WEBVTT - 184. How to get your spark back 0:00:04.440 --> 0:00:09.280 Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 0:00:09.920 --> 0:00:12.280 the podcast where we talk through some of the big 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:16.880 life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:18.720 mean for our psychology. 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:28.800 Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 0:00:28.920 --> 0:00:32.680 the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:35.080 the world, it is so great to have you here 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:38.720 as always, back for another episode as we dive into 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:42.919 the Psychology of our twenties. So I want to talk 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:46.520 about something today that I have been struggling with recently. 0:00:47.240 --> 0:00:50.080 You know, I'm just going to jump straight into the point. 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:53.560 I don't know about you, but I have been really 0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:58.320 experiencing this strange sense of just dissatisfaction towards my life recently, 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:03.200 A lingering, kind of buzz seeing sense of exhaustion and aimlessness, 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:06.360 a kind of like a boredom when it comes to 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:12.040 my interests, my future, my relationships, my health, my life 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:15.080 in general. It's been really bothering me, as someone who 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:18.760 is very proactive when it comes to just like actually 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:22.840 enjoying my life. I like feeling excited about things, I 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:26.520 like feeling optimistic about the future, and that just hasn't 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:31.280 seemed to be the case recently, and I've been really 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:33.840 looking into what it might be. The biggest thing for 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:36.800 me has been low energy, not being able to kind 0:01:36.800 --> 0:01:38.760 of show up in my friendships as I would like. 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:42.720 I cannot tell you the number of plans I've canceled 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:45.039 in the last three months, and I've kind of just 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:50.000 reached the conclusion that I've lost my spark a little bit. 0:01:50.040 --> 0:01:54.480 I've lost the buzz, the love, the thrill for life. 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.320 And I don't think that I am the only one. 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:00.920 You know, our twenties come with a lot of expectations 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:04.280 that are hard to ignore. There is so much hype 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:07.639 around these being like the best years of your life, 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:11.760 filled with adventure and sleepless nights and random friendships and 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:15.959 relationships and these warm, brilliant memories you'll get to look 0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:18.440 back on for years to come. And I think maybe 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:20.520 this is what we would define as our spark, like 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:25.240 an enthusiasm to go out and grab life and to 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:30.320 be interested and interesting. Our spark is the thing that 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:34.720 kind of keeps us passionate about showing up in the world, 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:38.160 and it keeps us passionate about who we are and 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:41.960 the experiences that we're having. It's what makes us inspired 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:47.120 and kind and engaged and motivated and present. But we 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:50.840 can't be that all the time. You can't really be 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:55.280 living in the golden bubble every minute of every day. 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:58.160 There will come a time, as I guess I'm experiencing 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:00.840 right now as we speak, where the energy and the 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:04.400 excitement for life kind of dips. You become very detached 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:07.560 from that person that you love, that person that you 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:11.200 are at your core, and everything around you seems to 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:16.120 lose a bit of color. You lose that kind of 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.520 energy that you bring into conversations, that energy that you 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:22.400 bring into your daily life. And for me, I've been 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:24.760 really reflecting on this, and I've been thinking about the 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:27.800 person I was three or four years ago who just 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.680 seems so in love with life, and really wondering where 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:33.600 she's gone, whether I can get her back, but also 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:37.640 whether I want her back or whether it's just a 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:42.040 general disconnection. So we're going to talk about that today. 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:44.720 I want to talk about why we lose our spark, 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:48.040 why it is such a common experience, the reasons behind that. 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:50.920 It may be burnout, it may have been a breakup, 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:57.640 but then also six tips for regaining that motivation and 0:03:57.680 --> 0:04:01.680 that love for life. Using your spark could be for 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:04.800 a number of reasons, but there are four main explanations 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:08.680 that I think stand out to me, especially in our twenties. 