1
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:16,880
Speaker 1: Welcome back Barbie Adler from Selective Search. She is a

2
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,000
Speaker 1: matchmaker and dating expert. So we are going to get

3
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:23,120
Speaker 1: all the free information.

4
00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,120
Speaker 2: And not have to pay several hundred thousand dollars.

5
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:30,200
Speaker 1: Okay, hello, Hello, Hello, So you brought up something amazing,

6
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,960
Speaker 1: which is so let's say you have oral sex with someone,

7
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:36,960
Speaker 1: or you have actual intercourse with someone, or your top

8
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,320
Speaker 1: is off or whatever your version is of something that

9
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:40,960
Speaker 1: you may not want to do again, or maybe that

10
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,720
Speaker 1: night you were lightheaded, you were topped off, you drank

11
00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:46,080
Speaker 1: too much. How do you reset it? I know it's

12
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,400
Speaker 1: your body, but how do you have like those types

13
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,920
Speaker 1: of conversations with someone you don't know that well? So

14
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,760
Speaker 1: now you're having like a deep conversation about like what

15
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,080
Speaker 1: I want and I really don't usually do that in this.

16
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:56,080
Speaker 2: So what are you saying?

17
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,880
Speaker 3: I think that's part of the whole like conundrum, is

18
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,680
Speaker 3: you're somewhat setting a pattern. It doesn't have to be

19
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,640
Speaker 3: you don't want to have this deep conversation because that

20
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,520
Speaker 3: might not be appropriate either. So I think the biggest

21
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,880
Speaker 3: thing is there's nothing wrong with keeping it a little light,

22
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,240
Speaker 3: whether you're using humor or you're just being a straight

23
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,240
Speaker 3: shooter the next time you're with that person by being

24
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:19,360
Speaker 3: like I love that we did that, but I also

25
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,880
Speaker 3: want to just really get to know you and not

26
00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:26,039
Speaker 3: have to be where there's expectations, and but don't use

27
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:30,000
Speaker 3: sex as a weapon where then you're making like it's

28
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:34,760
Speaker 3: just it's part of the mind playing scenario, because that

29
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,800
Speaker 3: is going to work against you as well. I think

30
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,400
Speaker 3: the biggest thing is just lead with your confidence. If

31
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,320
Speaker 3: you have to vent or seem insecure and be vulnerable,

32
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,880
Speaker 3: talk to your closest friends about that.

33
00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:46,039
Speaker 4: And there's a time and.

34
00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:48,800
Speaker 3: Place where you might want to talk to that person

35
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,600
Speaker 3: about it, but in person, not via text, not via phone.

36
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,680
Speaker 3: It's like a playful conversation like hey, that was really fun.

37
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:59,440
Speaker 3: But if you can't handle the unknowns afterwards, then it's

38
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:00,000
Speaker 3: not worth it.

39
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,400
Speaker 1: I think a person's a lot to say I need

40
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,160
Speaker 1: to my emotions need to catch up to where my

41
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,520
Speaker 1: body is one hundred percent.

42
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,639
Speaker 4: But that said, I'm wildly attracted to you.

43
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,400
Speaker 3: I'm attracted to you because I think I kind of

44
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,800
Speaker 3: compliment where they don't feel like your friend z owning

45
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,880
Speaker 3: them is important to do that, but there's one hundred

46
00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:18,400
Speaker 3: percent can say Okay, take this a compliment. What I

47
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,840
Speaker 3: love to just take off my clothes and you know,

48
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:24,160
Speaker 3: get with you one hundred percent. But I'm just not

49
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,840
Speaker 3: not yet. I want to get to know you better.

50
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, you could also say, you could say, you know what,

51
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,079
Speaker 1: I actually like you, which is why I want to wait.

52
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:33,800
Speaker 3: That's period, and you could cheer that while you're drinking

53
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,280
Speaker 3: saying whatever it might be, you can make it playful

54
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,880
Speaker 3: and cute. And it's also okay to have sex one

55
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,800
Speaker 3: night and then the next to say, you know what,

56
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,600
Speaker 3: I want to continue gangs to know you better, whatever

57
00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:45,560
Speaker 3: it might be. But the biggest thing is no game

58
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,919
Speaker 3: playing and no using is a is a weapon.

