1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:05,280 Speaker 1: Kabooms. If you thought four hours a day dred minutes 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,520 Speaker 1: a week was enough, I think again. He's the last 3 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: remnants of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. 4 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as 5 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,560 Speaker 1: the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of 6 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour 7 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:33,920 Speaker 1: with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere. 8 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: Back at it on a Saturday, the weekend before the 9 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 1: big Thanksgiving weekend in the Magic Podcast studio. Yes, four 10 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:49,479 Speaker 1: hours a night are not enough. We do this eight 11 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: days a week. I know. It's amazing. It's amazing. So 12 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 1: on this edition of The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller, 13 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 1: we have a staple of the holiday season, something that 14 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:05,600 Speaker 1: I knew three times a year. I do it on 15 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: terrestrial radio, but I'm using it now on the podcast 16 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: because I thought I'd be ahead of the game on 17 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:18,120 Speaker 1: the podcast. And we will take a trip on the 18 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: lazy River of sports talk radio, the lazy River of 19 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: sports talk radio. We also have the screw job. We 20 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:31,119 Speaker 1: look forward to that. A gassy mass, a gassy mass, 21 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 1: and we will get scientifical, assuming we have the time 22 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: remaining the allotted time in this edition of the Fifth Hour, 23 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:46,360 Speaker 1: We thank you for finding this podcast. Has there been 24 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: a new co host named? No, uh, there is not 25 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: a new a co host, but there is supposed to 26 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 1: be movement in that direction. I have a pretty good 27 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:01,880 Speaker 1: idea of who the person will will be. And I 28 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 1: know there's a lot of drama and a lot of 29 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: people wondering is it gonna be somebody that we know, 30 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: is it gonna be somebody new? Is it gonna be 31 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: a big shocker surprise motherfucker. Well you're gonna have to 32 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: wait and find out. I cannot give that information out 33 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 1: because the agreement has not been made, at least not official, 34 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,639 Speaker 1: official official, But once it's official, and then we go 35 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 1: into the verbal octagon, which is the fifth Hour, and 36 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,799 Speaker 1: watch out. So we will have that information coming up 37 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 1: as soon as we are allowed to give out the name, 38 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: and we will promote, promote, promote. Until then, though, I 39 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: still need this podcast to get bigger and better and bolder, 40 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:53,120 Speaker 1: so we keep doing the podcast. Five stars, five stars, right, 41 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:57,239 Speaker 1: a little review, knock yourself out on that. That helps 42 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,639 Speaker 1: a lot. Now, I would say, and I've said this 43 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 1: in the path I'll say it again for the new people. 44 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 1: To me, it doesn't really matter, right. I mean, we 45 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,639 Speaker 1: have we have a good number of people that download 46 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: the podcast. They're pretty happy with the way the show 47 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 1: is going. But there are advertisers and people that are 48 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 1: in the audio game that read those reviews. And I 49 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,920 Speaker 1: would say that, but these people have a lot of 50 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:28,040 Speaker 1: time on their hands and they are going through everything 51 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: and reading the reviews, and the people like you, do 52 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,280 Speaker 1: they not like you? What's going on and all that, 53 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 1: and so there there is a lot that goes into that. 54 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 1: So as long as we had a few reviews from 55 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: time to time generally positive would help. Uh. And so 56 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,680 Speaker 1: as long as that continues, I think we're in good shape. 57 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 1: So let's begin, though, on this edition of the Fifth 58 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 1: Hour with the handbook too Lazy Sports Talk Radio. This 59 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 1: is done as a public service announcement. I have spent 60 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 1: my entire adult life, entire time as a bloviating gas bag. Yes, 61 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: that has been my gig. And over the years I 62 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 1: have noticed, having worked a lot of holidays, that a 63 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:20,719 Speaker 1: number of my coworkers do not take the holiday sports 64 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,400 Speaker 1: talk radio very seriously. There's a couple of things that 65 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,839 Speaker 1: I would advise you to look for. Now. This is 66 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 1: assuming you are still consuming audio content that you might 67 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: stumble across some radio over the holiday weekend. Many of 68 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:41,760 Speaker 1: the weekday host are not there. They do the old switcheroo, 69 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,479 Speaker 1: and some of the weekend people, some of the backup 70 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,920 Speaker 1: people get to come in. And having been a weekend host, 71 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:51,359 Speaker 1: having been a backup host, that is something that I 72 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:55,480 Speaker 1: often did. I worked the holidays. I would wax lyrical 73 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 1: on holidays, and I felt like it was a big opportunity. 