WEBVTT - Turkey Talk 0:00:00.640 --> 0:00:05.280 Kabooms. If you thought four hours a day dred minutes 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:08.520 a week was enough, I think again. He's the last 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:12.240 remnants of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:15.320 He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:19.560 the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:23.360 hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour 0:00:23.520 --> 0:00:33.920 with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere. 0:00:33.960 --> 0:00:38.120 Back at it on a Saturday, the weekend before the 0:00:38.120 --> 0:00:45.120 big Thanksgiving weekend in the Magic Podcast studio. Yes, four 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:49.479 hours a night are not enough. We do this eight 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:54.240 days a week. I know. It's amazing. It's amazing. So 0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:58.200 on this edition of The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller, 0:00:58.360 --> 0:01:02.120 we have a staple of the holiday season, something that 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:05.600 I knew three times a year. I do it on 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:10.360 terrestrial radio, but I'm using it now on the podcast 0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:14.160 because I thought I'd be ahead of the game on 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:18.120 the podcast. And we will take a trip on the 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:23.360 lazy River of sports talk radio, the lazy River of 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:26.520 sports talk radio. We also have the screw job. We 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:31.119 look forward to that. A gassy mass, a gassy mass, 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:37.280 and we will get scientifical, assuming we have the time 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:41.640 remaining the allotted time in this edition of the Fifth Hour, 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:46.360 We thank you for finding this podcast. Has there been 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:51.480 a new co host named? No, uh, there is not 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:55.080 a new a co host, but there is supposed to 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:57.640 be movement in that direction. I have a pretty good 0:01:57.640 --> 0:02:01.880 idea of who the person will will be. And I 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:04.640 know there's a lot of drama and a lot of 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:07.160 people wondering is it gonna be somebody that we know, 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:10.320 is it gonna be somebody new? Is it gonna be 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:14.600 a big shocker surprise motherfucker. Well you're gonna have to 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:18.720 wait and find out. I cannot give that information out 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:23.200 because the agreement has not been made, at least not official, 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:27.639 official official, But once it's official, and then we go 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:32.800 into the verbal octagon, which is the fifth Hour, and 0:02:33.240 --> 0:02:36.799 watch out. So we will have that information coming up 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:39.400 as soon as we are allowed to give out the name, 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:43.000 and we will promote, promote, promote. Until then, though, I 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:46.320 still need this podcast to get bigger and better and bolder, 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:53.120 so we keep doing the podcast. Five stars, five stars, right, 0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:57.239 a little review, knock yourself out on that. That helps 0:02:57.240 --> 0:02:59.639 a lot. Now, I would say, and I've said this 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:01.720 in the path I'll say it again for the new people. 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:04.720 To me, it doesn't really matter, right. I mean, we 0:03:04.760 --> 0:03:06.639 have we have a good number of people that download 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:09.480 the podcast. They're pretty happy with the way the show 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:14.880 is going. But there are advertisers and people that are 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:20.440 in the audio game that read those reviews. And I 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:23.920 would say that, but these people have a lot of 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:28.040 time on their hands and they are going through everything 0:03:28.120 --> 0:03:31.040 and reading the reviews, and the people like you, do 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.280 they not like you? What's going on and all that, 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:36.720 and so there there is a lot that goes into that. 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:39.080 So as long as we had a few reviews from 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:43.920 time to time generally positive would help. Uh. And so 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:45.680 as long as that continues, I think we're in good shape. 