59
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,040
Speaker 1: Okay, no dangling it and not making it like it's

60
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,120
Speaker 1: a You signed a contract because you you did it.

61
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:53,720
Speaker 2: Okay that that.

62
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, people probably are like, well, you slept with me

63
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,960
Speaker 1: and then you didn't calm exactly. That's a great note.

64
00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,799
Speaker 1: That's what you mean by not using it as a

65
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,000
Speaker 1: Oh that's a good one. Most people don't talk about

66
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,120
Speaker 1: that because every girl that I know has said, no,

67
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:06,560
Speaker 1: he slept with me, that I didn't hear from him

68
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:07,160
Speaker 1: for two days.

69
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,880
Speaker 2: Okay, well you slept with him, right.

70
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,240
Speaker 3: You're using his weapon, and now you're getting you're getting

71
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,240
Speaker 3: mad at him, but it was your actions and now

72
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,840
Speaker 3: you're playing yes, And now you're playing a game silent contract.

73
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,440
Speaker 4: He didn't sign that contract, and you're acting like the victim.

74
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:22,240
Speaker 3: When you have to realize take responsibility, be your main

75
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,560
Speaker 3: character and be happy, Like, don't always beat yourself up

76
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,240
Speaker 3: by these decisions that you make. I also think in

77
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:33,200
Speaker 3: life we learn the most important lessons through the mistakes,

78
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,960
Speaker 3: Like the failures, not the successes, is where the most

79
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,800
Speaker 3: growth happens. But actually could turn you into a kinder,

80
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,200
Speaker 3: better person because you have more empathy and compassion for

81
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,000
Speaker 3: those around you when you've happened things have happened to

82
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,080
Speaker 3: you in the past that you have a better understanding

83
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,560
Speaker 3: and deeper appreciation for it.

84
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, that's a stute.

85
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,880
Speaker 4: You can't have anger in your heart for men. That

86
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,280
Speaker 4: does my other thing, it's.

87
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,400
Speaker 2: Like, right, the whole guys suck. I hate that.

88
00:03:58,560 --> 00:03:59,119
Speaker 4: Yeah, you can't.

89
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:02,200
Speaker 3: Guys don't as so, like when you're talking about on dates,

90
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,960
Speaker 3: men's and tenas are up, how are they talking about

91
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,000
Speaker 3: their path about the father of their children? How are

92
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,920
Speaker 3: they talking about the current relationship and the dynamics is

93
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:16,920
Speaker 3: there is there a lot of volatile viatility around the relationship.

94
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,360
Speaker 3: What am I stepping into? Am I stepping into toxic land?

95
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:21,680
Speaker 3: Am I stepping into?

96
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:22,239
Speaker 4: Wow?

97
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:26,560
Speaker 3: She it's peaceful, and she speaks highly about her children.

98
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,480
Speaker 3: She speaks highly about her former or ex or her late.

99
00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:32,760
Speaker 3: The thing is is it doesn't have to eat rainbows

100
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,400
Speaker 3: and unicorns. But until someone knows you save the you

101
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,360
Speaker 3: can save more of the realness and put things into

102
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:42,880
Speaker 3: context when you have future dates, but the initial date.

103
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,400
Speaker 4: Make sure that you're just speaking with warmth and love.

104
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,320
Speaker 3: And even if you there's so many negative thoughts you

105
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,919
Speaker 3: could say about your ex, you could say, I don't

106
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,719
Speaker 3: speak negatively about what the bother my children. There's so

107
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,760
Speaker 3: many blessings that came out of that. When I know,

108
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,919
Speaker 3: when you're better, I'll tell you more. But just know,

109
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,000
Speaker 3: like so hat like I have person my kids are

110
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,080
Speaker 3: great and great, and just couch it where you're not lying.

111
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:05,240
Speaker 4: You're being authentic, but you're not.

112
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,880
Speaker 3: It's not a therapy session where you're venting about all

113
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,279
Speaker 3: the things you don't like in your life.

114
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,159
Speaker 2: No, and it can be it can slip in.

