Speaker 1: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You are tuned in
Speaker 1: to the Vitamin D Podcast and I'm your host, Dawn Day,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to get you excited about your lives. First,
Speaker 1: thank you for tuning in. And if this is your
Speaker 1: first time, welcome here on the Vitamin D Podcast. We
Speaker 1: are here to encourage you to live your best life.
Speaker 1: And that comes down we're realizing that you are your
Speaker 1: greatest asset. So on this podcast we have tons of
Speaker 1: inspiring conversations and we cover various inspiring insights just so
Speaker 1: you can be your best self. And sprinkled in here
Speaker 1: and there, we do something called the Vitamin D Advice Letters.
Speaker 1: We go into our email bag and we answer questions
Speaker 1: from listeners about love, relationship, about purpose, about whatever. And
Speaker 1: you know, we did our first one and this is
Speaker 1: our second one. And after such an immediance a bund supply,
Speaker 1: I got in there and I decided to dig out
Speaker 1: of you more. And if you need advice on something
Speaker 1: going on, it's feel free to shoot me an email
Speaker 1: at Vitamin D at Dawn Day speaks dot com. That's
Speaker 1: Vitamin D at Dawn d a i speaks dot com.
Speaker 1: So let's dive in and see what we need to
Speaker 1: talk about. So, without further ado, it's time now for
Speaker 1: your doses of vitamin D. Right with me and get
Speaker 1: excited about all right. Taking a look at the first
Speaker 1: letter subject no job, no girlfriend, no career, Dear Dawn.
Speaker 1: For most of my life I had a plan and
Speaker 1: a B, C and D, but suddenly that was all
Speaker 1: wiped away. I'm thirty five, a bartender by trade and
Speaker 1: a writer by passion, and I live in l a
Speaker 1: at an extremely nice bartending gig, and even after that
Speaker 1: fell through, I got so much experience I could have
Speaker 1: got a gig anywhere. Now all the bars are closed
Speaker 1: or near enough to it. I'm still technically employed, though
Speaker 1: I'm on the leave of absence. At the moment before COVID,
Speaker 1: I got back together with my ex and things were
Speaker 1: going great until July my lease was up and we
Speaker 1: moved into her house. Things changed. We weren't compatible, honestly,
Speaker 1: and the whole story that I won't bore you with,
Speaker 1: but the essential point is that it didn't work out.
Speaker 1: She kicked me out on the same night we broke up,
Speaker 1: so all my stuff in my car, no job and
Speaker 1: not wanting to be a burden to my friends. I moved.
Speaker 1: I drove back from the West Coast to the East coast.
Speaker 1: I'm currently staying with my family, but I'm down to
Speaker 1: my last fifteen hundred with no additional income in sight
Speaker 1: once the unemployment drives up. I thought about being a cop,
Speaker 1: or maybe finishing the book I was writing, or I
Speaker 1: don't know, should I wait this COVID thing out. I
Speaker 1: just don't know what to do right now. I'm out
Speaker 1: of shape because my ex didn't want to go into
Speaker 1: the gym during COVID, so I feel tired and worn
Speaker 1: out from the things that would have been no problem before.
Speaker 1: I want to get my life back to where it
Speaker 1: was and the words of Justin Timberlake, crimea River, now listen,
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be funny. I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: be me mean. I just want to be real with
Speaker 1: you now. When you decided to submit this letter on
Speaker 1: Vitamin D podcast, you know that we are about shedding light,
Speaker 1: and shedding light is gonna come with good, the bad, indifferent.
Speaker 1: It's time for you to see what it is that
Speaker 1: we need to fix. And right now you're in a
Speaker 1: situation where you're not feeling like you got purpose in
Speaker 1: your life. But here's the thing. When you identified and
Speaker 1: you said that you have a bartending job by trade,
Speaker 1: and you're right about passion, Well, we're all about pursuing passion.
Speaker 1: And when you talk about pursuing your passion, that tells
Speaker 1: you that you're on the brink of greatness, because not
Speaker 1: everybody has the courage to pursue their passion. M hmm,
Speaker 1: all right, So if you're on the break of greatness,
Speaker 1: let's let's talk about it. When we talk about being
Speaker 1: great and we talk about having purpose, I mean, look
Speaker 1: at it. We can look at all the tons of
Speaker 1: people that are millionaires, billionaires, those who have said that
Speaker 1: they have found a passion, or they found a happiness,
Speaker 1: or they found this level of peace of just being
Speaker 1: wholeheartedly who they are. There's this is that that they
Speaker 1: knew what they wanted. I'm looking at this letter, and
Speaker 1: while you've told me that you know your bartender by
Speaker 1: trade and your writing gage your passion, I got the
Speaker 1: feeling that you don't know what you want because you've
Speaker 1: got too many options to choose from. What do I
Speaker 1: mean by that, Well, you didn't say being a cop
Speaker 1: with your passion, Yet you're entertaining that idea. You didn't
Speaker 1: say unemployment was a passion, but it sounds like you're
Speaker 1: comfortable with being there. You're in a situation where you
Speaker 1: didn't say bartending was your passion, but yet you're complaining
Speaker 1: about because no more bars are being open. Did it
Speaker 1: ever occur to you that maybe you're being isolated because
Speaker 1: now it's time for you to walk into your purpose?
Speaker 1: M hmm. See, when you have other plans like A, B, A, C, A,
Speaker 1: D and E everything else that you can possibly think
Speaker 1: in your mind, well, that causes room for distraction, for
Speaker 1: you not to focus at the heart of the matter.
Speaker 1: And usually when we talk about passion, that encompasses purpose,
Speaker 1: and when we talk about purpose, that talks about beating
Speaker 1: for something, being alive for something. See, I believe that
Speaker 1: passion beats on your purpose, and purpose beats I beat,
Speaker 1: I beat. It gives you a reason to keep going.
Speaker 1: And that's why you identify with purpose, passion and life.
