Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here
Speaker 2: as always, back for another episode as we dive into
Speaker 2: the Psychology of our twenties. So I want to talk
Speaker 2: about something today that I have been struggling with recently.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm just going to jump straight into the point.
Speaker 2: I don't know about you, but I have been really
Speaker 2: experiencing this strange sense of just dissatisfaction towards my life recently,
Speaker 2: A lingering, kind of buzz seeing sense of exhaustion and aimlessness,
Speaker 2: a kind of like a boredom when it comes to
Speaker 2: my interests, my future, my relationships, my health, my life
Speaker 2: in general. It's been really bothering me, as someone who
Speaker 2: is very proactive when it comes to just like actually
Speaker 2: enjoying my life. I like feeling excited about things, I
Speaker 2: like feeling optimistic about the future, and that just hasn't
Speaker 2: seemed to be the case recently, and I've been really
Speaker 2: looking into what it might be. The biggest thing for
Speaker 2: me has been low energy, not being able to kind
Speaker 2: of show up in my friendships as I would like.
Speaker 2: I cannot tell you the number of plans I've canceled
Speaker 2: in the last three months, and I've kind of just
Speaker 2: reached the conclusion that I've lost my spark a little bit.
Speaker 2: I've lost the buzz, the love, the thrill for life.
Speaker 2: And I don't think that I am the only one.
Speaker 2: You know, our twenties come with a lot of expectations
Speaker 2: that are hard to ignore. There is so much hype
Speaker 2: around these being like the best years of your life,
Speaker 2: filled with adventure and sleepless nights and random friendships and
Speaker 2: relationships and these warm, brilliant memories you'll get to look
Speaker 2: back on for years to come. And I think maybe
Speaker 2: this is what we would define as our spark, like
Speaker 2: an enthusiasm to go out and grab life and to
Speaker 2: be interested and interesting. Our spark is the thing that
Speaker 2: kind of keeps us passionate about showing up in the world,
Speaker 2: and it keeps us passionate about who we are and
Speaker 2: the experiences that we're having. It's what makes us inspired
Speaker 2: and kind and engaged and motivated and present. But we
Speaker 2: can't be that all the time. You can't really be
Speaker 2: living in the golden bubble every minute of every day.
Speaker 2: There will come a time, as I guess I'm experiencing
Speaker 2: right now as we speak, where the energy and the
Speaker 2: excitement for life kind of dips. You become very detached
Speaker 2: from that person that you love, that person that you
Speaker 2: are at your core, and everything around you seems to
Speaker 2: lose a bit of color. You lose that kind of
Speaker 2: energy that you bring into conversations, that energy that you
Speaker 2: bring into your daily life. And for me, I've been
Speaker 2: really reflecting on this, and I've been thinking about the
Speaker 2: person I was three or four years ago who just
Speaker 2: seems so in love with life, and really wondering where
Speaker 2: she's gone, whether I can get her back, but also
Speaker 2: whether I want her back or whether it's just a
Speaker 2: general disconnection. So we're going to talk about that today.
Speaker 2: I want to talk about why we lose our spark,
Speaker 2: why it is such a common experience, the reasons behind that.
Speaker 2: It may be burnout, it may have been a breakup,
Speaker 2: but then also six tips for regaining that motivation and
Speaker 2: that love for life. Using your spark could be for
Speaker 2: a number of reasons, but there are four main explanations
Speaker 2: that I think stand out to me, especially in our twenties.
Speaker 2: The first, the biggest one, really is burnout, pushing ourselves
Speaker 2: too hard for too long and ignoring the warning signs
Speaker 2: that we need rest and we need time to actually
Speaker 2: process our lives, our emotions and all the activity that
Speaker 2: is going on. We're seeing a lot of research that
Speaker 2: burnout is becoming a lot more common during this day
Speaker 2: and age, especially amongst people under the age of thirty. Now.
Speaker 2: I think the reason for this is twofold Number one.
Speaker 2: We're obviously quite new to the workplace, but also new
Speaker 2: to life. We don't really know or aren't able to
Speaker 2: express our limits, our points of exhaustion. But secondly, I
Speaker 2: think it's because of this expectation to be doing everything,
Speaker 2: to be constantly in always aiming for more. You have
Speaker 2: to be focused at school or in your job, whilst
Speaker 2: also having a lot of fulfilling friendships and then hobbies
Speaker 2: and a loving relationship and perfect physical and mental health,
Speaker 2: whilst also been able to you know, juggle your family
Speaker 2: and a side hustle and your own needs. If that
Speaker 2: feels impossible to you. You are not the only one.