115
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,320
Speaker 1: It doesn't even have to be so overt as you're saying,

116
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,640
Speaker 1: someone asks you a question, how is it with your family?

117
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,479
Speaker 1: And like somehow you're on a road. You have to

118
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,279
Speaker 1: be like, you're in an interview. I've done this through

119
00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:24,520
Speaker 1: the media. Yeah, you have to divert to something else.

120
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,360
Speaker 1: You're like, listen, is anything perfect? Now? He's great, it's

121
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:30,480
Speaker 1: my My daughter has a great relationship with him, and

122
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:31,920
Speaker 1: I would never say anything negative.

123
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I'm happy with where him today.

124
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,360
Speaker 3: And have like an elevator speech where its two sentences

125
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:41,920
Speaker 3: and it's almost like you know a gymnastics routine. You

126
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,320
Speaker 3: do the round off flip flops, then you stick it

127
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,360
Speaker 3: and you stop and you not over talk.

128
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,520
Speaker 4: You just answer the question and smaya.

129
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,080
Speaker 1: It's so true because I remember literally dating is like

130
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,680
Speaker 1: reality TV because you're the game is moving fast. You

131
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,400
Speaker 1: might have had something to drink, You've been asked a question.

132
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,520
Speaker 1: The person doesn't know you. If you're already in a relationship,

133
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,680
Speaker 1: it's your husb. When you could say something stupid, it

134
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:05,000
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. But you're now on a job interview and

135
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,120
Speaker 1: you're saying something and you're in your head about what

136
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,480
Speaker 1: you've just said, but you got to correct it because

137
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,760
Speaker 1: it's your on live television right now, So and you

138
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,159
Speaker 1: got to just you know, regroup so you don't fuck

139
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,320
Speaker 1: it up worse and people, I mean, it really happens

140
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,320
Speaker 1: with alcohol.

141
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,560
Speaker 3: Absolutely, And that's why I went back to let's first

142
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,760
Speaker 3: talk about did you eat before your date? Did you

143
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,400
Speaker 3: take supplements or medications on an empty stomach? Because you

144
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,680
Speaker 3: you're nervous and you want to make sure you eat

145
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,200
Speaker 3: on your date. You have to know yourself like do

146
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,640
Speaker 3: you need a little bit of food before you go

147
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,920
Speaker 3: on your date and and eat like pre eater that

148
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,839
Speaker 3: tempe of a thing, or do you need to have

149
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,719
Speaker 3: a glass of wine so that you're just not so

150
00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:41,600
Speaker 3: nervous and you actually a little more verbal.

151
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,120
Speaker 1: Or like you're wearing something itchy and you start sweating

152
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,400
Speaker 1: like crazy, stuff does happen like you like your hair

153
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,719
Speaker 1: frizzes out. You're feeling self conscious, like stuff does happen

154
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,359
Speaker 1: on dates. It's like reality TV.

155
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:52,920
Speaker 4: Yeah I've got a stomach rip.

156
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,000
Speaker 3: But I think the biggest takeaway is keep it positive,

157
00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:57,000
Speaker 3: keep it light.

158
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,560
Speaker 4: It's not a therapy session.

159
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,520
Speaker 3: And then also is how you people are aware of

160
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,839
Speaker 3: how you treat weight staff right so, and it's not

161
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,280
Speaker 3: gender specific, it's are you bossy, Are you negative? Are

162
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,440
Speaker 3: you complaining? It's like those little things that add up.

163
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,280
Speaker 3: So it's just be mindful of how you are on

164
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,360
Speaker 3: the day. Because it is a job interview, it's also

165
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,680
Speaker 3: people are being mindful. Is this someone I want to

166
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,480
Speaker 3: get to know and spend my precious time with. I

167
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:23,720
Speaker 3: constantly hear that type of feedback.

168
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,119
Speaker 1: I can see that men get irritated when they've told

169
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,800
Speaker 1: you something and you don't remember because you weren't listening.

170
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,480
Speaker 1: I've like seen that, like, oh yeah, I mentioned it,

171
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,440
Speaker 1: and you just inside feel like you want to die

172
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,880
Speaker 1: because you missed it. They don't like that, or.

