you know, especially when

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Speaker 1: it's in the name of just joyousness and celebration and

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Speaker 1: fun and you're not hurting anybody, right, So and art

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Speaker 1: and arts. Don't forget art, yes, oh yeah, please don't

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Speaker 1: forget what an artist I am. So let's talk about

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Speaker 1: I think actually a good lesson started to make you

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Speaker 1: a teacher for a little bit. So I don't. Let's

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Speaker 1: talk about she and her and pronouns. And I think

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Speaker 1: it's always good to kind of refresh people who are

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Speaker 1: confused still about what everything means. When you're in drag,

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Speaker 1: you prefer to be referred to as a sheet or correct,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I accept anything. I accept cunt and face.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I'm pretty cool with it because I'm

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Speaker 1: of a certain age. I too accept cunt face. It's true.

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Speaker 1: It's true. I'm of a certain age where it's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I didn't think about those things, and I

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Speaker 1: guess being a drag queen for so many years, I

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Speaker 1: just answer to any of it. So me, I'm just whatever.

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Speaker 1: As long as you get the right name on the check.

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Speaker 1: I don't give a I'm old enough to even say

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Speaker 1: the check, because who gets a check anymore? But it's

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Speaker 1: that thing where for me it doesn't bother me at all,

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Speaker 1: So I mean I can be called anything. Okay, Well

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Speaker 1: that's great to know for me, for you, and then

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Speaker 1: when you're not a drag, you're you identify as a man, correct, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: well on that one, it depends on who we talk too.

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Speaker 1: I'm a little light in my loafers, but yeah, I

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Speaker 1: would assume yes, yes, that works for me. And are

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Speaker 1: you in a relationship? Oh currently, Yeah, shockingly. And I

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Speaker 1: say that very begrudgingly and carefully, because you know, when

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Speaker 1: you get to a certain age, Chelsea, you start thinking

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Speaker 1: you don't want to mention the fuck boys, because we've

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Speaker 1: all been there and we've all been like, oh, this

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Speaker 1: is the one, this is it. I'm not one of

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Speaker 1: those people that proclaim it on Facebook but or Instagram

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Speaker 1: or any of that madness, but you know, every now

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Speaker 1: and then they catch a picture of you and then

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Speaker 1: people think, yeah, this is it, and then you end

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Speaker 1: up sucking yourself. You know, you end up getting screwed over,

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Speaker 1: and then you have to explain to the world in

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Speaker 1: some form of fashion, Hey this didn't work out. So

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Speaker 1: I've been low key with this one for about a year,

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Speaker 1: so it's been hard to keep a secret. You know,

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Speaker 1: gaze can't keep a secret. But you've been no and

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Speaker 1: a year and getting like gay life is a really

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Speaker 1: long time. That's like seven years, right, yeah, not lesbian.

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Speaker 1: The lesbians about twelve years, but this is about seven

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Speaker 1: years in the gay world. Yes, but well I feel

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Speaker 1: like lesbians have they stay together longer? No? Yeah, because

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Speaker 1: they're lazy. Yeah, it makes sense. You know, it's all

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Speaker 1: about Listen, I would be a lesbian because it's all

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Speaker 1: about comfort. Look at the costumes, look at the outfit,

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Speaker 1: look at the choices of hair. Look at a cat.

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Speaker 1: A cat can take care of themselves. Mother, think about

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Speaker 1: it though, It's like it's literally all about comfort. So

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Speaker 1: I would totally be a lesbian. A cat can take

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Speaker 1: care of themselves. It's a different world for a lesbian.

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Speaker 1: I mean they've got it figured out. And is this

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Speaker 1: your first serious relationship or no? Oh hell no, I've

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Speaker 1: had I've had a couple. I mean I'm gonna I'm

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Speaker 1: forty seven, so I've been around the block and I've

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Speaker 1: had the good ones and the bad ones. But you know,

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Speaker 1: it's you get to that point where you're like, all right,

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Speaker 1: let's see if this is working, and slowly this has

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Speaker 1: been working shockingly And what do you think makes it

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Speaker 1: work for you? Well, giving up, giving up, Chelsea, that's it,

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Speaker 1: just given up, like you said. No, it's more or less.

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Speaker 1: It just kind of being with an adult. Does that

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Speaker 1: make sense. I don't even know if it's about age,

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Speaker 1: but it's more about just being an adult. He's got

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Speaker 1: his own ship. He didn't give a fuck what I do.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't care about drag. He's not interested in it,

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Speaker 1: which is a lovely thing, you know, didn't even ask

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Speaker 1: questions about it, which makes it so much more entertaining,

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Speaker 1: you know, because I can go do my thing, he

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Speaker 1: can go do his, and then we meet in the middle.

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Speaker 1: And how much of your life does drag take up?

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Speaker 1: Far too much? I mean, it's your profession, really right, Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you know it's kind of like you got to

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Speaker 1: create your own world. So for me, it's usually when

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Speaker 1: I'm out on the road. I just finished a tour

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Speaker 1: where I was out for at thirteen months and so

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Speaker 1: we did a one hundred and twenty nine shows in

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Speaker 1: twenty seven countries and ninety nine cities. So that's the schedule,

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Speaker 1: you know, And that's not just going out, but it's

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Speaker 1: like going out with drag. You know, you got your

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Speaker 1: meet and greets before the show, you got to get

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Speaker 1: in the drag, you got to pack the drag, you

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Speaker 1: got to go to the other countries and stuff. So

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Speaker 1: it's a lot there, and it's not so much like, oh,

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Speaker 1: my life is difficult. It just means, you know, when

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Speaker 1: you're in the monkey suit, you're ready to entertain. When

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Speaker 1: you're out of the monkey suit, you're like, get the

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Speaker 1: funk away from me. I need to sleep, I need

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Speaker 1: a drink, I need to be you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be bothered. So I guess that's the packaging

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Speaker 1: for it. You know, you start to realize it's a

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Speaker 1: lot physically and mentally. Then you go, how fucking lucky

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Speaker 1: to get to travel the world and do what I do.

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Speaker 1: You know, yeah, it expends I'm sure it expends a

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Speaker 1: lot of energy. There must be days where you just

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Speaker 1: do not feel like getting it up right, like getting

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Speaker 1: your outfit together and doing the whole hair and makeup right.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know as a woman that I don't

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Speaker 1: want to do that. I'm most stayed. No, no, it's true,

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Speaker 1: and it is kind of exhausted. But then in the

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Speaker 1: end you realize. You know, if I don't wear the

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Speaker 1: wig of the makeup, I gotta have the packaging to

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Speaker 1: make it theatrical. How long does it take you to

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Speaker 1: get in drag? I'm curious. I could get ready at

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Speaker 1: about an hour, you know if I have Oh okay,

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Speaker 1: if I yeah, I'm not one of those. If you've

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Speaker 1: seen me, I don't blend. So it's not like I'm

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Speaker 1: sitting back doing this whole you know, luxurious moment thing.