Speaker 2: Each of us has an individual threshold for how much stress, activity,
Speaker 2: mental exhaustion that we can tolerate, and I think as
Speaker 2: we slowly reach that threshold, we start sacrificing elements of
Speaker 2: our wellbeing to keep up with what is expected of
Speaker 2: us and what we expect from ourselves, and that includes
Speaker 2: very tangible things like sleep, self care, exercise, down time.
Speaker 2: Those are normally the first things to go when we're
Speaker 2: burnt out, and also more in tangible things like mental rest,
Speaker 2: thinking time, a space for imagination and creativity. You need
Speaker 2: all of these things to keep your spark alight. It's
Speaker 2: hard to prioritize the things that make you excited for life,
Speaker 2: the small joys, or even the energy for the big things,
Speaker 2: if you are struggling with prolonged, prolonged exhaustion, prolonged fatigue,
Speaker 2: burnout from a lack of work life balance, or kind
Speaker 2: of academic or personal overload. We are seeing so much
Speaker 2: of this recently, and it also is demonstrating a lot
Speaker 2: of links to an increased vulnerability to illness, increased feelings
Speaker 2: of pessimism, inadequacy, none of which I think seem to
Speaker 2: go hand in hand with feeling like yourself or feeling
Speaker 2: like your spark is a light and alive. So the
Speaker 2: second factor that I think contributes to losing our spark
Speaker 2: is a lingering or pre existent mental health disorder or
Speaker 2: challenge that may be getting out of control or becoming
Speaker 2: a little bit unmanageable, whether that is anxiety depression, ADHD,
Speaker 2: some other condition. When it impacts our cognitions, our mood,
Speaker 2: our emotions, this condition is going to impact our so
Speaker 2: called spark and most importantly, our way of relating to
Speaker 2: the world. So many factors impact this, and sometimes there
Speaker 2: really isn't an explanation for why your mental health is
Speaker 2: suddenly not as good. But I don't think anyone really
Speaker 2: talks about how physically tiring it is to have to
Speaker 2: put one hundred percent of your energy into just convincing
Speaker 2: yourself to do even the smallest of tasks. I think
Speaker 2: maintaining your spark and all the activities that promote this
Speaker 2: part of you is a luxury when you're just trying
Speaker 2: to get by day by day. The third contributing factor
Speaker 2: I think is not spending enough time with your own
Speaker 2: thoughts or from a place of external validation. I think
Speaker 2: when we live for others, how are we really meant
Speaker 2: to pull from that internal source of meaning and passion
Speaker 2: and mission. How are we meant to feel like ourselves
Speaker 2: when we are engaging in extreme people pleasing, when we
Speaker 2: do feel unnecessarily guilty for other people's emotions or feelings,
Speaker 2: when we say yes when we really want to say no,
Speaker 2: when we have no social boundaries, when we take on others'
Speaker 2: opinions or try and impress people at the expense of
Speaker 2: our own mental health. If our spark is cultivated from
Speaker 2: our own internal mental energy source from being connected and
Speaker 2: attached and knowledgeable about who we are, when all of
Speaker 2: that time is devoted to thinking about others, that part
Speaker 2: of us becomes neglected. And the final factor, this one
Speaker 2: is a little bit different from what we've just spoken about,
Speaker 2: but it is the end of a relationship. I really
Speaker 2: do see that as a catalyst for losing a little
Speaker 2: bit of your passion and your just your passion and
Speaker 2: your love for who you are, and your love for
Speaker 2: life and the energy that you bring into literally just
Speaker 2: your daily activities. So when we lose a relationship, whether
Speaker 2: that is with a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a
Speaker 2: really close friend that creates a massive shift in us.
Speaker 2: It is a complete severance from part of ourselves that
Speaker 2: was connected to this other person. It would often, I
Speaker 2: would say, also trigger a really significant dip in self esteem,
Speaker 2: feeling very lost because we attach so much of our
Speaker 2: identity to those we love. You know, they hold us up,
Speaker 2: they make us feel seen, they bear witness to our lives.
Speaker 2: But they can also, I think, cause us a lot
Speaker 2: of heartache and a lot of disruption when relationships like
Speaker 2: this end, often because there comes a moment of complacency.