173
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,160
Speaker 3: You're questioning interrogating them about who else they're dating or

174
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:45,040
Speaker 3: their love life. It's it's don't everyone has a pass

175
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:49,040
Speaker 3: and everyone should be quality dating until you meet the

176
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,520
Speaker 3: right person that you choose.

177
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,960
Speaker 4: To be exclusive with.

178
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,280
Speaker 3: So the biggest thing is don't talk about who you're

179
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,920
Speaker 3: dating or go into the whole thing. Just enjoy who

180
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,400
Speaker 3: you're with, knowing that everyone has had a pain and

181
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,880
Speaker 3: it's okay if they're dating, but they're going to feel

182
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,400
Speaker 3: on the defense if you're just pressing questions.

183
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,040
Speaker 1: Right like you like them and you're asking them about

184
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,120
Speaker 1: who else they're dating on the date, like let them

185
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,400
Speaker 1: they're dating, like you're dating, so they could sleep with

186
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,080
Speaker 1: four other people.

187
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,360
Speaker 2: It's like you're just meeting them.

188
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,480
Speaker 4: You're just meeting them, and they don't owe you anything.

189
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,600
Speaker 3: But the biggest thing is use your opportunity to shine

190
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,520
Speaker 3: and be playful and be so interesting and captivating that

191
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,400
Speaker 3: they don't remember anybody else, no matteryone else they're dating,

192
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,880
Speaker 3: because at the end of the day, you always think

193
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,840
Speaker 3: you remember how that person makes you feel and how

194
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:34,520
Speaker 3: you feel by your experience. It's not what you the

195
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,679
Speaker 3: words are initially what you say. It's more about how

196
00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:39,600
Speaker 3: do I feel when I'm with this person, and how

197
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,880
Speaker 3: does like the vibe that you get from that experience,

198
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,240
Speaker 3: Like oh my gosh, like that, I feel so good

199
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:48,480
Speaker 3: about myself and wow, like I really like her, I

200
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,880
Speaker 3: want more, Like I'm just interested by her.

201
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:07,439
Speaker 1: I had something recently that happened, And ninety nine point

202
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,920
Speaker 1: nine percent of the time, if I leave something in business,

203
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,760
Speaker 1: it's the same way that I walked into it. And

204
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,880
Speaker 1: I've seen the people who come in with the greatest

205
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,840
Speaker 1: integrity and seem like the most prince charming class acts

206
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:22,239
Speaker 1: exit with a whimper, like really just cowardly enders of relationships.

207
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:23,960
Speaker 1: Even if you've ended it, they've ended it. Just the

208
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,160
Speaker 1: way they act is so small picture and I've seen

209
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,480
Speaker 1: it and it's just like it could you could have.

210
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,960
Speaker 1: It could be the most amazing Michelin star meal, it

211
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:33,080
Speaker 1: could be a ten year relationship, and the way it ends,

212
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:37,480
Speaker 1: you're just like, wow, that's so Recently, there was someone

213
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,679
Speaker 1: who liked me. They made it very clear that they

214
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,319
Speaker 1: liked me, and I don't want to It was borderline

215
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,319
Speaker 1: love bombing. There was like an expectation that I was

216
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,400
Speaker 1: supposed to be responding in the same way that they

217
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,360
Speaker 1: were speaking to me, and it was a little bit

218
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,559
Speaker 1: like drippy for me, and I just wasn't. I don't

219
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,200
Speaker 1: like that feeling of feeling like I have to like

220
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,319
Speaker 1: say something back that I don't feel.

221
00:09:58,040 --> 00:09:59,000
Speaker 2: And I just don't like that.

222
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,080
Speaker 1: So anyway, the person was a lovely person and they

223
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:07,119
Speaker 1: were very forthcoming about how they liked me. And instead

224
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:10,680
Speaker 1: of texting, and I don't know them that well, I've

225
00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:14,280
Speaker 1: only been on the phone with them maybe once or twice,

226
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,160
Speaker 1: I called them up and I just said, you know,

227
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:18,959
Speaker 1: I don't think.

228
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:19,320
Speaker 2: It's a fit.