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Speaker 1: It's not that fancy for me. But literally, if everything

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Speaker 1: is in a room, I could do it within an hour.

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Speaker 1: And what about the culture of your profession. I would

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Speaker 1: assume it could be pretty catty, but that's just okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: but I mean the cattiness of it though, that's Those

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Speaker 1: are the people that are friends. You know. Everybody that's

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Speaker 1: a count is my friend. You know, we got a

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Speaker 1: part of it right, giving each other shit in an

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Speaker 1: exaggerated way because you're on top of it. You are

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Speaker 1: drag queens who kind of do that for a living

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Speaker 1: without a doubt, and I think I have. I'm always

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Speaker 1: suspicious of drag queens that don't drink and they don't

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Speaker 1: have a fucking sense of humor, I go, how can

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Speaker 1: you not have any of those? And so for me,

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Speaker 1: you know, when I started out, I was working in

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Speaker 1: gay bars, and you would do gay bars or cabaret spaces.

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Speaker 1: That's the only place you could find a drag queen.

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Speaker 1: But now you walk outside, they're fucking hanging from the

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Speaker 1: trees everywhere you go. It's some stupid bitch with a

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Speaker 1: wig on saying drag saved my life. No, no, that's

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Speaker 1: not how I look at it. For me, it's a job,

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Speaker 1: it's what I do, and it's not necessarily my identity.

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Speaker 1: But when I'm in it, let's go have fucking fun,

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Speaker 1: you know, let's let's make the best of it, take

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00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,200
Speaker 1: the piss out of each other. Basically, yeah, that's fun.

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Speaker 1: Where are you based out of currently, I'm in Palm

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Speaker 1: Springs because it was cheaper than having plastic surgery. You know,

385
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Speaker 1: you just come out here where the old people are,

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Speaker 1: and immediately you look better. So I've been out here

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Speaker 1: now for about since a pandemic for about three years.

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Speaker 1: Oh really, I was going to guess that you were

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00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:58,120
Speaker 1: in Miami just by your decor behind you. Oh no, no, no, no,

390
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:02,080
Speaker 1: it's Palm Springs. Everything's white, even my neighbors, because I

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Speaker 1: am the brownest thing in this neighborhood that doesn't have

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Speaker 1: a lawn more. But that's a whole other story. Okay, Well, Catherine, Yes,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna take calls for people. You're gonna expend great advice,

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Speaker 1: as I can suspect you're very good at giving. Sure,

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Speaker 1: and we're gonna help people along with their problems. Today.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna help people with problems, and we curate. We

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Speaker 1: curate the episodes to our guests. Yes, so we have

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Speaker 1: questions that I think you'll be able to relate to. Yes,

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Speaker 1: Katherine thinks. Yeah. Catherine produces all our episodes. Every time

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Speaker 1: I come here. It's a surprise, exactly. Well, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: make us take a quick break and then we'll be

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Speaker 1: right back with Bianca and Chelsea. Okay, and we're back.

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Speaker 1: We're back. We're back. Brad or engineer. Quick question? Is

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Speaker 1: Rob on the line or no? No Rob? Just Danny

405
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Speaker 1: and Brian? Are you I'm sorry? Brad? Are you listening

406
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:07,320
Speaker 1: to Whitney Houston feeling it? Watching an Instagram video? Brad's

407
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,920
Speaker 1: favorite song is I want to dance with somebody like No, Lie,

408
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,040
Speaker 1: that's crazy? He doesn't dance Catherine, you know Selen Dion.

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00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,520
Speaker 1: That's not accurate. So Selene Dion is where it's at. Actually,

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00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:22,400
Speaker 1: she's pretty fucking funny. I didn't realize Selene Dion was funny. Yeah,

411
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,399
Speaker 1: drag Queen introduced me to her. We'll not introduce me,

412
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:29,160
Speaker 1: but verified. He's like, Chelsea, you have got to watch her.

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Speaker 1: She fucks around and she's really funny. And I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know. Yes, then that awkward in that awkward

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Speaker 1: way which makes it so fucking fun Yeah, and in

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Speaker 1: an awkward French Canadian way. Yeah that too. All right, Well,

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00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:45,320
Speaker 1: so Brad, sorry, we don't have him on correct No, okay,

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Speaker 1: and my heart will go okay, wonderful. I think this

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00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,000
Speaker 1: question is great for both of you. So Rob is

420
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:57,400
Speaker 1: running in from Toronto, he says, Dear Chelsea. After an

421
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 1: emotionally exhausting relationship with someone who I thought was going

422
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,399
Speaker 1: to be my person, I ended things after coming to

423
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,560
Speaker 1: the conclusion that he was manipulating me and playing games

424
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:10,639
Speaker 1: due to what I believe were narcissistic tendencies. This scenario

425
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,199
Speaker 1: forced me to call him out on his behavior and

426
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,800
Speaker 1: block him so he would stop reaching out to try

427
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 1: and convince me that he had changed and that we

428
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,560
Speaker 1: should get back together. Luckily, I've moved forward and been

429
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,040
Speaker 1: able to get back on the mend. But here's the issue.

430
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,120
Speaker 1: He and I fell in love over a common interest.

431
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:31,040
Speaker 1: We both want to pursue a career in comedy and writing. Now,

432
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,800
Speaker 1: him being further along in his career means he's become

433
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,480
Speaker 1: a part of that world in our city. Meanwhile, the

434
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,840
Speaker 1: loan me is just getting started. It means that I'll

435
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,320
Speaker 1: have to see him, interact with him, and deal with

436
00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:45,600
Speaker 1: him again. After coming to the incredibly hard conclusion that

437
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,760
Speaker 1: the best thing for me would be to never have

438
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,679
Speaker 1: to see him again, I don't have any intention to

439
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 1: sacrifice my career ambitions. But I'm also unsure how to

440
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,440
Speaker 1: face all that anxiety, depression, and emotional trauma all over again.

441
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,600
Speaker 1: How do I honor the part of me that wants

442
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,680
Speaker 1: to make this a reality well also honoring the part

443
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,399
Speaker 1: of me that has urged me to stay away. Rob,

444
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 1: I'll go first, Okay, Roy, got it, and you can

445
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 1: follow up. First of all, huge opportunity for growth right here.

