Speaker 1: The Nicky Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. It's Nicki Glaser Podcast. It is
Speaker 1: another week of my absence during my um surgical recovery.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's what they call it. But you're
Speaker 1: hearing this as I am resting my voice. Um, this
Speaker 1: is pre op. That's how they're talking. You know, Doctor
Speaker 1: World pretty posted everything pre and postop. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying? What's during? I don't know. I think it's
Speaker 1: just the op. But like you don't you say, like
Speaker 1: we'll have that talk pre op, we'll have that talk postop.
Speaker 1: But we don't say we'll have that talk op. Oh
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's it's so it's probably drop.
Speaker 1: Well they can't really talk to you while or them.
Speaker 1: Yeah you can't. Okay, well you'll be maybe if they're like,
Speaker 1: we'll decide that. I'll decide that during UP, because he
Speaker 1: is deciding things during up. Have you ever been under before?
Speaker 1: D um? Yes, I wisdom seed I think. And then
Speaker 1: also my ranula what that thing when I had a
Speaker 1: clogged tongue duct and it made a big bubble. I
Speaker 1: think they had to do that me then too. But
Speaker 1: I think maybe just one's time. What about you for
Speaker 1: your I just love that you don't know if you've
Speaker 1: been put on, put under not You're like, I think
Speaker 1: I was put on. I don't really remember. I just
Speaker 1: it's it's not that remarkable to me. But I know,
Speaker 1: I guess it is remarkable. But some people go under
Speaker 1: so much. I mean, people are getting surgeries all the time,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, I've been. I've been under twice for
Speaker 1: colonoscopy and a endoscopy, and I think that's both. They
Speaker 1: do both at the same time. They put a tube
Speaker 1: and they meet in the middle. I guess I know, what,
Speaker 1: did you like wake up while you were under? What?
Speaker 1: My sister? I had weird visions of them like rolling
Speaker 1: me over, Like I have like memories, But I don't
Speaker 1: think I woke up, but I have what I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's freaking me out. But are you having like fake memories? Andrew?
Speaker 1: Probably fake? Probably fake. I think I was a little
Speaker 1: I was worried about how my dick was gonna look
Speaker 1: when they were rolling me around. Oh my god, did
Speaker 1: you like try to check out there were female doctors
Speaker 1: or anyone that was gonna be a woman in the up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I made sure that everyone was blind, and I was like,
Speaker 1: just good luck. I'd rather blind people operated on me
Speaker 1: than anyone. See my little dad. Someone read my Dick
Speaker 1: and Brail and they're like, it's small, it's small, we
Speaker 1: figured it out. Oh no, I think I think anxiety
Speaker 1: maems bad. Just all the extra effort you had to
Speaker 1: go to to protect it from being seen in the world,
Speaker 1: all the things, all the hoops. Dude. I have known nurses.
Speaker 1: They do talk shit about what they see in there.
Speaker 1: Of course they're humans. It's like when doctors smoke, you
Speaker 1: go white. Doctors smoke, nurses smoke. It's like, no, they're
Speaker 1: flawed people too. Yeah, my dad was a cancer doctor.
Speaker 1: He's he daring a little bit. After the divorce, he
Speaker 1: started smoking a little bit, like he tried to keep
Speaker 1: it on the low. He didn't get to addict. Obama smoked.
Speaker 1: I always remember that whenever I start to project too
Speaker 1: much perfection onto anyone, I'm like, Obama smoked, everyone's flawed.
Speaker 1: What your sister will? I know? He did it made
Speaker 1: me want to do it. Yeah. She so. She was
Speaker 1: getting four of her wisdom teeth removed, and the doctor
Speaker 1: that while she was in the procedure, he like asked
Speaker 1: the nurses to hand him like four steps or something,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden she raises her hand and
Speaker 1: like tries to hand him something. No, I just okay, well, terrify,
Speaker 1: I cannot wake up during this because it's I don't
Speaker 1: understand how you don't have pain when you're sleeping, you know,
Speaker 1: like or it must it must sedate your nerves in
Speaker 1: some way, because you would be like, you know, when
Speaker 1: you're sleeping and I do something like I would cut you,
Speaker 1: you would wake up. You know. It's different than sleep,
Speaker 1: for sure. I'm sure they're in a casiologist listening being
Speaker 1: like this is boring, Like I'll tell you exactly of
Speaker 1: Norm McDonald's bit about his you know, dying from a
Speaker 1: heart attack and at dying in his sleep, he didn't
Speaker 1: feel anything. It's like, I know, it's like they do
Speaker 1: wake up. Maybe, Yeah, it's not just like the found
Speaker 1: him dead on the floor. I think he'd rather be
Speaker 1: alive in bed or I forget what the joke was,
Speaker 1: but yeah, it's just yeah, everyone always because he died
Speaker 1: in his sleep, it wasn't a a thrashing, fighting death
Speaker 1: off in beneath the covers and like just screaming in bed,
Speaker 1: but as long as you were just horizontal when you
Speaker 1: did it, and there was a pillow here from a
Speaker 1: calf cramp, you know, not even a bad one or
Speaker 1: like restless legs dead reless dick syndrome. Wake up, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, restless leg not fun funk. My neck is
Speaker 1: still doing it. I'm still suffering that little what do
Speaker 1: you call it? A crick in your neck? Yeah? Crick?
Speaker 1: Wait what do you post crick? Post crick? I thought
Speaker 1: it was post crick but it's still going too much?
Speaker 1: Where are you Boston? In Boston? Um? I got here
Speaker 1: last night? Um, like it's what is it? It's noon
Speaker 1: or something like that, now noon fifteen and then um,
Speaker 1: in last night at um eleven, No, who cares? And
Speaker 1: then um, hey when people are like exactly and also
Speaker 1: you're hearing this like two weeks later, Um, but it's
Speaker 1: wild time. What time was it though? Like I landed
Speaker 1: at ten thirty pm from London and I was in
Speaker 1: London for um, you know, I landed in London on
Speaker 1: Monday morning in London time, and then m yeah, I surprise, Chris,
Speaker 1: So I went to London. Well, people need to know
Speaker 1: what it was, because no one knows what it was first,
Speaker 1: So you know, I know you know what it was,
Speaker 1: but do you know, I don't know what it was. Okay,
Speaker 1: So Chris's birthday and he was going over to Iceland
Speaker 1: and with his friends to Um to bike ride. Chris
Speaker 1: my boyfriend. If you're just learning this, if you're if
Speaker 1: you're pretty pre Chris Um. He was over there with
Speaker 1: his friends cycling through Iceland for nine days or something insane,
Speaker 1: and then they went to London at the end of it.
Speaker 1: I was stand in my shirt to just like hang
Speaker 1: out and and then it was his birthday on the fifth,
Speaker 1: and I was supposed to go out to London to
Speaker 1: meet them afterwards, just to hang out all week in London,
Speaker 1: but then I had to get surgery, so that I
Speaker 1: was like, I can't go to London. I'm sorry, and
Speaker 1: he was totally understanding. And it was just kind of
Speaker 1: a bummer though, because we were really looking forward to
Speaker 1: being over there together at the end of his trip,
Speaker 1: when we had not seen each other for so long.
Speaker 1: It would have been nice. And what he didn't know
Speaker 1: was that I still planned on going, but I was
Speaker 1: only going to go for one day. Um, which is
Speaker 1: something that he has often done for surprises for people,
Speaker 1: like he once flew to Australia for less than twenty
Speaker 1: four hours to go to someone wedding, and like flew
Speaker 1: twenty four hours to be there for twelve hours and
Speaker 1: then flew back just for to surprise some one at
Speaker 1: their wedding. So it's like in his playbook of things
Speaker 1: to do. And so I and I was more than
Speaker 1: happy to do it because it was so fun and
Speaker 1: he didn't see it coming at all, and he was
Speaker 1: totally fine with me not going, and obviously so like
Speaker 1: I didn't care at all, but was like, you know,
Speaker 1: we were both like longing for each other pretty heavily. UM.
Speaker 1: I think like an arduous bike trip made him just
Speaker 1: like we just like got closer during this time apart.
Speaker 1: It was just sweet and I could tell that it
Speaker 1: was like it was bumming me out so much to
Speaker 1: pretend that I wasn't going because all day when I am,
Speaker 1: I'm in London at eleven am, He's not getting in
Speaker 1: until ten pm. So all day he's traveling from Iceland
Speaker 1: to London and it is his birthday in the States.
Speaker 1: He knows I'm awake and during that time and I
Speaker 1: can't talk to him. I called him from the airport
Speaker 1: in Chicago on my layover, um, which was midnight his time,
Speaker 1: on his birthday. And I like put a bunch of
Speaker 1: blankets over my head in the lounge because it is
Speaker 1: so hard to get anywhere quiet in an airport that
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like an airport. So I get into the
Speaker 1: I go in my layover like I have a little
Speaker 1: bit time, and I go with the American Airlines lounge
Speaker 1: so I can have peace and quiet. I put a
Speaker 1: bunch of blankets and um, you know, scarf and a
Speaker 1: jacket over my head to make a little sound booth,
Speaker 1: to be like I am in bed. I'm just thinking
Speaker 1: about you on your birthday, you know. And he didn't
Speaker 1: pick up, so that was failed. Then I sent him
Speaker 1: a text and then I am flying and I fly
Speaker 1: over there and I land and I'm texting him all day.