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:13.520 The first, the biggest one, really is burnout, pushing ourselves 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:17.719 too hard for too long and ignoring the warning signs 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:22.040 that we need rest and we need time to actually 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:26.800 process our lives, our emotions and all the activity that 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:29.480 is going on. We're seeing a lot of research that 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:33.160 burnout is becoming a lot more common during this day 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:38.280 and age, especially amongst people under the age of thirty. Now. 0:04:38.320 --> 0:04:41.680 I think the reason for this is twofold Number one. 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:45.640 We're obviously quite new to the workplace, but also new 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:48.240 to life. We don't really know or aren't able to 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:53.000 express our limits, our points of exhaustion. But secondly, I 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:58.000 think it's because of this expectation to be doing everything, 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:02.479 to be constantly in always aiming for more. You have 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:05.040 to be focused at school or in your job, whilst 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:08.400 also having a lot of fulfilling friendships and then hobbies 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:12.400 and a loving relationship and perfect physical and mental health, 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:15.279 whilst also been able to you know, juggle your family 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:18.520 and a side hustle and your own needs. If that 0:05:18.560 --> 0:05:22.520 feels impossible to you. You are not the only one. 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:27.920 Each of us has an individual threshold for how much stress, activity, 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:32.200 mental exhaustion that we can tolerate, and I think as 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:37.320 we slowly reach that threshold, we start sacrificing elements of 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:40.159 our wellbeing to keep up with what is expected of 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:44.240 us and what we expect from ourselves, and that includes 0:05:44.400 --> 0:05:50.120 very tangible things like sleep, self care, exercise, down time. 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:53.040 Those are normally the first things to go when we're 0:05:53.080 --> 0:05:57.359 burnt out, and also more in tangible things like mental rest, 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:03.200 thinking time, a space for imagination and creativity. You need 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:06.680 all of these things to keep your spark alight. It's 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:10.280 hard to prioritize the things that make you excited for life, 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:13.520 the small joys, or even the energy for the big things, 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:19.640 if you are struggling with prolonged, prolonged exhaustion, prolonged fatigue, 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:24.120 burnout from a lack of work life balance, or kind 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:28.920 of academic or personal overload. We are seeing so much 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:33.520 of this recently, and it also is demonstrating a lot 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:37.960 of links to an increased vulnerability to illness, increased feelings 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:42.479 of pessimism, inadequacy, none of which I think seem to 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:46.279 go hand in hand with feeling like yourself or feeling 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:51.320 like your spark is a light and alive. So the 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:53.880 second factor that I think contributes to losing our spark 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:58.359 is a lingering or pre existent mental health disorder or 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:02.400 challenge that may be getting out of control or becoming 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:08.039 a little bit unmanageable, whether that is anxiety depression, ADHD, 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:14.600 some other condition. When it impacts our cognitions, our mood, 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:18.400 our emotions, this condition is going to impact our so 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:23.200 called spark and most importantly, our way of relating to 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:26.880 the world. So many factors impact this, and sometimes there 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:30.480 really isn't an explanation for why your mental health is 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:33.679 suddenly not as good. But I don't think anyone really 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:37.400 talks about how physically tiring it is to have to 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:41.320 put one hundred percent of your energy into just convincing 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:45.440 yourself to do even the smallest of tasks. I think 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:49.480 maintaining your spark and all the activities that promote this 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:53.120 part of you is a luxury when you're just trying 0:07:53.120 --> 0:07:56.480 to get by day by day. The third contributing factor 0:07:56.560 --> 0:07:59.240 I think is not spending enough time with your own 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:03.920 thoughts or from a place of external validation. I think 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:07.280 when we live for others, how are we really meant 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:11.960 to pull from that internal source of meaning and passion 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:15.240 and mission. How are we meant to feel like ourselves 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:19.280 when we are engaging in extreme people pleasing, when we 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:23.520 do feel unnecessarily guilty for other people's emotions or feelings, 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:25.960 when we say yes when we