Speaker 1: Are you choosing life? Are you allowed? Are you allowing
Speaker 1: life to choose you? Now? Yeah? I said crimea wherever
Speaker 1: because it sounds like you're doing a lot of complaining here,
Speaker 1: and if you want to keep on doing a lot
Speaker 1: of complaining. You're gonna watch your dreams float away. Okay,
Speaker 1: you said that you are a writer by passion. Why
Speaker 1: aren't you pursuing your passion? That seems quite obvious from
Speaker 1: point blank. Why aren't you pursuing your passion? Then you
Speaker 1: said you thought of out being a cop. Why is
Speaker 1: that an option? And then you just threw occasionally in there?
Speaker 1: Or maybe I just finished the book I started writing.
Speaker 1: Why isn't that at the top of the list. Here's
Speaker 1: the thing. Sometimes we fall apart so things can fall
Speaker 1: back together. You hear what I'm saying. Have you ever
Speaker 1: seen a picture of a mosaic? Right? Mosaic are usually
Speaker 1: encompasses of little pieces, little pieces that when they come together,
Speaker 1: they make for a beautiful picture. It's the imagery of
Speaker 1: it all. And these pieces are broken in different situations.
Speaker 1: You know they're looking uncomfortable. Okay, But when you get
Speaker 1: all those pieces, those different areas of your life, you're
Speaker 1: different experiences and makes out for something beautiful. Why are
Speaker 1: you letting um these distractions? Okay? B C. Indeed, the
Speaker 1: idea of not having a girlfriend who was once your
Speaker 1: ex and possibly perhaps she was your ex for a reason, Um,
Speaker 1: get in the way. You're a lot of right now
Speaker 1: to have all the time that you want to do
Speaker 1: what it is that you know that you're supposed to
Speaker 1: be doing. My only next question is are you sure
Speaker 1: that's what you want? Because when you want something, you
Speaker 1: go after it and you see it through. Now you're
Speaker 1: talking about waiting to uh, this whole COVID thing dies out, Well, heck,
Speaker 1: you got your whole life to wait to die. But
Speaker 1: your dreams, that's another story. You know. They said the
Speaker 1: richest part place in the world is in the cemetery.
Speaker 1: How many people die with the dreams? It's no shape.
Speaker 1: But you're not a person that's excused from making excuses.
Speaker 1: You gotta laundry list that I'm looking at right now.
Speaker 1: And you gotta understand too that once you get out
Speaker 1: of the excuses, you can move forward. Now, you said
Speaker 1: this whole situation that your girlfriend because she was thinking
Speaker 1: of you at the time you're ex girlfriend of you
Speaker 1: not wanting to go to the gym because she was
Speaker 1: concerned about your health. Well, you're gonna make the excuse
Speaker 1: like you can't get your foot on the cement and
Speaker 1: get to walking down the street. What's stopping you and
Speaker 1: so you've got to understand why that is so important
Speaker 1: because your body is your instrument, it's your vessel for
Speaker 1: where these words are to come to life with. Well,
Speaker 1: if you aren't taking care of the vessel, how are
Speaker 1: you gonna pursue the passion? And if you ain't got
Speaker 1: the passion, where is the purpose? And if you don't
Speaker 1: feel like you're gonna have purpose that's gonna be compassed
Speaker 1: with passion? What's gonna push you through to living your
Speaker 1: best life? Now? Because you are listening to the Vitamin
Speaker 1: D podcast, there is something that says you're interested in
Speaker 1: being yourself? Be your best self. Well, right now, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna need you to cut the light on, lights on,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna need you to see yourself for where
Speaker 1: you are and where you are right now, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: need you gonna realize these seeds that you hold in
Speaker 1: your hand, these acorns, and I understand that in the season,
Speaker 1: this might be a soul. In season, it's time for
Speaker 1: you to get back in the books and to sold
Speaker 1: those seeds. See, because you got a book inside of you,
Speaker 1: and you probably have several books. Hey, you might have
Speaker 1: some movies, you might have some television scripts, you might
Speaker 1: have a poem, you might be the next editor. Whatever
Speaker 1: it is, it's time for you to get back to you.
Speaker 1: It's time for you to love on yourself, because when
Speaker 1: you love yourself, you do right by yourself. And you say,
Speaker 1: I just want to get back to my life to
Speaker 1: where it was, well, I don't know exactly that's where
Speaker 1: you wanted to be again. You said your passion was writing,
Speaker 1: but yet you're talking about having a bar attending. You
Speaker 1: said that you had got back together with your exul.
Speaker 1: Wasn't she your ex for a reason? Think about it.
Speaker 1: I just want you to think about it now. Again.
Speaker 1: We gotta understand that greatness was predestined on our lives,
Speaker 1: but we make the decision in order to be great.
Speaker 1: So why skill do you want to be great? Remember,
Speaker 1: your dreams don't work unless you do. Okay, So you're
Speaker 1: standing with family. You got a roof over your head
Speaker 1: because they're a lot of sandwich. I'm sure they're gonna
Speaker 1: allow to feed you too. You're downs. What's stopping you
Speaker 1: from getting in the car and driving? Uber? I did it?
Speaker 1: What's stopping you from driving and left? I did that too.
Speaker 1: What's stopping you from hustling to get your money, Stop
Speaker 1: making excuses, put that pants to the paper and write
Speaker 1: out your book. Your dreams are waiting on you. Go
Speaker 1: down the block and take a walk. You can't keep
Speaker 1: wallowing in this sorrowness again. Keep crying yourself forever, and
Speaker 1: you're gonna watch your dreams slowed away. Now listen, I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to be harsh, but you've got greatness on
Speaker 1: your life, and it is my duty to enlist and
Speaker 1: to tell you that, to ensure because you don't know.
Speaker 1: Just you've pursuing your dreams and staying faithful to what
Speaker 1: means most to you, you could be saving anie of
Speaker 1: life and another life after that. Because I know my
Speaker 1: purpose is to speak, and I know my purpose and
Speaker 1: too was inspired And if this is gonna get you
Speaker 1: to wake up, to make sure that you get down
Speaker 1: that book that it is that you're going to write.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine who may pick up that book that
Speaker 1: may be in that despaired moment and then you say
Speaker 1: that next life, it's time for you to be great.