74 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: And and so of course, now that I have the 75 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 1: full time job, and I've had it for several years, 76 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:07,279 Speaker 1: a number of years now, I still do not take 77 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,000 Speaker 1: the holidays off. Now there's there's reasons for that. Before 78 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: I give you the lazy sports radio holiday, a couple 79 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: of reasons I do not take, especially Thanksgiving. I do 80 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 1: take time off between Christmas and New Year's, but usually 81 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:24,400 Speaker 1: work on Thanksgiving for many, many reasons. Uh. And one 82 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: of the big ones in the last like almost ten 83 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,479 Speaker 1: years and it's been eight years, is that Thanksgiving for 84 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,800 Speaker 1: me was always a trip with mom. You know. It 85 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,479 Speaker 1: was going to Mom's house, eating turkey stuff and the 86 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:41,119 Speaker 1: pumpkin pie, the cranberries. My mom loved cranberries. She always 87 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:45,040 Speaker 1: had good cranberries, uh, and she had yams. I hated yams, 88 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,920 Speaker 1: so I would eat the marshmallows on top. I enjoyed 89 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,919 Speaker 1: the marshmallows on top. Yeah. I know there's like horse 90 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 1: parts in the marshmallows, but they tasted good. And as 91 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: a fat kid, I would brush aside all the yams 92 00:05:57,279 --> 00:06:02,719 Speaker 1: and I would just eat the delicious, wonderful uh marshmallow stuff. 93 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: So my mom has been gone for a while now, 94 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,480 Speaker 1: and you know I did. I did occasionally go to 95 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,479 Speaker 1: my in laws for Thanksgiving, but all my other family 96 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:14,279 Speaker 1: lives far far away. I've got a brother in Wisconsin, 97 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,279 Speaker 1: a brother in New York. I've got some other random 98 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:21,160 Speaker 1: relatives that are scattered all over the country. I have 99 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,800 Speaker 1: some friends in uh old cousins of mine in Connecticut 100 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: and New York, Arizona, Colorado. The the Mallard family and 101 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 1: the other families associated with the Mallory family are all 102 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: all over, some in Florida, you name it, but not 103 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 1: a lot in Cali, where I live. So that's the 104 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: first thing. The second thing is normally on Thanksgiving, there's 105 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: a lot of people alone that don't have any anyone 106 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: to hang out with, any family. That's it's important time, 107 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:56,720 Speaker 1: especially being on overnight. I don't know, man, I just 108 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 1: it's somebody to keep your company. That's one of the 109 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: great things about radio is that you can really get 110 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:08,719 Speaker 1: a connection that no other media gives you. As great 111 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,000 Speaker 1: as the internet is, as wonderful as social media is 112 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 1: and television and all of that, there's just something about 113 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 1: being by yourself late at night, kind of on the 114 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: edge of your seat and listening and having someone talk 115 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 1: to you and you don't have to talk back. It's 116 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: just somebody trying to entertain you, and that that becomes 117 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 1: even more important now. To be fair, we also have 118 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 1: a lot of drunk people that do have family and 119 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 1: do have people that love them, and have decided that 120 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: their family is so annoying, their in laws are so 121 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 1: annoying that without reservation, they run out and get as 122 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 1: boozed up as they possibly can right and just start 123 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: going for it and having a wonderful time. Yeah, and 124 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,560 Speaker 1: but then they have no care in the world. So 125 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,600 Speaker 1: we'll get a lot of drunkards that call up on Thanksgiving. 126 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: And then the third part of this is my wife 127 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,560 Speaker 1: usually ends up working on Thanksgiving also, and I think 128 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,240 Speaker 1: it's because I usually work on Thanksgiving. But she works 129 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 1: as a nine on one operator, and so my wife 130 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:29,600 Speaker 1: works at the police station. And much like radio, although 131 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,439 Speaker 1: much more important the police, when you work at a 132 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 1: police station, they don't close the police station down because 133 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: it's Thanksgiving or whatever. So you still have to work 134 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 1: and and still have to do your thing, and so 135 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: she knows I enjoy working. And it's a little easier 136 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: now because I have at home studio, so I don't 137 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,000 Speaker 1: have to drive into the radio station. I just kind 138 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 1: of hang out in the home studio. So it doesn't 139 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 1: really change. The schedule doesn't change, and Thanksgiving is always 140 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 1: a great day to work because they're from a sports 141 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: radio standpoint, Uh, there's a bunch of football and there's 142 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:06,200 Speaker 1: a bunch of different storylines in the NFL's brimming with 143 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,679 Speaker 1: content that's right front and center, and it's it's not 144 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: like you have to put a lot of work into that, 145 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 1: and so that's another added bonus. Like so many times 146 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: during the periods of the year where there's not a 147 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: lot going on, you kind of muddle around and you're 148 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 1: throwing Feducchini Alfredo against the wall scene if any of 149 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: it sticks to the wall. Uh, So you can put 150 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: together an interesting program. You don't have to do that much. Uh. 151 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:38,640 Speaker 1: You know, in comparison to a June sometime in June 152 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,200 Speaker 1: when there's just a couple of random baseball games going on, 153 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 1: the NBA Finals are over, and you're depending on the 154 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:50,440 Speaker 1: second wave of free agency, and you're like, that is 155 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 1: what I need right there. That's gonna drive me through. 