really want to say no, 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:29.400 when we have no social boundaries, when we take on others' 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:32.679 opinions or try and impress people at the expense of 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:37.320 our own mental health. If our spark is cultivated from 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:42.880 our own internal mental energy source from being connected and 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:47.440 attached and knowledgeable about who we are, when all of 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:51.000 that time is devoted to thinking about others, that part 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:56.000 of us becomes neglected. And the final factor, this one 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:59.400 is a little bit different from what we've just spoken about, 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:02.400 but it is the end of a relationship. I really 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:05.640 do see that as a catalyst for losing a little 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:09.120 bit of your passion and your just your passion and 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:11.760 your love for who you are, and your love for 0:09:11.880 --> 0:09:15.760 life and the energy that you bring into literally just 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:23.000 your daily activities. So when we lose a relationship, whether 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:25.400 that is with a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:30.000 really close friend that creates a massive shift in us. 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:34.600 It is a complete severance from part of ourselves that 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:37.800 was connected to this other person. It would often, I 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:42.120 would say, also trigger a really significant dip in self esteem, 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:45.959 feeling very lost because we attach so much of our 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:49.800 identity to those we love. You know, they hold us up, 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:53.400 they make us feel seen, they bear witness to our lives. 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:57.280 But they can also, I think, cause us a lot 0:09:57.280 --> 0:10:01.640 of heartache and a lot of disruption when relationships like 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:06.600 this end, often because there comes a moment of complacency. 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:09.680 So I think when we are in a long term relationship, 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:14.600 or we are in this long term dependent friendship, sometimes 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:18.440 we become very It becomes very easy to just fall 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:21.600 into only seeing them, to only hanging out with them, 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:25.000 to sitting watching TV with them, to not exploring other 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:29.000 parts of you. So when that relationship suddenly ends, you 0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:34.319 kind of experience an emotional vacuum where you have incidentally, 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:39.439 accidentally involuntarily given up parts of you for this relationship, 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:42.680 for the ease of this relationship, And when you come 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:45.200 out of it, you don't really know who you are, 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:49.280 You don't really know what the future holds, you don't 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:53.960 really know what it means to be you without them, 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:57.480 and I think that is a huge catalyst, As I said, 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:03.040 for feeling a sense of dislocation and disconnection from what 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:06.280 makes you you and from your spark. It also just 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:09.559 reveals so much about what we have perhaps been neglecting 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:12.360 in our lives, the parts of ourselves that have become 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:17.480 secondary behind the relationship. Maybe one of these explanations, one 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:20.240 of these situations is calling to you. You can really 0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:24.480 see yourself in these examples. Maybe you just feel like 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:27.440 there's just something missing. None of these really apply. There's 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:32.800 just a genuine lack lack of sense of effort to 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:35.839 be put into your life. It doesn't really matter, because 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:37.920 I think that what is most important here is that 0:11:38.080 --> 0:11:41.240 right now you are having this experience that makes you 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:44.240 feel like your life is less than optimal and that 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:48.319 there is something that you're missing out on and missing 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:51.400 out of getting from your life. So I'm going to 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:56.320 talk about six research based tips to get your spark back, 0:11:56.559 --> 0:12:01.080 starting with the most simple but the most important. After 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:09.160 this short break, you need to replenish your body and 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:12.079 your mind before you can start building back your interest 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:16.360 in life. That is why the biggest thing for getting 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:21.400 your spark back is prioritizing rest. It sounds so simple, 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:24.120 but we really don't acknowledge how much of a difference 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:26.640 a good night's sleep or a week off can be 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:30.520 for resetting our body, especially when this becomes a practice 0:12:30.559 --> 0:12:34.200 of scheduling time to do nothing, of scheduling time to 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.800 just relax in your body, in your mind, and be present. 