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:49.000 So let's begin, though, on this edition of the Fifth 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:54.080 Hour with the handbook too Lazy Sports Talk Radio. This 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:57.920 is done as a public service announcement. I have spent 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:07.000 my entire adult life, entire time as a bloviating gas bag. Yes, 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:10.720 that has been my gig. And over the years I 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:14.560 have noticed, having worked a lot of holidays, that a 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:20.719 number of my coworkers do not take the holiday sports 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:24.400 talk radio very seriously. There's a couple of things that 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:26.839 I would advise you to look for. Now. This is 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:30.640 assuming you are still consuming audio content that you might 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:36.560 stumble across some radio over the holiday weekend. Many of 0:04:36.600 --> 0:04:41.760 the weekday host are not there. They do the old switcheroo, 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:44.479 and some of the weekend people, some of the backup 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:47.920 people get to come in. And having been a weekend host, 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:51.359 having been a backup host, that is something that I 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:55.480 often did. I worked the holidays. I would wax lyrical 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:58.360 on holidays, and I felt like it was a big opportunity. 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:01.400 And and so of course, now that I have the 0:05:01.440 --> 0:05:03.520 full time job, and I've had it for several years, 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:07.279 a number of years now, I still do not take 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:10.000 the holidays off. Now there's there's reasons for that. Before 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:14.080 I give you the lazy sports radio holiday, a couple 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:17.000 of reasons I do not take, especially Thanksgiving. I do 0:05:17.160 --> 0:05:19.640 take time off between Christmas and New Year's, but usually 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:24.400 work on Thanksgiving for many, many reasons. Uh. And one 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:26.880 of the big ones in the last like almost ten 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:30.479 years and it's been eight years, is that Thanksgiving for 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:34.800 me was always a trip with mom. You know. It 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:37.479 was going to Mom's house, eating turkey stuff and the 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:41.119 pumpkin pie, the cranberries. My mom loved cranberries. She always 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:45.040 had good cranberries, uh, and she had yams. I hated yams, 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:47.920 so I would eat the marshmallows on top. I enjoyed 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:50.919 the marshmallows on top. Yeah. I know there's like horse 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:53.880 parts in the marshmallows, but they tasted good. And as 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:57.240 a fat kid, I would brush aside all the yams 0:05:57.279 --> 0:06:02.719 and I would just eat the delicious, wonderful uh marshmallow stuff. 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:04.920 So my mom has been gone for a while now, 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:07.480 and you know I did. I did occasionally go to 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:10.479 my in laws for Thanksgiving, but all my other family 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:14.279 lives far far away. I've got a brother in Wisconsin, 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:17.279 a brother in New York. I've got some other random 0:06:17.320 --> 0:06:21.160 relatives that are scattered all over the country. I have 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:24.800 some friends in uh old cousins of mine in Connecticut 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:29.640 and New York, Arizona, Colorado. The the Mallard family and 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.760 the other families associated with the Mallory family are all 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:37.080 all over, some in Florida, you name it, but not 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:40.520 a lot in Cali, where I live. So that's the 0:06:40.560 --> 0:06:46.080 first thing. The second thing is normally on Thanksgiving, there's 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:50.560 a lot of people alone that don't have any anyone 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:52.960 to hang out with, any family. That's it's important time, 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:56.720 especially being on overnight. I don't know, man, I just 0:06:56.880 --> 0:06:59.000 it's somebody to keep your company. That's one of the 0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:04.400 great things about radio is that you can really get 0:07:04.440 --> 0:07:08.719 a connection that no other media gives you. As great 