229
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,920
Speaker 1: It could be you, it could be me, it could

230
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,840
Speaker 1: be where I am right now. I just don't feel

231
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,360
Speaker 1: like this is a fit. I don't want to lead

232
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,480
Speaker 1: you on. I know you like me, and I just

233
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,680
Speaker 1: don't want you to waste any time. I said it

234
00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:31,400
Speaker 1: in a more eloquent manner, but it was like that,

235
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,240
Speaker 1: and he said, you are a lady.

236
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:34,600
Speaker 2: You are a class act.

237
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,080
Speaker 1: Like I was literally dumping him, and he was like,

238
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,520
Speaker 1: you are a class act. I've never had someone call me.

239
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,280
Speaker 1: The fact that you didn't text me. We don't really

240
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,440
Speaker 1: know each other that well. And I said, well, I

241
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:46,840
Speaker 1: have a personal rule that if I if someone turns

242
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,400
Speaker 1: you off, like right in the very beginning, you can

243
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,320
Speaker 1: just blow them off and ghost them. But if I

244
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,440
Speaker 1: feel like someone's been a kind, thoughtful, respectful person and

245
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,920
Speaker 1: I know how they feel about me, I'm going to

246
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:58,440
Speaker 1: take responsibility for not only my feelings, but theirs and

247
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,679
Speaker 1: the guy someone I work. I thought it was too much,

248
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,120
Speaker 1: but actually sent me like flowers to say thank you

249
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,200
Speaker 1: for the way you handle that. I thought it was nice.

250
00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:09,640
Speaker 3: Look, I think how you closed the door is so

251
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:13,080
Speaker 3: important because even though he's not for you, the fact

252
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:17,480
Speaker 3: that he recognized and complimented you. You might think of

253
00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:20,240
Speaker 3: him for somebody else, knowing like, wow, what a gentleman.

254
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,400
Speaker 1: By the way I thought of it already exactly and

255
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,079
Speaker 1: vice versa, and also reputation.

256
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,640
Speaker 3: You might think of someone for you because you didn't

257
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,160
Speaker 3: make a white lie and say I'm back with the

258
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,400
Speaker 3: boyfriend or I'm dating somebody else or it's like those

259
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,160
Speaker 3: type of things bite you. And it's so much better

260
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,080
Speaker 3: to be to end on a class act and just

261
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,880
Speaker 3: kind of wow as you're you know, with a beautiful

262
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,160
Speaker 3: bow by being like you're awesome. I just don't feel

263
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,160
Speaker 3: like our spark has grown, but I wish you the

264
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,040
Speaker 3: best of luck, and whoever's with you is like a

265
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,240
Speaker 3: lucky person and be just a class act about it.

266
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:57,600
Speaker 3: And that speaks folumes about you and your security and

267
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,600
Speaker 3: the fact that it was so well received by him

268
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:04,439
Speaker 3: and that he didn't say whatever and he allowed himself

269
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,880
Speaker 3: to be vulnerable and compliment you just speaks volumes that

270
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,720
Speaker 3: he's a nice guy, but maybe not for you.

271
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,599
Speaker 4: There's a lid for every pot could be for somebody.

272
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:15,160
Speaker 1: Else, right, And also basically like you know, do unto

273
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,440
Speaker 1: others think about how we feel and we're twisting in

274
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,959
Speaker 1: the wind. Like, don't twist people in the wind. And

275
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,560
Speaker 1: the other thing is the second best answer is no,

276
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,760
Speaker 1: maybe is the worst for us, it's the worst for them.

277
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,120
Speaker 1: So if you put it out into the universe like

278
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,120
Speaker 1: and do that, you know that's what you expect.

279
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:32,000
Speaker 4: Way kinder.

280
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,760
Speaker 3: I mean we always you know, women complain with they

281
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,160
Speaker 3: are ghosted, but then they ghost just as much.

282
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:37,840
Speaker 2: Totally.

283
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,600
Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing is treat people how you

284
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,600
Speaker 3: want to be treated, and that maybe more people will

285
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,480
Speaker 3: learn the lesson, like, oh, that's how you're supposed to

286
00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:45,760
Speaker 3: do it.

287
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,120
Speaker 4: But it has to start somewhere.