446
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,720
Speaker 1: Huge growth opportunity, as they would say in any book,

447
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,119
Speaker 1: whenever you have to be faced with something you're already

448
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,399
Speaker 1: saying that you're going to pursue your career. He's going

449
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:21,960
Speaker 1: to be in the same career. There's nothing you could

450
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 1: do about it. All you can control is the way

451
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,960
Speaker 1: that you react to the situation and handle the situation.

452
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 1: And you have a huge opportunity to handle it with

453
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 1: dignity and with grace and with self respect and respect

454
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 1: for him too. It didn't work out, that doesn't mean anything.

455
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 1: You don't have to harbor ill will for that person.

456
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 1: In fact, you should want that person to be able

457
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 1: to find what they're looking for, regardless of whether they're

458
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 1: a narcissist or how they treated you or the dynamic

459
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 1: of your relationship. You should want the best for him.

460
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 1: And if you keep saying that to yourself, eventually you'll

461
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,680
Speaker 1: start to believe that you want the best for him.

462
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 1: Sometimes you kind of have to trick yourself into thinking that.

463
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:58,400
Speaker 1: But this is a great, great life lesson. I mean,

464
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 1: I'm excited for you because I go into this and

465
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 1: be like, I am going to crush this, you know

466
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:04,919
Speaker 1: what I mean, I'm gonna get an A plus in

467
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:08,480
Speaker 1: this class of like being a higher person and leading

468
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,720
Speaker 1: the way you are going to be an example to

469
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 1: show him and the people around you how to behave

470
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:17,320
Speaker 1: after a breakup. Rob, I say, move package shit, move listen.

471
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 1: Gay's are the fucking worst. They will haunt you, they

472
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 1: will drive you crazy. Get the fuck out of town. No,

473
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 1: the thing is, you know, this is the thing. Maybe

474
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 1: Chelsea's right be the bigger person, which can be very

475
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 1: difficult when you're dealing with gay people because they don't

476
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,760
Speaker 1: sit well with it. The fact that you both were

477
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,439
Speaker 1: in the same profession, that alone is a fucking nightmare.

478
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,360
Speaker 1: I can't I would never would you date another comedian? Oh?

479
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,320
Speaker 1: I guess I shouldn't ask Chelsea, But I mean in

480
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 1: general for me, I couldn't imagine dating another drag queen.

481
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,439
Speaker 1: I think that would be quite problematic, you know, so

482
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 1: I don't know if I could do it. So you're

483
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,360
Speaker 1: a better person for even giving that fucker an opportunity.

484
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 1: But just just have a drink and remember that you

485
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 1: know one day he's going to die, and that should

486
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: make you feel better and that should help you get

487
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,680
Speaker 1: through this. Yeah, that's how I look at it. There's

488
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:01,640
Speaker 1: two sides of the coin, and that advice right there. Well,

489
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:05,800
Speaker 1: our next question comes from Danny. Danny says, Dear Chelsea,

490
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,359
Speaker 1: my friend who all call Matt and I have been

491
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,360
Speaker 1: close friends since college. For the last twenty years, he's

492
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 1: been a faithful, loyal friend who I've shared good times

493
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,280
Speaker 1: and bad times with. He's funny, he's loyal, he's sassy.

494
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,879
Speaker 1: We both came out and around the same time in life.

495
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,439
Speaker 1: We've gone through a lot together, and he's family to me.

496
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 1: He still lives in Dallas, where we went to school.

497
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,440
Speaker 1: I live in Boston with my husband. Matt visits frequently,

498
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,640
Speaker 1: and there's one side of him that makes it difficult

499
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 1: to have him around. He has loud outbursts at times

500
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 1: at restaurants on the streets, and he even said something

501
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 1: out the window to my neighbor who has severe mental

502
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 1: health issues. He whistles the people at bars and says

503
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,159
Speaker 1: obnoxious shit to strangers in the streets. He's meaning to

504
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,199
Speaker 1: be funny or playful, but it makes me want to

505
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,640
Speaker 1: disappear out of humiliation. It's the behavior of a teenager,

506
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,639
Speaker 1: and we are forty years old. I've asked him repeatedly

507
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 1: to please stop, and he doesn't seem to understand how

508
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,440
Speaker 1: embarrassing this is for me. I've gotten to the point

509
00:22:58,440 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 1: where I feel like I need to tell him this

510
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 1: behavior must stop immediately or he can't come to visit anymore.

511
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: He's never responded well to criticism, so I'm at a

512
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,520
Speaker 1: loss on how to approach him with this, as he's

513
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,400
Speaker 1: already experiencing some loneliness in his life and therefore likes

514
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 1: visiting frequently. Much love from Boston, Danny. I think we

515
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,679
Speaker 1: all have some loud friends. Yeah, yeah, they all do.

516
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 1: Personal I thought he was describing me, Danny. This is challenging.

517
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 1: It's annoying when somebody thinks they're funny and they're not

518
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 1: being funny. I can't fake laugh at something that I

519
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 1: don't think is funny, so that's annoying and really annoying. Quality.

520
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:39,360
Speaker 1: Hi Danny, Hi Danny, Hi, how are you good? Hiar

521
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 1: we hear your friend Matt as being very annoying. Yes,

522
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 1: very much so. Yeah, that is really annoying. By the way,

523
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:49,160
Speaker 1: I hate that when guy. I hate loud, when people

524
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 1: are screaming and loud, you know. And I also hate

525
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,120
Speaker 1: when people think they're funny and they're not and you're

526
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 1: supposed to pretend to laugh or not or whatever. Anyway,

527
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,120
Speaker 1: I think your friend is worth losing. And I've been

528
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 1: influenced already by Roy on this podcast today, So I know,

529
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 1: I think your friend is If you lost him, it's

530
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 1: not that big of a detriment to you, is it.

531
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,400
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, So that's the that's the complicated part.

532
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:18,640
Speaker 1: I mean, he so we've been friends for I mean

533
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,880
Speaker 1: twenty two years if I'm doing the math right, so

534
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: it would feel like a huge impact for me. But

535
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 1: like I was telling Catherine yesterday, I know you guys

536
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,119
Speaker 1: are busy, so I won't give you my whole story.

537
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 1: But we're busy fucking doing this podcast. I mean, we're

538
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,399
Speaker 1: busy listening to callers, So yeah, give us your story. Okay, awesome,

539
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: thanks Chlseie. I mean, you know, keep it succinct. Vote.