Speaker 1: But I I get to my hotel and I just
Speaker 1: slept all day. I was gonna like go explore London,
Speaker 1: but I was so tired. I landed in the morning
Speaker 1: in London. I went to my hotel and I slept
Speaker 1: until seven pm. And then the surprise was supposed to
Speaker 1: happen at um. I was supposed to be there at
Speaker 1: like nine o'clock at the place for the surprise, and
Speaker 1: his friends new. So I arranged it with his friend
Speaker 1: Hamish Blake, who is of Hamish Nandy, which I've told
Speaker 1: people to go watch. So Hamish knew. His friends also knew,
Speaker 1: but Hamish was my you know, contact, and so I'm
Speaker 1: texting with Hamish and he was like, Okay, the plan is.
Speaker 1: So I came up with this plan. For a while
Speaker 1: we were like, oh, I'll just show up at a
Speaker 1: dinner or ill like, I don't know. I've done different
Speaker 1: surprises before. I think the last time I did it
Speaker 1: was how did I surprise him? The last time? I think,
Speaker 1: I um god, I can't remember it for some reason.
Speaker 1: But I just like show up different places and then
Speaker 1: it's always funny. But this time I was like, it's
Speaker 1: his birthday. Have the guys take him to a strip club,
Speaker 1: get him in a room, buy him a lap dance,
Speaker 1: get him in a room alone, have him blindfolded, and
Speaker 1: then I will come in and in a private room
Speaker 1: where there's not like anyone can see, and I'll like
Speaker 1: dress like a stripper and come in and give him
Speaker 1: a lap dance or whatever, and then so that was
Speaker 1: the plan. But I didn't have any stripper clothes and
Speaker 1: I tried to order someone Amazon. They are probably arriving
Speaker 1: now because it was so back ordered. So I had
Speaker 1: no slut wear and I don't really have any in
Speaker 1: my own possession, and I have like some stuff that
Speaker 1: I've gotten, but it doesn't fit right and it's not
Speaker 1: even cute. And so I had planned to go shopping
Speaker 1: in London during the day to buy a stripper outfit.
Speaker 1: I bought like strip I have stripper heels and I
Speaker 1: had those, but I like no sexy underwhere I had nothing.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh no, and it's seven o'clock. I
Speaker 1: slept way too late. So I go out and I'm
Speaker 1: you know. I went down to Herod's, which is like
Speaker 1: Nieman Marcus of London, and I met like La Perla
Speaker 1: and a bra is like four dollars. I'm like, there's
Speaker 1: no way I'm spending Like this is disgusting. So then
Speaker 1: I go to Zara and I'm just like combing through
Speaker 1: Zara trying to find any slept where there's hardly any.
Speaker 1: But I found a couple of things. Um I went
Speaker 1: in once and I was like, this is bullshit. And
Speaker 1: then I tried to get a taxi to go to
Speaker 1: the sex shop across town, and then I couldn't get
Speaker 1: a taxi. So I go, okay, I'm going back in Sarry.
Speaker 1: I gotta make something work. And then I found stuff
Speaker 1: in Zara, so then I go back. I'm getting ready.
Speaker 1: They are like texting me, like, we're on the way
Speaker 1: to the hotel. I'm staying at the same hotel they're
Speaker 1: staying at, so I can't risk leaving the hotel. Like
Speaker 1: what if Chris decides to go make a call in
Speaker 1: the hallway or something and then I see him. So
Speaker 1: I have to leave before they get to the hotel.
Speaker 1: So I get into Uber minutes before they get to
Speaker 1: the hotel. I go. I go to the strip club
Speaker 1: Platinum Lace. It's in like um Circle. I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's some area of town. Okay, So they Hamish said
Speaker 1: that his friend one of the guys called some guy
Speaker 1: that the manager said we were gonna have a V
Speaker 1: I P. Section, but no, they did not. I get
Speaker 1: there and it's not clear. So I go inside and
Speaker 1: I just find a dancer and I say to her,
Speaker 1: I'm like hey, I have this idea, and then she
Speaker 1: loved it, and I was like, okay, so like, I
Speaker 1: think it's best to find like I had adjusted the
Speaker 1: plan by then, I was like, okay, I think the
Speaker 1: best plan because if he gets blindfolded, he might be like,
Speaker 1: are they gonna rob me? Or something like it just
Speaker 1: the blindfold is gonna make it either too suspicious, he'll
Speaker 1: think it's me because it's like so obviously a surprise,
Speaker 1: or he's gonna be like scared. So I said, I
Speaker 1: think it's best if there are so many strippers that
Speaker 1: he can't really tell me from out the pack. And
Speaker 1: I brought bought a wig also, so I said, get
Speaker 1: I think three girls. I'll buy him a dance. As
Speaker 1: soon as he walks in with his friends, you guys
Speaker 1: go Chris birthday boy. I'll tell Hamish ahead of time
Speaker 1: that it seems like they called ahead of time to
Speaker 1: be like Chris is the birthday boy grabbed him immediately,
Speaker 1: so the girls act like the boys have called ahead.
Speaker 1: And so as soon as I go wait in the bathroom,
Speaker 1: I get changed. I came in and addressed that I
Speaker 1: thought was like good, and then the girls were like,
Speaker 1: what did you bring to wear it. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh this, and then I was like, but I have
Speaker 1: some extras out Then they're like, no, put that on.
Speaker 1: So I put on this other outfit that was a
Speaker 1: little bit sluttier importman in that movie closer um like
Speaker 1: it's pink wig like it felt so and immediately I
Speaker 1: was like strip re vibes, like I felt so powerful,
Speaker 1: I felt so sexy. It was so fun. And so
Speaker 1: then I go out and they're like, girl, you go
Speaker 1: if you stopped and did like four dances like on
Speaker 1: the way over there. I honestly, if his friends wouldn't
Speaker 1: have been there, I would have it was because they
Speaker 1: were already dancing. They were just like moving like this.
Speaker 1: They were just like like going up and down the pole,
Speaker 1: like just like with their backs up against the pole,
Speaker 1: like going up and down. Like there was no like
Speaker 1: acrobatics going on. So then the girls helped you such
Speaker 1: like girl, they loved it. It's like it was three.
Speaker 1: It was like a little school. It was like the view.
Speaker 1: We were around a table, the three of us talking
Speaker 1: about boys and talking about the business and talking about
Speaker 1: like surprising and they were all at first like is
Speaker 1: he gonna like be man that you're there, like are
Speaker 1: you going to like what like we get topless and
Speaker 1: like what if he like has a They were kind
Speaker 1: of like what if he's turned on by us? And
Speaker 1: like are you good? And I was like, oh no,
Speaker 1: I'm into all this and they're like okay, okay, Like
Speaker 1: I'm like clearly like this is They were like, is
Speaker 1: he going to be really embarrassed that he gets gott
Speaker 1: And I was like no, no, no, this is like
Speaker 1: our thing, and so I was like no, I love
Speaker 1: this stuff. I was like, and I even asked him.
Speaker 1: I was like, so, um, so after you guys. So
Speaker 1: then my plan was they three of them would give
Speaker 1: them him a lap dance and then I would just
Speaker 1: come in like another girl that was just like what
Speaker 1: are you guys up to? And then just come in
Speaker 1: and then I don't even know what I was gonna
Speaker 1: do after that, Like I was like, I'll probably just
Speaker 1: go like it's nicky, please just know it's me, and
Speaker 1: so rip off my wig and be like do a
Speaker 1: chick and yeah. Yeah, Honestly, it's so awkward for me
Speaker 1: to like be around because these strippers are so intimidating
Speaker 1: because they're so sexy and so like feminine, and like
Speaker 1: I just felt like a little bit clutzy, um being
Speaker 1: there and older. You know, I'm probably at least seven
Speaker 1: years older than them. I think that they're probably thirty
Speaker 1: most so I guess eight years older than thirty eight
Speaker 1: and so um yeah, and I was like practicing, like
Speaker 1: what are you guys doing in hair? What's going on?
Speaker 1: Who's the birthday boy? Is this the boy birthday boy?
Speaker 1: Does he need his chimneys wet? And so they were
Speaker 1: laughing because I was like I was blind full day,
Speaker 1: but like he's making porridge, Like what kind of crazy woman?
Speaker 1: It's like the girl from Lasers. A. Um, I just yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm straddling a broomstick. So I know, dude, this is
Speaker 1: a badass elaboraty thing. I can't so I'm on the
Speaker 1: edge of my seat, like this is ridiculous. Then, um
Speaker 1: so I really wanted it. In his mind, the best
Speaker 1: the best. If you're doing a surprise, the best way
Speaker 1: to do it is to eliminate, especially with a guy
Speaker 1: that I've done surprises with before, Like he knows that
Speaker 1: I have nothing to do on this Monday, Like it
Speaker 1: is possible for me to do this. I don't think
Speaker 1: in his wildest dreams that you were in l A.
Speaker 1: You're in l A. I was in Vegas. So I
Speaker 1: was in l A for a week and a half
Speaker 1: and then I was in Vegas the night before. Then
Speaker 1: all day on Sunny from London, I was in la
Speaker 1: I was in l A. Then Vegas on Friday night, Saturday,
Speaker 1: I I got in at I had a flight at
Speaker 1: seven am out of Vegas. All day I kept taped
Speaker 1: with Graham Ben Singer, which is gonna be airing. Um oh,
Speaker 1: I forgot all about wherever you are. So I taped
Speaker 1: from I get into I land in St. Louis on Saturday.
Speaker 1: After the show in Vegas on Friday night, Thank you
Speaker 1: Bestie's for coming out, and then I filmed all day
Speaker 1: until ten pm with Graham. I do a set that night.
Speaker 1: It's like all day long in my apartment film crew.