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:12.000 as the internet is, as wonderful as social media is 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:17.200 and television and all of that, there's just something about 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:20.720 being by yourself late at night, kind of on the 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:25.360 edge of your seat and listening and having someone talk 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:28.560 to you and you don't have to talk back. It's 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:33.520 just somebody trying to entertain you, and that that becomes 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:36.640 even more important now. To be fair, we also have 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:39.200 a lot of drunk people that do have family and 0:07:39.240 --> 0:07:42.600 do have people that love them, and have decided that 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:45.480 their family is so annoying, their in laws are so 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:51.120 annoying that without reservation, they run out and get as 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:56.960 boozed up as they possibly can right and just start 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:04.760 going for it and having a wonderful time. Yeah, and 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:07.560 but then they have no care in the world. So 0:08:07.600 --> 0:08:10.600 we'll get a lot of drunkards that call up on Thanksgiving. 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:13.920 And then the third part of this is my wife 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:17.560 usually ends up working on Thanksgiving also, and I think 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:21.240 it's because I usually work on Thanksgiving. But she works 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.800 as a nine on one operator, and so my wife 0:08:24.840 --> 0:08:29.600 works at the police station. And much like radio, although 0:08:29.720 --> 0:08:32.439 much more important the police, when you work at a 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:36.160 police station, they don't close the police station down because 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:38.480 it's Thanksgiving or whatever. So you still have to work 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:40.360 and and still have to do your thing, and so 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:44.800 she knows I enjoy working. And it's a little easier 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:47.040 now because I have at home studio, so I don't 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:50.000 have to drive into the radio station. I just kind 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:52.400 of hang out in the home studio. So it doesn't 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:55.160 really change. The schedule doesn't change, and Thanksgiving is always 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:57.720 a great day to work because they're from a sports 0:08:57.800 --> 0:09:01.920 radio standpoint, Uh, there's a bunch of football and there's 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:06.200 a bunch of different storylines in the NFL's brimming with 0:09:06.320 --> 0:09:09.679 content that's right front and center, and it's it's not 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:11.480 like you have to put a lot of work into that, 0:09:12.200 --> 0:09:15.920 and so that's another added bonus. Like so many times 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:19.240 during the periods of the year where there's not a 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:22.360 lot going on, you kind of muddle around and you're 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:26.200 throwing Feducchini Alfredo against the wall scene if any of 0:09:26.240 --> 0:09:30.040 it sticks to the wall. Uh, So you can put 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:34.080 together an interesting program. You don't have to do that much. Uh. 0:09:34.120 --> 0:09:38.640 You know, in comparison to a June sometime in June 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:41.200 when there's just a couple of random baseball games going on, 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:45.080 the NBA Finals are over, and you're depending on the 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:50.440 second wave of free agency, and you're like, that is 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:53.280 what I need right there. That's gonna drive me through. 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:57.920 And it's there are times that you're really putting your 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:01.760 neck out. But Thanksgiving ing, uh is not a time 0:10:01.800 --> 0:10:05.040 where you hear here that you don't hear that very 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:09.800 much because there's games. We got game action, a lot 0:10:09.840 --> 0:10:11.920 of game action, and maybe it will be some kind 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:15.640 of wardrobe malfunction or something like that that we can 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:20.520 walk down memory lane and break down the singing performance 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:26.640 during a random, random halftime show on Thanksgiving and knock 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:29.760 yourselves out. Now, as far as that's concerned, let's let's 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:32.080 get to the actual handbook for lazy sports radio. So 