Speaker 2: So I think when we are in a long term relationship,
Speaker 2: or we are in this long term dependent friendship, sometimes
Speaker 2: we become very It becomes very easy to just fall
Speaker 2: into only seeing them, to only hanging out with them,
Speaker 2: to sitting watching TV with them, to not exploring other
Speaker 2: parts of you. So when that relationship suddenly ends, you
Speaker 2: kind of experience an emotional vacuum where you have incidentally,
Speaker 2: accidentally involuntarily given up parts of you for this relationship,
Speaker 2: for the ease of this relationship, And when you come
Speaker 2: out of it, you don't really know who you are,
Speaker 2: You don't really know what the future holds, you don't
Speaker 2: really know what it means to be you without them,
Speaker 2: and I think that is a huge catalyst, As I said,
Speaker 2: for feeling a sense of dislocation and disconnection from what
Speaker 2: makes you you and from your spark. It also just
Speaker 2: reveals so much about what we have perhaps been neglecting
Speaker 2: in our lives, the parts of ourselves that have become
Speaker 2: secondary behind the relationship. Maybe one of these explanations, one
Speaker 2: of these situations is calling to you. You can really
Speaker 2: see yourself in these examples. Maybe you just feel like
Speaker 2: there's just something missing. None of these really apply. There's
Speaker 2: just a genuine lack lack of sense of effort to
Speaker 2: be put into your life. It doesn't really matter, because
Speaker 2: I think that what is most important here is that
Speaker 2: right now you are having this experience that makes you
Speaker 2: feel like your life is less than optimal and that
Speaker 2: there is something that you're missing out on and missing
Speaker 2: out of getting from your life. So I'm going to
Speaker 2: talk about six research based tips to get your spark back,
Speaker 2: starting with the most simple but the most important. After
Speaker 2: this short break, you need to replenish your body and
Speaker 2: your mind before you can start building back your interest
Speaker 2: in life. That is why the biggest thing for getting
Speaker 2: your spark back is prioritizing rest. It sounds so simple,
Speaker 2: but we really don't acknowledge how much of a difference
Speaker 2: a good night's sleep or a week off can be
Speaker 2: for resetting our body, especially when this becomes a practice
Speaker 2: of scheduling time to do nothing, of scheduling time to
Speaker 2: just relax in your body, in your mind, and be present.
Speaker 2: When you've pushed yourself to this cliff edge of complete exhaustion,
Speaker 2: you reach a point of internal disharmony whereby your body
Speaker 2: will literally start to shut down due to ongoing chronic stress.
Speaker 2: That doesn't sound optimal, and it certainly doesn't help with
Speaker 2: getting your spark back. Sometimes we think that we need
Speaker 2: to be doing more to be more, but it's actually
Speaker 2: quite the opposite. The people who know themselves the best
Speaker 2: and get the most out of life, of those who
Speaker 2: realize the value in giving their brain and their body,
Speaker 2: even their soul time to replenish. If you've lost your spark,
Speaker 2: you need to start by reintroducing rest back into your life,
Speaker 2: and this includes by doing things like taking your sick
Speaker 2: days when you need them without feeling like you need
Speaker 2: to justify it. Being okay with saying no to plans
Speaker 2: to just chill at home, giving yourself a day every
Speaker 2: now and again, to just do nothing. It's those slow
Speaker 2: moments that our brain finally gets to switch off, and
Speaker 2: you'll really be surprised about how much comes up for you,
Speaker 2: how many ideas, plans for the future, helpful thoughts arise
Speaker 2: because you finally have space to hold them, in space
Speaker 2: to process them. I really do understand that it's actually
Speaker 2: quite hard to do that and accept that you need
Speaker 2: to slow down. We feel a lot of guilt towards
Speaker 2: rest because of the societal association with laziness. If you
Speaker 2: are not pushing yourself one hundred percent of the time,
Speaker 2: if you don't want to do it all, it's because
Speaker 2: you just lack discipline. It's because you're just lazy, rather
Speaker 2: than actually listening to your body and recognizing that this
Speaker 2: is actually more efficient. I think these attitudes are especially
Speaker 2: pervasive if you're an overachiever, or if you put a
Speaker 2: lot of worth into your external achievements. Resetting your attitude
Speaker 2: towards rest kind of means unlearning everything that brings you
Speaker 2: a sense of personal fulfillment or satisfaction, like your achievements,
Speaker 2: like being somebody who can push themselves being somebody who
Speaker 2: enjoys the urgency of exhaustion. That is just not sustainable, though,
Speaker 2: and it causes you to neglect the parts of you
Speaker 2: that you need for that your future self really needs,
Speaker 2: you know, it needs you to stay strong and to
Speaker 2: stay healthy. Your soul, your sense of self needs you
Speaker 2: to actually stop and pause and focus on who you
Speaker 2: are and what you're getting out of life. I think
Speaker 2: rest also just really increases our capacity for self awareness.