Speaker 1: And then Sunday morning, I wake up and start getting
Speaker 1: ready and then I leave Sunday night. So yeah, it
Speaker 1: was a busy time. But so to eliminate any any
Speaker 1: questionable doubt that he had that I maybe was going
Speaker 1: to be there or wasn't gonna be there, I um,
Speaker 1: I decided to meet up with a friend of his
Speaker 1: that he would think I have no way of contacting
Speaker 1: like a friend that I know through Chris, but who
Speaker 1: I don't even follow on Instagram, like and so, but
Speaker 1: he lives near me. So this guy, Pat knee Off,
Speaker 1: one of Chris's friends, lives near me. So I contacted
Speaker 1: Chris's brother. I got Pat's number, and I said, Pat,
Speaker 1: will you meet up with me today? This was Sunday
Speaker 1: before I left, like an hour before I left with
Speaker 1: the airport, I go meet up with me. Let's take
Speaker 1: a picture together, like we just ran into each other.
Speaker 1: And then tomorrow I will send this and I will
Speaker 1: send it to him four o'clock our time, which will
Speaker 1: be an like thirty minutes before he sees me at
Speaker 1: the strip club. So thirty minutes before Chris sees me
Speaker 1: at the strip club, I send him a selfie being
Speaker 1: like I just ran into Pat on the street. Then
Speaker 1: I text Pat to text Chris. I just ran into Nikki.
Speaker 1: I heard it was your birthday. Happy birthday. So Chris
Speaker 1: is a place in his mind. I am so in St. Louis,
Speaker 1: Pat and me, and he would never in a million
Speaker 1: years think that Pat and I coordinated that because Pat
Speaker 1: and I don't even have each other's info through multiple
Speaker 1: parties it would take. So I have covered my bases
Speaker 1: so steadily with this. So then um, also, just because
Speaker 1: Chris would have gone, I wouldn't see Chris until eleven
Speaker 1: PM on his birthday. I know that he would be
Speaker 1: a little bit suspicious that I haven't given him any
Speaker 1: kind of gift before that, Like it would just seem
Speaker 1: weird that I've just totally missed it. So I wrote
Speaker 1: a texts all day being like I love you so much.
Speaker 1: We're going to celebrate in Boston. But because he was
Speaker 1: coming here from my surgery, I um. There was this
Speaker 1: picture that was taken in Um during his Iceland trip.
Speaker 1: They had like a professional outdoor photographer, like National Geographic
Speaker 1: style taking pictures, and there's this one close up of
Speaker 1: Chris's face and he looks so rugged, so handsome, really
Speaker 1: like portrait style close up. So I at first, when
Speaker 1: I saw this picture, like a week and a half ago,
Speaker 1: I was like, God, that's National Geographic, Like that is
Speaker 1: so like that is like amazing. It's It's a picture
Speaker 1: I keep like looking at and like kissing because it
Speaker 1: looks it's so close up. It looks like he's like
Speaker 1: right next to me. I do a Halsey you know
Speaker 1: what you used to kiss your phone space, And so
Speaker 1: I wrote a guy that makes posters for comedians and
Speaker 1: like has done a bunch of graphic art based on
Speaker 1: on um like different shows. Like he'll take shows and
Speaker 1: remake them. So I wrote him and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: you do a national geographic cover. But I had to
Speaker 1: say sexiest Man alt I've like People magazine style, And
Speaker 1: so we made this amazing cover and I wrote all
Speaker 1: these funny captions that was like, and let me just
Speaker 1: read it really quick and I'll send it to you know,
Speaker 1: to post so we can have it on our socials. Um,
Speaker 1: so people can see it. But it's so well done.
Speaker 1: And this was like this was enough to give him like, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's a little present before I get there, it says
Speaker 1: Chris Convey Sexiest Man Alive Special Report. Looks like yeah,
Speaker 1: it looks like it has like an Icelandic scarf on.
Speaker 1: He looks like serious, it says The Sexy Issue with
Speaker 1: special guest editor Nikki Glazer. Chris Convey Sexiest Man Alive
Speaker 1: Special Report. How one man's voyage to Iceland accelerated glacial
Speaker 1: melt and then there's a quote. It says from the
Speaker 1: President of Iceland, Gundi Thorlaceous Johansson. It says, you can't
Speaker 1: bring that kind of hotness up here without dire consequences.
Speaker 1: That being said, we'd love to have him back. Hubba
Speaker 1: hubba and so um. I said that to um and
Speaker 1: um and so. I said that to him literally fifteen
Speaker 1: minutes before I see him, and I go, do you
Speaker 1: have two minutes to look at this present? This is
Speaker 1: all I have right now before I go to you know,
Speaker 1: to sleep and or I'm sure you're going to sleep soon.
Speaker 1: I hope you have such a fun night for your birthday.
Speaker 1: I said that to him. He's in the cabin on
Speaker 1: the way over, texting me. I'm in the bathroom of
Speaker 1: the strip club and he's like, oh my god, this
Speaker 1: is hilarious. I miss you so much. I wish you
Speaker 1: were here, and I'll tell you the rest when we
Speaker 1: get back from break. So I'm in the strip club
Speaker 1: in the bathroom awaiting their arrival. I know they're ten
Speaker 1: minutes away because I was staying at the hotel. Hamish
Speaker 1: writes me, and he goes, we're leaving right now. They're
Speaker 1: leaving late because Chris is a little depressed. I come
Speaker 1: to find out he's just like tired from the trip.
Speaker 1: He misses his girlfriend, it's his birthday. He just doesn't
Speaker 1: He's just like feeling a little bit like slowed down.
Speaker 1: And I can tell from the text, like it really
Speaker 1: honestly broke my heart because I could just tell he
Speaker 1: was like he was just being really cute when guys,
Speaker 1: if you're a guy out there in a relationship with
Speaker 1: a woman. I don't know if this is for everyone,
Speaker 1: but there's something really sweet when a guy gets like
Speaker 1: a little bit tired or a little bit like sad
Speaker 1: and just like it's kind of like I just miss
Speaker 1: you and just as kind of like pouty about like
Speaker 1: I just want to be with you. Like it was
Speaker 1: just like there was a longing for me that I
Speaker 1: really enjoyed. But it also made me sad because I
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, he thinks I'm not going to be there,
Speaker 1: and he's like he just needs his girlfriend right now
Speaker 1: and he's just feeling sad. And so I'm waiting in
Speaker 1: this bathroom and then Amish writes me and goes, we're outside.
Speaker 1: He goes John, one of the guys who is part
Speaker 1: of the plan and knows what's going on, just decided
Speaker 1: to go to a t M. We're already late. He
Speaker 1: was like, come on, John. He was like, John knows
Speaker 1: the plan. I don't know what he's doing. So then
Speaker 1: John has been in a t M. It takes forever.
Speaker 1: I'm still waiting. In the start, I got to take
Speaker 1: out like my kids savings to just for the for
Speaker 1: the pink. Yeah, it's not for me. It's not for me,
Speaker 1: it's for like, I want Chris to make sure this
Speaker 1: is real. So I'm going to cheat on my wife.
Speaker 1: Shout out to John who did lend me two hundred
Speaker 1: dollars to pay off the strippers because I didn't have
Speaker 1: enough cash because I got sucked over from my cash
Speaker 1: exchange in London. I gave them four hundred dollars. The
Speaker 1: exchange rate is eighty six cents to the dollar and
Speaker 1: I got back two six dollars for a four hundred
Speaker 1: dollars change. So I got fucked and I didn't realize
Speaker 1: it till I was a block away and I looked
Speaker 1: at my cash. Um. So anyway, thank shout out to John,
Speaker 1: Thank you for stopping at the a t M and
Speaker 1: he didn't let me paying back, so that was really
Speaker 1: nice of him. So then I go, I'm waiting, and
Speaker 1: then so Hamish goes we're inside, and I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: And I knew these girls are gonna grab Chris right away.
Speaker 1: So I am waiting in the stall. And by the way,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't even let me. The management and the strippers
Speaker 1: like weren't weren't in connection, and the security they weren't
Speaker 1: in cahoots. Oh, by the way, before this happens, I
Speaker 1: got I say to the strippers when we're at the table,
Speaker 1: and I hate to call them strippers if that's not
Speaker 1: a nice word, but I like that word. Um, and
Speaker 1: if you don't, I totally will not use it. But
Speaker 1: for now I'm going to use strippers. So the Exoctic
Speaker 1: dancers strippers and I are talking table and I go,
Speaker 1: so after I walk in, you guys, I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe we'll dance a little bit together. I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe we'll giggle whatever. But then you guys beat it.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, can I like blow them
Speaker 1: or whatever? I said something like that and I was
Speaker 1: like and they go, oh no, Um, Well, there is
Speaker 1: a room. It's two thousand dollars for that room and
Speaker 1: there's no cameras, and I'm like, no, thanks, I'll just
Speaker 1: go back to my hotel room. And I'm probably already
Speaker 1: paying that amount for two. Can I pay more for
Speaker 1: more cameras? Yeah, I'm like less cameras makes it sexy here.
Speaker 1: I'm confused. So they were like no, and by the way,
Speaker 1: the rules are different here in in the UK, or
Speaker 1: I guess in London for strip clubs, and I go,
Speaker 1: what do you mean? They're like lap dances, Get this
Speaker 1: lap dances in London? No touching. Yeah, what is the
Speaker 1: point of a lap dance in a private have private
Speaker 1: rooms all over the places. They're like, they can use
Speaker 1: this private room, this one, This one's fours, this one's six.
Speaker 1: And then you go in and the women just take
Speaker 1: off their top and dance for you, just at a
Speaker 1: closer proxi. No no touching at all. No on your lap.
Speaker 1: You can't touch them, they can't touch you. There's no touching.