Speaker 1: I need you to make that decision. Okay, decide what
Speaker 1: you want. Understand that it's time for you to love
Speaker 1: on yourself and get back to writing. Promise you you're
Speaker 1: gonna be amazed to where it takes you. All right,
Speaker 1: let's go to the next letter subject. My husband came
Speaker 1: out to me. Okay, all right, Okay, Dear Dawn. I'm
Speaker 1: a twenty eight year old female from North Carolina. I'm
Speaker 1: writing to you about my husband. He's thirty one. We've
Speaker 1: been married four and a half years. We've never had
Speaker 1: issues in our sex life. We both grew up in
Speaker 1: religious household. However, we've both drifted away from our upbringings.
Speaker 1: Him a little more so. He said he's known he's
Speaker 1: gay since high school, but wanted to meet his dad's expectations,
Speaker 1: so he married a woman me. He doesn't know if
Speaker 1: he's sexually attracted to me, and doesn't know what he wants.
Speaker 1: I'm trying so hard to be supportive because obviously this
Speaker 1: is a really difficult thing for him as well. But
Speaker 1: I'm heartbroken. My anxiety is through the roof. I feel
Speaker 1: so lost that I'm far away from any friends or family.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I should tell my parents yet
Speaker 1: because my mom will overreact. I told my brother and
Speaker 1: my best friend and my boss because I called out
Speaker 1: of work the day after he told me. They're all
Speaker 1: trying to be super supportive, but they keep asking me
Speaker 1: how I'm doing and what I need, and I just
Speaker 1: don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
Speaker 1: I have a therapist, so I do have a professional
Speaker 1: helping me with my mental health, and my husband agreed
Speaker 1: to couples counseling so we can move through this as
Speaker 1: positively as possible. But the unknowns are just killing me.
Speaker 1: We had just made plans to solidify her careers and
Speaker 1: start trying to get pregnant. I don't even know what
Speaker 1: advice I need. I just feel so isolated. I'm terrified
Speaker 1: of the possibility of starting over, but I don't know
Speaker 1: that the idea of staying together is comforting either. Everything
Speaker 1: seems terrible. I'm sorry if I'm just complaining. I don't
Speaker 1: know what to do. In the words Erica, BA do
Speaker 1: bag lady, You're gonna hurt your back dragging all them
Speaker 1: bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you all
Speaker 1: you must hold onto? Is you all right? You heard
Speaker 1: what I said. You're holding on to a lot of stuff?
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, what do I mean by that? Okay, let's
Speaker 1: talk about it first. You're carrying a bag of shame.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. You're carrying a bag of shame. And it
Speaker 1: stood out to me when you said that you didn't
Speaker 1: want to tell you mother because she will overreact. Hello,
Speaker 1: she's your mother. Of course she's gonna want to protect you.
Speaker 1: She doesn't want to know that her baby is heartbroken.
Speaker 1: A man that she said that she was gonna fill
Speaker 1: her forever always with isn't who he signed up to be.
Speaker 1: He isn't the man that she gave her daughter away to.
Speaker 1: Any mother will overreact, But it's interesting how you're willing
Speaker 1: to carry it. H you sit in here, um that
Speaker 1: you both grew up in religious households. All right, Okay,
Speaker 1: I feel like there's some responsibility that you've taken this
Speaker 1: matter too. What do I mean by that you're telling me,
Speaker 1: in these four and a half years of marriage that
Speaker 1: you had no idea that your husband could have possibly
Speaker 1: not been sexually attracted to you. Were you in the
Speaker 1: same relationship that he was in, Because if he's not
Speaker 1: sure that he's sexually attracted to you, were you guys
Speaker 1: having sex? I mean you said that your sex life
Speaker 1: was fine and that you never had any issues, but
Speaker 1: I'm not sure there was anything going on for any
Speaker 1: issues to be have been made. He you said that,
Speaker 1: he told you that he doesn't know if he's sexually
Speaker 1: attracted to you. Now, this can be understood because you
Speaker 1: grew up in a religious household. So there's this whole
Speaker 1: possibility that there probably wasn't any sex before marriage. Okay,
Speaker 1: I get that. I can definitely see that now that
Speaker 1: could have been a very reason as to why sex
Speaker 1: wasn't a main topic, a main thing or essential role
Speaker 1: that started on the brink of that. But then after
Speaker 1: marriage happened, Was there any sex that was being hacked?
Speaker 1: If so? Out frequently? I say this because I'm not
Speaker 1: sure that if your husband is not attracted to you,
Speaker 1: how often the performances are going on? Now there's only
Speaker 1: so often and and and only very few men who
Speaker 1: can thank the funk on a queue again, what relationship
Speaker 1: where you ain? Now, let's get back to carrying these bags. Well,
Speaker 1: you said that you weren't trying to be supportive because
Speaker 1: obviously you understand that this is a difficult time. What
Speaker 1: have you thought about you for a second, You're carrying
Speaker 1: this shame that your husband had because he felt as
Speaker 1: though he had to impress his dad to live up
Speaker 1: their expectations, but not realizing the sadness and the hurt
Speaker 1: that you are holding on because you want to make
Speaker 1: sure that he's still standing. I talked about this in
Speaker 1: the previous letter. Where is the love for yourself? Hmm?
Speaker 1: Where is the discontent or the upset factor that your husband,
Speaker 1: who you know, I would assume is your best friend
Speaker 1: and you know a best friend there. The thing that
Speaker 1: you pride yourself on is your level of communication. But
Speaker 1: the communication was there was a breakdown so much soul
Speaker 1: that you had no idea that you were just his beer.
