1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. 5 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 6 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 7 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here 8 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:38,720 Speaker 2: as always, back for another episode as we dive into 9 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:42,919 Speaker 2: the Psychology of our twenties. So I want to talk 10 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,520 Speaker 2: about something today that I have been struggling with recently. 11 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 2: You know, I'm just going to jump straight into the point. 12 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,560 Speaker 2: I don't know about you, but I have been really 13 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:58,320 Speaker 2: experiencing this strange sense of just dissatisfaction towards my life recently, 14 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 2: A lingering, kind of buzz seeing sense of exhaustion and aimlessness, 15 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 2: a kind of like a boredom when it comes to 16 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:12,040 Speaker 2: my interests, my future, my relationships, my health, my life 17 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 2: in general. It's been really bothering me, as someone who 18 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:18,760 Speaker 2: is very proactive when it comes to just like actually 19 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 2: enjoying my life. I like feeling excited about things, I 20 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 2: like feeling optimistic about the future, and that just hasn't 21 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 2: seemed to be the case recently, and I've been really 22 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:33,840 Speaker 2: looking into what it might be. The biggest thing for 23 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 2: me has been low energy, not being able to kind 24 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,760 Speaker 2: of show up in my friendships as I would like. 25 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 2: I cannot tell you the number of plans I've canceled 26 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 2: in the last three months, and I've kind of just 27 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 2: reached the conclusion that I've lost my spark a little bit. 28 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 2: I've lost the buzz, the love, the thrill for life. 29 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 2: And I don't think that I am the only one. 30 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 2: You know, our twenties come with a lot of expectations 31 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,280 Speaker 2: that are hard to ignore. There is so much hype 32 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,639 Speaker 2: around these being like the best years of your life, 33 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 2: filled with adventure and sleepless nights and random friendships and 34 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:15,959 Speaker 2: relationships and these warm, brilliant memories you'll get to look 35 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 2: back on for years to come. And I think maybe 36 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 2: this is what we would define as our spark, like 37 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 2: an enthusiasm to go out and grab life and to 38 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 2: be interested and interesting. Our spark is the thing that 39 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 2: kind of keeps us passionate about showing up in the world, 40 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 2: and it keeps us passionate about who we are and 41 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,960 Speaker 2: the experiences that we're having. It's what makes us inspired 42 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 2: and kind and engaged and motivated and present. But we 43 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 2: can't be that all the time. You can't really be 44 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 2: living in the golden bubble every minute of every day. 45 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 2: There will come a time, as I guess I'm experiencing 46 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,840 Speaker 2: right now as we speak, where the energy and the 47 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 2: excitement for life kind of dips. You become very detached 48 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 2: from that person that you love, that person that you 49 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 2: are at your core, and everything around you seems to 50 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 2: lose a bit of color. You lose that kind of 51 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 2: energy that you bring into conversations, that energy that you 52 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 2: bring into your daily life. And for me, I've been 53 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 2: really reflecting on this, and I've been thinking about the 54 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:27,800 Speaker 2: person I was three or four years ago who just 55 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 2: seems so in love with life, and really wondering where 56 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 2: she's gone, whether I can get her back, but also 57 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 2: whether I want her back or whether it's just a 58 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:42,040 Speaker 2: general disconnection. So we're going to talk about that today. 59 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,720 Speaker 2: I want to talk about why we lose our spark, 60 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 2: why it is such a common experience, the reasons behind that. 61 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 2: It may be burnout, it may have been a breakup, 62 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:57,640 Speaker 2: but then also six tips for regaining that motivation and 63 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 2: that love for life. Using your spark could be for 64 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 2: a number of reasons, but there are four main explanations 65 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 2: that I think stand out to me, especially in our twenties. 66 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 2: The first, the biggest one, really is burnout, pushing ourselves 67 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:17,719 Speaker 2: too hard for too long and ignoring the warning signs 68 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:22,040 Speaker 2: that we need rest and we need time to actually 69 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 2: process our lives, our emotions and all the activity that 70 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 2: is going on. We're seeing a lot of research that 71 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:33,160 Speaker 2: burnout is becoming a lot more common during this day 72 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:38,280 Speaker 2: and age, especially amongst people under the age of thirty. Now. 73 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 2: I think the reason for this is twofold Number one. 74 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 2: We're obviously quite new to the workplace, but also new 75 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,240 Speaker 2: to life. We don't really know or aren't able to 76 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 2: express our limits, our points of exhaustion. But secondly, I 77 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 2: think it's because of this expectation to be doing everything, 78 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:02,479 Speaker 2: to be constantly in always aiming for more. You have 79 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,040 Speaker 2: to be focused at school or in your job, whilst 80 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 2: also having a lot of fulfilling friendships and then hobbies 81 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 2: and a loving relationship and perfect physical and mental health, 82 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 2: whilst also been able to you know, juggle your family 83 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 2: and a side hustle and your own needs. If that 84 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 