Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is to make your holiday gatherings more meaningful with
Speaker 1: a clear purpose, thoughtful beginnings, and mindful endings. This tip
Speaker 1: comes from the Art of Gathering, How We Meet and
Speaker 1: Why it Matters. In this book, author Priya Parker provides
Speaker 1: eight principles for gathering. Well, I'll mention just a few
Speaker 1: of these principles today, but I recommend reading the whole book.
Speaker 1: The Art of Gathering draws on Parker's experiences designing gatherings
Speaker 1: of all sorts, from international peace talks to baby showers.
Speaker 1: Parker's main idea is that intentionality paves the way for meaning.
Speaker 1: Most people don't think about this. Parker accuses us of
Speaker 1: fussing over the credites and hoping for the best when
Speaker 1: it comes to the human beings. But really, gatherings are
Speaker 1: about people and relationships, and here's how you can use
Speaker 1: that insight to take your holiday parties to the next level.
Speaker 1: Parker's first principle is, in her words, decide why you're
Speaker 1: really gathering because it's Christmas or because it's New Year's
Speaker 1: is not in itself a reason. These are categories of gatherings,
Speaker 1: not their purpose. What is the real why? Deciding this
Speaker 1: is essential because the purpose of your gathering, according to Parker,
Speaker 1: is a tool, a filter that helps you determine all
Speaker 1: the details, grand and trivial. For example, if you want
Speaker 1: to build relationships across generations of your family, you might
Speaker 1: not want to have an adult's table in the dining
Speaker 1: room and a kid's table in the kitchen. If your
Speaker 1: purpose is to have lighthearted fun with your team before
Speaker 1: a demanding season at work, you might be better off
Speaker 1: at a bowling alley than in a stuffy restaurant. The
Speaker 1: purpose of your gathering shapes every other element of planning
Speaker 1: and execution. Also essential to your gatherings how they begin,
Speaker 1: and I don't mean when guests show up. The real
Speaker 1: beginning happens at what Parker calls the moment of discovery,
Speaker 1: when your guests first learn of the gathering. One of
Speaker 1: the first ways of priming your guests for what's ahead
Speaker 1: is in your naming of the event. Rather than just
Speaker 1: a New Year's Eve party, you might invite friends to
Speaker 1: raise a glass to the joys and learnings of twenty nineteen,
Speaker 1: a cookie swap could become a time to share cookies
Speaker 1: and stories, emphasizing the relationship building aspect of the gathering,
Speaker 1: not just the cookie part. When you let your guests
Speaker 1: know about your gathering, you can also ask them to
Speaker 1: begin preparing. Parker points out that we're comfortable asking guests
Speaker 1: to bring a bottle of wine or a dessert, so
Speaker 1: we should feel equally at ease asking people to contribute
Speaker 1: in ways that connect to an event's purpose rather than
Speaker 1: its logistics. For example, she describes a gathering when the
Speaker 1: host asked everyone to send photographs of happy moments from
Speaker 1: the past year. The hosts then printed the photos, cut
Speaker 1: them out in circles, and placed them on the Christmas
Speaker 1: tree to resemble ornaments. When guests arrived, they were immediately
Speaker 1: drawn together in delight as they shared stories of the
Speaker 1: year and learned about what constituted happiness for each of them.
Speaker 1: Just as you're intentional about how you begin an event,
Speaker 1: Parker advises thoughtfulness in ending your gatherings too. Now, in
Speaker 1: most cases people just start drifting out, but this is
Speaker 1: a missed opportunity, As she explains, a strong closing has
Speaker 1: two phases corresponding to two distinct needs among your guests,
Speaker 1: looking inward and turning outward, Parker continues, Looking inward is
Speaker 1: about taking a moment to understand, remember, acknowledge, and reflect
Speaker 1: on what just transpired, and to bond as a group
Speaker 1: one last time. She describes this experience as having an
Speaker 1: affirming moment of re not what we did here, but
Speaker 1: who we were here. Perhaps this could be gathering your
Speaker 1: family around the piano to sing a favorite Christmas carol
Speaker 1: before everyone gathers their coats and hats and heads home.
Speaker 1: Or it could be posing for a friend's picture where
Speaker 1: everyone shows off their holiday sweaters after turning inward. The
Speaker 1: second phase of the ending, according to Parker, is turning outward,
Speaker 1: preparing to part from one another and retake your place
Speaker 1: in the world. Your job as you do this, Parker writes,
Speaker 1: is helping your guests find a thread to connect the
Speaker 1: world of the gathering to the world outside. One way
Speaker 1: to do this is by giving your guests a party
Speaker 1: favor that symbolizes some important aspect of the gathering. No,
Speaker 1: we're not talking about the clutter that winds up in
Speaker 1: children's birthday party bags. Parker suggests, we ask, how can
Speaker 1: I use this gift to turn an impermanent memory into
Speaker 1: a permanent memory. Perhaps after you've made a gingerbread house
Speaker 1: with your nieces and nephews, you give them gingerbread house ornaments.
Speaker 1: Or maybe after I get together to welcome the new
Speaker 1: year and share your hopes for twenty twenty, you give
Speaker 1: your friends a little notebook for recording their joyful memories
Speaker 1: in the year ahead. Maybe after a family Hanukah dinner,
Speaker 1: you give your children and grandchildren your grandmother's recipe for
Speaker 1: latkaz written out in your own handwriting, a memento of
Speaker 1: the night that they'll pull out years from now when
Speaker 1: they're hosting dinners of their own this holiday season. Here's
Speaker 1: to paying less attention to the credytaes and more attention
Speaker 1: to the people, so that our gatherings make a difference
Speaker 1: in our lives and the lives of others. In the meantime,
Speaker 1: This is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making
Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook
Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E. The
Speaker 1: number four then Breakfast pod. You can also shoot me
Speaker 1: an email at before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com
Speaker 1: that before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in touch.
Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts
Speaker 1: from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.