WEBVTT - Vitamin D Advice Letters 0:00:01.160 --> 0:00:04.400 Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You are tuned in 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:07.960 to the Vitamin D Podcast and I'm your host, Dawn Day, 0:00:08.039 --> 0:00:10.879 and I'm going to get you excited about your lives. First, 0:00:11.080 --> 0:00:13.080 thank you for tuning in. And if this is your 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:16.960 first time, welcome here on the Vitamin D Podcast. We 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:19.320 are here to encourage you to live your best life. 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:21.320 And that comes down we're realizing that you are your 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:24.880 greatest asset. So on this podcast we have tons of 0:00:24.920 --> 0:00:29.640 inspiring conversations and we cover various inspiring insights just so 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:32.200 you can be your best self. And sprinkled in here 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:35.240 and there, we do something called the Vitamin D Advice Letters. 0:00:35.440 --> 0:00:38.120 We go into our email bag and we answer questions 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:43.519 from listeners about love, relationship, about purpose, about whatever. And 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:44.920 you know, we did our first one and this is 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:47.960 our second one. And after such an immediance a bund supply, 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:49.879 I got in there and I decided to dig out 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:52.320 of you more. And if you need advice on something 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:54.840 going on, it's feel free to shoot me an email 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:58.560 at Vitamin D at Dawn Day speaks dot com. That's 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:03.120 Vitamin D at Dawn d a i speaks dot com. 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:05.760 So let's dive in and see what we need to 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:09.600 talk about. So, without further ado, it's time now for 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:16.119 your doses of vitamin D. Right with me and get 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:22.959 excited about all right. Taking a look at the first 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:29.080 letter subject no job, no girlfriend, no career, Dear Dawn. 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:31.360 For most of my life I had a plan and 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:35.119 a B, C and D, but suddenly that was all 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:38.440 wiped away. I'm thirty five, a bartender by trade and 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:40.480 a writer by passion, and I live in l a 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:44.080 at an extremely nice bartending gig, and even after that 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:46.880 fell through, I got so much experience I could have 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:50.200 got a gig anywhere. Now all the bars are closed 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:53.840 or near enough to it. I'm still technically employed, though 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.960 I'm on the leave of absence. At the moment before COVID, 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:59.280 I got back together with my ex and things were 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:02.080 going great until July my lease was up and we 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:06.200 moved into her house. Things changed. We weren't compatible, honestly, 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:09.560 and the whole story that I won't bore you with, 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:12.480 but the essential point is that it didn't work out. 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:14.800 She kicked me out on the same night we broke up, 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:17.920 so all my stuff in my car, no job and 0:02:18.000 --> 0:02:20.679 not wanting to be a burden to my friends. I moved. 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.160 I drove back from the West Coast to the East coast. 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:25.600 I'm currently staying with my family, but I'm down to 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:28.639 my last fifteen hundred with no additional income in sight 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:31.959 once the unemployment drives up. I thought about being a cop, 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:34.600 or maybe finishing the book I was writing, or I 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:37.880 don't know, should I wait this COVID thing out. I 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:39.799 just don't know what to do right now. I'm out 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:41.840 of shape because my ex didn't want to go into 0:02:41.840 --> 0:02:44.120 the gym during COVID, so I feel tired and worn 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.480 out from the things that would have been no problem before. 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:49.320 I want to get my life back to where it 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:55.280 was and the words of Justin Timberlake, crimea River, now listen, 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:57.080 I'm not trying to be funny. I'm not trying to 0:02:57.080 --> 0:02:58.920 be me mean. I just want to be real with 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:01.320 you now. When you decided to submit this letter on 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:04.000 Vitamin D podcast, you know that we are about shedding light, 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:06.920 and shedding light is gonna come with good, the bad, indifferent. 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:09.120 It's time for you to see what it is that 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:11.239 we need to fix. And right now you're in a 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:13.800 situation where you're not feeling like you got purpose in 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:17.840 your life. But here's the thing. When you identified and 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:22.359 you said that you have a bartending job by trade, 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:26.880 and you're right about passion, Well, we're all about pursuing passion. 