Speaker 2: It improves our empathy, it improves our ability to imagine
Speaker 2: the future. So I think that it gives us a
Speaker 2: real creative and perspective vision for who we are and
Speaker 2: what we want, and in turn really gives us our
Speaker 2: life back. So my second tip for getting your spark
Speaker 2: back is to shift from a passive agent to an
Speaker 2: active agent in your life. So often the reason we
Speaker 2: lose our spark is because we settle into living as
Speaker 2: though we are on autopilot. I want you to pause
Speaker 2: and think, whether that's you. Things happen to us, life
Speaker 2: happens to us. We just kind of accept that that's
Speaker 2: the way it is. We aren't doing much steering when
Speaker 2: it comes to our decisions to what might make us
Speaker 2: happier to avoiding or changing circumstances that are depleting us,
Speaker 2: and it is a lot easier to live life this way.
Speaker 2: It's really tiring to have to wake up each moment
Speaker 2: and live with the fact that you are creating your reality,
Speaker 2: that you are creating your future. You are in control,
Speaker 2: you have agency. Because that kind of awareness of your
Speaker 2: responsibility is naturally more effort, right, It takes a lot
Speaker 2: more from you. But I honestly believe that that expenditure
Speaker 2: of effort pays off in its thousands and becomes easier,
Speaker 2: becomes less taxing when we adjust to a way of
Speaker 2: living that actually gives us what we want in the
Speaker 2: long term, rather than like the instant gratifications more pleasures
Speaker 2: in the short term. It's so much more exhausting living
Speaker 2: every day at sixty percent and dragging the other forty
Speaker 2: percent behind you than at one hundred percent and seeing
Speaker 2: yourself really have purpose and passionately come back into your life,
Speaker 2: getting your spark back. Now, this isn't to say that
Speaker 2: you should be working harder, doing more one hundred percent effort,
Speaker 2: one hundred percent energy all the time, right, because I
Speaker 2: think that is a contribution to pure exhaustion, which we
Speaker 2: know is a contributor to burnout. Rather, it's about choosing
Speaker 2: to live light versus live heavy. When we live heavy,
Speaker 2: we kind of borrow effort and time from our future selves.
Speaker 2: I'm going to explain this a little bit more. When
Speaker 2: you don't make active choices about what's going to make
Speaker 2: your life better, whether that is choosing to fuel your
Speaker 2: body in a way that feels good, choosing to rest
Speaker 2: when you need, choosing to turn off your screen before
Speaker 2: bed even though you want to scroll for a few
Speaker 2: more minutes, choosing to keep good company. You transfer all
Speaker 2: of those decisions into your future as consequences. In the
Speaker 2: short term, you got to live light because you made
Speaker 2: the easiest decision to stay in bed rather than work
Speaker 2: out or see friends, to spend that extra thirty minutes
Speaker 2: on your phone in bed rather than reading a book,
Speaker 2: to sacrifice your sleep, to put things off when they
Speaker 2: would seriously only take about five minutes, you're stealing joy
Speaker 2: from your future self and contributing to exhaustion by taking
Speaker 2: what seems like the easier route, but in the long
Speaker 2: term is the harder route. I think good practices, fulfilling
Speaker 2: life habits are tiring, but they do actually give you
Speaker 2: a sense of control over your life and give you
Speaker 2: a sense that you actually get to do the things
Speaker 2: you want to do and create a life you want
Speaker 2: to live, and actually create meaning within that life, meaning
Speaker 2: that when you show up every single day, when you
Speaker 2: wake up, you have the energy in the space to
Speaker 2: be yourself, to show love to yourself, to get your
Speaker 2: spark back by actively engaging in decisions that are all
Speaker 2: devoted to bettering you and to making your life easier.
Speaker 2: I think, at the end of the day, what this
Speaker 2: shift from passive to active entails is noticing the things
Speaker 2: that deplete your energy versus create energy for you. Things
Speaker 2: that unsettle you versus comfort you. Things that make you fatigued,
Speaker 2: make you tired, make you sad, versus things that make
Speaker 2: you energized and excited and joyful. That's the first step.