288
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:51,400
Speaker 3: And I always encourage people that if it's not the

289
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,880
Speaker 3: right connection, to close a loop.

290
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,480
Speaker 4: And it's hard.

291
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,760
Speaker 3: Some people don't want to hurt someone's feelings and it

292
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,760
Speaker 3: feels hurtful, but it is so nice to close the loop,

293
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,920
Speaker 3: have the closure, and it brings that other person so

294
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,880
Speaker 3: much closer to finding their person that then they're like, wow,

295
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,560
Speaker 3: I'm setting a different kind of text and saying, oh

296
00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:10,040
Speaker 3: my gosh, when can I see you next. I have

297
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,000
Speaker 3: clients that we talk about packing patients that were so

298
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,640
Speaker 3: anxious and now they're a relationship and they're like, I

299
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,280
Speaker 3: feel like the luckiest person because I did.

300
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,559
Speaker 4: I waited for the right person.

301
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,280
Speaker 1: I love that. I don't think anyone's talking about the patients.

302
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:27,040
Speaker 1: No one talks about the patients. Everyone I'm ready, I

303
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,360
Speaker 1: want to. I mean like, I think the patience is

304
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,840
Speaker 1: critical because otherwise you end up buying the wrong thing

305
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,240
Speaker 1: and then you wait. Then you literally could take yourself

306
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,520
Speaker 1: off the market for years and then be like, why

307
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,000
Speaker 1: did I do that? It's the car I talked to

308
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:40,959
Speaker 1: you about getting in the wrong car. I think it's huge.

309
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,480
Speaker 3: What happens is society pushes you, that wants you to

310
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,640
Speaker 3: get into another relationship quick, and then you feel bad

311
00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:49,040
Speaker 3: that you're not, Like, what's wrong with me?

312
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,520
Speaker 4: I'm not I don't I'm not with anyone.

313
00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:53,280
Speaker 3: So then you feel like other people are judging you

314
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,800
Speaker 3: because you're not with someone, and it's such a couple

315
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,080
Speaker 3: society you live in. That then you feel like, I

316
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,400
Speaker 3: can't go up with my friends because I'm not a wee,

317
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,000
Speaker 3: and then you make bad.

318
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,960
Speaker 4: Decisions the holidays and then Valentine and all.

319
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,640
Speaker 3: That, and then you realize, Okay, now I'm in a

320
00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:10,560
Speaker 3: full fledged relationship with the wrong person. But my friends

321
00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,120
Speaker 3: are happy, my family's happy. But if you're not happy,

322
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:16,080
Speaker 3: it's not worth it. And by the way, your friends

323
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,880
Speaker 3: might be like, what is she going to lose that

324
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,120
Speaker 3: person that's not her guy?

325
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:20,720
Speaker 4: So don't lie to yourself.

326
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,200
Speaker 3: Just be true to yourself and be Sometimes the best

327
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,880
Speaker 3: relationship is just the one you're making with yourself, and

328
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,080
Speaker 3: realize that in the meantime is such it could be

329
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,040
Speaker 3: such a happy place.

330
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,560
Speaker 4: It doesn't have to be doom and gloom.

331
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,960
Speaker 3: It could be I'm in the era where I'm doing

332
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,000
Speaker 3: what brings me joy and happiness. It maybe because with

333
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,680
Speaker 3: somebody else, I'm gonna be, you know, get in great

334
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,440
Speaker 3: shape for myself, not for anybody else.

335
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,360
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do things to bring me joy. And then

336
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:46,239
Speaker 4: when you feel.

337
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,480
Speaker 3: Love about yourself, that is going to be a magnet

338
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,240
Speaker 3: to somebody else because they're gonna pick up on your

339
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:54,200
Speaker 3: happy energy knowing that, Oh my gosh, she's so interesting. Right.

340
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:09,880
Speaker 1: How often do you see a woman goes out with

341
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,800
Speaker 1: a great guy. You've set them up with a great guy,

342
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:17,320
Speaker 1: it's teed up for success and the woman fumbles the

343
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:20,560
Speaker 1: ball like she had it going good, and the guy's like, wow,

344
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,360
Speaker 1: that would have been How often what percentage do you

345
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,120
Speaker 1: see this is for my women out there, because I

346
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,840
Speaker 1: bet you this is a real number. How often do

347
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,120
Speaker 1: you see women fumbling the ball it's theirs to lose?