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:29.960 And when you talk about pursuing your passion, that tells 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:32.200 you that you're on the brink of greatness, because not 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:36.480 everybody has the courage to pursue their passion. M hmm, 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:39.800 all right, So if you're on the break of greatness, 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:43.320 let's let's talk about it. When we talk about being 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:45.640 great and we talk about having purpose, I mean, look 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:47.280 at it. We can look at all the tons of 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:50.880 people that are millionaires, billionaires, those who have said that 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:54.240 they have found a passion, or they found a happiness, 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:56.960 or they found this level of peace of just being 0:03:57.000 --> 0:04:00.640 wholeheartedly who they are. There's this is that that they 0:04:00.720 --> 0:04:03.840 knew what they wanted. I'm looking at this letter, and 0:04:03.880 --> 0:04:06.920 while you've told me that you know your bartender by 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:10.520 trade and your writing gage your passion, I got the 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:13.320 feeling that you don't know what you want because you've 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:16.040 got too many options to choose from. What do I 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:19.080 mean by that, Well, you didn't say being a cop 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:24.560 with your passion, Yet you're entertaining that idea. You didn't 0:04:24.600 --> 0:04:27.600 say unemployment was a passion, but it sounds like you're 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:33.200 comfortable with being there. You're in a situation where you 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:36.520 didn't say bartending was your passion, but yet you're complaining 0:04:36.560 --> 0:04:39.520 about because no more bars are being open. Did it 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:42.039 ever occur to you that maybe you're being isolated because 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:43.960 now it's time for you to walk into your purpose? 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:49.960 M hmm. See, when you have other plans like A, B, A, C, A, 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:52.960 D and E everything else that you can possibly think 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:57.240 in your mind, well, that causes room for distraction, for 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:00.240 you not to focus at the heart of the matter. 0:05:01.440 --> 0:05:04.200 And usually when we talk about passion, that encompasses purpose, 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:07.120 and when we talk about purpose, that talks about beating 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:12.600 for something, being alive for something. See, I believe that 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:16.400 passion beats on your purpose, and purpose beats I beat, 0:05:17.160 --> 0:05:21.680 I beat. It gives you a reason to keep going. 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:27.640 And that's why you identify with purpose, passion and life. 0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:32.880 Are you choosing life? Are you allowed? Are you allowing 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:37.479 life to choose you? Now? Yeah? I said crimea wherever 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:40.200 because it sounds like you're doing a lot of complaining here, 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:41.600 and if you want to keep on doing a lot 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:45.920 of complaining. You're gonna watch your dreams float away. Okay, 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:49.080 you said that you are a writer by passion. Why 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:53.080 aren't you pursuing your passion? That seems quite obvious from 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:59.279 point blank. Why aren't you pursuing your passion? Then you 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:02.480 said you thought of out being a cop. Why is 0:06:02.520 --> 0:06:06.240 that an option? And then you just threw occasionally in there? 0:06:06.520 --> 0:06:08.839 Or maybe I just finished the book I started writing. 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:13.039 Why isn't that at the top of the list. Here's 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:17.039 the thing. Sometimes we fall apart so things can fall 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:20.880 back together. You hear what I'm saying. Have you ever 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:24.320 seen a picture of a mosaic? Right? Mosaic are usually 0:06:24.400 --> 0:06:28.760 encompasses of little pieces, little pieces that when they come together, 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:31.159 they make for a beautiful picture. It's the imagery of 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:34.720 it all. And these pieces are broken in different situations. 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:38.839 You know they're looking uncomfortable. Okay, But when you get 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:41.520 all those pieces, those different areas of your life, you're 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:46.040 different experiences and makes out for something beautiful. Why are 0:06:46.080 --> 0:06:52.000 you letting um these distractions? Okay? B C. Indeed, the 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:54.120 idea of not having a girlfriend who was once your 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:57.920 ex and possibly perhaps she was your ex for a reason, Um, 0:06:57.960 --> 0:07:00.800 get in the way. You're a lot of right now 0:07:00.880 --> 0:07:02.560 to have all the time that you want to do 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:04.240 what it is that you know that you're supposed to 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:08.640 be doing. My only next question is are you sure 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:13.480 that's what you want? Because when you want something, you 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:20.440 go after it and you see it through. Now you're 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:26.000 talking about waiting to uh, this whole COVID thing dies out, Well, heck, 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:30.680 you got your whole life to wait to die. But 0:07:30.840 --> 0:07:35.120 your dreams, that's another story. You know. They said the 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:37.520 richest part place in the world is in the cemetery. 