156 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: And it's there are times that you're really putting your 157 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 1: neck out. But Thanksgiving ing, uh is not a time 158 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 1: where you hear here that you don't hear that very 159 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: much because there's games. We got game action, a lot 160 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 1: of game action, and maybe it will be some kind 161 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 1: of wardrobe malfunction or something like that that we can 162 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: walk down memory lane and break down the singing performance 163 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:26,640 Speaker 1: during a random, random halftime show on Thanksgiving and knock 164 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 1: yourselves out. Now, as far as that's concerned, let's let's 165 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,080 Speaker 1: get to the actual handbook for lazy sports radio. So 166 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 1: this is a public service, and I'm not out here 167 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,480 Speaker 1: to to out anyone. I am doing this much like 168 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,560 Speaker 1: I do the NFL book them. I am doing this 169 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 1: to encourage my fellow brothers and sisters in sports talk radio, 170 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 1: to put some work into it, to make some effort 171 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,400 Speaker 1: out of sports talk radio that do it, do it 172 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,960 Speaker 1: the right way, don't do it the lazy right, don't 173 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,920 Speaker 1: float on an inner tube on the lazy river bed, 174 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:05,720 Speaker 1: or do better. Don't set our profession back. Okay, that's 175 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,680 Speaker 1: all I ask is for an honest effort. That's it. 176 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: That's it. Why do people tune in to radio shows? Uh, 177 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 1: there's different reasons for that. Boredom is usually right at 178 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,640 Speaker 1: the top of the list, right, boredoms at the top 179 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 1: of list. Uh, you're looking for some entertainment. I would 180 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,000 Speaker 1: say that's a pretty good reason. Also, you're looking for something. 181 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 1: Maybe you're working and you have a very boring job 182 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,880 Speaker 1: and you're like, boy, this job sucks. Man. I need 183 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:36,679 Speaker 1: something to make the time go faster, and a good 184 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 1: radio show will do that. I can still work, I 185 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: can listen with one ear and and then get the 186 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,680 Speaker 1: show going the other. You know, good getting the work 187 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: done with the other ear. Yeah, I understand that. So anyway, 188 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 1: Thanksgiving weekend his historically the beginning of the worst sports 189 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,960 Speaker 1: talk radio you can get. Now, what is lazy sports 190 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:05,439 Speaker 1: talk radio? Thanksgiving weekend. Typically it is along the lines 191 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:11,760 Speaker 1: of this, what in sports are you thankful for? And 192 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 1: then they give out the number and then the list. 193 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 1: The host will list some of the things there's thanking 194 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 1: they'll thankful for in sports. Thankful for Tom Brady playing 195 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:26,439 Speaker 1: for the Buccaneers. I'm thankful that Russell Wilson is back 196 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 1: with the Seattle Seahawks, and a lot of random things. 197 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:34,319 Speaker 1: I'm thankful Tiger Woods did not die in the car accident. 198 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,040 Speaker 1: I'm thankful that, you know, whatever it might be, you know, 199 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,320 Speaker 1: kind of hokey cornball stuff. So if you hear that, 200 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: you know that the host has not done any proper 201 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: preparation and it's just going out there it didn't happen. Yeah, 202 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:57,720 Speaker 1: it could do the same thing that they did in seven, 203 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 1: the same generic topic. Now the answers will a little different, 204 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:05,680 Speaker 1: but the topic the same. Another trope of Thanksgiving weekend 205 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:11,679 Speaker 1: sports talk radio is who's the biggest turkey in sports? 206 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:17,360 Speaker 1: Who's the biggest turkey in sports? Always fun to rattle 207 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: off some athletes that got in trouble with the law, 208 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:26,080 Speaker 1: or Kyrie Irving, you know, things like that. So biggest 209 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,280 Speaker 1: turkey in sports a sign that you are listening to 210 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 1: a lazy sports talk radio host. Also, who would you 211 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: like to invite the Thanksgiving dinner? All right, who do 212 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:41,680 Speaker 1: you want to come over the Thanksgiving dinner? Sit down 213 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 1: there and have a wonderfully deliciously prepared meal. Eat the bird, right, 214 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:53,560 Speaker 1: have a little turkey and a little stuffing on the side. 215 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 1: They're more turkey, and eat some cranberries. Eat more turkey. 216 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 1: And then he said, what are you doing in my Yeah, 217 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,320 Speaker 1: that's what are you doing my table? Actually to be 218 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: the question there? So who would you invite the Thanksgiving dinner? 219 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,600 Speaker 1: And the and they usually do dead or alive? Dead 220 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:13,760 Speaker 1: or alive is almost always the way that goes. And 221 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,880 Speaker 1: you so I want to have Babe Ruth. I'd like 222 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,000 Speaker 1: to have Hank care and he just died. I'd have 223 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 1: handcare in there. And let's go. I'll have Joe name 224 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: if he's a lie, but he's getting older there, so 225 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 1: I have Joe come in there. How about go down 226 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 1: the list here, let's see any mean any my name 227 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,120 Speaker 1: Bill Walsh. He's dead, he can be like the head 228 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,200 Speaker 1: of the table. We'll have Bill Walsh the old fort. 229 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 1: It's like it's that kind of thing, you know, it's like, yeah, 230 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 1: come on, we don't need to be sure to catch 231 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 1: live editions of the Ben Maller Show weekdays at two 232 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 1: am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and 233 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio ap Also, this is something that's 234 00:14:54,000 --> 00:15:01,120 Speaker 1: relatively new for the lazy river of Thanksgiving weekend sports 235 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: talk radio, and that is, let's have a Thanksgiving weekend draft. 