Speaker 2: I think the second step really consciously choosing the alternative
Speaker 2: to those energy takers in your life. You typically, I think,
Speaker 2: see a difficulty curve co here. For example, if your
Speaker 2: big thing for making your life easier or living life
Speaker 2: is choosing to do a creative project before bed rather
Speaker 2: than just mindlessly watch TV. It's always going to be
Speaker 2: hard at the beginning, because I think that we become
Speaker 2: very adjusted and very comfortable in what is familiar and
Speaker 2: what is easy, and any shift or change to that
Speaker 2: kind of life structure, life routine, it's going to disrupt
Speaker 2: that norm. But over time, as you adjust, you'll see
Speaker 2: that it becomes a lot more kind of habitual and
Speaker 2: automatic to do the thing that is best for you
Speaker 2: and to do the thing that helps you get your
Speaker 2: spark back. That the thing that really involves showing yourself
Speaker 2: a lot of radical self compassion by not giving into
Speaker 2: your immediate ons but focusing on your long term wellbeing.
Speaker 2: My next tip is perhaps my favorite, and this involves
Speaker 2: getting back to that place of passion, interest, and joy
Speaker 2: in life by creating excitement in the mundane. The biggest
Speaker 2: thing that gets me back in touch with my true
Speaker 2: self time and time again is looking for joy rather
Speaker 2: than looking for things to complain about, actively searching for
Speaker 2: things that make me happy and elated or surprised or
Speaker 2: grateful to be human rather than always buying into my
Speaker 2: negativity bias. And I do this by connecting with my
Speaker 2: inner child and getting back to al of childhood wonder
Speaker 2: and curiosity. Your inner child is the most alive version
Speaker 2: of you. There is the least uninhibited, the most excited,
Speaker 2: And I think it's one of the saddest things about
Speaker 2: getting older is finding that everything becomes a lot more gray,
Speaker 2: that there is a certain glimmer that we lose that
Speaker 2: feels like we can't get back. But I think that
Speaker 2: we can. We can read, We can achieve that sense
Speaker 2: of wonder that we had when we were younger by
Speaker 2: looking for things to be amazed about rather than things
Speaker 2: to be disappointed over. You know, the leaves changing color,
Speaker 2: the cat you see every day on your walk to
Speaker 2: work eating a really tasty pastry or a tasty piece
Speaker 2: of fruit, smiling at a stranger having them smile back,
Speaker 2: like your favorite artist playing over the radio at the supermarket,
Speaker 2: a cool bug on a tree singing along to like
Speaker 2: the opening track of your favorite TV show. Joy really
Speaker 2: is everywhere, and it's a strange feeling because it's one
Speaker 2: of the few emotions that when you search for it,
Speaker 2: you'll notice that it wants you to find it, right
Speaker 2: Like if you look for happiness, you can't always find it,
Speaker 2: but if you look for joy, you most certainly will,
Speaker 2: as you kind of train yourself to look for awe
Speaker 2: and to discover joy. You also begin to notice that
Speaker 2: your thoughts and cognitions begin to transform and become more positive,
Speaker 2: and you slowly get that glow and appreciation for life back.
Speaker 2: Another part of getting in touch with your inner child
Speaker 2: is allowing yourself to be playful. Play is honestly so
Speaker 2: much fun. That's like the whole point, right to just
Speaker 2: be free of everything else that's hanging over you, and
Speaker 2: to get into your body, to get into your joy,
Speaker 2: to get into the moment. And studies have really shown
Speaker 2: that play in adulthood lets us act in a way
Speaker 2: that is unstructured and creative, and it reduces stress love.
Speaker 2: It increases creativity, of course, along with the number of
Speaker 2: neural connections we have in our brain, because we engage
Speaker 2: in different kinds of activities that use different parts of
Speaker 2: our brain that normally don't talk to each other. Anything
Speaker 2: you do recreationally that brings you joy or excitement counts
Speaker 2: as play. You know, it could be a video game,
Speaker 2: It could be playing sport, especially if it's social sport.