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:42.240 How many people die with the dreams? It's no shape. 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:45.440 But you're not a person that's excused from making excuses. 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:49.360 You gotta laundry list that I'm looking at right now. 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:53.040 And you gotta understand too that once you get out 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:56.560 of the excuses, you can move forward. Now, you said 0:07:56.560 --> 0:07:59.040 this whole situation that your girlfriend because she was thinking 0:07:59.040 --> 0:08:01.120 of you at the time you're ex girlfriend of you 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:02.800 not wanting to go to the gym because she was 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:06.560 concerned about your health. Well, you're gonna make the excuse 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:08.600 like you can't get your foot on the cement and 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:12.920 get to walking down the street. What's stopping you and 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:15.000 so you've got to understand why that is so important 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:19.520 because your body is your instrument, it's your vessel for 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:23.880 where these words are to come to life with. Well, 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:26.600 if you aren't taking care of the vessel, how are 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:29.760 you gonna pursue the passion? And if you ain't got 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:33.760 the passion, where is the purpose? And if you don't 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:36.480 feel like you're gonna have purpose that's gonna be compassed 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:40.559 with passion? What's gonna push you through to living your 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:43.360 best life? Now? Because you are listening to the Vitamin 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:46.240 D podcast, there is something that says you're interested in 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:48.880 being yourself? Be your best self. Well, right now, I'm 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:50.400 gonna need you to cut the light on, lights on, 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:52.760 and I'm gonna need you to see yourself for where 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:55.320 you are and where you are right now, I'm gonna 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:57.560 need you gonna realize these seeds that you hold in 0:08:57.600 --> 0:09:00.840 your hand, these acorns, and I understand that in the season, 0:09:00.880 --> 0:09:03.240 this might be a soul. In season, it's time for 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:04.760 you to get back in the books and to sold 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:07.240 those seeds. See, because you got a book inside of you, 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:09.520 and you probably have several books. Hey, you might have 0:09:09.559 --> 0:09:13.040 some movies, you might have some television scripts, you might 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:16.480 have a poem, you might be the next editor. Whatever 0:09:16.640 --> 0:09:19.640 it is, it's time for you to get back to you. 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:23.559 It's time for you to love on yourself, because when 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:27.000 you love yourself, you do right by yourself. And you say, 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:28.800 I just want to get back to my life to 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:32.280 where it was, well, I don't know exactly that's where 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:36.160 you wanted to be again. You said your passion was writing, 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:39.480 but yet you're talking about having a bar attending. You 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:41.920 said that you had got back together with your exul. 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:45.559 Wasn't she your ex for a reason? Think about it. 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:49.520 I just want you to think about it now. Again. 0:09:50.040 --> 0:09:54.200 We gotta understand that greatness was predestined on our lives, 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:58.120 but we make the decision in order to be great. 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:04.400 So why skill do you want to be great? Remember, 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:08.000 your dreams don't work unless you do. Okay, So you're 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:10.040 standing with family. You got a roof over your head 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:12.800 because they're a lot of sandwich. I'm sure they're gonna 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:17.000 allow to feed you too. You're downs. What's stopping you 0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:19.160 from getting in the car and driving? Uber? I did it? 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:22.679 What's stopping you from driving and left? I did that too. 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:28.320 What's stopping you from hustling to get your money, Stop 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:32.080 making excuses, put that pants to the paper and write 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:38.120 out your book. Your dreams are waiting on you. Go 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:40.480 down the block and take a walk. You can't keep 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:45.360 wallowing in this sorrowness again. Keep crying yourself forever, and 0:10:45.400 --> 0:10:48.839 you're gonna watch your dreams slowed away. Now listen, I'm 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.319 not trying to be harsh, but you've got greatness on 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:54.480 your life, and it is my duty to enlist and 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:57.400 to tell you that, to ensure because you don't know. 0:10:57.600 --> 0:11:00.120 Just you've pursuing your dreams and staying faithful to what 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:02.560 means most to you, you could be saving anie of 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:05.880 life and another life after that. Because I know my 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:08.079 purpose is to speak, and I know my purpose and 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:10.560 too was inspired And if this is gonna get you 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:12.480 to wake up, to make sure that you get down 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:14.280 that book that it is that you're going to write. 