236 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 1: With the first pick, my plate picks Turkey. We with 237 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 1: the second pick one Thanksgiving weekend draft, I'm going with 238 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:31,800 Speaker 1: in an upset Cranberry sauce. Anyway, Needless to say that 239 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:36,120 Speaker 1: this is a sign that the person doing the show 240 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 1: is not putting a lot of effort into the show. 241 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 1: And you're listening to lazy sports talk radio, so you 242 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,080 Speaker 1: know that drill. If you're in the Mallary militian, you've 243 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 1: listened this far into the podcast, then you understand that 244 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 1: we do not approve of this kind of radio. We 245 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 1: don't do that. I work every Thanksgiving, just about I've 246 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 1: been here for twenty years, Ploss on Fox Sports Radio, 247 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:06,440 Speaker 1: working Thanksgiving, with the exception of one time when I 248 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 1: had a six month day vacation. But actually in reality 249 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 1: that year I got let go January of that year, 250 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: so I actually did work. I was back by the holidays, 251 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 1: so by the time that the bird was served, I 252 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: was there bloviating into a microphone. So yeah, I was. 253 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 1: I was there doing my thing. But I've never done 254 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,160 Speaker 1: any of those topics on the radio. Now. Some people 255 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 1: have pointed out that, hey, hey, Ben Uh, you realize 256 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,520 Speaker 1: that when you bring up the Handbook of Lazy Sports 257 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 1: Talk Radio, you are actually doing lazy sports talk radio 258 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:50,000 Speaker 1: bias Moses when you are discussing this, And there is 259 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 1: some truth to that. There is some truth to that, 260 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: but I believe it's for the better good. It's rare 261 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,960 Speaker 1: and appropriate that I bring this up. And I'm doing 262 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 1: it this weekend, on this satur today, because this is 263 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:05,679 Speaker 1: the Saturday before Thanksgiving week. I could have waited. I 264 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: could have done this Thanksgiving weekend. I don't even know 265 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,679 Speaker 1: if we're gonna have new podcast on Thanksgiving weekend. I 266 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,239 Speaker 1: have not figured that out. I just take it one 267 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,239 Speaker 1: day at a time. My man take it one day 268 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,360 Speaker 1: at a time, is their boss likes to say. And 269 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,880 Speaker 1: this is in my wheelhouse right now, so I'm focused 270 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 1: on today. I will completely forget about this podcast and 271 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:30,000 Speaker 1: we'll move on to the Mailbag podcast, and then we'll 272 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,639 Speaker 1: do that, and then we will forget about that, and 273 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 1: we'll just keep going step after step, right one step 274 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,680 Speaker 1: in front of the other, and just keep your head 275 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,640 Speaker 1: down and then eventually you will get where you need 276 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,199 Speaker 1: to go. But I will let you know if I 277 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 1: post something on the show Facebook page. That's a pretty 278 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,800 Speaker 1: good indication if I post something on Tuesday for the 279 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,720 Speaker 1: mail Bag that I am planning on doing a full 280 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:59,400 Speaker 1: weekend of the podcast. Otherwise I might might not. Management 281 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: doesn't care about do the podcast on Thanksgiving weekend. Uh 282 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 1: they say the downloads go down on Thanksgiving weekend and 283 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:09,520 Speaker 1: all that. Alright, Moving on to the screw job. Now, 284 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:13,919 Speaker 1: this is not the Montreal Screwjob, the famous w w 285 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:19,800 Speaker 1: E wrestling situation where people were screaming bloody murder because 286 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,720 Speaker 1: of a rip off, and there have been many documentaries 287 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 1: made about Vits McMahon and the old Switcher rou that 288 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 1: was done. This is not that, but the life of Mallard, 289 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 1: the life of Mallard, and this the screwjob portion of 290 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:38,399 Speaker 1: the story. So I made a small upgrade to the 291 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:43,639 Speaker 1: Mallard mansion home studio in the North Woods, and I 292 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,400 Speaker 1: am happy to report that a couple of eagle eyed 293 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 1: p ones in the Mallar Militia sent me email they 294 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:56,680 Speaker 1: noticed from Mallard monologues this week that something was a 295 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,280 Speaker 1: little different, and they pointed out what it was, which 296 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: tells me these people have less of a life than 297 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: I have. You know who you are if you sent 298 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,919 Speaker 1: me a message. So, after many years sitting in the 299 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: same chair, the same big chair, I bit the bullet. 300 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,920 Speaker 1: I moved recently and I brought my old chair with me, 301 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,320 Speaker 1: and I said, you know what, this thing's got a 302 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,199 Speaker 1: lot of wear and tear on it. I've sat in 303 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 1: it for so many hours, so many different radio shows 304 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:31,119 Speaker 1: that were so blah blah. I need a new chair. 305 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,359 Speaker 1: And so I went out there to the store and 306 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,440 Speaker 1: I shopped around. I shopped around. Now, in this studio, 307 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: I get a lot of work out of it. I 308 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,399 Speaker 1: get a lot of work. I do twenty hours of 309 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:49,680 Speaker 1: original terrestrial radio, four hours a day, five days a week. 310 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,520 Speaker 1: So I put some hours in on the terrest Or radio, 311 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,720 Speaker 1: and then we do about three hours, give or take 312 00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,200 Speaker 1: of original audio content here in the podcast of it. 313 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:01,840 Speaker 1: So I spent a lot of time in here, and 314 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,160 Speaker 1: I'm prepping a lot of my days spent in this chair, 315 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:07,600 Speaker 1: so I didn't want a short change. I didn't want 316 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 1: to buy a crappy chair. So I started shopping around 317 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:14,440 Speaker 1: and it's it was like Goldilocks in the Three Bears 318 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,560 Speaker 1: when it comes to the chair. Now, if you know 319 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 1: the story of Goldilocks, just think of me as the 320 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 1: person that sat down in the first chair but it 321 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,439 Speaker 1: was too hard. And then I sat down in the 322 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,840 Speaker 1: second chair, but it was too soft. And then I 323 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 1: sat down in the third chair and it was just right. 