Speaker 1: Stop playing with me. You had no idea that you
Speaker 1: were his beer. But again I have to say that
Speaker 1: you hold some responsibility in this because I don't see
Speaker 1: that you are honoring yourself. I say that, and we
Speaker 1: see this further down in the letter. We see this
Speaker 1: because you said, Okay, you're signing up to go to
Speaker 1: some couples counseling so that you can move through this
Speaker 1: as positively as possible. But it seemed as though you
Speaker 1: are still stuck in the idea because you had just
Speaker 1: made plans to solidify your careers and therefore start trying
Speaker 1: to get pregnant. Well, my question now becomes who are
Speaker 1: you getting pregnant with, because as of right now, it's
Speaker 1: looks like you're in their own relationship with self. But again,
Speaker 1: we gotta get down to the matter of why are
Speaker 1: you carrying all these bags now before we start pointing
Speaker 1: the finger, and we want to just look at him
Speaker 1: and the fact that he's carrying these expectations and living
Speaker 1: up to these regards to his father. I have to
Speaker 1: turn my eyes at you and say, for as, you're
Speaker 1: living to up to some expectation with your mother because
Speaker 1: you are afraid to disappoint her, to say mother, the
Speaker 1: man that I decided to say yes to, mother, the
Speaker 1: man that I introduced you to, mother, the man that
Speaker 1: I told you I would like you to give me
Speaker 1: a way too, doesn't want me after all. But if
Speaker 1: you look at it, I can understand those pressures. You
Speaker 1: grew up in a religious household, so that means start
Speaker 1: a family, But you gotta understand every house. It's not
Speaker 1: at home. So I'm not sure what you're putting together now.
Speaker 1: Do you're gonna drown yourself and mystery because you don't
Speaker 1: want to disappoint because at some point you are going
Speaker 1: to have to go ahead and free yourself. Fantasias told
Speaker 1: you that, and get out of this relationship. But I'm
Speaker 1: not sure that you really need advice either. I think
Speaker 1: what you need to do is that you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to make a choice. I think that's what we feel
Speaker 1: with life, and life is all about making a choice.
Speaker 1: We need to choose what kind of life that we
Speaker 1: want to sign up to live. Do you choose to
Speaker 1: honor and love and respect yourself? Because when you make
Speaker 1: that choice, you abide by that. See, you can't be
Speaker 1: what you aren't are already, do you hear what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You can't be composed of something that you don't have
Speaker 1: the pieces too. So if you are saying that you
Speaker 1: are this upright woman and you want to walk with
Speaker 1: an amazing man who loves you, well see everything that
Speaker 1: you thought he was gonna be mm hmm, Because it
Speaker 1: sounds like he may have been good looking for the
Speaker 1: outside and the picture was nice, but he's not who
Speaker 1: he signed up to be. And you shouldn't carry that
Speaker 1: guilt now. What you will carry now is if you
Speaker 1: decide to stay. But I'm gonna need you to choose you,
Speaker 1: and I need you to choose to be great, and
Speaker 1: I need you to choose to love you. Okay, And
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to realize and come to this understanding
Speaker 1: that he does not want you, that you're not what
Speaker 1: he wants because you don't have what he needs. Hey,
Speaker 1: guess what. Frankly speaking, he doesn't have what you need either.
Speaker 1: So I need you to make a decision. You are
Speaker 1: going to have to make a decision and let these
Speaker 1: bags down because honestly speaking, you can't do everything for yourself,
Speaker 1: and you can't do everything by yourself. You are going
Speaker 1: to have to list more supporting. It sounds like you
Speaker 1: need your mother. You're gonna need your mother to get
Speaker 1: you this. Yes, she may have a moment, But what
Speaker 1: you're gonna have in this secret, what you're just gonnaway
Speaker 1: stay in this relationship and have your mother, your your
Speaker 1: husband just tipping out. How long are you gonna carry
Speaker 1: yourself with the stress and relationship. See, when you carry
Speaker 1: on to the stress, these diseases come into your body.
Speaker 1: Stress will take your health away like a thief in
Speaker 1: the night. You know, I was on a game show
Speaker 1: Let's make a Deal, and we were leaving out from
Speaker 1: the staging area to go down to the office so
Speaker 1: that we can put out the paperwork to win our prizes.
Speaker 1: So I sat down with this nurse and we were
Speaker 1: just talking about life and just talking about different things,
Speaker 1: and and we were talking about the main thing that
Speaker 1: takes people out in this world. And she said, well,
Speaker 1: you know a lot of people think cancer, and I'm thinking,
Speaker 1: like BEINGO. Yeah, you know, my mother died of stage
Speaker 1: for a breast cancer, so I can understand and I
Speaker 1: can relate to that. She said, non't the main thing
Speaker 1: that people die away is stressed? Well, hey, you you
Speaker 1: you said it right here. You said, the anxiety is
Speaker 1: taking you through the roof m and you're at a
Speaker 1: point that you're far away from any family or friends.
Speaker 1: So who is there? Are you? Are you just gonna
Speaker 1: allow yourself to spiral out of control because this career
Speaker 1: that you talked about, how you guys were talking about solidifying,
Speaker 1: will you had to call off work in a minute.
Speaker 1: You're not going to even have a career to solidify,
Speaker 1: so that that can becomes silent. Do you hear what
Speaker 1: I'm saying? Now? The whole idea of this couple's counseling
Speaker 1: so you can move through this as positively as possible.
Speaker 1: I'm wondering what kind of outcome you're wishing for now.
Speaker 1: Is this couple's counseling is in a sense of so
Speaker 1: there's an understanding and there's a communication, and now we're
Speaker 1: getting a sense of why we must go our separate ways?
Speaker 1: Or is this a situation what you're trying to figure
Speaker 1: out how to work this out together? Take some time
Speaker 1: and think about it. But I'm gonna need you to
Speaker 1: choose you and to love you and understand that you
Speaker 1: deserve a husband that's going to be open. And I
Speaker 1: want to say another thing, you're twenty eight years old.
Speaker 1: If you look at the statistics now, people your age
Speaker 1: are not even in a relationship to even have a
Speaker 1: baby yet. Now, I'm not saying that it's a common
Speaker 1: thing to do or uncommon. It's whatever you choose. But
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say, you still have a lot
Speaker 1: of life to live. Don't forget that. So don't let
Speaker 1: this stop your life. And that's what happens with bad
Speaker 1: LADIESY When you're carrying so much stuff in a minute,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be stuck and you can't move. When you
Speaker 1: decide to love on yourself, you decide to realize how
Speaker 1: freek you really are. So I encourage you to pack life.
Speaker 1: Take note from Ericabado. Okay, all right, let's move on
Speaker 1: to the next month subject, life's been derailed. Dear Dawn.