Speaker 1: They just dance in front of you. Andrew, have you
Speaker 1: ever heard of anything No, this is this is I've
Speaker 1: heard of like strip clubs where they'll they can you
Speaker 1: just can't touch them, like I've heard of that you
Speaker 1: can't touch them, but that kind of the topless but
Speaker 1: they can't. That means they cannot get on your there's
Speaker 1: no lap. This is a this is just a dance
Speaker 1: that's not on the stage, and it costs you fo
Speaker 1: more to have them on the on sea level. And
Speaker 1: he's gonna know it's you if you grind, He's gonna
Speaker 1: be like, wait, this girl is bad. When I heard that,
Speaker 1: I go. I had already paid them my portion of
Speaker 1: the money that I was going to give them the
Speaker 1: rest later, and so I would have just said, let
Speaker 1: me just pretend to be a cocktail waitress then, like,
Speaker 1: let me just get them in the v I p
Speaker 1: are and walk in and be like what do you
Speaker 1: boys need? Like that's the same thing this is going
Speaker 1: to be because I can't you're not you guys can't
Speaker 1: touch him. What I wanted it to be was like,
Speaker 1: you know, we are a couple that talks about like,
Speaker 1: you know, fun stuff, and I wanted to walk in
Speaker 1: with him having all these girls on him, touching him,
Speaker 1: like like him kind of entranced. I wanted that, So
Speaker 1: it was pointless to me after I found out there
Speaker 1: just he's going to a dance recital essentially like who
Speaker 1: can't like him in a room with a laptop and
Speaker 1: have like him watching hustlers. It was like, what is
Speaker 1: going on here? And then you come in dress like
Speaker 1: a computer? Yeah, to drink. That's our role play if
Speaker 1: your if your boyfriends addicted to porn, just dress up
Speaker 1: like a laptop one. Oh yeah, I love the idea
Speaker 1: too of him texting me because he was so sad
Speaker 1: because he's like, I don't know, like I feel good now,
Speaker 1: like he didn't no offense to Holly, Cassandra and Crystal,
Speaker 1: who by the way, I also talked to them about
Speaker 1: how they figured out their names because I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to become a pop star and I'm going
Speaker 1: to make a name for myself and it's so fun
Speaker 1: because you get to name yourself. And they were talking
Speaker 1: to me about how they came up with it, and
Speaker 1: one girl was like, oh, I just had a crush
Speaker 1: on this girl well of grade school, so I just
Speaker 1: named myself her name. And then another girl was like,
Speaker 1: I just googled top ten stripper names and I picked one,
Speaker 1: and then another girl was like, I think it's just
Speaker 1: my name. So then um so then in the bathroom, Like,
Speaker 1: why did I just waste all this money? Whatever? Who cares?
Speaker 1: It's gonna be fun? Are you anxious at all? Well?
Speaker 1: I did said I'll play a thing that I sent
Speaker 1: um the group chat for my girl friends, and you
Speaker 1: can kind of see me in the bathroom waiting in
Speaker 1: a strip club the bathroom and Chris is about to
Speaker 1: arrive and I don't even know what the plan is,
Speaker 1: but I'm here and we're doing it. Okay, So that
Speaker 1: was me. I was nerves. I was a little bit nervous,
Speaker 1: very closer, very closer, like exactly like Natalie Corn closer. Okay.
Speaker 1: So I am in there and just like kind of
Speaker 1: I'm not freaking out because I already paraded around in
Speaker 1: it in the club, and I kind of felt like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just like one of the gals, even though the
Speaker 1: gals are wearing like thong lingerie like there, if you're
Speaker 1: walking around the club, were you getting solicited by men
Speaker 1: for lap dances? There was no men there yet, Like
Speaker 1: it was kind of like, yeah, it was too early already. Um,
Speaker 1: But I happen to a strip club before where I
Speaker 1: dressed normally and I got groped by a man once
Speaker 1: that was an old man and he thought I was
Speaker 1: a stripper, so it was kind of flattering, but also
Speaker 1: like what the funk, dude, Um, but I could up.
Speaker 1: I literally was like, oh, I there's no difference between me.
Speaker 1: I just watched the j LO documentary about her in
Speaker 1: that movie Hustlers, and she plays a stripper in that,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is just there's no there's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with what I'm doing. I'm just playing a character
Speaker 1: like I could do this, and it was really fun
Speaker 1: and exhilarating to dress that suggestively, and it was empowering
Speaker 1: because these girls are walking around naked without a care
Speaker 1: in the world, like not naked, but you know, in lingerie,
Speaker 1: just and it's no different than being at the pool.
Speaker 1: Let me just be honest, like, there's no difference between
Speaker 1: what these girls are wearing and what you see at
Speaker 1: a you know, especially in Miami on the beach. So
Speaker 1: I am waiting in the bathroom and then Hamish texts
Speaker 1: me two minutes after they say they've arrived. He texts
Speaker 1: me there's been a kerfuffle and I'm googling kerfuffle because
Speaker 1: Hamish is a um. Ham is just so funny. Let
Speaker 1: me just read some of these texts um with him,
Speaker 1: like Hamish Blake is I think the funniest man alive.
Speaker 1: I just might say this. Um so he says, Hey, Glazie,
Speaker 1: it's Hamish here from Australia and soon Iceland. I hear
Speaker 1: whispers you could join us in London. This would be
Speaker 1: a giant cherry, yet still perfectly proportioned and looks great
Speaker 1: in any kind of outfit cherry on the trip, he said,
Speaker 1: are we secret squirreling this? What can I do to help?
Speaker 1: I said, okay, I know it's a crazy idea and
Speaker 1: maybe two out there, but my ideal surprise would be
Speaker 1: for him to go to a strip club and get
Speaker 1: a lap dance in a dark room alone and I
Speaker 1: show up. You think that could happen. I feel like
Speaker 1: it's something he'd be down to do on his birthday.
Speaker 1: He said. I'm with Hato right now. Hado is one
Speaker 1: of the guys in the trip, and if our giggles
Speaker 1: and screams and yelling are anything to go by, I'd say,
Speaker 1: now we've calmed down in a new in a cool,
Speaker 1: nonchalant voice, Yeah, what have spabe? Sounds cool? So funny?
Speaker 1: Yes to this it will be a real slog for
Speaker 1: Hato and I, but I guess there theoretically we could
Speaker 1: start investigating London's best strip clubs. And so then he
Speaker 1: gets back to me and he's like, okay, he goes
Speaker 1: secret squirrel. Hato has a friend who is a b
Speaker 1: l L bleed in local London londoner, and he tells
Speaker 1: us Platinum Lace is the kind of place we should
Speaker 1: go to pull off your surprise. I'm not sure how
Speaker 1: we're going to pull this off, since you really can't
Speaker 1: rock up and walk up and be like, I'm on
Speaker 1: tonight but if but in my vision, you are already
Speaker 1: at the club in a false mustache, reading the newspaper.
Speaker 1: We exchange discreet nods when we walk in. I organize
Speaker 1: a lovely lady to take Chris somewhere and word her up.
Speaker 1: More discreet nods are had. You slink in surprise executed.
Speaker 1: You guys kiss confetti false from the ceiling. Some other
Speaker 1: guys sees the kids. Some other guys sees this and
Speaker 1: thinks you're allowed to kiss the girls. A fight breaks out.
Speaker 1: Some genuine London bobbies are called. We take off their
Speaker 1: helmets and bongo. Chris's favorite song the cops are too
Speaker 1: impressed to be angry. We're made honorary dukes and duchess
Speaker 1: is scene thoughts and so um. Later on he goes, hey, Nick,
Speaker 1: are we still good to go for Operation Dancer in
Speaker 1: the Dark. I think we have everything settled at this end,
Speaker 1: same venue. I think we'll be getting there maybe at ten.
Speaker 1: And then he goes in and he goes, um, operation update.
Speaker 1: You're on Masen's list, so say something like I'm with
Speaker 1: Mazen in English. Should be a great way to get
Speaker 1: clear access. Then you can get in before us and
Speaker 1: set up in lalo heck, get a few dances and
Speaker 1: close some deals with business associates. And then he writes
Speaker 1: the eagles have landed, And then uh, so we're in there,
Speaker 1: and he goes, um, we're texting back and forth about like, oh,
Speaker 1: what's what's going to happen? Um, Chris just walked in
Speaker 1: the room. By the way, Chris, I'm reading my exchange. Oh,
Speaker 1: come on, everybody, we're I'm in the middle of Oh
Speaker 1: you're just looking Okay. He's trying to help me plug
Speaker 1: in my stuff. I think I'm good for now. Wait,
Speaker 1: let's see how much time I have. Let's just go
Speaker 1: until it's just so I can finish the story. Babe,
Speaker 1: you're the best. Thank you so much, but seriously, get
Speaker 1: the get the funk out of here. Just kidding. Um.
Speaker 1: He goes, you're so close, Raven. That's your code name,
Speaker 1: by the way, and so he's just it's so funny.
Speaker 1: Coordinate with them, um, I said, okay, so it's two
Speaker 1: of them. They will approach you, guys like you have
Speaker 1: called ahead and arranged it. Crystal and Holly they what's
Speaker 1: the birthday? Boy's name is Chris? He said, Crystal and Holly,
Speaker 1: welcome to the code name game. Your extent, you're outstanding.
Speaker 1: This is wonderful. And he says, copy that, Raven. He
Speaker 1: calls me Raven. We're in the lobby waiting for Sea World,
Speaker 1: which is Chris and Vaughan trying not to hurry him
Speaker 1: to the point of suspicion, but also you know, kind
Speaker 1: of hurrying him. And I said, just let him know.
Speaker 1: You guys have something planned. Just hurry him up, and
Speaker 1: he goes, okay. Um. I like when someone has a
Speaker 1: nickname and the other one is just their real names.
Speaker 1: So then it's like t Paine and Jeff I got
Speaker 1: I got a little lazy in the second half of that.
Speaker 1: It's hard to nickname everyone, especially when there's people involved.