348
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,720
Speaker 3: I think it's real. I think I would say a

349
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:37,000
Speaker 3: good thirty percent. I mean I see it ongoing. Where

350
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:41,360
Speaker 3: someone connects the dots inaccurately is quick because they listen

351
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,640
Speaker 3: to their friends and their critics, either in their mind

352
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:50,120
Speaker 3: or their friends that haven't been single in a very

353
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:54,680
Speaker 3: long time and are giving them more advice. Where are there,

354
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,240
Speaker 3: like I said, it could be through alcohol or an

355
00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,320
Speaker 3: unhealed heart where they're leading with their insecurities versus is

356
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,160
Speaker 3: everything that's beautiful about them.

357
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,160
Speaker 1: And you're trying to clean up the damage because then

358
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,680
Speaker 1: the guy's like, no way, I don't want to deal

359
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,520
Speaker 1: with this, and then the girl's calling you. He's not

360
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,200
Speaker 1: calling me, and you're like The takeaway is that women

361
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:14,560
Speaker 1: don't realize by catastrophizing, by being in their own head,

362
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,840
Speaker 1: by making up scenarios, by crowd sourcing information sometimes from

363
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,600
Speaker 1: archaic sources that dated and you know, the the eighties,

364
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,600
Speaker 1: that we are self sabotaging because you're saying you've seen

365
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,560
Speaker 1: it about thirty percent of the time where you have

366
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,960
Speaker 1: teed somebody up. They've got a great guy, you got

367
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,680
Speaker 1: the woman and the guy, and the woman blows up

368
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,400
Speaker 1: the deal because of either drinking, over sharing, catastrophizing, panicking

369
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,920
Speaker 1: too much texting, or being a disaster.

370
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,560
Speaker 3: That's the other thing I always say to it to

371
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:45,400
Speaker 3: people like sometimes because they don't have the patience, they'll

372
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 3: run to an app, they'll quickly get on with an

373
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,160
Speaker 3: unhealed heart, and they'll just start dating volume like a

374
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:55,480
Speaker 3: Vegas buffet. Oh, now they're needing all the you know,

375
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,920
Speaker 3: any kind of equality of man that and they already

376
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,600
Speaker 3: just met them when they or not in a good

377
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,280
Speaker 3: place to meet this person, and they didn't.

378
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,000
Speaker 4: That's not what they should be doing. They should be

379
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:06,760
Speaker 4: first working in no.

380
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,360
Speaker 1: And then you can get in your own head too,

381
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,800
Speaker 1: Like a person who's had a bunch of bad golf

382
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,440
Speaker 1: games or matches is not his head gets messed up.

383
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,639
Speaker 1: So if you go and you're not prepared to go date,

384
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,720
Speaker 1: and you start just blindly dating as a value business,

385
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,120
Speaker 1: you might get in your head and think think it's you,

386
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,959
Speaker 1: no guy likes you, You're not getting anyone to call

387
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,480
Speaker 1: you back, and then you don't want to do it

388
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 1: anymore because you just think you're bad at it, but

389
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,320
Speaker 1: it might because you weren't ready one hundred.

390
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,520
Speaker 3: Percent, and so now you don't have the bearer's entry

391
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,800
Speaker 3: or low because you could go on an app and

392
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:39,000
Speaker 3: meet someone, but you set yourself up for a failure

393
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:43,680
Speaker 3: because you're not emotionally ready or something about that you're

394
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,040
Speaker 3: not you're the best version of yourself. So that's why

395
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:50,600
Speaker 3: it's better to wait and be patient and make sure

396
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,920
Speaker 3: that if if you're a ten, you could be looking

397
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,520
Speaker 3: for a ten. If you're a four and you want

398
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,000
Speaker 3: a ten, work on yourself so you are the map

399
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,879
Speaker 3: energy what you're looking for in return. It's almost like

400
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 3: if I was a stock, what I bet on myself?