540
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,440
Speaker 1: So I grew up in very like small town Texas.

541
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 1: I left my small fucking town and moved to Boston

542
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 1: and have the career I won and a tall, wardous

543
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:57,159
Speaker 1: Italian husband and basically killing it and like it's the

544
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 1: truth and and it's that thing where it's just here

545
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,120
Speaker 1: in my new life that I have here that I've

546
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 1: worked very hard for, I live with like co respect,

547
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 1: if that makes sense, Like, let's live positively towards each

548
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: other and that type of thing. But I am not

549
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 1: I am not gonna suffer fools, and I'm not going

550
00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:20,400
Speaker 1: to put up with people's bullshit anymore. And I deserve

551
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 1: respect like anybody else deserves respect. But he probably doesn't

552
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 1: think he's disrespecting you. In his defense, he thinks he's

553
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 1: being entertaining or funny. You know, oh totally. And also, Danny,

554
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,120
Speaker 1: you said you've been friends for like twenty two years. Now,

555
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,720
Speaker 1: is he being annoying the fuck out of you for

556
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 1: twenty two years or is it just recently that he

557
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,719
Speaker 1: started annoying you? Is he jealous because you've got that

558
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: fine piece of Italian man? Is that what's setting him off?

559
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: That he's forced to talk to strangers to make himself.

560
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 1: Is that what it is? Danny? No, No, No, I don't.

561
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 1: I don't think it's that at all. I mean, I

562
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,880
Speaker 1: think that it's always been there in some capacity, but

563
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,200
Speaker 1: then it's just a mixture of things. So I live

564
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 1: in a different city and then he turns into this

565
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,879
Speaker 1: quote unquote city person when he's here, and I'm like,

566
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,439
Speaker 1: look the fuck around you. No one else is acting

567
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 1: like that, and all of us live here. What exactly

568
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,719
Speaker 1: does he turn into it? It's like a it's like

569
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,880
Speaker 1: a get out of my way, like no, like whatever.

570
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,680
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you're kind of the one being mister

571
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 1: nonsense and irritating everybody because it's one of these older

572
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 1: friendships where they're used to me being that person. It

573
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 1: feels like I have to handle that new version of

574
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 1: me a little bit more delicately. But then I live

575
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: in Cambridge. I live very close to Harvard Square for

576
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:42,919
Speaker 1: eleven years. I know people, and you're embarrassing me, and

577
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 1: people in my building know me and all these things.

578
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 1: So that's I think that's where I'm having such a

579
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 1: hard time. How do I go? Can you please knock

580
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 1: this the fuck off and be forty because you're not

581
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:58,400
Speaker 1: like a fifteen year old girl. Yes? Absolutely, but obviously

582
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 1: you've said it to him in the past, right, Yes

583
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,960
Speaker 1: I have? Yeah, And did you say it like you

584
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 1: just said it to us? Knock knock at the fuck off.

585
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 1: You're embarrassing the shit out of him. You're forty. You're forty,

586
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 1: and there's nothing worse than telling a gay person they're forty.

587
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,920
Speaker 1: That's a fucking reality check. It's definitely gonna wreck his nerves.

588
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 1: And it sounds like you hate him, Danny. It sounds

589
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 1: like you've made it, You've already got all this figured out.

590
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 1: You hate him, Just drop him. It's not worth all

591
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:24,640
Speaker 1: the grief. No, I definitely don't feel like I hate him.

592
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 1: I think with my own personal growth and people have

593
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 1: had to have compassion for me when I was just

594
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 1: being a fucking idiot in places in my life. But

595
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,679
Speaker 1: I went, oh, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I

596
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 1: will not I'm gonna stop doing that. Yeah, I think

597
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,479
Speaker 1: it's your approach. I think if you say to him

598
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 1: in a much more gentle, loving way, like in a

599
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 1: thoughtful way, where the conversation isn't a reaction to his behavior,

600
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 1: it's actually aside from his behavior. You know, you either

601
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 1: have a phone call or see him in person, whatever

602
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: feels right to you. But I think you can address

603
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 1: this and be like, listen, I know we've joked about it,

604
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:59,159
Speaker 1: and I've been kind of a shit about it in

605
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,919
Speaker 1: the past, reactive to your behavior, but I have to

606
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 1: tell you it's not funny, and it makes other people uncomfortable,

607
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,960
Speaker 1: and it makes me uncomfortable, and like, say it in

608
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 1: a really loving way, like I care about our friendship.

609
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 1: It's been twenty two years. It's starting to become an issue,

610
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 1: Like you don't seem to have any self awareness around

611
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 1: this issue that you know, how you're coming across isn't

612
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:24,120
Speaker 1: what you think it is, and you know, without assailing him,

613
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,920
Speaker 1: but just laying it on the table in a more

614
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: loving way. Yeah, I think there's also something there with

615
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 1: like when we're out at the bar, like be yourself,

616
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:33,960
Speaker 1: be your crazy self. We love to see it. But

617
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 1: when we're walking home late at night in my neighborhood

618
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 1: where I know all these people who are eighty or whatever,

619
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 1: one who is mentally ill, like dot you triggering them

620
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,479
Speaker 1: or screaming at them, And if he can't get it

621
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 1: together and he can't obey by those rules, then you know,

622
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 1: maybe he doesn't come to say anymore. Right. Yeah, And

623
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 1: I mean that's where I'm at. I want to have

624
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 1: space for everybody in my life, if they're Texas people

625
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: or Boston people or wherever people. If it's someone I love,

626
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: I want to have space for them in my life.

627
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: But for me, it's just like you're literally taking space

628
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 1: from me by being here. Well, he's got to meet

629
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 1: you halfway he's got to meet you halfway. He's gonna

630
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: be respectful of what you're going through as well. Yes, totally,

631
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,480
Speaker 1: that's really great advice in terms of just approaching it

632
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: a little bit more gently, and also I think just

633
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 1: bringing it up when it's not a place where I

634
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 1: am just ready to go off. Yeah. I think that's

635
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 1: the bigger part is I need to get to a

636
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 1: place where I can separate myself from the problem and

637
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: go this isn't mine to carry. So yeah, yeah, it's

638
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: also okay to set that boundary with your friend. And

639
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 1: remember you're in Cambridge and you got that fine man.

640
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 1: Don't worry about that little bitch about him all the

641
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: time he's in Texas. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Just turn

642
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 1: your turn that beat around and focus on your big

643
00:29:54,200 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 1: Italian sausage. So thank you so much, Dan, Thanks Danny

644
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 1: than you. Hi. I love Danny. I love Danny too.