324 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 1: So I bought it. I bought the chair, and it 325 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,679 Speaker 1: wasn't a cheap chair. I spent a little bit of 326 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 1: money on the chair, and you know, it came in 327 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:42,000 Speaker 1: a giant box, and the wife helped me out there. 328 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,440 Speaker 1: We pulled it up to the Mallard mansion and we 329 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 1: brought it inside there and we had to build it 330 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 1: and to build the chair. And so I started building 331 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,520 Speaker 1: the chair and I followed the instructions and then everything there. 332 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,560 Speaker 1: They had a little thing at a twist, the screws 333 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,120 Speaker 1: in and you had to build the whole thing, put 334 00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 1: it together. It wasn't that hard. I've built chairs before 335 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:05,679 Speaker 1: and everything's been fine. Everything's been smooth sailing. And so 336 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,800 Speaker 1: I'm building this chair and I'm doing my thing, and 337 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,880 Speaker 1: I'm just you know, la la la la, la la la. 338 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 1: I'm building the chair and nothing really out of the ordinary. 339 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,840 Speaker 1: Put the chair together, got the you got the bottom part. 340 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 1: You start with the bottom and you kind of work 341 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,919 Speaker 1: your way around. You connected two big pieces together, and 342 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,679 Speaker 1: you're doing your thing there and everything's going great. And 343 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:28,320 Speaker 1: then I get to the final step, well, the next 344 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,359 Speaker 1: a lot. It wasn't the final final step, but it 345 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:35,520 Speaker 1: was the next to last step, and I, for the 346 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:42,720 Speaker 1: life of me, I cannot get the arms to go 347 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 1: on the chair. So here I am at a fork 348 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:54,200 Speaker 1: in the road. I've got this problem. The screws. We're 349 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:59,359 Speaker 1: too small, so they wouldn't go into the proper slot, 350 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,680 Speaker 1: and they wouldn't the tread of the screws wouldn't lock in. 351 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:08,040 Speaker 1: And it's like, I'm almost a percent sure that I 352 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:14,000 Speaker 1: got this right here, but it's not working. And this 353 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,480 Speaker 1: chair was kind of pricey, and what am I gonna do? 354 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: And so I'm going through my head and I'm like, 355 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,520 Speaker 1: all right, what what's the move here? What's the play? 356 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,040 Speaker 1: Do you return the chair? And then I'm looking at 357 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,720 Speaker 1: the chair, and it says right at the bottom there 358 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,239 Speaker 1: it says, do not return the chair. And at that 359 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:39,359 Speaker 1: moment I started I was laughing. Yeah. I was like, 360 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:46,359 Speaker 1: come on, man, I I can absolutely return the chair. No, no, 361 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,879 Speaker 1: I could return the chair. But but then it it 362 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,359 Speaker 1: said again. I kept reading this and it said right there, 363 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 1: in bold yellow and black, it said, do not return 364 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:03,520 Speaker 1: the chair. If you have a problem, call this number. 365 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,359 Speaker 1: And so I'm looking at that and I'm like, all right, 366 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,159 Speaker 1: it really wants me to call this number, but I 367 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 1: don't want to call it. I don't want to deal 368 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 1: with anybody, but I want I want the chair. It 369 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,600 Speaker 1: was the top chair that I found. I spend a 370 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 1: lot of time in the chair, so I would like 371 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 1: to have this chair. So I said, you know what 372 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,800 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do when when that customer service line opens up, 373 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,679 Speaker 1: I'm gonna call the number. And I've never done this before. 374 00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:31,920 Speaker 1: So I did, and UH explained everything and they said, okay, 375 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:36,800 Speaker 1: no problem. Uh. They said, hey, you're very special. Yeah, 376 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,480 Speaker 1: well thank you for that. They were very kind to me. 377 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,280 Speaker 1: And so they said, here, just give me your address, 378 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,440 Speaker 1: send a copy of the receipt, and we will send 379 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,760 Speaker 1: you out all of the screws you could possibly need, 380 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:53,960 Speaker 1: and you will be able to fix that chair, no problem. Alright. 381 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,920 Speaker 1: So at this point I'm like, all right, I'm excited. 382 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:59,560 Speaker 1: I'm excited. They said, with seven to ten business days, 383 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,880 Speaker 1: we will have this and we will be good to go. 384 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 1: And so, uh, I forget about it. And then a 385 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:12,920 Speaker 1: couple of days later, all of a sudden, turn up, Uh, 386 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 1: there they are right there in the mail. I get 387 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 1: a package from UPS and it is all the screws, 388 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 1: all the screw So I'm very excited, and I'm like, 389 00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:24,920 Speaker 1: here we go, all right, here we go. We're gonna 390 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,920 Speaker 1: put the arms on. I'm gonna use the new chair. 