Speaker 1: I'm a forty eight year old woman living on the
Speaker 1: East Coast. I feel like I've lost a lot of
Speaker 1: my mojo on the last month thanks to a poor discipline. See,
Speaker 1: I've been able to keep my head through the last
Speaker 1: few months and even years through a mind buless practice.
Speaker 1: Every day I wake up before dawn, meditate than have
Speaker 1: a cup of coffee, focusing on the things I'm thankful
Speaker 1: for and what I planned to do as the sun rises.
Speaker 1: I started in my twenties and ever since I've kept
Speaker 1: it up for almost every day, and I just feel
Speaker 1: like it centers me. But since this pandemic started, I
Speaker 1: have actually found myself more busy, not less. The nature
Speaker 1: of my job was such that I could work from home,
Speaker 1: but my job description changed to the point that I
Speaker 1: can no longer effectively do my morning routine. On top
Speaker 1: of the fact, I'm sharing my apartment with my twenty
Speaker 1: three year old sister who was going to graduate school online.
Speaker 1: There's not a lot of space there, and it feels
Speaker 1: like there's less time in the day. Now. I'm no
Speaker 1: stranger to change, but with something so central to my
Speaker 1: daily routine being thrown off, I just feel like I've
Speaker 1: been spiring the last two or three months. I've tried
Speaker 1: waking up earlier, but my body just feels exhausted and
Speaker 1: I end up being worse at work. Do you have
Speaker 1: any advice? How can I get back into my groove
Speaker 1: or even soften the pain of establishing a new one.
Speaker 1: And the words so the brother I s cute, check
Speaker 1: yourself before you rack yourself. Yeah, I said it, check
Speaker 1: yourself before you rack yourself. What do I mean by that? Honey?
Speaker 1: You gotta protect your peace. This is what you said
Speaker 1: that stood out most. You know, Um, let's let's let's
Speaker 1: look at it here. When you look at a boat, right,
Speaker 1: they have something called the anchor. Anchor is kind of
Speaker 1: like that central thing that gets the boat from just
Speaker 1: go on whatever. It centers it right, It keeps it steady.
Speaker 1: And you know, when you're steady, you can see things,
Speaker 1: you can hear things better. You'll find it when you're
Speaker 1: looking for something, you gotta cut down the music because
Speaker 1: you gotta see better. Or sometimes when you need to
Speaker 1: hear something, you may need to close your eyes so
Speaker 1: that you can focus and tune in. Well, guess what
Speaker 1: it sounds like. Your piece has been um dismantled And
Speaker 1: like anything, I think we have to take responsibility in
Speaker 1: our lives. And right now I'm gonna have to get
Speaker 1: that to you because you gotta set your boundaries. See,
Speaker 1: you're thinking of ways of um, what should I can
Speaker 1: say accommodating everything outside of you? And see what? You
Speaker 1: gotta understand that some things are non negotiable. And one
Speaker 1: thing that I know for sure self, you are non negotiable.
Speaker 1: That's one thing I learned years ago from inspirational motivational speaker,
Speaker 1: life coach business coach Lisa Nichols. She said, sometimes you
Speaker 1: have to allow your note to others, whether that be
Speaker 1: things or people, to be the yes to yourself. Now
Speaker 1: I get it. I understand we are trying times. I
Speaker 1: lived in New York, so I can even understand how
Speaker 1: small of a space that you may be in. So
Speaker 1: you gotta find your peace. Now you're taking away or
Speaker 1: robbing yourself from the one thing that sent her to you,
Speaker 1: and that was your meditation in the morning, which is
Speaker 1: something I can relate to as well. I like waking
Speaker 1: up at a four thirty right before the sun comes up.
Speaker 1: I got my candle going, I got my incense, and
Speaker 1: I'm in my meditation, just connecting with self. And there's
Speaker 1: nothing like when that sun comes up and it kisses
Speaker 1: you and it's like everything is cut on, the lights
Speaker 1: to cut on or right now. You're in a situation
Speaker 1: where you're missing that. And like I said, I get it.
Speaker 1: We're in a pandemic. So no, you're not just going
Speaker 1: out to the coffee shop. You're not just making your
Speaker 1: simple runs to the bold daked to get what it
Speaker 1: is that you need. But you gotta make sure to
Speaker 1: preserve you. And I understand this job as you know,
Speaker 1: you're working from home, but guess what you step into
Speaker 1: the responsibility where you have to set your parameters. You
Speaker 1: have to set your boundaries. If that means you're not
Speaker 1: starting work before eight o'clock, seven o'clock, nine o'clock, don't
Speaker 1: start it. If that means you gotta hit the end
Speaker 1: work at three, at five, at seven, that means you
Speaker 1: gotta stop it. If you don't set the parameters, if
Speaker 1: you don't set the limit, if you don't establish the boundaries,
Speaker 1: how can you expect anybody else to respect it? Heck,
Speaker 1: if you don't see how you expected me to see it.
Speaker 1: I can't tell you what you need, but you can
Speaker 1: show me what you want. But see, you can only
Speaker 1: want what is it is that you know that you need?
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? Set your boundaries, find your peace.
Speaker 1: I can imagine it. Sounds like your sister twenty three,
Speaker 1: your forty, So that probably means to me that you
Speaker 1: probably serve as some type of maternal figure for your sister.
Speaker 1: I get it. But now you're gonna have to start
Speaker 1: honoring yourself more so, if that means getting up early
Speaker 1: and not doing the work, it means not doing that.
Speaker 1: If that means going down walking twenty city box, go
Speaker 1: do that. But you gotta find your peace because on
Speaker 1: the Vitamin D podcast we talk about something to about
Speaker 1: you being your greatest asset, and when you are your
Speaker 1: greatest asset, that means your value yourself. You gotta value
Speaker 1: you yourself. And I blame you because you aren't using
Speaker 1: your voice, You aren't speaking up for yourself. You aren't
Speaker 1: telling people what they are your limits. So therefore, there
Speaker 1: are so many lines that people are crossing. So find
Speaker 1: out what it is that you want, decide on it.