645
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about my big Italian sausage. I

646
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 1: was as I said that, I was like, I've never

647
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 1: had a big Italian sausage. And then I was like, oh,

648
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:14,960
Speaker 1: yeah I did. I did an Italian guy who lived

649
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 1: in Spain, but I dated him for a couple of months. Well,

650
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 1: we had like a long term kind of come and

651
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 1: go affair, like we meet each other in cities. It

652
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 1: was pretty cute, actually, he had over the course of

653
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 1: like a year or two. You were never like we

654
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 1: were never like exclusive. It was just an understood we

655
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 1: would meet up in different cities, which is my favorite

656
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 1: thing really to do for having sex. Anyway, Chelsea, you

657
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 1: have an area code. I know I love. I love

658
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 1: a man in every port. You know what I mean,

659
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 1: as you should, Chelsea. Are you sure you're not a

660
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 1: gay man? I mean so I'm not. I'm not sure.

661
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm a lesbian or a gay man,

662
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 1: but I feel like I am definitely on the other

663
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: side of things. Got it? Got it well? Our next

664
00:30:56,080 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 1: question comes from Brian Brand's also here with us. On

665
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 1: the phone. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing because I

666
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 1: need some advice that I haven't been able to get

667
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 1: from a therapist. A thing that haunts me is the

668
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 1: dynamic I have in a lot of my friendships. Ever

669
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: since middle school. I've been told that I'm easy to

670
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 1: pick on or fun to tease. I definitely grew up

671
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 1: in a household where I was sort of prepped to

672
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 1: expect the world to reject me. Both of my parents

673
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: are deeply insecure, and somehow transferred that to me as

674
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: an attempt at protection. Now, in my mid thirties, I'm

675
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 1: still haunted by friendships with people who seem to find

676
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 1: a lot of pleasure in teasing me or picking on me,

677
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 1: often about things that are reminiscent of what I got

678
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: picked on for in middle school, my weight or my

679
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 1: lack of masculinity. Therapist after therapist gives me the same

680
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 1: runaround about having self worth and all that stuff. That's lovely,

681
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 1: but it's hard to balance an attitude of not taking

682
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 1: oneself too seriously and also not being self deprecating. I

683
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: think a lot of this is just sort of lazy

684
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 1: humor that people have that was popular in the early

685
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 1: two thousands, and we've all sort of grown up from.

686
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: One of the things I love about you and your

687
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 1: podcast has been your evolution in your own sense of humor.

688
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 1: I'm just really looking for some help and advice from

689
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: someone that I think has ther shit together and isn't

690
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 1: so damn invested in who I am. Brian, Hi, Brian, Hi, Brian, Hi, Hi, Brian.

691
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:19,719
Speaker 1: We have our special guest today Bianca slash Roy Hi, Brian,

692
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Hi. Okay,

693
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 1: So your friends is it the same group of friends?

694
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 1: Is it a varied group of I mean, is it

695
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 1: a lot of people or is it it's like a

696
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 1: good percentage of my friends. But I think so. I've

697
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 1: got friends from my like teens and twenties from when

698
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 1: I lived in Atlanta, and then I've got friends from

699
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 1: when I moved back to California that are mostly people

700
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 1: I met in my thirties. And I really thought that

701
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: when I made that move that I would be able

702
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 1: to redefine that boundary of how I talked about myself

703
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 1: and how I let friends talk about me. And I

704
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 1: just noticed like the same pattern has started up again

705
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 1: over the past few years. So I'm kind of at

706
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 1: a loss. Okay, So what is the pattern? Can you

707
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: give us some examples totally? I mean, it could be

708
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 1: like little remarks from straight friends about being so gay

709
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 1: or too gay, or you look straight until you open

710
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 1: your mouth and start talking, or comments about my weight.

711
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: I work in the diversity, equity and inclusion space, so

712
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: like jokes about me being the woke police, or just

713
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 1: stuff like that. I see. Yeah, Okay, well I think

714
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: these are just kind of leftovers, you know what I mean,

715
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 1: Like everybody's getting up to speed. If you're these people

716
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:41,719
Speaker 1: are good friends in your life, I'm sure that they

717
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 1: care about you, right, So it is lazy humor. It

718
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 1: is leftover from we're entering a like a world where

719
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 1: like it's not cool to say that anymore, and some

720
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: people are just kind of like they don't want to

721
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 1: let that go, you know what I mean. It's easy

722
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: to make that joke. It's easy to make that reference.

723
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 1: I'm guilty of it myself at times. You know, I

724
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 1: just always have to remember or like pick it up,

725
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 1: pick up your humor. So I think you have to

726
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 1: just have a different reaction than you've had, and don't

727
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 1: think of it as a reaction as much of a

728
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 1: response where you are firm, you know, and whatever that

729
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,279
Speaker 1: looks like for you, Like it can be a real

730
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,360
Speaker 1: conversation or it can just be like the way you

731
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,879
Speaker 1: react in the moment. Like, dude, if you still think

732
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 1: you can say stuff like that, you're like mistaken, Like

733
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,760
Speaker 1: get with the program. Yeah, I might be the woke police,

734
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 1: but I know what's going on, and you guys don't.

735
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: It's not cool to make fun of people being gay anymore.

736
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:31,840
Speaker 1: It's not funny anymore. Get more clever in your humor.

737
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 1: I think you have to be a little bit more

738
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 1: aggressive than your probably natural disposition allows you to be

739
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: totally And I think where I've tried to like call

740
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:43,399
Speaker 1: people out on it, especially when it's stuff that I'm

741
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 1: like really sensitive about, the immediate reaction that I get is,

742
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 1: oh my god, you take yourself too seriously. Oh my god,

743
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: you're too sensitive. And that's where I honestly like fall

744
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 1: apart and turn into like a kid being bullied on

745
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 1: the schoolyard again and just kind of want to burst

746
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 1: into tears. Yeah, you don't want to do that. You

747
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,320
Speaker 1: don't want to do that. You want to like handle

748
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 1: it in a way that it's not a question right,

749
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,280
Speaker 1: because then they're going to attack you for being weak,

750
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 1: and then that supports their argument that you're already too

751
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,279
Speaker 1: much of a whatever, too effeminate or too girly or

752
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 1: too gay or whatever. Like I think you have to

753
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,320
Speaker 1: just be succinct about it, like it's not cool guys

754
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,279
Speaker 1: at all, and not in a victimy way, in a

755
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 1: way that you're not the victim in a way that

756
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,680
Speaker 1: you're taking charge of your life. Like great, if you

757
00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 1: guys want to do that, that's great. But I have

758
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 1: other friends that aren't going to treat me like that.