Speaker 1: So go ahead, so he goes, Now we have the money,
Speaker 1: so he goes, we are outside. Then John decided to
Speaker 1: go to the A T M. And he knows the plan.
Speaker 1: John and I said, okay, I have service in here
Speaker 1: because I'm in the bathroom. And then I hooked up
Speaker 1: to a hotel local hotels WiFi because before I was
Speaker 1: got nothing in there. And by the way, this, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: this is so disjointed, but I am in the bathroom
Speaker 1: because they will not let me. Security won't let me
Speaker 1: sit in an area by myself where I could be
Speaker 1: watching but like not be seen. And my wig is
Speaker 1: too much like my own hair, Like I kind of
Speaker 1: brought bought the wig as um oh. So I bought
Speaker 1: a bunch of wigs off Amazon, just to figure out
Speaker 1: while I'm in the silent mode, to figure out like
Speaker 1: my character with my pop star character. So I bought
Speaker 1: a bunch of wigs. But I didn't want to bring
Speaker 1: by a dark wig because I'm just not feeling like
Speaker 1: my character is gonna have dark hair, even though that
Speaker 1: would have been the perfect wig for this because it
Speaker 1: looks so much not like me. So anyway, I'm in
Speaker 1: a wig that kind of looks like me. So I
Speaker 1: don't want to be too um conspicuous, yes, conspicuous. So
Speaker 1: I'm trying to hide out. And then as soon as
Speaker 1: I go in this little back section and I'm not
Speaker 1: in the back areas, I'm just like in a little
Speaker 1: booth by myself. Security comes up to me and it's like,
Speaker 1: you need to get out of here, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you can't be here, what are you doing? And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have like a thing. I'm surprising my boyfriend, no
Speaker 1: sense of humor. They don't want to play. They're like, no,
Speaker 1: get out of here, and I go, fine, I'll go
Speaker 1: to the bathroom and hide, like you can't get me
Speaker 1: in there. So I go in the bathroom and by
Speaker 1: the way, the strippers say to me, um, the second
Speaker 1: you come in the room and kick us out, and
Speaker 1: first of all, you can't do anything with him physical,
Speaker 1: and I go, but he's you know what if we
Speaker 1: were boyfriend girlfriend just came in the club and they're like, well,
Speaker 1: the security doesn't know that you're dressed like this. They're
Speaker 1: gonna think you're a dancer, and I go tell them
Speaker 1: I'm not and that I can kiss them, and they're like,
Speaker 1: they're the second they see you kiss him, they're gonna
Speaker 1: prounce on you. I'm like, well, then find that I
Speaker 1: don't care, you know. But I'm also like, why can't
Speaker 1: For some reason, the girls and the security and the
Speaker 1: management are not connected, like there is no and the
Speaker 1: girls also all of a sudden stumble upon this problem
Speaker 1: where they're like, wait a second, what if as soon
Speaker 1: as these guys walk in, We've already worked out with
Speaker 1: Nikki or whatever my name is, that um Raven, that
Speaker 1: I um, they've worked out that I'm they're gonna grab
Speaker 1: Chris right away. And then all of a sudden the
Speaker 1: dawns in them. They go, but what if the other
Speaker 1: girls get bad? Because it looks like we're like just
Speaker 1: like scooping it into quickly. And I'm like, tell the
Speaker 1: other girls I picked you and that we planned this,
Speaker 1: and they're like, um no, Like it was so the
Speaker 1: politics of a strip club kind of emerged as just
Speaker 1: CD and like not being able to communicate with each
Speaker 1: other and everyone's out for themselves. It's like kind of
Speaker 1: like the Serengetti like it's just every man for themselves.
Speaker 1: And so I'm in the bathroom. Then Hamish types in
Speaker 1: after he goes, okay, we now have the money heading
Speaker 1: back into this yes. Um, he goes, we have the
Speaker 1: money now heading back over the road to this little inconspicuous,
Speaker 1: little mom and pop strip club. I said, so the
Speaker 1: management doesn't know the plan. It's like the girls felt
Speaker 1: we are telling them. So once I reveal myself, I
Speaker 1: can't touch him or do a private dance because there's
Speaker 1: no no touching role here, even for lap dances, and
Speaker 1: there are cameras in the private rooms, so it's gonna
Speaker 1: be real quick reveal and there's no point for me
Speaker 1: to be dressed like a stripper because I can't even
Speaker 1: touch him. He says, we're here, and then seconds later
Speaker 1: he says here at five. Um, I mean this is well, no,
Speaker 1: it's eleven o'clock there, but that's the reason it converted
Speaker 1: to this time. So it's five fifty in Boston. Um.
Speaker 1: He goes, there seems to be a kerfuffle dot dot dot,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, like there's problems because the security
Speaker 1: was like, there's a girl hiding in the bathroom. At
Speaker 1: this point, I'm in the bathroom for twenty minutes, and
Speaker 1: I'm guessing they've noticed, and they're like this mysterious girl
Speaker 1: that like was giving us trouble already and talking about
Speaker 1: the strippers and plodding yes and so, and I'm waiting.
Speaker 1: There's no one coming into the bathroom because it's a
Speaker 1: woman's bathroom at a strip club. It's the safest place too.
Speaker 1: It's like, honestly, if you want to go record a podcast,
Speaker 1: that's yeah, so he says, and then I google kerfuffle
Speaker 1: because he has such a grasp in the language. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I know what a kerfuffle is, but what is his
Speaker 1: definition of it? And it says like, you know, a
Speaker 1: like a fight, A confused, like you know, a I
Speaker 1: forget the definition. But I was like, oh no, So
Speaker 1: then there's a current and then I write, and then
Speaker 1: you go, I go at five two, there seems to
Speaker 1: be a curfuffle? Four? What's going on? Did we get made?
Speaker 1: That's what I say. I say made as an And
Speaker 1: I took me a while to come up with that
Speaker 1: word because I'm like, there's a word that means like
Speaker 1: when the gig is jig is up, you know, And
Speaker 1: I said, And then at so five fifty four, what's
Speaker 1: going on? Did we get made? That's two minutes after
Speaker 1: he says to Kerfuffle that it's six o two. I write,
Speaker 1: I hear nothing. I'm assuming all hell has broken loose.
Speaker 1: I'm in the bathroom, still awaiting any intel. Then at
Speaker 1: six oh seven, I get a message that says, go,
Speaker 1: go go. But by the way, it did not deliver
Speaker 1: at six o seven. It was since at six o seven.
Speaker 1: I was in there from six o two into for
Speaker 1: a while. Now, yes, so now I am in there
Speaker 1: from six o two until six twenty when the one
Speaker 1: of the streamers, one of the three, Holly, runs into
Speaker 1: the bathroom and goes, it's we're almost done. Because I said,
Speaker 1: the amount of dance I paid for us ten minutes,
Speaker 1: and I'm supposed to come. I wanted to come in
Speaker 1: about eight minutes, but once I found out they don't
Speaker 1: touch him, I was like, oh, come in at two minutes.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, who cares, it doesn't matter and I
Speaker 1: and I said two minutes because I did not want
Speaker 1: Chris to have to sit there and like humor these
Speaker 1: girls who are just dancing for him, like it's just
Speaker 1: so embarrassing like he would just be. So so I
Speaker 1: run out. This is I'm in the bathroom for twenty
Speaker 1: five minut it's now that he Hamis said go at
Speaker 1: six oh seven. I am running out thirteen minutes later.
Speaker 1: So these girls have given an extra long strip dance
Speaker 1: which I tipped with someone else's money later on extra.
Speaker 1: So I so I run out. Hamish is there. I
Speaker 1: throw Hamish my bag. I run across the room, following Holly. Holly,
Speaker 1: I hear I heard see her slip into the curtain,
Speaker 1: and I hear Chris go, oh, where did you go?
Speaker 1: You're just taking off like he's just trying to make
Speaker 1: small talk. And I peer inside, and I noticed that
Speaker 1: all the girls are topless, and before they weren't. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I forgot about the topless part. And
Speaker 1: so I quickly just like pull up my top up
Speaker 1: to my like I didn't even take it off. I
Speaker 1: just put it up to my neck so I can
Speaker 1: be topless too, you know. And I peel back the
Speaker 1: curtain and I walk in and I'm like uh and
Speaker 1: and and then Chris goes, well, hello, who is this?
Speaker 1: And I'm just like quiet, and I just kind of
Speaker 1: like staredom and like just like and he goes and
Speaker 1: get some. He goes, Hi, what's your name? I'm Chris,
Speaker 1: And I go and he's like so polite, it's so sweet.
Speaker 1: He was like, Hi, what's your name. I'm Chris. And
Speaker 1: he's just being like, I know exactly your kids are
Speaker 1: fully out right now. I just pulled it quickly, just
Speaker 1: pulled it up in the room. It's just Chris, like
Speaker 1: right before watched It's like a curtain partition, you know,
Speaker 1: it's like the curtain. So I peer in and I
Speaker 1: see their topics and I go. So he goes, hi,
Speaker 1: I'm Chris. Nice to meet you, pulls out his hand.
Speaker 1: He's gets up from the couch and I go, we're
Speaker 1: not allow to touch you, so not even on the hand.
Speaker 1: But I go, my name is Nicky, and he goes,
Speaker 1: hi nick Oh my god, and then he screams and
Speaker 1: he just like scoops me up and we fall onto
Speaker 1: the couch and he's just like, oh my god, Oh
Speaker 1: my god. And we are running and then the girls
Speaker 1: are just like clapping. They're so excited because they were
Speaker 1: in on it. They were just like oh my god,
Speaker 1: like they were so happy and like so exide. They
Speaker 1: were like, we didn't we were like stalling, and I go,
Speaker 1: I was in the bathroom. I didn't get any reception.