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:34.520 this is a public service, and I'm not out here 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:37.480 to to out anyone. I am doing this much like 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:40.560 I do the NFL book them. I am doing this 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:46.160 to encourage my fellow brothers and sisters in sports talk radio, 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:51.000 to put some work into it, to make some effort 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:54.400 out of sports talk radio that do it, do it 0:10:54.440 --> 0:10:56.960 the right way, don't do it the lazy right, don't 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:59.920 float on an inner tube on the lazy river bed, 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:05.720 or do better. Don't set our profession back. Okay, that's 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:07.680 all I ask is for an honest effort. That's it. 0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:12.240 That's it. Why do people tune in to radio shows? Uh, 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:15.800 there's different reasons for that. Boredom is usually right at 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:17.640 the top of the list, right, boredoms at the top 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:21.600 of list. Uh, you're looking for some entertainment. I would 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:25.000 say that's a pretty good reason. Also, you're looking for something. 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:27.880 Maybe you're working and you have a very boring job 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:30.880 and you're like, boy, this job sucks. Man. I need 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:36.679 something to make the time go faster, and a good 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:39.760 radio show will do that. I can still work, I 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:44.600 can listen with one ear and and then get the 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:47.680 show going the other. You know, good getting the work 0:11:47.720 --> 0:11:51.920 done with the other ear. Yeah, I understand that. So anyway, 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:55.920 Thanksgiving weekend his historically the beginning of the worst sports 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:59.960 talk radio you can get. Now, what is lazy sports 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:05.439 talk radio? Thanksgiving weekend. Typically it is along the lines 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:11.760 of this, what in sports are you thankful for? And 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:14.640 then they give out the number and then the list. 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:17.520 The host will list some of the things there's thanking 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:21.640 they'll thankful for in sports. Thankful for Tom Brady playing 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:26.439 for the Buccaneers. I'm thankful that Russell Wilson is back 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:29.720 with the Seattle Seahawks, and a lot of random things. 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:34.319 I'm thankful Tiger Woods did not die in the car accident. 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:38.040 I'm thankful that, you know, whatever it might be, you know, 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:41.320 kind of hokey cornball stuff. So if you hear that, 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:45.920 you know that the host has not done any proper 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:52.800 preparation and it's just going out there it didn't happen. Yeah, 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:57.720 it could do the same thing that they did in seven, 0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:00.600 the same generic topic. Now the answers will a little different, 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:05.680 but the topic the same. Another trope of Thanksgiving weekend 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:11.679 sports talk radio is who's the biggest turkey in sports? 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:17.360 Who's the biggest turkey in sports? Always fun to rattle 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:22.120 off some athletes that got in trouble with the law, 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:26.080 or Kyrie Irving, you know, things like that. So biggest 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:29.280 turkey in sports a sign that you are listening to 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:33.400 a lazy sports talk radio host. Also, who would you 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:37.200 like to invite the Thanksgiving dinner? All right, who do 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:41.680 you want to come over the Thanksgiving dinner? Sit down 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:50.360 there and have a wonderfully deliciously prepared meal. Eat the bird, right, 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:53.560 have a little turkey and a little stuffing on the side. 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:57.040 They're more turkey, and eat some cranberries. Eat more turkey. 0:13:57.200 --> 0:14:01.240 And then he said, what are you doing in my Yeah, 0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:03.320 that's what are you doing my table? Actually to be 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:06.760 the question there? So who would you invite the Thanksgiving dinner? 