Speaker 2: Could be writing little poems in your spare time, painting,
Speaker 2: I don't know, trampolining, literally going on the public swing
Speaker 2: at like your local park, going for a swim at
Speaker 2: the beach. That is play, and it once again is
Speaker 2: an avenue for joy to enter your life and to
Speaker 2: keep you feeling like wonderful and curious and engaged in
Speaker 2: your environment and your surroundings, rather than kind of stuck
Speaker 2: behind like a glass wall of negativity, feeling like you're
Speaker 2: watching your life go by and you're not able to
Speaker 2: reach out and touch it. I think reconnecting with that
Speaker 2: childlike version of you is a wonderful diversion from all
Speaker 2: the stresses and responsibilities that do keep us disconnected, because
Speaker 2: it lets us slip back into a perspective that is
Speaker 2: so uninhibited, that is so care free, that is so
Speaker 2: just like energized for life. I really really implore you
Speaker 2: to try it, even if you feel embarrassed or you
Speaker 2: feel cringe. It's not about what other people think. It's
Speaker 2: about what's going to leave you feeling your best. I
Speaker 2: think the main thing here is that getting your spark
Speaker 2: back after it's bin dulled isn't all internal. It's also
Speaker 2: about the external environment you create for yourself. I think
Speaker 2: partially what losing your love and energy for life comes
Speaker 2: down to, is a lack of inspiration is feeling stuck
Speaker 2: in the norm and not having new thoughts, not having
Speaker 2: new beliefs, not experiencing new sensations, new interests. Think you
Speaker 2: just become very much numb and shut down. When life
Speaker 2: starts to feel plain and colorless. That is an invitation
Speaker 2: for you to add some color back in by keeping
Speaker 2: yourself inspired. And I love doing this by consuming content media, books, articles, music,
Speaker 2: anything that gets your brain working and thinking and firing differently.
Speaker 2: Start your morning off, you know, with a ted talk
Speaker 2: instead of social media, with five minutes of meditation, instead
Speaker 2: of doom scrolling with energetic music. Have like a wild
Speaker 2: dance in your bathroom in the morning. Make that part
Speaker 2: of your routine. Listen to podcasts like this one, or
Speaker 2: subscribe to like a new site like The New York
Speaker 2: Times or The Atlantic that is five dollars a month
Speaker 2: for priceless access to a world that feels a lot
Speaker 2: more expensive than your day to day life, to hearing
Speaker 2: about what everyone's doing across the globe. I also want
Speaker 2: to recommend a book here that I think is invaluable
Speaker 2: when you're feeling like you're in a bit of a
Speaker 2: sparkless Rut. The book is called The Alchemist. I'm sure
Speaker 2: a lot of you have heard about this before. It
Speaker 2: is so widely read and known for good reason, because
Speaker 2: even if you're not like a big reader, this novel
Speaker 2: offers such a simple, digestible, inspiring kind of folk story
Speaker 2: about getting more out of your life, about getting more
Speaker 2: out of your dreams, out of yourself, and refocusing on
Speaker 2: your purpose on your drive. I think that's something that
Speaker 2: we lose as life gets harder, as we get older,
Speaker 2: we get stuck in our routines, and of course we
Speaker 2: lose house Park. So I read this book in like
Speaker 2: one or two sittings a few years back, and I
Speaker 2: just started rereading it, and it's incredibly ie opening. Even
Speaker 2: if you've read it before, honestly read it again because
Speaker 2: the message, I think, becomes different the older you get.
Speaker 2: You interpret it differently, And I think it's really valuable
Speaker 2: to seek inspiration from other people's ideas and their articulation
Speaker 2: of their mission and their and kind of how they
Speaker 2: see the world, whether that is the same or different
Speaker 2: to your own. At least it challenges you to think
Speaker 2: about your life differently. In fact, I think obviously you
Speaker 2: know reading a book is not a huge task. Expanding
Speaker 2: the media you consume is mine and listening to ted
Speaker 2: Talks is pretty easy. Seeing joy in your life is
Speaker 2: not that hard. You really only need to pick out
Speaker 2: like three things a day. And I really think that
Speaker 2: all of these things, the reason why they're so powerful
Speaker 2: is because, time and time again, they make you actually
Speaker 2: engage with what's around you. They make you engage with
Speaker 2: your thoughts, with your life, rather than sitting in the
Speaker 2: passenger seat. If you've lost your spa, I would really
Speaker 2: encourage you to reflect on whether the life you're currently
Speaker 2: living actually provides you with an opportunity to be in
Speaker 2: touch with life, to be alive. Routine is really great
Speaker 2: for creating structure and bringing order and productivity into our lives,
Speaker 2: but that is not what life is. Life is what
Speaker 2: happens around that. Life is what is spontaneous and thrilling
Speaker 2: and what gives you new stories and new feelings and