2: feels impossible to you. You are not the only one. 85 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:27,920 Speaker 2: Each of us has an individual threshold for how much stress, activity, 86 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 2: mental exhaustion that we can tolerate, and I think as 87 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 2: we slowly reach that threshold, we start sacrificing elements of 88 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,159 Speaker 2: our wellbeing to keep up with what is expected of 89 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 2: us and what we expect from ourselves, and that includes 90 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 2: very tangible things like sleep, self care, exercise, down time. 91 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 2: Those are normally the first things to go when we're 92 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:57,359 Speaker 2: burnt out, and also more in tangible things like mental rest, 93 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:03,200 Speaker 2: thinking time, a space for imagination and creativity. You need 94 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 2: all of these things to keep your spark alight. It's 95 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:10,280 Speaker 2: hard to prioritize the things that make you excited for life, 96 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 2: the small joys, or even the energy for the big things, 97 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 2: if you are struggling with prolonged, prolonged exhaustion, prolonged fatigue, 98 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 2: burnout from a lack of work life balance, or kind 99 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:28,920 Speaker 2: of academic or personal overload. We are seeing so much 100 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 2: of this recently, and it also is demonstrating a lot 101 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 2: of links to an increased vulnerability to illness, increased feelings 102 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:42,479 Speaker 2: of pessimism, inadequacy, none of which I think seem to 103 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,279 Speaker 2: go hand in hand with feeling like yourself or feeling 104 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 2: like your spark is a light and alive. So the 105 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 2: second factor that I think contributes to losing our spark 106 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:58,359 Speaker 2: is a lingering or pre existent mental health disorder or 107 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 2: challenge that may be getting out of control or becoming 108 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:08,039 Speaker 2: a little bit unmanageable, whether that is anxiety depression, ADHD, 109 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 2: some other condition. When it impacts our cognitions, our mood, 110 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 2: our emotions, this condition is going to impact our so 111 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:23,200 Speaker 2: called spark and most importantly, our way of relating to 112 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 2: the world. So many factors impact this, and sometimes there 113 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 2: really isn't an explanation for why your mental health is 114 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,679 Speaker 2: suddenly not as good. But I don't think anyone really 115 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 2: talks about how physically tiring it is to have to 116 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 2: put one hundred percent of your energy into just convincing 117 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 2: yourself to do even the smallest of tasks. I think 118 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:49,480 Speaker 2: maintaining your spark and all the activities that promote this 119 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 2: part of you is a luxury when you're just trying 120 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 2: to get by day by day. The third contributing factor 121 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 2: I think is not spending enough time with your own 122 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 2: thoughts or from a place of external validation. I think 123 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 2: when we live for others, how are we really meant 124 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 2: to pull from that internal source of meaning and passion 125 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 2: and mission. How are we meant to feel like ourselves 126 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 2: when we are engaging in extreme people pleasing, when we 127 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 2: do feel unnecessarily guilty for other people's emotions or feelings, 128 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 2: when we say yes when we really want to say no, 129 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 2: when we have no social boundaries, when we take on others' 130 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,679 Speaker 2: opinions or try and impress people at the expense of 131 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:37,320 Speaker 2: our own mental health. If our spark is cultivated from 132 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 2: our own internal mental energy source from being connected and 133 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 2: attached and knowledgeable about who we are, when all of 134 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 2: that time is devoted to thinking about others, that part 135 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 2: of us becomes neglected. And the final factor, this one 136 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 2: is a little bit different from what we've just spoken about, 137 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 2: but it is the end of a relationship. I really 138 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 2: do see that as a catalyst for losing a little 139 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:09,120 Speaker 2: bit of your passion and your just your passion and 140 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 2: your love for who you are, and your love for 141 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 2: life and the energy that you bring into literally just 142 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:23,000 Speaker 2: your daily activities. So when we lose a relationship, whether 143 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 2: that is with a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a 144 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 2: really close friend that creates a massive shift in us. 145 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 2: It is a complete severance from part of ourselves that 146 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 2: was connected to this other person. It would often, I 147 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 2: would say, also trigger a really significant dip in self esteem, 148 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,959 Speaker 2: feeling very lost because we attach so much of our 149 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 2: identity to those we love. You know, they hold us up, 150 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,400 Speaker 2: they make us feel seen, they bear witness to our lives. 151 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 2: But they can also, I think, cause us a lot 152 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 2: of heartache and a lot of disruption when relationships like 153 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 2: this end, often because there comes a moment of complacency. 