WEBVTT - Second Cup: Make holiday gatherings more meaningful

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is to make your holiday gatherings more meaningful with

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<v Speaker 1>a clear purpose, thoughtful beginnings, and mindful endings. This tip

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<v Speaker 1>comes from the Art of Gathering, How We Meet and

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<v Speaker 1>Why it Matters. In this book, author Priya Parker provides

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<v Speaker 1>eight principles for gathering. Well, I'll mention just a few

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<v Speaker 1>of these principles today, but I recommend reading the whole book.

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<v Speaker 1>The Art of Gathering draws on Parker's experiences designing gatherings

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<v Speaker 1>of all sorts, from international peace talks to baby showers.

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<v Speaker 1>Parker's main idea is that intentionality paves the way for meaning.

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<v Speaker 1>Most people don't think about this. Parker accuses us of

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<v Speaker 1>fussing over the credites and hoping for the best when

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<v Speaker 1>it comes to the human beings. But really, gatherings are

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<v Speaker 1>about people and relationships, and here's how you can use

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<v Speaker 1>that insight to take your holiday parties to the next level.

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<v Speaker 1>Parker's first principle is, in her words, decide why you're

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<v Speaker 1>really gathering because it's Christmas or because it's New Year's

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<v Speaker 1>is not in itself a reason. These are categories of gatherings,

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<v Speaker 1>not their purpose. What is the real why? Deciding this

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<v Speaker 1>is essential because the purpose of your gathering, according to Parker,

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<v Speaker 1>is a tool, a filter that helps you determine all

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<v Speaker 1>the details, grand and trivial. For example, if you want

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<v Speaker 1>to build relationships across generations of your family, you might

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<v Speaker 1>not want to have an adult's table in the dining

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<v Speaker 1>room and a kid's table in the kitchen. If your

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<v Speaker 1>purpose is to have lighthearted fun with your team before

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<v Speaker 1>a demanding season at work, you might be better off

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<v Speaker 1>at a bowling alley than in a stuffy restaurant. The

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<v Speaker 1>purpose of your gathering shapes every other element of planning

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<v Speaker 1>and execution. Also essential to your gatherings how they begin,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't mean when guests show up. The real

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<v Speaker 1>beginning happens at what Parker calls the moment of discovery,

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<v Speaker 1>when your guests first learn of the gathering. One of

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<v Speaker 1>the first ways of priming your guests for what's ahead

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<v Speaker 1>is in your naming of the event. Rather than just

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<v Speaker 1>a New Year's Eve party, you might invite friends to

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<v Speaker 1>raise a glass to the joys and learnings of twenty nineteen,

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<v Speaker 1>a cookie swap could become a time to share cookies

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<v Speaker 1>and stories, emphasizing the relationship building aspect of the gathering,

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<v Speaker 1>not just the cookie part. When you let your guests

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<v Speaker 1>know about your gathering, you can also ask them to

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<v Speaker 1>begin preparing. Parker points out that we're comfortable asking guests

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<v Speaker 1>to bring a bottle of wine or a dessert, so

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<v Speaker 1>we should feel equally at ease asking people to contribute

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<v Speaker 1>in ways that connect to an event's purpose rather than

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<v Speaker 1>its logistics. For example, she describes a gathering when the

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<v Speaker 1>host asked everyone to send photographs of happy moments from

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<v Speaker 1>the past year. The hosts then printed the photos, cut

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<v Speaker 1>them out in circles, and placed them on the Christmas

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<v Speaker 1>tree to resemble ornaments. When guests arrived, they were immediately

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<v Speaker 1>drawn together in delight as they shared stories of the

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<v Speaker 1>year and learned about what constituted happiness for each of them.

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<v Speaker 1>Just as you're intentional about how you begin an event,

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<v Speaker 1>Parker advises thoughtfulness in ending your gatherings too. Now, in

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<v Speaker 1>most cases people just start drifting out, but this is

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<v Speaker 1>a missed opportunity, As she explains, a strong closing has

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<v Speaker 1>two phases corresponding to two distinct needs among your guests,

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<v Speaker 1>looking inward and turning outward, Parker continues, Looking inward is

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<v Speaker 1>about taking a moment to understand, remember, acknowledge, and reflect

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<v Speaker 1>on what just transpired, and to bond as a group

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<v Speaker 1>one last time. She describes this experience as having an

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<v Speaker 1>affirming moment of re not what we did here, but

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<v Speaker 1>who we were here. Perhaps this could be gathering your

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<v Speaker 1>family around the piano to sing a favorite Christmas carol

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<v Speaker 1>before everyone gathers their coats and hats and heads home.

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<v Speaker 1>Or it could be posing for a friend's picture where

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<v Speaker 1>everyone shows off their holiday sweaters after turning inward. The

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<v Speaker 1>second phase of the ending, according to Parker, is turning outward,

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<v Speaker 1>preparing to part from one another and retake your place

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<v Speaker 1>in the world. Your job as you do this, Parker writes,

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<v Speaker 1>is helping your guests find a thread to connect the

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<v Speaker 1>world of the gathering to the world outside. One way

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<v Speaker 1>to do this is by giving your guests a party

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<v Speaker 1>favor that symbolizes some important aspect of the gathering. No,

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<v Speaker 1>we're not talking about the clutter that winds up in

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<v Speaker 1>children's birthday party bags. Parker suggests, we ask, how can

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<v Speaker 1>I use this gift to turn an impermanent memory into

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<v Speaker 1>a permanent memory. Perhaps after you've made a gingerbread house

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<v Speaker 1>with your nieces and nephews, you give them gingerbread house ornaments.

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<v Speaker 1>Or maybe after I get together to welcome the new

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<v Speaker 1>year and share your hopes for twenty twenty, you give

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<v Speaker 1>your friends a little notebook for recording their joyful memories

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<v Speaker 1>in the year ahead. Maybe after a family Hanukah dinner,

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<v Speaker 1>you give your children and grandchildren your grandmother's recipe for

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<v Speaker 1>latkaz written out in your own handwriting, a memento of

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<v Speaker 1>the night that they'll pull out years from now when

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<v Speaker 1>they're hosting dinners of their own this holiday season. Here's

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<v Speaker 1>to paying less attention to the credytaes and more attention

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<v Speaker 1>to the people, so that our gatherings make a difference

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<v Speaker 1>in our lives and the lives of others. In the meantime,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

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<v Speaker 1>hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E. The

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<v Speaker 1>number four then Breakfast pod. You can also shoot me

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<v Speaker 1>an email at before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com

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<v Speaker 1>that before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in touch.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts

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