391 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: And so sure enough, I put the arms in, got 392 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 1: ready to go on that and much to my surprise, 393 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:40,120 Speaker 1: much to my surprise, even with the new screws, it 394 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 1: was a screw job. It didn't work. Yeah, So I said, 395 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: that's it. I tried. Then we took it to the store. 396 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:53,920 Speaker 1: We explained what happened, and the person at the store 397 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,960 Speaker 1: was really did not want us to return the item 398 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 1: because if you return something, it screws everything up for 399 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,840 Speaker 1: the store. I imagine. I've never worked retail at that level, 400 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,120 Speaker 1: but I'm guessing that if you return the item, based 401 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,159 Speaker 1: on what we know from our friends who listened to 402 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:12,359 Speaker 1: this podcast, they are involved in like Amazon returns and 403 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:16,160 Speaker 1: all that that. You know, typically if you return an item, 404 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:20,040 Speaker 1: they can't resell it, and so then people are losing 405 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,920 Speaker 1: money right and left, and that's not good for anybody. 406 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: And am I right? I think I'm I think I'm 407 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,480 Speaker 1: right on that. And so the guy's story was very nice, 408 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,679 Speaker 1: and he thought he knew what had happened, and so 409 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,440 Speaker 1: he said, give me like a couple of hours. I 410 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:36,040 Speaker 1: think I can play around with it and get it 411 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,679 Speaker 1: to work. And because he had built this type of 412 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,440 Speaker 1: chair before, and so sure enough, gave him a couple 413 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,960 Speaker 1: of hours, got a phone called ring ring, right, the 414 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,080 Speaker 1: phone's ringing there, I'm like, I wonder who that is. 415 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: I don't recognize the number, and sure enough it turned 416 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:58,040 Speaker 1: out to be the guy who said good news, good news. Uh, yeah, 417 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,200 Speaker 1: it's not it's not Howard there. But I said at 418 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 1: the uh, the chair had been fixed. We're good to go. 419 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,640 Speaker 1: So I wasn't picked it up. And that is the 420 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 1: screw job, which had a happy ending. It had happy 421 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,600 Speaker 1: and it's kind of a rocky road, but the chair 422 00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 1: is good to go, and this thing should last hopefully 423 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:20,719 Speaker 1: for another ten years, but you never know, you never know, 424 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,760 Speaker 1: Like I use this thing so much, I I think 425 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,040 Speaker 1: this is more like a five year chair. But we'll 426 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,320 Speaker 1: try to take care of it, try not to pour 427 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,600 Speaker 1: any food on it. I have not had any real 428 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,040 Speaker 1: food in the studio. Very proud of that. I used 429 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,040 Speaker 1: to eat a lot in the other home studio when 430 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: I had the W E I studio and I was 431 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 1: doing shows for EI and this podcast. I uh, it's 432 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,080 Speaker 1: food I eat from time to time, but I have 433 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:48,879 Speaker 1: not had any food. The food is not in this 434 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,560 Speaker 1: part of the house. Uh, in the whole mansion here 435 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,159 Speaker 1: and I have I have water, that's it, which is 436 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:59,560 Speaker 1: probably worse than food. With all of the equipment that 437 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,560 Speaker 1: is in this studio, I have a whole podcast. On 438 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,680 Speaker 1: the right side is all podcasting equipment. The left side 439 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,480 Speaker 1: is all for terrestrial radio to hook up to the 440 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,840 Speaker 1: Fox Sports Radio mothership. And so there's a lot of 441 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 1: stuff in here, and I'm pretty confident, I'm pretty confident 442 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:20,639 Speaker 1: that none of it, none of it deserves any kind 443 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:26,040 Speaker 1: of water. And if it gets water, then things are 444 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,040 Speaker 1: going to go very badly. So I but I, but 445 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,360 Speaker 1: I am pretty careful with the water right moving on 446 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:37,439 Speaker 1: to the gassy mess. The gassy mess. Now, since I 447 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:42,640 Speaker 1: relocated deep at a secret location somewhere in the north Woods, 448 00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:48,040 Speaker 1: I have not had to drive nearly as much. As 449 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,840 Speaker 1: I point out, don't make here at the home studio, 450 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,840 Speaker 1: and I still drive on the weekends, and I have 451 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:57,400 Speaker 1: to make some trips around town where I live during 452 00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,719 Speaker 1: the week but being at the home studio it has 453 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 1: cut back on my mileage tremendously. It's been a wonderful thing. 454 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,800 Speaker 1: But my wife has to drive much further than she 455 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,639 Speaker 1: used to have to drive to her work, and she 456 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:16,679 Speaker 1: drives a car that, you know, it's not a gas 457 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:20,280 Speaker 1: guzzler per se. It's a car that gets pretty good 458 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:23,600 Speaker 1: gas mileage. But even with that, when you drive a 459 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:28,159 Speaker 1: long distance four or five days a week, it adds 460 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,399 Speaker 1: up and you start feeling it in the wallet. And 461 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:36,200 Speaker 1: so the gas prices, like everyone else, are completely out 462 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:43,840 Speaker 1: of control. Now. Living in Cali, I don't have effective 463 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,960 Speaker 1: public transportation where I am now, and I lived in 464 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,080 Speaker 1: downtown Los Angeles, live in Lincoln Heights, and I lived 465 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 1: an apartment in Hollywood, but I lived in Lincoln Heights, 466 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,400 Speaker 1: living near Dodger Stadium, and there was the Goldline, and 467 00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,720 Speaker 1: I used to take that thing quite a bit when 468 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,680 Speaker 1: I was bachelor. I loved In fact, I lived pretty 469 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: close to a gold Line station in Lincoln