Speaker 1: Then I want you to choose it. Then after you
Speaker 1: choose it, I'm gonna need you to honor it, because remember,
Speaker 1: you better check yourself before you wreck yourself. Speak up
Speaker 1: for yourself, make sure you're heard, create those boundaries, but
Speaker 1: more importantly, protect your peace. That's it, all right, Let's
Speaker 1: go to the next one subject, midlife prices at thirty.
Speaker 1: They're dawn. Maybe not midlife, but one third life crisis.
Speaker 1: That's a thing. I feel downright depressed. I should have
Speaker 1: done so much more when I was younger. Partied more, traveled, more,
Speaker 1: taking psychedelics. Now all those things really aren't an option.
Speaker 1: I've been feeling like I'm grasping it at ways to
Speaker 1: curate my identity to feel younger. What sucks is that
Speaker 1: I never got to be the beautiful woman that people desired,
Speaker 1: and now I never will be. I am very happily
Speaker 1: married to an absolute amazing man. We have a perfect
Speaker 1: and healthy daughter. My life is great, but I still
Speaker 1: feel a voy. My husband and I have been together
Speaker 1: for thirteen years. He truly is my dream man, and
Speaker 1: I would never want to be apart from him, But
Speaker 1: part of me feels like I missed the chance to
Speaker 1: ever feel desired. I know that it's very petty and
Speaker 1: a sad thing to focus on, but I grew up
Speaker 1: trubby and unpopular and feeling regretful all the things I
Speaker 1: never did in life. I don't really know how to
Speaker 1: deal with these complicated feelings. I'm not laughing at you.
Speaker 1: I'm more so um thinking of the lies that you're
Speaker 1: telling yourself. Mm hmm, Well what do I mean by this?
Speaker 1: You said it in the first two lines, you said
Speaker 1: I feel down right depressed, Yet followed by a couple
Speaker 1: of things later, you said that I'm very happily married,
Speaker 1: I have the perfect and healthy daughter. You know your husband,
Speaker 1: he's the dream man. Who are you lying too? Because
Speaker 1: here's the thing, Just like I talked about in the
Speaker 1: previous letter, I talked about the anchor and how you
Speaker 1: gotta anchored yourself because when you're not anchored, you gotta
Speaker 1: be able to see things leveled right, because you can
Speaker 1: just wobble everywhere, you know, Can you imagine that ship
Speaker 1: of that boat, It's just going down all the way
Speaker 1: down the Pacific. Okay, no dango will. Maybe it should
Speaker 1: have been in the Mediterranean. I don't know. But in here.
Speaker 1: The thing that I find interesting with you is that
Speaker 1: you said, I'm down right depressed. You have all these regrets,
Speaker 1: the things that you should have, could have, would have dead.
Speaker 1: I feel like looking back at all that thing is
Speaker 1: it's almost like looking through a foggy glass because you
Speaker 1: can't see what it is that you have. Well, that's
Speaker 1: because you've been telling some lies to yourself, or maybe
Speaker 1: you haven't been telling out right lies, but maybe you
Speaker 1: haven't decided to see the truth by them. Indeed, we're
Speaker 1: all about talking about the truth and cutting the lights on. Well,
Speaker 1: let's take a look. You said, Hey, I didn't have this.
Speaker 1: I wish the head of that, I'm not even desired. Well,
Speaker 1: if you want to, first, let's go off of your
Speaker 1: past and all the things that you wish you could
Speaker 1: have done you should have done. The first thing you
Speaker 1: gotta realize is that you weren't in the right mindset
Speaker 1: to be who it is that you thought you were.
Speaker 1: That wasn't the card that you played for yourself. Now
Speaker 1: you're in your mid thirties and you want to get
Speaker 1: out and have some fun because of the things that
Speaker 1: you couldn't do. Then you're thinking of it on the
Speaker 1: outside because everything sounds like, um, it's a look to you.
Speaker 1: Everything is about a look. You gotta look. You know,
Speaker 1: you say you got the dream man because he's so amazing.
Speaker 1: But how amazing is your man if you don't even
Speaker 1: feel desired by him? And if you're looking for desire
Speaker 1: outside of your relationship, what are you doing in this relationship? Again?
Speaker 1: I talked about having a look? You said I got
Speaker 1: the perfect and healthy daughter. What is this perfect thing
Speaker 1: that you're going after? What is this thing that you're
Speaker 1: chasing that you feel like you gotta keep up with?
Speaker 1: The jones is because everybody else did it. So here
Speaker 1: you are in your mid thirties, going to your late thirties,
Speaker 1: you got a child, and you try to go out
Speaker 1: there popping billies and busting it open for a real
Speaker 1: one or a fake one or whatever. One mm hmm. Now,
Speaker 1: if your husband isn't allowing you to feel the desire
Speaker 1: that you feel, but you've got a couple of issues
Speaker 1: going on while you're not communicating with your husband, Okay,
Speaker 1: and clearly he's not communicating on his end with you.
Speaker 1: This man is so amazing, and you have the dream
Speaker 1: husman that you've always wanted. Why is it that you're
Speaker 1: still feeling like you're laughing? There's definitely some self work
Speaker 1: to be done here, because if you keep living in yesterday,
Speaker 1: you don't understand the gift that the President is for
Speaker 1: you right now. Did you hear what I say? If
Speaker 1: you're still living in yesterday, you can't receive the gift
Speaker 1: that the Presence is giving you right now. So again
Speaker 1: I ask you, what do you want? Well, if you
Speaker 1: had to choose what you want, it sounds like you
Speaker 1: want to be happy. But I'm gonna need you to
Speaker 1: understand where you are because perhaps if you were that
Speaker 1: that young woman that was out there traveling so much,
Speaker 1: who was out there party and so much, and you're
Speaker 1: taking psychedelics, do you think you would have been a
Speaker 1: position to receive this man that you deem as so
Speaker 1: amazing and and the man of your dreams? Do you
Speaker 1: think it would align you in the proper situation to
Speaker 1: have a quote unquote perfect and healthy daughter. Well, you
Speaker 1: keep lying yourself because you said that in one minute,
Speaker 1: I feel down right and depressed. But then you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: my life is great, comma, but I still fill avoid well,
Speaker 1: how great is your life? You can't fix what you
Speaker 1: don't need, don't needs fixing. And see, the issue that
Speaker 1: I see is this letter is that you're trying to
Speaker 1: fix what's already been passed and what's already done. The
Speaker 1: past is over and done with. You don't live there anymore.