Speaker 1: And Chris is like, I can't believe it too, I
Speaker 1: can't believe this. What what is happening? What is happening?
Speaker 1: And he was just so freaking cute and so happy.
Speaker 1: It was so adorable. It was the best, Like he
Speaker 1: cannot get over how much the surprise meant to him,
Speaker 1: But I can't get over how much his reaction meant
Speaker 1: to me, because of course I knew he was going
Speaker 1: to have a good response, but it was so sweet.
Speaker 1: I know that women understand what I'm talking about, and
Speaker 1: men in relationship too, with men like your man is
Speaker 1: always like this masculine energy, like I've got it, like
Speaker 1: I'm you know, there's something about when a man is
Speaker 1: like needs you and it's just like so relieved and
Speaker 1: like just doesn't want to let go, and it's just
Speaker 1: like I missed you so much. Like he has just
Speaker 1: been in a like a Shackleton expedition in the Arctic,
Speaker 1: like and he was just like just a and he
Speaker 1: hasn't been around women, like there's been no feminine energy
Speaker 1: like and so he was like just so holding onto
Speaker 1: me so tight, and then we finally like we have
Speaker 1: Then the scurcurity guard immediately comes in. It's like get
Speaker 1: out of here, you know, like you guys gotta get out.
Speaker 1: I'm like, he's my boyfriend. I don't work here, and
Speaker 1: he's like, well you do now, and he sends me
Speaker 1: hands me at W nine and so then I go
Speaker 1: out and um, it's so sweet. Like I thought instantly
Speaker 1: Chris would be like, you know, oh my god, you
Speaker 1: got it, because he was very excited for me to
Speaker 1: meet all of his friends. And two of those friends
Speaker 1: I had not met before. It was I knew Vaughn,
Speaker 1: I knew Um Hamish, and then it was John and
Speaker 1: then this other guy, Guppy, and I didn't know those guys,
Speaker 1: and he was He's always been very excited for me
Speaker 1: to meet him. So I thought it was just like
Speaker 1: gonna be me coming back to the table. The guys
Speaker 1: already in this v I P section, like throngs of
Speaker 1: strippers in there. Because these guys are so hot and
Speaker 1: clearly have money, they're in a v I P section.
Speaker 1: There's like all the strippers in the club are in
Speaker 1: this VP section and Chris is just like we're just
Speaker 1: in this court like outside the room, and he just
Speaker 1: like tastes me the corners, just like I can't believe
Speaker 1: you're here, and just he just just like, let's should
Speaker 1: we let's just leave, Let's just go, and he's just
Speaker 1: like what And I'm like, wait, I thought we're gonna
Speaker 1: like hang ouf for you were things like oh yeah,
Speaker 1: And then he's like kissing me, and I'm just like
Speaker 1: so obsessed with the rules of this place of like
Speaker 1: you can't kiss, you can't touch, and I'm dressed like
Speaker 1: a stripper that I keep kind of making the kisses short,
Speaker 1: like kind of like you know, just kind of like okay,
Speaker 1: like we're done here. I got and that's so funny.
Speaker 1: And he goes, do you know want to kiss me?
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, no, there's rules here, but I
Speaker 1: paranoid about the rules. He was like, so it's just
Speaker 1: so then I go. We are just like in this
Speaker 1: corner for like ten minutes, just like you know, he
Speaker 1: is just so happy to see me, is so freaking cute.
Speaker 1: I am loving every second of it. And then we
Speaker 1: go back and we you know, have to chat up
Speaker 1: the strippers and like here's one thing I learned about strippers,
Speaker 1: so and I meet all of his friends. It was
Speaker 1: so fun to see all those guys and um, and
Speaker 1: they are just like you know, birthday, smirth day. They
Speaker 1: are just so focused on like, you know, just having
Speaker 1: a good time and they're being they're so respectable that
Speaker 1: this is not debaucherus at all. I want to make
Speaker 1: that very clear. Like these guys are all like the
Speaker 1: sweetest like and they have families and they're just being recycled.
Speaker 1: These girls are just like it's like they're all doing
Speaker 1: a podcast. These girls, they're just like talking to them
Speaker 1: and these girls are very I realized I am one
Speaker 1: of the best people when it comes to small talk.
Speaker 1: I am truly a you know, when you do radio
Speaker 1: for a really long time and you interview people and
Speaker 1: you sometimes interview duds, and you like you have to
Speaker 1: be good at keeping conversation going. I can pretty much
Speaker 1: do it with anyone. When I was waiting for Chris
Speaker 1: to show up and biding my time with these strippers
Speaker 1: at the table, I felt like, oh, these girls are
Speaker 1: so bored. They don't want to talk to me, Like
Speaker 1: I have no I have money for them, but I've
Speaker 1: already paid them. And they know it's like a flat rate.
Speaker 1: They're not gonna like juice me up and get more.
Speaker 1: I'm not like they're for them. They are strippers are
Speaker 1: the best at small talk ever ever, because all they do,
Speaker 1: they had the best little lines to Like I was
Speaker 1: studying them of just how they keep conversation going. I
Speaker 1: go back over to this section with the V I P. Section.
Speaker 1: They're chatting up these guys and just and they're so
Speaker 1: excited about me being there with Chris, and they're introducing
Speaker 1: themselves and they're they're just but it is so transactional.
Speaker 1: I mean the next day, the guys left shortly after
Speaker 1: the We left right away, like five minutes later. We
Speaker 1: left him. We're like, we're gonna go back to our
Speaker 1: private room at the hotel, and um, the guys. We
Speaker 1: we met him up within the the next day and
Speaker 1: got the scoop of what happened. They stayed like ten
Speaker 1: minutes longer. I kept on my I kept on my outfit,
Speaker 1: I kept on my wig like I walked out on
Speaker 1: the street like I was getting off work. It was
Speaker 1: so fun, I was. And we get back to the
Speaker 1: hotel by the way, and I'm in a pink wig there.
Speaker 1: This is a really nice hotel. It's the catagan If
Speaker 1: you know um anything about London, It's where Oscar Wilde
Speaker 1: was like arrested. It's like very famous. It's in this
Speaker 1: nice part of town. So I walked into the catagan Um.
Speaker 1: There's like a couple outside like smoking, this like rich
Speaker 1: couple that's like, you know, on vacation. And Chris and
Speaker 1: I get out of this like sleek uber, you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm in a wig with platform leopard print heels
Speaker 1: on that I wore on Jimmy Kimmel, but like with
Speaker 1: my outfit, they looked insane. I'm wearing this realish tiny
Speaker 1: skirt a crop top with like dangly things and and
Speaker 1: and he goes, you know that they think you're a prostitute.
Speaker 1: And I go, oh my god, yes, And I go,
Speaker 1: so do you do this often? To Chris like, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've been here before. This is a nice place.
Speaker 1: What floor you like, I'm just like playing it up.
Speaker 1: It was so funny. But we found out the next
Speaker 1: day that these girls who were so nice, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, we're leaving these guys with
Speaker 1: these girls and they are going to have the best
Speaker 1: night because these girls are like so down. They're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, they know each other's names. They're all
Speaker 1: getting along. They said. As soon as the guys went
Speaker 1: to like this like they were, um they you know,
Speaker 1: they pay these girls well because they you know, wanted
Speaker 1: to treat them like, you know, they're working, so they
Speaker 1: paid them for the conversation to hang and um, Hamis
Speaker 1: was talking about. On the way out, he was just
Speaker 1: like the girls were like, well, we'll walk you out,
Speaker 1: you know. And he's walking and the girls like kind
Speaker 1: of like the girls are like behind him a little bit.
Speaker 1: He's walking ahead and he's like, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for like figuring out this surprise. It was such a
Speaker 1: great night. You guys really put it all the effort.
Speaker 1: And he said by the time he had been talking
Speaker 1: to himself for like a minute and a half because
Speaker 1: as soon as the money stopped, they peeled off. It's
Speaker 1: so transactional. It's so fucking interesting. Um, that's my strip
Speaker 1: club story. We're gonna take a quick break and we're
Speaker 1: gonna come back with more because I gotta change out
Speaker 1: this how alright, we're back and um we have actually
Speaker 1: a special guest. He's back and better than ever. It
Speaker 1: is birthday boy, he's forty one and he's fresh and
Speaker 1: what and tons of fun? Oh yes, thanks buddy. Um
Speaker 1: Chris Convy is here. Um he's been a guest on
Speaker 1: the show many times before. So I just told the
Speaker 1: entire story of the surprise all the way to us,
Speaker 1: leaving all the way to us recapping with the guys
Speaker 1: the next day, I mean everything, Um, can we just
Speaker 1: get I guess m Noah Andrew, do you have any
Speaker 1: specific questions for him, because I I'm just guessing from
Speaker 1: a perspective of someone who just heard the story, what
Speaker 1: what gaps you would like filled in from Chris? Was
Speaker 1: there any uh inclination on or any knowing that she
Speaker 1: was going to come? Where were you? It was just
Speaker 1: a million percent of surprise. I know million she set
Speaker 1: it up very well, but yeah, million, million percent surprise
Speaker 1: because she had sent me a picture. I mean that
Speaker 1: that sort of thing you know in your in your
Speaker 1: body and in your heart where all your friends and
Speaker 1: family are. Like it's not like on the top of
Speaker 1: your mind, but I know where Nikki is. You know,
Speaker 1: like I knew where everybody is, and you know they
Speaker 1: weren't in London. You know, the only guys in London
Speaker 1: where the where the slices that have in the guys
Speaker 1: I was with, and first of all, also to pull
Speaker 1: off a surprise of I've done things like this before.