Heights, and 470 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:11,400 Speaker 1: I I drove. I drove those subway cars all over 471 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,480 Speaker 1: I take that thing, you know, if you know the 472 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,240 Speaker 1: geography in southern California, I take it all away from 473 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,000 Speaker 1: where I lived in Lincoln Heights, right near Dodger Stadium 474 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,320 Speaker 1: to Long Beach. I go out to the ocean down there, 475 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,800 Speaker 1: have a great time. They've they've added a lot of 476 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 1: rail lines since I lived there, But I don't live 477 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,640 Speaker 1: near that public transportation. And even if I did, at 478 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:32,440 Speaker 1: this point, I don't know that I would take it 479 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,719 Speaker 1: because things have not gotten better. They've gotten worse in 480 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,800 Speaker 1: terms of crime, and the fact that petty crime like 481 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 1: robbing people of two items on a subway car, I 482 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 1: don't think they prosecute that. So it's a criminals dream 483 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,200 Speaker 1: come true to to rip people off on those subway cars, 484 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,520 Speaker 1: which even when I was riding the years ago, happened 485 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,280 Speaker 1: a lot. I can't imagine what it's like now. But anyway, 486 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,520 Speaker 1: this is not about that this is about gas. So 487 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 1: being in cal Fifornia, don't have a public transportation, that's great. 488 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 1: That that is great rather and so you have to 489 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,240 Speaker 1: drive or else, which brings me to the rage of 490 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:12,400 Speaker 1: the week, the price of gas. This week, gas prices 491 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:18,760 Speaker 1: sword it was over four sixty a gallon, a record 492 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:23,840 Speaker 1: high and likely will only go higher. We are going 493 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,520 Speaker 1: to cross the five dollar threshold here before you know it. 494 00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:32,400 Speaker 1: California has the highest gas prices in the country, up 495 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:37,960 Speaker 1: an average from of a dollar fifty a dollar fifty 496 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:42,320 Speaker 1: a gallon. It has gone up in general. Now I 497 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 1: know the cost of living is out of control. I 498 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,719 Speaker 1: buy the groceries for the house and I look at 499 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 1: the price of bread, the price of chicken and different 500 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,640 Speaker 1: items that I eat, and I'm like, holy crap. So 501 00:30:55,680 --> 00:31:00,040 Speaker 1: they say gas, electricity, food, everything through the roof. I 502 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,680 Speaker 1: haven't missed anything this Joe Biden administration. They haven't missed anything. 503 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,240 Speaker 1: So the gas thing, though, that really is a pet peeve. 504 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:10,360 Speaker 1: It is completely out of control, and I would like 505 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 1: to get into the reason now, the reason it's even 506 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:16,360 Speaker 1: more expensive in California. And this is a teachable moment, 507 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,800 Speaker 1: and I'm big on teachable moments. And so hopefully this 508 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:21,440 Speaker 1: will reston me. I feel like I'm preaching to the 509 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 1: choir that if you listen to this podcast that we 510 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,480 Speaker 1: we we share a lot of the same views. I 511 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,520 Speaker 1: think that's probably the case, based on the fact that 512 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:35,480 Speaker 1: most people today, because of tribalism, only listen or consume 513 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,680 Speaker 1: media of people that are of a like mind. So 514 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,520 Speaker 1: this will likely fall on death ears because you already 515 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,960 Speaker 1: agree with me. But where I live, every couple of 516 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:49,600 Speaker 1: years they have a proposition on the ballot, and the 517 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:54,440 Speaker 1: proposition is to raise the gas tax by half a 518 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:58,840 Speaker 1: cent or less than half a cent, and that's it, 519 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,920 Speaker 1: and it'll fix all the roads, and everything will be great, 520 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,760 Speaker 1: and you're going to live in this amazing utopia. It's 521 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:09,360 Speaker 1: gonna be wonderful, Oh my god, the Garden of Eden. 522 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,400 Speaker 1: Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Miller 523 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,640 Speaker 1: Show week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. 524 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: And so, what happens every time one of these things 525 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:22,880 Speaker 1: pops up? People say, yes, it's only a cent or 526 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,280 Speaker 1: a half a cent or less than a half a cent. 527 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:30,120 Speaker 1: What kind of tight wad are you? What kind of 528 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 1: of cheap skate are you? What about the roads? What 529 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:39,479 Speaker 1: about this, that and the other thing. Well, this is 530 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,640 Speaker 1: the results. Here, we are the result of all of 531 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:48,000 Speaker 1: those little gas increases. California. The state gas tax in 532 00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:55,800 Speaker 1: California is over sixty cents per gallon. It is the 533 00:32:55,920 --> 00:33:00,480 Speaker 1: highest the state gasoline tax per per state Cali. Fournia 534 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 1: is numberrow number one with a bullet sixty three point 535 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:14,840 Speaker 1: one cents per gallon in California goes to pay for tax. Now, 536 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:18,840 Speaker 1: that is by far the most in the country, leaving 537 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:22,720 Speaker 1: everyone else in the dust. Only five states are over 538 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,000 Speaker 1: fifty cents a gallon. To give you a comparison on 539 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,080 Speaker 1: some states, we have a lot of Mallard militia. In Iowa, 540 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:34,160 Speaker 1: our friends in Iowa thirty cents again, so you're paying 541 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:38,960 Speaker 1: thirty three point one sense less per gallon in tax 542 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:44,440 Speaker 1: than in California. In Kansas, our friends in Kansas are 543 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:49,640 Speaker 1: typically the lowest states, with the exception of Florida, where 544 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,840 Speaker 1: their gas taxes pretty high. Pretty much all the other 