154 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,680 Speaker 2: So I think when we are in a long term relationship, 155 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 2: or we are in this long term dependent friendship, sometimes 156 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,440 Speaker 2: we become very It becomes very easy to just fall 157 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 2: into only seeing them, to only hanging out with them, 158 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 2: to sitting watching TV with them, to not exploring other 159 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 2: parts of you. So when that relationship suddenly ends, you 160 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:34,319 Speaker 2: kind of experience an emotional vacuum where you have incidentally, 161 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:39,439 Speaker 2: accidentally involuntarily given up parts of you for this relationship, 162 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,680 Speaker 2: for the ease of this relationship, And when you come 163 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,200 Speaker 2: out of it, you don't really know who you are, 164 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 2: You don't really know what the future holds, you don't 165 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:53,960 Speaker 2: really know what it means to be you without them, 166 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 2: and I think that is a huge catalyst, As I said, 167 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 2: for feeling a sense of dislocation and disconnection from what 168 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 2: makes you you and from your spark. It also just 169 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,559 Speaker 2: reveals so much about what we have perhaps been neglecting 170 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 2: in our lives, the parts of ourselves that have become 171 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 2: secondary behind the relationship. Maybe one of these explanations, one 172 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 2: of these situations is calling to you. You can really 173 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,480 Speaker 2: see yourself in these examples. Maybe you just feel like 174 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 2: there's just something missing. None of these really apply. There's 175 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:32,800 Speaker 2: just a genuine lack lack of sense of effort to 176 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,839 Speaker 2: be put into your life. It doesn't really matter, because 177 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 2: I think that what is most important here is that 178 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:41,240 Speaker 2: right now you are having this experience that makes you 179 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 2: feel like your life is less than optimal and that 180 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,319 Speaker 2: there is something that you're missing out on and missing 181 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 2: out of getting from your life. So I'm going to 182 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:56,320 Speaker 2: talk about six research based tips to get your spark back, 183 00:11:56,559 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 2: starting with the most simple but the most important. After 184 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 2: this short break, you need to replenish your body and 185 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,079 Speaker 2: your mind before you can start building back your interest 186 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 2: in life. That is why the biggest thing for getting 187 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 2: your spark back is prioritizing rest. It sounds so simple, 188 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 2: but we really don't acknowledge how much of a difference 189 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 2: a good night's sleep or a week off can be 190 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 2: for resetting our body, especially when this becomes a practice 191 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:34,200 Speaker 2: of scheduling time to do nothing, of scheduling time to 192 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 2: just relax in your body, in your mind, and be present. 193 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 2: When you've pushed yourself to this cliff edge of complete exhaustion, 194 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 2: you reach a point of internal disharmony whereby your body 195 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:51,679 Speaker 2: will literally start to shut down due to ongoing chronic stress. 196 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,160 Speaker 2: That doesn't sound optimal, and it certainly doesn't help with 197 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 2: getting your spark back. Sometimes we think that we need 198 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 2: to be doing more to be more, but it's actually 199 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 2: quite the opposite. The people who know themselves the best 200 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 2: and get the most out of life, of those who 201 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:13,440 Speaker 2: realize the value in giving their brain and their body, 202 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:18,560 Speaker 2: even their soul time to replenish. If you've lost your spark, 203 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,440 Speaker 2: you need to start by reintroducing rest back into your life, 204 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,720 Speaker 2: and this includes by doing things like taking your sick 205 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,439 Speaker 2: days when you need them without feeling like you need 206 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 2: to justify it. Being okay with saying no to plans 207 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:35,920 Speaker 2: to just chill at home, giving yourself a day every 208 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 2: now and again, to just do nothing. It's those slow 209 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,560 Speaker 2: moments that our brain finally gets to switch off, and 210 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 2: you'll really be surprised about how much comes up for you, 211 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:51,680 Speaker 2: how many ideas, plans for the future, helpful thoughts arise 212 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 2: because you finally have space to hold them, in space 213 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 2: to process them. I really do understand that it's actually 214 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,560 Speaker 2: quite hard to do that and accept that you need 215 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:04,440 Speaker 2: to slow down. We feel a lot of guilt towards 216 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:08,720 Speaker 2: rest because of the societal association with laziness. If you 217 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 2: are not pushing yourself one hundred percent of the time, 218 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:14,679 Speaker 2: if you don't want to do it all, it's because 219 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 2: you just lack discipline. It's because you're just lazy, rather 220 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:24,240 Speaker 2: than actually listening to your body and recognizing that this 221 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 2: is actually more efficient. I think these attitudes are especially 222 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,880 Speaker 2: pervasive if you're an overachiever, or if you put a 223 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 2: lot of worth into your external achievements. Resetting your attitude 224 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 2: towards rest kind of means unlearning everything that brings you 225 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:47,320 Speaker 2: a sense of personal fulfillment or satisfaction, like your achievements, 226 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,680 Speaker 2: like being somebody who can push themselves being somebody who 227 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 2: enjoys the urgency of exhaustion. That is just not sustainable, though, 228 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 2: and it causes you to neglect the parts of you 229 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,600 Speaker 2: that you need for that your future self really needs, 230 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 2: you know, it needs you to stay strong and to 231 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:08,000 Speaker 2: stay healthy. Your soul, your sense of self needs you 232 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 2: to actually stop and pause and focus on who you 233 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 2: are and what you're getting out of life. I think 234 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 2: rest also just really increases our capacity for self awareness. 