0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:09.600 And the and they usually do dead or alive? Dead 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:13.760 or alive is almost always the way that goes. And 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:16.880 you so I want to have Babe Ruth. I'd like 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:19.000 to have Hank care and he just died. I'd have 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:23.000 handcare in there. And let's go. I'll have Joe name 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:25.440 if he's a lie, but he's getting older there, so 0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:28.040 I have Joe come in there. How about go down 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:31.400 the list here, let's see any mean any my name 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:34.120 Bill Walsh. He's dead, he can be like the head 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:36.200 of the table. We'll have Bill Walsh the old fort. 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:39.760 It's like it's that kind of thing, you know, it's like, yeah, 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:43.200 come on, we don't need to be sure to catch 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:45.880 live editions of the Ben Maller Show weekdays at two 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:49.880 am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:53.960 the I Heart Radio ap Also, this is something that's 0:14:54.000 --> 0:15:01.120 relatively new for the lazy river of Thanksgiving weekend sports 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:07.080 talk radio, and that is, let's have a Thanksgiving weekend draft. 0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:17.080 With the first pick, my plate picks Turkey. We with 0:15:17.240 --> 0:15:24.400 the second pick one Thanksgiving weekend draft, I'm going with 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:31.800 in an upset Cranberry sauce. Anyway, Needless to say that 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:36.120 this is a sign that the person doing the show 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:38.640 is not putting a lot of effort into the show. 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:44.040 And you're listening to lazy sports talk radio, so you 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:46.080 know that drill. If you're in the Mallary militian, you've 0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:51.520 listened this far into the podcast, then you understand that 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:54.640 we do not approve of this kind of radio. We 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:58.080 don't do that. I work every Thanksgiving, just about I've 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:01.440 been here for twenty years, Ploss on Fox Sports Radio, 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:06.440 working Thanksgiving, with the exception of one time when I 0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:10.320 had a six month day vacation. But actually in reality 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:14.080 that year I got let go January of that year, 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:18.040 so I actually did work. I was back by the holidays, 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:22.400 so by the time that the bird was served, I 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:29.600 was there bloviating into a microphone. So yeah, I was. 0:16:29.760 --> 0:16:33.000 I was there doing my thing. But I've never done 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:35.160 any of those topics on the radio. Now. Some people 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:39.560 have pointed out that, hey, hey, Ben Uh, you realize 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:42.520 that when you bring up the Handbook of Lazy Sports 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:46.440 Talk Radio, you are actually doing lazy sports talk radio 0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:50.000 bias Moses when you are discussing this, And there is 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:52.480 some truth to that. There is some truth to that, 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:55.280 but I believe it's for the better good. It's rare 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:57.960 and appropriate that I bring this up. And I'm doing 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:00.960 it this weekend, on this satur today, because this is 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:05.679 the Saturday before Thanksgiving week. I could have waited. I 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:07.760 could have done this Thanksgiving weekend. I don't even know 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:11.679 if we're gonna have new podcast on Thanksgiving weekend. I 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:14.239 have not figured that out. I just take it one 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:16.239 day at a time. My man take it one day 0:17:16.280 --> 0:17:19.360 at a time, is their boss likes to say. And 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:21.880 this is in my wheelhouse right now, so I'm focused 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:26.560 on today. I will completely forget about this podcast and 0:17:26.600 --> 0:17:30.000 we'll move on to the Mailbag podcast, and then we'll 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:32.639 