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:16.920 Can you imagine who may pick up that book that 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:19.199 may be in that despaired moment and then you say 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:22.079 that next life, it's time for you to be great. 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:26.760 I need you to make that decision. Okay, decide what 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:29.920 you want. Understand that it's time for you to love 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:34.679 on yourself and get back to writing. Promise you you're 0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:38.000 gonna be amazed to where it takes you. All right, 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:42.439 let's go to the next letter subject. My husband came 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:48.040 out to me. Okay, all right, Okay, Dear Dawn. I'm 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:51.160 a twenty eight year old female from North Carolina. I'm 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:53.800 writing to you about my husband. He's thirty one. We've 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:56.319 been married four and a half years. We've never had 0:11:56.360 --> 0:11:58.880 issues in our sex life. We both grew up in 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:03.239 religious household. However, we've both drifted away from our upbringings. 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:06.040 Him a little more so. He said he's known he's 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:09.520 gay since high school, but wanted to meet his dad's expectations, 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:13.080 so he married a woman me. He doesn't know if 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:16.000 he's sexually attracted to me, and doesn't know what he wants. 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:20.440 I'm trying so hard to be supportive because obviously this 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:22.800 is a really difficult thing for him as well. But 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:26.240 I'm heartbroken. My anxiety is through the roof. I feel 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:28.960 so lost that I'm far away from any friends or family. 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:31.120 I don't feel like I should tell my parents yet 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:34.280 because my mom will overreact. I told my brother and 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.000 my best friend and my boss because I called out 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:39.720 of work the day after he told me. They're all 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:42.720 trying to be super supportive, but they keep asking me 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:44.760 how I'm doing and what I need, and I just 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:47.800 don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:50.520 I have a therapist, so I do have a professional 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:53.440 helping me with my mental health, and my husband agreed 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:55.840 to couples counseling so we can move through this as 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:59.559 positively as possible. But the unknowns are just killing me. 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.360 We had just made plans to solidify her careers and 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:05.160 start trying to get pregnant. I don't even know what 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:09.000 advice I need. I just feel so isolated. I'm terrified 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:11.840 of the possibility of starting over, but I don't know 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:15.920 that the idea of staying together is comforting either. Everything 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:19.559 seems terrible. I'm sorry if I'm just complaining. I don't 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:22.640 know what to do. In the words Erica, BA do 0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:29.240 bag lady, You're gonna hurt your back dragging all them 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:33.360 bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you all 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:38.400 you must hold onto? Is you all right? You heard 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:42.200 what I said. You're holding on to a lot of stuff? 0:13:43.600 --> 0:13:47.600 Mm hmm, what do I mean by that? Okay, let's 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:52.600 talk about it first. You're carrying a bag of shame. 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:57.280 Mm hmm. You're carrying a bag of shame. And it 0:13:57.360 --> 0:13:59.280 stood out to me when you said that you didn't 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:04.000 want to tell you mother because she will overreact. Hello, 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.000 she's your mother. Of course she's gonna want to protect you. 0:14:07.240 --> 0:14:09.520 She doesn't want to know that her baby is heartbroken. 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:11.280 A man that she said that she was gonna fill 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:14.160 her forever always with isn't who he signed up to be. 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:17.160 He isn't the man that she gave her daughter away to. 