235 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 2: It improves our empathy, it improves our ability to imagine 236 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 2: the future. So I think that it gives us a 237 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:30,280 Speaker 2: real creative and perspective vision for who we are and 238 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,480 Speaker 2: what we want, and in turn really gives us our 239 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 2: life back. So my second tip for getting your spark 240 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 2: back is to shift from a passive agent to an 241 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 2: active agent in your life. So often the reason we 242 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:47,120 Speaker 2: lose our spark is because we settle into living as 243 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 2: though we are on autopilot. I want you to pause 244 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:54,720 Speaker 2: and think, whether that's you. Things happen to us, life 245 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 2: happens to us. We just kind of accept that that's 246 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 2: the way it is. We aren't doing much steering when 247 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 2: it comes to our decisions to what might make us 248 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 2: happier to avoiding or changing circumstances that are depleting us, 249 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 2: and it is a lot easier to live life this way. 250 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,840 Speaker 2: It's really tiring to have to wake up each moment 251 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 2: and live with the fact that you are creating your reality, 252 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 2: that you are creating your future. You are in control, 253 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 2: you have agency. Because that kind of awareness of your 254 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 2: responsibility is naturally more effort, right, It takes a lot 255 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 2: more from you. But I honestly believe that that expenditure 256 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 2: of effort pays off in its thousands and becomes easier, 257 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,880 Speaker 2: becomes less taxing when we adjust to a way of 258 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 2: living that actually gives us what we want in the 259 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:50,120 Speaker 2: long term, rather than like the instant gratifications more pleasures 260 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 2: in the short term. It's so much more exhausting living 261 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 2: every day at sixty percent and dragging the other forty 262 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 2: percent behind you than at one hundred percent and seeing 263 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,200 Speaker 2: yourself really have purpose and passionately come back into your life, 264 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,119 Speaker 2: getting your spark back. Now, this isn't to say that 265 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,160 Speaker 2: you should be working harder, doing more one hundred percent effort, 266 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:14,040 Speaker 2: one hundred percent energy all the time, right, because I 267 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 2: think that is a contribution to pure exhaustion, which we 268 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 2: know is a contributor to burnout. Rather, it's about choosing 269 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:27,320 Speaker 2: to live light versus live heavy. When we live heavy, 270 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:34,840 Speaker 2: we kind of borrow effort and time from our future selves. 271 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,400 Speaker 2: I'm going to explain this a little bit more. When 272 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,679 Speaker 2: you don't make active choices about what's going to make 273 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,399 Speaker 2: your life better, whether that is choosing to fuel your 274 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 2: body in a way that feels good, choosing to rest 275 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,879 Speaker 2: when you need, choosing to turn off your screen before 276 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 2: bed even though you want to scroll for a few 277 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 2: more minutes, choosing to keep good company. You transfer all 278 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 2: of those decisions into your future as consequences. In the 279 00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 2: short term, you got to live light because you made 280 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 2: the easiest decision to stay in bed rather than work 281 00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 2: out or see friends, to spend that extra thirty minutes 282 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 2: on your phone in bed rather than reading a book, 283 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,600 Speaker 2: to sacrifice your sleep, to put things off when they 284 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,920 Speaker 2: would seriously only take about five minutes, you're stealing joy 285 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:18,960 Speaker 2: from your future self and contributing to exhaustion by taking 286 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,200 Speaker 2: what seems like the easier route, but in the long 287 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,600 Speaker 2: term is the harder route. I think good practices, fulfilling 288 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 2: life habits are tiring, but they do actually give you 289 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,760 Speaker 2: a sense of control over your life and give you 290 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 2: a sense that you actually get to do the things 291 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,120 Speaker 2: you want to do and create a life you want 292 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:40,439 Speaker 2: to live, and actually create meaning within that life, meaning 293 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,159 Speaker 2: that when you show up every single day, when you 294 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,919 Speaker 2: wake up, you have the energy in the space to 295 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,880 Speaker 2: be yourself, to show love to yourself, to get your 296 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:53,720 Speaker 2: spark back by actively engaging in decisions that are all 297 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 2: devoted to bettering you and to making your life easier. 298 00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 2: I think, at the end of the day, what this 299 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:03,520 Speaker 2: shift from passive to active entails is noticing the things 300 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,480 Speaker 2: that deplete your energy versus create energy for you. Things 301 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 2: that unsettle you versus comfort you. Things that make you fatigued, 302 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 2: make you tired, make you sad, versus things that make 303 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:18,439 Speaker 2: you energized and excited and joyful. That's the first step. 304 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 2: I think the second step really consciously choosing the alternative 305 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:28,160 Speaker 2: to those energy takers in your life. You typically, I think, 306 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 2: see a difficulty curve co here. For example, if your 307 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:36,359 Speaker 2: big thing for making your life easier or living life 308 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 2: is choosing to do a creative project before bed rather 309 00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 2: than just mindlessly watch TV. It's always going to be 310 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 2: hard at the beginning, because I think that we become 311 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:54,360 Speaker 2: very adjusted and very comfortable in what is familiar and 312 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:58,040 Speaker 2: what is easy, and any shift or change to that 313 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:02,200 Speaker 2: kind of life structure, life routine, it's going to disrupt 314 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 2: that norm. But over time, as you adjust, you'll see 315 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:10,320 Speaker 2: that it becomes a lot more kind of habitual and 316 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,679 Speaker 2: automatic to do the thing that is best for you 317 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,000 Speaker 2: and to do the thing that helps you get your 318 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,639 Speaker 2: spark back. That the thing that really involves showing yourself 319 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 2: a lot of radical self compassion by not giving into 320 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:26,040 Speaker 2: your immediate ons but focusing on your long term wellbeing. 