do that, and then we will forget about that, and 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:37.000 we'll just keep going step after step, right one step 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:38.680 in front of the other, and just keep your head 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:41.640 down and then eventually you will get where you need 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:44.199 to go. But I will let you know if I 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:48.480 post something on the show Facebook page. That's a pretty 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:51.800 good indication if I post something on Tuesday for the 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:54.720 mail Bag that I am planning on doing a full 0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:59.400 weekend of the podcast. Otherwise I might might not. Management 0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:02.480 doesn't care about do the podcast on Thanksgiving weekend. Uh 0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:05.320 they say the downloads go down on Thanksgiving weekend and 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:09.520 all that. Alright, Moving on to the screw job. Now, 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:13.919 this is not the Montreal Screwjob, the famous w w 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:19.800 E wrestling situation where people were screaming bloody murder because 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:22.720 of a rip off, and there have been many documentaries 0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:25.520 made about Vits McMahon and the old Switcher rou that 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:29.840 was done. This is not that, but the life of Mallard, 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:33.520 the life of Mallard, and this the screwjob portion of 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:38.399 the story. So I made a small upgrade to the 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:43.639 Mallard mansion home studio in the North Woods, and I 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:47.400 am happy to report that a couple of eagle eyed 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:51.600 p ones in the Mallar Militia sent me email they 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:56.680 noticed from Mallard monologues this week that something was a 0:18:56.720 --> 0:19:00.280 little different, and they pointed out what it was, which 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:02.280 tells me these people have less of a life than 0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:04.840 I have. You know who you are if you sent 0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:08.919 me a message. So, after many years sitting in the 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:14.480 same chair, the same big chair, I bit the bullet. 0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:17.920 I moved recently and I brought my old chair with me, 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:20.320 and I said, you know what, this thing's got a 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:22.199 lot of wear and tear on it. I've sat in 0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:26.920 it for so many hours, so many different radio shows 0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:31.119 that were so blah blah. I need a new chair. 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:34.359 And so I went out there to the store and 0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:38.440 I shopped around. I shopped around. Now, in this studio, 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:42.080 I get a lot of work out of it. I 0:19:42.119 --> 0:19:44.399 get a lot of work. I do twenty hours of 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:49.680 original terrestrial radio, four hours a day, five days a week. 0:19:50.600 --> 0:19:53.520 So I put some hours in on the terrest Or radio, 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:56.720 and then we do about three hours, give or take 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:00.200 of original audio content here in the podcast of it. 0:20:00.359 --> 0:20:01.840 So I spent a lot of time in here, and 0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:05.160 I'm prepping a lot of my days spent in this chair, 0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:07.600 so I didn't want a short change. I didn't want 0:20:07.600 --> 0:20:09.760 to buy a crappy chair. So I started shopping around 0:20:10.520 --> 0:20:14.440 and it's it was like Goldilocks in the Three Bears 0:20:15.000 --> 0:20:16.560 when it comes to the chair. Now, if you know 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:20.600 the story of Goldilocks, just think of me as the 0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:23.080 person that sat down in the first chair but it 0:20:23.119 --> 0:20:25.439 was too hard. And then I sat down in the 0:20:25.480 --> 0:20:27.840 second chair, but it was too soft. And then I 0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:30.320 sat down in the third chair and it was just right. 0:20:31.280 --> 0:20:33.960 So I bought it. I bought the chair, and it 0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:35.679 wasn't a cheap chair. I spent a little bit of 0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:38.040 money on the chair, and you know, it came in 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:42.000 a giant box, and the wife helped me out there. 