545 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:57,719 Speaker 1: low tax states are in the southern part of the 546 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:02,800 Speaker 1: United States with except right, with a few exceptions that 547 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,880 Speaker 1: have sneaked in there. Now, do you know the lowest 548 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:09,319 Speaker 1: gas tax state? Just state gas tax? You know what 549 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:10,839 Speaker 1: that is You gotta you have a guest in your head, 550 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 1: and they're fifty states. Go ahead. I could hear Marcel 551 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:17,960 Speaker 1: right now saying I think the the cheapest state for gas. 552 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 1: Marcel would say is Zimbabwe or Uzbekistan or who? No. Uh, 553 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:28,840 Speaker 1: the correct answer is not a southern state. It is 554 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:36,640 Speaker 1: not a southern state. It is Alaska, Alaskans, the great 555 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:41,360 Speaker 1: White North North North, which I think of as Canadian 556 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:45,160 Speaker 1: land that happens to be using American currency. But but 557 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:49,600 Speaker 1: our friends in Alaska thirteen point eight cents per gallon, 558 00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:54,520 Speaker 1: so they are almost fifty cents cheaper, forty nine cents 559 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:59,879 Speaker 1: cheaper than in California. Hawaii, another state far away from 560 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:05,319 Speaker 1: continental United States, forty point eight cents. And everything in 561 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,360 Speaker 1: Hawaii has to be shipped in right there, not producing 562 00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:12,719 Speaker 1: gas in Hawaii, at least not to my knowledge. Now, 563 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,960 Speaker 1: the lowest gas tax in the entire continental United States, 564 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:21,120 Speaker 1: forget Hawaii and Alaska. Uh, the lowest gas tax is 565 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:25,680 Speaker 1: in Missouri. How about that? Here he goes a little 566 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:29,359 Speaker 1: bit of surprised. You're surprised by that, missoo, Missouri has 567 00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 1: the lowest gas tax seventeen point four cents in the 568 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:38,760 Speaker 1: continental United States. Now, keep in mind all of these numbers, 569 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 1: all of these numbers on state gas tax totals does 570 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:49,000 Speaker 1: not include the federal gas tax of eighteen point four 571 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:56,320 Speaker 1: cents per gallon, So that means in California eighty one 572 00:35:56,440 --> 00:36:03,120 Speaker 1: point five cents per gallon is on tax. It's almost 573 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,560 Speaker 1: a dollar a gallon. And as far as the state 574 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,719 Speaker 1: tax thing, I'd be okay paying fair attacks if all 575 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,319 Speaker 1: the roads were perfect and there were no potholes and 576 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:15,840 Speaker 1: everything was great. There's a lot of crappy roads considering 577 00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:20,279 Speaker 1: how good the weather is in California. And I've driven 578 00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,560 Speaker 1: around Boston a lot over the years, and some New 579 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,000 Speaker 1: York and some other cold cold weather places where it 580 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,520 Speaker 1: gets nasty and the roads get pretty beat up because 581 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,360 Speaker 1: they pour salt on the roads to clear the snow, 582 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,319 Speaker 1: and it's a hole to do. You don't have that 583 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:38,160 Speaker 1: in most of California. Outside the Mountain territory. It's not 584 00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:44,760 Speaker 1: snowing in Santa Monica. There's no snowfall coming down in Oakland. Uh, 585 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:48,399 Speaker 1: this does not happen and on, you know, and once 586 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,880 Speaker 1: in a blue moon it happens. But yet the roads 587 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:56,480 Speaker 1: are pretty pretty messed up. So anyway, that's that's my rant. 588 00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,560 Speaker 1: I just remember that the next time the gas tax 589 00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:01,400 Speaker 1: thing comes up, and everyone, so, what would you not 590 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,680 Speaker 1: vote for the gas text? Okay, because this is the 591 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,400 Speaker 1: end game. This is the end game, is that you 592 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:09,000 Speaker 1: end up paying sixty three cents because you can't vote 593 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,759 Speaker 1: no on a proposition. And they also say these things 594 00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:15,320 Speaker 1: often will only go for a limited amount of time, 595 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,560 Speaker 1: and you know, after a couple of years, we'll pull 596 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:23,359 Speaker 1: the gas tax away. And I don't recall, I don't 597 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:27,880 Speaker 1: recall that happening. I recall reading stories about politicians saying, 598 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:31,759 Speaker 1: we found a new use for that money. The revenue. 599 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:35,480 Speaker 1: They don't call it tax hack. Politicians call it revenue, 600 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 1: so less less angry word. Revenue, right, revenue, they don't 601 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:45,960 Speaker 1: call that anyway. My goodness, my goodness. Well, we will 602 00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,560 Speaker 1: put the baby to bed. Have a wonderful rest of 603 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,800 Speaker 1: your Saturday. We do have the mail back. Don't forget 604 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,759 Speaker 1: to listen to the Friday podcast, our interview podcast and 605 00:37:55,800 --> 00:38:01,520 Speaker 1: one of my radio pals stopped by a long time friend. 606 00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:05,239 Speaker 1: A weird friend though, because I've never actually met the 607 00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:06,920 Speaker 1: person in real life. But anyway, you canna hear that 608 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,600 Speaker 1: and we'll catch you next time. Don't forget cameo dot com. 609 00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:14,239 Speaker 1: Email the podcast if you would like to send us 610 00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:18,640 Speaker 1: a question for a future mail bag. Very simple to 611 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:22,959 Speaker 1: send a message across. You can email the program Real 612 00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,560 Speaker 1: Fifth Hour at gmail dot com. It's f I F 613 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:29,360 Speaker 1: T Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com and also 614 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,600 Speaker 1: on the Facebook page Ben Mallard shall like us on Facebook, 615 00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:36,040 Speaker 1: follow me on there, and we will have all of that, 616 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:40,520 Speaker 1: all of that coming your way in future editions of 617 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:44,440 Speaker 1: The Fifth Hour. We'll catch you next time. Aloha and goodbye.