321 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 2: My next tip is perhaps my favorite, and this involves 322 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 2: getting back to that place of passion, interest, and joy 323 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 2: in life by creating excitement in the mundane. The biggest 324 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 2: thing that gets me back in touch with my true 325 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:43,440 Speaker 2: self time and time again is looking for joy rather 326 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:46,919 Speaker 2: than looking for things to complain about, actively searching for 327 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,960 Speaker 2: things that make me happy and elated or surprised or 328 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 2: grateful to be human rather than always buying into my 329 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:58,080 Speaker 2: negativity bias. And I do this by connecting with my 330 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 2: inner child and getting back to al of childhood wonder 331 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 2: and curiosity. Your inner child is the most alive version 332 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,679 Speaker 2: of you. There is the least uninhibited, the most excited, 333 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,119 Speaker 2: And I think it's one of the saddest things about 334 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,800 Speaker 2: getting older is finding that everything becomes a lot more gray, 335 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,199 Speaker 2: that there is a certain glimmer that we lose that 336 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,399 Speaker 2: feels like we can't get back. But I think that 337 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,640 Speaker 2: we can. We can read, We can achieve that sense 338 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,280 Speaker 2: of wonder that we had when we were younger by 339 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:36,399 Speaker 2: looking for things to be amazed about rather than things 340 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:40,159 Speaker 2: to be disappointed over. You know, the leaves changing color, 341 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 2: the cat you see every day on your walk to 342 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 2: work eating a really tasty pastry or a tasty piece 343 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,240 Speaker 2: of fruit, smiling at a stranger having them smile back, 344 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:54,400 Speaker 2: like your favorite artist playing over the radio at the supermarket, 345 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:58,119 Speaker 2: a cool bug on a tree singing along to like 346 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:01,879 Speaker 2: the opening track of your favorite TV show. Joy really 347 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:06,080 Speaker 2: is everywhere, and it's a strange feeling because it's one 348 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,719 Speaker 2: of the few emotions that when you search for it, 349 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,840 Speaker 2: you'll notice that it wants you to find it, right 350 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,600 Speaker 2: Like if you look for happiness, you can't always find it, 351 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,359 Speaker 2: but if you look for joy, you most certainly will, 352 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 2: as you kind of train yourself to look for awe 353 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 2: and to discover joy. You also begin to notice that 354 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:29,120 Speaker 2: your thoughts and cognitions begin to transform and become more positive, 355 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:33,399 Speaker 2: and you slowly get that glow and appreciation for life back. 356 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,240 Speaker 2: Another part of getting in touch with your inner child 357 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 2: is allowing yourself to be playful. Play is honestly so 358 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:42,960 Speaker 2: much fun. That's like the whole point, right to just 359 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 2: be free of everything else that's hanging over you, and 360 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,920 Speaker 2: to get into your body, to get into your joy, 361 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 2: to get into the moment. And studies have really shown 362 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,880 Speaker 2: that play in adulthood lets us act in a way 363 00:22:55,880 --> 00:23:00,119 Speaker 2: that is unstructured and creative, and it reduces stress love. 364 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 2: It increases creativity, of course, along with the number of 365 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,160 Speaker 2: neural connections we have in our brain, because we engage 366 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 2: in different kinds of activities that use different parts of 367 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,480 Speaker 2: our brain that normally don't talk to each other. Anything 368 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:21,280 Speaker 2: you do recreationally that brings you joy or excitement counts 369 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,560 Speaker 2: as play. You know, it could be a video game, 370 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,679 Speaker 2: It could be playing sport, especially if it's social sport. 371 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,440 Speaker 2: Could be writing little poems in your spare time, painting, 372 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 2: I don't know, trampolining, literally going on the public swing 373 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 2: at like your local park, going for a swim at 374 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:43,159 Speaker 2: the beach. That is play, and it once again is 375 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,639 Speaker 2: an avenue for joy to enter your life and to 376 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:53,080 Speaker 2: keep you feeling like wonderful and curious and engaged in 377 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 2: your environment and your surroundings, rather than kind of stuck 378 00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,560 Speaker 2: behind like a glass wall of negativity, feeling like you're 379 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,600 Speaker 2: watching your life go by and you're not able to 380 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,960 Speaker 2: reach out and touch it. I think reconnecting with that 381 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 2: childlike version of you is a wonderful diversion from all 382 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 2: the stresses and responsibilities that do keep us disconnected, because 383 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,800 Speaker 2: it lets us slip back into a perspective that is 384 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 2: so uninhibited, that is so care free, that is so 385 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:23,879 Speaker 2: just like energized for life. I really really implore you 386 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,480 Speaker 2: to try it, even if you feel embarrassed or you 387 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:30,240 Speaker 