Speaker 1: But you need to do some work in creating who
Speaker 1: you are right now. And it sounds like you may
Speaker 1: need to possibly go talk to somebody. You need to
Speaker 1: muster up whatever it is that you're looking on the
Speaker 1: outside for. You need to find that within. Do you
Speaker 1: check what I'm saying? You are going to have to
Speaker 1: decide to love your self. Now. You know what tops
Speaker 1: all of this off is that where are you loving you?
Speaker 1: You know, I can relate to your situation a bit,
Speaker 1: and I'm not in a situation where I'm married and
Speaker 1: I have children yet. But I too have been overweight
Speaker 1: my entire life. And one day I was talking to
Speaker 1: a friend and I was just looking. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, gosh, I have completely destroyed my body.
Speaker 1: I've ate all this stuff. And my friend said that's
Speaker 1: not fair because Dawn, you gotta look at what was
Speaker 1: the situation that you were in, what were you carrying
Speaker 1: in that moment, because at the time you could not
Speaker 1: see And the same goes for you. At this young
Speaker 1: girl could not see. She was in a state where
Speaker 1: she didn't know that she was desired. But what makes
Speaker 1: me alarmed is that now you're in a relationship where
Speaker 1: you're not feeling desired by your husband. There's some inner
Speaker 1: work that needs to be done. And it's a conversation
Speaker 1: that you need to have with your husband because if
Speaker 1: you aren't desiring you, why would anybody else desire you?
Speaker 1: Let down on this beside about everything so great and perfect,
Speaker 1: and I figure out what the work needs to be
Speaker 1: done because best believing you're filling down right and depression.
Speaker 1: You don't think your husband is sensing that you don't
Speaker 1: think your baby your baby, girl, listen to that check
Speaker 1: yourself now, and sometimes you're gonna have to do with
Speaker 1: a check in. Okay, Sometimes you're gonna have to choose
Speaker 1: to love you, and right now it's time to love
Speaker 1: you first. Get over this perfect thing. No, what's not
Speaker 1: a midlife prices? No, you can't look at yester years,
Speaker 1: but looking now and love you from where you are now. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, we're gonna go with one more last letter. Okay,
Speaker 1: subject boyfriend doesn't want me to pay Dear Dawn. My
Speaker 1: boyfriend opened up to me tonight that he doesn't like
Speaker 1: the way it makes him feel when I spend more
Speaker 1: money on him or help him out financially. We're both
Speaker 1: still young. I'm thirty seven and he's thirty five. It
Speaker 1: isn't something I always do, but have found myself doing
Speaker 1: it more lately. He's noticed. I've noticed started to notice it.
Speaker 1: When I was buying more dinners. He didn't want to cook,
Speaker 1: and neither did I. So I do take out notice
Speaker 1: his mood, his changing mood. When he told me once
Speaker 1: he wasn't hungry, he's always hungry. Today I gave him
Speaker 1: money to see a doctor and to pay for his meds.
Speaker 1: He's been sick. He has a job that he feels
Speaker 1: he's stuck in and is barely making enough to cover
Speaker 1: his rent. I love him, I like to build something
Speaker 1: with him, and was looking at this as a partnership.
Speaker 1: But tonight he's got me questioning my logic. I have
Speaker 1: a modest income, less than modest if I'm honest, So
Speaker 1: now I'm not talking extravagant purchases here. I told him
Speaker 1: I'd stop it. That's what he needs me to do.
Speaker 1: He told me that it makes him feel less than
Speaker 1: I'm partially embarrassed and a little hurt. I'm an overthinker,
Speaker 1: and I keep coming back to partnership. If me helping
Speaker 1: him as offensive in any way, then does he even
Speaker 1: see me as a partner. In the words of Sister
Speaker 1: uh Sara, it's time for your men to level up,
Speaker 1: level up, level up. Yeah, he's gonna have to level up.
Speaker 1: And I say to you, um, you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: take yourself off the clearance brack and get behind the
Speaker 1: glass where the valuables are. Well, what do I mean
Speaker 1: by that? Is that the fact that you are considering
Speaker 1: being with the man who sounds like to me he
Speaker 1: doesn't have a been ambition? You know me mail, He said,
Speaker 1: you're gonna love me for my ambition. And see one
Speaker 1: thing about a man with ambition, They're gonna consistently go
Speaker 1: after their dreams. They're gonna consistently make it happen. Because
Speaker 1: this brother says, oh, he doesn't feel like cooking but
Speaker 1: then it's a shame when you got to bosom. So
Speaker 1: what you're gonna stand now is hungry. Y'all gonna look
Speaker 1: at each other, just be hangry and just be mad.
Speaker 1: Ain't nobody got time for that? How can this man
Speaker 1: provide for you? He says he has a job that
Speaker 1: he feels stuck in and it's barely making enough money
Speaker 1: to cover his rank. Well, he's okay with being unhappy.
Speaker 1: What are you? What are you doing? You said, I
Speaker 1: love him and I'd like to build something with him.
Speaker 1: What can he bil with He doesn't have the tools.
Speaker 1: He's in a situation where he's okay with being at
Speaker 1: the level he is that right now. The thing I
Speaker 1: like about you is because that you said, hey, I'll
Speaker 1: make a modest income, less than most, but it doesn't
Speaker 1: stop you from doing what it is that you need
Speaker 1: to do. And you sound like a woman that is resourceful. Okay,
Speaker 1: it sounds like you do know what you want, but
Speaker 1: you're not often looking at the fact of what you need.
Speaker 1: And right now he doesn't have it because the idea
Speaker 1: that you said that, hey, I'd stopped paying for him
Speaker 1: if he needs me to. So in other words, and translation,
Speaker 1: you are going to shrink in order not to dim
Speaker 1: his LFE. What when you think about relationships, or at
Speaker 1: least when I do, you gotta edify each other. You
Speaker 1: guys should be illuminating off of each other. So if
Speaker 1: he doesn't have the money, he should be thinking of
Speaker 1: ways of how he's gonna get the money. But what
Speaker 1: y'all gon just both just sit there and being happy?