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:21.280 Any mother will overreact, But it's interesting how you're willing 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:26.320 to carry it. H you sit in here, um that 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:29.800 you both grew up in religious households. All right, Okay, 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:33.520 I feel like there's some responsibility that you've taken this 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:38.440 matter too. What do I mean by that you're telling me, 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:43.400 in these four and a half years of marriage that 0:14:43.520 --> 0:14:46.280 you had no idea that your husband could have possibly 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:51.160 not been sexually attracted to you. Were you in the 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:55.800 same relationship that he was in, Because if he's not 0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:58.960 sure that he's sexually attracted to you, were you guys 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:03.160 having sex? I mean you said that your sex life 0:15:03.200 --> 0:15:06.760 was fine and that you never had any issues, but 0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:08.840 I'm not sure there was anything going on for any 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.760 issues to be have been made. He you said that, 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:14.720 he told you that he doesn't know if he's sexually 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:17.160 attracted to you. Now, this can be understood because you 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:19.320 grew up in a religious household. So there's this whole 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:22.600 possibility that there probably wasn't any sex before marriage. Okay, 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:26.320 I get that. I can definitely see that now that 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:28.640 could have been a very reason as to why sex 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:32.560 wasn't a main topic, a main thing or essential role 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:34.920 that started on the brink of that. But then after 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:38.960 marriage happened, Was there any sex that was being hacked? 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:43.200 If so? Out frequently? I say this because I'm not 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:46.040 sure that if your husband is not attracted to you, 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:50.320 how often the performances are going on? Now there's only 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:53.720 so often and and and only very few men who 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:59.080 can thank the funk on a queue again, what relationship 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:03.480 where you ain? Now, let's get back to carrying these bags. Well, 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:09.800 you said that you weren't trying to be supportive because 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:13.040 obviously you understand that this is a difficult time. What 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:16.920 have you thought about you for a second, You're carrying 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:20.240 this shame that your husband had because he felt as 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:23.080 though he had to impress his dad to live up 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:27.120 their expectations, but not realizing the sadness and the hurt 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:29.600 that you are holding on because you want to make 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:33.760 sure that he's still standing. I talked about this in 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:37.760 the previous letter. Where is the love for yourself? Hmm? 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:44.000 Where is the discontent or the upset factor that your husband, 0:16:44.000 --> 0:16:47.600 who you know, I would assume is your best friend 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:49.600 and you know a best friend there. The thing that 0:16:49.680 --> 0:16:53.120 you pride yourself on is your level of communication. But 0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:56.840 the communication was there was a breakdown so much soul 0:16:57.320 --> 0:17:00.240 that you had no idea that you were just his beer. 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:07.760 Stop playing with me. You had no idea that you 0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:11.080 were his beer. But again I have to say that 0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:14.640 you hold some responsibility in this because I don't see 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:17.359 that you are honoring yourself. I say that, and we 0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:20.119 see this further down in the letter. We see this 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:23.679 because you said, Okay, you're signing up to go to 0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:26.600 some couples counseling so that you can move through this 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:29.919 as positively as possible. But it seemed as though you 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:32.919 are still stuck in the idea because you had just 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:36.920 made plans to solidify your careers and therefore start trying 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:40.000 to get pregnant. Well, my question now becomes who are 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:42.840 you getting pregnant with, because as of right now, it's 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.600 looks like you're in their own relationship with self. But again, 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:48.199 we gotta get down to the matter of why are 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:51.800 you carrying all these bags now before we start pointing 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:53.320 the finger, and we want to just look at him 0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:56.280 and the fact that he's carrying these expectations and living 0:17:56.320 --> 0:17:58.399 up to these regards to his father. I have to 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:00.360 turn my eyes at you and say, for as, you're 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:03.520 living to up to some expectation with your mother because 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:06.560 you are afraid to disappoint her, to say mother, the 0:18:06.600 --> 0:18:09.399 man that I decided to say yes to, mother, the 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:12.639 man that I introduced you to, mother, the man that 0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:14.320 I told you I would like you to give me 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:18.879 a way too, doesn't want me after all. But if 0:18:18.880 --> 0:18:22.199 you look at it, I can understand those pressures. You 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:24.440 grew up in a religious household, so that means start 0:18:24.440 --> 0:18:26.920 a family, But you gotta understand every house. It's not 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:31.480 at home. So I'm not sure what you're putting together now. 0:18:31.520 --> 0:18:33.880 Do you're gonna drown yourself and mystery because you don't 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:35.800 want to disappoint because at some point you are going 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:38.760 to have to go ahead and free yourself. Fantasias told 0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:44.320 you that, and get out of this relationship. But I'm 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:47.400 not sure that you really need advice either. I think 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:48.879 what you need to do is that you're gonna have 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:51.440 to make a choice. I think that's what we feel 0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:54.679 with life, and life is all about making a choice. 