2: feel cringe. It's not about what other people think. It's 388 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 2: about what's going to leave you feeling your best. I 389 00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,359 Speaker 2: think the main thing here is that getting your spark 390 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,880 Speaker 2: back after it's bin dulled isn't all internal. It's also 391 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:44,920 Speaker 2: about the external environment you create for yourself. I think 392 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,399 Speaker 2: partially what losing your love and energy for life comes 393 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:52,159 Speaker 2: down to, is a lack of inspiration is feeling stuck 394 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,440 Speaker 2: in the norm and not having new thoughts, not having 395 00:24:55,480 --> 00:25:00,240 Speaker 2: new beliefs, not experiencing new sensations, new interests. Think you 396 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 2: just become very much numb and shut down. When life 397 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 2: starts to feel plain and colorless. That is an invitation 398 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,760 Speaker 2: for you to add some color back in by keeping 399 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:21,159 Speaker 2: yourself inspired. And I love doing this by consuming content media, books, articles, music, 400 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:26,720 Speaker 2: anything that gets your brain working and thinking and firing differently. 401 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,720 Speaker 2: Start your morning off, you know, with a ted talk 402 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 2: instead of social media, with five minutes of meditation, instead 403 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,639 Speaker 2: of doom scrolling with energetic music. Have like a wild 404 00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 2: dance in your bathroom in the morning. Make that part 405 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:45,359 Speaker 2: of your routine. Listen to podcasts like this one, or 406 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,240 Speaker 2: subscribe to like a new site like The New York 407 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,040 Speaker 2: Times or The Atlantic that is five dollars a month 408 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 2: for priceless access to a world that feels a lot 409 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 2: more expensive than your day to day life, to hearing 410 00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,760 Speaker 2: about what everyone's doing across the globe. I also want 411 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,680 Speaker 2: to recommend a book here that I think is invaluable 412 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:05,800 Speaker 2: when you're feeling like you're in a bit of a 413 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:11,080 Speaker 2: sparkless Rut. The book is called The Alchemist. I'm sure 414 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,879 Speaker 2: a lot of you have heard about this before. It 415 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:17,400 Speaker 2: is so widely read and known for good reason, because 416 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,240 Speaker 2: even if you're not like a big reader, this novel 417 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:28,720 Speaker 2: offers such a simple, digestible, inspiring kind of folk story 418 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 2: about getting more out of your life, about getting more 419 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:35,919 Speaker 2: out of your dreams, out of yourself, and refocusing on 420 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:40,320 Speaker 2: your purpose on your drive. I think that's something that 421 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,920 Speaker 2: we lose as life gets harder, as we get older, 422 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,479 Speaker 2: we get stuck in our routines, and of course we 423 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,159 Speaker 2: lose house Park. So I read this book in like 424 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 2: one or two sittings a few years back, and I 425 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 2: just started rereading it, and it's incredibly ie opening. Even 426 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,960 Speaker 2: if you've read it before, honestly read it again because 427 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 2: the message, I think, becomes different the older you get. 428 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:06,080 Speaker 2: You interpret it differently, And I think it's really valuable 429 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:10,439 Speaker 2: to seek inspiration from other people's ideas and their articulation 430 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,880 Speaker 2: of their mission and their and kind of how they 431 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,680 Speaker 2: see the world, whether that is the same or different 432 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,160 Speaker 2: to your own. At least it challenges you to think 433 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:23,359 Speaker 2: about your life differently. In fact, I think obviously you 434 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,399 Speaker 2: know reading a book is not a huge task. Expanding 435 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,880 Speaker 2: the media you consume is mine and listening to ted 436 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:34,159 Speaker 2: Talks is pretty easy. Seeing joy in your life is 437 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,120 Speaker 2: not that hard. You really only need to pick out 438 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,960 Speaker 2: like three things a day. And I really think that 439 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,720 Speaker 2: all of these things, the reason why they're so powerful 440 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:46,600 Speaker 2: is because, time and time again, they make you actually 441 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:51,439 Speaker 2: engage with what's around you. They make you engage with 442 00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:56,159 Speaker 2: your thoughts, with your life, rather than sitting in the 443 00:27:56,200 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 2: passenger seat. If you've lost your spa, I would really 444 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 2: encourage you to reflect on whether the life you're currently 445 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:09,040 Speaker 2: living actually provides you with an opportunity to be in 446 00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:12,720 Speaker 2: touch with life, to be alive. Routine is really great 447 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:16,479 Speaker 2: for creating structure and bringing order and productivity into our lives, 448 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,040 Speaker 2: but that is not what life is. Life is what 449 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:23,520 Speaker 2: happens around that. Life is what is spontaneous and thrilling 450 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,280 Speaker 2: and what gives you new stories and new feelings and 451 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,439 Speaker 2: new energy. So I would also say break out of 452 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:33,160 Speaker 2: the monotony by really challenging yourself to do one new 453 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:37,400 Speaker 2: thing this week, one new thing every week, even if 454 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,640 Speaker 2: that's alone, a new gym class, a new part of 455 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,200 Speaker 2: the city, to explore, a new dish that you're going 456 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,360 Speaker 2: to cook for yourself. New things are good for our 457 00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:51,880 Speaker 2: emotional health because it actually really opens up our mind, 458 00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 2: I think, to the possibility of more like They've done 459 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,680 Speaker 2: research on this, and the happiest people are those who 460 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:05,000 Speaker 2: really expose themself to new things, who