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:42.280 When you've pushed yourself to this cliff edge of complete exhaustion, 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:45.920 you reach a point of internal disharmony whereby your body 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:51.679 will literally start to shut down due to ongoing chronic stress. 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:55.160 That doesn't sound optimal, and it certainly doesn't help with 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:58.760 getting your spark back. Sometimes we think that we need 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:03.040 to be doing more to be more, but it's actually 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:06.520 quite the opposite. The people who know themselves the best 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:09.520 and get the most out of life, of those who 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:13.440 realize the value in giving their brain and their body, 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:18.560 even their soul time to replenish. If you've lost your spark, 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:21.440 you need to start by reintroducing rest back into your life, 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:24.720 and this includes by doing things like taking your sick 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.439 days when you need them without feeling like you need 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:31.280 to justify it. Being okay with saying no to plans 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:35.920 to just chill at home, giving yourself a day every 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:39.000 now and again, to just do nothing. It's those slow 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:42.560 moments that our brain finally gets to switch off, and 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:46.120 you'll really be surprised about how much comes up for you, 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:51.680 how many ideas, plans for the future, helpful thoughts arise 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:54.520 because you finally have space to hold them, in space 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.600 to process them. I really do understand that it's actually 0:13:57.679 --> 0:14:00.560 quite hard to do that and accept that you need 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:04.440 to slow down. We feel a lot of guilt towards 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:08.720 rest because of the societal association with laziness. If you 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:11.040 are not pushing yourself one hundred percent of the time, 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:14.679 if you don't want to do it all, it's because 0:14:14.679 --> 0:14:19.440 you just lack discipline. It's because you're just lazy, rather 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:24.240 than actually listening to your body and recognizing that this 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:29.600 is actually more efficient. I think these attitudes are especially 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:32.880 pervasive if you're an overachiever, or if you put a 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:37.240 lot of worth into your external achievements. Resetting your attitude 0:14:37.280 --> 0:14:42.680 towards rest kind of means unlearning everything that brings you 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:47.320 a sense of personal fulfillment or satisfaction, like your achievements, 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:50.680 like being somebody who can push themselves being somebody who 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:55.240 enjoys the urgency of exhaustion. That is just not sustainable, though, 0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:59.120 and it causes you to neglect the parts of you 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:01.600 that you need for that your future self really needs, 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:04.200 you know, it needs you to stay strong and to 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:08.000 stay healthy. Your soul, your sense of self needs you 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:11.760 to actually stop and pause and focus on who you 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:15.440 are and what you're getting out of life. I think 0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:19.520 rest also just really increases our capacity for self awareness. 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:23.640 It improves our empathy, it improves our ability to imagine 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:26.000 the future. So I think that it gives us a 0:15:26.040 --> 0:15:30.280 real creative and perspective vision for who we are and 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:33.480 what we want, and in turn really gives us our 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:36.800 life back. So my second tip for getting your spark 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:39.920 back is to shift from a passive agent to an 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:43.720 active agent in your life. So often the reason we 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:47.120 lose our spark is because we settle into living as 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:50.560 though we are on autopilot. I want you to pause 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:54.720 and think, whether that's you. Things happen to us, life 0:15:54.800 --> 0:15:57.600 happens to us. We just kind of accept that that's 0:15:57.640 --> 0:15:59.600 the way it is. We aren't doing much steering when 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:03.200 it comes to our decisions to what might make us 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:08.320 happier to avoiding or changing circumstances that are depleting us, 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:12.520 and it is a lot easier to live life this way. 