0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:57.320 We need to choose what kind of life that we 0:18:57.400 --> 0:19:00.520 want to sign up to live. Do you choose to 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:03.640 honor and love and respect yourself? Because when you make 0:19:03.680 --> 0:19:07.199 that choice, you abide by that. See, you can't be 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:11.199 what you aren't are already, do you hear what I'm saying. 0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:14.399 You can't be composed of something that you don't have 0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:18.199 the pieces too. So if you are saying that you 0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:20.800 are this upright woman and you want to walk with 0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:25.560 an amazing man who loves you, well see everything that 0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:29.320 you thought he was gonna be mm hmm, Because it 0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:31.359 sounds like he may have been good looking for the 0:19:31.440 --> 0:19:37.240 outside and the picture was nice, but he's not who 0:19:37.440 --> 0:19:40.159 he signed up to be. And you shouldn't carry that 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:43.040 guilt now. What you will carry now is if you 0:19:43.160 --> 0:19:45.879 decide to stay. But I'm gonna need you to choose you, 0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:47.439 and I need you to choose to be great, and 0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:51.280 I need you to choose to love you. Okay, And 0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:53.880 you're gonna have to realize and come to this understanding 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:56.880 that he does not want you, that you're not what 0:19:57.000 --> 0:20:02.680 he wants because you don't have what he needs. Hey, 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:07.720 guess what. Frankly speaking, he doesn't have what you need either. 0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:11.800 So I need you to make a decision. You are 0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:13.480 going to have to make a decision and let these 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:17.879 bags down because honestly speaking, you can't do everything for yourself, 0:20:18.320 --> 0:20:21.760 and you can't do everything by yourself. You are going 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:24.359 to have to list more supporting. It sounds like you 0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:27.440 need your mother. You're gonna need your mother to get 0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:29.240 you this. Yes, she may have a moment, But what 0:20:29.280 --> 0:20:31.359 you're gonna have in this secret, what you're just gonnaway 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:33.640 stay in this relationship and have your mother, your your 0:20:33.760 --> 0:20:37.280 husband just tipping out. How long are you gonna carry 0:20:37.280 --> 0:20:39.760 yourself with the stress and relationship. See, when you carry 0:20:39.760 --> 0:20:42.879 on to the stress, these diseases come into your body. 0:20:43.200 --> 0:20:45.480 Stress will take your health away like a thief in 0:20:45.520 --> 0:20:48.800 the night. You know, I was on a game show 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:52.920 Let's make a Deal, and we were leaving out from 0:20:52.960 --> 0:20:54.960 the staging area to go down to the office so 0:20:55.000 --> 0:20:57.440 that we can put out the paperwork to win our prizes. 0:20:57.880 --> 0:20:59.520 So I sat down with this nurse and we were 0:20:59.600 --> 0:21:02.200 just talking about life and just talking about different things, 0:21:02.240 --> 0:21:04.520 and and we were talking about the main thing that 0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:07.480 takes people out in this world. And she said, well, 0:21:07.520 --> 0:21:09.280 you know a lot of people think cancer, and I'm thinking, 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:11.840 like BEINGO. Yeah, you know, my mother died of stage 0:21:11.840 --> 0:21:13.960 for a breast cancer, so I can understand and I 0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:16.920 can relate to that. She said, non't the main thing 0:21:17.000 --> 0:21:21.080 that people die away is stressed? Well, hey, you you 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:24.800 you said it right here. You said, the anxiety is 0:21:24.840 --> 0:21:29.200 taking you through the roof m and you're at a 0:21:29.280 --> 0:21:32.600 point that you're far away from any family or friends. 0:21:34.000 --> 0:21:35.880 So who is there? Are you? Are you just gonna 0:21:35.920 --> 0:21:39.119 allow yourself to spiral out of control because this career 0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:42.240 that you talked about, how you guys were talking about solidifying, 0:21:42.240 --> 0:21:45.639 will you had to call off work in a minute. 0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:48.159 You're not going to even have a career to solidify, 0:21:48.280 --> 0:21:51.479 so that that can becomes silent. Do you hear what 0:21:51.520 --> 0:21:55.240 I'm saying? Now? The whole idea of this couple's counseling 0:21:55.320 --> 0:21:57.840 so you can move through this as positively as possible. 0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:01.840 I'm wondering what kind of outcome you're wishing for now. 0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:04.119 Is this couple's counseling is in a sense of so 0:22:04.160 --> 0:22:06.800 there's an understanding and there's a communication, and now we're 0:22:06.800 --> 0:22:09.280 getting a sense of why we must go our separate ways? 0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:11.040 Or is this a situation what you're trying to figure 0:22:11.040 --> 0:22:13.640 out how to work this out together? Take some time 0:22:13.640 --> 0:22:15.280