759
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 1: Even though you don't yet, let's just pretend you do. Yeah, okay,

760
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,399
Speaker 1: because we're going to manifest them, and you're gonna start

761
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 1: talking and you're going to start attracting people that are

762
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 1: going to be treating you in a more dignified way.

763
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 1: Because the people you're around is always just a projection

764
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 1: of yourself. So when you start taking your gayness more

765
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 1: seriously and with more pride instead of being a victim

766
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:51,880
Speaker 1: about it, then you're going to be in a position

767
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 1: of power instead of a position of weakness, which it

768
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 1: seems that you're in right now. But that's easy to

769
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 1: shift out of totally. And you also have to realize

770
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: that you know, when someone says this kind of shit,

771
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,319
Speaker 1: like as gay people, we've heard this our entire life.

772
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:04,879
Speaker 1: As you've said, you dealt with it as a kid,

773
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:06,840
Speaker 1: and it takes you back there is it literally in

774
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 1: your mind. You have to flip it and just go,

775
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,720
Speaker 1: I've heard it. This doesn't affect me on that level anymore.

776
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 1: I can't allow it to affect me anymore. You got me.

777
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 1: I'm gay, Yeah, I'm as gay as it gets. Yeah,

778
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: I'm a flyaway in about five minutes. It's just one

779
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 1: of those things where it is it is a lazy situation.

780
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 1: But yeah, once you assess it and just kind of

781
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 1: in your own mind, go, hey, I'm not that kid anymore,

782
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 1: and I don't have to put up with this shit,

783
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 1: you know, and you do realize that when people are

784
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 1: this negative in your world that it does become exhausting.

785
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:35,719
Speaker 1: How much of it are you willing to take? How

786
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: much are you willing to put up with? You know?

787
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: It's so I think if you put it on the

788
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 1: line with them, then they have the option. I'm either

789
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,799
Speaker 1: staying and being a better person or getting the fuck out.

790
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 1: You know, it ain't worth all that. It ain't worth

791
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,400
Speaker 1: all that. Trust me. I've been called sissy, I've been

792
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 1: called everything. And it's just one of those things where

793
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 1: like if you say fag on the street, I'm gonna

794
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 1: turn first because I would react to it going hey,

795
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 1: But in the end I laugh at it now, you know,

796
00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 1: because I am a big fag in a wig. You know.

797
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 1: It's much job and Brian, you mentioned being self deprecating.

798
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 1: Is that something that you find yourself sort of leading

799
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 1: with when you meet someone new or you know, are

800
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 1: in a new friend group. Oh my god, Yeah, I

801
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:14,719
Speaker 1: mean I've been out since I was thirteen and had

802
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 1: a weight problem since I was younger than that. So

803
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 1: of course, like the way that I've always learned to

804
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: sort of be on the defense is to make the

805
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,840
Speaker 1: joke quicker than everybody else does, And through like years

806
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 1: and years and years of therapy, I've learned that that's

807
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: something I have to really check. But also it does

808
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:34,359
Speaker 1: make people feel more comfortable around you when you can

809
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 1: show that you can make a joke about yourself. It's

810
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:40,800
Speaker 1: just such a hard boundary for me to find between

811
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 1: being self deprecating and then also not just talking shit

812
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 1: about yourself. Right Exactly, you can be self deprecating, but

813
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 1: not what you're telling yourself negative things about yourself. There

814
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,720
Speaker 1: are different ways to be funny and make other people

815
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 1: feel comfortable without putting yourself down. Yeah, right, Like Chelsea

816
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:00,839
Speaker 1: has a joke about like the friends between the Sun

817
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 1: and the Moon, and she talks about that, but she's

818
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:05,840
Speaker 1: not going around calling herself stupid there's a difference between

819
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 1: a shame based you know, quote unquote self deprecation and

820
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 1: something that's fun and lively and invites positivity into your life.

821
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,520
Speaker 1: So I would just be really careful and maybe for

822
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 1: a time you aren't self deprecating. Maybe you take a

823
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 1: break from that for a little while and start making

824
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 1: jokes that are positive about yourself and see where that

825
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 1: gets you. See what happens with that. Yeah, I like

826
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,360
Speaker 1: that idea, making jokes that are positive about yourself. And also,

827
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 1: you know, like whatever your approach has been or response

828
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 1: has been thus far isn't setting the right message. So

829
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 1: you should experiment with some other responses, you know. And

830
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be like you getting up and

831
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 1: storming out when you're in a group setting and your

832
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:45,839
Speaker 1: friends are like not getting it. It's about you laying

833
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: down a boundary and going, hey, guys, I know this

834
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 1: is fun for you, but it's so old and it's

835
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,240
Speaker 1: so not funny for me, Like this is my life.

836
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:55,839
Speaker 1: I'm not interested in hearing about this anymore. Like if

837
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: we can't have more clever jokes about me, then like,

838
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 1: why don't you guys let me know when you're ready

839
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,319
Speaker 1: to hang out? Without making fun of the fact that

840
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,880
Speaker 1: I'm gay. Yeah. Yeah, when you're ready to do that

841
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,719
Speaker 1: and you feel more mature than great, and you know,

842
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 1: you can try it like that, but make it a

843
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:10,920
Speaker 1: non emotional And I know it's hard in the moment

844
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 1: when you're having those interactions, but I think this is

845
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 1: a perfect example of something that kind of needs to

846
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 1: be handled in the moment. Yeah, totally. Yeah, I mean

847
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 1: that makes total sense. It's a good exercise for you.

848
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:23,439
Speaker 1: It's great, you know, because once you get a little

849
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 1: bit of power, your power back, you're gonna like the

850
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,000
Speaker 1: way that feels, and then there's going to be more boundaries.

851
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 1: And boundaries are good, Like they're not limiting. They actually

852
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,800
Speaker 1: are expansive because they make people behave in different ways

853
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 1: and they make other people expand their behavior, you know

854
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,160
Speaker 1: what I mean. So, like, you're not just helping yourself,

855
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 1: you're helping other people around you, and you're setting up

856
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:46,880
Speaker 1: a dynamic that's much more respectful to yourself, right, you know.

857
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 1: I think there's also an opportunity maybe for you to

858
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 1: express to your friends that you are making a conscious

859
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 1: shift and how you talk about yourself and what you

860
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 1: talk about. Yeah, I had a moment with my therapist

861
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 1: where I was like, my in laws are going to

862
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 1: bring up such and such and I'm gonna have to

863
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 1: talk about it. And she's like, you know what, just

864
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 1: say like I actually used to talk about that all

865
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 1: the time and I'm not comfortable talking about it anymore.