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:15.840 It's really tiring to have to wake up each moment 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:18.400 and live with the fact that you are creating your reality, 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.600 that you are creating your future. You are in control, 0:16:21.680 --> 0:16:26.280 you have agency. Because that kind of awareness of your 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:30.440 responsibility is naturally more effort, right, It takes a lot 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:34.160 more from you. But I honestly believe that that expenditure 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:39.000 of effort pays off in its thousands and becomes easier, 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:43.880 becomes less taxing when we adjust to a way of 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:46.120 living that actually gives us what we want in the 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:50.120 long term, rather than like the instant gratifications more pleasures 0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:53.120 in the short term. It's so much more exhausting living 0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:56.720 every day at sixty percent and dragging the other forty 0:16:56.720 --> 0:16:59.680 percent behind you than at one hundred percent and seeing 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:03.200 yourself really have purpose and passionately come back into your life, 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:07.119 getting your spark back. Now, this isn't to say that 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:10.160 you should be working harder, doing more one hundred percent effort, 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:14.040 one hundred percent energy all the time, right, because I 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:16.720 think that is a contribution to pure exhaustion, which we 0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:21.040 know is a contributor to burnout. Rather, it's about choosing 0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:27.320 to live light versus live heavy. When we live heavy, 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:34.840 we kind of borrow effort and time from our future selves. 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:37.400 I'm going to explain this a little bit more. When 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:39.679 you don't make active choices about what's going to make 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:43.399 your life better, whether that is choosing to fuel your 0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:45.400 body in a way that feels good, choosing to rest 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:47.879 when you need, choosing to turn off your screen before 0:17:47.920 --> 0:17:50.000 bed even though you want to scroll for a few 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:53.520 more minutes, choosing to keep good company. You transfer all 0:17:53.560 --> 0:17:57.520 of those decisions into your future as consequences. In the 0:17:57.560 --> 0:17:59.840 short term, you got to live light because you made 0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:03.359 the easiest decision to stay in bed rather than work 0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:05.840 out or see friends, to spend that extra thirty minutes 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:08.560 on your phone in bed rather than reading a book, 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:11.600 to sacrifice your sleep, to put things off when they 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:14.920 would seriously only take about five minutes, you're stealing joy 0:18:14.920 --> 0:18:18.960 from your future self and contributing to exhaustion by taking 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:21.200 what seems like the easier route, but in the long 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:24.600 term is the harder route. I think good practices, fulfilling 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:28.720 life habits are tiring, but they do actually give you 0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:31.760 a sense of control over your life and give you 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:33.840 a sense that you actually get to do the things 0:18:34.080 --> 0:18:36.120 you want to do and create a life you want 0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:40.439 to live, and actually create meaning within that life, meaning 0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:43.159 that when you show up every single day, when you 0:18:43.200 --> 0:18:45.919 wake up, you have the energy in the space to 0:18:45.960 --> 0:18:48.880 be yourself, to show love to yourself, to get your 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:53.720 spark back by actively engaging in decisions that are all 0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:57.000 devoted to bettering you and to making your life easier. 0:18:57.680 --> 0:18:59.480 I think, at the end of the day, what this 0:18:59.600 --> 0:19:03.520 shift from passive to active entails is noticing the things 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:06.480 that deplete your energy versus create energy for you. Things 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:10.480 that unsettle you versus comfort you. Things that make you fatigued, 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:14.280 make you tired, make you sad, versus things that make 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:18.439 you energized and excited and joyful. That's the first step. 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:23.080 I think the second step really consciously choosing the alternative 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:28.160 to those energy takers in your life. You typically, I think, 0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.760 see a difficulty curve co here. For example, if your 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:36.359 big thing for making your life easier or living life 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:41.080 is choosing to do a creative project before bed rather 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:44.800 than just mindlessly watch TV. It's always going to be 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:48.480 hard at the beginning, because I think that we become 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:54.360 very adjusted and very comfortable in what is familiar and 0:19:54.359 --> 0:19:58.040 what is easy, and any shift or change to that 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:02.200 kind of life structure, life routine, it's going to disrupt 0:20:02.240 --> 0:20:06.080 that norm. But over time, as you adjust, you'll see 0:20:06.119 --> 0:20:10.320 that it becomes a lot more kind of habitual and 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:12.679 automatic to do the thing that is best for you 0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:15.000 and to do the thing that helps you get your 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:18.639 spark back. That the thing that really involves showing yourself 0:20:18.680 --> 0:20:21.840 a lot of radical self compassion by not giving into 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:26.040 your immediate ons but focusing on your long term wellbeing. 