1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:10,040 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning. 2 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:15,080 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: tip is to make your holiday gatherings more meaningful with 4 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:24,319 Speaker 1: a clear purpose, thoughtful beginnings, and mindful endings. This tip 5 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,480 Speaker 1: comes from the Art of Gathering, How We Meet and 6 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,680 Speaker 1: Why it Matters. In this book, author Priya Parker provides 7 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: eight principles for gathering. Well, I'll mention just a few 8 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,560 Speaker 1: of these principles today, but I recommend reading the whole book. 9 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:42,959 Speaker 1: The Art of Gathering draws on Parker's experiences designing gatherings 10 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,879 Speaker 1: of all sorts, from international peace talks to baby showers. 11 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,520 Speaker 1: Parker's main idea is that intentionality paves the way for meaning. 12 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: Most people don't think about this. Parker accuses us of 13 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: fussing over the credites and hoping for the best when 14 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: it comes to the human beings. But really, gatherings are 15 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:06,319 Speaker 1: about people and relationships, and here's how you can use 16 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 1: that insight to take your holiday parties to the next level. 17 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,959 Speaker 1: Parker's first principle is, in her words, decide why you're 18 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:18,839 Speaker 1: really gathering because it's Christmas or because it's New Year's 19 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:23,840 Speaker 1: is not in itself a reason. These are categories of gatherings, 20 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:29,800 Speaker 1: not their purpose. What is the real why? Deciding this 21 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 1: is essential because the purpose of your gathering, according to Parker, 22 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: is a tool, a filter that helps you determine all 23 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:40,319 Speaker 1: the details, grand and trivial. For example, if you want 24 00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 1: to build relationships across generations of your family, you might 25 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,559 Speaker 1: not want to have an adult's table in the dining 26 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: room and a kid's table in the kitchen. If your 27 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 1: purpose is to have lighthearted fun with your team before 28 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: a demanding season at work, you might be better off 29 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:57,240 Speaker 1: at a bowling alley than in a stuffy restaurant. The 30 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 1: purpose of your gathering shapes every other element of planning 31 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 1: and execution. Also essential to your gatherings how they begin, 32 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 1: and I don't mean when guests show up. The real 33 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,799 Speaker 1: beginning happens at what Parker calls the moment of discovery, 34 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 1: when your guests first learn of the gathering. One of 35 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 1: the first ways of priming your guests for what's ahead 36 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,120 Speaker 1: is in your naming of the event. Rather than just 37 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 1: a New Year's Eve party, you might invite friends to 38 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 1: raise a glass to the joys and learnings of twenty nineteen, 39 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,960 Speaker 1: a cookie swap could become a time to share cookies 40 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:35,960 Speaker 1: and stories, emphasizing the relationship building aspect of the gathering, 41 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,639 Speaker 1: not just the cookie part. When you let your guests 42 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,360 Speaker 1: know about your gathering, you can also ask them to 43 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 1: begin preparing. Parker points out that we're comfortable asking guests 44 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 1: to bring a bottle of wine or a dessert, so 45 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 1: we should feel equally at ease asking people to contribute 46 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,400 Speaker 1: in ways that connect to an event's purpose rather than 47 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: its logistics. For example, she describes a gathering when the 48 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 1: host asked everyone to send photographs of happy moments from 49 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:06,399 Speaker 1: the past year. The hosts then printed the photos, cut 50 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 1: them out in circles, and placed them on the Christmas 51 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 1: tree to resemble ornaments. When guests arrived, they were immediately 52 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: drawn together in delight as they shared stories of the 53 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 1: year and learned about what constituted happiness for each of them. 54 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,400 Speaker 1: Just as you're intentional about how you begin an event, 55 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: Parker advises thoughtfulness in ending your gatherings too. Now, in 56 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,359 Speaker 1: most cases people just start drifting out, but this is 57 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 1: a missed opportunity, As she explains, a strong closing has 58 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 1: two phases corresponding to two distinct needs among your guests, 59 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: looking inward and turning outward, Parker continues, Looking inward is 60 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: about taking a moment to understand, remember, acknowledge, and reflect 61 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: on what just transpired, and to bond as a group 62 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 1: one last time. She describes this experience as having an 63 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: affirming moment of re not what we did here, but 64 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 1: who we were here. Perhaps this could be gathering your 65 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 1: family around the piano to sing a favorite Christmas carol 66 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: before everyone gathers their coats and hats and heads home. 67 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: Or it could be posing for a friend's picture where 68 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:19,479 Speaker 1: everyone shows off their holiday sweaters after turning inward. The 69 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: second phase of the ending, according to Parker, is turning outward, 70 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: preparing to part from one another and retake your place 71 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: in the world. Your job as you do this, Parker writes, 72 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:32,039 Speaker 1: is helping your guests find a thread to connect the 73 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: world of the gathering to the world outside. One way 74 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,799 Speaker 1: to do this is by giving your guests a party 75 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: favor that symbolizes some important aspect of the gathering. No, 76 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 1: we're not talking about the clutter that winds up in 77 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: children's birthday party bags. Parker suggests, we ask, how can 78 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 1: I use this gift to turn an impermanent memory into 79 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 1: a permanent memory. Perhaps after you've made a gingerbread house 80 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:59,120 Speaker 1: with your nieces and nephews, you give them gingerbread house ornaments. 81 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 1: Or maybe after I get together to welcome the new 82 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,480 Speaker 1: year and share your hopes for twenty twenty, you give 83 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 1: your friends a little notebook for recording their joyful memories 84 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:10,839 Speaker 1: in the year ahead. Maybe after a family Hanukah dinner, 85 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: you give your children and grandchildren your grandmother's recipe for 86 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 1: latkaz written out in your own handwriting, a memento of 87 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 1: the night that they'll pull out years from now when 88 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,760 Speaker 1: they're hosting dinners of their own this holiday season. Here's 89 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 1: to paying less attention to the credytaes and more attention 90 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,160 Speaker 1: to the people, so that our gatherings make a difference 91 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: in our lives and the lives of others. In the meantime, 92 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:39,960 Speaker 1: This is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making 93 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:48,719 Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to 94 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions, 95 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook 96 00:05:55,680 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E. The 97 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 1: number four then Breakfast pod. You can also shoot me 98 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:09,560 Speaker 1: an email at before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com 99 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: that before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters. 100 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,839 Speaker 1: Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in touch. 101 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:24,720 Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts 102 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 103 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:35,040 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.