Speaker 1: It's no easy task. And to to coordinate with the
Speaker 1: strip with a strip club, I mean, it's only lawlessness,
Speaker 1: oh it is. It is lawless. So the amount of
Speaker 1: work that people had to do while like Nicki's preparing
Speaker 1: for surgery, and then you know, I've got these guys
Speaker 1: that are like doing heavy rel acting or while or
Speaker 1: like insane cycling and like weird conditions. So I'm just
Speaker 1: so appreciative that everybody, you know, did everything they did
Speaker 1: to pull this off. And I was absolutely just it
Speaker 1: was just one of the most shocking moments of my
Speaker 1: entire life. Um. I was talking about how you were
Speaker 1: in the room with the girls and just because it's
Speaker 1: a lap dance, that doesn't get there's no lap being.
Speaker 1: It's pretty much they're just doing a dance recital for
Speaker 1: you from a distance, And how you even said afterwards,
Speaker 1: I I was alarmed that Hamish hadn't written me back.
Speaker 1: I thought it was delayed. So when I realized that
Speaker 1: you had been in that room, trying to make small
Speaker 1: talk and just being polite to these women dancing when
Speaker 1: there's no interaction. There's everything that's fun about lap dance
Speaker 1: was not a part of that. Like can you just say,
Speaker 1: like what was going on in the room and like
Speaker 1: you were making you were just like being polite to
Speaker 1: the girls. You almost yeah, I was. I was talking.
Speaker 1: I was just talking to them about their lives, like
Speaker 1: asking where they were from. Well, they're just you know,
Speaker 1: like dancing and doing the same moves. And it was,
Speaker 1: you know, it was. Once a song ended, I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: you know, the guys bought me. You know, they bought
Speaker 1: me this thing I've done. What what you know, what
Speaker 1: you're supposed to do when your friends ask you to
Speaker 1: tell you you have to do this thing. I went
Speaker 1: to the room and I was like okay, great, and
Speaker 1: then another song started and I was like I don't
Speaker 1: know if I can do this because you're just sitting
Speaker 1: there and these three women they're so sweet, Crystal Holly
Speaker 1: and Camilla Yea, Chris from Spain. Yeah, and and then
Speaker 1: the other when when I came in the room, and
Speaker 1: then right after you were like, it's so funny because
Speaker 1: I was about to tell them I was because we
Speaker 1: were talking. I was like, you know, they're like, where
Speaker 1: are you from? And I was like, do you know
Speaker 1: where Nellie is from? So like Nellie is like my
Speaker 1: benchmark for everything when people because if nobody knows what St.
Speaker 1: Louis is, I mean from there in London, they're from,
Speaker 1: Camille's from Spain. Like I'm just like, do you know Nellie?
Speaker 1: And and it's hard younger now and so I always
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know Nellie, you know that song you
Speaker 1: know hot in Here and all these things, and they're like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm like I'm from where that guy's from.
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, really cool. And then they start talking
Speaker 1: to them about like where they're from and all these things.
Speaker 1: And I am like moments away from from being like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be I'm gonna be back here. Am I
Speaker 1: let us say this. I'm gonna be back here next
Speaker 1: year with my girlfriend. You guys should come to her show.
Speaker 1: She would really like you guys like I'm I'm I'm
Speaker 1: on the customers saying that in Holly like leaves and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh okay, so this is winding down and
Speaker 1: you know, stuff like that and they're like, um, what
Speaker 1: they said, like, oh should we should we come to St.
Speaker 1: Louis sometime. I'm like, oh, yeah, you would love my
Speaker 1: My family and friends would love you guys. You know
Speaker 1: you'd be great. And then Holly, Holly comes back in
Speaker 1: and just your sweetness when I hear from the room,
Speaker 1: like where do you go? Like you're just you know,
Speaker 1: you'll take anything you can get to create conversation. And
Speaker 1: the fact that this girl laughed and then came back,
Speaker 1: Like I just here. I know Chris so well that
Speaker 1: I know he is just trying to come up like,
Speaker 1: oh the fact that she left and came back, that's
Speaker 1: a thing to comment on. That isn't their boobs in
Speaker 1: front of him. So he's just like, oh, where'd you go?
Speaker 1: So you're back, you're just taking off like that, like
Speaker 1: he just made some kind of moment. And then that's
Speaker 1: when I came in. Yeah, And then I mean I
Speaker 1: was giving him compliments too. I was like, you guys
Speaker 1: are great. Your boyfriends must be, you know, very proud,
Speaker 1: like you know, you're just like trying to be really
Speaker 1: really sort is Father's not so much do you want
Speaker 1: to do blow off our ass and shut up? Can stop.
Speaker 1: The other thing is like, you know out of forty
Speaker 1: just turned forty one that day, and you some of
Speaker 1: these people are too are too young to be like,
Speaker 1: they're just too young for me, and so you're just
Speaker 1: like just trying to be so like complimentary and nice
Speaker 1: and respectful. Yeah. Yeah, I always think just patting him
Speaker 1: on the top of the head and giving him a
Speaker 1: like a mint, Yeah you're doing good. As soon as
Speaker 1: he turned the strike of forty one at midnight, you
Speaker 1: get worthy originals that just materialized in your your coat pocket.
Speaker 1: And none of these girls were like seems like like
Speaker 1: these transactional like they just seem like sweet girls that
Speaker 1: were like, you know, they had a job to do
Speaker 1: and it was entertain me for unfortunately, like seven minutes
Speaker 1: or something. Part of it's like the accent, like because
Speaker 1: it's so we just think they could really like if
Speaker 1: you if I hear that accent, you're smarter to me
Speaker 1: right away. So it's a stripper with a very like
Speaker 1: posh English accent. I think there's no way she's taking
Speaker 1: clothes for money. That what do people in London do?
Speaker 1: They think any accent sounds smarter than them? Because to us,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've got Holly's number. We should call her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's coming to the shows in May. We really should
Speaker 1: get Crystal Holly and come in to come. I go
Speaker 1: back there. I doubt they'll will be working there because
Speaker 1: they're probably murdered by then, but um, it was a
Speaker 1: nefarious place, but now they'll probably still be. We got
Speaker 1: to go back to Platinum Lace. If you are in London,
Speaker 1: what was that part of town? I think it was
Speaker 1: Piccadilly Circus, Piccadilly Circus, Platinum Lace on in in Piccadilly
Speaker 1: Circus was the place to go and it was really nice.
Speaker 1: But I just don't understand. Will you explained to me
Speaker 1: the appeal of getting a lap dance when you can't
Speaker 1: be touched, Like, what is the difference between a stage?
Speaker 1: I guess it's personal. They're looking and there's eye contact.
Speaker 1: I've never I've never been a part of that situation
Speaker 1: where what would be the purpose. There's private rooms everywhere
Speaker 1: and nothing, I mean for nothing like it was, you know,
Speaker 1: for like for like two minutes, you're like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is cool. There's like a variety of nice people to
Speaker 1: hang out with. But then you know that novelty wears
Speaker 1: off pretty quickly, and you know it's, yeah, it doesn't.
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like the most exciting thing to happen
Speaker 1: for more than two minutes. And I told them that.
Speaker 1: When we were walking back in the hotel, they were
Speaker 1: like you were like, they think you're prostitute. And I
Speaker 1: was like, did you do this? Often said I should
Speaker 1: have done in my accent that I was practicing. There
Speaker 1: was hints of Julia Roberts, like from Pretty Woman going
Speaker 1: back into that hotel that they're totally was that was
Speaker 1: kind of like the outfit, the crop showing and the pink,
Speaker 1: the pink hair. I wouldn't that's just because I hadn't
Speaker 1: brush my teeth in a while. Well, now, Johnston, Chris
Speaker 1: and I um spent all day in London yesterday, not
Speaker 1: all day. We slept till one and then we went
Speaker 1: around London, London Town. I had to go get a
Speaker 1: COVID test. I went to Starbucks and we went to McDonald's.
Speaker 1: We had a really great British day. We walked into
Speaker 1: the place where NICKI was getting you know, it's a
Speaker 1: really cold, like medical type place where where Nicky got
Speaker 1: a COVID test. She was like, behold London town. The
Speaker 1: only thing we had done in London together was to
Speaker 1: go get Nicki's COVID test. Was like, I love seeing
Speaker 1: the sites London. I was like, oh, look Big Ben
Speaker 1: and it was just a clock on the wall in
Speaker 1: this sad medical office. Big Ben is just a guy
Speaker 1: giving you this shot. It's a guy named Benjamin. Um.
Speaker 1: It was yeah, and I got it was my first
Speaker 1: time in London. I saw Bug, We went to Buckingham Palace,
Speaker 1: we scooped by there. Um. We we just had a
Speaker 1: really great day and then the best part of it
Speaker 1: all was just um, you know, I'm so used to
Speaker 1: just traveling alone. And if I haven't traveled alone, it's
Speaker 1: always been with Andrew. Andrew and I are very good
Speaker 1: travel companions. Like we kind of like talk when we
Speaker 1: need to. We sit separately when we don't need to.
Speaker 1: I never like traveling with someone like sitting next to them,
Speaker 1: like Andrew and I always sit separately on the plane,
Speaker 1: Like I just don't want an expectation. We have to talk.