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:44.440 We pulled it up to the Mallard mansion and we 0:20:44.520 --> 0:20:46.320 brought it inside there and we had to build it 0:20:47.240 --> 0:20:50.320 and to build the chair. And so I started building 0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:53.520 the chair and I followed the instructions and then everything there. 0:20:53.520 --> 0:20:55.560 They had a little thing at a twist, the screws 0:20:55.640 --> 0:20:57.120 in and you had to build the whole thing, put 0:20:57.119 --> 0:20:59.800 it together. It wasn't that hard. I've built chairs before 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:05.679 and everything's been fine. Everything's been smooth sailing. And so 0:21:05.760 --> 0:21:07.800 I'm building this chair and I'm doing my thing, and 0:21:07.840 --> 0:21:09.880 I'm just you know, la la la la, la la la. 0:21:09.880 --> 0:21:13.960 I'm building the chair and nothing really out of the ordinary. 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:16.840 Put the chair together, got the you got the bottom part. 0:21:16.880 --> 0:21:18.520 You start with the bottom and you kind of work 0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:21.919 your way around. You connected two big pieces together, and 0:21:22.000 --> 0:21:24.679 you're doing your thing there and everything's going great. And 0:21:24.720 --> 0:21:28.320 then I get to the final step, well, the next 0:21:28.359 --> 0:21:30.359 a lot. It wasn't the final final step, but it 0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:35.520 was the next to last step, and I, for the 0:21:35.680 --> 0:21:42.720 life of me, I cannot get the arms to go 0:21:42.800 --> 0:21:48.000 on the chair. So here I am at a fork 0:21:48.040 --> 0:21:54.200 in the road. I've got this problem. The screws. We're 0:21:54.240 --> 0:21:59.359 too small, so they wouldn't go into the proper slot, 0:21:59.680 --> 0:22:03.680 and they wouldn't the tread of the screws wouldn't lock in. 0:22:03.760 --> 0:22:08.040 And it's like, I'm almost a percent sure that I 0:22:08.600 --> 0:22:14.000 got this right here, but it's not working. And this 0:22:14.080 --> 0:22:17.480 chair was kind of pricey, and what am I gonna do? 0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:19.600 And so I'm going through my head and I'm like, 0:22:19.640 --> 0:22:22.520 all right, what what's the move here? What's the play? 0:22:23.200 --> 0:22:26.040 Do you return the chair? And then I'm looking at 0:22:26.040 --> 0:22:28.720 the chair, and it says right at the bottom there 0:22:29.480 --> 0:22:32.239 it says, do not return the chair. And at that 0:22:32.320 --> 0:22:39.359 moment I started I was laughing. Yeah. I was like, 0:22:39.480 --> 0:22:46.359 come on, man, I I can absolutely return the chair. No, no, 0:22:46.520 --> 0:22:49.879 I could return the chair. But but then it it 0:22:50.040 --> 0:22:53.359 said again. I kept reading this and it said right there, 0:22:53.359 --> 0:22:58.760 in bold yellow and black, it said, do not return 0:22:58.840 --> 0:23:03.520 the chair. If you have a problem, call this number. 0:23:05.040 --> 0:23:07.359 And so I'm looking at that and I'm like, all right, 0:23:07.400 --> 0:23:09.159 it really wants me to call this number, but I 0:23:09.200 --> 0:23:10.600 don't want to call it. I don't want to deal 0:23:10.640 --> 0:23:12.560 with anybody, but I want I want the chair. It 0:23:12.640 --> 0:23:15.600 was the top chair that I found. I spend a 0:23:15.640 --> 0:23:18.800 lot of time in the chair, so I would like 0:23:18.960 --> 0:23:20.600 to have this chair. So I said, you know what 0:23:20.640 --> 0:23:23.800 I'm gonna do when when that customer service line opens up, 0:23:24.720 --> 0:23:27.679 I'm gonna call the number. And I've never done this before. 0:23:28.119 --> 0:23:31.920 So I did, and UH explained everything and they said, okay, 0:23:31.920 --> 0:23:36.800 no problem. Uh. They said, hey, you're very special. Yeah, 0:23:37.680 --> 0:23:39.480 well thank you for that. They were very kind to me. 0:23:40.200 --> 0:23:43.280 And so they said, here, just give me your address, 0:23:43.320 --> 0:23:45.440 send a copy of the receipt, and we will send 0:23:45.440 --> 0:23:48.760 you out all of the screws you could possibly need, 0:23:49.600 --> 0:23:53.960 and you will be able to fix that chair, no problem. Alright. 0:23:54.000 --> 0:23:55.920 So at this point I'm like, all right, I'm excited. 0:23:56.280 --> 0:23:59.560 I'm excited. They said, with seven to ten business days, 0:24:00.440 --> 0:24:03.880 we will have this and we will be good to go. 0:24:04.760 --> 0:24:08.280 And so, uh, I forget about it. And then a 0:24:08.359 --> 0:24:12.920 couple of days later, all of a sudden, turn up, Uh, 0:24:12.960 --> 0:24:15.720 there they are right there in the mail. I get 0:24:15.760 --> 0:24:19.359 a package from UPS and it is all the screws, 0:24:19.400 --> 0:24:22.040 all the screw So I'm very excited, and I'm like, 0:24:22.119 --> 0:24:24.920 here we go, all right, here we go. We're gonna 0:24:24.920 --> 0:24:26.920 put the arms on. I'm gonna use the new chair. 0:24:27.840 --> 0:24:30.320 And so sure enough, I put the arms in, got 0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:34.760 ready to go on that and much to my surprise, 0:24:35.640 --> 0:24:40.120 much to my surprise, even with the new screws, it 0:24:40.200 --> 0:24:46.320 was a screw job. It didn't work. Yeah, So I said, 0:24:46.640 --> 0:24:49.560 that's it. I tried. Then we took it to the store. 0:24:50.280 --> 0:24:53.920 We explained what happened, and the person at the store 0:24:54.000 --> 0:24:55.960 was really did not want us to return the item 0:24:55.960 --> 0:24:59.480 because if you return something, it screws everything up for 0:24:59.480 --> 0:25:02.840 the store. I imagine. I've never worked retail at that level, 0:25:02.840 --> 0:25:06.120 but I'm guessing that if you return the item, based 0:25:06.160 --> 0:25:08.159