challenge the norm 461 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:09,880 Speaker 2: who challenge their brains to think about things differently. Because 462 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:15,200 Speaker 2: novelty also introduces excitement. There is a really great article 463 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 2: by Psychology Today that puts it like this, when we 464 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:22,880 Speaker 2: try something new, this actually opens up the possibility for 465 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:27,440 Speaker 2: you to enjoy something new. There have been entire careers, 466 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:31,800 Speaker 2: entire life paths carved out by people dipping their baby 467 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:36,160 Speaker 2: toes into small ponds and suddenly discovering a love for 468 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 2: something they had no idea would capture their imaginations. It 469 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:43,880 Speaker 2: forces you to grow, It forces you to choose to 470 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:49,400 Speaker 2: live by kind of living heavy, and I think that 471 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,040 Speaker 2: you just bear witness to the parts of your identity 472 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:56,440 Speaker 2: that are allowed to kind of flourish in those moments 473 00:29:56,480 --> 00:30:01,400 Speaker 2: where life isn't like easy, life isn't famili The moment 474 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,200 Speaker 2: that you're in you might not be comfortable, but it's 475 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,800 Speaker 2: there that your spark really returns because you have to 476 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,880 Speaker 2: rely on yourself and you have to really pull from 477 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:16,840 Speaker 2: this pool of just innate joy and energy and capability. 478 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,200 Speaker 2: I think is a better way to put it. All, Right, 479 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,000 Speaker 2: I have two final tips for you, and we're going 480 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,840 Speaker 2: to keep them short and sweet. The first is to 481 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:28,200 Speaker 2: be practicing some form of movement every day. Now, this 482 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 2: is not movement to lose weight, it's not movement to 483 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 2: get fitter, it's not for a beauty standard, but it's 484 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,920 Speaker 2: because of what it will do for your brain. Now, 485 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 2: I really despise when people say that exercises some like 486 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:44,440 Speaker 2: magical cure for mental health problems. That's literally bullshit. But 487 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 2: we are seeing research that shows how protective physical activity 488 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:53,240 Speaker 2: is for these kinds of ruts or periods of depletion 489 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:57,120 Speaker 2: we might find ourselves in. There's actually a really special 490 00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:00,760 Speaker 2: research project that was conducted in Australia by the University 491 00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 2: of Sydney, literally down the road from where I am 492 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:07,400 Speaker 2: right now, and it published findings that unstructured dance, so 493 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,800 Speaker 2: not dance for the purpose of exercise, even for getting 494 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,480 Speaker 2: your heart rate up. Literally just dancing around your living room, 495 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,280 Speaker 2: dancing around wherever you are is actually one of the 496 00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,160 Speaker 2: best things you can do for your brain and mental 497 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 2: well being. Besides that, exercise boosts mental energy, it boosts motivation. 498 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 2: Those are two things that are really crucial for getting 499 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:34,960 Speaker 2: our spark back. I think it's especially impactful and special 500 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 2: if you find time to move in nature. There is 501 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:44,000 Speaker 2: a whole field of research called ecopsychology that talks about 502 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:48,160 Speaker 2: how spending time outdoors promotes how we feel about ourselves 503 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 2: and our lives and the attitudes we bring into our 504 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,720 Speaker 2: day to day. You probably already know this without me 505 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 2: needing to tell you. You know, just think about how 506 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,720 Speaker 2: good you feel after you take a swim in the ocean. 507 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 2: Have you ever felt bad after a swim in the ocean, 508 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,960 Speaker 2: after a hike, after you walked by the creek near 509 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:10,120 Speaker 2: your house. That's where humans are meant to be. So 510 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:14,320 Speaker 2: it's no wonder that we're losing our vibrancy and our 511 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:17,800 Speaker 2: spark and our love for life when we are living 512 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,360 Speaker 2: in a world that is focused on keeping us inside. 513 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,800 Speaker 2: I think nature provides a lot of healing in that sense, 514 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:30,320 Speaker 2: for reconnecting ourselves with what it truly means to be human, 515 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,840 Speaker 2: what it truly means to be alive in our bodies. 516 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:37,280 Speaker 2: How capable our bodies are, how much feeling our bodies 517 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:41,800 Speaker 2: can hold, that spark that is spark right there, embracing 518 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:45,320 Speaker 2: what makes us wild, embracing the beauty of the outdoors, 519 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,520 Speaker 2: the beauty of what comes from that, and kind of 520 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,280 Speaker 2: watching how you're I don't know, it just instantly fills 521 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:54,320 Speaker 2: up your cup and it keeps it full for days, 522 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:59,000 Speaker 2: even weeks after. A final tip, I think, try to 523 00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:02,280 Speaker 2: spend less time thinking about what others have that you don't, 524 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 2: and think about everything that is wonderful about your life 525 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,960 Speaker 2: and what you have. What are your own secret gardens? 