Speaker 1: What you just sposed to sit there and be hungry?
Speaker 1: You just sposed to sit there and not even know
Speaker 1: if this y'all gonna have enough money to pay your
Speaker 1: rent on this soul and so partnership you're trying to establish.
Speaker 1: I can only wonder if, if if you are encouraging him,
Speaker 1: But you sound like a woman that's gonna hold down
Speaker 1: her man. So you guys should be talking about dreams
Speaker 1: or I can imagine you're sharing your dreams and aspirations
Speaker 1: with him. But guess what he can't give you what
Speaker 1: he doesn't have. And this man is he's lack an ambition.
Speaker 1: I told you got to realize the diamond that you
Speaker 1: are inside, and you would get yourself off the clearance
Speaker 1: right and get behind the glass where the valuables are
Speaker 1: You gotta set your standards for what kind of man
Speaker 1: do you want, because you gotta understand, just like the
Speaker 1: fact that he may not have the money right now,
Speaker 1: that's a reflection of his ambition, the fact that he's
Speaker 1: staying in the job, that he's not happy, and so
Speaker 1: what he's just want to call mister rate again, what
Speaker 1: are you looking to build? It doesn't sound like he
Speaker 1: has the bricks. Heck, he doesn't have the tools. I
Speaker 1: feel like this has been a common thread throughout all
Speaker 1: the letters that I've read today, and that's about loving yourself,
Speaker 1: and it's about learning the value of yourself, And honestly,
Speaker 1: it's the permise of what vitamin D is all about.
Speaker 1: Vitamin D is all about understanding how you are your
Speaker 1: greatest asset. And when you realize that you are your
Speaker 1: greatest asset, you realize there's value in that. And when
Speaker 1: there's value in something that you love, you treated with care.
Speaker 1: You set from boundaries, you set levels of expectations. You
Speaker 1: understand what it means for somebody reflect and to idify
Speaker 1: your energy. You understand what it means to level up,
Speaker 1: and right now, that's what your man needs. Not listen
Speaker 1: by Nowhere in the means of this letter. Do I
Speaker 1: understand that he is not a good guy. He seems
Speaker 1: like he has an honest heart. Doesn't sound like you
Speaker 1: said that he's out here and he's sleeping around and
Speaker 1: he's doing all these things. But my red flag is
Speaker 1: that he's thirty five. We talk about covering rent, I'm
Speaker 1: expecting you to talk about y'all trying to cover some
Speaker 1: mortgagees out here. And if he's talking about he can
Speaker 1: barely pay his rent based on a job that he despises,
Speaker 1: how do you grow from that? If the breather isn't
Speaker 1: happy where he is and has no ambition to take
Speaker 1: a step forward where he wants to be. Baby girl,
Speaker 1: you want to You're you're in a hard place. You're
Speaker 1: stuck between the rock and a hard place, And I
Speaker 1: advise you that if that rock is not a diamond,
Speaker 1: it's time to you to get the stepping. At thirty five,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure there as much he's gonna change. Are
Speaker 1: you an overthinker? No? I think you're thinking right on
Speaker 1: time about what you want from this relationship. But now,
Speaker 1: what I need you to identify as what you see
Speaker 1: yourself as in a partner? What is it that you
Speaker 1: want to reflect, so that your man can reflect, so
Speaker 1: that you guys are better union together. Wof how was that, y'all?
Speaker 1: I I um, I thoroughly enjoyed answering these letters. Um
Speaker 1: I hope I gave you some insight about your life
Speaker 1: so that you can see clearly what it is that
Speaker 1: you want, aspirations that you want to do. But more
Speaker 1: important me understanding the value in yourself. How you have
Speaker 1: to set those boundaries, How saying no to others is
Speaker 1: yes to yourself. How honoring your passion your dreams will
Speaker 1: get you to fulfillment. How understanding that you are who
Speaker 1: you around. If you want to be great, you gotta
Speaker 1: hangle greatness. Understanding that every relationship that you're in, platonic
Speaker 1: or intimate, it must be a reflection of who you are.
Speaker 1: So I'm here with you and I think that we
Speaker 1: on the road to greatness. But guess what, Let's keep
Speaker 1: rocking on this journey together of shetting this light into
Speaker 1: our lives so that we can see the good, the bad,
Speaker 1: the indifference for overall, so that we can live our
Speaker 1: best life. One of my favorite coats that I love
Speaker 1: to live by, and it says I make myself what
Speaker 1: I am. I want you to choose whatever you needed
Speaker 1: by and so on. I just want you to make
Speaker 1: the decision to decide what kind of life that you want,
Speaker 1: get out of the situation or get out of the
Speaker 1: business of trying to figure it out. I just need
Speaker 1: you to see the life that you want and I
Speaker 1: want you to affirm it every day. You know, I
Speaker 1: have life pat it in my mouth because I speak
Speaker 1: life on what it is that I want. But I
Speaker 1: understand what's speaking the life. I gotta see the vision
Speaker 1: and when they merge, that's when I manifest the reality.
Speaker 1: We're all about manifesting dreams, reality and purpose right now.
Speaker 1: But guess what, I will always be here to guide you,
Speaker 1: always be here to give you a different inside or
Speaker 1: a different viewpoints. So if you have a letter you
Speaker 1: have advice about purpose, life, relationships, anything, send it over
Speaker 1: to me and don't know's it may end up in
Speaker 1: the email back and I can give you my advice
Speaker 1: on it. So go ahead and submit your advice letters
Speaker 1: to Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com. That's
Speaker 1: Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com and be
Speaker 1: sure to catch us every Monday on the I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio app or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
Speaker 1: for more insights and inspiring conversations from some of your
Speaker 1: favorite celebrities and people just like you. Just like me
Speaker 1: where in mine To make sure you're excited about life.
Speaker 1: And if you can't get enough Vitamin D, follow me
Speaker 1: on all social media at Dawn day Speaks. That's Dawn
Speaker 1: d a I speaks on all social media all right, Well,
Speaker 1: until next time, Always remember you are your greatest asset.