Speaker 2: new energy. So I would also say break out of
Speaker 2: the monotony by really challenging yourself to do one new
Speaker 2: thing this week, one new thing every week, even if
Speaker 2: that's alone, a new gym class, a new part of
Speaker 2: the city, to explore, a new dish that you're going
Speaker 2: to cook for yourself. New things are good for our
Speaker 2: emotional health because it actually really opens up our mind,
Speaker 2: I think, to the possibility of more like They've done
Speaker 2: research on this, and the happiest people are those who
Speaker 2: really expose themself to new things, who challenge the norm
Speaker 2: who challenge their brains to think about things differently. Because
Speaker 2: novelty also introduces excitement. There is a really great article
Speaker 2: by Psychology Today that puts it like this, when we
Speaker 2: try something new, this actually opens up the possibility for
Speaker 2: you to enjoy something new. There have been entire careers,
Speaker 2: entire life paths carved out by people dipping their baby
Speaker 2: toes into small ponds and suddenly discovering a love for
Speaker 2: something they had no idea would capture their imaginations. It
Speaker 2: forces you to grow, It forces you to choose to
Speaker 2: live by kind of living heavy, and I think that
Speaker 2: you just bear witness to the parts of your identity
Speaker 2: that are allowed to kind of flourish in those moments
Speaker 2: where life isn't like easy, life isn't famili The moment
Speaker 2: that you're in you might not be comfortable, but it's
Speaker 2: there that your spark really returns because you have to
Speaker 2: rely on yourself and you have to really pull from
Speaker 2: this pool of just innate joy and energy and capability.
Speaker 2: I think is a better way to put it. All, Right,
Speaker 2: I have two final tips for you, and we're going
Speaker 2: to keep them short and sweet. The first is to
Speaker 2: be practicing some form of movement every day. Now, this
Speaker 2: is not movement to lose weight, it's not movement to
Speaker 2: get fitter, it's not for a beauty standard, but it's
Speaker 2: because of what it will do for your brain. Now,
Speaker 2: I really despise when people say that exercises some like
Speaker 2: magical cure for mental health problems. That's literally bullshit. But
Speaker 2: we are seeing research that shows how protective physical activity
Speaker 2: is for these kinds of ruts or periods of depletion
Speaker 2: we might find ourselves in. There's actually a really special
Speaker 2: research project that was conducted in Australia by the University
Speaker 2: of Sydney, literally down the road from where I am
Speaker 2: right now, and it published findings that unstructured dance, so
Speaker 2: not dance for the purpose of exercise, even for getting
Speaker 2: your heart rate up. Literally just dancing around your living room,
Speaker 2: dancing around wherever you are is actually one of the
Speaker 2: best things you can do for your brain and mental
Speaker 2: well being. Besides that, exercise boosts mental energy, it boosts motivation.
Speaker 2: Those are two things that are really crucial for getting
Speaker 2: our spark back. I think it's especially impactful and special
Speaker 2: if you find time to move in nature. There is
Speaker 2: a whole field of research called ecopsychology that talks about
Speaker 2: how spending time outdoors promotes how we feel about ourselves
Speaker 2: and our lives and the attitudes we bring into our
Speaker 2: day to day. You probably already know this without me
Speaker 2: needing to tell you. You know, just think about how
Speaker 2: good you feel after you take a swim in the ocean.
Speaker 2: Have you ever felt bad after a swim in the ocean,
Speaker 2: after a hike, after you walked by the creek near
Speaker 2: your house. That's where humans are meant to be. So
Speaker 2: it's no wonder that we're losing our vibrancy and our
Speaker 2: spark and our love for life when we are living
Speaker 2: in a world that is focused on keeping us inside.
Speaker 2: I think nature provides a lot of healing in that sense,
Speaker 2: for reconnecting ourselves with what it truly means to be human,
Speaker 2: what it truly means to be alive in our bodies.
Speaker 2: How capable our bodies are, how much feeling our bodies
Speaker 2: can hold, that spark that is spark right there, embracing
Speaker 2: what makes us wild, embracing the beauty of the outdoors,
Speaker 2: the beauty of what comes from that, and kind of
Speaker 2: watching how you're I don't know, it just instantly fills
Speaker 2: up your cup and it keeps it full for days,
Speaker 2: even weeks after. A final tip, I think, try to
Speaker 2: spend less time thinking about what others have that you don't,
Speaker 2: and think about everything that is wonderful about your life
Speaker 2: and what you have. What are your own secret gardens?
Speaker 2: I speak about this a lot, but this is a
Speaker 2: concept I came up with while back that essentially says,
Speaker 2: each of us has this like secret part of who
Speaker 2: we are locked in the back of our mind that
Speaker 2: I call our secret garden. And our secret garden is
Speaker 2: filled with the things that are special, unique, vulnerable, entirely ours.