0:20:26.920 --> 0:20:30.480 My next tip is perhaps my favorite, and this involves 0:20:30.480 --> 0:20:33.960 getting back to that place of passion, interest, and joy 0:20:33.960 --> 0:20:38.080 in life by creating excitement in the mundane. The biggest 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:40.040 thing that gets me back in touch with my true 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:43.440 self time and time again is looking for joy rather 0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:46.919 than looking for things to complain about, actively searching for 0:20:46.960 --> 0:20:50.960 things that make me happy and elated or surprised or 0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:54.560 grateful to be human rather than always buying into my 0:20:54.640 --> 0:20:58.080 negativity bias. And I do this by connecting with my 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:02.240 inner child and getting back to al of childhood wonder 0:21:02.720 --> 0:21:07.840 and curiosity. Your inner child is the most alive version 0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:11.679 of you. There is the least uninhibited, the most excited, 0:21:12.040 --> 0:21:14.119 And I think it's one of the saddest things about 0:21:14.160 --> 0:21:17.800 getting older is finding that everything becomes a lot more gray, 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:22.199 that there is a certain glimmer that we lose that 0:21:22.920 --> 0:21:25.399 feels like we can't get back. But I think that 0:21:25.480 --> 0:21:29.640 we can. We can read, We can achieve that sense 0:21:29.680 --> 0:21:32.280 of wonder that we had when we were younger by 0:21:32.400 --> 0:21:36.399 looking for things to be amazed about rather than things 0:21:36.440 --> 0:21:40.159 to be disappointed over. You know, the leaves changing color, 0:21:40.640 --> 0:21:42.560 the cat you see every day on your walk to 0:21:42.680 --> 0:21:46.560 work eating a really tasty pastry or a tasty piece 0:21:46.600 --> 0:21:50.240 of fruit, smiling at a stranger having them smile back, 0:21:50.320 --> 0:21:54.400 like your favorite artist playing over the radio at the supermarket, 0:21:54.520 --> 0:21:58.119 a cool bug on a tree singing along to like 0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:01.879 the opening track of your favorite TV show. Joy really 0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:06.080 is everywhere, and it's a strange feeling because it's one 0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:08.719 of the few emotions that when you search for it, 0:22:09.440 --> 0:22:11.840 you'll notice that it wants you to find it, right 0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:14.600 Like if you look for happiness, you can't always find it, 0:22:14.840 --> 0:22:17.359 but if you look for joy, you most certainly will, 0:22:18.119 --> 0:22:20.760 as you kind of train yourself to look for awe 0:22:20.880 --> 0:22:24.040 and to discover joy. You also begin to notice that 0:22:24.119 --> 0:22:29.120 your thoughts and cognitions begin to transform and become more positive, 0:22:29.640 --> 0:22:33.399 and you slowly get that glow and appreciation for life back. 0:22:34.119 --> 0:22:36.240 Another part of getting in touch with your inner child 0:22:36.359 --> 0:22:40.720 is allowing yourself to be playful. Play is honestly so 0:22:40.800 --> 0:22:42.960 much fun. That's like the whole point, right to just 0:22:43.000 --> 0:22:45.840 be free of everything else that's hanging over you, and 0:22:46.000 --> 0:22:48.920 to get into your body, to get into your joy, 0:22:49.040 --> 0:22:52.240 to get into the moment. And studies have really shown 0:22:52.280 --> 0:22:55.880 that play in adulthood lets us act in a way 0:22:55.880 --> 0:23:00.119 that is unstructured and creative, and it reduces stress love. 0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:05.520 It increases creativity, of course, along with the number of 0:23:05.680 --> 0:23:09.160 neural connections we have in our brain, because we engage 0:23:09.200 --> 0:23:13.080 in different kinds of activities that use different parts of 0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:16.480 our brain that normally don't talk to each other. Anything 0:23:16.520 --> 0:23:21.280 you do recreationally that brings you joy or excitement counts 0:23:21.359 --> 0:23:23.560 as play. You know, it could be a video game, 0:23:24.040 --> 0:23:27.679 It could be playing sport, especially if it's social sport. 0:23:28.200 --> 0:23:31.440 Could be writing little poems in your spare time, painting, 0:23:32.160 --> 0:23:36.520 I don't know, trampolining, literally going on the public swing 0:23:36.600 --> 0:23:39.280 at like your local park, going for a swim at 0:23:39.280 --> 0:23:43.159 the beach. That is play, and it once again is 0:23:43.200 --> 0:23:46.639 an avenue for joy to enter your life and to 0:23:46.800 --> 0:23:53.080 keep you feeling like wonderful and curious and engaged in 0:23:53.080 --> 0:23:57.280 your environment and your surroundings, rather than kind of stuck 0:23:57.320 --> 0:24:00.560 behind like a glass wall of negativity, feeling like you're 0:24:00.600 --> 0:24:02.600 watching your life go by and you're not able to 0:24:02.640 --> 0:24:05.960 reach out and touch it. I think reconnecting with that 0:24:06.119 --> 0:24:09.560 childlike version of you is a wonderful diversion from all 0:24:09.600 --> 0:24:13.560 the stresses and responsibilities that do keep us disconnected, because 0:24:13.560 --> 0:24:15.800 it lets us slip back into a perspective that is 0:24:15.840 --> 0:24:19.080 so uninhibited, that is so care free, that is so 0:24:19.480 --> 0:24:23.879 just like energized for life. I really really implore you 0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:26.480 to try it, even if you feel embarrassed or you 0:24:26.480 --> 0:24:30.240 feel cringe. It's not about what other people think. It's 0:24:30.280 --> 0:24:34.119 about what's going to leave you feeling your best. I 0:24:34.119 --> 0:24:36.359 think the main thing here is that getting your spark 0:24:36.400 --> 0:24:39.880 back after it's bin dulled isn't all internal. It's also 0:24:39.960 --> 0:24:44.920 about the external environment you create for yourself. I think 0:24:45.160 --> 0:24:48.399 partially what losing your love and energy for life comes 0:24:48.440 --> 0:24:52.159 down to, is a lack of inspiration is feeling stuck 0:24:52.240 --> 0:24:55.440 in the norm and not having new thoughts, not having 0:24:55.480 --> 0:25:00.240 new beliefs, not experiencing new sensations, new interests. Think you 0:25:00.359 --> 0:25:05.520 just become very much numb and shut down. When life 0:25:05.520 --> 0:25:10.600 starts to feel plain and colorless. That is an invitation 0:25:11.000 --> 0:25:13.760 for you to add some color back in by keeping 0:25:13.800 --> 0:25:21.159 yourself inspired. And I love doing this by consuming content media, books, articles, music, 0:25:21.720 --> 0:25:26.720 anything that gets your brain working and thinking and firing differently. 0:25:28.160 --> 0:25:30.720