401
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,119
Speaker 3: What I pick myself? And if you're like, no, I

402
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,879
Speaker 3: wouldn't because I have these things I have to work on.

403
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,879
Speaker 3: Make sure that you work on them both internally and

404
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:16,160
Speaker 3: externally to be the person that you want to be with.

405
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 1: From what I'm hearing Barbie saying, Okay, you're ready to

406
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,200
Speaker 1: date or you want to meet someone, then you decide, Okay,

407
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,640
Speaker 1: what do I need to do to get ready because

408
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,600
Speaker 1: I'm going to the super Bowl. Like I'm going to

409
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,480
Speaker 1: the super Bowl, I'm going to put myself out there

410
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:29,879
Speaker 1: and I'm going to meet amazing men. I'm going to

411
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,719
Speaker 1: have a quality versus quantity models.

412
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:32,880
Speaker 2: So what are the rules.

413
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,680
Speaker 1: I want to get myself in emotional shape. I want

414
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,879
Speaker 1: to know my plan ahead of time, meaning I'm not

415
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,000
Speaker 1: going to drink too much. I'm not going to overshare.

416
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:42,560
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a full person. I'm going to

417
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,880
Speaker 1: be feeling fit, feeling healthy, dressed for the occasion. I'm

418
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:49,040
Speaker 1: not going to overdate. So I get exhausted and miserable,

419
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,320
Speaker 1: and then you're going to step up to the you know,

420
00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:53,119
Speaker 1: to the plate or show up to the game. I

421
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:55,720
Speaker 1: think that's great, and people don't do that. You're preparing

422
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:56,439
Speaker 1: for dating.

423
00:18:56,480 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 3: I think if you think about it professionally, everyone knows

424
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,679
Speaker 3: there needs to be a strategic game plan of what

425
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,720
Speaker 3: you need to do to be successful professionally in the

426
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 3: real world. But when it comes to your personal life,

427
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,119
Speaker 3: you have no plan, no strategy, and no one teaches

428
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,399
Speaker 3: these type of skills that literally it's a skill.

429
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:17,440
Speaker 4: You have to realize that it does take preparation.

430
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 3: We put more preparation in you know, throwing a dinner party,

431
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,240
Speaker 3: or in you know, what our betting is going to

432
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 3: look like then we do in our hearts in terms

433
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:29,040
Speaker 3: of what we're looking for. And I think the biggest

434
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:32,480
Speaker 3: thing is silencing the noise, doing an audit of your

435
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:36,439
Speaker 3: own self, realizing, let be honest with yourself, what do

436
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:37,520
Speaker 3: I need in a partner?

437
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,800
Speaker 4: What am I looking for? And am I ready physically,

438
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,200
Speaker 4: emotionally mentally?

439
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:43,480
Speaker 3: What do I need to do? Do I have to

440
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 3: say no to work more? Do I need to create

441
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 3: get a babysitter for the kids. But you do need

442
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,439
Speaker 3: to create a game plan of what you need and

443
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,520
Speaker 3: that does include, like you said, physical health, emotional health,

444
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 3: knowing your limit when it comes to alcohol, knowing what

445
00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:59,639
Speaker 3: you need to do before the date, and knowing like

446
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 3: listen to yourself in terms of okay, am I happy?

447
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,679
Speaker 3: Happy with myself? And if am I gonna project to others?

448
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,479
Speaker 3: And if you're online, you don't want to. You know,

449
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 3: you're looking for something really really specific, And there's four

450
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,400
Speaker 3: of those online.

451
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,120
Speaker 4: Don't meet them all until you know, like do one

452
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:16,479
Speaker 4: at a time.

453
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,920
Speaker 1: And we're saying this, yeah, exactly, be prepared the temperature,

454
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:21,359
Speaker 1: How am I being received?

455
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,719
Speaker 4: Is this going well? Already just blowing it up?

456
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,880
Speaker 3: And then you're gonna have battle fatigue, and you're gonna

457
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,000
Speaker 3: have a negative attitude and it'll continue.

458
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,640
Speaker 1: I agree, Barbie, that was amazing, so much good information,

459
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 1: like different information too.

460
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:33,560
Speaker 2: It's like training