Speaker 2: It could be, you know, the little hobby that you
Speaker 2: haven't told anybody about, the little passion project that is
Speaker 2: just yours. Your deep dives on Wikipedia, the poetry you
Speaker 2: write in your notes app the fact that you still
Speaker 2: love music from the early two thousands, the fact that
Speaker 2: actually you're a really good singer, you just don't sing
Speaker 2: in front of other people. That you can make us
Speaker 2: like a really good lasagna or a really good birthday cake.
Speaker 2: Those are parts of your secret garden. They are what
Speaker 2: makes it special, what makes us happy. And we need
Speaker 2: to spend time in that garden. We need to water it,
Speaker 2: we need to share it's kind of bounty with others.
Speaker 2: And you'll notice how much more alive and connected you
Speaker 2: feel when you spend less time looking over the fence
Speaker 2: at someone else's life and more time really like appreciating
Speaker 2: what you have and also just seeking to elevate that,
Speaker 2: seeking to be grateful, but also seeking to build it
Speaker 2: even further. Not for somebody else, not so that they
Speaker 2: think you're accomplished or cool or whatever it is, but
Speaker 2: because you actually want amazing things to come your way.
Speaker 2: You want a life that you feel happy with. You
Speaker 2: want your spark back, like that's the entire point of
Speaker 2: this episode. You want to feel like there is a
Speaker 2: fire that you have in your stomach for life. So
Speaker 2: I want to finish off by saying I'm really glad
Speaker 2: that you are here. If you're feeling this way, I
Speaker 2: feel you. I know this rut feels like it will
Speaker 2: last a lifetime, Like you'll never be that kind of
Speaker 2: fun person you were three, four, five years ago, and
Speaker 2: you know what, you probably won't be that person again,
Speaker 2: but you are discovering and building somebody better. You will
Speaker 2: feel excited by life again. You will fall back in
Speaker 2: love with yourself again. I just think that it requires
Speaker 2: a bit of a holistic change. It's really normal, I think,
Speaker 2: for us to find ourselves at this point of just
Speaker 2: like shallowness and hollowness and emptiness. That's kind of part
Speaker 2: of the journey, right. It's about rebuilding the things that
Speaker 2: we have perhaps been neglecting. It's about being kind of
Speaker 2: exhilarated by the mundane. It's about creating habits for your
Speaker 2: life that it's going to mean that you still feel
Speaker 2: vibrant and alive even if you're behind a desk working
Speaker 2: nine to five for the rest of your life, even
Speaker 2: if you're stressed, even if you're overwhelmed. There is so
Speaker 2: much more to life than commitment, so much more to
Speaker 2: life than responsibility, than what other people think, than what
Speaker 2: you even think. There's a lot of beauty hiding in
Speaker 2: I think the every day and hiding in our commitment
Speaker 2: and the love that we show ourselves that really sets
Speaker 2: us a light, that really sparks a fire in our
Speaker 2: belly to want to live successfully and beautifully and filled
Speaker 2: with joy. So I just really hope that you enjoyed
Speaker 2: this episode. I really hope that you've got something out
Speaker 2: of it. I really hope that you are like on
Speaker 2: your path to getting your spark back, whether you've lost
Speaker 2: it because of a breakup, because we've been burnt out,
Speaker 2: because of whatever it is, You'll find your way back,
Speaker 2: and I hope this will help you do that. If
Speaker 2: you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave us
Speaker 2: a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you
Speaker 2: are listening right now. I actually really enjoyed this. I'm
Speaker 2: going to be applying some of these strategies obviously I
Speaker 2: already do, but really trying to bring more of this
Speaker 2: into my life. I feel like I've lost my own way.
Speaker 2: A little bit happens to the best of us. Make
Speaker 2: sure that you are following us on Instagram, at that
Speaker 2: Psychology podcast or at Gemispeg if you want to see
Speaker 2: more behind the scenes content, see what's coming out. We
Speaker 2: actually have something really special coming out in the next month,
Speaker 2: So if you've made it this far, I guess you're
Speaker 2: the first to know. I'm not going to tell you
Speaker 2: exactly what it is, but keep your eyes peeled because yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm really excited about it, and I hope you are too.
Speaker 2: We will, of course, be back for another episode next week.
Speaker 2: Until then, be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself,
Speaker 2: and stay safe.