526 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:11,160 Speaker 2: I speak about this a lot, but this is a 527 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,520 Speaker 2: concept I came up with while back that essentially says, 528 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,440 Speaker 2: each of us has this like secret part of who 529 00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,840 Speaker 2: we are locked in the back of our mind that 530 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,960 Speaker 2: I call our secret garden. And our secret garden is 531 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:28,040 Speaker 2: filled with the things that are special, unique, vulnerable, entirely ours. 532 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 2: It could be, you know, the little hobby that you 533 00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:36,920 Speaker 2: haven't told anybody about, the little passion project that is 534 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:41,440 Speaker 2: just yours. Your deep dives on Wikipedia, the poetry you 535 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:44,280 Speaker 2: write in your notes app the fact that you still 536 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,160 Speaker 2: love music from the early two thousands, the fact that 537 00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 2: actually you're a really good singer, you just don't sing 538 00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,360 Speaker 2: in front of other people. That you can make us 539 00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,240 Speaker 2: like a really good lasagna or a really good birthday cake. 540 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,880 Speaker 2: Those are parts of your secret garden. They are what 541 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:03,640 Speaker 2: makes it special, what makes us happy. And we need 542 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,800 Speaker 2: to spend time in that garden. We need to water it, 543 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:09,560 Speaker 2: we need to share it's kind of bounty with others. 544 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,799 Speaker 2: And you'll notice how much more alive and connected you 545 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:18,000 Speaker 2: feel when you spend less time looking over the fence 546 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:22,840 Speaker 2: at someone else's life and more time really like appreciating 547 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,839 Speaker 2: what you have and also just seeking to elevate that, 548 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,520 Speaker 2: seeking to be grateful, but also seeking to build it 549 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:33,960 Speaker 2: even further. Not for somebody else, not so that they 550 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:38,120 Speaker 2: think you're accomplished or cool or whatever it is, but 551 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:41,759 Speaker 2: because you actually want amazing things to come your way. 552 00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,839 Speaker 2: You want a life that you feel happy with. You 553 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:47,799 Speaker 2: want your spark back, like that's the entire point of 554 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,920 Speaker 2: this episode. You want to feel like there is a 555 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:54,080 Speaker 2: fire that you have in your stomach for life. So 556 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,880 Speaker 2: I want to finish off by saying I'm really glad 557 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,640 Speaker 2: that you are here. If you're feeling this way, I 558 00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,560 Speaker 2: feel you. I know this rut feels like it will 559 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:05,719 Speaker 2: last a lifetime, Like you'll never be that kind of 560 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:09,759 Speaker 2: fun person you were three, four, five years ago, and 561 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,760 Speaker 2: you know what, you probably won't be that person again, 562 00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:15,480 Speaker 2: but you are discovering and building somebody better. You will 563 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,719 Speaker 2: feel excited by life again. You will fall back in 564 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:22,360 Speaker 2: love with yourself again. I just think that it requires 565 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,600 Speaker 2: a bit of a holistic change. It's really normal, I think, 566 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:29,000 Speaker 2: for us to find ourselves at this point of just 567 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:32,759 Speaker 2: like shallowness and hollowness and emptiness. That's kind of part 568 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,799 Speaker 2: of the journey, right. It's about rebuilding the things that 569 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:40,799 Speaker 2: we have perhaps been neglecting. It's about being kind of 570 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:44,880 Speaker 2: exhilarated by the mundane. It's about creating habits for your 571 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,160 Speaker 2: life that it's going to mean that you still feel 572 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,600 Speaker 2: vibrant and alive even if you're behind a desk working 573 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,200 Speaker 2: nine to five for the rest of your life, even 574 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,840 Speaker 2: if you're stressed, even if you're overwhelmed. There is so 575 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,880 Speaker 2: much more to life than commitment, so much more to 576 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:05,200 Speaker 2: life than responsibility, than what other people think, than what 577 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,080 Speaker 2: you even think. There's a lot of beauty hiding in 578 00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,480 Speaker 2: I think the every day and hiding in our commitment 579 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,040 Speaker 2: and the love that we show ourselves that really sets 580 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 2: us a light, that really sparks a fire in our 581 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:21,280 Speaker 2: belly to want to live successfully and beautifully and filled 582 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:26,719 Speaker 2: with joy. So I just really hope that you enjoyed 583 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:30,279 Speaker 2: this episode. I really hope that you've got something out 584 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,719 Speaker 2: of it. I really hope that you are like on 585 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,080 Speaker 2: your path to getting your spark back, whether you've lost 586 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,880 Speaker 2: it because of a breakup, because we've been burnt out, 587 00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:42,280 Speaker 2: because of whatever it is, You'll find your way back, 588 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,960 Speaker 2: and I hope this will help you do that. If 589 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 2: you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave us 590 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:52,239 Speaker 2: a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you 591 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:55,520 Speaker 2: are listening right now. I actually really enjoyed this. I'm 592 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:58,160 Speaker 2: going to be applying some of these strategies obviously I 593 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:01,120 Speaker 2: already do, but really trying to bring more of this 594 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,600 Speaker 2: into my life. I feel like I've lost my own way. 595 00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,520 Speaker 2: A little bit happens to the best of us. Make 596 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,680 Speaker 2: sure that you are following us on Instagram, at that 597 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:12,600 Speaker 2: Psychology podcast or at Gemispeg if you want to see 598 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:16,359 Speaker 2: more behind the scenes content, see what's coming out. We 599 00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:20,080 Speaker 2: actually have something really special coming out in the next month, 600 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:23,879 Speaker 2: So if you've made it this far, I guess you're 601 00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:25,560 Speaker 2: the first to know. I'm not going to tell you 602 00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:31,000 Speaker 2: exactly what it is, but keep your eyes peeled because yeah, 603 00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,120 Speaker 2: I'm really excited about it, and I hope you are too. 604 00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:36,960 Speaker 2: We will, of course, be back for another episode next week. 605 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,480 Speaker 2: Until then, be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself, 606 00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:47,319 Speaker 2: and stay safe.