866
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 1: And then you change the subject and I think it's

867
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 1: okay to do that in like a kind and caring way,

868
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 1: like I don't really love joking about my weight anymore.

869
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,000
Speaker 1: Like let's move on. You know. It's just like taking

870
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:17,359
Speaker 1: ownership over something, Just taking ownership over it and also

871
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 1: just realizing, hey, we've been there, we've discussed it, it's

872
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:23,319
Speaker 1: been beaten to death. Moving on, Yeah, And I think

873
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 1: being comfortable with that like momentary discomfort knowing he's going

874
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 1: to have a positive it's temporary run. Yeah. I mean,

875
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 1: it's like I was talking about this last week. I

876
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 1: was reading this book and I was talking about like

877
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 1: letting go and dancing even though you may look like

878
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,479
Speaker 1: an idiot, you're learning how to dance or you're gonna

879
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,919
Speaker 1: you're gonna let people see you kind of stumble. And

880
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 1: for me, because I'm not good at dancing, I have

881
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 1: no rhythm, but I was like, it's preventing me from dancing, Like,

882
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 1: I don't want to be like that. I don't care

883
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 1: what I look like what I danced. At least I

884
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 1: want to be that person. So I just I was like, Okay,

885
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 1: I made a real effort this winter when I was

886
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,440
Speaker 1: up with my friends when we went out, I was like,

887
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 1: you gotta day out all the time. Just dance as

888
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:04,279
Speaker 1: an exercise because it doesn't matter what anybody thinks, and

889
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if people see you mess up. That's

890
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 1: good and it's a growth spur for you to be

891
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 1: uncomfortable in what you're asking and then see the result

892
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 1: of what you're asking. And if your friends aren't respectful

893
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 1: of that, then they're not your friends to begin with,

894
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:20,319
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? The bigger issue right yeah

895
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 1: you go yeah, yeah, but I'm sure that they will be. Yeah,

896
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: it's probably me giving them a little bit more credit

897
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 1: to and just giving them time to understand that, Like

898
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:33,799
Speaker 1: I'm having a shift in how I want to talk

899
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:39,760
Speaker 1: about myself. So yeah, yeah, absolutely, what was this helpful? Brian? Yeah, totally.

900
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:42,360
Speaker 1: Years and years in therapy can give you a bunch

901
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:45,280
Speaker 1: of tools, but sometimes you just need like a really

902
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 1: good pep talk. So this has been great for that

903
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:50,879
Speaker 1: and I thank you all so much. And we didn't

904
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:53,799
Speaker 1: even charge you. We didn't even know we are we're

905
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 1: going to or do you venmo us? Who venmos? Who

906
00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 1: is the purchaser or the O or or the buyer?

907
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: I don't know? So confusing, are we on? Okay, yeah,

908
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:08,320
Speaker 1: we'll send you an invoice. Awesome, Well, thank you so much, Brian,

909
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 1: good luck bye. A lot of questions that really, like

910
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 1: deep down, are about people pleasing with two people who are,

911
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 1: in my opinion, don't seem very concerned about pleasing people. No, No,

912
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 1: well I'm quick to drop a bitch. I'm just one

913
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,279
Speaker 1: of those. I mean I think also, just as you

914
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:26,560
Speaker 1: get older, you start to realize we ain't got much time,

915
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 1: Like do I really want to be bothered with this

916
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 1: toxic person? You know? And if they're going through a moment,

917
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:34,040
Speaker 1: I never say never. So it's that thing of like

918
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: if you have a spell and you don't speak to

919
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:37,279
Speaker 1: them and then eventually you pick back up. All right,

920
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,319
Speaker 1: you got over yourself, we addressed it. Now you're in

921
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 1: a better place. That's fine. But the daily occurrence, they're

922
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:44,680
Speaker 1: just dealing with that annoying son of a bitch. I

923
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:46,839
Speaker 1: don't think I could do it. I just can't. Yeah.

924
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: And also, these people aren't necessarily toxic. They just are not.

925
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:53,919
Speaker 1: They haven't been called to task for their behavior. So

926
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 1: if they were called to task for the behavior and

927
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 1: then increase that behavior, then you know what I mean,

928
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 1: then it's toxic. But like we have to give them

929
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:02,759
Speaker 1: a little bit of credit to understand that. They might

930
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:06,000
Speaker 1: get the feedback and be like, oh shit, you're totally right. Sorry,

931
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:08,320
Speaker 1: sorry we did that. You know, that's also an option,

932
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 1: and they may have just like gotten the wrong impression

933
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:13,920
Speaker 1: in the beginning of like he's teasing about himself, like

934
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:17,320
Speaker 1: he's the guy who's let me jump on the bandwagon. Yeah, exactly.

935
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 1: Well let's take a quick break and we'll be right

936
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 1: back to wrap up with Bianca del Rio and Chelsea.

937
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 1: And we're back Bianca Roy. Yeah, I love your energy.

938
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 1: Oh well, thank you know, listen, it's just what it is,

939
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,400
Speaker 1: you know, for somebody who wears all this shit in drag,

940
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 1: I'm just basically a normal person, which is funny, you know,

941
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:40,920
Speaker 1: because you put all these layers on, you put all

942
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 1: this madness, and and people just assume that you're going

943
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 1: to be different. Now I'm still the same sad fact

944
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 1: out of it. So it's no big deal. It's what

945
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 1: it is. Bianca. Do you have any advice you'd like

946
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 1: from Chelsea? Well, I'm just curious, though, Chelsea. You've been around,

947
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 1: You've had the block around Jenny's block, and you've also

948
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:02,240
Speaker 1: been you know, in and out of a big Italian passage.

949
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:03,920
Speaker 1: You know you've had a rehab. Oh, that's good. I

950
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:06,880
Speaker 1: haven't done rehab yet, is it? Maybe that's the question,

951
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 1: is rehab worth it? I haven't been either. To be

952
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 1: quite honest with you, I'm not. I'm not doing that

953
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 1: in this lifetime. I also was going to say it's

954
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:16,840
Speaker 1: for quitters, but I feel like I was in rehab

955
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:20,959
Speaker 1: the last lifetime and that's why I'm acting against it now.