Speaker 1: I have to say, I love traveling with you. My
Speaker 1: baby Chris, um, hey, my baby Chris. But my big Ben, Um,
Speaker 1: he is so fun because yesterday SeaWorld, you get it. No,
Speaker 1: uh he. I was in a little bit of a
Speaker 1: mood because we got stuck in terrible traffic. Um, I
Speaker 1: thought we were gonna miss our flight. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is all gonna get sucked up. And then, you know,
Speaker 1: I think the best couples when someone gets anxious, the
Speaker 1: other person smoothed it out, and then the other person's anxious,
Speaker 1: the other person smooth and um yeah, Chris just like
Speaker 1: kept it together. There were some slow people at the
Speaker 1: airport checking our bags, and they wouldn't get out of
Speaker 1: the way. They're just like lingering, you know what. You
Speaker 1: get your bags like checked, and there's a long line
Speaker 1: that these people have just waited in and been They
Speaker 1: were just as nervous about making their flight. And they
Speaker 1: get up to the counter and they take their time,
Speaker 1: and then they get their bags checked and the bags
Speaker 1: go in and the woman loved them beyond the counter
Speaker 1: and then they just stand there and they go and
Speaker 1: they start pointing like and then if I go this way,
Speaker 1: and then and then they show them their ticket again
Speaker 1: and go so the ticket on this they just find
Speaker 1: shipped to ask that they could literally figure out anywhere
Speaker 1: else from like a guy at a Kiosk and they
Speaker 1: but people love doing this. They and I am enraged.
Speaker 1: There's these people in front of us that are just
Speaker 1: taking their time, and so I rudely am like, oh,
Speaker 1: just take your time. I said it loudly, and Chris goes,
Speaker 1: we don't need to do like it was a quick now,
Speaker 1: and I go but they're just it was just such
Speaker 1: a moment of like I was embarrassed because it was
Speaker 1: like the worst part of me that just likes to
Speaker 1: like say a little cutting thing behind someone so that
Speaker 1: they can hear it. But if they were to confront me,
Speaker 1: I'd immediately be like, I'm sorry, I don't mean to
Speaker 1: say that. But Chris was just like, we don't need
Speaker 1: to do that. And then Chris is the loveliest person
Speaker 1: to the woman helping us, and so much so that
Speaker 1: she like makes it extra special for us to go through,
Speaker 1: like it was just good to have you there to
Speaker 1: offset my you know it was. It was was supposed
Speaker 1: to take us a half hour to get to the airport,
Speaker 1: and then we took us too. And Nikki's obviously got
Speaker 1: this surgery coming up, so obviously Nikki's stressed because she
Speaker 1: wants to make the flight, and any little error at
Speaker 1: this point it's like our whole plan becomes unraveled. And
Speaker 1: then it's this whole issue of getting flights were booked
Speaker 1: and staying in London and all these things. So I
Speaker 1: understand why you felt that way, but it was like,
Speaker 1: I also have this thing when I'm a broad ware,
Speaker 1: I want, yes, I if I do something like unbecoming
Speaker 1: or untoward, I say, oh man, I can't wait to
Speaker 1: get back to uh Canada to eat some and so
Speaker 1: if I ever do yeah. So so like like if
Speaker 1: I'm if I'm walking on the wrong side of the
Speaker 1: sidewalk and almost run into somebody, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, sorry, you know that's not how we do
Speaker 1: in Toronto. And so I'm always blaming things on Canada.
Speaker 1: But but when when people have your PM, yeah they
Speaker 1: know you're American. You just yeah, point your passport was there,
Speaker 1: and um, I will say the people that I go, yeah,
Speaker 1: take your time, they did have someone in a wheelchair
Speaker 1: with them, so that was like but the wheels of
Speaker 1: the way already it was. That was so I did
Speaker 1: feel and I like to give people in wheelchairs the
Speaker 1: same respect that they give everyone else, Like I'll definitely
Speaker 1: hold Yeah. I don't like when people are a little
Speaker 1: bit more babyish with people in wheelchairs or people who
Speaker 1: are handicapped. I understand giving them space and like letting
Speaker 1: like holding doors for them, helping them and reaching a shelf,
Speaker 1: like I will go out of my way to do
Speaker 1: things that they literally can't do, But I'm not going
Speaker 1: to act like people in wheelchairs aren't still like assholes.
Speaker 1: And this person wasn't an asshole. It was the people
Speaker 1: that were with them. But I think that because they
Speaker 1: had a person of wheelchair with them, they got to
Speaker 1: like be extra like we need more space, even though
Speaker 1: they did it, the person of the wheelchair was already
Speaker 1: on the go. And I just like to have a
Speaker 1: forty one year old man I have to carry around.
Speaker 1: You don't see me acting like an asshole. My little
Speaker 1: baby Chris Carlos carriers. Um. Okay, So that was our
Speaker 1: our episode about my surprise. Any other final thoughts about
Speaker 1: the super Ees. Just how thankful I am to you
Speaker 1: And Hamish is like the funniest person alive and and
Speaker 1: also like the kindest, like like most thoughtful. He planned
Speaker 1: this whole trip and then the fact that you two
Speaker 1: teamed up to do something so extraordinary was just I'm
Speaker 1: so appreciative and I'm just so it was just one
Speaker 1: of the greatest things that around. And shout out to
Speaker 1: Vaughan for making it possible to and shout out to
Speaker 1: John for paying two ers that he didn't let me
Speaker 1: reimburse him for of the lap dance. And then um
Speaker 1: to Hato, no, thank you, no, no, Hato actually found
Speaker 1: the strip club and so shout out to Hato for that.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. And like everyone was just on
Speaker 1: board and gave us space. They weren't trying to make
Speaker 1: it about them, like we left, we didn't even have
Speaker 1: to say goodbye to them, like it was just a
Speaker 1: special night for us. And and also thank you to
Speaker 1: London and Holly and Cassandra and I mean Camilla and
Speaker 1: um and and Crystal and um. Also I don't know.
Speaker 1: This is the problem, obaby, is that I don't know
Speaker 1: how to top it. Like last year I did a
Speaker 1: really good gift. The problem with Chris, well, yeah, well
Speaker 1: last year. I always, I, throughout our relationship, have tried
Speaker 1: to buy you gifts like shirts and like bags and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. I have never once bought you a
Speaker 1: tangible item that you have like used and actually used
Speaker 1: in your life. I think one time I brought you
Speaker 1: backpacks from like Robin's Craft, like Ravens Fieard or whatever,
Speaker 1: and it was like a backpock. I knew you wanted,
Speaker 1: so I nailed it. But every other present has been
Speaker 1: a fail. Not because he's mean or anything. It's just
Speaker 1: sometimes you just don't get it right and or the
Speaker 1: sizing right. And I was looking at shirts to buy you.
Speaker 1: I was looking all these things and this was already
Speaker 1: when I had the surprise planned. I am giving up
Speaker 1: on tangible gifts for you. It's all going to be
Speaker 1: either old Conan sketch people surprising you that was the
Speaker 1: present last year, or it's going to meet me. But
Speaker 1: I'm um, it's it's always got to be a gift
Speaker 1: for you. Because my friends on the What's app chat
Speaker 1: we're like, oh my god, you're such a good girlfriend.
Speaker 1: You do the best presence. I go. If I could
Speaker 1: buy him a shirt, I would, but I can't. So
Speaker 1: that's that's why it is. That's the last thing I
Speaker 1: would like to do if while I'm on the show,
Speaker 1: is give you a very public thank you, because it
Speaker 1: was the greatest gift in the world. I needed you
Speaker 1: so bad and I wanted you to be there so badly,
Speaker 1: and I wanted you to meet those guys like you know,
Speaker 1: like you've met Hamis. She's like the greatest man alive.
Speaker 1: But but Guppy and John were so right, and I
Speaker 1: wanted that moment. And you heard me say that weeks
Speaker 1: and weeks and weeks ago, and you made it happen,
Speaker 1: and you you brought me. Nikki showed up. I didn't
Speaker 1: have a flight home. I didn't know what I was
Speaker 1: gonna do, so Nicky like showed up and just brought
Speaker 1: me home. She paid for my flight home, got me
Speaker 1: seated next to her, and it was just, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's really special and cool and he's about and we
Speaker 1: watched Liquorice Pizza and we hated it. I don't see it.
Speaker 1: It's overrated. Bad. Great performances, a lot of cool looking things,
Speaker 1: amazing performances. Philip Seymour Hoffman's son, definitely amazing. Um. He
Speaker 1: is going to be a tour to force. I'm using
Speaker 1: that word a lot um. Also, a lot of him,
Speaker 1: A lot of him is the lead, amazing actress, filled
Speaker 1: with amazing actors shot beautifully Paul Paul Thomas and beautifully
Speaker 1: directed film, but the plot was a waste of my time,
Speaker 1: waste of our lives. It didn't make any sense. As
Speaker 1: a couple, we hated it. And also there's a pedophile
Speaker 1: like relationship that no one really comments on throughout the
Speaker 1: whole thing, and I like a similar story between me
Speaker 1: and Crystal's name. That's why we didn't like it. It It
Speaker 1: was too raw for us, all right. So that's the show.
Speaker 1: Say one thing I had. It was my birthday the
Speaker 1: other day and I had besties reach out to me
Speaker 1: to say happy birthday. And it was so cool, you know,
Speaker 1: because I've only been on a show a few times
Speaker 1: to have those people reach out and say something so nice.
Speaker 1: So thank you to Andrew, Noah and Nikki for having
Speaker 1: such cool, amazing people in their lives that they reached
Speaker 1: out to me to say happy birthday. So thank you.
Speaker 1: You're a part of the show now and they love
Speaker 1: you and happy birthday. Thanks. Great to see you, too,
Speaker 1: good to see you. Well that's the show, Thank you
Speaker 1: guys very much. Um, we will be back next week
Speaker 1: with another show, and um, hang tight while I'm recovering,
Speaker 1: and we might have some special stuff planned for you
Speaker 1: as I learn how to type. Um, we'll see and
Speaker 1: uh can't wait. Stay tuned, stay with us, keep subscribing
Speaker 1: and love you guys so much. Don't be cool and
Speaker 1: Jack Jack Gordon post post, Jack Post. Follow him on Instagram.
Speaker 1: He's in front of our jackpost great posting. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: killing it.