956
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: I guess you know the question I would ask, because

957
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 1: that how do you how do you maintain your sanity

958
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:32,040
Speaker 1: with as many projects as you have going on because

959
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 1: of the fact that you basically, you know, as a comedian,

960
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:35,960
Speaker 1: as a writer, as a person who's out there and

961
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:38,959
Speaker 1: making appearances and talking efforts like even just now giving

962
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 1: advice to people, how do you find that balance for

963
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 1: yourself to stay kind of in tune with yourself and

964
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 1: also funny, entertaining, engaging in the business side of it

965
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 1: as well. How do you How do you do it?

966
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 1: I mean, I hate saying I have a practice. I

967
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,439
Speaker 1: don't hate saying it. I'm just not used to saying that,

968
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 1: but it is a practice. I practice it. I practice

969
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:00,480
Speaker 1: making sure that this is not my whole life, that

970
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 1: my whole life does not revolve around my career. My

971
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:05,760
Speaker 1: career is pretty much the biggest thing in my life,

972
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:08,279
Speaker 1: but it doesn't take over my life. Like I have

973
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 1: a private life and a personal life, and I have friends,

974
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 1: you know, lots of different groups of friends that have

975
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,080
Speaker 1: nothing to do with Hollywood. And I try to spend

976
00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 1: as much time as I can away from LA so

977
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 1: that I am reminded about the rest of the world.

978
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 1: And I think that is a really important ingredient. And

979
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,160
Speaker 1: in terms of evolving and growing and learning, you know,

980
00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 1: I'm always trying to learn. Even when I'm watching TV,

981
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 1: I'm trying to learn something, you know. I try not

982
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 1: to watch stupid shit so that I could be educated,

983
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,399
Speaker 1: but you know, obviously I watch stupid shit as well,

984
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 1: And you know, when I'm reading and stuff, but it's

985
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 1: it's really important too. For me, at least, it has

986
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 1: been to remain very grounded in terms of my relationship

987
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 1: with my family and my relationship with myself, not to

988
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 1: be not to have it all encompassing, you know, to

989
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 1: have like a wide birth of interests, not a narrow field,

990
00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 1: or to be like a hermit. You know. I always

991
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:02,719
Speaker 1: want to just go out and grow, and anytime I can,

992
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:05,319
Speaker 1: you know, leave this country, I do it so that

993
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 1: I'm not getting recognized every single place and I'm not

994
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 1: constantly being told nice things about myself or terrible things

995
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:14,400
Speaker 1: about myself. Either way, it's not about me, you know

996
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 1: what I mean. You want to get to a place

997
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 1: in your life where not everything is about you, right right?

998
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:20,920
Speaker 1: I think I think that's definitely the issues that lie

999
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,439
Speaker 1: within it, because it's so I guess with social media,

1000
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 1: there's so much that's they're out in the world, and

1001
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 1: then everybody then starts to compare or analyze what everybody's

1002
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 1: doing in the world. And there's a huge part of

1003
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 1: my life that I don't put you know, as I'm

1004
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 1: telling you before, I don't put all my business out

1005
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:36,759
Speaker 1: there on the street. But what I do put out

1006
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,360
Speaker 1: there you are going to be judged by, so I

1007
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 1: try to maintain that sense of, hey, this is what

1008
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 1: this is and this is what my real life is.

1009
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:45,279
Speaker 1: I just didn't know if that's like the best way

1010
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 1: to go, but it just seems like that works for you.

1011
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 1: So well. It's nice to integrate everything, you know, because

1012
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 1: whatever is happening in your private life and your personal life,

1013
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 1: you're able to bring with you to your profession and

1014
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 1: to your creativity and vice versa. So it's like it

1015
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,560
Speaker 1: all feeds each other. You know, there is no perfect

1016
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:04,359
Speaker 1: ratio of time spent in the public eye versus time

1017
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,840
Speaker 1: spent in the private eye. But you know, I'm a

1018
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 1: very public person. I'm totally down with that because I'm

1019
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:12,279
Speaker 1: not trying to pretend on anything that other than who

1020
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,880
Speaker 1: I am, and I like that people respond to it.

1021
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 1: So I have a lot of gratitude, but I also

1022
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 1: have a desire to not you know, I can't tell

1023
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 1: you how nice it feels when you don't check Instagram

1024
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 1: all day, one single time. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, when

1025
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 1: you could go a day twenty four hours, and then

1026
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 1: you start to deprogram yourself, like it's fine to be

1027
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:35,400
Speaker 1: on social media, but not scrolling for hours blindly and

1028
00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 1: mindlessly like that is just And every time I give

1029
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:41,360
Speaker 1: myself time like that, I'm always feel it. I'm like, oh,

1030
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,759
Speaker 1: you're fuller like you felt you've You've filled up your

1031
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:46,399
Speaker 1: cup a little bit more today instead of depleting it

1032
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: with compare contrast gossip, looking at people liking what they're wearing,

1033
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 1: not liking what they're wearing, whatever, all of that bullshit.

1034
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 1: So I think it's a good practice to try and

1035
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 1: just always maintain a little bit of, you know, some

1036
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: other interests. Makes sense, makes sense. It was great seeing you.

1037
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: I hope I get to see you in person one

1038
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 1: day soon. Yes, hopefully too. Yes, we got to work

1039
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 1: that out. Next time you're around. We can make some

1040
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:11,359
Speaker 1: Madden does happen? Well? Yeah, we can have a sausage party.

1041
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:14,319
Speaker 1: Y all about it. I'll order up. That sounds like

1042
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 1: a friend, like a joke that one of his friends

1043
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 1: would make to him. Welcome to the sausage party. Jason

1044
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:26,280
Speaker 1: has arrived. Okay, have a great day. We love you.

1045
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. All right, Okay, thankye bye, and

1046
00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:33,800
Speaker 1: don't forget everybody. My new special Revolution is now streaming

1047
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:37,839
Speaker 1: on Netflix and it's Badass and then I'm doing a tour,

1048
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 1: a little Big Bitch tour. Go to Chelsea Hamma dot

1049
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 1: com for tickets. I've added some new dates. I added

1050
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:45,319
Speaker 1: a date in Monticello, New York. I'm coming to Colorado

1051
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:49,000
Speaker 1: to Red Rocks Amphitheater. I'm coming to klam Miszoo, and

1052
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:52,240
Speaker 1: then I'm coming to a bunch of places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville,

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Speaker 1: and Chattanooga. That's May nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty first, and

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00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,279
Speaker 1: then I'll be in Atlantic City June tenth, which is

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Speaker 1: almost sold out, so get your tickets. So if you'd

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Speaker 1: like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at

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Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is

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Speaker 1: a production of iHeartRadio, produced by Catherine Law and edited

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Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad Dickert.